G
UI D E
TR
TO
UE
P OL I TE N E S S
’
.
T HE
LA DIES A N D G E NTL EME N S
’
’
QU E T
E T I
THE
OF
T E
B O O
S O CI E T
B ES T
K
Y
.
IN F ORMAT ION A ND IN STRUCTION
FOR
THO SE
B E CO M E
A B O UT
E N T E RIN G ,
E D UC A T E D
C ON T A I N I N G
AND
O F T A ST E ,
M A NN E RS
G E N E R AL
G O OD
To
S O C I E T Y.
M A N N E RS
O N E S S E L F A G RE E A B L E
M AN UA L
A
D E SI RE
’
M A KIN G
AN D T E E A RT O F
IN
P O L I S IIE T‘
P O IN T S
N IC E
W HO
T H O SE
AN D
.
OF
C US T O M S
A ND
AT
PA RTIES ,
D I NN ERS
B A L L S,
W IT H
IN
V ITATION S
m
y
,
S EE
F O RM S
THE
TA B L E
J ANE
.
N E
G
.
W
FO B
W
F UN E RAL S, ET C
.
.
C ON TEN TS
OF
ED ITED
S O C IAB L ES,
A ND
RE G RE T S, MA RRIA G ES
B AL L S ,
M RS
.
.
BY
ASTER
.
YO R K
C o p y ri g h t, 187 8 , b y
Ca y /a m 65 Ca , P zzél z s l z e m
'
“
.
LO N D O N
z
'
S
.
L O W , S O N 8: C O
MD C C C L XXXI I
.
.
TABLE OF C O NTENTS
.
PAGI
THO UG H T S
ON
S OC IE TY
S PI RIT
T HE
AN D
OF
SO
OIAL
can they b e ac q uir ed
D ifferent means i nvestigate d
N ecessity o f some G uide
A n c ient and Modern Authorities on Manners
The true prin c iple o f Manners
Wh a t 733 S oc i ety ?
The necessity o f Social Intercourse
HO W
.
.
.
.
.
THRE E
1
CL A SSE S
OF
B AD
S O C IE T Y
disting ui she d by F amiliari ty
Anecdotes o f E xtreme Familiari t y in the last
Th ree Centuri es
Fa mili ari ty from w ant o f Respect ; from
Coarseness ; fro m Shyness ; from Curiosity
L ow S oc i ety ,
.
.
.
10
2
CONTENTS
.
.
disting u ished by pre t ensi on ;
G e n t il ity ; Ser v ili ty ; O vers c r u p u lo u sness ;
Ass u mp t ion o f Re fi neme n t in L ang u age
V ul g a r S oc i ety ,
a ud
it
.
D a n ger o us S o c i e ty
Ske t c h
of
Engl ish
Socie t y from
Cent u ry
Rise and presen t position
Classes
t e e nt h
t he
.
of
t he
Middl e
.
‘
I HE
Six
RE QUIS IT E S
OF
G O OD S OC IE T Y
G ood B ree ding
Ed u c a t ion
.
.
C u l t ivat ion o f Taste
Reason
The Art o f Spee c h
A Kno wledge o f E nglish
Moral Chara c ter
Temper
Hospi t ali t y
G ood manners
B ir t h
W ealth
Rank
D is t inc t io n
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
L iterature
.
11
C ONT ENT S
.
TH E
S P IRIT
O B S E RV A N C E S
SO C IAL
OF
Conne c tion bet w een the L a w s
t i a n i t y a n d those o f So c i ety
D omesti c Position
Paterf amilias
The Matron
The Yo u n g Married Man
The B a c helor
The Youn g L ady
Th e
of
Ch ris
.
.
.
.
,
.
.
.
2 716 A r t
f m a ki ng On c s
’
o
A
r eea bl e
f
g
l
se
.
CHAPT ER I
.
D RE SSIN G R O OM
-
Cleanlin ess
The Bath : Hot Cold and Tepid
The Teeth
The N ails
Razors and Shavi n g
B ear d s Mu staches W hiskers
The Hair
.
,
,
.
.
.
.
.
,
,
.
CHAPT E R
TH E LAD Y S T0 1 L E T
II
.
,
E arly
Risin g
Cleanlin e ss
.
.
o
o
o
o
o
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
.
0
0
0
0 0 0 0 0 .
12
CONTENT S
.
Ex e rc me
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Rouge and Cosmetics
T h e H a ir
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
0 0
0 0
'
0
0
.
.
,
,
&0
CHAP TER III
0
o
.
Perf umes Toilet Appliances
0
o
o
0
0
0
0
.
.
0
Fashion ;
Appropriateness t o Age ; t o Posi
tion ; t o Place ; To w n and Count ry ; on t h e
Con t inen t ; t o C li mate ; to Siz e ; to di ff ere n t
O c c asions
E xtravagance
Simpli c i t y
J e w elry
Ma x ims f o r Ornaments
Orders 850
Cl eanl i ness an d Freshnes s
L i nen
Seasonable Dress
E s t ima t e o f a W ardr obe
Morning D r ess at Home
Dress fo r W alking
D r ess fo r V isit s
Dress fo r D i nner Parties
Dress fo r Evenin g Pa rties and B alls
The Hat
W e l l dr essed a nd Ill dressed
.
.
.
.
.
.
,
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.
.
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.
.
.
.
-
-
.
13
C ONTENTS.
Fast
D ifferent S t yles o f Dress
Sporting Costumes
Hunting 850
.
.
.
,
CHAPT ER
IV
.
LA DY S
,
The L ove o f Dress
Extravagance Pecuniary an d i n Fashio n
Modern Dress Stays Tightness &c
Dress and Feeling
The Ordinary In door Dress
The Ordinary O ut door Dres s
Co u ntry Dress
Carriag e and V isiting Dres s
E venin g Costume at Home
Dinner Dress
E vening Party Dre s s
B all Dress
Ridin g Dres s
Court Dress
.
.
,
,
,
,
,
.
-
.
-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
CHAPT ER
The ir V alue
Se l f de f enc e —B o x i n g
.
-
.
V
.
.
14
CONTENTS.
S w ord and the
D u elling
F ield Sp e rt s
Riding
Mo u n t ing
A ssisting a L ady to Mount
D ri v ing
Dan c i n g
Quadril les
Ro u nd Dances
Hints on Dan c ing
The V a l tz
Polka
O t her Dances
The Piano
Music i n G eneral
Sin g ing
Ca r ds
Roun d G ames
L a n guages
Kno w ledge o f Current
C a r vi ng : Hints on Carving a n d Helpin g
So u p
Fish
P ork,
J oints ( B ee f Mutton L amb V eal
Ham V eniso n )
A n i m a ls serv ed w hole
Fo wl s G ame G oose Turkey &0
The
.
.
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,
,
,
,
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,
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,
,
,
,
.
15
CONTENTS.
CHAPT E R
VL
FE MI N IN E
Their N e c essity
Social and Domesti c V alue
Music
Ch oi c e o f Instruments
Singing
A g e a Restri c tion
Choi c e o f Songs
E ti q uett e o f Singin g and Playin g
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A pp r Op ri a t e n e s s
.
.
G erman and Italian Singing
.
W orkin g
W orking Parties Abroad
Appropriateness o f W ork
.
«
.
.
CHA PT ER
MA NNE RS C A RRIA G E
,
,
V II
.
H A B IT S
A ND
.
The N ecessity fo r L aw s o f Eti q uette
Manner : value o f a g o od o ne
Rules f or preserving it
Sel f respect
.
.
.
-
.
A fie c t a t i o n
.
D iff erent k i nds
of
Ma nner
t o be
a vo
i de d
.
16
CO NTENTS .
A c h ange o f Manner demanded by circu m
stan c es
Carriage
Dignity
Physical Carriage and h o w a man shoul d
w al k
The Smile
V ehement a c tion t o b e a voide d
Certain B a d Habits
Smoking discusse d
Et i q u ette thereo f
A L e c t u re o n E ating and Dri nki n g at Dinne r
and Habits at Meals
.
.
,
.
.
.
.
.
.
,
.
C HAP T ER
THE
CA RRIA G E
V III
.
OF A
Its Importance to the Se x
Youn g L adi es
Modesty
Agreeableness
Politeness
Di gnity
Deli c a c y o f L anguage
Temper
F astness Fl irtin g & c
The Pru de and the B l u e Stockin g
Be a rin g o f Marri ed W o men
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
,
,
.
-
.
17
CONTENT S
.
French
The Physical Carriage
of
L a d ies
.
CHAPT E R
IX
.
IN
The Promenade
”
“
The Cut
It s F olly and ob j ectionable ch aracte r
Sometimes necessary
Sh o u ld b e made In o fie n sive l y
”
Cut
Eti q uett e o f the
The Salute
Its History
D iff erent Modes o f Salutat i o n
Kissing
Shaking Hands
Various W ays o f d oin g so
W alking and Dri v i ng w ith L adie s
Eti q uette o f Rail way Travell in g
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
C HAPTE R X
.
IN
The V isit
Proper Time and Occasions fo r V i sitin g
Introd u ction by L ett ers
V i si t s o f Condolence and Co ngratulat i on
.
.
.
.
18
C ONT ENT S
.
Ho u rs fo r V is i t s
The Cards
E t i q u e t t e in Call ing
N o t at Home
V isi t s in G ood Society
V is i t s in Coun t ry Houses
.
.
.
.
.
CHAPT ER
DI
D IN E RS
NE RS ,
N
,
AND
XI
.
D IN N E R P A RT IE S
-
D INN E R P AR TIE S
B y w hom
.
and t o w h om given
Sele c tion o f G uest s
The ir Number
The Dining Room
It s Fu rnit u re and Temperature
The Shape o f the Table
L igh t in g
The Servan t s
The Russian Mode o f L ay ing the T able
W hat to put on the Table
Soup
W ine and its E ti q uette s
Fish
The J oint
V ege t ables
The O rd e r o f S erv in g
.
.
.
-
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
C ONTEN T S
G ra c e
.
Dinn er Eti quette
Punct u ality &c
,
.
.
CHAPT ER
LA D IE S
19
.
XII
.
AT
Invitations
W hom t o Invite and w h om not
Th e Re c eption o f G uests by the L ady
Order o f Precedence ;
O f Proceedi ng t o th e D i ni ng Room
The L adies Retire
The L adi es in the D ra w ingRoom
.
.
-
.
.
-
.
CHAPT E R
X III
Their Place i n Society
The Inv itations
W h om t o Invite
The Prop er Number
The Re q uisites fo r a G ood B all
Arrangement o f th e Rooms
L ig h tin g
The Floor
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The
Mus i c
.
.
.
20
CONT EN TS.
Re freshments
The S u pper
B al l Room Eti q u ette
Recei v ing t he G uests
In t rod u c t ions
The Invi t a t ion to Dance
B a l l Room A c q uaintance
G oing t o Re f reshments an d Suppe r
Manners at S u pper
.
.
.
-
.
.
.
.
-
.
.
.
Fl irt a t i o n
P u b l ic
.
B a l ls
.
CHA PT ER
MO RNI N G
AN D
E VE NIN G
X IV
PA RTIE S
”
Mak in g a Party
To w n Parties ( Re c eptions Private Concert s
Amateur Theat ri c als Tea Party Mat i nées )
G eneral R u les
Country P a rtie s ( Even ing Part ies Out door
Parties and Picni cs )
G eneral Rule s
.
,
,
-
.
,
,
.
,
.
,
.
CHAPT ER
MA RRIA G E
O fie rs
.
En g agements
.
XV
.
C ONTENTS
Marriage Contrac t s and Se t t lements
Th e L icense
The Trousseau
Th e B ridesmai ds
Invita t io n s
The L ady s Dress
Th e G en t leman s Dres s
G o ing to t h e Ch u rc h
Th e Ceremon y
The Break fast
Travell i ng Dress
F ees t o Servants
.
.
.
.
’
.
’
.
.
.
.
.
.
&c
.
21
.
.
24
THE SPI RIT OF SOCI AL OB SERV A N CES
.
the minutest laws Of courtly behavior are codi fied
wi t h maj estic solemn ty
Yet wi th all this and much more de ference which we
sh ow n e w to manners in general now to the arbitr a ry l a ws
i f etiquette which s eem to have no Object but e xclusiv e
nc ss we are always ready to raise a titter at the attemp
t o reduce the former to a system or codi fy the latter fo r
The polished affect to despise
the sa k e o f convenience
the bo ok of etiquette as unnecessary forgetting that in
the present day the circles of good s ociety are growing
rider and wider admitting repeatedly and more t h a n ever
me n who have risen from the co t tage or the workshop and
nave had nei t h e r their training nor their experience
What if railway kings and mushroom millionaires had
t udied their grammars and manner books in the r e spit e n
from business would the noble lords wh o with their wi ves
condescended nay were proud to dine
nd daughters
it h the quondam shop boy and mecha n ic have thus bee n
w
s neered at by the middle classes for a worship Of gold
which could induce them to put up with gross vulgarity
a nd for a respect for success which could allow the great
est sticklers for e tiquette to e ndure its repeated neglect ?
Surely it is in the interest of future premiers and nobl e
members Of council that John Smith should know how to
behave before they visit him and how can he possibly
l earn it without either a tutor a book or experience in
whi c h
1
.
,
i
.
,
,
,
,
,
,
.
s
-
,
,
,
,
«
,
,
,
-
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
oc i c ty ?
Th e
first is undoubtedly the best medi u m ; and we con
stant l y fi nd the sons of mannerless millionaires t u tcred
unto the habits of good society but at the sa me time i t is
a course wh i ch demands youth time and the absence of
bus ines s occupations ; but eve rybody at first sight agr ee s
,
.
,
,
THE C
that
H APL AI N
A ND
25
TH E NUN CI O
.
perience in society i s the only good way to acquire
True maybe ; but if it demand s
the po l ish it dem a nds
th at polish i n you how will it take you without i t ? HOW
c an you ob t ain the e n t r ee into good society whe n or t he
very threshold you are found deficient in it s first ru les ?
Haw i f you succeed i n pushing your way into sets which
c u believe to constitute good society can you be s u r e
y
that they will tolerate you there till you have learned
you r lesson which is not one to be known in a day ?
Your fai lure i ndeed may be pai n ful and end in your
ej ectment fo r ever fro m the circles you have taken so
much trouble to press i nto
I r e member an instance of such a failure which occur
red many ye ars ago in a distant European capital The
English residents had long been without a chaplain and
a s hailed with such
the arrival Of an English clergyman w
enthusias m that a deputation at once attended on him and
o ffered hi m the post which he accepted We soon found
that ou r course was a mistaken one
Slovenly in his
dress d i rty in his habits and quite ignor a nt of the com
monest rule s of politeness our new chaplain would hav e
brought little credit to the English hierarchy even had his
manners been retiring and unobtrusive They were pre
By dint Of cringing flattery and a
Cis sl y the reverse
readiness to serve in no matter what undertaking he push
ed h imsel f by virtue Of his new position into some of t he
One evening it h appened that the ne w
highest circles
ch a plain and the Pope s nunci o were both at t he same
The pont i fic al legate went out but li ttl e
eve n ing party
and the lady o f the house had used great exertions to
procure his prese n ce The contrast b e tween the re pre
se nt at i ve s of the two Churches was trying for u s
ex
.
,
,
.
,
,
,
,
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,
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,
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,
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’
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,
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.
2
96
I
KE
S PI RIT OF S OCI AL
OB SERV A NCES
.
c ardi nal grave dignified and courtl y r e c e i ve d the ad
v a nc c s o f t hose w ho were introduced t o l ar a s his d ue
The ch aplain in a frayed and dirty sh in: wi t h h ol e s in
his b oo ts and ill combed hair was S n eaking u p to tl
and ees and doing his best to gai n their at t en t ion by
miles and flattery
He had heard somewhere that no in
trod uc t ions were needed in Continental s a l o n s a nd you
can i magine our surprise when we sa w him slide si deways
up t o the red —stockinged nuncio t ap him famili arly on the
Well m y L or d
S houlder and wi t h a full grin excl a im
The cardinal bowed and
how did you leave the Pope 9
"
smil e bu t could not conceal h is astonishment The fa
mi l i ari ty was not indeed a crime but it proved that the
of
f n der was not fit for the society int o which he had
pushe d himsel f a nd the legate glad t o have a story
i
agai ns t t he Protestants made t he most of t an d repeat
ed it until the new chaplain found his e n tr e e to t he
drawing rooms o f the great was generally cancelled
Use ful or not use ful it would seem that codes Of man
ners are thought ridiculous If the farce writer wants to
i n t roduce a thoroughly credulous country gi r l h e makes
her carry a li ttle book of e t iquette under her fan into the
ball room ; and if the heavy headed essayists Of a Quar
terl y want a light subj ect to relieve the t e di u rn of their
tr imes t rial lucubrations it is almost sure to be the r o de
mec u m s of etiquette wh ich come in for thei r sat ire P oo r
indeed a nd reduced in honor as well as capital mu st b
the man of letters they t ell you who will condescend to
Wri te On the a ngle Of a bow or the punctilio o f an insult ;
forg i tt ing that t hese are but some Of t he details which go
to make an important whole and that we might as hon
es tl
y snee r at the antiquarian who revels in a dir ty c oir
,
,
,
,
i
.
.
,
f
-
.
.
,
,
,
,
,
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,
e
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-
.
,
-
.
,
-
-
,
.
,
,
,
e
,
,
.
m s H I G H EST
H ORITIES ON
A UT
27
THE SUB J ECT
.
the si ze of a farthing or the geologist who fil ls hi !
po ckets with chips of ugly stone However the sneer is
raised and i t is our duty to speak of it
There remain then three reasons for holding wo rks
if this sort in disrepute : either manners themselve s a r e
or they are not a subj ect w or t hy of thi
ont e mpt ibl e
eons ide rat i on o f the wise and great ; or the books of e ti
qu atte themselves are ridiculous in their treatment of t he
s ubject
T he value of manners is to be the main theme of thi s
introduction ; as regards their value as a subj ect I can
only point to those who have discoursed or written upon
t hem and I thin k it may be a ffirmed that fe w mor al
Indeed
teachers have not touched on the kindred subj ect
the true S pirit of good manners is so nearly allied to that;
of good morals that it is scarcely possible to avoid doin g
Our Saviour himsel f has taught us that modesty is
so
the true Spirit of decent behavior and was not ashame d
to notice and rebuke the forward manners of his fellow
guests in taking the upper sea ts at banquets while he has
chosen the eti q uettes of marriage as illustrations in seve
ral of his parables Even in Speaking of the scrupulou s
habits of the Pharisees he did not condemn their c l e a nli
ness itsel f but the folly which attached so much va lue to
mere form He con formed himsel f to those habits and in
eals drew a practical l e sson at
th e washing of feet at m
beauti ful humility
His greatest follower has le ft 11
ma ny injunctions to gentleness and cou r teousness of mar
nor and fine passages on women s dress wh ich s hould be
a inted over every lady s toile t? table in the k ingdom
p
As to the philosophers who are anything but men of
mod m anners the mselves there are fe w who have not
of
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ia
’
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’
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,
28
T HE SPI RIT OF SOC I AL
OB SERV A NCES
.
b e h avior more or less To say no t hing of the
Socra t es who wen t
ugl y bu t a greeable old gentleman
ab out the ci ty asking as many ques t ions a s a c ounsel for
the d e fenda nt i n a case of circumstantial evidenc e we
in ve his pupil s pupil Aristo t le whose ethics the O x ford
boys are taught to look upon as next in wisdom to the
We are con
Bible a nd truer than any simil a r work
vi nc e d t b at the greater part of the ethics might be turne d
”
into a
Guide to the Complete Gentleman
In fact
the Stag yrite s morals are social ones ; the morals that
He
fit a man to shine in the ag or a and the academy
has rai f c d the peculiar behavior o f the w e ; d j/ 06;
“
—
d ag
alias gentleman —to his equals betters and
in ferior3 into one of the cardin al virtues and has give n
us be sides several chapters on wit and conve rsation i n
ti ma c ie s and the pr e per carriage o f a good citizen in
society
B ut to look nearer home Lord Bacon himsel f has de
voted an essay to manners and reminds u S that as a pre
c iou s stone must be of very high value to do without 3
S e tting a man must be a very great one to dispense with
social Observances ; and probably Johnson thought him
sel f one of thes e unse t gems when he made such speech
es as
Sir you re a fool
or at Aberdeen
Ye s sir
Scotland is what I expected I expected a savage coun
”
try and sav a ge people and I have found them
Bu t why multiply instances ? If we look to the satiri st
of al a ges we find that manners as well as morals came
under their lash and many taught by ridicule what WC
i s by precept
Horace the Sp ec ta t or and Thackeray
e xpos e the vulgarities and a fie c t a t ions of society
; and t he
finest wit of his day Chesterfield is the patron s a i nt of
t he writers on Behavior
taugh t
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29
FA LS E MOI I V ES FOR POLITEN ESS
.
Vi e
have there fore no lack o f preced e nt ; but it is ce r
ta i nly true that too o ften the o fii ce of a teacher of manners
ha s been as sumed by retired Tu r ve ydrc ps and ge nt ee
na s te r s o f ceremonies and the laugh that is raised at th e ir
It woul d
hi nts on proprie ty is not a l ways wi t hou t e x cu s e
be ve ry bad manners in me to criticise the works of forme
wri ters on this subj ect and thus pu t forward my own as
I con fess indeed that I
the n e p l u s u l tr a o f per fection
ca n never aspire to the delicacy and apparently universa l
If I c an
ac qu irements of some o f these genteel persons
tel l you how to entertain your gue sts I cannot furnish a
li st of c a r i es for dinners like the author of the Ar t of
If I can tell you how to dance wi t h propriety
D i ni ng
I must despair of describing the Terpsichorean inventions
of a D Egvi ll e or a D e l pl anqu e or o f giving directions for
the intricate evolutions of one hundred and one dances of
v hich in the present day not a dozen are ever per formed
I may however be permitted to point out that too many
I
of my predecessors have acted on a wrong principle
have be fore me at least a dozen books t reati ng of etiquette
of d i fferent dates and I find th a t one and all including
Chesterfield state the motive for politeness to be either
he des ire to Shine or the wish to raise one s sel f into
One of the
society supposed to be better than one s own
“
be st begins by defining Etiquette as a S hield agai nst the
intrusion of the impertine nt the improper and the vul
m
another
tells
us
that
the
circles
which
protect
the
ar
g
elves wi t h this s h ield must be the obj e ct o f our attac k
and tha t a knowledge of etiqu e tte will secure us the vic
te ry others o f higher character con found good with high
so ciety and as a matter of course declare birth rank or
di s tinc t ion as its first requisite s
All of them make i t
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30
TH E S PI RIT OF SOC I AL
J fi SERV A NCES.
‘
pp e ar t hat the cultivation of manners is not a socia l duty
bu t merely a means t o the gra t i fic a t o n o f personal vanity,
and on this account t hey must all appear ridiculous to thc
ma n of sense
Good society is undoubtedly a most desirable acc ompa
ni me n t o f the business of li fe and with som e people it e ven
ta kes the place of that business itsel f ; but if the reade r
i magines that he is to put his book of etiquette into his
pock et and quitting his old friends and acquaintance wi t h
di sgust to push himsel f i nto sets for which perhaps his
position itsel f does not quali fy him he is much mistaken
as to the object of cultivating the habits o f good society
His proper objects are these : to make himsel f be t ter in
every respect than he is ; to render h imsel f agreeable to
if
e very o ne with w hom he has to do ; and to improve
necessary the society i n which he is placed If he can do
It is i n the power
t his he will not want goo d socie t y long
of every man to create it for himsel f
An agreeab l e and
polished person a t tracts like light and every kind of S )CICty
which is worth entering will soon and easily Open it s doors
to him and be glad to have him in i ts circ l e Excl i si ve
ness is Oft en a proof of innate vulgari ty and t he tes ts
applied by t he exclusive are general l y posi tion bi rth name
or peculiarity r are l v i ndeed individual merit Wh re ve r
these limitations are drawn you may be confide nt of a
My Lady A
who wil l have
deficiency in the drawers
no one under the rank of barone t at her house can s c arcely
appreciate t he wide di ffusion of wit and intelligence a mon
g
Mr B
who invites none but l it e ral 7 me n
the un t itled
to his mus t be incapable o f enjoying t he a cc ompl isl me n ts
and general kno wledge of men o f t he world
And then
too it is so e as y to be e xclusive if you are conten t to be
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32
s mni r or S OCI
AL
onss nva ne s s
.
char i ty and train us at the whist table to lose our gume as
a nd not our temper !
Exclusive society whether the passport for admittance
be o f r a nk birth weal t h fashion or even more me ri to r io m
dis t inc t ions is not o ft en agreeable socie ty and not nec os
The question at once arises : What is go o d
sa ri l y good
socie ty ? and we proceed t o answer it beginning wi t h an
attempt t o define society itsel f
When the e X King Ludwig of Ba varia st e ps as we have
se en him do t o exchange a hearty word wi t h a crossing
First G e r
sweeper one o f a class which t he misnamed
”
while returning punctiliously the
tl e ma n o f Europe
marks of respect shown hi m by every man that he passed
thought it beneath the dignity o f a monarch to notice no
one would think of impeaching the sovereign of a love of
low society If again a country gentleman cha ts with his
gamekeeper a s they come from the fields toge t her he will
perhaps tell you that he has enj oyed the honest fell ow s
”
society but it will be in th e tone of a j oke Not so
no we ve r the candidate for the borough who begs the i n
fl ue nt ial harbe rda she r he is canvassing to introduce him
“
to his wi fe and daughters whose society he is mos t anxious
”
He is quite aware that equali t y is the fir st
to cultivate
essen t i al of society and that where it does not e x i s t in
reality it mus t do so in appearance
N or is mere equality o f position su fficient
It seems to
be a rule in the intercourse of men that the e mploy er
should rank above the employed and the transaction 0
There is no society
busine ss suspends equali ty for a time
be t ween a gentleman and his so l ici t or or physician in an
official visit and though both hold the same rank the ro
p
fessi onal man would never unless further advances we re
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WH AT
38
?
IS soc rnrr
mad e presume on the o fficial acquaint a nce to c onsider him
sel f a memb er of his pa t ient s or client s circle
S ociety is there fore the intercourse of persons on a
But it is more that)
foo ting of equality real or ap p arent
thi s The two thoroughly English gentlemen who trav
l way carriag
n
l
i
f
r
two
hundred
miles
in
the
same
rai
l
o
e,
c
g
e nsconce t hemselves behind t heir newspapers or shi llin g
novels exchanging no more than a sentence when the e m
treads upon the o t her s favorite bunion cannot in the
Wi dest sense of the phrase be said to enjoy each other s
The intercourse must be both active and friendly
society
Man is a gregarious animal ; but while other animals her d
together , for the purpose of mutual protection or common
u ndertakings men appear to form the only k ind who as
semble for th at o f mutual en t ertainment and improvement
But in society properly so called this entertainment mus t
address the higher part of man N ever was philosophe r
more j ustly put do wn for narro wness of mind than Plato
was by D iogenes The polished Athenian had the rash
ness to define man as a bi ped wi t hout feathers The ill
mannered but sensible philosopher of the tub plucked a
”
coc k and labelled it Plato s Man
Man is not wholly
man without his mind and a game of cricket in which me n
assemble for mutual entertainment or improveme n t is not
society since it is the body not the mind which is brough t
nto action
Indeed we hear people talk of round games being se
eia bl e and it is certain that in most of those which a rt
l
ayed in a drawing room the mind i s made to wor k as
p
but while such games undoubt e dly
We l l as the fingers
ex cite sociab i lity with people too sh or too stupid to tal k
y
and be at ease without their assistance we must beware of
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54
SOCIA L
THE S PI RIT or
o ns nnva nc ns
.
n fo u n di ng them with sociability itsel f The mutual e n
te r tai nme nt o f t he mind must be i mm e di a t e in society
In chess and even in whist the mental working is kee n
an d the action is decidedly mutual i f we may not rath e
ant
sa
a gonis t i c but no one would think of s a ying that h
y
had enjoye d Mr Morphy s society because he was one of
hi s eight opponents i n a chess tournament and no ne bu
”
doting dowagers would presume to talk of the society
table The intercourse must be direct fr o m
of the whist —
mind to mind
Social intercourse is in fact the consequence o f a nece s
c i ty felt by men and women for new channels of thought
a nd new impulses of feeling
We read books and we go
to the play for the very same purpose ; but that which
c onstitutes the superior charm of society over these relax
The guest could neve r
e tions is its variety and uncertainty
have sat through the Barmecide s feast i f he had not e x
ec t e d that each succeeding cover would reveal a dain t y
p
e n l r e m c t s to make up for the shadowy character o f t he
j oints and h e r s d ce u vr e s and not even an old maid o f
fi fty could continue to attend t he se dreary evening parties
at the vicar s or those solemn dinners at the hall i f she
did not look fo rward to meeting some new guest or at leas t
having some new idea struck into her
I have always doubted whether Boswell had not as gr e a t
mental capacities of their kind as Johnson It requires
ei zhe r a pro found mind or a cold heart to feel no necessit
y
for soc ial intercourse
B oz z y had not the latter
Had he
the for mer ? As the great mind can content i tsel f wit h
its o wn reflections stimulated at most by the prin t ed
tho ugh t s of others so it carries in itsel f its power of var
y
ing wh a t it takes in and se e m s to look for v ar i e ty from
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MEN TAL
Y
I NTERCOURSE N ECESSAR
35
.
Most deep thinkers h ave had one pet book which
they have read one bosom friend whom t hey have studied
in a thou sand di fferent lights according to the variety which
Had Boswell b e e n
their own ner vous mind would suggest
an ordinary man would he not have wearied of the B oo
to r s perpetual sameness of his set ans we rs and anticipa te d
Lovers weary of one another s minds and the
re bu ffs ?
cleverest people are incapable of enduring a t é e d t éta
fo r three weeks at a time and was Bosw e ll more th an a
without
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love r
Lea n
no t on on e
Le st whe re
m in d
c onsta ntl y ,
on e st ood
Some t hin g God h at h to
Worth
be for e , t wo fall
sa y
.
t o the e
h ea r i ng from th e l i ps
of
it is this feeling which impels men of good sense and
ordina ry minds to seek acquaintan ce as well as friend s
which makes me happy to talk sometimes to the plough
man coming from the field to the policeman hanging abo ut
his beat even to the thie f whose hand I have caught in
my pocket Could I have a pro fessional pickpocket in my
gra sp and not sei z e the rare Opportunity of discoverin g
wh a t view a thie f takes o f li fe o f r ight and wrong hono r
You may
e ve n manners and the habits o f good society ?
be s ure he has something to tell me on all these poin t s a nd
fo a while I might pro fit from even hi s society ; though
as equality is necessary I should for the time have to l e t
mysel f down to his level which is scarcely desirable
I have said that there are some minds universal en ou g h
To such solitude
themselves to feel no need of society
—
iety
To such the prison cell is but
o f thought
soc
l
l
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THE sr m rr OF SOCI AL onsna v m es s
86
li ttle
.
trial Raleigh was as great in the To wer as out of
i t and Michael Angelo desired only to sit for days ga z i n
g
u pon ay and communing wi t h t he grand men and won
l l l GHS scenes which he found in his o wn brain
Other minds again are content with a little soci ety bu
is the weakest class that can never do without it I
will not be di fficult to show that the wi ts and beau x wh
have lived for society only were me n who m no one need
aspire to rival
I draw this distinc t ion in order that herea fter I may
speak more freely o f conversation in general society ; but
it must not be t hought by a converse conclusion that eve ry
c ommon fre q uent e r Of society is but a poor minded being
Socrates and Shakspere who li ved con t inually with their
fellow creatures would not thank you fo r such an in ference
and the cleverest men are often the most sociable ; though
as La Roc he fou c au l t says In conversation confidence has
a greater share than wit
“
Chesterfield says there are two sorts of good company ;
one which is called the bea u m on de and consists of those
people who have the lead in courts and in the gay part of
i fe ; the o t her cons ists Of those who are distinguished by
ome peculiar merit or who excel in some particular and
”
If this were not the Opinio n
valuable art or science
of my patron saint I should maintain that the writer kne w
not what good company was But in truth in the days Of
Philip D ormer St anh i pe there was little Option but be
t ween wealth rank and fashion on t he one ha nd and wi
and learning on the other
; and h is Lordship cannot b
blamed for wri t ing t hus in t he beginning Of the e i ghte e nfl
century when the middle classes had not learnt manners
if a century later Mr H a yward who undertake r "3 wri te
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B AD
AND
can
31
S O C IE T Y.
b ooks o f e t i q ue t te t ells us t hat ran k we a lth a no
”
d ist inc t ion o f some sor t are the ele m en t s o f su c ce s s in
s o cie t y
If the opini on O f a m a n wh o fo r t welve years lab o r e i
to make a grace ful gen t le man o f his son an d th oug h ht
a iled t o d o so cer t ainly t h ough t and w ro te m ore on t h e
n an ne rs o f goo d socie t y t han any man b e fore and since is
no t t o be t aken as a maxim I must b e allo w ed some h esi
As Chester fi el d
t at i o n in pu t t ing for ward a de fi ni t ion
hi msel f says bad company is much more ea sily d e fi ne d
L e t us begin wi t h the bad then an d see to
th a n good
What it b ings us
Beau Bru m mel broke O ff an engagement w ith a young
lady because h e once s aw her eat cabbage
O ver nice
”
says D ean S wi ft
have so m et imes very nast y
people
”
B ut G eorge t h e L ess eviden tly thought t h e
ideas
oung
lady
i
q
ues
t
ion
w
a s very b ad compan y
T
o
d
e
n
y
fin e exactly w here bad manners b egin is n ot easy b u t
there is no d oubt t hat no socie t y is good in which they
are found and t his b o ok will h ave b een w ri t t en in v ain
if t h e reader aft er s t u dying i t is u nab le t o dis t inguish b e
t w een bad and goo d b ehavior
In the present day nei t her
”
B rummel nor hi s
fat friend
greatest gentleman
the
”
w ould b e t olera t e d in goo d so ci ety T h e
in E urope
what ever m ay b e t h e
c o de o f morals is clearly w ri tt en
t radi t ionary co de o f manners and w e m a y a t once l ay
do wn as a rule that whe re m orals are O penly bad socie t y
The b adness O f morals is soon de t ecte d
h a st be b ad
We may indee d meet i n a L ond o n ball roo m a score of
oun g m en whose manners are a s sp o t less as their shi rt
re nt s and fail t o discover fro m t heir ca rriage an d c on
versati on that o ne re q uires assis t ance t o undress e ver
]
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38
THE S PI RIT OF S OCIA L OB SERV A N CE S
.
th ir d night another is supported by Hebre ws i n gambli ng
reversionary proper t y a nd a third without
away his
Shelley s genius shares his Opinions as to the uselessness
But let us pursue their acquaint
of matrimonial vo ws
m c e and we shall soon learn from the tone Of their con
ve rsation what is the tenor Of their lives
Bad society then may be divided into three classes
1 That in which both morals and manners are bad ; 2
That in which the manners are bad be the morals what
they will ; 3 That i n which the manners a ppear to be
ood
but
the
morals
are
detestable
The
first
is
low
,
g
the seco nd vulgar the third dangerous society
Few people but undergraduates young ensigns and
aspiring clerks and shop boys will need to be warned
Where vice wears no veil and d e
again st low society
ce nc y forever blushe s the man Of any S el f respect to say
nothing of ta ste and education will speedily be disgusted
The first proo f Of lowness is seen at once i n undue fa
If there ar w omen in company you will at
mi l iar ity
once discover their character from the manner in which
they allow themselves to be addressed ; but if not you
will doubtless ere long be yours e l f subj ected to a freedom
of treatment
which you will readily distinguish from
ea se Of manner and kn ow to be beyond the proper limi t s
Familiarity on fir st introduction is al ways Of bad style ,
oft en even vulgar and when used by the Openly immor
al 1 8 l ow and revolting
A man of sel f respect will not
be pleased with it even when it comes from the most re
spec t a bl e
or his superiors ; he will despise it in his
eq uals and will t a ke it almost as an insult from those
who do not respect themselves
If Brummel really
had t he impudence t o say to his patron prince
Wales
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40
T HE S PI RI T OF SO C IAL O B SERV A NC ES
madame replied the Welshman i t is my su it
”
In Ben Jonson s day i t was
no t my boots which stink
the height of gallantry to chuck a lady under the chin,
and make a not very refined c ompliment t o her rosy li ps
Ev en the cavaliers of Charles court had a freedom of
speech and manner which disgusted the puritans ; and i
Milton S repor t be t rue the sovereign that never laughe d
sa w no harm in making indelicate remarks be fore i f no t
But the most curious instance s
to the Queen s ladies
of familiarity mistaken for wi t are to be found in t he
When Ba t h was t he
reigns o f William I I I and Anne
most fashionable Spot in the kingdom and Beau Nash the
most fashionable man in Bath the follo wi ng speeches in
te r l arde d with oa ths were his most fas hionable m o t s
A lady afflicted wi t h a curvature of the spine once tol d
hi m that she had that day come s t r a ig h t from London
Straight madame
replied the magni fi cent master of
“
then you ve been horribly warped by
the ceremonies
”
When on an another occasion a gen t le ma n
the way
a ppeared at an assembly in boots which N ash had inter
dicted he called out to him
He l lo
Hogs Norton
haven t yo u forgot to bring your horse
He was well
put down however by a young lady whom he once me t
”
walking wi t h a spaniel behind her
Please madame
“
asked the Beau
can you tell me the name of Tobit
”
dog
Yes sir ans wered the damsel
his name is
Nas h and a very impudent dog he is too
Familiarity arises either from an excess of friendlin ess
or a deficiency o f respect
The lat ter is never pardonable
We cannot consider that man well b red who Shows nc
respect for the position
feelings or even prej udices of
oth e rs
The y outh who addresses his father as govern
“
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4]
s sr s er To r u n snx
a
or come now paymaster is alm ost a s bl an a bl c as
the man who stares at my club foot or because I have a
very dark complexion asks me at first sight when I le ft
Still more reprehensib le should I be if I e xcl aim
India
”
How warm you look ! as k ed Mr
ul to a stout lady
S purgeon i f he had been to many balls lately ; inquir ed
aft er the wi fe and family o f a Re mi sh priest or begged
the D ean of Carlisle to tell me the Odds on the D erby
Worse again is the familiarity which arises from n t
tu ra l coarseness and which becomes most promi ne n t in
the society of elderly men or where ladies are pres e nt
The demeanor of youth to age should always be respect
fu l ; that of man to woman should approach even reverenc e
or,
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To th ee be
Nobl e
a ll
al l
me n h er o es ;
women
vi rgi ns
eve ry r ac e
an d e ac h
pl a ce
A t empl e
.
certainly i t is better and more com fortable to beli e v e
in the worth of all t han by contempt and boldness to leave
It shoul d
the i mpression Of impudence and impropriety
be the be a st of every man that he had never put modesty
to the blush nor encouraged i mmodesty to remove her
mask But we fear there is far too li ttle chivalry in the
present day If young men do not chuck their partners
under the chin they are ofte n guil t y of p ressing thei r
h ands when the dance afiords an opportunity There is a
calm dignity with which to show that the o ffence has bee n
noticed but i f a lady condescends to r prove it in word s
she fo rces the culprit to de fend h imsel f and often end s by
maki ng the breach worse On the other hand let a woman
onc e overloo k the slightest familiarity and fail to S how her
su rprise in her manner and she can ne v er be certa in th at
And
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,
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42
SOCIA L
THE s p i a rr o r
ons nnva nc ns
will not be repeated There are fe w actions so at rne i
I would ra ther k iss a lady
e a sly familiar as a wink
outright than wink or leer at her fo r that silent movement
seems to imply a secre t unders t anding wh ich ma y be i a
Even betwee n me n a win !
te r pre t ed in any way you like
shc u ld be avoided ho wever intimate the terms between you
s ince it seems to keep the rest o f the company in the dar k
an l is perhaps worse than whispering
W e o ft en hear people complain of the necessity o f
”
company manners
As a genera l rule such people must
be by nature coarse A well bred man has always the
same manners at home and in society and w h at is bad in
It can never be
the form e r is only worse i n t he latter
pardonable to s wagger and lounge nor to carry into even
the family circle the actions proper t o t he dressing room
Even where familiarity has nothing sh ocking in itsel f it
attacks t he respect due to the socie t y o f others
whoever
they may be and presents t he danger o f a further breach
of it
From familiari ty to indecency is but one step
Thus no part of the dress not a shoe string even should
The Hindus re
be arrange d in the presence of ladies
markable for the delicacy of their manners would not allow
kissing scratching pinching or lying down to be re pre
sented on the stage and a t least the last three should neve r
be permitte d in a mixed society o f men and women There
a re attitudes too which are a transition from ease to famil
iar ity and should never be indulged
A man may cross nil
l egs in the present day but should never stre t ch them apar t
To wipe the forehead gape yawn and so forth a re only
a shade less obnoxious than the Americ a n habit of e x pe c
to ra t ion
I shall have more to say on this subj e ct and
must now p ass to ano t her
it
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S
HY NESS
r
4a
.
Familiarity must be condemned or pardoned
cording
Not un frequently i t arise s
to the motive that suggests it
from over friendliness or even shyness and must then be
f
or shyness which is p a r
e
As
ntly and kindly repressed
g
e z c e ll en c e the great obstacle to ease in English socie t y 1
for my part think it in fi nitely pre ferable to forwardnes s
It calls forth our kindest and best feelings utterly disarms
the least considerate of us and somewhat endears us tr
the su fferer Yet so completely is it at variance with the
Spirit of society that in France it is looked on as a sin ;
and children are brought for ward as much as possible that
they may earl y get rid of it the consequence of which is
that a French boy from his c olleg e is one of the most oh
no x ious of his race while you cannot help feeling that the
ex tre me difiide nce of the d é bu t a n t e is merely assumed i n
Give me a boy that blushe s
) be di e nc e to c l z ?r e m a m a n
when you speak to him and a girl under seventeen who
looks down be cause she dares not look up On the other
hand shyness is trying and troublesome in young people
of full age though a little of it is always becoming on
first acquaintance ; while in middle aged people it is scarce
ly pardonable
To the young there fore who are enter i ng i nto society
I would say Never be as hamed of your shyness since
however pain ful it may be to you it is far less disagreeabl e
to others than the attempt to conceal it by familiarity
The only way to treat familiarity arising from shyness
s not to notice it but encourage the o ffender till
you
It is a ki ndness as
ha ve gi ven him or her confidence
much to yoursel f as to the su fferer from shyness to intro
duce merry subj ects to let fly a little friendly badi nage
at hi m until he thinks that o u are deceived by his assum ed
y
ac
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44
r u n sp rnrr or SOCIAL OB S ERV A N C ES
.
manner and no longer a fraid of being thought nervou s
really gets rid o f t he ch ie f cause o f t hat feeling
When Brummell was asked by a lady whom he scarc e ly
”
k new to come and t ake tea wi th her the Beau replied
Madame you t ake a walk and you take a liberty , but
”
you dr i nk tea
It was only one of those many speech es
of the B ea u s which prove that a man may devote his
whole li fe to the study of manner and appearance and
without good feeling to back them up not be a gentleman
The lady undoubtedly did take a liber ty but the would be
gentleman took a greater in correcting her idiom The
lady erred from a silly admirati on of the e x model o f
fashion ; the broken beau erred fr o m excessive conceit and
an utter want of heart Le t the read r j udge between the
If the obj ect of politeness is to insure harmony to
t wo
society an d set every one at his ease it is as necessary to
e ll m e a n t familiarity in a lik e
manners
to
receive
a
w
d
oo
g
Spirit as it is to check one which arises from coarseness
On the Continent where di ffi dence is unknown and to
be friendly is the first obj ect we find a freedo m of manners
which in England we should call familiarity Le t a man
be o f no matter what station he has there a right to speak
t o his fellow man i f good him seems a nd certainly t he
barrier which we English raise u p between cla sses sa ve rs
very lit t le of Christianity W h at harm can it do me who
call mysel f g entleman i f a horny handed workman waiting
“
It is a
for the same train as mysel f comes up and says
”
fine day sir evincing a desire for a further interchange
of ideas ; am I the more a gentleman because I cut him
”
“
Ye s and turn away ; or because as many
short with a
eople
do
I
stare
him
rudely
in
the
ace
and
vouchsa
e
f
f
na
p
“
Something God bat h to say to th ee worth
ms we r ?
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Y
TA KI NG
A L I B ERT
45
.
”
hearing from the lips of a ll and I may be sure th at I
shall learn something from him i f I tal k to hi m i n a
friendl y manner which i f I am really a gentleman his
Bett ie y can do me no harm :
Engli shm en
B ut of course there is a limit to be fixed
respect nothing so much as their pur ses and their pri vate
affairs and in England you might as well ask a st r ang e!
for five pounds as inquire what he was travelling for wh a t
his income was or what were the names of his si x chi ldren
Bu t England i s an exception in this case and a foreigner
believes that he does himsel f no harm by telling you his
family history at first sight While there fore it is a gross
impertinence in t his country to put curious questions to a
person of whom you know little while it is reserved for
the closest intimacy to inqui re as to private means and per
s onal motives it is equally ridiculous in an Englishman
abroad to take o ffence at such questions and consider a s
an impertinence what is only meant as a friendly advance
to nearer acquaintance I certainly cannot understand why
an honest man should determine to make a secret of his
position , pro fession and resources unless it be from a false
pride and a desire to be thought richer and better than he
is ; but as these subjects are respected in this country I
should be guilty of great ill —
breeding i f I sought to re
m ove his sec recy
I sh all never forget the look of horror and astonishme nt
I once saw on the face of an English lady talking to a
T he latter thoroughly well bred ,
foreign ambassadress
ac ordi ng to native ideas had admired the former s dre ss
and touching one of the silk fl ou nc e s delicately eno ugh
”
How much did it cost a yard ?
Such
she inquired
nough on the Continent and o ur
u
t
i
n
s
are
common
e
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o
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46
THE SPI RIT or SOCI A L onse n
m nc ns
.
see no harm in th e m And why should we do
Is it any way detrimental to us t o tell how m uch we
80 ?
f
aid
Yet
such
is
the
alse
pride
of
f
o r our clo t hes ?
p
English people on matters connected ho wever slightly
wi t h money that even t o mention that most necessary a rti c l
We must
is cons i dered as bad breeding in this country
respect the prej udice though in fac t it is a vulgar one
The next kind of bad society is the vulgar in which the
morals may be good but the manners are undoubtedly bad
What bad manners are in de t ail will be shown in the course
of this work ; but I shall now take as the distinguishin g
test of this kind of society— a general vulgari ty of conduct
Until the end of the last century the word vulgarity was
confined to the l ow mean and essentially plebeian It
would be well i f we could so limit i t in the present day
but the great mixture of classes and the ele vation of
wealth have thrust vulgarity even into the circles of good
society where like a black sheep in a white flock you may
so metimes find a thoroughly vulgar man or woman r e c om
mended by little but their weal t h or a position gained by
certain popular q ualifications Where the majority of the
company are decidedly vulgar the society may be se t down
r e ighbo rs
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,
Apart from coarseness and familiarity vulgarity may
be de fi ned as pretension of some kind This is sho wn promi
uently in a display o f weal t h
I remember being taken
to dine at the house of a French corn merchant whohad
re al i zed an eno rmous for t une
It was almost a family
pa r t y fo r there were only three strangers including mysel f
Th e manners o f every one present were irreproachable and
the dinner excellent but it was s er v e d o n
a te
o
kl
l
g
p
Su ch a di splay was unnecessary inconsis tent and there fore
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48
THE SPI RIT or s oc i a n OB S En V A N C ES
.
did at the Egremont tournament though not asked to take
ar
in
h
t
e lis t s who goes to a par ty with all the medal s
t
p
and clasps he has perhaps most honorabl y earned or who
bei ng a great man in any line pu t s himsel f prominently
b r wa rd condescends talks loud or asserts his pri vilege s
18 a vulgar man
be he king kaiser or cobbler
B ut there is a form o f vulgarity found as much in t hose
of sm a ll as those o f large means and known by the nam e
”
gentility
I know a man who keeps a poor little
of
my
worn out pony ph aeton and always speaks of it as
carriage taking care to bring it i n whenever possible
My friend Mrs Jones dines at one o clo ck but invariably
”
“
calls it her lunch
The Rev Mr Smi t h cannot a fford
the fir st class on a railway but is too genteel to go in t he
second Excellent man he tells me — and I am bound to
believe it — that he positively pre fers the third class to the
”
first
Those first class carriages are so stu ffy he s ay s
and in the second one mee t s s u c h people i t i s really u n
”
bearable
but he does no t let me know that in the third
he will have to sit nex t to an odori ferous ploughboy ge t
his knees crushed by a good woman s huge market basket
an d c a t c h cold from a draught passing thro ugh the ill
dj us te d windo ws
There is no earthly reason why he
should not travel in what carriage he likes but the vulgar
ity consists in being ashamed of his poverty and tacitly
pretending to be better off than he is Brown aga in call
”
“
our country seat an
hi s fa t her s nu t shell of a co t tage
Mrs Brown speaks of the diminutive buttons as the n a n
My tailor has his crest embossed on his n ote
servant
i
n
s on the success ful stock broker cove s t ne
aper
B
o
b
;
p
a nne l s of his carriage with armorial bearings a s l a rge as
p
dis hes ; Tomki ns ashamed of his fath e r s name , si gns him
.
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r s s rs nsron
49
.
ns ; and Mrs Williams when I call a lways
dis co urses H] English history that she may bring i n J 01111
“
an ances t or of ours you know
o f Gaunt
Nor is gentility confined to a pretension to more we al t h
The com
“ t r bi r th or greater state than we possess
mones t form o f it found un fortunately in all classes is t he
The
J
o hn
re te rm ) D to a higher posi t ion than we occupy
p
so ns re tired haberdashers cannot visit the Jacksons rc
t ired l i nen drapers but have moved heaven and ear t h fo r
an in troduction to t he J ame so ns who are not retired from
The J a me sons receive the J o h nsons but sti ffly
a nyth i ng
our friends t he
annihila t e them at once by talking of
”
Williamso ns who have a cousin in Parliament and the
Wil l iamsons again are for ever dragging the said cousin
into their conversation that the J amesons may be st u pe fie d
We go higher ; the M B though perhaps a Radical will
for ever be dogging the steps of the noble Viscount opposi t e
that fellow se and
a nd call the leader of his own party
The Viscount is condesce ndingly gracious to the
so
commoner but de fere ntial to the duke and the duk e him
”
“
the bl e e d
se l f will be as merry as old King Cole i f
Alas ?
sho uld happen to notice him more than usual
poo r worms in what paltry shado ws we can glory and
forget the end that lays us all in the common com for tle ss
l ap of mother earth
Nothing there fore will more irretrievably stamp you as
e ally good society than the repeated introduc
Vulgar in
i on of the names of the nobility or even of distinguishe d
It is absurd to su p
Rrso nage s in re ference to yoursel f
ose
that
ou can reflec t the light of these greater orb s
o
n
y
;
p
the contrary your mention of them na turally sugg e s ts a
between the unpretending
l omparison such as one m a ke
self
To mk
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3
60
THE SPI RIT or SOCI A L os ss nvs nc ns
.
w
ts
lorious
sun
and
the
pale
pitiable
moon
hen
she
qui
g
her pr e per S ph ere and forces hersel f in t o broad dayligh t
hen Scribbles of t he Se al and Tape O moe tells us he
was fli rti ng last nigh t wi t h Lady Adelaide when the Du ke
“
came up and shook hands with me pon honor
of
”
he did I am t emp t ed to think Scribbles either a gr oss
or a grosser snob When worthy Mrs
ex aggerator
Midge relates for the thir teen t h time how she travelle d
”
“
down with Her Grace and I see how her eyes glo w
a nd how v a inly she a t temp t s to appear indi fferent to the
honor ( which it is to her ) she only proves to me how
small she must feel hersel f to be to hope to gain bril
I feel fain to remind her
l ia nc e by such a slight con t act
which thought
of t he Indian fable o f a lump o f crystal
it would be mistaken for gold because i t reflected the glit
It was never take n for
te r of the neighboring metal
gold but it was supposed to cover it and got shivered to
atoms by the hammer of the miner
But when this vulgari t y is reduced to practice it be
The race o f panders parasite s
c omes actual meanness
”
r
flunkies as they are now called is one which has
fl ourished through all time and the satire of all ages has
been freely levelled at their servile truculency But in
gene ral they have had a substantial obj ect in view and
mean as he may be a courtier who flattered for place or
for money i s somehow less contemptible than the modern
gro veller who panders to the great from pure respect of
their grea tness from pure want of sel f respect
I am
not on e of those who deny position its rights ; and as lo ng
as cas te is recognised in this country I would have r e
sp ct shown from one o f a lower to one o f a higher cl ass
But this respe ct for the p osition must not be bli nd : it
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H ONI
QUI MA L
sorr
Y
PENSE
5]
.
d not ex tend to worship o f the man No rank no
wea lth no dis t inction even i f gained by merit shoul d
We
c l ose our eyes to actual un worthiness in its holder
may bow to the nobility of my lord but we are trucule nt
We may respect with dig
sla ves i f we call it n obleness
but if the duke be
rity the accident of birth and wealth
an acknowledged reprobate or the millionaire a selfis h
rasper
we
a re inexcusable i f we allow their accidenta l
g
di stinctions to blot out their glaring faul t s What we
should hate in our friend and punish in our servant we
”
“
weakness in the D uke or
must never overlook as a
It is not mere vulgari t y it is positive u nc hrist i
Dives
s u ity hopeless inj ustice
A less o ffensive but more ridiculou s form of vulgar
entility
is
that
which
d
isplays
itsel
f
i
n a pretension to
g
We have all had ou r
s uperior refinement and sensibility
”
“
limbs of
l augh at the American ladies who talk of the
”
“
bosom
t heir chairs and tables ask for a slice from the
se a t fixing
of a fowl and speak of a rump steak as a
bu t in reality we are not fa r short of them when we in
and on
vent the most fa r fetched terms for trousers
young ladies faint —o r try to — a t the mention o f a petti
ut m a l
and shame indeed t(
c oat — H o n i s o i l g
y p e ns e
the man still more to the woman whose mind is so im
pure th at the mere name o f one common object i mme di
ately suggests another which decency excludes from con
versation It is indeed difli c u l t to define in what indelicacy
v
ons ists and where it begins but i t is clear that nature has
nt e nde d some things to be hidden ; and civilization re
mo ving farther and farther from nat ure yet nc t goin g
In this respect civili
against it has added many more
sa tion has be c ome a second nature and what it ha s o n c e
shoul
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62
THE S PI RIT or
SOCI AL ons s nva x es s
.
concealed c annot be exposed without i nd e li c acy For in
st a nce no thing is more beau t i ful than t he bosom of a
woman and to a pure mind there is nothing shocking but
so me t hing touching indeed in seeing a poor woman wh
ha s no bread to give it suckling her child in public S t il
and the ladies wbc
ci viliza t io n ha s covered t he bosom
we ar their dresses o ff their shoulders are i n t h e p r es e n
da y guilty of an immodesty which was none in the days
when Lely painted — on canvas I mean — the beautie s
of Charles court
But to go beyond the received Opinion of the majority
s super r e fine me nt and vu lgarity and too o ften tempts
us to fancy that an impure association has suggested the
idea of impropriety I cannot imagine what indeli cate
fancy those people must have who will not allow us to say
”
”
go to bed but substi t ute retire to rest
Surely the
here dewy sleep drowns our cares and refreshes
co uch w
Ou r wearied forms ; where we dream those dreams which
to some are the only bright spots of their lives ; where we
escape for a time from the grinding of t he worldly mill
from hu nger calumny p e rsecution and dream maybe of
he a ve n itsel f and future relie f — surely our pure simple
beds are too sacred to be polluted wi t h the impure con
st r u c t io ns of these vulgar prudes
Or again what more
be auti ful word than woman ? woman man s ruin first and
since then alternately his destroyer and savior ; woman
who consoles raises cherishes refines us ; and yet I must
forge t that you are a woman and only call you a lady
Lady is a beauti ful name a high noble name but it is
”
“
a n dear and near t o m e like
woman
Yet i f I speak
of
ou a a woman you leap up and tel l me you will not
y
stay to be insulted
Poor silly little thing I ga ve you
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Y
G ENTILIT
I N LA NG UAG E
53
.
me I loved best and you not I connected som e
horrid idea with it ; is your mind or mi ne at fault ? Pe r
h a ps th e most delight ful instance of th is indelicate d e li ca
i
o
c y of terms wa s in the case o f the elderly Spi nst e r
—
I
was
told
the
other
day
who kept poul try bu
h
m
o
w
”
hen s compani o n
al ways spoke o f the 0001: as the
In short it amounts to this If it be indelicate to
mention a thing let it never be mentioned by any nam e
whate ver ; i f it be not indelicate to mention it it cannot
be so to use its ordinary pr e per name If legs are
naughty l e t us never speak of them ; if not naughty
why blush to call them legs ? The change of name can
not change the idea suggested by it If legs be a naughty
”
“
idea t ne n no recourse to limbs will save you You
have spoken of legs t hough under another name ; you
thought of legs you meant legs ; you suggested legs to
me under th a t o t her name ; you are clearly an egregiou s
sinner ; you are like the French soldier you will swear
”
by the sap r e me nt saving his wretched little conscienc e
by the change o f a single letter That reminds me of a
”
“
nautical friend who cured hims el f he said of the bad
habit of swearing by using instead of oaths the words
Pot z
Amster
and Schie
mentally re
Rotter
serving the final syllable of these names of towns &c ,
and fully convinced that he did well
That same habit of demi —
swearing is another hit of
r e t ension which i f it cannot be called vulgarity is cer
p
The you ng lady wou l d cut you
tainl y Pharisaical
— for using an oath will neve rt hel es
roperly
enough
p
”
“
cry
bother when her boot lace brea k s or what no t
”
“
But
bother is only the feminine form of yo u r Sa xon
expl e ti ve and means i n r e a li ty j ust as muc h
So km
the
na
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54
THE S PI RIT or
SOCIA L
O B S ERVA N CES
.
you r man who would cut his throat sooner than use a ba d
”
d n
as i f e ve rb dy
word will never t heless write it
did not know what two letters were le ft out There in
g r e a t hypocrisy about these things
But the wors t vulgarity is an assumption of re fine me n
This is common among se r
tn t he choice of language
Ve nts in England and in the lower orders in France and
Germany where it is sometimes very amusing to hea r
fine words murdered and used in any but the right sense
Mrs Mal a prop saves me any trouble of going into details
on this point bu t I may observe that the best speakers
will never use a Latin word where an Anglo Saxon one
”
“
“
”
wi ll do as well ; buy is better than purchase
”
”
than desire and so on T he small gen teel
Wish
ou will observe never speak of rich and poor bu t o f
y
”
“
those of large and those of small means Ano ther sim
“
i l ar piece of fiu mme r
If anything
y is the expression
”
which everybody knows you mean
s hould happen to me
”
“
for
As you do not conceal your
i f I should die
meaning why not speak out bravely ?
Besides in words there is an over r e fine me nt in habit s
Even cleanliness can be exaggerated as in the case of the
Pharisees and the late D uke of Queensbury who would
Our own Queen uses distilled
was h in nothing but milk
water only for her toilet ; but this is not a case in point
since it is for the sake of health I believe with her A
sad case however was that of the lovely Princess A le x
andr ina of Bavaria who died mad from over cleanli ne ss
It began by ex t reme scrupulousness
At dinner s he
would minutely examine her plate and if she saw the
s lightest speck on it would send for anoth e r
She w oul d
then turn the napkin round and round to examine eve r
]
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no
THE
S PI R I T
or SOC IA L o nss a v w e ns
.
think i t mus t be a cknowledged that t his class of b ad
soc iety is found mostly among the upper circles o f soci
ety a n l for the simple reason that except among the m
We
vice is gener a lly accompanied with ba d manners
hav e his t orical proo fs in any quanti t y o f this class being
The vice of courts is proverbial bu t cour t ly
ar istocratic
All the beaux and
manners are reckoned as the best
hal f t he wits on record have led bad lives Chesterfield
himse l f was a dissolute gambler and repented bitterly in
his old age of his past li fe and it is he who says t hat
the best company is not necessarily the most mora l which
determines t he value of l z i s work on Etiquette Ther e
is ho wever some t hing in the vice of this kind of society
wh i ch at once makes it t he most and least dangerous
All vice is here gilded ; i t is made elegant and covere d
with a gloss o f good breeding Men of family have to
mix with ladies and ladies o f family have almost public
re putations to keep u p All t hat is done is s u b r os a
There are none of t he grosser vices admi tted in the pres
ent day There is no drunkenness lit t le or no swearing
no coarseness But there is enough o f gambling still t o
”
“
ruin a young man and the social evil here takes its
most elegant and most seductive form While there fore
on the one hand you may mix in this kind o f society
and s e e and there fore know very little o f its immorality
it s vices when known to you assume a fashionable p r e s
ry e and a certain delicacy wh ich seem to depri ve the n
of t heir grossness and make them the more tempti ng
Le t us there fore call no soc ie t v good till we have sound
ed i ts morals as well as i t s manners ; and this brings u s
to speak of what good society really is
We cannot do this better than by l o oking first into
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soo mrv UN D ER G OOD
Q UEEN
B ESS
57
.
is generally taken as good society I shall t here
fore glance over the state o f society in di fferent ages in
this country and in the present day on the Contine nt
The real civilization o f England can scarcely be dated
earlier than at the R e formation and even th e n the tur
bulent state of the country setting one man s kni fe
against another and leaving when bloodshed was sham ed
ba ck the same deadly hatred showing itsel f in open re
p r e aches and secre t attacks made social gatherings a di f
Henry V II I indeed had
fic u l ty i f not an impossibility
a somewhat jovial court but the country itsel f was fa r t oo
unsettled to j oin much in the merriment In fact up to
the time of Charles I there were but three k inds of se
in
ngland
the
court
around
which
all
the
nobili
c ie t
E
y
ty gathered making London a Helicon of manners ; t he
s mall country gentry who could not come up to London
and the country people among whom manners were as yet
as rude as among the ser fs of Russia i n the present day
In the court there had succeeded to real chivalry a kind
o f false principle o f honor
A man who wore a swor d
was bound to use it Quarrels were made rapidly and
rapidly patched up by re ference to the code of ho nor
With the country gentry the main feature was a rough
hospitality People Spoke their minds in those days with
out reserve and a courtie r was looked on as a cra fty man
whose words served to conceal rather than express his
thoughts A mong the people wa s a yet ruder revelry ,
and the morality was not o f a high kind
The position of woman is that which has always given
The higher that position has
the k ey to civili zation
been raised the more influence has the gentle ness whic h
aris e s from her weakn es s been felt b
the
other
s
x
I
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y
wh a t
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rm: SPI RIT or SO CI AL O B S ERV A N C ES
58
fac t
.
term gentleman only c a me in whe n wom en
were admitted into society on a pa r with men A gon
”
A nd
tl e man wa s a man who could associat e wi th ladies
what was the respect exac ted by and paid to woman be
fo re the time of Ch a rles I the dramatists o f the Eli za
What mus t have b e e r
bothan age tell us in every page
the education o f t he V irgin Queen hersel f who was not
thought very ill of for allo wing Leicester to be her lady s
maid and kiss her wi t hout asking leave and w ho would
have been thought a prude had she obj ected to the gross
s cenes in the masks and plays ac t ed be fore her and found
No t only were things
o ft e n enough even in Shakspere
”
c alled by t heir right names but an insidious innu e ndo
took the place very o ften of bet t er wit and was probably
e nj oyed fa r more
The country gentry lived i n their moated houses at
f
reat
distances
rom
one
ano
t
her
and
the
country
lady
g
was rarely more than a good house wi fe serving a rough
while t he gentlemen drank
hospitality to he r guests
deep swore prett y oaths talked fa r fro m reservedly in
her presence and pleased her most wi t h the broadest com
i
l
m
e nt to her fair form
p
The dignity of Charles introduced a rather more nobl e
bearing among t he men and the Puritans did much to
cl e anse society of its gross familiarities ; but the position
of women was still a very in ferior one and it was not till
the beginning of t he l a st century that they took a promi
There ha d gradually sprun g up
ne nt place in society
an o ther class which gave the tone to manners
Hith e rto
circles and the
there had been in L ondon only t he Court —
bou rg eo i s i e
But as the lesser nobility grew richer and
flocke d to the large towns they began t o form a l arge
th e
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so c rnr r
Y
C ENT UR
THE LAST
IN
59
.
lass apar t from the Court which gradually narrowe d its
circle more and more But good society still meant l i tg li
see i e ty and Chesterfield was right in recommending his
Son to seek out rank and weal t h for those who had i t no
we r e generally badly educated and worse mannered The :
was ho wever one class now rising i nto a separate exist
enc o which the pa t ron o f manners has not overl o oked
It is to tho se men of education and mind who lacking
rank and wealth were still remarkable for the vivacity of
th eir conversation in short to the wits— that we owe the
”
“
origin of our modern middle classes
The Sp e c ta t o r however proves what women were at
this period L ittle educat ed and with no accomplishments
save that o f flirting a fa n the more fashionab l e gave them
selves up to extravagances of dress and were distinguished
for the smartness not the sense of their conversation
They were s t ill unsuited perhaps more so than ever for
the companionship of intellectual men and it was the
elegant t rifl e rs like l Val pol e rather than men of sound
serious minds who made correspondents of them
The
c onsequence was that the men gathered together in clubs
8 species o f evening society which wh ile it fostered wit
destroyed the stage and made a system of gambling a nd
drinking The high society was still the best and it was
: m
among the nobility chie fly that women began to mm
Balls too were no
the amusements o f the other s e x
reserved for Court and the
e nger an en t ertainment
v a nde e s ; and in the balls at Bath under Beau Na sh we
find the first att e mpt to mingle the gentry and bo u rg eo i s ie
It was now
e nd thu s form the nucleus of a middle class
too that mere wealth which could never have brought its
ow ne r into the Court circles or been a su fficient rec om
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THE S PI RIT OF S OC I AL OB S ERV A NC ES.
me ndat io n t o the nobility o f the seventeenth century he
came an authoritative introduction among t he gentry
If England is the only European country which has a
re a l middle class where birth is o f no acc oun t i t is o wi ng
to that law of primogeniture which fr om very remot e
”
gentry
ti mes caused the formation of a clas s kn ow n as
It
which has no equivalent in any Continental country
was this class which belong ing by connexion to the ari s
toc rac y belonged by necessity to the bo urg eo is i e from
From
whom t he v were not distinguished by actual rank
he bou rg e o i s i e indeed t hey kept aloo f as lo ng as possi
ble ; but weal th which could give the gentry a footin g
among the aristocracy could only come from the mercan
t ile clas ses and the rich merchant s daughter who was
married to a country gentleman soon succeeded in bring
ing her relations into his set To wards the end there fore
we find three classes between the
of the last century
“
Court and the people namely the noble the gentle
and the rich ; in o t her words rank birth and we al t l
were the requisites of society The higher cl as ses were
still the best educated but the wealthy looked to educa
tion to fit them for the circles of t he g entry and wome n
b eing better educated took a more important place in so
c ial arrangements
In this century th e s e classes began to draw together
The noble sought wives among the rich ; the rich becam e
gentle in a cou p le of generations ; and th e gentry became
ri ch by marriage
But i f a merchant or successful spe c ulator were a d
witted in higher circles the pro fessional man who coul d
o to Court and had alw ays taken precede n ce of trade
g
Hitherto the liber al professiom
could not be excl uded
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rii s
MI D D LE
61
CLA SS ES
.
had occupied a kind of dependent p ositio n
The clergym an was almost a retainer of the squire s th e
lawyer was the landowner s agent the doct or had h is
f
t en lived on the mon ey gi v
reat
patron
and
the
writer
o
g
on for fulsome dedications to those noblemen and othe r
T he se
who wished to appear in the light of a M ae cenas
dis tinctions however were lost in great cities and the
growth of the population gave to at least thre e of these
pro fessions a publ ic which paid as well as and exacted less
adulation than the oligarchy ; not indeed giving les s
t rouble for we have now a thousand tastes to study in
and if we
s tead o f one a thousand prej udices to respect
do not write fulsome dedications to the public we are no
less compelled to insert every here and there that artful
fl attery which makes J ohn Bull appear in the light of
I do not say the best and most noble — but the richest
most power ful most thriving most honest most amiably
faulty bu t magnanimously vi rtuou s of publics
But I am not flattering you Mr Bull when I tell you
that i n respect of your middle classes you h ave made a
For what doe s
vast step in advance of all other nations
the middl e c l ass mean ? Not twenty years ago it was
t aken to represent only the better portion of the commer
I well re
c ial and lower hal f of pro fessional society
member with what a sneer so me people spoke of a mer
and the gul f that the barrister and physicia n
c hant
asserted to e x ist between them and the lawyer and ge ne
And how is it now ? How many gen
a l practitioner
l e men of old family would now decline an introduction t
How many rather would no
l well educ ated merchant ?
rec ommend t heir sons to be constant visitors on the me r
Is it not the barrister Wil l
chant s wi fe and d a ught e rs ?
and
l iterature
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62
SOCI AL OB SERV A NC ES
THE S PI RIT or
.
