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Power
Attraction
How to stand out from the crowd and attract more women
into your life - regardless of your looks, money or whatever
else you think!
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© MailMeTips.com - June 2012
You are free to share and distribute this guide but you
must not alter it in any way.
DISCLAIMER: The information in this guide is for education-purposes only. The
authors accept no responsibility whatsoever and are not liable for any direct,
indirect, special, incidental, consequential or exemplary damages, including but
not limited to, damages for loss of profits, goodwill, use, data or other intangible
loss, that may be sustained as a result of any use of the information in this guide.
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Tip 1 – Women do not rate men the same way
men rate women
For men, attraction is all physical, at least at the beginning. Men are drawn
entirely to the way a woman looks. Women’s criteria for men are completely
different however. Whilst women can appreciate and are attracted to attractive
men, the criteria is not nearly as high a priority as it is for men. And that’s good
news if you don’t look like a film star – which is most of us guys.
So what qualities are women looking for? Well, we look at this in more detail later
but the main criteria are: strength (not necessarily physical strength), humour,
fun, character/personality, style and excitement (again, not necessarily physical
excitement. Being unpredictable and contradictory/enigmatic is attractive to
women).
Tip 2 - Develop your self-confidence
Well, you knew this was going to be here. Everyone tells you that women are attracted to confident men and it’s absolutely true. Women seek out confident men because
it is an “alpha” trait, i.e. it is displayed by men who are the “leader of the pack” and it’s a
reliable indicator that a man is a good provider. Women are biologically programmed
to seek out confidence.
Confidence is a sign of strength. Physical strength? Sometimes. But more often (and
more importantly) it’s an indicator of mental strength. Why is mental strength important? Because you can’t navigate yourself through the modern world and its challenges with physical strength alone (at least, not without serious repercussions). You need
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to be able to negotiate life’s obstacles with more sophistication and intelligence and
that requires mental strength. Women see men who have this ability as providers of
emotional stability, i.e. these men are great companions to have by their side through
life’s difficulties.
However, if you’re not confident, no one tells you how to become confident. If this is
you, what can you do? The answer is simple. In the words of famous American psychologist, William James, “If you want a quality, act as if you already had it”. So, if you
want to be confident, act as if you were already a confident person. How would a confident person behave?
• Good posture (imagine a golden thread pulling you upright ever so slightly from
the top of your head)
• Maintaining good eye contact with others
• Speaking clearly
• Smiling
• Moving with ease, energy and enthusiasm
• Positive attitude/optimism
• Complimenting others
• Assertiveness, not being coerced by others
Tip 3 - Build a connection
A connection is having the feeling that you and the other person have the same
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outlook in life, that you want the same things and you feel the same things.
Where there is a connection, people often describe it as “clicking with someone”.
The interaction is effortless and rewarding.
How can you build a connection with a woman?
• Attitude is important. Assume there will be a connection. Assume the two of
you will get on together. When you talk to her, act as if you have both known
each other for a long time – but don’t be over-familiar. Use her first name judiciously.
• Be fully present with her. That means maintaining eye contact, listening to
what she has to say and asking open questions. Be fully engaged with the
conversation.
• Inject emotion. Don’t be afraid to touch on feelings and emotions but do it
indirectly and don’t overdo it. Couch the conversation in such a way so as to
elicit emotion-based answers, “How do you feel about that?”, “What made you
want to do that?”, “Have you ever felt...?” Women feel the world around them
much more so than men.
• Make a profound statement here and there, a universal truth. This makes her
think, “Wow, this guy feels the way I feel” or “This guy really has it figured out”.
• Use humour. Making a woman laugh is a great connection-builder but don’t
go overboard. You’re not a clown. Have a light touch when it comes to
humour. And a little self-deprecation is charming.
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Tip 4 – It's about how you make her feel
Sure, women are attracted to good-looking men but what is more important to
them – far more important – is how a man makes them feel. This often explains
why beautiful women are often found with less-than-beautiful men. That man
knows how to make her feel good about herself.
Remember that earlier piece of advice – act “as if” you had a certain quality and
that quality becomes yours? Here, act as if you were someone who women feel
great around. What would you say? How would you carry yourself? How would
you behave around women? How would you approach women?
Tip 5 – Personality trumps all
We know you’ve heard this many times before – probably from women who have
rejected you with a patronising, “Aww, you’ve got a great personality but I’m not
looking for a relationship right now… blah blah blah” but hear us out. We’re not
fobbing you off. Your personality really is the ace up your sleeve. The problem
is, most men mistake a good personality with being “a nice guy” which is a huge
turn-off for women. Being a “nice guy” is NOT the same has having a great personality and vice versa.
