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Kristen Hall
Delores Robinson
English 1002-07
24 September 2012
Different Definitions of Love
How does one define love? The emotions of love can be easy to feel, but difficult to
explain. Love comes in many varieties. For example, a person does not love a grandmother the
same way as a significant other. Most commonly, the meaning of love will vary based on an
individual’s personal experiences. In Raymond Carver’s short story “What We Talk About
When We Talk About Love” the characters past relationships shape their opinions about love,
showing that love can be abusive, replaceable, and pure.
Love sometimes can be found in the darkest of places. Terri recognizes that her past
relationship with Ed was mentally and physically abusive. Terri says to everyone at the table,
“He beat me up one night. He dragged me around the living room by my ankles. He kept saying
‘I love you, I love you, you bitch’” (Carver 349). She goes on asking, “What do you do with
love like that?” (Carver 349). Even though this situation was unhealthy, Terri respects the fact
that Ed had deep feelings for her. He was crazy and mean at times but Terri felt that Ed truly
loved her. At one point Terri says that Ed “loved her so much he tried to kill her” (Carver 349).
Terri believed that Ed expressed love in his own way, through obsession and violence, possibly
the only way he knew how. In this story, Ed commits suicide and Terri believes it was because
they were no longer together. Terri emphasizes Ed’s obsessive love by saying, “He was willing
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to die for it. He did die for it” (Carver 352). Terri also appreciates that there are different ways
to love. For example, Terri says in dialogue between her and Mel, “He didn’t love me the way
you love me. I’m not saying that. But he loved me. You can grant me that, can’t you” (Carver
350). Terri understands that Ed’s kind of love was strange to most people, especially compared
to her and Mel’s relationship, but Terri still credits Ed’s actions as his own kind of love (Carver
351).
For some, love comes with an expiration date. Mel falls into this category because of his
experience with his ex-wife, Marjorie. He states, “There was a time when I thought I loved my
first wife more than life itself. But now I hate her guts” (Carver 352). To go from love to hate is
an extreme change in emotion. This change could alter a person’s perception on relationships
and love entirely. Throughout the story, Mel reflects on his relationship history: he fell in love,
married Marjorie, divorced Marjorie, is now married to Terri and is in love again. Finding love a
second time has given Mel the impression that love is replaceable. He say to everyone at the
table, “All of this love we’re talking about, it would just be a memory. Maybe not even a
memory” (Carver 352). He explains his opinion by stating that if anything were to happen to his
current relationship he or Terri would find love again, replacing what is currently there (Carver
352). Mel’s outlook on love has given readers the impression that he does not experience deep
emotion in his relationships. Without deep feeling or emotion it becomes easy to detach from a
person to end a relationship, and just as easily begin a new one.
Nick and Laura’s relationship appears to be intimate and pure. They do not share much
of their own opinions of love. They do, however, express this emotion for each other openly
with their interactions. In particular, Laura states that she and Nick know the true meaning of
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love and in response Nick makes a large production out of grabbing Laura’s hand and kissing it
with deep unspoken meaning (Carver 351). The phrase “actions speak louder than words”
closely relates to Nick and Laura. Rather than defining love with words, they show love with
actions, such as kissing. Nick and Laura also actively show deep interest in Mel and Terri’s
stories. While sitting at the table, Laura “glanced from Mel to Terri and waited with a look of
bewilderment on her open face, as if amazed that such things happened to people you were
friendly with” (Carver 350). The fact that these stories are so entertaining to them suggests that
Nick and Laura’s previous relationships must have been respectively ordinary. The way Nick
and Laura hold hands, kiss, and embrace each other’s presence is described as the
“honeymooner’s stage” but could it also be that their experiences with love have not yet been
tainted? By not experiencing the negative aspects of love or unhealthy relationships, their
opinion on the subject is left innocent and undamaged.
These examples of different opinions about love are just the tip of the iceberg. The
various kinds of love to be shared are infinite. The denouement of this short story is that, diverse
relationships a person experiences in life help to mold unique ideas of love. Terri’s past made
her able to see the good in a bad situation. Her past also negatively affected her. Terri put
herself in danger by reasoning that Ed cared and had good intentions. Mel’s reaction to past his
relationship damages his present relationship. He is now incapable of having a relationship with
deep meaning. Nick and Laura go unscathed by not having bad past relationships influence their
current one. Whether a relationship is healthy, unhealthy, public, or private, a person will be
affected from the experience, positively or negatively, ultimately creating a personal definition of
love.
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Works Cited
Carver, Raymond. “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love.” Literature and the
Writing Process. 9th ed. Eds. Susan X. Day, Robert Funk, Elizabeth McMahan, and Linda
S. Coleman. Upper Saddle River: Pearson, 2011. 348-356. Print.