Building Genuine Relationships Building Genuine Relationships What We Are Going To Cover: - What does building a genuine relationship have to do with appointment setting - Why you must master building genuine relationships in your life - How you can master building genuine relationships What Will Be Included - Why these principles are important - 6 Principles to building a genuine relationship - Question checklist - How to transition a conversation into business-talk What does building a genuine relationship have to do with appointment setting Appointment setting and building a genuine relationship go hand in hand, appointment setting is a by-product of building a genuine relationship with someone. The main difference between focusing on building genuine relationships with people and appointment setting is that setting a quick appointment is in your best interest, whilst if you’d build a genuine relationship with someone and figured out what they want and need, it is in their best interest/both of your best interests. The main similarity between them is that to build a genuine relationship with someone or book an appointment with someone, the prospect has to trust you and open up to you. Focusing on building genuine relationships is the easiest way to get somebody to trust you and get them to open up. Before somebody opens up to you and will tell you about their life, they usually must be able to call you a friend. Maybe even a close friend, so for us to get somebody to open up and talk about their lives/situation so we can better understand them. This way we can see if we can genuinely help them before we propose a call. We must first build a genuine relationship/friendship with them. It’s more about building that genuine relationship than about appointment setting because the byproduct of building a genuine relationship is that the prospect will trust you and be willing to open up to you. When you listen and show prospects that you are genuinely interested in them, they will be more willing to listen to you and will more likely take action on what you say. Therefore as a byproduct of becoming amazing at building genuine relationships, booking appointments will become extremely easy. Why using the principles below is key to building genuine relationships We’ve used these principles to generate over $1 million with appointment-setting in less than a year between ourselves and our clients. The reason we use these principles and not scripted messages are because our goal is to form a genuine connection with someone and build an actual friendship. I want to ask you this, would you bring a script to a party to make friends? Or would you bring a script to a date to win over someone? The reason I’m asking this is that it also applies when building genuine relationships in the DM’s. You must be able to be flexible when talking to someone, and you must be able to go off-topic and bring it back. People know when you use scripts and they will resist the conversation with you because it feels unnatural. Humans can feel the energy in the conversation. With scripts people instantly put their guards up, they will feel sold too. That genuine touch won't be there and they will feel that unauthentic energy. So because of this, we have created a list of principles that allow you to: 1. Effortlessly build relationships with someone 2. Earn their trust with ease 3. Show them you are an authentic human, not just a scripted robot 4. Frame the conversation in a way where the prospect is selling themselves to you not the other way around Quick Tip: The fastest way to become interesting is to become interested in others Principles To Building A Genuine Relationship Principle 1: Authenticity Is Key Authenticity is by far the most crucial part of building genuine relationships with people. You listen to people you trust, and you trust people who are authentic and genuine. To gain any level of authority with someone in the conversation, you must be yourself so that they see you as a genuine person. When I was in Bastiaan Slot’s inbox I didn’t get this at first. I thought I had to act like someone I wasn’t and I was constantly stressed about making sure I sounded like him or how to say things like how he does. But that’s the quickest way to get horrible results in the inbox. The ultimate goal is to build a genuine relationship. It makes it 10x harder to form that genuine connection with somebody by pretending to be someone you are not. Just be yourself, remember to treat this as if you are having a normal conversation with a friend of yours. Be genuine, crack jokes, and don't try to act like somebody you are not. It’s important to be authentic and genuine while talking to prospects because the goal is to build genuine relationships with them. However, if you are appointment setting for somebody else — you must learn a few things about them: - Their back story - What they offer - How do they get their client's results I have always suggested that you go through the coaches program and learn everything for yourself so that you be confident within your abilities which allows you to hold the frame of authority. The goal with this is, that you exactly understand how the coach operates. So that in the DM’s you can be authentic and can be yourself to build a genuine relationship. And at the same time being the authority and leading the conversation. A quick tip: Read your business owner's marketing every day, so that you can keep up to date with their life and their values in business etc. It can be quite demanding and stressful having to hold an act trying to