Contents
My Techniques Worked for These Women,
and They Will Work for You Too! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Why Did He Disappear? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
The Psychology of Men in the “Early Dating Stage” . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
Don’t Men Just Care About Looks? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
The 7 Secrets
to Pull Him Closer Instead Of
Pushing Him Away . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
Secret #1 – Get Him Addicted To Your Personality
Using “Unique Pairings” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Secret #2 – Have Boundaries, RAISE Your Value
in His Eyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Secret #3 – Show DESIRE without Dependence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
Secret #4 – Be the Mind-Blowing Concert,
Not another Movie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
Secret #5 – Before You Give Him Your Heart,
Let Him Win It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Secret #6 – Stoke Sexual Tension
(Even If You’re Not Having Sex) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
Secret #7 – Make Him Feel Free…and He’ll Never
Want to Leave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
You’re In Good Company…
Since 2009 I have been fortunate enough to have become the go-to
relationship expert for celebrities, royalty, TV, radio, magazines and
newspapers, and millions of women just like you.
Rest assured, what you have here is the most trusted dating advice
to get you the love life you deserve, fast!
My Techniques Worked for
These Women, and They Will
Work for You Too!
‘We’re Engaged!’
“You gave me so much confidence because I felt like you really
understood me and the mistakes I was making. After a few weeks I
worked up the courage to start a conversation. I just have to tell you
I was so tickled with myself for not overreacting and immediately
planning out our future!!
I focused myself in the here and now and just being my awesome
sexy self I always wanted to be. As it turns out, we had a lot in
common and in three conversations he asked me out. I used
the tips for the areas I knew I needed help with, but while I was
focusing solely on date to date, it turned out HE was the one
thinking about our future.
We’ve now been together for 7 months and engaged for two of
those!!!!!! :) And of course you’re invited to our wedding if you can
make it!”
- Amanda
‘The Texts Worked!’
“I tried your texts........the “yawwwwwn” one when he only talks
about being busy at work........the “this burger almost tasted better
than sex!”. They work!
Matthew Hussey  1
What Men Want
I am happily dating the best guy ever! We met on Match.com and
you helped me get things to the next level!!! Best thing so far this
year was discovering the great relationship perspectives of Matthew
Hussey!”
- Genevieve
‘I Have 3 Dates Within 1 Week Of Using Your Skills’
“I’m 54 and have 3 jobs so I thought I had no time for men and so
had no men around. Then as my last child was 17, I wanted to get
back into the scene and had no idea how.
You showed me how to make time to look in the right places. So,
within one week of using the skills I learned and actively used, this
weekend I have 3 dates and had to turn 2 away. So I went from 4
years with nothing, to more than I can see.
To other women out there I would say, give the advice in the
program a try. Try to believe in yourself and approach guys with
the skills learned - it gets easier as you work with your own voice
and confident body language.”
- Polly
‘A Common Sense Approach’
“Just wanted to say a big thank you for all of your advice. In truth,
there are dozens of sources out there that claim to know what they
are talking about, but your program has been really beneficial.
I am a psychologist that has worked with various people with
various issues, but it has taken me a while to sort out the romantic
relationships in my own life.
2  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
Your common sense, practical approach has helped me to be in an
amazing relationship that I have been in for four months now. He is
great and different from any other relationship I have ever been in,
in a good way. Your advice to never settle helped me with this.”
- Corina
‘I Met My Mr. Right’
“So there I was clock ticking and me going into my 36th year with
no clue as to how I was going to attract the next love in my life and,
better yet, how to attract Mr. Right.
I started out doing what most women do. I hit the dating sites and
went on endless coffee-dates meeting nice guys and a couple of
dogs too (even married ones looking for excitement - a fact they
only disclose after the fact).
Being of a persistent nature I refused to let this get me down and I
searched the internet to find out how to meet the right guys and I
came across your advice.
I met my Mr. Right and Paul is the type of man I only used to
dream about as I always thought he and his kind would go for some
model type. He is fun, handsome, inspiring, kind, goodhearted,
successful, well educated, wealthy and brave!”
- Hanna
‘I’m Ending Up With Date Invites Left, Right And Center’
“Your advice is working so well that I’m ending up with date invites
left, right and center.
For example, last night this UK guy got my number and he just
texted me this morning to go for dinner, this Italian guy at the gym
Matthew Hussey  3
What Men Want
keeps coming over and asking me what I’m up to over the weekend,
another Czech guy and I actually went on a few dates, we kissed
and all but before it got any further, I had to make up some white
lie to say sorry buddy, it’s best we don’t take this any further.
Then I had a French and a South African guy ask me out on
Facebook after I met them at some event and, again, I had to say
no. And there have been more! And this all happened within the
last few weeks.
I’m having SO MUCH FUN meeting new men. And I’m also
feeling SO much better about life and my love life in particular. I’m
divorced, 36. As much as I get out and do sports and meet people,
I hadn’t done it in the way you suggested (as frequently or as well!)
and now I’m totally enjoying it and feeling very positive.
So… THANK YOU MATT! Honestly, you’ve changed my life
already.”
- Huenu
‘In The Last Three Days Two Guys Gave Me Their Numbers!’
“I am having such great fun flirting and having better conversations.
I also joined my local walking group and on my first walk I worked
the group and had a lot of attention. I had a great conversation with a
guy I liked where I set him the task of advising me on the walk to do
on my 40th birthday (Striding Edge or Scafell Pike).
He said ‘that is a great question!’ and then went on to tell me his alltime favorite walk, so I guess he associated me with good thoughts
at that point in time.
In the last three days, two guys gave me their numbers!”
- Claire
4  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
‘I Already Have 4 Guys Pursuing Me’
“OMG Matthew Hussy, you just made a monster!
I’ve been in this course only for 2 weeks and I already have 4 guys
pursuing me. I don’t know how to deal with this! Now I need to
learn how to tell a guy that I’m not that interested without hurting
their feelings.”
- Barbara
‘I Feel Freer And More Empowered’
“I used the tips on flirting and being more sociable, playing a new
role, trying things out and communicating with guys like never
before. I met new people, I had new relationships and came up
against some huge life lessons in the process.
In the last few weeks I have had more male and female attention
than I’ve ever gotten in my life. I feel freer and more empowered
about myself than ever before. I have made peace with so many
parts of myself and come to like myself and love myself more than I
ever had before.
I see that I am able to be kind, encouraging, loving and fun to be
around and I’m getting so much affirmation of this. I’ve made so
many new friends and awakened old friendships.”
- Rebecca
‘In Less Than A Week I Can Already See A Tremendous
Improvement’
“In less than a week of applying your lessons I can already see a
tremendous improvement in how men react to me and vice versa.
Matthew Hussey  5
What Men Want
I am going out with a few guys off and on, and there is one in
particular that stands out. He and I are both very into our jobs (he
has 2, and I juggle 3). Last week, we had made tentative plans to get
together Thursday, but that didn’t work out, so we tried Friday, and
that didn’t work out either.
I felt very “put off ” at the last minute (we had said 8pm and he
bailed on me at about 7:45pm) and I was crushed. I thought it was
his roundabout way of telling me that he wasn’t interested.
He attempted to contact me around 9pm that same night, but I
ignored his call (because I was out with another guy who had called
me earlier that day for drinks), and chose not to call him back
because I was still feeling hurt and rejected.
I watched and listened to all of your videos again. And one of
my high-value girlfriends told me “He WILL call you.” And he
did Thursday morning. Normally, I would be a bit bitchy and
snarky with someone who had treated me so ‘horribly.’ But I was
determined to do something I had never done before.
I was as sweet as you could possibly imagine. And it turns out that
things went absolutely haywire at his second job, and his entire
weekend was a mess. We talked about getting together the next
day. The conversation was absolutely fantastic. I hung up with an
entirely different frame of mind.
Later that afternoon I was surprised when he called me again and
said, “I can’t wait until tomorrow - what are you doing tonight?” I
was very pleasantly shocked. Guys never call me and say those sorts
of things.
We met for a terrific dinner and catch-up last night, and still have
plans for tonight. He really is one of these ‘good guys,’ you know? In
the past I always screw up the good things, but not this time.
6  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
I still can’t believe he called me and said that. Never in my life has a
man ever said that to me. Amazing. It never would have happened
without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you times a million!”
- Carolyn
‘I’m Dating A Man Beyond My Wildest Dreams’
“I met a guy who I never thought would be attracted to me in my
wildest dreams as ‘I had chosen him’ so to speak. He is the type
of guy I would want to introduce to my family and even possibly
marry. I began speaking to him and now we have been dating for
several weeks.
I have been asking questions in order to see his values (and whether
they are in line with mine) and have been able to really get to know
him before becoming intimate and starting a relationship.
I look forward to continuing to grow and be the best possible
person I can be… And having a relationship I never could have
dreamed of.”
- Janelle
‘I Now Feel A Lot More Powerful’
“Thanks to your advice, I somehow started meeting people. Now
looking back they were always around but I didn’t engage with
them. I started becoming braver about reaching out to people.
Through your really simple trick of asking people ‘why’ instead of
the standard getting to know you questions, I got into some really
good conversations and made real connections. Eventually I started
connecting people with each other and hosting events. Now I’m
meeting people (including new guys) all the time. People reach out
to me and introduce me to others. I’m currently a very proud ‘hub.’
Matthew Hussey  7
What Men Want
I’m still single but I feel totally different than I’ve felt before. I’m
interacting with guys differently. I’ve become more flirty. Where
before I’d diffuse sexual tension any chance I’d get, now I just let it
sit there and probably for the first time in my life I understand what
it means when people say ‘I have chemistry with someone.’
I’ve also been treated in a non-‘friend zone’ way by more guys than
ever before. I now feel a lot more powerful - like I actually can do
something to end up in a relationship. And I have hope.”
- Tala
‘I Was Extremely Shy With Men’
“I am an introvert and am extremely shy when it comes to
interacting with men I find attractive.
The other night I was out to dinner with my friend and I saw an
attractive man having dinner at the bar. I decided to order my
drink at the bar instead of getting it from the waitress at our table
just so I could grab the chance to talk to the guy.