Hatters the attorney , and where is the disti nct ic n be
now
tw e en physician and surgeon ? N o ; t h e middle class has
and eve n the landed gentry
an enormous extent n o w
when brought to town min gl e freely and gladly wi h
In fact we are more an )
c mmerc e and the pro fessions
The nobleman takes a par t
more widening our range
ne rship in a brewery on the one hand ; on the other t he
haberdasher sits in Parliament and sends his son to Ox
The gentry throwing over bir t h as a useless com
ford
D ukes
modi ty rush into commerce and the pro fessions
and peers are delighted to make money by writing i f
T he merchant
th ey do not con fess t o wri t ing for money
is at last received a t Court ; t he banker is a peer ; the
t
h
to
W
oolsack
bring
s
s hop boy who has worked his wa
e
y
wi t h him a sympathy for S h e p boys ( p c r f mp s ) which
lessens the gul f between tr ade and aris t ocracy ; and be
holding these and many other wonders you exclaim with
lee
It
is
an
age
of unity cas t e is obliterated and
g
in another fi fty years even the distinction of a title will
be gone and the mi ddle class will comprise all who are
e ducated
Softly softly my friend ; no Utopias if you p l ease
Caste may be abolished in name but it will exist in feel
ing for many an a ge though its limitations be not those
of rank birth and wealth
l Ve used to say at t he uni
versity that the larger a college the smaller its sets and
that you knew more men in a small college than you pos
ibl y could in a large one
It is the same wi t h the middle
or as it is now called the educated class The larger it
w
a
ro
s
the
more
it
will
split
up
in
o
classes
which
m
t
g
y
ha ve no name and may be separated by very slight dis
i nc t ions but which will in reality if not in appearance
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THE SPI RIT or SOCIAL os ss nvm c s s
64
.
has come to mean good for society and there fore
while I premise that the best society is n ot ne w high society
ei ther by wealth birth or distinction I shall also premise
that good society is essentially aristocratic in the sense in
v l i ch we S peak of aristocratic beauty aristocratic bearin g
ar is t ocratic appearance and manners
The first i ndispensable requisite for good society is et l u
“
By this I do not mean the se c a lled finish ed
c a ti o n
”
I think
of a university or a boarding school
e ducation
it will be found that these establishments put their finish
somewhere i n t he middle o f the course ; they may pos
sibl y finish you as fa r as teachers can but the education
which is to fit you for good society must be pursued long
as it ought t o have been begun long
a ft er you leave them
be fore you went to them
This education should have
c ommenced wi th developing the mental po w
ers and espe
A man should be able in
c i al l y the omnp r e /t e n s i o n
order to ( nter into conversation to c atch rapidly t he
meaning o f anything that is advanced for instance though
ou know nothing o f science you should not be obliged to
y
st are and be silent when a man who does understand it is
x l a ini n
p
g a new discovery or a new theory ; though you
nave not read a word o f Blackstone your comprehensive
po wers should be su fficiently acute to enable you to tak e
in the statement that may be made o f a recent caus e ;
though you may not have read some particular book , you
l houl d be capable of appreciating the criticism which you
he ar of it
Wi t hout such a power — simple enough a nd
eas ily attained by attention and practice
yet too seldom
me t with in general society— a conversa t ion which depar ts
fr om the most ordinary te pi c s cannot be maintained wi th
eut the ris k of l aps ing into a lecture
with such a powe l
arut ic
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CULTI V ATI ON or
TASTE
65
.
ety becomes instructive as well as amu si ng and you
have no remorse at an evening s end at having wasted thre e
or four hours in profitl e ss banter or simpering platitud es
This facility of comprehension o ften startles us i n some
women whose education we know to have been poor a nd
If they did not rapidly receiv e
whose r e ading is limited
f
our
ideas
they
could
not
there
ore
be
fit
companions
f
or
y
intellectual men and it is perhap s their consciousness of
a defic i e nc y which lead s them to pay the more at t entio n
It is this which makes married women
to what you say
at much more a greeable to me n o f though t than youn g
ladie s as a rule can be for they are accustomed to t he
soc iety o f a husband and the e ffor t to be a companion to his
mind has e n grafted the habit of attention and ready reply
No le ss important is the cultivation of taste
If it is
t i resome and deadening t o be with people who cannot u n
de rstand and will not even appear to be interested in your
better thoughts it is almost repulsive to find a man still
more a woman insensible to all beauty and immovable by
horror
I
remember
passing
through
the
galleries
an
of
y
Hampt on Court with a lady of this kind i n whom I had
”
“
Ah 2 I exclaimed as
in vain looked for enthusiasm
we are come at
We pas sed into a well k nown gallery
”
ast to Raphael s c artoons
”
Are we ? she asked languidly as we sto od in the
“
resenc
of th ose gr a n
d
conceptions
D
ea
r me
h
e
o
w
p
high the fountain s playing in the court
In t h e prese nt day an acquaintance with art ev e n i f
ou have no love for it is a s i n e gu t n o n of go od society
y
Music and painti ng are subjects which will be discuss ed
It is only in bad society
in every direction around you
tha t pe ople go to the Opera co nce rt s and art ex hibi tio ns
soc i
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66
THE SPI RIT OF SOCI A L OB SERV A N CES
.
merely because i t is the f ashion or to say they have been
there ; a nd i f you con fessed to such a weakness in real ly
good society you would be j ustly voted a puppy For
this too some book kno wledge is indispensable You
should a t least know t he names o f the more celebrate d
composers arch i tects scu l ptors and so forth and
artis ts
s hould be abl e to approximate their several schools
”
I have j ust bough t a Hobbema was said to Mrs B
said she
What shall you put into it
the other day
he ping to conceal her ignorance
So too you should kno w pretty accurately the pronu n
c i a t io n o f celebrated names or
if not take care not to
An acquain t ance of mine is always talking
use them
about pi c tures and asks me how I like H annibal Ca r ra x i
and Glz u rl a ndag o It was the same person who seeing at
”
“
the bot t om of a rare engraving the name Raphael Mengs
“
Beauti ful thing in
s aid in a kind Of musing rapture
deed quite in Raphael s earlier style you can trace the
”
influence of Perugino in that figure
S O too it will
never do to be ignorant Of the names and approxi mate
a ges of great composers especially in L ondon where music
is so highly appreciated and so common a theme It will
be decidedly condemnatory if you talk of the n e w Opera
“
”
D on Giovanni or Ros s in i s Trovatore or are igno
”
rant who composed
Fidelio and in what op e ra occu r
”
such common pieces as
Ciascun lo dice or Il segreto
I do not say that these tr ifie s are indispensable and whe t
a man has better knowledge to Ofie r especially with genius
“
”
or
cleverness to back it he will not only be pa rdon e d
for an ignorance o f them but can even take a high ton e
and pro fess indi ff rence or contempt o f them
But at t he
som e t ime such ignorance stamps an ordinary man and
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CON V ERSA I I ON
61
.
hinders conv e rs ati on On the other hand the best society
will not endure diletta ntism and whatever th e kno wl edge
a man may possess of any art he must not display it so
as to make the ignorance o f others pain ful to them
We
are gentlemen not picture —dealers But thi s applies t
To have only one or t wo subjects to c onve r se
every te pic
on and to discours e rather than t alk on them is a l wa s
y
ill bred whether the theme be literature or horse fl e sh
T he Newmarket lounger would probably denounce the
“
”
fe rmer as
a bore and call us pedan ts for dwelling on
it ; but if as is too Often the case he can give us nothing
”
“
more general than a discussion Of the
points Of a
mare that perhaps we have never seen , he is as great a
pedant in his way
Re a s o n plays a less conspicuous part i n good society
because its frequenters are too reasonable to be mere
A disputation is al ways dangero us to temper
reasoners
an d tedious to those who cannot feel as eager as the dis
u t a nts
; a discussion on the other hand in which every
p
body has a chance of stating amicably and unobtrusively
his or her Opinion must be of frequent occurrence But
to cultivate the reason besides its high moral value has
the advantage of enabling one to reply as well as attend
to the O pinions of others Nothing is more tedious or dis
”
hearte ning than a perpetual Yes j ust so and nothing
more Conversation must nev e r be one sided
Th e n
ag a in the reason enables us to support a fan c v or Opini on
To re ply
wh e n we are a sked why we think so and s o
“
I don t know but till I think so is silly in a man
But there is a part Of o ur edu
and tedious i n a woman
ca tion so important a n d so neglected i n our schools a nd
colleges th at i t cannot be too highly impressed on p aren t!
.
,
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68
r u n SP IRIT OF SOCI AL OB SE RV A NCES
.
on the one hand and young people on t he other I mea n
that which we learn first o f all things yet Often have not
learned fully when D eath eases us of the neces sity the
What can Greek a nd
art o f speaking our o wn language
La tin French and German be for us in our every day
li fe if we have not acquired this ? We are Often e nc ou r
aged to raise a laugh at D octor Syntax and the tyranny
o f Grammar but we may be certain that more mis u nde r
and there fore more di fficulties arise betwee n
standin gs
me n i n the commonest intercourse from a want of gram
m e tical precision than from any other cause It was onc e
the fashion to neglect grammar as i t now is with certain
Of Goethe a
and
i
n
the
days
e ople to write illegibly
p
man thought himsel f a genius if he could spell badly
Ho w much this simple knowledge is neglected in England
even among the upper classes is shown by the results Of
the examinations for the army and the civil servi ces ; how
valuable it is i s now generally acknowledged by men Of
Precision and accuracy must begin in t he
sound sense
very outset ; and i f we neglect them in grammar we shall
scarcely acquire them i n expressing out thoughts But
since there is no society wi thout interchange Of thought
and since the best society is that in which the bes t thoughts
are interchanged in the best and most comprehensible man
ne r it follows that a proper mode o f e x pressing ourselves
is indispensable to good society
There is one poor neglected letter the subj ect of e
poe t ical C harade by Byron which people in the pr ese nt
day have made the test of fitness for good society
For
my part I would sooner associate with a man who dropped
th a t eighth l ett er of our alphabet than with one who spok e
bad gra mmar and expressed himsel f ill
But if he has
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LA N G UA G E
69
,
learned t o pronounce a letter prop erly it is sc ar c ely
r
o bable that he will have studied the art o f spe e ch at all
p
It is amusing to hear the inge n ious excuses made by
“
Mrs
A
one
person
tell
s
eo ple for th i s neglect
p
is
a
woman
You
must
not
o f excellent ed ucation
( u
y
he su r prised at her dr o pping he r l t s it i s a Sta ffordsh i re
”
I
habi t and she has l i ved all her li fe i n that county
fa ncy that it is not S t a ffordshire or any other shire that
It is simply a habit of ill
c a n be s addled with the fault
bred people every where throughout the three king dom s
It is a pee n
fi
l m is the plea Of dialect any real excuse
ti a rit y Of Middlesex d ialec t to put a v for a w and a w
[or a v
Would any one on that account present Mr
S ami ve l V eller as a gentle man of good education with a
Good society
s light peculiarity Of dialect in his speech ?
u ses the same language everywhere and dialec t s ought t o
be got rid of in those who would frequent it
The langua ge
of Burns may be very beauti ful in poetry and the bal
l ads Of Moore may gain much from a strong Irish brogue
but if we Obj ect t o L ondon slang in conversation we have
as much right to Object to local peculiarities which mak e
your spe e ch either incomprehensible or ridiculous ; and
c ertain it is that the persons whose strong n ationality i n
duces them to retain their Scotch or Irish idiom and
a ccent are always ready to protes t against Americanisms
ch bothered i f a Yorkshi re landowner
a nd would be very m u
we re to introduce his local drawl into the dra wing room
Loca l ism is not patriotism and there fore until the Union
is di s solved we must request people to talk English in
Engli sh society
The art Of expressing one s thoughts neatly and su i ts
bly is one which in the negl ec t of rhetoric as a s t udy we
no t
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70
T HE s
ma rt
SOCIA L
OF
OB S ERV A NC ES
.
must pra ctice for ourselve s The commonest t l ou gh t
well pu t is more use ful in a social poi nt o f view than t he
mos t bri lliant idea j umbled out What is well e xpresse d
is easily seized and there fore readily responded to ; t h
mos t p oetic fancy may be lost to the hearer i f the lan
t
f
Speech
is
the
gi
u a ge which c onveys it is obscure
g
which distinguishes man from animals and makes society
possible He has but a poor appreciation of his high pri
God s
vil e ge as a human being who neglects to cultivate
”
great gi ft Of speech
As I am not Writing fo r men of genius but for ordina
ry beings I am righ t to state th at an indispensabl e part
But
of education is a knowledge of English literature
ho w to read is for society more important than wh a t we
read The man who ta kes up nothing but a newspaper
but reads it t o th in k to deduct conclusions from its pre
mises and form a j udgment on its Opinions is more fi t ted
for society than he who havi ng a large box regul arly
fro m Mu die s and devoting his whole day to its con t e nts
s wallows it all without digestion
In fact t he min d must
be treated like the body and however great i t s a ppetite
it will soon fall into bad health i f it gorges but does not
ruminate At t he same time an acquaintance wi t h the
best current literature is necessary to modern society and
it is not su fficient t o have read a book without being abl e
to pass a j udgment on it
Conversation on literature i
“
impossible when your respondent can only sa
Yes I
”
like t he book but I really don t know why
Or what c an
we do wi t h the young lady whose literary stock is as lim
ite d as that Of the daughter o f a late eminent member of
P arliament whom a friend Of mine had once to ta k e down
to dinner ?
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72
T HE S P I Rl T o r s e e
m
o c s s RV A NoEs
.
.
r
n
d
a
e
ome
and
oreign
politics
with
current
history
ev
f
y
h
a
ubject
passing
interest
is
absolutely
necessary
and
;
of
s
pe rson of su fficien t intelligence to j oin in good society c an
not dispense wi t h his daily newspaper his literary j our
es
w
the
principal
quarterly
revie
s
and
magazin
n
d
ml a
The cheapness of every kind o f l iterature the fac il it iet
of our well st o red circulating libraries our public reading
e
ooms
and
numerous
excell
nt
lectures
on
every
possibl
e
r
e
r
f
o
ubj
ect
leave
no
excuse
to
poor
or
rich
an
ignoranc
s
You
o f any of t he topics discussed in intellectual society
may forget your L atin G reek French Germ a n and
Mathematics but i f you frequent good company you wil l
a e ve r be allowed to forget that you are a citi zen of t h(
world
The respect fo r m or a l c h a r a c t er is a distinguis h i ng
mark o f good society in this country as compared with that
No rank no wealth no celebr ty will
o f the Con t inent
i nduce a well bred English lady to admit to her drawing
r oom a man or wo man whose character is k nown to be
Society is a severe censor pitiless and remorseless
ba d
The woman who has once fallen the man who has onc e
lost his honor may repent for years ; good society shuts
Perhaps t his is the
it s doors on them once and for ever
enl y case in whi ch the best society is antagonistic to Chris
but in e xtenuation it must be remembered tha
t ia n i t y
there is no court in which to try thos e who sin against it
Society itsel f is the court i n which are j udged those man
offences which the law cannot reach and this inclemency
) f the world this exile fo r li fe which it pronounc e s must
b e regarded as the only deterrent against certain sin s
There is little or no means o f punishing the seducer the
che a t , the habitual drunkard and gambler and me n a nd
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MORAL
wome n who
°
ndu l
C
H ARA CTER
73
.
illi cit pleasures e xcept thi s one
verdict o f perpetual expulsion pronounced
g ood soci e t y
O ft en is i t given without a fair tri a l on the re ; ort of a
slanderer ; o ften it falls upon the wrong head ; o ft e n i t
o ves its inj ustice in ignoring the vic e s of one and fu l
m
minat ing against those o f another ; o ften by its i mplac i
bil ity dr i ves the o ffender to despai r and makes the one
f lse step lead to the ruin of a li fe : but i t m u st be r e
mem be red what interests society has to protect —the puri
t
of daughters wives and sis t ers the honor of sons ; it
y
m ust be allowed that i ts means o f obtaining evidence is
and that on the other hand it cannot insti
very sligh t
tute an inquisition into the conduct o f all its members
s i nce the mere suspicion which such an inquiry would e x
c ite is s udi c i e nt to ruin a character that might prove t o
Society then 18 forced to j udge by common
be innoc e nt
dge wrongly it gene
r epo r t and though it may o ften j u
r ally errs on the sa fe side
What it still wan t s and must
erhaps
always
want
is
some
check
on
the
slander
and
p
c alumny which misleads its j udgment
We want so me
tribunal which wi t hout blasting a reputation can call to
ac count the low sneak who lounges into a club —room and
“
actuated by pique whispers into a frind s c ar in strict
est confidence some silly slur on a lady s character
knowing that it will pass from mouth to mouth growin g
bigger a nd bigger and that it can never be traced back ta
the original utterer
We want to put down thos e o ld
na ids and dowagers who shake their cork —
screw ringl e ts
t the mention of a name and look as if they knew a
r eat deal which they would not tell
want
gossip
W
e
g
and scandal to be held a sin as it is already held bad
tas te and a higher tone which shal l reject as inventions
i
n
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4
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'
THE s p rmr o r so c i A L o ns nnv a n os s
74
.
house stories of grooms and lacqueys and r e ce ive
How
wi t h greater caution t he gossip of the club room
ma ny a fai r fame of a vir t uous girl is ruined by the mar
l IC has rej e ct ed , how many an Iago lives and thrives in
t o the present day ; how many a young man i s
OCl C t
y
blackened by a rival ; ho w many a man we meet in t he
best circles whose chambers are the scene of debauchery ,
or who carries on an illicit connexion in secret une x posed
These things make us bitter t o the world but i f we can
not see the remedy we must endure them silently Oh
if the calumniator male or female could be hanged as
high as Haman if the ninth commandment like the
eighth could be puni shed wi t h death many a hope ful os
reer were not blighted at its outset many an innoce nt
woman were not driven from her home and thrust int o
the very j a ws o f sin and the world would be happier and
far more Chris t ian
In the meantime good society discountenances gossip
and t hat is all it can do for the present Fathers and
husbands must be care ful whom they introduce to thei r
fam ilies and every one should beware how the y r ep e a t
what has been told them of their neighbors There is in
the church of VVal t on ou —Thames a kind of iron gag
made to fit upon the face and bearing this inscription
the pot
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Th ys is
For
th e women
of
Wal ton
a
brydel
wh o sp ea ke
so
ydel
’
.
I k n ow not what poor creature blasted by a venomous
tongu e invented and gave to the church this quai nt
reli c
1 only wish that every parish church had one and
that every slanderer might be forced to wear i t
One !
di d I say ? we should want a hundred in so me pa rish es,
all in use a t the sam time
,
,
,
.
e
75
TEMPER
.
discou rteous but well —merited reply which I heard
the other day reminds me that good t e mper is an essen
tial o f good society A young lady irritated because a
gentleman would not agree with her on some matter l e t
Oh Mr A— yo u
i c r balance and irritably exclaimed
’
You are right
h a ve only two ideas in your head
replied the gentleman
I have only two ideas and en
"
of them is that you do not know how to behave yoursel f
Temper has a great deal to answer for and it would
tak e a volume to discuss i ts e ffect on the affairs of t he
world It is a vice of old and young of both sexes of
high and low even I may say of good and bad though a
person who has not conquered it scarcely merits the name
though he should regenerate mankind Mon
of good
a rchs have lost kingdoms maidens lovers and everybody
friends by the irritation of a moment and in society a
display of ill temper is fatal to harmony and thus de
stroys the fir st princ i ple o f social meetings We pardon
it we overlook it and sometimes it even amuses us but ,
sooner or later it must chill back love and freeze friend
In short it makes society unbearable and is j ustly
s hip
pronounced to be disgustingly vulgar I used once to
frequent the house of a man who had every requisite fo r
being charming but that of a command of temper He
gave dinner parties which ought to have been most plea s
He was well educated well in formed well manner ed
an t
The first time I dined with hi m
in every other respect
be fore I had seen anything o f this failing I was h orror
Con found you
struck by hearing him say to a serv ant
will you take that dish to the other end
Of cour se 1
mid n o attention but h e ping to cover him talked lou dly
and e agerly
It was useless The servant blundere d
A
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76
THE SPI RIT or SOCIA L OB SERV ANC ES
.
and the master thundered till at last there was a dea d
silence round the table and we all looked down into ou r
The
mistress
o f the house made the matter wo rs c
l
a te s
p
“
My dear Charles do be mod e
by putting in at last
”
and the irritable man only increased the awkward
ra te
I overlooked this and dine »
ness by an irri t able reply
th e re again but only once This time it was his daugh
ter who o ffended by some innocent remark
Really you r e
”
quite a fool J ane he said turning savagely upon her
Our appetites were
and the poor gi rl burst into tears
Spoiled our indignation rose and though we sat through
the dinner we all of us probably repeated Solomon s
proverb about a dry morsel where love is and a stalled
ox wi th contention thereby which I for one interpreted
to mean that my c hOp and pint of ale at home would for
the future be far more app et i t l i ch than my friend s tur
tle and turbot
As there is nothing to which an Englishman clings so
ten aciously as his Opinions there are fe w things which
re use the temper so rapidly as an argument In good
soc i ety all disputation is eschewed and particularly that
which involves party politics and sectarian religion It is
at leas t wise to discover what are the vie ws of your com
pany be fore you venture on these subj ects Z eal ho w
must as St P aul warns us o ften be
e ver well me a nt
sacrificed to peace
; and where you cannot ag ree a n i
fe e l that to reply would lead you into an argument it is
be st to be silent
At the same time there are some c c
ca s i ons where silence is s e r vi l
No man should sit stil
i n be ar sacred things blasphemed or his friend abused
The gentleman must yield to the Man where an ath eis t
reviles Christianity a Chartist abuses the Queen or a n
y
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77
TEM PER
speak s ill of t he listener s friend or re l a tic n Even
then he best marks his indignation by rising and leavin g
the room Nor need any man fear the i mputatio n of
cowardice if he curbs his anger a t direct abuse of him
”
“
A so ft answer turneth away wrath ; and if he
S lf
c annot check his own feelings su fficiently to reply i n
tone
no
one
can
blam
c mc i l ia tor
e him i f cooly and p o
y
l i l c ly he e x presse s to his antagonist his Opinion o f his
bad manners The feeling o f the company will alway s
go wi th the ma n who keeps his temper for not only do e s
socie t y feel that to vent wrath is a breach of its laws but
it knows that to conquer one s —sel f is a fa r more di fficul t
task than to overcome an enemy ; and that there fore t he
man who keeps h is temper is really strong and truly
courageous In fact the Christian rule is here ( as it
should al ways be
that
o f society
a nd the man who of
;
)
fers his le ft ch e ek to the blow displays not only t he
rarest Christian virtue but the very finest politeness
which while it teems wi t h delicate irony at once disarm s
t he at t acker and enlists the pity and sympathy i f not
the applause of the bystanders Of course I speak of
b lows metaphorically
A blow with the hand is rarely if
ver given in good society
Another case in which the Christian and the social
rule coincide if not in reality at least in appearance i s
”
“
cut as a nec e s
tha s f pri vate animosi ties
Of the
sary social weapon I shall speak elsewhere
but t s ow
Bu ffive s to say that when given for the first time with a
V i e w to breaking off an acquaintance
it should not be
done conspicuously nor be fore a number of people Its
object is not to wound and cause c on fus re n but to mak e
”
“
known to the person ou t that your feelings toward s
body
’
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78
THE SPI RI T or SC J I AL
OB s r RV A NOEs
.
him are changed In good society no one ever cuts ano
the r i n such a manner as to be generally remarked and
t he reason is obvious : It causes a wk wardness a n l co n fa
It is worse
B e twee n
s i on i n the rest o f the company
a guest and host t h e relation is supposed to be frie ndly
if not so it can al ways be immediately discontinued ; s )
hat generally the ill wi ll must be bet ween one guest and
a no t her unde r t he same roo f
But what does it t hen
Is it not a slur upon your host s j udgment ?
amount to ?
“
Is it not as much as to say
This man is unfit for me
to know ; and since you are his friend you m u st be un
”
7
At any rat e it is morti fying to a
worthy of me too
host to find that he has brought two enemies together
and with the respect due from a guest to a host you must
There
abstain from making his ho u se a field of battle
is no occasion for hypocrisy Politeness cold and distant
;f you like it can cost you no t hing and is never taken to
mean friendship In short harmony and peace are t he
rules o f good soci ety as of Chris tianity and its denizen s
can and do throw aside t he most bi t ter enmities whe n
meeting on the neutral ground o f a friend s house N0
is t he armis t ice wi t hout its value L ike that betwee n
Aus t ria and France i t is not un fre q uently follo wed by
overtures o f peace ; and I have known two people who
had not interchanged t wo words fo r a score o f years
s hake hands be fore they le ft a house where the y had bee n
Had they not been w e ll
a ccidentally brought together
bred this reconciliation could never have taken place
The relations of guest to guest are not so well under
There you r
s tood in t his country as on the Continent
host s friends are for the time yo u r friends When you
e nte r a room y ou have a right to speak to
and be ad
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80
THE S PI RIT or
S OCIAL o ns nnva nc ns
.
How little you thi nl
heard the tale repeated
So
too
whe
n
ou a r e telling a story a gainst yoursel f
y
Arabella speaking o f Charles with whom she has qua :
tells me so proudly I cut him last night de a d
ro ll e d
”
to his utter con fusion l
and be fore the whole party
“
He may richly have deserved the
whi sper to mysel f
”
unishmen
t bu t I would not have been the executioner
p
In fact whether as host or guest we must remember t he
fe e lings o f the rest o f the company and that a show of
animosity bet ween any o f them al ways mars t he sense of
eace
f
ul
enj
oyment
f
or which all have met
To
pick
3
p
u a rre l to turn your back on a person to c u t him openly
l
or to make audible rem a rks on him are displays of tem
e r only found in vulgar society
p
The other requisi t es ind i spensable for good society wil
be found in var ious chapters of this work Confidence
calm and good habits are t rea t ed in the chapter on car
Good manners is more or less the subj ect of t he
ri age
whole book and appropria t e dress another indispensable
Accomplishments on which
is discussed under t hat head
I have given a chap t er are not generally considered in
dispensable and cer t ainly a ma n or woman of good educ a
t ion and good bree ding could pass muster without them
But they lend a great charm to society and in some cases
a re a very great a ssistance to it
Indeed there are some
a ccomplishments an ignorance of which may prove e x
Perhaps ho wever the most valu able
tre me l y a wkward
a complish ment or ra t her art especially in persons of
full a ge is that of making society easy and of e nt er tai n
ing
M i c e and hints for this will be given in various
se c tions bu t I may here say that it is an a rt whi c h de
mands no li t tle l a bor and i ngenui ty and if anybo dy
“
when I
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TO D INNER G 1 va ns
-
81
.
host a nd hostess are sinecures
he is greatly mis taken The great principle is that o f
mo vement Accor ding t ) the atomic theory warmth and
brilliance a r e gained by the rapidity of the at ms abo u
We are only atoms in society a ft er a l l an
one ano ther
we cer t ai nly get bo t h warmth and brilliance when we re
But it is rather
s ol ve round each oth e r in the ball room
mental movement t hat I re fer to j ust now although t he
other is by no means unimportant and the host and hostes s
should when possible be continually shi fting their p laces
e asily and grac e fully talking to everybody more or less
and inducing others to move But there must be some
thing for the minds of those assembled to d well upon
something to suggest thought and thus generate convers a
tion If the host or hostess ha ve t he mse l ves the talent
they should do t his by con t inually leading the conversation
not a ft er the manner of Sydney Smith who while dinne r
wa s going on allowed Mackintosh Je ffrey and Stewart to
fall into vehement discussion while he himsel f quietly
made an excellent meal and prepared for bet ter things
The moment the cloth was removed which wa s done in
those days the j ovial wit happier than his companion s
“
feast of reason and the flow
who had had more o f the
”
than of bee f and mutton would look up and
of soul
mak e some totally irrelevant and irresistible rem a rk and
havi ng once raised t he laugh would keep an easy lead of
But if they have not th i s
the c onversation to the end
a rt i t is highly desirable t hat dinner givers should in vi t e
th ei r regular talker who like the Roman parasite m con
sideration o f a good dinner will al ways be re a dy with a
fresh te pic in case o f a lull ia the conversation and a l ways
be able to nt rodu c c it wi t h something smart and li ve ly
truagine s th at t he
o fi ce s o f
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4 s
82
THE S PI RIT
so c u n c s s nn va n c s s
or
.
There is a hotel in the city where a certai n num be r i f
”
“
on hand with a
b roken down ecclesiastics a r e al ways
couple of sermons in pocket If a clergyman is c a ll ed
suddenly out of town or t aken ill on t he Saturday nigh t
or hindered from preaching by any accident he has onl y u
send do wn a messenger and a reverend gentleman flies t
him : the sermon is at his service for the sum o f one
guinea or less Would it not answer t o insti tut e a si mi la r
establishment for the benefit o f dinner —givers ? The o nly
”
question the cleric asks is
High or low ? He has a
”
”
“
se rmon in each pocket high in the right low in the
l oft and produces the pr Oper article if he does not by
mistake forget which is i n which and as t ound an evangel
”
cal congregation with the symbols of the Church or
”
“
a Tractarian one with the doctrine o f elec t ion
In
the same way the c o n vi va would be al ways ready in full
dress at sixin the evening and having put t he question
”
Serious or gay Whig or Tory ? bring out his witticisms
a ccordingly
We do everything now a days with money
Mr Harker gives out our toasts our servants carve a nd
give out t he wine for us The host sits at the head or side
of his t able and only smiles and talks
The n e xt gene
ration will make a further improvemen t and the host will
hi re a gen t leman to do even the smiling and talking or
like the Emperor Augustus he will j ust look in on his
guests at the middle of dinner ask i f the e ntr e mote:
are g ood and go to his easy —
chair again in the library
Of t he art of entertaining on various occasions I shal
treat und e r the prOpe r heads and we come now t o the dis
pensables of good society whic h I take to be weal t h rank
bir t h and talent
Of birth there is little to say because if a man is fit
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H
M ERE WEALT
88
.
good s ocie ty it can make very little di ffe rence whethe r
his f ather were a chimney sweep or a ch ancellor at least to
Indeed to insis t on good birth in Eng
se nsible people
l and would not only shut vou out from enj oying t he socie ty
i f people of no ordinary stamp but is now generally c o n
sid ere d as a cowardly way o f asserting yo u r superiority
A you ng lady said to me the other day
I wonder you
”
”
Well
ca n visit the O s ; their mother was a cook
“
said I
it is evident she did not bring them up in t he
”
ki t chen
My interlocutrix wore the name of a celebrated
poet and was of one of the oldes t families in England
bu t I con fess that I t hou ght her r emark that o f a snob
the more so as t he O s happened to be the most agreeable
people I k new
f
f
The advantages o wealth are considerable in the or
mation of soci ety
In this country where hospitality
eans eating and drinking it demands money to receive
m
your friends ; and in London where a lady can with dif
fic u l ty walk in the streets unaccompanied a carriage of
some sort in which to visit them becomes almost a n e c e s
if
you
are
to
m
i
But
goo
si t
x much in the world
d
y
society would be very limited i f every man required hi
In the metropolis again a man
l rou gha m or cabriolet
and if
e r va nt is almost ind i s pensable t hough not quite
you have the moral courage to do without one you will
fi nd that your small dinners — always better than large
be more quietly served by women than by me n
“
feel
Gondone rs h ave still to learn that large pompous
”
are neither agreeable nor in good taste and t ha t
age
eve n i ng mee t ings for the purpose o f conversation with as
ii tt l c ceremony as possible are far l e ss tediou s l es s bili ous.
and less expe ns ive
fo r
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THE S PI rt I T OF S OC IAL
JB S ERV A N C ES
.
do these things better in Paris where the l inner
The
re
a rty is a n in t roduction o f the n o n ve a u r T i c /Les
p
the £ 300 A year does not exclude i t s o wners from the e n
They
m
a
o me n t o f he bes t even t he highest socie t y
y
j y
he asked to every ball and dinner o f t he season and a re
A e o it u r e d e r e m i s s is
not expected to return them
t h e m even to the Tuileries
ood
enough
to
take
Th
e
g
s i ze o f t heir apartment is no obstacle to their assembling
If the roo ms
their friends simp l y fo r tea and conversation
are elegan tly furnished and a 1 1 a nge d a nd the lady of the
house understands the art o f receiving and selects her
guests rather f01 their manners and c onve 1 sat i ona l po wers
than for position or weal t h t heir re ce p tion may become
fashionable at no further expense than t hat o f a fe w imple
re freshments which are handed about Even d a nces are
given without suppers and no one cares whet her you r
household consists of a dozen lacqueys or a couple of maid
servan t s
”
Mere wealth says Mr Hay ward truly enough can
do little unless it be of magni t ude su fficient to co nst itute
”
celebrity
He might have added that wealth withou t
breeding ge ne 1 a l l y dr a ws t he attention o f others to t he
want o f tast e of it s possessor and gives envy an obj ect to
sneer at I remember an instance of this in a woman who
had recently with her husband returned from Aus t ralia
with a large fortune I met her at a ball in Paris : she was
mag nificently almost regally dressed and as she swept
“
through the rooms people whispered
That is t he r i c h
Mrs
I had not b e en introduced to her and had no
desire to be so but I could not esc a pe her vu l gari ty
On
going to fetch a cup o f chocolate from the bu ffet for my part
ner I had to pass within a yard o f Mrs
who was
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RA N K
85
orging
ices
amid
a
crowd
of rathe r in ferior F1 e nc hmc n
g
,
there was not the slightest fear of my Spilling the chocola te,
and I was too far from her to S poil her dress had I b ee n
awkward enough to do so ; but as I passed back She sud
Monsi e ur Mon
l e nl y screamed out in very bad French
Of course
sieur q uoi faites vous vous g t e ry mon robe
everybody looked round I bowed low and begged he r
a rdon assuring her that there wa s not the sligh test cause
p
for alarm ; but She was not sa t isfied and while I beat a
retre at I heard her loud voice denouncing me as a stupid
and so forth and I soon found that Mrs
fellow
”
was pronounced to be atrociously vulgar as well as
immensely rich
I cannot think that ra nk is a recommendation to a man
Not every nobleman is a
with any but vulgar people
gentleman and fewer still perhaps bear that charac ter that
would entitle them to a free e n tr ee among the well bred
On the o t her hand rank is a costly robe which must be
worn as modestly as possible not to spoil that feeling of
Som e
equality which is necessary to the ease of society
de ference must be paid to it and the man of rank who
cannot forget it will find himsel f as much in the way in
a party of untitled people as an elephant among a troop
If titles were as common in England as on
of j ackals
the Continent there would be less fear of a host devotin g
himsel f to My Lord to the neglect of his other guests or
of those guests centering the i r attention on the one sta r
In Paris it is only in the vulgar circles of the Cha u ss ze
”
Monsieur l s Comte or Monsieur le
d Au ti n that
”
Marquis is S hown o ff as a l i on ; and in the we l l bre d
cir cles in this country the nobleman must be c ontent wit h
r
ec ede nce and the plac e of honor and for t he rest be as
p
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86
THE S PI RIT or
SOC IA L OB SE RV ANCES
.
one of the company In Sou t hern Germany the di st i no
tion is the other way ; t he S imple H e r r is almost as re
markable as the man of title i n England In fact c very
body admitted to what is there called good society has
so me title whether by birth or o ffice ; and a man mus t be
hi ghly distinguished by talents or a chievements to have
I found that the Esqui re afte r
the e n tr ee o f t he Court
my name was generally translated by Baron the tra de s
men raised it to Gra f or Count ; and the people who
knew all about it called me Herr Esquire von
Something in the same way are military titles allotted to
civilians in some parts of America A store keeper be
”
comes Major ; a merchant Colonel and a man of
”
General
Whom you are to ask a favor is al ways a
If
Nothing can be more ill j udged than lion hunt i ng
the premise with which I set out that society re q uires
Teal or apparent equality be true a nything which raises
The men
a person on a pedestal u n fit s him fo r society
of genius are rarely gi fted with social qualities and the
only society suited to them is that o f others of the same
calibre If Shakspere were alive and I acquainted with
h1m I would not ask him to an evening party ; or if I
did so it should be with huge Ben and hal f a dozen more
”
“
from the
Mermaid and they should have strict inj une
tions not to e ngross the conversation
If you must have
a literary lion at your receptions you should manage to
have two or three for you may be sure that they will be
ha ve less arrogantly in one another s presence ; or per
haps a better plan still is to invite a score o f critics to
me et him ; you will th e n find your show beas t as tracta
bl e and as quiet as his name sake in the caresses of V an
Amburg or Wombwell
The man of science agai n has
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88
THE SPI RIT OF SC GI AL OBSERV A N C ES
.
mee t ings there are mental quali ties nearly allied to it
which are the bes t we can bring t o them I mean a thi l k
ing mind and a ready wit The most agreeable men a nd
e n are t hose wh o t hink out o f socie t y as well as in it
a
h ose who have mind without a ffectation and talen t s wi th
on ; conceit , t hose who have formed and can form fresh
Opinions on every subject and t o whom a mere word se rv e s
as the springing board from w hich to rise to ne w trains of
thought Where people of this kind meet together t he
commonest subj ects become mat t ers of interes t and t he
c onversa t ion grows rapidly to brilliance even without pos
The man to whose mind everything is a sug
i t i ve wit
gestion and whose words suggest something t o everybody
is the best ma n for a social mee t i n g
We have now seen what are and what are not the re
High
moral
character
a
polished
u is it e s fo r good society
q
education a per fect command of temper good breeding
delicate feeling good manners good habits and a good
bearing are indispens able
Wit accomplishments and
social talents are great advantages t hough not absolutely
necessary On the o ther hand birth is l ost sight of whil e
wealth rank and distinction so fa r from being desirable ,
must be care fully handled not to be positi vely objection
able We are now there fore enabled to o ffer a definition
of good society
It is the meeting on a footing of equal
ity and for the p urpose of mutual entertainment o f me n
of women or men and women together of go o d c haracte r
o
o
d
educatio
n
and
good
breeding
g
But what is the real spirit of the Obser vanc e s whic h
this society requires of i ts frequenters for the preserva
tion of harmony and t he easy in t ercourse of all of th e m ?
Certainl y one may have a spotless reputation a good ed
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Y
D EFI N I TION
OF G OOD S OCI ET
89
.
and good breeding w thou t bein g ei the r go o d IL
But i f we examine t he la ws Wh CIl
reality or a Chris t ian
good society lays down for our guidance and governa nc e
we shall find without a doubt that they are those which a
desiring to regulate the meetings of a
si mple Chris t ian
number of people who lacked the Christian feeling wc u ld
dictate I am of course quite aware that good society
will never make you a Christian You may be charmin g
in a party and every one may pronounce you a per fec t and
agreeable gen t leman but vou may go home and get pri
f
intoxicated
or
beat
your
wi
e
or
be
cruel
to
you
va t e l
r
y
children If society fi nds you o u t be sure it will punish
y o u ; but society has no right to search your house and
intrude upon your hearth and as you say it may be lon g
But a s f a r a s i ts j u r i s di c t io n
be fore it fin ds you out
good society can compel you if not to be a
ex t e n ds
Christian at le a st to act like one The di fference bet wee n
the laws of God and the la ws of men is that the forme r
a dress the heart from which the ac t s proceed the latter
which can only j udge from what they see determine the
The one waters the
acts without reg a rd to the heart
root t he other the branches
The laws of socie ty are framed by the unanimou s con
sent of men and in al l essential points they di ffer very
li ttle all over the world The Turk may show his p0
l ite ness by feeding you with his fingers the Englishma n
by carving your portion for you ; but the same S piri t dic
ta tes bc th— the S pirit of friendliness of goodwill Thus
though the laws of society are necess a rily imper fect a re
moulded by traditional an d local custom and are addres s
ed t o the outer rather than the inner man their sp ir i t
The considerations which di c tat e
invariabl y the same
ne a t i c n
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90
r nr
s r rnrr
oF
SOC I AL onss nv
m c ns
.
them a re reducible to t he s ame law a nd t his law [ ro ve s
to be the fund a men tal one o f Chris t ian doc t rin e Th us
what the hea t hen arri ves at only by l a ws fram ed for t he
c om fo rt o f socie t y we possess a t once in virt u e of ou r re
And i t is a grea t glory fo r a Chris t i a n to be abl
ligio n
t say tha t all refinemen t and all ci viliza t ion le a d me n
—
n
as
heir
conver
s
ation
is
co
cerned
to t ht prac t ice
r
t
f
s
a
a
It is a great sa t is fac t ion t o fe e l that
of Christianity
Christianity 1 8 eminently the religion of civil ? a t io and
Socie t y
The great l a w which dis t ing uishes Christ anity from
every o t her creed t ha t o f bro t herly love and sel f denial
is essen tially the l a w which we find at the basis of all so
The fi rst m axim of poli t eness is t o be
c ia l Observances
agreeable t o everybody even a t t he ex p ense o f one s o wn
com fort Meekness is the most beau t i ful vir t ue of the
Chris t ian ; modesty the most commendable in a well bre d
man Peace is the obj ect of Chris t ian la ws ; harmony
that o f social Observances Se l f denial is the exercise of
the Chris t ian ; forge tfulness of sel f t ha t of t he well —bred
Trust in one another unites Christ ian communities ; con
fi l e nc e in the good in t en t ions o f our neighbors is tha t
which makes society possib le To be kind to o ne another
is the obj ect o f Christian converse ; to entertain one
another that of social in t ercourse Pride selfishness
ill temper are alike Opposed to Christianity and good
breeding T he one demands an upri g ht li fe ; the oth e r
The one bids us make the
require s the appearance of it
most of God s gi ft s and impro ve our talents ; the other
will not admit us till we ha ve done so by education And
to go a step farther ; as a Christian communi t y e xc ude e
si nner s and unbelievers from i t s gatherin s so a socia l
g
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C
H RISTIA NITY
AND
Y
SOCIET
91
.
mmunity e xcludes from its meetings those Of bad c nar
ac tor and those who do not subscribe to its law s
But society goes farther and appears tO impose on its
me mbers a number of arbitrary rules whic h con t inuall y
It tells them ho w t ht y
res trict them in their actions
must e a t and drink and dress and walk and talk and St
We ought to be v e ry thank ful to society for takin g
on
so much trouble and saving us so much doub t and con
But i f the ordinances of society are examined it
fusion
wi l l be found that while many Of them are merely derive d
from custom and tradition and some have no positive va l
ue they all tend to one end the preservation of harmony
and t he prevention Of one person fro m usurping the rights
If it regul ate s
or i ntruding on the province Of another
our
dress
it
is
that
there
may
be
an
app
e a rance Of equal
y
ity in all and that the rich may not be able to flaunt
their wealth in the eyes Of their poorer associates
If
for instance it says that you are no t to wear diamonds in
the morni ng it puts a check upon your vanity If it
says you may wear the m on certain occasions it does not
pel those who have none to purchase them If societ y
co m
ou shall eat with a kni fe and fork it is not becau s e
says y
fingers were not made be fore forks but because it is we l l
known that i f you were to use the natural fork Of five
rongs instead of the plated one Of four you would want
p
If she goes fa rther
to wash your hands a fter every dish
and says you shall not p ut your kni fe into your mon th it
is because sh e supposes t hat you like ninety nine out of
eve ry hundred o f civilized beings can taste the ste e l wh en
ou do so and i s surprised at your bad taste and sinc e
y
she demands good tas t e sh e cannot think you fit for he r
court
Of co urs e she cannot ste p to hear Y ou e xplai n
'
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r u n SPI RIT OF SOCI AL Os s s nm x c s s
92
that
.
you find a particular enj oymen t in the taste o stee l
and that ther e fore on your part it
is good not bad tas t e
I]
She is by necessity forced to j udge from ap pearance
ag ain she forbids you t O swing vour arms in walking lik e
he sails o f a windmill it is not because S he finds a ny
pleasure in pinioning you but because beauty is a resul t
Of harmony which is her first law and she s t udies beau ty
adopts the beau t i ful and rej e cts the inelegant That mo
tion Of t he arms is not lovely con fess it Society is q uite
right to Obj ect to it Once more i f she dubs you vulgar
for speaking in a loud harsh voice it is because whatever
be your case other people have nerves which may be
to uched and heads which can ache and your sten t orian
tones se t t he one vibrating and the other throbbing In
short while she may have many a n Ol d law t ha t need s
repealing you will find that the greater number o f her
enac tments are founded on very good and very Christian
considerations You will find that the more religious a
man is the more polite he will spontaneously become and
that too in every rank o f li fe for true religion teaches
him to forget himsel f to love his neighbor and to be
k indly even t o his enemy and t he a pp ea r a n c e Of SO being
and doing is what society demands as good manners
How can it ask more ? How can it rip Open your heart
and see if with your bland smile and oily voice you are a
l iar and a hypocrite ? There is One who has this pow
—
forget it not
but society must be content with the
er —
By your works men do and must j udge you
semblance
Be fore I quit the demands Of society I must say a fe w
words on the distinction she mak e s between people of dif
fer ont ges and di fferent domestic positions ; to wi t how
t he has one la w for the bachelor ano t her for the ben e
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93
PA TERBAMI L IA S
‘
.
dict ;
one for the maid another for the matron ; one law
I mean to regulate their privileges and to res t rict their
vagaries
Le t u s begin with that aw fu l stately and m aj esti c
be ing Pater familias Angl ic anu s ; the same who having
re ach e d the age of perpetual snow exacts our reverenc e
and receives our awe ; the same who finding his maj esty
l ost on the vagabond Italian with the monke y and organ ,
resolves to crush him in a column Of T h e T im e s ; t he
s ame be fore whom not Mamma hersel f dares Open tha t
same newspaper ; the same who warns her against e u
c ou r aging the French count for whom Mary Anne has
taken such a liking — who pooh poohs the idea o f a
watering place in summer who frowns over the weekly
bill s and talks of bankruptcy and ruin over the milli
ner s little account who is Mamma s excuse with the
your papa wishe s
son s the daughters and the servants
”
it she says and there is not a word more — who with a
mistaken dignity raises up an impassable barrier between
hims el f and his children chilling back their tenderest ad
vances receiving their evening kiss as a cold formality
and who ah human heart when one Of them is laid low
stea ls to the chamber of death privily and ashamed of his
grie f turns down the ghastly sheet and burying his head
there pours out the only tears he has Shed f r so many a
f
!
e
Poor
ather
bitter
bitter
is
the
sel
reproach
ar
f
y
What avails now the stern
ove r that cold form no w
ve t o that bade her rej ect the handsome l ove r who had so
oor
a
f
or
t une and broke — ay broke her heart that beats
p
Of what use was that cold severity whic h
no more ?
drov e him to sea who lies there ne w past all rec al l
Ah ! stern hard cold father ; so they thought you so
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OB SERV A N CES
THE S PI RIT OF SOCIAL
94
.
seemed
a nd yet you meant i t fo r t h e best a nd
ou
y
y
say you loved yo ur Children t OO well Well well it is
not all fathers who are like this Th e re is another spe
fi l e s o f the genus Pa t er familias A ngl ic an u s who is a j O
vial and merry and bli t he by his fi reside whos e child
and who has a kiss and
pe n nestle round his knees
Word and a kind so ft smile fo r each
But what is the position o f Pat er familias in society ?
Where is his place ? Certainly no t in the ball room II
he comes there he must throw aside his digni t y and de
He must be young
li ght i n the pleasure o f the young
himsel f In his o wn house he must recei ve all co mers
merrily —the 6 a ! f o lat r e is to be a scene of mir t h ; he
must not damp your gaie t y wi t h his solemn gravity He
is as lit tle missed from his wi fe s b a ll room a s a mut e
from a wedding procession and ye t he must be t here t o
talk to chaperons to amuse the elderly beaux and if
necessary to spread t h e card t able and form the rubber
At all events he never dances unle s s t o make up a set in
a quadrille He is s t ill less a t home in the pic —nic the
m a ti n ee and t he fi l e b ut he is grea t at th e evening
par ty and all —important at the dinner But even here
there is a dignity pr e per to Pater familias which while it
should avoid sta t eliness should scarcely descend to hil a ri
He must not be a loud laugher or an inve t erate
ty
tal k er He is seen in his most trying light in his con
duct to the young While we excuse his an t iq u e fashion
which rather becomes him and would laugh to see him in
the latest mode of the day while we are pleased with his
ol d fa shioned courtesy and would not have him talk S lan g
or lounge on the so fa we expect from hi m some c ons id
era t ion for the changes that have taken pl ace since he
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96
SPI RIT or SOC I
AL
o nsanva naas
.
party and the dinner party she takes a higher pl ace and
in fact the highest and whe ther as guest or host it is to
her that the most respect i s sho wn ; she has a right to i t
Still the matron app e ars
and it is her duty to keep i t up
mor e in her relation to her children than a ny other p c si
tion and i n th i he r place in socie ty is one that demand
Great as her pride may be in her family she has
care
no rig ht to be continually a sser t ing t heir superiority to al l
other young p e ople This is particularly remarkable in
and a mother should
he r treatmen t o f her gro wn u p sons
remember that when fully fl e dged the young bi rds can
She has no right to t i e them to
t ake care o f themselves
her apron string and her fondness becomes foolish when
she fears that poor Charles will catch cold at eight and
twenty or shrieks a fter J ames because he will stroll
But when she assumes the dress and
away to his club
airs of youth she becomes ridiculous When once she
has daughters presen t able she mus t forget to shine her
sel f ; she should never even i f a widow risk being he r
daughter s rival and her conduct to young men must be
that of a mother rather than of a friend
It is very di fferent in France where t he married woman
s p a r ex c e l l e n c e the woman f society no matter what
her age But in England the bearing of the married
woman with grown u p children must be t he calm dignity
The French have a p ro
and a fl abil it
y o f the matron
F a ir e l a c o u r a l a m er e p ou r a vo ir l a fill e
and
ve rb
I should strongly recommend the young man who wishe s
t o succeed with a damsel to show particular a ttent one to
he r mamma
A mother indeed does not expect you to
l eave her daughter s side in order to talk to he r ; but be
su re that such an act gains you much more good wi ll than
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TH E
YO UN G
MARRI E D
MAN
97
.
pretty speeches you could have made in that tim e
And i t is only kind too As I have
to the daughter
Said the mother s and chaperon s position is second a ry
wh e n the daughter or p ro t eg e e is present at least in Eng
land ; but a good nat ured man will take care that she doe s
A good girl is always pleased to s ee
not fee l it to be so
r
o per respect and a t tention shown to her mother ; and
p
My
when at break fast the next morning mamma says
dear I like Mr Jones very much he is a well —bred a nd
I recommend you to cul t ivate
agre ea ble young man
”
And when Arabella exclaims
Oh mamma t he
hi m
”
ide a Mr Jones indeed ! you may be sure the ma t erna l
praise is not lost upon her and the idea is precisely one
that she will allow to return to her mind One o f the
most fattening dishes on vvhic h Master Cupid feeds is that
But whe t her you have
same praise bes t owed by others
an eye to Arabella or not the chaperon ought not to be
neglected
Now what part young Benedict shall take in society
depends on his young wi fe
If she be wise she will not
fret when he d a nces with pretty girls and i f he be kind
But
he will not let the dance lead him into a flirtation
Benedict may go every where a nd need not sigh over the
days of his celibacy Only he must remember that while
he has gained some privileges he has los t others
In the
meetings o f the young for instance he is less wanted than
C oe lebs while since he cannot be invited without his wi fe
he can no longer expect to fill the odd seat at dinner On
the ot her hand he takes precedence of the bachelor and
is naturally a man of more weight so that when he has
hi
assed
s head under t he yoke he must be calmer more
p
sobe r , less frivolous though not less lively than he was in
al l t he
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98
THE S PIRIT or
S OCIA L oe s nnva nc ns
.
”
“
the old ch ambers days A great deal is forgi t e n t o
C oelebs on accoun t of his posi t ion If he talks nonsens e
occasionally i t is his high spiri t s ; if he dances incessant
“
th e se
ly t he whole evening it is that he may please
i f he dresses a n p o in t d e v i c e now and then
l c ar girls
ca r s
he is Claudio in love lying sleepless for the night
”
ing out a new double t ; i f he h urries to the dra win g
t ee rt a fter dinner or is marked in his attention to ladies
he is only on his promo t ion ; and i f he has a fe w fast
”
lounging habits i t is all very well for t he boys say s
”
“
a young fellow like that
Pater familias and in short
may do a thousand t hings that Benedict t he married man
G rea t er than any change however
must abstain from
Some married
is th at of his rela t ions to his own sex
men throw all thei r bachelor friends overboard when t hey
t a ke that fa ir cargo for which t hey have been sighing so
long ; but I would not be one of such a man s friend s
At the same time I must expect to see less of Benedic t
”
“
than be fore
Adieu t he p e t it s o up er h e murmurs
t he flying corks the chorused s e ng the trips to Rich
mond and Green wich t he high dog cart and the seat or
t he box of my friend s drag ! Adi e u the fragrant wee d
th e cracking hunting whip , the merry bachelo r d inne r
an d the late hours
Shall I sigh over th em ? No in
deed Mrs Jones is not only an ampl e compensation for
such gaieties but I am thank ful to her for keeping me
fro m them Why that li tt le baby face o f hers that pouts
so pretti ly for a kiss when I come home is worth a hu n
dred dozen s of ch ampagnes a thousand boxes o f Hudson s
best and a score of the longest runs a fter reynard we
”
ever had
Ye s Benedict I envy thee and if B e atrice
be Wise she will m t draw the reins too tight all at oh m
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99
TH E B A C HEL OR
what e ver
she may say to hunting she will see no
harm in a mild h a vana and a couple of bachelor fri e nd s
But Benedi ct has not only
to dinner now and then
c hanged his manner and his habi t s he has got new d utie s
and ought to go
nd where his wi fe goes he may go
Ie can no longer claim exemption from solemn dinner s
On
fr om we a y mu ffin worries and wi t less tea parties
the other hand he will ne ver be made use of and his
wi fe will furnish a r eady excuse for re fu sing invitati ons
Lastly the young mar
which he had better not accept
ried man should never assume the gravity of Pater familia s
he wi ll t ake
a nd though he is promoted above Coelebs
c are not to snub him
What a happy man is Coelebs ! The more I sit in my
club windo w the more I feel convinced of this It is tru e
that I have never been married and th ere fore know nothin g
of the alternative but will make you a li t t le con fession
priestly reader — I have been once or t wice v e r y n ea r i t
Free from incumbrance Coelebs is as i rresponsible as a
butterfly ; he can choose his own S cie t y go an y where
do anything be early or late gay or retired mingle with
men or with ladies smoke or no t wear a beard or cut it
off
and if he lik es part his hair down i n the middle
What a happy man is Coelebs free and independent as he
is he is as much courted as a voter at an election he i s
for ever being bribed by mammas and feasted by p a pas
nothing i s complete wi t hout him
he is the wit at the din
”
“
ne r the
li fe of the tea fight an absolu t e necessity in
the ball room a s i n e qu d n o n at f te and pi e nic and we l
c ome everywhere
Indeed I don t know what soci e t y c an
do without him
The men want him for thei r parties t he
ladie s I suppose I must not sa y
s t ill more f r thei r s
and
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1 00
SPI RIT or SOCIAL c s s s nva nc s s
.
T he old like him because he is young the young li k e him
beca ase he is not old and in shor t he is as much a ne c e s
s i t y as the re freshments and must be procured somehow
Then too i f he does not care for these thing
or oth e r
he c an come and sit here in the club window : or he c an
or he can take an oc
tr avel which Benedict seldom can
c u pa t ion or an art while the marri e d man has no choice
if he work a t a l l to keep quiet t he
and mus t work
mou ths of those blessed cherubim in t he perambulator
But tha t which makes Coelebs a happy man is th at he
If it be the bachelor —
par t y
t an enj oy socie t y so much
he is not there agains t his conscience wi t h fear o f a Cau
If it is among ladies
tl l e lecture t o spoil his diges t ion
he has the Spice o f g a l a n t er z e to curry his conversati on
with and as for dancing he at least enj oys it as an intr o
duction to flirta t ion But perhaps his great est privilege
is the power of falling in love for as long as that power
lasts— which heigh ho is not for ever — there is no inno
cent pleasure which is grea t er But Coelebs has not
al ways the privilege of falling out of love again and if
the married ma n has a wi fe t o look a ft er his doings the
bachelor is watched by ch a perons and suspected by papas
Poor Coeleb s do not leave the matter too late do not say
Hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me i f eve r
Believe me boy the passion must be
l l os e my heart
enj oyed when young When you come to my age Cupid
Won t waste an arrow on you and i f he did so it would
Yes the young bachelor is a
enl y make you ridiculous
happy man but the o l d bachelor —let me st e p if I onc e
be gin on that theme I shall waste three quires o f pa p er
and tire
ou out
But
i
much
is
allowed
to
E IEbG
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THE
Y OUNG
LA D
Y
.
expected of him He has not t ne su bstanc e of
Benedict to back hi m up not t he respect ability of wed ded
li fe not the charms o f his young wi fe to make amend s
The young bachel or is more than a m
for his deficiencies
Less than an
man a subject for the laws o f etiquette
He has no e x
will he be pardoned for neglec t ing them
—
to
o
er
f
r
their
non
observance He must mak e
f
f
o
a
se
c
himsel f use ful and agreeable must have accomplishments
for the former and talents for the latter and is expected
to show attention and respect to both se x es and all age s
Happier still is the young lady for whom so many al
l owanc e s are made and who in society is supposed to do
nothing wrong To her the ball is a real delight and the
evening party much more amusing than to any one else
On the other hand she must not frequent dinner par t ies
too much particularly if she is very young and in all
c ases she must consider modesty the prettiest ornament s he
can wear She has many privileges but must beware how
To the old her manner must
she takes advantage of them
If she lacks
a lways be respect ful and even a fl e c t i onat e
beauty she will not succeed without conversational pow
ars
h
i
f
as beauty she will soon find that wit i s
and
she
;
With the two she may do what she
a power ful rival
will ; all men are he ; slaves She must however have
for every person and every occ asion
a smile as well
D igni t y she se l d om needs e xcept to repel familiarity
Without a good heart her mind and her face will onl y
draw envy and even dislike upon her In England the
ung
lady
is
queen
in
France
the
young
married
woma
o
n
;
y
ta k es her place ; and though society can do without he r
the re i n i n my Opin i on no more charmi ng compani o n than
much
is
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1 02
THE SPI RIT or
m nc s s
SOCIA L
o ns s n
.
young married woman She has le ft off nonsense an d
forgot t en flirtation and she has gained from the c oml a n
ionship o f her husband a certain streng t h of mind wh ich
tempered by her modes t dignity enables her t o br e a ch
She is at home ev e ry
almost any subj ect with a man
where may dance in the ball room and tal k at the dinnel
ta ble and t he respect due to her position enables her t o
be more free in ner intercourse without fear o f remar k
In short if a m an wishes for sensible conversation wi th
gentl e ness and beauty to lend it a charm he must look
for it in young married women
Of the elderly unmarried lady— for of course there is
”—
no such thing as an old maid
I decline from a feeling
of delicacy to say a nything
I shall conclude this p i ec e de r és i s t a n c e with a fe w part
ing remarks on the art of making one s sel f agreeable I
ta k e it that the first thing necessary is to be in goo d spirits
or at least in the humor for society If you have any
grie f or care to Oppress you and have not the strength of
will to throw it off you do yoursel f an inj ustice by enter
ing the society of those who meet for mutual entertain
ment Nay you do them too a wrong for you ris k be
”
“
coming what is commonly known as a damper
The
next point is to remember that the mutual entertainment
in society is obtained by conversation F or this you re
q uire temper of which I have already spoken ; confidenc e
sf which I shall Spea k elsewhere
and
a
rO
r i a t e n e ss
;
pp p
”
“
which has been treated under the h ead of Conve rsa ti m
I have already said that that man is the most agreeabl e
to tal k to who thin k s out of society as well as in it
It
wi ll be n e ces sary to throw off all the marks and feelings
a
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104
V
SOCI A L OB S E R A N CES
THE SPI RIT or
.
sp ect and delic a cy no t rushing at once in t o a famil ia l
j oke or roaring like a clo wn Your manner will be c a l m
bec a use i f you have no nerves o t her people have t h e m
and your voice gen t le a nd low Oh commend me to a t
It is worth an 5
ag r eeable voice especi a lly i n a woman
The t one too o f your conversa t io n
amc u nt o f be a u t v
and s t yle o f your manner will vary wi t h the occasion
While i t will be sensible and almost grave at t able it wi ll
be merry and light at a pic nic
Your at t ention again mus t not be exclusive Ho weve r
li ttle you may enjoy their society you will be as attentive
to the old as t o t he young to the humble as to t he grand
to the poor curate for inst ance as to t he M P ; to t he
elderly ch a peron as to her fair young charge In t his
manner you no t only evince yo u r ood breeding bu t Oft e n
do a real kin dness in amusing those who migh t o t her wis e
be very dull
On some occasions par t icularly when a
par ty is heavy and wan t s li fe you will generalize the con
versat ion in t roducing a subjec t i n which all can take an
in t erest and t urning t o t hem all in general On the other
hand when as i n a small par t y the conversat ion is by
necessity general you will par t icularly avoid talking t o
one person exclusi vely or men t ioning people places or
things with which only one or two Of them can be ac
t ance i f at a morning call there happe n
For
ins
u a int e d
q
to be t wo or three strangers at t he same time it is bad
It i s fa r bette r
ta ste to talk about Mr t his or Mr that
to have recourse to t he ne wspapers which every body i
supposed to have read or to public a ffairs in which eve r
y
body can take more or less interest
But it is not in your words only that you may o ffend
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MA NN ERS
1 05
.
gains t goo d taste Your manners your perso na l habi t s
your ve r y look e en may gi ve o ffence These there fore
mus t not only be studied but if you have t he mis fortun e
t o be wi t h people who are not accustomed to re fi n e d ma n
ne t s and t o find t hat insisting on a particular re fine me nf
W uld give o ffence or cast an imputation on t he rest i t is
always bette r to waive a refinement than to hurt fee lings
and it sometimes becomes more ill bred to insist on o ne
For ins t ance i f your hos t and his
than t o do wi thou t it
guest dine wi t hout dinner napkins i t would be very ba d
tas t e to call for one or if as in G ermany there be no
spoons for the salt you must be content to use your kni fe
or fork as the rest do
To do in Rome as the Rom a i 8
”
applies to every kind of society At the same t ime
do
you can never be expec t ed to commit a serious breach of
manners because your neighbors do so You can neve r
be called on in America to spit about the room simpl y
because it is a national habit
B ut what you should do and what not in p articula r
c ases you will learn in the follo wing chapters I have
only no w to say that if you wish to be agre e able whic h
is certainly a good and religious desire you must both
st udy how to be so and take the trouble to put your studie s
The fruit you will soon reap You
mto cons t ant practice
will be generally liked and loved The gra t i t ude of thos e
yoursel f will be shown in
0 whom you have devoted
sp e a k i ng well o f you ; you w i ll become a desirable addi
ion to eve ry party and whatever your bir t h fort u ne 0
l l say of you
osition
people
wi
He
is
a
most
a re e a bl
p
g
and well bred man
and be glad to i ntroduce you to good
But you will reap a yet better reward Ye r w il l
society
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106
ms
SPI RIT or SOC IAL OBSERV ANC ES
.
in yoursel f the satis fact i on of having taken troubl e
and made sacrifices in order to gi ve pleasure and ha ppines s
How do you kno w what grie f or
fo r t he time to o t hers
care you may not obliterate what humiliation you may
no t al t er to confidence what an xiety you may not so ft e n
what— last but really not least— what intense dul l nes
If this wor k assist you in b s c o m
you may not enliven
ing a n agreeable member of good society I shall r ej oi ce
at t he l abor it has given me
ha ve
.
