WTF!
THE CHASE
A Ke l l y S to n e Ad ve n t u re
MARC LONGCOR
Copyright © 2021 Marc Longcor
All rights reserved
First Edition
PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.
Conneaut Lake, PA
First originally published by Page Publishing 2021
ISBN 978-1-6624-5750-0 (pbk)
ISBN 978-1-6624-5751-7 (digital)
Printed in the United States of America
DR. PANTERA
Bright light burns my eyes, making it hard to see where I am at on
top of trying to figure out what had just happened. One minute I’m
standing in a parking lot, watching everyone come back from fighting all the monsters I created, and now I’m here, wherever here is.
Everything is still blurry and bright. I can hear waves crashing on a
coast nearby. The sound of all kinds of wildlife fill the air, along with
crashing waves. The ground I stand on now feels like sand from the
fact that I sink a little with each movement and step I muster to take.
I keep opening my eyes little by little, letting in more light each
time to adjust my eyes. While I keep trying to adjust my eyes, I hear
the sound of something very big moving around me in the distance,
something breathing heavily as it moves. I turn to follow the sound
as I open my eyes to see green. I’m facing toward jungle as shade
reaches out, and I can see easier now.
Among the green, I see 13 standing in front of me, looking into
the vegetation as if he’s ready for a fight. I can hear plants moving
as something walks through them. The breathing gets louder and
heavier. Something big is stalking us. Whatever it is, it has just picked
up speed and is now running toward us. I try to turn and run, but my
body and mind are disconnected from each other. I am just standing
here, watching what is coming at us.
13 takes a wide stance and braces for impact, ready for a fight,
as a giant bear comes running out to us. I watch 13 take the first hit
from the bear, wrapping his long arms around the bear and rolling
it and himself onto the ground. 13 opens his mouth wide and bites
down onto the bear’s shoulder, and it lets out a loud roar, then bites
back and swings its big arms across 13, knocking him off top of him.
3
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The bear rolls over onto its feet and dives at 13 while he is
still on the ground. The bear bites down on 13’s shoulder and starts
shaking him back and forth. 13 lets out a high-pitched scream and
reaches behind him, grabbing the bear around its head and neck,
rolling his body around to toss the bear over, releasing the bear’s bite
on him. Then the bear spins around, facing 13. They are both on
their feet now, circling each other, waiting for one of them to attack
first.
13 lunges at the giant bear, swinging his long arm at the massive
beast’s face, giving it a gash across its face but only angering it more.
The bear lunges back, lowering its head and then throwing it up fast
and strong, knocking 13 down on his back. The bear goes on the
attack, biting and clawing, swinging one arm, then the other, mixing
between them and biting. 13 is doing all he can to fight off the giant
bear, clawing his way out from under the beast. Blood covers both of
them and the ground around them. I’m still frozen like a tree in the
ground, unable to move, unable to speak.
13 is still on his back with the giant bear on top of him. He
takes both hands and grabs the bear by the jaws and starts to pull
them apart with all he has left. The giant bear starts to back away in
panic, shaking his head and body to loosen 13’s grip on his jaws. 13
works his way up to his feet, still holding on to the bear’s jaws, widening them more and more until the bear’s jaws snap open. He rips
open the bear’s head, killing it.
13 stands over the dead bear for a few moments, looking down
at it before turning to me. He starts to walk my way but only manages to take a few steps until he falls to his knees, then onto his face. I
am just standing here, still in shock from what I just witnessed. I am
standing here, looking around. The dead giant bear on the ground a
few feet away from Alien 13, I don’t know if he is alive or dead.
A few minutes pass by, which seem like hours. I finally get my
body and mind to work as one, and I run over to 13’s body to check
on him. I roll him over onto his back and feel his chest rise as he
breathes. I search for pulses and check his wounds. He’s still alive. I
look up from 13 to take in my surroundings. This place has a tropical
feel to it, so I think that we’re on an island somewhere. I have no idea
what to do. I’ve spent my whole life in a lab. I don’t know what to do
in this environment.
I keep looking around, thinking of what to do. 13 just put his
life on the line to protect me, and now he may die for it. I reach
down to pick him up. He’s heavy, way too heavy for me to pick up,
so I pick up his arms to try and drag him off the beach and into the
shade of the jungle. I pull with all I have, but I can’t muster to budge
him one inch. I want to get him off the beach and hide him until he
comes to so he can move himself and take care of himself. With him
down like this, I fear that something will come along and eat him.
With a dead giant bear close by, 13 looks to be a snack and more food
for whatever comes along.
I start walking around, looking for anything to use to cover 13’s
body up to try and hide him from predators that will come by. I start
to pick up palm leaves to cover him up. The sun is beating down on
me, burning. Oh yeah, this is a tropical island indeed. My shirt and
pants are soaked in sweat. I cover 13 up with all I can find to pick
up and use. I walk back out of the beach and under a palm tree and
sit down in the shade. I look out over the sandy beach and into the
ocean and see another shade of blue coming off the ocean but not
blending in with the sky. I move my head side to side to catch different viewpoints from sunlight. It looks to be some sort of field that
comes down from above, meeting the ocean just off the beach.
I stand up and walk closer to the field off the beach. I can see a
thick blue field that stretches as far as the eye can see up and follows
the coast down the island along the beach. I look down and see a
seashell and pick it up and toss it into the field to see what happens.
The seashell just turns into ash. I turn around and look inland and
up into the sky to see if there is anything I can see. I can’t see past the
tall palm trees and green vegetation. I walk back off the beach, out of
the sun, and sit back down under my palm tree.
The sun doesn’t seem to be going down. I think it’s time to get
up and maybe move inland more to see if I can find some kind of life
other than maybe animals. It’s been hours, I believe, and there is still
no movement from 13. I think he is dead now. I turn to face inland
and start walking. What happened that got me here, and where is
4
5
Marc Longcor
WTF!
here? I remember the parking lot, seeing everyone, then 13 wrapping
his arms around me as a flash of light came over me, blinding me.
Then next thing I know, I’m on this island. There’s so much to figure
out.
It’s difficult to walk through this jungle, and with every step
I take, I watch to see if there is something to step on that will hurt
or be deadly. I look up, I look down, and I look side to side. It feels
like I’ve been walking for days, but I know deep down, it’s only been
hours, I think. The sun still hasn’t moved one bit the whole time I’ve
been here.
I stop ever so often to take a look and listen for anything around
me. The farther I go inland, the more I hear and the louder the noise
of the hum of different animals is. This island is teeming with life.
I think that’s a good sign. I have no idea how to hunt and trap, not
even fish. I don’t know what is safe or what is dangerous. I keep moving forward, as forward as I can. I move between trees and plants,
trying to find the easiest path through this thick jungle.
I stop to rest on another palm tree, leaning up against it, soaked
with sweat from head to toe. I start thinking about taking off my
shirt, but before I do, I hear a familiar sound from before—heavy
breathing and movement. Whatever it is, it’s getting closer, and fast. I
start to move again at a faster pace than before, trying to stay as quiet
as possible. It seems the faster I move, the faster whatever is behind
me moves too.
After a few moments of fast-paced moving, I hear a loud roar
come from behind me. Something big and heavy comes crashing
through the trees and brush, breathing heavier. I take off running as
fast as I can through this jungle. Before I think I can get away from
whatever is after me, I come to a cliff. I look out from the cliff to see
a vast open area of green fields of grass, boats, planes, and cars, like an
overgrown junkyard that takes anything in. Before I can get a good
look at everything, I remember that something big is after me.
I turn to find myself face-to-face with another giant bear. I just
stare, frozen in place, looking at this massive beast. This bear is not
like what I know. This bear has a short face and just on all four legs.
It is massive, much taller and wider than a normal bear. Then the
bear stands up on its back legs, towering over me. I look up as if I’m
looking straight up into the sky over me.
Just when I think this massive beast is going to come down on
top of me and have me for dinner, a spear comes flying in fast, hitting
the beast in the side. The giant bear comes back down on all four legs
and turns to where the spear came from. Soon, the bear and I are
surrounded by people, all different kinds of people—some who look
to have been on this island a long time and some not as long as the
others next to them.
One of the men in the group runs up to the bear, trying to
blindside it to pierce its side. The bear doesn’t want to have any part
in that and spins around, swinging its large arm at the man, knocking him down and then slashing down at him. His claws goes in deep
and from shoulder to hip. The man screams a loud, bloody death of
a scream. Blood flows freely from his new wounds, and it isn’t long
before the man is dead under the giant bear.
While the bear is looking down at his kill, five other men with
long spears rush toward the giant bear. The bear, overwhelmed with
all the men rushing to him, can’t decide who to fend off first. All five
spears pierce the bear’s skin, and it gives out a loud, thunderous roar.
Others with bows and arrows release their arrows to hit their massive
target in the giant bear’s side. Arrow after arrow and spear after spear,
the bear finally goes down. The bear is breathing heavily and fast as
it takes in its last breaths before one of the island natives walks out
from the group of people and takes her spear and thrusts it into the
bear’s chest, finishing the kill.
This redhead is wearing what looks to be a flight jumpsuit with
the legs and arms cut off. I watch her give orders to the rest of the
people in the group to harvest the giant bear for meat and hide.
These people go on with their jobs like I am not even here until the
redhead turns around.
“Why, hello there, new face. Are you all right?” she asks.
“Um, yes, I seem to be okay, just tired and thirsty,” I reply with
a dry throat.
“Here, drink some water,” she says, handing me a canteen.
6
7
Marc Longcor
“Thank you,” I say back, taking the canteen and drinking all I
WTF!
“Where did you land? Most people land in the green zone down
there.”
“On the beach, back that way, I think.”
“Beach, huh? That’s a new spot for people to come in at.”
“Who are you? These people? Where are we at? What island are
we on?” I ask question after question.
“Well, I’m Amelia Earhart, and all these people are from all over
the world and from different times. And this island is somewhere but
also nowhere. The one that did know escaped off the island a long
time ago and hasn’t come back.”
“What? Like, the Amelia Earhart?” I ask, stunned over the name
she gave.
“Yes, sir. And who may you be?”
“Yes, I’m Dr. Rome Pantera.”
“Oh, another doctor. We have many here. Are you a medical
doctor or some other kind of doctor?”
“I’m a doctor in many different fields.”
“Okay. Well, I’m sure you’ll find yourself in our doctor building
soon enough with all the other doctors, talking about things I have
no clue about.”
“How many people are here?”
“Honestly, it’s hard to keep track. We have so many that show
up randomly and so many that die from the island or on their landing or from hunting or fighting with the other people on the island,”
Amelia answers.
“Other people?”
“Over the years, the island has collected a lot of people from
different times and places. When we get you back to camp, the other
doctors can fill you in on it. All I know is, when I ended up here,
there was only me and one other who created this place. And over
time, we built a small village that has grown into more now. There
are different groups throughout the town.
“One area I think you’ll like will be the science village. It’s where
we put all the doctors. There’s a military side we call the base where
we put soldiers in, and they do most of the protection and hunting for us. Then we have just regular people spread throughout the
camp. Outside of our town is a small village of Viking women that
just want to be left alone. We still work with them from time to time
to ask for help in survival or blacksmithing.
“Across the island, you’ll find other people that don’t work well
with others. They kill or steal and are just plain evil, and we try to
keep them out and away, so we never go anywhere unless in a group.
There are cavemen, pirates, and Nazis on top of giant bears, giant
birds, giant snakes, some dinosaurs, and more that we still haven’t
come across,” Amelia says, going on about the island.
“I have so many questions, but I think I will just go with you
and take all this in and meet everyone as I go,” I reply.
“That’s the spirit, Doctor.”
“Amelia, we’re finished here and can’t carry any more,” one of
the other men in her group says.
“All right. It’s time to head back anyway and show our new
island member around.”
Amelia waves her hand at me to follow her as I stand here
watching others just start walking by with blood-soaked packs and
furs rolled up and tied to them. I follow the group along the cliffside for what seems like miles. From the cliff overlooking what they
call the green zone, I can see planes, ships, and cars, hundreds and
hundreds more just crashed or placed in no particular order. Far in
the distance, I see a dark-blue light beaming up into the sky that hits
what looks to be the top of a dome. Just more questions for me to ask
later. What is this place? Where am I? How can all these people be
here from different time periods? How can any of this exist, and how
is it that no one is old here or looks old or looks to be aging at all?
We make it down the cliff and are now walking through the
green zone. I’m just in shock and amazed by all the different ships
and planes from different times. I keep stopping to gaze upon the
ships and take in the history. I so want to climb aboard and look
around. Each time I stop, I am urged to keep moving with the group.
I’m sure I will have time to come back and take a look around. I don’t
see myself getting off this island anytime soon.
8
9
can.
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I follow the group through the green zone, and I can see smoke
rising from the treetops up ahead. The group changes direction, as
if they’re going around what is up ahead of us. As we make our way
around, I look through the trees to see a camp of women, but they
are not your average women. These women seem to be more hardened, warrior-like even. They aren’t wearing much for clothing, just
enough to cover themselves up. One of the members of the group
taps my shoulder and tells me that is the Viking camp and that I
should stay clear of it unless I’m with Amelia.
I don’t bother to ask why right now. There is so much going on
that I’m just soaking it all in and trying to wrap my head around it
all. Part of me is excited to meet other doctors to be able to talk on
my level of understanding to ask what I need to, to understand what
is going on here. Maybe through my outsider perspective on this
island, I can find a way to get off it. I start to wonder about the Nazis
Amelia mentioned earlier. I think back on my days with my father
and other members of his science team back in the war. I remember
that my father had units going out and looking for artifacts and other
mysterious things that could help win the war for Germany. Maybe I
can venture out and find that unit and see who’s in charge.
We finally make it to the town or city or whatever they call this
place. It is a good-size place and looks as if it has been here for a long
time and as if they keep expanding it. As we are walking in, I see a
group of people cutting down trees and clearing the ground out as
others are shaping and carving wood. Others are marking out what
look to be building sites. Everyone has a job, and all are working
toward a common goal. It reminds me of ant colonies or a beehive.
The farther into town you go, the older the buildings and the
building styles are. Truly, it looks like you are walking through time
itself. The group starts to break apart, as people start to go their own
way to do what needs to be done. Amelia stays by my side and leads
me to a big building that looks to be made from old ships.
“Well, Doc, this is you. Just go on in and introduce yourself,
and everyone else will just start talking to you. They’re a talkative
bunch. They’ll fill you in on what’s what and make sure you are
taken care of. I’ll see you later at dinner,” Amelia says, then she turns
around and walks away.
I watch her walk away into the town, leaving me at the front
door of this building that looks to be built from old ships with windmills towering over it in the back. I reach down and pull on the door
handle, opening it slowly and walking in just as slow. Inside, there is
power, and lights with power cords are going out a window to what
looks like batteries stacked up. There are some lab equipment that
look to be pieced together. Everyone inside stops what they are doing
to turn and look at me. Then one by one, they start to approach me
and introduce themselves to me. I can’t keep track of or remember
their names. I just shake hands and nod my head and repeat “Hello!”
and “Doctor.”
After all the greetings, one doctor comes up to me and lets me
know that he’s the lead doctor here. He starts to fill me in on the
town and the workload and more. I’m taking in so much information that I don’t think I will be able to remember it all. Then he
says, “Follow me.” He takes me to a room and says I can have it and
welcomes me to the town, and then he says that he will leave me be
for now to let all this soak in and for me to settle in. He also tells me
to ask for anything I may need, then he turns around and leaves me
in my new room.
The room is a decent-sized room with everything built from
wood from old ships with beds from cruise liners that have crashed
here. Everything here has been taken from what shows up and from
what can be salvaged. It is quite amazing how they have repurposed
everything they have found.
10
11
WTF!
I wake up to Jack yelling at some poor asshole about taking it easy
with something. My head is killing me from drinking the last few
days, waiting for Hightower to get back from wherever he took off
to, to figure out where the doc and 13 have disappeared to. The room
isn’t spinning as bad as it was when I got here, whenever that was, but
Jack’s yelling isn’t helping with whatever the girls are playing down
the hall in the kitchen, clinking pans, cooking. The smell of bacon,
eggs, and pancakes fill the place.
I roll over to sit up, knocking empty beer cans off the bed to the
floor, hitting other empty beer cans already on the floor. I kick them
out of the way to make room for my feet to touch the floor. I feel the
shift in my head and get dizzy, and my vision goes blurry for a second. I sit as still as possible, trying to stop the room from spinning.
Jack is yelling about a head, and the girls are singing now to some
song I can’t quite make out yet ’cause my hearing hasn’t fully come
back to me yet. I start to feel myself swaying side to side on the bed.
This is gonna be a long day.
I stand up, and as soon as I’m up, I go right back down. My body
and my thoughts are still not on the same page with all the blood in
my alcohol, or is it alcohol in my blood? Either way, I’m a fucking
mess right now. I sit still longer on the edge of my bed, listening to
Jack still yelling. He’s a ball of fire today over something. The girls in
the kitchen seem to be in high spirits as well, as laughs echo down the
hallway and into my bedroom through the closed door.
I close my eyes to combat the headache that is starting to pound
away inside. I open my eyes to look around, feeling lost in my own
room, thinking what to do first. I look over to my chair and see my
kilt. I should start there. I look over on the table by the bed. It has an
untouched six-pack sitting on it. Oh, hello, ladies. I reach over and
pull one out of the ring pack and pop the top and take a long drink.
It’s times like this, I think, What would Jack do in my spot? He would
keep drinking.
I finish the beer with another long pull, and the headache starts
to go away, and my buzz starts to come back, putting me back in that
good spot. I stand up, a little unbalanced, but I’m able to get all the
way up this time. I shuffle through the beer cans on the floor to my
chair and grab my kilt. There’s no need to take anything off ’cause
I’m already naked, so I just wrap my kilt around and fit it to me. Step
one, done. I lean over and reach for another beer, ripping it out of
the pack ring and popping it open and taking a long pull. I just end
up finishing it.
Standing here just in my kilt, I hear Jack yell something again,
and I move over to the window and open it. I pop my head out
to find Jack just below, giving orders to people who are backing a
semitruck and trailer down the alley.
“Jack, shut the fuck up. There are still people trying to sleep
here.”
“It’s time to get up anyway, you lazy bastard.”
“Oh yeah? Is this lazy, you old fucker?” I say, throwing a beer at
his head, but he catches it, lifts it up in a salute, opens it, and downs
it all as he flips me off.
“You’re going to have to do better than that, son.”
“How is it that you can do that?” I ask in amazement of this
old man.
“It’s all in the reflexes,” Jack replies calmly with a faint smile.
I pull my head back inside and take a step back, tripping on all
the beer cans on the floor and falling backward on my back. Lying
here, looking up at the celling, I should stop drinking, but I know
that won’t happen. I roll over and use my bed to lift myself up and sit
back down on it. I sit silent, just sitting, nothing on my mind, just
the sound of Jack yelling and the girls singing. I really need to get up
and get ready for this day.
I stand up and walk over to the dresser. On top is a blue shirt
with white letters, and when I read what it says, it gives me a chuckle.
12
13
STONE
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“It’s a Fucking Kilt,” the shirt reads in bold white letters. I guess the
girls got it for me some time in the last few days. Where they got it,
I don’t know ’cause Palm City is destroyed, and the government took
it off the map, cooking up a hella good story for the people to eat up,
and they are now just tearing down everything to make farmland for
some overpaid government dipshits. It pays to know people in high
places, I guess, or be the people in high places.
I put on the shirt and tuck it in my kilt and pull a pair of socks
out of the dresser and put them on, followed by putting on my boots.
I open my door, and the smell of food hits me hard. It smells so damn
good. Those girls can cook. I wonder how much they’ve cooked up
thinking that there aren’t a lot to feed around here anymore, as most
everyone has died or left to go help clean up in the city.
I walk to the doorway and just stand in it, watching the girls
dance, sing, and cook like no one is watching. They’re both in tall
socks that go up to their thighs and a T-shirt that meets the socks.
Stacy is stirring gravy for biscuits, which are on the table already, and
Kate is making OJ by the sink and shaking her ass to Shania Twain’s
“I Feel Like a Woman.” Both have no clue that I’m right here.
Bang! The apartment door comes crashing open, and Jack busts
in loud and full of energy, scaring the shit out of me and the girls.
They yell out, “Holy hell! Motherfucker!” They throw a pan at me,
almost hitting me in the head, but lucky for me, they miss.
“Stone, my boy, you’re up and moving. How the hell are you
doing?” Jack yells down the hallway.
“Fuck, Jack, you’re all fired up today.”
“Yes, I am. I got Old Girl and your truck out back and safe,
along with my trophy head from that Dozer that dented Old Girl.”
“What? You actually went back for that damn head?”
“Yes, I did. I told you I would. And I got some news also.”
“What news?”
“Hightower is on his way back.”
“Does he know what’s going on with the doctor and 13?”
“The hell if I know, boy. Mac just told me that Hightower is on
his way back.”
“Jack, Stone, get in here and eat,” Stacy yells.
I turn and look into the kitchen at Stacy and Kate, then back
at Jack and nod my head to him to come and eat. We all take our
seats around the table and start to load our plates with food—bacon,
pancakes, eggs, biscuits, and gravy with OJ to wash it all down with.
If only I have some rum to put in this OJ, this could be perfect. Then
I see Jack pull out a bottle of rum out of the cabinet and pour some
into his glass of OJ, and then he looks at me. I nod for the bottle to
come my way to do the same.
