A seminar on Marriage and Family in the Bible. Their Theological View. In Partial fulfillment to Marriage and Counselling Submitted to: Dr. Cherian Mathew Submitted by: Aaron Thomas Mathews and Abel K. Chacko 1 Marriage and Family in the Bible. Their Theological View. Contents Introduction 1. Understanding Family and Marriage (3) 2. What is Marriage? (3) 3. Principles of marriage (4) 3.1 The permanence of marriage (4) 3.2 The sacredness of marriage (4) 3.3 The intimacy of marriage (4) 3.4 The mutuality of marriage (4) 3.5 The exclusiveness of marriage (5) 4. What is Family? (5) 4.1 Family in the OT (5) 4.1.1 Family and faith in the Old Testament: (5) 4.1.2 Family's involvement in Old Testament Salvation History (5) 4.1.3 Family in the OT as a means of revelation (6) 4.2 Family in the NT (6) 4.2.1 The NT places the family at the focus of religious life (7) 4.2.2 Family and Belief in the NT (7) 4.2.3 Family as a symbol or representation of the Church (7) 5. How sin Affected Marriage and Family? (8) 5.1 Polygamy (8) 5.2 Divorce (8) 5.3 Adultery (8) 5.4 Homosexuality (8) 5.5 Sterility (8) 5.6 Gender Confusion (8) 6. The restoration of God’s original design for Marriage and Family in Christ. Conclusion Bibliography and Webliography 2 (9) Introduction In this Seminar Paper, we will delve into the fundamental aspects of marriage and family, exploring their significance, principles, and historical context. We will also examine how sin has affected these institutions and discuss the hope of restoring God's original design for marriage and family through Christ. By gaining a deeper understanding of these topics, we hope to enhance our relationships, promote healthy family dynamics, and strengthen our commitment to marital bonds. 1. UNDERSTANDING FAMILY AND MARRIAGE Social anthropologists and sociologists view the family as a living and changing entity that grows and develops as society progresses. Just like how we grow and become more mature as we get older, the family also goes through different stages of development. It starts from a simpler form and gradually becomes more complex and advanced, adapting to the changes happening in society. Also, the process of change and evolution in marriage goes beyond the limits of time and distance. And when we look at marriage, as a social institution, it has also gone through various modifications and is still going through changes to stay relevant and adapt to the changing times.1 Marriage is an institution which leads to the formation of family. Here, it would suffice to say that families can be formed even without marriage, but marriage leads essentially to the formation of family. Thus, both the institutions, which form the basic unit of society, are essentially complementary to each other. 2. What is Marriage? Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual intercourse.2 According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, marriage is the “state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law or the institutions whereby individuals are joined in marriage or an intimate or close union”. Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.3 Marriage is usually recognized by the state or a religious authority, or both. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the said government. If recognized by 1 Nilima Srivastava, MWG-002 Gender and Power (New Delhi: Indira Gandhi National Open University, 2012), 198. Andreas J Köstenberger, THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY (Washington, D.C.: Family Research Council, 2011), 6. 3 George Merriam, “Marriage Definition & Meaning,” Merriam-Webster, 2016, accessed July 16, 2023, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/marriage. 2 3 the state, by the religion(s) to which the parties belong or by society in general, the act of marriage changes the personal and social status of the individuals who enter into it. 3. PRINCIPLES OF MARRIAGE Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual intercourse. God’s plan for the marriage covenant involves at least the following five vital principles: 3.1 The permanence of marriage: Marriage is intended to be permanent, since it was established by God (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9). Marriage represents a serious commitment that should not be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. It involves a solemn promise or pledge, not merely to one’s marriage partner, but before God. 3.2 The sacredness of marriage: Marriage is not merely a human agreement between two consenting individuals (a “civil union”); it is a relationship before and under God (Genesis 2:22). Hence, a “same-sex marriage” is an oxymoron, a contradiction in terms. Since Scripture universally condemns homosexual relationships (see further under Homosexuality below) God will never sanction a marital bond between two members of the same sex. 3.3 The intimacy of marriage: Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, uniting a man and a woman in a “one-flesh” union (Genesis 2:23–25). Marriage involves “leaving” one’s family of origin and “being united” to one’s spouse, which signifies the establishment of a new family unit distinct from the two originating families. While “one flesh” suggests sexual intercourse and normally procreation, at its very heart the concept entails the establishment of a new