After every success there comes a phase of relapse, maybe not physically but a mental relapse.
Everything you enjoyed will seem repulsive, every pleasant feeling will feel repugnant. Spiraling
into the feeling of disgust you start to lose yourself furthermore you doubt yourself you become
fragile as if you didn’t even deserve any of the triumph you experienced before. Although these
feelings take over us from time to time within us resides the power to overcome them. It’ll leave
a scar, it'll burn you, make you feel more desperate than ever, you’ll lose yourself in the process
of redeeming yourself swimming in the ocean of guilt and disgust. You’ll lose all hope and
power. Quitting will be easier than ever. You’ll go into emptiness, it’ll feel as if your organs
don’t even exist, when your heart feels literally empty, It’ll feel as if your filling up with
thoughts and feelings of all kind but you’ll never be able to fully express any of them to anyone,
the closest you come to express your feelings is when you uncontrollably end up crying on your
bed desperate for change. Even if you seem happy from the outside you cannot wait to go home
where you don’t have to act as if you’re happy. But all that crying does is it spirals you into even
more desperation and disgust. Despite all that had happened to you, an outsider will see it as an
immature act of self pity, that is if an outsider even notices you. Despite all that you have felt
and experienced no one will ever fully understand you, even if they do there’s nothing they can
do about it, nothing can make you feel better, less guilty and in peace with yourself. Heartbreak
doesn’t just suddenly happen when two souls drift apart from each other, it’s the memory that
shatters our heart, the potential that it had, all the dreams that you shared disappearing into the
void with you, despite everything you’ve been through with them it’ll all disappear and leave you
all alone, as if you go into an empty void which there seems no way out of. Even if there was, it’ll
leave you a scar. You'll be reminded of your past memories in the remainder of your lifetime.