SEX ENCYCLOPEDIA
ADVANCED FELLATIO TECHNIQUES...............................................................2
Advanced Techniques..................................................................................................... 3
1. Swallowing (without it tasting really bad).......................................................... 3
2. Deep Throating (overcoming the gag reflex)...................................................... 3
3. Texture (don't just keep repeating a single motion)............................................ 4
Various Other Oral Techniques ...................................................................................... 4
1. Sucking really hard ............................................................................................. 4
2. Licking ................................................................................................................ 4
3. Giving him the shaft............................................................................................ 4
4. Having a ball ....................................................................................................... 5
5. Hands .................................................................................................................. 5
6. The Cock Pull ..................................................................................................... 5
7. The Drum ............................................................................................................ 5
TURN HIM ON TONIGHT.....................................................................................7
1. How to light his fire ............................................................................................ 7
2. How to Dress for Great Sex ................................................................................ 7
3. How to Cook Up Some Good Loving................................................................. 7
4. How to Get a Romantic Glow............................................................................. 8
5. Seducing Him With Scent................................................................................... 8
6. How to Smooth the Way..................................................................................... 8
7. How to Ignite Passion with Music ...................................................................... 9
8. How to Take It Off.............................................................................................. 9
FEMALE EJACULATION TECHNIQUES ..........................................................10
1. Simulation ......................................................................................................... 10
2. Stroking............................................................................................................. 10
3. If she isn’t ejaculating…................................................................................... 10
HIS ORGASM: 10 THINGS HE IS DYING TO TELL YOU.................................12
1. Tell Him He's Got the Night Off ...................................................................... 12
2. Hold Back the Goods ! Tonight and Tomorrow ............................................... 13
3. Extend Your Love Strokes as Long as He Can Stand It ! and Then Some....... 13
4. Intercept His Drive to the Finish Line .............................................................. 13
5. Slam-Dunk Him With a Quickie....................................................................... 13
6. Catch Him With His Defenses Down ............................................................... 14
7. Go Straight for His Most-Prized Possession..................................................... 14
8. Explore the Forbidden Zones............................................................................ 14
9. Respect the Sacred Moment.............................................................................. 14
10.
Love Him to Death........................................................................................ 15
1
ADVANCED FELLATIO TECHNIQUES
First, everything here is a generalization. "Most guys" means most guys, not all guys. With that in
mind...
Most guys are very different than women, when it comes to what they enjoy. With women,
starting out very slowly is more important. With guys, there is a much better chance that the guy
will be impatient, and there is most definitely a lower overall standard as to what most guys will
enjoy.
When starting out, the best bet is to start slowly, and indirectly. Men tend to be more visual than
women, stereotypically, so part of taking your time would include almost touching...kissing around
the rest of his body (depending on what's accessible under the circumstances), caressing, but not
necessarily actually touching his erotic zones, yet.
When doing this, remember the "many guys get impatient" rule. The longer you can drag out
each step (while still making progress), the better, but some guys don't want much of this at all,
and if you pay attention it should become obvious.
Unfortunately, another general difference is that guys are less expressive. This is a shame,
because it keeps them from enjoying it as much, as well as making it harder for you to tell what
works with them. I cases like that, talking about them perhaps being more expressive, especially
by telling them it excites you (hopefully this is true), is the best bet...but only if your relationship
(or their personality) is secure enough to allow it.
The other day, on Don & Mike (radio gods), a woman caller bragged that her nickname was
"eight seconds", meaning the time it took her to bring a guy to orgasm from fellatio. While a
sizable portion of guys do actually like that, it is not the way to give the best orgasm. In fact, it's
the worst way. Remember that some guys do prefer it, though.
See, the longer a guy is "tortured" (as one of the best fellatio artists I know puts it), the stronger
his orgasm will be. "Tortured" means "kept sexually excited, and stimulated, but not actually
allowed to have an orgasm".
DO NOT be afraid to use your hands. If he's not one of those get-it-over-quick (GIOQ) types,
there are many things you simply cannot do with your mouth, but can with your hands. Specific
techniques in the advanced section.
Even among eroginous zones, don't stick only to the penis. Some guys have more sensitive
nipples than most women, for example (I'm one of those guys, in fact).
The scrotum/gonads (I mostly use technical terms, just to keep things consistent...I can write
great erotic literature, but that's not what this article's about) are also essential, if he's not a GIOQ
type.