OK, that decision in and of itself is so much progress for me. Guess
what? I used the strategies that I learned from you and struck up a
conversation with the guy. I brought out my feminine and flirty self,
which I used to be too shy to show.
I cannot describe the ego boost I got from the success of this
interaction. He flirted back and we had a great chat. It was
awesome.
Now I feel more empowered and more confident than ever. I look
for opportunities to interact with men - even if it’s just to practice
my new skills.
8  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
Thank you, Matthew. I know that I am allowing myself to blossom
into the confident and feminine woman I know I am and that very
exciting things are in the making now.”
- Megan
‘A Favorite Of Mine Is The Fantasy Dialogue Texting’
“A favorite of mine is using the whole fantasy dialogue in texting.
It really gets a guy thinking about you in a different way. I’ve been
putting into practice so many of the things you’ve taught me that I
can fill up every night with a date.”
- Illana
‘I Got Married!’
“I implemented all you taught me strictly. Little did I know that on
May 3rd I met the love of my life. On October 4th, we got married.
My husband and I are very happy together, and I also find that your
advice is great for married life. Keep up your great work.”
- Mo
Matthew Hussey  9
Introduction
This is how she loses him…
Jessica’s head fell into her hands. She pressed her temples, trying to
understand what was happening. The first few dates with Mark went
so well. He seemed to really make an effort. He walked her around his
favorite parts of town, took her to exciting places, and made her feel
special. He asked her endless questions about her passions, her career,
her future plans. She thought he was in this for real.
Jessica let herself get excited. She worked harder to make time for
him. She told her friends how exciting it was to have this new guy in
her life. She felt like they had such a natural chemistry. It sent tingles
down her spine when he hugged her. His kisses all over her face were
passionate and full of affection.
A month passed by, though – and something changed. He became
more withdrawn and uncomfortable when talking about the future.
Those conversations about things they would do together suddenly
stopped, and she saw a distance in his eyes when she told him about
her day. He would make vague plans and then text her to say he was
“too tied up with work” this weekend to see her.
Now Jessica had that feeling in the pit of her stomach, “It’s over…”
She almost didn’t want to think it, but she had become so attached to
him that she couldn’t imagine him suddenly not being there. He was
pulling away, and she had no idea what she had done wrong.
Matthew Hussey  11
What Men Want
Why Did He Disappear?
I have a confession to make.
That story you just read? I know it far too well.
In my years coaching thousands of men and women, I’ve seen this
scenario enough times to know EXACTLY what’s going through a
guy’s head when he pulls away.
I’ve seen men who have drifted out of contact after “not feeling
it” anymore, and I’ve also seen guys chase down a woman out of
mortal terror that she might get snapped up by another guy any
second if he didn’t get serious and step up his game.
Over the years I’ve witnessed the SUBTLE BEHAVIORS that draw
men in like bees to honey, as well as the specific turn-offs that push
him away.
What you’re reading is my attempt to distill TEN YEARS of
knowledge into my 7 most powerful secrets of male psychology,
and give you proven techniques you can use TODAY to get instant
results in your dating life. It took me countless, painstaking hours
to figure this out, so I’m incredibly excited to finally share this
material.
With that, it’s time to open the doors and hand you the keys to
WHAT MEN WANT.
The Psychology of Men in the “Early Dating Stage”
Having spent the last decade of my life running live dating
seminars, researching and writing a New York Times bestselling
book, “Get The Guy,” and coaching tens of thousands of women on
12  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
dating and relationships, I’ve heard the same dating questions over
and over:
–– “Why did he disappear?”
–– “Why does he blow hot and cold and never seem to be one way or
the other?”
–– “What changed after those first few dates that turned him off?”
These are problems women of all ages and levels of beauty face.
But here’s the thing…it’s not your fault.
In fact, in the early stages of attraction, the game is TOTALLY
rigged against you. When you realize you’re REALLY attracted to
someone, it’s the hardest moment to be your best self.
When you get that rush of hormones and chemicals that tell you,
“This guy is special, hold onto him!” that’s exactly when you show
those low-value behaviors that drive him away. This is the greatest
cruelty about attraction. Our biology makes it so difficult to be
attractive to the person that would make us so happy.
This guide is going to outline exactly why this happens in the “early
dating stage,” and show you the 100% UNFILTERED TRUTH
about the psychology that makes you fall into the same pitfalls with
every man you like, as well as revealing the most powerful, easy-toimplement strategies and behaviors that will get a guy completely
ADDICTED to you.
You Don’t Have to “Get Lucky” to Attract a Great Guy
Maybe you’ve already told yourself that some women are “just
lucky” in love.
Matthew Hussey  13
What Men Want
And it’s true, some women are. Some people understand the
secrets of attraction intuitively, or they acquired it from observing
their parents at a young age. They are naturals at being able to
charm others and know how to make themselves irresistible to the
opposite sex.
But here’s the good news: Being irresistible is something you can
learn.
Attraction isn’t a mystical power, nor is it encoded into our genes.
It’s a set of behaviors that can be adopted by anyone once they
know a few key secrets.
Society, your friends, your family – they all tell you that all you
need to do is find the right guy.
But what if I told you that even an incredible guy who ticks all of
your boxes and would be an AMAZING BOYFRIEND could still
be pushed away from even the smallest behaviors you may not even
realize you’re doing?
It’s true.
That’s why I knew I HAD to share these 7 secrets about exactly
what men want. So that you can eliminate your own blind spots
and know precisely how to demonstrate all of the qualities that
make you an irresistible catch in a man’s eyes WITHOUT having to
bend over backwards or compromise who you are.
But I should warn you: I WON’T sugarcoat the truth.
Not every man you lay eyes on can be seduced into being yours,
and not every man who wants to be single can suddenly be
converted into “Mr. Relationship” if you only spray the right
perfume, wear that tank top that shows the perfect amount of
cleavage, and recite a few magic words.
14  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
What these secrets WILL DO is make sure that when you meet a
guy with whom you have chemistry, you’ll know exactly how to
draw him to you like a magnet. You’ll also find that once you use
these techniques, you’ll naturally begin to attract MORE men in
your everyday life purely because you’ll be displaying character
traits of the HIGH-VALUE WOMAN every man wants to date.
But just before we get into the secrets, it’s important that we address
one more niggling doubt in the back of your mind.
Don’t Men Just Care About Looks?
Maybe you’re still wondering: would I really need to learn these
secrets if I just looked like Scarlett Johansson/Sofia Vergara/
Beyoncé/any Victoria’s Secret model?
So let me just get this out the way: Looks aren’t everything.
Of course, there are men out there who spend their 20s, 30s, and
even their 40s, 50s and beyond looking for the next “trophy”
girlfriend, the arm candy that’s going to make them the envy of all of
their friends when she comes in wiggling her hips in the tight dress.
But for high-value men, you’d be stunned at just how many of these
guys truly desire a woman with “long-term qualities,” who show the
potential for emotional connection and partnership in ways they’ve
never had before.
Looks are always a factor for both genders. There’s always an
expectation for us to do our best with what we have ­– whether it’s
reflected through our fashion sense or diet and care for our body,
or our body language and posture.
But if you’re looking for what gets a guy REALLY hooked, it’s time
to look beyond just aesthetics.
Matthew Hussey  15
What Men Want
Over the years I’ve coached enough beautiful women who face
relationship struggles to know that looks aren’t what make the
primary difference. Trust me. There is no shortage of attractive
women who can’t keep a guy. There are also women who don’t look
like Hollywood celebrities yet are in relationships with wonderful
men.
Both genders are guilty of stereotyping the other sex by the most
superficial image they can paint. I’ve had plenty of men say to me,
“Isn’t attracting a woman just about having a big bank balance and
rock-hard abs?”
Sounds stupid, right? That’s because it is.
We have shallow sides and we have deep sides. Let’s ditch the
stereotyping and appreciate the complexity of being a human. For
any man with depth, he’ll need more than just looks to keep him
interested in a woman for the long term.
Unless you only want relationships with shallow men, you’re going
to need to think broader than just working on physical appearance.
So, if you’re ready to join me and dive into the deep end of the male
mind, let’s clear the decks and begin.
16  Matthew Hussey
T h e 7 S e c r e ts
to P u l l H i m C lo s e r
I n st e a d O f
P u s h i n g H i m Away
Secret #1
Get Him Addicted To Your Personality
Using “Unique Pairings”
What Men Want
A woman who keeps him on his toes by showing she has
a completely surprising – yet perfectly complementary –
combination of desirable personality traits.
Quick quiz for you: What is every guy’s idea of the perfect woman?
Is it the Michelle Obama type, who is strong and backs her man but
has her own independence?
Is it the Sarah Silverman type, who makes him laugh and can enjoy
crude humor, knows how to be immature and sees life as the joke it
really is?
Is it the Snow White type, who is demure and kind, supremely
nurturing, and seems to be as pure and clean as…well, snow?
Is it the Jessica Rabbit type, the uber-seductive bombshell who
makes his jaw drop whenever she wiggles her hips in his eyesight,
and knows exactly how to command his sexual attraction?
Matthew Hussey  19
What Men Want
Answer?
ALL and none of the above.
I’ve learned enough in my years of studying relationships to know
that there is no single, perfect personality type that will attract
every man.
In fact, what you’ll notice about the women above (all of whom I
have unfairly stereotyped for the purposes of this exercise) is that
each one embodies just ONE desirable character trait that guys may
find desirable: independence, humor, nurturing sweetness, sexual
allure…
But these stereotyped clichés are the opposite of attraction.
No guy really fantasizes about being with a woman who is just ONE
thing, i.e. just sexy, just funny, just strong and independent, just
nurturing. Because the truth is, these traits ON THEIR OWN are
common.
What really gets a man hooked is seeing more than one
combination of these traits embodied in a single woman.
For example, certain men get addicted to the woman who is
sexually alluring AND yet surprises him by having a playful, childlike sense of humor.
Another man gets weak at the knees for the woman who is totally
strong in her career AND yet is able to be gentle and nurturing to the
people she loves.
Other men still can’t resist the woman who is both highly educated
AND loves to be silly and let loose like a kid in a jungle gym.
20  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
Having a personality that gets a guy addicted to you is all about that
“AND” (e.g. playful AND sexy, independent AND nurturing).
