Long sentences are not necessarily wordy, nor are short sentences always concise. A sentence is wordy if it can be tightened without affecting its meaning. Eliminate redundancies: Writers often repeat themselves unnecessarily, thinking that expressions such as cooperate together, yellow in color, or basic essentials add emphasis to their ideas and writing. However, this is not the case. Redundancies do the opposite, and often add unintentional humor as there is no need to state the obvious, i.e. homeless people who have no place to live. Writing to a word count only adds to this problem. Students sometimes add three to five adverbs, like really, truly and very, and suddenly their essay is magically a passing essay because it goes from 997 words to the required passing word count of 1000! Look at the difference: works Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist. scribbled Sylvia very hurriedly wrote her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin. Gabriele Muccino’s film The Pursuit of Happyness tells the story of a single father determined in his mind to pull himself and his son out of homelessness. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words: Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient. The fifth patient in room six is mentally ill. grow The best teachers help each student become a better student both academically and emotionally. Cut empty, pointless, inflated phrases: An empty phrase can be cut with little or no loss of meaning. Don’t state the obvious!!! The reason I chose Ucla was because I love college basketball. I chose Ucla because I love college basketball. fyi: is because or was because should never be next to each! Choose your verbs carefully: Avoid the use of the verbs is, are, was, and were whenever possible. They can usually be replaced by stronger verbs with clearer meaning. She is a woman with strong ideas. She holds strong ideas. [harbors, believes in, and other choices are available] AVOID: USE: Along the lines of like As a matter of fact in fact At all times always At the present time now, currently At this point in time now, currently Because of the fact that because By means of By virtue of the fact that Due to the fact that by because because Due to since, as, because For the purpose of for For the reason that because Have the ability to be able to, can In light of the fact that because In order to to In spite of the fact that although, though In the event that if In the final analysis finally In the nature of like In the neighborhood of about Is because, was because Until such time as revise and eliminate until *Adapted, in part, from Diana Hacker’s Rules for Writers 145-164 Copy the following exercises, then click on submit assignment and paste them into the text box. Then correct them. :) Redundancies: Correct any confusing, misplaced, or dangling modifiers. Rearrange words or rewrite below as necessary. Example: Plump sausages, the dinner guests looked forward to the main course. Answer: The dinner guests looked forward to the main course of plump sausages. 1. Powered by hydrogen, the engineers designed a new kind of car. ○ The engineers designed a new hydrogen powered car. 2. I introduced my boyfriend to my father, who wanted to marry me. ○ I introduced my boyfriend who wanted to marry me, to my father. 3. Banging inside the dryer, Carla heard the lost keys. ○ Carla heard the lost keys banging inside the dryer. 4. I sold the tin soldiers to an antique dealer I found in the basement. ○ I sold the tin soldiers I found in the basement to an antique dealer. Replace the general verb in the parenthesis with a more exact verb, in the same tense, that fits the context of the sentence. Example: A furious customer _stormed____________ (walked) into the manager’s office. There was the cat, delicately chewing (eating) my fern! A young man lays (is) on a stretcher in the emergency room. All through the movie, she gobbled up (ate) hard candies in the back row. With guns drawn, three police officers ran (walked) toward the door of the warehouse. For two years, the zoologist observed (saw) the behavior of bears in the wild. Senator Gorman astounded the guests by loudly gulping (eating) his soup. Two people who witnessed (saw) the accident must testify in court. As we stared in fascination, an orange lizard climbed (walked) up the wall. Three makeshift wooden rafts were discovered (seen) off the coast this morning. Rewrite the following sentences underneath each one by removing any redundant words or phrases. No sentence is perfect. Don’t change the meaning. Example: Because of the fact that the watch was inexpensive in price, he bought it. Answer: He bought the inexpensive watch. 1. At first, the original function of the census was to ensure fair taxation and representation. ○ The original function of the census was to ensure fair taxation and representation. 2. The 1990 census missed almost 5 million people many of whom were homeless with no place to live. ○ The 1990 census missed almost 5 million people many of whom were homeless. 3. Those who opposed the idea believed that in their opinion statistical methods would have introduced new errors that were mistaken into the count. ○ The opposition believed their statistical methods would have introduced new errors that were mistaken into the count. 4. Despite the controversy, the U.S. census still continues to serve a beneficial purpose that is for the good of the United States. ○ Despite the controversy, the U.S. census continues to serve a beneficial purpose. 5. Students living in close proximity in the near dorms need to cooperate and get along with each other if they want to live happily in harmony. ○ Students living in the near dorms need to cooperate with each other if they want to live happily in harmony. 6. They watched cartoons in the morning and cartoons in the afternoon. ○ They watched cartoons in the morning and in the afternoon. 7. It is necessary at this point in time that tests be run for the purposes of measuring the switch’s strength. ○ It is necessary that tests be run to measure the switch’s strength. 8. What I mean to say is that Wordsworth’s poetry inspired many other writers of the Romantic period. ○ Wordsworth’s poetry inspired many other writers of the Romantic period. 9. The fact is that at this point in time more women than men attend college. ○ TTTTTTmore women than men attend college. 10. Total college enrollments have increased steadily upward since the 1940s. ○ Total college enrollments have increased steadily since the 1940s. 11. The U.S. Census has a lot of interesting facts that have a lot of truth to them. ○ The U.S. Census has a lot of interesting facts. 12. What happened with her reports is that they led to new safety regulations. ○ Her reports led to new safety regulations. 13. In my opinion, I think that the Electoral College needs to be changed. ○ In my opinion, the Electoral College needs to be changed. 14. I myself personally believe that no one should go to jail for smoking marijuana. ○ I believe that no one should go to jail for smoking marijuana. 15. One reason is because that not everyone knows smoking is wrong. ○ Because not everyone knows that smoking is wrong. 16. Many people who are dieters try to lose weight too quickly. ○ Many dieters try to lose weight too quickly. 17. Voters who cast their vote in presidential elections are usually older and own property. ○ Presidential elections voters are usually older and own property. 18. My friend’s German Shepherd dog had little puppies who were really cute and sweet. ○ My friend’s German Shepherd dog had cute and sweet little puppies. 19. The reason I wanted to go to college was because I wanted to get a degree before I turned 25. ○ I wanted to go to college to get a degree before I turned 25. 20. The sun’s rays were super hot on my face and the rays were also really hot on my back. ○ The sun’s rays were super hot on my face and my back. 21. It seemed to me that the last and final sentence was clearly and obviously incorrect. ○ It seemed to me that the last sentence was clearly incorrect.