When we talk about personality, we mean specific traits that women find attractive in men. Personality is your secret weapon because it’s the origin of all the
characteristics and behaviours that make a woman feel a certain way about you.
Remember what we said earlier? Women are not nearly as attracted by how a
man looks as to how a man makes her feel. And how a man makes a woman feel
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all originates from his personality.
So what personality traits attract women?
• Confidence – the hallmark of a strong man, a potential protector, provider and
mate.
• Ability to make her laugh. Women associate funny men with fun and good
times. If you can make her laugh, she will enjoy being with you.
• Intelligence – be knowledgeable about topics that interest her – food, travel,
art, psychology, books etc. And don’t confuse intelligence with education.
They’re not the same thing. There are plenty of intelligent people with not
much schooling and vice versa. Education doesn’t matter, intelligence does.
• Creativity – creativity shows a deeper aspect to your personality and that mystery is attractive;
• Be skilled at something – skills show competence and self-reliance, again,
traits of a strong man. All skills can be attractive but some are immediately
more so than others, e.g. manual skills – DIY, fixing cars, cooking, oil painting.
• A sense of style – women love a man who stands out for all the right reason.
Look at GQ magazine for ideas or, better yet, ask a stylish woman to help sort
your wardrobe out. Women love to help in situations like this.
• Considerate – this doesn’t just mean have good manners but it also means
be considerate towards her feelings. Do small things to let her know you
were thinking about her (e.g. send her a text message) – women notice these
things.
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• Attentive – Notice and pay attention to the efforts that women go to in order
to look good. Notice her new dress, her new hairstyle, her shoes, her toned
legs etc. Women love a man who notices and compliments her on these
things.
• Complex, Challenging – women love a man who they can’t figure out. Avoid
consistency. Act differently to what she expects now and again. Mix things
up.
• Ambition (not just career ambition but an ambition to reach your goals in life,
to achieve something or be someone).
• Upbeat, Happy – people have their own problems, you don’t want to add to
them. By being upbeat and happy, you give others encouragement and they
will seek your company because your optimism is comforting and inspiring.
• Exciting – Don’t be boring, ever. Boredom is probably the beginning of the
end for most relationships. Don’t get into a rut. Don’t fall into the same routine. Make an effort, i.e. put aside the time to do something exciting and different.
• Passion – Women love a man who is passionate. We don’t just mean in a romantic or sexual sense. Passion is related to Love. If you can demonstrate passion, a woman equates that to love – you are capable of love and care – which
in turn influences her on a subconscious level to feel you can look after her.
• Charm – charm is nothing more than “warmth” - being able to make the other
person feel special and appreciated. If you can do this (without spending
money on them) then you have a powerful weapon in your arsenal.
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Tip 6 - Model yourself on suave men
We’re surprised more men don’t do this. Model yourself on men that women
love – whether real or fictional. Simply put, what would James Bond say and
do? Or Frank Sinatra? Or Steve McQueen? It sounds silly but if you follow the
mannerisms and attitudes of men women like, you won’t be too far off the mark.
The next time you hear a woman swoon about a man, ask her what it is about
him that she’s attracted to. You can learn a lot just by listening to her answers.
Not enough men ask their female friends about what makes a man attractive.
Spend an evening asking questions and you may be surprised by some of
the answers. What a guy thinks a woman likes and what a woman is actually
attracted to is often very different. Do your research and model yourself on the
answers.
Tip 7 – Be positively different
Film star Jacky Chan often said there was no way he could compete with the
popularity of martial arts legend Bruce Lee and if he had tried he would have
been another unknown wannabe, a second-rate imitation. So what did Chan do?
Simple. He chose to do exactly the opposite of Lee. Where Lee’s fighting style
was stylish and brutal, Chan’s was clumsy and slapstick; where Lee’s characters
were serious, Chan’s were comical; where Lee’s characters were invincible and in
control, Chan’s characters would often receive severe beatings and had to scrap
their way to survive. The choice to be positively different made Jacky Chan a superstar in his own right.
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If you’re surrounded by guys who are all the same – they know how to fix cars,
they watch the game and they lift weights – be the guy who knows about style,
who can talk about the history or Art and who is a cordon bleu chef. If all the
guys around you play sports, be the guy who paints portraits. You get the idea.
If you’re positively different from all the other guys who approach her, a woman
will be intrigued and drawn to you. You are a breath of fresh air in her world.
You’re something special that doesn’t come around too often.
The important thing however is to be different in a positive way. For example,
you don’t want to be the guy who eats hair or who collects furry toys just because it’s different. It has to be different in a way that women value.