The cheeks of the butt, on both men and women, actually have some automatic sexual response
linked to them, especially from repeated pressure. This is because our distant ancestors often
had sex "doggy style", and so a patting sensation on the butt was a good standard signal for
hormones to start moving. Guys have it too, for the same reason they have nipples. A good butt
massage, or perhaps gently rhythmic pressure, can really get some guys going.
The anus should be carefully mentioned here. I say carefully because, of course, a lot of guys
feel uncomfortable with attention to it. But it is an erotic zone, especially because it includes the
prostate gland. But more, again, in the advanced section.
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Once he can't take it any more, or you can't, the question of spitting versus swallowing comes up.
Some people, in an attempt to not offend or upset, claim that it's not really a big deal. But it is,
overall. Of course plenty of guys really don't care, or don't even like their lover swallowing, while
even more haven't had the chance to find out the difference. But for most guys swallowing makes
a (positive) difference. This isn't just because it feels better, or more intimate. It's also, perhaps
even mainly, because spitting, or evading the ejaculation altogether, brings on (even if they
consciously know it's not the case) a sense of rejection (conscious or subconscious). For a
woman, imagine a guy starting to go down on you and then making sputtering noises and wiping
your juices frantically from his tongue and lips. You might find it a bit disappointing, if not just plain
hurtful, wouldn't you. If you're a guy reading this, then you don't need an example, you've
probably had it done to you. But most guys are used to lovers not swallowing, so I only bring this
up so we've made clear which way's more likely to work "best".
Don't forget that, though guys have a different kind of insecurity than women, they do have frail
egos...they just hide it more. So excited smiles/faces and noises can, with some guys, make a big
difference in how much they enjoy it.
Condoms This is your call. The odds of the blow-ee catching HIV/AIDS from the blow-er are
probably about the same as if you were shaking hands. The odds of the person
sucking/swallowing catching it are way less than the odds of transmitting HIV/AIDS by coitus, and
astronimically less than catching it from anal sex, which makes up probably more instances of
transmission than all other forms of transmission combined. In fact, there is little evidence at all of
HIV/AIDS being transmitted to someone who was performing fellatio, aside from a few people
who had a form of gum disease that resulted in a lot of open cuts in their mouth. Oh, it's worth
note that you get tiny cuts in your mouth when you brush your teeth, though they heal in minutes,
so you might want to avoid brushing right before fellatio. Try chewing gum instead, I guess. Heh.
Advanced Techniques
1. Swallowing (without it tasting really bad)
This is possible. In fact, only a mental barrier stands between those who "can't" and those who
can. But you have to know the technique. Oh, I should point out that a large minority of people
enjoy the taste, either for the flavor or because bringing that kind of pleasure to their lover is so
wonderful.
But a larger number think it can taste pretty bad. This depends a lot on the guy himself (each guy
tastes different, some very much so), and also on what they eat (rumor has it that fruit makes it
taste better, and fatty foods make it taste worse, as do some spices).
The trick is to not taste it at all. This sounds too simple to be true, but:
When a guy starts to cum, the typical response is to try to pace it a bit... to hold it in one's mouth
for a moment before swallowing. This is the only reason one tastes it.
Instead, just start swallowing, immediately and hard. If you can get te tip into the back of your
mouth without having a gag reflect problem (more on that later), the ejaculation will go completely
down your throat without you tasting it at all. All that's left is a vague aftertaste, and even that is
much weaker than if you had allowed it to stay in your mouth. This technique fast-swallowing
actually feels better, to a lot of guys, than if you had paced it normally.
2. Deep Throating (overcoming the gag reflex)
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A penis in the back of one's mouth sometimes makes them "gag". So does a finger, or a banana,
actually.
I put quotes around "gag" because it's sorta an illusion. The "trick" to not "gagging" is to not
interrupt the reflex. What, technically, is happening is that your body is trying to swallow, and a
finger, penis, or banana doesn't cooperate. Some people can learn to just resist/ignore the reflex,
but even better is to turn it into a real swallow. I believe (don't try it at home) that's how sword
swallowers do it. Certainly it's how "deep throat" technique people do it. It's really just that simple.
When you would have felt like gagging, you swallow. I, personally, have confirmed this with a
banana, and a finger.
This isn't just for swallowing (which it helps). It can feel very, very good for fellatio overall.
3. Texture (don't just keep repeating a single motion)
But don't forget texture. OK, the largest minority of guys doesn't care at all about variety (in a
single session), he just wants rhythmic pumping. But in that case most of these techniques are
wasted on him, anyway. But the rest of guys, a majority, are in various categories of liking at least
some change at some point during a specific fellatio session. I should bring up the texture thing at
the end of every section, but to save time and space I'll just hope you remember this paragraph.
