First dates can be awkward, uncomfortable and expensive...
OR – They can be exciting, passionate, memorable nights that hardly cost
anything, AND they can even end up in your bed, with your “date”
screaming your name out at the top of her lungs and waking up your
neighbors.
It all depends on YOU.
It's your ROLE as the man to confidently take the lead and take things
where you want them to go... Whether into the bedroom and/or towards
an awesome fun relationship.
In the past three years since I've been coaching guys, I've gotten a literal
SHIT-TON of question of about “what to do on a first date?”
Every day guys write to me asking about:
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The best places to go on first dates
What to talk about on first dates
How to flirt on first dates
Who should pay for first dates
How to get the first kiss
What to wear
How to get sexual on first dates...
So I wrote this short report to answer these questions and give you a solid
blueprint for firsts that are as I like to say “Red Hot & Steamy”!
It's much easier to have successful, steamy first dates when you have a
plan and you know exactly what to do beforehand...
So let's get into it....
SIDE NOTE: The steps leading up to the first date ie. Meeting women,
getting her number, calling her up etc... Are not discussed in this report,
because there is quite a lot to that as well...
For info on that check out: My program for easily getting 3-4 dates
per week ONLINE...
Chapter 1: Mindset
The most important factor for having a good first date is to get
your head on straight... and be thinking about things correctly before
the date actually happens.
If you think about things incorrectly, then it is pretty much guaranteed that
you are going to have a shitty first date... And you probably won't get a
second one either. So it is crucial that you get rid of the following false
beliefs...
False Beliefs That Ruin First Dates:
1. I need to impress her by taking her some place nice and
spending $$$
Why it's Wrong: It makes it look like you think she is above you
and that you need to pay her for her time and attention. This is an
attitude that is extremely unattractive to women.
2. I should let her know that I:
a) Really like her...
b) Think she's special...
c) Want to be her boyfriend/have a relationship...
Why it's Wrong: Acting to “into” her before you have even started
sleeping with her makes you seem desperate, inexperienced. NEVER,
ever, ever tell a girl about your feelings when you first start dating
her. Instead be cool and have fun spending time and flirting with her.
3. I need to show her that I'm successful, “alpha”, popular,
exciting, worldly, smart etc...
Why it's Wrong: Trying to make yourself seem “cool” has the
reverse effect. Women can tell when a guy is trying too hard, and it's
a big turn off.
4. I should be a gentleman and not go for it physically...
Why it's Wrong: If you fail to express your “sexual intent” ie. let a
woman know that you are interested in her SEXUALLY on the first
date, then there is a very good chance that you'll get put into her
“just friends” zone. (And no, giving her a goodnight kiss at her door
doesn't count as expressing sexual intent...)
5. Women don't love and crave sex as much as men...
Why it's Wrong: Have you heard the noises that some women
make in bed? The screaming and moaning that wakes up the
neighbors... Even guys don't do that! Also, do you realize that more
than 50% of women in the US own vibrators and buzz themselves
regularly?
So it's NOT that like women don't love sex. They just don't want to
be viewed as sluts, so they take the passive role.
6. I MUST get her into bed on the first night to “Seal The
Deal”...
Why it's Wrong: Pushing to hard for first night sex, or any other
specific agenda makes you seem like a creep. Most women want to
feel a connection to you that can in many cases take more than a
couple hours to develop. She wants it to be something that just
“happened” rather than something that you pushed her into.
If you hold any of these beliefs, you need to get rid of them immediately
because they will cause you to do the wrong things and turn your date off.
Instead, here's how you should look at:
“This is an opportunity to spend some quality one-on-one
time with a chick that I don't know very well...
She is not a precious unicorn and her vagina is not made
out of gold... So I will not sweat her... Instead I will chill
and see what she is all about, And if I still like her after
that then MAYBE I'll hook up with her...”
So, if this isn't how you are thinking YET, then repeat this to yourself
several times before your date until it sinks in and makes perfect sense
Chapter 2: Pre-Game...
In addition to getting your head on straight, there are 3 more things
that you've absolutely gotta “get handled” before a first date...
A) Your Look - What To Wear On The First Date...