It’s the unexpected but desirable mix of “unique pairings” of
personality traits in one woman that BLOWS HIM AWAY and
makes you unlike any woman he’s ever met.
Why Men Want This
Every man wants to be with a multi-dimensional woman.
Unique pairings of personality traits are what make a guy think
to himself, “Holy crap, I need to hold onto her!”
I’m sure you’ve experienced a similar effect with a man you’ve
met in your life, one who seemed completely irreplaceable in your
mind. Think about an ex from a past relationship that you found
it particularly difficult to move on from, or perhaps just a guy you
had a huge crush on.
I’m willing to bet that what made it SO difficult to get over this
guy was knowing that he possessed a particular combination of
character traits that you hadn’t found before in most men.
For example:
•• He was really smart and a consummate gentleman, but was also
crazy hot and knew exactly how to wildly turn you on in the
bedroom.
•• He was super career-driven and successful, but also knew how
to be adventurous and really enjoy life.
Matthew Hussey  21
What Men Want
•• He was touchingly sensitive and devoted to family, but was also
hugely confident and could stand up for what he believed in.
Notice again how it’s not ONE single trait that makes these guys
so appealing (i.e. “The Intellectual Guy,” “The Career Guy,” “The
Sensitive Guy”), but a cocktail of two or more exciting personality
traits fused together.
Perhaps you’re the kind of woman who often gets put into a role
in your life: the intellectual woman, the strong career woman, the
mothering woman, the woman who is every guy’s best friend, the
woman who is “one of the guys,” the sexual bombshell all the men
just want to sleep with.
If you get stuck in one of these roles and only ever play a single
character, this is what becomes dull and eventually pushes guys
away.
But if you break out of these stereotypes and show a man that you
can’t be easily boxed into a “type,” that’s when he starts to see you as
the woman he can’t replace.
How to Use This Secret
5 Personality Combinations That Show You Have “Unique Pairings”
Being a woman with a multi-dimensional personality that gets a
guy addicted isn’t about changing yourself, nor is it about trying to
be the EVERYTHING WOMAN who is all things to all guys.
It’s simply about showing that you have different sides to your
personality.
22  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
Here are five examples of unique pairings of personality traits in
women that are especially attractive to guys:
1. Nurturing and Strength
One great combination is a woman who has both the traits of being
caring towards others whilst also showing an ability to lead and be
strong in her own life.
An easy way to show your nurturing side is to talk affectionately
about the people close to you. For example, tell him something like:
“I love it when I go and see my baby nephew; he’s so adorable! I
always take him out for ice cream and spoil him like crazy.”
Then, in another conversation you can talk about times when you
had to be strong and fight for your position in a conflict at work, or
a moment when you doggedly pushed ahead to achieve a personal
goal despite obstacles in front of you.
Seeing these two sides of you – being both a nurturing person and
hardheaded and strong-willed in getting what you want – is always
an attractive combination for guys.
So,
Unique Pairing = Nurturing + Strength
2. Letting Him Take Care Of You and Independence
Traditionally, women tend to expect men to have a game plan on a
date, and that’s fine. But it’s very attractive to a guy to see that you’re
also capable of taking the reins and deciding what you want.
Matthew Hussey  23
What Men Want
What’s really attractive to a guy is a woman who can combine the
ability to let him take care of her with the ability to also sometimes
take the lead and show her independence.
For example, you can be feminine by taking his arm when you’re
both walking together, or by allowing him to be protective over you
by holding up your umbrella when it’s raining, or opening the car
door for you and letting him be chivalrous.
But you can then show him your independence by expressing your
own preferences and being comfortable in being assertive about
what you want.
Suppose he says, “Let’s go get a coffee at that place around the
corner,” but you know there’s an incredible ice cream place you’d
much rather go to for dessert.
Instead of just going along with what he suggests, tell him:
“I’d love a coffee, but I also really fancy ice cream. I think there’s
a place around the corner that serves both. How about we go
there?”
Alternatively, you can tell him about this great place you’ll take him
to next time, so that he sees you can be in charge and show him
new things.
99% of the time he’ll respond, “Great! Let’s do that,” and he’ll
be eternally grateful that you can occasionally be the one in the
driver’s seat.
So,
Unique Pairing = Letting Him Take Care of You +
Independence
24  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
The woman who makes him feel like a man who can take care of
her, but then takes charge and stands up for what she wants, is the
woman that men always see as particularly desirable.
3. Intelligence and Humility
If you want a smart man, it goes without saying that you’re going to
need to show a guy that you can hold your own intellectually.
While it’s true that education level may vary in partners, there’s a
great deal of evidence that shows both sexes want people equal to
themselves in intelligence.
You can show intelligence by bringing the conversation around to
books you’ve read, current events, or teaching him about aspects of
your job or subjects with which he’s unfamiliar.
Yet at the same time, intelligence is INCREDIBLY SEXY when
paired with the ability to get someone who is curious and humble
enough to admit what she doesn’t know.
One great way to do this is to show curiosity about him. Mix it up
and be able to share the things you know, whilst throwing in a few
questions that get him to open up about his deepest interests and
values.
Be a teacher and a student. Ask questions about his hobbies, his work,
or take the time to learn his opinions as you also give your own.
So,
Unique Pairing = Intelligence + Humility
The New York Times columnist David Brooks said: “Marriage is a
50-year conversation.”
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What Men Want
Mix your intelligence with the humility to ask interesting questions
and learn from others, and you’ll have a guy who always looks
forward to talking to you for hours.
4. Playfulness and Seductiveness
There’s a cliché that says every guy secretly wants a woman who
can watch sports with his bros yet also be a sexual goddess in the
bedroom.
This is a typical stereotyped male fantasy, but there’s some truth to it.
Men love the idea of a woman who can be fun-loving and
joke around with his friends when they’re out together, whilst
simultaneously flashing him some seductive eye contact from
across the room, or secretly taking him to one side and letting him
know how she can’t wait to get him alone later.
So,
Unique Pairing = Playfulness + Seductiveness
No guy wants the woman who is ONLY jokey; nor does he want the
woman who is ONLY feminine and seductive. If you can interplay
between the two, it becomes an addictive combination that men
find hard to stay away from.
5. Successful and Fun-Loving
Regardless of gender, achievers are attractive.
But they quickly become unattractive when they become stuck
in “Successful-Achiever” mode without showing any other
dimensions to their personality.
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7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
This is why ambition – although a desirable quality – gets so
boring if we become that person who can never go on holiday,
take spontaneous trips, or just kick back and enjoy a day in the
sunshine.
If a woman’s default is to be serious and keep things business-like
in her everyday life, it’s always exciting for a guy to see her let her
guard down and embrace her love of goofy humor, or dance and let
loose, or plan something really exciting together.
Hell, for most guys it’s even good enough if she just likes to grab a
pizza and geek out at a superhero movie on the weekends.
So,
Unique Pairing = Successful + Fun-Loving
* * *
Remember, all of the unique pairings here are only examples, and
there may be many others that are just as exciting to a guy.
But as an exercise to help you move forward today, take a look
through some of those traits above.
If you find yourself relying too much on only ONE of them (e.g.
success, nurturing, intelligence), think about ways you can embody
the other side of the coin and you’ll be much more likely to get a
guy hooked on you.
The more you embrace different sides to your character and
have the courage to let those unseen parts of you show up to the
party now and then, the more likely it is that he’ll see you for the
incredible, one-of-a-kind woman you really are.
Matthew Hussey  27
Secret #2
Have Boundaries, RAISE Your Value
in His Eyes
What Men Want
A woman whose actions say, “I have high standards for how I
expect to be treated, but I am more than worth your effort.”
My mum always taught me to treat every woman like a princess.
I know she meant well, but it wasn’t the best advice to send a shy
13-year-old to school with, especially with teenage girls.
My mum wanted me to grow up into a sweet, kind, giving,
generous, and loving man – all qualities for which I will always
be truly grateful. But she was wrong when she said that this alone
would get the girls to come running.
Why?
Is it because women hate NICE GUYS?
Of course not.
28  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
It’s because JUST BEING NICE IS NOT WHAT CREATES
ATTRACTION.
My mum forgot to teach me that there is a huge difference between
being LIKED and being DESIRED.
Being LIKED just means someone sees us as a nice person. But it
is DESIRE that makes us magnetic, exciting, unpredictable, and
attractive – basically all the things my mum forgot to mention
when she said, “just be nice and treat a woman like a princess.”
Being liked won’t necessarily get you another date, but being
desired probably will. Without desire, it’s nearly impossible to
maintain a guy’s interest over time.
The Importance of Boundaries in Getting Him to DESIRE You
You know what men secretly want to see on a woman even more
than Victoria Secret lingerie?
Boundaries!
Most of us will dare not admit this, but men are always more likely
to chase and fall for a woman who shows that she can prioritize
HER OWN NEEDS over her need to always be agreeable.
This doesn’t mean men like “bitches” or self-centered women. It
simply means that men are drawn to women who make their own
choices about what they want and don’t make apologies for who
they are.
Matthew Hussey  29
What Men Want
Why Men Want This
Men are attracted to women who show their independence and
possess a deep sense of SELF-RESPECT.
Seeing you have boundaries has TWO key effects on a man: (1)
he is inspired to be better around you, and (2) he sees you as a
woman of value.
This basically means you get a better-behaved man who also sees
you as a total catch!
Some women intuitively get this concept, and for others it takes
some work to get into the mindset of prioritizing self-respect over
the idea of being pleasing to a man.
The woman with boundaries subconsciously communicates to a
man, “I have certain requirements for how I am to be treated, but I
am more than worth your effort.”
Moreover, if a guy fails to respect these standards, the selfrespecting woman doesn’t stick around in the early stages waiting
for him to change. She acts accordingly. Women of value are
always willing to walk away from situations that make them feel
under-valued.
How to Use This Secret
Put A High Value On Yourself, And He WILL Too!
Boundaries are what stop you being the doting girl on his shoulder
who just goes along with everything he does.
30  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
If you start bending your own will just to make him happy, or never
speak up for yourself because you’re a “people-pleaser,” or come
running whenever he clicks his fingers, it instantly drains you of
that attractive energy that made him want you in the first place.