Switch from one technique to another every so often during a session, if he seems to respond
well to that. Try to make the change smooth and natural, don't just stop one thing and start
another. And we're not talking about switching every few seconds...more like every few minutes,
maybe even longer.
Various Other Oral Techniques
1. Sucking really hard
Some guys hate this, but some are amazed at how good it feels. This is especially good as a
"texture" (variety) change during a blowjob. This doesn't just mean sucking at one constant
pressure...to really amaze him, try sucking hard just on the out-stroke, or just on the in-stroke (a
more subtle effect), or actually pausing any motion while doing it.
2. Licking
You may think this is obvious, but it's not, really. Especially since many guys seem to just expect
a rhythmic head-bobbing sorta suck-fest. But licking is another technique that can be surprisingly
effective. Especially at two points - Early on, before you've actually touched his penis and are (in
theory) exciting him by working up to it. Licking is a great way to make first contact. The other
time is when you've prolonged things until he's so hard and excited that breathing on him seems
to get him close. Trace the lines and textures of his head (glans), down the ridge of his shaft (the
side away from his belly/abdomen, more on that later), his balls (more on that later), and even the
exact point where the inside of his thigh meets the skin of his scrotum, on each side. That last
spot almost deserves its own section, because it can be very effective. Especially, again, early on
before you've focused on his penis, or after he's really, really close. That area can also be sucked
on, at other times...in some men this is very stimulating.
3. Giving him the shaft
The line down the shaft of his penis, on the side opposite where his penis would touch his
abdomen if pressed against it, is one of the best-kept secrets. This is because its effect isn't
obvious at first. But firm, rhythmic stimulation at some point along the line down his penis on that
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side (where exactly it is depends on the person) can have a startling, strong effect. Depending on
the situation, this can be done with fingers, the tongue, or firm sucking (just on that area).
4. Having a ball
This varies so much from guy to guy that it's kinda hard to nail down. Some guys are almost
indifferent to their balls/scrotum being given attention, or are even uncomfortable with it...but
more find it at least a nice change, some find it fantastic. Various techniques include sucking a
whole "ball" into one's mouth, and gently fondling it with the tongue, while it's there. This can't be
done for very long without becoming uncomfortable, though. Or licking about firmly at them when
not in the mouth, or to suck at the skin itself.
I don't think I'll go much into analingus/anal sex. That would probably require a whole separate
article. (OK, I got enough questions about it that I decided to write an article on it: Advanced Anal
Sex Techniques) Suffice it to say that a minority of people find this very stimulating, and
technically it should be, considering the proximity to vaginal sexual nerves (women) and the
prostate(men)...but most people are little (or more) uncomfortable with it, performing or receiving.
But, nearby, one has the base of the scrotum, going in a line toward the anus. There is a spot
along there which can be licked, or better yet gently pushed with a finger in a rhythmic fashion,
that stimulates the prostate. This allows one to avoid the whole butt thing, if they're uncomfortable
with it, and still get a little of the almost magical effect that stimulating the prostate can have. This
may need to be something done rhythmically for more than a little while, with the penis being
stimulated at the same time, to really work well. Gentle, but firm.
5. Hands
A lot of the best techniques involve hands. If you or he insists on sticking to purely oral, then a lot
of amazing stuff is missed.
First, there's obviously caressing. This can be done all over the body, and not just during the
initial build-up phase. This is also a great thing to do during pauses, when prolonging things when
he's too close to orgasm too soon.
6. The Cock Pull
One really effective trick for direct attention to the penis is to use both hands, but only in one
direction. Saliva may be enough for this, depending on the situation...but some additional
lubricant, preferably oil-based, may be necessary. Starting at the base, slide a hand up toward
the tip, placing the other hand by the base. Just before it comes off of the tip, start the other hand
moving up from the base toward the tip. While doing that, put the other hand down on the base.
Keep this up, slowly getting faster. This works great with a really hard penis (and it's so
different/stimulating that he'll probably have to look (or ask, if it's dark) to see what's going
on)...but it's also a great trick for someone who's not erect yet (or even having trouble with it).
This, obviously, is the one sure way to have a pumping-type stimulation whether hard or not. It's
my understanding that this works miracles on some people who, say, are using blood pressure
medication or have some other erectile problem. The opposite works, too, though only with an
erect penis. I mean starting on the top and sliding down to the base, starting the other hand on
the tip before the first finishes, et cetera, back and forth.