kinship relationship between two previously unrelated individuals (and families) by the most intimate of human bonds.4 3.4 The mutuality of marriage: Marriage is a relationship of free self-giving of one human being to another (Ephesians 5:25–30). The marriage partners are to be first and foremost concerned about the wellbeing of the other person and to be committed to each other in steadfast love and devotion. This involves the need for forgiveness and restoration of the relationship in the case of sin. Mutuality, however, does not mean sameness in role. Scripture is clear that wives are to submit to their husbands and to serve as their “suitable helpers,” while husbands are to bear the ultimate responsibility for the marriage before God (Ephesians 5:22–24; Colossians 3:18; see also Genesis 2:18, 20).5 4 Andreas J Köstenberger, THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY (Washington, D.C.: Family Research Council, 2011), 7. 5 Köstenberger, THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, 8. 4 3.5 The exclusiveness of marriage: Marriage is not only permanent, sacred, intimate, and mutual; it is also exclusive (Genesis 2:22–25; 1 Corinthians 7:2–5). This means that no other human relationship must interfere with the marriage commitment between husband and wife. For this reason, Jesus treated sexual immorality of a married person, including even a husband’s lustful thoughts, with utmost seriousness (Matthew 5:28; 19:9). For the same reason, premarital sex is also illegitimate, since it violates the exclusive claims of one’s future spouse. As the Song of Solomon makes clear, only in the secure context of an exclusive marital bond can free and complete giving of oneself in marriage take place. 4. What is family? The Bible defines “family” in a narrow sense as the union of one man and one woman in matrimony which is normally blessed with one or several natural or adopted children. In a broad sense, this family also includes any other persons related by blood (the extended family). In the book of Genesis, we read that God in the beginning created first a man (Adam) to exercise dominion over his creation and subsequently a woman (Eve) as the man’s “suitable helper” (Genesis 2:18, 20). Then, the word says that, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 ESV).6 4.1 FAMILY IN THE OLD TESTAMENT 4.1.1 Family and faith in the Old Testament: Old Testament faith had a strong corporate dimension. People did not participate in the covenant as isolated individuals, but as members of families, clans, and tribes. Religious commitments made by the head of the household involved the whole family. For example, Joshua spoke for his whole family when he said that he and his house would serve the Lord (Josh. 24:15). In early Old Testament times, the family was the center of worship. The father, as head of the household, was the priest for the household (Gen. 22: 1-14; 26:23-25; Ex. 12:3-11).7 Later the center of worship shifted to the tabernacle and the Temple, and an official priesthood was established. Even after the Temple was built, however, families continued to observe Passover; perform circumcisions, marriages, and funerals; observe the dietary laws; and engage in religious instruction. Teaching the law to one's children was one of the obligations of the covenant. 4.1.2 Family's involvement in Old Testament Salvation History: The biological family has a significant impact on the history of Old Testament redemption. God gave Abraham a promise of numerous children, land, and blessings—exactly the kinds of things that any ancient family would desire. This promise was made to Abraham in order to bless his family, then through him to bless all of Israel, and finally through Israel to bless all the families 6 Sajan George, “Biblical Understanding of Family””, Bethany Journal of Theology, 4/1 (April 2012): 39-40. “Family"; Colin Brown, ed., New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology (Grand Rapids: Zondervan,1978), 367. Hereafter cited as NIDNTT. 7 5 on earth (Genesis 12: 1-3). The Messiah, who was both David's and God's son, ultimately brought to fruition God's promise to David that He would place a son on his throne who would rule over an eternal kingdom. God blessed all homes by means of the mansion he built for David (2 Samuel 7:11–16). For instance, even though his promise of blessing was passed down via familial lines, God chose to bless Isaac (Gen. 21:9–13), Jacob (Gen. 25:23; 27:1–29), and Judah (Gen. 49:3–4, 8–12) instead of Jacob, who would have received the blessing as the firstborn son customarily. In order to fulfil the promise, God blessed Sarah and Rebekah, two barren women, with offspring (Genesis 21: 1–7; 25:21). God chose Israel, but He also gave the blessing to non-Israelites, such as the Moabite lady Ruth (Ruth 4: 13–22) and the Canaanite prostitute Rahab (Josh. 2:8–14; Mt. 1:5). According to Matthew 1:18–25 and Luke 2:4–7, the Messiah was born to an unmarried Israelite girl when he arrived. 