CHRIS VOSS
● MIRRORING (ottenere piú informazioni)
Ripetere le ultime 3-1 parole che una persona dice, sotto forma di domanda e con
tono curioso.
Ex. Questo posto é fantastico, blablabla, il cibo é molto buono.
E tu dici: ah il cibo é molto buono?
Quando utilizzi questa tecnica, la persona si sente capita e ascoltata e inizierá
sempre a parlare di piú, approfondendo il discorso e ti dará molte piú informazioni.
Dopo aver fatto il mirroring, shut up! Silenzio e aspetta la reazione dall’altra parte.
● LABELING (Rafforzare o affievolire cosa l’altra persona sta sentendo)
Evidenziare emozioni che la persona sta provando.
Inizia sempre con “Sembra che”, “it feels like, it seems like, it sounds like”. Mai
iniziare con la parola “IO” (io ti sento arrabbiata). Questo viene percepito come se
quello che tu pensi sia piú importante.
Anche qui, importante to shut up dopo l’esecuzione e lasciare la persona assorbire
quello che hai appena detto.
Negative labeling: Se dici ad una persona “it sounds like this makes you upset”.
Quello che succede é che la persona inizia ad autoanalizzarsi e l’effetto che il labeling
ha é quello di cancellare o affievolire l’emozione negativa che quella persona sta
provando.
Se la risposta al negative labeling é silenzio, puoi provare ad andare piú nel profondo
“Sembra che ci sia qualcosa in piú, sembra che ci sia qualcosa di piú profondo che
non si riesce a vedere, sembra che ci siano emozioni che non ho ancora percepito”.
Positive labeling: labeling ha l’effetto opposto con emozioni positive, le rafforza
invece di affievolirle.
Importante usare l’empatia e percepire l’altra persona cosa prova e fare
osservazioni.
LABELING E MIRRORING
Queste 2 tecniche sono molto forti usate assieme.
Puoi chiedere ad una persona quali sono le sue passioni. Se ricevi risposta secca,
chiedi “cosa ti appassiona di questa cosa?”.
Inizierá a parlare e puoi dire “it sounds like you like to help people”. Questa
osservazione rafforzerà l’emozione positiva che stanno provando, poi puoi fare
mirroring ripetendo le ultime 3 parole che la persona ha detto e riceverai ancora piú
informazioni a riguardo.
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VOICES
LATE NIGHT, FM, DJ VOICE.
It’s deep, calm and relaxed. Smile while doing it.
It slows people's brains down so they relax. Always use it when the other part is
angry.
Never use the ASSERTIVE voice.
Use the PLAYFUL voice, smile and sound fun, open. You tell truth but you’re worried
about how it lands, you wanna keep the relationship.
Use it 80% of the time.
ANALYST voice.
Deep, and super slow. Use it rarely and when something it’s immovable, there can’t
be further discussion, it’s about something that won’t change.
DIGITAL COMMUNICATION
Use all the means (email, phone, chats) but make it short and direct.
Always assume people are gonna interpret it negatively so use extra words to make
it softer like I’m sorry, I’m afraid.
BUSINESS TIP
During a business negotiation, if the guy says he’s not the decision making, keeps
talking about the board, the rest, the others, he’s faking it, he's very important.
If the guy keeps talking about me, myself and I, probably that’s the only time he gets
to talk like that and in reality he’s not that influential in his company.
COMMUNICATION
7/38/55 Rule
7 content, 38 tone, 55 body language.
If those things don’t align, look harder into tone of voice and body language and use
labeling to identify that dynamic.Ex. I heard you say yes, but I also heard something
in your tone of voice that made you hesitate
Le persone con cui non stai parlando direttamente avranno un linguaggio del corpo
super onesto. Se non sono il punto di focus dell’attenzione, le persone reagiscono
con il loro corpo in modo molto spontaneo, senza neanche rendersene conto. Fai
attenzione a questa cosa.
Ask a person really basic questions like”what’s your name or your dog name” or
anything basic and see what he does when he’s telling the truth. That’s his baseline.
If he comes out of this baseline, maybe he looks up, or down, or makes weird
movements with the hands, you know they’re lying.
The more effort, the words people use to convince you, the more likely is they’re
lying. They might even say “why would I lie?”.
Come reagire ad una bugia?
Usa LABELING come “it feels something is wrong”, “it seems like something is
bothering you”, “seems like there’s something here I missed”.
Usa un tono di voce calmo e sicuro (late night, fm dj voice), mostrati aperto e non
judgy, non accusatory.
WHAT AND HOW INSTEAD OF WHY
Don't ask why, ask What and How. What do you think, how do we work our way
through this, ecc.
Instead of “why you need that?” ask “what makes that necessary?”
Instead of “why should I do that?”, say “how am I supposed to do that?”
This is called forced empathy and the other person won’t feel attacked but it’s gonna
actually open up.
When you ask HOW, the other person feels in charge, even if they’re not.
It’s important, of course, to ask legitimate questions!
Ex. for Business
How do I know you’re not just looking for free consulting?
How have you worked with people like me in the past?
How do we move forward?
ACCUSATION AUDIT
To make an inventory of all the negative things, names, feelings that other side might
think about me.