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1 08
I N SIDE THE D RESSI NG ROOM
-
.
which to o liveliest woman of her day had such a
It was She who when some one said it
s t ran ge aversion
her at the opera How dirty your hands are my lady !
“
What would you
she replied wi t h n a i ve indi fference
”
?
a
if
you
saw
my
f
eet
y
G enius love and f anaticism seem partial to dirt
Every one knows what a German philosopher looks like
and Wer ther S howed his misery by wearing the same coat
an d appendices fo r a whole year
As to the saints they
were proud of their unchanged flannel and the monk was
never made late for matins by the intricacy of his toilet
St Simeon o f the Pillar is an ins tance of the common
opinion of his day that fa r from cleanliness being next
to godliness the nearest road to heaven is a remarkabl y
dirty one Perhaps however he t rusted to the rain t o
cleanse him and he was certainly a user of the shower
ba t h which cannot be Said of many a fine gentleman
Religion however is not always accompanied with neglect
A the person
The Brahman bathes twice a day and
mu ses his mouth seven times the first thing in the morn
It is strange that Manu while enumerating the
ing
pollutions of this world should have made the exception
of a woman s mouth which he tells us is always c l e an
P robably the worthy old Hindu was par t ial to oscu l ation
bu t i t is certain that there can be no Billingsgate in India
In the beginning of the present century it was though t
ro per for a gentleman to change his under garment thre e
p
times a day and the washing bill o f a beau compris ed
thirty cravats and pocket handkerchie fs
se venty Shirts
J i s c r él i o n What w ould Brummell say to a college chu m
fl mine who made a tour through Wales with but one
fl annel shirt in his knapsac k ? The former s ma x im was
si n,
to
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CLEANLINESS
“
l inen
of
1 09
.
the finest quality plenty of it and country
”
Fi ne linen has always been held in es te em
Washing
but it did not save Dives
Cl eanliness is a duty to one s sel f for the sake of health
and to one s neighbor for the sake of agreeableness
Dl r u
nose is decidedly unpleasant to mor e than one of the
senses and a man who thus o ffends his neighbor is not
free from guilt though he may go unpunished
But if
these reasons were not su ffi cient there is another for
St Simeon Stylites may have pre
stronger than bo th
served a pure mind in spite of an absence of abl utions
but we must not lose S ight of the influence which the
bo dy has over the soul an influence alas for man so me
times far too great We are convinced that ha d per sonal
habits have their e ffect on the character and that a ma n
Who neglects his body which he loves by instinct will
neglect far more his soul which he loves only by com
mand
There is no e xcuse for B ru mme ll s taking more tha n
two hou rs to dre ss It was in his case mere vani ty and
he was— and was content to be— one of the veriest show
things in the world as useless as the table ornaments on
which be wasted the money he wa s not ashamed to take
from his friend
On the other hand when a young lady
assures me that she can d ress in ten minutes I feel con
fide nt that the most important part o f the toilet m ust be
neglected The morning toilet means more than a m e re
putting on of clothes wh atever policemen and F renc h
w n c ie rg es may think
The first thing to be attended to after ri sing is the B ATH
The vessel which is dignified like a certain part of lady s
dress with a royal Order is one on which folios mi ght
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[ 10
I NSI D E THE D RESSING ROOM
-
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written It has given a name to two towns— Bath and
Baden — reno wned fo r their toilets and it is all that is l e ft
It is a club room in
In thre e continents o f Roman glory
G ermany and the Eas t and was an arena in Gr ee ce and
Rome It was in a bath that the greatest des t royer 2!
l i fe had his own destroyed when he had bathed all Franc e
in blood But Clarence I am convinced has been much
maligned He has been called a drunkard and peopl e
shudder at his choosing that death in which he could n ot
but die in sin but for my part so far as the Malmsey is
concerned I am inclined to think that he only showed
himsel f a gentleman to the last He was d etermined to
die clean and he knew like the Parisian ladies — which
We should perhaps spell [a i d es — who sacrifice a dozen of
c hampagne to their morning ablutions that wine h as a
peculiarly so ft ening e ffect upon the Skin Besides Cham
pagne the exquisites of Paris use milk * which is sup
posed to lend whiteness to the Skin The expense of thi s
luxury is considerably diminished by an arrangme nt with
the mil k man who repurchases the liquid a fter use I
need scarcely add that in Paris I learned to abj ure c a é
f
d a l a i t and to drink my tea S imple
The bath deserves an Order and its celebrity It is of
Man is an am
al l institutions the mos t une x ceptionable
h
i
i
b
ou s animal and ought to pass some small portion of
p
In fact a large if not the large r
e ach day in the water
r
e portion of diseases arises from leavi ng the por e s o f
p
the skin closed whether with natural e x udation or mat
It is quite a mista k e to
te r fr om without a l i a s dirt
be
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Th e l a te D uk e
1"
mpposo i
to
of
Q
nour i sh as
u ee nsbur y
wel l
as
h ad hi s milk bath
whi te n
-
and so fte n
e ve r y
th e skin
.
da y
[t n
‘
INSI D E THE D RESSI NG—ROOM
[12
.
incre ases the circula t ion for t he time bei ng B ut
since it is an unnatural agent it exhausts the physical
po wers and leaves us prostrate For health there fore
it should be sparingly indulged in except i n pers ons of
rapid and heated circulation Even with such it Should
be used w i th discretion and the time of remaining in the
bat h S hould never e xceed a fe w minutes
on the other hand
The cold bath of from 6 0 to
It Should there fore
c leanses less but in vigorates more
be avoided by perso ns of full temperament and become s
really dangerous a ft er eating or even a ft er a long rest
If you have supped largely
following a heavy meal
over night or been foolish perhaps I may say wrong
enough to drink more than your usual quanti ty o f stim
liquids
you
ul a t i n
S hould content yoursel f wi t h passing
g
a wet sponge over the body
A tepid bath v arying from 85 to 9 5 is perhaps the
sa fest of all but we must not lose Sight of health in the
desire for c om fort The most healthy and one of the
handsomest men I ever saw and one who at six t y had not
a single grey hair was a German whose diet being mod
e ra t e
used to bathe in running water at all seasons
breaki ng the ice in winter for his plunge Of the Shower
bath I will say nothing because I feel that to r oc e m
mend i t for general use is dangerous while for such a
work as this which does not take health as its main sub
j ec t it would be out of place to go into the special cases
Th e best bath for general purposes and one which c an
do little harm and al most always some good is a sponge
ba th
It should consist of a large flat metal basin som e
four fee t in di ameter filled with cold water
S uch a ve s
so] may be bought for about fi fte en shillings
A large
and
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113
THE B Al H
.
ponge —the coarser the better will cost ano ther
five or seven shillings and a fe w Turkish towels com
”
“
l
properties
The
water
should
be
p
e t e the
e nti ful
l
p
and fresh that is brought up a little while be fore t h e
ba t h is to be used ; not placed over night in the bed room
Le t us was h and be merry for we know not how soon t he
supply of that precious article which here costs nothing
may be cut off In many continental towns they buy
their water and on a protracted sea voyage the ration is
o ften reduced to hal f a pint a day f or a ll p urp os es so
Sea water
that a pint per diem is considered luxurious
we may here observe does not cleanse and a sensible man
who bathes in the sea will take a bath of pure water i m
me diately a fter it This practice is shame fully neglected
and I am inclined to think that in many cases a sea bath
will do more harm than good without it but i f followed
by a fresh bath cannot but be advantageous
Taking the sponge bath as the best for ordinary pur
poses we must point out some rules in its use The
sponge being nearly a foot in length and six inches broad
mu st be allowed to fill comple t ely with water and t he
art
o f the body which should be first attacked is t he
p
It is there that the most heat has collecte d
stomach
during the night and the application of cold water quick
ens the circulation at once and sends the blood which has
been employed in di gestion round the whole bo dy Th e
head should next be soused unless the person be of full
habit when the head should be attacked be fore the fe e t
touch the cold wate r at all Some persons u se a small
ha nd shower bath which is less power ful than the com
The
mon shower bath and does almost as much good
1
use of s oap in the morning bath is an Ope n ques tion
coarse
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I NSI D E THE D RESSIN G RC on
[ 14
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on fess a pre ference for a rough towel or a hair gl o ve
Brummell patronized the latter and applied it for nearly
a quarter o f an hour every morning
The ancients followed up the bat h by a nointin g t he
The former 1 s a mis take ;
body and athletic exercises
the latter an excellent practice shame fully neglec t ed i n
the present day It would conduce much to health and
strength if every morning toilet comprised the vigorou s
us e o f the dumb bells or still better the exercise of t he
a rms Without them
The best plan of all is to choose
s ome obj ect in your bedroom on which to vent your hatred
and bo x at it violently for some ten minutes
till t he
perspiration covers you The sponge must then be again
applied to the whole body
It is very desirable to remain
Without clo t hing as long as possible and I shou ld there fore
recommend that every part of the toilet which c a n con
f
be
per
ormed
withou
dressing
should
be
so
ve n i e nt l
t
y
The next duty then must be to clean the T EETH
D entists are modern inquisitors but their torture room s
a r e meant only for the foolish
Everybody i s born with
good teeth and everybody might kee p them good by a
proper diet and the avoidance of s weets and smoking
Of the two the former are perhaps the more dangerous
Nothing ruins the teeth so soon as sugar in one s tea and
highly sweetened tarts and puddings and as it is [8 p r e
mi er p a s qu i c o in e these should be particularly avoided in
c hildhood
When the teeth attain their full growth and
heir en
stren gth it takes much more to des t roy either
amel or their substance
It is upon the teeth th at the e ffects of e xcess a re firs t
s ee n and it is upon the teeth that the odor of the breath
de pe nds
What Is more repulsive t han a woman a smile
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IN SID E THE D RESSIN G ROOM
11 6
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he r se x and who can detect at your first approac h
whe t her you have been drinking or smoking B ut i f only
for your o wn com fort you should brush your t eeth bot ]
morning and evening which is quite requisite for the pre
se rvat i on of their soundness and color ; while i f you a re
t mingle with others they should be brushed or at leas t
the mouth well rinsed after every meal still more a ft e r
No amoun t
s moking or drinking wi ne beer or Spirits
of general attractiveness can compensate fo r a n o ffensiv e
odor in the breath ; and none of the senses is so fine a
gentleman none so unforgiving if o ffended as that of
The following reproo f was well merited if not
smell
”
polite
I have had the wind in my teeth all t he way
said an Irishman a ft er a brisk walk on a breezy morn
ing be fore which he had been indulging his propensity
”
“
to onions
Well sir replied his friend who at once
perceived how he had break fasted
I must say that t he
”
Wind had the worst of it
The custom of allowing the nails to grow as a proo f
orking which is most
of freedom from the necessity o f w
absurdly identified with gentility is not peculiar to China
In some parts of Italy t he nails of the le ft hand are never
ou t t ill they begin to break and a Lombard of my ao
quaintance once presented me a huge nail which he had
j ust c ut and which I must do him the j ustice to say was
f
er
ectly
white
I
admired
i
t
and
threw
a
ay
i
t
w
p
“
What
cried he indignantly
is that the way you re
ce i ve the greatest proo f o f friendship which a ma n c an
give you
and he then explained to me that in his nati ve
province the nail held the same place as a lock of hai r
with us
I really doubt which has the preference a nd
whe ther a Lothario s des k fille d wi t h little oily pac k ets of
ot
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THE NA I LS
11 7
.
colored hair is at all more romant i c than a box
Certainly there is be a uty in a
of beloved fin ger nails
l ong silken tress the golden tinge reminding us o f the
fair head of some lost child so like its mother s or in t he
rich dark curl that in the boldest hour o f love we rape d
from he r head who was then so confidently ours and
But even t his fancy can take a
no w What is she now ?
very disagreeable form and what can we say o f an ardent
hopeless lover Whom I once knew and who I was assured
gave a guinea to a lady s maid for the stray hairs le ft in
her mistress comb
But though we may not be cultivating our nails eith e r
t o tear a rival s face with or to con fer with a majestic con
descension on some importunate admirer we are not ab
solved from paying strict attention to the i r condition and
that bot h as regards cleaning and cutting The former is
be st done with a liberal supply o f soap on a small nail
brush which should be used be fore every meal i f you
would not inj ure your neighbor s appetite While t he
l a nd is still moist the point of a small pen —
kni fe or pai r
of stumpy nail scissors shou l d be passed under the nail s
so as to remove every vestige of dirt ; the skin should be
pushed down with a towel that the white hal f moon may
be seen and the finer skin removed with the kni fe or
scissors Occasionally the e dges of the nails should be
fi l e d a nd the hard Skin w hich forms round the corners of
t he m c u t away The important point in cutting the nail s
That beauty
is to preserve the beauty of thei r shape
e ven in details is worth preserving I have already remar k
e d and we may study it as much in p aring our nails as
The
in the grace of our attitudes or any other point
sha l e then of the nail should approach as n ear l y as pos
di fferent
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11 8
INSI D E THE D RESSI N G ROOM
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ible t o t he oblong The oriental ladies know this and
a llow the nail to grow to a n enormous length and bend
But t hen they cul t ivate b eau ty
down to wards the finger
in e very detail for poor things t hey have none but per
fi na l attractions to depend on ; and they give to the pi n
s a il a peculiar lustre by the l ittle speck o f purple henna
j ust as Parisian beauties pass a line of blue paint unde r
t he lower eyelash ; perhaps too they keep their fingers
thus well armed to protect themselves from angry pashas
or even — but let us hope not — to spoil the beauty of some
more favored houri However this may be the length 01
Le t it be o ften cut but al
the nail is an open question
w ays long in my Opinion Above all let it be well cut
Had Brummell broken off his engage
a nd n e v e r bitten
ment because the y o u ng lady bit her nails I thin k I coul d
not have blamed him
Perhaps you tell me these are chil d i sh details D etails
yes but not childish The attention to details is the true
s ign o f a great mind and he who can i n necessity consider
the smallest is the same man who can compass the largest
subjects Is not li fe made up of details ? Must not the
a rtist who has conceived a picture descend from the dream
o f his mind to mix colors on a palette ?
Must not the
great commander who is bowling down nations and setting
up monarchies care for the health and c omfo rt the bread
I have o ften seen a
and bee f o f each individual soldier ?
e a t poe t
r
whom
I
knew
personally
counting
on
his
g
fing e rs the feet o f his verses and fretting with anything
bu t poetic language because he could not ge t his sense
into as many syllables
What if his nails were dirt y ?
Le t g enius talk of abstract beauty and philosophers dog
ma ti z e on order If they do not k eep their nails clean I
s
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—ROOM
12 0
I NSID E r nE D RESS I N G
.
you insinua t e that Na t ure had done better to make y( u a
”
woman than a man ? As for barbers they have always
been gossips and misc li ie fq na ke rs and Arkwrigh t who
i nv e nted Spinning by rollers scarcely redeemed his t r a d e
T hey have been the evil spiri t s
fro m universal dishonor
o f great men too whom t hey shaved and bearded i n t hei r
h
o helped
a te
ri
va
e
closets
It
was
a
barber
w
the
l
t
p
King of Oude to ruin the coun t ry he governed ; and it
was a barber who at the beginning o f t he present cen t u
h
W
o in
was
the
bot
le
imp
t
o f a Bishop o f Here ford
r
y
f ac t can respect a ma n whose sole o ffice is to deprive his
se x o f their distinc t ive feature 7
It is said t hat Alexander t he Great introduced shavi ng
to prevent his soldiers being caught by the beard by their
e nemies but the conqueror o f Asia must be absolved o f
priority in this ini quitous custom which he probably
found prevalent in the countries he invaded
At any
rate it would appear that the B udhist priests of India
were ashamed of their locks at least a century be fore and
this reminds me that Shaving and fanaticism have a l ways
gone together
The custom of the clergy wearing a
womanish face is purely Romanist and I rej oice to see
that many a good preacher in the present day is not
afraid t o follow Cranmer and other fa t hers of our Church
in wearing a goodly beard The Romish priests were
first ordered to S have when tra nsubstantiation was estab
fis h e d from a fear that the b oard might fall into the cu p
It is clear that a Protestant chin ou g ht to be well covere d
Whatever be said o f the clergy the custom of sha vin g
c ame to t his country like many other ugly persona l habits
with the foreign monarc h s
As long as we had Plant a
ene ts Tudors and Stuarts on the throne we were me n
g
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THE B EA RD
1 21
.
the out war d form William of Orange wa s asha m
e d o f that very appendage which it is a disgrace to a
Mussulman to be without Peter the Great had already
proved that barber and barbarian are derived fro m the
sa me root by laying a t ax on all capillary ornamen t s
In England there has always been a great dis t inctio n
be tw e en civil and military men and this is the only coun
try in the world where the latter have been held in such
dislike, as to compel them to abandon their uni form in
everyday li fe Perhaps it was on this acco unt that ci
vili ans in general a cl Opt ed the c o ut u m es o f the learned
pro fessions lest they should be thought to belong to that
The beard and the rapier went ou t to
of the sword
gether at the beginning of the last century In the pres
the moustac he
ent day many a young shopf boy joins
”
movement solely with a h e pe of being mistaken for a
“
captain
Whatever Pu n c h may say the moustac he and beard
movement is one in the right direction proving that men
ar e beginning to appreciate beauty and to acknowledge
that Nature is the best valet But it is very amusing to
h ear men excusing their vanity on the plea of health and
”
fi nd them indulging in the hideous
Ne wga t e frill as a
ki nd of compromise between the beard and the razor
There was a time when it was thought a presumption and
vanity to wear one s own hair instead o f the fright fu l
e laborations of the wig makers and the false curls wh i c h
l ir Godfrey Kneller did his bes t to make grace fu l on
zan vas
Who knows that at some future age some P u n c h
of th e twen t y first century may not ridicule the wearing
of one s own teeth instead of t he dentist s ?
At any ra te
Na t ur e knows best and no man need be ashamed of sho w
as
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I N SI D E THE D RESSI N G ROOM
1 22
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ing his manh ood in the hair of his fac e Of r a z ors i nd
shaving t here fore I S hall only speak from necessity be
ca use until everybody is sensible on this point they will
till be used
“
A born king said he
Na po leon S haved himsel f
A made king can use his
has another to shave him
”
But the war he made on his chin was very
t wIl razor
He took
di fferent to that he made on foreign pote ntates
a very long time to e ffect it talking between whiles to his
hangers on The great man however was right and
every sensible man will shave himsel f if only as an oxer
cise of character for a man should learn to live in every
detail without assistance Moreover in most cases we
shave ourselves better than barbers can do If we shave
a t all we should do it thoroughly and every morning
no t hing e x cept a frown and a hay fever makes the fac e
look so unlovely as a ch in covered with short stubble
The chie f requirements are hot water a large so ft brush
of badger hair a good razor so ft soap that will not dry
rapidly and a steady hand
Cheap razors are a fallacy
They soon lose the ir edge and no amount of stropping
wi ll restore it A good razor needs no st re p If you
c a n a fford it you should have a case of seven razors one
for each day o f the week so that no one shall be too much
u sed
There are now much used packets of papers of a
ce rtain kind on whi c h to wipe the razor and which k eep
its edge keen and are a substit u te for the st re p
I may here remark that the use of violet powder afte r
sha ving now very common among well dressed men is
one t hat should be avoided
In the first place it is al
most a lways vi sible and gives an unnatural loo k to the
M e I know a young lady who being afflicted with a
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124
I
N SI D E
—ROOM
THE
D RESS ING
.
proo f of vanity If a man wear the hair or his fac e
which na t ure has given him i n the manner that nat ure
dis tribu t es i t keeps it clean and prevent s i ts overgrowth
he cannot do wrong If on the o t her hand he applies to
Mar ie Coupellé and other advertisers because he b el ieves
”
“
thos e dear silky whiskers will find favor in t h
tha t
he will if unsuccess ful waste much
eyes o f the fair
money— i f success ful incur the risk of appearing ridi c u
All extravagancies are vulgar because they a re
l ous
e videnc e of a pre t ence t o being better than you are ; but
a single extravagance unsupported is per h aps worse tha n
a numbe r together which have at least the merit of con
sistency If you copy puppies in the hal f yard of Whis
ker you should have their dress and their manner too
if you would not appear doubly absurd
The same remarks apply to the arrangme nt of the hai r
in men which should be as simple and as natural as pos
s ible but at the same time a little may be granted to beauty
For my part I can see
a nd the re q uirements o f the face
nothing unmanly in wearing long hair though undoubted
ly it is inconvenient and a temptation to vanity wh l e its
arrangement would demand an amount of time and atten
tion which is unworthy of a man B ut every nation and
every age has had a di fferent custom in this respect a nd
to this day even in Europe the hair is sometimes worn
The German student is particularly partial to hya
long
cint hlne locks curling over a black velvet coat ; and t he
asant of Brittany looks very handsome if not alwa s
e
p
y
cl e a n with his love locks hanging straight down under a
broad cavalier hat Religion has generally taken up the
mat ter severely The old fathers preached and raile d
a ai nst wigs the Calvinists raised an insurrect ion in Bor
g
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THE
H AIR
1 25
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on the same account and English Ra u n l he ads e on
signed to an unmentionable place every man who a l low e d
The Romans con
his hair to grow according to nature
de mn e d tresses as unmanly and in Fran ce in the middl e
ages the privilege to wear them was confined to royalty
Our modern cus t om was a revival of the French re vol u
tion so that in this respect we are now republican as well
a puritanical
If we con form to fashion we should at least make the
be st o f it and since the mai n advan tage of short hair is
This
its neatness we should take care to keep ours neat
should be done first by frequent visits t o the barb e r for
i f the hair is to be short a t all it should be very short
and nothing looks more unt i dy than long sti ff uncurled
m asses sticking out over the ears If it curls naturally
so much t he better but i f not it will be easier to k eep in
order The n e x t point is to wash the head every morning
which when once habi tual i s a great preservative against
cold I never have more than one cold per annum and I
attribute this to my use of the morning bath and regular
A pair of large brushes hard or
Washing of my head
so ft as your case requires should be used not to hammer
he head with but to pass up un der the hair so as to reach
As to pomatum Macassar and other i nve n
the roots
tions of the hairdresser I have only to say that i f used
at all it should be in moderation and never su fficiently to
make their scent perceptible in company
Of course t he
rra n me nt will be a matter o f individual taste but as
g
the middle of the hair is the natural place fo r a parting
it is rather a silly prej udice to think a man vain who par ts
i
his h a r i n t he centre
He is less blamable than one who
is too la z y to part it at all and has alwa ys the appearance
f
o having i u st g ot no
Je ans
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126
INSI D E THE D RESSI N G ROOM
-
Of wigs
.
and false hair the subject o f satires and sor
mons since the days o f the Roman emperors I shall say
nothing here excep t t hat they are a p rac t ical f alsehood
which may sometimes be necessary bu t is rarely succes s
fu l
Fo r my part I pre fer t he sno w s of li fe s winter to t he
best m a de peruke and even a bald head to an in ferior wig
When gentlemen wore armor and disdained the use o f
their legs an esquire was a ne cessi ty ; and we can under
gentle
s tand that i n the days o f t he Beaux the word
man meant a man and his valet I am glad to say that
i n the present day it only takes one man to make a gentl e
man or at most a ma n and a nin t h — that i s including
the tailor It is an excellent thing for the character to
be neat and orderly and i f a man neglects to be so i n his
room he is open to the same temp t at ion sooner or later i n
his person A dressing case is there fore a desideratum
A closet to hang up cloth clothes which should never be
folded and a small dressing room next t o the be d room
are not so easily attainable But the man who throws his
clo t hes about t he room a boot in one corner a cravat in
another and his brushes any where is not a man of g ood
The spirit of order should e xtend to everythi ng
habits
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t han t
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12 8
THE LA D
YS
’
TOI LET
.
e was the
]
roach
to
the
ablution
we
now
d
iurnal
y
practis
p
ba thing their lovely countenances in May dew esteemed
the fin e st thing in the morni ng for the skin by our belle s
of the las t cen t ury : so t hey turned out betime s n higl :
heeled shoes and n ég l ig e s tro t ted down the o l d av e nues
of many a patriarch a l home to the meado w and sa t ura t
dew re freshed wi t h it the chee ks
ing t heir kerchie fs in May —
flushed over night at quadrille or great cassino and went
home conte nted that a conscientious duty had been per
formed
Some wise fairy of old must
Nor were they wrong
hav e inspired the nymph whom she loved with the belie f
in May dew tradi t ion handed do wn the counsel fro m one
genera t ion to ano t her the fairy or gnome smiling all the
while as she saw the lovely procession o f the squires young
da ughters steal out and bend down amid the butter cup s
and ladies smock in the meadow : she smiled and as she
smiled wa ft ed to t hem good heal t h good spir its and their
type— bloom She had induced them by a stratagem
Heaven pity her pious fraud — to take a preliminary step
to beauty and its preservation ; she had beguiled them into
e arly rising
For gentle ladies you may wash may bathe your forms
and faces curl your locks and shake out your crinoline ;
use every essence Atkinson has wher e with to arrest t he
you may walk by t he
at te ntion of wist ful passers by
hour eat by rule take beauty sleep be fore midni ght ye t,
if you are very long a fter the
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Sangu in e
su nr i se
with hi s me te or eye s
( 1 com
’
”
ing out and abroad from your chambers youth
,
Sh ell e y
.
wil l
E AR L Y
RI SI N G
1 29
.
tay wi th you out his time but l ke an ill behave d
apprentice will break his inde ntures and vow t ha t he can
It is true that rules for habitual early
not abide with you
rising cannot be laid down for every one without especi al
re ference to other habits ; very early rising a ft er l a tt
xt reme
arties
or
great
atigue
on
the
previous
day
or
e
f
p
delic a cy of the lungs or throat might even be p e rnicio us ,
and its use or abuse must be regulated by the physician
In those cases the advice that is now given is for person s
in an ordinary condi t ion of health For them and eve n
with some e xceptions for invalids there can be no habit of
the day or li fe so important as far as good looks are con
cerned as early rising All other animals whose health
is of importance to man are forced to rise early The
horse on whose good condition his beauty and therefore
his value depends is exercised a s e arl y as possible Our
cattle on the uplands scent the morning breeze as it brings
the odors of the woodbine ; the little house dog pants till
he can rush forth from the pent up heated chamber to the
fresh lawn ; and why is this obvious law o f nature of so
great importance to these objects of pre fer e nce or o f value z
The morning air is more strengthe n ing has a great pr o
port ion of oxygen be it replied than any other breez e
”
that re freshes us by day or when the pale purple even
warns us that our enjoyment of its delicious sensations are
not devoid o f danger N0 one catches cold in the morn
ing air at leas t with the ordinary prudence o f su fii c ie nt
Forti fied bv sleep the ch a nge o f atmosphere is
clo t hing
most salubrious
To the careless and happy what c an be
more delight ful than to feel all the freshness of nature
se e thing e very sense whilst the great world and its in ter
es ts a nd troubles is silent and slumbers ?
And i t is this
not s
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9K
13 0
INSI D E TH E D RESS IN fP
ROOM
.
fresh breeze this emancipation f rom t h e pent u } ch a mbe r
this reviving influence t h a t ce mbine to form a restorati ve
such as neither medici ne nor regimen can o ffer ; tha t pre
s erves looks ap pe t ite fo r food a n d bloom and delicacy of
comple x ion
A n aged clergyman who had k nown not one day s il l
“
D ry fee t and early rising
ness was asked his secret
”
the se are my only two precautions
wa s his reply ;
“
Wi t h regard then to what a French author call s a
”
whole Cyc l onze dia of narcotics , young women forget that
They must
there is no roy a l oad to heal t h and beauty
No
take the r ight path i f they wish to reap the reward
p e rson in go od hea l t h should remain in bed a ft er seven
o cl o ck or hal f pas t seven in the spring and summer
tha t may in the present century when the daughters of
indulgence be termed
England are reproached with sel f—
early risin g She may then be down stairs at eight and
without taking a long and fatiguing walk saunter in the
garden a li t tle ; or i f in a large to wn have time to pr a c
tise supposing that the Opportuni t y of going out into t he
air is denied
By this means t hat vigor which is the very
soul of comeliness the absence o f hurry and the sense of
sel f reproach incurred by late rising and the hunger fel t
fo r break fast will all conduce to arrest Time as she hovers
over his wholesale subj ects and to beguile him into Sparin g
that process with his scythe by which he furrows the bro w
of the indolent wi t h wrinkles whilst he colors the
r
oo
p
vic t im at the same time with his own pet preparatio n
of sa ffron
Suppose then that this first and vital standing order for
the to ilet be stringent and that re freshed and there for e
energetic b u o ant and conscious of one duty being at leas t
y
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13 2
THE LA D
bestowed
,
YS
’
TOIL ET
.
on china and even on gold and sil ver toile t
and t he na t ion a l poverty
s ervices ; then came t he war
and those luxurious appliances were let do wn i f not ab an
doued We have no w resumed them wi t h a degree of ex
pense that is hardly wise or consisten t The secre t s of
the t oilet were indeed no fancied mysteries in for mer
days Un t il t he first twen ty years Of t his cen t ury ha d
passed away many ladies o f ba n to n though t it necessary
in order to comple t e t heir dress to put a touch of rouge
on ei t her cheek The celebrated Mrs Fi t zherbert wa s
rouged to the very eyes ; t hose beau t i ful deep blue eyes
o f hers
The ol d Duchess of R enamelled and usually
fled from a room when the windo ws were opened as t he
compound whatever formed Of was apt t o dissolve and
run down the face Queen Caroline ( of Bruns wick ) was
rouged fear fu lly ; her daughter noble in form fa
ir but
pale in complexion disdained t he art Whilst the rouge d
la die s might have sung or said
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We
ar e
bl u sh in g
Be ndi ng wi th
that
r oses ,
ou r
ful ness ,
gi fted and lamented princess might hav e answered,
We
ar e
l ili es fa ir ,
Th e fl owe r
Na t ur e h e ld
of v i r gin
us
for th
.
a n d s a id ,
my t h ou ghts
Lo 1
l ight ,
of
wh i te
And it was cer t ainly remarkable that a fter the Princ ess
Charlo tte s int roduction at Cour t rouge which had bee n
the rule became the exception and that young people en
g
eral ly never used it
’
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Hunt
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,
RO UG E
1 33
A ND C O SMETI CS
.
there were other means resorted to for atta i ni ng
the whiteness o f skin which m e dical men dread but which
is certainly a very striking and beauti ful characteristi c
I once knew a lady who was ble d
of an English woman
fru m time to time to keep the marble like whiteness of
he r complexion others to my knowledge rub their face s
wi t h bread —crumbs as one shoul d a drawing But w or st
of all the use of pearl powder or o f violet powder has
been for the last hal f cen t ury prevalent
Independent of all sorts of a r t being unpleasant nc
mistake of the fair one is greater than this She may
powder she may go forth with a no t ion that the pearly
whiteness of her brow her neck will be deemed all her
own but there are lights in which the small deception will
be visible and the charm of all coloring is gone when it
proves to be artificial We tremble to think what i s u n
Still
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There is another inconvenience attached to the use of
pearl powder its great unwholesomenes s It checks t h e
natural relie f of the skin perspiration ; and though it
may not always inj ure the health it dries up the cuticle
and invites as it were age to settle Where pearl powde r
a a s been made an article of habitual use wrinkles soon
require additional layers to fill it up j ust as worn out
roads have ruts and must be repair e d ; but the macada
mising process cannot be applied to wr inkles
Still more fatal is the use of cosmetics ; its e xtrava
a nce in the first place is an evil ; but I treat not of the
g
moral question but of its physical e ffects
Some wome n
Sp nd as much on essences and s weet wa ters as would
e n a ble them to take a journey and thus do more for thei r
looks than all that a bureau full of cosmetic s c ould insur e
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1 34
THE LAD
YS
’
'
TOI LEI
.
Many an eruptive disease has arisen from the desire « i
make t he skin clear ; above all avoid specifics Yo ur
is good
friends ar e in t he habi t of saying such a thing
but remember that comple xion is
for t he complexion
the di a l o f cons t i t ution and that no two constitutions a re
W hat is salutary in one case may produce seriou s
a like
mischie f in anot her
For instance when abroad a lady who had been very
much sunburn t was t old that cucumbers cut into slices and
put into cream produce a decoction that would take off
the burning e ffects o f the sun It is in fact a remedy
used by German ladies who must however have skins
di fferently consti t uted t han ours to bear it The lady
used this very po wer ful specific and her face was blister
Nothing indeed but time and cold weather will take
cd
a way t he e ffects of the sun but t er milk from its gentle
acid has some e fli c ac y on certain skins but it i s a disa
re e abl e remedy
g
The softest possible water ought however to be resor t
ed to in w ashing the face ; and rain wa t er filtered is in
comparably t he best Great care should be taken not to
check perspiration by washing when heated ; t hese are
precau tions consistent with nature and there fore valuable
The water should be dashed freely over the fa ce several
times and t he process be pursued in the middle of the
day as well as in the morning and at dinner time ; it is
true the face may wi t hout that be c l e a n all day but it
will not be f re s h
The Turkish to wels now used so much
are excellent for wiping as they do that important oper a
tion not only t horoughly but without irri ta t ing the skin
the body on the other hand should be dried with a coars e
hu c lmbac k an article u nkno wn in France but e x cellent
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1 36
THE LA D
Y
’
S TOI L ET
.
mong the best is a solution Of sulphur ; bu t even thi s
should ne ver be resor ted to wi t hout advice and in the
pr e per proportions In ma ny cases however i t almos t
immediately removes an eruption by cooling the skin ;
he nc e it will be seen how very inj urious are all essence s
with Spirit i n them which have a tendency to heat and
inflammation
”
DO you want luxuriant hair ? is a question we see
daily in the papers ans wered of course by a Specific If
possible the skin of the head requires even more tender
ness and cleanliness than any o t her portion o f the body
and is very soon capable of being irritated into disease
In respect of this as of the complexion people err gene
rally fro m doing too much In t he first place the m os t
per fect cleanliness must be enj oined formerly t he u s e Of
a fine tooth comb was considered essential and abroad it
is still resorted to and is in some cases salutary But in
general to the c a r ef u l brusher the comb i s not essential
I say the care ful brusher for great harm is oft en done t o
h
the hairs by rude sharp irregular brus ing The hai rt
should be separated wi t h a comb so that t he head and not
the hairs be br ushed The brush sho ul d not be too hard ;
it may slightly redden the skin but n more the use o f
omatum
should
be
sparing
and
c on fl l e d to that Of which
p
the ingredients are known — marrow a nd bear s grease a re
the best and the former is most eas ly Obtained gen u ine
h
n
All sce ts are more or less inj urious to the air and they
should be used in the slightest pos sible propor t ion
To
Wa sh the roots o f the hair from t ime to time with wea k
vinegar and water or with a solution of ammonia cl e anse s
it e ffectually whilst a yolk Of an egg beaten up and mix
ed wi t h war m water is excellent for the skin and ha ir
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THE
H AIR
1 31
.
to wash out and must be done by a
There is no risk but gr e at ben e fit in was h
ca reful maid
”
“
luxuriant hair of a person in heal th if
ing even the
done in warm weather and well dried or by a fil e a nd
small quan t i ty of ammonia insures from cat ching cold
It is quite a mistake to suppose that washing the hair
makes it coarse ; i t renders i t glossy and flexible ; the
washing cools the head the heat Of which is the gr e a t
source o f baldness and grey hairs ; i t preve nts all that
smell from very thick hair which is detected in person s
who trust to the brush only lastly it is one Of the most
re freshing personal Operations next to the bath th a t c an
be devised
A lady s hair should in O
rdinary li fe be dressed twice
To keep it
a day even i f she does not vary the mode
3001 and glossy it requires being Completely taken down
m the middle Of the day or in t he evening according to
the dinner hours The t aste in dressing it in the morn i ng
should be simple without pins bows or any foreign a u x
I do not mean to
il iary to the best ornament of nature
deprecate the use Of the pads as they are called or sup
ports under the hair used at this time because they super
which is al ways a proces s
sede the necessity Of frizzing
most inj urious to the hair ; but I own I obj ect much to
the e nds o f blac k lace bows of ribbon &C used by many
oung women i n their morning c oi fl u re : of course
f
or
y
thos e past girlhoo d and not old enough to wear caps the
case is diffe re nt
but It is
troublesome
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C HAPT ER III
.
D RESS
Y
.
says an emin e nt writer is ne ve r too ol d
”
If this be true I
to te ll i f it be made to sou nd ne w
may be excused for narrating the follo wing veritable his
tory z— In an Indian j ungle t here once resided a ta wny
ackal
a
member
as
all
t hose animals are Of a jacka
j
club which met at night in t he said j ungle It wa s the
cus tom for the di fferen t subscribers to separa t e early in
the evening on preda tory excursions and on one occasion
the individual in ques tion having dined very sparingly that
day on a leg o f horse ven t ured in hopes of a supper
It happened
wi th in the precincts Of a neighboring to wn
that while employed in t he pro wling dis t inctive Of his
kind he fell into a sunken va t fi lled w ith indigo and
when he had contrived t o struggle out again discovered
by the light Of the moon that his coat ha d assum ed a
brilliant blue tinge In vai n he rolled himsel f on t he
grass in vain rubbed his sides against the bushes of the
w
ungle
to
hich
he
speedily
returned
The
blue
stuck
to
j
him and so wi t h the a c u te ne s for which jackals are re
”
“
uo wnod
he de t erm i ned to stick to it Shame i ndeed
would have overcome him ridicule have driven him to
despair when he rejoined his cl u b bu t for this resol u
ti on Th a t very morning he appeared among his kind
whisking his t ail with glee , and holding his head s t e er
A t i t te r of cou rse welcomed him and be fore lon , 00
5
( 1 38 )
A
STOR
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14 0
D RESS
.
D ress and sin came in together and have k e pt good
,
fello wship
ever since If we could doubt as som e have
done t he au thentici ty of the Pentateuch we shou l d have
t o admit that i t s au t hor was a t leas t t he shrewdest oh
server Of mankind inasmuch as he makes a love of dre ss
That it really was so
th e fi rst consequence of t he Fall
we can be cer t ain from the fact that it has al ways a e com
The
best
dressers
Of every
a n ie d an absence o f goodne ss
p
age have always been t he worst men and women We do
not pretend that the converse is true and tha t the best
people have al ways dressed the worst Plato wa s at once
3 be e n and a philosopher and D escartes was the forme r
be fore he aspired to be the latter But the love of dress
take it as you will can only arise from one of two closely
al lied sins vanity and pride ; and when in excess as in
the miserable beaux Of di fferent ages it becomes as ridio
u l o u s in a man as the glee Of a Sou t h Sea i slander over a
hand ful of worthless glass beads NO li fe can be mor e
contempt ible than one of which the Helicon is a tailor s
shop and i ts paradise the Park ; no man more truly
wre t ched than he whose mind is only a mirror o f his body
an d whose soul c a n fly no higher t han a hat or a neck tie
who s t rangles ambi t ion with a yard measure and su ffoca t es
glory in a boot But this puny peacockism al ways brings
i ts o wn punishment
The fop ru i ns himsel f by his vani ty
a nd ends a sloven like Goodman firs t a well dressed stu
dent of Cambridge then an actor then a highwayman
wt o was at last reduced to share a S hirt with a fe llo w
fool a nd had to keep his room on the days when the othe r
wore it
But we must not suppose that this vanity lies in the
fonowing more than in the o utraging of fas hio n and if
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NEW A ND OLD FA SHIONS
141
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ere wer e no s uch thing as a universal r ule ( f dress we
may be con fi dent that there would be j ust as much if not
more foppery where each could dress as he liked Whe n
i t could not glory in t he roll Of a coat collar or the tur n
of a hat bxi m it would S how i t sel f in ri chness of stu ffs
and splen dors Of ornaments ; and while fashion ha s to be
blamed for many extravagances the gold chains Of one age
the huge wigs of another and the cri noline of a third
we m u st rej oice that it holds so severe a sway over men s
minds when we find that at another period i t decrees Si m
i
l
c i ty and legisl a tes to put down superfluous ornament
p
The wise man therefore who fr ets a t its follies will at
tempt not to subver t but rather to re form it ; not to tea r
from his throne a monarch elected by universal su ffrage
who will instantly be reinsta t ed but to lead him by h i s
own example and if possible by hi s voice to make Simpl e
Better a wise despot than a S illy
and sensible enactments
republic
When kings were the ministers of fashion dress was
generally cos t ly and showy ; when philosophers were its
counsellors it became S lovenly and untidy ; and when as
in t he present day it is l e t by private gentlemen and pri
i n bad t aste but gener
vate ladies it is o ften absurd a
It is certainly amusing
a lly tends towards simpl i city
when l ooki ng b ac k at the history Of dress to see how Ofte n
Wigs were i n
the story of the blue j ackal may be cited
fl ict e d on our fore fa t h ers by a bald monarch and we wer e
textured by sti ff cravats and high shirt collars becaus e
L ong skirts pro
anat he r had t he king s evil in his n e c k
bably c ame in to hide a pair of ungainly feet and h oops
we r i ntroduced to mak e a queenl y waist l ook sma l le r t han
it was
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D RESS
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The re is howev e r a di fference between t he prerogati ve
While we are bound
of f ashion and tha t o f o th e r despo t s
to yield a gen e ral o bedience to his laws we h ave t he right
wi t hout a loss of c as te t o disregard any which are m a n i
If fo r example a fashion
fe s t ]y absurd and nconvenient
a ble Of the presen t day t o whom nature had given an u gly
foot were to fOl l J W the example Of Fulk D uke Of Anj ou
and introduce such long peaks to our boo t s that we coul d
not walk in them We may be certain that their use would
not survive a season and would be con fi ned to a class who
have li tt le to do but look ornamental It is cer tainly a
consola t ion to find t hat in t he presen t day t he fashions o f
male a t tire are restric ted not as they once were by royal
edicts but by the common sense of men who know that
dress ought to be convenient as well as elegant With
ladies it is o t her wise Wom a n is s til l too generally be
l i e ve d to have no higher mission t han t hat Of pleasing the
senses rather t han t he j udgmen t o f men and so m
any
women Of all classes are idle t hat a fashion ho wever pre
pos te ro u s is more readily accep t ed and more univers a lly
adop t ed by them than by the s t ronger sex And t his is
the case even when the re form proposed is Obviously most
a dv a n t ageous
Ho w di fficul t fo r inst a nce has it been to
abolish t he s ti ff black hat and t he t hroat cu t t ing collar
though the wide a wake and t he t urned down collar were a t
once more grace ful and more com for t able How complete
”
—
ly has the attempt to establish t he
peg top been a fail
ure though every man o f sense who values his heal t h mus t
F
eel that a loose covering is bo t h more
o m for t able and
more healthy than a t i r ht sheat hing o f clo t h
The fact is
tha t t here is a conservatism in fashion which has the a
p
pe a ra nc e of be ing respectable but is really slavish a nd
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144
D RESS
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course o f d i nner heard the follo wing remar k p3 8!
between the host and a guest
Pray G
asked a lisping bewhiskered exquisite
who is your fine old English ge n tl eman ?
of the former
What style do you call i t ? Rather George the Fourt h
the
s
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Yes rather replied the host
but he added in a
whisp e r he has j ust come in to
a year and
Hall
B
Oh
aw indeed ! Then of course he can a fford to
”
be eccentric
This brings me to speak of cert a in necessities of dress
the first of which I shall take is appropriateness The
age of the individual is an impor tan t considera t ion in this
respect ; and a man of sixty is as absurd in t he style of
nineteen as my young friend in the high cravat of Brum
I know a gallant colonel who is mas t er of
mell s day
the ceremonies in a gay watering place and who a fraid of
the prim old —fashioned t ou r m zr e of his c o n fr er es in simi
lar locali t ies is to be seen though his hai r i s grey and
his age not under five and sixty in a light cut away the
”
peg te p continuations and a turned do wn col lar It
may be what younger blades will wear when they reach
hi s age but in the present day the e ffect is ridi c ulous
We may there fore give as a general rule that after t t e
turning point of li fe a man should esche w the changes of
fas hion in his own attire while he avoids complaining o f
In the latter on the o t her hand the oh
it in the young
servance o f these changes must depend part l y on his ta s t e
and partly on his posi t ion
If wise he will ade pt W i t h
alac rity any new fashions which improve the grace t he
eas e the health fulness and the convenience of his
gar
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A PPROPRIATENESS
1 45
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me ri ts He will be glad of greater freedom in t he cut or
his c l oth clothes of boots with elastic sides inst e ad 01
troublesome buttons or laces of the privilege t c turn down
his collar a nd so for t h while he will avoid as e xt ra va
a
nt elaborate shirt fronts gold bindings on the waist
g
On the other hand what
coat and expensive bu t tons
e ver his age he will have some respect to his pro fe ssio n
He will remember how much
and position in society
t he appearance o f the man aids a j udgment o f his char
acter and this test which has o ften been cried down i s
in reality no bad one ; fo r a man who does not dress ap
ro r ia t e l
evinces
a want of what is most necessary to
p p
y
pro fessional men — tact and discretion I could not for
in stance feel confidence in a young physician dressed as
I am accus t omed to see a guardsman ; while if my law
yer were a dandy in his o ffice I should be inclined to
think he knew more of gay society than of Coke upon
The dress of the clergy is not an arbi t rary
Lyttleton
m atte r yet I have seen ecclesiastics who abandoning the
white choker lounge in an easy costume little di fferent
from that of their undergraduate days and though i t is
certa inly hard to condemn a man for li fe to the miseries
of black c l ot h we have a right to expect that he should
be proud rather than ashamed of the badge of his high
c al ling
P osition in society demands a like apprOpria tene ss
Well k nowing the worldly value of a good coat I would
never
recommend
a
man
o f limited means to a spire to
t
e
y
In the first place he become s
a fas hionable appearance
t hereby a walking falsehood ; in the second he can not
wi t hout running into debt which is ano t her term for dis
As he cam
honesty maintain the styl e he has adopted
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to change h is suits a s rapidly as fashi on a lters
he must avoid follo wing i t in varying details He wih
rush into wide sleeves one month in the hope of bei ng
ashionable a nd be fore his coat is worn o ut t he n e xt
F
mon t h will bring in a narrow sleeve We cannot u nfe r
tuna t e l y like Samuel Pepys take a long cloak now a da ys
long clo a k s
to t he tailor s t o be cut i nto a short one
”
be ing now qui t e ou t as he tells us Even when there
is no poverty in the case our position must not be for
gott en The tradesman will win n either customers nor
friends by adorning himsel f in the mode o f t he club
lounger and t he clerk or commercial traveller who dresses
fashionably lays himsel f ope n to in q uiries as to his ante
ceden t s which he may not care to have investigated In
general it may be said tha t t here is vulgarity in dressing
like those of a class above us since it must be taken as a
proo f of pretension
I remember going to church i n a remote little villagt
on the borders of Wales and being surprised to see enter
among the clodhoppers and simple folk of the place a
couple o f young men dressed in the heigh t of fashion and
wearing yellow kid gloves and pa t ent lea t her boots
On
inquiry I found them to be the sons of a rich manu fa c tur
er who had himsel f been once a working man and was
I was not surprised for
re siding in the neighborhood
vulgar prete nsion was here carried out t o the worst ex
Better bred men would have known that what
treme
e v e r their L ondon costume a di fference must be made i n
The rule may be laid do wn that where ve r
t he country
we are we shou ld assimilate as fa r as convenient to the
customs and costumes of the place
While I had no wish
t o se e the sons of the
a r v e nu appear in sm o c k fro ks
p
no t affo rd
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D RESS
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invi ta tio n and p artly by the extent of you r intimacy w ite
the family I have actually known gentlemen arrive at
a l a rge pic nic at mid day in complete evening dress and
pi t ied t hem with all my heart compelled as they were to
under a hot sun for eigh t
su ffer in tight black clothes
hours , and d ance a ft er al l in the same dress On the othe r
hand i f you are asked to c ome an hour or two be fore sun
set a fter six in summer in the autumn a ft er five you
It is always
c ann ot err by appearing in evening dress
taken as a compliment t o do so and if your acquaintance
with your hos t ess is slight it would be almost a familiari
In any case you desire t o avoid sin
ty to do o t herwise
h
i
f
w
o a re
so
that
you
can
discover
what
others
u l a r it
g
y
invi ted intend to wear you can always decide on your
own attire On the Con t inent there is a convenient I ll l (
for these matters ; never appear a fter four in the after
but then grey trousers are there
noon in morning dress
al lo wed instead o f black
a nd whi t e waistcoats are still
worn in t he evening At any rate it is possible to e ffect
a compromise between the two styles o f costume and if
you are likely to be called u pon to dance in the evening
it will be well to wear t hin boots a black frock coat and
a small black neck tie and t o put a pair of clean white
gloves into your pocke t You will thus be at least less
c onspicuous in the dancing roo m than in a light tweed suit
Englishmen are unde niably the most conservative me n
it the world and in nothing do they sho w it more uni ver
sal ly than in maintaining their usual habits in any country
r s eason
L A ng l a i s e n s e g
a a has been a
cli mate
/ y
fru i t ful subject of ridicule both t o our o wn and foreign
wri ters and I shall there fore content mysel f with sayin g
that while I would not have an Englishman ade pt ev e r y
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T RA V ELLI N G
149
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habit or eve ry fantastic costume of those among whom
he finds hi msel f I would fain see him avoid that dist i nc
ti veness in bo t h which is set down by our neighb o rs tr
f
or instance is the c u e
ride
and
obs
inacy
xcellent
t
E
p
t om o f shaking h ands but it has on the Continent ge ne
rally a much more friendly and particular signi fi cation an
is permitted between the sexes only a fter a l ong intimacy
In fact a French j e u n e fill e never takes a gentlema n s
hand unless he is quite an e mi d e l a m a is on so that for
an Englishman at a first visit to shake hands all round
I shall never forget the dee p
amounts to a familiarity
crimson on the cheeks o f a charming girl to whom I onc e
introduced an English friend and who was t oo well —bred not
to t ou ch his proffered hand but did so with an air of nu
”
—
mistakable surprise
Qu est c c que c est que votre ami
est cc qu il veut donc m em
s he asked me a ft erwards
brasser
To impose the manners of one s country on
the people of another is as bad as t o revive those of a
past century
In t he middle of the last century it was the custom for a
gentle m
a n on entering a room to kiss the ladies all round
Had not my French friend as much rig h t
on the cheek
0 blush as any English young lady would if I were to
s ubj ect her to the practice of the charming but obsolet e
local
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Can anything be
more pain fully ridiculous than an Eng
l ishman wearing a black silk hat and frock coat of c l e th
Yet such is our want of
under t he sun o f the equator ?
se nse or our l o ve of national costumes however hideo us
that it is the etiquette in ou r colon ies whether in t he t re
ic
s or the arctic region s t o wear precisely the same s t ifl
p
However this might be
he r co u rt dre ss as at St James
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15 0
D RESS
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excused on the plea of uni formity in o ffi cial dress it is no
xcuse f r t he fa shion which imposes the coat &c of P al l
Ma ll on the gen tleman of Calcut t a or Colombo ; and the
me may be said o f our own fashion o f wearing clot h
l nt hc s t hroughout the year
There is many a summ e r
l ay i n England as hot as any in Italy and in general t he
di fference bet ween o u r summer and that o f France and
America is that t here t he heat is glaring and clear wit h
i f less po we r ful close and o ppressive
us
Why then
should my I c rd Fashion permit the Frenchman and Yan
kee to wear whole suits of white linen and condemn us to
black cloth ? Ne thing can be neater or prettier as mod
ern dress gees than the white coat waistcoat e d c e t er a
with a straw hat and a brigh t blu e tie ; but i t is som e
thing to say against it that London smoke would ne c e ssi
tate a cle a n suit per diem which would materially aug
ment the washing expenditure of our me t ropolitan Beau x
The nearest approach we are allo wed to mak e
Tibbse s
to a sensible costume on days when we should like to fol
low Sidney Smith s advice by t he removal of ou r flesh
and sitting in our skeletons is that o f light thin tweeds
bu t even these a r e not c ou nt e na ne e d in St J ames and t he
Park and we must be content t o take re fuge in a whi te
waistcoat and the thinnest possible material for our frock
c oat
On the other hand as ou r winters are never very
severe we have only to choose thicker tweeds o f a darke r
c ol or fo r th at season and the wrapper or great coat t hen
be comes not nearly so important an article as the i ndie
pensable umbrel la In this country there fore as pre sen
fashions require appropriateness to the season will be
easily acquired by a change of material and colo rather
th a n of form in our apparel
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15 2
DRESS
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pher but he is too good mannered for tha t ; o thers poor
man pronounce him a c v n ic and all are agreed t ha t
whate ver he may be he looks out o f place and spoil s the
believe
in
my
heart
that
he
is
the
mild
I
r ne ra l e ffect
g
e s t of men bu t will not take the trouble to dress mor r
At any rate he has a character for c c
th a n once a day
cen t ricity which I am s ure is precisely what he would
That character is a most deligh t ful one for
wish to avoid
a bachelor and it is generally Coelebs who holds it for it
has been proved by statis tics that there are four single to
one married man among t he inhabitants of our mad houses
bu t eccentricity yields a reputation which requires some
thing to uphold it and even in D iogenes o f the Tub it was
extremely bad t aste to force himsel f into Plato s evening
arty
wi
hout
sandals
and
nothing
but
a
dirty
tunic
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Another requisi t e in dress is its simplicity with which
I may couple harmony of color This Simplici ty is t he
only distinction which a man of taste should aspire to in
the matter of dress but a simplicity in appearance must
proceed from a nicety in reality One Should not be
simply ill dressed but si mply well dressed Lerd Castle
reagh would never have been pronounced the most distin
gu is he d man in the gay court of V ienna because he we re
no orders or ribbons among hundreds decorated wi th a pro
fusion o f those vanities but because besides this he was
The ch arm of B ru mme l l s dress was
dressed with t aste
Its S i mplicity ; yet it cost him a s much thought time and
care as t he port f l i o o f a minister
The rules of sim
All extravagance
pli ai ty there fore are the rules of taste
all splendor a nd all pro fusion must be avoided
The colors
in the firs t plac e must harmoni z e both with our c om l e x m
n
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J EWELR
1 53
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and
with one anoth er ; perhaps most of al l with the c olor
All bright colors should be avoided such a s
of o u r hair
Perhaps or ly a
re d yellow sky blue and bright green
succ e ss ful Australian gold digger would think of choosi ng
s uch colors for his co at
waistcoat or trousers but there
ar e hundreds o f young men who might select them for
The deeper colors are some
their gloves and neck ties
how or other more manly and are certainly less strikin g
The same simplicity Should be studied in the avoidance of
ornamentation A fe w years ago it was the fashion to
trim the evening waistcoat with a border of gold lace
This is an example of fashions always to be rebelled against
Then t oo extravagance in the form of our dress is a sin
against taste
I remember that long ribbons took t he
place of neck ties some years ago . At an Ox ford com
memoration two friends of mine determined to cut a figur e
in this matter having little else to distinguish them The
one we re two yards of br ight pink ; the other the sam e
quantity of bright blue ribbo n round their necks I have
reason to believe they think now that they both looked su
if
ridiculous
In
the
same
way
the
trouser
e rbl
s are
p
y
worn wide we should not wear them as loose as a Turk s ;
or i f the S leeve s are to be e pen we should not riv a l t he
ladies in this matter
And so on through a hundr e d de
tails generally remembering t hat to ex aggerate a fa shion
is to assume a character and there fore vulgar
The wear
ing of j ewelry comes under this head
Jewels are an or
They bespea k
name nt to women but a blemish to men
The hand o f a man
either e fie mir a c y or a love of display
is honored in working fo r labor i s his mission ; and the
hand that wears its riches on its fingers has rarely wo rke d
honestly to win them
The best jewel a man Can we ar is
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154
D RE SS
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bright and shining w ell set in pm
B ut as we
d e u c e an d all o t h ers m u s t d arken b e fore it
are sav a ges a n d m us t h ave some silly t r i c k e r v to h ang
abou t us a li t t le b u t very li tt le co n cession m ay b e mad e
I am q uite serious w hen I
t o o u r t as t e i n t h is respect
disadvise you from t h e u se o f nose rin g s gold ankle t s and
hat bands stud ded w i t h j e w els ; fo r when I see an i n c re d
ul o u s young man o f t h e n ineteen t h cen t ury dangling fl o m
”
“
his w at c h chain a d ozen silly c h ar ms ( o ft en th e only
o nes he p ossesses ) w h i ch h ave n o ot h er use t han t o giv e
fai r co q ue t t e a legi t ima t e subj ec t on wh i ch to a pproach
t o closer in timacy an d whi c h are revived from th e lo w est
s upers t itions o f dark ages and some t imes darker r a c e s I
a m q ui t e j usti fi ed in b elievi ng tha t some South African
su ffi c iently ri c h to c ut a d ash in L on don might
c hie ft ain
i n t ro duce w ith succe s s t h e most pecu l iar fashi ons o f his
o w n coun t ry
Ho wever this may be there are already
s ufii c ie nt extravagances pre v alent among our young men
t o a t t ack
The man o f goo d taste w ill w e a r as little j e w elry as
One han dsome Signe t ring on t h e little finger
p ossible
a scar f pi n which is n ei t her large nor
o f t h e le ft h an d
sh o wy n or t o o intricat e in its design an d a ligh t ra t her
thin wa t ch guard w i t h a cross b ar are all t ha t he ough t t o
B u t if he aspires t o more t han this he should o h
W ear
s erve t h e follo w ing r ules
1 L e t every t hing be real and go od
False j e welry i s
no t only a prac t ical lie b u t an absolute v ulgari t y sin c e
it s use arises fro m an a tt emp t to appear r i cher or g rand e r
t han its w earer is
2 L e t i t b e S imple
Elab orate studs w ais t coa t button s
an d wris t links are all ab om i nable
The las t par t ic ularly
his honor
L e t t hat b e
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1 56
D RESS
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dress t hat is both appropriate and S imple can ne ve r
o ffe nd nor render i ts wearer conspicuous though it may
dis ting u ish him fo r his good taste But it will no t be
pleasing unless clean and fresh We cannot quarrel with
a poor gentleman S t hread bare coat i f his linen be pur e
and we see t hat he has never at t empted to dress be y on d
his means or unsuitably to his sta t ion But the sight or
decayed gentility and dilapida t ed fashion may call fort h
our pity and at the same time prompt a moral : You
”
have eviden tly sunken we say to ourselves
but whose
fault was i t ? Am I not led to suppose that the e x trava
gance which you evidently once revelled in has brought
you to what I now see you
While freshness is essen
tial to being well —
dressed it will be a consolation to those
who cannot a fford a heavy tailor s bill to reflect that a
visible newness in one s clothes is as bad as pa t ches and
dam s and to remember that there have been ce l ebrated
dressers who would never put on a ne w coat till it had
been worn two or t hree times by their valets On the
other hand there is no excuse — except at Donnybrook
for untidiness holes in the boo t s a broken hat torn
Indeed i t is be tt er to wear no gloves
gloves and so on
at all than a pair full of holes There is nothing to be
ashamed o f in bare hands if they are clean and the poor
can still a fford to have their shirts and Shoes mended
and their hats ironed
It is certainly better to show S ign s
of neatn e ss than the rever se
and vou need sooner be
as hamed of a hole than a darn
Of personal cleanliness I have spok e n at such lengt h
that little need be said on that of the clothes
If you ar e
e conomical with your tailor you can be ex travag a nt with
o
The beau x of forty years ba c k put on
y ur laundress
The
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LI NEN
1 57
.
t hre e shirts a day but except in hot weather one is su fi
cient
Of course if you change y our dress in the even
ing you must change your Shir t too There has been a
gr e at outcry agai nst colored flannel shirts in t he pl ac e of
lin en and the man who can wear one for three days is
lea ked on as little better than St Simeon Stylites
I
should like to know how o ften t he advocates of li ne n
change their own under fl anne l and whether the sam e
rule does not a pply to what is seen as to what is con
But while the flannel is perhaps healthier as ah
c e al ed
sorbing the moisture more rapidly the linen has the ad
vantage of l ook i ng cleaner and may there fore be pre fe r
red As to economy if the flannel costs less to wash i t
also wears out sooner ; but be this as it may a man s
Wardrobe is not complete wi t hout h al f a dozen or so o f
these shirts which he will find most use ful and ten time s
more com fortable than linen i n long excursions or when
Flannel too has the advan
ex ertion will be required
tage of being warm in winter and cool in summer for
being a non conductor but a retainer o f heat it protects
the body from the sun and on the other hand Shields
it from the cold But the best sh irt of all part i cularly
in winter is that which wily monks and hermits pre
tended to wear for a penance well knowing that th ey
could have no garment cooler more comfortable or mor e
healthy I mean of course the rough hair —Shir t Lik e
fla nnel it is a non conductor of heat ; but then too it
acts t he part of a Sham pooer and with its perpetual fric
tion s oothes the sur face of the skin and preven t s t he ci r
c ulati on from being arrested at any one poi nt o f the b ody
Though I doubt i f any of my readers will take a hin t
from the wi sdo m of the merry anchorites t he y will p6 1
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[ 58
D RESS
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haps all o w me to suggest that the next best thin gto wea l
nex t the s kin is flam e and tha t too of the coarses t de
scri pt ion
Q uan t i ty is better than quality in linen Ne ve rth e l e ts
it should be fi ne and well S pun The loose cu ff which we
”
borro wed from the French some four years ago is a g l ee
irri pro ve me nt on the old tigh t wrist band and indeed it
must be borne in mind t hat anything which binds any par t
of t he body tig ht ly impedes the circula t ion and is t here
Who more hideous
fore unheal thy as well as u ngrace ful
a nd unnatural than an o fficer o f t he Russian or Austrian
army— compelled to reduce hi s waist to a certain si ze
At Munich I re
unless it be a dancing mas t er in stays ?
member there was a some what corpulent m ajor of the
Guards who it was said took t wo men t o buckle his belt
in the morning and was unable to Speak for about an
hour aft er the operation His face of course was of a
most unsightl y crimson
The necessity for a large stock of linen depends on a
r ule fa r better than B ru mme l l s
of three shirts a day
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Chan ge your linen whenever it is at all dirty
This is the best guide with regard to collars socks
eke t handkerchie fs a nd our under garments
rule
o
N
0
p
can be laid down fo r the number we should wear per week
for everything depends on circumstances
Thus in t h e
oo u nt ry all our linen remains longer clea n than in London
n dir ty we t or dusty weather our socks get Soon dir
y
nd must be cha n ged ; or i f we have a cold to say nothin
g
of t h e possible but not probable case o f tear shedding on
the departure of friends or of sensitive you ng ladi e s ove r
a Cri me a n engagement , we shall want more than one
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16 0
D RESS
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very seasor and every occasion but if what he sel ec ts
is simple r ather than striking he may appear in the sa me
clothes as o ft en as he likes as long as they a r e fresh a nd
There are fou x
a ppropriate to the season and the obj ect
a
k inds of coa t s which he must have : a morning coat
frock coat a dress coat and an over coat : An economic al
man may do well with four of the first and one of each
George the Fou r th s wardrobe
of the others per annum
and a Singl e cloak brought no less than
sold for
But George was a king and a beau and i n de bt
£800
The dress of an English gen tleman in the
40 his tailor
present day Should not cost him more than the ten t h part
But as fortunes vary more
of his income on an average
than position i f his income is large it will take a much
But generally
s maller proportion if small a larger one
s peaking a man with £ 3 00 a year should not devote mor e
The seven coats in ques
t han £ 80 to his out ward man
tion will cost about £ 1 8
S ix pairs of morning and one
Four morning waist
o f eveni ng trousers will cost £ 9
coats and one for evening make another £ 4 G loves
linen hats scarves and neck ties about £ 1 0 and the i m
portant item of boots a t least £ 5 more This 1 take it
is a su fficient wardrobe for a well dressed man who employs
a moderate tailor and the whole is under £ 5 0 It is quit e
possible to dress decently for hal f that sum and men of
If a man ho w
small means should be content to do so
e ver mixes i n society and I write for those who do so
there are some things which are indispensable to eve n
e per dressing and every occasion will have i t s pr e pe r
r
p
attire
In his own house then and in the mor ning there 13
no reason why he should not wear out his old clothe s
for
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sr vLE IN
MORN N G
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1 6]
D RESS
.
me men take to the delight ful ease of a tl re sssing gow n
If fam i ly men
and slippers ; and if bachelors they do well
it will probably depend on whether the lady or the gentle
man wears the pantaloons The best walking dress for a
non pro fessional men is a suit o f tweed o f the same color ,
ordinary boots gloves not too dark for the coat a scar f
wi th a pin in winter or a small tie of one color in sum
mer a respectable black hat and a cane
The l ast
item is perhaps the most important and though its u se
va ries wi th fashion I confess I am sorry when I see it go
out The Englishman does not gesticulate when talking
and in consequence has nothing to do with his hands To
put them in his pockets is the natural action but this give s
an appearance o f lounging i n s o u c i a n c e or impudent de
te rmination which becomes very few me n if any
The
be st substitute for a walking stick is an umbrella no t a
parasol unless it be given you by a lady to carry The
main point of the walking dress is the harmony o f colors
bu t this should not be carried to the extent of M de Malt
z an , who some years ago made a bet to wear no t hing but
pink at Baden —Baden for a whole year and had boots a nd
gloves of the same lively hue He won his wager bu t
also the soubriquet of
L e D i able e nfl ammé
The walk
ing dress should vary according to the place and hour In
th e country or at the sea side a straw hat or w ide awak e
may take the place of the beaver and t he nuisance of
loves
e ven dispensed with i n the former
But
in
b
Lon
g
don where a man is supposed to make visits as wel l as
the fro ck coat of very dark blue or
sc unge in the P ark
b lack or a black cloth cut away the white waistcoat and
la vender gl oves are almost indispensable
V ery thi n
boots should be avoid ed at all ti mes and whatever clo th es
So
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16 2
D RESS
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wears
they should be well brushed
The shi rt
The shir t col
whether seen or not should be quite plain
lar should never have a color on it but i t may be sti ff 01
turned down according as t he wearer is Byronically or
B r u mme ll ic a l l y disposed The scar f i f simple and o f mod
e s t colors is perhaps the best t hing we can wear round the
neck ; but i f a neck tie is pr e ferred it should not be too
long nor tied in too sti ff and studied a manner Brum
mell made his reputat ion by the knot of his cravat and
e ven in so tiny a trifle a man may show his taste or his
The ca n e should be extremely simple a mere
want of it
stick in fact with no gold head and yet fo r the town not
rough t hick or clumsy ; nor o f the style beloved o f Cor
oral
Shanks
o f the Fusileers
The
f
rock
coat
should
be
p
ample and loose and a tall well built man may throw it
back
At any rate it should never be bu tt oned up
G reat coats are so little worn in this country that I need
If worn at all they should be bu t
say lit t le about them
toned up of a dark color not quite black longer than t he
frock coa t but never long enough to reach the ankles
If you have visits to make you should do away with the
great coat if the weather allo ws you t o do so O n t he
Continent it is always removed be fore entering a drawing
room but not so in England The frock coat or blac k
c u t away with a white waistcoat in s ummer is the best
dre ss for making calls in
It is c ertainly very hard that a man may not wear wh at
he l ikes and that i f I have a fancy to gr a ndeur and a
fine pai r of shou l d ers I may not be allo wed to strut alo ng
P all Mall in a Roman toga or havi ng lost a seventeenth
aou s in removed am forbidden by the laws— a t least tho se
of Policeman Z 5 00 who most certainly would in s ist on
one
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16 4
D RESS.