convince people you are somebody you are not. Instead, learn as much as you can about them so that no questions people have can catch you off guard. But remember your goal is to build genuine relationships with people so being genuine and authentic is important so that the prospect feels that energy too. I made sure I understood Bas’ back story before I started working in the inbox. This entails what he offered, and how he helped his clients achieve the results they got. I went through his program so that I knew everything so I had more context if someone would ask me specific questions directed to Bas. Because I was being genuine and authentic, I also knew everything about Bas’s story, his offer, and his program. I was much more confident in my abilities so I could just be myself without added pressure. This allowed conversations to flow so much easier and made the process so much more enjoyable. Action Steps Just be yourself, remember to treat this as if you are having a conversation with a friend of yours. Go through the coaches program you’re working with and find out how they get results for their clients, what their back story is etc. This way you’ll be more confident within your abilities to help people, which allows you to hold the frame of authority while being authentic in the conversation. Be yourself in the inbox and don’t try to pretend to be someone you’re not. You want to feel confident using your own personality in the dm’s. Always take a students mindset towards things in life so you can grow and become more competent and confident within yourself. Remember the energy you give is the energy you get back Principle 2: Make Them Feel Important You must show signs of genuine appreciation when building relationships. In other words “stroke their ego”. You must constantly look for opportunities and ways to make them feel important. This is crucial for building rapport and having them open up to you and fully trust you. Do you want to feel good about yourself? Do you want to feel genuinely listened to and understood? Do you want to feel appreciated? Do you want to feel praised and important? Every human at their core level wants to feel listened to, understood, appreciated, and important. When you can truly give that to someone from a genuine place, not from a deceitful or manipulative place, they will open themselves up to you faster than you can ever imagine. Give honest & genuine appreciation, not for the obvious things. Do it for the not-so-obvious areas of their life where they probably don't get an honest and sincere appreciation that much. An example of this for me is when I was speaking to business owner Chris in the dm’s and he told me: “I’ve already done about $20mill in sales with my online course but I’m looking to get back into 1-1 coaching at a higher level.” My response to him was: “Fair play to you for already crossing $20mill in sales, shows me you have a sickening work ethic! I love the fact you looking to get back into 1-1 with clients too and give them more personal support :) I know for a fact your credentials will already massively help you there! What inspired you to make that transition back to 1-1? ’’ In this message I was showing him, I truly listened to what he said by mirroring what he said back to him. I was making sure I was making him feel important, stroking his ego, and making him feel good about himself. This way he attaches that positive emotion to our conversation and will be much more likely to reply when he sees my messages pop up. Another way to make a prospect feel important is by mirroring them. Showing them that you have listened and fully understand them. You do this by repeating what they said to you back to them in a more subtle way. Do you see how I mirrored him? Let’s look back to what he said and how I responded. It’s all about making him feel listened to and understood. Chris said, “I’ve already done about $20mill in sales with my online course but I’m looking to get back into 1-1 coaching at a higher level.” I replied: “Fair play to you for already crossing $20mill in sales, shows me you have a sickening work ethic! I love the fact you looking to get back into 1-1 with clients too and give them more personal support, I know for a fact your credentials will already massively help you there! What’s inspired you to make that transition back to 1-1?’’ Green = Mirroring Purple = Stroking the ego This makes him feel understood, and it shows that I am truly listening to him which makes him feel important. It’s also important to mirror what a prospect has said to you to give him the confirmation that you truly listen & understand what he is saying to you. An example would be: “Hey dude, roughly 30% of my calls are showing up right now and I’m booking 4 calls a day. Any idea what's up? ” You can reply with: “Hey name, so if I understand correctly you want to increase that show-up rate? ;)” “The show-up rate can come down to a few things, I would first focus on your lead quality and sorting out the best leads :)” Be a good listener, and encourage others to talk about themselves. People love talking about themselves, their stories, viewpoints, ways of doing things, and interests. It makes them feel good about themselves. They will relate that feeling to you If you can listen, understand and ask questions while being genuinely interested in them. You can use valuable information they share with you to advance the conversation with them by truly listening to them. Not by inserting your thoughts into them. Just be present with them while they feel that you are the only person that