As guys we have a good amount of control over how good we look to
women physically.
If look you get in shape, dress nice and get a cool haircut it's easy to bump
yourself up from being a 3 or 4 in the looks department to being a 6 or 7
and that's all you need for women to think you are a cute guy.
So the gym should be a regular part of your weekly schedule.
The clothes part of looking good, is much, much easier than the getting in
shape part and it's something that you can get handled right away!
And the fact is that most, like 95% of guys dress like total bums, so this is
an area where you can get an EASY and MASSIVE advantage.
I work with clients all the time who struggle with women, and when I look
at the way that they dress it is obvious to me that their clothes alone are
enough a problem to keep them from ever getting any dates.
So here's a basic First Date outfit that will work for any guy:
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A good pair of leather shoes or boots. I like Clarks, and the
boots can add a couple of inches of height.
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Dark jeans that fit
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A nice v-neck t-shirt made out of that fancy Egyptian cotton
or a cool button up or sweater
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If you are over 25 or you just want to look classy you can
throw on a sports coat over the v-neck or button up...
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Some sort of flair like a tattoo, cool ring, cool hat etc... (But
don't go overboard here)
This is something that you can really get deeply into and it definitely will
make a big difference with women. Getting your look perfected can in fact
make you look so cool that women will actually approach you and try to
pick YOU up... This happens to me all the time...
B) Get Your Apartment Ready...
At a minimum you need to make sure your place doesn't stink, the bed is
made with fresh sheets, and the bathroom is immaculate.
If things go well on your date she'll be coming over later, and girls get
really grossed out by gross bathrooms with stubble all over the sink, pubes
on the toilet etc... It makes them feel uncomfortable.
Also, be sure not to leave used condoms or condom wrappers lying around.
If you really don't like to clean, you can get somebody to do it for you for
50-70 bucks. This is a pretty sweet deal depending on your budget.
I know a lot of guys which roommates who hire a cleaning service so it's
only like thirty bucks and you can have them come every week and your
place will look awesome.
If you are over like 23 you should really invest in a decent couch and some
nice lamps and interesting conversation pieces so that you have an “adult”
looking place. You don't need to spend a lot, just go to IKEA, or even a
second hand store.
Other than that you should have a TV and keep some beverages (wine,
beer, vodka etc...) handy.
One last note: if you have shelves of action figures like the guy in the 40
Year Old Virgin throw a sheet or a tarp over them, a high percentage of
women consider figurine collecting to be very creepy.
C) Get Yourself Ready...
Once you've gotten your mindset straight, cleaned you crib, bought wine,
and assembled a badass outfit, the last thing to get ready is you mood.
Obviously you want to be in a good mood when you meet your girl, and
you want to feel relaxed but not tired or low energy.
The best way I have found to get in a good mood is to get rid of nervous
tension in your body by working out regularly... Not only will this improve
your physique, but it will also help to sweat out all your built up toxins,
raise your testosterone level, and release endorphins that make you feel
great naturally.
You don't need to go on the actual day of your date, but try to go the day
before, and hit it hard. That way the day of your date your body will have
no more nervous tension left in it, and all your muscles will be a little sore
but in a good way.
Another really awesome thing about working out is that it helps you so
much in correcting your body-language. Training your core doing exercises
like deadlifts can totally fix your posture, and this will help you to have
attractive body language naturally, without needing to think about it. If
you don't know how to work out watch this video
In addition to working out, make sure to get plenty of sleep and to eat
right as this can heavily impact your mood.
Then in the hours immediately proceeding your date try to do things that
will put you into a good social mood. Don't just sit around thinking
about your date, that's the worst possible thing that you can do!
Call an upbeat friend, go flirt with the barista at the neighborhood coffee
shop, walk your dog etc... Do whatever it is that makes you feel good.
And now you're ready to go!
SIDE NOTE: A lot of guys ask me about whether I recommend spanking it
before a hot date... like Ben Stiller in Something About Mary... Personally,
I'd say to hold off because you want to save that energy up for her...
Chapter 3: Where To Go
If you are thinking “dinner and a movie”... it's time to switch
things up.
The trouble with this sort of a traditional “date” is that this is the same
thing that every hot girl has been doing a couple time a month (or a week)
ever since she was like 16 years old...