7. The Drum
If you want to really amaze him, and have him trying to find out what you're doing, try this - gently
wrap a thumb and index finger around his nuts, to pull them (again, gently) away from his body
5
slightly, until you have a slight sort of surface tension on the "end" (spot farthest from his body), a
bit like a bulging drum. Then gently (OK, with a very few people it can be more forceful, but work
your way up to it) run your tongue in a circle around that "end" area. If one right (and it's hard to
get just right), it creates a really amazing sensation. This won't get most people to orgasm, but it
does feel really good. With a few people you can even use your fingertip. Or fingernail, though to
me that feels a bit too much like a knife.
Hands are also a good backup plan for when your mouth tires. The best tactic is make switching
back and forth a normal part of your technique, so it's not obvious if/when you do need to take a
rest break for your mouth.
6
TURN HIM ON TONIGHT
It's his birthday or your anniversary, or the kids are at grandma's. You want it (that "it") to be really
hot. Or maybe there's no special occasion. You're just looking to crank things up a few notches,
to make your satisfying but predictable sex life, well, less predictable and more satisfying. But
how? Where do you turn for advice? Who really knows how to make love interesting, fun, fresh?
Sure, you can get information from sex therapists and their manuals. But such advice tends
toward the predictable and sounds clinical. So we went to different kinds of experts specialists
in music, massage, lingerie, stripping technical pros all, who know what really gets a guy going.
Here's their advice: easy, inexpensive, and naughty.
Don't wait until night time to get things going. Arouse your husband's interest with a seductive call
to his office in late afternoon. According to experienced 900-number workers, sexy talk requires a
gentle, low voice. You also want to sound approachable as well as receptive to his desires. Try
questions : "Do you want to make love tonight? Wouldn't you love to do it in the shower?"
anything you believe your mate will find titillating.
1. How to light his fire
If you're too embarrassed to be explicit, be flirty: "I want you to touch me like you did last night. I
love it when you kiss me. I was thinking about you all day." Obviously you don't want to let the
mundane into your conversation "Oh, and honey, could you pick up some cat food on the way
home?" but do keep talking, even if it's just "aaah," "yes." "Silence makes the listener
uncomfortable and spoils the mood," one operator explained.
2. How to Dress for Great Sex
Buying items that turn our husbands on without making us feel silly takes some effort. But it
shouldn't be an afternoon of torture (like swimsuit shopping). The idea, says a former sales clerk
and lingerie consultant "is to have fun with it."
To find out what your lover might like, leave a Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood
catalog around and see which items hold your husband's gaze longest. Or choose what most
men choose when shopping alone: a garter belt-lace bra combination in bright red or black.
But since no woman feels amorous wearing something that pinches or prohibits breathing, try
garments on and experiment with styles and fabrics. Many women really like a spandex-based
material because it gently cinches you in and holds you up. Salespeople also say you can never
go wrong with a satin gown. It highlights curves, flows beautifully, and catches the light. Plus, the
ambiguous combination of vampiness and elegance is a real turn-on for men.
3. How to Cook Up Some Good Loving
The idea is to enjoy a tasty but light meal, so your lover will have more energy for the bedroom.
You don't want him to be stuffed. That means you should skip meats and heavy sauces, go easy
on cheese and dessert, and load up instead on leafy vegetables, fruits, and spices. The more
vegetables, the better. Greens, fruits, spices, and herbs all contain essential oils and vitamins
that, she claims, stimulate hormone production and increase circulation. Damiana, available in
health food stores, is rumored to be one of the most arousing of herbs.
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But if a few nibbles of cabbage and a cup of chamomile tea will only make your husband cranky
(and isn't your idea of a turn-on either), add a little indulgence to your meal. Dip your strawberries
in chocolate, or bake a light filet of salmon with vanilla sauce. Have a glass of wine. As for those
foods traditionally thought to be aphrodisiacs oysters, champagne studies suggest they raise
testosterone (and libido) levels. And they feel so sexy and taste so inviting that nibbling on a few
and sipping a bit just seem to set the mood.
4. How to Get a Romantic Glow
First, don't buy pink bulbs. The rose coloring actually makes you look pink. What you want is an
amber tint, like you get at sunset; 60-watt amber bulbs in your bedside lamps give you that
radiance. Or if your overhead fixture is hooked to a dimmer, put amber bulbs in it. Dimmed light
diffuses, so you avoid the unflattering ghoul-like look. If you must use white bulbs, make them
low-wattage (no more than 30 watts) and let the light reflect off your bed by using white sheets or
tossing a white throw over it. A woman lying on white linens and lit overhead by a soft light looks
great because the fabric reflects and fills in any harsh shadows.