truly understands them. One last crucial fact of mirroring and making prospects feel understood, important etc. is remembering that the energy you give to somebody in the inbox is the energy they will give back to you. So if you don’t put any effort into the message and it's clear you're just quickly replying to them so you can move on to the next convo. The prospect will feel that — and see you don't truly care about the conversation you were having with them. You were probably just doing it cause you want something from them. However, it also works oppositely. Just like a mirror. If you are genuinely interested in the person and you show them you are listening by mirroring what they said back to them — that indicates that you care about what they have to say, that your taking the time to truly understand them and show them you’ve listened. By giving an uplifting and encouraging attitude to the conversation while making them feel super important, If done properly they will mirror you and do it back. They will want to listen to everything you’ve got to say, and most importantly they will want to chat with you more. You’ve made them feel listened to, understood, and important. Which is what every human wants more than anything. Just to summarise my point with this, I want you to ask yourself these questions: How would you feel if somebody made you feel like the most important person in the room? How would you feel if somebody made you feel TRULY listened to and understood when you spoke? How would you feel if you knew somebody was truly listening to you and giving you genuine advice and doing their best to give you a helping hand where they could? This feeling is how you want to make people in the conversation feel like, they fall in love with talking to you and they will want to build the relationship. The biggest mistake I see people making is that they criticize or complain to people they are having conversations with the DM’s. This is because they think by putting people down slightly, will make them look smarter. It does the opposite it creates resistance in the relationship and more tension which means they now have a guard up. Your goal is to help them lower their guard down, so you can have a real, genuine conversation with them and see if you can truly help them get from A to B with their lives. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. High-level achievers will always make you feel like the most important people in their lives when talking to you. They don't try to make themselves feel important, they make it all about you. Building genuine relationships will become exceptionally easier for you If you master this. The importance of differentiating yourself from everyone else People at a high level will see straight through generic approaches. This is why it’s necessary to be unique and differentiate yourself from others. We want to focus on being more specific and differentiate ourselves. By doing this we stand out from everyone else who is using the same general sort of replies. Ask yourself this. Would you reply to a message from somebody if you could tell it's generic and can be copy-pasted to hundreds of people? Or Would you reply to a message from somebody where you can tell they’ve taken time to make sure the message was personally structured for you and you only? The easiest way to become interesting is to become interested in others. If I was reaching out to somebody I would make sure to do my research first to show them I’m interested in their lives too. So for example I know that everyone is just checking the first thing they see on this guy's FB page and saying “hey dude, seems like you’re doing great at managing sales teams! Glad to connect! :)” Let’s say I did some research, and I saw the prospect wearing a Rolex in one of his photos. I would then Google and find out the model of Rolex he has. So for the sake of the example, say it is a Rolex Datejust 12633. I would open the convo with something along this line: “hey name, saw you were rocking the 663’! That’s a solid piece brother ;)” Straight away, I’ve differentiated myself from everyone who has sent him a dm, because I’ve focused on a specific complement instead of just generic messaging or a generic compliment. Most people will start a convo generically or will talk about business right away. These are the top 2 things you want to avoid when starting a conversation. This also makes it easy to transition the conversation into business talk smoothly. Let’s say they reply with: “Hey dude, awesome you’ve noticed! Sounds like you’re a watch fanatic like myself. Took me ages to get this dime.” Then you can reply with: “Yea bro it’s crazy you got your hands on one, kinda jealous lol.. Did you get it as a gift or were you celebrating a milestone? ;)” With this approach, you’ll catch the person off guard as they are just used to the same generic copy-and-paste messages. You don’t just do this in the opener message, you want to keep this in mind throughout the whole conversation. Think about it this way, every day these prospects are getting 100s of messages. So in a sense, we are competing for their attention. Another example of this would be my conversation with Chris above. When Chris said: “I've already done about $20mill in sales with my online course but I’m looking to get back into 1-1 coaching at a higher level.” My response was: “Love it man! fair play to you for already crossing $20mill in sales, shows me you have a sickening work ethic!” The reason I used such a provocative word like “sickening” in the example above when stroking