IN THE FOUR LOVES C. S. LEWIS EXPLAINS,
THROUGH A CHRISTIAN LENS, FOUR FORMS OF
LOVE EXPRESSED IN THE GREEK LANGUAGE
•“Storge”
•“Philia”
•“Eros”
•“Agape”
(affection)
(friendship)
(romance)
(charity)
STORGE
Affection is like the
fondness one feels for a
pet, familiarity between
family members, or just
the feeling of being
comfortable with someone
in a silence.
PHILIA
So, you might be companions with
several people at work, but
friends with a few. Friendship has
to be built upon a shared interest.
It has to be “about” something,
otherwise it’s only companionship
— though, the companionship
might be strengthened with
affection (familiarity.)
EROS
Eros can exist without Venus (Lewis’ term for
sex.) It is a deep, consuming love that is focused
on a single person. Unlike friendship, which
welcomes many friends without jealousy, Eros is
a singular focus.
He distinguishes between Eros (love) and Venus
(sex): Sex wants sex itself, while Eros wants the
Beloved. A man prowling the streets wants sex,
not a woman. He wants the woman’s body.
A man searching for the woman with whom he is
in Eros love wants the woman for herself. The
sex he has with her is a celebration of love.
AGAPE
This is the sort of love that exists
for strangers — for people that
most would find unlovable.
AGAPE is unselfish.
Compassion, Empathy….
A Bible passage used at many
wedding ceremonies:
1Corinthians:13 describes AGAPE.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does
not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.”
How is ‘Agape’
different from
the other
forms of love?
THE NATURE OF LOVE
Lewis explains that the nature of love
can be divided into “gift love” and
“need love,”
Gift love being the sort of unconditional
love a mother gives her child,
Need love being the sort of love a child
seeks from a mother by yearning for
her protection and comfort.
Each is a valid form of love, and each
has the potential to become toxic.
NEED LOVE
Love can go bad. People
sometimes assume that
“need love” is their due, no
matter how they behave.
This is apparent when a
husband mistreats his wife
daily and expects her to love
him anyway.
GIFT LOVE
“Gift” love can go toxic when a mother
does so much for a child that the child
cannot grow, and then she becomes
jealous when the child pulls away.
Her desire to offer gift love (love that is a
gift and comes with no strings,) has
turned into a need: she feels hollow if the
child does not “need” her gift love. She
can’t bear to admit that he doesn’t need
it, because her role is to give love, and
without it, she feels she has no purpose.
*Can you name a TV mom whose gift
love might be toxic to her children?
Let’s Talk About Love
1. What does love mean to you? Do you need it? Could you live
without love? Why/Why not?
2. How does it feel to hear the words “I love you”? Do you need to
hear it everyday? Why/Why not? Is it different if the words
come from family, friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a stranger?
Explain.
3. Are you too young to experience romantic love? When is one
too young to say they are in love with someone else?
4. Do you love anything material? How is that different from loving
a person? Is it really “love” when you love an object?
Why doesn’t Lewis include it in his four types of love?
Enrichment:
Choose a “love song” and discuss which of
Lewis’ 4 Loves does it refer to. Use lyrics
from the song along with the notes from the
previous slides to prove your point.