4.1.3 Family in the OT as a means of revelation: Since the authors of the Old Testament describe God's nature and relationship to Israel in terms of families, families also function as a means of revelation. For instance, God is frequently referred to as the father of Israel (Isa. 64:8; Jer. 31:9) and as the eldest son of Israel (Ex. 4:22; Is. 1:2). Throughout their wanderings in the wilderness, He carries Israel like a kid (Deut. 1:31). Even when their own families abandon them, He continues to be their Father (Isa. 63:16; also Ps. 27:10). God is also represented as a mother, giving birth to Israel and raising them: "You were unaware of the Rock that bore you; you ignored the God who gave birth to you. When the Lord saw it, he became envious and rejected his children (Deut. 32:19). In maternal imagery, Isaiah assures Israel of heavenly comfort: "Can a mother neglect her nursing infant, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? As a mother soothes her kid, so will I comfort you (Isa. 49:15; 66:13). Even they may forget, but I will not forget you. God is also referred to in the Old Testament as the divine husband of Israel, who is his only wife. The metaphor frequently appears when the prophets condemn Israel for being unfaithful. By breaking their marriage vows and developing connections with other deities, God's wife has committed adultery, according to the Lord (Jer. 31:32; see also Ezek. 16). Hosea makes the most extensive use of this picture. In Jeremiah 50:33–34, God is also referred to as the go'el, or kinsman-redeemer, who will rescue Israel from captivity and save them from their adversaries. In the New Testament, the revelation of God as a family is expanded upon and strengthened. For instance, the Gospels' use of the phrase "adulterous generation" perpetuates the concept from the Old Testament that God is the unfaithful wife of his unfaithful people (Mt. 12:39; Mk. 8:38).8 However, the marriage metaphor is applied to Christ and the church in the New Testament. In a spiritual connection as close as the one between a husband and wife, Jesus is the bridegroom, and the church is the bride of Christ (Mk. 2:18–20; 2 Corinthians 11:2; Eph. 5:31–32; Rev. 21:). 8 NIDNTT, "Marriage," by W. Gunther, op. cit., 187. 6 4.2 FAMILY IN THE NEW TESTAMENT 4.2.1 The NT places the family at the focus of religious life: The family is once more at the center of religious life in the New Testament.9 In John 4:19– 24, Jesus tells the Samaritan woman that worshipping God no longer needs to take place only in one location but may now take place wherever there is truth and spirit. Household conversions and baptisms are mentioned in Acts and the Epistles (Cornelius in Acts 10, Lydia in Acts 16, the Philippian jailer in Acts 16, Crispus in Acts 18, and Stephanas in 1 Corinthians 1:16). The family served as the foundation for the early church's structure (house churches) (Rom. 16:5, 1 Cor. 16:19, Col. 4:15, Philemon 1:2).10 In this situation, it was crucial that the household's borders be open in order to welcome strangers into the community. The Lord's Supper (Acts 2:46), Christian education (1 Cor. 14:35; Eph. 6:4), baptism (Acts 16:15), teaching (Acts 20:20), and a large portion of church activity took place in homes. Family contexts served as a model for leadership structures.11Elders may have served as the heads of families based on the criteria in the Pastorals. One way that household worship in the New Testament differs from that in the Old Testament is that the father of the family is not the family's priest. All Christians are now priests, and Jesus is their high priest, receiving them into God's presence from His throne at the right side of the Father (Rev. 10:11–25; 13:10–16; 1 Pet. 2:9–10). 4.2.2 Family and Belief in the NT: The entry of the kingdom of God in Jesus' life, death, and resurrection results in even more dramatic transformations in family and faith. For Christians, a new primary group identity—that of the kingdom of God—has replaced the previous group identities of family, clan, tribe, and nation. According to what Jesus says, loyalty to him and to his kingdom comes before all other considerations. Jesus says that the demands of the gospel would sever even familial relationships in Mt. 10:34–38 (cf. Mic. 7:6). The extreme need of the gospel is expressed even more forcefully in the Lukan version as loathing of all human relationships, including one's own (Lk. 14:26). If a believer's new citizenship is in God's kingdom, then the believer's new family is the family of faith. Because they have joined a new family with a new master, Jesus warns his followers to expect strife in their previous relationships (Mt. 10:24–25). However, so that we don't misunderstand, Jesus "did not expect biological family to be denied or eliminated," claims Clapp. However, he relativized and decentered it.12 4.2.3 Family as a symbol or representation of the Church: One of the key New Testament depictions of the I church is made up of family representations. A noteworthy change from the Old Testament is this. God has a dwelling in the Old Testament, but no household. The Temple is nearly often referred to as the "house of God" (bet Yahweh) and not God's people (e.g., 1 Kings 8:13, 27; Is. 66:1). God's residence is his abode, 9 Köstenberger, THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY,110. John Driver, Images of the Church in Mission (Scottdale, PA: Herald Press, 1997), 150. 11 Alby Mathew and Bibin Baby, “Marriage and Family in the BIBLE,” Marriage and Family Counselling (2016), 5. 12 Rodney Clapp, Families at the Crossroads: Beyond Traditional and Modern Options (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993), 78. 