From the very first date, a man is subconsciously asking himself:
Does she have a code for the behavior she expects from others? Does
she take care of her life/health/relationships? Does she settle or does
she confidently pursue her own goals and pursuits?
Imagine a guy who is really kind and sweet, but who never stands
up to his friends, his parents, his boss, or anyone else in his life. He
allows himself to be pushed around, and doesn’t assert his interests.
He crumbles at the first sign of conflict and cowers away from
anything difficult. He prefers to be everyone’s friend instead of
standing up for what he believes in. He allows others to abuse his
time and his life suffers as a result.
I’m willing to bet you would quickly lose respect for such a man,
and would be turned off when you also realized he can’t even be
assertive around you. Because agreeing is NOT attracting.
Even in the closest relationships, we always have to remember that
we are still individuals, and this means we need to respect THREE
crucial elements of our lives (think of these as your “Respect Trump
Cards”):
–– Our TIME
–– Our EMOTIONS
–– Our NEEDS
If you feel that a guy is insensitive to any of these or ignores them
completely, it’s time to either speak up or start putting distance
between you until he changes his behavior. Remember: your
NEED to value and respect yourself is far more important than
any NEED to simply be in a relationship with a guy.
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What Men Want
How to Use Standards to Be the Woman He Wants to Win, Not the
Woman He Thinks He Can Mold – 4 Quick Principles
So how do you show a guy that you have boundaries and self-respect?
The best way is to communicate these through your standards,
which you express through your conversation and your actions in
various situations.
Here are 4 golden principles that are guaranteed to make a man
want you because of your high standards:
1. Show that you are not brought down by past problems
(i.e. have a growth mindset)
The woman with standards begins with her own behavior.
One great way to show a guy you truly value yourself is to show
him that you are not someone who carries around the baggage of
past situations with her.
There’s nothing more of a turn-off than the woman who indulges in
terrible stories about her awful ex-boyfriends on a first date, or the
woman who talks about how she has trouble trusting men because
of her experience in previous relationships.
Although there is of course nothing wrong with having bad
experiences in love behind you (as many of us do), the fact that you
still appear affected by these injustices will make a guy wonder why
you haven’t moved on with your life, and why you’re still holding
onto past bitterness.
The best way to combat this? Have a growth mindset.
32  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
Even if you get sidetracked on a date into sharing a story about a
bad past romantic experience, proceed to show that you have
TOTALLY emotionally moved on and be positive about where you
are now.
Moreover, show him you have standards for any person in your life
by telling stories of the kind of behavior you wouldn’t accept from
others.
Maybe you have a friend whose boyfriend is a HUGE slob, and
you mention how you would never be able to put up with a partner
who didn’t take pride in their home, or someone who expects their
spouse to do all of the cleaning.
This lets him know that you are someone committed to living at a
certain level, which makes him respect and want you all the more.
2. Don’t be afraid to call him out on his behavior
While it’s important to forgive the little things (like the time he got
delayed and showed up 10 minutes later than he said he would), if
you feel like he crossed a line, make sure you let him know.
Did he say something really impolite? Or perhaps he made a
social faux pas and came across as rude? Or maybe he made
you feel taken for granted and sent you a text that made you feel
disrespected?
Call. Him. Out.
Not in an emotional tone – just tell him that whether he meant it
or not, his behavior was disrespectful, which isn’t something you
accept.
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What Men Want
Be very CALM and ASSERTIVE when you do this. It’s the most
attractive combination to a man, and though he may be surprised
in the moment, he’ll actually desire you more because he feels he
has something to live up to.
The beauty of being upfront and candid with a guy when he messes
up is that it gives him a chance to acknowledge his mistake and it
lets him know what your standard is in a classy way.
Guys are always drawn more to women who aren’t afraid to stand up
for themselves and aren’t afraid to draw the line when others cross it.
3. Have integrity and stand by your opinions
Never be afraid to defend your values and beliefs.
This shows a guy that you can’t simply be molded into agreeing
with whatever he says.
Besides, the occasional disagreement makes the things you do
connect on more special, and it lets him know that you’re someone
who doesn’t feel the need to agree with whatever he says.
For example, suppose you’re both having a conversation and he
complains that he never has time to work out, but you go for a
5km run every day. You can say to him: “Nooo. Exercise is really
important.”
Even just expressing this small amount of pushback lets him know
you have your own opinions. You don’t need to offend him – just
do it in a way so that he knows your view.
It could also be just defending a movie you love that he says he
hates, or giving a different opinion about a pop song or celebrity, or
fighting your corner in a debate you’re particularly interested in.
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7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
This might seem like a pushback against him, but he’ll actually
respect you more for standing by what you believe.
4. Be candid about what you want in a relationship
The more straightforward you are about the behavior you like in
relationships, the more a guy who likes you will want to conform to it.
One of the ways to do this is to simply talk about values that are
important to you (e.g. honesty, loyalty, kindness, affection).
Telling a guy your values gives a guy a benchmark to rise to. You’ve
told him what your expectations are, so he’ll know what you do and
don’t accept and what he’ll need to do to fit into your picture of a
great relationship.
For example, when you both start talking about what’s really
important to you in relationships, you can say, “I’m a really loyal
person in a relationship. I believe looking out for your partner and
sticking up for them is one of the most important things you can do
for someone you love.”
The beauty of this is not only does it show you in a great light, but it
also indirectly tells him what you want HIM to be.
Another way to do this is to tell him what you find “attractive.” If
you value family, then tell him how attractive you find men who
look after their loved ones; if you love ambition, then tell him how
exciting you find the idea of being in a couple where both partners
are ambitious and career-driven.
Finally, make sure he sees your values reflected in your ACTIONS.
If you value loyalty, show it in the way you treat your friends and
family, or in the way you choose not to gossip about others, so that
he always sees that standard reflected in your actions.
Matthew Hussey  35
What Men Want
* * *
The most irresistible women have no worries about communicating
their needs. They’re not scared of driving the wrong guys away
because they know the right one will live up to her standards. They
radiate an energy that says, “I don’t need to settle for a man who
doesn’t share my deepest values.”
This doesn’t mean playing it super-serious all the time. It just
means standing up for your own needs, and not settling for a
situation with a man who falls short of your criteria, be it for
commitment, affection, physical attraction, or kindness and
generosity.
There’s a profound maxim that struck me as incredibly powerful
when I first read it: “If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest
assured that the world will not raise your price.”
For a man, nothing is sexier than being on a date and realizing
he’s with a woman who values herself. We all want a woman with
expectations, which we as men then desperately want to meet.
Bottom line: If it’s a choice between being respected or being a
people-pleaser, choose being respected. It’s much sexier.
36  Matthew Hussey
Secret #3
Show DESIRE without Dependence
What Men Want
A woman who makes him feel appreciated (without being needy).
The Short, Sad Love Story of Olivia and George
Olivia is a successful woman.
She has a lot going for her. She works in finance, has a good
education, earns plenty of money, has an incredibly fulfilling life,
great friends, and is proud of her independence. She’s worked hard to
get to this position.
George is also successful. He’s an entrepreneur with a degree in
engineering. He met Olivia at a friend’s birthday and took her on a
date and they hit it off; both of them could feel the chemistry.
George was instantly bewitched and hooked by Olivia’s mix of
physical beauty and intellect. She was witty and fun. She shared her
passion for reading with him, while he would excitedly tell her about
all his plans for his company.
And yet…something about Olivia was niggling away at George.
Matthew Hussey  37
What Men Want
It was the way she talked about relationships. She made a point of
talking about how she “didn’t need a man for anything.” She was kind
to him, but also felt uneasy about letting him go out of his way to
help her. She didn’t like holding hands on the street. She felt conflicted
about being too vulnerable or “feminine,” having gotten used to
holding her own in her career.
George loved Olivia’s independence and success, but he was starting
to feel unappreciated. His efforts to impress or take care of her were
often brushed off or seemed to go unnoticed.
He knew this woman was amazing, but she didn’t make him feel like
an amazing part of her life. He knew Olivia respected him, but he
never felt like she ADMIRED him. His attraction waned as he got the
feeling that he wasn’t the kind of man Olivia needed…maybe Olivia
didn’t want a man at all. At least that’s what it felt like sometimes.
* * *
I have a former male client who lived that story. I’ve changed the
names but the facts are all the same.
I remember him at first being completely attracted to this woman’s
strength and independence. He was so excited by the fact that
not only could she hold her own intellectually, but she also had a
glowing career that she loved to wake up for every morning.
He even found it adorable when she took an online personality quiz
that told her that the Disney princess that most suited her character
was Mulan because “she didn’t need a man to save her ass.”
I watched as soon enough, George’s gushing soon turned into
complaining.
He didn’t understand why at first. Olivia was the strong, smart
woman he’d always dreamed about meeting. But he felt neglected
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7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
and hurt because she could never bring herself to make him feel
truly appreciated as a part of her life.
Part of the problem was the beliefs that Olivia had about what it
meant to be INDEPENDENT. She had bought into the myth that
independence means doing things like:
•• never asking a man for help;
•• never allowing a man to do you a favor;
•• never feeling comfortable praising a guy for what he brings to
the relationship; and
•• never letting him feel “needed.”
Olivia had mistaken being INDEPENDENT for making a man feel
unimportant.
She was so keen to protect herself and prove she could thrive alone
that she forgot to make George feel special.
There’s a delicate balance here between showing independence and
making a man feel good in your presence, but if you strike the correct
balance a guy will be drawn to you, since you’ll represent the strong
woman who makes him feel like even MORE of a man in her presence.
Put simply, the women who are best at attracting men are able to
show a man appreciation whilst also showing that they’re not needy.
In other words, you want to show DESIRE without DEPENDENCE.
Why Men Want This
Every man has an ego.
Some are bigger than others, but all guys have them. Even those
nice guys that are absolute sweethearts. They have egos too.
Matthew Hussey  39
What Men Want
And any great guy with self-esteem, whether he’s a high-flying
entrepreneur or selling popcorn at a movie theater, needs to feel
important on some level.
I’m not talking about flattery, or submissive fawning about how you
can’t live without him – I mean REAL appreciation and interest in
his best qualities. Men need to feel like a winner around you. Period.