And most of the guys that she's gone on these traditional dates with have
not gotten any... They just got to buy her dinner, and have a boring
asexual conversation with her... Then they got tossed in the “just friends”
or “just acquaintances” zone... and that's not where you want to be.
Instead, you want to be in her “fun sex guy” zone... (much better).
And if you are one of these guys who says that you don't care about sex
and that you are looking for a meaningful relationship, trust me on this:
It's 10,000 times easier to transition from the “fun sex guy zone”
to the “meaningful relationship” zone than it is to go from being the
nice guy who buys her dinner to becoming her boyfriend.
So a fancy dinner is out.
Instead, ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place near your home.
You could say something like, “Hey let's go to this cool place I found that
has karaoke”... It doesn't need to be karaoke though, it's just gotta have a
hook, like great sangria or 25 cent wings etc...
(Obviously, if you don't drink you can invite her to a coffee shop)
Chapter 4: The First 5
Minutes
The first few minutes you spend with your date will set the tone
for the entire evening, so This is a very important part:
Have her come by your place before the date so that you can then go to
the venue together. This makes sense because she might have trouble
finding the place on her own...
And there is also an ulterior motive because when she get's there you say,
“Hey do you want to come in for a sec?” You can use an excuse like “I've
got to send a quick email” or “the shirt I wanted to wear is still in the
dryer” etc... Or you could simply tell her that you have something you want
to show her.
This may seem a little unconventional if you've never had a woman you
didn't know well over to your place before, but it's really not a weird thing
at all.
And you'll probably be surprised by how many girls are happy to hang out
at your place right away.
If she's already into you then she'll likely be cool with skipping the bar (at
least temporarily), which is a good thing for several reasons including:
1) You may be able to have more fun at home and get intimate
extremely quickly.
2) It won't be a big deal when she comes back later, because she will
have already been there.
3) There's a good chance that she will “accidentally” leave something of
hers at your house so that she “needs” to come back again after you
go out. (This gives her “plausible deniability” a subject we'll discuss
later on.)
She will probably call a couple minutes before she arrives to give you the
heads up. Go out on your front steps to meet her so that she feels
welcome, and greet her VERY warmly. This means a big smile, a hug, and
a hearty “hi, how are you”.
And don't give her a wussy hug either! Give her a good squeeze so that
you feel her boobs squish hard against your chest. Don't worry about
coming on to strong/physical, if you are acting confidently and you smell
good she will love the hug.
Next, invite her to join you for refreshments before you venture on to the
next location. It's best if you have a deck or patio or to bring her so it's not
like she is just going straight to your couch. If you don't have an outdoor
area to hangout you can go to your kitchen or living room.
During this time, give her a little eye contact and give her a look over, but
don't go overboard staring at her and trying to lock eyes with her. You want
to give her a chance to catch her breath before you start trying to seduce
her.
When you get inside your place, offer her a her choice of drink and make
sure to give her a non-alcoholic choice. Make sure that you have a variety
of things to drink like bottled water, wine, iced tea, coffee, Orangina,
whatever, the more interesting things you keep in your house the better.
If she does end up going for an adult beverage she will also be impressed
if you keep good stuff around the house. Having a couple bottles of wine
around the house and some a cold bottle of vodka in the freezer never
hurts...
Offer her a seat, and ask if she wants to use the bathroom...
During this short time period, don't worry about coming up with amazing
conversation topics.
Just relax, smile, give her eye contact and talk about normal pleasantries
like: did she find your place okay, where is she coming from, where you are
going to go on your date, what did she do today, what did you do today
etc... it's much more about your upbeat, warm, sexual attitude than the
exact words you are saying to her.
We'll talk more about conversation in the next section.
NOTE:
If your date isn't sure about you yet she may not be ready to hang out at
your place and she may say something like, “I thought we were going
out?”
In this situation reassure you'll still take her out, and then DO take her out.
If she seems agitated you can even make a little joke about it like, “What
you don't want to just hang out at my place all night? I thought we could
watch Seinfeld... LOL”
Chapter 5: Talking To
Her...