Celebrate the fact that you are different and use it to your advantage. Stand out
from the crowd by being the best example of you, not some poor imitation of
everyone else.
Tip 8 – Be authentic
The world is full of people who are mere imitations of others; people who have
compromised who they are in order to win acceptance. There are very few true
individuals any more. Most people suppress who they are, what they believe,
what they stand for in order to live lives that others will approve of. Everyone
wants to fit in.
Don’t be one of those faded copies. Be who you truly are. Be true to yourself.
Such individuals – authentic individuals – are immensely attractive. There is
something special and magnetic about them. They seem to exist outside of the
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ordinary. They make life more interesting, inspiring others to be truer to themselves.
An authentic man will not compromise who he is or what he believes nor does
he need to pick a fight with the world at every opportunity to prove something
(a sure sign of insecurity). He just is. Authenticity is strength and strength attracts women.
Tip 9 – Make eye contact
Many people avoid eye contact because they are shy. Whilst this may be understandable there is a serious drawback. The person on the receiving end of your
non-eye contact will interpret you as either (a) disinterested or (b) arrogant. That
is no doubt the last thing you want to express but it is the message you are sending when you avoid eye contact.
Here’s a tip that we learnt from an actor friend. If you have trouble maintaining
eye contact, look at the point just above the bridge of their nose. To the other
person, you will look just like you’re maintaining eye contact.
Eye contact is important as it develops intimacy. Eyes, after all, are windows on
the soul. If you want to build a connection with a woman then eye contact is
both vital and effective.
Tip 10 – Discover your passion
Find your passion. Find what you’re here on Earth to do. Once you discover
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your calling, you are filled with a type of fearlessness. That is to say, the world no
longer frightens you. You feel you have a place in it and no longer seek permission or validation from others. Nothing puts you off your stride. You float above
every day concerns, annoyances, disappointments and rejections. You are secure
in who you are and your life’s purpose and this will give you immense confidence.
Regardless of looks, wealth, physique – whatever – when you have passion you
stand out from the crowd simply because you are happy and at ease with your
life. Gone are the hang-ups and the need to prove anything to anyone. You
become irresistible to women because you have life figured out.
Tip 11 – Learn to flirt
Flirting is a playful verbal exchange between two people that hints at a deeper
interest (usually sexual) than the surface communication suggests. Flirting is
usually playful and light-hearted but with occasional, well-timed seriousness its
effect is brilliantly devastating.
You flirt to (a) establish that you are looking for more than just being friends, (b)
to advance the encounter. For these reasons, flirting is essential for avoiding the
Friend Zone. It’s also a lot of fun and women love to flirt because it allows them
to explore a sexual dimension without unfair accusations of being “easy”.
Here is an overview of what comprises flirting:
1. Double entendres and insinuations. Double entendres should not be overtly
crude. Most men go too far and immediately it destroys the playful illusion
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that is flirting. (Remember, flirting is the art of saying something more intimate without saying it outright).
2. Body language – eye contact, the woman stroking her hair, brief touching,
laughter, open postures, standing closely together.
3. Verbal – slower speech, lower tones, lower volume.
4. Teasing – questions, qualifying statements (where she approves/disapproves
of the answers you give to her questions), feigned indifference. All this is part
of the game and teasing is designed to see how you react under pressure.
The topic of flirting would – and has – taken up books in its own right. Be sure to
check them out on Amazon.
Tip 12 – Attract, don't chase
The whole point of these tips is to teach you how to attract a woman but the vast
majority of men reading this are still with the mindset that they should be chasing a woman’s attention and approval. And you attract women by working on
the attractive characteristics and behaviours outlined in this report.
Get rid of the mindset that you are chasing women. The correct way to think
about it is, you are learning new skills that are attractive to women and you will
then put yourself in situations where you will encounter more of the women you
are attracted to.
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Tip 13 – Look like you've made an effort
Women are very forgiving of a man’s looks but he must at the very least look wellpresented and clean. That’s not a lot to ask, is it?
Most men dress the same – blue, black, grey, white, shirt hanging out. Use this as
an opportunity to stand out, positively. Do what all the other guys aren’t doing.
If they wear jeans and t-shirt, you wear trousers and shirt; if they wear trainers,
you wear shoes; if they all look casual, you dress a little smarter than them. And
wear colour, for goodness sake. Colour is the great separator between you and
other men.
For example, one of our team loves colourful belts. (He was the first guy we knew
to wear an all-white belt before they became widespread). Wherever we would
go, he would have at least one woman during the night comment on how much
they love his belt. If you wear glasses, choose a pair that stands out in some way.