I’ve coached enough men to know that, no matter who they are, a
guy is happiest around a woman who makes him feel his best, or
who inspires him to become his best.
Guys want to be with an incredible, independent, admirable
woman, who sees him as an equally incredible man. They want
the “kick-ass partner” who knows at the same time how to
make him feel desirable around her.
How to Use This Secret
Don’t Be a Cheerleader, But DO Cheer Him On…
It’s easy to look at the story above and take the wrong message.
One could easily read it and think, “Ok, so what you’re telling me
is that men just want a sweet, doting cheerleader who hangs on his
every word and plays the helpless damsel for him to swoop in and
save from her terrible existence? Is that it?”
NO.
What makes the story above so tragic is that Olivia was really,
REALLY close to being perfect for George. One of the things
40  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
he loved most was that she was smart, independent, took care of
herself and knew how to get what she wanted. It’s just that she was
5-10% too much in the wrong direction.
Somewhere in her quest to show off her independence, Olivia forgot
to make George feel APPRECIATED and RESPECTED as a man.
5 Techniques for Making Him Feel Appreciated (without Being Needy)
Like I said, this is NOT about pouring compliments on a guy and
puffing up his ego for no reason.
Instead, you need to make him feel appreciated whilst still showing
your own value. Here’s how:
1. Show interest in his goals and ambitions, and believe in
his ability to get what he wants
But also be sure to let him know of any big goals of your own.
2. Give validation when he does something thoughtful
If he makes an effort, buys you a gift, or plans an incredible day
for you, show him hints of your enthusiasm and enjoyment (e.g.
tell him, “That’s so thoughtful, I love it!” Or if he tells you he just
made a reservation at an amazing restaurant, say “This night just
got much better! I’m excited!”).
3. Return a compliment
If he compliments you, say thank you, wait for a while, and then
later give him a compliment in return. The trick with this is to keep
Matthew Hussey  41
What Men Want
the compliment subtle and low-key (e.g. tell him he has kind eyes,
or nice dimples) or else it will seem like you’re over-praising him,
which removes any challenge.
4. Allow him to do something helpful for you
Guys love to perform acts of service for women. If he wants to
carry your heavy bags, bring over hot soup and painkillers when
you’re sick, or drive you home even though it’s 20 minutes out of
his way, allow him to help and give him the chance to come to your
rescue.
5. Give him a chance to shine in front of you
Some gentle bragging about him in his presence can go a long way.
When you’re out with friends together, off-handedly mention a
good quality he has. Keep it small: tell them about something he
recently achieved at work or a hobby he’s proud of, like the time he
ran a marathon or the volunteering work he does.
Notice how these things may just be TINY 5% changes from where
you are now. This is nearly always true in attraction.
Follow these examples and you’ll hit the perfect balance between
showing DESIRE and not showing a guy you are DEPENDENT on
him. But remember: only show a guy these signs of interest when
he shows signs of investment towards YOU.
Otherwise, you’ll get caught simply pampering his ego and giving
him validation without him having to show any feelings in return.
42  Matthew Hussey
Secret #4
Be the Mind-Blowing Concert,
Not another Movie
What Men Want
A woman who maintains her own life and keeps things exciting.
There’s a jazz musician from the UK whom I love to watch perform
at every possible opportunity. Whenever he’s playing in LA, I drop
everything I have scheduled for that day and make an event of
going to see him.
In response to requests from friends, family, and employees on
those days, I can only reply, “Sorry. That day is booked out. Jamie
Cullum’s in town that night.”
As you can tell, I’m a HUGE fan.
And yet, as I write this, consider the following: I’ve thought about
maybe going to watch another new superhero movie for the last
three weeks. I haven’t bothered yet, and I may even end up missing
it entirely because I keep getting better plans.
If I get a sudden urge to watch it, I know I’ll be able to catch it
somewhere at my convenience. And hey, if I fail to see it in time, in
Matthew Hussey  43
What Men Want
just a matter of months I’ll be able to stream it directly onto my TV
from the snug warmth of my own bed.
The difference between me blissing out at my dream Jamie Cullum
gig and not bothering to see yet another movie is obvious: What is
common and abundant is never as appealing as what is special
and scarce. When there are ten showings a day of something, I’m
far less likely to pick any of them!
And I don’t know about you, but I always want to be the once-ina-lifetime music concert in life, not the run-of-the-mill popcorn
movie.
The “Sweet Spot” That Makes You His Favorite Addiction
In the film The Talented Mr. Ripley, Tom Ripley becomes infatuated
and obsessed with the wealthy playboy Dickie Greenleaf. He envies
Dickie’s glamorous lifestyle and loves hanging out with him in Italy,
sailing on yachts, and living on the beach with his new friend.
But soon things turn sour.
Tom becomes obsessed with Dickie. He becomes so attached to his
new friend that he can’t imagine leaving his side. When he thinks
back to his poor, humdrum life back home in America, struggling
to make ends meet, he realizes he’d do anything to never have to go
back. So he tells Dickie that he’s decided to stay in Italy with him
– he has no plans on going back home and wants to do everything
possible for them to be together all the time.
That’s when Tom quickly loses Dickie.
Suddenly, Dickie is no longer interested. He’s bored and tired of
Tom’s overbearing neediness and immediately pulls away in an
effort to shed this clingy person from his life.
44  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
No matter how much we connect with someone, we all need a level
of scarcity to truly appreciate them.
Why Men Want This
Men want to be with the woman who shows she can be happy
even when he’s absent. It’s what makes him want to become a
part of her amazing life.
You both might share amazing chemistry and love spending
time together, but if a man senses that you’re just waiting
around for the next time he calls you, he will INSTANTLY lose
attraction and start to feel like you are less of a catch.
This is because men want to EARN a place in your life.
In the film Ruby Sparks, a writer named Calvin magically creates
his dream woman, Ruby, who suddenly comes to life when he
writes about her and ends up falling in love with him. When he gets
jealous of his perfect creation and fears losing her, he writes, “Ruby
was miserable without Calvin.” Suddenly, Ruby becomes incredibly
clingy and can’t bear to be away from Calvin for 10 seconds – a
situation he quickly tires of – and soon he becomes desperate to
regain his own space.
The lesson? What people think they want isn’t what they are
attracted to in reality.
In dating, we tend to lose our intrigue as soon as we become
afraid of losing the other person. Our fear of loss becomes the
very thing that pushes others away.
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What Men Want
Ever noticed how you absolutely can’t wait to see your best friend
after a week or two, but then when you spend just a little too much
time together, you start to feel like you’ve exhausted all of your
conversation? Or when you’re at a party and you stay right until the
bitter end when everyone feels tired, you know you should have left
about two hours ago?
This is what happens when we push past the SWEET SPOT.
Sometimes we do this out of insecurity. Sometimes we do this
because we have nothing better to do (a terrible sign – if that’s you,
it’s time to get a life you actually enjoy and can’t wait to get back
to!). Sometimes we do it because we’re afraid of missing out or
losing something by leaving too soon.
And when we push past the sweet spot, things become ordinary,
routine, repetitive – all the complete opposite of the EXCITEMENT
that draws a guy to you in the first place.
How to Use This Secret
Beware the “Pleasure Rush” Of Comfort
When you’re with a new guy you really like, you’ll feel a “pleasure
rush” just from being around him. You feel like you want to spend
ALL your free time together (and may end up doing just that).
It’s a wonderful feeling, but it can also be a trap.
Although the old saying “familiarity breeds contempt” might be
overstating it a bit, it is true that “familiarity breeds boredom.”
Being too familiar too soon means a loss of mystery. It eliminates
all the questions in his head: “Who is this amazing new woman?”,
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“What’s her life like when I’m not around?”, “What amazing
passions and fun social world does she have that I haven’t seen yet?”
If you both fall into a habit of spending every weekend slobbing
around each other’s apartment wearing nothing but your
sweatpants, then all your intrigue disappears. It might be fun once
in a while to just “hang out” with a guy not doing much, but if you
indulge in this hibernation behavior all the time, it sends a message
that you don’t have other great things going on in your life.
Occasionally, it can be a good thing when a guy wants to hang
out with you all day but then sees there are other plans he has to
compete with.
And having a great life outside of him is what helps you keep
hitting that “sweet spot” of contact.
6 Ways to Keep Hitting the “Sweet Spot” and Increase Your Scarcity
1. Schedule in other priorities a few evenings a week
It could be the gym, drinks with work friends, a reading group,
staying at home and working on a career project – anything that
gives you something exciting to do that is separate from his world
(this is what keeps all the intrigue).
2. Leave your interactions on a high
A guy who likes you will initially encourage you to stay longer and
longer around him, because, just like you, he’s under the spell of the
“pleasure rush” of being with someone new. But feel free to leave
things on a high when he still wants more. Spend the night at his,
but have something arranged with a friend for the next afternoon.
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What Men Want
Speak on the phone for a while, but then say goodnight while
you still have more to talk about. Keep the flame alive instead of
letting it burn out every time you see him.
3. Spend time building a skill or working on your
passion
When you’re apart, take time to expand your knowledge and work
on something constructive. Be curious about different interests,
books, cultural events, and skills you really want to learn so that you
always have hidden dimensions that make you exciting (it will give
you more to talk about with him when you do meet up as well!).
4. Get him to make real plans with you
Don’t settle for vague plans if he just texts you saying, “wanna come
over this weekend?” Let him know that you’re a busy woman and
ask him what the plan is; this way he won’t think he can just get
you over to “chill” at his place whenever he calls. He needs to know
you’re a woman who has other offers if he doesn’t schedule in real
time to see you.
5. Continue to express your commitment to your own goals
Show that even though you are having fun with him, you are still
pursuing your main goals in your career and elsewhere. A guy will
be attracted to your discipline and value your time more when he
sees you are dedicated to a purpose.
6. Ask him to join you on something active or fun
It can be very attractive for a guy when a woman casually asks if
he wants to join her on something she’s already doing, for example
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going for a jog, walking around a museum, or going to a cool
breakfast spot. If he asks you what you’re doing this weekend, you
can tell him one of these plans and let him know he’s welcome
to join. This shows him you have lots going on but are confident
enough to do it whether he shows up or not. If he doesn’t want to
come, just tell him it would be great to catch up another time, and
then carry on with your great day.