10 7 the location where he is to be found. The Temple is still referred to be God's house in the New Testament (Mt. 12:4), even though it will eventually be destroyed (Mt. 24:1-2). The people of God are now, more crucially, the "house (hold) of God" (i) or the "household of faith" (oikos tes pisteos).13 Whether via adoption (Paul) or rebirth (John), believers are children of God. Believers are related to one another and to Christ as siblings since they are God's offspring. Gentiles are described in Ephesians 2 as "members of the household of God" rather than "strangers and aliens" (Eph. 2:12–13,19–20). 5. How Did Sin Affect Marriage and the Family? Knowing the divine ideal for marriage, and aware that marriage and the family are divine institutions, we are now able to move from God’s creation of man and woman and his institution of marriage to the Fall of humanity and its negative consequences on the marriage relationship. As a study of biblical history shows, humanity’s rebellion against the Creator’s purposes led to at least the following six negative consequences: (1) polygamy; (2) divorce; (3) adultery; (4) homosexuality; (5) sterility; and (6) gender role confusion. 5.1 POLYGAMY The first shortcoming, polygamy more specifically, polygyny, marrying multiple wives—violates God’s instituted pattern of marital monogamy. While it was certainly within God’s prerogative and power to make more than one wife for the man, God only made Eve. Yet within six generations after the fall of humanity, barely after Adam had died, Lamech took two wives (Genesis 4:19). Later, prominent men in Israel’s history such as Abraham, Esau, Jacob, Gideon, Elkanah, David, Solomon, and others engaged in polygamy. However, not only did polygamous marriage fall short of God’s original design, it regularly resulted in disruptive favoritism, jealousy between competing wives, and decline into idolatry. 14 5.2 DIVORCE The second compromise of God’s ideal for marriage was divorce, which disrupted the permanence of marriage. While divorce became so common that it had to be regulated in the Mosaic code (Deuteronomy 24:1–4), the Bible makes clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Divorce is also used repeatedly as an analogy for spiritual apostasy (Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8). 5.3 ADULTARY A third shortcoming was adultery, the breaking of one’s marriage vows. The Decalogue stipulates explicitly, “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy 5:18). An egregious case of adultery was David’s sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). In cases such as these, the principle of marital fidelity to one’s marriage partner was compromised. The Book of Proverbs calls adultery both foolish and dangerous (e.g., Proverbs 2:16–19; 5:3–22; 6:32–33; 7:5–23; 9:13–18). In the Old 13 14 Driver, Images of the Church in Mission, 139. Köstenberger, THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY,9. 8 Testament, adultery is frequently used as an analogy to depict the spiritual unfaithfulness of God’s people Israel (Jeremiah 3:8–9; Ezekiel 16:32, 38; Hosea 1:1–3:5). 5.4 HOMOSEXUALITY Homosexuality, fourth, marks another falling away from God’s creation purposes in that it violates the divine will for marriage to be between one man and one woman. As Genesis 2:24 stipulates, “A man [masculine] shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife [feminine], and the two shall become one flesh.” Heterosexuality is the only possible arrangement for marriage, as the Creator has commanded and expects married couples to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28). Since homosexuality involves same-sex intercourse that cannot lead to procreation, it is unnatural and cannot logically entail the possibility of marriage. 5.5 STERILITY A fifth shortcoming of God’s ideal for marriage is sterility, which falls short of the fertility desired by the Creator. Fertility is implicit in the biblical reference to the “one flesh” union. At times, lack of fertility is said in the Old Testament to be the result of personal sin (Genesis 20:17–18; 2 Samuel 6:23), while on other occasions sterility is presented as a simple fact of (fallen) nature (Genesis 11:30; 25:21; 30:1; 1 Samuel 1:2). However, God is often shown to answer prayers for fertility offered by his people in faith (e.g., 1 Samuel 1:9–20).15 5.6 GENDER CONFUSION Gender role confusion is a sixth and final result of humanity’s rebellion against the Creator. Where God’s design for man and woman to be distinct yet complementary partners in procreation and stewardship of God’s earth is diluted, people will inexorably be confused about what it means to be masculine or feminine, and the lines between the two sexes made by God will increasingly be blurred. Despite the above-mentioned ways in which God’s original design for marriage and the family was compromised, however, the Bible in the Old Testament continues to extol the virtues of the excellent wife (Proverbs 31:10–31) and to celebrate the beauty of sex in marriage (Song of Solomon). 