“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” Kate says in a
mom’s voice to her kids.
“What?” Jack and I say at the same time, looking at her like
nothing is wrong with this picture.
“It’s only nine in the damn morning, you two,” she replies,
looking at us with disapproval for our choices.
“When do you think Hightower will be here?” I ask Jack, getting the focus back on that and not on us drinking.
“I don’t know. Soon, today, tomorrow, three days from now,
next week, month, year.”
“Well, if Mac told you just before you came inside, then he
should be on his way,” Stacy says, eating bacon in the most beautiful
way ever.
“Then I guess we should get ready for what he has for us,” Jack
says, looking around at us all.
“Why is it we have to deal with this shitstorm?”
“Because he lost all his men, and Mac doesn’t have enough to
spare to help out.”
“Couldn’t he just get a new team?” Stacy asks.
“Why? We already know what we’re dealing with.”
“True.”
“Let’s finish eating and get ready,” Kate says.
We continue to eat and carry on. The day’s sun shines through
the kitchen window, giving light, and we all start to perk up more
when the sound of a helicopter rumbles over the salon. We look at
one another knowing who it is. We finish our food and take off in
different directions to get ready.
14
15
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I walk back to my room to my chair and pick up Bridget, putting her on my back, then pick up my holster with the twins in it,
putting it on, fitting the twins in the small of my back. I reach back
down, picking up my ammo pouch for them and my little med kit
on the other side in case I fuck myself up again.
I grab the last three beers in the six-pack, pulling one out and
opening it, drinking it as I walk back into the hallway. I see Kate and
Stacy walking down from the bathroom toward me. Both have on
black yoga pants that look to be painted on. They’re so tight. Bless
their hearts. Kate is wearing a blue shirt with letters on it that say,
“Eyes up here,” with an arrow pointing up toward her face. Stacy has
on one of her Star Wars shirts with Han Solo and Chewie on it, tied
up in a knot just over her belly button. Both have on running shoes.
Kate has her dad’s billy club tied to her back, but it’s not a regular
club you normally see. It’s oddly shaped and not straight, but knowing
that her dad carved it in the jungles of Vietnam, he used what he had
available. She also has her Desert Eagle in a thigh holster and a belt
with extra mags in it along with MP5 mags. I think her MP5 must be
in the backpack she has in her hand. Stacy has a 9 mm in a thigh holster with her tomahawks on her hips and a backpack with God knows
what in it. Jack comes walking out with a duffel bag, and I toss him a
beer. He opens it with one hand after catching it.
We all make our way downstairs to be met by Hightower in the
office. He’s sitting behind my desk, waiting for us. I finish my beer
and toss the can and ring into the trash and walk over to the fridge
and grab two more beers. Turning and looking at Jack, I nod for him
to be ready to catch it. As I toss it to him, Kate intercepts it and opens
it, downing it all in front of us, then crushing the can and tossing it
into the trash.
“Pussy,” she says to me.
“Bitch,” I reply, grabbing another beer and tossing it to Jack,
but Stacy walks into it, taking the hit in the left tit.
“Hey, asshole, that hurt,” she says, rubbing her tit and taking a
seat next to Kate on the couch. Jack picks up the beer, pops it open,
and starts drinking it fast, not spilling a drop on the floor, then leaning against the doorway.
“Okay, okay, you all are a mess, but you’re all I got,” Hightower
says, looking at the shit show that is us.
“Thanks, Dad,” Stacy says, looking at Hightower.
“Before you left, you said you knew where they went and just
took off for days with no word, so what do you have for us?” I ask
Hightower.
“Yes, we found out where and when 13 took Dr. Pantera,”
Hightower says, completely confusing the hell out of us.
“What do you mean by ‘we’ and ‘where and when’?” I asked,
confused, while taking a drink of my beer, waiting for an answer.
“We have another facility with help from another alien,”
Hightower answers.
“Another fucking alien? What, you guys just have them all over
the place?”
“No, this one has been around for a long time, and he came
forward to help us because he knows the kind of alien that 13 is.”
“Well, let’s go meet this one, then,” I say, standing up and walking back to the fridge and grabbing a few more beers. “Anyone want
one?” I ask, looking around the office.
“Yeah, I’ll take one,” Jack says as he stands up from leaning
on the doorway to let Hightower go by in a huff as the girls follow
behind him. I toss Jack a beer, and we drink together, walking out of
the office and down the hallway.
We finish our beers and toss them in the trash can in the lobby.
Missing the trash can, we both mumble, “Shit,” knowing that Kate
will kick our asses if she sees them on the floor. We both look at each
other, then back down at the beer cans on the floor. When I look
back up, Jack has already darted out the front door and is halfway to
the helicopter in the parking lot.
“Asshole,” I say, watching him walk to the helicopter. He turns
and smiles at me knowing what he did. I pick up the cans and toss
them in the trash and walk out the front door. I don’t bother locking up ’cause there’s really nothing here anymore to lock up. We’ve
used it all in the fight with the Crazy Eyes. Hell, by the time we get
back to the salon, it could be a field with the way the government is
carrying on.
16
17
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I walk up to the helicopter and climb in, taking a seat next to
Kate and across from Jack, who is still smiling at me for ditching me
inside. I just open another beer and flip him off. Hightower starts
up the helicopter and pulls up fast. You can feel the force pushing
you down in your seat as he takes off and tilts the huey to the side,
tipping forward and taking off. His huey doesn’t have side doors on
it, so the wind is just gusting in, blowing my kilt up, showing Jack
everything he doesn’t want to see. I just smile at him with my beer
in my hand.
I was hoping that Hightower has some CCR playing up in here,
but nothing. It’s going to be a long ride. I hear Hightower talking
about this new alien we’re going to meet who is going to help us out.
He goes on to talk about how he has some island and that he helped
the Mayans or something. I kind of just tune him out until he says
something about how this alien is addicted to cocaine. I might like
this alien.
I go back to tuning out Hightower, looking out the side over
the city or what’s left of the city. It’s just piles of rubble now with lots
of trucks and equipment down there tearing down and loading up
to take away everything to make new farmland. I see a group loading
up a dead Dozer onto a flatbed trailer to take to a firepit, where they
have been taking all the dead Crazy Eyes and dead people to burn.
I key my mic to talk over the headset to ask Hightower where
the hell this place is. He just says it’s not too far away. Leave it to
Missouri to hide secrets from secrets. I get back on the headset to tell
him to hurry the hell up because I gotta take a piss.
He just responds, “Not much longer.”
Jack and the girls just stare at me, and I just shrug my shoulders
and say, “What?” then go on drinking my beer.
Hightower was right about it not being much longer. I feel the
helicopter tilt forward and start going down. It feels like we’re going
down a little fast until the helicopter pulls up fast and slows down
and does a quick spin around and comes to a landing.
“’Bout time,” I say as I unbuckle and jump out the side, hiking
my kilt up and start taking my piss.
“Aw, really, Stone?” Kate says as she and Stacy climb out.
Jack jumps out and slaps me on my back hard enough that I
have to catch my balance, taking a half step forward with my right
foot, almost pissing all over myself. I yell, “Damn it, Jack.” He just
laughs and keeps walking, following the girls over to a big door to
wait for Hightower. Shit, I really have to take a piss. I don’t think this
is going to end anytime soon. I get this feeling that I have eyes on me
and can feel them burning deep into my soul. I turn my head and
look over to where everyone is standing, just watching me.
“Y’all enjoying the show?” I yell.
“Hurry the fuck up, Stone,” Kate yells back.
“Yeah, put the little sausage away and get over here,” Stacy
chimes in.
“Yeah, yeah. Just let me finish the world’s longest piss here.”
“Shake it off. Just shake it off.” Both girls start singing, holding
back from giggling.
“Not that fucking song again,” Jack says.
Hightower opens a panel and places his hand inside, and the big
door starts to open, sliding to the right and into the hillside. I turn
and do a little jog to catch up with the others as they walk into the
side of the hill. The big door closes behind us, taking the bright sunlight away, leaving us in a dark, long hallway. There are lights every
ten feet or so, giving light in the hallway, which makes it longer. I
can’t help but think I hear something echoing down the hall.
What’s that sound? It’s muffled, but it sounds like music. It
sounds like the Rolling Stones’ “Time Is on My Side.” I focus on
the music to see if I’m right, and the farther we move down the hallway, the more I can hear the music. It is “Time on My Side” by the
Rolling Stones.
“Hightower, what the hell is that?” I ask.
“That would be Frost. He likes music, and he’ll play whatever’s
loud,” Hightower answers.
“Well, he’s got good taste if he’s playing Rolling Stones,” Jack
says.
We come to another door. Hightower places his hand on a
panel, and a light comes on, then we hear a loud thud. The door
slides open, the Rolling Stones’ “Time Is on My Side” playing loudly.
18
19
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The room we are walking into is big, as big as the last building we
were at with all the bays and trucks, this and that, in it. All this
place has are a group of computers in one area and some big trampoline-looking thing standing upright with cords all over the floor.
Over by the radio is a table with someone small next to it. Is
that fucking Danny DeVito? I watch this Danny look-alike slide his
face across the table in front of him with a loud snorting sound, then
coming back up dancing. As I walk closer, I see that this alien really
does kind of look like a Danny or maybe a Pat Oswalt.
Staring at him, I try to think whom he looks like more. He grabs
a big white brick and slams it down on the table, bursting it into a
powdery white cloud of smoke, like a damn ninja smoke-bombing
the fuck out of us. Everyone just scatters to get away from the cocaine
dust cloud, except for Jack and myself. We just walk into the cloud,
embracing the white powder with no regrets and zero fucks.
“Frost, what the hell are you doing?” Hightower yells as both
girls yell at Jack and me, “What the fuck are you two assholes doing?”
“What? We’re making a new friend,” I say back, smiling.
“What does it look like, man? There’s nothing new to this,”
Frost says back to Hightower, then diving back down for another
line of coke.
“Slow down on the powder for a minute, will you, and tell us
what the plan is,” Hightower says, looking at Frost, as Jack cuts a
line, getting ready to do it.
“The plan? I turn that on, they walk through it, I keep it open,
they walk back through it. Simple. Easy,” Frost says, covered in
cocaine as he points around.
“Frost!” Hightower says with a tone.
“Jack! Stone!” Kate shouts. Both of us just lift our heads up to
stare back at her.
“What? You want in on this?” Jack asks, and I chuckle.
“What? No! Both of you just stop right now. We have shit to
do,” Kate snaps at us.
“This will help us get shit done,” I say.
“Colonel, dude, if you keep worrying like this, no one will be
able to shove a jelly bean up your ass,” Frost says to Hightower. Jack
and I look at each other, shocked and amazed that this little alien just
said that to Hightower.
“Goddamn it, Frost!” Hightower yells out, losing his cool.
“Colonel, you know God was made up by humans ’cause they
didn’t understand us or have the language to describe us, but what’s
interesting is how the Catholic Church became as powerful and rich
as it is now,” Frost rambles out as he dives back down for another
line of coke.
“Damn it, Frost, I’m not getting into that right now. Stay
on topic. You know why you’re here and what needs to be done.
Remember, you felt a surge of power,” Hightower says, reminding
Frost of what’s going on.
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Look, guys, I felt a disturbance in the force,
and Hightower called me up about the same time to help. He told
me about 13 and what kind of alien he is. He’s from Dulord. They’re
assholes. They destroyed my home planet, Delou. I escaped before
it completely blew up, but my engines took damage in getting away,
which was why I ended up here on this planet.
“I found an island and created my own little paradise to hide
away in. Well, I fucked up in my calculations, and my ship’s energy
stabilizer overloaded, turning my cloaking field into a prison force
field. When people started to show up on my island from different
times, I tried to fix my stabilizer one day to correct what happened,
but everything just went to shit.” Frost takes another break. He leans
down and does the longest line of cocaine I’ve ever seen. He makes
Scarface look like a pussy.
“Sorry. I had to do a line. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, well,
my shit went crazy, and I escaped off the island, unable to get anyone
else off. I haven’t been back ’cause I don’t know if I’ll be able to get
off again. I know that my fuckup created some time vortexes that you
may know as triangles, like the Bermuda Triangle.”
“Wait, so you’re saying that you can get us to where we need to
go but don’t know if you can get us back?” I ask.
“No, I can get you there and tell you how to fix the energy stabilizer and correct the triangle vortexes.”
“So you’re not coming with us?” Kate asks.
20
21
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Oh no, I’m sure there are people on the island that are very
mad at me for not coming back to save them.”
“So what happened with your calculations?” Stacy asks.
“I wasn’t expecting this planet to produce so much energy like it
does, and it overloaded my energy stabilizer,” Frost answers.
“You said you escaped. What did you do when you got off the
island?” Stacy asks.
“Well, I floated until I washed up on land, and the Mayans
found me. You know what? Here. Just watch this,” Frost says as
he pulls a stick out of somewhere I didn’t see on time and waves it
around. Lights flash, and then we find ourselves in a 3D movie as
Frost himself.
I woke up with a kick to my side. Waves were washing over
me. I opened my eyes to see what was going on, and everything
was blurry for a moment as I felt another kick hit my side. Voices
were yelling at me in a language I didn’t know. Another wave hit me,
washing sand off my face, and soon, I was able to see clearer than
before. I saw people, but they were not like those I had seen before.
They seemed very primitive, only wearing cloth over their sex parts.
Some had what I had been told were spears, and their skin was not
white and not black but more like the skin of the Indian man who
showed up back on my island, but these people were not speaking
the same language that he did.
I put my hands up and tried to do what they said. There was
more yelling in a language I didn’t understand. They started to jab
their spears at me. I danced back and forth, side to side, to keep from
being stabbed by what looked like sharpened rocks. Before I could
say anything, something connected with the back of my head, and
everything went blurry again and then black.
Once I came to, it was a rough start in the beginning, but I soon
made friends with the Mayans and was accepted into their world. I
started to teach them about the stars and math and advancing their
language better to where I was able to talk to them, mixing a little of
what I learned from the people who showed up on my island and a
little from my home planet, Delou.
Teaching the people here was a process, but in time, I was able
to create a society that formed a civilization. They had already taught
themselves how to hunt and craft certain things, but it wasn’t until I
started to show them that they learned how to build buildings, and
boy, were they amazed when I pulled out my tool to move big blocks,
trees, land, and much more.
We started creating a city that continued to grow over the years.
I watched as people came and went due to old age and human life
downfalls. I taught one kid how to make a calendar and form years,
and he went on to teach the next kid after him, and that kid to the
next kid and so on.
Before long, we started to get visitors from other planets. They
showed up to the wonderful life we had created over the years. These
visitors were friendly, and we had many visits over how I lived here
with the humans, helping them along the path of their short life.
They told me that they had found a new planet in a faraway
galaxy and that the people here would make a great start-up to that
planet. The visitors would monitor and watch how they did on their
own with the knowledge I had given them over the years. I really
didn’t like the idea of them taking the people whom I had grown
fond of over the last many years.
One day, I woke up to everyone just gone. Not a soul was in
sight, not a trace of where they took off to, no footprints, and no
writing to let me know anything. They were all just gone. A whole
civilization just disappeared without a trace. Well, this was gonna
mess with the people of the future I was sure. I walked into the building where I had taught the kid to make the calendar. I looked at his
work, only to find that it had stopped on the day of December 21,
2012. Well, now that was really gonna mess with people, thinking
this was the day the world would end or something. I started to laugh
a little at the idea and hoped that I would be around to watch people
freak out over this.
I walked back out, still shocked that everyone was just gone,
then I came across a spaceship on the far end of the city. I walked up
22
23
*****
Marc Longcor
WTF!
to it slowly thinking that it might be a trap. I walked up to the open
bay door on the side and walked in. As soon as I stepped in, the ship
came on and told me what had happened. The visitors came while I
was sleeping and took everyone, and this ship was for me.
I thought, “I guess there is no fighting what has happened. I
guess I’ll just travel around and see what this planet has developed
into.” I spent some time in China, but that was a mess with two
different worldly planets fighting over it for some damn reason, and
I just left that crazy world. I traveled all over what are now Asia and
Russia, playing tricks with people along the way, and then I found
myself in Egypt, where I met some other aliens who were made into
gods by the humans. Little did I know that they were gods among
this planet who had a hand in creating this planet, along with the
help of other entities, and formed this galaxy.
They taught me so much about this planet and how they created everything with other gods like them. They had to fight later to
save their creation, a fight that almost ended everything. A powerful
entity that once helped create this planet, solar system, and galaxy
turned dark and tried to destroy it all, and the gods rose up and
defeated it. After that, the planet was able to grow into what it is now.
In time, I, too, kind of became a god to the humans. I traveled
around with Loki, one of the gods, and did little tricks that just took
them by surprise. At times, I overdid things by helping some humans
out in time of wars and turning water into win and parting a sea and
coming up with a sea monster here and there. Bigfoot was fun to
create. It was also fun teaching him to mess with humans and do his
tricks, which he still does today. Yet with all the technology humans
have now, they still can’t track him down.
I spent so long on this planet, traveling around, that I finally
caught up with the time of the people I met on my island. I watched
the news of them disappearing as humans advanced in technology
and started to discover triangles all over the world. I took a great part
in learning my mistakes and made myself known to the people of
power at the time in America.
From there, I spent years hanging out with great scientists from
all over the world. My favorite two by far are crazy Nikola Tesla and
Albert Einstein. If you got them both together, the party got out of
hand fast with the shit they cooked up and experimented with.
I never knew that I would outlive so many people on this planet,
and I tried to find the gods from Egypt again, but they disappeared
as well with no trace to where they went. I truly became alone in this
world. All I had was my work and my plan to fix what I did when
I first came to this planet and created the triangles. Soon, I found
myself just locked away, buried in a room of my own, work forgotten
until I felt a power surge that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
24
25
*****
The movie ends, and my vision comes back to see the lab, the
girls, Jack doing cocaine with Frost, and Hightower looking mad like
always. We all shake our heads, trying get the movie out of our head
and to wrap around all that Frost has showed us.
“You could have just told us,” I say.
“It was too much to tell, and that was easier,” Frost replies.
“Okay, wait, so the Mayans?” Kate says, trying to ask some sort
of question.
“Yep, taught them a thing or two.”
“So what happened to them?” Stacy asks.
“Okay, that’s enough question. We need to get this show on the
move,” Hightower says.
“Aw,” both girls moan.
“Now, now, girls. When you get back, I will tell you all I know,”
Frost says as he walks up beside both girls and slaps both of them
on their asses, making them jump a little and give a little yelp. He
walks the girls over to where the computers are set up, and Jack and I
follow behind them. Hightower is already over there, talking to some
soldiers on computers. Standing in the back are a bunch of top hat
generals watching everything.
Frost walks over to a couple of standing tall boxes with lights,
levers, and buttons and starts pushing, pulling, and flipping switches.
The giant trampoline-looking thing starts to power up and makes
sounds as blue light and pink flashes fill the center. We all stand there
Marc Longcor
WTF!
looking at this thing. Frost snaps his fingers, and the radio comes on,
playing Jeff Healey’s “When the Night Comes Falling from the Sky.”
Then he starts dancing back over to his cocaine table.
“Frost, what the hell are you doing?” Hightower yells out.
“What? Everything’s ready to go, man.”
“Tell them what they need to do,” Hightower says, looking at
Frost.
“I have everything written down in that blue book they can take
with them,” Frost says, pointing over to a table while dancing.
“Jack,” I say, looking around for the crazy old man. “Jack!” I
yell when I see him next to Frost, getting ready to do a line, already
having white powder in his beard, which almost blends in with it.
“What?” he yells as he brings his head up from the table.
“What are you doing?” I ask, looking at him.
“I’m just trying to get a little jump-start before going into that
thing,” Jack says, pointing at the blue trampoline.
“You gonna share, asshole?”
“Well, yeah, but you’ve got that super juice slammed into you.
Why do you need a bump?” Jack replies.
“Wait, super juice?” Frost says, puzzled.
“Yeah. the doc we’re going after made this stuff that was to
make me like Captain America or something, but I don’t really feel
any different.”
“Hold on a second. I’ll be right back,” Frost says, walking away.
He comes back moments later with bags in his hands. “Hey, guys,
did it look like this stuff?” Frost asks, walking back with his hands
full of bags of pink liquid.
“Yes, and no,” I say.
“What do you mean yes and no?” Frost asks, looking at me like
I’m the fool.
“I took a bag of that pink stuff, but I was also injected with
purple shit as well.”
“You’re welcome, by the way,” Jack says.
“Shut up, Jack.”
“So you took a bag of the pink and a syringe of purple?” Frost
asks.
“Yeah. Is that bad?” I ask, starting to worry a little now.
“Depends. How are you feeling right now?” Frost asks me.
“Fine, but I took that stuff days ago.”
“Come here, then,” Frost says as he places the IV bags down on
his cocaine table.
“What you thinking?” I ask.
“You need a booster bag. Wait right here. I’ll be right back,”
Frost says as he takes off again to come back a few moments later
with two syringes in his hands.
“Wait. Hold on a minute there, buddy. I don’t want to turn into
those damn monsters.”
“You won’t. I’m smarter than that doctor. All this is my making
anyway. He just had the idea to mix it with alien blood, not knowing
what he was doing,” Frost says as he jabbed both syringes into the
pink bag and then mixing the pink and the purple together. He then
starts an IV in my left arm.