Give Him the Preview, Not the Entire Movie
In the early stages, you want to allow a guy to look through the
window. He gets to see the incredible preview, but not the entire movie.
This will be difficult when he may be tempting you to spend all
your time together (or you may just be tempted to see and call him
every day).
But if you want him to be even MORE drawn to you next time he
sees you, you must ignore his protests and leave on a high. Have
a blast, spend the night together eating pizza, have amazing sex –
but then have something else to do the next day.
Keep up the things in your life that make you happy and confident.
If it’s running five miles, having brunch with friends, spending time
with family, going on fun trips – all of these things make you more
attractive (and incidentally make it less likely that you will over-text
a guy to fill a void when you have nothing else to do).
Real charisma and value comes from owning your own interests
and the activities you want to do. You are not merging worlds
with him, you create your own world that someone wants to be
a part of.
Meanwhile, he’ll be wondering all day about the fun things you’re
up to and will be desperate to schedule another date with you.
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Avoiding the “Over-Familiarity” Trap
Too many women in the early dating stage make the mistake of
handing a guy their schedule. They are basically saying, “Here I am,
when do you want to see me?”
When you do this, you are buying PRESENT COMFORT at the
cost of FUTURE EXCITEMENT.
In other words, you’re killing all the tension. And by tension, I
mean the GOOD KIND of tension. The mysterious, enthralling,
sexual kind of tension where a guy sees you as a treasure that he
wants to continually seek out.
5 Techniques to Be the Mind-Blowing Concert and Keep Him Excited
About You
1. Don’t imply exclusivity too soon
Just because you’re seeing and having fun with a guy, don’t
sleepwalk too quickly into assuming you’re “official” or implying
that you are a couple. Until he says anything to that effect, assume
you could be potentially seeing other guys and be mysterious about
your dating life outside of him, unless of course, he explicitly asks.
(Quick Tip: If he does ask, turn the question on him by saying,
“Why are you asking?” This is a good way to have the exclusivity
conversation by letting him be the one to bring up the issue, instead
of having to pander to his question by giving the details of your
dating life outside of him.)
2. Don’t reveal every detail of your humdrum life too
quickly
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Let him be in the dark about one or two aspects of your life outside
of him. Never feel the need to play your own hand too early and
reveal everything about how you spend your time when he’s
not around. It’s good to hold one or two things about yourself
back until a guy invests in you more and gets to know you better.
Let him in gradually. [ALSO: Never imply or say that your life is
“boring” or “dull.” This is a very quick way to devalue yourself in
his eyes.]
3. Encourage HIM to do other things
When he mentions his friend invited him on a fun weekend break,
or when he talks about a dinner with his family, encourage him to
go to them. You don’t have to overdo it, but letting him know you
are happy for him to go and have fun without you will only make
him all the more desperate to see you next time.
4. Stop having mundane text conversations
Keep some mystery by having days in which you don’t speak at all.
Don’t get caught in a texting trap of updating each other on every
mundane detail of your life. And when you text, leave things before
the conversation fizzles out.
5. Do your research, but don’t stalk him on social media
There’s nothing worse than a woman who kills all the mystery by
revealing she’s been following a guy’s Facebook page and starts
talking about details she shouldn’t even really know about yet. For
example, she says, “Oh, you went to Spain last year, right?”, or she
mentions some detail she would never have known if she hadn’t
followed his profile. By all means do your homework to be safe
before going on a date, but once you feel safe, don’t stalk his social
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media for every detail about his ongoing life. If he knows you comb
his Facebook page daily for updates, you risk seeming needy and
overly intrusive.
A man wants to know that even if you have the best time in the
world together, you also have a world outside him that brings you
joy on every level.
What’s more, the woman who is able to separate herself from him
induces a sense of excitement and anticipation in a guy. This isn’t
about playing hard-to-get, it’s about keeping the times you see him
fun and novel, instead of quickly descending into a run-of-the-mill
situation in which you both get over-familiar and forget the other
parts of your life that make you interesting.
Remember: Predictability is the enemy of discovery. A man’s
DESIRE is at its highest when he feels like there are always more
treasures to discover the closer he gets to you.
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Secret #5
Before You Give Him Your Heart,
Let Him Win It
What Men Want
A woman who lets him pursue her.
Have you ever dated a guy who moved really quickly?
He wanted to see you all the time, took you on lots of dates, said all
the right romantic words, and then after a few weeks or months,
bang! He disappeared all of a sudden and went cold.
Why does this happen? Because some guys are in LOVE with the
idea of falling in love.
So much so, that they artificially try to speed things up and move
too quickly. But if you “jump the gun” with a guy, instead of going
at a natural pace of the relationship, you’re much more likely to see
the attraction burn out fast instead of gradually heat up.
If you have a guy who moves much quicker than you are used to
or comfortable with, you have a dilemma: Should you go along
with his enthusiasm and within a few weeks are talking about your
future together before you’ve even met one another’s friends?
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The solution here is simple: Be the one who shows restraint.
This doesn’t mean be unromantic, but it does mean go at a natural
pace that allows you to see who this guy really is.
The last thing you want to do is find yourself gravitating towards
guys who over-promise everything only to later “go cold” and
change their minds.
Let him take the initiative to move things forward, but keep
things at a gradual pace and invite him into your life gradually. Let
him know you are seeing how things go BEFORE you rush into
anything.
Why Men Want This
Men are more attracted to women who have a CHOICE in who
they date, and women who have options take their time before
rushing into anything with one guy.
Moreover, guys like to feel like they have to chase a bit before
they win your heart, so that they have an incentive to keep
moving things forward.
A man wants to see that you are interested in him, but he
also wants to feel like he has made a positive choice each step
of the way to get closer to you.
From my experience of working with thousands of men, I can
tell you that feeling like he is making a conscious decision to get
closer to you is what makes him feel in control of his situation,
prevents him feeling “trapped” later down the line, and makes him
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much happier when he’s with you, because he always feels like he is
deciding on the relationship for himself.
How to Use This Secret
Come Forward, THEN Create Space
The best relationships should follow a rhythm.
This is why I have a very simple philosophy on the early stages,
which is this: COME FORWARD, THEN CREATE SPACE.
The women who play HARD-TO-GET create too much space.
They actively push a guy away and in the process make him feel as
though they aren’t really interested in him at all.
However, NEEDY WOMEN come forward too often. They are
always initiating the first contact; they are always the ones who
suggest the date on a phone call, instead of letting the guys ask to
see them.
The best way to strike a balance between these two extremes is
to imagine that you and the guy you’re dating are each sitting on
opposite ends of a seesaw. When he pushes down on his side, only
then do you push down on your side. This alternation of each
person taking the initiative is what keeps the seesaw going and
makes the ride fun and exciting.
But if you’re the only one putting pressure on the seesaw, it stops
dead and everything comes to a standstill.
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3 Ways to Meet Him Where He Is When He Advances
You want to make sure that on average, things never get too onesided. For example, if you always text him first, it prevents him
from ever being the one who decides to come forward and make
the next move.
You need to allow him to pursue a little, and then come forward by
meeting him where he is.
Here’s how:
1. He suggests meeting up for a date on Saturday.
A couple of days after the date, send him a text about that cool
burger place you talked about and invite him along to join you.
2. He grabbed your hand as you walked down the street.
You squeeze it back and show him some physical attention.
3. He texts to say he had an amazing time staying at your
place last night.
You reply saying, “I had a lovely time too. Was a great night x.”
Guys will show you a lot by how much they invest, so once you’ve
taken a step forward, you need to hold off a bit and let him initiate
again.
There’s nothing wrong with sometimes being the one who moves
things forward as a woman, but what matters is that afterwards
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you give him the space to be pro-active and take the next step in
coming to you (so that you don’t end up constantly chasing him).
This isn’t game-playing, this is smart dating.
People waste so much time and energy on things that were doomed
from the start because they rush this part.
If a guy says he never wants a relationship, you meet him where he
is and stop investing time in him and date other people. If he treats
you casually, you do the same. Remember: A man has value not
only because of who he is, but because of how much he invests in
you.
The High-Value Behavior That Makes Him Pursue You More
There’s a saying that goes: “Show a girl you don’t care and she’ll
chase you, show a woman you don’t care and she’ll REPLACE you.”
That’s the feeling you always need to be going for to get the male
brain to salivate with desire and do everything in their power to
hold your attention.
A man needs to feel in his heart, “this woman is going to give me
love and experiences better than anything I’ve known…but only if I
step up and invest in her seriously.”
What does this mean for you?
It means you need to act and respond according to his behavior.
If he…
•• fails to schedule dates and only asks you out with an hour’s
notice;
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What Men Want
•• shows no interest in the details of your life (e.g. your work,
friends, or family) or getting to know who you are;
•• doesn’t text or phone you all week except to ask you to come
over to his place at 10pm on a Friday night;
•• acts like he can get whatever he wants with minimal effort;
•• tries to only go for sex and doesn’t want to ever take you out on
real dates; or
•• only responds to your date invites within the last-minute;
Then you need to back off immediately. Specifically, you need to
respond to any of the behaviors by reducing your investment in him.
You simply make yourself less available to him, give him
less affection, have less contact, stop initiating text or phone
conversations, and then wait to see if he steps up his game.
I call this the “Reduction Model” as opposed to the “Elimination
Model,” the latter of which involves cutting a guy out entirely if he
doesn’t behave in the right way.
The Reduction Model is more gradual.
A guy will start to feel urgency as he notices you becoming less
and less interested in him when he doesn’t step up to the plate. You
create space and see if he comes forward again. If he doesn’t, or
if he keeps taking you for granted and repeats the same behavior,
then you can walk away knowing this guy was never serious in the
first place.
This shows a guy that his LACK of investment has
CONSEQUENCES. Plus, it flips the script on him. Now it’s you who
has made your mind up about him, rather than the other way around.
For example, if he says “I’m not sure I want a relationship right
now,” you respond that in that case you should both just be friends
because you’re not into the whole “on-the-fence” situation.