rounds
de
en
f
d the fact that you are s e en in the mo rnin g
g
in a swa llow tail bl a ck cloth coat and a black sati n tie
Nay i f like Mr Foun t ayn Wilson you have been s pec u
lating in cloth black instead o f grey and had twenty
thousand yards on your hands you must on no consid e r a
ion put any of them on your legs be fore a certain hour
Of course you may i f you please we ar
of the evening
j ockey trousers broad patterns bird s e ye handkerchie fs
tail coats and black cloth at any hour of the day and in
portion
but
it
will
be
under
o f the civilized world
an
y
ain
and
penalty
o f being dubbed by that terrible mon o
p
No
syllable which nothing could induce me to repeat
it m u s t be a shooting coat of any cut or color or a froc k
coat but i t may
c oat that is dark or in winter an over —
ne ver be a tail —
coat and so on with the rest You may
dress like a bargee i n shorts and grey stockings like a
chimney sweep in the deepest mourning like a coster
monger a coal he ave r a shoeblack or as M de Mal tz an
”
did like Sa Majest é d en has and you will either be
taken for a bargee chimney sweep costermonger coal
heaver shoeblack or demon or you will be set do wn as
eccentric ; but i f while not discarding your ordinary a t
tire you ade pt some por tion peculiar to a class belo w you
you will I regret to say be certainly most uncharitably
e nti t led only a snob
So much for morning dress
It is simple nonsense to talk of modern civili z ation a nd
rejoice that the cruelties of t he dark ages can never be
I main t ai n
perpetrated in these days and this country
that they are perpetrated freely generally daily with
the consent of the wretched victim himsel f in the com
Is there anythi ng at
puls io n to wear evening cloth e s
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LI MB C OV ERS
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n c e more com fortless or more hideous
Le t us beg i n
with wh a t the delicate Americans call li mb cov e rs whic h
we are told were the invention of the Gauls but I am in
cl i ne d to t hink of a much worse race fo r it is clearly a n
anachronism to as cribe the discovery to a V ene t ian c alle d
Pi ant a l e one and it can only have been Inquisitors or do
mons who inflicted this scourge on the race o f man , and
hi s ninth parts the tailors for I t a ke i t that both are
Le t us pau se
equally bothered by the tight pantaloon
a while over t his unsightly garment a nd console ourselves
wi t h the reflection that as every country and almos t every
ye ar has a di fferent fashion in its make o f it we may at
las t he emancip a ted from it altoge t her or at least be able
to wear it a l a T a r gu e
Whenever I call at a great house which as I am a
writer on etiquette must— of course — be v e ry o ften I
c on fess to feeling a most trying i ns i ni fic a nc e in the pre
g
s ence of the splendid Mercury who ushers me in
Why
is this ? Neither physically mentally by posi t ion educa
t ion nor genius am I his in ferior and yet I shrink be fore
h im
On the other hand if it is a butler in plai n c l ome s
who admits me like Bob Acres I feel all my courage
ooze back again I gave my nights long and sleepless to
the consideration of this problem and ha v now arrived
at a satis factory explanation It is not the tall figure and
magnificent whiskers it is not the gold lace and rich re d
f
f
o f J oh n
lus
i
t
is
not
the
maj
estically
indi
erent
air
h
;
p
Thomas that appals me ; it i s the consciousness that my
le gs my as a man most import a n t and distincti ve limbs
are in an in ferior position to his As an ar t i st I can
And
not bnt recogni z e the superior beauty of his figure
for this disgrace this ignominy I su ffer I have to thank
a
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l 66
D RESS
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the Celts with their br a c cae and t re bad t aste of so m e
—
f
m
narch
or
leader
o
f
ashion
probably a German
o
c a lfl e ss
—
all
G
erm
ns
have
bad
ta
te
and
bad
le
s
who revived
s
a
for
g
th i s d i ous long obs i l e te instrument o f pers onal tor tur e
Independent of a loss of
It i s n othing less believe me
personal beauty t here is the unheal t hiness of a tight gar
ment clinging to the very por t ion which we exercise most
It is true
and which most demands a free circulation
that the old —fashioned breeches if too tightly fastened
round the knee produc e d the same e ffect and Mari a
Macklin a celebrated actress of male characters almost
Honi soit qui
lost her leg by vanity in the matter of
mal y pense
but after all what is not a cool stocking
to a hot bag of thick stu ff round the leg ; how far pre fe
rable the freedom of trunk —hose to the har dly fough t
”
peg t e p trousers But it is not all
l iberty of the
trousers that I rebel against If I might wear linen ap
ndic es i n summer
and
f
u r con t inuat i ons in winter I
e
p
would not groan but it is the evening dress that inflicts
on the man who likes socie t y the necessity of wearing the
same trying cloth all the year round so that under Bore as
he catches colds and under the dog star he m e lts They
manage these things better abroad In America a man
may go to a ball in white ducks In France he has the
But in England we are doomed for
Option of light grey
eve r to buckskin This unmen t ionable but most ne c e ssa
“
”
human form divine i s one that
ry disguise o f the
ne v e r vari e s in this country and there fore I mus t lay d own
t he rule
For all evening wear — black cloth trousers
But the to rtures of evening dress do not end with our
lower li mbs
Of all the iniqui ties perpetrated under the
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16 8
D RES S
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These three items never vary for dinne r par ty muffin
The only distinction allo wed is in t he
worry or ball
neck t ie For dinner the Opera and balls t his must be
whi t e and the smaller t he be t t er It should be t o o of
was h able t exture n t silk nor netted nor hanging down
no r o f any foppis h produc t ion but a s i mpl e whi t e t ie
The black tie is only admi tted for
without embroidery
The shirt
e vening par t ies and sho uld be equally simple
front which figures und e r t he tie should be pl a in wi t h
unpretending s mall plai t s All t he elaborations which
the French have introduced amo ng us in this particu l r
and the custom o f wearing pink under the shirt are an
abomination to
art
h
oers
The
glove
must
be
te
w
p
y
not yello w
Recen t ly i ndeed a fashion has sprung up
of wearing lavender gloves in t h e evening
They a re
e conomical and as all economy is an abomination must
Gloves should always be worn at a ball At
be avoided
a dinner party in t own they should be worn on entering
the room and dra wn off for dinner While on the one
hand we must avoid the a wkwardness of a gallant s e a
captain who wearing no gloves at a dance excused him
“
sel f to his par tne r by saying Never mind Miss I c an
”
we have no
Wash my hands when I ve done dancing
need in the present day to copy the Roman gentlema n
mentioned by At hen aeus who wore gloves at dinner that
he might pick his meat from the hot dishes more rapidl y
tha n the bare handed a u c s ts
As to gloves at tea par ti es
and so forth we are generally sa fer with than wit hou t
If it is quite a small party we may leave t h e m
them
in our pocket a nd in the country they are scarcely e x
“
c t e d to be worn ; but
e
touch nor a eat but wit h a
p
o
l
g ve ; you are always sa fer with them
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UND REST,
nnnsr ,
No t
AND
MUC H
1 69
D REST
.
in the matter of the hat In France and Ge r
n nn y the ha t is brought into a ball room and dr awmg
roo m und e r all circumstances and great is the con fusion
arising there from a man having every chance of finding
his new hat exchanged for an old one under a seat
e n ce w a lked home from a German ball as bare headed as
some well dressed robber having not only e x
a friar
e ha nge d his hat wi th mi ne but to prevent detection c ar
ried off his own to o I shall not easily forget the con
ste r nat io n in an English party to which I went soon a fter
my return from the Continent unconsciously c a rrying i n
my hat and the host could not restrain some small face
t ious allusion to i t when I looked for it under the table
”
be fore going away A Gibus prevent s all such diffi
yet as a general rule in England the hat shoul d
c ul t i es
be le ft outside
I must not quit this subject without assuring mysel f
that my reader knows more about it now than he did be
In fact I have taken one thing for granted viz
fore
that he knows what it is to be dressed and what undress
ed Of course I do not suppose hi m to be in the bliss ful
state of ignorance on the subject once enjoyed by our first
“
”
”
“
parents I use the words dressed and u ndressed
ra t her in the sense meant by a military tailor or a cook
with re ference to a salad You need not be sh ocked I
fear o f
a m one of those people who wear spectacles fo
t
(
I am t he soul
se e ing anyth ing with the naked eye
But I am wondering whether everybody
sc r upulosity
arr anges his wardrobe as our ungrammatical nurses used
“
best second b e st third
to do ours under the heads of
”
best
and so on and knows what things ou ght to be
l
ac e d under each
To
be
undressed
is
to
dr
esse d
b
e
p
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8
170
D RESS
.
work and ordinary occupa t ions to wear a coat Wh i c h
nk
i
tie
which
your
o u do n ot fear to s poil and a neck —
y
s t and will not obj ec t to but your acquaintance migh t
”
“
dressed on the other han d since by dress we
To be
she w our respect fo r society at large or the persons wi t h
a ha m we are to mingle is to be clothed in the garment s
which the said society pronounces as suitable t o partien
la r occasions ; so that evening dress in the morning ,
morning dress in the evening and top boots and a red
”
“
may all be called undress i f not
coat for walking
”
“
posi t ively bad dress
But there are shades of being
”
dre ssed
and a man is called litt le dress e d
well
”
”
dressed and much dressed not according t o the quan
ti ty but the quality of his coverings The diminutive
h
f
ockey
hom
I
meet
in
my
walks
a
month
be
ore
t
w
e
j
D erby looking like a ball of clothes and undergoing a
most uncom fortable process of lique faction which he do
”
“
“
nominates training is by no means much dressed
because he wears two great coats three thick waistcoats
”
“
“
and t he same number of com forters
To be l ittl
”
dressed is to wear old things of a make that is no lon
ger the fashion having no pretension to elegance a rt ist it
beauty or ornament It is also to wear lou nging clothes
on occ a sions which demand some amount of precision
”
“
To be much dressed is to be in the extreme of the
fashion with bran new clothes j e welry and ornaments
wi th a touch of extravagance and gaiety in your co l or s
Thus to wear patent lea ther boots a nd yellow gloves in a
iet morning stroll is to be much dressed and certainly
doe s not di ffer immensely from being badly dressed
To
“
be well dressed is the happy medium between these
two which is not given to every o ne to hold inasm uc h as
fo r
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1 72
D RESS
.
Li g ht gl oves are more esteemed than dark o nes,
pri nce of glove colors is undeniably lavender
-
and
the
.
”
should say J ones wa s a fast man said a friend to
”
If this idea of
for he wears a white hat
me one day
my c ompanion s be right fastness may be said to con s i st
There is certainly only one ste p
t a i nl y in peculiari t y
fr om the sublimi ty of fastness to the ridiculousness of snob
bc rry and i t is not always easy to say where the one end s
A dandy on the other hand is the
and t he o t her begins
clothes on a man not a man i n clothes a living lay figure
who displays much dress and is quite satis fi ed i f you praise
A bear is in the opposite
it wi t hout taking heed o f hi m
extreme never dressed enough and al ways very roughly ;
but he is almost as bad as t he other for he sacrifices
The off hand style of
e verything to his ease and com fort
dre ss only sui ts an off hand character It was at one time
the fashion to a ffect a certain negligence which was called
poetic and supp i sed to be the result of genius An ill
tied if not positively untied cravat was a sure sign of an
unbridled imagination ; and a waistcoat was held together
by one button only as i f the swelling soul in the wearer s
bosom had burst all the rest If in addition to this the
hair was unbrushed and curly you were certain of passing
”
for a
man of soul
I should not recommend any young
gentleman to adopt this style unless indeed he can mouth
a great deal and has a good stock of quotations from the
oets
f
It
i
s
o
no
use
to
show
me
the
clouds
unless
I
c
a
n
p
siti
ve ly see you in them and no amount of negligenc e
o
p
in your dress and person will convince me you are a ge
ui us unless you produce an o c t ave volume o f poems pub
l ishe d by yoursel f
I con fess I am glad t h l t the n eg l ig i
style so common in novels of ten years bac k has bee n
,
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1 73
ST LES or D RESS
.
cceeded by neatnes s What we want is real eas e it the
c lothes and for my part I S hould rej oice t o see the Knick
e rboc ke r style generally adop t ed
Besides the ordinary occasions treated of be fore the re
re several special occasions requiring a change of dre ss
Most of our sports together with marriage ( which som e
e
eople
include
in
the
and
going
to
court
com
S ports )
p
under t his head
Now with the exception of the last t he
l ess change we make the better in the present day par
ti c u l arl y in sports where if we are dressed with s e r a p o
lous accuracy we are liable to be subjected to a compari
A man who we ars
son between our clothes and our skill
a red coat to hunt in should be able to hunt and not
Of wedding
sneak through gates or dodge over gaps
dress and court—dress we Shall S peak in separate chapters
”
”
“
Marriage and The Court
B ut
under the heads o f
a fe w remarks on dresses worn in di fferent sports may be
use ful Having laid down the rule that a strict accuracy
of s p orting costume is no longer in good taste we can die
miss shooting an d fishing at once with the warning tha t
An old coat wi th large
We must not dress well for either
ockets
gaiters
in
one
case
and
i
f
necessary
large
boot
i
p
n th e other
thic k shoes at a ny rate a wide awake and
a well fil l e d bag or basket at the end o f the day make u
p
a most respectable Sportsman of the lesser kind
Then
for cricket you want nothing more unusual than flannel
trousers which should be quite plain unless your club
has adopted some colored stripe thereon a colored flann el
shir t of no very violent hue the same colored c ap s h oes
wit} spikes in them and a great coat
For hunting lastly you have to ma k e more change i f
Thus cord
onl y to insur e your own c om fort and sa fet y
su
.
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1 74
D RESS
.
and
some kind of boots are indispensable S o
are spurs so a hunting whip or c re p ; so too if y ou do
not wear a hat is the strong round cap that is t o save
your val u able Skull from cracking i f you are thrown on
your head Again I should pity the man who would a t
te mpt to hunt in a frock coat or a dress coat ; and a scarf
B ut
with a pin in it is much more convenient than a tie
beyond these you need no t hing out o f the common way
but a pocketful of money The red coat for instance is
only worn by regular members o f a hunt and boys from
Ox ford who ride over the bou nds and like to display their
”
pinks
In any case you are better with an ordinary
riding coat of dark color though undoubtedly the red is
I
h
h
i
rettier
in
t
e field
f
you
w
ll
wear
t
e latter see that
p
it is cut square for the swallow tail is obsolete and worn
“
hunted sir fi fty years
o nly by the fi ne old boys who
ago Sir when I was a boy of fi fteen sir Those we r e
”
hunting days sir ; such runs and such leaps
Again
”
“
your cords should be light in color and fine in quality
your waistcoat i f with a red coat quite light too ; your
scar f of cashmere of a bu ll color and fastened wi t h a
small simple gold pin ; your hat S hould be old and your
cap of dark green or black velvet plated inside and with
a small s tifi peak Should be made to look old Las tly,
fo r a choice of boots The Hessians are more easi l y clea n
”
“
tops are
e d and there fore less e x pensive to keep ; the
Brummell who cared more for the hunting
more natty
dress than the hunting itsel f i ntroduced the fashion of
l
of the latter but the old ori ins
ipe
c
aying
the
ops
t
p
g
”
mahoganies of which the upper leathers are simply
o lished seem to be coming into fashion again
p
We shall now pass to a subject which in e very respec t
breeche s
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C H A P T E R IV
LA D
YS
’
D RESS
.
.
FA B from being of the Opinion e xpressed by Ca tharine
”
“
dressing t i me is murder e d time , the
of Arr agon , that
woman we are apt to think , who has not s ome natural
.
tas te
in dress some love of novelty some delight in the
combination of colors is deficient in a sense o f the beaut i
As a work of art a well dressed woman is a study
ful
That a love of dress is natural in woman and that it
has some great a i vant age s is so plain as to be scarcely
worth recording It does not follow that it should engross
e very other t aste ; it is only the coquette s heart wh ich
“
a fl ame colored
as Addison describes it is stu ffed with
ho od
From the days of Anne Boleyn who varied her
dress ev ery day and who wore a small kerchie f over her
round neck t o conceal a mark thereon and a falling sleeve
to hide her doubly tipped little finger dress has had its
place in t he heart of Englishwomen And i t is as well
that it Should do so ; for the dowdy be she young or be
she old is sure to hear o f her deficiencies from her hus
band i f she has not already done so from brothers and
Indi fference and consequent inattention to
fa ncy cousins
dress o ften Show pedantry sel f righteousness or indolence ;
”
unco gude as a virtue may
and whilst extolled by the
Every woman Should habitually
be noted as a de fec t
mak e the best of hersel f We dress out our receivin g
rooms with natural flowers ; are their inmates to look in
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( 1 76 )
,
THE LOV E OE D RESS
1 77
.
nsi sten t with the dr awing room over which th ey preside !
We make our tables gorgeous or at all events s e e mly
wi t h sil e r glass and china ; where fore s hould our wive s
be l e ss at tracti ve than all around them ? Amongst the
rich and great the love o f dress promotes some degree of
exe rtion and display of taste in themselves and fosters i a
f
and
indus
t
ry
in
in
eriors
in
the
middle
c l a ssel
e nu i t
;
g
y
it engenders contrivance diligence neatness of h and ;
among the humbler it has its good e ffects But in t hus
giving a l ove of dress its due the taste the consistency,
and the pract i cabili ty of dress are kept in view ; the de
”
Science apart
vot io n to dress which forms in France a
and which occupies it must be allowed many too many
an English woman s head is not only selfish but c onte mp
tible So long as dress merely int erests amuses occupie s
only suc h time as we can reasonably allot to it it is salu
ta ry It prevents women from indulging in sentiment ; it
is a remedy for m a la d i es i m ag i n a i r es it somewhat re
fines the tastes and the habits and gives satisfaction and
pleasure to others
Besides an attention to dress is almost requisite in the
present state of society ; a due influence in which cannot
It is use ful too as retaini ng
be attained without it
e ven in the minds of sensible men that pri de in a wi fe s
a ppearance which is so agreeable to her and which mate
ri ally fades during the gradual decay of personal a ttrac
N0 one looked better than my wi fe did to night
ti on s
is a sentence which one o ften rejoices to hear from th
lips of an honest hearted English husband after a party
or a ball how much soever we may doubt t he soundn ess
of hi s decision
B ut whils t t he a l vantage s of a l ov e of dre ss are ad
co
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1 78
LAD
YS
’
DREss
.
mittc d,
how mou rn fully we approach a c on side ra tic n 01
its perils A love of dress uncontrolled stimulated by
c oque t ry and personal vani t y un t il it cancels every righ t
rinciple
becomes
a temp t ation first and then a c urs e
p
No t to e x pa t iate upon the evils it produces in the way of
e xample the envy an undue passion for and e x cess in d i es
ex ci t es the extortionate class o f persons in the shape of
mi ll e ne rs and dressmakers it unduly enriches and t he
e normous expenses it is know n to lead to when indulged
criminally that is to the detriment o f better employments
d beyond the compass of means let us remember how
it implies sel fi shness and vani t y and causes remons t rances
and o ft en reproaches from the person most likely to su ffe r
from his wi fe s indulgenci e s— her husband
Analyze the bill of a fashionable milliner when the
dresses of which it comprises a fabulous reckoning are
even only hal f Worn out What gauzes and odds and
ends of lace and trimmi ngs useless a ft er a night or two s
wear and fl ou nc i ngs and furbelo ws and yards of t u l l e i l
l u s i o n it enumerates
T u ll e i l l u s i o n indeed all is il
l u s ion ! and yet for this a husband s income is charged
oft en at an inconvenience or a wi fe s allowance e nc u m
bered or angry words engendered or the family credit
impeached ; and worse than all charity and even j ustic e
must be suppressed on account of this claim from a mi ]
liner as remorseless as she is fashionable for these t wo
Then there is
points are generally in the same ratio
another evil
; it has been found that the indu l gence in
pe rs mal luxury in women has an inj urious e ffect on the me r
l l tone
It is in some na t ures the first symptom i f not
the cause of a relaxation in vir t ue ; at all events i t is
o fte n mis taken for such A woman of simpl e habits ac
.
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1 80
L AD
YS
’
D RESS
.
The cost of pocket handkerch i e fs is som stl ing
work
marvellous ; the plain fine cambric than which noth i n g
is more appropriate or more agreeable is only fit for o u r
in feriors Cu ffs collars j a bots c h e m is e t t e s are a ge n us
that h a l f ruin a lady of moderate means Until lately
fiou nc e s went into such extremes that it required twenty
or t wo and twenty yards to make a dress for the wi fe of a
hard working physician or la wyer ; bu t happily the e x
cess has cured itsel f France in returning good sense
now decrees that every thing shall be plain Trimmings
that snare to the un wary out of which dressmakers made
How
fortunes and husbands los t them are put down
long this salutary change may continue no one can tell
but a woman o f sense should be superior to all these va
r i a t io n s
She should keep within the bounds of the
fashion
She should not dress out that perishable piec e
of clay with money wrung from the hands o f an anxious
laborious husband or taken i f her husband be a man of
fortune from his means of charity
The proportion of what amongst the great we call pin
money and amongst their in feriors an allowance for dress
is a very di fficult matter to decide Consistency in regard
to station and fortune is the first matter to be considered
A lady of rank the mother of three beauti ful ill fated
”
“
daughters is reported to be able t o do with two thou
sa nd a year for dress
A monstrous sum
a monstrous
sin s ) to spend it !
When we look into the details of a
recent bankruptcy case in which the items o f the famous
Miss J ane Clark s bills for the dresses of t wo fashionable
and we must add most blamable women were exposed t he
secret of these enormous sums for dress is rev e aled
It
cons is t s in
reckless orde r and their results fabul ous
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A
LL O WA N C E
FOR D RESS
18}
.
lady once followed the late excellent Pr i nce ss
Augusta into the rooms of a Court milliner Havi ng
wa ited until that illustrious l ady had retired it was t i m
for the humbler customer to make her selection She as k ed
the price of a dress apologizing there for for She was muc h
immosse d by t he r oyal and dignified aspect which had pre
“
c eded her
D on t make any apology ma am was the
C o urt milliner s exclamation ; her Royal Highness neve r
orders an article without asking the price ; and I alway s
like to receive ladies who ask prices ; it shows that they
”
int end to pay
The cost there fore of dress depends so much on the pru
dence as well as on the discrimination of a lady for she
s hould know how to c h oos e her dress that it is di fficult te
lay down any rule of expenditure For married women
of rank five hundred a year ought to be t h e maximum ; a
hundred a year the minimum ( and there are many peers
who cannot easily afford to give their wives even so much )
The wives of ministers and more especially of diplomatist s
who require to appear frequently ei t her in foreign courts
or i n our own may require five hundred or even more
though I am persuaded very fe w of our ambassadorial ladies
have so much to Spend
With regard to unmarried women what a revolt amongst
them there would be i f old Lord Eldon were now alive to
lay do wn as he did as a max i m th a t forty pounds a year
was enough for any girl not of age even i f she had large
ex pectations ; and that was all he allotted to a ward of
It
Chan c ery who was heiress to five thousand a year
In a trial in which a celebrated
was perhaps too l it tle
ba rris t er who had an extravagant wi fe was sued for dres s
make rs bill s for his reckless spause the judge stated that
price s
A
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1 82
LAD
Y
’
S D RESS
.
ixty pounds a year was an ample allowance for the wi fe
o f a pro fessional man and beyond t h a t bills could not be
more was extravagance
Th a t was essen t ial
recovered
Certainly these legal authorities were moderate in the ir
—
so
t
iews
especially
as
no
women
are
so
ex
ravagant
none
v
;
l u xurious generally as the wi ve s of successful barristers
The Ti m es whose range and power seem to resemble
t he elephant s trunk that can pick up a pin or crush a man
”
leader made a remark
in a la t e sensible and amusing
which will com fort struggling pro fessional men and gen
be thank fu lly received by all who need some e u
e ra l ly
tho r i ty to aid in keeping the milliner s bill within lue
It was simply to the e ffect that a taste ful care
bounds
fu l lady with the start o f a moderately good tr o us s e a u
ought ( and many do ) to make t wenty pounds a year s uffice
for th e dress o f hersel f and children during t he first fe w
a rs o f m a rried li fe and this without any compromise of
e
y
respectability
Much however depends on management much on the
care taken of dress In these respects the French are in
finitely our superiors
Even t he g r a n d ee da m es of Paris
are not in t imidated by their maids into throwing a way a
hal f worn dress on the con t rary everything is turned to
account On ent ering the apartment of a c o u tu riére one
day a lady was struck by the elegance of ribbon trimming
The c o u tu r i er e smiled and poin t ed to
on a court train
a n old dress from W l l l Ch the still unsoiled ribbon had been
t aken This was to be the dress and the lady saw i t the
ne x night at the Tuileries and knew it at once ; in thi s
the sister o f a Duc and Maré chal o f France hersel f a
Countess a ppeared We should fi nd it imposs ible to ge t
any mantua maker to per form such an act of vi rtuous econ
s
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1 84
LA D
YS
'
D RESS
.
dresses or has an ill arranged b e nnet or be ach
dress esteem even a ffection will not resis t a smil or a
s igh ; and the mere acquaintance will have every ri ght a
j eer at what seems to imply an ignorance o f the habits of
ood society
g
Next in i nj ury to he r who practises extravagance of
dress is ext ravagance i n fashion From t he middle ages
the English ladies have been bad dressers Witness Queen
Mary when married to Philip I I of Spain s p oiling the
e ffect of a superb wedding dress in the French style by
wearing a black scar f and scarlet shoes which it has bee n
sarcastically observed was worse t han burning Protestants
D uring the last century head dres ses rose to a stupendous
height each lady carrying on her head a tower composed of
a cushion on which t he hair was drawn back and clubbed
or rolled on the top of the neck On this fabric were
arranged feathers flowers pearls dangling in loops rib
bons and old point lace Sometimes a tiny mob cap was
stuck on one side the whole was so immense that even the
huge family coaches were too small and the ladies usually
sat with their heads hanging out o f the window o f the car
ri a ge
Powder was a main ingredient and hair—dressing
w s in deed a science
On great occasions the hair dresser
waited on our fair an ce stresses betimes ; belabored thei r
tresses with the powder pu ff and with what looked li k e
the end of a candle a pomatum stick until no trace of
natur e could peep out to mar the belle
Then he placed
t he cushion sticking it on wi t h long pins of wire ; ne xt
be struck here and there the bows or feathers or flowers
Aft er an hour s torture in which nei t her back must be
bent nor head moved he le ft her not t o repose but to sit
as i f in a vice until the patches or m o m /l ee were s t uc k on
and
fresh
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H ION
EX TRA V A G AN CE I N FAS
1 85
.
k i lfu lly ; the tight corsets drawn to an agony point ;
s
the
ointed
and
heeled
S hoes put on over the well pr i cked si l k
p
stocking ; and the dress that could have stood alone com
of strong whale bone that sprun
ose
over
a
f
ortification
d
p
g
out a great circum ference b e ing a series of bands r o u
g
lated by a Spring and constituting that great feat ure of
full dress — the h00p
In Paris there W a s a champion of low heads in the
erson
of a Swiss who not being able to see over thes e
p
t urrets of heads at the g ra n de Opera used to cut away
as one does at evergreens right and le ft in order to clea r
away the View At last the ladies i n dismay and alarm
ed a t his scissors gave him up a front place ; but even
tu al l y the ridicule thus cast on the mode banished it or
helped to do so and a less absurd c o ifiur e came into vogue
The art of placing patches on the face and neck wa s of
earlier origin and came in during the reign of Charles II
It was of French origin ; and Henriet t a of Or l eans the
s ister of the King was amongst the first to display mouche s
or patches at court This time even Mrs Pepys was pe r
witted by her husband to wear them ; and t he vani ty o f
the c i deva n t tailor Spoke forcibly in these words
The
Princess Henrietta is very pretty but my wi fe standing
near her with two or three black patches on and well
dressed still seems to me much handsomer than she
Patc hes long held their reign ; and went out only with
rouge having even survi ve d the reign of powder
A t length a more n atural taste dawned in England ; be
i t was reserved for Mrs Siddons first to appear on th e
st age without powder and her o wn rich dark hair a rrang e d
in massive tresses on her fine head
To w ards the beginning of the prese nt century ca me in
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I86
D RESS
re
e
.
he e xtremes of tight dresses and sho r waists The s k irts
of dresses were made as scanty as possible and gored th at
There
is made much wider at t he base than at the top
It was
wa s an inch o f sleeve and two inches o f boddi c e
i mp ossible no t to be indelicate unless you put on what was
”
“
modesty piec e or tucker formed of lace or
c alled a
worked muslin even then t he requisite propriety was al
most unattainable As to the hair that was drawn up to
the top of the head and two or three curls worn in front ,
00ps had been outra
us
above
the
eyebrows
Since
h
t
j
geons and head dresses had obstructed the view of He r
Maj esty s liege subj ec t s society thus revenged hersel f
T hen came
Poli t ics too at that time influenced fashion
the Brutus crop in which style many of our fair a nc es
tresses are depic t ed ; this was in compli ment to the Roman
heroism o f t he First Consul Bonaparte and was caught
u in Eng l and
h
S
mall
eghorn
ats
like
men
s
hats
were
L
p
al l the vogue and were in t hei r turn displaced fo r high
c rowned bonnets with an inch or two of poke which yie l d
ed in due course to the cottage bonnet or c ap i te
The hair at this time was ge t ting higher and h igher
until about twenty years ago it reached the g ir afie— a
be w o f hair or two or even three bows raised on trian
gular p i ns made on purpose and fastened skill fully into
the hair ; over this rose the bow called — in comp l iment to
the first appearance of two gira ffes in this country— t he
Their reign was short an d the hair san k
gira ffe bows
down to the very extreme and ri nglets which reached the
very waist and plaits low do wn in t h e neck behind s uc
c e e de d
There wa s a transient reign o f the Oldenburg
bonnet in t roduced by t he beau t i ful D uchess of Oldenburg
when she visi ted this country in 1 81 8 This bonnet was
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1 88
LAD
YS
’
D RESS
.
Mont ij o Empress of F rance by placing on her h ead a
whi t e flower ; she was radian t with excitement
It
Hor figure however was the subj ect of all pra i se
The dress was
was slight and per fec t ly well dressed
tight in the corsage and full moderately full in the Skir t
Since then what a change ! That small but matchle ss
form far more remarkable fo r grace than for d i gnity co me s
forth encumbered unnaturally enlarged and indeed de
formed with an excess of fulness which can only be sup
po rted by a device which i n principle is the grandchild of
the h00p A s she walks the pe tt icoats shake about and
the artifice underneath is revealed The Empress is there
but the beauti ful t o u r n u r e o f Eugenie de Montij o is lost
in the mass of bou fl ons and fl ounc es over the i nvisible
though protruding crinoline The in fatuation has spread
from the palace to the private house ; thence even to the
cottage Your lady s maid must now needs have her crin
oline and it has e ven become an essential to factory girls
The smart young needlewoman has long thought that
neither She nor any one else could appear wi thout it
That there are some advantages i n this modern fashion
cannot be denied On State occasions it gives importance
shows off a dress and preserves it from trailing on the
For walking it has the recommendation of keeping
floor
the dresses out of the dirt ; which may to some exten t
c ompensate for the very un p leasant and visible e ffect of
”
“
c arrying one s tails behind one since the skirt o ften
shakes about as if there was a balloon around t he pe rs o n
Otherwise the crinoline is unnatural — as some wear it in
delicate— and cumbersome and gives an appearance of
wid t h below that is pe fec t ly fright fu l Now however t he
As i f to make the contrast greate r
ex ce ss seems aba ting
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1 89
CRIN OLINE
.
those who
pand below do not hesita te in many in
stances to c ontrac t above by tight lacing ; but this a ls o
is a custom that has very much decreased of late year s
Formerly instances were frequently known of young ladie s
nearly perishing under t he sel f imposed torture of wha t
A physician
nay not be inaptly called the waist screw
was summoned by
at dinner one day with his family
knocks and rings to a house in the same street where ther e
had been a dinner party The ladies had j ust retired to
the drawing room when suddenly the youngest and fai r
Restorative s
es t of them fell fainting back into her ch a ir
The phy
were applied but consciousness did not return
wel l
sic ian came ; he was an aged and practical man
versed in every variety of female folly He too k ou t his
penkni fe ; the company around thought he was going to
bleed the still unconscious patient
Ha this is tigh t
”
“
lacing ! he suddenly said ; and adding
no time to be
”
lost he cut Open the boddic e of the dress ; it Opened and
wit h a gush gave the poor young lady breath ; the heart
had be en compressed by tight lacing and ha d nearly ceas
ed to act In another moment it would have been too late ;
t he action of the heart would have ceas ed al t ogether
It has been found also that the liver the lungs the
owers
of the stomach have been brought into a diseas ed
p
L oss of bloom fixed
state by this most pernicious habit
redness in the nose eruptions on the S kin are among i t s
If prolonged there is no knowing to wha t
sa d e ffects
malady tight lacing may not t e d its most apparen t
effect is an inj ured digestion and con s equent loss of a p
f
i
this
however
it
is
o
ten
d
fli
c u l t to convi nce
f
O
e tite
p
the practised tight lacer for vanity is gene rally obs t ina te
NC girl should wear bones or ste e ls until she has dom
so e x
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1 90
’
La nr s D RESS
.
Until then a boddice close fitt ing but not
growing
tight or even a mere flannel waistcoat is all that sh t u l d
be allowed i f a mother wishes to avoid seeing her child
D uring the reign o f tight lacing
with a curved Spine
and of stays so sti ff that when spread out they resembl e
a board in te x ture seven women in ten were crooked
“
You
t ole families leaned on one side or the other
”
was the common e x
ar e no worse than your neighbors
pression of any surgeon called in to attend in a case of
curvature of the Spine That is not the case now to
n ea rly such an extent
But looking at t ight lacing without consideration of its
e ffect on heal t h and merely as its tendency to improve or
t o inj ure the appearance nothing can be more absurd t han
to believ e that it is advantageous to the figure A very
small waist is rather a de formity than a beauty To see
the shoulders cramped and squeezed together is anythin g
but agreeable ; the figure should be easy well develope d
supple : i f Nature has not made the waist small compres
sion c an n ot m en d h e r work Dress may do much to les
se n t he a w k w ard appearance of a thick waist by clever
adapta ti ons ; by th e use of stays bot h easy and well fit
ting by a li ttl e e x t ra t rimming on the shoulders wh i ch
na t urally makes the wais t appe ar smaller All this may
be done without inj ury ; no stays can ans wer the purpose
so well as those made by a good French stay maker who
has the art of t a king a sort of model of the figure by t he
The stays a re
e xtreme exactness of her measurements
made singl e and there fore fit better than double ones ;
Those la t ely in t roduce d
they give wi t h every movement
whic h fas t en at once are not so advantageous to t he fig
ure as t he old fashioned plan of lacing behind but are
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LADY s D RESS
19 2
.
well
dr essed
I am sure she was well dressed he re
“
iterated
for I cannot remember what she had on
No w had not the lady s dress been modern in the fashio n
he would have been s truck with some anomaly some pe
The general e ffect was ad
c u l ia r ity in form or colors
mirable ; what more could he wished ? de t ails are impor
tant to the dress maker and to the tailor : it is e ffect tha t
t ells on society Too much importance cannot be assigned
No na t ion in this respect o ffends
to the harmony of colors
so greatly as the English t hey mistake gaudiness for e ffect
or do wdin e ss for elegance When full colors are in fash
1 011 a lady however well dressed will look ill i f she a d
heres t o the delicate pinks and almost invisible blues which
prevailed some years since lovely as those pure and so ft
hades are She will however require an ar t ist s eye to
combine the more glowi ng shades skil fully in order to e s
cape being the parroquet of the company A certain
duchess no t ed for t he magnificence in which her stately
perso n is arrayed — so stately is it as to bear down even
royalty itsel f in queenly dignity—is so aware of the i m
portance of combin ing colors well that one of her f e m
m es d e c /t a m br e is a
combinati on maid selected on a c
count of her j udgment in colors ; thus every to il e tt e for
the day or night is submitted by her ; the shawl is a ffront
c d with the go wn ; the bonnet is made to suit wi t h bo t h
The wreath of flowers is to be in keeping with the rich
bo ddic e the boddic e with the sweeping trai n ; the rich
e welry ta ken from a casket almost unparalleled a mong
j
the subjects of any country must not eclipse but h e ighte n
the tin ts of the dress : the whole is placed for inspe cti o n
as an artist dresses up a lay figure
and
the
repute
f
t
h
o
e
;
combinati on m aid is staked on th e result
Whit e was that
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Mfl RNING
D RESS
s favorite att ire ; white scarc e purer
white which tom
0 call it pale not fair
the fa ce
”
hines
with every hue ornament or flowers bu t t he
lo veliness may now have fled be fore the approach of time
and rich colors have been selected as the appropriate
for th a t middle age which is so beau ti ful in English wc me n
and in English women alone
A fter these general remarks let us come to part i culars
nd consider what in modern days are t he di fferent dresse s
appropriate to ev e ry di fferent occasion in t he higher a nd
middle classes of li fe It is t rue t hat t he distinc t ion be
tween these is in many respects nullified ; that the wi f e
of the merchant dresses much in t he same way on ordinary
oc c asions as the peeress : s t ill t here are nevertheless dis
rgeous
o
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l ady
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tinc t ions
,
.
The peeress or the baronet s lady or the wi fe of a
mi nister or of an opulent M P of a very wealthy com
moner should when she appears dressed for the morning
he richly dressed
Silk or if in winter some mat erial
trimmed with silk or velvet should compose her dress
All that family of hal f worsted and hal f silk dresses c on
ve ni e nt for ladies who walk much are unsuitable t o mat
ron s of ran k and fortune
Le t them leave them to thei r
hous ekeepers ( if their housekeepers will wear them )
Rich dark silks per fectly well fitting ample in skirt and
l en gth with a moderate ba s t i o n of crinoline underneath
The basque introduced by t he
Sui t the woman of rank
Empress Eugenie and now gone out of fashion was pe ou
liarly elegant in morning dress : is marked so complet e l y
the di fference between the morning and evening costume
it i s bec oming to most figures ; i t is convenient for th ose
It is however dis
who l ike to fasten their own dresses
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9
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LAD Y S nnnss
194
’
.
on t inued and a far less elegant form Of dress adopte d
The m orning dress o f the present day i s worn close u p
to the throat a n d t he sleeves are loose and large : so tha t
undernea t h t hem sleeves richly worked or trimmed wi t h
cc may be seen hanging down or fastened rou nd t he
The fashion Of these mornin g
wr i s t wi t h a bracelet
dresses varies con t inually ; but as a general principle
they should be for a person moderately em bo np mn t made
The ac c ompa ni
to fit and show Off the fi gure per fec t ly
ments Of sleeves collars should be Of the mos t delicat e
and richest work ; t he lace choice ; the lady Of rank must
remember that imi t ations o f lace are n ot suitable to those
who can encourage art and indust ry ; a lady must also be
bi e n c /t a u s s ée
If stockings are vi ible they should be
of the finest silk or thread ; the shoe well made slight
and somewhat trimmed ; the fashion Of wear i ng gloves i n
doors or even mittens has much died away lately The
hand i f exposed should be habitually well taken care of
Nothing is so u nl a dy like as a hand that is either rough
or has become sun burn t in which case gloves should be
used TOO many rings are vulgar Those worn in t he
morning should be Of a solid kind not pearls or diamonds
which appertain t o full dress ; but enamel plain gold Opal
erhaps
sapphire
carbuncle
may
not
be
inconsistent
ith
w
p
morning dress and the same Observation may be applied
to the bre e c h
There is another style Of morning dress which is e l e
e n t that Of the p e ig n o i r a loose robe which admits of
g
eat
richness
Of texture ; it may be Of Cashmere or o f
r
g
fine Merino it may be made out Of a sha wl ; Of anything
bu t silk which is more appropriate to gow ns ; but thi s
dress is sca rcely suitable to any but t he early m orning
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15 6
LA DY s D RESS
.
h uld be simple there should still be so me degree
of ri c h n e ss in the dress
The w ry do wdy and common looking style Of dress
there should al ways be visible through
sh ould be a voided
Some of our ladies Of rank it
st ory cha nge t he lady
must be all owed though maintaining well the c ha ra c t e ris
tics Of g r a nd “ da m e s in society are negligent in t he ir
walking dress a nd seem to consider that it is only ne ce s
sary to put on th e ir dignity when they dress for dinner
For the countr y the attire should be taste ful and solid
and strong The h u net may still though plain and per
haps Of straw or w‘nal e bone be becoming The hat now
so prevalently used admits Of some decoration that give s
both character and e legance Worn almost universally on
the Continent in summer and now in England it is the
most sensible as we l l as the most picturesque covering for
the head ; long feathers even in the most tranquil scene s
are not inappropriate Cloaks Of a light material for sum
me r and stout in the winter are more elegant and suita
bl e than s hawls which belong rather to the carriage or
One point Of dress has been much amend
visiting dress
It was
ed la t ely owing to the good sense Of our Queen
formerly thought ungenteel to wear anything but t hin
Morocco shoes or very slight boots in walking Clogs
and goloshes were necessarily resorted to
The genteel
”
di se ase
as Mackenzie calls it has h owever yielded to
the remedies of example
V ictoria has assumed the Bal
mo ra l pe t ticoat than which for heal t h com for t warm th
and e ffect no invention was ever better
She has cour a
u sl
co
g
y accompanied it wi t h the Balmoral boot and eve n
wi th the mohair and colored stocking With these and
the warm cloak the looped dresses the shady hat an d to
dre ss
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1 97
FULL D I NN ER D RESS
.
o mplete a co untry walking dress soft gloves Of t he k ind
te rmed g a n t s d e S t ee l e the high born l ady may ( njoy t he
privileges which her inferiors possess— she may take a
go od walk wi t h pleasure and sa fety and not shiver at t he
a pect o f a muddy lane
N ext in t he description Of a lady s dress come s th
This should be e xceedingly
c arriage or visiting d re ss
handsome gayer in color richer in texture than t he
morning dress at home The bonnet may either be as
s imple as possible or as rich ; but it must not encroach
show or a morn
upon that to be worn at a fete a fl ower —
ing concert
It must still be what the French call u n
”
A really good shawl or a mantle
ch ap e a u d e f a tig u e
trimmed with lace are the concomitants Of the carriage or
In summer all should be light
a visiting dress in winter
Nothing
3001 agreeable to think O f pleasant to loo k at
can be in worse taste t han to keep on till it makes one
feverish to look at it the warm clothing Of winter after
Then l ight
winter and even Spring have passed away
scar fs Of which those worn in muslin are very elegant
delicate muslins slight silks and grenadines are infinite
ly more suitable al though they are less expensive to sum
me r and its bright hours than the heavy artillery of
cashmeres and velvets be they ever so handsome
The ordinary eve nin g costume at home admits Of grea t
t aste and becomingness In so me great houses it di ffer s
li ttle from that assu med at large dinner parties e xcept
In France the high dress
tha t Ornaments are less worn
In Eng
is still worn at dinners ev en those Of full dress
land that custom Often introduced never becomes gene
ra l ; there is no doubt but that a low dress is by far the
most becom ing according to age c omple xi on and the s tyle
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1 98
LA D
t h e ho u s e—
YS
’
D RESS
.
point
always
to
be
taken
into
c
onside ra
f
Ye t I should restrict this to dinners by candl e ligh t
tion
In summer a thin high dress at any rate is more con
veulent and mo re modes t Since t here is something in
e xposing the bare shoulders and arms to t he glare Of day ,
that startles an Observer the d e mi e t o i l e t t e Of the French
may here be well a pplied The hair should now be fully
flowers may be worn by the
dressed and with care
young ; caps with flowers by the elder ; ornaments espe
bracelets
are
not
inconsistent
the
dress
should
b
c i all
e
;
y
Of a texture that can bea r inspection not flimsy and in ox
pensive but good though not heavy The same rules
may be applied to the ordinary costume in an ev e ning at
home except that the texture may be lighter For all
these occasions a lady Of rank and fortune shou l d have
her separate dresses She should not wear Ou t her Ol d
ball or dinner dresses by her fireside and in intimate cir
cles They al ways have a tawdry miserable look She
should furnish hersel f with a good provision for the dem i c
t oi l e t t e
Nothing is so vulgar as finery out Of place
The full dinner dress in England admits and indeed
in the present days Of luxury demands great S plendor
The dress may be blue silver grey crimson maize lav
e nder or ( but rare ) very pale green
pink
is
suitable
;
alone to balls ; it may be Of any thick texture of silk in
vogue
but in the fashion it must be The dinner dres se s
that last for ever are detestable Trimmings of Br ussel s
la ce or Of Mechlin or Of Maltese are pre ferable to blond s
or tulle which are for balls and soirees
The dress should
be made in the newest fashion there fore no rule can be
set down e xcept that for sta e dinners it should be long
md fres h and sweeping At large dinners diamonds
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L A DY s
2 00
D RESS
.
yet there was a f ashion several ye a rs since of ap
our ing e ven a t the I t alian opera in the simple toi l ette of
p
a sm ll di nner party The s or t i e d u ba t or short e ve
ning cloak is one o f the best modern suggestions for t he
heal t h and even appearance of those who attend publ ic
places or enter into gay society It should be of white
merino not o f scarlet which spoils the e ffect of the wrea t h
All complicated tr i mmings are inconsistent ;
of flowers
bu t the same rule of per fect freshness and cleanliness in
respec t to gloves is applicable to the s or t ie da ba t I am
sorry to say it is violated every night ro ws o f ladies are
to be seen with resplendent gems in their hair waiting for
their carriages in s o r t ies dn ba t that are almost gray from
the e ffec t s o f London smoke The striking relie f and the
contras t produced by one or t wo clean and fresh cloaks o f
this description is quite singular and proves the truth of
And here let us marvel
th e a bove recommendation
against the wonder ful misplaced economy that will not
ermit
an
nglish
lady
to
indulge
in
a
new
s o r t ie o u ba l
E
p
”
this season whils t she is at the same t ime lavishi ng
Bums o pe n all t he endless e t c e t or a s which Englishwome n
of the nineteenth century cannot do without
At one of the most brilliant balls at the Hotel de V ille
in Paris an order was given for the company who were
to be numbered on that occasion by thousands to wait in
relays on the grand staircase leading to the recepti on
ooms until a certain hour o f the night or rather morn
mg
This order was to prevent a rush to t he carri age s
and the danger incident to such a concours e wis hing to
l eave at the same time
The ladies sat for an hour 01
more on that ample and matchless staircase to the righ t
of which was the arti ficial pool of water surroun ded b
y
and
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BA
LL
20
DRESSING
l
a nts , an d ligh ted by lamps , amid which t he Spr a y
p
fou n tai n cast up crystal drOps , which fell dimpling
of a
in to
wate r again The light played upon the white c up
of a l a rge water lily in the miniature pool and the s c en e
As I loo k ed around
was at once remarkable and brilliant
from the bottom of t he stairs and about I could see m any
f
not one dirty s or t i e d o ba t
ale
and
weary
aces
but
p
al l here as fresh as clear as snowy white as i f new onl y
that day ; some lined with cherry color ; others with blue ;
Even a fter all the
a fe w w i t h amber ; most with white
festivities we re over a French wo man i f She could not
look well was resolved to look clean
Ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations
of costume in the dinner costume and small evening party
dress For a ball everything even i n married women
may be light somewhat fanci ful and airy
What ar e
cal led g ood dresses seldom look well The heavy richly
trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not dance
even fo r such as much e ffect should be given to those
dre sses as can be devised
Taste ingenuity s tyl e are
here most requisite Since the fashions continually al
ter there is no possibility of laying do wn Specific rules ;
the dress however for the married and fo r the u nmar
ried lady of ran k or of fortune shou l d be distinctly mark
For the married l ady m o i r é dresses either trimmed
ed
w i th lace or tulle and fl o vers or white silk — no othe r
co lor in plain S ilk looks well — or thin dresses over wh itf
happily comi ng into fa shie r
satin
a n article w hich is
a a i n are most su i table
D iamonds on the head ne ck,
g
arms she may wear
but the decoration of the dress with
them shou l d be reserved for court balls and for cou rt
Formerl y when diamonds were worn fl owers we re eith er
the
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202
LAD
YS
’
D RESS
.
considered unnecessary or even inconsis tent ; now t h ey
Small feat hers ar e eve n
frequently in t ermingled
a re
and for t he married prod u c e pe rha ps
worn a t ba l l s
”
more e ffe c t t han any o t her c o il/ t i r e but t hey are whe l i c
The unmarri e d
ou t o f fashion on a young lad y s he a d
ind e ed so long as they con t inue young will bes t c c nsu l
t heir o wn good looks by as much simplicity as is consist
In Paris no ornaments wi t h t he e x
e nt with fashion
c e pt i on perhaps of a S ingle br a cele t are allowed to the
i e w i e fill e her dress must be whi t e the flo wers in her
To t hese general rules t here are e x c e p
h a ir whi t e also
t ions bu t t he appearance o f a French ball is that o f S p t
l ess white ; fa r di fferent t o t he full colors o ft en worn i n
England
Whi t e tulle over whi t e S ilk ( or white lace ) and bou
t he g u i r l a n d e or c a
corresponding
to
ue t s o f flowers
q
che pen i e on the head are the favorite dress of the young
A p a r zi r e of flowers consisting o f two flower s
l ady
mingled is elegant ; for instance the rose and heliotrope
the p a r u r e forming the wreath which extends down t he
—
f
t
h
w
kir
or
o
hite
flowers
e
acacia
o f blue the m
t
S
;
y
o sot i s — o f green the maidenhair fern ; t hese are a l l e x
h
E
ven
t
e large whi t e lily forms a
u is it e ornaments
q
beauti ful p a r u r e The French al ways make use of the
flowers in se ason but w e English are less scrupulous A
young lady will wear a wreath of lilies of the val l ey mix ed
wi t h roses in the depth of the winter ; holly and berr i es
L arge daisies a r e
in Ju ne ; sc a rlet geraniums in spring
That lady s dr e ss
also li able to suggest ludicrous ideas
”
w an ts mowing said a wag looking at a be auti ful ta ll e
dress cover e d with white daisies with flari ng yel lo w cen
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204
LA D
YS
’
D RESS
.
p e ta l s ; in the centre was the diamond de w drop Thi s
beloved and beauti ful princess now by marri age t he firs t
c ousin o f t he Princess Royal o f England al ways su per
in tends the a rrangements o f her own ball dresses he r
tas te is exquisite and the ingenuity with which she varie s
he r costumes is remarkable
AS ladies advance in li fe the ball room seems scarcely
to be their province ; but since many of t hem are oblige d
to be chaperons the style of dress most becoming person
a lly and also most consistent with that character should
Many persons think that it li ttle matters
be considered
what a middle aged lady wears so long as She looks ne at
and respectable and displays a su fficient amount o f e x pen
s ive lace diamonds and so many ells o f unexceptionable
silk or satin I am not of that Opinion ; as long as a face
is a face fit to present itsel f to society so long Should
good taste care fully preserve the fast fading attrac t ions
not by art and cosmetics or false curls or roses round a
sallow brow or the lilies of the field which are appropri
ate to youth alone but by an arrangement of cap or h e ad
dress that is becoming to the poor old ruins ; j ust as we
l ike to see the mantling ivy clustering and say how greatly
rt adds to the beauty of the old devastated fort or chapel
Under the head of festive occasions the court dre ss
must not be admitted
This costume consists first of an entire dress ge ner
ally made of some plain but costly silk
The dress there fore forms one component part ; ne x t
c omes the petticoat u sually of some lighter material
a
n
d
;
las tly the train
The d ress is made even for elderly ladies low ; and the
boddic e is trimmed in accordance with the petti coat and
the train
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2 05
COURT D RESS
-
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The petticoat is now usually formed of rich Brussels
lace or of Honiton lac e or tulle ; and often loo ped u]:
with flowers
The train is of t he richest material of the whol e dress
Forme rl y it was o ften of satin ; now it is o f moiré or gl a ct
ilk though satin is again beginning to be worn
It fastens hal f round the waist and is about seven yards
in length and wide i n pr e portion
It is trimmed all
round with lace in festoons or on the edge with bunche s
of flowers at intervals and is lined usually with white
Silk
The petticoat is ornamented with the same lace as t he
train sometimes in fl oune e s sometimes in pufli ngs or
boufio n s of tulle sometimes on ta bl i er that is down eithe r
s ide
The boddic e and sleeves are all made in strict u ni for
mity with the train and petticoat
The head dress consists of feathers and comprises a
la ppet of lace hanging from either Side of the head down
D iamonds or pearls or
nea r ly to the tip of the boddic e
su fli c i e nt l
other
jewelry
handsome
may
be
worn
in
an
y
y
the hair but the two former are most frequently adopted
The same ornaments Should be worn on the boddic e around
the neck and arms
The shoes should be of white satin and trimmed ac
The fa n should be strictly a dres s
cording to fashion
fa n ; those Spangled are t he most suitable for a costum e
which r e quires everything to be as consistent as possibl e
with the occasion
l l a v mg thus treated of the d re sses suited to the hou se
and to all festiv e o c cas ions th e e r ema i ns anl
h
t
e
r
d
i
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206
LA D Y S D RESS
‘
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this particular several changes have been made durin g
he last two or three years The round hat of masculine
a ppear a nce is almost al wa ys exch a nged for a slouch e d hat
some t imes o f a round form and tu rned up round the br i rr
—Sometimes turned up on either side and coming wi t h a
—
t hi e c
int
low
do
n
upon
t
h
f
orehead
and
sometimes
w
e
o
p
cornered : all these di fferent forms have their votaries ;
but it must be ackno wledged that the more simple and
modest the shape the more becoming
Formerly the neat round hat masculine in its form
wa s unembellished by even a bo w but now a long sweep
ing feather on one and sometimes on both sides sets o ff
the riding hat The color of t he feat her is varied but is
usually black or brown like the hat The fea t her it may
here be remarked should be full well curled long and
firm not thin and weak as i f taken from an ostrich in a
moulting condition In winter the hat Should be of felt
of a so ft kind pliable and durable
in summer of a fi ne
straw It is not wise to get a hat made by an in fe rior
hand The style constitu tes the grace and renders it
ei t her a most becoming or a most tawdry feature in the
riding dress And here let us remark on t he great benefit
of these Slouching hats to the complexions which have so
materially suffered of late years from small bonne t s and
round hats Health with delicacy is the true charm of
feminine p hys iqu e and as fa r as a ri ding costume is c on
c erned no t hing secures the freshness of the face bet t e
b an t he slouched hat
It is cool and permits he fr e e
circulation of air around the face while it protects t he
eyes the forehead and almost the chin fr c m scorchin
g
heat or withering blasts
F
inally as far as regards hats let a hint be th r own out
In
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’
LADY S D RESS
208
.
no ornaments save perhap s a delic ately mined
Compactness and utility are the
whip need be displayed
re qu i sites for the riding dress and whils t touching on
this point let us impress strongly the danger a risi ng fro m
00 long a skirt in the riding habit : i t is apt not : u l
t
o
y
alarm horses but to entangle in case of accidents their
fair riders
There as in othe r cases the pri nciple of all that relates
to dr ess should be consistency and suitableness
If thes e
are once lost sight of— if fi fty a pes fift e e n— if the countess
dresses worse than her own housekeeper or the maid vie s
with her mistress— if modest middle ran k puts on the
of fashion — i f good tas t e and
arb
g
go d se nse cease to be
h
the foundation of the impor tant whole , t en al l spec ia l di
recti ons wil l be una v a ili ng
l ea ther ,
and
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CHA PTER V
H MENTS
A CCOMPLI S
LORD B YRON
in one of his letters tells u s tha t he might
have be e n a be an i f he had chosen to drink dee p and
a
f
mble
ast enough In Ben Johnson s time the main point s
g
”
of a
compleat gentleman were to swear a ne w oath in
” “
e very sentence
By the foot of Pharaoh
As I am a
f
entleman
and
a
soldier
and
so
orth
to
take
tobacco
g
;
and swear over its virtues
to be able to run friend or foe
through the heart with a bodki n ; and to write a Copy of
Bil ly verses to a by no means inaccessible mistress
Bea u
Br u mmell had only three pet points the way he too k
snufl Opening the box with one hand the ease with whic h
he cut an old acquaintance and the grace with which he
Lord Chesterfield seems to thin k
bowed to a new one
that i f a man can ride fence and dance well he is skilled
The three requirements are
e nough for good society
The first was es ential if you would hav e
worth noticing
male friends in d ays when k nighthood was not qui te a
shadow ; the second allowed you to make good enemies
and kill or k eep them ; the third fitted you for the society
of women
The accomplishments of to day though they di ffer in
many respects have the same gen e ral bearing In a max
t hey are the arts required to keep a friend to mak e an
e nemy and to charm a woman ; in a woman to surpass a
ri va l and to captivate a man of mor e taste than heart
For both howeve r they have a far highe r object that
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210
A C C OMPLIS
H MENTS
.
namely of giving pleasure to our llow c reatures in som e
form or other and o f increasing the general harmony of
They are in f act t he s e corolla ri es to the proble m
society
”
pass
of ed u cation by which a person is fi t ted not o nl y to
”
take honors in the social examina t ion Wh ile
ou t t o
it is i mpossible to deny that a man may be a per fect ge n
—
a
woman
a
ell
bred lady and bo t h o f the m
w
tl e ma n
a greeable in society without a single accomplishment we
ei th e r possess no
a l l o f us feel that such a person must
usual wi t like D r J ohnson who had not one accomplish
ment to add to his sound sense and le a rni ng or be one
who content to fill a q uiet corner in li fe does not care to
emerge from it even fo r the bene fi t o f others
Accomplishments have a heavy run against them in the
”
resent
d
a
and
are
decidedly
at
a
discount
Give
me
p
y
bringing his fist wi th a heavy thump
c ries Pater famili a s
lo wn on t he table give me good sterling practical know
ledge and none o f your pisli ty wis hty humbugging a e com
”
l
i
s h me nt s
I
a te r l n n i l ia s you err like many a British
p
father and in your love o f t he prac tical you are blind t o
the immense advantage o f c u l t iva ting the beau ti ful in
every young soul Pa ter familias to t ake the most serious
ground wi t h you it is t he practical which shall lead you
to money bags and account books but t he beauti ful which
shall guide you to war ds heaven These s a me accomplish
ments at which you sneer have a much deeper meaning and
value fo r your children than merely to shine in society
They constitute the whole amat e urship o f art and in t he
resent
d
a v to be thoroughly accomplished is to be hal f
p
an artist ; yet the better hal f Yo u may not be able t o
give a co ncert in Hanover Square Rooms but you hav e
c ultivate d the music that lies within your soul
And ti e re
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a c c on r msnn nnrs
21 2
.
Foremost of these is the art of self d e fence which is
For
one which society constantly calls i n to r e qu i s nion
tu na t e l y the duel is gone ou t of fashion and a man nee d
not now as in the days o f good Queen Bess come to t own
to learn ho w to pick and take a quarrel and how to ge t
well out o f it when made Fencing in England is m w
nothing more than an exercise no longer quali fying a ma n
to take his place as a gentleman among his betters ; but
that which has succeeded to it is not wi t hout its importance
”
and the compleat gen t leman should be able to use his
Low as t his art is and contemptible as are those
fists
who make a pro fession of it it is nevertheless of impor
tance to a man of every class for a good blow o ft en solves
a di fficulty as readily as Alexander s sword cut the Gor
dian knot There are men whom nothing but a physical
punishment will bring to reason and with these we shall
A lady is insulted
have to deal at some time o f our lives
or annoyed by an unwieldly bargee or an importunate and
dishonest cabman One well deal t blow settles the whole
matter It is true that it is brutal and certainly shoul d
be a last resource ; but to last resources we are o ften driven
and a show of determination brings impudence to an ar
I would say then know how to use your fists
misti c e
bu t never use them as long as any other argument will
prevail but when all others fail have recourse to that
natural and certainly most convincing l ogic A man,
there fore whether he aspires to be a gen t leman or not ,
It is a knowledge easily gained
should learn to box
Th e r e are but fe w rules for it and those are suggested by
Strike out strike straight strike sud
commo n sense
de nly keep one arm to guard and punish with t he othe r
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B ox I NG
213
.
.
n e ve r fight ; the art of boxing i s only
in punishing a stronger and more imp a
dent man of a class bene a th your own
There is good i n everything and there is a View to
ta ke of the pugilistic art which compensates i n some me a
The fist h a s
sur e for its brut a l character in this country
T he former indeed went
ex pelled the sword and pistol
ou t about the beginning of last cen t ury and Beau Nash
though by no means a coward did his best to put down
the wear i ng of a we apon which was a perpetual temptation
to commit polite murder and disturb the harmony essen
tial to good society There could be no com fort a nd no
freedom in conversation when instead of politely di ffering
It is no
with you a man s hand moved to his sword hil t
a rgument against me that the rapier is still worn at court
for I feel convinced that nine tenths of those ornamental
but utterly useless appendages woul d never be induced to
o f us
uit
their
scabbards
and
even
if
drawn
would
be
q
more value than a stick in the hands o f at least nine tenth s
of their courtly owners
But it was another kind of biped who put down duelling
jealous no
and a cock pheas ant of Wimbledon Common
doubt at seeing the powder which ought to have been
used for him thrown away upon a human being or per
haps an xious to try whether a bullet tasted better than
shot who had the honor of making these encounters so
s uperbly ridiculous that to call a man out in the prese nt
day is equivalent to calling him a fool and con fessing your
se l f idiotic
There are those however who regret t he
l
a
my
days
of twelve paces and co ffee for four and t e ll
p
us that the fear of a hole in the waistcoat kept many a n
impudent man i n hi s place and restrained unwarrantab l e
Two gentlemen
brought into use
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21 4
A C CO MPLI S
H MENTS
.
Wi t h all submission I would suggest tha t the
fear o f being knocked down on the S pot and having his
beau t y spoiled is likely to be much more p e rsuasi ve to a
ma n who can o ffend in t his manner But will you kind y
l ook across t he wa t er either way and tell me if the silly
c ustom kept up both in Europe and America has ther e
the e ffect o f awing men into even decent politeness ? In
”
di di c u l ty almost
the latter country especially where a
a lways ends fatally it is by no means uncommon for a
complete stranger t o put his hands into his pockets cock
his eye at you and in form you by way of introduction
Wall I guess you re a tarnation loggerhead ye e ou
”
proceeding t o pass comments on your na t ionali ty
aire
your personal appearance and your general mental c a
” “
”
“
guess
reckoning
or
a c it i e s according to the
c al
p
”
If you were to meet these
e y e e lation
o f the speaker
with astonishment indignation anger or in short i n any
way bu t by the retort personal and direct o f the {u qu o qu e
description you would be looked on as a disagreeable
testy and pugnacious Britisher and the rest of the com
”
pany would probably request you to shut up
In fact
so universal is insolence in America that even in what is
”
—
the up town sets — you are
there called good society
liable to be assailed wi t h the grossest epi thets and it is
only a ft e r being bespattered wi t h essence o f Billin gsgate
Wa ll that s s ome
t hat you would be allowed to remark
”
I reckon my dander s ris a bit a fter that
th at is
Of
c u rse these remarks do not apply to N e w York which
n civilisation is as fa r in advance o f the States generally
as L ondo n is of the Hebrides
It is no longer necessary there fore to give the et inue m
of d uelling
which may be gathered as a curiosity from
familiarity
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216
A CCOMPL IS
H MENTS
.
knight ,
or a hanger about ca fé s The li fe of cities te n ds
to demorali ze and anything which takes a man
Thus hunting
from a town for a time has its value
sh oo ti ng riding driving cricke t and so for th are as im
r tan t elemen t s o f social li fe as dancing and music and
w
to be ignoran t of their art will not o nly exclude one fro m
much charming society we migh t some t imes enj oy bu t
will Oft en cause us t o put O t hers to grea t inconvenience ,
O ft en in t he
if it does not equally annoy ourselves
coun t ry t here is no o t her c onveyance bu t a horse and sad
dle t o be had What are we to do if we canno t ride ?
Still o ft ener the whole arrangement of some party o f
pleasure depends on our bei ng able t o leave t he coachman
behind and it is to us t he only gen t leman perhaps that t he
ladies apply to take his place How t hen i f we cannot
handle a whip ? Then t oo in the country riding and
driving are such common accomplishments that besides
the inconvenience our ignorance o f t hem subj ec t s us even
to ridicule What more laughable than a man j olted up
a nd down on his horse till his hat slips to the back of his
head his hair flies about his trousers creep up to his
kn ees and his face expresses ei t her pitiable misery or l u
dic rou s discom fort ? On t he o t her hand to hunt shoot
handl e a bat or a billiard —cue though by no me ans e x
c te d of every man are Oft en the only a mu se me r t s in
e
p
th e country and we may i f ignorant of them not only
be shut out from them ourselves bu t even oblige our nos
In fact the more of
to give them up on our account
su c h accomplishments you know t he less tedious will y our
li fe be to yo u sel f a nd y o ur company to others a nd th o ugh
wit a nd c o nversat ion are worth all t he amusements wnic h
a toy maker could dream
of
o
u must not for et tha t the
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RI D IN G
21 ?
