Interpersonal Conflict Styles
By Tim Dyer
The Johnmark Extension 2020
used with permission
Personal Styles of Dealing with Conflict
• The following slides outline five different responses to conflict and
tension referred to as conflict styles.
• This model is based on the original management work by Robert Blake
and Jane Mouton. It was later developed by Ken Thomas and Ralph
Kilmann and turned into the current Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode.
• Each of the five styles is an appropriate response to conflict in particular
times and situations. Effective leaders learn when and how to use all
five.
• As you reflect on each of these, work out your own natural tendency or
style. Note, as well, which of these styles you may most need to further
develop.
Bull
Forcing / Compelling:
The use of power to insist
on the preferred outcome.
My way
I win - You lose
“This is what we are going
to do. There is no need for
wasting time on discussion
and collaboration. Its
going to happen this way –
Just get on board.”
Accommodating /
Supporting / Placating
Your way
I lose - You win
“Staying connected to
you is more important to
me than being in
conflict. Fighting is not
worth it. I won’t push
my ideas. I’m willing to
back down and go along
with you.”
Turtle /
Tortoise
Avoiding, withdrawing:
Leaving the conflicted
environment, refusing
to engage.
No way
I lose - You lose
“Whoa, conflict is not
good.. I’m out of here,
there is no point in
hanging around to be
hurt.”
Fox
Compromise, negotiate:
We all need to be
prepared to give a little to
find a quick solution.
Half Way
Win some – Lose some
“So maybe if we are all
willing to go some way to
each other’s position and
all give a little, we can find
a way forward here.”
Owl
Collaborating: Working
together for the best
possible mutual solution
Our way
I win - You win
“We all need to slow down
and take time to work this
out, so that we find the
best solution where we all
get what we need.
Let’s see if we can be
creative and find a new
way to solve this problem.”
Which of these styles do you sense
is closest to your natural response to conflict?
Remember we all learn to use other styles at work, in ministry, playing
sports or engaging in volunteer activities. One, however, is usually our
natural default style (this often is most apparent at home).
Concern for the issue
Personal Conflict Styles
Concern for the relationship
Exercise
• Identify your ‘natural’ preference.
• Reflect on the advantages of this style of dealing with
conflict. What does it deliver to a conflicted situation.
• Reflect on how you feel when you meet other styles in
conflict. List these briefly.
• Meet in breakout rooms.
Concern for the issue
Personal Conflict Styles
The style you use
sends a message to
others about the value you place on
your relationship with
them and the value you
place on the issue
Concern for the relationship
Interpersonal Conflict Styles