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There are three reasons this method of meeting the guy where he
is proves so powerful for drawing a guy towards you:
1) You get to test his investment
When you meet a guy where he is, you’ll begin to truly know where
you stand. You give him enough encouragement to take the next
move, whilst allowing him to take the reins and truly invest in
seeing you more.
Not to use a crude metaphor, but think of it this way: Why does
the owner let their dog off the leash? Because the owner knows they
have the love and protection that the dog really wants.
Let the guy off the leash now and then and you’ll see if he keeps
chasing you.
2) You get to see what he’s like in many different situations
When you move gradually, you get to see a guy in many different
scenarios, which means you get to build a connection based on
what’s REALLY there, rather than a romantic ideal.
You’ll see what kind of guy he is on a day-to-day level and have a
much clearer view of his real personality, which lets you make a
better decision about getting closer to him.
3) You give him the chance to SELL HIMSELF on you
As we saw in Secret #4, giving a guy space allows him to miss you.
Don’t get caught up in the thought that by giving him space you’re
suddenly losing control. You are actually giving him more time to
sell himself on the idea of being with you and make him feel your
absence in the times you don’t see him (plus it keeps up the mystery
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What Men Want
and makes him all the more curious to see you and hear what
you’ve been up to).
You are never trying to convince HIM to spend time with you.
Let him see the value you bring to his life for himself when he
misses having you around. You can always go on other dates in the
meantime so that you don’t have to sit on your hands waiting for
him to make up his mind. Knowing you’re out there potentially
meeting other guys will only make him want you all the more.
* * *
Relationships are a dance. Sometimes the guy pushes things a step
forward, sometimes the woman does. But what matters is that you
move forward at the same pace.
If you jump the gun and move past where he is, you’ll find your
partner gradually float away, until you’re both no longer even
dancing to the same song at all.
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Secret #6
Stoke Sexual Tension
(Even If You’re Not Having Sex)
What Men Want
A woman who makes him feel physical desire and moves at her
own pace for intimacy.
This is the $64,000 question on your mind: Should I give him a
mind-blowing sexual experience he’ll never forget, or should I resist
getting in bed with him until I’m closer to him?
Everyone has theories on the exact amount of sex that keeps a
guy hooked in the early stages. Some dating advice books will tell
you to wait at least three dates, as though attraction were simply a
matter of mathematics (e.g. number of dates x chemistry / amount
of sex = LEVEL OF ATTRACTION).
Unfortunately, things aren’t that formulaic.
If they were, every woman would simply apply the formula and get
the same result.
But guess what? There are couples who have been together for
years that had sex on the first date and there are women who wait
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for months before having sex and also end up in equally fulfilling
relationships.
We’ll return to this question of WHEN to have sex with a guy in the
following sections.
But first, it’s important to note that what really matters before
anything else is that a guy feels SEXUAL DESIRE for you to begin
with.
And feeling sexual desire is about more than just looks. It’s about
two things:
(a) Seeing you have sexual confidence
(b) Being able to flirt and create sexual tension
If you can show both of these qualities, you’ll find it much easier
to draw guys in like a magnet (and stay out of the dreaded “friend
zone”).
Why Men Want This
Physical desire is a HUGE part of attraction.
When every guy fantasizes about his dream woman, part of
this fantasy includes a woman for whom he has passionate
sexual desire.
He thinks of the woman who can drive him wild from across
the room with a cheeky glance, or make him turn to jelly with
her sensual touch – someone who can flirt and be comfortable
in her own body.
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This isn’t to say you have to act sexual all the time to attract a guy,
but it is crucial for him to see you are able to turn on the switch that
gets him to notice you in a sexual way.
Most men become turned off by women who shy away from
flirtation by playing it too serious and business-like or being too
much of his goofy buddy – what he really wants is the woman who
knows how to channel her seductive nature, moves at her own pace
sexually, and isn’t ashamed of her physical desires.
How to Use This Secret
When to Start Having Sex with Him
Before we talk about creating sexual desire, let’s get one BIG
question cleared up first: When should you have sex with a guy?
Plenty of women fret over this question. If sex happens too fast,
they worry about seeming “easy.” Too long, and they worry about
him getting bored and frustrated and then looking elsewhere.
Here’s the thing, though: Men who are really interested in you
aren’t in a major rush to have sex with you. They might want to
have sex with you from the very first date, but they will be happy to
wait if they intend to be your boyfriend.
What matters most here is that you have sex when you feel
comfortable.
Now of course, there are men out there who are judgmental about
women who have sex quickly, or too slowly. And that sucks. But
this is why you have to be confident in what YOU want and not
apologize for your desires.
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If a guy judges you over sex, he’s not the guy for you anyway.
Everyone has different beliefs in this area, so there is no one-sizefits-all model. That being said, if you are with a guy and are hoping
for him to be more than just a hookup (i.e. you want a relationship
with him), then the most important thing is that you only have sex
with him when you are sure he’s chasing YOU, rather than just
chasing SEX WITH YOU.
The Argument for Not Having Sex Too Quickly
One argument I’ve often made for delaying having sex for AT
LEAST the first couple of dates is for the following reason: you will
learn a lot about a man’s character when he doesn’t immediately
get what he wants.
If you don’t have sex for at least a few dates, you’ll know if this is
a guy who is desperate to only get you into bed from day one, or if
he’s willing to actually invest time in getting to know you.
There are women out there who, primarily due to insecurity, think
they have to go sexually at a faster pace than they are comfortable
with purely because they are scared that he may run away and find
someone easier if they don’t give him what he wants straight away
in the bedroom.
If you’ve ever fallen into this trap, let me put this to bed now: A guy
who is worth keeping and who is truly interested in you is VERY
unlikely to run away purely because he didn’t have sex with you
after the first few dates.
If a guy hears “not yet” when he tries to initiate sex early on, you’ll
be able to see if his reaction is anger, coldness, or if he’s whiny
about it, any of which are firm indicators that he’s either in way too
much of a rush or solely focused on trying to have sex with you.
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3 Rules for Whether You Should Sleep with Him
It’s well known that a lot of guys can be very good at separating sex
from emotion, which is why you can’t assume that sleeping with a
guy will bring you closer to him.
Some guys will keep sleeping with you and text you late at night
for a “booty call,” which, unless you’re just interested in having sex
with him, isn’t a situation you want to settle for.
Remember: YOU ARE THE DECIDER IN THIS SITUATION.
YOU ALWAYS SET THE PACE SEXUALLY.
Want to have sex with him on the first or second date? That’s
your decision. Want to vary up whether or not you have sex on a
particular date? That’s your decision.
“But won’t he have sex with someone else if I don’t have it with him?”
Look, having sex with a guy isn’t going to affect whether he sees
other people – that will be entirely determined by what kind of guy
he is. If you want to wait, and you tell a guy as much, if he really
likes you then he won’t mind waiting. You can also tell him that you
ONLY sleep with guys when you think things are actually going to
get more serious and exclusive. If that’s your standard, a guy who
really wants you will live up to that.
Remember…
1. If you think he fundamentally doesn’t have respect for you…
don’t have sex with him.
2. If you feel he just wants sex and has absolutely ZERO interest in
a relationship and no real emotional connection with you (and
you know that’s something you’re looking for)...don’t have sex
with him.
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3. If you are having sex in the hope that it will get him to commit
by making him emotionally “hooked” on you…don’t have sex
with him. (Believe me, men often have no problem separating
sex and emotion).
If you sleep with a guy, you have to show you have no expectations
of him. Have sex because you want to, not as part of some dating
strategy game.
Being amazing in bed isn’t enough either. You might fulfill
his wildest sexual desires, but it doesn’t mean it will lead to a
relationship.
I am not saying that having great sex is not important to a guy. But
neither can sex be used as a “snare trap” for getting a guy hooked
on you long-term. It takes everything else you’ve learnt in this
guide to do that, and amazing sexual chemistry is just ONE part of
that equation.
10 Seductive Moves That Create Sexual Tension and Physical Desire
(If You’re Not Having Sex)
Now, we’ve handled the sex question.
But what about just being sexually attractive in your normal
conversations? Long before you have sex, a guy will be attracted
based on how you flirt in your regular conversations.
Just because you haven’t been physical yet, doesn’t mean you can’t
create sexual tension and make him feel physical desire before you
ever take each other’s clothes off.
Here are some ways to do it:
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1. Wear clothes sometimes that show off your curves or are
slightly revealing, then let him imagine the rest.
When it comes to how much you should reveal, my friend Daniel
Musto, professional stylist to celebrities in Hollywood, gives the
advice that when it comes to the three main body parts that a
woman typically reveals (legs, bust, and arms), you should aim to
reveal no more than between one-and-a-half and two of these in a
single outfit.
2. Tell him things you find attractive or sexy in guys.
For example, if he’s tall and strong, tell him that you’ve always been
attracted to tall guys in the past.
3. If you go to a place with music, dance together so you
can touch one another’s bodies and be physically close
together.
4. Find excuses to touch if you’re playing a silly game (e.g. a
playful arm wrestle, or a jokey thumb war).
If you’re making a joke, touch his arm or chest playfully on occasion.
5. Hug when you see him to show you’re comfortable with
physical contact and hold for an extra second.
6. Flash him a cute smile with occasional lingering eye
contact when you’re both looking over at one another in
a room.
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Or, hold his gaze and occasionally look deeply into his eyes in midconversation, while allowing a slight smirk to form on your lips
(alternate between this intensity and then briefly switch to being
playful with him – the mix of both seductiveness and fun will keep
him guessing).
7. When you come back from somewhere like the bathroom
and you’re moving past him, move him out of the way
gently by putting your hands on his sides.
Unexpected brief touches like this make him crave them all the
more next time.
8. Be comfortable and nonchalant when the subject of sex
comes up in conversation.
Stay classy by not being too crude, but be relaxed in talking about
it (e.g. when you’re both talking about a celebrity sex story in the
news). Just don’t feel the need to spill any of your personal stories,
or else it quickly becomes a case of too much information.
9. Tell him about a piece of clothing he regularly wears that
you think is “hot”
For example a white shirt, a blazer, or a particularly slick pair of
shoes (remember, it’s the clothing that you’re complimenting, not
him; otherwise it sounds too forward).