5. Seducing Him With Scent
Pick a perfume that reflects the image you want to project that night. If, for example, you want to
play the earthy girl-next-door, try a clean fragrance like Navy or the Body Shop's White Musk.
Feeling vampy? Pick Obsession or another scent with a little spice. Want something in between,
like the girl-next-door with a run in her stocking? Look for creamy notes, from Nicole Miller or
Natori. As for musk, let your mate take a sample whiff before you squirt it on for your anniversary.
It's a love or hate thing.
Feeling really adventuresome? Pheromones mammalian chemical triggers rumored (but never
proved) to make men hot are coming back. Realm, a unisex fragrance, contains androgistone, a
pheromone secreted by men and women that has been shown to put pigs into an immediate
mating stance. Or for a really novel twist, start baking. A study conducted revealed that one of the
things that put men into an immediate mating stance wasn't pheromones but buns the kind with
cinnamon on top. Penile blood flow increased when his subjects sniffed cinnamon buns.
6. How to Smooth the Way
While massage possesses healing and therapeutic qualities, there's no denying its natural
eroticism. Have your husband take a hot shower beforehand, or crank up the heat in the bedroom
(shivering kills the romance) and warm your oils in the microwave. Massage oils can be
purchased at specialty cosmetic shops (like H2O or the Body Shop). Create a soothing mood:
Play unobtrusive music, turn down the lights, unplug the phone.
Once you've set the scene, go slowly. Have your husband lie on his stomach, and either kneel
beside him or straddle him across his lower back. Start the massage just below his head, your
palms positioned on the shoulders and fingers pointing toward the the spine. Slide your hands
down his back (you should have just enough oil to move smoothly over his skin, but not so much
that he's dripping), leaning forward to add pressure. Most masseurs recommend looking for clues
smiles, winces, moans to know what feels good. If you must, ask; only then will you know if you
should use less or more pressure.
When you reach his waist, drag your hands across his body until they hit the bed, then trail them
up along his sides. At his underarms, turn your fingers in and repeat the stroke. Or, for variety,
trace his spine with your thumbs, curving around each vertebra as you progress.
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Above all, linger over his body and maintain contact with his skin. If you're going to be in a hurry
pick another time
7. How to Ignite Passion with Music
Two words: Barry White. If you want to get into the groove, nothing is more persuasive than the
molasses-sweet smoothness of soul's greatest love doctor, though Teddy Pendergrass, Marvin
Gaye, and Luther Vandross are all close seconds. A DJ says that people are always calling in for
Marvin Gaye's 'Sexual Healing' or Luther Vandross's 'A House Is Not a Home.'"
Why do these men stir the hearts and loins of listeners? They sound like they're in love when
they're singing about it. They can do the seducing for you. Choosing male vocalists also lets your
husband project himself on to the loverman persona. When we listen to Marvin Gaye, we become
the smooth soul-daddy lover, even if in real life we're a geeky software salesman.
Our picks for your personal slow-jam collection: any Best of Barry White (there are several),
Teddy Pendergrass's A Little More Magic, and Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. Or try Rhino
Records Smooth Grooves, a sensual four-disk selection that includes obscure cult favorites along
with big hits. Best of all, it includes extended-play versions of the songs, to keep you inspired
much longer than 15 minutes.
8. How to Take It Off
The idea is to look like you're making love. The slower the better. To help put you in the mood,
our suggestion is about putting on music something that sets the scene for intimacy. As for
clothes, a baby doll dress is good, or your husband's shirt something you can flip up and flirt with
that will come off easily. Makeup should be minimal and soft. A little powder on the shoulders or
blush between the breasts is fine, but this is not the time for foundation on the neck. You want to
be clean and touchable. But don't let him touch at least at first. Keeping a flirtatious distance, you
want to dance (shake your hips, thrust your pelvis) as you play peekaboo with your clothes.
Slowly lift your shirt or dress, then let it drop. Undo a button. And another. Feel daring? You can
fling the dress and keep dancing in your bra and panties.
For the timid who would rather not shimmy, all you really need to worry about is an easy sway
and eye contact. Really look at your husband. Your face will draw him in more than any other part
of your body.
9
FEMALE EJACULATION
TECHNIQUES
The ejaculate is very much like prostrate fluid. It is usually clear, or milky and as thin as water. It
does not have the look, smell or taste of urine. It is almost odorless. The taste varies, depending
on the time of the month and diet, and possibly other factors, such as amount of stimulation
received prior to ejaculating or time since the last ejaculation. It can vary from an almost honey
sweet, sour, bitter, or a combination of these tastes.