6. The restoration of God’s original design for Marriage and Family in Christ The New Testament declares that as part of God's realignment of all things under Christ's rule and reign, God has restored His original intention for marriage in Christ. The goal of God, according to the book of Ephesians (Ephesians 1:10, NIV), is "to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ." Therefore, marriage is not a goal unto itself but a means to the restoration of all things by God in the latter days via the person of Jesus Christ. All demonic forces are subdued and subjected to the all-powerful rule of Christ as part of this 15 Köstenberger, THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY,10-11. 9 restoration (Ephesians 1:21-22). Later in the same epistle, in the context of Christians having to be filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18), Paul discusses marriage in general and marital roles in particular. What is the marital pattern in the Bible? The simplest way to see this is to carefully examine Ephesians 5:21–33, the most important text on marital duties in the New Testament. In this section, wives and husbands are both given instructions in the form of a "house table," which includes directives provided first to the one who is subject to authority and then directives for the person in a position of power. Following this pattern, the text addresses first women, then husbands (Ephesians 5:22–33), then children, then parents (Ephesians 6:1-4), and first slaves, then masters (Ephesians 6:5–9; other passages referred to be "house tables" include Colossians 3:18–4:1 and 1 Peter 2:1–13). For their part, wives are obligated to treat their husbands as though they were the Lord. According to Ephesians 5:21–24, wives should submit to their husbands in every way just as the church does to Christ. In turn, husbands are expected to care for and sacrifice for their spouses in the same way that Christ did for the church. According to Ephesians 5:25–30, men are obligated to take care of their wives both materially and spiritually and to value them as God's particular provision. God's original creation plan for marriage will be realized once again if Christian husbands and wives carry out these marital roles: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31, referencing Genesis 2:24).16 The greater framework of Christ's supremacy over all other authorities, which Paul addressed at the opening of his epistle to the Ephesians (see Ephesians 1:10, 20–23), is where this pattern of headship and submission is situated, as was previously noted. Paul returns to this topic at the conclusion of his letter, advising all Christians—including spouses, parents, and kids—to put on the "whole armor of God" in order to be able to resist the devil (Ephesians 6:10; for a breakdown of the many components of this spiritual "armor," see Ephesians 6:14–18). According to Ephesians 6:12, believers are engaged in a spiritual battle against evil, not against physical enemies. They will be able to withstand the devil "in the evil day" (Ephesians 6:13) if they are armed with truth, righteousness, the gospel, faith, salvation, and God's word. At least in part, why there is so much strife in so many marriages and families today can be explained by the reality of Satan's strength and his troops. It also contributes to understanding why divorce is so common and why marriage is under such severe attack in our culture today. 16 K V Elias, Understanding of Marriage and Family in the Old Testament (2014), https://ocymonline.org/articles/Understanding%20of%20Marriage%20and%20Family%20by%20Rev%20Fr%20K%2 0V%20Elias.pdf, 6. 10 CONCLUSION This seminar on "Understanding Family and Marriage," we have delved into various facets that shed light on the significance of these sacred institutions. We explored the principles of marriage, emphasizing its permanence, sacredness, intimacy, mutuality, and exclusiveness. Additionally, we examined the concept of family, tracing its roots in the Old and New Testaments, recognizing its role in religious life and its representation of the Church. Furthermore, we acknowledged the impact of sin on marriage and family, addressing issues such as polygamy, divorce, adultery, homosexuality, sterility, and gender confusion. However, in the midst of these challenges, we discovered the hope of restoration through Christ. By embracing His teachings and grace, we can strive to align our marriages and families with God's original design, fostering love, unity, and harmony. BIBLIOGRAPHY Clapp, Rodney. Families at the Crossroads: Beyond Traditional and Modern Options, Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993. Driver, John. Images of the Church in Mission, Scottdale, PA: Herald Press, 1997. George, Sajan. “Biblical Understanding of Family”, Bethany Journal of Theology, 4/1 (April 2012). Köstenberger, Andreas J. THE BIBLE’S TEACHING ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. Washington, D.C.: Family Research Council, 2011. Mathew, Alby, and Bibin Baby. “Marriage and Family in the BIBLE.” Marriage and Family Counselling (2016). Srivastava, Nilima. MWG-002 Gender and Power. New Delhi: Indira Gandhi National Open University, 2012. WEBLIOGRAPHY Elias, K V. Understanding of Marriage and Family in the Old Testament (2014). https://ocymonline.org/articles/Understanding%20of%20Marriage%20and%20Family%20 by%20Rev%20Fr%20K%20V%20Elias.pdf. Merriam, George. “Marriage Definition & Meaning.” Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, Inc, 2016. Last modified 2016. Accessed July 16, 2023. https://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/marriage. 11