Chris’s ego is to differentiate myself. If I were to say “your work ethic is awesome man” it just comes off general and as if I put no effort into the message. A change of words goes a long way. Make sure to intrigue someone to reply by being interesting and unique with your messaging. One more example of this is: Imagine you were taking a girl on a date for the first time. Usually, a girl will get compliments such as “you look beautiful” or “your dress looks lovely” which comes off as generic. Think about how she would feel if you gave her a specific compliment like: “Selina! That dress looks wonderful on you, it complements your eyes!” Even though they are both compliments, one is said generally and is easily brushed off with a quick thank you. The other compliment makes someone think and genuinely feel good about themselves. They remember that you were specific with your compliment and didn’t say what you could have said to hundreds of other people. People get intrigued by things they don't expect. The more specific you are to them when you stroke their ego, the more likely they are to respond. When you take the time to differentiate yourself, you will grab their attention easily. Principle 3: Always Come From A Place Of Context In The Conversation/ Show them you know them One of the biggest mistakes I see people making is being super random in the inbox. Examples of this are asking random questions or asking questions that seem forced or out of the blue. Context is crucial at the beginning of a conversation. Humans are hard-wired to have a defensive guard when it comes to others as they might potentially be threats whether that's a physical threat or a scammer trying to take their money etc. So when we come from a place of no context in a conversation, instantly people feel that something is off. Let me give you an example: Say I messaged you randomly and I said “hey name, saw we were friends on Facebook. How’s everything with business been going man?” You would start to ask yourself questions like: Who is this random dude? Why is he asking me about my business so fast? What does he want from me? You also would you be a little suspicious if someone reaches out to you like this right? The better way to do it is to take the time to do some research on someone’s profile. Let’s say someone added me back and I saw this person just came home from a holiday in Spain. I would say something like: “Hey Name, looks like you had a wicked time in Spain recently! hope you enjoyed yourself ” Ask yourself how would you feel if someone sent you that instead of the first example? Doing your research, and showing them you know them intrigues someone to reply to you. It shows them that you care enough to make time for them and that you’re truly interested in them as human beings rather than seeing them as a quick sale. People will mirror that energy back. Remember, our objective is to get them to drop their guard and open up to us to see if we can truly help serve them. They will not open up if they feel you are trying to get something from them or just having a convo for the sake of having a convo. I also make sure every time I ever ask the person I’m talking to a question, I start with adding the context. I would never just ask a general question like “how’s your week going?” I would look for context instead. Let’s say they posted on their story that they started a new diet plan this week (KETO). You can say something like: “Hey name, saw you started that KETO Diet last week! You feeling energetic already ;)?” Or say they mentioned to you earlier in the convo that they are launching their new offer in a week. You can say something like “hey brother, I remember you telling me a few days ago you’re getting ready to launch that new offer! How’s the market responding to it my guy? ” it doesn't look random and forced when you add context. It pushes the convo forward while making sure their guard stays down. You want to see context as leverage for you to easily build a genuine relationship. The more they open up to you and the more you listen to all the information they give you — The easier you can use it as leverage later down in the conversation. You can also use their content, and their posts/photos as context to come from a genuine place with the context in your message instead of forcing a general conversation. Remember this quote ‘If you try to force anything, you will get met with massive resistance. If you come from a place of power and influence, you will get met with what you desire” You want to aim to have the conversation flowing and feeling natural, use context to make the convo feel natural, and mirror them to keep the convo flowing. Principle 4: Balancing Valuable Statements And Genuine Questions This is one of the biggest pitfalls I see people fall into with building relationships. I fell victim to this destructive habit too. Always asking question after question. I genuinely used to believe that the only way to move a conversation forward was to ask more questions. Especially about their situation or about what they want from life etc. It turns out this will only create more suspicion about you trying to sell them something. This principle is a huge game-changer for you If you find yourself only using questions to move conversations forward. I want to ask you this. How would you feel if a random stranger who you’d just started talking to online started asking you a ton of questions one after the other? Remember we are always communicating with the other person's ego, they are hard-wired to watch and run from threats so when you