Unexpressed negative emotions never die!!
Doing that, you take responsibility and control how these things are perceived.
Once you say all these possible negative things, you can go after them together with
the other person.
The objective is to make the other person say “you’re being to hard on yourself”.
When they do that, you’ve forced emphaty and the other person has stepped on your
side of the table. And that’s what we want.
Ex. “I know that I seem like the insensitive guy who does this” or “I know you’ll think
I’m an awful person with no emotions”, or “I’m an insensitive person and I’m just
running away from responsibilities” or “I’m gonna sound very selfish”.
Start with anything the other person might think of you.
TACTIC for Late CheckOut
Go to the hotel reception and say “I’m getting ready to make your day ridiculously
difficult”. And then you shut up.
They’ll think about the worse for a moment, than they’ll ask you “what it is”
Then you say “I need a late checkout” and as they thought about all the bad things
that could have happened, 9 out of 10 times, they’ll agree with you.
THE POWER OF NO
When people say no, they feel safe.
When they answer no, they’ll be more open to give you more informations. Get a no
and then move to HOW questions.
Try to always switch yes questions to no questions.
“Do you agree” becomes “Do you disagree”.
Ask questions like “are you against…?” - “Is it a ridiculous idea for you to…?” - “Is it
difficult for you to…?”
BUSINESS TIP
Start saying “we intend to treat you fairly and if, at any point, you feel we’ve been
unfair, please address it and we’ll go back and fix it together.
Last Impression is a lasting impression. End every business communication with a
positive and collaborative note.
DANIEL PINK - SALES
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Use empathy, try to actually understand the other person perspective and wear
his/her clothes.
FIND PROBLEMS, NOT SOLUTIONS
Dig deep into the client business and problems. Ask why 5 times, until you’re able to
understand what is the main obstacle and then explain how you can help with that.
Stick to 3 main value propositions, more would be ineffective and lower the value of
the other propositions.
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In a meeting with more people, notice how the conversations moves, who talks more,
to whom people refer the most - this will help you understand who has more power.
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Help them summon their own motivation - if people have their own reasons for doing
something, they’re more likely to do it. So your job is to make those reasons surface.
Agitate, ask more questions like “what would you think if we did x,y? What do you
think is the best way to operate, give me a strong argument.”
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Ask 2 irrational questions - you can ask “how satisfied they are with the service on a
scale 0-10”, then ask “why didn’t you pick a lower number?”
This will make the other person think in order to find arguments that are positive for
you.
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Make it easy for them to act - reduce the attrition as much as possible.
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Social Proof: when people don’t know what to do, they look for social proofs, what
other people have done. So always show numbers or make examples about what
other people have done and their results.
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MIMICKING - use the other person words and gesture - when they change position,
count till 10 than use their same position.
Same goes for the use of words, try to mimick the tone and language the other
person has.
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FRAMING
Focus not on what the client has to gain if he does what you’re saying but focus on
what he will lose if he doesn’t.
Experience frame - convert whatever you’re selling in terms of experience, what the
person will gain in terms of feelings and things to do, not the technical specifics and
numbers.
Less is more - give less option, it’s easier to decide
Blemish frame - make a long list of positive attributes and then one tiny negative.
This triggers the comparison of the small negative with all the positives and gives
them higher value.
Potential - potential is often valued more than experience. Important to talk about it
in a job interview. Talk about how you can grow and what you can achive.
PITCH
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The purpose of pitching is to start a conversation, receive interest and questions, that
will lead to a collaboration.
If facts are on your side, a question pitch is really effective, ask if he/she was better
off before.
Rhymes are seducing and stick in the head. Try to make some up.
One word pitch. If you can describe your product with one word, you’re doing things
write.
EMAIL PITCH - Utility & Curiosity are keys in subject lines.
# questions to think before starting any pitch: What do you want the other side to
know? What do you want the other side to feel?What do you want the other side to
do?
Focus on what’s in it for the other side, being it a client or your boss when you’re
asking for a raise. What is the boss getting out of getting a raise? Find problems that
you can solve.
MOTIVATE YOURSELF
Quando sei stanco o non motivato o hai avuto una giornata negativa, usa la tecnica
“JUST 5 MORE”.
Forzati a mandare solo altre 5 email, o leggere solo altre 5 pagine, o fare solo altre 5
chiamate. Ti ritroverai ad averne fatte 15.
TIMING
Go first when: non sei la prima scelta - ci sono pochi candidati, si tende ad essere
presi più seriamente - i tuoi concorrenti sono di alto livello, verso la fine i decision
makers si chiederanno come possono essere tutti cosi bravi e saranno più attenti ai
difetti.
● Go toward the end when: sei la prima scelta - ci sono tanti concorrenti, chi va verso
la fine viene valutato in modo migliore - quando non ti sono chiari i criteri, questo ti da
tempo di capire cosa vogliono e analizzare anche i concorrenti.
● Good news, bad news - dai sempre la cattiva notizia per primo, statisticamente le
persone preferiscono
● E’ stato provato che in prima mattinata o appena dopo breaks, le persone tendono a
dire si un po’ di pi. Usalo se sai che devi confrontarti con un no di default.
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