Shoes are another great example. Invest in a great pair of shoes. We don’t know
what it is about them but they’re like magnets to women’s eyes. When it comes
to style, we have received more compliments and attention for shoes than any
other accessory. The right accessory is a powerful attractor. It works like magic.
When choosing clothes, what is the absolute, most important thing to look for?
Most men don’t have a clue. They spend hundreds of dollars on garments just
because they’re a leading brand. Sorry to burst your bubble but what looks good
on an Armani male model may not look so good on you. No, what matters most
is the fit of the garment. Clothes need to fit you well, dammit. Most men just buy
any shirt of the rack and put it on, oblivious that the shirt looks like a goddamn
tent on them. So when you buy clothes, make sure they fit your physique well,
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i.e. tapered in the right places and not billowing with extra fabric all round. Make
sure it fits well! But that doesn’t mean buy tight clothes – eurgh – you don’t want
to look like a sausage bursting out of its skin. You just want to buy clothes that fit
– not too baggy, not too tight.
If your friends say a particular item makes you look effeminate, it’s a sure sign
you’re on the right track. What they mean is that you don’t dress like them and
that’s exactly what you want! Criticism is a sign of envy so keep doing what
you’re doing!
Invest in a good quality cologne – not the cheap ones from the supermarket. Use
it sparingly. Five light squirts – one on the base of the neck, two on the body and
one on each forearm just above the wrist.
If you need ideas and advice – read men’s style magazines or ask stylish friends
for advice.
Tip 14 – From the start express an interest to
be more than just friends
To avoid the dreaded Friend Zone (from which there is rarely any escape), you
need to establish early on that you want to be something more than friends.
Sounds obvious, right? But you’ll be surprised at how many men try to worm
their way into a woman’s affections and hope that she will “just see the light” and
will want something more down the line.
This is a guaranteed road to Friendville.
You need to avoid this path and the best way to do that is to make your inter-
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ests known early on. You do this primarily through flirtation and judicious touch
(more on that later). Be mischievous, not crude. Intersperse bouts of playful
banter with more serious conversation which lightly touch on emotional topics…
then back to banter. The goal is to present yourself as someone different from
all the other guys. Be someone who is more interesting and engaging than just
friend material.
Tip 15 – Don't be needy
Neediness is extremely unattractive and it’s guaranteed relationship killer. It’s
perhaps the greatest sign of weakness there is. Women don’t want needy
men. (On a subconscious level, it triggers the mother-child instinct which is the
final nail in the coffin when you are trying to have an adult relationship with a
woman). She doesn’t want a child, she wants a man.
Examples of needy behaviour in men are:
• Insisting she spends more time with you
• Wanting to accompany her wherever she goes
• Jealousy
• Pettiness, arguing over trivial things (“You said you’d meet me for lunch then
you cancelled”)
• Letting your mother interfere in the relationship
• Sulking
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Tip 16 – Don't be a puppy
You’re a puppy if you think your role in life is to make her happy. Examples of
puppy behaviour are, well, things that a puppy would do:
• You come running whenever she calls;
• You get things for her;
• You sit around waiting for attention;
• You think she’s the best thing in the world;
• You look longingly at her whenever she talks;
• You feel her pain and try to comfort her;
• You follow her everywhere.
We once saw a guy in a nightclub spend all night stroking his girl’s hair. All night.
Like some handmaiden on-call. It was pathetic (and we lost respect for the girl
too for letting him do this).
From the above list, one of the biggest mistakes men do is the last one. They act
as an emotional tampon for women, listening to their problems, sympathising,
making “awwwing” sounds and puppy-dog expressions; and lending an understanding ear. Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. By doing all these
things you emasculate yourself. That’s the sort of thing women do with other
women. If you start doing the same, she won’t see you as a strong male figure,
she’ll see you as, well, a female friend. That’s not to say you don’t care about her
problems but it does mean you won’t indulge in an emotional dissection of the
topic.
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The correct response is to say, “You’re one of the smartest women I know, Sara.
You’ll figure this out – you always have done. Say, how about we go to the bar
and forget about that BS for now”. Now, she may not like this response, but she
will respect you for it. And, no doubt, she will be on the phone to her female
friends at the end of the night to talk about the problem anyway.
Don’t make that mistake. Don’t make your world revolve around her. You are the
one who chooses, not the one waiting to be chosen or approved. Remember
that.
Tip 17 – Work on your voice
Women love a man with a sexy voice. It’s a quality worth developing and the
good news is that there are a lot of books and DVDs that can help you develop a
voice that will make women tremble at the knees. Your voice used properly is incredibly powerful, almost mesmerising, transporting women to a different place
in their minds. If you don’t believe me, ask a woman how they feel about a man
with an attractive voice. Conversely, how do you feel when you hear a voice that
is grating or extremely nasal?