start asking them question after question they will feel interrogated. Their ego will put a wall back up which manifests into short answers that don't answer your question, leaving you to ask another question. What else can we do to move the conversation? Let’s say you’re in a conversation with a friend. Would you constantly ask them questions or would you just say what comes to your head? Remember this is just a conversation with someone. Don’t see it as a business opportunity right away, never make someone feel interrogated. Instead of just asking a ton of questions, let’s also add valuable statements that make people think & want to reply. So there are a few different types of statements you can make 1. A value-based statement This is where you answer them with a statement that gives their situation a bit of clarity or value. For example, say someone is having a hard time getting the motivation to do the necessary work, you could say: “We’ve all gone through patches like that bro.. most important thing is to just make a start! Btw, a dopamine detox helps me when I feel less motivated. It could help you too perhaps ” This shows them your not just asking question after question and interrogating them, but instead that you care about their situation and you're giving them some value to help them out. This shows them you’re genuine and you don’t just want something from them. It also helps position you as an authority as your helping him and guiding him with some advice. 2. Assumptive statements This is where you answer them with a statement that is assuming something about them or their situation. Using assumptive statements is a super powerful way for you to get a clear understanding of where somebody is at without being too direct or making them feel sold too. If the assumption turns out to be right, they want to talk about it more. And if it’s wrong, they want to clarify it. This is an easy way to get information from a prospect. When you assume something about them and it turns out to be the case then you’ve been able to get that information from them without sounding too direct and pushy. If you assumed wrong, naturally the person will want to correct you on that. Let me show you an example. I remember talking to a prospect about his business, I just asked him if he had expanded his team since the last time we spoke and he told me he hired an additional 3 setters and 3 closers recently. I replied with: “Sweet bro, you’ve expanded nicely!” “The number of calls you’re booking a day must be nuts if you have that many setters in place ;)” After asking him he corrected me and said: “Thanks dude, we’re booking in a good amount of calls a day but it’s nothing too major. We’re on 6 a day right now :p” This gave me way more context about what his situation was and I also saw that in his message he said “nothing too major”. This showed me that he knows he could be doing better in that area. It also allowed me to see one of the things he thinks is holding him back which we can leverage later in the conversation to propose a call. When making an assumptive statement, you want to make it a bold positive assumption like in the example above. When I said “The number of calls you’re booking a day must be nuts if you have that many setters in place ;)” you can see I’m making a bold positive assumption here. Because of this, he feels less pressure opening up about his genuine numbers because I’ve assumed so highly anyway. By doing this you’re also able to find out more about their situation without making them feel interrogated or forced to find out if you can truly help them. The problem is if you straight up ask someone “what is it that you feel is holding you back?” Some might answer but most will see through what you're trying to do. They will just ignore you. So to combat that, instead of asking it directly — assume what’s holding them back and they will most likely correct you. 2. Story-based statements This is where you answer them with a statement in a story format. This is extremely useful when trying to help them see something they don't understand yet. For example, let’s say you’re talking to somebody and they’ve told you they wanted to leave their 9-5 to do their own thing. In this instance, they don't know what their own thing is yet and you run a business where you help 9-5rs quit their jobs and become closers. You could say: “I’ve been there myself bro.. 3 years ago I just felt stuck on a hamster wheel :/” “Waking up every day to do the same office job with the feeling I could get more out of life.” “This is why I’m so glad I came across closing and got obsessed with it!” “I was able to quit my job after 2 months! Never really looked back and if I could do it, you definitely can! ” See with a statement like this — you're not trying to ask him something to get something out of him. You’re instead sharing a story of your own experience which shows him that the transformation he wants is possible because you’ve achieved it yourself. It gives him hope his goal is achievable and you also build authority because he sees you’ve done it and wants to do the same thing you did. You can also use stories of clients' experiences, or experiences with family and friends. Pretty much tell stories when you want someone to understand a point. It’s also a great way to build someone's desire for something, and show them to the path ahead of them. These story-based statements are great for people who come across with a fear mindset. Fear tends to come from the unknown, the unclear path ahead. So while telling story-based statements you’re able to give somebody that path ahead and give that person clarity on what the road ahead looks like. Based on stories from your own experience, clients' experiences & family experiences. You can also mirror back to them a story about a time when you were going through a similar situation yourself and relate it to them to give them a path ahead. 