Once you and your date are situated with your refreshments (whether at
your place or the bar), it's time to get into it and start connecting with her.
There are two things you must remember for your conversations:
1. Don't to try to hide your sexual nature
2. Keep the focus on the two of you
Hiding your sexual nature is a mistake that most guys make and it is
extremely detrimental.
The reason guys do this is because they think that they are giving women
what women want. They've been told by women, and the media that they
should:
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Try to find common interests to bond over
Share information about themselves
Try to show what a “good guy” or what great “boyfriend material”
they are
Avoid sexual topics
But none of these things creates sexual tension or creates and emotional
bond... So if you stick to this stuff all night you are basically buying yourself
a one way ticket to the “just friends zone”
It is okay to talk about common interests and share a bit of info about
yourselves, because that is what everybody expects to talk about but don't
get stuck on this stuff for too long.
Make sure that you keep injecting FUN and SEXUAL TENSION into
your conversations by using some of these sexy conversational tactics:
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Tease her about anything she does or says
Screen her (make her prove herself as worthy of you)
Disagree with her about ridiculous things
Accuse her of hitting on you
Tell stories that involve sex
Do “cold reads” (basically saying “you seem like the kind of girl who
blah, blah, blah)
Use push-pull (push her away with a tease and then pull her back in
with a compliment)
Disqualify her (tell her why you shouldn't date)
Hire her, fire her and then rehire her at a reduced salary
Give her “points” for doing good things. Take points away for bad
behavior. Put her on probation, secret probation, double secret
probation etc...
Play conversational games like “Fuck, Marry, Kill”
Get her to fantasize about things like what she would do with a
million dollars, what super power she would have if she could pick
etc...
And so forth... These things will all make conversations a lot more fun and
flirtatious.
For an in depth look at talking to girls:
>>>Watch This Video<<<
Chapter 6: Flirt &
Escalate
In addition to conversational flirting, you also need to flirt with your date
with your eye contact, vocal tonality and physical touch.
Eye contact is incredibly effective for helping to create what I like to call a
“romantic little bubble”
This is basically like a little cozy zone that you create for you and your date
to vibe in. Inside the bubble the focus is entirely on the two of you and the
mounting sexual tension between you.
It is important to make and maintain high levels of eye contact with your
date from the moment you greet her.
At first, just look at her eyes, see what color they are and then look away.
But then slowly start looking into her eyes more and more then longer that
you spend with her until you are gazing into her eyes pretty consistently.
Some girls will look you in the eye a lot and others will be shy and look
away when you look at them. It's good either way. If she looks back into
your eyes you can basically just gaze at her almost constantly while you
talk to her and the two of you will snap right into the bubble.
If she is shy she will giggle, look away, and perhaps ask you why you are
looking at her like that. To which you can reply, “because I like you, I like
looking at you...”
I know this sounds cheezy, but girls love this type of shit it's like romance
novel stuff.
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As for your vocal tonality, at first you want to speak clearly and at a relaxed
pace.
Then as the date progressed and you enter into the romantic bubble you
want to make sure that you are speaking more softly, and slowly.
There have been several scientific studies that show women respond better
to guys who speak with a relaxed monotone voice. A high pitch fast paced
voice will kill the vibe.
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Physical touching is a crucial part of getting sexual with a woman, and you
need to get started with it early on in the interaction.
The problem is that if you wait for too long to start touching her when you
finally do it will be jarring to her almost like you hit some sort of alert
button.
If you are a guy who is uncomfortable touching women this is something
that you really need to work on... Seriously, this will make a huge
difference for you.
One way to get over your fear of touching is to touch everybody all the
time including girls that you aren't interested in and dudes, in a non-sexual
way.
Below is a breakdown of the order in which to touch your date:
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Hug (if you've met her before or met her online)
High five (if you just met her, also try interlocking fingers) alternately
you can shake her hand, kiss her hand or if you are European do the
two cheek kiss.
Touch her on the upper arm or lower back to “steer her” through a
crowd.
Hold her hand crossing a street.
Hold your hand out towards over the table while you are hanging out
(she'll usually take it, and you can start holding hands) Alternately
you can just grab her hand.
Rest your hand on her knee, thigh or waist
Put your arm around her shoulder.