Even though it is ejaculated from the urethra, it is most definitely not urine. It is absolutely
impossible to pee during a orgasm unless there is a weak pubococcygeus muscle. This is very
important, and it is important for the female and her partner to both understand this. The
pubococcygeus muscle contracts when terminating a stream of urine, and is the muscle which
contracts during orgasm. This contraction helps prevent retrograde ejaculation (ejaculation back
into the bladder), and of course prevents the bladder from draining during orgasm.
1. Simulation
Stimulate the clitoris with a moist finger, or with your tongue. Performing cunnilingus while
rubbing her breasts with your hands can be quite stimulating for her. At any rate, continue clitoral
stimulation until she is lubricated. At this point slide two fingers into her vagina. Allow them to
move along the front wall of the vagina. You should encounter an area about 2 inches in, which
should be somewhat enlarged. This is the G spot. It lies directly along the urethra, and is located
almost directly behind the clitoris.
Ejaculation is almost always triggered by stimulating the G spot. Clitoral stimulation can often
assist in helping her reach an ejaculation, and also can make it more intense. But stimulating the
G spot is usually necessary at least initially. Once she starts ejaculating easily, she may find that
clitoral stimulation alone is sufficient. Your picture could be here.
2. Stroking
Stroking can be done a number of ways. The two fingers can rub the area as a unit, or they can
take opposite strides, similar to walking. A third method involved sliding the two finders out a
fraction of an inch, and pushing them back in, similar to the in- out motion of intercourse, but with
smaller strokes. Initially pace the stimulation somewhat slow. Alternate with clitoral stimulation
either with the thumb, other hand, or mouth/tongue. Also try simultaneous stimulation of the
clitoris and G spot. Simultaneous may be too intense for some but necessary for ejaculation for
others. When she starts bearing down, and you feel the vagina contract, begin pumping rapidly.
When she is in the middle of an orgasm, stimulate the clitoris at the same time, and pump the G
spot gently, but very rapidly.
3. If she isn’t ejaculating…
If she does not succeed after a short time, have her roll over on her stomach, and get up on her
knees. You will find stimulating the G spot much easier in this position, and she will most likely
respond much better. With the two fingers turned down, slide your two fingers back into her
vagina. Find the G spot and continue stimulating the G spot. You may use the other hand to
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stimulate the clitoris. If after a couple of orgasms, using rapid pumping on the G spot during
orgasm, she still has not ejaculated, then turn the hand around, putting the thumb into the vagina.
The thumb will likely not reach the G spot, but don't worry, it should come up to meet the thumb
during orgasm. Take the two fingers and lay them down on the clit. Allow the entire curve
between the thumb and forefinger to lie along her from the vagina to her clitoris, and begin
pumping with the thumb, and rubbing the clit at the same time. When she starts an orgasm, start
pumping the entire hand rapidly. At this point she will most likely ejaculate. The trick is to
massage the area where the urethra comes out, while stimulating the clitoris and G spot. This will
help to override the feeling she is about to pee, and allow her to let it pass.
Be aware that the female is not only capable of multiple orgasms, but also multiple ejaculations. It
is not unusual for her to have from 3 to 5 ejaculations before depleting her supply of cum. Once
she has ejaculated one or more times, you can continue with intercourse. Entering from behind
will stimulate the G-spot more easily than missionary style, and often additional ejaculations will
occur during intercourse. Even if they don't, she will be highly excited, and very sensitive. The
final result will most likely be the most intense and pleasurable sex she has ever had.
11
HIS ORGASM: 10 THINGS HE IS
DYING TO TELL YOU
Is there anything that remotely equals the thrill of the male orgasm? Speaking as a male, I can't
think of anything. What's weird is that, for all the attention it receives, the male orgasm doesn't get
talked about in much detail despite the fact that there can be a huge difference in intensity from
one to the next. My guess is that the most reliable gauge of orgasmic intensity a lot of women
have is the Groan-o-Meter: A big "ugh" from the big lug seems to indicate that, on this particular
evening, his climax was a mindblower.
With this information gap in mind, I set out to discover what, exactly, makes for the most bonerattling, foundation-shaking male orgasms, and what women can do to encourage their arrival. I
went straight to the experts a few sex therapists, and lots of men and, believe me, it was as if
they (the guys at least) were just waiting for someone to ask. So here, finally, is everything you
need to know about helping your guy have stronger, longer orgasms.