A beautiful voice enhances your masculinity and attractiveness. It’s been said it’s
the most difficult instrument to master but make developing it a priority.
Tip 18 – Don't seek her approval
Again, this is an example of chasing, not attraction. Whenever you try and get a
woman to approve of you – in whatever way – you are sending her the message
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that you consider yourself her inferior. She will lose all respect for you and you
can kiss goodbye to any chance of attracting her.
Make no apology for who you are. (Now, if you’re a major douchebag, then you
have problems that this report can’t help you with but if you’re a decent guy,
don’t change just to please a woman). Changing to win approval doesn’t work
anyway. The moment you even show a willingness to compromise who you are
to get a pat on the head, you’ve lost. No woman respects a man like that.
Tip 19 – Bring her into your world
This is the complete opposite of trying to win her approval or of chasing her.
Make your life as exciting as possible (do this anyway, regardless of whether you
want to attract women or not). Then show her glimpses of this world. If she asks
if you’re available, don’t just say “yes”. Say, “I’m off to pick up an amazing bottle
of wine I’ve just read about then I fancy grabbing a coffee by the pier. Why don’t
you join me?” Or if she asks you “what are you doing tonight?” Don’t just grunt,
“Nuffink” (even if that’s what you are doing). Instead say, “There’s a band playing
tonight that I hear good things about. Fancy it?” Create an exciting world and
invite her to join you.
Tip 20 – Don't flash the cash
One of the biggest mistakes guys make when trying to attract a woman is to
spend money too readily on her without her having earned the privilege in the
first place. They buy coffee, they buy drinks at the bar, they buy lunch, they buy
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dinner, they pay for the cinema tickets. What message does this send to the
woman? “The only way I can be with you is if I buy your company”. That sounds
like the oldest profession, doesn’t it? And whilst some women want to be with
such guys, do you want to be with such women?
Guys who spend too readily are in effect saying, “All I can do is buy your affection.
That’s all I have to offer.” Women are not impressed by this. At most, she will see
you as a meal ticket and will laugh with her friends at what a chump you are.
From now on, stop paying for everything.
Tip 21 – Smile, nod, 'Hi'
Do you want to know the best way to meet new women? Whenever you see a
woman you’re attracted to, smile, give a quick nod and say “Hi”. That’s all there is
to it. You don’t need lines, you don’t need approaches. Just a smile, a nod and
“Hi… How’s it going?” (or any other open question).
Tip 22 – Be a great conversationalist
This topic would take up a book in its own right but we can give you some great
advice to get you started.
The following are some dos and don’ts of great conversation:
1. Don’t talk about yourself. So many men do this and it’s wrong for so many
reasons. It makes you look arrogant, insecure and needy. It makes you come
across as vacuous and self-centred. It puts you in the position where you are
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trying to win her approval rather than the other way around. And it bores the
hell out of women. Stop talking about yourself. No one cares about the time
you went travelling through the Andes. At least, not straight away. Hold back
information about yourself and let the woman discover it for herself with time.
In fact, positively avoid answering questions about yourself. That age-old
boring question, “So what do you do?” is good example. We never ask it and
we never answer it. It’s a poor question because it can come across as you
snobbishly vetting someone (although, of course, this is not your intention!)
based on what they do to put food on the table. Whenever you’re asked,
“What do you do?”, reply “I clean seals”, “I’m a priest”, “I’m a drug dealer”, “As
little as possible”, “I’m a donkey therapist”. Whatever, just avoid answering the
question.
2. Ask open questions. Don’t ask questions that have simple “Yes/No” answers.
Ask questions that will open up the conversation then listen out for further
clues. Listen to her answers! Maintain eye contact (but don’t stare or be too
intense), nod occasionally to show that you are listening.
3. Imagine what it would be like to be her and ask questions based on that. Use
the words “feel” and “imagine” frequently. For example, she tells you she works
as a child therapist. Imagine what that would feel like. No doubt it’s hard
work, rewarding but also heartbreaking at times. So you would say:
“Wow. I imagine that can be challenging work but also incredibly rewarding?”
Wait for her answer. The answer will most likely open up other clues you can
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latch on to.
She might reply, “Yeah, it can be tough when you hear some of the kids’ stories.
But it’s also incredible when you make a breakthrough in therapy”.
You might answer, “I can definitely see that. What’s the most amazing breakthrough you’ve had?”
And you’re off. If she asks you questions in return, that’s a good sign but remember to deflect them and turn the attention back to her.