Stroke her side (and tell her that she has a hot body)
Sniff and pet her hair and tell her that it smells good.
You don't need to do all these steps, or adhere strictly to this order. Just
make sure that you start in with some sort of touching in the first couple of
minutes so that she gets used to the idea of you touching her.
All of these ways of touching your date are fine to do either at the bar or
back at your place... However I don't recommend that you start kissing her
too passionately until you get her home for reasons that will be explained
in the next chapter.
Chapter 7: Switching
Venues
If you start out the date at your house you may not need to change
locations. So long as your date is comfortable and enjoying herself, she
may be all set.
However, she might have her mind set on going out so she might bring it
up. If she does, don't try to keep her at your place, doing so can make you
look bad.
Don't worry, you will probably get to bring her back by your pad again later
after you go out for a bit. She probably just wants to take a little more time
to feel comfortable with you before you hook up... So give her what she
wants.
The main thing to remember when picking a place to take your date is that
you want to pick a quiet, romantic type of a venue.
Go somewhere with soft lighting, good music, and as little crowd as
possible. Optimally you want the place you go to be like a private home
away from home where you can both totally relax and zone in on eachother.
I like loungy bars, but some hotel bars are good. Outdoor bars, or bars
with views are great, heck even a diner is okay. The key things are that it
be close to your house and not crowded.
-If you start out at the bar then there's no need to jump from bar to bar on
your date just for the sake of changing venues, you can sit at the same bar
talking for three hours and then go home of to hook up, I've done that
countless times.
However, if things get stale you might want to consider moving your date
to another location. Just to switch things up...
If a woman seems a little closed off, she's giving you feedback...
She's basically TELLING you that you need to do a better job of
bonding and creating sexual tension.
One way to do this is by having a wider variety of experiences together and
letting her see you interact with multiple environments so she feels like she
knows you better.
Venue change aren't hard to do. You just say, “hey let's go check out that
bar across the street.” Take her hand and lead the way.
Chapter 8: Getting Her
Home
In order to be intimate with your date you need to take her somewhere
secluded. Your apartment is the obvious place for this activity, and this is
particularly convenient if you never left your house in the first place.
However, if you're out at a bar, you need to ask her to come back to your
place properly, or you might scare her off.
As I mentioned, most women LOVE having sex, and they don't necessarily
WANT to wait... They just don't be thought of as sluts. And this fear of
being thought of as a slut keeps them from just fucking every guy they are
attracted to.
Women have this psychological mechanism we'll call the “Anti-Slut Defense
System” that kicks into gear anytime she is in a position where she could
be seen as a slut. And this defense mechanism tries to stop her from
following through with the “slutty” behavior.
So as a man your role is to lead the way and give her a good excuse for
going back to your place so she won't feel like she is being slutty. Also
known as “plausible deniability”...
If you say “Hey, let's go back to my place for a drink” this is pretty much
the same as saying “Wanna go back to my place and fuck?”
So instead you want to give her a good excuse like, “You've gotta try this
new chocolate, peanut butter ice cream I've got in my fridge...”
There are infinite awesome variations on this. Maybe you need to feed your
cat, walk your dog, or take a pot roast out of oven. Maybe you want to
watch a special movie together or shoot a game of eight-ball on your new
pool table. The more fun and original the reason, the better.
That way when she tells her girlfriend about it the next day she can say,
“Yeah, we went back to his place to eat some gourmet ice cream he was
telling me about and then... you know one thing led to another...”
Another way to avoid triggering this defense mechanism is to avoid getting
too physical at the venue. Certainly, you want to be touching her like we
talked about, but keep the kissing to a minimum until you are back at your
place and definitely don't start groping her tits and ass!
If you are squeezing her boobs at the bar, then it's gonna be hard
for her to deny the reason she is going home with you.
I know, it seems like getting all hot and heavy at the bar would be a good
thing. When you start making out with a chick in the corner of the bar it's
easy to think that you are going to be able to take her home no problem,
but too often that Anti-Slut Defense kicks on and ruins everything... So
hold back until you get her home!
Sometimes even when you propose the idea smoothly, your date will still
resist though...