“So what is this going to do to me with you mixing them?” I
ask curiously.
“Make you faster, stronger, increase your senses, reflexes, maybe
more. I really don’t know. This is a first for me as well,” Frost says
as he starts pumping this stuff into me through the IV he prepared.
“What the hell? Oh, fuck it. Let’s do this, then.”
“That’s the spirit, man! I promise, you won’t turn into those
things,” Frost says, then dives his head down into a mountain of
cocaine and snaps his fingers again. The radio starts up with another
song, and it’s back to the Rolling Stones’ “Time Is on My Side.” He
starts doing a dance in his own little world now.
I sit here, letting this stuff flow into me. Halfway through the
bag, I start to feel different, more energy, no pain. My buzz has left,
so I’m upset about that, but this feeling is better, like that sweet spot
of zero fucks and being carefree. I look over to see that Hightower
and the girls are waiting for me to finish up, and Jack is watching,
saying that if I don’t turn into a fuck stick, he will take a bag.
I see Hightower just losing his shit inside. He’s ready to go and
is antsy as hell, like maybe he’s been doing some lines with Frost. I
look over at Frost and see him do another line, just covered in white
26
27
Marc Longcor
WTF!
powder. How this little guy is not dead from OD’ing on the white
fairy dust is a mystery to me. He does a line, then snaps his fingers
for another song and goes back to dancing. What the fuck is wrong
with this guy? I love him already.
“You know, I was with Mick Jagger when he wrote ‘Sympathy
for the Devil.’ I was doing lines with him and the boys, telling them
some stories about my time here on this planet. Mick called me his
little devil,” Frost says, dancing, waving his hands in the air.
“Yeah, I bet you know Elvis also,” I say sarcastically.
“Actually, I do. He’s back on my island,” Frost replies.
“What? No, he ain’t. He died back in the seventies,” I say.
“That’s what he wanted told to the people, but from what he
told me, he met with this president at the time to escape the fame
and get away. So the government faked his death and gave him a
plane to get away and ended up flying into a triangle and landing on
my island.”
“So is he still fat?” Jack asks jokingly.
“No, he lost all that weight once we got him off the pills your
human doctors forced down him.”
“Well, shit, the king lives,” Jack says in an Elvis voice.
“Well, guys, I don’t think I’m turning into an ugly monster,”
I say, watching the last of the alien juice leave the IV bag and enter
my arm.
“Stone, you’ve always been an ugly bitch,” Kate yells over to me,
and I hold up my left arm and extend my middle finger toward her.
She reaches out with her right hand to catch my bird and stick it in
her imaginary pocket on her yoga pants.
“Thanks! I was running low on birds. I’ll keep this one for later,
pussy,” Kate says.
I look at the IV. It’s empty now. I take out the IV and reach over
to the table that Frost has some medical stuff. I don’t want to use the
four-by-fours that are there ’cause they are covered in cocaine, but
that’s all I have to use. Besides, what’s a little cocaine mixed with alien
juice? I bandage my arm where the IV was and look at Jack with an
“I’m ready to go” look. He just nods his head and turns to walk over
to where the rest of the gang are.
“Okay, then let’s get things together and head out,” Hightower
yells out, grabbing a rucksack and the blue book Frost was talking
about and starts walking toward the blue trampoline. Kate and Stacy
get ready with their MP5s, putting their backpacks on and fixing
things around for them to move. Jack opens his duffel bag, and guns
fall out like a cup overflowing with water.
“Damn, Jack, think you’ve got enough guns?” I say, looking at
him.
“We had enough last time, and it still wasn’t enough.”
“True,” I say, bending down to do a line of coke.
“Stone!” Kate yells.
“What?”
“Really?”
“My buzz is gone. Leave me alone.”
“You’re worthless. You know that, right?” Kate says, looking at me.
“Yeah, you may be right. But right now, I’m gonna get fucked
up. Walk through whatever the fuck that thing is and fuck up some
monsters.”
“Will you guys stop fucking around? We’ve wasted enough time
just getting here. We don’t know if the doc is even alive or what to
expect, so get your heads in the game,” Hightower says, standing by
the trampoline thing, ready to go.
“Calm down, pussy,” Jack says, walking over to me by the table
and doing a line with me and Frost.
“Goddamn it!” Hightower yells as he turns to walk into the blue
trampoline, but he was pushed back by some invisible field.
“What the hell, Frost?”
“Yeah, man, hold on. It will let you in when I snap my fingers.”
“Well, do it already.”
“Chill, man.”
“Just hurry the hell up.”
“I kind of feel like Mel Gibson in that movie where they, like,
time-traveled to another place,” Stacy says, walking next to Kate,
Jack, and myself, heading toward the trampoline.
“What? You mean Kurt Russell, and the movie was Time Cop,”
Kate replies.
28
29
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“What the hell is wrong with you two? It’s Kurt Russell in
Stargate, you daffy dildos,” I say, then feeling a slight pain in my balls
where Kate nut-taps me.
“You’re such a Russell geek,” Kate says, doubling the speed in
her walk to get away from me knowing damn well I will punch her
in the tits.
“Ha ha. Besides the balls, how you feeling with that stuff in you
now?” Jack asks, chuckling.
“I feel pretty fucking good besides the balls,” I say, still doubled
over, breathing through the pain.
“Well, hopefully, all that stuff in you will be handy in this,” Jack
says, walking away.
“So we’re just going to walk through this and land on this island
somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle?” Kate asks Frost.
“Don’t forget, all time will stop for you guys, so you could be
gone for years but only really be gone for minutes,” Frost replies.
“So what kind of travel are we talking about here? ’Cause it
seems like Stargate travel,” I ask.
“Well, this isn’t the movies, but I guess that’s as close as it gets.
I don’t know what will happen once you step through the portal,”
Frost says.
“You’ve never done this before?” I ask, looking at him.
“No, I never needed to ’cause I couldn’t figure out what went
wrong with my ship. I was unable to reproduce things with the technology at hand. Plus, I haven’t aged here, so I’m just waiting for time
and technology to catch up.”
“So you’re never going to die? How do you know this will work
with this technology?” I ask.
“Well, not from old age anyway. And trust me, this should
work,” he replies.
“Should?”
“Okay, kids, let’s get this show on the road,” Jack says, walking
up to the trampoline. He is carrying a 12-gauge shotgun and two
bandoliers crossing in an X on his chest and an old MOLLE rucksack
on his back. Kate and Stacy are carrying MP5s. Kate still has a Desert
Eagle on her thigh, and Stacy is with a 9 mm on hers. Kate has her
dad’s billy club on her back, and Stacy has her tomahawks on her
hips. The girls look out of place in their yoga pants and T-shirts with
running shoes, and Jack always looks out of place no matter what,
like an apocalypse has spit him out, not wanting him.
“Come on. We have wasted enough fucking time.”
“Okay, okay. Cool your tits,” Jack says to Hightower.
“Frost, we’re ready.”
“All right, guys, just step through,” Frost says, snapping his fingers and diving back down in the pile of cocaine. This little guy is
my new hero.
Hightower, Jack, and I step through first, followed by the girls.
Once in, it feels like I am being sucked in. The feeling of going down
a blue-water slide comes to mind, as I feel like I’m being wrapped
tightly in a wet towel. Pink flashes pop off brightly, making it hard to
keep my eyes open during the travel. Then a bright light flashes over
me, giving a warm, just-pissed-my-pants feeling.
Now I’m falling, looking down at the fast-approaching ground
coming my way. The only thought that comes to mind is, Oh shit!
I hit the ground, and I think I fucking bounce at least once. There’s
snow on the ground, and it’s cold and dark. Trees are all over, like
we’re in a forest. This doesn’t feel like an island. Gunfire rings out all
around, loud explosions pop off, and voices yell in the distance.
I look up to see Jack standing next to a tree, using it for cover.
Hightower is doing the same thing on another tree close by. I see
Jack yelling at me, but I can’t hear a damn thing he’s saying from all
the gunfire and explosions going on. Then I hear someone yelling a
battle cry. Jack steps away from his tree, grabs a gun that came out
of the darkness, flips a guy on his back, then spins the rifle around
and shoves it into the guy’s chest, leaving the rifle standing straight
up out of his body.
“Is that a fucking Nazi?” I yell.
“Black uniform, dick-shaped helmet, German-style rifle—yep,
looks like a fucking Nazi,” Jack says, looking the dead German soldier over.
“What the fuck? Where the hell are we? Where are the girls?” I
yell, then another battle cry comes our way. Jack rips out the German
30
31
Marc Longcor
WTF!
rifle sticking out of the dead Nazi and throws it like a damn spear,
hitting the next charging Nazi in the chest, sending that Nazi flying.
He is now on his back, dead, with the rifle sticking out of his chest.
“Holy shit, Jack!” I say after watching this old badass kill Nazis
like it is his day job.
“It’s all in the reflexes,” Jack says, all cocky, smiling while looking at me.
“I think we’re in the Black Forest in Germany,” Hightower says.
“Where?”
“We’re in Germany, around 1944,” Hightower answers with
disappointment in his voice.
“Well, that can’t be good,” I reply.
“What’s not good is, your school system failed you.”
“I’m sure they did their best with my dumb ass,” I reply, thinking back on the dumb shit I did in school.
Another battle cry comes out of the darkness as another German
soldier comes charging at us. Jack swings his shotgun around and off
his shoulder, connecting the butt end of the stock to the German’s
face, knocking him to the ground. Jack pulls back the slide, loading
a shell in the chamber and blasting the German solider in the chest,
up close and dirty.
The three of us start to move, staying out of sight, trying to
keep from running into any more soldiers so we can try to figure
things out, such as why we’re here in frozen hell and not on a hot
island. We keep ducking low between trees, avoiding the fight that’s
going on but still running into a few German soldiers. We sneak up
on them and take them down. Jack and Hightower pull their knives
and ghost the soldier they have taken, and I wrap my arm around
one, choking him out, then giving a hard twist, snapping his neck.
“I see lights over here. I think there’s a building,” Hightower
says, pointing at lights coming up over the hillside.
“Okay. Let’s pick these guys clean and take their weapons and
get the hell out of here before any more of these Nazi fucks come
around,” Jack says, bending down and taking gear off a dead solider.
The three of us make our way through the dark night, using
the trees as cover. We only move when it’s clear to not let any more
Germans know we’re here. Man, it’s fucking cold, way too cold to be
wearing a damn kilt. What the fuck happened that we were sent to
Germany, and where the fuck are the girls?
We climb up a hillside, and at the top, we duck down to look at
the building that’s just sitting in the middle of a damn forest in the
middle of nowhere. All of us just look around, checking things out,
counting guards and guns and ins and outs.
“Jack, what you got?” I ask.
“Looks like four guard towers, fifteen-foot fence, one way in
and out,” Jack says, looking at the building.
“Yeah. Looks like we have five guards at the front gate—two
moving, two stationed, and one in the nest,” Hightower adds.
We lie on the cold ground, watching everything going on. My
balls feel like they’re trying to make their way up inside me. A big
flash of pink-and-blue light blasts up and out of the building, and
a pressure wave comes flying out from the building and passes over
our heads.
“What the fuck was that?” I say, ducking down.
“It was a fucking Jolly Green Giant fart. The hell do I know
what the fuck that was,” Jack says, just as confused as I am.
“We need to get in there,” Hightower says.
“Why? We don’t know what’s in there,” I reply.
“I think it’s a German science lab, and if I’m right in thinking
what I’m thinking, I’m thinking it’s their work in time travel, and
that could give us answers to why we’re here and not on the island
like planned,” Hightower says, looking at us and then back at the
building.
“Right now, I don’t give a fuck. Let’s just kill some Nazis,” Jack
says with a smile.
“Okay. Let’s go,” Hightower says.
I look at Jack and then at Hightower. We are having the same
conversation in our heads about the plan. I’m thinking we go in
quietly and take out the five guards in front first, then hit the towers,
then make our way in. Jack has another completely different conversation. He gets up, steps over me, and disappears into the darkness of
the night. I look at Hightower, who is giving me a “Where the fuck is
32
33
Marc Longcor
WTF!
he going?” look, and I just give him back the “I don’t fucking know!”
look and a shoulder shrug.
Looking back down at the building, I see Jack walking along
the fence line toward the front guards. What the fuck are you doing,
Jack? He gets up next to the guard shack, putting his back against it.
One of the German guards walks by him, and he grabs him, covering
his mouth and shoving his knife down into his chest, then laying the
dead soldier down on the ground. Okay, that’s one, Jack, but how
are you going to get the other four now? I watch Jack pat down the
dead soldier and pull his knife, then he looks up toward Hightower
and myself on the hilltop like a crazy old Rambo with a knife in each
hand.
Jack gets back up against the side of the guard shack, then he
turns, walking out in front of the other moving guard. As the guard
sees Jack and starts to pull up his rifle, Jack lets loose one of the
knives in his hands, hitting the soldier in the head, killing him as
he falls backward. Then Jack moves fast to the gunner nest, as that
soldier has seen what had just happened in front of him. Jack throws
his last knife, nailing that soldier in the chest.
The door on the guard shack flies open from a Nazi kick, and
Jack spins around and, at the same time, spins his shotgun around
and charges into the door. Shots ring out, and flashes spark off inside
the shack. Hightower and I get up and take off running down the
hillside and toward the shack that Jack just bull-rushed. We get to the
door, and it’s silent. I peek my head inside to see Jack patting down
the two dead soldiers, taking smokes and gear off their dead bodies.
“What the fuck was that about, Jack?” I ask.
“What? I thought you gave me the look to come down here and
take out these fuckers and you’ll get the next set,” Jack replies while
pulling stuff off the dead Germans.
“No, it was, ‘Let’s take these guys out quietly as to not set off
any alarms,’” I reply.
“We have to move. We can’t be here,” Hightower says, taking
guard at the door.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I say.
We leave the guard shack and move past the front gate entrance
to a truck to take cover and look around for our next move. I spot
a door and motion Hightower and Jack to what I’m seeing, and we
run to it. Well, not so much as run but fast-walk. I reach down and
open the door. Hightower goes in first, followed by Jack, then myself.
We step into a hallway, and Hightower takes point in the direction to
take. We come up to a corner, and Hightower peeks his head around
to check things out.
“We have two guards down the hall by a door,” Hightower says,
turning back to us.
“Give me your knife,” Jack says, tapping me on the arm to give
up my knife.
“Didn’t you take knives from those dead guys back there?” I
reply.
“Oh yeah, I did. Never mind. I got this, boys,” Jack says, pulling
out two knives and walking around the corner.
“Hi. I seem to be lost. Could you fuckers point me to ole
Hitler?” Jack says out loud to the guards.
“Stoppen sie nicht bewegen!” one of the German guards yells.
“Yabba dabba doo to you too, asshole,” Jack says as he launches
his two knives at the guards, killing them both.
“Jack, did you just Fred Flintstone them?” I say, walking around
the corner to see Jack taking out his knives from the dead guards.
“Ha ha, yeah, I did,” Jack says, chuckling.
“Well, let’s see what’s behind door number one,” Hightower
says, reaching down to open the door. He opens the door and sticks
his head inside, then brings it back out to tell us that this is way too
easy. There are scientists inside all over. He steps in, and Jack and
I follow. We duck down behind some filing cabinets, and I lift my
head up to peek over them to see what’s going on. In the center of the
room is a bell-looking thing.
“Why the fuck are they working on a bell?” I say, ducking back
down.
“I’m so disappointed in our school systems. That’s the German
bell, their attempt on time travel,” Hightower says.
34
35
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, they didn’t teach that in school,” I reply, thinking if they
did or not.
“I figured. I bet that’s why we’re here and not on the island that
Frost was sending us to,” Hightower carries on.
“But how would that suck us to here and not to the island?” I
ask.
“I don’t know, but I bet they do,” Hightower says, nodding his
head at the German scientists.
“Yeah, but first, we need to take care of any guards and units
around here so we can figure this out without fighting every second
we’re here,” I say.
“Agreed. Split up?” Hightower asks.
“Yes, and stay quiet and stick to the shadows. Where’s Jack?” I
say, looking around for him.
“Shit! This isn’t going to be good,” Hightower says.
“Go, go,” I say as I start to move back to the door where we
came in.
“Stone, go right. I’ll go left,” Hightower says once we get back
in the hallway.
I nod my head and take off right, heading down the hall away
from Hightower. I make the corner we came around earlier and
down another long hallway to another corner. I stop, placing my
back up against the wall and leaning out around the corner to see if
it’s clear. Two dead soldiers are lying in the middle of the hall next to
another hallway that intercepts this one. Well, looks like Jack’s been
here already. Better follow the cookie crumbs and stop Jack before he
ends up finding Hitler and changing history and fucking things up.
I come up to the dead bodies and place my back against the
wall in the intersection. I lean out to check it, and I see more bodies
and doors on each side going down the hallway. Looking down the
hallway, I see a few doors open and make my way to the first one on
the right side. I slowly move in, making sure to stay quiet and careful.
I peek my head inside the room to see beds and lockers and
more dead Germans with their throats cut open and beds soaked in
blood. Damn, Jack is going all Freddy Krueger up in here. I take a
quick look around for anything helpful before leaving this room. I
open the door and peek out to see if it’s still clear, and it is. I step
out and move across the hall to the door on the other side and repeat
what I did with door one. Looking inside, I see the same thing—
more dead Germans.
I don’t bother to go in, but instead, I head to the next room and so
on. As I’m leaving the fourth room and stepping into the hallway, Jack
comes busting out of a room at the far end of the hallway, landing on his
back as a big German soldier comes walking out the door. Jack kicks the
soldier in both knees at the same time, snapping them and bringing the
big guy down. Jack gets up on one knee, pulls the man’s knife out, and
shoves it up under his chin, pushing him over on his side. I run up next
to Jack as he makes it up on his feet and stretches backward.
“Damn, that was a big bastard,” Jack says, straining as he
stretches.
“Or maybe you’re just getting old, Jack,” I say, looking down
the hallway at more doors. “So what’s your plan, Jack, go door-todoor and kill Germans in their sleep?” I ask.
“Well, yeah. It seems to be working,” Jack replies.
“You take the left, I’ll take the right, and we’ll make quick work
of this,” I say.
Jack heads to the next door as I take the one on the right. I open
the door slowly this time knowing that there will be trouble on the
other side. I peek in to see sleeping Germans. I pull the trusty knife I
keep in my boot and move in, looking around to see if any is awake.
None is, so I move to the first bed and cover the man’s mouth and slice
his throat. I cut deep, making sure to hit his vocal cords so he won’t be
able to make any sounds. I repeat this over and over six more times.
I walk out of the room and back into the hallway to see that
Jack is two doors ahead of me. Shit, I need to hurry my ass up. I’m
letting an old man beat me. I went into my next room, moving faster,
killing the Germans, not making the cuts as deep but enough to get
the job done. I take them one by one, fast and quick, then I come
back out to the next room. I come back out to see Jack standing at
the end of the hall, leaning up next to it, lighting a cigar he found.
“Damn, Jack, how did you move so fast, cutting all those men
without making any sound?” I ask.
36
37
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Son, I’ve been cutting throats before you were an itch in your
dad’s jock strap.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re old.”
“Shall we keep going?”
“Yeah. We need to take care of any guards that are here.”
Jack and I look around the corners to check them out, then look
back at each other knowing we have to split up again. This is a building with a funny layout. The hallway I’m looking down at seems to
be a dead end. I start to walk down it and notice three doors—two
on the left, and one on the right.
The first door I come to is the first of two on the left. I open
the door slowly, peeking in, only to see cleaning supplies, mops, and
brooms. I close the door slowly and make it to the next door on the
left. I open it slowly, only to see nothing but boxes on top of boxes.
I close the door slowly and move over to the right to the one
door and open it slowly—white floor tiles, white walls, and medical
cabinet on the far wall. The light is on, and I hear voices. I open the
door more to see an older man in a white lab coat injecting something into an IV bottle, and a kid on the table just staring at me.
“Doktor, hinter dir!” the kid yells. The man in the lab coat turns
around, and before he could yell or say anything, I grab a steel bedpan
that is on a cabinet next to the door and swing it across his head. The
ding sound the pan makes when it connects with the man’s head makes
the hair on my arms stand up. I mean, I did hit him pretty hard.
“Wer bist du. Du darfst nicht hier sein!” the kid yells just before
the bedpan makes him speechless, and again, the ding the steel pan
makes gives me chills, and I shudder, shaking the chill away. What
the fuck is going on here? I know the Germans did crazy experiments, but what is going on here? I look around for anything that
will be helpful. The stuff in the IV bottle is green. Oh, file folder. I
open the folder to see a name I know but am not expecting to see.
Holy shit, I guess I found the doc. Damn, I didn’t know the
Germans ran tests on him. I better take him with me. He may come
in handy. I bend down, pick up the young doctor, and sling him over
my shoulder and grab the file to bring along also. I move back to the
door and open it, peeking out the best I can before walking out into
the hallway.
Jack is nowhere to be seen. The crazy old man has probably
made his way to some bunker, ransacking it and killing Germans like
a madman. I just have a feeling we’re going to fuck up history, and
our future is going to be fucked. I can feel the young Doc start to
move around and come to. I don’t need a loud kid yelling and kicking at me, so I swing around close to the wall, making sure that his
head hits the wall hard enough to put him out again.