.
is ma i nly p eo pled with fools and that to apprecia te
o ur sallies and join in your mirth requires an a moun t
y
o f s e nse which is not to be found in every country bum p
k in Sh ould the weird sisters in a fit of bad te mpe r
se nd you by express to soj ourn for a month with a ge n
tl e man fa rmer or small hunting squire what can you ( i
but shoot ride or drive with him ? Will your heavy
headed host who dreams o f pa tridge s and vacillates be
tween long horns and turnips in his waking thoughts car e
edged
fo r your choice club gossip understand your fine —
Wit or thank you for your political news and Pa r l iame n
tary prospects ? No no ; you must relate slowly and
”
met at
surely how on such a day in such a year you
”
s u c h a cover threw o ff in such
dr e w
s uch a village
cast at such a spot ran for so many min
a direction
utes and made so many wonderful probably also apoc ry
phal leaps during that period Relate how many birds
you bagged what score you made at any insignificant
c ricket match and how you swam from Barnes to Brent
Then indeed is your man
ford against tide and stream
your friend and he will privately impart to his wi fe that
“
”
evening that he thinks you an amazingly fine fello w
”
which would have sounded very like horrid bore if
you had not been able to come out on these subj ects
I have no intention to trespass on Mr Rar ey s prov
i nce and I am further of opinion that equitation cannot
li ke grammar be learned from a book but there are a
fe w use ful hints about the etiquette of riding which may
The first thing then is to
well be introduced here
Boots and cords were on c e t he s i n e qu a
dress sui t ably
non o f a horseman but t nou gh they are very com forts
bl e and may still be worn in the country when you are
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21 8
A C COM PL I S HM ENTS
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not going to ride wi t h ladies they nave bee n i ntondic te d
in to wn and would mark you out as a riding mas t er On
the o t her hand you mus t avoid too fine a dr ss s u c h as
p atent leather boots and should wear a cut a way in pre
i c h e e to a frock —
coat Above all let the stick or whi p
be si mpl e with no gold head no fiu mme ry about i t For
the country you may have what is commonly called a
”
“
crop wi t h a bone handle at t h e end ; for town you
may take either an ordinary walking stick or a g e ntl e
man s riding whip moun t ed simply with silver In all
other respects your dress should be that in which you
walk The lady s dress has been described i n the last
chapter
A man who rides without ladies requires no groom to
follow him and a young man particularly should never
A lady
take one even though he intends to make calls
should never ride alone except in
on the other hand
e
L
uiet
part
In
ondon
sh
e
would
s o f the country
b
q
taken for a ( l em o i s e l le du ci r qu e and in the country she
would be liable to accidents with no one to assist her A
young lady should not ride out without a gentleman as
well as a groom and under most circumstances mamm a
would decidedly objec t to that gentleman being young
and single unless he were a very in t imate friend
Having thus arranged your dress and your party you
go down and mount — no you do not mount yoursel f but
There never was so l a me a l e gend a s
assi st the ladies
that of a certain lady of Coventry whom Tennyson and
Oi
Th om as the Inquisitive have rendered celebrated
course it is very pr e tty and we who honor women as we
s hould ( though we b urnt l a P u c e ll e d Or l éa ns )
and
have had a range of noble ones from Boadicea to Floren ce
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ACC OMPLIS
220
H MENTS
.
lady is in the saddle you should o ffer t o put her foot
in the stirrup and to pull down the skirt and you th an
gi ve her the reins and proceed to mount yoursel f Mr
Ra rey t eaches us to do so without stirrups and a man
who would be grace ful should practise this on either s ide
The one
A horse like most other animals has two sides
which is to our le ft when we are in the saddle is called
the ne a r t he othe r the of side and it is on t he forme r
We place our le ft foot in the
that we generally mount
stirrup our le ft hand on the saddle and swing ourselves
up throwing the right leg over the creature s back Noth
ing is more graceless than to see a man climb with both
hands into his seat
The seat itsel f is one of those things which mus t be
learned by practice The chie f rules are : sit upright
but not sti ffl y and well back in the saddle ; stick the
k nees into the sides thereo f and keep the feet parallel to
the horse s body the toes turned in rather than out The
foot S hould be about hal f way in the stirrup which in
rough riding may be allowed to Slip down to the hollow
o f the foot
The greatest obstacle to good riding is want
of confidence and this can scarcely be ac q uired excep t
by beginning at an early age
If you cannot ride de
c e nt l
ou
you
had
better
not
attempt
it
in
company
i
f
y
y
would not risk the fate of Geordie Campbell
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Sa ddl e d
H
a
me
a nd
cam
br idl e d ,
h is gu de
and
stee d ,
b oote d
bu t
r o de
he ,
ne v e r c a m
he
The rule of
dri ving , but
the road need not be observed in riding as in
you should always ride to the right of the
lady who is with you lest you risk crushing her feet
Your own o f course you must not care about Whe n
you meet people whom you know on horseback you h a ve
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H UNTING
2 2]
.
righ t to t urn and j oin them un le ss i nvited to do so
If you overtake them on the other hand yo u have a
right to ride with them ; bu t if you are not wanted ye n
will be care ful about exercising the privilege
About hunting I Shall say li t t le because I know littl e
which is a con fession you will find it the wisest plan t
make in the country I S hall only advise you not to
hunt unless you have a good seat and a good horse and
never accept the loan of a friend s horse and still less
A man may
an enemy s unless you can ride very well
forgive you for breaking his daughter s heart but n ever
Another point is always
for breaking his hunter s neck
to be quiet at a meet and never j oin a small meet unless
you know some one in the field The first essential for
hu nting is pluck ; the second skill ; the third a good
horse Avoid talking of your achievements enthusiasti c
and riding over t he
shouting when you break cover
hounds Whatever you do do not inj ure one of these
precious animals
There is a grace in riding which no jockey no profes
siona l h u nt s ma n ev e r acquires
When once you have
confidence ease may soon follow ; but without much prae
tice you will always be more or less sti ff in your seat
A lady should be c are ful to sit straight in the middle of
t he saddle with her face fu ll towards the horse s head
Whatever the motion of the animal you should att e mpt
cli ng as closely as possible to the saddle The Au s
tr ia n o ffi cers pride themsel ves on being able to trot for a
mile wi t h a glass of wine in one hand and not spill a
drop of it In England we rise in trotting as a relie f to
ou r selve s and the horse but this is never done in an
y
0the 1 c oun try
The first rule is to rise not fr om thc
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22 2
ACCOMPLIS
H MENTS
.
tirr u p but from the k nees ; the se co nd to ri se as littl e
”
“
as possible
The man who shows daylig h t bet ween
himsel f a n d his saddle is a bad rider A lady sho uld
rise e ven less t han a man and neither o f them S hould lean
over the horse s neck nor hold the reins in both ha nd s
Bu t I am not a riding master and I am trespassing on
his ground
D riving a gain is an accomplishment of butcher s boys
”
gentlemen but there
a nd hansom cabmen as much as o f
One rule may be given
is a vast di fference in the style
a t once and we may unhesita t ingly a ffirm that J ehu the
”
“
no gentleman when we remind
s on o f Nimshi was
you that to drive furiously as well as to ride furiously is
no t only forbidden by law but a l o w cruel ungentleman
l ike habit
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Th e begga r mou nte d r ides hi s h orse to dea th
If you
.
drive too fast I am tempted to ask whether the an
I may
i mal is your own and whether you know its value
a dd that i f wise you will never drive other people s h orse s
unless asked to do so The rule of the road in Engl an d
is a curious instance of our national distinctiveness In
every other country that I know the law is simple enoug h
In this land
a lways keep to the right S ide o f the road
on the contrary you must take the le ft when you meet
The custom I believe orig
a nd the right when you pass
ina te d in that o f shaking hands with every one you met,
which reminds me of a pretty one they once had and ove r
now retain i n some parts o f F rance that of a man a nd
I have even ridde n
l ady riding hand in hand toge ther
arm in arm with a fair haired blue eyed Norman g i rl and
if I did not snatcl: a kiss there and then it was not for
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H MENTS
2 24
A CCOMPLI S
.
on fess hi msel f wrong a nd not clamorously de fend him
sel f ; a nd if he has to ask ano t her player for an ything
he will call to hi m in an a ffable not an impa t ie nt com
ma y I tr oubl e
manding tone and use some such phrase as
”
“
you fo r t hat ball sir ? not Ball you there as om
In short, he will retain under t he
sometimes hears it
e xcit e ment of the game the same good bearing which he
di s plays in society
Simil a r observations apply to all kinds of out ( loc i
amusements su c h as shoo t ing boating and so for t h A
gen tleman will never a tt empt to monopolize t he sport and
however superior in skill t o his companions will not p a rade
his superiori t y s t ill less boast o f it but rather that t he
ot hers may n o t feel t heir in feriori ty he will keep consider a
If a guest or a stranger be o f the
bl y wi t hin his po wers
par ty t he best place and the best Sport must be o ffered t o
him even though he may be a poor shot a bad e a r and so
on ; but at the same time if a guest kno ws his in feriority
in this respect he will for more reasons than one pre fer
an in ferior position
So too when a cer t ain amount of
exertion is required as in boating a well bred man will
o ffer to take the greater share and will never S hirk his
work In short t he whole rule of good manners on such
occasions is not to be sel fi sh and the most amiable man
will there fore be the best bred
Talking of boating reminds one of old college days and
It
the h e al t hy h a ppiness that exercise used to bring one
”
is certainly desirable that a compleat gen t leman should
be able to handle an oar as well as a gun bo t h tha t whe n
he has the opportunity he may get heal t h and that he may
be able to t ake part in the charming excursions which are
made by water
In fact a man ought to be able to turn
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22 5
SPORTS
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his ha nd to almost e verything and what i s m re should
do himsel f whatever he can It is a false and vulgar prid e
which prevents a man from stooping to cord his o wn bo x,
carrying his own bag weeding his own g arden cutti ng his
own hedges ( for he must take care not to cut an ybod y
e lse s ) shut t ing his own shutters putting coal on his own
fire or what not To ring up a servant for these things
shows e i t her laziness or a vulgar attempt at grandeur
Indeed for my part nothing seems to me so com fortless
as the constant entrance o f servants
it interrupts conver
sation and destroys the feeling of e a se and privacy I
once met at the house of a lady friend the son of a man
who had begun li fe as a grocer made his fortune by a suc
c e ss fu l speculation and settled do wn in the full convic t io n
“
that he was there fore a gentleman
My friend had
requested the young man to put some coal On the fire and
as he was rather clumsy about it he excused himsel f in
“
the following speech : You see a w— Mrs B
that I
e m— a w— really not accustomed to do this kind of thing
do n t you see ? Ne w at home you see the governor
whe n he wants coals rings the bell and the but l e r comes
in ; Coal says the old gentleman and the butler dis
appears to tell — aw— the upper —footman who thinks i t be
neath his digni ty and there fore tells — a w t he under
”
I t hought of the
footman who comes up and puts it on
Anglo Indian s who in this country have o ften ha d no
“
more servants than a cook a maid and a buttons and
had to do everything for themselves but who once in
India find it impossible to tie their own shoe strings a nd
ar e obliged to keep a twenty one t h or even
one th
servant for equally tri vial o fii c e s
But if a certain amount Of s k ill in ou t door amuse ments
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22 6
A CCOMPL IS
H MENTS
.
ess e ntial to a man who wishes to be agreeable how muc h
more so in t hose i n door amusements which are the very
objec t s fo r which people commonly assemble and a re there
fore t he co n t inual accompaniments o f socie ty ? The art
of ta lking is of course t he first o f S l C ll accomplish ments
and as it is a subj e c t o f t he highest impor t ance and v e ry
l a rge r a nge it has been t aken up i n the preliminary cha p
ter B u t besides conversation and some t imes as an aid to
it par ties and balls are given for the purposes of da nc ing
music games ( especially cards ) and ea t ing and drinking
O f the e t i q ue tte o f these parties I Shall speak else where
I ne w con tent mysel f wi th a fe w hin t s on t he accompl i sh
ment s themselves which are displayed i n t hem
”
“
—
—
Thank yo u a w I do no t dance is now a very
common reply from a well —dressed handsome man who is
leaning against the S ide o f the door to the anxious heated
hostess who feels it incu mbent on her to find a par tner
I say t he reply is not onl y
for poor Miss Wallflower
common but e ven regarded as rather a fi ne one to make
In Short men o f t he present day don t won t or can t
dance ; and you can t make them do i t excep t by threat
I really cannot discover
e n ing to give them no su p per
the reason for this aversion to an innocent amusement for
the apparent purpose of enjoying which they have spen t
an hour and a hal f on their toilet and hal f a crown on a
h ansom cabman There is something indeed in the h e a t
of a London ball room in t he middle o f July there is a
ra d: deal i n the ridiculous smallness o f the closets i n tc
g
which the bal l giver crowds t wo hundred peopl e wi t h a
cruel indi fference only equalled by that o f the black hol e
of Calcutta
expec t ing them to enjoy themselves wh en
the l adies dresses are crushed and torn and the gentl e
is
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H MENTS
228
A C CO MPLI S
.
take re freshments
Thank you I can t eat sup
per
Thank you I don t talk
Thank you I don t
”—
for if a London ball room be pu rga
drink champagne
tnry what a demoniacal conflict does a Lond o n supp e r
r oom p resent ; i f young ladies be bad for the heart cham
ag n
is
w
orse
f
o r the head
g
No it is the will not the po wer to dance which is want
ing a nd to re fuse t o do so unless for a really good reason ,
To mar the pleasure
is not the part o f a well bred man
and though at t he
of others is obviously ha d manners
door post you may not be in the way you may be certain
that there are some young ladies longing to dance and
expecting to be asked and t hat t he hos tess i s vexed and
annoyed by seeing them fixed like pictures to the wall
It is there fore the duty of every man who has no scruple s
about dancing and purpo ses to appear at balls to lear n
how to dance
In the present day the art is much simplified and i f
you can walk through a quadrille and per for m a polka ,
waltz or galop you may o ft en dance a whole evening
through Of course i f you can add to t hese the L ancers
Schottische and Polka Mazurka you will have more va
But i f your
ri e ty and can be more generally agreeable
master or mistress ( a man learns better from the former )
has stu ffed into your head some of the three hundred
dances which he tells you exist the best thing you can
Whe ther right or wrong the
do is to forget t hem again
nu mber o f usual dances is limited
and u nusual on es
should be very sparingly introduced in t o a ball for as fe w
people know t hem their dancing on the one hand become s
a me r e display and on the other
interrupts the enjoy
me nt of the maj ority
’
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THE
Q UA D RILLE
2 29
.
q uadrille is pronounced to be essentially
er
Ba tional dance but inasmuch as the figures are perpetuall y
c alling you away from your partner the firs t necessi ty
for d a ncing a quadrille is to be supplied with a fund of
small talk in which you can go from subj ect to subj e ct
The next point is to
l ike a bee from flow er to flower
Tim e was when — as in t he
carry y au rse l f uprightly
day s of the m om / e r! de l a Cou r — the carriage constitute d
the dance This is still the case with the qu adrille in
which even i f ignorant of the figures you may acquit
yoursel f well by a cal m grace ful carriage A ft er all t he
most important figure is the s m il e and the feet may be
le ft to their fate i f we know what to do with our hands
of which I may observe that they should never be pocketed
The smile is essential A dan ce is suppo sed to amuse
and nothing is more out o f place i n it than a gloom y
The gaiety of
s cowl unless it be an ill tempered frown
a dance is more essential than t he accuracy of its figures
and if you feel none yoursel f you may at least look
pleased by that of those around you A defiant m a nner
An acquaintance of mine al ways
i s equally obnoxious
gives me the impress i on when he advances in t e té t ha t
he is about to box the lady who comes to mee t him B ut
the most objectionable of all is the supercilious m a nner
Dear me i f you really think you do your partne r an hon
or in dancing with her you should at least remember tha t
our
condescension
is
annulled
by
the
manner
in
hi
cl
w
y
ou treat her
y
A l ady— beauti ful word ! —is a delicate creatur e o ne
It i s
who should be reverenced and delicately t reated
there fore u npardonable to rush about in a q u adrille to
catch h old of the la dy s h and as if it w e re a door h andle ,
The
a con v
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H MENTS
2 30
A C COM PLI S
.
dr ag her furiousl y across the room as if you w or t
Bluebeard and she Fatima wi t h t he myste rious clos e t op
b
r u s u e violent style o f da nc m
os i t e t o you
This
i
s
q
g
p
un for t unately common but immedia t ely stamps a ma n
T h ough I would not have you wear a perpetual simpe r
ou should certainly smile when you take a lady s hand
y
a nd the old custom o f bo wing in doing so is one that we
may regret ; for does she not con fer an honor on us by
t he action ? To squeeze it on the other hand is a gross
familiarity for which you would deserve to be kicked ou t
of the room
Steps as the c /za s s er of the quadrille is called be
l ong t o a past age and even ladies are ne w content to walk
To be grace ful however a lady
through a quadrille
should hold her skirt out a lit t le In France this is done
with one hand which I am inclined to t hink is more
ne c e s
race
ul
than
holding
it
with
both
It
is
however
f
g
sary to keep time with the music the great obj ect being
the general harmony To preserve this it is also advise
ble where the quadrille as is now ge nerally the case is
danced by two long lines of couples down t he room that
in l é l é and other figures in which a gentleman and lady
ad vance a lone to meet one another none but gentlemen
should a l vanc e from the one side and there fore none but
l adies fro m the other
D ancing masters fin d it convenient to introduce ne w
figures and the fashion of L a Tr én i s e and the G r a m b
Ho wi e is repeatedly changing It is wise to know the
l ast mode but not to insist on dancing it A quadrille
ca nnot go on evenly if any con fusion arises from the ign o
rance obstinacy or inattention o f any one o f the dancers
[ t is the re fore useful to know e ve ry way in which a figure
or
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2 32
AC COMPL ISHMEN r:
young stou t and thin good dancers and bad la zy a no
ac ti ve stupid and clever married and single can all j oi n
in it a nd have not only an excuse and Opportuni ty for
i
{ t e ( i zé l e conversation which is decidedly the e a si e st
but find encouragement in the music and in some case s
A per
e nv en i e nt breaks in the necessity Of dancing
s on o f fe w ideas has time to collect them while the part
ne r is per forming and one Of many can bring them ou t
Lastly i f you wish to be poli t e or
with doubl e e ffect
fri e ndly to an acquaintance who dances a t rociously you
can select a quadrille for him or her as the case may be
Intense patriotism still induces some people to affi rm t hat
the English country dance is far pre ferable to this impor
These good creatures should inquire
t at ion from France
I think they would find that the coun t ry
a little further
dance ( c e ntr e da m e) came from the same source a t a
But however this may be a
somewha t earlier date
danc e which tears me so completely away from t he part
ner I have selected ought in nine cases out o f ten to be
hate ful to me
V ery di fferent in Object and principle are the so calle d
round dances and there are great limitations as to thos e
Here the intention is to enjoy
who should join in them
a pec u l ia r physical movement under peculiar conditions
and the conversation during the intervals of rest is only
These dances demand activity and
a s econdary Obj ect
l igh tness and should there fore be as a rule confined to
An Ol d man sacrifices all his dign ity in a
the yo ung
ol
k
a
and
an
old
woman
i
ridiculous
in
a
waltz
C
or
s
p
ul e nc
too
is
generally
a
great
impediment
though
y
p
some stout people prove to be the lightest dancers
The mo rality of round dan ce s sc a rce ly c ome s within my
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WALTZ
THE
233
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d
ndc li c a t e
v
nce
They
certainly
can
be
ma
e
ver
i
i
y
p
so can any dance and the French c a n c a n pro ves that the
quadrille is no sa fer in this respect than the waltz B u t
it is a gross insult to our daughters and sisters to suppose
th em capabl e Of any but the most innocent and purest e n
o me nt in the dance while Of our young men I will say
J y
Those who see har m
that to the pure all things are pure
i n it are those in whose mind evil thoughts must have
H o n i s o i t qu i m a l y p e n s e
Those who rail
a risen
against dancing are perhaps not aware that they do bu t
In many parts
follow in the steps of the Romish Church
of the Continent bishops who have never danced i n t heir
li ves and perhaps never even seen a dance have laid a
ban Of excommunication on waltzing A story was me
tol d in Normandy Of the worthy Bishop Of Bayeu x one
A priest o f his diocese petitioned him
o f this number
to put down round dances
I kno w nothing about
”
“
them replied the prelate
I have never even seen a
”
walt z
Upon this the younger ecclesiastic a ttempted to
plain what i t was and wherein the danger lay but the
ex
“
Bishop could not see it
Will Monseigneur permit me
to show him
asked the priest
Certainly My chap
l ain here appears t o understand t he subject ; let me s e e
”
you two waltz
How the reverend gentleman came to
k now so much about it does not appear but they cert ainly
“
danc e d a polka a gallop and a tr o is te mp s walt z
All
”
“
th ese seem harmless enough
Oh ! but Monseigneur
and thereupon the two gentle
has not seen t he worst
men proceeded to flounder through a va l s e a d e uce t emp s
They must have murdered it terribly for they w e r e
not hal f round t he room when his Lordship cried ou t
Enough nough that is atroc i ous and dese rves e xee m
ro
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2 34
A CCOMPLIS
H MENTS
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Accordingly this walt z was forbi l de n wh i le
I was at a public ball at
t he other dances were allowed
Caen soon a ft er this occurrence and wa s amused to find
the l ) a te —te mp s danced wi t h a peculiar Shu fii e by we y of
c gmpro mise between conscience and pleasure
There are people in this country whose logic is as gooO
as tha t of the Bishop Of Bayeux but I con fess my ina
If there is impropriety in round
bi l i ty to understand it
dances there is the same in all But to the waltz which
The
French
o ets have praised and preachers denounced
p
wi t h all their love Of dancing waltz a trociously the Eng
lish but little better ; the Germans and Russians alo ne
I could rave through three pages abou t
understand it
the innocent enjoyment Of a good wal t z its gra c e and
beauty but I will be practical instead and give you a
fe w hints on the subj ect
The position is the most important point The lady
and gentleman be fore starting S hould stand exactly opp o
site to one ano t her quite upright and not as is so com
mon in England pain fully close to one another If the
man s hand he placed where it should be at the centre of
the lady s waist and not all round it he will have as fir m
a hold and not be obliged to stoop or bend to his right
The lady s head Should then be turne d a l it t le towards
her le ft Shoulder and her part ner s somewha t le ss t owards
his righ t in order to preserve the proper balance
Noth
ing can be more atrocious than to see a lady lay her head
on her par tner s S houlder ; but on the o t her ha nd sh e
wil l no t da nce well i f she turns it in the Opposite di rco
tion
The lady again Should t hro w her head and sh oul
l e rs a l i ttle back and the man lean a very little for wa rd
The posi ti on having been gained the s tep is the next
munic at ion
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H MENTS
2 36
A C COMPLI S
.
consequences of violent dancing may be really so
No t only do delica t e girls bring on thereby a vio
ri ou s
lent pa pit a t ion Of t he heart and their partners appear in
a most disagreeable condi t ion Of solution but danger ous
a l ls ensue fro m it
I have known instances of a lady s
head being laid Open and a gentleman s foot being brok e n
in su ch a fall resul t ing poor fellow in lameness for li fe
Na y even deat h hovers among the giddy waltzers and
V ictor H u go has written a beauti ful l ittle poem on girl s
who have died o f dancing of which one verse as a moral
The
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Q
ue l s
t r i st e s l e nde mai ns l a iss e l e bal fol a tr e
Adie u , pa ru r e , da nse e t r i re s e n fa n t ins
Au x c h a n son s s uc ce da it l e t ou x Op in ia tre ,
Au pl a is ir r ose e t fra is l a fie v r e a u t e m t bl e u atre ,
”
Au x ye ux b r ill an ts l es y e ux e te in ts
'
.
Be care ful of the waltz he Sparing lest it prove i n thi s
l and Of consumption to too many the t rue dance of death
Le t us not mingle cypress wi t h our roses
It i s perhaps useless to recommend fl at foot waltzing in
this country where ladies allow themsel e s to be almost
hugged by their partners and where men think it ne c e s
sary to li ft a lady almost Off the ground but I am per
su a de d that i f it were introduced the outcry against the
impropriety Of wal t zing wsu ld soon cease Nothing can
be more delicate than the way in which a Ge rman hold s
his partner It is impossible to dance ( a the flat foot
unless the lady and gentleman are quit fr ee of one an
other
His hand there fore goes no further rou nd her waist
t h an to the hooks and eyes of her dress he re no h igh e r
t han to his elbo w
Thus danced the waltz is smooth
grace ful and delicate and we could n e ve r in Ge rman y
comp l ai n of our daughte r s l a nguishing o n a
m
o
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WALTZ ING
FLAT FOOT
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2 37
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houlder On the other hand nothing is more graceles s
and absu rd than to see a man waltzing on the tips o f his
toes li ft ing his partner Off t he ground or twirling round
and round with her like the fi gures on a S t reet organ
The test o f wal t zi ng in time is to be able to s t a mp the
A good flat foot w a ltz e r c an
ti m e with the le ft foot
dance O n one foc t as well as on t wo but I would not
ad vise hi m to try it in public lest like Mr Rar e
s hors e
y
On three legs he should come to the ground in a luckles s
moment The legs Should be very li tt le bent in dancing
the body s ti ll less so I do not know whether it be worse t o
a n s i t do wn in a wal t z or to find him wi t h his head
se e a m
poked forward over your young wi fe s shoulder hot red
wild and in far too close proximity to the partner Of your
bosom whom he makes literally the partner of his own
King Polka has been deposed a fter a reign Of nearly
twenty years I cannot refrain from throwing up my cap
True his rule was easy and he was popular on that ac
count indeed he has still his partisans in cer t ain classe s
but not in the best For what a graceless jogging hug
ging sleepy Ol d creature he was ! Then too he was not
even a legitimate sovereign The good family Of t he
Pol kaS in Hungary Poland th e would not recognize this
pretender of England and France who is no more lik e
them than that other pretender Mazurka is like the orig
i na l Spiri ted national fling of the same name It is cu
ri ou s to see how our D Egvi l l e s have ransacked Europ e
for n ational dances to be adapted to t he drawing ro om
The wa l tz is o f German origin
and indeed there spoiled
bu t where it is still danced in Germany in t he origina :
manner ( as for instance among the peasan t s Of the Ty rol )
It is there very sl aw and
it is a very di fferent dance
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238
AC C OMPL IS
H MENTS
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grace ful ; the feet are thrown out in a single l ong step,
Afte r
which Turvey drop I presume would call a j e té
a fe w turns t he partners wa ltz alone in the same st e p
the man keeping the time by striking together his iro n
she d heels un t il wi t h a shout and clapp i ng o f hands h e
again Clasps his partner and continues in the same slo w
The very names of the dances bespea k
measure with her
their origin I he Sc l a vonic nations must have given us
the Po l ka Mazurka Redo wa Gorl i tz a and El e te z ka
whatever that may be The V arsovienne and Cracovie nne
are all that remain o f Polish nationality
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Ye h ave th e Pyrr hic da nc e a s ye t
Wh e re is t h e Pyrrh ic ph a l a nx gone ?
,
ays Byron bitterly to the Greeks and some future Rus
sian agent may perhaps sing to the wearers of the kilt in
the same strain
s
,
Ye h ave th e H ighl and r eel
Wh ere a r e your H ighl and
ye t ,
C h ie fta ins gone ?
as
Then the Ma dril a ine has been imported from Spai n
Which retains the oriental Bolero Fandango and Cachu
cha The last is of purely Eastern character and migh t
be danced by a Nach girl be fore a L uckno w Prince The
Americans with more patriotism than ourselves have pre
served the only na t ional and English dances the hornpipe
a nd j ig and have about twenty varieties of the former i n
gipsy s and even bricklayer s
e l u ding a sailor s college
These American dances have
and l a mplighter s h ornpipe
We sho uld
nam e s no less eccentric than t heir drinks
D evil s D ream for inst ance
sc a rcely c are to join in the
and the dance called
J ordan is a ha rd roa d can hardly
”
be a favorite out of Hebrew circl e s
Money Musk was
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24 0
A C COM PL IS HM E NTS
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invented o ften on the spot came to an end and carriages
were called for
The c al m c as e which marks t h e man of go od t ast e ,
make s even t he s wi ftest dances gra ce ful and agre e abl e
V e hemence may be excused at an elec t ion but not in a
h i ll room
I once asked a bea u ti ful and very clever young
la sly how she who seemed to pass her li fe wi th books
”
I enj oy i t she replied ;
managed to dance so well
”
and when I dance I give my w h o l e m i n d to it
And
she was quite right
Wha t ever is worth doing at all is
worth doing well ; and i f it is no t benea th your digni ty to
dance i t is not un wor thy o f your mind t o gi ve i tsel f for
the time wholly up to i t Yo u will never e nj oy dancing
till yo u do it well ; and if you do not enjoy it i t is folly
But in reality danci ng i f i t be a mere t rifle
to dance
is one to which great minds have not been ash a med to
s te e p
Locke fo r instance has wri t ten on its utili ty a nd
Speaks of i t as manly which was certainly not Michal s
Opinion when she looked ou t o f the window and s a w her
lord and master dancing and playing
Plato re c om
mended it and Socrates learned the Athenian polka of
the day when quite an old gentleman and liked i t very
much Some one has even gone the length o f ca l li ng it
”
“
the logic of the body ; and Addison de fends himsel f
If I say much
for making it the subj ect o f a disquisi t ion
more I shall have to do t he same as Addi son and will
t here fore pass to some other accomplishments us e ful i f not
nec e ssary i n society
On the Continent al most every boy is taugh t to pla y
A very false princip l e h a s till lately kept
the { inn }
ou r me n from all the so fter portion o f li fe
manliness was
identified with roughness and every accomplishment w hi c h
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MUSI C
24]
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uit able to a woman was considered beneath the dig
In short it is not fi ft y years a go sinc e
ni ty of a man
t o h unt shoot an d drink your bottle of port formed the
onl y accomplishments necessary for male society and re
fine ment did not extend beyond an elegance in bowing i n
Le ft to
ta ki n g m u d and in gallan t ry to the ladies
t hemselves men were as hamed to be anything better than
Fortunately it is now agreed that manlines s a nd
bears
refinement are not opposed to one another
I believe that there is a taste for music in every c hil d
bo rn and that if it disappears in a fter li fe it is for want
Was there ever yet a baby which could
of cultivation
not be sung to sleep ? However this may be to play
so me one instrument is of more value to a man than at
first sight appears
To the character it is a refiner
Music is t he medicine of the soul it soothes the wrinkles
of a hard li fe of business and li fts us from tho ughts o f
money intrigue enterprises anxieties hatred and what
more heavenly frame of mind To a
not to a calmer
man himsel f there fore the power to pl ay is o f use He
may not always have a sister wi fe or daughter to sing
and play to him he may not always be within reach of
the Opera and concert rooms and then t oo hal f the e u
o me nt o f music is gone when you cannot enj oy i t as
j y
you list and of what kind you need gay or grave as
your fancy lies It is an indulgence t o a pure mind and
it is one of those fe w indulgences which are free from
harm
But besi des this a knowledge of music i s valuable to a
man in the society both of his own and the other sex It
is a great recommendation among women and vibrates on
c h ord o f sympathy b e tween the se x es when po si
n
was
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24 2
A CC OMPLIS
H MENTS
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there is no other Still more so where wom ba are not,
a nd their wan t is felt
The man who can play an air is
a boon t o t he camp the college or the Inn o f Cou rt
Wel l do I remember how popular Jones was for his p l a ne
m l Smi t h for his cornet at St Boni face s
Yet J on es
s u d Smi t h were very dull men i n t hemselves and ke t
p
ver y bad wine
What did we care ? We did not want
to drink wi t h our mouths when we could do so with ou r
ears But if instrumental music recommend a man still
more the cultivation o f the natural musical instrument
”
He can tell a good s t ory and sing a good song is al
most the best recommendation one bachelor can give of
another in a social point of view and if you can sing a
good ballad or take part in a duet quartet t chorus or
wha t not you are invaluable in an eveni ng party
There are however a fe w points to be attended to in
connexion with playing or singing in public In the first
place as to a choice of instrument The pi ano is always
accep t able but however good a man s touch it must be
remembered it i s not so agreeable in a room as a lady s
Every other instrument should be accompanied by t he
piano so that unless you have some fair friend ready to
play for you it will be useless to take your instrumen t
But under the most fortunate circumstances your choice
is limited The instrument must not be too loud or too
harsh for the sensitive tympanum of your fair audience
No me would volunteer a sol o t n the drum perhaps bu t
men who play but little will sometimes inflict the [mu t
bo i s or c or n e t d p z s t on s on t h air unhappy l isteners ; these
two instruments and in deed every species o f hor n c an
room if extremely well
only be to lerated in a drawing —
i
f
l
a ed and there fore modu l ated
On
the
other
hand
p y
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ACCOM PL I SHM EN TS
24 4
mind
st age or public entertain men ts and
are purpo e ly broad in order t o be underst ood by a m xod
audien c e On the other hand i f you have e ssen ti ally a
comic fa ce and manner a nd can sing a parody or a more
re fin ed comic song wi th character you may attempt it i n
parties
In men s society of course the comi c
811 t l
to ng is the most popular
A man singing be fore ladies must remember their
and modulate his voice He must also bear in
nerves
mind that ho wever well he sings a lady s voice is more
suited to a d rawing room and unless pressed to do so will
content hi ms e l f with one or at most two songs But a
man should not allow himsel f to be pressed too much nor
affect diflidc nc e like a young miss of seventeen If he
has not su n ; or played be fore he should do so ( i f he can )
without he ri ta t ion and with an amiable willingness being
confident t hat the lady of the house desires to amuse her
gu ests ra t her than to flatter him
In ge neral society the card table in the present day is
h appily reserved for elderly people but a young man may
he som e times called upon to make up a rubber and if so
he would mar the pleasure of others if he were not able
to t ake a hand At the same time it is generally unde r
s tood that ladies and you n g men should not be asked to
do so unless absolutely necessary and i f a hostess Opens
a card table
she should be able be forehand to select a
It is always
su fficient and suitable number of players
It has been observed th at
trying to s e e ladies play
The
wome n have only two passions love and avarice
la tter ill becomes them and yet so strong is it that they
c an r a re ly conceal it at the card table
Wh ere a number of guests are willing to play t he se
o ftc n
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for the
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24 5
MOD ERN L AN G UA G ES
lec t i on
is made by dra wing cards and the highest drawers
are excluded from the g a me A t whis t t he t wo l o we r
and t wo higher dra we rs become par tners respe c ti vely
The tri a l of temper th e n
t he lo west has t he firs t deal
e ns u es and i f card pl aying has no other virtue it may
be commended as a test of temper and good breeding
Neve i
Lo se wi t hou t a mur mur win wi t hout triumph
i1 s ist o sharply on fines and be rea dy to pay on t he spot
[ f unable to do this you should pay t he next morning a t
It is al ways a llo wable t o ma n or lady to say
the l a test
”
“
I do not play and t he words are u nde rstood to mean
that though able you pre fer not to do so If a bad play
er you will do well to keep a way from the table ; you
h ave a partner s inte re st to c o u s u l t as well as your own
As a general rule in good society it should be understood
that one does not play f o r money bu t w ith money The
skill ra t her than the result of the game must be the point
of interest
In round games which are patronized by people who
have not t he accomplishmen t s to supply their place or the
wit to do wi t hout them t he main fault to be avoided is
eagerness Of single games you should kno w as many
a s possible
The finest of them is chess which is wor t h y
Wi t hout
of any man and a splen did men t al e xercise
a piring t o be a Morphy or a Staunton you may by
rra e
h ue and thought become a n e xcell e n t chess pl ayer ; bu t
e is not a social one and re quir e s too much air
the gam
t r a c tion to be introduced in social ga t herings
P erh aps the most use ful a complishment to on e s s el f
Indep e nd e nt of t he great
is a kno wledge of languag e s
superiority it gives you in travel a nd the wide field o f
l i te rature to which it introduces you you a re liable i n
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246
AC C OMPL IS
H M ENTS
.
really go od society especially in high Lo nd o n circles to
meet wi th foreigners havi ng a very sligh t ac q u a i n tan ce
wi th English From t hen: you may deri ve a v a s t a mo u nt
of i n forma t ion t urn t he slo w current o f your associa tions
a nd even be amused more t han by any conversa t io n wi th
our
The
most
pa
t riotic John But
o wn country men
y
now admi ts that foreigners understand bet t er t han our
s elves t he art o f conversa t ion and t hough we may accu s e
them o f frivolity among t hemsel ves we must remembe r
that in English society t heir firs t desire is t o make t h e m
selves really appreciated As a rule t o o they are more
in t eres t ed than we are in curren t his t ory and whatever
their prej udices or their ignorance you will rarely mee t
with a Frenchman Italian or German from who m you
may no t gather much curious in forma t ion which will serve
you elsewhere An un t ravelled man is always at som e
disadvan t age in g oo d English society where almos t every
one but himsel f will have crossed the channel but if he
has a good kno wledge of con t inen t al language and li tera
t ure t his disadvan t age is ma t erially diminished
AD accomplishmen t much overlooked as an accomplish
men t bu t one indispensable t o good socie ty is t o be abl e
to t alk on current li t erature and passing a ffairs Every
gen t lem a n in the present day should subscribe to a c i rc u
lating library and take in a Londo n newspaper Be sides
He
t aking in the latter he should read i t wi t h j u dgment
sh o uld be able to form and give an opin ion independent of
t ion o f common i nter e s t
arty
prejudice
on
any
ques
p
Whatever his vie ws he should be able as a man of sense
and in order to be agreeable to look on them in depend e nt
ly t o support t hem reasonably or a ban i o n them gr ac e
Poli t ics and even religion ca n i r ej o i c e to s ay
fully
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24 8
a c c'
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at the head o f t he table ; bu t what is the v lue of an
since no l o ng e r the
old cus t om universally disreg a r de d
h ost ess bu t the g u e s t who ha s t he mis fortun e t o t a ke he r
in t o dinner is ca l led upon t o p l a y t he part o f bu tcher ?
Ca n it be any more satis fac t ory to me t o have my mutt o n
sli ce d by a guest t han by the bu tler i n my host s service
Anothe r argument maliciously advanced is con taine d
No no t h ank you I like to see my din
in the sne e r :
”
ner and know wha t I am ea t ing
But wh a t a slur upo n
the hospi t ality o f your hos t to suppose he would give you
cat for a hare or a puppy for a rabbi t ! We migh t as
well insist t ha t he should sup our port be fore we drink it
test there should be poison in t he cup
a cus t om by t he
wa y s t ill retained in Bavaria where the k e ll n er i m z o r
waitress who brings you your quart of be er invariably
t h be fore she hands i t t o you
uts
it
to
her
mou
But
here
t
p
i s a reason for t hat since many a soldier in the Thirty
Years Wa r was poisoned at a beer garden
Carving is ho wever s t ill common at small parties and
family dinners and it will be a happy t ime when it is
I have seen ma ny a n un for tunate
a bandoned even there
young man pu t to con fusion when d e put e d to carve by the
anxious looks of t he host or ho s tess and have even hear d
“
such atrociously rude remarks as
Tho mas bring th at
fowl to me ; Mr J ones seems not to underst and it
na
y
I have seen people lose their temp e r so comple tely a t
h avi ng th e ir pet dishes hacked bv the unskil ful a s to pro
flu ce an a wk ward silence t hrough the whole company
Then too in fa mi l y circles more quarrels are t o be tr a c e d
to a blun t kni fe or a di ffi cult dish than even to millin e rs
bills and I stayed for a shor t t ime in one house whos e
mas ter at last got in t o a habit of losing his temper o ver
sa t
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H INTS
ON
CA R V ING
.
joint which he carved very ill at all times and where
in consequence dinner was more dre a ded t h a n th e pil l ory
Ind e ed as gre a t resul ts ma v o ft en be traced to the mo st
tri fling causes I a m c onv mc e d that hal f the domes t i c
t y ranny of the B ri t ish pa t er familias and muc h of the
bi ck e ring a nd irrita t ion which deprive hom e of its ch ar ms
may be traced to no greater cause than the cu t ting up of
The l a rg e r the family the grea t er t he mi se ry of
a j oint
the carver who ha s scarcely helped them all round be for e
the firs t receiver has done and is ready for a second help
n
hen
at
l
W
a st t he hungry fa t her or elder bro t her c an
g
secure a mou t h ful he must hurry over it at th e risk o f
l ys pe ps ia in order not to keep t he o t hers wai t ing
B u t we are a na t ion of conservatives and a cus t om which
ie sc e nde d from the d ays when a knight would stick his
l agger into a leg o f mut t on which he held by the knuckl e
bone ( he nce t he frill o f white paper s t ill stuck rou nd it
to slop in the gravy and look disgus t ing be fore t he join t in
removed ) and carve hi m a good t hick slice wi t hou t mor e
e re mony w ill not soon be got rid of however great a
nuisance It is t here fore necessary if you would avo rd
irritation black looks and even rude speeches to know
h uv to car v e at a friend s table whatever you may do at
When thus situated the following hi nts will
y u r o wn
be found u se fu l
the
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H INTS
1
ON C A RV I N G A ND
H ELPIN G
.
is helped wi t h a l adle Take care th at the
se rvant holds t he plate clo s e to the tureen and dis tr ibu te
one ladl e ful to each person
f
2 F is h is cut wi t h a large fia t sil ver kni e or fish
! li ce ne ver wi t h a commo n o ne
Of small fish you sand
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S o up
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25 0
A C COM PLI S
H MENTS
.
one to each person All t he larger flat fish such a s tu r
bo t J ohn Dorey brills &c mus t be first c u t from hea d
to tail do wn t he middle and th en in por t ions from t h i s c u t
to t he fin which being considered t he best part is h e l ped
Fried soles on the other hand are im 1 i
wi t h the rest
The shoulder is the bee
ou t across dividing the bone
par and should be fi rst helped Salmon being laid on
the side is c ut do wn the mi ddle of t he upper side and then
across from the back t o the belly A boi led mackerel
The fis h kni fe is passed from tail
s erves for four people
to head under the upper side which is t hen divided into two
Cod is al ways cross ways and a small piece of the sound
sent wi t h each he l ping
3 J o i n t s are helped wi t h a steel fork of which if
you value your fi ngers you will take care tha t the guar d
is raised and a carving kni fe which for the sake of your
neighbor s teeth if you do not care for your o wn you
will never yo ursel f sharpen Le t us premise that t he
butcher and cook must assist t he carver and t h at an ill
cut or ill j oin t ed join t a ugments terribly the torture of
the dispenser It must also be premised that there a re
more ways t han one o f cut t ing the same joint that some
times one sometimes ano ther is preferred and that one
way will o ft en be t he more economical another the mor e
e legant
Happy age when the butler shall have the r e
sponsibility of pleasing both t he master and mistress of
the house who invariably di ffer when there is an alte r
nati ve
The r oa s t beef o f Old England on whi c h our glory is
appears on well
sa id to fa t ten and our pluck to t hrive
kept tables in two forms only The sirloin has an uppe r
and under out about which tastes d iffer
It is th e re fore
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2 52
A C C OMP LI SIIM EN rs
.
City than at company dinners at t he West En l The
side is cut i n very t hin slices which should be as bro a d
a nd as long as the j oint i t sel f i f you c a n c u t t hem so
M u tt o n a ppears generally in t hree f orms The sad dle
is the best j oint and is bes t cut i n very t hin slices clo se
16 t he back —bone ; or you may slice it horizonta l ly fro m
or again slan ting from the back
t h e tail to t he other end
bo ne t owar ds t he fat so t ha t each slice sh a ll car ry i ts
own end of f at A shoulder of mu t ton must lie wi t h t he
knuckle t o wa rds your right and t he blade bone to ward s
your le ft In t he middle o f t he e dge o f t he par t f ar t hes t
from you place t he fork a nd there give one sharp de x te
rous cut from the edge to t he bone The meat then flies
open and you proceed to ou t ra ther t hick slices on each
side of the opening t ill you can out no more You may
then cut three or four slices from the cen t re bo ne to the
end and i f there are more mouths to be filled of which
your own of course will be one you mus t t urn t he j oint
over and slice the under side The same shoulder of
mutton is a d sgrace to a sheep for do wha t you will you
can never get enough o ff it Much more satis factory is
t he animal s leg
In the bosom of your o wn family w h e n
funds are l o w and butcher s bills high t he best plan is to
begin at the knuckle cutting a cross in t h i ck slices a nd
so on to the top
But if your wi fe pu t s up with a knuckle
your guests will not and in company you mu st
slice
t
h ere fore begin in t he middle The kn uckle shoul d poin t
You then cut from the side farth e r
to w a rds your le ft
from you to wards yoursel f thus Opening t he j oint in the
middle and proceed to t ake t hin slices on t he right which
s o me people pre fer and thick slices to wards the knuckle
The little tu ft o f f at near t he t hick end is a del icacy a o l
must be distributed as such
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-
H INTS
ON
CA R V I N G
253
The l a mb dist u rbed in i ts g a mbols fur ni she s our ruth
l e ss appetites wi t h t wo quarters ( a fore and a bind ) a
sa ddle which is carved like a saddle of its elder re l a t ive ,
mu t ton and a loin which must be divided into chop s
The fore quarter consis ts o f a shou l der a breast and t l e
ribs which are served without sep a ration and t he carve r
ha s there fore the pleasure of t urning butcher for the time
This he does by placing t he kni fe under the shoulder
dra wi ng it horizontally and so removing the shoulder a l
toge ther This limb is generally placed on a separat e
You hav e
dish and carved like a shoulder of mutton
then to cut off the breast and fi nally separate the ribs
The hind quarter consists of a leg and a loin the forme r
being cut across t he lat t er length ways
If the first of
Ve a l gi ves us a head breast and fillet
these a ppears in its normal form not having been boned
and rolled you must cut it do wn the cen t re in rather
thin slices on each side The meat round the eye a deli
cacy may be s 000ped out A small piece of the palate
and the accompanying sweetbread must be sent on each
pl ate A fillet of veal i s simply c u t i n slic es which must
not be too thin ; and the stu ffing in the centre should be
helped wi t h a spoon In a breas t of veal the ribs shoul d
be first separated from the brisket a fter which ei t her or
bo th may be sent round
Roa s t p or k is not o ft en seen on goo d tables
When it
app e ars it is as easy to carve as a leg o f mutton bu t the
Two very small
slices sh ould be t hick er and not so large
l e t t hose who lik e it e at
slices a r e enough for an epicure
more The best part of roast pork is the crackli ng i f i t
Boiled
ha s been ro a sted wi t h buttered paper over it
rk li ke boiled mutton is only to be tolerate d for t hc
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2 54
A
H MENTS
CCOMPLIS
.
sa ke o f its proper accompanime nts but t he taste for pe asa
pudding unlike th a t for c a per sauce can o nly be acquired
Both these j oints
by a long residence i n t his country
The wai ter a t
are carved l i ke a roaste d leg o f mut t on
er
k
a h otel who when a Hebre w gen t leman ordered
p
consider ately and delica t ely returned with poach
ch aps
was a man o f taste as well as of breeding a nd
e d eggs
k new that i t takes much t o make pork palatable No t so
ho wever with h a m and ba c o n which are meats to wa rm
the cockles of the heart even o f a Pharisee of the Phari
sees and while to e njoy the former one would al ways be
rich one could be content to be poor fo r th e sake of t he
latter Alas l because bacon is a poor man s luxury t he
rich or t heir vulgar cooks will never a dmit it or ver y
rarely It must be cut as thin as a lady s vail a nd in
delicate long strips rather than slices A lz a m may be
cut in thred w ays by beginning ei ther at t he knuckle
which must be turned tow a rds your le ft and slicing in a
slanting direction ; or at the thi ck end which is then
turned to your left or in the commonest manner like a
leg of mutton across the centre In any case it must be
cut i n very th in delicate slices such as the waiters of
no w de funct V auxhall won their fame fo r and s u c h as to
this day fe w people but the owner o f a London cook
One small slice is enough as an ao
shop c an achieve
compan ime nt to a helping of fo wl or veal
Last of the joints comes their best the haunch of Ven i
To carve this the knuckle should be turned to wards
so n
our
right
hand
and
above
it
a
rapid
cross
cut
made
A
y
c ut le ng t h ways from the other end to the cross cut should
divide the meat about t he middle and slices of moderate
th ickne s s ar e t hen to be taken or each side of the lon g
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25 6
A C C OMPLI S HME NTS
.
u nl e ss the cook has been s ki l rul enough ts
bone i t for vou ? Yo u m us t fi rs t t ake care t ha t yo u]
kni fe has a sharp s t rong poin t to i t and ther e wi t h ha v
ing the head o f t he hare t o wards your le ft you will c ut
—
egs
h
l
t o wi t t he hind legs fo r carving a nd nat
f
f
e
o t
ur a l history di ffer in this mat t er t he la t ter asserting t he
the har e is a quadruped t he former t hat it has only t wo
”
le gs and two wings
You will then cut t wo long
thin slices Off each side of t he back ; t hen t ake off t he
”
“
wings or shoulde rs ; t hen br e a k t he ba c k in to fou r
pieces wi t h the aid Of the fork ; t hen c u t off the ears and
lastly turning t he head t o wa rds you wi t h t he under side
uppermost i nsert the poin t Of the kni fe exac t ly in t he
centre of th e palate and dra wing it t o t he nose thus di
If you do all this wi t hou t Splash
vide it into t wo parts
ing the gravy you may t ake yo u r degree in carving B ut
to h elp a ba re is more diplomatic s till t han t o carve it
The di fficulty is to find enough for everybody who wa nts
it The best parts are the slices from t he back the h e ad
and ears
Never ho wever send head or ears to a lady
There is a good reason fo r this which I won t t ell yo u
Bu t i f there is a minister in Office at table and you
want to ask him for a place or t here is a fa t her w hose
da ughter s hand you aspire t o or an uncle who may pos
si bl y le a ve you a legacy i t is fo r him that you reserve
hal f the face and one if ne t bo t h ears If he be at all a
c urm e t you will get his ear by sending him pus s s and
the delic a te brain Of the animal will fully co mpensate for
a w ant Of it in your own head
A fo wl if not in its p r e m i r e j e u n e s s e is mo re irr 1
tating still than a har e because you feel that wh e n you
have done your Best the flesh is not worth eating e xcept
you to
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25 7
}
HI NTS ON C A RV IN T
.
su pper T here are two ways o f begin ning Ei ther
take the leg wing and part o f breast o ff wi t h one cut
a fte r hm i ng laid the bird on its side : or a llo wing i t t o
its b a ck with the bre a st and wings to war l d
re main on
ou a nd th e legs a way from you insert the kni fe in the
y
si le of the brea st above the leg and bring i t d o wn to the
o m t o f the wing
hich
is
thus
removed
with
a
slic
w
of
J
the br e ast The liver wing which lies to your right is
This done insert
the best and sh o uld be taken o ff first
the kni fe j ust at the turn of t he breast bring it do wn
and you have t he merry thought The meat of the breast
is then easily sliced off the legs having been turned
back with the fork The side bones come off next in a
moment if you insert t he kni fe or fork in the right place
under the angular j oint and turn the m out The
vi z
back is then broken by li fting it with the fork against t he
pressure of the kni fe and las tly t he sides are r e moved
The wing breast and merry t hought are t he best pieces
The great poin t in
the legs and sides are insul t in g
carving a fowl is to do it quickly and wi t h the f or /c as
much if not more than the kni fe
A p a r tr i dg e is carved like a fo wl but the legs being
f
f
oined
are
simply
turned
back
wi
h
the
kni
e
be
ore
the
t
j
operation commences A p he a s a n t is carved like a fo wl
ed at all but ou t in t wo do wn t he
P ig eo n s are not car v
middle ; the eater kindly saving the carver any furth er
trouble S n ip e is treated in t he same way and smalle r
bi rds are al ways sent round one to each person
”
vulgar to
Of a g oo s e or a t u r k ey we are told it is
cu t more than the breast but there can be no vu l gar i ty
in making a good dinner and in the f amily circle you
However
will be oblig e d t o apply to the wings and legs
at
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25 8
AC C OMPLIS
H MENTS
.
company sl i ces o f the breas t s u fli c e
The s a m e
thi ng is said o f t he wild duck t ha t bes t o f birds ; bu t we
di d no t thi nk so at Ox ford where we ne ver le ft any t hing
more than t h e ir carcasses The most prod uc t ive bi rd is
the Sco tch a nd S wedish caperc a ilzie I have kno wn one
three he t vy
sa t is fy four t een large a ppe t i t e s one day
e aters the second a nd wha t wi t h ha s hing grilling devil
ing and picking last t he origi nal purchaser a whol e
It might perhaps be
week for break fast a ft er war ds
”
“
vulgar to carve such a bi rd as that? lit t le le ss 80
than ofie r ing a lady a l e g o f os t ric h
fo r
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FEMI NI NE ACCOMPL IS
26 0
H MENTS
.
wor ds ,
and richness o f anecdo t e and repartee i s gone
an d l eer thro ne is vacant
The s a lo n which she collected around her was n its
c a pacity o f passing hours in talki ng more Fr e nch tha n
We shall never see the li ke
l hi glis h ; she i t s centre
again ; the world is too large and we are too rich
Elo
t
w
u e nc e
even
wen
out
i
t
h
metal
bu
t
t
ons
and
h
i
t
w
e
q
wais t coats : the House of Commons is only bore d by it
now the Lords are proud and t hank ful to say they neve r
encour aged i t Elo q uence which is t o conversation what
the garden flower is to t he wild flo wer the hot hous e
grape to t he poor sour thing tha t grows on the co t tage
walls— eloquence which is but condensed conversation
wi t h al l the e s s e n ce o f many minds in one is regarded
in these practical days only as an in terruption
I t t h e re fore becomes more and more essential that there
should be so me talent to supply the want o f good conver
sa t ion And for t ha t end t here is no thing like music
Music is I repea t t he subs t i t ute and t he only one for
conversa t ional po we rs It has its meri t s in that light
Conversa t ion some t i mes aggrava t es t e mper : music soot he s
it Conversation challenges reply : music gives no e u
s wer Conversation is t he rock of peril t o the impudent
they can scarcely in playing or singing commi t a n indie
cre tio n In talking ag a in one may l os e a frien d or even
m ake an enemy Music is t here fore an excellen t so u rce
at amusemen t for many occ a sio ns a nd is become a lm ost i h
dispensable to t hose who have fre q ue n tly par t ies to re
ce i ve
A li vely waltz or a so ft mov e ment care fully
e
w
t
t
t
lay
d
even
i
hou
t
ha
gre a t execution which c omp e ls
p
listening are o ft en ai ds to conversa t ion : it flo ws the mor e
ea sily from t h a t s li h t a nd a i e e a bl e i nterru p t ion
i t has
g
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M USI C
2 6]
.
in l ee d,
still gr e a ter advantages : this world of our s has i ts
work and its troubles ; a par e nt or husband may lea ve
home from ei ther or from bo th to find a s ol a ce i n mu s ic
whi c h ch anges the current of his ideas A broth e r may
he a l mos t made domes t ic by t he che e r fu l notes which he
find s p a ss t h e evening almo s t as rapidly as the cl ub or
Fe w persons are wholly devoid
J ul l ie n s or the t hea t re
o f a capaci ty for enj oying music and even i f not gi ft e d
Wi th any great natural tas t e a love o f the art may almost
be engr a ft ed on the nature by early associ a tions A nd
those associa t ions too have their value The air that
brings back home —born thoughts brings back in some de
gree the absen t the kind the forbearing the loving t he
honored
The piano still keeps its pre eminence as the instrumen t
best fi t ted for society The harp it is to be regret te d
has for some years eas e d to be fa shionable ; Je rha ps t h e
greater attention in modern times to p hys i cal education
has banished the harp from the school room There is
ev ery risk of t he practising o 1 this ins t rument producing
curv ature o f the spine ; whe n as t he piano from e x e rc is
ht posture i t
ing bo th hands at a time and from the strai g
requires is use ful to t hose disposed to such curvatures
Duets on the harp and piano are never t heless very d
li ght fu l ; and they used t o produce a good e ffect in a large
when t wo sisters or a pro fessional lady a n d he r
ro om
oung pupil a daughter o f t he house opened the evening s
y
amusement with one o f t hose exquisite Italian airs set by
B oc hsa or Chatter t on Simple melodies sung to the harp
are still v e ry e ffec t ive in socie t y from thei r variety
A
harp requires a large room it should be play ed with fe e l
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E MA LE
26 2
F
AC C O M PLIS
H MENTS
.
and grace or i t becomes very unple asant li k e the
j ingli ng o f a hi red band It requires s t out ner ves cer
ta inly for the display necessary to execu t e a n air on th
harp p e rched on a high stool and forming a ple as in g
hj e C t as well as being the vehicle o f swee t sounds to the
whole co mp a ny
The guitar makes a grace ful variety ; but is more ap
r o r ia t e to a man s than to a woman s playing
t
is
I
p p
monotonous and soon fatigues the at ten tion ; but bein g
e asily portable i s o ft en a re s ource in places and on occa
s ions where a piano canno t be had
The same may be s a id o f the zitter one of the s weetest
and most t ouching o f s t ring instruments ; but s t ill excep t
for the occasional playing o f Tyrolean minstrels unkno wn
in this coun t ry It is o f Bavari an origin and is t he oldest
instrumen t known It s plain t i ve and appeali ng sounds are
heard in Alpine ch alets or by t he fores t er s fireside as well
as in the country revels of t he inh a bi tants of V ienna Inn
spruc h and Munich It is exq u isi t e as an accompaniment
it is cheap and por tab l e A good zi tt er may
o f t he voice
be ob t ained for t hir ty shillings or t wo pounds It is flat
and t akes up li tt le room and should be placed horizon
tally on a table wi thout a cover It requires howev e r
time and much practice t o bring out those thrilling tones
The most eminent
a t once so touching and so peculiar
profe ssors in Germany speak highly of the po wers of thi s
small instrument and sav that i t produces notes neare r to
th ose o f the h uman vo rce than any other Ye t it is not
ca l c ul a t ed fo r large concerts : we English must have noi se
and show The zi t t er is an instrument for the bo udo i r
for lovers in a bower for the poet in his turret for
mg
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26 4
FEMI NI N E A C C OMPL I S HM ENTS
.
tune or t ha t s he wishes to im press on you the fl u
o f her c a r which de t ec t s t he de fec t t o yours
e r io i it
y
p
All se lf asser t ion be i t
which has s t upidly overlook e d i t
abou t t us ic or sin ging or dancing or anything is u n
T here is a c e 1 t ain
pl e asant and al ways seen t hrough
a r t t oo in si t t ing a t the piano : all movements o f the b d y
s hould be avoided : well b red people play without them
and t h ey are unpleasan t t o t hose si tt ing behind B e ready
in some cases
also to quit the ins t rument a ft er finishing
when once seated l a dies seem t o be glued to the piano
and ho wever f ascina t ing may be t heir e ffor t s i t is bad
policy to wear your audience o u t Then ano t her hint to
the a ma t eur musician be lenient at all even t s a nd en
There is no need t o
co u ra gi ng i f you can to others
flat t er but great reason especially to those who play well
to be amiable on t his as on o t her poin t s A li t tle kindli
ness a poli te a t t en tion t o t he feel ings of o the rs wins many
a friend ; for we are governed by t he t rifl e s o f li fe
Almost every well educ a t ed lady c a n play a li t t le ; but
that is not t he case in respect t o voc a l music Whethe r:
it be owing to English clima t e or English cons ti t ution
the 1 e 1s no saying ; bu t t he 1 e 1s no t hing m 01 e ra 1 e than a
good voice It may ho wever provided t he ear be good
he almost acquired ; bu t t hen t he bes t ins t ruc t ion must be
ob t ained ; a dozen good lessons taken not too soon bu t
whenever the voice is formed and the young lady plays
we l l are far more bene fi cial t han a long cou r se o f i n fe ris r
t eaching It is impor t a n t t ha t a young lady should not
b gin to sing in society too soon : it is obj ec t ionabl e te
hear a learner whose per formance speaks of the school
it is far wor se ho we ver to be condemned t o liste n
roo m
to a voice that is p a s s e d o f which the best notes are
out
of
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S I NG I N G
rac k e d or feeble
l sto u t matron
c
,
and
t
here
is
s ome t ni n
A moth e r wi t h h er da ngli te r s
Lo oki ng l ike
a
.
g absurd
or
g u i ne a , wit h h e r
in he an ng
n ie c e s ,
he r
se ve n s h il li n g
p ieces
.
—
i
n
t
t
with bygone e m
B
ron
imperti
en
ly
has
singing
as
y
o f forty or mor e
b
as is abou t love ; or a t hin spins ter
(
”
I ll w a t ch for thee 0
h olding for t h in such songs as
”
“
D on t forget me
Ins t rumen t al music is a pnrOpriata
to any age but a ft er for ty t he voice lo s es t he delicio us
freshness of youth t he s tyle is no longer t ha t of the day
and even the finest ama t eur vocal per formers have l os t
s omethin g we scarcely know what bu t some t hing we m i ss
pain fully
When asked to sing if you do n ot in t end to do so r e
fu se s o decidedly tha t you canno t be compelled but t he
more decided the re fusal t he g e n t ler should t he manner
”
be There is a style o f saying No t ha t never o ffends
You are asked as a compliment ; a s a compliment receive
the en t reaty If you in t end to sing accept at once ; do
not hurry up to the piano as i f glad of an O pportuni ty
of showing o ff but go gen t ly ; i f by reques t
o u ha w
y
brought your music and i t sho u ld ne ver be brough t to
those who know t hat you sing w i t hou t re q uest leave i t
do wn stairs ; it can be sent for ; bu t since all p a uses in
society are to be avoided i f you can sing wi t hout no t es it
is a s well at the s ame t ime never at t empt to do so unless
A h a l f forgo t t en or imper fect song is
su re o f yoursel f
Something light and brillia nt is be s t for a
irr itating
—
t
t
n
mmencement
or
a
li
le
air
o
t
too
ell
known
o
w
Ge r
c
man perhaps For the sake o f all the Muses do not
attempt a long Italian bravura of V erdi or D oniz e tti tha t
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26 6
FEMI N I NE A CCOMPLI b fl MENTs
.
per haps a l f di e company have heard Garcia o r Piccol o
min t sing t he week b e fore y o u m u s t murder i t t o c a rs so
Or i f you a r e singing to a homely e u
ar t istic a s t heirs
The
dic a ce the simplest song will please t hem bet t er
l i fie i c n c e be t we e n a pro fe s sional and an amateur si ng e r
sho u ld al ways be k e p t in vie w
The one is constrained
t he o t her has no o t her inducemen t
by m t e re s t t o as t onish
than to charm The one is purchased the o t her is a vol
un t a ry e ffort t o pass a way t i me and to do jus t ice to t he
comp osition of some of t he popular masters of t he day
The form and movemen t s o f t he body mus t be habi t ually
controlled in singing In nine cases out o f te n they spoil
the e ffect o f t he voice Some ladies bend from side to
side cas t up their eyes or fix t hem wi t h a rapt expression
on the wax ligh t s above t hem O t hers make alarming
aces prot rude t he under j a w or wha t is worse a ssume an
F
affected smile A good mas ter su ffers none o f t hese de
He regulates t he mou t h which s ho u 11
fe e ts to creep in
be as litt le dra wn as possible ; open it must be but shoul d
n inclin a t ion t o smile W i t hou t t he abs o
a ppear to have
lute smile A great deal depends on t he righ t mode of
I con fess i t is a great sacrifice to
bringing out the voice
se e one s fr i ends look frigh t ful even when giving out t he
In t he choice
1 ( s t delicious sounds ; nor is it essen t ial
German music pl eases
of s ongs varie t y is to be a dop t ed
ge nerally ; bu t l e t no one not conversant w i th t he right
t
ronunciation
in
it
her
sm
of any foreign language
;
g
p
is nothi ng so unpleas ant as to hear broad Frenc h mi nci ng
Even in Engli s h a goo d a c
G e rman or lisping It a l ian
ce n t is the most essen t ial thing possible a nd also a
A simple song sung wit hout gree
good art ic u la t ion
t s be c ause i t
w
wers
but
ell
articulated
deligh
f
voic
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26 8
FEMI NIN E AC COM PLI SHMEN] s
.
ha t sacred songs should be avoided in partie s I do abt
wh e t her any o f t he de e per feelings should be p a raded or
light occasions and if songs truly mourn ful a re no t be t
te r re served fo r small reunions of the real l o vers of d e e p
a thos in music
p
All accomplishmen ts have t he one great merit of giv
a dv something to do ; some t hing to preserv e her
a
l
in
g
t o console her in seclusion ; to a rouse her
from 07m m
And non e
in grie f ; to compose her to occupation in j oy
t his purpose much be t t er t han f ancy work or
a nswers
even plain work The former can o ften be brough t ad
t
h
va nt a e o u sl
in
o
t
e rear o f o t her pursui ts — a s a reser ve
y
g
The la tter c annOt well be car ried in t o socie y e xcept as
a chari t y
The Germ a ns do this grace fully At s ome o f
D uring Lent at
t heir courts the great se t the e xample
Munich they have working par t ies The queen made a
baby s shirt one e vening when one o f t hese r eu nions was
held in t he apartments of her g r a n de m a t r es s e The
k ing meantime was pulling lint fo r the hospitals Every
lady o f t he court had some use ful ar t icle be fore her
warm sha wls made wi t h t he cro t chet ne dle ; stockings
kni t t ed ; dresses ch ie fl y fo r children from t heir being
small Such are t he labors t h a t employ 011 cer t ain eve
h ings the court and nobili t y o f a na t ion whose aristocr a cy
is among t he most ancient and s t ill t he r ichest in Eur o p e
And c anve rsat ion went round ch e er fully Li t tle tabl es
wer e set about and the assemblage was broken u p in to
a rties each table holding a lady or t wo wi t h a gen t le ma n
p
A terrible was t e of t ime in small par t ies wo u ld
ne ar her
in de e d be a voided i f some sort o f work co uld be in tro
duc e d ; and if young ladies were not condemned to be
idle for sev e r l hours they would look better and be
t
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W ORKI N G
26 9
.
more amiable and less fatigued than they o fte n
”
“
friendly p arty
are at what is facetiously termed a
No t that it is recommended to take into a party you r
husband s stockings to mend or dear Charles s shirts ove r
which he was naturally so irritable at the absence o f bu t
te ns or Louisa s pina fores to run strings into ; let t he
work have the characteristics of recreation combined wit h
uti lity and the most scrupulous cannot be orfe nde d
Such
is indeed the S pirit of the day ; for we are a more sens i
bl e people than our grandsires were
Sketching and archery stand first among out door
m u se me nt s
They are healthy elegant and apprOpri
te to the feminine character ; while — first thought of
m mmas — they assemble rather than e xcl ud e the young
cx me mbers of the o the r se x
happi e r
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C HAPTER V II
MA NNER
C ARRIA G E,
.
