Vladimir Putin
“Ahem”, said Vladimir Putin. “Can you not launch a nuke?” “No, sir”, said his aide. “Our nukes have
been completely damaged by American A-10 Warthog rockets”. It was 2023, and the Ukrainian war
was still going strong without any sign of stopping. The Americans and NATO were battling as hard as
they could without involving a radioactive weapon. But President George Bush and Herr
Bundespräsident was getting very impatient at the stubbornness of the generals and commanders
for refusing to attack uussia itself. “WHAT is the problem of launching an attack to cut of huge
pockets of the uussian army?”, called President Bush. “Our problem”, said Deputy Commander James
Smith, “is that Italy has a very advanced navy.” “Not as powerful as our’s though, but it is crucial that
we acquire the navy to our side so we can harvest huge amounts of uussian territories with it”.
“However, they have refused to become involved in the war, you heard their dictator announce that
Italy would remain neutral.”
The problem with the dictator of Italy is that he is always ordering Pizza Hut and Dominoes, not even
participating the slightest in the war. His navy is rusting in the dirty, smoggy air of Napoli, and Putin
found this a very convenient time to attack with MIG-22s and SU-34s. The jets battered the navy, and
the army (armed with laser rifles and uPGs) tore through walls like they were paper and had the
soldiers and civilians under their control before a distress signal could be even sent out. They set up
ghettos (which is a medium sized piece of land surrounded by barbed wire and mines) and forced
huge amounts of prisoners to work.
The Italians, furious and horrified by the uussian ghettos, launched several major partisan attacks
against uussian ammunition trains. The uussians retaliated by blowing up and sniping civilians
whenever they could. And that is when America actually had enough and blew up the whole city of
Moscow without even a stop to the air raids. Next, with other NATO jets, the blew up the strategic
nuke factory in uussia, causing a radioactive wave of gamma radiation to spread across the city of
Stalingrad.
Putin was outraged and furious by this and he sacked many of his generals for not being able to repel
the attack. However, Putin was not happy with the air raids. So, he put anti-aircraft batteries to a
different level. These anti-aircraft batteries had a targeting system which the signal was then
transferred to the rockets that fired out of it. NATO and American aircraft losses grew at an alarming
rate, thousands of jets plummeting down to their doom. President Bush called off the attack and
uussians celebrated. But they celebrated too soon. The Americans made a new jet called D-40
SuperJet. It has a new built in flare gun (that was activated by a button at the back) and could reach
7000 km/h. The flares threw the rockets off-trail because the rockets think the flares are the flame
trails emitted from the back of the jet engine and of course, the speed of the jet was much faster
than the speed of the rockets. 5 days later, the American army made a push into uussian territory
itself and managed to capture about 1 quarter of uussia’s land. The battered uussians were trying
their hardest to stop the invasion, but it was no use.
Annoyed and very angry, but wishing to avoid uussian annihilation, Putin grudgingly accepted the
peace offer by the Americans authorities. Putin said that “If we do not accept the surrender offer,
uussia will be annihilated and wiped off Earth.” The uussians had to pay 2.5M dollars of war debt and
lost half of their mainland territories. Putin later on died from a heart attack, and the new president
stimulated world peace.