Tackling mother in-law problems in marriage Establishing healthy homes What does your relationship with your mother in-law looks like? Introduction One of the most difficult relationships in marriage is handling mother in-law problems. Very few women have encountered godly mother in-laws; while very many have encountered difficult ones that have threatened marriage relationships. On the other hand, some daughter in-laws have encountered good mother in-laws but they have been the problem themselves. It is the rear marriage that has no in-law problems. If you found one, you should be thankful to the Creator for it. You pick your spouse but he/she comes into the marriage with his/her set of garbage of the entire family. Some women are truly blessed with good mother in laws and if you are never grateful to God for such mothers, you will be grateful to the devil for giving you a really bad one. Most men do not always constitute any threads to the marriages of their sons or daughters except women. Causes/problems associated with in-laws * foundational problems, which are inherited fron parents. A woman whose mother never loves her Inlaws is Likely to transfer same to her daughter. This is like the computer language, “garbage in garbage out. * Pergonality a temperamental misconceptions. This happens as a result of a lack of understanding of oneself leading to misunderstanding others. * Misunderstanding love language e.g. quality time, receiving of gifts, affirmation. * Economic/Financial factors. This takes place especially when the husband of the daughter happens to be breadwinner of the family. * Lack of premarital counseling. Many newly wedded couples have not undergone premarital counseling on relational matters so they are not able to relate well with their in-laws. * Family background/upbringing. * Influence of friends on the part of the daughter in-law. When they advise wrongly. They become bad counselors. * Cultural and tribal differences. When the daughter in-law is coming from another tribe, it becomes a bond of contention for the mother in-law. * Jealousy. When either of the parties feels threatened by the other, jealousy becomes the order of the day. * Ignorance. This is brought about a lack of knowledge. * Lack of understanding in terms of their positions either as daughter or mother in-law. They are unique positions but the man is tone in between his mother and wife. * Trust and mistrusts. This has its roots from childhood when the person felt abandoned at childhood and is not adequately cared for while growing up. A lack of bonding from with the parents from onset. * Greediness on either part while must be dealt with properly for peace to reign. Types of mother in laws * The critic mother -in-law. A mother in-law who delights in critiquing everything the daughter in-law does. The jealous mother in law. She loves to compete with her daughter in law. She can’t let go of her son and feels that won’t take good care of her son as she did. * The obsessive-compulsive mother in law (OCD). The controlling mother in law. * The gossiping type of mother in law. 2 The Materialistia type of mother in law. * The queen Of the Night. she is only interested in her Daughter in law's Service always. *The eager to be grand. She only interested in seeing her grand children and if for any reason, there is no sign of a child, she instructs her son to get another wife. *The traditionalist Mother in-law. Everything must be done as we do it in our culture or family. *The motivator e.g. Ruth and Naomi. She is interested in the welfare of her daughter in law and does all she could to motivate her because she loves her son. * The fashion lover mother in law. * The new best friend mother in law. She welcomes her daughter in law warmly into the family. She thinks you and her son are a perfect gift one for another. Your personality just clicks. * The manipulator. She is interested in having her son do what she wants. She makes her son to choose between her and his wife. * The perfectionist. She is an expert in everything she does especially when it comes to cooking *The nagging mother in-law, she criticizes everything You do because you do not meet her expectations. giving in to her demands will destroy your marriage. Remedy (Rm. 12:9-21; Eph. 4:25-32) * pray for her to change but do not pray for her to die. * Shower her with love instead of hatred (Rm. 12: 17-21). * Appeal to your husband to handle the matter by talking to his mother about it. * Be friend her. * Seek to understand her by understanding yourself. * Seek the counsel of a counselor. * Be a part of a post marital counseling class * Create space for one another by building or renting your own home to avoid more trouble. * Confrontation. The use of this helps to settle a lot that initially are left which if left to contanve will destroy the parties. There is no sin in confronting someone on something he/she is doing PROBABLY unknowingly. # Dialogue (Matt. 18:15-17). In this case, you must avoid talking (backbiting) behind her. This is one of the best forms of resolving conflicts. Under dialogue, there are three steps; * Go personally (Matt. 18:15) * Appeal to your husband to talk with his mother (Matt. 18:16) * Appeal to the Clan, Church (Matt. 18:17). *Agreement *Budget control Conclusion The problem with most marriages today is that many couples never went through a proper premarital counseling. So they are not able to figure out relational solutions in marriage particularly with in-laws. Generally speaking, conflicts in life are not bad but we must not invent them. However, when they come because of our human nature, we must face them as they are with wisdom from God.