A ND
TRUE
H A BITS
.
pol iteness comes from the heart and t his be i ng
good the rest wi ll soon fe llo w But as Chest e r fi eld says
good sense and good n a t ure suggest civili ty in general ;
bu t in good breeding t here are a t housand li t t le delica
cies which are es ta blished only by cu stom
Th a t which
mili t ates most agai nst good breeding is an indi ffe rence to
or want o f considera t ion for t he fe e lings o f o t hers ; and
what does this amount t o but a bad heart ? A courtier
may hate me wi t h civili ty a nd a brigand rob me poli tely
Is there not some goo d in t he hear t o f bo t h these me n ?
Have t hey not a great consider a t ion fo r my feelings ?
ff hey c a nnot t he y would te l l nun he ha i vha t they do ; I
stand in t his one s way and he mu s t a nd do e s hate
me ; I h ave a purse a nd the o ther i s a robber he
must and will t a ke i t ; but both o f t hem compelled to
t reat me so ill do it wi t h a grace t h a t removes hal f the
annoyance o f it The cour t ier conce a ls his hatred and
wh a t th e re fore do I care for it ? I do not even Kno w of
its exis t ence and a p a s sion which we never discover c an
no t a ffe ct us
Then t oo i f t he high wa yman pol i tely a nd
”
“
de lica t ely
invites me to gi ve up t hos e fe w p a l t ry
”
bank not e s assuring me i t is hi s
pro fes s ion tha t he
la ments the necessi ty and that if I sho w no fight, no vie
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( 2 70)
2
k ind
MA N N ER,
C A RRI A G E,
t ND
H A B ITS
.
Hones ty is not honesty for instance if it come
no t from wi t hin
The most respectable man m ig ht be
dishones t i f he had t he ch a nce and no fear o f t he law
Never t heless the law under t akes to make men app e a r
honest because it kno ws that it is in vain to wai t fO
honesty in heart The law tells the you ng thie f he must
rob no more and it may cure him of thieving and make
h i m turn out a respectable man— i n appearance ; but it
cannot be sure because he does not thieve that he has no
i nternal desire to do so and would not do so i f the fear
Of the law were gone
So too in j ust the same way t he
fla ws of society give rules by which a man may be amia
bl e and well bred — to all appearance ; but it cannot a
whit the more insure the good feeling which ought to sug
gest the good acts
I say then that because Etiquette lays down rules by
which you are to ap p ea r to have a heart she does noth
ing worse than the laws of the realm which show how
you may a pp e a r honest and leave your heart alone
This pre face is necessary because when I say a man is to
s mile at such a time and show dignity a t such another
he world might te ll me I was teaching hypocris y
I am
doing no t hing Of the kind I am merely providing for
s e t s which are necessary to the wellbeing of socie ty be
cause I know that i f every one acted according to his
heart the world would soon be turned upside do wn
So then I c a n man fully say that a good manner is a
good gi ft We kno w all about oh s e rpents we have
re ad e nough o f them in roman t ic novels but I am bound
to say I pre fer an Oily serpent by way Of society to a n
The serpen t may not choose me to bi te
unlicked bear
I may enj oy his society I may never d iscover th at he in
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MANNER
A ND
THE
H EA RT
a7s
.
nyt hing worse than a harmless blind worm with no stin g
in him ; but I ca nnot have been a minute wi th the bear
be fore I am torn to pieces When I hear o f t he serp e n t s
bi t ing anybody I can avoid him for the fu t ure but i n
the mean t ime he is an agreeable comp anion and I h a ve no
I say then that a ma n
right to j udge my neighbor
s hould curb his heart fi rst but i f he cannot do o r has not
d one this he has no right to come bellowing with irrita
tion into the society of q uiet people merely because he
Will not take the trouble to be mannerly
Mann er then I am bound to con fess is the cloak of
character but it to bare the character he indecent it is
Uh
better it should wear a cloak than go about naked
til we are all per fect until there is a millennium on
ea rth it will always be indecent to wear our feelings in
Adamite costume and so long will a garment like that
of Manner be necessary
A good carriage involves two things a respect for one s
It is very di fficul t to draw
sel f and a respect for others
th e line bet ween the two and to show where the one
s hould yield to the other ; but as t h e world goes the man
who respects himsel f is generally respected and for a
very good reason since wi t hout a due recognition o f the
D ivine spark within him a recogni t ion o wed to his Maker
no man can be really good On the other side comes
t he Christian precept which bids us love o u r neighbor as
oursel f and at once defines where sel f respect must end
Wherever our dignity our prej udices our Opinions begi n
to annoy our neighbors to cause them pain embarras s
ment or con fusion they must gi ve way
How o ft e n do
“
we hear
I think Mr
is a very excellent man bu t
he has a most di sagreeable manner ; the fac t bei ng t hat
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1 2*
274
MANNER
C ARRI AG E,
A ND
H AB ITS
.
Mr
meaning very well has not su fficient e i ns i lor
a t ion for O th e rs fe e li ngs t o temp e r his e nt husi a s m A nd
the n s u ch a man wins his re w r d l Ii s z l de vo u rs
hi m a nd he a nnihil a t es by w n t o f c on s i de ra t i o n a l l the
g ood he might h a ve done l l e see this ver y o ft en in ex
who under ta ke the
ce l l e n t we ll m e ani ng maiden l a die s
Wh e r e v e r t hey
supervision Of t heir poorer neighbors
see a f aul t they a t t a ck i t harshly un fli nchingly u npi ty
ingl y
The resul t i s th a t t he poor t hey vi s i t begin tr
loa t he them and thei r visi ts and ins tead of improving
despise the improv e r Then send to them some mild u n
ta ught girl all love a l l hear t a l l warm t h and bid he r
win th e m back She begi ns ins t inc t ively by a ttaching
them to hersel f s he is all in t eres t all kindness to t hem
and when she has made t hei r hear t s her o wn the least
expression o f a wish will make them gi ve up t heir dearest
vices How we ll has i t been put
Smoo t he t he way to
”
the head through t he heart and we may be sure that
wha t is good here in m or a ls is good i n manners Rude
ness will never win t he day ; an am i able kind manner
ri des over the course
The firs t rule then for Manner is sel f—respect
Wi t h
out this a man is n ot only we ak and ba d but u nfi t for
society The wa nt o f it sho ws i tsel f in t wo most d isagr e e
able forms adulation and a wk ward ness I believe bo t h to
have no evil intent in t h e mselves Hundreds and t hou
sand s Of fia t t e re r s a nd ha ngers on have never ho ped to
I
t
i
s s impl e
a in a single bene fi t from t heir ad u l a t ion
g
simple absence o f sel f respec t But the wo rld
we a kness
wil l not a lways see i t in so chari table a poin t of vie w an d
the fia tt e re r is denounced ais interes t ed In any case ad
ul a t io n is bad fo r it is dangerous not only to the ser vil e
,
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276
MANN ER,
CA RRI A G E,
A ND
HAB ITS
.
Maria asserts most thrilling whis pe r ; or the dil e tt a nte in
music whose hair hangs in pro fuse curls and who as he
runs fa t white beringed fingers over t he notes s ways hit
body to and fro and casts his glances to either side in a
kind o f rapture ; nay even the unnaturally solemn man
who looks you through as i f he were casting up your
l ittl e account of sin fo r you together with a thousand
other kinds of men are all too obviously a ffected to re t a in
long the respect o f sensible people We know that natur e
has its many faults to be curbed but we know t hat where
nature is not at fault it is most truth ful to let her have
her run By the side o f the a ffected man even t he
bluntest looks noble and for the v e ry reason t hat a ffe c t a
tion arises from a want of sel f respect or excess o f sel f
c st e e m e x tremes which resemble one another
But I would almost dare to say that there never was a
woman who h ad not more or less afl e c ta t ion in speaking to
men I am not a St Anthony but I believe it to be
natural to woman to alter their manner towards the other
se x ; so that I involve mysel f in a paradox ; i t is natura l
I
Ior them to be unnatural under these circums t ances
am not going into the logic of it but really t his is only
a n apparent paradox and I may say with per fect truth
that it is natural for women to he sometimes unnatural
If you doubt me watch how Clara the simplest sweetest
The n
l e ast sophisticated of her sex talks to you a man
ru t on the invisible cap and follo w her to the dra wing
r oo m where she and her sisters wil l sit alone and ta lk
If you see no marked change of man ner in Clara I will
a dmit tha t I am wrong
But then there are grades in woman s afl e c t ation and
”
“
while Clara seems to be al l nature , as they say i n
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EX AMPL E or
M t NNEB
B AD
2 77
.
mode rn novels , we can exclaim at first sight that B lind a
e
”
a mass of tarlat ane and a fl e c tat ion
My dear Be
linda ta ke in good part t he warning of an old bachelor
Believe me that men who are worth your arrows will not
be smitten wi th tinsel sha f s ; believe me t h a t the bette r
they are the more they love nature in women artlessness
frankness modesty
But then there is even an a ffectati on
of naturalness and you Clarissa who are p a st five a nd
twenty— O yes I know i t for your lit tle bro t her l e t it
out l— feel that you never can be really na t ural again in
society and so you a ffe ct to be so by becoming brusque
and somewhat pert Men Clari s sa are not such fools as
ou imagine ; they will see t hrough t his even more easily
y
and t here is no hope for you but t o be w i t h them what
you are be fore your o wn looking gl as s But I am tres
passing on the province o f my c o l fe agu e and I must re
turn very loath to the men
Le t me give a fe w samples of m anner to be avoided
First there is Tibbs s hort enough and c l e ve r enough to
be a great man and such I dare say he will be one of
these days But Tibbs feels wi thin him the Sp i rit of gov
e rna nc e and has reverence fo r neither old nor young
He
walks with a short sharp s t ep his li tt le nose rather e l e va t
ed , his eyes glaring to detect some weakness on which to
pou n ce You put forward an opinion the meekest you
”
can give : It will turn out fi ne
Beg your pardon
a nswered Tibbs wi t h that sharp snap which makes t he
“
“
wor ds sound like D on t be a fool !
it will n o t be a
”
fine day
1 have good r eason to know it there
Wha t
ca n you do with Tibbs bu t coll apse ?
He treats his fa t he r
and grand fa t her a nd mother and sister a l l in the sam e
way and they are c owed b e fore him
Tibbs is ne ver
“
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2 78
MA N N ER
.
C
A RRIA G E
A ND
H A B ITS
.
rude Yo u canno t c at ch him up a nd c a ll
hi m a be a r ; bu t his mann e r o f sp e ki ng c o n t inu l l y e n
ve ys t he impression t h at Tibbs b e lieves i n his o w n i i t e
n s on ly and in nobody else s He is t he kind o f ma n
who can open Sh a kspere re a d a pass a ge a nd exc la i m
”
Did you ever he a r su c h nonsense ? giving you goo d
re asons forsoo t h i f poe t s a nd philosoph e rs co u ld be me a
su red by t he lo wes t s t and a rd o f t he dryes t common s e nse
Tibbs is al l common sense bu t by no means a pl easan t
companion
He seems to be in
V ery di ff rent is old Mr Da wdles
a sta t e o f chronic plethora Say what you will on his
dearest t h e mes he has no reply f or you bu t a yes or no
When he speaks himsel f he a ppears t o be
snivelled ou t
g umbl i ng a t you ho wever kind his words You kne w he
is good a nd me a n s very well and he wo u ld give you h a l f
his for tun e ou t o f she e r kind ness but wi t h a g e s ture and
tone of voice which would seem to say
There t ake it
”
He do e s ha t e a fuss more th an
a nd don t make a fu ss
a l l Ot her abo mina t ions
Ther e is Slouch again whom I believe to be an inc ar
na t ion o f honor and uprigh t ne s s bu t who gives you t he
idea o f a s nea k a nd a villa i n He never looks you ful l in
His sh aggy bi o ws hang over his lurking eyes
the f ace
and h is words come c a u t i ously a nd susp i ciou s ly wriggli n
g
up to you
But Pompous has the best of hearts He has be e n
kno wn to go ou t o f his way fo r miles to le a v e a li t tle some
A nd ho w t he man wrongs him
thing wi t h a poor wido w
l f ! He is very tall a nd has a fine fi gure
He draws
hims e l f up to t he grea t est he ight and looks do wn on you
as if you wer e a Lilliput and all the while he loves
ou
y
do wnrigli tl y
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a
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2 80
MA NN ER,
C A RRI A G E,
A ND
i n s i rs
.
rk e d out his o wn thought he clinches it wi t h a ha ha
or a he he and never w a i t s fo r your a ns wer
Yo u mus t do all the t al k
G lu mme is jus t the reverse
”
No o o
ing for him ; he will only dra wl out a
or a
”
Ye e e s and we a rs a perpetual scowl
Then there is Trippe t who seizes you by the b u tton
ole a ni gro ws hot over the merest trifle ; Courte who
replies with a sharp sneer ; S t erne who has fo r ever a
look of reproo f t hough he does not mean it ; Fidge tte
who can never be prevailed upon to be com fortable ; Bl ufi
who t errifie s you with his curt blunt manner ; and Lack
adaye who is so languid that he cannot t ake the troubl e
even to look at you One genius whom I kne w neve r
remo ve d his eyes from the lamp on the table ; anothe r
rushed up to you sei zed both your hands and gazed wi t h
apparent affection into your eyes ; a third spoke deep
truths i n a low solemn tone a s he gazed at a Spot on the
carpet ; a fourth moved his head to and fro as i f to avoid
your gaze : and a fi ft h t he greatest of all never spoke
a t all
The manner in short which a man must aspire to is
one which will give ease and not embarrassment to oth
e rs
He must preserve a certain dignity but yet be
pliant ; he must be open fra nk ; look you hone s tly in the
face speak out confidently yet calmly ; modes t ly ye t
firmly ; not be bl u fi or blunt bu t yet be free and simple
In fact let a man be natural let him be in society wha t
he is any where ; but i f he find his n a tural manner too
rough t ao loud too cur t or too brutal let him le a rn to
tame it and calm it do wn
But m anner has various functions for various circum
stanc es
Towards our elders and superiors we must sh ow
e
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THE P
HY SI C A L
CA RRI A GE
28]
.
hon est not servile de fe rence ; to wards w men gen tle
ness ; towards j uniors tenderness ; t o wards in feriors a
simple dignity without condescension
Aristo t le who was
pe rhaps a better philosopher than gentleman recomm e nd s
a haughtiness to superiors and grace ful freedom to in
feriors The world is old enough to judge for itsel f B u t
when a man finds that his lively badinage suits a band of
merry lissome girls he must not be so wild as to rush a t
Papa with the same kind of banter Pat e rfam may give
a smile to real wit and laugh at a good story but the
same tri fling which makes his daughters laugh so ring
i ngl y will only appear to him a familiarity when ad
dressed to himsel f Then again the gravity into which
o u have fallen when discussing great measures with a
y
philanthropist will a fford no satis faction to the airy mass
of tarla t ane with whom you dance soon a fter
Solomon
has said it there is a time to weep and a time to laugh
In other words be you as merry a jester as ever sat at a
k ing s table you mus t not ob t rude your unweary mirth
”
at a visit o f condolence or be you the most bereave d
of widowers you will not bring your tears and sighs to
damp the merriment o f social gatherings
What applies to manner may be trans ferred in most
respects to that bearing which distinguishes a man in se
But the times Change much in this respect and
c i e ty
the old courteous dignity with which the beau x of my
younger days behaved has given wa y to a greater e ase
and sometimes I fear to t oo grea t freedom
I do no t
k now whe t her to regret or not the s t rict c c u r teousness
of those times
It o ft en amoun ted to a fl e c ta t ion ; it was
not natural to be ever bo wing 1OW making set speeche s
rai sing a lady s hands to o ne s lips or pre ssmg one s own
an
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M AN N ER
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C ARRI A G E,
HAB ITS
AN D
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upon the region o f t he heart but a t the same t ime I re
gre t t he l o u nging f ami l i a ri t y whi c h we see to o pi e va lt i
Th e re is no n
a mong yo u ng men o f the pres e n t d y
Su t
f ac t su ffi cient reverence fo r t he f air and t he old
t imes t his I regre t to s y m u st be ch a rged t o t he fa u l
o f t he former ; and a y o u ng lady who t alks sl a ng 01 i
”
mus t exp e c t to find t h e m some
a l ways with
t he men
times abuse h ar good —nat ure But abstrac t s are i ne ffe c
ti ve l e t me come t o some details as to t he ph ysical car
r i a o o f a man
g
A cer t ain dignity is t he first re q uisi te but we mus t not
expec t too much o f it i n the young and we should not
emula t e t h e so l emni t y o f Charles t he Firs t who never
la u ghed
It is a mis ta ke too t o suppose that height is
nece ss a ry for dign i ty
Ches t er fi el d t he most polished
gen t leman of his day was on l y five fe et seven in height
and Welli ng t on a nd Bon a par t e bo t h short men ha ve
neve r been ac c u sed of w a nt o f digni t y B ut a t the same
time t he assumpt ion o f it is mo re liable to become r idic u
lo u s in a shor t th a n in a t a ll man Digni ty can never go
along wi t h a Sl o uching g ai t and uprigh t ne ss sho uld be
a cq uir e d in childhood by g mnas t ics a n d a mple exercise
y
This uprigh t ness ho wev e r should no t go to t he ex ten t of
The ches t sho u ld be expand e d
u r vi n
g t he back in wa rds
“
a presence
The head
bu t no t s o much as to make
should be set well b a ck on the sh oulders but not t ossc l
up nor j erked on one side wi t h t hat a i r of pertness
ou
y
People o f h e i ght are o ft en fooli sh
se e in som e me n
e nou g h to ma r it by be ndi ng the he a d for ward wher e a s
if c a rri e d w ell a t a ll fi gure is n ver a wk wa rd even a mt ng
Ir s t andi ng t he l e gs o u gh t to be straight or
Lilliputs
In
one o f t hem bou t a li ttle bu t not set wide apart
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284
M ANN ER,
C A RRI AG E ,
A ND
i i A B t rs
.
ess of your manner To a lady it should be more ma rLe d
than to a man
In lis t ening again you should mani fest a cer t ain inte
rest in what a person is saying and ho wev e r li tt le w rthy
of your attention you should not show that you think it
so by the toss of your head or the wanderin g of you r
In speaking to any one you should look them i n
eyes
the face for the eyes al ways aid t he tongue but you
should not carry this to the ex t ent o f wriggling yoursel f
forward in order t o ca t ch t heir eyes i f there happen to
be another person bet ween you
It is pain ful to see the want of ease with which som e
men sit on the edge of a chair but at the same time the
m anner in which others throw themselves back and stretch
You
forward their legs s a ve r s too much o f familiarity
may cross your legs i f you like but not hug your knees
nor your toes Straddling a chair and til t ing it up may
be pardonable in a bachelor s rooms but not n a lady s
drawing room Then i f you carry a walking stick or
umbrella i n t he street you should avoid s winging them
or tucking them under the arm Bo th
violently about
are dangerous to your neighbors for i n the one case you
may inadvertently strike a person and get into as gre at
trouble as the individual who was brought up the oth e r
day for assaulting a woman with a cricket bat which he
affirmed he was merely swinging about careles s ly ; in the
other t he point of your stick may run into some u nfo rt u
na t e creature s eye
Foreigners talk with their arms and hands as au x ili a
ri es to th e voice
The custom is considered vulgar by us
calm Englishmen
and a P arisian , who laughs at o ur
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H ABITS
D
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i s d ressing will
ill admit that our men are dis
”
If the face fol l ow s the
! i ng n es m en s t r e s di s t i ng u é s
words and you allow wi t hout grimacing your eyes a nd
smile to express what you are saying you have no need
to act it wi t h the han ds but i f you use them at all it
never bringing
sli o u l l be very sligh t ly and grace fully
down a fist upon the table nor slapping one hand u pur
nor poki l g your fingers at your interlocutor
another
Pointing too is a habit to be avoided especially pointin g
with the thumb over the shoulder which is an inelegan t
In short while there is no occasion to be stolid
action
or constrained you should not be too lively in your a o
tions and even i f led away by the enthusiasm of an argu
ment should never grow loud rant or declaim No
manner is more disagreeable than that of vehement afii r
mation or laying down the law
With these remarks I may pass to consider certai n
habits which are more or less annoying to your neighbors
F irst there is that odious habit of touching the nose and
ears with the fingers for which there is n o excuse Every
part of the person should be properly tended in the dress
ing room never in t he drawing room and for this reason
f
icking
the
teeth
however
ashionable
it
may
once
hav
e
p
been scratching the head the hands or any part of t he
Mr Curzon tells us that at
body are t o be avoided
Erzeroum it is quite t he fashion to s cratch the bi t es of a
li ttle insect as common there as in certain London hote ls
and it is even considered a delicate atten t ion to catch the
li vely creatures as t hey perch on the dres s or shoulders
For t unately we are not tempted to pe r
of your partner
fo rm such attenti ons in this country ; but i f you have the
mis fort une to be bitten or s tung by any insect you must
r
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286
MA NNER,
CA RRIA G E,
A ND
H A BITS
.
ndure the pa i n wi thout scr a tching t he bi t e in co mp a a
These same l i t tle insec ts b e ing of very disagreeable origin
i
w
t
h
a
a
f
t
t
e
i
a
i h us Bi ing
n ls g n
are no t even spok e n o
as n o t only a dir ty h a b i t bu t o ne wh i ch soo n d is lig n i ea
So t oo in blo wing your nose you mu st net
t h e fingers
make the noise of a t rumpe t bu t do it ge nt ly a nd qu ie t
i ef
h
and
hen
you
sn
z
use
your
handk
e
rc
I do
e
e
e
w
ly ;
not go the leng t h o f sayi ng t hat you must repres s a
sneez e entirely Th e re is a pl easant custom still uni ver
sal in Germany and I taly and re t a in e d among t he peas
in
some
par
t
s
o f England o f blessing a
e rso n wht
a n tr
p
y
has sneezed be n e d ic i te G al l s eg u e 8 26 and bless you
being t he t erms used probably in t he h e pe t ha t the pr aye r
may keep you from cold
Sneezi ng brings me to s nu ffing which is an obs o lete
custom r e t ained only by a fe w old gen t le men and as it
is a ba d one no young man should t hink o f reviving it
B u t wha t shal l I s ay o f t he fr ag ran t weed which R a leigh
taugh t our gallan t s to pu ff in c a pacious bo wls which a
roya l ped a n t denounced i n a famou s
Coun t erblas t
which his fla ttering laurea t e Ben J onson ridiculed to
p l e a se his master : which our wi ves and sisters pro t est
gi ves rise to t he dir t ies t a nd mos t unsociable habi t a man
can indulge in ; o f which some fair favorers declare t hat
t hey love t he smell and o t hers t hat they will n e ver marry
an indulger ( which by t he way they generally end in
do ing); which has wo n a fame over more space and amo ng
be t e r m e n th a n Noah s grape has ever done ; which dec
tc rs still dispute a bout a nd boys s t ill ge t si ck e ver ; bu
wh ich is t he solace of t he we a ry laborer ; the suppo rt of
th e ill fix] ; t he re fresher of e ver wro u gh t br a i ns ; t he
soo t her of a ng ry fancies ; the be as t of the exquisite
the
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2 88
MANNER,
weed
C A RRIA G E,
A N D nA B Irs
.
res our irritability it kills our wit I b e lieve th at
it is a fallacy to suppose that i t encourages drin king
Th e re is more drinking and le ss smoking in this th a n in
Tl e re was
any other country of the civili zed world
m ore drinking among the gentry of last cent u ry who
Smoke and wine do not go well
ne ver smoked at all
Co ffee or beer are its best accompaniments and
to gether
the one c annot intoxicate the o t her must be largely im
I have observed among young bachelors
bibe d to do so
that very little wine is drunk in t heir chambers and that
The cigar too is an
be er is gradually taking its place
excuse for rising from the dinner table where there are no
ladies to go to
In another point of view I am inclined to think that
smoki ng has conduced to make t he society o f men when
a lone less riotous less quarrelsome and even less vicious
than it was Where young men ne w blow a common
cloud they were formerly driven to a fear ful consumption
and this in their he ads the y were ready and
of wine
But the p i pe 1 3 the bachelor s
re u se d to any iniquity
wi fe With it he can endure solitude longer and is no t
forced into l o w society i n order to shun i t
With it t oo
the idle can pass many an hour which otherwise he w o uld
have given not to work but to extravag ant devilries
With it he is no longer restless and imp a tient for e x eite
ment o f any kind We never hear ne w of young blade s
issuing in bands from their wine to beat the watch or
die tu rb the slumbering citizens as we did thirty or f t ty
a rs a o when smoking was still a r a rity : they a re a l l
e
g
y
pulling harmlessly in their chambers now B u t on the
ot her hand I foresee wi t h dread a too tender allegiance to
the pipe to the destruction of good soc iety and t he s ham
cu
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THE ETI UETTE on THE
WEED
2 89
.
the ladies No wonder they hate i t de ar
cr eatures ; the pipe is the worst rival a woma n can h a ve t
and it is one whose eyes she cannot scratch out ; who i m
pro ve s with age while she hers e l f declines ; who has an
art which no woman possesses that of never wearying her
de votee ; who is S ilent yet a companion ; costs little yet
a nd
i
es
much
pleasure
lastly
never
upbraids
h
o
v
w
g
Ah this is a powerful rival
a lways yields the same joy
to wi fe or maid and no wonder that at last the woman suc
nd rather than lose her lord or master
c a mbs consents a
even supplies the hate d herb with her own fair hands
And this is what women have come to do on the Conti
nent ; but in America they have gone further and ad
witted the rival to their very drawing rooms where t he
unmanly husband stretches his legs on the so fa smokes
and S pits on the carpet
Far be it from our English
women to permit such habits ; and yet as things are a
There was not so much
l itt l e concession is prudent
drinki ng when withdrawing rooms were the privilege of
palaces and matrons sat over the cups of their lords and
the re will not be ne ar so much smoking where ladies are
present I have no wish to see English girls light their
own cigarettes or pu fi their own chibouks like the hour is
of Seville and Bagdad ; but I do think that as smoking
is ne w so much a habit of Englishmen i t would be wis e
if it were m ad e possible within certain well gua rd e d lim
itat ions in the society of ladies
AS it is there are rules enough to limi t this indulgenc e
One must never smoke nor even ask to smoke in t he com
a ny of the fair
f
I
they know that in a fe w minutes you
p
wi l l be running off to your Ci gar the fair w ill do well say
it is i n a garden or se —te allow you to bring it ou t and
donment
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2 90
MA NNER,
CA RRI A G E,
A ND
H AB ITS
.
moke it there One must never smoke again i n tb
stree t s ; t hat is i n daylight
The deadly crime may
be commi tted like burg l ary a ft er dark but not be for e
O ne must never smoke in a room inhabited at times by
the ladies ; t hus a well bred man who has a wi fe or sisters
room a fter dinn er
will no t o ffer to smo ke in the dining —
One must never smoke in a public pl a ce where l a dies are
a fl o we r sho w or promenade
01 might be for instance
One may smoke in a r a il wa y carri a ge i n spite of by laws
if one has fi rst ob t ained t he consent o f every one present ;
bu t if there be a lady there t hough she give her consent
smoke not In nine cases o u t o f ten she will give it from
good nature One must never smoke in a close carriage
one may ask and ob t ain leave t o smoke when returning
from a pic —
nic or expedi t ion in an e pen carriage One
must neve r smoke in a thea tre on a race —course nor in
c h urch This last is not perhaps a needless caution In
the Belgian churches you see a placard announcing
Ici
”
on ne m fic he pas du tabac
One must never smoke when
anybody sho ws an obj ection to i t One must never smokt
a pipe in the streets ; one mus t never smoke at all in the
co ffee room of a ho t el One must never smoke wi thout
consent in the presence of a clergyman a nd one mus t
ne ver o ffe r a cigar to any ecclesiastic over the rank of
cu t ate
B u t if you smok e or i f you are in the company of
sm kers and a re to wear vour clothes in the presence of
lad le s a ft er wa rds you must change t hem to s moke in
A
he at who asks you to s moke will generally o ffe r you a n
o l d co a t for t h e purpose
Yo u must also a ft er smoki ng
rinse t he mouth well out and if possible brush the te e th
You should never smoke in another person s house w i tho ut
s
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29 2
MANNER, CARRIA G E, AND
E AB rrs
.
as we are not cannib als I am inclined to think th ey
were a good one There are some fe w things which vou
T hus an epicure will eat
ma y tak e up wi t h your fi ngers
e ven macaroni wi t h his fi ngers ; and as sucking asparagu s
is m ore pleasant t han chewing i t you may as an epicure
But both these things are gener
ta ke it up a u n a tu r l
Bread is o f course eaten with t he
all y eaten with a for k
fingers and it would be absurd to carve it with yo ur
k ni fe and fork It must on the contrary always be
broken when not buttered and you should never put a
"
slice of dry bread to your mouth to bite a piece ofl Most
fresh fruit too is eaten with the natural prongs but when
you have peeled an orange or apple you should cut it
with the aid of the fork unless you can succeed in brea k
it
Apropos
o f which I may hint that no epicur e
in
g
e ver yet put kni fe to apple and that an orange should be
peeled with a spoon But the art of peeling an orange
so as to hold its own j uice and its own s ugar too is one
that can scarcely be taught i n a book
However let us go to dinner and I will soon tell you
whether you are a well —bred man or not ; and here let me
premise that what is good manners for a small dinner is
good manners for a large one and vi c e ver s é Now the
firs t thing you do is to sit down Stop sir pray do not
c ra m yoursel f into the table in that way ; no nor sit a
ard
f
rom
it
like
tha
t
How
graceless
inconvenient
an d
y
Why dear me you
in the way of easy conversa t ion
are po s itively putting your elbows on the table and no w
u have got
f
t h the spoon s
our
hands
umbling
about
wi
o
y
y
and forks and now you are nearly knocking my new book
Can t you take your hands down sir ?
glasses over
D id n t you l earn that in the nur sery ? D idn t you!
bu t
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H ABITS
Ar TA BLE
29 3
'
.
d
to
you
N
ever
put
your
han
s abt ve t he
y
”
Oh but come no non
table except to carve or e at !
I can t have your fine head
sense sit up i f you please
of hair formi ng a side dish on my table ; you must not
ury your face in the plate you came to sho w it and it
Well but there is no occasion t
ought to be alive
throw your head back like that you look like an ald e r
Pray don t lou nge in that sleepy
man sir of fer dinner
You are here to eat drink and be merry You
Way
c a n sleep when you get home
Well then I suppos e you can see your napk in Got
You may be
none indeed !
V ery likely in m y house
I
s ure that I never sit down to a meal without napkins
don t want to make my tablecloths unfit for use and I
don t want to make my trousers unwearable Well now
we are all seated you can un fold it on your knees : no no ;
don t tuck it into your waistcoat like an alderman ; and
what what on earth do you mean by wiping your forehead
with it ? D o you take it for a towel ? Well never mind
I am consoled that you did not go farther and use it as a
—
oc
k
et
handkerchie
f
So
talk
away
to
the
lady
on
you
r
p
By the way
right and wait till soup is handed to you
that waiting is a most important part of t able manner s
and a much as possible you should avoid asking for an
y
thing or helping yoursel f from the table Your soup you
e at with a spoon — I don t know what else you c o u l d eat
it with — but then it must be one of good size
Yes tha t
will do but I beg you will not make that odious noise in
It is louder than a dog lapping
drinking your soup
Then you
water an d a cat would be quite genteel to it
need not sc rape up the plate in that way nor even tilt it
I shall be happy to s end you so me
to ge t t he l a st drop
mamm a
“
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29 4
C A Rm A GE
MANNER,
H A BITS
AND
.
the cus tom
to take two helpings o f soup and it is liable to keep othe r
people waiting which once for all is a selfish and into l e r
But don t you hear the servant o ffering you
able habit
I wish you would attend for my servant s ha v
s he rry ?
uite
enough
to
do
and
can
t
wait
all
the
evening
whil
e
q
Come
o u finish that very mild story to Miss Goggles
y
I had the wine put on the
l eave that decanter alone
t able to fil l u p ; the servant will hand it direc t ly or as
We are a small party I will tell you to help yoursel f but
pray do not be so ofli c iou s ( There I have sent him some
turbot to keep him quiet I declare he cannot make up
his mind ) You are keeping my servant again sir Will
you or will you not do turbot ? D on t examine it in that
way ; it is quite fresh I assure you take or decline i t
Ah you take it but that is no reason why you should
take up a kni fe too Fish I repeat must never be touched
with a kni fe Take a for k in the right and a small piece
of bread in the le ft hand
Good but
Oh ! that is
atrocious ; of course you must not swallow the bones but
you should rather do so than spit them out in that way
P ut up your napkin like th is and land the said bone on
your plate D on t rub your bread in the sauce my good
man n e r go progging about a fter the shrimps or oysters
therein
Oh ! how horrid ; I declare your mouth was
Small pieces I beseech you
wi de e pen and full of fish
and onc e for all whatever you eat keep your mouth s hu t
md never attempt to talk with it full
S o now you have got a p at e Surely you are not t aki ng
two on your plate
There is plenty of dinner to com e
and one is quite enough
Oh ! dear me y ou are i ncor
rigibl e
What a k ni fe to cut that light brittle pas try ?
more ; but I must j ust remark , that it
i
s not
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3 96
CA R RIA G E
MANNER,
HA B ITS
A ND
.
much as you would h is master Ten to one he is as good
and because he is your in ferior in position is t he
a man
v ery reason you should trea t him cour teously O h it is
fa r from paci fying me ,
of no use t o ask me to take wine
it will o nly make me more angry for I tell you the cus to m
is quite gone out except in a fe w country villages and at
No r need you ask the lady to do so
Ho w
a mess table
e ver there is this consolation i f you should ask any one
to take wine with you he or she c a nn o t re fuse so you
have your own way Perhaps next you will be asking me
to hob and nob or tr i nqu er in the French fashion wi th
Ah you don t kno w perhaps that when
arms encircled
a lady l r i n qu es in that way with you you have a right t o
finish off with a kiss
V ery likely indeed in England :
But i t i s the custom in familiar circles in France but the n
W i ll you attend to your lady
we are not Frenchmen
sir ? You did not come merely to eat but to make you r
sel f agreeable
D on t sit as glum as the Memnon at
Thebes ; talk and be pleasant
No w you have som e
pudding No kni fe — no n o A spoon if you like but
Yes ice requires a spoon ; there is a
better s t ill a fork
small one handed you take that
”
Say no
That is t he fourth time Wi ne has bee n
ha nde d to you and I am sure you have had enough
D ecline this time if you please D ecline that dish too
Are you going to eat of everything that i s handed ?
i
t
i
f
y
you
you
do
N
o you must not ask fo r more cheese
p
Break the rusk with
and you must eat it wi t h your fork
Go od You are drinki ng a glass of old
yo u r fingers
port D o not quaff i t down at a gulp in that way Never
dr ink a whol e glass ful o f anything at once
Well here is the wine and dessert Tak e whi chever
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H ABITS
A T TA B LE
2 97
.
you lik e but remember you must keep to that and
Be fore you go up stairs I will allow
not change about
ou a glas s of sherry a fter your claret but otherw ise drin k
y
of one wine only
You don t mean to say you are hel p
ing yoursel f to wine be fore the ladies
At least o ffer it
to the one next to you and then pass it on gently not
D o not drink so fast ; you will
with a push like that
hurry me in passing the decanters if I see that your glas s
You need not eat dessert till the ladies are
is empty
one
but
o
er
them
whatever
is
nearest
to
you
And
f
f
g
now they are gone draw your chair near mine and I will
try and talk more pleasantly to you You will come ou t
admirably at your ne x t dinner with a l l my teaching
What ! you are e x cited you are talking loud to the col
Come and talk easily to me or to you r
N onsense
one l
nearest neighbor There don t drink any more wine for
I see you are getting romantic
You oblige me to mak e
You have ha d enough of those walnuts ; you
a move
So now to coffee ( one cup )
are keeping me my dear sir
and tea which I beg you will not pour into your saucer
Well the dinner has done you g ood and me too
to 0001
Let us be ami able to the ladies but not too muc h so
Wi ne
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CHA P T ER V III
.
A
THE C RRI
A GE
OF LAD I ES
.
civi l with ease it has been well remar k ed co m
i
The English it is added ha ve
s t tc ge s good breeding
when they want to be
not l e s m a n i er e s p r e v e n a n t es
”
Since the man
i vi l they are ashamed to get i t out
g e nerally formed fo r good or for bad be fore
a ers are
f
er
improve
or
deteriorate
a
t
ihi r t — al t hough they m a
y
y
t hat age — i t is to the young that a fe w ad monitions should
be o ffered
”
?
The young are per fect now—a days !
Do the young
I shall be surpri s ed
O ur s is the age o f sel f assertion
a t any one who can point out a single de fect in my da u h
g
”
says a well sa t isfie d mamma
Teach u s I r e
t ers
what does the cre a
e p ond the you ng ladies i n a chorus
”
”
ture me a n ?
My dears murmurs a tremulous voice
from the other end o f the room grandmamma s corner
“
don t say t h a t i n my younger days it was the fashion
for young ladies i f they were not really humble and
timid to appear so I never came into a room as you
Arabella do as i f I could walk over every one and didn t
i
m nd ; nor crept in Helen like you as i f you had bee n
lo ing some thing i n the passage you were asha med o f :
no r pl umped do wn into a chair like you Sophia nor
[l ore they all interrup t poor gran dmamm a with a lou d
t imu l tane ou s laugh for she is certainly quite out of da te
and kn ows noth ing of the matt e r
( 2 98)
”
To be
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3 00
THE CA RRI AG E or L A D IES
.
catches up a fe w words of slang from the county mem
be : S daughter at the last races and t h inks it pret ty to
Philippa the good old rec
us e those phrases vigorously
t or s favori te child hears L ady Elizabeth contradict he r
t ra u ma and takes the same cue hersel f as the certainty
Modesty and simplici ty t he
Bf doing the right thing
li pri ng of reverence dare not show t heir faces and are
”
slo w
! otc d
Since language is the exponent o f chara cter it is no
ce ssary to re fer to its abuse a s i f it does not in all case s
actually show a vulgar and pretentious mind it is apt to
render it so
An agreeab l e modest and dignified bearing is in t he
younger period of a woman s existence almost like a por
tion to her Whatever may be the transient tone and
fashion of the day that which is amiable grace ful and
true in taste will always please the majority of the world
A voung lady properly so called should not require to
have allowance s made for her Well brought up her a d
dress should be polite and gentle and it will soon a fter
her introduction to society become easy to be civil wit h
”
ease
Le t us repeat t he golden rule it should be t he
On
first
bein
u idance to the minor s morals o f socie ty
g
g
introduced to any stranger there is no insincerity in t he
display of a certain pleasure We are advised by Wilber
To the
forc e to give our good will at first on leasehold
though curtsies a re
elder a de ferential bend or curtsey
She
no w un fas hionable marks the well brought up girl
must not receive her new acquaintance with a hysteri a
laugh su ch as I have seen whole families prone to ; nei
ther must she l ook heavy draw down he r mouth and ap
ear as i f she did not care for her new acquaintan c e
p
; nor
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30]
ON FIRST I NTROD UCTI ON.
look at once over the dress of her victim ( in
that case ) as if taking an inventory Of it ; nor appear hur
ri ed as if glad to get away on the first break in the con
She must give a due attention or reasonable
ver sa tion
time to per fect the introduction to a certain e x tent V e l
ab ili ty is to be avoided ; to overpower with a volley of
words is more cruel than kind t he words should be gen t
ly Spoken not drawled and the voice loud enough to be
ca ught easily but always in an undertone to the power Of
Some persons appear to go to
voice alloted by nature
the very extent and deafen you for all other sounds ;
they may speak the words Of wisdom but you wish the m
dumb
Others mumble so that you are forced continually
to express your total inability to follow the dri ft of their
remarks ; others drawl so that you feel that li fe is not
long enough for such acquaintance All these are habit !
to be con q uered in youth
Avoid especially affectation It was once in fashion
Some ladies put it on with their dresses ; others by a
long practice were success ful i n making it habitual It
became what was called their manner
Sophia has a
“
manner ; it is not ati e c t ation
it is her manner only
”
manne r
Afl e c t ati on has long ceased to be the fashion
and like many other bygone peculiarities one sees i t onl
y
in shops
There is a way also of looking that must be regulat ed
in the young
The audacious stare is odious ; the sl y
So ftly and
oblique impenetrable look is unsatis factory
kindly should the eyes be raised to those o f the sp e a ker
and only withdrawn when the S peech whatever it may be
is concluded
Immediate intimacy and a familiar man
ner are worse tha n the gl um look wi th which some young
must
she
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3 02
THE CA RRI A G E ( r LAD I ES
.
l adi es have a habit of regarding their fe ll t w t mrtals
There is also a cer t ain digni ty o f manners necessary to
make e ven the mom: super i or persons respected T his
dign i t y can h ardly be a ssumed ; it cannot be taught ; it
mu st be t he result o f intri nsic qualities aided by a kno u l
the
edge very much overlooked in modern educatio n
”
k n owle dge how to behave
It is distinct from pr e te u
sion which is about t h e worst feature o f bad manners and
A lady should be equal to
c rea tes noth ing but disgust
Her politeness her equanimity he r pre
e very occ a sion
s ence o f mind should attend her to the court and to t he
cottage
Nei t her should private vexations be allowed to act
Upon her manners either i n her own house or in those Of
ot hers If unfit for society let her re frain from entering
it If She enters it l e t her remember that every one
is expected to add something to the general stock o f ple a
sure or improvement The slight sel f command required
by goo d society is o ften beneficial both to the temper and
S pirits
“
One great discredit to the present day is the fas t
”
young lady
She i s the hoyden of t he Ol d comedies
without the indelicacy Of that character An avo wed
flirt she does not scruple to talk of her conquests real or
imaginary You may k now her by her phrases She
”
“
“
the men of such and such a charmer
t al ks o f
t he
She does not mind but rather pre fers sitting with
"
me n when they are smoking ; she rides furiously and
h
l
a s bi lliards
But
i
t
is
in
her
marked
antagonism
to
r
e
p y
own se x that the fast y ung lady is perceptible She
shut s up her moral perceptions and sees neither beauty
nor t a le nt in her own se x
With all th is She is ofte n
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304
TE E CARRIAG E or LA DI Es
long
pr actised fl irtat ions are without their evil e ffects on
the chara cter and manners They excite and amuse but
they also exha ust the spirit They expose women to c on
m re and to misconstruction that is their least e vi l ; th ey
lt s tr i y the charm of her manners and the simplici ty of
oer heart
Yet the fast young lady clings to fl irtat i m as
the type o f her class ; the privilege of that social fre e
masonry whi ch enables one flirt to discover and unkennel
She glories in number Where a rival has
a no t her
slain her thousands she has overthrown her tens o f thou
s ands
She forgets that with every successive flirtation
one charm a fter another dis a ppears like the petals from a
fading rose until a l l the deliciousness o f a fresh and pure
C haracter is lost in the destructive sport
On all these
oints
a
woman
should
take
a
high
tone
in
the
beginning
p
Of her li fe
It is sure to be suflic ie nt ly lowered as tim e
f
oes
on
She
loses
too
that
sort
tact
which
prevents
o
g
her from discerning when she has gone too far and the
”
fast young lady
becomes the hardened and practised
flirt against whom all men are on their guard
It is true that in comparing the prese nt day with for
me r times we must take i nto account when we praise the
models Of more chivalric days that we know on ly the
best Specimens ; the interior li fe of the middle classes i s
veiled from us by the mist of ages
Yet it is to be de
duce d from biography as well as from the testimony of
oe ts and dramatists that there was be fore the Rest e r a
p
ti on a sort of halo around young women of delicacy a nd
o
o
d
breeding
owing
erhaps
in
part
to
the
more
t
r
e
ir
g
p
ed lives that they led but more to the remnants o f tha t
fast departing sentiment of chivalrous respect wh ich yout h
and be au ty in s pir ed
Then came the ups etting de moral i
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THE PRUD E AND THE B L UE—STO C KING
3 05
.
tion of the Restoration when all prudent fathers kept
”
fast
their daughters from court a n d only t he bold and
we are
remained to furnish chronicles for D e Grammont
no t th e re fore to judge of the young women of Engla nd
5y his pictures
The charac t er of English ladies rose
ag a in to a height Of moral elevation during the placid and
well conducted rule Of Anne and continued as far as re
l ated to single women to be the prid e and boast o f t he
country Even now when the reckl e ss flirtation loud
voices unamusing j okes which are comprised under the
”
C ha d
and the masculine tastes of the pre
odious term
s ent day are deprecated eve n ts bring forth from time to
time such instances of devotion and virtue as must con
vince one that there is no degeneracy in our own country
Few indeed are these instances
women on solid points
among the class we have described We must not look
fo r Flore n ce Nightingales and Miss Marshes among that
c ompany o f the fast
Contrasted with the fast you ng lady comes forth the
prude who sees h a rm in every t hing and her friend t he
blue stocking
You may know the prude by her stoli d
ai r Of resistance to mankind In g e neral and by her pat
Her style of manner is
roni z i ng manner to her own s ex
like the Austrian policy repressive her style of conver
She has started in li fe with an im
satic n reprehensive
mense conceit Of her own mental powers and moral a t t ri
butes Of which the world in general is scarcely worthy
He r man ner is indicative of this conviction and becom es
ac cordingly without her intending it o ffensive whe n she
be lie ves hersel f t o be polite
The prude and the pedant are Often firm friends eac h
adori ng the oth er
The fast young l ady deal s largely in
la
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“
806
THE CARRI AG E or LA D IES
.
”
“
epith e ts : Idiot dolt wretch humbug dI Op from he r
lips ; but t he prude and her friend the blue —stocking pe r
[ hi t th e mselves to use conven t ional phrases only ; th e i r
notion o f co n versation is that it be instructive a n d a t
The young blue stoc king has
the same time mys t ifving
ne re r t he l e ss large views of the regeneration of society
an d emancipation of woman from her degrading in feriority
She Speaks in measured phrase ; it is
of social position
She is wrapt up in
l i ke listening to a book to hear her
Tennyson and Browning There is in all this a great
a im at d isplay with a sel f righteousness that i s very un
pleasing Avoid there fore ei t her extreme and be c on
tempered by refinement
vi nc e d that an artless gaiety
always pleases Every a t tempt to obtrude on a company
s ubj ects either to which they a re indi fferent or of which
t hey are ignorant is in bad taste
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Man
sh ou l d
And t hi ngs
b e t au gh t
u nk nown
as
t h ou gh you t au gh t h im not ,
pr opose d
as
t hi ngs forgot
”
.
It was well said by a late eminent barrister that litera
ture in ladies should be what onions ought to be in coo k
e ry ; you should perceive the flavor but not detect t he
thing itsel f
The bearing of married women should so far di ffer fro m
that of the un married that there should be greater qui e t
a more close adherence to forms ; and
ness and dignity
an obvious as well as a real abandonment of the admi ra
All fl irta
t ion which has been received be fore marriage
ti on ho wever it may be countenanced by the pres e n t
should be s t ernly and f01 ever put
c ustom o f society
There is no reason for conversation to be less
as ide
li ve ly or soc i e ty l e ss agreeable ; it is i nde e d li k ely to he
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808
THE
C A R RI A G E
or LA DIES
.
ca ll l oudly on those in the higher walks of li fe to dd
50 and to wipe a way the reproach on Israel
In being introduced to a new acquaintance there sho ul d
be more dignity and a little more distance in the mam a)
?f the married woman than that o f the si ngle lady
When she visits in a morning call let her neither h u rry
off a fter a fe w moments o f empty talk
nor stay too lo ng
never considering the convenience of her who receives her
She should walk gently down stairs not talking loud to
any one as she goes Ne ver let her apologize for not
h aving called sooner unless positively n ecessary ; such
a pologies are vastly like a ffronts
In receiving guests the English lady has much to lear n
from the French hostess
Many a time has the visitor in
England been met with symptoms of hurry and preoc c u
a t ion remarkably embarrassing to those who call
h
or
t
e
;
p
carriage is announced directly a fter he r arrival and t he
lady of the house looks as if she thought her friend ought
to go Some under bred ladies in country towns look out
of the window hal f of the time or put tidy their work
hoxes making you feel that you are secondary As an
immutable law of hospitality and good breeding a gues t
should always be the first and sole object when alone with
you
It is one advantage of the F rench system of having a
day on which to receive morning callers that the lady of
the house is ready and willing to let so man y idle rs into
In no respect does the French lady
her drawing room
Bhine so much as in her reception o f those who as she
”
appears to think do her t he honor to enter her house
It is this that makes the di fference In England we see m
to t hin k we do pe ople an honor i n letting the m cr oss om
We
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SICA L CA R R I A G E
PHY
3 09
.
hresholds and come up our stairs T he French la i y ad
vances to meet the ladies but waits to recei ve t he gentle
She has a chair ready for every one and the room s
me n
of the fashiona ble are o ft en full to cro wding yet no on
“
“
Something civil ( and civil with eas e
is n eglected
turned and o ft en grace fully kind is sa l e
appr opriate well —
The stranger or foreigner is not le ft out of
to e very one
the conversation previously going on ; he or she is not
“
made to feel you are not one o f us ; the sooner you go
”
The conversation is soon general though
th e better
Havi ng said all you wish and
without introductions
At a e d the usual time you rise and the lady follo ws you
y
to the door where a servant is wai t ing to conduct you
Thi s
down stairs and call your carriage into the c o u r
agreeable a c c u e i l forms a s t rong co ntr a st to the e n nu i
—
d
a
hich
a
m
l
w
p rop os visit o ften seems to produce in a
London drawing room and the evident despatch wi t h which
a lady o ft en rings the bell to let you out o ften sitting down
and resuming a conversation be fore you are hal f across the
ol d and S pacious apartment
In regard to the physical carriage of women the graces
of an upr i ght form o f elegant and gentle movemen t s and
of the desirable medium between st iffness and lounging
The same rule s
ar e desirable both for married and single
Contr ol ove r
and recommendations are applicable to both
the countenance is a part of manners As a lady enters
a drawi ng room she should look for t he m i s t ress o f the
Her face should wear a
house speaking fi rst to her
ami l e ; she should not rush in head foremost ; a grace fu l
bearing a ligh t step an elegant bend to common acquain t
ance
a cordial pressure n ot s h a k i ng of the hand ex
te nded to her are all requisit e to a lady
Le t her sin}:
t
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31 0
CA R RIA G E
THE
or
LA DI E S
.
gently into a chair and on formal occasions ret ai n he :
u p righ t pos i tion ; neither lounge nor sit timorously on the
edge o f her seat Her feet should scarcely be shown and
Sh e must avoid si tting s t iflly as if a r a mro !
not crossed
or s t oopi ng
fi c r e introduced within the dress behind
Excepting a very small and costly parasol it is not no “
usual to bring those articles into a room An e l e ga ntl v
worked handkerchie f is carrie d in the han d but not dis
layed
so
much
as
at
dinner
parties
A
lady
should
con
p
quer a habit o f breathing hard or coming in v ery hot or
Anything that de
e ven looking very blue and shivery
tracts from the pleasure of society is in bad taste
In walking the feet should be moderately turned out
the steps should be equal firm and light A lady may
The short rapid steps the sha k
be kno wn by her wal k
ing the body from side to side or the ver y slow gait which
many ladies consider genteel are equally to be deprecated
Some persons are endowed with a natural grace that wants
no teaching where it is not the case the greatest care
should be taken to engra ft it in childhood to have a master
not for dancing alone but for the even more important at
tributes of the lady s carriage To bow wi th grace or
to curtesy when required to move a c ross a room we l are
oints
which
strike
the
attention
almost
u nc onsc ious r t o
p
y
ourselves and the neglect of which o ft en provokes c om
ment e ven on thos e in other respects wel l quali fied to adorn
soc i e ty
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312
I N PUB
L IC
THE PROM E N A D E,
.
ETC
.
you live in London you make for Rotten Row ; if in
for the Promenade or the Parade o r
a wa t ering place
br ef wha t ever may be the spot chosen for the gay peacoc ks
to s t ru t in
Yo u have not been there two minutes be fore you me et
B ut that is a very vague ter m ;
someb ody you know
for you may know people in almost a do z en di fferent
ways First t hen you i{ l 0 W them sligh tly and wish to
Your course is simple enough
recognize t hem sligh t ly
If you are a l ady you have t he privilege of recognizing a
gen tleman You wish to do so because there is no re a
son that you should not be poli te to him So when you
come q uite near to him and see that he is looking at you
you bow sligh tly and pass on T h ere are one or two
things to be avoided even in this You must not how
ever short sigh t ed raise your glasses and stare at him
through them be fore you bow ; but as it is very awk ward
for a lady t o bow by mistake to a gentleman she does not
k now you should look at him well be fore you come up to
him If you are a man on t he o t her hand and you meet
a lady whom you kno w sligh t ly you must wait till she
You t hen li ft your hat quite off your head
bows to you
with the hand whichever it may be which is far t her fro m
You li ft it off your head but that
the person you meet
is all ; you have no need as they do in France to sho w
th e world the inside thereo f ; so you immedi a tely repl ace
it
In making t his salute you bend your body slightly
If which shoul d rarely occur you happen to be sm oking
you take your cigar from your mou t h with t he othe r
hand ; so too if you have your hands i n your pockets
whi ch I hope you will not , you take them out be for e how
if
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THE SA L UTE
31 8
.
To neglect thes e little Observances would sho w a
want o f respect
B ut suppose it is a person whom you know rather mor e
than slightly and to whom you may speak Well then
no man may Stop to Speak to a lady until she s te ps to
The lady in short has the right in all cases
spe ak to hi m
to be friendly or distant
Women have not many rights ;
l e t us grace fully concede the fe w t hat they possess
You
raise your hat all the same but you do not shake hands
u nless the lady puts out hers which you may take as a
—
In this case you must not
s ign of particular good will
ste p long but the lady again has the right to prolong t he
It is she not you who must mak e
in tervie w at pleasure
the mo ve onwards
If she does this in the middle of a
c onversation it is a proo f that she is willing that you
s hould j oin her and i f you have no absolute call to go
your way you ought to do so But i f she does so wi th a
s light i ncli nation it is to dismiss you and yo u mus t then
again bow and again raise your hat
If however you are old acquaintance without any qu a r
rel be tween yo u should whether gentlem an or lady at
once stop and give the hand and enter into conversation
The length of this conversation must depend on the place
where you meet If in t he streets it should be very
shor t ; i f in a regular p romen ade it may be longer ; but
as a r ule old frie nds do better to turn round and j oi n
On the other hand i f you are walking with a
for c es
ra n who m your lady friend does not know you must ne
still less so i f she is walking with a lady or gen
stop
If however a decided
tl e man whom you do not know
mc lina ti on is evi nc ed by either to Speak to the other and
on so s t op the s tranger ought not to wal k on but to
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14
51 4
THE PROMEN A D E,
ETC
.
m
01
i ntroduce m
also
and
it
then
behooves
you
to
m
her Such an introd uction is merely formal and goes no
fu r t her
cut you}
Lastly let us suppose that you want to
h
o inven t ed the ou t ? What de
fi
e
W
ac uaintance
O
q
mon put it into the head of man or woma n to give thi s
mute token o f contempt or ha t red ? I do not know but 1
do kno w that in modern civilized li fe as it goes t he c ut
is a great institution The finest specimen of it which
we have on record is that of Beau Brummell and George I V
These two devoted friends had quarrelled as devot
and when they met again
ed friends are wont to do
George then Prince was walking up St James Stre s s
on the arm of some companion and Brummel } dressed to
perfection was coming down it on that of another The
two companions happened to know one ano th e r and al l
George the Prince was determined to ia
four st e ppe d
nore George the B e an s e xistence and talked to his com
panion without appearing to see him George the Be an
expected this but was still mortified They all bowed
and moved away ; but be fore the P rince was out of hear
ing B rummell said to his companion in a loud voice
”
Wh o s your fat friend ? It is well known t hat the
Reg en t grieved at that time most bitterly over his gro w
mg corpulency and the Beau was avenged
But my advice to an y body who wishes to cut an ac
ua i n tanc e is mo s t emphatically D on t
In the first place
it is vulgar and a custom which the vulgar a ffec t
It is
pretentious and see ms to say
You are not goo d enough
”
for me to know
All pretension is vulgar In the ne xt
pl ace it does the cutter as much inj ury as the c u ttee The
la tter if worthless revenges himsel f by deno uncing t he
e
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816
THE PRC MENADE , ar e
.
You go out happen to meet and cut him dead The next
day the tru t h c omes out It is another Mactavish who was
c a sh iered and your friend is a model of honor Wh at
You cannot tell him you made a mistake
c a n you do ?
No
i t wo uld then be his turn to take a high hand
says he when you o ffer to renew the friendship if
no
o u could so soon believe evil of me you are not the ma n
y
Besides you cut me yesterday and I c an
for Mactavish
”
Or again papa is alarmed
forgive everything but a cut
“
A pennile ss
at the atten t ions o f young Montmorency
”
boy making love to Matilda ! he cries indignan t ly and
Mont
orders the said Matilda and her mamma to cut him
morency in pique runs o ff to Miss Smith o ffers and
marries her It is then discovered that Mont morency has
a bachelor uncle whose whole fortune will come to him ,
and Matilda is miserable
But there are some cases in which a cut becomes the
sole means o f ridding one s sel f o f annoyance and with
young ladies especially so A girl has no other means of
escaping from t he familiarity of a pushing and thic k
She canno t al ways be certain that the
Bkinned man
people introduced to her a re gentlemen ; pleased with the m
at first she gives them so me encouragement till some oc
casion or other lays bare the true character of her ne w
acquaintance What is she to do ? He requir es so little t o
e ncour age him that even a recognition would be su fficien t
to bring him on
She has nothing le ft but to cut him
de ad
The cut however should be posi t ively the last re
source
There are many ways less o ffensive a nd more
dignified of sho wing that you do not wish for intimacy
the sti ff bow wi t hout a smile is enough to show a man of
an
y preception that he need not ma k e farther advanc es
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THE OUT
tting people of real or imaginary in feriority
it is the worst of vulgarity
We laugh at the silly pride
of the small dressmaker who declines to go through the
”
“
Not acc u
k itchen
stomed to associate wit h menials
he tells you and knocks at the front door ; we smile a t
the costermonger who cannot lower himsel f to recogni se
the crossing sweeper and how absurd to those of a highe r
clas s than our own must the Smiths whose father was a
physician appear when they cut the S impkinse s whos e
progenitor is only a surgeon and so on But if you have
once known people you should always know them if they
have not done anything to merit indignation If you
have once been familiar with the Simpkinses you are not
only inconsistent and vulgar but you accuse yoursel f of
former wan t of perception i f now you discover that they
a re too low for you to know
But if a cut must be made let it be done with as littl e
ofie ns i ve ne ss as possible
Le t the miserable culprit not
be tortured to death or broken in the social wheel like a
Damiens however treasonable his o ffence
Never on any
acc ount allow him to speak to you and t he n s tar ing him
”
in the face e xclaim
Sir I do not kno w you ! or as
ome people trying to make r udeness elegant would say
“
Sir I have not the honor of your acquaintance ; nor
behead him with the fixed stare ; but rather let him see
th a t you have noticed his approach and then turn yc a!
If he is thick skinned or daring enough to
head away
come up to you a fter that bow to him sti ffly and pass on
In this way you avoid insolence and cause less of tha
destroyer of good manners — con fusion
The re are some definite rules for cutting A gentl e
man must never out a lady under any circumstances An
and as
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81 8
PROMENA DE,
ar e
.
n married lady should never ou t a married on e A ser
v ant of whatever class— for t here are servants up to
royalty itsel f — should never cut his master ; near relatio ns
and a clergym an
should never cut one ano t her at all
should never ou t anybody because it is at best an u nc hris
Perhaps it may be added that a superior
t ian acti on
should never ou t his in ferior in rank ; he has many other
w ays of annihilating him Certainly it may be laid do wn
that people holding temporary oflic i al relations must waive
th e ir private animosities and that two doctors for instance
ho wever much opposed to one ano t her should never i ntro
duce the cut over the bed o f a patient
I pass now to a much pleasanter theme that of saluta
t ion
I kno w not when men first discovered that som e
s ign was necessary t o show t heir good will to one another
Hatred t he ugliest of all the demons ( and they are not
renowned for beauty ) took a reserved seat early in the
history of the world and the children o f Cain and Seth
i f they ever met must have found it necessary to hold out
s ome human flag o f truce
What t his may have been we
have no records to prove but it i s certain that prostra
tion which made a man helpless for the moment was a
very early form of salutation and one that has not yet
gone out for kneeling which is only a simpler form of it
it still preserved in our courts But this was too awk ward
a practice for everyday li fe especially when men gathered
i nto cities and met their fellow creatures daily in lar e
g
Fancy a member of Parliament bobbing down on
numbers
”
—
his marrow bones whenever he met a constituent or a
”
clergyman wearing the knees of his black limb covers
i nto shining patches as he walke d the p a rish and met Ti n
Mi les and George Gil e s at every corner The question the n
u
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820
THE
PROMENA D E ,
a re
tween the amount of respect due to position ( for ch aracter
soon lost i ts due r e ogni t ion ) and t he amou n t o f cordial
Thus some form of inclination re
i ty due to frie n h ip
mained in use for the salu t e o f respect and thus the e ye
The pr i nciple of respe ct
Was the sense there employed
was brought variously into practice but i n no way so
prominen t ly as that o f baring some part of the body ,
thereby pu t ting the saluter to a temporary inconvenience
and l aying him e pen to the attack of the saluted In o ne
country the shoes were taken off in another the head
gear though St Paul s ph il OSOphic if not very gallant
distinctio n relative to the honor o f a man laying in his
head and that of a woman else where would seem to
make the Orientals more consistent i n keeping their tur
bans on and taking off thei r slippers In no country
however do we hear of women taking thei r bonnets o ff
as a salute though in some to unvei l the face wa s a mark
That of course would depend on
of great reverence
whether it was a pret ty face or not ; but however this may
be the forms of salutation which have been retained
among European na t ions are much the same ; the bow
namely as a relic of prostration and baring t he head
among men ; while among women the prostration was
k ep t up to a much later date and the curtsey in w ich
the knees were bowed is not yet quite vanished from the
modesty of our land Maid servants and country w1ves
re t ain it still
But when we come to cordiality we find another sense
brought i nto action
Words were known to be concealers
of thought so t hat the sense o f hear ing was out of the
question while smelling and tasting were unanimously
“
o
v te d brutish ; and th ose poets who talk about
tasting
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32 1
KIss.
THE
her lips are fitted to be laureates in the
ca nnibal islands rather than in the British kingdom s
There remained then the sense of touch which if not
the most delicate is one which the human race parti en
l arl y depend on as our blind children learn to know e ve r
Besides o wing to the absence of fu r in
c olors thereby
the sense of touch is more acute in us th an
ou r r ace
in a ny other animals
Well on the touch and know principle some races im
mediately undertook to conduce to each other s com fort as
In the frost bitten regions of Lap
a to ken o f cordiali t y
land for instance it is the fashion to run up to you r
It is a mute ex
friend and rub his nose with yours
pression of the wish that his proboscis may not drop off
so me cold morning ; an d indeed thi s custom must assist i n
preserving that gra ce ful feature from the e ffects o f frost
so that the man with the largest acquaintance is also like
In Southern Africa again
ly to have the largest nose
where the feet get terribly dry from the heat of the soil
it is the cus t om to rub toes ; and in some country or other
the height of elegance is to moiste n the hand in the most
natural manner and smear your friend s face with it
These customs however mus t have had a somewhat
local appreciation and have not received general approba
o recognised modes of cordia l
tion There are now t w
—
alutation
the kiss and the shake of the hand Whethe r
s
k issing was known in Paradise as Byron wbc had some
e xperience of it ( kiss ing I mean not P aradis e ) as sures
the honey
of
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On e
re
mna nt of Par adise s t ill i s
An d Ede n
we
re vi v es
on e a rth ,
in t h e firs t ki s s
of
l ove
not st0p to i n vestigate but that it was
c an
.
,
14*
a
ve ry
early
822
THE PROMEN AD E,
arc
.
those who read their Bibles may find ou t It
is a beauti ful custom an angelic custom ; I say it withou t
bl ushing because i t was originally and i n many countries
—
—
E
is let us hope even in ngland the most innocent thing
Certainly about the period o f our own
in the worl d
”
“
the kiss o f peace was a mark o f love betwee n
e ra
men though in some cases it was made to serve the dead
liest ends It is still in use between men in France and
G ermany The parent kisses his gro wn u p son on the
forehead ; friends press their lips t o others cheeks ; bro
the rs thr ow their arms round one another s necks and
embrace like lovers Alack and alas ! for our st ifl hu
mani ty Here in England it is reserved for children and
girls and for Minnie to stop my lips with when I am
going to scold her Well it is a beauti ful old custom all
the same and if we were not so wicked in this nine
In the days
te e nt h cen tury we should have more of it
of good Queen Bess it was the height o f politeness to
k iss your neighbor s wi fe and our grand fathers tell us
that on entering a room they kissed all the women present
a s a matter of course
This privilege is reserved now for
Scotch cousins who make a very free use of it But
alas ! this beauti ful symbol of pure afl e c t ion which sent
a thrill from warm lips through all the frame is now be
come a matter of almost shame to us
It is a deed to be
don e beh i 1 d the d oo r as H orace Smith hints
di scovery ,
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Sydne y Mor gan was pl ayi ng th e
Wh il e b ehi n d th e v e st ry door
H
or ac e
Twi ss wa s
s n a t c hi n g a
From t he l ip s o f
Poor Hannah Moore
uhri vel l ed
her up
.
how
H
anna h
the
organ,
ki ss
Moor e
.
very thou ght
tr us t
ha w
824
THE PROMENA D E,
ar c
.