The loud thud his head makes, makes me think I just fucked his
chances of becoming a doctor in the future. I should be more careful with his head, or nah. I can’t change the future, but if he doesn’t
become a doctor, then there will be no aliens, no monsters, and no
me having to travel through time to chase his ass down and save him.
Nah. I sigh, lowering my head and shaking it.
I start walking down the hallway, heading back to that main
room where the weird bell is with all the scientists. At each corner, I
stop to peek around before going further. Damn, Doc, you’re a heavy
little bastard. I make it back to the first hallway that we entered in
and down to the first corner where Jack killed the first two guards in
the building. I peek around to see Hightower waiting by the door to
the big room.
“Hightower, what are you doing? Did you find anything interesting?” I ask, walking up to him.
“What the hell, Stone? Who the fuck is that?” Hightower asks,
looking at the kid on my shoulder.
“Well, this is the doc, just younger and with some brain damage,” I reply.
“What do you mean brain damage?” Hightower asks, concerned
like an overprotective father.
“He’ll be fine, I think. I had to knock him out twice,” I say.
“Fine, fine. Did you find Jack?” Hightower asks.
Pantera, Rome
Age: 10
Project: Human X, 1,000-year Reich.
38
39
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“No and yes, I don’t know where he went off to. He’s probably
halfway to Berlin by now to kill Hitler.”
“Damn it, Stone! We can’t change the past.”
“I know, I know, but how bad could one old man fuck things
up?”
“Are we talking about the same Jack?” Hightower replies.
“You have a point,” I say, pointing my hand up and nodding
my head. “So what do you want to do?” I ask, looking at Hightower.
“Let’s just go in and take the room holding all the scientists
inside,” Hightower replies.
“What about the young doctor here?” I ask.
“Take him in with us. If I remember right, one of them should
be his father.”
“No shit. Huh. All right, then. Let’s go,” I say.
Hightower and I stand up, leaving the young doctor on the
floor as we open the door. We move back behind the filing cabinets
again, and I peek my head up. This time, instead of seeing the scientists moving around, I see them all lined up on their knees, and Jack
is walking back and forth in front of them.
“Jack! What the fuck, dude? Was this where you ran off to?” I
ask.
“Well, this was where I ended up at. I went door-to-door like I
was and stepped in here. They started to yell out German nonsense,
so I had to knock a few out to show some force.”
“Okay, well, don’t kill any right now. I’ll be right back,” I say
as I turn to go get the young doctor and bring him in to see which
scientist claims him. I walk back to where I left the young doctor and
bend down, pulling him up over my left shoulder, lifting him up. I
give out a little grunt for the weight of him on my back, making me
feel old. I walk back into the big room and over to the scientists and
bend down again to get the doctor off my back. “Okay, who speaks
English here?” I say laying the young doctor down on the floor in
front of the scientists.
“I speak English, and that is my son you have,” one of the scientists stands up and says, pointing down at the young doctor.
“You’re Dad?” I ask.
“Yes, Dr. Von Pantera, and that’s my son, Rome. Now what do
you Americans want from us?” he says.
“Okay, well, Doc, we’re not from this time, and we need help
getting to another time. Hightower, will you show him your gizmo
thing and Frost’s blue book you have? Maybe it will help.”
“Yes. So, Doc, this is where we need to go. We had a portal, and
when we walked through, we ended up here instead of where we were
going. I think when you guys turned on your machine, it interfered
with our travel,” Hightower tells the doc, showing him the blue book
and gizmo.
“Let me see what you have here,” the doctor says as he takes
Hightower’s gizmo thing and the blue book and starts to look it over.
Jack and I start to tie the other scientists up. “I think I can use this
device. I just need to make some adjustments. So tell me, what time
are you from?” the doctor asks.
“Well, we’re about eighty years in the future from now,”
Hightower answers.
“I would ask if we’ll win the war, but judging that you’re all
speaking English, it tells me that we lose.”
“I don’t think I can tell you too much about the future, Doc,
without changing anything.”
“I understand. You three being here is already risking so much
of the timeline,” the doctor says as he works on Hightower’s device,
connecting wires to it and then to his machines while looking at
Frost’s blue book.
I watch the doctor work his science magic, and it reminds me of
his son from the times I watched him do all his stuff. I walk around
the bell, looking it over and stepping over wires and cords and the
tied-up scientists. I start to look around and notice that Jack is gone
again.
“Shit. Hightower, you got this? I’m going to go find Jack,” I say.
“Yeah, I got this,” Hightower replies as I take off to the door on
the other side of the room.
I open the door and peek out to check things out. All clear. I
walk out, and I hear the faint sound of gunfire. Shit, what could be
going on now? Leave it to him to find trouble. I take off toward the
40
41
Marc Longcor
WTF!
sound of gunfire and come up on a hallway with stairs. I look up, and
then I look down, waiting to hear more gunfire.
Standing there waiting, I feel a draft of cold air coming down
the stairs from above. I run up the stairs, and the more I climb up,
the colder it gets and the louder the sound of gunfire is. I come to a
door and stop, putting my back up to the side next to the doorframe,
looking out to see what’s going on.
Outside, I see trucks and Germans all in black shooting all over
like they’re shooting at something they can’t see. When the German
soldiers stop to reload, that’s when one shot rings out, killing a soldier. As soon as they reload, they start shooting at where the gunfire
came from. Another soldier goes down with a hole in his head, and
the soldiers turn to fire in another direction. It looks like that scene
from Predator where they shoot all over, cutting down everything
around them.
I stand here watching Jack do his ghosting act, which he likes
to do when he’s outnumbered. One by one, the Germans go down
in numbers as Jack hits and moves. Now there is a group of soldiers ducking down behind a truck, using it for cover. Something
shiny flies through the air, landing next to the group of soldiers, and
explodes, killing them and destroying the truck in a big ball of fire.
Still standing and watching, I see a figure in the shadows of the
flames. Jack comes walking out of the flames carrying a rifle in his
left hand, low like John Wayne. His shotgun is slung on his back,
making sure to only use what rifles he finds on the ground or off the
dead he makes. Jack comes back to the entrance, leaving a beacon
light behind him for all of Germany to see.
“Damn, Jack,” I say as he walks back inside.
“What? I was just walking around, and I heard trucks pull up
outside, so I went out to see what was coming. And by the way, that
was a Nazi SS unit,” Jack says, pointing behind him with his thumb.
“Well, do you think you got ’em all?”
“Yeah, I think I did,” Jack says, scratching his beard.
“Did you go downstairs?” I ask.
“I went up first to see where it goes.”
“Shall we go down now and check things out?” I ask, looking
at him.
“Bet your girly ass I do,” Jack replies.
Jack and I start back down the stairs. I follow him down, letting
him take point. We make it to the main level, and Jack turns and
looks at me, asking if I am ready. I say, “Yeah, let’s go.” Jack reaches
down and pulls his chamber lever to see if a round is in, making sure
he’s loaded and ready.
We start down a staircase that neither of us has been down
before. Jack is in front, rifle ready to come up and shoot whatever
comes out of the shadows. I pull one of the twins and pull the hammer back on her, ready to blast a Missouri-size hole into anything.
The stairs aren’t very long. We make it to the bottom level, under the
level we were just on.
It’s dark down here. There are no lights at all. Jack and I feel
our sides of the wall for a light switch. Jack yells, “Found it,” as lights
come on one by one, going down a long hallway, making loud clinking sounds along the way. At the very end, there is one door, one
very big door. Jack and I look at each other, then back down the long
hallway, which seems to go on forever.
“Do you wanna walk all the way down there?” Jack says, looking at me, then back down the long hallway.
“Well, we did come this far. We might as well go all the way and
see what’s behind door number one.”
“I guess. Let’s get going. We have a walk ahead of us,” Jack says,
lowering his rifle down in his left hand.
We start walking down the long-ass hallway, a hallway wide
enough that you can drive a car down it and still have room on both
sides to walk. This walk seems to be taking forever. Both of us stop
and look behind us, then back at the door to judge how far we’ve
walked, and now it seems like we’re in the middle but still too far
away from the door and also too far away to turn back empty-handed
and clueless.
“There better be a damn truck or car or something drivable
behind that door, or I’m gonna go apeshit,” Jack says, a little winded.
42
43
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Damn, Jack, this must be the most exercise you’ve gotten in a
long time,” I say, chuckling.
“Shut up, boy. You’ve had special alien jiz pumped into you,”
Jack replies.
“Hey, now it wasn’t alien jiz. It was alien juice. I’m a classy kinda
guy.”
“You’re calling yourself classy now, huh?”
“I’ve always been classy.”
“Really? Was Cancun classy?” Jack says, giving a winded laugh,
followed by a cough.
“Damn it, Jack, we said we would never speak of Cancun.”
“Ha ha! All right, boy. You know you had fun.”
“Shut up and let’s finish this walk and see what’s behind the
door,” I say, tapping Jack’s shoulder to keep him moving.
“I think all that cocaine is wearing off,” Jack says as he pulls out
a little baggie from his vest, stopping behind me. I kept walking, only
to hear him do a long snort followed by him coughing.
“Jack, did you bring cocaine with you through time?” I ask, not
even turning around.
“Nope. Took it off a dead asshole outside,” Jack says followed
by another snort.
“Just come on. We’re almost there,” I say, returning to walking
to the big door.
“You sure you don’t want a bump?” Jack asks.
I stop for a moment to think, do I really want a bump? Do I
need it? Fuck it. “Yeah, I’ll take a hit,” I say, turning around to Jack.
He hands me the baggie, and I dip my finger in and get some on it.
I hold it up to my nose and take a big sniff in.
“Good stuff,” Jack says, standing next to me.
“It’s all right,” I say, not really knowing ’cause I’m not feeling it. I
think that alien juice is going to make it hard for me to get fucked up now.
“Want another one?” Jack asks.
“No, let’s get going.”
“I haven’t had anything this good since Nam, and man, did we
get fucked up in the jungle,” Jack says, starting a story, but I end it
when we get close to the door.
“Shut up. We’re here.”
The door is huge, at least ten feet high and ten feet wide. What
the hell is so damn big that they needed to build around it and make
a hallway to nowhere to get to it? There are no other doors down the
hallway. On the left side is a lever and a big red button.
“What do you think this does?” Jack says, pulling the lever
down and pushing the red button.
“Jack, no!” I yell, but I am too late. The crazy old man pulls the
lever and pushes the damn red button.
The door breaks in two, splitting down the middle and sliding
open. I roll to my side, away from Jack, placing my back against the
doorway for cover. Jack just walks to the middle, standing tall in the
open. The doors come to a stop, giving way to a massive opening
now. The thickness of the doorway is about six feet at least.
“Big fucking door,” Jack says, looking up and down and around.
“Jack, you crazy old fuck, take cover. You don’t know what’s in
there.”
“Pussy, I don’t hear anything or see anything,” Jack says, stepping forward into the room.
“Damn it, Jack.”
I move up next to Jack just through the door. Like before, no
lights are on. Jack moves over to the wall to start feeling around
for lights as I do the same on the other side. Soon, blue lights start
to come on, lighting up five tanks. The floor light up blue as well
with power cords and plug-ins. Then bubbles start to form in the
tanks, given the tanks’ substance and the water in them, and outlining huge, tall blue bodies inside them. Then a yellow light comes on
in a far tank. This tank seems to go up high and wide. Bubbles start
forming inside the yellow tank now, and Jack and I just stand there
watching everything.
“What the fuck is all this?” I ask.
“The hell if I know.”
“Did we just do something that we shouldn’t have done?”
“I think maybe we did. I blame you,” Jack says, slapping my
back.
“I didn’t open the door,” I say, shaking my head.
44
45
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, but it was you that got me in this mess,” Jack says, pointing at me.
“I got you in this mess? I didn’t want to be in this mess to begin
with. I was perfectly fine being drunk in the salon, hitting on Kate
and Stacy.”
“You know you have no chance in hell with either of them,
right?”
“I have a little chance,” I say, holding my hand up, making an
inch between my thumb and index finger.
“No, you don’t,” Jack says, looking at me with a dead look,
shaking his head.
“Why do you have to kill my dreams, Jack? Why?” I say, looking at him with a sad face.
The bubbles stop in the tanks, and loud banging sounds start
up as the tanks start to empty. One by one, the blue tanks empty,
then break open, spilling out the huge blue bodies inside them on
the floor. What the fuck is going on here? I really don’t want to deal
with whatever this is.
“Jack, I think we should leave and close the door on the way
out.”
“I think you may be right, boy. Let’s go.”
We turn and walk back out to the lever that opened the door.
Jack pulls it back up, but nothing happens. He pulls it down and
then back up over and over a few times. I try to pull the red button
back out but can’t get a hold on it.
“Well, I think we fucked the pony, boy,” Jack says.
“Agreed. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“Why don’t we just walk up and put one in their heads while
they’re still down on the floor? Nip whatever this is in the ass now
instead of getting fucked later by these assholes,” Jack says, walking
back inside the door. He walks up to the first body on the floor on
the right side and puts his rifle barrel on its head and pulls the trigger. The shot rings out as the bullet makes contact with its head and
passes through to the other side. The body shimmies when the bullet
goes through its head.
The body across from the one Jack just shot starts to move and
growl, and I move up beside it with one of the twins still in my hand,
hammer pulled back, ready to go, and I shoot it in the head. Stuff
comes splattering out the other side, but it doesn’t look like blood
but like gravel- or cement-looking crap.
Jack moves up to the next body as it starts to move a little faster.
After I shoot this body at my feet, the next body up from this one
starts to move even faster as the others start to get up on their feet.
I am pulling the other twin ready for a fight when I feel something
grab my right leg, taking me down to the ground, then picking me
up and throwing me out of the room, past the huge door, and into
the hallway. “Shit,” I yell the whole time in flight, flying through the
air.
Once I finally come to a crash-landing stop, I turn to see Jack
running my way, yelling, “Get up, boy. We’re gonna need bigger
guns.” He keeps running past me, not even stopping to help me up.
I get to my feet to see two tall blue giants walk out of the huge door
opening. Fuck me. What the hell are these assholes, and why can’t
scientists just stop creating bullshit like this?
I take off running, catching up with Jack and passing him as he
mumbles something under his breath, but I can’t hear him over his
heavy breathing. I stop at the stairs and turn around. The big blue
giants are just standing there at the door, arms down by their sides. I
think we may have pissed them off by shooting them while they were
down. Jack finally makes it to the stairs next to me and bends over,
taking in deep breaths. I’m not worried ’cause I know the old asshole
won’t die on me. People have been trying for years to kill his ass, and
he’s still here.
The blue giants are still standing at the end of the long hallway,
not moving, and it looks like they’re not even breathing. Jack starts
back up the stairs, and I follow him up, but I’m walking backward,
keeping my eyes on the blue giants as long as I can. I keep them in
sight until I turn to go up the next flight of steps. Jack is waiting at
the top as I turn and run up the rest of the steps.
“We should get back and ask those doctors what the fuck they
have down there,” I say.
46
47
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, and let them know we kind of woke whatever they are
up and maybe made them mad by shooting them in the head,” Jack
replies.
Jack and I run back to where we left Hightower and the captive
scientists. I open the door and run inside to Hightower. All the scientists are still tied up on the floor, and Papa Pantera is still working
hard on connecting things to get things up and running for us.
“Hightower, um, we did something that might end up bad,” I
say like a little kid coming clean from doing something bad, afraid of
the parent yelling and getting into trouble.
“What the fuck did you two assholes do?” Hightower says.
“Well, we went downstairs and found a door.”
“And you fucking opened it, didn’t you?” Hightower says, interrupting me.
“Well, it was Jack that opened it. I just stood and watched.”
“Of course, you just stood and watched. That’s like your thing,”
Hightower says, turning red in the face.
“Easy there, Hightower. You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack
if you keep going like that,” Jack says, walking up.
“You two opened the door downstairs?” Dr. Pantera asks,
shocked.
“Yeah. How much trouble are we in?” I ask.
“Depends. Did the bodies wake up?” Dr. Pantera asks.
“Yeah, and we kinda shot two of them in the head.”
“So they woke up, and you tried to kill them. Did the yellow
tank drain out and that body wake up too?”
“Not while we were down there, and yes, we tried to kill them,”
I reply.
“Scheisse ihr narren, we have little time. I need to hurry and get
this done and get you all out of this time.”
“Why? How bad will things get when the yellow guy wakes
up?”
“Those beings are not from here but are gods found buried in
Egypt, and we took their blood to see if we could create supersoldiers. We found a way to keep them down and sleeping, keeping
them alive for fresh blood.”
“What is it with alien blood and you scientists?” I ask, annoyed.
“Their blood holds secrets to evolution, to the perfect soldier,
the perfect human,” the doctor says in a mad scientist kind of way.
“Yeah, yeah, more Nazi bullshit,” Jack says.
“How long before you can get all this up and running?”
Hightower asks.
“If I had my son’s help, a lot faster than just me doing everything.”
“Okay. I’ll go wake up Junior,” I say, walking away.
I walk over to where Dr. Junior is lying on the floor and start
tapping his face a little while saying “Doctor” over and over. I rub
his chest hard, but nothing. Man, I really knocked his ass out good. I
flick his eyelids, and still nothing. Jack walks up and bends over and
gives the young doctor a good tap on the balls. Just as he pulls back
for another tap, the kid sits up, yelling, “Get away.”
“Easy, kid, easy. Your dad is over there,” I say, pointing toward
his father. The young doctor jumps up and runs over to his dad, and
his dad leans down, placing his hands on his shoulders, talking to
him about something. Soon after, the young doctor nods his head
and takes off to the other side of the room and starts unplugging and
plugging in cords and working like a busy little bee. I wonder where
the girls ended up and if they’re okay.
48
49
WTF!
KATE
That was a wild ride, but the landing was horrible. Stacy and I end
up landing on top of each other. We must have fallen a good five
feet. We are both just lying here breathing when Stacy starts giggling,
which gets me giggling. She pushes me off her, and she gets up.
“Holy shit! That was awesome,” Stacy yells out, jumping
around, laughing.
I lean up, holding myself up with my right arm under me,
watching her move around excited, and ask, “Where do you think
we are?”
“Well, it looks and feels like an island,” Stacy replies, walking
around, taking in everything.
I look over at my backpack, which had somehow come off me,
and reach out for it to check my things. The bag is open, and all the
ammo and extra mags are gone. My dad’s billy club is still tied to me.
I untie it and use it to pull myself up onto my feet. Once up, I see my
MP5 sticking up out of the sand. I walk over and pick it up. I have to
pull hard to free it. The barrel is bent and packed with sand.
Well, shit. Looks like it’s just my Desert Eagle and my club. I
reach down for my Eagle to find it gone as well. Shit. I turn to Stacy,
who is still walking around, looking at the trees, and taking in the
sunlight like she’s on vacation. “Stacy, check your gear,” I say to her.
Stacy stops, then realizes that her backpack is gone and reaches down
for her 9, only to find it gone as well.
We start walking around, looking for our stuff, hoping that they
show up. We find nothing of her pack or her gear. “Well, there’s no
point in these,” I say, reaching down and undoing my drop leg, dropping it to the ground. Stacy does the same.
50
Somehow, we had both lost all our guns and ammo. Stacy lost
her whole pack, and mine was emptied out in the ride. But we have
a little luck since I still have my dad’s billy club, so we will be okay.
It seems like we’ve been here for a while, maybe a few hours at least.
There is no sign of Jack, Stone, or Hightower, not even of that little
Frost guy.
Not knowing where we are or how long we’re going to be here,
we start acting like we’re on Naked and Afraid. We start making plans
and looking for things to make camp and build something to sleep in
or under. Stacy is trying to start a fire while I look for sticks to make
a fire with ’cause that’s, like, a must-have. Stacy has been working a
stick for an hour at least, trying to start something up, and it’s harder
than we thought it was.
The ocean beats the coast hard and gets me thinking that the
reason why this island is so bare is because no one can land here. I
keep walking around, looking for branches and more stuff to make a
shelter with, keeping my eyes open for our stuff. I think I must have
walked at least halfway across this island by now. I keep walking,
looking around, when I see smoke up ahead. I know that’s not our
camp ’cause that’s behind me. That means that there are people over
there, so I take off running toward the smoke.
I run, not thinking of anything. I run up to a campsite, but it’s
not one I’ve seen before. This one looks to be out of a reenactment or
something. I see a boat on the beach and a ship out in the ocean. The
men look dirty, nasty, and drunk. One man looks up from his bottle
and sees me looking at them.
“Woman!” the man who looks up at me yells, pointing toward
me, getting the attention of all the other men.
“Woman.”
“Woman.”
“Woman,” one after another they say, turning and looking at
me standing there and staring at them like a damn fool.
“Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find a Starbucks?”
The group of men start to walk toward me slowly as one man
comes walking out of a tent. He stops just outside of it and takes a
look at me. He’s not very tall. He is wearing tall boots and baggy
51
Marc Longcor
WTF!
brown pants with a dirty white shirt that’s almost black, and he has a
beard or somewhat of a beard.
“Get her, men. She’ll make us good coin at port!” he yells.
“Easy, guys. We can talk about this. This island is big enough
for us all. No need for a kidnaping and maybe a rape,” I say, lifting
my club up, smacking it in my left hand while walking backward.
“Ha ha! Both we shall do, and when we’re done, we’ll sell you,”
one man says, walking up to me.
“Well, I tried to reason with you guys,” I say as I face-fuck the
first guy who tries grabbing me. My club nearly takes his head off,
knocking him backward and out cold on the ground.