4. Imagine there’s a sign over the woman’s head that reads, “Make this fun/rewarding for me”. Whatever you do, don’t bore the woman. One of the biggest
mistakes is that men often fire question after question at the woman like it
was a bloody interrogation. Yes, ask questions but follow the model above
and do it in a light, playful manner. And remember, you don’t have to talk
about her life story – you can talk about things around you, get her opinion on
the bar, get her to tell you about the people she’s with. Introduce yourself to
them too. If you’re a nice guy, you will get their approval too and being “qualified” by her friends is good news for you.
5. Leave the conversation early but ask for an email. The first conversation
should be 10-15 minutes tops. What is a great conversation has a horrible
habit of degenerating into awkward silences simply because you know less
about each other so there is less to talk about. So always start a conversation
with the exit in mind.
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“I’m sorry but I’m meeting someone/have to get back to my friends. Let’s do coffee
some time. Write your email down here and we’ll arrange something. There’s a
cool place near me that you have to see…”
This will only work – or it will work best – if you leave the conversation when
it’s going great because that’s when her desire to keep talking to you is at its
greatest. So that’s when it’s most likely she will have no reservations about
giving you her email.
And ask for an email, not a number. It’s just so much easier and less nervewracking to sound interesting, fun and witty in an email. Numbers are vetted
and then you get her answer machine and then you get a dry mouth and –
urgh – it’s just easier (and less threatening for the woman) for you to ask for an
email.
Tip 23 – There is a natural progression you
need to observe
For social, historical and psychological reasons, women will resist anything that
makes them look “easy”. Yes, it is a double-standard. Promiscuous men are seen
as conquering heroes whilst promiscuous women are seen as whores. It’s unfair
but it’s reality. For this reason, most women will go to great lengths to protect
their image and reputation. One way to protect this reputation is by playing
“hard to get”.
The problem with most guys’ attempt to attract women? Every guy is trying to
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hit a home-run, instead of running the bases. They want to go from first encounter to sex in one fell-swoop. It happens but it’s the exception rather than the rule.
What happens more often (probably because it works more often) is to progress
naturally towards increasingly intimate situations.
1. You meet, you chat
2. You “isolate” her from friends, i.e. you both move towards a quieter place in the
bar, or you gradually place yourself between her and her friends so you are, in
effect, having a private conversation.
3. You leave early (your first encounter should never be too long. Make your excuses and leave whilst it’s still going well)
4. You call her the next day and invite her out. The goal is to show her a part of
your world and invite her join you in it, i.e. you take her to a comedy club, you
both check out a new restaurant in town, you invite her to a friend’s art exhibition etc. Throughout the night there’s playful banter and you are doing and
exhibiting the characteristics and behaviours discussed in this report.
5. You go back to your place, there’s food, drink, music…
6. You close in for a kiss and the rest is straightforward from there.
Notice that each of the above steps is a natural progression. You want to make a
woman feel that her sleeping with you “just happened”, the natural conclusion to
a natural sequence of events. It’s like you have enticed her to be a part of a different world (i.e. your reality) but any sudden, jarring movements will jolt her back
to her senses and the game is lost.
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So the lesson is, smooth progressions, not leaps.
Listen, women know the game that is being played. They understand progression. It’s one of those scenarios where “I know you know that I know that…” etc.
It’s fun for them but, more importantly, it gives them deniability. They are not
harlots because things just “naturally progressed” to her sleeping with you. Understand?
Tip 24 – Be a great listener
Most men think they’re adequate listeners. The fact is, most men don’t have a
clue when it comes to listening. Men only hear the facts and leap to the answer
whereas women want a man to hear the process, the feelings, the drama. For
women, the journey is more important than the destination. If you want to be a
good listener, you have to be willing to join her on the journey, exploring every
fork in the road, every alternative route, every undiscovered territory. Women
love to talk – that’s not a criticism – it’s a fact. It’s how women develop relationships. Women however would love a man who knew how to listen, much more.
Men make the mistake of only listening to what is said. Perfectly reasonable,
right? Wrong! When it comes to women, you have to pay attention more to what
is not said. You have to be adept at reading between the lines.
When a woman asks you, “Do you want a coffee?” She really means, “I would like
a coffee. Please get me one.” In fact, whenever she says “Do you want to…” it’s
a safe bet that she wants what follows and it’s not a suggestion, it’s an (indirect)
request. Woman are far less direct than men.
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However, the true power of listening comes into its own when you have deeper,
more engaging conversations. If you can demonstrate that you are a good listener, that you can infer and intuit meaning from what she is saying, you have a
powerful weapon indeed.
How can you demonstrate you are a good listener? Listen out for clues she
throws out there (underlined):
• I’ve just moved from Milan and I’m just finding my feet in London. (“Milan,
wow, so glamorous! What were you doing there? Let me guess… Modelling… gardening equipment?”)