The hand is a fter all the m ost nat u
while he hates you
Next to t hose of t he lips t he
ra l limb to salute with
nerves of touch are most highly developed in t he fingers
wh ich may be accounte d for by t he perpetual fric tion and
ir ritation t o which they are subjected for we know that
th ose portions of the skin are the most ticklish w hich n u
However this may be the han d
dergo the most fric t ion
is the most convenient member to salute wi t h The toe
rubbing process fo r instance must subject one to the ris k
mak
of toppling over in any but a digni fi ed manner ;
”
ing a knee was liable to be follo wed by breaking a nose
if the balance were not care fully preserved and as fo r the
to tal prostration system I feel convinced that it must
have been given up by common consent a ft er dinner and
by corpulent personages But the charm of the hand as
a saluting member lie s in the fact of its grasping power
which enables the shaker to vary the salute at pleasure
The freemasons well know this and t hough they begin
the mysterious salu t e with signs for the eye they are ra re
l y satisfied t i ll they have followed th e m up by the g rasp
which varies for almost every grade for apprentice mas
ter royal arch knight templar and all their other absu r
l itic a
My worthy masons do not suppose that you
ossess
a
monopoly
o f this art
There
is
as
cunning
a
p
free masonry in all society and the mode of taking grasp
ing and shak ing the hand varies as much according to
c ircumstances and even more than your knuckling s s
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First there is the case where two hands simply t ake
hold o f one another
This is the mode of very shy peo
l
e a nd of two lovers parting in tears : bu t then in t he
p
me ease the hold is brie f in the other continued Ne xt
,
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H AND—SH ARING
825
the case where one hand is laid clammily in the
oth e r which slightly presses the fingers not going down
This is a favorite mode with ladies esp e
to the palm
towards slight acquaintance ; but
cial l y young ladies
when my heart flutters a little for Mariana s smi l e I
nay shocked if there we re
s hould be piqued indeed
nothing more than fingers laid in my hand no responsive
thumb to complete the manoeuvre and when Sybilla told
me she could not love me and when she would not l isten
but hurried away up the terrace steps and turned to give
me the last— last shake of a hand I have never touched
again I cannot tell you what o f despair she saved me in
—
—
I
f
f
riendly
warmth
do
not
say
a
ection
with which
the f
she wrung my hand that passionately clung round hers
Ah ! Sybilla better have le ft that hand with me hav e
given it me for ever than to t he wealthy wig wearing,
rouged and powdered bear to whom they sold you after
Wards
Ne xt there is the terribly genteel salute of the under
bred man who with a smirk on his face j ust touches the
tips of your fingers as i f t hey were made of glass ; ther e
is the blunt honest shake of the rough who lays out his
hand with the palm e pen and the heart in the hollo w of
it stretches it well out and shake s and rattles the one
you put into it ; there is the pouncing style of him who
e ffec t s but does not feel cordiality who brings the angl e
be tween thumb and finger down upon you like g apin g
there is the hailing style of the indi fferent man
shears
who seems to say to your hand
Come and b s haken
there is the style of the man who gives your hand one
tos s as i f he were ringing t he dinner bell ; and anothe r
be ll ringin g styl e is that of milady , who sha k es he r OW!
ther e is
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5 26
THE PROMENA D E,
a re
.
hand from the wrist with a neat fine little movement a nd
does not care whe t her yours shakes in it or not ; there is
genius who clasps your hands in bo t h of his and beams
in to your face ; and there is love who seizes it to pre ss i t
t ighter and more tigh t ly and sends his whole soul through
t he fingers
But the styles are infinite there is the mesmeric styl e
where the shaker seems to make a pass down you be fore
getting at your hand ; there is papa s style coming down
with an Open handed smack that you may hear hal f t he
length of Parliament Street ; there is the solemn style ,
where the el bow is tucked into the side like the wing of
a trussed fowl and the long fingers are extended with the
thumb i n close attendance ; there is the hearty double
knock style of three rapid shakes ; there is the melan
cho ly style where the hand is heaved up once or twic e
slowly a nd lo wered despairingly ; there is the adulatory
style where it is raised towards the bent head as if to be
nspected ; there is the hail fellow style where the arm is
“
stretched out sideways and the eyes say
There s my
”
hand old boy !
Then of s t vl es to be always avoided
there is the swinging style where your arm is tossed from
s ide to side
there is the wrenching style by which your
k nuck les are made to ache for five minu tes a ft er ; a nd
there is the condescending style where two fingers a re
held out to you as a great honor
But the best style of
al l m e j u di ce
is the hearty single clasp full hand ed
Warm momentary j ust shaken enough to make the gentl e
gras p well felt but not pain ful
The etiquette o f hand shaking is simple A man has
no ri ght to ta ke a lady s hand till it i s o ffered
It were I
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82 8
r u n PROMEN AD E,
ETC
.
ever walk with a young l ady i n publi c place s a nl e st
h
How Sybilla s words t rilled
e specially asked to do so
Mamma I am gou g to
t hr ough me when she said
”
i f you have no obj ec t ion
I
wal k home wi t h Mr
No wonde r
h ad not pr e posed it i t was her own doing
I am a bachelor still and she the Amy in Locksley Hall !
If you walk with a lady alone in a large to wn pa rti en
l arl y in London you must o ffer her your arm ; elsewhere
it is unnecessary and even marked
In driving with ladies a man must take the bac k seat
of the carriage and when it s t e ps j ump out first and 03 m
his hand to let them out In your own carriage you a l
ways give the front seat to a visitor if you are a man
but a lady leaves the back seat for a gen t leman
In railway travelling you should not open a convers a
t io n with a lady unknown to you until she makes som e
advance towards it On the other hand it is polite to
speak to a gentleman If however his answers be curt
and he evinces a desire to be quiet do not pursue t he
conversation On your part if addressed i n a railway
c rriage you should always reply polite ly If you ha vc
a newspaper and others have not you should offer it t o
the person nearest to you An acquaintance begun on a
railway may sometimes go farther but as a ge neral rule
it terminates when one of the parties leaves the carriage
A Frenchman always takes off his hat in a carriage where
T his
there are ladies , whether a private or public one
i s a politeness which really well bred Englishmen i mitat e
If you go in an omnibus ( and there is no reason why a
ge n zl e ma n should not do so ) it is well to avoid conve r
sation but if you e nter into it beware of i n fla mmator
y
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829
I N PUB LI C CONV E A N CES
ubj ect s An acquaintance of mine once talk e d politics
The two got heated and
to a radical in an omn ibus
more h eated , and my ac qu aintanc c —for he was no fr iend
—
assure
you
ended by driving his opponent s hea d
I
It was agr eeabl e
throu gh the window of the vehicl e
ol i c e re orts
r aw —to se e his na me ne x t day in the
p
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CHA P T ER X
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[ R PRIV ATE
V ISI TS , I N TROD UCTI ONS, Erc
'
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fa r ms
are many great men who go unrewarded for the
Nay even their nam es
se rvices they render t o humani t y
One of
ar e lost while we daily bless their inven t ions
these is he if i t was not a lady who introduced the u se
In days of yore a slate or a book was
of visiting cards
kept and you wrote your name on it But then that
not at
could only be done when your acquaintance was
home
To the French is du e the practice of making the
delivery of a card serve t he purpose o f the appearance of
the individual and wi t h t ho se who have a large acquaint
ance this custom is becoming very common in large towns
The visit or call is however a much be t ter insti t u t ion
It has its drawbacks It
than is generally supposed
wastes much time ; it necessita t es much small t alk
It
obliges one to dress on t he chance o f finding a friend at
home ; bu t for all this it is almost the only means of
making an acquaintance r ipen into a friendship In the
visi t all the strain which general society somehow ne c e s
sit at e s is thrown off
A man receiv e s you in his room :
cordially and makes you welcome not to a sti ff dinner
but an easy chair and conversa t ion
A lady who in the
ball room or par ty has been compelled to limit her conver
sa t ion can here spea k more freely
The talk can descend
fiom generaliti es to personal inquiries and nee d I say tha t ix
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882
V ISITS,
I NTROD UCTI ONS ,
ETC
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ociety Of the pl a ce In this last c a se the inhabita nt s ai
ways call first on the new comer unless he brings a lette r
of introduction when he i s the first to call but instea d
of going in leaves it wi t h a card or cards and waits till
In returning a visit mad e
this formal visit is returned
with a letter it is necessary to go in if the family i s at
”
home
A letter o f introduction says La Fontaine is
”
In large town s
a dra ft at sight and you must cash it
It would be impossible for the
t here is no such cus to m
residents to call on every new comer and hal f Of the new
arrivals might be people whose acquaintance they would
not wish to improve If however you take a letter of
introduction with any special Obj ect whether Of business
or of a private or particular character you are right to
send in the letter with your card and ask for admission
Such letters should only be given by actual friends Of the
persons addressed and to actual friends Of thei r own
Never if you are wise give a letter to a person whom
you do not know nor address one to one whom you know
slightly The letter Of i ntroduction i f actually given to
( ts bearer should be le ft Open that he may not incur the fate
Of the Persian messenger who brought tablets Of i ntro
duction recommending the new acquaintance to c u t his
head Ofi A letter Of this kind must there fore be care fully
worded stating in full the name of the person introduced
but with as fe w remarks about him as possible It is ge n
orally su fficient to say that he is a friend Of yours who m
ou trust your other friend will receive with attention &c
y
In travelling i t is well to have as many letters as possibl e
but not to pin your fai t h on them
In foreign towns it is
the custom for the new comer to call on the residents firs t
j ust the reverse of ours
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vISITs or CEREMON
83 8
.
Ceremonial
visits must be made the day aft er a ball
whe n it will su ffice to leave a card ; within a day or t wo
after a dinner party when you ought to make the visi t
rs onall y unless the dinne r was a semi Offic i a l one such
e
p
as t he L ord Mayor s ; and within a week Of a small party,
Al l
when t he call should certainly be made in person
these visits S hould be short lasting from twenty minute s
”
“
There is one species of bore
to hal f a n hour at the most
more detestable than any other— the man namely who
c omes and sits in your drawing room for an hour or two
preventing you from going Out to make your own calls or
It is proper when you
i nterrupting the calls of others
have b e en some time at a visit and another caller is an
nou nc e d to rise and leave not indeed immedia tely as i f
you shunned the new ar ri val but after a moment or two
In other cases when you doubt when to take your leave
you must not l OOk at your watch but wait till there is a
lul l in the conversation
V isits Of condolence and congratulation must be m ad e
about a week a fter the event If you are intimate with
the person on whom you call you may ask in the firs t
case for admiss ion i f not it is better only to leave a card
”
“
and make your kind inq uiries Of the servant who is
generally primed in what manner to answer them In
visits o f congratulation you S hould always go in and be
hearty in your congratulations
V isits Of condolence are
te rrible i nfiic t ions to both receiver and giver but they
may be made less so by avoiding as much as consistent
The receive r
with sympathy any allusion to the past
A lady Of my acquaint
does well to abstain from tears
ance who had lost her husband was r e e e i vl ng such a vi si t
She wept profusely for some time upon
in he r be st crape
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33 4
V ISITS
INTROD UCTI ON ,
.
ETC
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the best Of broad —hemmed cambric handkerchie fs a nd t h e n
turning to her visitor said
I am sure you will be gl ad
to hear that Mr B
has le ft me mos t com fortably pro
”
Perhaps they would
H im i ll cc Za c r ymce
vi de d for
h a ve been more sincere i f he had le ft her without a penny
At t he same time i f you have not sympathy and hear t
e nough to pump up a little condolence you will do better
to avoid i t but take care that your conversation is not t oo
gay Whatever you may feel you must respect the sor
rows Of others
On marriage cards are sent round to such people as
o u wish to keep among your acquaintance and it is then
y
their part to call first on t he young couple when within
distance
I now come to a fe w hints about calling in general and
first as to the time thereo f In London t he limits Of call
ing hours are fixed namely from three to six but in t he
country people are sometimes odious enough to call in the
morning be fore lunch This should not be done even by
intimate friends Everybody has or ought to have his
or her proper occupation In the morning and a caller will
then sometimes fi nd the lady Of the house unprepared It
is necessary be fore calling to ascertain the hours at which
your friends lunch and dine and not to call at these A
ceremonial call from a slight acquaintance Ought to be re
t urned the next day or at longest within three days unless
t he distance be great
In the same way if a stranger
co mes to stay at the house Of a friend in the country or
in small country to wns every reside nt ought to call on
bin: or her even if she be a young lady as soon as pos
s ibl e a ft er the arrival
These calls should be made in pe r
son an d returned the ne x t da
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886
V ISITS
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I NTROD UCTIONS,
ETC
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a pocket b ook ; and in leaving Cards y ou must
thus distribute them : one for the lady Of the house and
—
daughters
the latter are sometimes represented by
he r
turning up the edge Of t he card — one for the master o f
the b i use and i f there be a grown up son or near male ro
But though
l ati on staying in the house one for him
cards are cheap you must never leave more than three at
As married men have or a re
a tim e at t he same house
supposed to have too much to do to make ceremonial calls
it i s the custom for a wi fe to take her husband s c ards with
her and to leave one or two Of them with her own If
on your inquiring for the lady Of t he house the servant
replies Mrs SO and so is not at home but Miss SO and
”
so is you should leave a card because young l adies do
not receive calls fro m gentlemen unless they are v e ry in
timate with them or have passed t he rubicon o f thirty
summers It must be remembered too that where there
is a lady Of the house your call is t o her not to her hu s
band except Ou business
The Roman Assembly used to break up if thunder was
heard and in days Of yore a family assembly was Ofte n
broken up very hurriedly at the thunder of the knocker
“
one or o t her Of t he daughters exclaimi ng
I am not
dressed mamma and dar t ing from the ro om ; but ladi es
ought to be dressed su fficiently to receive visi t ors in the
As nerves have grown more delicate of la te
a fternoon
years it is perhaps a blessing that k noc k ers have be e n
supe rseded by bells
Where they remain ho wever yo u
should not rat t le them fiercely as a powdered Mercu r
y
does nor should you pu l l a bell fero iously
Havi ng entered the house you take up with vou to the
drawing room both hat and cane , but lea ve an umbrella in
ie nt t han
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C OUNTR
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V I SI TI N G
3 37
.
hal l In France it is usual to leave a great co at down
stairs also but as calls are made in thi s coun t ry in mor n
ing dress i t is not necessary to do SO
It is not usual to introduce people at morning calls in
la rg e towns ; in the country it is sometimes done not al
The law Of introductions is in fact to forc e no
ways
You should there fore a scert a in
one i nto an acquaintance
be forehand whether it is agreeable to both to be introduced
but i f a lady or a superior expresses a wish to know a gen
tl e man or an in ferior the latter two have no righ t to de
cline the honor The introduction is Of an in ferior ( which
o sition a gentleman al ways holds to a lady ) to the sup e
p
You introduce Mr Smi t h to Mrs Jones or Mr A
rior
In introducing two persons
to Lord B not vi c e o er s a
it is not necessary to lead one Of them up by the hand bu
it is suffici ent simply to precede them
Having thu s
brought the person to be introduced up to the one to whom
he is t o be presented it is the custom even when the con
sent has been previously Obtained to say with a slight bow
Will you allow me to intro
to the superior personage :
The person ad dressed replies by bowing
duce Mr
to the one introdirc e d who also bo ws at the same time
while the introducer repeats t heir names and then retires
Thus for instance i n present
c aving them to converse
Mrs Smith
ing Mr Jones to Mrs Smith you will Say
”
and while they are e n
a ll ow me to introduce Mr J ones
“
you
will
murmur
Mrs
Smith
a ged in bowing
M
r
g
”
and escape If you have to present three or fou r
J ones
e opl e to said Mrs Smith it will su ffice to utter their re
p
l pe c ti ve names without repeating that of the lady
A well bred person always receives visitors at whateve r
ti me the y may call Or wh oever they may be ; but if y ou
the
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3 38
V ISITS,
INTRODUCTI ONS.
ETC
.
occupied and cannot a fford to be interrupted by a In e rt
ceremony you Should ins t ruct t he servant bef m e /mn d to
”
“
not at home
This form has Often
say that you are
be e n denounced as a falsehood but a lie is no lie unl e ss
i nte nded to dec e ive
and since the words are universa lly
understoo d to mean t hat you are eng a ged it can be no
But on t he
har m to give such an order to a servant
other hand if the servant once admits a visi t or within t h e
hall you Should receive him at any inconvenience to your
sel f A lady Should never keep a Visi t or waiting more
than a minute or t wo at the most and if she cannot avoid
doing so must apologize on entering the drawing room
In good society a visitor unless he is a complete stran
ger does not wait to be invited to sit do wn but takes a
seat at once easily A gen t leman should never take the
principal place in the room nor on the other han d Sit a t
an inconvenient distance from the lady Of the house He
must hold his hat grace fully not put it on a chair or table
or i f he wants to use bo t h hands must place it on t he
floor close to his chair A well bred lady who is re c e iv
ing two or three Visitors at a time pays equal attention to
all and attempts as much as possible to generalize the
c onversation turning to all in succession
The last arrival
ho wiéve r receives a lit t le more attention at first than t he
others and the latter to spare her embarrassment should
leave as soon as convenient People who out Si t two or thre e
a
rties of vi sitors unless they have some particular moti ve
p
”
for doing so c ome under the denomination Of bores
A
”
“
bore is a person who does not know when you have had
e n ough Of hi s or her company
Las tly a lady never call s
on a gentleman unless pro fessionally or OffiCi a l l y
It is no t
on]y ill bred but posi tively improper to dC so
At the same
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340
V ISITS
I NTROD UCTIONS,
ETC
.
trouble and doubt But a custom not SO commen
dabl e has la t ely come in o f limi t ing the Visits o f ac q uaint
This may be pardonable where
ance to two or three days
the guest li ves at no great distance but it is pre pos t e rou
to C x pect a person to travel from London to Aberdeen for
If however the length be no
I s tay o f three nights
Specified and cannot easily be discovered a we e k is t he
limit for a coun t ry visi t except at the house Of a near re
It will however save troubl e
l ation or very Ol d friend
to yoursel f i f soon a ft er your arrival you state that yoL
”
and if your host wishes you
for a fe w days
ar e come
to make a longer Visit he will at once press you to do so
The main point in a coun t ry visit i s to give as li ttl e
t rouble as possible to con form t O the habi t s Of your e n
On this principl e
te rt a ine rs and never to be in the way
you will retire to your own occupa t ions soon a fter break
fast unless some arrangement has been made fo r passing
the morning o t herwise If you have nothing to do you
may be sure that your host has some thiug to attend to in
Another poin t Of good breeding is to be
t he morning
punctual at meals for a host and hostess never sit down
without their guest and dinner may be getting cold If
however a guest should fail in this particular a well bred
entertainer will not only take no notice Of it but attempt
to set the late comer as much at his ease as possible A
hos t should provide amusement for his guests and give up
his time as much as possible to them but if he should b
a prc fes sional man or student — a n author for instanc e
the guest should at the commencement Of the Visit insis t
tha t he will no t allow him t o interrupt his occupations and
the la t t er will set his Visitor more at his ease by acceptin g
this arrangement I n fact he rule on which a host
deal
Of
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34 1
G RA T UI TIES TO SERV A NTs
.
Jhoul d
act is to make his visitors as much at home as pos
that on which a visi tor should act is to i ntc r fe r e as
sible
lit tle as possible with t he domestic routine Of t he hou se
The worst part Of a coun t ry visit is the necessity of
gi ving gratuities to the servants fo r a poor man may o fte n
find his Visit cost h im far more than if he had stayed a
home It i s a custom which ought to be put down be
cause a host who receives much should pay his own ser
vants for the extra trouble given Some people have mad e
by laws against it in their houses but li ke those abou t
gratuities to railway porters t hey are seldom regarded
In a great house a man servant expects gold but a poor
man should not be ashamed Of Offering him silver It
must depend on the le ngth of the Visi t The ladies giv e
Woul d
to the fem ale the gentlemen to the male servants
th a t I might see my friends wi t hout payin g them for their
hoeoital ity in thi s ind ir ec t m ann e r
,
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P A RT I I I
Hi ll
.
C CMPANI
UAL IN
( NDIV ID
CHA P T ER XI
.
D INNERS,
D I N ERS,
A ND D I NN ER PA RTIE i
-
.
”
B OA RD ! cr ied a friend Of mine one morning aft er a
heavy dinner party ; It ought to be spelt bored Neve r
was a more solemn tor t ure created for mankind th a n thes e
odious dinner p arti e s Call it society ! so you might call
t he Inquisi t ion ; and I really hav e my doub t s whether I
should not be as happy be t ween a couple Of jailers i nsert
ing another and ano ther wedge in t o t he terrible boo t as
be t we en that garrulous Ol d woman who never wai ted for
an ans wer a nd tha t nervous you ng l a dy who never gave
one wi t h a huge ép emn e bet ween me and t he rest o f my
fello w crea t ures an occasional glimpse of an irritable
solemn host at one end a nd a mos t anxious hostess at the
Upon my word t wo whole hours o f t his with the
ot her
most labored a t tempts at conve rsation all round in a dark
room wi th a s ervan t perpetually thrus ting s ome t hi ng acro s
my shoulder exci t i ng each t ime a fr e sh al a rm o f a showe r
h
ad
worked
up
to
silliness
by
of sa uce or gravy ; s t upidi t
y
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nm ns a s,
84 4
ma ma s
AND
D INNER PARTI ES.
-
m arkable that the man who can with di fficulty be brought
to give a ten pound note to keep a hundred souls alive
should o f his own free will spend twice the sum o nce a
week in feas ting wi t h dainties some dozen of his fellow
si e a t u r e s who can scarcely get up the requisite amoun t
But aft er all it is not so
of appetite to enj oy them
strange fo r men are selfish and the good will of a fe w
rich i s more highly prized than the gratitude of many
po or
But let this pass and let us console ourselves by t he
reflecti on that common sense i f no higher feeling will in
time simpli fy o ur social banquets and that charity som e
fi fty years hence will see no h a r m as it now would in
calling in t he blind the halt and the needy to partak e
of the dishes we now spread only for the rich the fash
ionabl e and the appe t it e l ess One rule however we may
gain at once from these considerations that only the
wealthy should be dinner gi vers and the man who canno t
”
“
affo rd £ 5 for the starving should on no account af
ford £ 2 0 for the well fe d
A dinner like a pun should never be made public u n
less it be very good but at the same time modern i m
ro ve me nt s enable it to be that wi t hout being a so ver
p
y
ex pensi ve
The goodness of a dinner does not consist in
the rarity and costliness of the viands but in the manne r
i n which they are cooked and served in the various con
co ra i t a n ts which contribute to give it brilliance and e l e
a nce
and yet more in the guests who eat it
g
This last point i s in fac t t he m ost important so tha t
the invitation is only a second consideration to the dinne r
i tsel f
The rules for invita t ions and some hints who m
to in vi te are given in the next cha ter by my c oll e a ue
p
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34 5
I NV ITE
.
give bu t a fe w hints of my own Pc orl e who hav e
should k e e p
a large acquaintance and give dinners
bo ok in which to write the names o f those who c o mpo st
e ach party which prevents the mistake o f asking the sa m
ing
precisely
t he same peo pl e
e rson t wice and of brin g
p
to gether agai n when their turn comes round There a re
ind eed some privileged persons like mysel f agreeable old
bachelors who being free from encu mbrance and ful l of
In fact
tal k are always welcome and generally wanted
s uch men run a risk of b e ing kno wn as pro fessional diners
so tha t i t is a greate r
ou t like the c o n v i vce o f Ro me
And this re mind s
c harity not to invi t e them too o ft en
me that yo u should not ask a man without his wi fe
though you may leave his sons and daughters out o f t he
Then again the very ancient had better be
c alculation
le ft to dine at home unless like Lady Morgan they
preserve their conversational po wers The invitation must
be answered as soon as possible and the answer addresse d
to the lady of the house
But the question whom to invite is one which cannot
First t here are some people
be so easily ans wered
whom you m u s t invite sooner or later namely those at
whose houses you have dined because you may neglect
e very Christian duty a n d be less blamed than i f you omi t
this social one This is certainly absurd and society be
omes almost lo w when dinner parties take the semblanc e
f a t acit contrac t in which the one party undertakes to
fe e d the other to day if t he other will feed him in re tur n
be fore the end of the season Ye t I ha ve known peopl e
not at al l a shamed to complain that they h ave not bee n
“
They owe us a
aske d to t inner and not blush to say
”
Somehow then you must man age
di nner , you k now
3
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34 6
D I NNERS,
D I NE RS,
A ND D I NNER PART ES
-
I
.
acqui t yoursel f of these dinner debt s before the se as on
is over Society condemns you severely if you do n ot
is
f
es
your
debts
course
th
appl
i
of hospitali ty
O
a
p y
only to people who are known to be in the habi t o f gi ving
din ners Those who from one ca use or ano t her do nc t Ir
a) a e still invit e d though not so o ft en
But when you have done your duty religiously in hi s
respect you have the world be fore you Where to
choose ? Now a fter t aking in t o due consi dera tion the
congruities and sympa t hies o f t hose you may select t he
bi e f point is t o invi t e me n and women an equal number
af each o f course — who can Z a Z/c
By this I do not m ea n
h
our
rapid
ut
erers
w
t
o f small talk
o can coin more
y
re
t
y
nonsense
in
hal
an
hour
t
han
a
modern
novelist
in
t
f
p
but men who having gone through t he
t hre e mon t hs
world and tamed their Pegasus with t he curb o f e xpe ri
not being bound Mazeppa like on the b a ck of some
a nce
wretched hobby can gallop smoo t hly over the themes
t h at li fe and t he ne wsp apers supply to wi t ; men who
view
li fe calmly from the heigh t to which they have
l i mbed wi thou t prej ud i ce a nd wi t hout a we ; and women
who are capable o f unde rs t anding and answering such me n
as t hese
But yo u must care fully a void the e a t er by
which I mean both the g o ur ma n d and the g our m e t both
the a l de r ma: whose mo t t o is quanti ty and the epic ur e
who cries fo r quality
O f what good is it to pand e r t o
the greediness o f a vile being whose soul l ies in th e
st om a ch as the Greeks a ffirmed that it al ways did and
whose mind and t hough t s are much in the s ame regio n
If s u ch men can t alk at all i t is only o f e a ting and it
you do not feed them wi t h the es pecial dain t ies they l ook
for their gra titude shows itsel f i n sneers at your hos pi
to
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8 18
D I NERS,
D INNERS,
AN D
D I NNE R PA RTIES
-
.
women you love ( two of each for no man can find m ore
t h a n t ha t number in t he w orld ) —dine wi t h you and you r
Wi fe ; t he second is your sociabl e dinner at which a l l t he
gu e sts are more or less kno wn to one ano ther ; and t he
If you exceed t hese num
thi rd is your company dinner
be rs you may do wh a t you will t o make your di nne r
per fect your guests will spoil it all by falling into coup
l e s and eating in quadrille
But there is anot her re ason for limiting the number
n a mely t hat to give a good dinner your means your e s
t abl i shme nt your dining —room the capaci t ies o f t he table
and so forth must all be taken in t o considerat ion B ut
if the dinner is given to fourteen sixteen or even eigh
teen as is now common i n large towns you m ust ei t her
i ncre a se your establishment and your expense not a li ttle
as people are to give them the regular
or be content
”
in which everybody knows be forehand what they
feed
One cook fo r instance cannot serve up p r o
will have
p er l y for more than a dozen people ; t hree men cannot
wait properly on more than t e n ; and a table whi ch wi ll
hold more than that number will be so large as to se pa
rate the opposite guests too far for easy and general c on
Las tly i f your means enable you to dine a
versation
hundred or a thous a nd every week you would be a mad
man to do so ; you might as well give your dinner to t wo
only for what of tha t e ssen tial harmony t hat communion
“
the feast of reason and the fl ow of
of mind and spiri t
”
c a n t here possibly be bet ween a hundred na
ev
soul
en
y
seventy p e ople some o f t hem so f ar from o n e ano t her t h rt
they could scarcely be he a rd wi t hout a spe aking trump e t ?
Having well selected your guests you consider in wha t
room to dine them for the re u l a r dining ro r m is not
g
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THE D ININ G ROOM.
-
—
a
h
e
s
a ir
ys
the
os
com
or
able
f
the
party
m
ll
f t
I
m t
al wa
—
eight
a large dining room will look ver y gh a s t ly a nd
r
o
it should be borne in mind t ha t dinner gi vers of go od
taste st u dy com fort more t han grandeur which la tt e r i
simply v ulgar whether in the house o f a duke or a h ab e r
The furniture o f our dining rooms is certainly
(l asher
Nothing could be more c hilling to
1a roving a li t tle
—
n
t
mind
and
appetite
alike
tha
the
s
one
colored walls
the
displaying the usual magnifice nt oil painti ngs of an u n
known school the bust of t he mas ter of t he feast at one
e nd looking almost less solemn than the original under it
the huge table wit h its cumbrous silver adornments the
Whe t her it was a
st i ff side board and the s t i ffe r chairs
P uritanical attempt at simplici ty which insisted t hat i f we
wo u d have a good dinner we shoul morti fy the fl e sh
with bad concomi t ants or wheth e r it was a foolish fancy
that a dining room should be cold though the dinne r
were hot I cannot sa
but I feel that the man who
makes dining a study — and he who gives dinners should
in charity do se — must go far ther in the improvements of
the room than we yet have Light and an air of com for t
are the main essentials The temperature must not even
in summer he too low for sitting at dinner produces a
Thirteen to sixteen degrees of R eaumu r
c hill in itsel f
ar e fi xed for it by the author o f the P h y s i o l og i e d a g o fit
bu t whatever the exact temperature it must be obtaine d
be fore dinner by lighting the fire some hours previously
an d allowing i t to burn rather low until near the end o f
There are ve ry
t he meal when it must be replenished
fe w days in an English su mmer when :1 small fire af ter
In very c ol d wea t her when a
di nner is not a c ae ptabl e
large one is necessary it is not easy to manage so that
.
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85 0
D I N NE RS,
o
m e ns
AN D
L l NN ER FARI l nb
‘
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one hal f of the gues s shall no t have their backs ro as te d
and t he o t her not be froze n bu t t h e re ar e t wo way s o f
preven ting i t— t hc one by a l a rge glass s e e c n b e for e t he
fi re t he other by a t able in the shape o f a ll O i S Q l f
or o f a s e gment o f a ci rcle o f which t he chord W i l l be
A dinner gi v e r will then have his r ou nd
ée wa i ds the fire
or oval t a ble so mad e as t o be divisible into two sep a r a te
o nes
The shape o f the table i s i n f act a more ess e n t ial point
than some people t hi nk In order th a t a dinner may be a
social mee ti ng not a mere coll e c t ion o f t t es t te a as
it used to be till recen t ly and still is some t imes the t able
mus t be of a sha pe which will not make conversa t ion dif
fi c u l t betw e en a ny t wo or more of the guests
The old
parallelogram with the sta t ely host at t he end and the
r adiant but a nxiou s lady at t he other was fatal t o c on
versation It wa s too broad t oo long too s ti ff the cor
”
ners cut oil the lord a nd l ady o f t he fe ast from their hon
e red
guests and n e c e ssi t a ted leani ng across ; while i f
Monsieur wish e d to make a re mark t o Madame he had
nde pe nde n t l
o f t he j oin t s
and candel a br a a
c r ne
y
p g
len gth o f t able to impede h im which compel l e d him to
r a is e h is voice mos t unmusically It c a us e d a complete
d i vorce in fact and Sir Cresswell Cress well could not
more e ff c t ually sever man and wi fe than th a t a ncien t
—
for suc h it literally wa s in shape — u sed to do
board
The mo de rn table is oval
Some peopl e dine at rou n d
ta bl e s like Ar t hur and his knigh ts but these i f larg e
n ugh fo r a party will have a di ameter every wa
y too
l n g t o allo w any t wo Opposi t e guests to converse
The
h orse sh oe table is sui t e d only fo r a small party and the
’
base should not be o cc upied
As for the l ong planks
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352
D INN ERS ,
D I N ERS ,
D I NNER—
PARTIES
AN D
.
the four corners o f the table would come i f it were a par
a ll e l o ra m ins te a d o f a n ov a l
The res t o f t he room how
g
mus t no t be le ft in darkness and lamps may be
e ve r
place d on t he side bo a rd and si de tabl e s The la t ter mus t
be very neat and bo t h should be ornamented richly wi th
fl owe rs r a t her t han wi t h t hat pompous display of plate
which is too commonly seen
A fe w words about servants be fore we come to the t abl e
itsel f Women wai t more q uie tly and q ui t e as ac t ively
as men bu t a bu t ler who can c a r ve well a nd rapidly is
indispensable If however you have men serv ants t hey
A p a r ty o f t e n can be per fec t ly
Should not be t oo many
well served by t wo men a nd a bu t ler and if there are
more than these t hey only ge t in t he way o f one another
or stand pompo u sl y by s taring while you eat Your ser
vant s should be well tr a ined and ins truc t ed and should
obey every order iven by t he bu tler A mast e r or mis
tress should neve r s peak t o t he m at dinner and t hey must
be themselves as silen t a s Sa ppis ts They should wear
light shoes t hat canno t creak a nd i f t hey have a napkin
ins t e a d o f gloves you mus t s e e t h a t their hands a re per
”
They should have t h e ir be a t s like po
fe c tl y clean
l i c e me n one beginning a t the gues t on his m ast e r s right
and ending wi t h t he l a dy o f t he house t he o ther wi t h the
w
th the m as t er
uest
on
his
mistress
s
right
ending
i
g
The table on which a l l eyes are turned 13 h e ne xt
as t ten or
oint
Great
chang
e s have t aken pl a ce in t h
l
p
fi ft een years in i ts arrangemen t s and a s t he Russian plan
is now adop ted in the bes t houses a nd is at t he s a me time
t he most elegant I shall no t s t e p t o sp e ak o f any other
The main point is to secure beau ty wi thout inter fe ring
Given there fore a table cover and a
with conversation
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A
RRA N G E M EN T
.
a ama sk
White
3 53
or THE TA B L E
t able cloth over it what a re we to place
thereon ? First nothing high enough to c e me be t ween
the heads of any two of the party and there fo re must
epergnes lamps and so forth be eschewed a s nuisance s
Ne xt that which is pleasant and agreeable to t he e ye and
A co m
something that i t can dwell upon with pleasure
mon object fo r the centre is desirable and this should be
some work o f art of Parian or ch ina not too high not
too large and on each side towards the t hin ends of the
oval should be bo wls o f biscuit ware or china filled with
flowers ; or to be elegant you may have two li tt le table foun
The rest of t he t able
tains provided their basins are low
must be covered with dessert By this a rrangement plate
be comes a secondary mat ter and indeed a display o f mas
s ive silver is rather chilling and al ways looks os t entatious
In addition to t he flowers men t ioned the French o ft e n
place a bouquet on the napkin o f each lady a nd the a t
tention is certainly a pre t ty one The place for each guest
should be roomy but not t oo far from his neighbors The
dinner service of the presen t day may be red uced to plates
alone since every t hing else is served at t he side table I
am inclined to t hink that pure whi te china with a gilt e dge
and the best of its kind is the fit test service to dine off
At any rate the dessert
bu t this is a mat t er o f t aste only
Bachelors at dinner have a
service should be h a ndsome
great ad vantage in having t heir ligh t wine placed by t l n it
g la ses in bl a ck bo ttles but in other dinners the wi ne is
It will however be well on all occasions to h a ve
ha nd e d
s u fficient glasses for all t he wines t o be dru nk pl a c e d an
t ht righ t hand o f each pl a t e a nd t he same may be sai d of
knives spoons and forks The napkins may be folded
Som times they are placed on the
according t o fancy
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8 54
D I NNERS,
e i Ns ns ,
A ND
D I N NER PA RH ES
-
.
late
ith
a
roll
o f bread inside and sometimes arran ed
w
g
p
in a fan sh a pe in t he champ agne glasses Fo r my o wn
f
art
I
pre
er
t o think t hat no hands h a ve be e n soi l in g
p
mine be fore I use i t and perh a ps t he most el e gan t way is
to l ay t hem on the table or pl a t e j ust as t h e y come fre e}
the washer woman s
I
No dish bu t t hose o f d e ssert is placed on t he table
have spoken o f this i n the ch a p t er on accomplishme n t s
a n d shall n o t again discuss t he
unde r the head o f c a r vm
”
ques tion It su ffices to say t hat where l on sait d i ner
no dish is ei ther carved or helped at table B u t I am now
go ing t o recommend the revival o f an ancient practice
which is now gone out It is that each plate should be
filled wi t h soup and put in its place a t table at the very
moment t ha t t he gues t s are coming into the room The
obj e c t of t his is t o enable every one to begin dinner at the
The hungry do not talk well and the
sa me moment
warm soup at onc e revives t he S pir i t s and slakes the ap
petite It is hard on a man t o expect him to begin con
versa t ion while t he ladies are s ipping t heir soup and he is
Harmony and union are the essentials o f
wai t ing for it
dinner and where it c a n be so simply obta ined it is foolish
Ye t I have li tt le hope t hat t his pra c t iee
t negl e ct it
will be adopted becaus e Engl ia h people se e m to t hink
more o f t he pompo si ty t han the co m fort o f their dinne r
and t he bu tler and me n are re q uired t o st a nd and lo ok
h
and
as
t
e gues t s pass in
I
may
here
observe
th
a t t hi
g
o bj ec t o f soup being t o
tak e the chill e ff the appe t i te
an d prep a re t he inner man for the reception o f solids a
l igh t soup is be t ter t h an a t hick one which c l ogs the a p
peti t e ; t ur t le is o nly fi t for an alderman and your son;
ma y there fore be ine xpensive
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B56
D INN Ens
,
nt
fa mou s fo r
as,
A ND
D I N NER p a nt i e s
-
.
sobri e ty had been drinking on the sea shore
when a s t or m a rose and in r a pid has t e t hey re t rea ted to a
Probably t hey were no t in a fi t cond i
ca ve to t ake sh e l ter
tion for carryi ng t heir goble t s wi t h them steadily At a ny
ra t e they le ft t hem on the s ho r e a nd when the storm was
e ver found their wine conver t ed by t he rain in t o wine a nd
The allegation t hat the mixtu re Spoi ls two good
Water
things as t wo good people are some t imes spoiled by marriage
is one which a tippler will suppor t more zealously t han an
”
Mr Walker in t he
Original recommend s
e picure
e ven por t and water ; but ho wever this may be some Be r
deaux wines ga in ra t her than lose by the mix t ure and you
may thus have to accompany your eating a cooling drink
which will not destroy your tas te for the good wines t o
A sensible man avoids varie ty in drinking
fo l l ow it
One French wine during dinner and sherry a fter it or a
German wine for the meal and cl aret for dessert will
leave you much happier than mingling sherry champagne
claret and port Great care should be used in decanting
wine so as not to shake or cork it Claret a ppears i n a
glass jug but rare French wines particularly B o u rg og ne
and the Vi ns da dl i di shou l d be brought up and placed
on the table in their baskets as decan ting spoils them
Al though the guest should avoid variety the host must
provide it in order to meet the tastes of all and his se r
va nts should be taught to pronounce properly the name s
f t he di fferent foreign wines which are o ft en so indistinc t
hat we are led in t o taking a white one when we wanted
e d e r a French one when we expected Rhenish
The bac h elor has the great pr i vilege of drinking b e er
a t dinner i f he likes it
I c a nnot conceive how so good and
harmle ss an accompaniment of eating came to be excl ud ed
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FIS
H
85 1
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well —
served table unless from a vulga r fa ncy th at
what is not expensive should not be set be fore a gu e st
h o we ve r good it may be How happy people with thes e
ne t ions would be in Ceylon where Bass costs nearl
y a shil
ling a gl as s
This reminds me of a story of some vulgar
ma n whose name I have forgotten and do not care to re
His hos t simply enough said to his guest Thi s
me mbe r
”
”
D id it ? cried t he
wine cost me s ix shillings a bottle
“
th e n pas s it round and le t s have another six
other
”
penn orth
The connoisseur o f beer righ t ly judges tha t
it is spoiled by bottling ; draught beer is also the more
wholesome A glass of old port is generally subs t ituted
for the beer with cheese but the drink with the German
s tudent an ardent lover o f it tells you was discovered by
fr om the
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Gabr a n t iu s Kon ig
Der
z u er s t
von
das B ie r
B rab ant
e rfand .
”
its more natural accompaniment
If there were no o t her advan t age in the Russian sys
t e m as it is called it would be worth adopting only be
cause it enables the dinner giver to offer more variety
inste ad of forcing hi m t o sacrifice taste to the appear a nc e
Thu s t he turbot and the cod were once
of his dishes
be com i ng standing dishes at all English dinners and
small fish were banished because they did not put in a
maj e stic appearance
Yet there are many better fish
th a n cod and turbot and there are many ways of dressing
fis h which may not be so agreeable to t he eye as to the
Then
a gai n how exquisi t e is the flavor o f s ome
a l ate
g
fr es h water fish and o f several kinds o f s hell fish whic h
How much better the
we so seldom see at great dinners
variety of tre a t pe rch in s ou c/z e t fried gud geons , even
is
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85 8
D INNERS,
D I NERS,
D I NN ER I A BTI ES
AN D
-
and l ampreys ( both of which must be mad
e ra te ly ind ulged in t he one producing very o ft en a rush
on t he f ace which is cured by large quan t i t i e s o f fresh
tail s and t he o t h e r being notorious as a regicide which
hose who read t he commonest history of England will
In fact no kind
e m f mbc r ) t han t hat perpetual turbot
by
of e a ting can be more varied than that o f fish ; yet
sticking to anti q u e tradi t ions we deprive ourselves of t he
enj oyment of all t he weal t h of sea and s t ream There
are scores o f ways of dressing them all too which you can
l e arn in any good cookery book and almost any fish can
be made no t only eat a ble but delicious by clever cooki ng
B u t vulg a ri ty has dri ven m an y a good but cheap e a t abl
from t he table o f t he rich ; and t he Duke o f R u t land was
quite right to give Poodle Byng his c o ng é when o ne of
these despised delicacies a ppeared at t he D uke s t able
and Poodle exclaimed
Ah ! my old friend h addock ! I
have not seen a haddock on a g en t leman s table si nce I
”
Oysters t hough e a ten a t dinn e r in France
was a boy
are prop e rly excluded from table in Engla nd as being
much t oo hea t i ng and c ar p is very indiges t ible ; but
there are the Devonshire J ohn Dory a f ar bet ter fish
salmon trou t whi tings smelt
t han tu rb ot red mullets
m ackerel s t urg e on the favori t e o f t he Emperor o f China
and even S prats and herr i ngs to form a variety besid e s
th ose men t io ne d be fore
But our chie f t hanks to the new system are du e fo r its
es tr a e iz i ng tha t un wieldy b a rb a rism — t he join t
No t hin g
nan make a join t look eleg a nt w hil e i t hid e s t he m a st e r of
the hous e and condemns him to t he mi sery o f carvin g I
was much a ro us e d a t t he ob servations o f a wri t er on the
subject o f dinners who obj ected t o flo wers on the ta bl e
eels
mussels ,
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86 0
D INN ERS,
D I N ERS
D IN NER PARTI ES
AND
-
.
which we sat down consisted o f a dozen marro w li on s
of which we e a ch dis c ussed s i x
The y were a s hot as
A v a rie ty of v e ge t a b l e s
the v could be and e xcellent
and though I could ha ve
eo rr pl e t e d t his li ght re past
d ined more largely I was bc u nd to con fe ss tha t my fr ie n
had given me a dinner which I should scarcely h a ve ge t
el sewhere Lest you should be tempted to o ffer a simila r
r e past to a l arge par t y I must warn you tha t t he marrow
bone is not considered a presentable dish and that the
marrow must be extracted by a S pecial kind of spoon of
which a clean one is re q uired for every bone
B ril l a t Savarin says that the order o f the solids should
be from the heaviest to t he lightest
Thi s is not s tric t ly
observed ei t her in France or England and it may be u se
ful to know what is the order generally adopted in this
zou nt ry
It is as follows
1 Soup
2 Fish
3 P atties ( of oysters lobsters shrimps or minc ed
vea l
4 Made dishes or e n tr é es which include poultry
5 The ro ast or p i ec e de r es is t a n c e
6 V egetables
7 The game
8 Pastry puddings omelettes
9 The ice
1 0 The dessert
The salad ought to have but seldom h as a place in thi s
l is t n a mely a ft er the ice and wi t h c heese
Wh e n 0 ads
as a m a o nn a i s e t ha t 1 8 with chicken c ol d fish or s hell
y
fish i t comes in as a made dish
But a pure salad well
“
dresse d is
a di sh to set be fore a ki ng and that you
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86 ]
SA LA D S
and
may be able to dress it yoursel f,
di nner
ceipt
with cheerfulness
to learn by heart
I
,
we may finish oul /
give you Sydney Smith s re
’
,
Two l a rge pot a to e s , passe d thr ou gh ki t c h e n sie ve ,
Unwonte d soft n e ss t o t h e sal a d g i ve
.
Of morde nt mu s ta rd ,
Dis trust t h e
B u t dee m i t
An d
cond i me nt
not ,
whi ch bi te s too
th ou ma n
of
h e rbs ,
soon
faul t
a
dou bl e q u an t ity of sal t
t i mes th e spoon wi th o il of Lu c ca
To add
Th ree
a dd a s i n gl e spoon
a
.
on c e
p ro c ur e d fro m t own
n e e ds i t , a n d y ou r poe t be gs
wi t h
Tru e fl a vor
c r own ,
v in e ga r
Th e pou nde d yell o w of t wo wel l boil d eggs
Le t onion a to ms l u rk wi t h in t h e bo wl ,
’
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sc ar c e s u spe c te d , a ni ma t e
And ,
And l a stl y ,
on
t h e wh ol e
t h e fa vor d c ompou nd t oss
’
A magic s poo n fu l o f a nc ho vy s a u c e
Th e n , t ho u gh gre e n t u r tl e f ail , t h o u gh
.
An d h a m
a nd
ve ni son
to ugh ,
b oil d e nou gh ,
y
S ren el y fu ll , t h e e pi c u r e may s ay
Fa te c ann ot h a rm me I h a ve d in e d to day
t u rke
e
’
ar e n o t
—
-
Well dinner is done but not t he diners There rs
mains on the table what is a whole dinner in Italy and
—
f
or
fruit and wine ; Talk
hat
is
dinner
enough
a
poet
W
ing o f poets thou gh reminds me that their chameleo n
Byron who dined c d
e x siste nce is only a poetic license
potatoes and vinegar in public generally rewarded hi m
—
w
f
el
in
private
ith
an
unspiritual
bee
steak and c ut
f
s
”
and the poets o f olden time by whic h
fr om t he j oint
I mean t h e days of ea t i ng in Athens and Rome wer e
al so the par aist e s of the feast and for a stave or t wo
ladly
j
ust
as
some
later
po
a ccepted a steak or t wo
e ts
g
—
t
L
ave
dined
wi
h
my
ord
to
day on the tacit understand
h
ing that they should write him a dedic ation to morro w
In fact G r u b street was no t inappropri a tely nam e d if
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16
D I NERS,
U I A N ERS,
D I NNE R PA RTIES
A ND
-
.
slang be English and most o f our own poet s — M o ors
and Rogers 6 g — have been care ful diners But then
the legend wh ich made Minerva S prin g from the h e a d of
l u pit e r has long been proved a good n a tured mistak e
”
our minion lyricists and ther e
l est med to encourage
S n ew no d o ubt that the muse o f song and literature had
o f the nine
o
her
as l ar e a corpora t ion as a n
t
t
g
y
9”
els e is t he meaning o f writing fo r bread
But stop I had n early forgo t t en G race Well that is
nothing very ex t raordinar y for the thanksgiving is posi
t i vely the last thing thought o f by the diner and when it
i s remembered it i s t oo o ft en reduced to a mere formality
What ridiculous mockeries are t he long Latin grace s
t hrough which we had to stand at college and the cha nted
graces at public dinners
If a man be really thank ful to
God for what he gives him a fe w thoughts not word s
best express it ; but i f words be nece ssary l e t them be
shor t and solemn that each one s hear t may echo t h e m
Dr J ohnson was well reproved in his formal re l igion
when his wi fe told him it was of no use to a sk his Maker
to make him truly thank ful when the next moment he
would s it down and abuse every dish on the table ; a nd
what was said to J oh nson may be said to many a pamper
ed diner ou t and t o ma ny a grumbling father of a family
“
Better a dry morsel where love is t han a stalled 0x
”
s nd
l e t me adapt it t o the present day
g r u mblw g
Ho w o ften does a man say the words o f his
th erewi th
r a c e a nd soon a ft er find fault wi t h the dinner u n ra te
g
g
ful a l ik e to h is ho s t and his Maker
But as far as
—
eti q u e t t e goes
t here is only t his t o be said
tha t t he
audible grace is s poken by the mas t er o f t he fe ast o r i f
e cler yman be presen t by hi m
So in Indi a , 3 Brah
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864
D I NNERS,
Next
to
D INERS,
AN D
D I NN ER PARTIES.
-
host and hostess t he cook ought tt be
u
u t t he gu e s t s arrival is more impor ta nt s t ill
nc t ual
B
p
bec a u se from the me re s t
a nd the gues t has no excuse
s sl fis l i n e s s or wan t o f c onsi der a tion he m a y put a wh ol e
t
h
arty
The
i
nvi
ed
having
arri
ved
t
o i nconvenience
t
e
p
lad y receives them in the d ra wi ng room and t he conve r
sa t i n s nece s sa rily more or less formal fo r everybody is
wa i ting for t h e event At last a servant announces t ha t
d a r er i s ready It is then t he part o f the host to pair
off the guests
He himsel f takes down the lady of the
highest rank or the greates t stranger D istinctions of
rank a re going out in g o od society a l though precedence
exists j ust as a herald s ofii ce does ; but it may generally be
said that age has the real precedence and a lady of ad
va nc e d years should not be put behind any one of rank
under royal blood
The mos t intimate with t he family tak e
the lowest the least so the highest place At dinner
the gentleman sits to the right o f t he lady so that t he
arra n me nt is easily made
In
France
there
is
no
pro
g
cession of this ki nd and the a wkwardness o f precedence is
thus avoided There all t he guests enter pell —
mell and
find their names wri t ten on papers placed on their nap
k ins Besides these papers a bill o f fare is placed on
each plate when the dinner is really good and the din
ne r giver a n epicure
It is the du ty o f the host to lead the conversation as
much as possible and it is s t ill more his duty to mak e i t
e nera l
As however this art is little understood by
g
Englis hmen a man will generally have to talk more or
le ss to t he l ady on his le ft
He must take care not to
ne lect her fo r the one on hi s right however charmin
h
t
e
g
g
t he
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"
D INN ER ETI
latte r
QUETTE
36 5
.
may be The dinner over and the servants dis
missed the ladies sit for a short time at dessert and then
retire ; the youngest man in the room rises to Op en t he
door for them and all the rest rise and stand by thei r
”
Then comes the drawing round and the c on
c hairs
But young men and
versation grows lighter and easier
9 1d should beware of making it t oo light or of running
as our barristers o ften do into stories that are unfit for
ladies ears
A true gentleman will be the same in ladies society as
he is out of it A young man should not linger over his
wine and he may rise and leave the dining room be fore
But it remains with the host to o ffer to
t he others go
“
join the ladies which he should do whenever he sees
f
one
growing
warm
over
his
port
and
talking
too
ree
an
y
Coffee and tea are both served up stairs and both
ly
should be hot Co ffee is drunk without milk and with
sugar ; t e a by those who know how to enj oy it without
ei t her ; but they are the r a r ce ew es of society men who
know what is good and enj oy it quietly A little gree n
tea is necessary a ft er wine for it awakens and excites
N0 man should dri nk enough wine t o make him feel tot
easy w i th the ladies If he has done so without feeling
its e ffec ts he had better go home be fore he goes up to the
drawing room In France the gentlemen come away with
the ladies and there is no wine drinking In Engl and
be custom is dwindling down to a mere form and t he
shorter you remain a fter the departure of the ladies t he
B u t remember that many meats require as muc h
be tter
as four hours to digest and that the best aid to digest ion
is live ly easy conversation
A dinner party breaks up
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366
D I NNERS,
mus e s
AND D I NN ER PA RTIES
-
,
.
at about eleven There should be a little music m the
e vening ; but it is a great mistake to h ave a regular even
ing party a fter a dinner At eleve n you go home and
ha ving h ad a walk put on your Wh te nec k tie for the
i
ne xt event of the e ven i ng which is d tre sse d in the thi r
.
.
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-
L A DI E S
56 8
A
AT
D I NN ER
.
not assim i late no luxury of dinners no per fection of
mann ers on your part can avert a failure Yet so littl e
is this understood that there are persons who collect as
it would seem a party so discordant as to provoke a ques
ti on wh e ther they had not shaken them all in a bag t e
gether a n d t urned them out loose upon each other the
man of easy principles with the serious doctor of divinity ;
the man of talent with a rich and mindless merchant t he
quiet country family with the tra s hy London dashers
and so on ; and these solecisms i n taste a n d discretion
occur frequen t ly
Nor ough t the worldly positions of
people to be the sole consideration Many a nobleman
will assimilate far better with the poor author than with
the millionair e weal t h simply because it is wealth gains
li ttle prestige in good circles ; there is a prej udice against
the n ou ve a u r i c h es among the old families of England
Neither is it desirable to club all your aristocratic or fash
i onabl e acquaintance together ; you o ffend by so doing
those who are left out ; and many lose valuable friends
who howe ver conscious they may be of an inferior posi
tion do not like to be reminded of it It is something
too to avoid givi ng pain to the feelings of others
The general rule ho wever is to invi te persons of nearly
the same standing in society to meet at dinner ; ta king
care that their general views and mode of li fe are not so
c ontras ted as to be likely to clash
In the countr y dif
erence of politics used to form a barrier ; Whig and Tory
e ven i f they sat at table together would scarcely drin k
Wine with eac h other
But all that inconvenience to host
and hostess has long since passed away and to the fac ili
ties of forming a party the custom o f no longer aski ng an
y
one to ta ke wine has contributed
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S ELE C TI O N
3 09
‘
D
or G UESTS
.
Thos e who wish to form agreeab le dinner parties will
a dinner composed of o fficers only and thei r
avoid a class
“
t alking pi pe
Wives recalls too forcibly barrack li fe ;
”
“
cl ay as they term it is as fatiguing as t he ship
though not so vulgar Wi ves of ofii c e rs in marching regi
men t s have g enerally travelled far and seen no t hi r g
they can t ell you lit t le but how bad their quarters wer e
and how they were hurried away from such and such a
place The gentlemen o f the bar sprinkled about mak e
a charming spice to a dinner ; but like all spices one
must not have too much of them : they want keepin g
down other wise you have your dining room turned into
Westmins ter Hall ; or you feel if you venture to tal k
f
i
f
oursel
as
you
were
subjecting
yoursel
to
a
cross
f
y
Yet the late Lord G renville remarked th at
e xami nation
he was always glad to meet a la wyer at a dinner party
for he was then sure that some good topic would be started
The title of doctor is against the fascination of a physi
c ia n s manners ; his very attentions may seem to have an
interested air since the doctor s clients are in society A
conclave of doctors is even more formidable than one of
l awyers for the former have only to deal with the consti
t u t ion of th e state and the latter are looking perhaps at
your constitution and pr i vately condemning it A whole
party composed of clergymen is perhaps worse ; delightful
as companions
valuable as friends as many clergyme n
are when assembled they run naturally into topics we do
not wish to have familiari zed
Secular interests peep ou t
from those we esteem sacred : the pleasures of gas trono
my which are as fully appreciated by the clergy as by
an
ot l er class seem so li ttle to accord with the spiri t
y
st irr i ng eloquence we heard last Sunday , that we re gr e t
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16*
L A DLE S
370
having
met our
A D I NNER
'
AI
.
under such circu m
venerable rector
~
tances
“
Perhaps says D r Johnson good breeding co nsi sts
in having no particular mark of any pro fession but a gen
”
On this principle of gen e
e ral elegance of manners
—
f
should
dinner
parties
be
ormed
z
i
n
l
i
e
r
g
In high Engli sh society to quote that a c c omplishet
member of society Mr Hayward in his Tr e a ti s e on
C odes of M a nn er s any calling was some fe w years sinc e
derogatory to the per fect c haracter of a gentleman ; it is
now otherwise
Yet the distinction of the aristocratic
pro fessions as opposed to o t her callings is maintained
and it will perhaps con t inue to be so The se are the
church the bar the higher walks of medicine the army
and navy The di fferent members of thes e pro fessions and
their wives and families are there fore fi t for any society ;
there is no possible obj ection to their mixing a t a dinner
table with nobility provided they be well bred and agree
able The literary man if a gentleman by education and
manners is always an agreeable addition ; and the highes t
in rank have in this country set the example of invi t ing
artists a rchitects and sculptors but not always their fa m
i lie s to their tables
Great eminence in talents sets aside distinctions ; and
”
the first class of millionaires Mr Hayward assures u s
”
rise superior to rules
But it is not in good taste to
follow out this last maxim unless high personal characte r
the good employment of v a st wealth and a gentlemanly
bearing accompany riches
The lady whose talk about
”
“
bigo t ry a nd vir tue wa s the amusement of the club s
so me year s sinc e h ad no right in regard to her husband s
osition a nd character to be associated as she was wi th
p
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3 72
'
LAD I ES AI
D I NN E R
A
.
clergymen and of barristers by right tak e pre
c ede nc e o f the untitled wives of mili tary and naval men
There is no place specified for phys ic a ns who howeve r
are ranked in the households of the royal family next to
the knights and whose wives there fore go ou t a fter tho se
of t he barristers
These seem to be worldly and unimportant rules ; but
whatever prevents mis t akes ill will and the possibility of
doing a rude action wi t hout in t ention comes under the
”
comprehensive head
Ho w to be civil with ease
Be
s ides al though i n friendly society as it is called a breach
t is
of etiquette might not signi fy t here is so much th a
un friendly so much in whi ch criticism stalks among the
company seeking whose conduct he may challenge that a
hostess should be per fectly armed with every de fenc e
against comment
As her guests enter she should advance hal f way to
meet them This is a point o f politeness and a lady in
a county near London gave great o ffence once at her first
dinner by standing with one arm on her mantle piece
waiting till her company came up to h e r All the chairs
should be ready so that there should be no placing o r
needless con fusion
but should any change in the arrange
ments of the rooms be requisite it should be made by the
butler or by the gentleman of the house
The lady of
t he house should do nothing but receive
converse and
look as well as she can To this end her room and all
the minuti ae should be taste fully arranged
A dist ribu
t ion of natural flo wers adds greatly to the gaiety of a
drawing room how richly or poorly soever it may be fur
nished
people are apt to forget in England what is never
forgotten in Fram e how great l y the st y le and arra nge
wives
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RECEPTI ON or G UESTS
.
ment of furniture contribute to make a party go oh well,
'
those engaged in it look well of which pleasing fac t
e
o ple o ften have a sort o f intuitive conviction even wit h
p
out the ai d i f the looking glass
And now the test of good breeding in a hostes s is to be
Her guests may arri ve
detec ted it is o ften a severe one
all at once she must not be hurried yet each and all mu s t
feel th at they have her individual attention
She mu s t
have something pleasing and cheer ful to say to every one
Perhaps her guests
bu t she must not say or do too much
ar e late or perhaps worst martyrdom o f all her servant s
She chafes inwardly bu t
ar e late in announcing dinner
s till feeling as if on a stage with an a rmy of observation
a round her she bears up ; strikes out new subjects
a
; p
pears as if still expecting some one ; no nothing is to go
wrong with her ; be it ever really so wrong that day
she must not seem to notice it
It may be argued that th is impli es a degree of sel f
restraint akin to dissimulation ; but that is an error
sel f
r est r
aint does not imply dissimulation At l e ngth dinne r
i s announced
perhaps a fe w minutes previously som e
reckless youth or sexagenarian but probably the former
s ince t h e being too late for dinner i s not comm only t he
fault o f age comes breathlessly in
I am shocked to say
I have seen married ladie s look very much out of tempe r
at the delin uent on such occasions especially if he hap
q
—a youth from c eL
ed to be
e
n
some
one
we
must
ask
p
l ege or a country cousin — and I have heard the g e ntlema n
”
“
dinner to the servant be fore the door was
ca ll out
closed
The French host and hostes s would di e rather
I na well a rranged party the butler should hav e a list of
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3 74
LA D IES AT A
D I NNER
.
guests so that he may know as one aft e r ano t h er
c omes in t hat he may be placing the silver dishes with hot
water in them on the table arranging the lights and doing
many little things t hat require time and i f omitted c a use
delay
The party being assembled and dinner announced the
ntleman
o f the house o ffers the lady of the highest ran k
e
g
his arm and having previously arranged with the othe r
gentlemen which ladies they are to conduct moves off
with the one he has chosen to the dinner table and place s
her on his right hand next to himsel f
The gentleman appointed to conduct the lady of the
house almost simultaneously o ffers her his arm ; they fol
low and are followed in their turn by the whole of t he
company linked by previous arrangement As these va
rions couples enter the master o f the house already in
the dining room arranges where they are to sit Some
times however and i n certain houses this is not done
bu t more grace fully I think the party seat themselves as
they enter a due sacrifice to the rules o f etiquette having
been made by the master and mistress of the house in their
own persons
It is still customary but not invariably so as formerly
for a lady to sit at the head of her own table
Le t u s
however suppose her there as being the most frequent
arrangement
Hence forth she has nothing to do with the dinner e xce pt
to partake of it
In ol d times the lady presiding was
expect e i to carve every lish be fore her and to be per fect
in the art of carvi ng Lady Mary Montague presidin g
I t he r father s table was condemned at fi fte en to e r fo rm
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876
“
E
A D IN B ER
LAD I S A
'
.
It is now the custom for ladies to retir e a fter the i ce
They then retire almost
an d dessert have gone rou nd
in the same order as they came to the drawing roo m
Here the province of the lady of the house is to maintai n
easy and cheer ful conversation and to make it i f possibl e ,
Her labors are o ften not well repaid but in
z on era l
modern times are not of long duration
One is tempted however sometimes to envy the French
At a Parisian dinner party each gen tleman
c ustoms
rises with his appointed lady neighbor gives her his arm
a nd leads her into the drawing room where co ffee come s
in directly Thus the evening begins In some instance s
the gentlemen and ladies also soon take their leave
in others remain till ten or eleven o clock But t he
dreary interregnum which still occurs in this country
whilst mine host is circulating the bottle below— and
ladies are discussing their servants the last t ooth their
baby cut or the raging epidemic i n the drawing room
above — is unknown in the salons of Paris
It must not be forgotten that all the com fort and par t
of the success of a dinner party must depend on the pre
vi c us arrangements ; but the qualities which regulate a
house and the experience which is brought to bear upon
the important knowledge o f how to give a dinner —
party
is not in my
IS far as the m a t e r i a l part i s concerned
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Wh at Lord Chesterfield says is here to the pur pose
”
“
The nature of things he remarks
is al ways and
e ve rywhere the same but the modes of them vary more
or l ess in e very country
but good breeding he adds c on
l is ts in an easy and genteel con formity to t hem or ra ther
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-A
AFTER D INNER
.
the assuming of them at proper times and in prope l
”
l
aces
p
In conclusion let us recal the advice of Napol eon the
First who duly respected the importance of dinner part ied
ins t itution
as a
‘
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,
s
,
Th
e: t on ne ta bl e . ct
mi gue z m f m m
C HA P T ER XM L
B ALL S
.
the par a dise of daugh t ers the pu r gatt ry of
B ut
c hap e rons and the Pandemonium of Pater familias
when he has Arabella s ball dresses to pay for ; when
mamma tells him he canno t have t he brougham to nigh t
be cause o f Lady Fant i l e s dance when he finds the hous e
suddenly filled w ith an army of upholsterer s men the
passage barricaded with cane bottomed benches the draw
room
pillaged
o f its carpet and furniture and in cours e
in
g
of time himsel f turned bodily out of his own library with
no more apology than
We wan t it for the tea to night
when i f he goes to bed t here is t hat blessed — oh yes bless
c d— horn going on one no t e all night long and i f he s tO s
p
up has no room to take re fuge in and must by force o f cir
c u ms t a n ce s appear in the ball —
room among people of whom
he does not k no w one quarter and who will perhaps kindly
put the fi nal stroke to his misery by mistaking him for his
own butler ; when Pa t e r fa m undergoes this and more he
has no right to co mplain and call it all waste of time and
f
ure
olly Will he call it so when Arabella announce s
p
t hat she is engaged to the young and weal thy Sir Thysse
T hatte Bar t and that it was at one ball he me t her a t
anot her he flirted at a t hird he courted and at a fo u rth
o ffered ? Will he call it so when he learns that it is the
be ll s a nd par t ie s —inn ocent amu se men t s—which h ave kep t
BALLs
are
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880
B A LLS
.
When you ha ve ma de up your mind to giv e a b all and
have succeeded in fix ing a day when there will be no very
grand a fl a ir such as a court ball to take your guesa
way the first thing to do is to send the invitations
”
How many shall we ask Arabella ?
Oh ! at least t wo hundred mamma I do so li k e I
large ball
Nonsense my dear our rooms won t hold eighty with
”
c om fort
Then there is the staircase
A pleasant prospect for late comers
”
And the hall
Where they will have the society of the footme n
very agreeable
And the conservatory urges Arabella
No my child that is reserved for fl irta t ions
In
short if we have more than a hundred it will be a terr i
”
bl e crush
But mamma a crush is quite the fashion I m sure
people here in London don t go to balls to dance
”
What for then Miss Wisdom ?