The rest of the men bum-rush me as I coldcock one with a
baseball swing, hitting a home run. I see teeth fly out of his mouth,
and his jaw pops out. He falls to the ground for the final count. Then
pulling back and using the butt end of the club, I nail another asshole
in the face, stunning him for a second to get a southpaw grip to do
another swing, connecting with his face, another home run. I watch
him go down hard.
Two men come from the side, grabbing my arms, knocking my
club out of my hands, as two others come charging forward at me. I
jump up, using the two men holding me as a pivot point, kicking my
legs up, nailing both men charging at me in the face, sending them
flying on their backs. Using the momentum I’ve built up, I swing
forward, spinning the two holding my arms over on their backs.
I roll up on my knees in time to see the two I kicked get back
up. I spin my right leg around inches off the ground, taking one
man’s legs out from underneath him and coming up with a right
hook into the other guy’s balls, doubling him over. I jump up fast,
driving my knee into his face.
The two guys I spun to the ground are back up. One grabs my
shoulder, and I throw my elbow back into his face, then forward to
punch another coming at me in the face. Then I dive into a roll and
roll out of the center of all the men around me.
Facing the four men standing in front of me now, sizing them
up and catching my breath, I think of how I’m going to do this, but
I don’t get enough time to make a plan. All four charge at me at full
speed, taking me to the ground. Each one takes an arm or a leg to
hold me down to the ground as the first man I face-fucked with my
club comes walking up to me, pulling a knife out, standing over me
with a mad, crazy look in his eyes.
“I’m going to cut another hole in you, bitch, to fuck,” he says,
looking down at me. But before he makes a move, a flash flies over
my face, stopping him dead in his tracks. A tomahawk is sticking
out of his chest, and he falls to his knees as Stacy comes running out
of nowhere. She slices across one man’s face and sends a roundhouse
kick to another, freeing my arms up for me to sit up and punch my
way up from the two other men. A shot rings out, stopping all of us
from fighting, and we look at the other man who came out of the
tent.
“You men can’t take two women down,” he says as he starts to
reload his gun. The three men who are still standing run over to him.
The men standing in front of me and Stacy smile thinking that they
have us, but Stacy isn’t having any part of this. She sends her tomahawk flying, nailing the man with the gun in the chest. The other
three look at one another, then turn and run away to the boat.
“Stacy, the boat! We can’t let them take off with it,” I yell. Stacy
takes off running, pulling her tomahawk out of the first guy, then
running up to the other guy she tomahawked, pulling it out, chasing
after the others. I run over, picking up my club, and I follow close
behind. Stacy doesn’t let them get too far ahead of us. Two men grab
oars and start using them against us as one starts to push the boat to
the water. Stacy takes one, and I take the other, ducking as the man
swings the oar at me. He was fast on the backswing, nailing me in my
ass hard, knocking me down to the ground.
Waves wash up as I try to get back up, and I feel a weight and
force push me back down into the wet sand. I start to get dizzy, and
everything starts to go dark. Then I feel the weight lift off me, and I
am able to lift myself up and out of the water to breathe. I turn over
and lie on my back with waves washing up behind me. I look up at
Stacy standing over me, holding my club. The sun’s at her back, giving her a halo around her beautiful body. She reaches down with her
right hand, and I grab it, and she helps me up to my feet.
52
53
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Kate, baby, I know we need a vacation, but next time, can we
just go to a Sandals or on a cruise?” Stacy says, smiling, handing my
club to me.
“What, you don’t like the tropical getaway we find ourselves
in?” I reply.
“In a way, I do, but I just wish we were a little more prepared,
and having to fight pirates was not what I pictured,” Stacy says, looking around, doing that little giggle she does that drives me crazy. She
walks over to the men who are on the ground dead with her tomahawks sticking out of their chests.
“You found your tomahawks,” I say, watching her holster them
on her hips.
“Yeah. I was walking around looking for something to help start
a fire and came across them,” she replies.
“Did you find anything else by chance?” I ask.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Damn. So pirates, huh? So that means that’s a pirate ship out
there,” I say, pointing with my club toward the ship out on the ocean.
“Pirates? What time are we in?” Stacy asks.
“Let’s go check the bodies for anything good like pirates would,”
I say, walking and grabbing Stacy’s hand, guiding her back to the
campsite while resting my club on my other shoulder. We both walk
back to the pirates’ camp and search the bodies for anything and then
split up to search around the camp.
“Nothing but rum and food. Nothing else here,” Stacy says.
“Nothing in the tent either,” I reply, walking out of it.
“Guess we take our chance on the ship now?” Stacy asks.
“Well, let’s grab their guns and knives before we go just in case
there are more on the ship.”
“There’s only one gun, and I don’t know how to work it. Do
you?” Stacy asks, looking at me, holding the pistol that was fired at
us.
“Not a clue, babe,” I say, looking at her and taking the pistol
and tossing it to the ground.
“Do you wanna wait till night before going out there so we can
have the night on our side?” Stacy asks.
“I do, but I don’t know if we can maneuver the water once we
leave here.”
“Leave at sunset, then, with the sun at our backs. That way,
they won’t be able to see us coming ’cause they’ll be blinded by the
sunlight,” Stacy says.
“God, I love your beautiful mind,” I say, smiling at her.
“That’s not all you love,” Stacy says back, tilting her head down
just slightly, giving me that side smile she does that drives me crazy.
We sit down around the fire that the pirates made. They had
been cooking something on it. Not knowing what it is, I pull a piece
off and try it out. It’s not too bad. I look at Stacy and tell her to try
some, so she does what I did and pulls a little piece off and tries it.
Her eyes widen, a look of shock on her face. Whatever this is, it’s
good. Knowing that this is okay to eat, we tear into it like two hungry teenagers, picking it to the bone.
Sitting by the fire, looking out into the ocean and at the ship,
keeping an eye on it, we wait for the sun to go down a little more.
Stacy is cleaning her tomahawks and sharpening them with a stone
she took off a pirate. It really is beautiful here. The sand is warm and
soft and clean with no worries of trash or needles, and there’s a fresh
tropical wind that’s just wonderful.
The sun goes down a little more, and we start getting ready.
We walk back to the boat and push it into the water. The water feels
nice—not too warm or cold, just perfect and clear. I take the middle
seat and start paddling out to the ship while Stacy keeps an eye out
for movement on the ship and giving me directions to maneuver the
boat.
We make it to the ship undetected, getting right up next to it,
where there is a rope ladder on the side. Stacy ties off the boat to it
and climbs up first, peeking over the side to see if it’s clear to move.
She backs down a step and whispers down to me that there are some
men moving around on top. I nod my head to move, and she goes up
and over the side, and I follow close behind. I motion with my hands
to head to the back of the ship and work our way from there. Stacy
nods, and we move slow, staying low and quiet.
54
55
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The first guy we come to, Stacy taps my arm to stop me as she
takes one of her tomahawks and throws it, hitting the guy in the
back of the head. I move up fast to grab him to ease him down slowly
and quietly. Stacy walks up and pulls the tomahawk out of the man’s
head, nodding that she’s ready, and we both head back up or down
or however.
We see another man walking our way. I look at Stacy and then
around us, and there’s nowhere to hide. I look back at the man who
has just seen us. He’s getting ready to yell out something but is unable
to do so, because Stacy launches her tomahawk into his face, dropping him. The thud his body makes alerts the other men to check on
the noise. Four others come walking out of nowhere, finding their
dead friend.
The men pull swords and head off in all directions, looking
for us. Two come back toward us. Stacy pulls her other tomahawk
and launches it at one man, taking him down as I pull my club out,
swinging it hard, connecting it with the other man’s head, sending
him over the railing and into water. The splash gets the attention of
the other two men, who come charging back at us.
Stacy pulls her tomahawk and repeats what she has done already
a few times, and down goes another guy, leaving me to fight the
other. I don’t get a chance to swing on this man but end up blocking
his attack with my club, keeping his sword from coming down on
me. I push him back, blocking off another attack, unable to get a
fix on him and just trying not to get diced up by his sword. Lucky
for me, I have Stacy. The man is not paying her any attention, and
she has her tomahawks coming up behind him and buries one in his
back and pulls it back out, giving me a chance to swing on him with
my club, sending him over the railing.
We walk around the topside, making sure it’s clear, then go back
to the doors we found and open them to find a room. It’s filled with
chests, clothes all over, a couple of cabinets, a table, a desk, and a
bed in the back. I tell Stacy, “Let’s do a quick look around and move
on.” We make a quick sweep of the room. On the desk are maps and
papers. One stands out to me, and I get curious about it. I pick it
up and look at it. There are numbers and labels next to them—black
woman, twenty pounds; white woman, forty pounds. The list goes
on, counting up to twenty-five.
“Stacy, I think this is a sex slave ship,” I say, looking up at her.
“What makes you think that?” Stacy replies.
“Those men back on the island said something about selling
me, and there are twenty-five women on this list. It’s just a hunch,” I
say, raising my shoulders up, shrugging them.
We walk out of the cabin to the deck to find a cutout with
stairs that go down. I lie down on the deck, lowering my head down
below to check things out before going down. It’s dark, the lamps on
the walls only giving little light. I nod to Stacy to move down, and I
follow. Rows of cannons on each side of the ship line up to holes in
the side to fire out of. Barrels of black powder are all over with cannonballs just lying around. Where is everyone?
We make our way to the very back to what looks like a kitchen
area. No one is there. We look around, checking things out before
moving to the front of the ship, and it’s the same thing—nobody,
nothing. We come across another cutout on the floor, and I go down
the stairs first slowly, making sure to check for anything.
Down here, there are hammocks tied up all over, but no one’s
sleeping in them. We split up to check this floor out faster and come
back to the middle. We both tell each other that we’ve found nothing, and Stacy takes me to the cutout on this floor that she found that
goes down again. I grab a lantern and head down the steps, and the
little light it gives shows chains. I start to follow them until I come
face-to-face with another face, a woman’s. She is chained to the wall
with other women lined up down the side, all chained together.
“Oh, shit,” I say as I bend down to the first woman. I come
face-to-face with her, and she pulls back away from me in fear. “It’s
okay. I’m here to help,” I say in a gentle voice, putting my club on
my back.
“Free my captain first, my lady,” the woman says, nodding her
head down the line of the other chained women.
“Okay. Which one is your captain? What is her name?” I ask.
“She’s the one tied to the fuck cross at the back, and we call her
Captain Kim,” the woman says.
56
57
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Okay. Well, there is no one else on the ship, just us. This is
Stacy. She’s with me, and we’re here to help,” I say loud enough for
the other women to hear to let them know we’re here to help.
I make my way to the back, holding the lantern down to see
each woman I pass. One by one, I see dirty faces full of fear and of
relief. I get to the back of the ship to find something horrible. The
men have made a bed or something in the form of an X to tie the
captain down to, spreading her legs so she would be an easy victim. I
come up, holding the lantern down so she could see my face.
“Captain? I’m Kate. I’m here to help you. Do you know where
the keys are?”
“Kill me,” she barely whispers out.
“What?”
“Kill me please,” she says again.
Looking at her, I assume she’s been chained to this X for what
looks to be for a while now or more. Her body is covered in bruises
and cuts and dried blood between her legs from where the men forcefully took what was not theirs.
“Captain, let me help you. I came across men on an island and
killed them, along with the men still on this ship,” I say to her.
“You killed them all?” she says, coughing as she tries to talk.
“Yes, they’re all dead. How did so few take all of you?” I ask.
She just coughs and turns her head away from me, then back,
asking me to kill her. Over and over, she starts crying, then starts
begging me to kill her. I turn to look back at all the other women
chained to the ship and back to her.
“I can’t kill you. Your crew needs you,” I say.
“You can lead them. You can take my ship for yourself.”
“I can’t. I don’t think your crew would like me just coming in
and taking over,” I reply.
“Just say I gave the colors to you and the Raven is yours,” she
says.
“What?”
“Now kill me. Please, I beg you.”
I look at her. She is in pain and has been dishonored knowing
what those men have done to her repeatedly. I look down at her and
nod, both of us knowing what is going to happen and understanding
each other. I take out a knife I got from one of the pirates on the
island and cover her mouth, sliding the blade into her chest, piercing
her heart. As she takes her last breath, I uncover her mouth. “Thank
you,” she whispers.
Tears start to build up fast, and I can’t hold them back anymore
and just start to let them flow. I slowly pull the knife out from her
side, letting blood flow freely, and I lean over her body. I don’t even
know this woman, but what she went through was horrible. I lift my
head up to catch a glare off something shiny. I focus my eyes through
the tears and the darkness to see keys. I walk around the captain and
take the keys. I turn and one by one free the chained women.
“The colors and the Raven were given to me,” I say over and
over again to each woman I come to, freeing them from their chains
with tears rolling down my face watching each woman, once free,
run away and head to the top. I get to the last woman, who was
the first one I came to once I got down here. She asks me about the
captain, and I tell her what happened and what the captain told me
to do and say. I repeat the words the captain told me to this woman,
and she gives me a glare, then looks me up and down.
“If she gave you the colors, then she saw something in you. I
will respect her wishes,” the woman says.
“I have no idea what to do, so will you help me and Stacy here?”
I ask.
“Yes, we all owe you our lives, so we will follow you anywhere,
my lady.”
“Oh, you don’t have to call me lady. Just call me Kate,” I say,
smiling.
Stacy and I follow the woman back up to the top, where all
the other women are at. Once topside, all the women take off their
clothes and jump into the water. I ask what is going on, and the
woman says, “We’ve been tied up for months. We all want to get
somewhat clean.” I ask more questions to the woman about what has
happened and about the captain and the crew, but she just tells me
there will be time for all that later, then she runs and jumps off the
side of the ship.
58
59
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I just stand here watching the sun go down and the women
swim around and then one by one climb back up top to stand around
me and Stacy, just staring at us, all of them naked and wet like it’s
nothing for them to be like that.
“Ladies, I give you the new Raven!” the last woman we freed
yells out, and all the women start to cheer, “Aye, aye, aye,” in sets of
three over and over, raising their hands in the air.
“First off, what year is it, and where are we?” I ask.
“My captain, the year is 1703, and we are somewhere around
the Indies,” one woman says.
“1703. Okay,” I say, confused. How the hell did we end up here?
“Okay, ladies, let’s get some rest. And tomorrow, we will set out
for a port or something,” I say, making things up as I go.
“Aye!” they all yell out and start heading downstairs.
“Stacy!”
“Yes, my captain, my captain,” she replies.
“Oh, shut up, bitch. You know you’re jealous,” I say, laughing.
“Yes, dear,” Stacy says in her soft voice.
“Let’s get some rest ’cause I think tomorrow is going to be
crazy,” I say.
“Right behind you, babe,” she says as I turn, heading back to
the cabin we first went to.
I walk into the cabin and stand in the doorway, looking around,
this time really looking and taking everything in. Stacy comes in
behind me, tapping me on the ass, and it hurts more than usual, but
it wasn’t a hard tap. I just think that pirate asshole bruised my perfect ass with that oar. I watch Stacy walk around, putting her hands
on everything she can and opening chest after chest, going through
clothes.
“Some of this stuff is nice, baby,” Stacy says, holding up what
looks like a corset. I smile at her as I start to walk to the back to check
out the bed. I walk behind her, returning the ass tap but giving a little
more power to it, just how she likes it. It had enough force to make
a slap sound to get a rise out of her. She just turns her head and gives
me that beautiful, sexy smile.
I walk past the desk, putting my club on it, and turn to the
bed, looking down at it. It doesn’t look to be much of a bed, but it
has animal furs on it. It looks to be hard as the ship itself. I reach
down, placing my hands on it, thinking that I will be met with a
hard surface.
“Oh my god, Stacy, come feel this,” I say, looking down at the
bed.
“Baby, I’ve felt your ass a million times and know how amazing
it is,” Stacy says, not even looking at me, just lost in the clothes.
“No, you silly bitch. The bed, it’s so soft,” I say, looking at her,
making sure I get her attention.
“Bitch? Call me a bitch, huh? How soft we talking here?” Stacy
says, walking over to me and reaching down.
“Oh my,” Stacy says, wide-eyed and just as shocked as I am over
this bed. We both turn and sit down, sinking into the bed, giving it
a little bounce, amazed at it. I look over at Stacy as she takes off her
shirt and bra and lies back, covering herself with the fur blanket.
“Yep, I’m sleeping naked tonight. This is so soft. Oh my god,
so soft,” Stacy says, petting the fur blanket. I do the same, taking my
shirt and bra off and lying back. Both our legs dangle off the side as
we move to lie on the bed, stretching out. Looking at each other with
the same idea, we take off our yoga pants and shoes, getting fully
naked up in this bed.
“Holy shit, this is amazing,” I say. “Stacy, Stacy.” I look over at
her, and she’s passed out cold, and she starts to do her little snore she
does when she’s super tired. It isn’t long after that when I, too, am
out.
60
61
*****
I wake up with Stacy lying on my left side, head on my chest,
her leg draped over my hip and her hand on my right tit. The sun
pours in through the windows over the bed. I close my eyes from the
burning light and turn away and open them again to look toward the
cabin doors. I see the woman who was the last to be freed standing
Marc Longcor
WTF!
and looking in. I wave my arm at her to come in, and she opens the
door.
“My captain,” the woman says, walking up to me in bed covered in Stacy.
“You can call me Kate. What is your name?” I ask.
“My name is Sara, and I was first mate on this ship,” Sara says.
“Hi, Sara, you’re still first mate if you want it. What do you
do?” I ask.
“I help run the ship duties and command the crew,” Sara replies.
“Will you stay as first mate and help us? ’Cause we have no idea
what to do or how to run a ship.”
“Yes, my captain, if you see it fit to have me as your first mate.”
“We do ’cause we don’t know what to do.”
“Well, first, let’s start by getting up and paying respect to our
late captain.”
“Oh yes, what do we need to do?” I ask.
“We already have her body ready. We are just waiting for you to
lead the send-off, my captain.”
“Send-off?”
“Just get ready, my captain, and meet me outside,” Sara says,
turning and walking out.
“Okay. We will be out soon,” I say to her as she walks away.
“Stacy, Stacy,” I say, shaking her and rolling her off me. She just
moans and groans, rolling over away from me.
I stand up and take a pillow and hit her with it over and over
until she wakes up. I watch her stretch her arms and legs out, arching
her back and twisting side to side, the sun bouncing off her smooth
tan body. I get sidetracked by the beauty in front of me, then shake
my head to wake up.
“Hey, baby, what’s going on?” Stacy says in a soft, sleepy voice.
“We need to get up, babe. We have some stuff to do.”
“Okay, I’ll get dressed.”
We both get dressed as fast as we can as the crew members
gather outside of the cabin on the ship’s deck. I get my shoes on and
walk outside. Sara greets me and starts to fill me in on what to do.
They have the captain wrapped in sheets, lying on the ship’s railing.
Sara tells me it’s my job to send the captain over to the sea.
The crew lines up in two lines for me to walk between them. I
walk slowly to the captain on the ship’s railing. I look side to side at
each crew member, making eye contact, hoping that I’m doing this
right. I make it up to the railing next to the captain, and I look back
at Sara. She gives me a nod, letting me know that I’m doing right.
I place my hands on the captain, resting them on her lifeless body.
“I’m sorry this happened to you, and I hope I do right by you
and make you proud for choosing me to replace you,” I whisper to
her and then push her body over into the sea. Shots ring out behind
me as the crew fire their guns over my head, startling me. I jump a
little where I stand as Sara walks up next to me.
“Captain, what are your orders?” Sara asks.
“How did a handful of men take over this whole ship with all of
you women on here?” I ask.
“They were part of a bigger ship crew, the Maria, led by Captain
Jig. He has the fastest ship in all the seas. He runs down other ships,
boards them without destroying them so he can take the crew as
slaves to sell, and uses the ship for parts or to crew up under his flag
to join his fleet. He left those men to sail us to his island to sell.”
“Where is his island?” I ask.
“Just inside the corner of the Devil’s Triangle,” Sara replies.
“Then let’s hunt this fucker down and kill him.”
“All hands on deck. Raise the anchor. All sails. We head
north-northeast to the triangle!”
The sails fall down and swing out. Crimson red fills the sky
above my head. Every woman is doing a job, and the ship comes to
life with movement. The sails do their job and catch the wind, nearly
sitting me down on my ass with the jolt forward as the ship takes off
over the water. Everything’s happening so fast that I can’t keep track
of it all, so I turn and head up to the wheel, where Sara is at, in control of the ship.
“The wind is at our backs, Captain. The sea is on our side in
this quest,” Sara says, steering the ship across the water, moving to
the waves.
62
63
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Sara, what can Stacy and I do to help?” I ask.
“Have either of you ever been on the open sea?” Sara asks as I
look around for Stacy, not finding her.
“No, not like this,” I answer.
“Not to worry, my captain. I will be by your side to guide you.”
“Thank you, Sara. How is the crew doing after your capture?”
I ask.
“Strong and filled with revenge, ready to die to see Jig go down
with his ship to Davey Jones’s Locker.”
“Where are you from, Sara?” I ask.
“Britain,” Sara answers.
“Is the rest of the crew the same?”
“No, we’re from all over. Captain Kim took in lost women and
slaves she recaptured from slavers and islands. That’s why you see
only women on the Raven.”
“The Raven?”