One warning before we begin: Be prepared for surprises, and for seeming contradictions. It turns
out that male orgasms are both as single-minded as they sometimes seem and at the same time
a lot more complicated. As sensitive as men are to skill and technique, they're equally powered
by mood, setting, and timing. The fun «for him, for you » is in mixing up the following strategies to
see what will work tonight. So have at it.
1. Tell Him He's Got the Night Off
A good orgasm for a man is the sexual equivalent of a cold beer at the end of the workday: a
satisfying reward for a job well done. The job in this case is pleasing you. A major part of the
satisfaction men get from sex is the ego boost that results from making our partners go bonkers
in bed.
The point is that a lot of men won't allow themselves to savor their own orgasm until they've
accomplished that goal. "Performing comes first; my orgasm comes second," says Bob, 30, a
bank administrator. "There are times when I just want to come, but basically my goal is for my
wife to find every sexual encounter totally fulfilling."
Sex therapists will tell you that although this approach is admirable better that men be too
concerned with their partners' orgasms than not at all concerned it can nonetheless constitute a
form of voluntary sensory deprivation. By reining in their passion, many men deprive themselves
of the sexual abandon that produces the strongest orgasms. Sex becomes a battle to make sure
she has an orgasm, rather than a mutual sharing of enjoyment.
The solution? Give your man the night off. Encourage him to focus on enjoying himself without
worrying about taking care of you. There are two basic ways to go about this. One is to tell him,
as your lovemaking heats up, that you want this one to be all for him, that tonight he should do
whatever makes him feel good. The other is to encourage him to lie back passively and let
himself be pleasured by you. Sex therapists say this is a better method, because it enables him to
concentrate completely on what he's feeling, rather than on what he's doing. The same should go
for you when he returns the favor another night: Ideally, both of you will regularly take turns
teaching the other delightful lessons in the art of orgasmic appreciation.
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One caution: Many men find it difficult to let go of control during sex. Don't be surprised, then, if it
takes a while before your husband is comfortable turning the reins completely over to you. Be
patient, but be firm. He'll learn to love it.
2. Hold Back the Goods ! Tonight and Tomorrow
Ask any man after a week on the road abstinence is the world's most powerful aphrodisiac. Even
when he's not out of town, you can contribute to that pent-up, dying-to-make-love state of mind by
deploying some sexual teasing tactics during the day. A sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio,
suggests "accidentally" flashing a little breast at him in the morning, or giving him a lascivious
phone call at the office. "Women can plant a sexual seed," he says, "that will flower that night into
a stronger orgasm."
3. Extend Your Love Strokes as Long as He Can Stand It ! and Then
Some
The same drive that makes a man an animal when he gets home from a road trip is at work within
each individual bout of lovemaking. As foreplay continues, muscle tension builds and the genital
area becomes engorged with blood, resulting in a steadily growing pressure for release. The
more pressure, the more pleasure in the release, because the contractions tend either to be
stronger or last longer.
The added beauty of that physical buildup is that it works hand-in-hand with what's happening to
him mentally: The tension in his testicles only heightens the passion in his mind, and vice versa.
This mind-body multiplier effect unquestionably produces the most spectacular crescendos.
4. Intercept His Drive to the Finish Line
In our heart of hearts, we men know that the longer the foreplay, the stronger the orgasm, for
ourselves as well as for our partners. But at the same time, we have this incredibly powerful drive
to simply come, come, come! We can't help it: It's been hardwired into our sexual circuitry over
thousands of years.
The trick for you is to help your husband set aside this evolutionary imperative so that sex lasts
long enough for a truly eventful climax to build. A therapist suggests setting the tone for longer,
more languorous sex by starting things off with a slow, sensual back rub. Other delaying tactics
can be brought into play as the festivities progress. Stopping for an occasional cooling-off period
works beautifully, but takes discipline. The woman-on-top position is useful because it helps the
man restrain his urge to start thrusting. A prolonging method that may take practice is called the
"squeeze technique." Just before his orgasm appears imminent, put your thumb on one side of
the base of the penis and the tips of your index and middle fingers on the other side, then
squeeze. You can then start your mutual ascent to the mountaintop again.
5. Slam-Dunk Him With a Quickie
Arousal is a mysterious and powerful thing, and sometimes the frenzied abandon of a quick and
lustful coupling can produce a climax that's every bit as explosive as a marathon session in the
sack. I suspect this has something to do with that centuries-old sexual circuitry we mentioned:
Sex without ceremony can tap into deep reservoirs of animal instinct. I personally had one of my
strongest orgasms when my wife overpowered me as I innocently came home from work one
night ? pieces of clothing were scattered between the front door and the bedroom. I'm sure the
fact that she was the instigator added fuel to the fire.
