Issues parents face when dealing with
teenagers
Being a parent to a teenager is no easy task. While it’s important to keep a
check on their habits and routines, it’s also necessary to make sure you
don’t have an iron fist over their lives. Here are four issues that parents of
teenagers may face while their child is growing up.
Your teen does not stick to curfew:
How late is too late? While youngsters believe they have grown up enough
to take care of themselves and must not be stopped from enjoying
themselves with their friends, irrespective of what time of the day or night
it is, parents think otherwise. Rupam S, mother of a 16-year-old daughter,
says, “I am not too keen to let my daughter stay out beyond 9.30 pm. She
is involved in extracurricular activities and likes to spend time with her
friends. But, I fear for her safety. But then, she is not too happy with the
rules.”
Child psychologist Krishna Kumar says, “If you want your teen to adhere
to the curfew, then set reasonable ones. Be sincere when you are
explaining why you are imposing time restrictions on them. At the same
time, do not be rigid. Give them a 15-minute grace period. Also, if your
teen is getting delayed for genuine reasons, like lack of transport or vehicle
problems, then help them out. If they are out for academics purpose,
ensure you get them home yourself after their work is complete. This way,
you will not face resistance from your teen.”
You don’t approve of your teen’s social circle:
The first thing you need to remember about your teen’s social circle is that
you can’t pick his/her friends. But, the onus to ensure he/she is not in bad
company is also on you. Rhitheesh, a software engineer, says, “My
16-year-old son hangs out with kids from a slum area, who comes across
more like rogues to me. He talks in weird slang and acts rowdy-like.
Though he is good at academics, I fear he will be influenced by these kids.
I don’t want him to pick up any bad habits from them. When I try to talk to
my son about this, he thinks I’m being prejudiced against them owing to
their social and financial status.”
According to Avnita Bir, school principal and a parenting expert,
“Children are bound to defend their chosen peer group. When children
enter adolescence, they employ a way of looking at the world in which
their friends are more important than anybody else. So, if you criticise or
attack their friends, you’re just making the relationship stronger. State
what you don’t like about his/her friends’ behaviour and keep your
observations on an objective level.”
Your teen is Glued to social networking sites:
One of the most common grouses that parents have is that their teen is
forever glued to the internet or his/her mobile, thereby not spending
quality time with people in the real world. Ravi H, a communication
student, says, “I’m on social networking sites so that I know what’s
happening in my friends’ lives and also in the world. But, my mother
doesn’t allow me to do that. She has sent me friend requests on networking
sites!” While parents need to regulate what their teens browse on the net,
it’s also necessary to not overwhelm them with instructions. Says Priya
Chetwal, a clinical counsellor, “As long as your teen is not lagging in
studies and is social at home, don’t annoy him/her with your rules. It’s
okay to be on social media or take calls from friends before bedtime. But
make sure he follows some etiquette, like not SMSing while lying on the
bed or playing games when having dinner with family. You can install
parental control software to ensure they do not misuse the freedom.”
Your teen seems to detest you:
One day your teen is being sugar and spice and everything is nice with you
and the next day, he/she seems to detest the very sight of you. Radha
Venkatesan, a child psychology researcher, says, “This is common when a
child is entering adolescence. They might not like the way you impose
restrictions, the way you advise them or keep trailing behind them to keep
a check on their activities. Parents must understand that unless and until
there are very solid reasons for them to worry about this behaviour of their
teen, they should ignore it as part of their growing up. Irrespective of how
young or old a child is, he/she needs his/her parents, but they sometimes
find it difficult to put it into words. If your teen is hurling abuse or is
acting nasty, then take him/her to a counsellor. Until then, let your child
know you are there for him/her, no matter what.”
Interview
At present, I (Kaushik Ghosh )and my cameraman ( Sameer Das) from the
journal ‘ India Today ‘ are in the drawing room of Mr K. Banarjee.
