The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of
electricity in 2014.
John 6/20/18 22:04
Comment [1]: good intro
The bar chart compares 10 highest-ranking countries in terms of electricity generation and
consumption in 2014.
Overall, the amounts of electricity produced and consumed in China and the US were by far higher
than the other nations. It is also noticeable that Germany was the only country that consumed more
electricity than it generated.
Out of the 10 nations, China ranked first with the production and consumption of electricity being
over 5,300 billion kWh each in 2014. The US, the second largest electricity producer and consumer,
generated 4,099 billion kWh and consume 3,866 billion kWh of electricity in the same year.
John 6/20/18 22:04
Comment [2]: were far higher than
John 6/20/18 22:05
Comment [3]: well spotted☺
John 6/20/18 22:06
Comment [4]: being just over
John 6/20/18 22:07
Comment [5]: not needed = unnecessary
repetition as the year does not change for all
countries
John 6/20/18 22:07
Comment [6]: ed
John 6/20/18 22:07
Comment [7]: not needed – this is known
Looking at the remaining countries, we can see that Russia was the only nation with electricity
generation and consumption being over 1,000 billion kWh each, followed by Japan and India, with
the figures being slightly lower. Interestingly, Germany produced 526.6 billion kWh of electricity, but
it consumed 582.5 kWh, whereas the figures for the others vary from around 450 to just over 618
billion kWh of electricity.
(168 words)
John 6/20/18 22:10
Comment [8]: just over/at
approximately
John 6/20/18 22:11
Comment [9]: at around??
John 6/20/18 22:13
Comment [10]: billion
Overall, 7.5-8.0
Very good overall☺
Make sure you use values to support all points.
Use “just” over X rather than over. e.g. “was over 100” could be 102, 150, 190, 30000
“was just over 100” can only mean 102, 105
Think about where you group information in a text (see my last comment J12)
Don’t repeat or use unnecessary words if the information is know or already given
John 6/20/18 22:14
Comment [11]: I would write this as my
last sentence and discuss the other
countries after the sentence about Japan
and India
John 6/20/18 22:13
Comment [12]: show a difference in
production and consumption of electricity at
around 50-150 billion kWh