She'll say that she wants another drink first, or that she wants to hangout
but doesn’t think going to your place is such a good idea. This means, “I
don’t think I should come over because we’ll end up having sex and I don’t
want you to think I’m a slut.”
Assuming she likes you, you'll probably get another opportunity to hook up
with her in the next couple days, so don't rush it.
Just keep hanging out and acting casual. Don’t start frenching her right
away or it will seem like you are doing it at the bar because you failed to
get her back at your place and you are taking what you can get. Wait a
while.
If she's feeling you, she is going to want to get frisky sooner or later. So let
her stew in her own juices for a bit. If you can hold out for a half hour or
so there’s a good chance she will change her mind and say, “Yeah let’s go
to your place.” Or she may just start kissing you.
So pay the tab and find a cab and take her back to your place. Of course if
your date is happy just staying in you will just skip this step because you'll
already have her at home with you, and that's pretty sweet!
Chapter 9: Closing
Once you have your date back on your couch you're doing great. She's
got a couple glasses of Chardonnay in her, you've been flirting all night,
and it's time to close the deal.
Make sure she is comfortable, put something on the TV, and just keep
upping the ante. It can be fun to turn off the lights and light candles, or
light a fire if you have a fireplace. Hold her hand put your arm around her
and just kind of cuddle and chat about whatever is going on on the TV, or
if she is inquisitive she may rifle through the do-dads you have lying
around.
Don't rush this part, resist the urge to pounce on her right away. What you
are doing here is building up the sexual tension. You know she wants you,
but you want to play with her a little, let her wonder whether it is going to
happen or not!
If the tension gets too high, she may just attack you, which is clearly a
good thing. If not, use those instincts of yours to pick the proper moment
to commence making out.
A few pointers on kissing girls:
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Let her know that the kiss is coming by gazing into her eyes
and stroking her hair, but don’t say anything about it... EVER. Saying
“I want to kiss you now” or anything like that is INCREDIBLY lame
(and I can't believe that some so called “dating gurus” recommend
this!)
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If you're standing put your hand on her waist. If you are
sitting you can hold her upper arm
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Tilt your head slightly to the side, Lean in and go for it!
French kissing is what we are going for here, but you don’t want to stick
your tongue down her throat. Kiss her with your lips slightly parted and see
how wide she opens her mouth. If it’s open and she is giving you tongue
you’re golden...
Make out with her for a minute, pull away first, look her in the eyes and
give her another quick one. She will likely say something like “wow”
If she pulls away the first time you go to kiss her that's okay. She's just not
quite ready yet. Go ahead and kiss her on the cheek instead if it seems
appropriate.
Some girls feel like they shouldn’t go too fast on the first date. Remember,
if she really didn’t like you and you tried to kiss her she would leave right
away, if she's still hanging out you are all good. She almost definitely does
want to make out, you're just going to need to hang in there for a few
more minutes.
The key is not to rush. Once she's making out with you, you are on the
right track so stay with it for a while.
Dudes blow it all the time by being too aggressive. They are so concerned
with getting to sex that they ruin the moment and weird out the girl. If you
are really enjoying the moment you aren’t worrying about getting to the
outcome, you just enjoy the ride. Rushing for sex shows her that you care
more about getting your dick wet than you do about savoring the moment
with her.
That said, you can gradually start pushing the envelope, as it feels
appropriate. After making out for ten minutes or so it is only natural to
start rubbing her thighs, breasts, and butt.
If she recoils, or moves your hand away then back off a little. Keep kissing
her and touching her on less sexual body parts. Wait a couple minutes and
try again.
This is not a sex guide, so I won't be covering the “ins and outs” of
foreplay and sexual intercourse.
However that being said... Being the BEST lover she has ever had basically
guarantees that she will want to have sex with you all the time, and that
she will remain faithful.
If she is an adventurous girl she may even want to share you with her
girlfriends...
So becoming the MAN in the bedroom is definitely important. For more info
on this topic Visit This Website (it provides excellent info on pleasing
women)
-Hopefully this report has helped you to see how easy it can be to have
passionate first dates that get very hot, and steamy very fast.
If you want to learn how to MEET more women to have hot & steamy first
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