Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive people may act aggressively in their own self-interest without
much regard for others, but be passive and unconcerned when others need
a response from them. Usually they are only inwardly aggressive. Outwardly
they express their aggressive tendencies through a passive facade.
Passive-aggressive people may express anger primarily in subtle, nonverbal
ways, rarely openly and in straightforward communication. Inwardly they desire
control over the events that affect their lives, but because they fear being put
down, they try to get their needs met through crafty manipulation. The main
symptoms of this behavioral style surface in response to authority, society’s
demands or the needs of significant others.
Examples of passive-aggressive behaviors include:
 Forgetting appointments, promises and agreements; scheduling two things
at the same time; or being chronically late.
 Saying unkind things and then saying they really didn’t mean what they
said.
 Acting out nonverbally by slamming doors or objects, but denying
anything is wrong.
 Becoming confused, tearful, sarcastic or helpless when certain topics come
up.
 Getting sick when they’ve promised to do something they really don’t
want to do.
If you see any of these passive-aggressive tendencies in yourself, you can
overcome them in the following ways:
 Acknowledge your anger, fear and desire to control others. You can only
control your choices and no one else’s.
 Determine how your hidden anger is being expressed, and develop
healthier ways to resolve it.
 Work on becoming independent and interdependent with others by
developing a cooperative spirit.
 Take full responsibility for your own behavior, and learn how to make
good choices for yourself.
 Refuse the easy way out of painful situations. Grieve your losses.
 Practice using willpower and self-discipline by being willing to delay
gratification.
 Overcome selfishness by getting involved in the lives of others.
 Work on developing assertiveness skills such as:
a.
b.
c.
d.
Using “I” rather than “you” to state feelings or problems;
Being brief, clear and direct in making requests;
Taking time to think through a request before you respond; and
Learn to problem-solve.
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The above information was taken from a passage written by By Dr. Sidney Langston
References:
Freedman, Alfred M., Kaplan, Harold I. & Sadock, Benjamin J. (1976). Modern synopsis of
Comprehensive textbook of psychiatry/ II. Baltimore: The Williams & Wilkins Co.
Malony, H. Newton. (1987). Speak up! Christian assertiveness. Flowertown, PA: Westminster Press.
The passive-aggressive tendencies develop when children are reared by at least
one controlling parent. This usually involves a domineering and controlling
mother and an absent, weak or passive father. Such parents overprotect their
children, make excessive demands on them, respond to them with mixed
reactions of acceptance and hostility, and fail to meet their basic trust and
dependency needs.
All of this fosters a helpless and clinging attitude in children and inhibits the
development of independence. Expecting other people to gratify their needs, the
children grow up dependent on others to protect them and aid them in their
daily responsibilities. They also tend to have low tolerance for frustration and
stress.
In such a situation, passive-aggressive behaviors develop as an expression of
resentment against excessive parental demands. Children are not allowed to
openly express hostility and they learn to vent anger and discouragement
through more subtle means of rebellious behavior. They soon learn that negative
behavior will at least get them attention. They may cause problems at school,
violate rules and fight frequently with other students. By their teenage years they
may lean toward an antisocial personality and be involved in drugs or
delinquency.
On the other hand, passive-aggressive people may assume a role of chronic
submissiveness and compliance. They find it difficult to say “no,” and they
dislike making major decisions. Feeling helpless, they look to others – usually to
just one other person – to take responsibility for them. They learn to accomplish
their goals through passive manipulation of others.