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6. Catch Him With His Defenses Down
A corollary of the quickie concept is the sneak attack: An element of sexual surprise can produce
a powerful climax. Sometimes you need to cut through all the chaos and clutter of modern life.
Anything from job pressure to money woes to kid problems to bedroom boredom can come
between you and your man's deepest passions. Spontaneity can help bring him to his senses.
A good time to try this is on a weekend morning. That's usually when men are most relaxed and
their testosterone levels are at their peak.
7. Go Straight for His Most-Prized Possession
It's not really politically correct to admit this, but the truth is that when orgasm is imminent, there's
only one male erogenous zone, and you know where it is. That doesn't mean men don't like to be
kissed or caressed, but when it comes to orgasm, you can start and end with the penis.
It makes sense, therefore, that when men are out for the most lustful orgasms, their positions of
choice tend to be those that provide the most direct penile stimulation, and the best opportunities
for penile thrust. "For pure physicality, rear entry is the way to go," says Nickl, 31, an
environmental planner. "There's more friction, more depth...I also love it when my wife is on top,
holding herself up, especially when she does that backward."
Nick also mentions another favorite form of penile stimulation: the vaginal squeeze of a woman
who's been doing her Kegel excercises. (Kegels strengthen the PC muscle, the one you clench
when you want to shut off your flow of urine.) "All of a sudden it feels like a hand gripping you," he
says. "That's amazing."
8. Explore the Forbidden Zones
As concentrated as we men are on our penises, there are other strategic spots that, when
stimulated, can send us careening over the edge.
Some men say that having their testicles stroked as they come heightens the sensation. "Women
are more worried about touching the testicles than they should be," says Daniel, 32, an insurance
rep. "It's only when you bang into the testicles that it hurts. Having the scrotum rubbed feels
great." Other sensitive spots seem to depend more on personal taste. Henry, 49, a writer and
editor, loves it when his wife rubs his nipples; Nick recalls a girlfriend who greedily sucked his
fingers; and sex therapists often recommend massaging the point between the testicles and anus
called the perineum at the point of orgasm.
9. Respect the Sacred Moment
The male orgasm consists of two stages. In stage one, the sperm is drawn up from the testicles
and pooled with ejaculatory fluids in a sort of staging area just below the prostate gland. Masters
and Johnson called this the point of "ejaculatory inevitability," meaning that the man's mother, his
priest, and his former girlfriend could walk in the room, and his orgasm would continue as if
nothing had happened. Stage two, which kicks in seconds later, is ejaculation.
If possible, avoid interrupting your man's concentration as the stages unfold. Using techniques
that both of you know and like is fine, but unexpected, dramatic maneuvers at the point of orgasm
are more likely to distract than accentuate. Moving a lot falls into that category. Simply stand
back, as it were, and let his orgasm happen. "It's not the time to get fancy or creative," says Nick.
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Again, a dilemma: How do you find new ways to push your man over the top without interrupting
his orgasmic concentration? Realize that you have to choose some nights to experiment and
others to go for the peak experience.
10.
Love Him to Death
The biggest secret about men's orgasms, I think, is that they reveal how vulnerable we are. That's
why they're so sensitive to the environment; slight changes in the wind can turn a 10-gun salute
into a popgun. Jim, for instance, says he sometimes finds he can't come at all if he's too worried
about his job.
The surprise for me in interviewing men for this story was that only one of them said he enjoyed
being brought to orgasm through oral sex. That's an avenue I expected would be number one on
most men's hit parade. And it is but only as foreplay.
What's at the bottom of all this, I think, is that we men are really looking for the same things from
sex that women are: love, acceptance, and intimacy. The moment of orgasm is when those
needs are most exposed, and men even married men can get nervous being emotionally naked.
When asked what techniques produced his most intense orgasms, Henry fondly recalled lovers
who grabbed him by his butt and pulled him tighter toward them, as if they wanted nothing so
much as to completely absorb him. Robert, a 35-year-old executive, talked about how his wife
sometimes lovingly strokes his face as he comes. "It's about her showing that she really wants
me," he says.
Therapists can talk for hours about how to achieve true intimacy, but a good place to start would
be in bed tonight. Tell your man how much you love him, and mean it.
Then hold on for dear life.
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