“Yes, that’s the name of this ship, Raven. And if you look up
on the mast, you see ties of the past captains before you,” Sara says,
and I look up to see what look like sashes or scarves tied together in
different colors—red, black, yellow, brown, green, blue, and the last
one, crimson red, the same color as the sails.
“Sara, do the captains wear the same color as the sails?”
“Yes, Captain. The sails are chosen by the captains, and they
wear the same color tied on them. You give the command and we can
port up so you can change colors.”
“No, no, we will fly crimson red if that’s cool.”
“Cool?”
“If it’s okay.”
“If it is what you wish, Captain, then the colors of the past captain shall be yours as well.”
“Do we have enough for a fight with this Jig guy?” I ask.
“I’m afraid not, Captain,” Sara replies.
“Where can we get supplies?”
“There is an island not far from here that is ran by some of his
followers we can port at.”
“His followers?”
“Yeah. We can take a ship or a port.”
“How? You said we don’t have enough for a fight.”
“How else do you see us getting what we need?” Sara says, looking at me.
“We have a whole ship full of women. I think we can take a ship
or port without firing a single shot.”
“How so, Captain?”
“We just use our lovely lady bumps.”
“Our what?”
“Our bodies, Sara, our bodies. We will port up and send half of
the women inland to get all the men distracted as the rest of us sneak
aboard ships and take what we want while the men are away.”
“That’s brilliant! See, you’re made for leading,” Sara says, excited.
“Well, don’t praise me yet. We still have to get there and see if
it all works.”
I turn and walk away from Sara to see where Stacy has taken
off to. I walk down the steps from where the wheel is and down
to the main deck as Stacy comes walking out of the captain’s cabin
completely changed. Stacy has found some new clothes and is now
wearing tall red boots, brown pants with a white sash tied around her
hips with her tomahawks, and a reddish-brown corset vest tied up
from the bottom to the top, pushing her tits up, and oh my god, her
tits look amazing in it.
“Holy shit, baby, you look amazingly badass and sexy,” I say,
looking at her up and down, checking her out, and taking everything
in. She even went and braided the sides of her hair in rows.
“I know, right? Look at my tits. They look so big and round.
And just look at these fuckers. This vest is fucking amazing, and I’m
keeping it,” Stacy says, excited, placing her hands on her chest and
shaking her tits up and down as she looks down at them.
“Damn straight you’re keeping it, baby,” I say, still looking at
her the way Stone would be looking, which is like a fat kid in a candy
store with fifty dollars to spend.
“I found some more clothes in there that I think you will like
too, baby,” Stacy says.
64
65
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Is there another one of those corset vests?” I ask, pointing at
her tits, wide-eyed and full of excitement.
“Yeah, but it’s the same color as the sails.”
“Crimson red?”
“Yes, same color, and your size too, I think,” Stacy says, looking
down at her tits with both hands still on them, shaking them up and
down, and feeling them in the corset vest.
“That’s great. Follow me. I have something to talk to you about
once we make port,” I say, walking into the captain’s cabin.
“Yeah? What is it?” Stacy asks as I drag her back into the cabin.
“Okay, so when we make port, I guess it’s on an island that
this Jig guy runs, and it will be full of his men,” I say, taking off my
clothes little by little, giving her a little show. I pull off my shirt and
bra at the same time and kick off my shoes, pulling my yoga pants
down around my ass and taking one leg out at a time, watching her
just stare at her own damn tits and not at me. This tease show is for
nothing.
“Okay,” Stacy says, not even paying attention to me, her hands
on her tits still, bouncing them up and down.
“Well, we don’t have enough stuff for an all-out fight with Jig or
anyone, so we need things.”
“Okay,” Stacy says, looking up to see me in all my glory.
“So I’m splitting the crew up. Half will go inland to distract the
men, and the rest of the crew will raid and steal from the other ships
while the men are not around.”
“Okay. That sounds like a good plan, but what about me?”
Stacy asks.
“I want you to lead the half that goes inland and do a show with
the girls.”
“What kind of show?”
“Dance like you did that night in Vegas that got us a free week
at the MGM Grand.”
“Oh, that kind of dance? How am I going to dance like that
without music?” Stacy asks.
“They have music here.”
“Not the kind that gets my hips moving,” Stacy says, placing
her hands on her hips and moving them around and raising her right
eyebrow up the way she does.
“Well, let’s teach these girls some new songs to get your hips
moving.”
“How?”
“They already sing. One has a guitar I saw, and another has a
violin, so maybe we can get something going. Hear what they have
and see what we can do.”
“I guess it’s worth a shot. We do have time to kill.”
“And speaking of time to kill, we should learn how to sword
fight and use black powder guns,” I say, looking over the clothes
Stacy has laid out.
“You get dressed. I’m gonna hang with the crew,” Stacy says,
turning and walking out after giving me a kiss and an ass grab.
I put on the pants, which are light tan. As I pull them up, I
shimmy them up over my ass. They’re itchy at first, but I settle into
them. Next to the bed are a pair of tall black boots, which I slide on.
They fit perfectly. Why do we not have these boots back in my time?
These are amazing. I stand up and walk around in them and back
over to the bed and to the crimson-red corset vest that Stacy laid out
for me. I put it on and start lacing the string through the holes, lacing
from the bottom up, like how Stacy did.
I tie the corset up, setting my tits in place, and tie it as tightly
as I can to keep the kitties in. Damn! My tits look amazing in this.
I’m definitely keeping this. Why did these go out of style? I mean,
holy shit, my tits. Stacy comes walking in, saying something, then
stopping midsentence.
“Holy shit! Girl, look at those tits,” Stacy says, walking up to me
and placing both hands on my tits, jiggling them.
“Easy, girl. We’ll have time to play around later, but let’s do
some work,” I say, looking at Stacy with her hands on my tits, jiggling away.
“Oh, we’re so having fun tonight,” Stacy says, walking away.
“Hey, what was it you were saying when you walked in?” I ask.
66
67
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Oh yeah. These girls are amazing singers, and I think we can
get something going with them to work on for the men when we
attack.”
“Great. I’ll be right out.”
I am getting ready to walk out right behind Stacy when I notice
a sash on a hook in the wall. It’s crimson red as well. I take it down
and look at it. I go to tie it around my hip, then decide to put it on
my head like a bandanna. I then notice another sash next to the one
I just put on and tie it around my hip, having the tail of the sash flow
down my right leg. Saving my club for last, I put it on my back.
I look in the window at an angle to get a reflection of myself,
and damn, I look good and don’t feel too bad. These clothes are
pretty comfortable. I walk outside to see Stacy with a group of girls,
singing a song that sounds really nice and fitting. It’s the song about
Captain Morgan, and I giggle a little, thinking about pirates and rum
and how fun this can be. I watch all the girls sing and dance around
the ship’s deck, Stacy singing and dancing along with them.
“She’s a beautiful lady you have there, Captain,” Sara says, walking up next to me.
“Yes, she is very beautiful. Smart too,” I reply.
“I see you two found some clothes to wear, and might I say they
fit you fine,” Sara says, checking me out head to toe.
“Thank you, but hey, can you teach us to sword fight and use
your guns?” I ask.
“You two don’t know how to sword fight or use guns from
where you’re from?” Sara asks.
“No, not really. We don’t have a need for sword fight anymore,
and our guns are not like your guns,” I reply.
“Yes, I will teach you how to use a sword,” Sara says, turning
away from me and walking over to a barrel full of swords and spears.
“Here,” she says, tossing a sword at me. I catch the sword without
losing any fingers as Sara charges at me. I deflect her attack, and she
says, “Yes,” and comes at me again.
I do it again over and over, and Sara picks up the speed, coming
at me, then telling me to come at her. She deflects my attack, and we
go back and forth. She walks me through footing and different holds
and attacks. Soon, we are in full speed, going at each other, going
blow for blow, matching speeds and footing. Sara is fast and really
good with a sword.
She spins around me and taps her blade across my ass, and it
stings a little from the bruise I have back there from that pirate hitting me with the oar. I spin, swinging my sword low, but she stops it,
bringing hers up and over mine. I bend my arm up, sword still facing
down to block her attack, knocking her sword out and away from
me. I spin around her and tap her on the ass with my blade.
“Great! I think you’ve got it down, Captain. Now let’s show you
how to use a pistol,” Sara says, putting her sword away.
“Okay,” I say, taking in a deep breath, winded from the sword
fight. It’s more of a workout than stripping.
“I’ll have Leann show you the pistols, and I’ll go train your
Stacy with the sword.”
“Okay, yeah, ’cause we both need to learn this,” I reply.
“Leann!” Sara yells, waving her hand at a woman to come over
to us.
“Yes,” Leann says, running up to us.
“This is our new captain. Kate is her name. I want you to show
her how to use the pistols.”
“Aye,” Leann says, nodding her head and taking my hand, leading me away from Sara to the back of the ship. “Here. Take this in
your hand. Pull back on this. Now aim it out that way,” Leann says,
placing the pistol in my hand, pulling the hammer back.
I squeeze the trigger, and the pistol goes off. Smoke fills the air
around my face, blinding me for a second. After I fire, Leann takes
the pistol out of my hand and tells me to watch her load it. She pulls
back on the hammer but not all the way back, like halfway. She pours
powder from her powder pouch down the barrel, then reaches into
another pouch.
She pulls out a small round ball and a piece of cloth, ripping
a very small piece off it, wrapping it around the ball, then putting
it down the barrel. She pulls out a metal rod and rams it down the
barrel a few times, then she pours a little powder back by the hammer
68
69
Marc Longcor
WTF!
and moves another part of the pistol over the powder she just poured
and hands me back the pistol, telling me to fire again.
I lift the pistol up and pull back on the hammer. It’s tough and
stiff, and it takes some force to pull it back. Once back, I aim down
the barrel and fire again, this time moving my face to the side so as
not to get blinded by the smoke. After I fire, Leann hands me her
powder and ammo pouch and tells me to reload it. I pull back on
the hammer like she did and start to pour powder down the barrel.
She tells me to stop and asks me if I can remember how much I just
poured in, and I say yes.
Then I reach into the pouch she gave me, pulling out a small
ball and the cloth, ripping a small piece off and wrapping the ball in
it and putting it down the barrel. Then I pull the ramrod, as Leann
calls it, from the pistol and ram it down the barrel a few times like
she did. Then she tells me I have to load the flintlock pan now and
shows me the back part where she poured a little in. I do the same
and close the cover over it.
“There. You are ready to fire again,” Leann says.
I’m so glad we don’t have to work this hard with our guns in our
time. I’ll forget to do half of all this. I just ask if I can carry more than
one pistol, and Leann says as many as I want, and I tell her, “Four
ready to fire should be good for me.”
Leann just says, “As you command,” and walks away.
I walk to the railing just in front of the wheel to look over the
deck at the crew. I see Stacy and Sara fighting. Sara has her sword out,
and Stacy just has her tomahawks, giving Sara a run for her money.
Stacy is moving fast, blocking Sara’s attack and then spinning around
her, flipping her tomahawk around to tap Sara on the back of her ass
with the handle and back around to block Sara’s attack spin. Both
of them move all over the deck and climbing up on the railing and
jumping off, doing flips and showing off.
I don’t know where Stacy learned to fight like that, but she
is dancing around Sara and moving fast. I’m sure she picked it up
somewhere. She’s smart like that, always able to surprise you with
something that you didn’t know she knew or could do.
Sara stops and puts her sword away and goes and takes out a
spear and starts spinning it around in the air and then around her
and all over, and Stacy puts her tomahawks away and nods to a girl
to toss her a spear. She does the same thing, like monkey see, monkey
do. Sara comes at Stacy fast with an attack. Stacy blocks, and they go
back and forth fast, the spears connecting so fast. They almost start
to make a rhythm, moving to each other, matching the other with
an attack and a deflect, smiling back at each other, going faster than
I think I can do. The crew gathers around them. Some are cheering
on Sara, and some are cheering on Stacy. She is really getting into
this pirate stuff.
I turn and walk to the back of the ship to look out on the water
behind us, and I see something off in the distance but can’t make it
out. I walk back to the wheel and grab the looking glass and walk
back and take a look. Through the looking glass, an image becomes
clear. A ship comes into view for me. I try to focus on as much as I
can to see if it’s a friendly ship or another pirate ship but can’t make
heads or tails of either.
“Sara!” I yell. “Sara!” I yell again.
“Sara!” the woman at the wheel yells after me.
“Yes, my captain,” Sara says, running up the steps to me.
“Here. Take a look out there,” I say, pointing back at the ship
I saw.
“Shit!” Sara says, looking through the looking glass.
“Shit! What? What’s shit? That doesn’t sound good.”
“It’s not. We might have a fight on our hands here soon,” Sara
says, taking the looking glass down from her eye and looking at me.
“What can we do?” I ask.
“Well, we can do all we can to outrun them and make it to an
island, or we can prepare for a fight.”
“Do we have what we need for a fight?”
“We have just enough to take on a ship one-on-one.”
“Well, let’s prepare for a fight but also try and outrun them,” I
say.
“Aye. That sounds to be a good plan, Captain. All hands prepare for a fight. Keep all sails at full mast. Set the side sails to catch
70
71
Marc Longcor
WTF!
all winds. Let’s give all we can to catch the wind,” Sara says, starting
to order the crew to move around.
Like before, all the women start doing different jobs. More sails
pop up on the sides of the bigger sails in the middle. I can hear rumbling from cannons moving down below, vibrating the wood planks
below my feet. I can hear the window covers start to clap open as
they hit the side of the ship. Sara takes the wheel back over as I stand
by her, looking back behind us every so often to check on the ship
behind us. Stacy finds her way up next to me and stands with me and
Sara, looking behind us.
“What’s going on?” Stacy asks.
“We have company coming up from behind us,” I reply.
“Are we really going to fight?”
“We may have to, babe.”
“I’m ready, like, so ready, like, I-have-a-lady-boner ready,” Stacy
says, excited and smiling with a wild look in her eyes.
Leann comes up to me, handing me a sling belt with holsters
all over it. I put the belt on across my chest. It goes from shoulder to
hip, and I count four holsters on it. She comes back with four pistols, telling me they’re ready to fire, and hands them to me. Now I’m
starting to get a lady boner, filled with excitement.
Leann comes back with the same load out for Stacy, and I help
her put it on. I take a step back to look at her with four pistols across
her chest like me, her tomahawks on her hips, and carrying a spear.
With her hair braided the way it is, it makes her look like a total
badass, and I can’t wait to get her alone. I can’t finish my thoughts,
as Leann hands me a sword and sheath to put on. After adding all
this, it gets a little heavy with it all, but I’m totally looking badass
and sexy to boot.
I turn around to the back railing, asking for the eyeglass to look
through again. The ship has closed in on us. I watch men on the deck
moving something around. I see a cannon, and then they fire it at us.
I watch the cannonball come flying out of their cannon straight at us.
As it gets closer, I start to step back but notice the cannonball start to
fall, hitting the sea just at our ass.
“Holy shit, that was close. Sara, what do we do?” I shout.
“Nothing right now!” Sara shouts back.
I bring the eyeglass back up and see the ship gaining on us. I
see more movement. They bring up a second cannon and fire both
of them at our backs. I watch again as the cannonballs come flying
toward us and landing just at our ass in the water. Damn, next time,
they will hit us.
“Sara, steer right and get out of their line of fire,” I shout.
“Aye, Captain,” Sara shouts back, spinning the wheel right, tilting the ship. They fire another set of cannons at us, but this time, the
cannonballs fly past us.
“Sara, now steer back to the left hard,” I yell, noticing the ship
behind us turning to sight us up.
“Aye, Captain,” Sara yells as she spins the wheel left. The ship
cuts hard back to the left, shifting everything and knocking over
others.
The ship has turned completely around, facing the other ship
for the world’s first game of chicken. Sara yells out, “Ready,” and all
the women run to cannons and wait for orders. All the sails come up,
and we slow down fast, drifting up next to our attacking ship. Once
we are right next to it, I prepare to jump over and fight like pirates.
But before I move, Sara yells out, “Fire!” All the cannons we have on
our left side fire, cutting through their ship and rocking ours side to
side, bashing up against theirs.
Sara yells out, “Board them and leave none alive.” She then
takes off running and jumping over the railing and onto the ship
next to us like a badass out of a movie. Stacy and I just turn and look
at each other in shock. This is really fucking happening. We take
off running and yelling like wild, crazy women. We jump up on the
railing, using it to push off, then we realize that our end of the ship is
way higher than theirs and that we have misjudged the flight pattern
we have chosen to take.
Stacy just launches her spear at a guy, nailing him right in the
fucking chest, sending him flying back like in the movies, and then
both of us land hard, not graceful at all, with no time to moan or
think. We roll over, pulling pistols and cocking the hammers back
and firing at men who come at us with swords. We then jump up to
72
73
Marc Longcor
WTF!
our feet, still not as graceful as planned with all the weight we have
on now but still getting on our feet.
I pull my sword, and Stacy pulls her tomahawks, and we get
back-to-back, fucking up any man who comes at us. Eventually, we
move away from each other while moving around, fighting. I thrust
and pull, then slice and spin to block and somehow dodge a stab and
send it into another pirate. Then I slice up on the attacker, totally
shocking the hell out of me that I pull that off. I get so caught up
in the fight that when the men stop fighting us and give up, I stab a
man who had just dropped his sword.
“Oh, shit, sorry,” I say to the guy I just stabbed unarmed.
“Captain, we are victorious!” Sara yells, walking up to me.
“Stacy!” I yell, looking around for her.
“I’m here, baby, and I’m okay,” Stacy yells back farther down the
deck, by the mast of the ship with the other crew members.
“Line the survivors up along the railing and keep guard on
them,” I say to Sara.
“Aye, Captain. My call exactly,” Sara says, turning and giving
orders to other women.
“Search the ship. Take what we need and more,” I order.
“Captain, we have women captives below,” one crew member
shouts out, coming back up topside with women following behind
her, walking out of the opening in the deck.
“How many are there?” I ask.
“Many, my captain,” the woman replies.
“Do they have a leader among them?”
“Yes, and it is I,” one woman says, walking up from belowdecks.
“Hi. I’m Kate. How are you holding up, and how is your crew
doing, and what happened?”
“I’m Les, and this is my ship and crew. We were attacked on my
island and taken captive by Lord Jig and his fleet. They were taking
us to his island to sell,” Les says.
“I’m sorry about your ship and what happened, but you and
your crew are welcome to join us, as we are going after Jig to kill
him.”
“You’re going after Jig?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Then my crew and I are now yours, my captain,” Les says,
reaching her hand out for me to shake.
“The surviving men are yours and your crew’s to do with as you
please,” I say, shaking her hand.
“Thank you, Captain,” Les says, then turns away and talks to
her crew, and all the newly freed women start to attack the surviving
men left from the fight.
I watch the crew carry boxes, barrels, chests, cannonballs, and
much, much more. Not one woman has empty hands as they all
move like ants in lines back and forth, carrying things from their ship
to ours. The last of the surviving men is being tortured and tossed
over the side of the ship. I’m so lost at what to do that I look for the
pistol I shot at the beginning of the fight but can’t find it with all the
dead bodies and blood all over the deck. Looking around, I notice
Sara standing at the wheel, and I walk over to her.
“Sara, what are you doing?” I ask.
“Just watching the crew work,” she replies.
“What do we do once we pull away from this ship?” I ask.
“We will set it on fire and burn it, sending it to the depths
below.”
“Oh, okay. So are we getting everything?”
“All of it and then some. We will take the sails, ropes, planks,
food, powder, cannons, ammo. We will pick it dry to repair our ship.”
“Nice,” I say as I turn away to go back to looking for a pistol to
replace the one I used and lost. I pull one off a dead pirate and look at
it. It seems to be okay, so I pull back on the hammer, aim down at the
dead man, and squeeze the trigger. Click. “Hmm.” I look at the pistol
and pull the hammer back again and squeeze the trigger again. Click.
“Okay.” I start to think of all the steps to reload the pistol and look
down at the dead man for his ammo pouch until I give up. “Fuck it!”
I say, tossing the pistol over the side of the ship and walking away.
I walk up and down the ship, watching everything going on and
nodding to women as they walk by. I walk by the new members we
just freed as they kill the last man and throw him over the side, then
join in with the rest in tearing apart the ship to help with repairs on
74
75
Marc Longcor
WTF!
our ship. I help some ladies pull boards off the middle deck and haul
them out of the ship to ours.
I go back and forth a few more times, letting the crew know
that I’m no pushover when it comes to work and that I will be in the
shit alongside them. After a few times of doing this, the crew starts
telling me I don’t have to help them and that they can do this, so I
walk back over to our ship and to the captain’s cabin.
I walk to the doors and open them, stepping in. Stacy is at the
desk, looking at maps and doing something, writing things down. I
walk over behind her to watch her; she has marked out islands and
routes and has even outlined the Bermuda Triangle.
“What you doing, babe?” I ask, walking behind her and placing
my hands on her shoulders.
“Just lining out islands, finding where we are and which ones
would be safe to port at and ones that might not be. Jig’s island
should be this one, just inside the Triangle,” she says, pointing to an
island.
“Do you think we have what we need to put up a good fight if
it comes to it?” I ask.
“Yeah. This ship had a lot of stuff on it and more than expected.
What do you think we should do now that we have what we need?”
Stacy replies.
“I’m thinking it’s just our one ship, and we can’t take on a whole
fleet like what he has, but if we are able to get all the crew in one spot,
we can open fire on that spot and kill as many as we can from the
ship and then send out teams to fight the rest that flee.”