10. Imply that he would be lucky to be intimate with you.
For example, suppose he jokes that he’s tired and could fall asleep in
your bed, you can respond, “Well, that would make you very lucky
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wouldn’t it ;)” Then brush it off with a smile and return to a normal
conversation.
What Makes You Sexually Exciting In the Bedroom?
While being a sexual person is never enough on its own to get a guy
hooked on one woman, it is a vital factor in making you someone
that gets him excited at the very thought of you.
As well as physical looks, attraction in the early dating stage is
about being comfortable with being sensual and flirtatious, and
eventually being able to turn him on in the bedroom.
Although a guy is not expecting you to immediately know what he
likes in the bedroom right away, he does subconsciously look for
certain qualities, such as:
•
how open you are about what you would like him to do
(confident communication in bed counts for a lot);
• how much you make him feel not judged for what he likes;
•• how much you can let loose and be “in the moment,” be
spontaneous, and care about your own pleasure as much as his;
•• how comfortable and at ease you are with your naked body
(don’t obsess with turning all the lights out);
•• how much you show you physically desire him when you’re
kissing/petting/having sex;
•• how willing you are to have fun and try new things in the
bedroom (within your own limits, of course); and
•• how much you show physical pleasure and enjoyment during
sex.
If you get these elements right, then the specifics of how good the
sex is depend mainly on how much sexual compatibility you both
have together. But I’ll let you decide that part for yourself.
Matthew Hussey  69
Secret #7
Make Him Feel Free…and He’ll Never
Want to Leave
What Men Want
A woman who lets him be himself and makes him feel a sense of
emotional freedom.
A wonderful quote by Mandy Hale says: “True love makes you
more of who you are, not less.”
This is also what draws us to our closest friends. They are the
people who make us feel 100% comfortable in being exactly who
we are. We can show our quirks, talk about our interests without
shame, and feel that our emotions are completely valid, whether
good or bad.
Men love the idea of a woman who supports what they do and acts
as their greatest teammate (which he obviously should be for YOU
too!).
70  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
Every Man’s Subconscious has a “Rule of Three”
Every man subconsciously has a rule of three when it comes to
women they are dating:
1. Does she let me pursue my career, passions, and friendships?
2. Do I feel ok expressing myself honestly around her?
3. Does she make me feel lighter or heavier? (I.e. does she
complain and bring more problems and stresses, or does she
make life more pleasant?)
If a guy feels uneasy about his answers to any of these questions as
he gets closer to you, then he’ll become EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS
and start to pull away before your eyes.
Often, when a man cuts off a budding romance, it’s not because of
a lack of chemistry or any doubt about his attraction to the woman
he’s seeing; it’s because he doesn’t feel like he has EBS – that is,
“EMOTIONAL BREATHING SPACE.”
A guy has Emotional Breathing Space when he feels like a
woman ACCEPTS and RESPECTS him for who he is, and isn’t
interested in changing his personality.
Why Men Want This
We all put a lot of work into building the lifestyle we want, whether
it be a career we love, friendships we treasure, or hobbies and
interests we look forward to enjoying on a weekly basis.
What scares men the most is their secret worry that they are going
to have to give up something important as the cost of getting closer
Matthew Hussey  71
What Men Want
to a woman, or that it’s not safe to express themselves honestly
around their partner.
If you want him to always be drawn back to you, he needs to see no
conflict between being with YOU and being 100% himself.
He gets to have an amazing time with you and still gets to pursue
his career, friendships, and hobbies that he valued before he met
you.
When men feel truly free, they come to you. When they feel
trapped, they try to find the escape hatch.
How to Use This Secret
7 Behaviors That Make Him Feel Completely FREE Around You
Am I saying you have to just give a guy free reign to always do
whatever he wants without ever being questioned or criticized? No,
of course not.
Most secure guys are able to handle being challenged; as we saw
in Secret #2, guys are attracted to those women who stand up for
themselves and who aren’t afraid to set out their own standards if
they feel a guy never takes them into consideration.
What a guy is really after here is ACCEPTANCE and FREEDOM of
who he is and what he loves doing, which you can encourage in the
following ways:
72  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
1. Be someone he can talk to about ANYTHING
Let him feel like he can be totally open with you about what he’s
thinking. Don’t jump on him when he says an opinion you disagree
with – give him room to feel it’s ok to talk to you about the deepest
thoughts in his mind. Even if you have counterpoints that you want
to express afterwards, allowing him to honestly voice what he’s
thinking will only work in your favor.
2. Encourage him to make time for the other commitments
in his life
Encourage him to nurture his other priorities (e.g. his work,
his hobbies, or his other close relationships) and a guy will feel
EXTREMELY HAPPY around you. Most guys are always so
terrified that a relationship will close down parts of their life; if
you buck that trend you make him see you as someone he wants to
bring into more of his life.
3. Don’t try to take over his schedule
If he needs to see his friends one evening instead of you, be
completely cool with it and don’t feel the need to “check up” on him
with texts or phone calls. Just give him space and have enough fun
independently that he sees you don’t care about keeping tabs on him.
4. Be VERY careful about unfairly criticizing his friends
or rushing to judgments about the people with whom he
chooses to spend time
This will quickly sound like he has to make a choice between you
and the people he knows and loves the most (and it won’t end well).
Matthew Hussey  73
What Men Want
Let him complain about them, but reserve your judgment in this
area at first. And if you really can’t make peace with the main people
in his life, it may be worth considering choosing another guy.
5. Don’t bring too many problems too quickly
While being with a guy means you’ll both tell each other your
troubles at times, be careful of overloading him with your personal
problems or family issues all at once, or else he’ll feel trapped with
someone he has to look after instead of seeing you as an incredible
partner who lifts him up and makes him feel energized. There’s a
time and place for serious talk, but just make sure it’s not too early
and too frequent.
6. Don’t make him responsible for your insecurities
If he hears you have bad beliefs about men, or trust issues, or
jealousy early on, he’ll get scared off. Guys are happy to talk about
these things as you proceed further down the line of a relationship,
but in the early stages it can set off his “drama alarm” if it sounds
like you have baggage (and equally, be careful of him giving you
one too many sob stories about his ex-girlfriends or issues, or else
you could end up playing his therapist).
7. Don’t make him feel silly about the things he loves
My rule on hobbies is this: either make peace that your guy has
them, or, if you just can’t stand the thought of him playing Xbox
and watching football all weekend, then find a different guy who
prefers to stroll around galleries on Saturdays and read novels on
Sundays. The worst solution is to pick a guy and endlessly criticize
him or make him feel “silly” for what he likes. If you don’t like it, at
least be ok with him liking it, or decide which particular hobbies
74  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
you want to share with him and which ones you’d rather leave him
totally free to enjoy when you’re not there.
Making a man emotionally feel like he has space to be himself (and
showing him you value your own autonomy as well) will make you
500% more attractive than any woman he’s dated.
It’s one of the simplest secrets of all, but it’s one that is the cause of
so much resentment and frustration in relationships.
If you become the one woman who calms that worry in his mind
that his life is suddenly going to be turned upside down and he
needs to change all of his priorities now that he has a girlfriend,
you’ll become the woman he NEEDS in his life more than any
other.
Give a man REAL freedom to be who he authentically is along with
the other secrets in this guide and it won’t matter how much space
you give him, because all he’ll want to do is close it so he can be
nearer to you.
* * *
Congratulations!
You now have 10 years’ worth of my hard-earned secrets about
what men want.
You now know EXACTLY what it takes to get a guy attracted to you
well beyond the first date, and have proven strategies for ANY time
you’re confused about his behavior in the early dating stage.
Whether or not you’ve read or watched my other programs, you’ll
be able to return to this guide ANY TIME you make a mistake and
look at what behaviors may be driving him away, then immediately
put into practice the ones that pull him closer and closer to you.
Matthew Hussey  75
What Men Want
Now if you’re like most women who have “graduated” from this
jump-start course, you’re probably feeling a couple of things:
Emotion #1: Excitement. You’re ready to use these techniques
right away so you can start getting amazing new men totally and
completely addicted to you! And that’s exactly how I’ve designed
this program and intend for you to use it. So let’s get you out there!
But one thing quickly before you go…
You’re probably also feeling…
Emotion #2: A little bit of OVERWHELM! Don’t worry…this is
common, and only natural.
“I get it now, Matt.” You may be thinking. “I finally understand
the male mind, and I know what it takes to raise my standards to
behave like the high value woman I am!
BUT…
One question…
What happens when a tricky situation comes up with a guy and I
don’t have you there to coach me through it? What if I don’t know
exactly what to say?”
(Not to worry. I’ve thought of that, and I’ve got you covered!)
You’ve probably noticed that from time-to-time throughout
this program, when I explain certain principles, I give a specific
example of what you can say to your guy; a little “script” you can
use word-for-word.
76  Matthew Hussey
7 Secrets to Pull Him Closer Instead Of Pushing Him Away
(It’s ok to admit that you like those parts the best – most women
do! These proven-to-work “scripts” take the pressure off in
those tense beginning moments and allow you to get it right;
there’s plenty of time to be spontaneous down the road once
you feel comfortable and secure!)
Now, since this is a quick-start guide, I couldn’t possibly give you
a script for every scenario, but here’s the good news…
There are certain words and phrases that make men respond to
you like magic in every possible situation – from flirting, to casual
dating, to getting a commitment, and beyond.
And when you say these certain words – whether in person, over
text, email, or phone – you can create the kind of insane connection
that will keep any guy you want coming back for more, and more,
and more.
I’ve spent years compiling and crafting the exact, word-for-word
scripts that drive men crazy with desire, intrigue, curiosity, and love
for you.
Now that you have the foundation of understanding how the male
mind works with “What Men Want,” you’re now ready to discover
these Secret Scripts.
These closely-guarded secrets will give you the power over
other women to know exactly what to say to men (and get the
results you’ve always wanted starting TONIGHT).
To learn how, watch this video I’ve created for you …
→ Click Here to Get “The Secret Scripts”
Matthew Hussey  77
What Men Want
You’ve got the knowledge, now it’s up to you to put it to the test. Be
bold, take chances, and have fun with your new powers.
Oh, and if the guys ask, just don’t tell them it was me who gave all
our secrets away. Thanks ;)
Your friend and coach,
78  Matthew Hussey