• Thank god it’s Friday. I’ve had a nightmare week. (“I know what you mean.
You run over one kid and everyone’s on your case. Anyway, why was your
week so bad?”)
• I don’t really like films, although I love Annie Hall. (“It’s a great film. The first
encounter between Woody Allen’s character and Diane Keaton’s is perfect!
What do you love about the film?”)
• I’m looking for a career change but I’m not sure if what I have in mind is the
right thing. (“The world will always need pig inseminators… You should go for
it. Or do you have something else in mind?”)
Although there is light-hearted teasing (which helps build a connection), you are
also leaving the door open for further, more serious discussion.
One final thing to bear in mind. The opposite of listening is not “not listening”.
It’s waiting. We’ve all met those bores who just wait for you to finish before they
jump in with the time they or someone they know did X. Don’t be one of these
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guys. It’s not about you, it’s about the woman. Make her feel appreciated and
important. Listen to her and talk about her. 80% of the conversation should be
about her – her experiences, her hopes, her feelings. The remaining 20% is connection-building. If she tries to direct the conversation at you, give brief, ambiguous answers and turn the attention back on her.
Women adore a man who knows how to listen to her. And a man who knows
how to listen to a woman is a rare thing indeed.
Tip 25 – Become your best self
Ask trusted friends and family who know what they’re talking about to tell you
where they think you could improve yourself. (Ask a well-dressed friend about
fashion; ask popular friends about improving your social life; ask wealthy friends
about money management and so on). Look at all the areas of your life where
you can make simple, small improvements. If your hairstyle needs improvement,
book yourself into a salon and get it sorted. If you need to improve your dress
sense, then ask a stylish friend to help you out. If you need to lose some weight
and can’t afford a personal trainer, order some fitness DVDs and then take action.
If there are small changes you can make, why not make them? You want to stack
the cards in your favour as much as possible. Why let a small problem with a
simple solution work against you? Get it sorted.
From now on, aim for small improvements – however minor – in every aspect of
your life. Whenever you identify something you can improve by taking a simple
action, then take it. Keep working on yourself to make the most of what you
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have.
Tip 26 – Be decisive
“What do you want to eat tonight?” she asks.
“I’m not fussed. What do you want?” you reply.
“It’s up to you” she says.
“No, really, I’m not bothered. I’m happy with whatever you want” you say.
You’ve just come across as a major wuss. This is another test women do. When
she asks you to make a choice then you make a choice. (Quite often a woman
will ask you to order for her in a restaurant. Don’t dither. Order.) Don’t be indecisive, going back and forth – it’s a sign of insecurity. You may think you’re being
considerate towards her feelings but you’re really being weak.
“What do you want to eat tonight?” she asks.
“Let’s go to that new French restaurant in town – it looks great”.
Much better. If she doesn’t want to go where you suggested, she will let you
know, indirectly…
“Let’s go to that new French restaurant in town – it looks great”.
“Well, wouldn’t you like to try out that new Japanese restaurant?” [Read this as I
want to try out that new Japanese restaurant…]
“Yeah, I’ve not tried that place for a while. We’ll do the French place next week.
OK, I’ll drive…”
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Be decisive.
Tip 27 – Be a rock
A women wants a man who can “take care of business”, not someone who worries, panics, gets overwhelmed by the slightest thing or who makes problems
bigger than they really are. She wants someone strong on whom she can rely on,
who she feels safe around when life’s problems rear their head. She wants someone who will see her safely through life, on whom she can always rely.
To be that man, you need to be calm and in control. You should not be fazed by
setbacks or life’s irritations. Adopt the attitude that nothing upsets you and you
can handle whatever life throws at you with grace and competence. Be capable.
Tip 28 – Be an optimist
Optimism is attractive because it has a powerful underlying message, “I am confident and capable”. Optimistic people can take whatever life throws at them and
remain undefeated and cheerful. Life does not make them bitter or resentful.
This is inspiring and attractive to women because it shows that the man is strong,
dependable and fun.
Everyone loves an optimist - so long as it’s not over-the-top. We’re not talking
about fist-pumping, life-is-24/7-awesome, everything-is-excellent automatons.
Just a general, cheerful disposition and a belief that things will work out in the
end.
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A good phrase to use to show that you are an optimist is, “It’s small stuff”.
Tip 29 – Learn to cook
You don’t have to be a chef, but learn to cook a few delicious meals. Spaghetti
bolognese doesn’t count. And go easy on the meat. Guys love to eat meat.
