Dear Allan
I see that you made a good effort with the first draft. Here are some suggestions to
make it a better essay overall and to make it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
Introduction
Introduction: Please keep in mind that an introduction is like a road map of the main
things you will discuss in your entire review. It should (1) introduce the background
of the chosen book; (2) identify the stage of human development the main character
of the fiction is going through (the theory by Erickson) in one sentence; (3) give a
comprehensive summary of the story; (4) present a thesis statement of the review,
i.e., identify the themes or issues that you will discuss. It is good that you have included
all required parts in the introduction. However, the “Year of publication and Social and
historical context – 1960” and “Stage of Erickson’s human development theory - The
4th Stage” are rather too long; you should condense the content in these sections.
Thesis statement: You need to have a thesis statement that clearly, specifically, and
explicitly identify the themes or issues that you will discuss. However, the sentence
“This paper will analyze how the novel portrays the pervasive and destructive effects
of these issues through the experiences of Scout and Jem Finch” does not indicate the
theme or issues to be discussed in this draft. Try to gain insights from “Hemingway’s
novella, The Old Man and the Sea demonstrates his ironic and stylistic approach and
deals with the theme of narrating profound ethical challenges.” Typically, the thesis
statement falls at the end of your introductory paragraph.
Outline: It would be useful for the reader if you include an overview/outline of how
the essay will be structured in your introduction. The sentence after the thesis
statement, “Through their journey, the novel also highlights the matter of empathy,
courage, and questioning social norms”, is brilliant; however, why is the overview
different from the subheadings “Social inequality in Maycomb”, “Racial injustice in
Maycomb”, and “The impact of social inequality and racial injustice on Scout and Jem”?
Body paragraphs
Content: In the 1st draft, you should discuss your own interpretation and evaluation of
the book. Specifically, you should (1) present your arguments about the chosen book
and related issue; (2) provide textual evidence to support your arguments; (3) provide
close reading of key passages, dialogues, or descriptions to support your ideas. You
should be more critical when discussing the arguments. For example, the sentence
“The novel's central conflict revolves around the trial of Tom Robinson, which reveals
the town's deeply rooted racial prejudices and the corrupt and unjust legal system”
can serve as an argument. Try to relate the argument with following fictional elements
and provide close reading.
Application of fictional elements: When analyzing the book, you should also focus on
some fictional elements such as plot, point of view, characterization, symbolism,
setting, and other language patterns you observe in your reading. Apart from the
analysis on “The impact of social inequality and racial injustice”, you should address
the themes and issues on the above fictional elements.
Reference
Referencing: You are expected to include the book you are reviewing, Erickson’s
human development theory, and the book reviews you have read, if any, to support
your ideas and strengthen your arguments, making your review more convincing and
persuasive.
.
Incorrect/Inconsistent referencing: Your referencing is not correct and not used
consistently. All in-text citations and end-of-text references should be clearly and
properly listed using APA 7th edition referencing style. For example, the heading
should be “References”. The numbers before the reference entries should be
deleted. You are required to use English credible sources as supporting evidence.
Please disregard Wikimedia sources you used for this draft. Please refer to these
sites to better understand and follow the stylistic rules mandatory for an academic
paper using APA style. For more information on referencing:
https://www.polyu.edu.hk/elc/independent-learning/language-resources/apa/
This Referencing Machine will make in-text and bibliographic references for you:
http://elc.polyu.edu.hk/CILL/referenceMachine.aspx
Writing consultation sessions
This essay has a few major problems, as indicated above. You are advised to book a
writing consultation session with me so that I can review it with you in more detail.
Look forward to the second draft.
Isa