“Sounds good, but why don’t we do that and also get them away
from their ships and rig them to blow up?” Stacy says.
“Rig the ships to blow up? How?” I ask.
“Well, we have a shit ton of black powder now. And plus, they
have powder on their ships, so it wouldn’t take much to make sticks
of powder and sneak aboard their ships, placing our powder sticks
on them in the right spots and light fuses and boom. Once the ships
start to blow up, we start cannon fire on that one spot and then clean
up as the rest run.”
“That’s the plan! I love your brilliant mind,” I say, smiling, kissing the top of her head.
“Just remember, we still need to get into the Triangle to find the
doctor,” Stacy says.
“Yeah, the doctor. Can’t forget him now, can we? He better still
be alive. But enough of that. We just survived our first pirate battle,”
I say, moving her hair out of the way so I can bend down and kiss the
left side of her neck knowing what it will do to her, and that’s drive
her crazy.
I reach my right hand down and gently wrap it around her
throat, pulling her out of the chair and moving the chair out from
between us while still kissing her neck and giving a bite. I pull her
in fast and close, and she pushes her hips back into me, breathing
heavily as I tilt her head back to kiss her soft lips. I slide my left hand
across her chest, giving each of her tits a squeeze, and then slowly
move my hand down her body. I feel each one of her abs as I move
slowly down to her hips and down her pants.
76
77
WTF!
DR. PANTERA
I open my eyes, but it’s dark. There is barely any light. I can make out
the outline of palm leaves. I push the leaves off and sit up. I’m back
on the beach, and the sun is as bright as ever. I hold my hand up,
but the hand I hold up isn’t my own hand. It is 13’s hand. I stand up
slowly. I can feel pain all over my body. I start to walk, but it’s not me
moving. It’s more like a ride, and I’m the passenger.
I walk down the beach, looking up and down. I can see the
force field around the island more clearly through these eyes than my
own. I start to get flashes of another life, but it’s of my life. I see me
as I am now, not aging in body or mind. I see earth advance more. I
see a red planet turn green. I see me taking to the stars and traveling
to another galaxy and to a new planet, a planet of Alien 13s. More
flashes come of war and bright lights, and something starts to come
into focus.
“Hey! Pantera, wake up. Pantera! Pantera!”
“Yes, yes, I’m up,” I reply, still half asleep and confused from
my dream.
“You coming with us on the search?” Dr. Smith asks.
“Oh yes, I would like to get out and see what’s around,” I say,
getting out of bed. “Where are we heading out to today?” I ask.
“Well, we need to check the green zone for any new people and
now the beach ’cause of you.”
“Yes, the beach. I would like to check it out for myself as well.”
“Then let’s get moving,” Dr. Smith says, waving his hands,
walking out of my room.
I put my boots on, which were given to me the other day or so.
I can’t remember what day it is. The sun never goes down here. There
is no night, no sunset, and no sunrise. I tie my boots up and stand
78
up, reaching for my shirt. I put it on and button it up and roll up the
sleeves. I walk to the corner of my room to my backpack, which was
also given to me here. I pick it up and walk out of my room.
I turn and head down the hallway toward the science room. Not
much science goes on here from what I’m told, and that’s why we go
out into the island to study and find new things when we can. It feels
like years that I’ve been here, but only days have passed, I think. I
walk out of the building to where there is a group forming up, waiting to go out into the island to discover new places and new things.
“Hey there, Dr. Pantera. How are you today?” Amelia asks,
walking up to me followed by Elvis.
“Is that—”
“Yes, it’s Elvis,” Amelia says, interrupting me before I could finish my question.
“Hi. How are you doing, Doctor?” Elvis asks.
“I’m fine, Mr. Presley, but I do say I have so many questions for
you.”
“In due time, Doctor. That’s all we have here, time.”
“Yes, time. This island is amazing with mysteries and secrets.”
“Yes, it is, but are you ready to get out and explore it, Doctor?”
Elvis asks me, tapping me on my shoulder.
“Oh yes, I am excited to get out and go on an adventure today.
Amelia, is it okay if I go out on my own?” I ask.
“Sure. You’ll need this and this,” Amelia says, handing me a gun
and a hand-drawn map.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t use a gun, but I will take the map,” I say,
just taking the map from Amelia’s hand, leaving the gun to her.
“Okay. Then here, take Jake, our best tracker and hunter.”
“Sure am. I’ll go with you, Doc, if that’s okay with Ms. Amelia
here,” Jake says, walking up to me.
Jake seems to be Southern based on how he talks and carries
himself. He’s carrying a spear, a bow, and many arrows. He doesn’t
seem to be much to look at and can’t be more than twenty-one years
old and no taller than me. His clothes are torn and worn thin and
barely together. He’s barefoot and chooses to be barefoot. I have
79
Marc Longcor
WTF!
heard many stories of Jake bringing in food for the camp and earning
his place as a great hunter.
“It’s okay with me, Jake, that you go with the doctor here. I
wish that you would since he’s new to the island,” Amelia says, looking at him.
“Yes, it will be good knowing I have a skillful hunter with me in
case anything happens,” I say, looking at the young man.
“Well, shall we get a move on, Doctor?” Jake asks.
“Yes, I would like to head back to where I came in on the beach.
I think I remember where,” I say.
“Sure, I’ll get you to the beach,” Jake says, smiling, excited to
get out.
Jake and I start to walk out of the town, heading in the same
direction that I remember coming in from. I remember the long walk
to here from where they found me about to die from a giant bear. We
walk a distance until we make it to the so-called green zone. Soon,
boats, planes, and cars appear all around, as well as ships from all ages
and times. Some are so beautiful and preserved since they landed so
gently on the ground that they still stand upright. Other ships are
not as lucky, as they are shattered among the ground, and those are
the ones the people here have used to build from.
I want to stop and look around, but my dream has me curious
to what it was about. I need to make it to the beach and check on
13. I need to see if he is alive or dead or if he’s still where I left him.
We keep walking through the maze of history of the world. We walk
until we come to the cliff and head around to go up to where I was
at before when they found me. It is more difficult to climb up than
it is to climb down. My shirt is soaked in sweat, but it serves to cool
me down as well once we reach the top of the cliff and catch a breeze
just strong enough to feel.
I turn to look out over the green zone at everything that has fallen
here in just the one spot, and it makes me curious as to how and why
it’s just this area that everything lands in. I turn to Jake and nod my
head to keep moving on. My curiosity has me working overtime.
We make our way through the maze of jungle that covers this
island, making it back to where 13 and I landed. It seems to be far-
ther than I remember, but then again, I was being chased by a giant
bear. The farther we walk, the louder the sound of crashing waves
get. Then the jungle canopy opens up to give way to the light as the
jungle ends and the beach takes over.
I stand on the line just in the shade, looking both ways down
the beach. I see the pile of palm tree leaves and the dead giant bear. I
walk down the beach until I finally come to the mess of palm leaves
spread out, and there is no 13. My mind starts to run, ramped with
mystery and concern over 13 for some reason. I start to search the
ground for footprints and clues as to what might have happened. I
start where the dead bear is at, then I notice the sand is sunken in
deep like something really heavy was here, eating this dead beast. The
sand is hard to look at.
I turn to Jake and ask, “Jake, can you track footprints in this
sand?”
“I sure can, Doctor,” he replies.
“Can you start here and pick up on anything?” I ask, pointing
down at the dead bear.
“Yeah, sure,” Jake says, moving over to where I’m looking down
in the sand.
Jake moves around in a circle, bends down, then stands up and
then starts to walk down the beach where we came from. I follow
him a few steps behind, watching him work. The longer we keep
going, the more I start to notice footprints myself. These footprints
are deep and big. Then I notice other footprints that look familiar,
and I know that they are 13’s footprints. I put my thoughts together
to form that 13 has mutated a giant bear into something that’s not
good. Everyone on this island is in more danger now than ever.
We keep walking and following the footprints in the sand until
we come to a cliffside that forms straight out of the island with the
force field cutting right into it from the looks of it. Jake and I stand
here looking up at the cliff and down at the sand. The footprints
seem to go all over. Then 13 appears out of the air, wrapping his
arms around Jake and biting down into his shoulder and neck. He
holds his bite for a few seconds, then let’s go. Jake goes limp, and 13
lets him fall to the ground lifeless. 13 looks over at me and smiles,
80
81
Marc Longcor
WTF!
showing his blood-soaked, sharklike teeth at me and raising his left
hand and waving at me.
“13, what do you think you’re doing?” I ask him.
“Recruiting,” a voice in my head sounds, startling me, confusing me, as I didn’t see 13 move his mouth. I walk over, getting closer
to 13 to stare him down, and the voice sounds in my head again.
“Doctor, are you okay?” the voice asks.
“13?” I ask, looking straight at him.
“Yes, Doctor, it is I that you hear in your head,” the voice says,
letting me know that it is 13’s voice.
“How are you in my head?” I ask.
“The energy field of this island is producing so much energy
that I’m able to communicate with you now unlike before.”
“How so?”
“In the planet I’m from, we are able to communicate telepathically through energy that connects us to our planet, like light bulbs
to sockets here on earth.”
“But how are you able to do this with me?”
“I’m glad you asked. I need to tell you something, and it’s going
to confuse you, so be ready, Doctor.”
Before 13 could say any more, a giant, massive creature comes
walking out of the jungle, standing tall and just jaw-dropping massive. It’s a giant bear that 13 has changed. The giant bear has mutated
into a Dozer but not like a Dozer but bigger and more hideous. The
bear is able to keep his bearlike head but has enlarged, bigger teeth,
longer arms, and massive hands and claws and is able to walk on
two legs or all four legs. Its fur is patchy and torn from the mutating growth it went through. I find myself stepping back away from
this massive monster that stands before me. Fear overwhelms me and
takes over my body, and I start to look up and up like there is no end
to the height of this beast.
“Doctor, no need to fear him. He will protect you and me until we
find a way to leave this planet,” the voice in my head says—well, 13 says.
“What do you mean leave this planet?” I ask.
“Well, Doctor, you are coming with me.”
“I surely am not,” I say.
“Trust me, Doctor, by the time we are able to leave, things will
be much clearer to you.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Doctor, you and I are—”
Again, before 13 can finish what he is going to say, shots are
fired all around us, kicking up sand. A group of men are yelling from
above, standing on top of the cliff with guns aimed down at us. All
of them are wearing familiar uniforms and using a familiar language
and keep shooting at the massive monster, who turns and runs back
into the jungle.
“Beweg dich nicht oder wir schießen!”
I look up and raise my hands while looking over at 13, nodding
at him to do the same thing. 13’s new monster is nowhere to be seen
now and has disappeared into the island jungle. I look up at the
German unit above us with guns aiming down at us. Two ropes drop
down from the top, and soldiers start to climb down the cliffside.
“Ich nehme an, dass du deutsch sprichst.”
“Not for some time now, I’m afraid, but do any of you speak
English?” I ask, not remembering a whole lot of German.
“Yes, I speak English,” a tall man says, looking down at me.
“I take it you’re in charge?” I say, looking at the man.
“Yes, I am. Col. Heniz Hildegard, Africa exploration.”
“Heniz Hildegard?” I say, thinking that I know this man.
“Yes, that is my name.”
“I believe you knew my father.”
“And who is your father?” Heniz asks.
“Dr. Von Pantera,” I say.
“Yes, I know the doctor. He is your father?”
“Heniz, you’ve been here for a very long time. It is I, Rome
Pantera.”
“Little Pantera? But you’re old now.”
“Yes, it’s been some time, and much has happened since the last
time we saw each other.”
“I know we’ve been on this island for some time but didn’t
know how long. There is so much that needs to be talked about,
young Pantera. Come with us back to camp.”
82
83
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Well, do I have a choice?” I say with my hands still up, nodding toward the guns aiming at me.
“Oh, dear. Yes, I’m sorry. Lower your weapons, men. Young
Pantera is our friend.”
“Yes, I am a friend, and this is my friend, so please don’t shoot
him and be kind to him as you are to me,” I say, lowering my hands
and pointing over at 13.
“Who is your friend, and what is he, and what was that monster
that took off into the jungle?” Heniz asks.
“This is 13, and he’s not from our planet, and that monster I
have no idea about.”
“And the man on the ground next to you?” Heniz says, pointing
at Jake on the ground.
“Dead, I’m afraid,” I say.
“Shall we bury the body?” Heniz asks.
“No, just leave him,” I say, knowing that Jake will soon mutate
into whatever 13 wants.
“Okay, then. Shall we go?” Heniz asks.
The soldiers who have climbed down the cliff escort me and 13
around, meeting up with the rest of the German soldiers. From there,
the unit moves out in formation like they are still fighting the war.
They still think the war is going on. I am afraid to tell them that we
lost the war to the Americans and that I defected to the States with
my father after the war to help the Americans with rockets and their
moon project, which they started after being put in charge of aliens
and whatever may come from beyond our planet.
13 and I follow the soldiers back to their camp to find that they
still have their trucks, which look as if they have not moved in a long
time, and there are crates of rifles, ammo, and much, much more.
They have tents and outhouses set up and seem to have a lot of men.
So far, I have counted fifty men, but I see more coming and going in
and out of the camp they have built.
“So, Mr. Pantera, how do you find yourself here?” Heniz asks.
“Well, my friend 13 here did something, and we landed here.
And it’s Dr. Pantera now, like my father before me.”
“Oh my, Doctor, forgive me. So your friend was able to bring
you here. Is he able to take you off also?” Heniz asks in a very interrogative way.
“I don’t know. 13 is still new to me in studying and figuring out
what he is. For now, he is an alien with unique skills, and I ask you
to tell your men to leave him be.”
“Okay. We shall leave him be. You say he’s an alien. I wonder if
he is here for the aircraft on top of the mountain,” Heniz says.
“Aircraft?” I ask, confused.
“Yes, there is an aircraft on top of the mountain here. Where do
you think this blue force field comes from?” Heniz says.
“There is a spacecraft here?” I ask.
“Yes, that is what I said.”
“How do we get there? I would like to see it,” I ask.
“That is the difficult part, I must say. I have lost many men
to this island and the different creatures that live on it,” Heniz says,
walking me to his tent.
“What kind of creatures?” I ask, stepping through the tent
entrance.
“I will start with the island itself. You must watch your step very
closely, for the island will open up and swallow you up to never be seen
again in certain places. Then you must keep an eye out above for man-eating plants that will swing down and snatch you up whole. If those don’t
get you, then you have to watch out for giant snakes or the giant short-face
bears that roam all over the island and are in no short supply, along with
the wild razorback boars. From what we can tell, they are giant man-eating chickens but deadlier. I lost ten men in a heartbeat to two of them.”
“Giant man-eating chickens? You must be mistaken,” I say,
chuckling.
“Well, we can’t really kill one or get close enough to judge what
they are. They have a high-pitched screech sound, and if you hear it,
it would give you death chills.”
“Sounds like this island is full of mystery and death.”
“That it is. I must say how amazing it is to see you all grown up
now and a doctor like your father. What are you now, fifty, fifty-five?
And did we win the war?” Heniz asks.
84
85
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Well, I’m eighty-six. And no, we lost to the Americans.”
“There is no way you are eighty-six. You look to be no more
than fifty,” Heniz says, puzzled.
“I know, thanks to the experiments done to me as a child, and
the ones I did once I got on my own allowed me to never age in body
or mind.”
“Can you recreate these experiments for me and my men?”
Heniz says.
“Not here, I can’t.”
“Damn, what a sight that would be, old Germans coming back
to the timeline to bring back the third Reich,” Heniz says, excited.
“That would be hard to do now back in the real timeline, I’m
afraid,” I say, bursting his bubble.
“How so?”
“Just how the world has changed and formed over the years
from the war until now.”
“I see. That is a shame. Would you like a drink?” Heniz asks as
he moves around in his tent, making drinks.
“I wouldn’t mind one.”
Heniz’s tent is dark inside from all the added materials to it that
his men have done over the time that they’ve been on this nightless
island. They’ve had to adapt to the never-ending sunlight. He has a
lantern set up to give light inside to show his cot, chest, desk, and
not much more than that. The camp is very well set up with teams
coming and going, doing different jobs and duties.
“So, Coronel, how did you and your unit end up here?” I ask.
“We were tasked back to North Africa after finding those gods
in Egypt and driving west through the Qattara Depression to Siwa,
a little oasis in the middle of nowhere, when clouds just formed out
of thin air, swallowing us up. Blue-and-pink lights flashed all over
until we found ourselves driving through the jungle, getting stuck
right here in this place where time stands still and the day never ends.
If what you tell me is true, then we have been here for many, many
years.”
“I’m sorry, Coronel. I can’t imagine being here for as long as you
and the others have been. I remember you bringing in those gods.
There were a few of them. I remember your trucks being overweight
and barely able to move them. Dad had them stored down in the
basement of our facility. I also remember a yellow arm falling off the
side of one of your trucks, tipping it over.”
“Yes, the others on the island, we don’t have much to do with
them, as we just keep to ourselves here. Moving those gods was one
of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”
“I don’t remember much from then due to a head injury. I just
remember waking up in the back of an American truck. You know, if you
both combine your resources, things could be better here for all of you.”
“True, but we’ve seen American soldiers within their camp, and
I don’t think things would be so fair for the both of us if we keep
the war going. Besides, we are close to a plan on making it up the
mountain.”
“How so?”
“We have found a safe path that leads all the way up to the
aircraft.”
“When do you plan on taking this path, and may I tag along to
investigate the spacecraft?” I ask.
“Why, yes, you can, Dr. Pantera, and it will be a while still. We
are gathering supplies for the trip.”
“How long will the trip take?” I ask.
“A few days, but I’m not taking any chances on it. I will be
prepared for everything. Well, Doctor, it’s getting late. You and your
friend can stay here. I will have men set you up with a tent and a cot.”
“Thank you, Coronel Heniz,” I say as he hands me a drink, and
we raise our drinks to each other and drink.
Coronel Heniz escorts me out of his tent, slowly opening the
tent flap to let the light in slowly so as not to blind us completely. He
waves for some men to come over and tells them to set me and my
friend up in a tent to ourselves and to make sure we have everything
we may need. Of course, they speak all in German, and I am unable
to keep up with what they are saying, for it has been so long since
I’ve spoken German.
The soldiers do their German salute and nod to me to follow
them. I make sure to get 13 to follow me, and we are both taken to a
86
87
Marc Longcor
WTF!
tent. Our lantern has been lit inside when we walk in. I move over to
a cot and sit down, then look at 13, nodding to him to take his cot,
but he just stands there staring at me.
“Well, 13, are you going to take a cot and get some sleep?” I ask.
“Yes, I will there soon, Doctor. But for now, you go ahead and
get some sleep.”
“Yes, good night or good day. I think it’s night. Well, anyway,
sleep well, 13.”
“Sleep well, Doctor.”
I fade off to sleep, and a deep sleep at that. The tent is thick
enough to keep the light out, and it’s dark inside. There is no way
around the heat and humidity here, so you just fight through it. I
toss and turn from the heat. I fall back into a deep sleep after turning
over, and I start to dream, but not like a normal dream but like before
where I’m not in my body. I’m in another body. I see Alien 13’s hands
again, and I’m moving. I’m outside, walking around tents. All the
soldiers are asleep, except for a few guards who are walking around
the perimeter.
I watch from the inside of wherever I am to see one guard after
another get bitten. Soon, all the guards have been bitten and are laid out
to turn into whatever 13 wants. I watch as 13—or I or dream me—goes
into a tent to sleeping soldiers and one by one bite them in turn. Every so
often, I see me—or 13—just eat a soldier. I toss and turn, trying to wake
up, but it’s like I can’t leave this dream. I can’t wake up.
“Wach auf wach auf. Männer sind tot, alle Hände stehen auf!”
I wake up to Germans yelling and some sort of an alarm going off.
I roll out of bed and run out of the tent to see what is happening. I see men running all over, waving their guns around. Colonel
Hildegard comes running over to me, shocked and confused about
what’s going on. The massive beast that was once a giant bear but is
now a new form of a Dozer comes running through the camp, killing
and smashing everything, giving off loud roars. There’s nothing the
German soldiers can do to put it down. Their bullets do nothing to
it but anger it more.
From the other side, a Rager comes jumping out from behind a
truck, tearing into soldiers whom it ambushes as they run from the
new Dozer. The Rager slashes and claws men, ripping heads off and
digging out brains as he goes.
“Colonel, get what men you can out of here now!” I yell at him
as I run to stop the monsters and 13.
“What are those things?” Heniz yells behind me.
“Just get what men you can out of here,” I yell back. I run up to
the Rager, lifting my hands up, yelling, “Stop, stop, stop.” The Rager
looks at me and gives out a scream like they do. I stand there staring
him down. I am going on a hunch that the Rager will not hurt me
but will listen to me. The Rager backs down like a dog would to its
owner, leaning back on his legs and going back to eating the soldier
he just killed.
“Stay!” I yell at it as I turn to confront the massive new Dozer.
I really should come up with a new name for it. “Stop! Stop right
now,” I yell at the massive beast as it charges at me and comes to a
sliding stop right in front of me, sniffing, taking me in. “Stop this
right now and sit down,” I say to the monster. It looks at me like it’s
thinking, then it takes a seat in front of me, giving out a huff.
I look around, watching all the soldiers run out of the camp.