Women generally prefer fish and vegetables. So get great at preparing those
types of dishes. Learn three starters, three mains, three desserts and practice
them. Push the boat out. Get good at learning these dishes and presenting
them as best you can. Women love a guy who can cook. Our guess is that it’s a
sensual, primal thing. Eating involves all the senses and that appeals to women.
A member of our team is a great chef, cordon-bleu trained. It’s a great ice-breaker and he meets more women than he knows what to do with.
Learn to cook – even if it’s only a little. You won’t regret it.
Tip 30 – Have a stylish, clean home
You don’t have to live in a mansion or a penthouse suite. You just need to have
somewhere clean, stylish, tidy and not covered in Star Trek posters or Lord Of The
Rings figurines. Hide the computer games, hide the porn.
Put up a few photos of times you went travelling or did something interesting.
Put some interesting books on your bookshelf.
Have some nice pieces of original art on your table.
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Have clean sheets on the made bed.
If you live in clutter, get rid of what you can and put the rest in storage. If you’ve
not used anything for six months, throw it out.
Have food and wine in the house.
Have a good selection of music. Is your musical taste 20 years behind? Go out
there and explore some fresh music for your collection.
You want to show that a contemporary, stylish man lives in the house, not a
needy, unstylish, clueless nerd. Don’t come this far – to getting the woman back
to your place – to fall at the last hurdle by having a house that resembles a frat
house or teenager’s bedroom. Get your act together. If you’re not sure what to
do, again, ask friends or consult books, magazines or the internet. There is no
excuse!
Tip 31 – Escalate
One of the main reasons why a man finds himself in the Friend Zone (besides
acting like a friend from the outset) is that he never progresses anything – or
takes too long to progress things. You can’t rush but nor can you delay endlessly.
Advance. Or as they say in Wing Chun Kung Fu – “have forward intention”.
What are you waiting for? If a conversation is going well, ask for an email address
(which we prefer over a phone number); if you’ve had an enjoyable afternoon
together, go for a kiss; if you’re kissing in the kitchen, take her to the bedroom.
Remember, there is a window for advancement in every interaction and if you
miss that window, it’s gone forever. Stop trying to guess her thoughts and feel-
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ings and just keep escalating your interactions with her.
Tip 32 – Don't tolerate poor treatment
You meet a woman in a bar and you completely hit it off. She agrees to leave the
bar with you and on your way out she bumps into an old male “friend”. She asks
you to wait a minute whilst she catches up with him. Guess what? If you stand
there like a lemon as she chats away to this guy, you’ve completely blown it. It’s
unlikely now that the night will end as you had wanted.
Why? Because you’ve just broadcasted to everyone in the vicinity that you are
a complete and utter wuss. There are now only two people on centre stage –
her and the other guy. You’re just a lowly extra standing in the wings, waiting
for a bit part. What should you have done instead? You should have continued
making your way to the exit or you should have walked off and start talking to
other women. You should have done anything other than stand there like a
puppy waiting for its master.
All this is an example of the “poor treatment” tests women often subject men to.
Women – especially women of high value – constantly test men like this. They
will deliberately treat a man poorly to see how he will react. If you roll over and
take it, you’ve failed the test. If you make excuses for her and take it, you’ve
failed. If you throw a tantrum and sulk, you’ve failed. Women want – and need –
their chosen men to be strong. You need to be able to pass her tests with flying
colours. These tests are there to separate the weaker men who will take her crap
and the stronger men who will stand up to her. She wants and needs the latter.
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The lesson is: don’t tolerate poor treatment. Don’t throw a hissy fit when you
are subjected to such treatment; just let her know through your actions that you
don’t play those games. She will quickly get the message and her respect and
desire for you will increase.
Bonus Tip – You can overthink this stuff
At the end of the day, a kilo of application beats a ton of theory. You just have to
go out there and start applying this stuff. No one is expecting you to have it all
figured out – just continually improve yourself to be the best you can be – and
apply what you’ve learned here.
There’s no tutor like experience. And as with anything, it feels uncomfortable
and awkward when you first set out to learn something but with time you will
get good at it.
Still not sure where to start? Well, start by talking to more women. Talk to the
supermarket cashier, the barmaid, the woman at the bus stop, the woman in line
at the sandwich shop, the receptionist, all your female colleagues at work. Get in
the habit of initiating conversations with women regardless of whether you are
attracted to them or not. Remember, ask open questions – ones that need more
than a yes/no answer.
If you have a close female friend, spend more time asking her about attraction.
What are women looking for? (Don’t take her answers at face value however!
Consider her answers in relation to what you have learned here). Your friend’s
answers will confirm much of what we have said here – although she may word it
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differently.
The more you start talking to women, the easier you will find attracting women.
Get started and don’t give up.
You can do it!
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