Moreover, child psychologist, Mrs Raman is also with us. She will help us
to carry on the conversation. We have come here to cover an interview
with Mr Banarjee regarding, “Issues parents face when dealing with
teenagers”. It is a part of the above-mentioned topic.
Interviewer( Kaushik Ghosh ): Well Mr Banarjee please tell us about
your experience on the issues.
Parent( K. Banarjee ): You know there are certain specialities about most
teenagers. At this age, they suffer from mood swings and very easily get
influenced by others. We may discuss certain issues which are often faced
by us.
Interviewer( Kaushik Ghosh ): Very well. Please tell us about each issue
and our psychologist will explain how to deal with them.
Parent( K. Banarjee ): Firstly our teens do not want to give importance
to the time limits in any matter. They believe they have grown up enough
to take care of themselves and must not be stopped from enjoying
themselves with their friends irrespective of what time of the day or night
it is in fact, I am not too keen to let my daughter stay out beyond 9:30 pm.
I know that she is involved in extracurricular activities and likes to spend
time with her friends. But I fear for her safety. She does not want to admit
my reason.
Psychologist( Mrs Raman ): Mr Banarjee, if you want your teen to
adhere to a curfew, then set reasonable ones. Be sincere when you are
explaining why you imposing time restrictions on them. At the same time,
do not be rigid. Give them fifteen minutes grace period. Also if your teen
is getting delayed for genuine reasons, like lack of transport or vehicle
problems, then help them out. If they are out for the academic purposes,
ensure that you get them home yourself after their work is complete. This
way you will not face resistance from your teen.
Parent( K. Banarjee ): Another problem is my teen’s bad company. My
son is sixteen years old. I have noticed that the often hangs out with kids
from a nearby slum. They seem to me like rogues. He has developed a
habit of using slags and acting rowdy-like. Though he is still good at
academics, I am afraid of him being influenced by those spoiled kids. I
don't want him to pick up any bad habits from them. When I try to talk to
my son about this he argues that I am prejudiced against them owing to
their social and financial status.
Psychologist( Mrs Raman ): Children are bound to defend their chosen
peer group. When they enter adolescence, they employ a way of looking at
the world in which their friends are more important than anybody. So, if
you criticise their friendship, you are just making their relationship
stronger. You have to state what you don't like about his friends’ behaviour
and keep your observation on an objective level.
Parent( K. Banarjee ): One more thing is which is not healthy in my
opinion is that my both children are almost always glued to the internet or
mobile, instead of spending quality time with people in the real world. Our
children often plead that they are not on networking sites so that they can
know what is happening in the world. But my wife doesn't allow them to
do that and tries her best to regulate their activities.
Psychologist( Mrs Raman ): parents need to regulate what their teens
browse on the net, but it is also necessary to not overwhelm them with
instructions. As long as your teens are not lagging in studies and are social
at home, dont anoy them with your rules. It is okay to be on social media
or take calls from friends before bedetime. But make sure they follow
some etiquette, like not messaging while lying on the bed or playing
games when having dinner with family. You can install parental control
software to ensure they dont misuse the freedom.
Parent( K. Banarjee ): One thing which seems to us quite surprising is
their behaviour. One day they behave, as if we are the best parent having
all the nice qualities. The very next day they seem to detest the very site of
us.
Psychologist( Mrs Raman ): This is very common when a child is
entering adolascence. They might not like the way you impose restrictions,
they way you advise them or keep trailing behind them to keep a check on
their activities. Parents must understand that unless and until there are very
solid reason for them to worry about their behaviour they should ignor it as
part of their growing up. Irrespective of how young or old a child is they
need their parents, but they some times find it difficult to put it in word. If
your teens are hurling abuses or are acting nasty then take him to a
counsellor. Until then, let your child know you are there for him/her.
Interviewer( Kaushik Ghosh ): Well, many thanks Mr Bnarjee for
giving us so much time and sharing your experience with us so vividly. It
would definitely enrich our survey on the burning issue about the problem
with the teen. We will definitely send you a copy of our journal, when
published.
Parent( K. Banarjee ): Thanks to all of you for being here.