3. Casual statements This is where you make a casual statement to someone. For example, somebody tells you their weekend was great and they spent it with family down the beach. You could say: “I hope you and the family had a great time, a weekend down the beach with the family sounds beautiful!” This just shows the person you are a normal human just having a conversation with them. When you get good at making statements that provoke a reply, they will start asking you more questions. It’s still super important to ask them the right questions while also using statements. The more you learn and begin to master balancing making great statements & asking the right questions — the easier building a genuine relationship becomes. A quick tip: The prospect needs you more than you need them. Always keep this in mind. How do you know if you're asking the right questions? Question checklist: - Does the question have context to the conversation you're having? - Does the question lead you to a better understanding of their desired outcome/what’s holding them back? - Have you balanced the question with a statement? Let’s say someone told me this: “yeah bro I agree, things have been good for me. Work has been pretty tough recently though” My thought process would be: He’s showing me he's not feeling fulfilled/satisfied with work recently, and he's struggling a little. Then I would reply with someone like, “yeah I get you on that one, work can be tough on us all at times, right? I have been finding work a little tough recently too, building out a new program for clients which has been taking forever lol! How come work has been so tough on you brother? Green = Mirroring Orange = story-based statement Purple = Question about what he thinks is holding him back This brushes off as much less direct and much more conversational than just a question like “what is it you’ve been finding tough about work bro?” and it ticks everything in the question checklist. Make sure to paraphrase what a prospect says to you to give him confirmation that you understand him. / mirroring Principle 5: Detect The Deeper Meaning — read between the lines Very often there are hidden messages we tell people behind what we say. A generic example of this would be when your parent tells you they want you to do well in school. What they are saying on a deeper level is they want you to have an amazing future. They believe if you have a good education you’d have a good future. I want you to think of what people say as an onion - The 1st layer is their language: The words they use - The 2nd layer is their emotion: The emotion they express - The 3rd layer is their core intent: The core reason why they are using that emotion & words Example: Every time somebody says something to you, I want you to think about this onion and what’s the core reason they are using that emotion and language. The thing is the better you get at detecting the more profound meaning, the more you can mirror people's deeper desires, and building that genuine relationship with them becomes so much easier. Everyone you talk to will do the same thing. It’s crucial to spot the deeper meaning behind what they are trying to communicate so you can get to understand them and truly see if you could genuinely help them. When you truly listen, and I mean truly listen so you can find the deeper meanings behind what they say — not only will they feel extremely understood but you will never have anything not to talk about. When you truly become interested in another person, you’ll figure out people are really interesting. After that, it’s about directing the conversation. Always look for what people are truly trying to communicate to you on a core level with their messages. What are they trying to tell me on a deeper level? For example, if you asked a prospect about organic marketing and he replied with: “hey dude, been doing organic for a little while now.. I just think I'm gonna focus on paid ads’” This indicates that he didn’t have the best experience with organic. It doesn’t mean that he truly wants to focus on ads alone, or that he has given up on organic even though it seems like it. Seek to understand, not to be understood. You must practice detecting the deeper meaning of what people say to truly be aware of what they are trying to communicate. That way you can see through their persona and communicate with them on a deeper level. That’s where you form a true bond and friendship with someone. We humans aren’t the best at communicating what we truly mean. Miscommunication is pretty much guaranteed unless you truly listen and seek to understand someone. Principle 6: Figure Out Their Desires And Needs Before You Propose A Call — North Star The most crucial part of getting somebody to take action on something you’ve suggested — is by listening to them and asking them the right questions. Humans are and will forever be inherently selfish creatures by default. They love their own lives, their own stories, and their interests. The simplest and most effective way to easily build a relationship with someone is to get the person talking about their stories in life, their current interests, and their situation. Just give them an open space where they can genuinely feel listened to and