To say they have been there to say it was a fright
fu l crush at the J one se s ; to see their neighbors to be
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And to be melted with the heat
Well we can ice t hem mamma
However Arabella is partly right In London and
during the season i f a ball is given as a formality and
the rooms are not large it is be t t er to give up t he h e pe
of com fortable dancing
and have the r e nom me e of a
crush
All the gentlemen who failed to get int o the
drawing room and al l the young ladies whose dr esses
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381
B ALLS
.
we re
hopelessly wrecked will e xecrate but sti ll remem
be r you and it is something t o be remembered in London
So that when you have called y ou r
Whether well or ill
u
e sts together as close as S heep in a fold allowed the m
g
to take an hour to climb the stairs and hal f an hour to
e t do wn a gain given them a supper from Gunter s with
g
c hampagne of the quality which induced impudent Brum
“
mell to ask for s ome more of that cider ; very good
”
cider that you have done the notorious if not the agree
able thing and Mrs Fi t z j one s ball will be talked of and
remembered But there are better ways of achieving thi s
highly desi rable notoriety of three days duration
“
Any number over one hundred constitutes a larg e
ball below that number it is simply a ball and u n
der fi fty a dance
I have been at a ball of t e n t/z ou s
a nd
as large as the garrison of Paris itsel f given by
Madame Hausmann at the Hotel de V ille in that city
”
“
and yet though it was not the thing to dance there
the rooms looked almost empty so many and so large
were they On the other hand I have been at the Tuil
eries w hen there was not a tenth of that number a nd
found the dancing c onfine d to one little spot in the long
gallery about as large as an ordinary London drawing
room In short the nu mb er s must be pr e portioned t o
the S i z e of the rooms with this proviso that the more
h
o u have
the
more
brilliant
the
f
ewer
you
have
t
e
y
mo re e njoyable it will be
In ma king your li st you must not take in a l l your
—
t he
quaintance
but
only
all
those
who
are
moveable
ac
Middle age d p eo ple think i t a com l
mari onettes in fact
l
i
m
ent to be asked to a ball about as much as the boa
p
Both he and
constric tor i n the Regent s P ar k would
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3 82
B ALLS.
like to be fe d and a fter five and thirty it is lab orious
not only to dance but even to look at dancing
"
What s h a l l we do for gentleman mamma ? I have
counted up t hirty eight young ladies who dance and only
”
twen ty five partners fo r t hem
In some places this is a question to which there is no
Young men are at a premiu m in the
answer but despair
ra nks o f Terpsichore as much as those o f death and they
must be bribed to j oi n by as large a boun t y in the shape
”
I shan t go to the Fit z j onese s yawn s
of a good supper
D e Boo ts of the Scotch Mu fii ne e rs the champagne was
undrinkable last year and the 79 316 d e f o ie g r a s tasted
”
like kitten
How De Boo t s of the Mu fii ne e rs comes to
k now the taste of kitten does not transpire
”
“
“
We ll my love says mamma
we must get some
intimate friends t o bring a young man or t wo
Thereupon there is a casting up o f who kno ws whom
and whom it would be best to commission as recruiting
sergeant But mamma Arabella and the intimate a m t
de l a m a i s o n may talk and w rite and labor t hey will
never make up the full war complement and wall —fl owe rs
”
“
will flourish still This system of bringing a friend
is a very bad one and S hould be avoided It reminds me
of a story o f worthy Mrs P
who had Juno t s house in
P aris and in its magni fi cent rooms gave some of the larg
“
e st and most brilliant balls but o wing to the
friend
So much so that on one occ asion a
system very mixed
gentleman went up to her and told her that there was one
of the swell mob present
Mrs P— was dea f and amia
”
“
bl e
D e ar me She replied is there really ? I hope
”
he has had some supper
But the disciple of Fagan had
taken ca re of hi msel f he had not only had supper but
they
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B A LLS
.
be woven with evergreens and all the fire places shoul d
be concealed by plenty of plants n flower In Par i s
and the strains o f t he
a gain , t he musicians ar e unseen
piano horn fl age ol e t and violin proceed from behind
fl owery bank artfully raised in one corner of the ball
ro om
It is a rare thing in London to find more than four or
five roo ms e n m i l e and o ft e n the number does nor e xceed
”
“
two In the flats of the l a rge French houses you
have o ften as many as seven or eight rooms opening one
into another and so mu ch is the ad vantage of space re
cognized that a bed —room even is Opened at the end of
the sui t e i f necessary I have danced in a room where
the grand bed was standing in an alcove scarcely con
and disguised with a
c e al e d by thin muslin curtains
coverlet of embroidered white satin But in England a n
sacrifice should be made to secure a re freshmen t —room if
not a supper room on the same floor as the ball —room
nothing being more trying to ladies dresses than the
crush do wn and up the stairs A cloak —room down stairs
for the ladies wi t h one or two maids to assist them ; a
tea and co ffee room with at least two servants ; and a
ha t room for gentlemen are indispensable
If the ball is
a large one numbered tickets should be given for the
cloaks and hats
Up stairs the color and lighting of the rooms is e ss en
The ball room especially Should be that which has
tial
the lightest paper ; and if there be dark curtains par
tic ul a rl y red o nes they must be taken down and replace d
by light ones
The best color for a ball room i s very
ale
yellow
The
light
hould
come
f
rom
the
wall
S
s
p
he ightene d by s trong reflectors
Chandeliers are dan
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3 86
THE FLOOR
.
o s an d throw a downward Shadow ; at any rat e wax
A fter the
should always be replaced by globe lamps
Tuileries balls we o ft en returned w ith complete epa u
l ettes of wa x spots on our shoulders if in moments of
G as is
carel es sness we had stood under the chandeliers
he ati n g and thro ws rather a sickly glare
How can we dance well without a proper ground ? It
“
trip it on
was all very well for nymphs and satyrs to
the light fantastic toe over greensward and pebbly paths
A carpet
bu t then they did not waltz ( Z de u x te mp s
”
dance is a bad dance and the cloth drawn over the Kid
de rmins te r is seldom tight enough and never so good as a
floo r English people have as great a horror o f taking up
thei r carpets as Frenchmen are supposed to have of wash
ing their necks Probably the amount of dust which
would meet their ga z e is too appalling to think of Then
again English boards are of a wood which i t is not eas
y
to poli sh Commend me to the old oak fl oors which
with a little be eS wax come out as dark as ebony a nd
help the unskilled foot to glide However a polished
fl oor whatever the wood is always the best thing to dance
on and if you want to give a ball and not only a crush ,
you should hire a man who with a brush under one foot
will dance over the floor for
a nd a Slipper on the other
four or five hours till you can almost see your face in it
Above all take care that there is not bees wax enough
It is the amount of rubbing
t o blacken the ladies shoes
which must give it the polish
Four musicians are enough for a private ball If the
room is not large do away with the horn ; the fl age ol e t
A piano
is l ess noisy and marks the time quite as well
and violi n form the mainstay of the band ; but if the room
r n
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3 86
B ALL S
.
large a larger hand may be introduced to gr eat advam
tage The danc e s S hould be arranged be forehand and
fo r large balls you should have printed a number of dou
bl e cards conta i ni ng on t he one side a list of the dances
on the 3 t her blank spaces to be filled up by the names 01
A
small
pencil
S hould be attached to each
artner s
p
ca rd which Should be given to each guest in the cloak
room Ev e ry ball ope ns with a quadrille followed by a
walt z The number o f the dances varies generally from
eighteen to twenty four supper m aking a break a fter t he
fourteenth dance
Le t us suppose you have twenty one
dances ; then seven of these should be quadrilles three
of which may be lancers
There Should next be seven
walt z es four galops a polka a polka mazurka and som e
oth e r dance
We come at last to what some people of bad taste
think the most important par t — the eating and drink ing
As a fir st rule it may be laid down that nothing should
be h a n de d in a ball A re freshment room is t here fore
indispensable The ladies are to be first cons idered in
this matter The re freshments may be simple comprising
tea lemonade that detestable concoction called n eg u s
i ced S herbet ices wa fers cakes and bonbons
In French
parties they give you towards the end of the evening hot
chocolate and this is coming into fashion in England and
i s certainly very re freshing
In the south of Germany
a lady asks you to fetch her a glass of beer
i
n
Munic
h
;
t his is customary even i n t he court circles
There is a
i
te rr ble prej udice against beer in England bu t it is pe r
haps the best thing to drink a ft er dancing Fa ncy our
Yet why not ?
pretty Misses qu afli ng their pint o f Bass
In Germany and France and now too in England the
be
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388
BAL LS
.
than t wo There is a modern custom which s ame th e
pockets of bal l givers and is most grate ful to danc e rs
No man of sen se
that of giving the men bottled beer
will drink bad gooseberry when he can get good Bas s
The latter re freshes m ore and intoxicates less ; but unti l
we become sensible on this point champagne will remain
—
f
i
ndispensable
an
element
o
the
ball
supper as trifle
ar
e
tipsy cake and mayonnaise which last if made with
fish is the best dish you can eat at this meal
I now pass to the etiquettes o f the ball room
In the days when bo ws were made down to an angle of
and it took two minutes to sink and two to rise in a
c urtsey the givers o f balls must have been punished for
their entertainment by a s t i ffness the nex t day quite as
trying as t hat of the young gen t leman who has followed
the hounds for the first time in his li fe As for the worthy
Pr efect and Madame la Pre fec te de la Seine they would
have been carried away li feless with fatigue be fore the
hal f of the thousands had had their bow in the receiving
room of the Hotel de V ille at Paris In the present day
the muscles of the month are brought more into requisi
tion and for the time being the worst of Xantippes must
turn into an angel of amiability i f she gives a ball The
lady of the house must in short linger till supper time
n the neighborhood of the door by which her guests ente r
the rooms ; she must have a pleasant smile for everybody
and i f possible she s hould know everybody s nam e and
To a large ball you as k a
how many they are in family
f
reat
number
o
people
with
whom
you
have
a
S
light
ao
g
quain t ance and of course a number o f gentlemen arriv e
who may be your husband s or so n s friend s or recru i ts
levied by an a m i de l a m a i s o n
To these a bow rath e r
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3 89
RECEI V I NG THE G UESTS
.
more inclined than to your own friends and a p ar ticularl y
amiable smile is necess a ry ; but i n order to put th e m
,
qui te a t the ir ea se you sho u ld be able to come forward and
“
t e phr a se or oth e r
t
t
some
li
le
poli
Are
we
not
sa
t
o
y
h a ve the ple a sure o f Se e ing more of your party
perhaps
you ask wh e n a m amm a and one daughter are announc ed
But i f there are no more o f t hem to come how a wkw ard
for you a nd t he m
So too it is wise to avoid asking afte r
relations unless you are quite sure about thei r ex i s t enc e
Vt ha t can the bere a v e d wido wer say or look when in t he
excess o f your am iabili ty you inquire How is Mrs
The master o f the hous too i f he is not gone out o f
for t hat night should be in t he
on busi n
to wn
neighbor h
in order to introduce t o be
; his spouse
any of his o wn recruits The sons will hang about the
same quarter fo r t he s a me purpos e but t he daughters will
It is their duty to see that the
be otherwise occupi e d
dances are formed and a well bred young lady does not
dance till she ha s found partners for all the young ladies
or as many o f them as can be supplied from the ranks of
the r e crui t s present No w a nd then you will s ee her dart
anxiously out upon the la nding to pr e ss into the service
those languid loungers who are sure to be hang i ng about
the doors She ha s the right to ask a gentleman to d a nc e
Wi t hout having a previous acqu a intance but she must be
c a re ful how she uses it I have known a case where a
di st i ngui shed young man having declined her invita t ion to
da nc e but be ing pressed by I can t make up the Lan c ers
”
some what reluctantly accepted per form ed
wi thout you
h is part so w e ll that his par tner was quit e ép r ic c with
You c an
h i m and even ventured on a lit tle flirtation
imagine her dismay when lat e r in t he evening she saw her
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89 0
BALLS
.
charmin g acquaintance carrying up a pile o f plates fro m
For t he first t ime in he r
t he k itch e n t o t he supper room
li fe she had d anced wi th an occasi onal wa i t e r T he ge nus
Wall fl o we r is one t hat gro ws well in every ball room bu t
a you ng la dy however pl a in ho wever s t upid c a n if s h
The great thing
dances well a lways have some partn e rs
is to secure the first who on re t ir i ng will say to som e o f
his fri e nds
I ll t ell you who dances well ; th a t girl in
”
pink Miss A
I advise you to get introduce d t o her
The rig ht of in t roducing res t s mainly wi t h t he ladies and
gen t lemen o f the house but a chap e ron may pres e nt a
gentleman to h e r ch a rge ; or i f you being a man are i n
timate with a you ng lady you may ask her permission to
i ntroduce some friend It is in very ba d taste to re fuse
this permission but i f a lady has an insuperable objec t ion
to the person in question she may decline to dance al t o
gether or re fer the applican t to her c ha peron In France
as I have said , no introduc tion is n e ed e d tho ugh English
you n g ladies generally expec t it even a t French p a rties
At any rate i f a gentleman comes up to her and asks he r
to dance she must not reply as a celebrated English
beauty once did at the Tuiler ies
I have not the pleasure
”
of your acquaintance
by which she acqu ired the reputa
tion of very bad breeding
A young lady must be very care ful how she re fus e s to
da nce with a gentleman
Next to re fusing an o ff er of
marriage fe w things are so likely to dra w upon her the
iL dignat ion o f th e rej ected applicant for unless a good
reas on is given he is a t to take it as evidence o f a pe r
p
so nal dislike
There is a great deal o f polite ( ? l fal s e
hood used ou t hese occasions
I a m sorry that I am
”
“
engaged
I have a slight headache and do not inte nd
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3 92
B A L Ls
oom a cquaintance rare l y goes any far mer unti l you ha ve
met at m o re b a lls th a n one In the same way a ma n c an
not a ft e r bei ng i nt rod uc e d to a young l a dy to da nce with
a sk he r t o do s o more t han t wice i n the same ev e nin g
On the Continent ho wever intimate he must n e ver di n ee
t wi c e wi t h t he s am e lady t hat is i f she be unmarried
Mam ma would inter fe re and ask his i ntentions if he did
so In Englan d a ma n o f s ense will sel e ct a t mo s t one
or t wo par t n e rs and da nce wi t h them al t ern ate ly t he
But then he mu st e x pect comment there
whole eveni ng
upon and a you ng lady who does not wish to have her
name coupled wi t h his will not allow h i m to s ingle her
Howev e r a man may dance four or
out in t his manner
e ven five times wi t h the same partn e r wi t hout this ris k
On the other hand a rea l ly well br e d man will wish to be
use ful and t here are certain p e ople whom i t is imperative
on hi m t o ask to dance — the d a ught e rs of the house for
instance and a ny young ladies whom h e ma v kno w inti
m a t el y ; but most of all the well bred and a miable man
will sacri fi ce him se l f to thos e pl ain ill —dressed d ul l l ooking
be ings who cling to the wa ll unsough t and despairing
A ft er all he will not r e gr e t h is good n a t ure The spiri ts
revi ving a t t he unexp e c ted invita t i o n t he wall fl owe r will
pour o u t her best convers a tion will dance her best a nd
will sho w him her gra t itude in s om e way or o th er
So
t y ) a n a miable girl will do he r b e st t o find partners for
her wal l tl owe r friends ev e n at t he ris k of si tting ou t
h r sel f
The f orm al bow a t the e nd o f a q uadrill e ha s gra l u
sll v d wi ndl ed a wa y
A t t he end o f ever y dance yo u user
you right arm t o your p ar tner ( if by mistake you o ffer
the le ft you may turn the blunder into a pretty com l i
p
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B
A LL ROOM
3 93
MA NNERS
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me nt by rem i ndin g her that it i s he br a s cl u c aenr near
est the h e art which if not anatomical ly tru e is a t l e a s t
no worse th an t alki ng of a sunset and sunr i s e ) a nd
w alk hal f round t he room with her You t hen a sk he r
i f she will take any re freshment and i f she a cc e pts you
ec n vcy your precious allotment of tarlat a ne t o t he r e
fre shme nt room to be invigorated by an ice or negus
or w
hat you will
It is j udicious not to li nger t oo
long in this room if you are engaged to some one els e
for the next dance
You will have the pleasure of hea r
ing the music begin in the distant ball —room and of re
fl e c t ing that an e xpectan t fa ir i s sighing for you lik e
Mariana
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c ome th n o t,
Sh e
I
sa i d ,
a
”
m
sh e s a id
a
-
we a r y
.
a
-
w e a ry ,
I wo u l d I we r e i n be d f ’
which is not a n un fre q uent wish in some ball rooms A
well br e d girl too will r e me mb e r this a nd a l ways c ifci
to return t o the ball room ho wev e r i n t e res t ing he con
Versa tion
If you are prud e nt you will not dan c e e very dan c e
nor in f act muc h more t han hal f the numb e r on the list
you will t h e n e sc ape th a t h ate ful redness o f fa ce a t t he
time and t hat wearing f atigue the next day which a re
among the worst fe atures of a b a ll Again a gentl e ma n
mu st remember t hat a ball is ess entially a lady s p a r ty
and in t heir pres e nce he should be gen tle a nd delic a t e a t
mos t to a f ault never pushi ng h is way a p logizin g i f he
t r e a d on a dress s t ill more so i f h e ears i t b e g gin g pnr
don f or any accid e ntal an noy a nce he may occa sion a nd
addressi ng every Jody wi th a smile B a t qui te u npardon
able are those men wh o m one sometimes meets who,
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3 94
B ALLS
.
st andi ng in a door way talk and laugh as they would in
a barrack o r coll ege rooms al ways coarsely o ften ind oli
t e o f t heir minds be if t he
hat
must
the
sta
ca tc l
W
y
eigh t o f beauty mode s t y a nd vir t ue does not a we t h e n:
into silence A man too who s t rolls do wn the ro om
with his head in the air looking as i f there were not a
c reature t her e wor t h dan c ing wi t h is an ill bred man so
i he who l e e ks bored and worse than all is he who take s
tc o much c hampagne
If you i re dancing with a young lady when the sup
per roo m s opened you must ask her i f she would lik e
”
to go to s upper and i f s he says yes which in 9 9 9
cases ou t of 1 000 she certainly will do you must take
her thi ther If you a re not dancing t he lady o f the hous e
will pr obably recruit you to t a he in some chaperon How
eve r l i t tle you may relish this you must no t show your
In fact no man ough t to be disgus t ed at bein g
d i sgust
ab le to do a nything for a lady ; it should be his highest
privilege but it is not — in these modern unchivalrou s
d ays — perhaps never was so Having placed your part
ne r then at t he supper table if t here is roo m there but
f not a t a side t able or even at none you m ust be as ao
t i ve as Puck in atten ding t o her wan t s and as wome n
take as long to settle their fancies in edibles a s i n love
matters you had better at once get her some thing sub
eta nt ia l chicken p dt é d e f o i e g r a s m a yo n n a i s e or wha t
o u will
f
t
w
A
er
ards
come
j
elly
and
tri
le
in
due
course
f
y
A you ng l ady o ft en goes do wn hal f a dozen tim e s 50
the s upper r o om — i t is to be hoped not fo r t he purp os e
of eating —
but she should not do so wi t h the same par t
ner more th an once Whi le t he l a dy is supping you
must s tand by and t alk to her att ending to every wan t,
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896
B ALLS
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nine tenths o f those who have done so have regr e ttcd l
at break fa s t t he next morning
P ublic ba ll s a re not much fr e q u e n t e d by people of 2 00 }
exc e pt in wa t ering pl a c e s and coun try t w as
so c iety
Even th e re a you ng l a dy sho u ld no t be se e n at mo re th an
Coun ty ball s race ball s a nd
t wo or three i n t he year
hunt b lls are gen e rally bet ter t h a n common s u bsc rip
Charity b alls a r an abomin able a n o ma ly
t i on balls
At public balls there are gen e rally ei ther t hree or fou r
stewards on duty or a pro fession a l m as t er o f c e r e mo ni e s
These gentlemen havi ng made all t he a rr ange men ts order
the dances and have po wer t o ch a nge t hem if desirable
They also underta ke to prese nt young men to l a d ie s but
it must be und e rstood that such an in t roduction i s o nly
available for on e dance It is better t a ste to ask t he
steward to introduce yo u simp l y to a par tner than to
point out any lady in particular He will probably then
ask you if you have a choice and if not yo u may be cer
t ain he will t ake yo u to an established wall fl o we r
Pub
lic balls are scarcely e nj oyable unless you have your own
party
As the gr eat charm o f a b a l l is i ts per fect accord a nd
harmony a ll alterc a t ions loud talking & c are doubl y
ill mannered in a ball room V e ry li ttle su ffic es to dis
turb the peace of t he whole comp a ny
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C HA PT ER XIV
M OR N I N G
A ND
nvnzu x e
m a mas
.
WHEN all the flower of G eece turned out at th s or;
manned t heir h e avy trir e me s and
of the Argive King
sailed away t o Tenedos do you im agine t ha t one fifti e t h p a r t
of their number c ar e d as much as a shield s t rap fo r t hat
lady o f th e white arms but bl a c k reput ation whom t he
handsomest man o f his day had persuaded to lly beyond
her fa t e s control
do you b e lieve it was for f ai r fa ls e
?
r
No t a bit of it
Helen that t hey resolved to sack T oy
it wa s only a n excuse fo r mak i ng a party
8 0 too
it was only for t he par ty a nd the fu n tha t all those he l
meted scarved iron cas e d knights most
a nd
gal
lant quitted t he bo wers o f t heir lady loves ( which t o
say tr ut h must have b e en ra t her dull in d ays wh e n t here
were no che a p novels no pianos no crochet no chess no
backgammon and no ne wspapers to t a lk abou t ) a nd
tro t ted off to Pales tine de termined t o re turn wi t h t he
Why i f you were to examine t he con
s calp o f a Saladin
sc i e nces o f nine ten t hs o f t hose same chivalrous gentlemen
you would find t he motive prob a bly ma de u p o f t he il l
lc wi ng ingredients in the follo wing pre porti ons
r
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Re l igion
Ha t r e d o f Turks
,
Th e w ish
of
B e cau s e it
Lo v e
of
For th e
’
s
,
m y l a dy l o v e ,
-
t h e f as h io n ,
b l oo ds h e d ,
s a ke o f
th e pa rty ,
,
,
898
MORN
r
N o A N D E V EN I N G
PA RTIES
.
In other words all the other m otives together W il “
not ou t balance that prime consid e r a t ion
People will make a par t y fo r anyth ing
Mak e a
”
“
a r ty to see the sun set ,
make
a p a r ty to t a k e a
p
wa lk ;
m ake a party to hear t he nigh tingal e
ma he
make a par ty to go no wher e
3 party to go to church
” “
ne a r church but to Hampstead Hea t h i nstead 5
mak e
make a party to play at a
a par ty to ride a donkey
”
new g ame
make a party to do nothing at all
There
are people — very good people they think t hemselves t oo
who cannot even read their bibles wi t hout a party and
the very people who rail at balls and parties and a muse
ment o f any kind will most u n o s ten t a t iously make a
a r ty to see them give a way a hundred cups o f tea or
p
fifty pina fores which a c t then goes i n t he world by the
”
“
na me o f
charity
I don t t hink the Pharisees were
ui
t
e
so bad as this because i f t hey did do their good
q
de e d in public they did not make a party to come and
se e t hem unless ind e ed the sounding of a trumpet was
the Hebrew way of sending out invi t ations
However this is not my presen t business The system
of ga t h e ring a li t t le ass e mbly t o j oin in every pleasure
as long as i t is free from os t enta t ion and cant only show s
wh a t sociable and sy m pa t hetic beings we are
For t he
re al objects o f these parties are not believe me the su n
se t t he walk the nightingale s service the donkey t he
t e w g a me and the di spensing of pina fores l u t the en te z
i nent of one an other s society so that all par ties h a vi n
{e m
g
th e s a me ul timate aim may be gove rned by the same laws
l h a v e m a d e an except ion for dinn e r and dances b e caus e
wi th ma ny people t h e food and t he wal t z a r e the sol e o b
j e ct But in most other cases the excuse gi ven for the
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MO R N I N G
1 00
E V EN I NG
A ND
PA RTI ES
.
be fo r ehand Tea must be served in a separat e room to
which the guest s are first conducted and ices handed
at sh ort in tervals throughout the e vening
Sometim es
in smaller receptions a supper is served but this is by
as fro m these mee tings the ladi es
h e me a ns common
nerally
repair
to
a
ball
The
hour
f
or meeting is be
e
g
t ween nine and ten and the party breaks up be for e one
The lady and gen t leman of the house
i n the morning
both receive the guests some wh e re near the door of the
ur i nc ipal room ; or i f t he reception is a small one t he
a d v j oins in the conversation a nd comes for wa rd wh e n a
w
uest
is
announced
T
o or t hree rooms mus t be t hro wn
g
h andsome boo ks rare
open curiosi t ies good e ngravi ngs
minia t ures old china pho togr a phs stereoscopes and so
for t h laid out gr a ce fully on t he t ables and a liber a l sup
l
o f o tt omans d o s ( i d o s and so f as pl a ced about in c o n
py
renient posi t io n s not ho wever so as to im pede a gener a l
In t he l a rger recep t ions
mov e ment about the rooms
entlemen
should
not
s i t do wn and above a l l not ling e r
g
— mot
c l o se t o the door bu t come for wa r d and tal k s e ns e
ball —roo m chi t ch at to such p e ople as t hey happ e n to
k no w In t roduc tions are not here t he ord e r o f t he day
as they must be in balls but t he l ady of the hous e will
take car e to in t roduc e gentlemen to such l a di e s as s e e
On the o ther hand s tr ang e rs
t o have none to talk to
who enter your se t fo r t h e firs t tim e must rec e ive t he
r
e at es t a t t e n t ion — t h e grea t e r t he stra nger t he g l o at e r
g
t he gues t — a nd mus t be in t roduced to the prin c ipal pe o
i
e
The
lady
must
take
care
t
o c re a te circul a tion a nd
p
the guests th e msel es should not be pinion e d to one spo t
or one chair
The plac e occupi ed bv music in thes e parti e s is a ver y
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MUSI C
4 0]
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ridi culous one becaus e it is got up onl y to make a noise
and prevent peop l e being frigh t e ned like Robinson C rusoe
Som e times a profos
a t the sound o f their o wn voices
si e n a l musician or t wo is introduced ; some t imes youn g
ladies are called upon to murder Itali a n or mouth ou t
G erman ; some t imes — not very o ft en— t here is som e
charming amateur si nging but unless the pro fe s sio nal s
are very great favor i t es or the you ng ladies have v e r
y
fine voices or t h e guests r a rer s t ill can appreci a te
good melodious sp ea ki ng music t he t ouch of t he fi rs t
notes is the signal fo r every one to fi nd their ideas a nd
their t ongues So fa r i t must be con fe ssed that the ma
sic inspires t h e m a nd the p e ople who were stupides t be
fore su ddenly shine o u t q ui t e b ri llian t ly ; but i t is cu
rio us tha t while t he fi rs t t wo chords c a n e ffe ct t his the
remainder good or bad is drowned a nd talked do wn in
the mos t ungr a te ful ma n ner
No t hing can be worse bred
th a n this ; and t here fore in really good society you will
find t hat people kno w when to use t heir t ongu e s and whe n
their e a rs As to t he e t ique t te o f m u sic it is the sol e
privilege o f t he l a dy o f t he house to ask a gues t to sing
or pl ay ; and wh e n he or she c a n do so they will if we ll
bre d at once con se n t wi t hou t any palav e r A young
lady must be led— poor vic tim — t o t he piano by some
ge n tl e man n e a r a t h a nd who t he n offe rs to fe tch her mu
s ic for her ; and t h e r e is one hint which I will ven t ur e t o
give t o young l a di e s when t hey hav e gc t t h e ir music a nd
ha v e qu i c k l y cho s e n t h e ir s o ng or pi e c e n e v e r wa i t ti ll
i nt r o o u c t i r y
the comp a ny is silen t do n o t go o n pl a yi n
ba rs a nd looking round as if you e x pe c ze d t h e m to s to p
ta l king for on t h e o n e ha nd you will sel dom succ e ed in
ma ki ng the m do so ; on the other those who no tice you
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MORNI N G
ns
A ND
PA RTI ES
rN i
thin k you ar e vain o f your talents Ma k e up yrs !
mind t h a t you are to sing only fo r the s a ke o f the c on
vers a tion a nd be consoled t h a t t hose who c a n a ppr e ci a t e
e n t l e ma n
T
he
g
o u r si nging will dr a w near a nd lis t en
y
who ha s conducte d y o u to t he piano now stays t o tu rn
over your p a ges for you ; take care t hat he is able t o ti d
low y ou or give him a sign at t he pr e per moment oth e r
wise he will be turning too soon a nd bring you both intt
te rri ble con fusion The best way of giving recep t ions
which cost very little is to fi x on some day o f t he week
a nd repe a t them ev e ry time it comes round
You then
issue i n vi ta t ions to a very much larger number than your
roo ms will hold and for the whole course o f reception s
so t hat your friends can choose the weeks most conveni e nt
to t hem
If at the first party you should only have a
l oze n gues t s do not be dishe a r tened
If your rooms are
we ll lit up and we ll arranged and yoursel f agreeable
they will be filled to e xcess be fore the middle of the
season
Private concerts and amat e ur theatricals ought to be
very go o d to be success ful
P ro fessionals alone should
be eng a ged for the former none bu t r e al amat e urs for the
l a tt e r
Bo t h ought to be but rarely are follo wed by a
sli pper
since they are gene ra lly very fatiguing if not
In any case re freshmen t s and ices
positively trying
should be handed between the songs and the acts
Pri
va te con c erts a re o ft en given in t he
morning t ha t is
from two t si
P M ; in t he evening their hours a rt
fr om eight to e leven
The rooms should be a rra nge d in
the sa me m a nner as fo r a recep t ion the guests shou d be
a nd a s
music is the avo wed obj ect a gen e ra l
se a ted
sil e nce
eserv e d while it lasts
n t he son s the
r
Betwee
p
g
will
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404
MORNING
A ND
me
E \ na
‘
P ARTIES
.
in to wn s where people will dress e x or bit a n tl y fo r e very
thing o f t his kind Ho wever i f we l l arranged a nd u ndo!
propi t ious skies a ma t in ee is a v e ry good t hing for Urba
nus who lo ves sunshine flo we rs a nd gay t t i l e ts The
a l l t h e be st
comp a ny should be very numerous C O ll l pl l S l l l
dre ssed people you k no w for dress is every t h i ng on t h e s e
occ a sions In a ddi t ion t o a good brass —b a nd you wc ul d
do wel l to ob t ain t he s e rvices of a glee club to si ng in the
Open air betwe e n t he ins t rum e nt a l pi e ce s ; bu t t h e n a ma
tin ée becomes a very exp e nsive en t e rt a inm e n t and so in
You invi te your gues ts for one o clock
fact i t mus t be
they arrive a t t wo and disp e rse in time to dress for dinner
Th ey content t hems e lves wi t h walking about list eni ng to
the music and t aking re fr e shment s or i f you give it them
a lunch in the large mar q u e which o f course you have
had erected on the l a wn You h a ve no trouble wi th your
guests and never dream o f introducing them ; you bring
them together under propitious circumst ances a nd they
must amuse themselves In ma t i né es abroad they o ft en
dance The y are t here very fa shionable and much liked
In these Ope n air par ties in large t o wns and their neigh
bor hood people who do not kno w one ano t her remain i n
tha t condi t ion ; they are rarely if ever introduced a nd
they never dream o f speaking to one ano ther wi thou t a n
introduction V ery di ff rent and much more sensible is
t he fo reign custom
‘
Fo r t hese to wn p a rties there are one or two g e n era
rules : The hostess should not be too e m r es s é no r bu s t
p
l ing in he r welcome s he should r e ceive every one alik e
with amiable digni ty and above a l l if she exp e c ts a l ie n
or a grandee should dismi s s him from her though ts till
he comes and then ma k e no difier e nc e in his reception tc
b
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ms
c o UNTE Y PA ar
tha
4 Uh
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t of t he other guests If she does mal o a dist i nel ie n
the la t t er wil l smile cynically a t he 1 t oa dyis 1u a 1 d ( Gn
tz a t t h e ir own recep t io n wi t h t h a t o f
t he f avo re d gu c s t
To ma ke up fo r t his r e str a i nt on her en t husi asm ?
sac i
a t o blig e d t o kno w n uch about t he domes t ic o fl a ire o f
h e r gu e s t s
In good compa ny o f t hi s kind t he babi e s and
mar se l y ni ids t he so n a t t he Cape and t he d a ugh t e r in
I ndia a re forgot ten fo r t he t ime or reserved for t he sm a lle r
tea par ty In t he co nvers a zioni and recep t io ns you will
he a r n one but publi c s ulzij e c t s — every e ne s proper ty
brough t on the z ap z s
This knot you take f or st a te smen
for a s you pass e ach one o f t he m is proph e syi ng wi t h a
hre wd look wh a t next s tep the Emp e ro r will t a ke
No
6 113 they are simply fa t hers o f f amilies
Here you a r e cer
w in yo u have ligh t ed on a batch o f cri t ics male and
female
; could ove r any one else sho w such venom in the
li s c u s s io n o f the l a s t celebra t ed book ?
N o t hing o f the
kind ; critics ar e doves in company a nd t hese a r e only
e ducated men w i t h a s li t t le a c t u a l co n nexi o n wi t h li t era
ure as a sailor on the 111 iz e nya rd Then these men who
scien tific a lly disc us sm some recen t discov e ry and
a re
hangi ng pro fou ndly ov e r t he fat e o f some engin e ering e n
t e r r i se
are
merely
hink
t
e rs by no me a ns pro fe ssional
p
while those who t alk of Lord J ohn a s a n in t im a t e chu rn
and I a m as a man t hey could cl a p on the should e r are
but on l y club loungers Even t he goss ip
not M P s
J o ke s {1 public charact e r and t he scandal is ab ut peopl e
Th e n aga i n the
kno wn t o t he wh ole world o f f ashion
manne i o f the gu e s ts i s c alm and e a sy ; there is no ne c e s
s ty to cr e ate mirth t l e l a ugh t e r is q uie t e ven the wi t is
re ce i ved wi t h a smile and discu ssions are carried on wit h
mteres t but not with e xcitement All the co mpany too
t
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406
MORNI N G
E V EN I N G
A N]:
PART IES
.
the time on an equ a lity a nd i t is ba d t a s t e tc reco g
ni z e a ma n s r a nk in a mark e d ma nner Preced e nce is
b est laid asi de a nd the cur a t e may i f he likes pass o ut
In shor t the re c e ptic n is
c f t he r o o m be fore t he bishop
f e vening lounge
x kind
V r ry di fferen t is t ne char a cter of cou nt ry p a rties
If
th ey a re more sociable and fri e ndly b e cause almost ever y
body is kno wn t o o ne ano t her i f t h e re i s less formality
If
and displ a y about t hem t here is a lso l e ss equ ali ty
it is no t nec e ssary to ligh t your rooms brilli a n tly and
secur e the s e r vices of pro fe ssional singers in sh o rt to
supply so me p a r t icular a t traction i t is incumben t to bo w
No t ind e ed that
to t he local posi t ion held by each guest
t h is s good style but th a t it is expect e d by people who
o
f
t
e n h a ve li t t l e mo re t h a n t h e ir posi t ion to r oc e m
ve i
y
The de pu ty lieu t enant may be a much duller
mend t he m
man t ha n the small s q uire bu t in his o wn coun ty he would
take i t very ill i f yo u did n o t show him more atte n t ion
ba n to t he oth e r
The vic a r may a nd o ft en is fa r less
bu t the l a t ter would never
a gree able than the cur a t e
dre a m of maki ng a move t o go be fore t he s tat ely i nc u m
bent had risen Then too t he conv e r sation al ways verges
on loc a l a nd rural topics The t wo squires talk of cr0ps
game boundaries and m agis t erial ques tions and find t he ir
Their wives
fa r more in t eres t ing than t he f at e o f Europe
d scuss t he fl owe r—sho w the h u nt b all the return of s ome
fami l y to t he n e ighborhood
The young p e ople get a step
fa r th e r in ye a r long fl ir t a t ions and discus s wi t h more or
le ss ac e rbity t he en ga g e ments of t heir mutu al friends In
sl n r t people ra t her t han t hings a r e t h e t hem e s o f in t e r
est and a S t ra ng e r in a cou ntry par ty finds himsel f almos t
11 foreigner in the l a nd
And woe to him if he does not
is for
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MOR N I N G
4 08
E V EN I N G
A ND
t he
PARTIES
.
vill age as countr y people are somewha t
g iven to maki ng t h e s e sub jec ts ma t t e rs fo r s e ri o us di ffe r
gy
e nce a nd i t is a r are c s e fo r t he s q u i r e a nd t he cl e r
111 1 1 1 t o be pe r fe c t ly a g 1 ood on a l l po mt s n he 1 e t ht i i sup
sh
o ss 1 bl
e e d r i ht s can
cla
I
h
a v e kn o wn
a 1 ill
p
y
g
p
di vi de d i n t o a d e a dl y fe ud i o r t e n ye a i s by no t hi ng bu t
s pe ws in t he cl u n ch — ono pa l ty wishing t o k e e p t hem
hd ano t her t o pull them do wn 1nd t hough t h e s e re
ligio u s —min ded p e ople me t p e rh a ps once a mo nt h a t v a ri
ous t e a par t ies a nd din ne rs t he c hurch was ne v e r s pok e n
of and a s t i a nge i who mi ht h a ve unco nsciou sly me n t ion
ed t he pe ws t h e 1 e 1n would h a ve t ln o wn in a fire bi a nd
win ch would h a v e l i t up t he who l e p a rish
On en t eri ng a country par ty you a t once se e k out the
lady o f the house a nd shake h a n ds wi th her The s a me
pro c ess is t h e n per formed wi t h th e s e m e mb e r s of t he
family whom you kno w a nd a ny o ther o f your a c qu a in
In t a ki ng l e ave t he s a me proc e s s is r e pe a t
tanc e presen t
e d a nd a simple bo w wo u ld g e ne r a lly be consi de red a s an
impoli teness The invi t a ti on s t o t he se p a r t i e s p a r ta k e o f
the same sociable c ha ra c te i a nd a re m ad e by friendly
no t es sent a fe w day s l 1e f ore l1 a11d or eve n on t he very da y
i tsel f Yo u h a v e no t t he same li ber ty o f d e clini ng t h e m
as i n to wn nor can you have r e cou rse t o the poli t e fo r mu
la of a previous e ng a g e men t sinc e e v e rybo dy kno ws
What is going 011 i n t he n eigh bor hood a nd who is t o b e
at a ny pa r ty You must t he ro f 1re fi nd a good e x c use at
t
t
nk we should be be t t e r C h ri s
For
par
I
hi
m
o
y
g
Gia na a n d j us t a s frie ndly i f we st a t e d o u r r e a l r e aso ns
”
I regret th at I h a ve no t the t im e t o sp a r e
I dc m t
or
I have no dr e ss for t h e
f ee : incl ined for socie ty
”
S uc h re nlie s might create a little su rmise
occ as io n
for tl
of
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Y
I N TH E C OUNTR
4 os
.
but peopl e must admire t heir candor and ev e rybody could
sympa t hize wi th t he wri t e r s feeli ngs A t a ny r a te 5 ]
mu s t av o i d a s neer s u ch a s t h a t g1 ve n by a t oe c a n did l
t
(l
o a cl e rgym a n s wi fe w ho h a d invi t e d her t o a qu i t
y
li ttle discussion o f Inu ll i ns on Shr e ve Tu e sday
I
”
t hat I sh a ll be unabl e t o a cc e p t yo ur
s he wro t e
y et
in vi t a t io n as t he near a pproach o f L e nt would pr e cl ud e
”
my j o ining i n any fes t ivi ties
C oun t ry hours ag a in a re much earli e r th an thos e in
to wn Exc e pt a t gre at hous e s wh e re t he dinn e r hou r is
s even eigh t o clock is t he usu a l ti me for a t e a party to
begin and be fore t wel ve t he l a s t gue s t d e par ts
I t is no
c e ss a ry to be p u nc t u a l i n t he coun t ry wh a t e ver you may
be in to wn a nd it would be consid e re d a s an un warrant
able assumption o f f ashion to arri v a n hour a fter the
t ime s t a t e d i n t he invi ta t ion
Tea is handed in t he dra wing room or If the p art y he
a s mall one so a rranged th a t all may s i t round In the
latter c a se the t e a table mus t be p l e n te ou sly spr e ad wi t h
cakes frui t &c he Appetites flourish in t he free air
of hills and me adows a nd as a rule coun t ry par t i e s have
more o f t he feeding sys te m about t h e m th an t hose o f to wn
I h us unless dinner ha s been a t a la t e hou r i t is usual t o
have a supp e r l a id out or a t least s and wiches j e llies a nd
rifle at a side table T hi s I mus t s ay i a more agI e e a
bl e feature o f c o u nt r v en t e r t a inmen t s t han that o f roun d
e se
w
er
m
a mes
At
t
h
ho
ev
you
ust
not
lo
ok bo re d ;
g
o u must re a lly for t he t u n e b e lieve yoursel f 0 c h ild
y
agai n allo w yoursel f t o be a mus e d and en t er he a rt a nd
En deavor by e ver y me a ns in y our po we r
s oul in t o it
to add to the g e n e ral hil a ri t y ; t a lk wi t hou t r e s t ra int e n
te r into innocent rivalry wi th t he young ladies
r if
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18
MO R N I N G
110
one of
E V EN I N G
A ND
PA RTIES
.
them yoursel f challenge the most youth ful espe
You must find som e
ci a lly the s hy o f the other sex
thing to laugh at in the mer e st trifle but never re ar 01
Never claim your wnm ings but i f they a re
shr i e k
c ife rc d you must take them excep t from a young lady
and from her on no consid e r a tion
While we are mel ting here under the dog star and
c rushing up cro wded s tairc a ses a nd into ovens o f roo m
In the tigh t est dress tha t is worn our country cousins are
really enj oyi ng t hemselves They a r e now having tea
out on the la wn wi t h bo n a fide cr e am to it too none of
our miserable d e lusions o f calves brains ( beauti ful satire
on those who cr e dulously s wallow them ) or chalk and
water Then when t e a is done they are positively going
to dance here on the lawn or there in that l a rge empty
house resolved that no t hing shall induce them to go
ou t —
into that house again till night and i f they do not
they bring out every chair that is in it and sitting round
pl ay at hunt the —ring post turning t he trencher or Blind
Man s Bu ff What de ar children they a re ! how ple a sant
to see the old gentlemen dragged in by the young gir l s
’
made
to
play
n
o
e
n
t
es
c
o
how charming t he
and
l
l e n t es
la ughter of t hese merry maidens and the play ful fl i rt a
t ion o f the sturdy you t hs who all day long ha ve be e n
Well well
carry ing a gun or breaking a new horse in
t
there
is
beauty
enough
t
o
make
us
bless
the
excitemen
f
i
i f the
whic h brings the color to some lovely cheek
a nd the old
un
men
can really he l p looking bored
o
y
g
e nt s shan; delight ( as we old ones can let me t e ll you
—
why
t
hen
hese
u
t
door gaieties may be fresh and
t
o
sir)
reviving and cheering t o us d us ty wi t hered smoke dried
B u t then Where is conversation ? Sw am pe d
towns men
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MOR N I N G
4 12
Ser vants
AND
PARTIES
EV ENI N J
.
possible to be dispensed wit h and a
free flo w o f t he e a sies t merri ment not f r e e in it s el f it
Wi ll be u nde r s t o o d shou l d be all o wed a nd e nco u rag e d
T he coll a ti o n cold o f cours e i s g e ne r a lly t he fi rs t ob
f
ne c e s si t
a fte
arri
ving a t t he rend e zvous
I
t
is
o
e
t
e
i
y
r e n owh at rough for thes e s a me pic nics are the h a ppy
l
t
o forge t t hat t he
are
hi
h
re c a si ons when p e opl e t r
y
y
g y
c ivili zed but are scarcely ever allowed to do so
How
e v r n o t hing is more j ustly ridicu l ous than that peopl e
who come o u t to p l ay the rus tic s hould be a ccomp a nied by
a bevy o f Mercuries a nd that wh il e we at t emp t to imi t a te
the s i n pl i c i ty of rural dryad li fe spreadi ng our viand s
be nea t h t he shady trees we should have some hal f dozen
s t a t ely acolytes o f fa sh i on moving about us with all the
i
sole mn t y of a London di m er p a r ty The servants then
hou l d be d riv e n aw ay 2f o r c e d a r m e s and the gen tle
Th e n see how imm ens e ly it in
me n t ake t heir pl a c e
cre a s e s
he general hil a ri ty t o wa tc l1 Fit z bo ots of the
Muffine e r s sent about by t he pi e tty misses mad e o f u se
o r t he first time in his li fe a nd wi t h h is ha nd s so full
;h i t h e c a nno t e ven s t i o ke o u t his s p l e ndid whi s kers
Cert ainly t he ba rr ie i s o f so c i e ty ough t to be broken
Everybody should be p e r fec t l y
down on these occa s ions
at his c a se
a nd i f t he p e opl e a re r e a ll y wel l bred t he
A ma n
li be r ty t hu s given will no t be t he least abused
who drinks t o o much ch a mp a gn e 01 a young lady w ho
e ll s a wa y f or a co u p l e o f hours wi t h a yo ung ma n
s m
t w e ng t h e ruins o r in th e woo d sho uld sc a rce l y be a sked
Th e n too fr e e a s t hey a re ga y
to i c zn a s e cond pic nic
and c a re l e ss the y shou l d no t de scend to noisy
t au gt :n
l umpin g
T he m 0 11gh t to be a f air s n ink ting o f ch ape
h a s and eld e rly people L ot to damp t he gaiety but tc
o u g ht
if
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41 3
PIC NICS
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s train the carelessness of the you nger one s A fter all
le t youth be youth and l e t it have its fling
If i t be
really innocent and well brought up Miss Et iquette pr i m
old m a id will have nothing to say
if otherwise then s he
may preach in vain a t a carnival
If our spirits a re
o od ( and I feel quite young aga i n in talking of the se
g
things ) let us enjoy t hem to the fullest and be as silly
and as wild as the youngest
Never shoot a Skylark
Whi l e s oa ring ; never curb young mirth in its pro pe r ea
re
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CHA P T ER XV
MAR R I A G E
me when
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are or ought to be most sus
ce pt il to when t he happiness or misery o f a condition in
which t here is no medium begins we a re sur rounded wit h
forms and etique t tes whic h rise be fore t he unwary lik e
Spectres
and wh i ch even t he most rigid ceremonialist s
regard wi t h a sort o f dread
l Ve re i t not ho wever for these forms and for thi s
necessity o f being e n r ég l c there might on t he s ol e mni
z a t io n o f marriage be con fusion forge t fulness and even
speak i t not aloud — irri t a t ion a mong t he parties most i n
Wi t h
ti ma te l y concerned
Exci t ement migh t ruin all
o u t a definite programme t he old maids o f t he famil
y
The aged chronicler of
would be t hrus ting in advice
p a st events or grandmo t her by t he fireside would have
it all her way ; the venerable bachelor in tights wi th his
blue co at and me tal bu t tons migh t t hro w everything in t o
con fusion by his sugges t ions It is well that we a re in
dependent o f a l l t hese in t er fering a dvisers ; that t here is
Preceden t has arrange d
( to nec e ssi t y to appeal t o t hem
it al l ; we have only to put in o r und e rs t a nd wh at t h at
ster n authority has l a id do wn ; how i t ha s been v a r i e d by
modern c hang e s ; and we must j us t sh a pe ou r co u r s e
boldly
Boldly
But t here is much t o be do ne be
fore we cc me to that
First th e re is the o ffer to bl
Ar
a ti
our
feelings
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41 6
MA RRIA G E
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tantam ount to fortune ; eve n the power of writing tho se
two li t tle le tte rs D e be fore your name has some val u e in
Havi ng satisfi e d themsel ves the y
t he marri a ge contract
thus address the yo u ng lady
It is no w time fc r you
vou can s ee
t o he married ; I know o f an eligible match
th e gentleman either a t such a ball or ( i f he i s seri ous )
I do not ask you to take him i f his a ppear
at church
ance i s posi t ively disagreeable to you ; i f so w e will l ook
”
ou t for some one else
A 3 a matter of custom the young lady answers that t he
she consents to take a survey
W ll o f her parents is hers
i f hi m to whom her destiny is to be entrusted
; and let
us presume that he is accepted though it does not follow
: k out as it
and sometimes it takes several months t
does for other matters a house or a place or a pair of
horses However she consents ; a formal introduction
tak es place ; the p r o m is calls in full dress to see his fu
ture wi fe ; they are only j ust to speak to each other and
those fe w unmeaning words are spoken i n the presence of
the bride elect s mother ; for the French think it mos t
indiscreet to allow the a ffections of a girl to be interested
be fo re marri age lest during the arrangements for t he
If she has no dislike
c ontract all should be broken off
it is enough never for an instant are the engaged coupl e
l e ft alone and in very fe w cases do they go up to the al ta r
wi th more than a fe w weeks ac q uain tance and u su a l l v
The whole matter is then arra nge l by n( ta
wi th less
ie s who squabble over t he marriage contract and get al
th ey can for their clients
The con t ract is u s ually signed in France on the day
be fore t he marriage when all is considered sa fe ; the r eli
a nd
o ns
i
ortion of their ba nd takes place in t he c hurch
g
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4 17
THE PROPOSA L
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then t he t wo young creatures are l e ft togeth e r to u nd er
st a nd e a ch other if t hey can and to love ea h e ph e r n
the y will ; if not t hey must con t ent t hemsel ves wi t h wha t
f: te r med 1m m é n ag e do P a r i s
It Engl a nd formerly much the same system prevailed
A be y o f four t een be fore going on his t ravels was c on
trac t ed to a girl o f el e ven selected as his future wi fe by
parents or guardians ; he came bac k a fter the g r a n ds
But by law it was imper
to ur to fulfil t he engagement
between t he
a tive t hat forty days should at least pass
contract and the marriage ; during which dreary interval
the couple leashed together like t wo young greyhounds
would have time to think of the fu t ure In Fr ance t he
perilous period of reflection is not allo wed
I really am
”
said a young Fre nc h
so glad we are to take a j ourney
lady to her friends
I shall thus get to know some t hin g
”
about my husban d he is quite a stranger t o me
Some
striking i nstances of the M a r r ia g e de c o nve na n c e being
in fringed on have lat e ly occurred in France The la te
Monsieur de Tocqueville mar ie d fo r love a fter a fi ve
years engagement Guizot probably influenc e d by bit
liberty tc
acquaintance wi t h England gave hi s daughter
choose for themselves and they m a rried for l e uc t
a
very indelic a te proceeding
rem a rked a French com
tesse of the old rég im e whe n speaking of this arra nge
ment
Nothing can be more a ppose d to all this than our Eng
We are so tenacious o f the freedom of cl zoie e
li s h sys t em
tha t even persuasion is thought criminal
In France nego t iations are o ften commenced on the la
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Two brot he rs ,
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na med
Do
W ith
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41 8
dy
MARRI AG E
.
sid e ; in England never Even too encou raging a
manner even the ordinary attentions o f civili ty are c o a
We English are j ealo us
s io na l l y a ma t ter o f reproach
of the delicacy o f t ha t sacred bond which we presume tt
he pe is to spring out o f mutual a ffec t ion
It is not h re
ou r province to inquire what are the causes that have so
s ulli e d t he marriage tie in England ; what ar e the reas on s
we have only
that it seldom holds out all th a t it promises
to treat of t he rules and e t ique t t es which pre face t he
union A gentleman who from whatever mo t ives has
made up his mind to marry may set a bout i t in t wo ways
He may pre pose by le t ter or in words The cus toms of
English socie t y imply t he necessi t y of a su fficient know
ledge of the lady to be addressed This even in t his
coun t ry is a di ffi cul t po int to be attained and a ft er all
cannot be calculated by time S i nce in large cities v ou
may kno w peo ple a year and ye t be comparati ve stran
gers ; and meeting them in the country may become in
timate in a week
Having made up his mind the gentleman o ffers— wisely
L e t t ers are seldom expressive of
if h e can in Speech
what really passes in the mind o f man or i f expressi ve
s eem foolish since deep feelings are liable to ex a ggera t ion
S t udy
Every written word may be the theme of cavil
care which avail in every o t her species of composition
are de ath to t he lover s e ffusion A fe w sentences spoken
in earnest and broken by emo t ion are more eloquent than
a ughter
ages
both
to
parent
and
d
L
et
of sentim e nt
p
He is in that ca se
hi m however speak and be accepted
instantly taken into the in t imacy o f his adopted relati ve s
Such is the notion of English honor that the engaged
co uple are he nce f i rth allowed to be fr e quently alone to
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1 20
MA RRI AG E
.
smok ing if disagreeable frequenting places Jf
amus ement without her ; or paying at ten t ion t o c t ln
women In t his respec t indeed t he sense o f honor sho u ld
le ad a man to be as scrupulous when his future wi fe i
i f not mo r e so
Th es e
absc nt as when she is present
rul es of conduct apply i n some respects to ladies als o
Nothing is so disgusting or unpromising fo r the fu t ure a s
the fl i rt at ions which eng a ged young ladies permit them
se lves to carry on a ft er they have ple dged themselves to
one person alone This display o f bad taste and va nity
o ften leads to serious unhappiness and the impropriety
i f not folly should be strongly pointed out to the youn g
lady hersel f
The attitude assumed by a flirt i s o ften the impulse of
folly more than of boldness It is agreeabl e to he r vani t y
Even
sh e finds to excite j ealousy and to show her p ower
i f the rash and transient triumph produce no lasting e f
feet on the peace o f mind be fore marri age i t is o ft en re
f i led wi t h bitterness a fter marriage by him who was t hen
» s l av e but i s n o w a master
The devotion s
In equally bad taste is exclusiveness
c f t wo engaged persons should be rese ved fo r the l i re ( i
( f i e and w omen are generally in f aul t whe n i t is o t h er
W se
They like to exhibi t their conq u est ; t hey c a nnot
dispense wi t h a t t en t io ns ; they forget t h a t the dem onst ra
t ion o f any peculiar condition o f things in soc i e ty mu s t
a ke
some one uncom fort able the you ng lady is u n
c omfortable because she is no t equ a lly h a p py ; t he you ng
man d tests wha t he calls nonsense t he old thi nk t h e r e
All si tt ing a par t t h e re for e a nd
i n a time for all things
culiar
displays
are
in
bad
t
as t e
I
a m incl i ned to th i n k
e
p
th at they o ften accompany ins i nc e ri ty and that the tr u es t
ne r
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42 1
MATTERS
PECUN IA R
.
are t hose which are reserved for the genui ne
A t t he s a m e
and h e art felt i n t imacy o f priv a t e in t ervie ws
i me the airs o f indi ff rence and avoidance should be
ver strong a mut ual
s i al l
guarded
a gain s t
since
ho
w
e
;
p
y
l
i t ta c hme n t ma
b
e such a line o f co nduct is a pt n
y
Tr u
l essly to mislead others and s o produce mischie f
fe eling and a ladylike consideration for o t hers a point in
wh ich the present generation essentially fails are the be s t
u ides fo r steering between the ex t remes o f de mo n s t r a
g
t ion on the one hand and of frigidi t y on t he other
D uring t he arrange ment o f pecuniary ma tt ers 3 youn g
l ady should endeavor to u nderstand wha t is going on re
If she has fortune she
c e i vi ng it in a right S pirit
should in all points le ft to her be generous and c o n fiding
Many a man she should re
at the same time prudent
member may abound in excellent quali t ies and yet be
improvident
He may mean to do well yet have a pas
sion for building ; he may be the very soul o f good na
ture yet fond o f the gaming t able ; he may have no
Wrong propensities of t hat sor t and yet have a con fu se d
notion o f accounts and be one o f those me n who mu l dl c
a way a great d eal o f money no one knows ho w
or
he
;
may be a too strict economist a man who takes too good
care of the pence till he tires your very li fe out about an
u ee n s h e a d
f
or
he
may
be
acile or weakly g e od
e x tra
;
q
na tured a nd have a fri nd who preys on him and fo r
whom he is di sposed to become security Finally the
be l oved Charles H enry or Reginald may have none oi
t hese propensities but m ay chance to be an hone s t me r
or a tradesman
with all his fl o a ti g capital in
c hant
i
a
e
business and cons quent ris k of be ng o ne dag r ch thc
'
afl ec t i ens
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e
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42 2
MARRI A G E
.
Upon e very account there fore it is i esirabl e fo r s
young lady to have a settlement on her ; and she s houl d
not from a wea k spirit o f romance O ppose her friend
who advise it since it is for her husband s advan t age as
By making a set t lement there is always
well a her own
howeve r
a fund which cannot be t ouched — a some t h ing
small as a provision for a wi fe and children ; and wheth e r
sh e have fortune or not this ought to be made
An a l
lowance for dress should also be arranged ; and t his shoul d
be adminis tered in such a way that a wi fe should not have
to ask for it at inconvenient hours and thus irritate her
husband
Every preliminary being settled there remains no t hin g
except to fix the marriage day a point always le ft to the
lady to advance ; and next to se t tle how the ceremonial is
to be per formed is the subj ect of consideration
Marriage by banns is confin e d t o the poorer classes ; and
a license is gene ra lly ob t ained by those who aspire to t he
”
hab i t s of g oo d s oc i e ty
It is within the recollecti o n of
many even middle —aged persons th a t the higher classe s
were some twenty years ago married only by special
license — a process costing about £ 5 0 instead of £ 5 ; and
there fore supposed by our commercial country especially to
denote good society Special licenses have ho wever be
c o me un fashionable
They were ob tained chie fly on a o
count o f thei r e nabling persons to be married at any hour
whereas the can on prescribes the forenoon ; a fte r mid —
day
t is ill e gal to celebrate a marriage In some instance s
i u xing t he Crimean war special licenses were resorted t
to unite couples —
when the bridegroom elect had bee n
or d e r e d o ff and felt wi t h his bride th a t it w e re happie r
for both to belong to e ac h other even in death
B ut the
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4 24
MA RRIA G E
.
hould it be necessary as it migh t be abroad or at sea or
where ladies are fe w in number
Great c are should be
t k e n not to give o ff nce in t he choice o f bridesmai ds b
y
a pre ference which is always in bad taste on momento us
oc casio ns
The guests at the wedding should be selected with sim
il a r attention to what is right and kind with consideratio n
to those who have a claim on us not only to what we
ourselves pre fer
In London for a great wedding break fast it is custom
ary t o send out prin t ed cards from the parents or guar
dians from whose h ouse the young lady is to be married
Early i n the day be fore eleven the bride should be
dressed t aking break fast in her o wn room In England
we load a bride with lace fl ounc es on a rich silk and even
sometimes wi t h ornaments In France it is al ways re
membered with be t ter taste th at when a yo u ng lady goe s
“
up t o t he altar she is e n c or e j e u ne fil l s
her dress
there fore is exquisitel y simpl e ; a dress o f tulle over white
silk a long wide v e il of whi t e tulle going do wn to the
very feet a wrea t h o f maiden blush roses in t erspersed
with orange flowers
This is the usual costume of a
French bride of rank or i n the middle cl a sses equally In
England however one must con form to t he established
custom although it is much to he wished that in the classes
who can set the example the Fre nch us age shou l d be
A lace dress over silk is generally worn in Eng
a dopted
The lace shou l d be o f the fi nest quality B rus
land
the veil
s ls or Honi t on is the most delicate an d becoming
A wreath
should he o f the same sort o f lace as the dress
o f roses and orange flo wers is worn round the hea d not
The sil k ought t o be plai n ; gl acé not
con fini ng the veil
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WE DD I N G
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G A RM ENTS
20
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bride be young as t he latter is to o hea y
if she i s no l onger young no t hing is so becom i ng as moir é
silk either wh ite or silver grey
Wido ws and ladies not
young are usually married in bonnets which should b } f
the most elegant description t r immed with flow e rs 3 )
fe athers according to the taste of the wearer
The gentleman s dress should di ffer lit t le from his ful l
morning costume The days are gone by when gentleme n
were married — as a recently deceased friend of mine was
—
i n white satin breeches and wais t coat
In these days
men show less j oy in the i r attire at the fond c o nsummation
and more in their faces A dark blue
of their he pe s
frock coat — bl a ck being supers t it i ou s]y considered ominous
— a whi t e wais t coat and a pair of ligh t trousers su ffice
”
fo r the
ha p py man
The n e ck tie also should be light
and simple Polished boo t s are not amiss t hough plai n
ones are better The gloves must be as white as the linen
Bo th are typical — for in t hese d ays types are as important
as under the Hebre w la wgivers— of t he puri ty o f mind
their wearer
a nd heart which are supposed to exist in
Eheu ! a fter all he cannot be t oo well dressed for the
more gay he is the gr e a ter the compliment to his bride
Flowers in the bu t t on hole and a smile on t he face Show
”
h a ppy man
the bridegroom to be really a
As soon a s the c arri ages are at the door those brides
maids who happen to be in the house and the ot he r
The bride goes last
members of the f amily s e t off fi rst
wi th he r fa t her and mo t her or wi t h her mother a l one a nd
the brother or rel a t ive who is to represent her fa t her in
The brid egroom his friend or
case o f death or absence
bridegr oo m s man a nd the bridesm a ids ought to be waitin g
The father o f the brid e gives her his arm
In the ch urch
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! 26
MARRIA G E
and
leads he r to the altar Here he r bridesmaids st a nd
ne ar her as arrange d by the clerk and t he bridegroo m
takes his appointed pl ace
It is a good thing fo r the bridegroom s man to distribu te
l
the di ff rent fees to the clergyman or clergymen the c ot k ,
and pew opener be fo re the arrival o f the bride as it
i e
p
Ven t s con fusion a ft erwards
The bride s t ands to the le ft o f the bridegroom and
ta k es the glove o ff her right hand whils t he takes his
glove off his right hand The bride gives her glove to the
bridesmaid to hold and sometimes to k eep as a good
omen
The service then begins D uring the recital it is cer
t a inl y a mat t er o f feeling how the parties concerned shoul d
behave ; but if tears can be restrained and a quiet mod
esty in the lady displ ayed and her emotions subdued it
adds much to the gratification of others and saves a fe w
p angs to the parents from whom she is to part
It should be remembered that this is but the closing
scene o f a drama of some duration— first the offer the n
the consent a nd engagement In most cases the marriage
has been preceded by acts which h a ve stamped the whole
with cert ainty al t hough we do not a de pt the contract sys
tem o f our for efa t hers and although no event in this li fe
c an be certain
I h a ve omi tted the mention of the bouquet becau se it
se ems to me al ways an awk ward addition to the bride and
that it should be pr e sented after wards on her return to the
Gardenias if in season white azalia or e ve n
brea k fast
rida i
c amellias wi t h very lit t le orange flo wers form the
The bridesmaids are dressed on this oc c a swn
bo uquet
When there
so as to complete t he picture w ith e ffec t
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428
MARRI AG E
.
g ame pi es raisins savory j e llie s s we e ts c f e ve l y de sc rip
tion all cold Ice is a ft er wa rd s h a nd e d and b e fore t hc
heal t hs a r e drunk t he wedding cake is c u t by the nea res t
en tl man and hand e d round
g
Th ) father then pr e poses t he he al t h o f t he bride a nd
The l a t t er is expec t ed to ans wer and to
bri degroom
pr opose the bridegroom s man The bridegroom s man
r e turns thanks and pledges t he bridesmai d s who answer
through the bridegroom All ot he r toasts are Op t ional
but it is de r ig u e u r th a t t he h e al t h of t he c l ergyman or
clergym en who tied the kno t if presen t should be dr unk
A fter these ceremonials have been duly per formed a nd
ample j ustice has been done to t he break fa s t the bride
retire s and t he company usually take leave of her in t he
drawing r oom and dep a rt
It must be borne in mind t h a t the wedding break fast
is not a d i nn er and th at the gentlemen do not stay be
hind to take wine when the party breaks up and the la
dies go up stairs
A fe w words be fore this sometimes gay sometimes sad
scene is dismissed
The good sense o f several personages in the high er
ranks has broken through the customary appe a rance of
the bride at the break fast or indeed i f she break fast at
all In France the friends assembled to witness a wed
ding do not fol b w the bride home
A bal l or soire e
Mos t people one woul d
general ly follows in the evening
s uppose would be gladly released from the unnat ural re
a st a t an unusual hour ; the headache t hat makes the
p
rest of the day miserable ; t he hurry of the morning ; t he
lassitude of the a fternoon the tear ful stumbli ng speeches
”
d ear pap a a fter champagne ; the modest shy bro ke n
of
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A FTER r u n
EV EN T
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nc e s of t h e victimized bridegroom ; the ex tr m e l y
critical Si t u a t ion o f h is bachelor friend expect e d to be in
lo ve wi t h all the bri desmaids ; t he s ighs of t he m other
an 1 prognosti s o f maiden aun t s ; the heat t he d i sgu s t to
th ose a r t icl e s which lo ok so well by candlelight but d o
—
b
ar
daylight
creams whips j ellies and al l t lu t
s
t
e
fi
tr ibe o f p oisons ; and worst of all t he vas t expense to
those who pay and slight degree o f pleasure to those w ho
do not— t hese are among t he miseries o f t he wedding
break f ast
Then the peculiar situation of the br ide tricked out
v e ry
wi t h finery like the baezgf g r a s on Shrove Tuesday
her sensi t iv e na
one staring at her to see ho w she looks
ture a l l e xcited by the p a st solemnity ; her inmost feelings
c rushed or raked up as may be by c ongra t u l a t i o ns
To
subject a lady to such torture seems an act of cruelty in
cold blood Suppose her j oy is too great for ut terance
that there has been opposi t ion in delay why stick her u p
on a pedestal so that all may read the emo t ions o f tha t
throbbing heart beneath its encasement o f Brussels lace ?
Suppose that heart does not go along with the joy and
the compliments and the hopes of ever constant felicity ;
let the stricken deer go weep
do not para de what now
had better be forgot ten To some heart in that over
tl re ss e d assembly of smiling friends there will be a touch
in wh atever is said to give pain ; on occasions also where
the fe elings form the a c tu a l theme the less said the
better
The bride has ho wever retired and we will follo w
This should
l l sr tra vellin g dress is ne w to be assumed
be g ood in quality but plain like a handsome dress for
An elegant bonnet not too plai n a hand
mor nin g cal ls
se n t e
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430
MARRI AG E
.
ome sha wl or mantle and colored gloves form the sui t!»
ble costume o f which it is impossible to define the c om
e n e n t parts but we merely recommend that the c ok r!
p
o f t he dress and sha wl and bonnet should as nearly as
os s i ble a ss 1 mi l a t e : that the style shou l d be of t he ver y
p
be st so th at the impression le ft may be suitable agre es
bl e a nd elegant
One more word about fees to servants These form a
very varying point on a marri age and depend on the con
di t ion in li fe of t he parties A considerable sum is e x
e c t e d from a nobleman or a c omi ne n e r o f large fortun e
p
bu t a mu c h more mode s t calcula t ion fo r a pro fessional
man or a son whose f ather is s t ill living and who receive s
merely a n allo wance t o enable hi m to marry
Prese nt s are usual firs t from the bridegroom to the
bridesmaids These generall y consis t o f jewelry the de
vice o f which should be uni q ue or quain t the article
The female servan t s of t he
more elegan t t h a n massive
family more especially ser va nt s who have lived many
year s in their place also expec t presents such a s gowns
or sha wls ; or t o a very v a lued personal attendant or
housekeeper a watch
B u t on such points discretion
mu st sugge st , a nd libe rality measure ou t the l arg es s s of
the gi ft
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Eng l i s h N o v e l i s t s t h e r e h a s n o t b e e n u n t i l n o w o n e th a t e n t i re l r
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T h i s e d i t i o n i s s o l d b y B o o k s e l l e rs e v e ryw h e re —a n d
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