understood by mirroring them. So the most crucial part of truly being able to influence someone to take action and make the necessary changes they need to make — Is by figuring out what it is they are struggling with. It’s also about what they want in life & linking that to what we have to offer them. This means you must find out 2 principles before you even consider proposing a call (in no particular order): - Their desired outcome — what is it they desire most in life right now? - What do they think is holding them back — what is it that they think is stopping them from getting their desired outcome? You can also use these 2 principles to guide the conversation and guide the questions you ask. For example, every time I read a message I ask myself these questions: - How can I use what they have said here to mirror them and stroke their ego? - How can I use what they have said here to direct the conversation toward their desired outcome/what’s holding them back? You use these 2 keys to direct the conversation towards finding the desired outcome & what holds them back from it. You do this by asking yourself this question after every message they send: “How can I use what they have said here to find out more about their desired outcome or what they think is holding them back?” How to propose a call You want so you can propose a call if you can genuinely help the person go from A to B. I use these 2 principles as my north star in the conversation. Proposing a call becomes easy once you have both of these. However, to get them to open up — you must build trust, and familiarity and show them you are a genuine person who cares enough to truly listen to see if you can genuinely help out. You do this by mastering everything we mentioned above. An example of this would be: I’ve been talking to Chris for a while and I come to find out he’s been stressed at his 9-5, I dig deeper and find out that he’s not super happy with his job and wants to start his own business. So I start by showing him a sign of genuine appreciation for having the vision beyond just his 9-5 and ask him how come you haven’t yet gone all-in with the business. He tells me it’s because he’s having a hard time signing his first few clients and so he’s stuck working his job to pay bills. So then once I’ve listened and figured out his desired outcome and what he thinks is holding him back, I genuinely understand his situation and he knows that so I can propose the call I’d propose the call like: “I’d love to see if I could potentially help you get clear on how you can sign a few clients so you can go all-in on the business and finally quit your 9-5. Would you be free for a call this upcoming week?” This is how you influence somebody to take genuine action, you speak in terms of their interests and link them to what you have to offer. Only if you feel you can genuinely help them. Always make sure to figure out somebody's current situation as accurately as possible so that you can see if you’re truly able to help them. How To Transition The Conversation Into Business Talk It’s important to keep in mind that there is no perfect way of doing this. I usually let the conversation flow and as soon I see an opportunity to transition I take it. I rarely try to force it, because that damages the connection you’ve been building with the prospect. I see life and business as the same thing so I always look for a way to relate one to another in the conversation. This makes it way easier to transition. For example, say they were to mention the fact they are traveling to New York in a few weeks. I would say something like: “New York sounds awesome bro! I’ve got to come out there sometime “You gonna meet with some clients over there? ;)” The conversation will naturally flow more towards business. Way of transitioning the conversation 1. Show them you know them this could come from mirroring back something they’ve said in a conversation. Like the example above. 2. Show them you know them, stroke their ego, and then lace in a story statement. For example: Say they post a “story post” on their socials where they talk about mental health. I would reach out and say something like: “Hey name, mad respect for your latest post about mental health. It’s super powerful.” “The post took me back to when I recently started doing business, I remember how difficult it was for me to overcome all the limiting beliefs.” “It’s been a hell of a journey lol.. Definitely grateful for it tho, It has helped me to build what I’ve built today.” “Props to you for that post, could defo use it back in the days haha ;)” This approach shows them you know them and that you care enough to do your research. It makes them feel important. The story statement shows us that we can be vulnerable. This gives them a space to relate, and open up about their experiences. It also directs the convo toward business. Green = context for convo Purple = stroking the ego Orange = Story-based statement Blue = directing the convo toward business Important Reminder The key to all of this is genuinely being interested and doing your absolute best to understand people even if they come from a poor perspective or a place of hate. You have to become obsessed with learning about people and how they work & why they do the things they do. You are always communicating with someone's ego. Make sure not to send paragraphs in the DM’s. Space the sentences out. Keep the answers short and sweet, make sure you mirror them and stroke their ego. Lead the conversation from a place of context. Differentiate yourself from the rest, don’t use generic messaging.