Good. I have just saved people for once. 13 comes walking up behind
me, placing his left hand on my head. I black out and then start to
see flashes of light, then I see myself in a mirror with movement
behind it in fast mode. I think it’s time passing by, but I don’t age. I
see me outlive everyone I know over and over again. I see NASA and
me working on spaceships and blueprints. Then a spaceship takes off
and goes through space to the red planet, and I see it go from red to
blue—full of life, then back to withering away again.
Time passes by fast, and I see another spaceship, but this one
is more evolved. I watch myself climb into this spaceship and take
off alone. I watch as I leave the galaxy, traveling through the stars to
another planet. It is a planet full of 13s, a planet full of technology
beyond my wildest imagination. I watch as I am welcomed to the
planet and become friends with new species and work in a new lab
that is more magnificent than anything I have ever seen.
Time keeps going. I see a new planet form next to this one, and
a new species is created. Then I watch the new species take off and
88
89
Marc Longcor
WTF!
evolve past the 13s, who start a war, a war that goes on for years. I see
myself start experiments again on myself, transforming me into 13.
A massive pain comes over my head, and everything just goes dark
again.
I go back to dreaming. This time, I’m on 13’s planet and working next to the species there, and I feel happy, happier than ever
before. Through the technology and skills they show me, I am able
to solve so many mysteries that have puzzled me back on earth for
so long.
The downside of all this is that I find myself working as a scientist in a war I did not start or want. I start to regret showing my
knowledge to them, as I have created more weapons for them to use
against the planet they created on a species they created. They got
upset about them surpassing them and evolving in every way possible, and they did not want to share their advancements.
I turn myself into the same thing as 13 to be able to communicate with them and share the abilities that I see them use every day.
Day after day, I see me working in a lab as the war carries on, out of
control. Numbers start to form in front of me as I start to see familiar
work and stumble across time travel.
I see a ship being built in secret and me leaving a planet again,
time-traveling back to earth and back to me but me as I am when I
find 13. Thoughts come to me that I didn’t have before of time-traveling further back in time with my human form and creating humans
in my image and society in the way I want it to have no war, just
happiness and shared knowledge, and to rule over the world forever
the way I see fit. It’s all clear to me now. I am 13, and I want to travel
back in time and take control of the world. That is the only way to
truly have peace and happiness.
I wake up feeling different, taller. My arms are longer and also
my hands. Ouch! I just bit my lip. I reach up to feel my teeth. They’re
sharp and overgrown, too long for my mouth, it seems like, but I’m
able to extend my jaw to fit them in, hiding them.
“Hello, Doctor. Finally, we are one now.”
“13? Is that you? Where are you?” I ask.
“Why, Doctor, I’m you, and you are me. We are one and the
same now,” 13’s voice echoes in my head.
“How is this possible?”
“Doctor, you know just as I do that one of the same things
occupying the same space and time of the same life cannot exist without coming together or one being destroyed. I was able to use the
energy and power of the species from Dulord to combine ourselves.”
“But how is it that it is still the two of us occupying the same
body?”
“Doctor, I’m just you inside your head, and this is you talking
to yourself.”
This is not making any sense to me. How can I be two things
but one with two voices? I know I’m not crazy. “You, Rager. Go find
me more people to convert to add to the numbers. We’re going to
need them.”
“Doctor, back on Dulord, we call them Deggolos. They are like
our dogs here on earth but smarter in a way and nasty soldiers in
war.”
“13, you’re just a voice. I don’t need to listen to you.”
“Then why are you talking to me?”
“Ragers, go out and find me anything to convert to add to our
numbers.”
“That’s it, Doctor. Add to your army. There is nothing here to
stop you.”
“Bears.”
“Jebetas, Doctor.”
“Stop, 13. Leave my head.”
“You know I can’t do that, Doctor.”
“Jebetas, stay with me.”
“Master, do we attack the camp you have been staying at?” a
Deggolo, a Rager, says to me.
“How is it that you can communicate with me?” I ask it.
“Master, we share the same wave path to communicate.”
“Telepathic?”
“Yes, if that’s what you call it.”
90
91
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yes, attack that camp if you must, but find others to attack first
and whatever will be good to add to our numbers.”
“Yes, master. We already know of places to go.”
“Then go. Bring them back here for me to turn.”
“Yes, master.”
“Doctor, you are falling into this better than I thought you
would.”
“13, must you butt in?”
“You must get used to this, ’cause I’m not leaving anytime soon.”
“Fine, fine. Now we wait for the Ragers—”
“Deggolos.”
“13.” How can this be? How is it that he is still in my head?
“I can hear your thoughts too, Doctor.”
Fine. I’ll just keep quiet and keep to myself, not thinking of anything or saying anything.
“I know what you’re doing also.”
Bloody hell. “Jebetas, let’s head up the mountain. Do you know
the way?” I ask them.
“Yes, master,” they all say at once.
“Lead the way.”
The group around me takes off walking. As I follow behind, I
notice that the new Ragers that 13 made before touching me are now
fully changed, and I wonder how long I was out or if it is possible to
change them faster.
“13, how did they change so fast?”
“We can control our blood, Doctor, to change who and what
we bite into what we want.”
I feel like I’m losing my mind, but each time I think that, 13 is
there to remind me that I’m not, and we go back and forth on numbers and plans. Not paying any attention to what’s around me or in
front of me, I end up walking into the back end of a Jebeta, a bear. I
don’t know anymore.
“Master, look, humans.”
“Are those cavemen?” I say, looking harder to focus on what I’m
seeing. My eyes adjust and zoom in, confusing me and startling me.
“13, did you do that?”
“Yes, Doctor. We have all kinds of skills and powers now. I will
show you how to use them.”
“Master, do you want us to kill them?”
“No, bring them to me alive so I can change them.” What am
I doing?
“Doing what you want, Doctor.”
I watch as the bears—
“Jebetas.”
“Yes, 13.”
I watch as the Jebetas attack the cavemen, tossing them around.
Of course, some die, but that is to be expected with the creatures at
hand. The fight goes on, and the cavemen yell and grunt to organize
an attack or a defense against the Jebetas. But soon, those grunts
stop; and one by one, cavemen are laid down at my feet. One, two,
three, four, and five will have to do. The rest are food for the Jebetas.
I bend down, pulling one caveman up, resting him against my knee.
My body and mouth just take over, and I’m just along for the ride.
“I got this, Doctor.”
“13, how is this possible?” He doesn’t respond to me. I feel blood
flow into my mouth as I bite down into this caveman and feel my
teeth crawl or something crawl or flow out. It’s a feeling I have never
felt before, and the closest I can get to describe it is pulling a tooth
and letting the blood flow from the opening. One after another, I
bite the cavemen—or 13 bites the cavemen. As soon as I’m done biting the next one, the last one changes fast, faster than the ones back
in the city, and a numbing feeling can be felt in the back of my head.
“Ragers, go find the others and let them know we are heading
to the mountain to the spacecraft.”
“Yes, master.”
“Master, there is a lake nearby that we can rest at and gather.”
“Lead the way.”
Here we go again, back to walking, but I do not fear anything,
because I’m surrounded by what makes fear. We walk for what seem
like miles, but that’s just how this island is. It seems to take forever to
get somewhere that’s close by. Not much longer and we arrive at this
92
93
Marc Longcor
lake the Jebetas talk about, and it is nice, a waterfall with fresh water.
It seems to be a good location to rest up and wait for the Ragers—
“Deggolos.”
“Yes, 13.”
It seems to be a good location to rest up and wait for the
Deggolos to come back with more people or creatures to turn. “We
will rest here and wait for Deggolos to return,” I say, looking at what
monsters stand before me. They all go and lie down by the lake and
doze off. I roam around, taking in the island and looking up into
the force field that domes over this island and think back on all the
scientists who have tried to explain what the triangles and vortexes
do, not knowing that it’s alien technology that is playing tricks on us.
It isn’t long until Ragers start to show up with people and dragging over bears and chickens. I am confused by the creatures they
have brought to me. I get up close and take a good, long, hard look
at them, and to my surprise, they’re raptors. I know there has been a
theory on dinosaurs having feathers, but now I have confirmation,
confirmation that will not be shown or told now for a long time until
I fix the world right.
I start to bend down to bite the raptor, and again, 13 takes
over, putting me in the back of my own mind, just watching what
he does and along for the ride. It doesn’t take him long to bite all
that have been brought to us, and not long after that, they all change
into Ragers, Dozers, and a few Thinkers or what 13 says are clones
of us, which explains so much about how he was able to do what
he did back in the city when we fought. When the raptors come to,
they change into worse creatures, which gives 13 and me, us, the
fear that we, us, won’t be able to control them. They are wilder than
the Ragers and suborned to follow orders from us, but they end up
doing so.
“This is the beginning of the future.”
94
STONE
“Where the fuck are all these damn Nazis coming from?” I yell out
while I take aim, shooting another German soldier with the rifle I
have picked up.
“Well, it is Germany,” Jack replies sarcastically, shooting over
and over, taking soldiers down left and right.
“Jack, we’re gonna get flanked and overrun here soon if we don’t
get the fuck out of here,” Hightower yells, shooting another grenade
out of his 203, blowing up an incoming truck. “Stone, go see what’s
holding up the doctor. We don’t have much longer until we’re totally
fucked here,” he yells over to me.
I turn and run back inside the building and down the stairs to
where the doctors are. Before leaving the staircase, I notice a big blue
head peeking up from below. Shit, that can’t be good. I run back to
the doctor and across the floor, passing the bell to Papa Pantera.
“Hey, Doc! What the fuck is taking so long?” I yell over all
kinds of noises coming together, mixing into one giant blah.
“Five more minutes, Mr. Stone,” Von says quickly, pushing and
pulling on buttons and levers.
Soon, the building rumbles and shakes, and a crack forms
throughout the room. I start to spin my head around like an owl,
trying to take everything in. I see the young doctor running over to
his father when something comes falling down from the roof, nailing him in the head, knocking him out. Damn, that kid is having a
bad day. I run over, picking the kid up and carrying him over to his
father.
“Not much longer, Mr. Stone,” Von yells over the loud noises.
“Okay. I’m gonna go get the others,” I yell, turning around,
running back to where I left Hightower and Jack.
95
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I run across the room to the door and back into the hallway
to come face-to-dick level with a blue giant. Looking up, I see a big
blue hand swinging toward me. Before I could duck, the fucker backhands me quicker than a stepdad hitting an adopted redhead foster
kid that used peanut butter on himself with the family dog. I go
flying down the whole fucking hallway, being stopped by the far end
wall. I’m getting really sick of being thrown around like a two-dollar
hooker with no legs.
“Okay, you big blue son of a bitch,” I yell as I slowly get up. I
get up on my feet and start walking back down the hallway toward
the big blue bastard that just backhanded me. Walking down the
hallway, calling this blue dick everything I can possibly call him, I
pull the twins and start shooting, left, then right, going back and
forth between them. They do nothing at all, and he just stands there.
I holster the twins and pull Bridget.
“Okay, fucker. It’s time you meet Bridget,” I say as I start running toward him. Before I can get close, an explosion goes off, knocking me backward on my ass. “Motherfucker,” I mumble under my
breath as I sit up to see what the fuck just happened. The blue giant
now has a burnt black spot on his side. He reaches up the stairwell to
pull Hightower down.
I sit there watching this blue giant just start bashing Hightower
against the wall, then the floor, then the roof. Hightower’s head
bounces off everything, leaving a blood splatter spot where his head
hits. After a few moments of this, the blue giant throws Hightower’s
limp body at me.
I roll to get out of the way, and Hightower’s body lands next to
me and slides to a stop. I move over to him to check on him. The
damage is too great, and he’s gone. He probably died on the first hit
when the blue fuck slammed him into the wall. Rage starts to take
over, and I turn back to the blue giant, picking up Bridget.
“Now you die, you giant blue fuck,” I say, walking toward him
again with Bridget ready to do what she does best. I don’t take off
running. I just keep my walk slow, looking and scanning for hits to
take this fuck down. With every step I take, the more I feel something boiling inside. I get close enough to take the first hit when Jack
comes flying out from the upper staircase, landing on the back of the
giant, shoving his .44 into the side of his head and pulling the trigger.
I watch this happen in slow motion, and it angers me to see Jack steal
a kill from me that I want so much. The blue giant goes limp and
falls to his knees, and Jack rides the dead giant down to the floor.
“Damn it, Jack!”
“What?”
“That was my kill!”
“Ha ha! You took too long. I got tired of standing and waiting.”
“You just stood there watching Hightower get killed?”
“No, I just walked in and seen him and jumped. Hightower’s
dead?”
“Yeah, Hightower is dead, and we need to go now,” I say, putting Bridget back in her home on my back.
“What about Hightower?” Jack asks.
“He’s gone,” I reply.
“I know, but are we just going to leave him here?”
“I guess. I don’t know what the rules are on leaving dead bodies
in time.”
“Maybe the doctor can take care of him for us when we leave,”
Jack replies.
“You think he’s just gonna put him on ice until we get back to
our time?”
“It’s an idea.”
“Let’s go. We’ll figure it out later.”
While we stand in the hallway over Hightower’s dead body, the
floor rumbles again; and this time, a loud yell rings out throughout
the building. Jack and I look at each other knowing that we both
need to get the fuck out of here now. We start to run to the door to
the lab where the doctor is, and around the staircase, another blue
giant comes climbing up from below as a big yellow fist comes crashing up through the floor. Jack and I run past, squeezing between the
walls and the fist.
“What the fuck is that?” Jack yells.
“I don’t care what it is. Let’s get out of here,” I reply.
96
97
Marc Longcor
Jack and I run through the door, but instead of opening it, we
both run into it, knocking it down as we come flying through it,
landing on the floor on top of the door. We get up and run over to
the doctor, who is still doing his thing but faster, as he knows what is
happening and what’s up.
“Okay, Doc, anytime now!” I say.
“Yes, it’s ready. Follow me,” Dr. Pantera says as he runs over to
the bell.
“Okay,” I say as Jack and I follow him over.
“Okay, look, all you three need to do is crawl under and sit
on the side seats and hold on. Everything else will work on its own.
Wait. Where is your other friend?” Von asks.
“He didn’t make it, Doc. It’s just us two now,” I reply, pointing
at Jack and myself.
“Damn it. Hold on. I have to make some adjustments, then.”
“No time, Doc. Just send us now,” I reply.
“If I do that, it’ll be hard to tell where you will end up.”
“I guess we’ll figure it out when we land. Now go, Doc.”
“Okay. Wait here. Take your book back,” Von says, handing
Frost’s blue book to me.
Jack and I climb inside the bell and take our seats as we feel
another rumble, but this time, it’s closer and louder. I feel the bell
start to lift up, and I look down to see blue and yellow feet all around
as a bright light flashes around us, then strips of blue and yellow
streaks fly in circles around us. It gets very loud, making Jack and
myself cover our ears to help with the noise.
The bell spins faster and faster, sucking us back into the seats
in the side of the bell. Blue and yellow hands reach inside the bell,
gripping as tight as they can to hang on for the ride. The wrinkles in
Jack’s face start to smooth back, making him look younger than ever
before. I start to laugh at the sight of him before blacking out.
98
KATE
The ship rocks hard over a wave, waking me up. Lying here, not able
to sleep, I just get up. It’s still dark out, and I have no idea what time
it is. I walk out of the captain’s cabin as a chill comes over me, making me shiver. I turn and head up the steps, heading for the wheel to
check on things. I get all the way up and over to the wheel, expecting
to see Sara working the wheel, but instead, another woman is at it.
“Hi. What’s going on, and where do you think we are?” I ask.
“I say we are getting close to Lord Jig’s island, my captain,” the
woman replies.
“Okay. So what’s your name?”
“Bella, my captain.”
“Hello, Bella. I’m Kate.”
“I know, my captain. You saved me from a life of hell.”
“Well, I was just in the right place at the right time.”
“I believe the gods sent you to us to lead us through the high
seas.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, sweetheart.”
I stand next to Bella, looking out ahead of the ship. The night
air is cool and chilly, really, but it’s not too bad. The sound of the
ocean hitting up next to the ship is giving it a subtle rock that will
put anyone to sleep, but here I am, wide awake. Bella and I carry on
a conversation to pass the time as Stacy comes up the stairs wrapped
up in a bear skin blanket. She comes up behind me, wrapping her
arms and the bear skin around me, and I instantly warm up with her
body heat.
“What are you doing, baby?” Stacy asks me.
“I can’t sleep.”
“How long have you been up?”
99
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“I really don’t know. Just been up here with Bella, talking.”
“Where are we?”
“Bella says we may be close.”
“Are we really going to take on a pirate army?”
“Yes, this motherfucker needs to be taken care of,” I reply in a
vengeful tone.
“Okay, baby.”
I pick up the eyeglass and start looking through for anything
out in the distance. I see lights up ahead. I keep the eyeglass on the
lights. I start to make out ships and then land covered in big fires in
places spread out across the coast of the island.
“Baby, go wake up the crew, and get Sara up here fast.”
“Okay, babe. Be back soon,” Stacy says softly in my ear as she
steps back, walking away, taking the bear skin blanket with her. The
chill hits me again, but it doesn’t last long knowing that there’s a fight
coming.
Sara comes running up the stairs as other crew members start
moving around the ship and grouping up, waiting for orders. Sara
comes up to me, asking what is going on, and I tell her about the
lights and hand her the eyeglass, and she takes a look.
“What are your orders, Captain?” Sara asks.
“Split the crew up into three groups. Stacy and I will take one,
and you take the other,” I reply.
“What groups will be doing what?” Sara asks.
“Stacy’s group will go out and lure the extra men off the ships
so my group can get on them and set them up to blow up while your
group stays on the ship and get in fire position to fire on the island.”
“How do we know where to fire at?”
“Stacy’s group will get all the men in one spot and get a big fire
going to mark the area to fire on. Stacy,” I shout, walking up to the
railing overlooking the ship’s deck.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Pick out a group to take inland and lure men off ships.”
“Already have, and we’re getting boats ready to take us,” she
replies as I walk down to her.
“You know what you’re doing?” I ask.
“Yeah. Get men to follow me to their death,” she replies.
“Yeah, but can you also get them to one area and get a big fire
going so Sara knows where to direct cannon fire to?”
“Yeah, we’ll get it done. These girls can sing and dance and are
not afraid to cut a bitch,” Stacy says with a smile, looking at the other
women lowering a rowboat down to the water.
“How do you plan on getting the men to see you guys and
follow?”
“We have lanterns, and we’ll be singing and half naked. If they
don’t follow us, then we should get men in dresses to lure them to
their deaths,” she says, holding back a smile and a giggle.
“Damn it, where’s Stone at when you need a man in a dress?” I
say, smiling and chuckling a little, and Stacy smiles big and joins in.
We both laugh at the thought of that goofy bastard in his kilt.
“Are you taking the group that’s rigging the ships to blow up?”
she asks.
“Yes.”
“Be safe.”
“You too, baby,” I say, grabbing her and bringing her in for a
hug and a deep kiss. She pushes back, giving me a look that lets me
know this will work. She climbs over the side of the ship and down
the ladder to the rowboat below, and I watch them take off. In the
distance, I hear the faint sound of them singing and cat hollering
men.
I turn around and see Sara splitting the crew up again. I see a
few women carrying boxes filled with black powder sticks that they
and Stacy have been working on and loading them up in a rowboat.
Others start to hoist the boat up and over the side of the ship and
lower it down to the water. Sara comes up to me and tells me that my
group is ready for me to lead. I pat myself down, checking everything
I have on and making sure I have my club with me.
“Sara, you know what to do. Once the first ship goes up, you
open fire on the island.”
“Yes, my captain.”
I go to the side of the ship and look over and down at the rowboat below waiting for me. I climb down and get on. These boats
100
101
Marc Longcor
WTF!
rock way more than the ship does, but the girls know how to handle
it. They push off from the ship, heading toward our first target, followed by two other rowboats behind us.
We stay quiet and don’t light the lanterns, rowing slowly up on
the first ship. I keep my eyes open, scanning the top of the ship for
movement in case not everyone has left. We get up next to it and
to the drop ladder, and I go up first. I climb up slow and quiet to
the top, and I peek my head up, making sure the deck is clear. I see
nothing and climb all the way up on top, pulling my club and getting
ready for anything.
A few more girls climb up, and we split up, searching the ship
for crewmen. The other girls bring up the black powder sticks and
head down to the cannons to start setting things up. I get to the
captain’s cabin and go in. It’s a mess with chicken bones all over and
half-eaten food left out, and the smell is horrible. I don’t spend a lot
of time in here and just get out fast.
Back on the open deck, all the ladies who have climbed on are
waiting for me. One tells me that things are set up, but someone
needs to stay behind to light the fuse once I give the signal. I look at
the women. Having to pick which one will stay behind to light the
fireworks and get off the ship in time is a little more difficult than
picking teams for dodgeball in school.
“Captain, I will stay and light the fuse,” one woman steps forward, volunteering.
“Thank you. When we get done with the ships, we’ll set a rowboat on fire to signal you to light up. Once you light it, you get off
the ship as fast as you can and get back to our ship,” I say to her.
“Yes, Captain.”
“Ladies, on to the next ship,” I say, getting the rest of the crew
moving off the ship and back down to our boats.
Back on the rowboat, I pick out the ship that’s close by, and we
row over to it and repeat the same steps as in the first ship. I go up
first again and signal the rest to come up. We search the ship for leftovers. Again, no one is on the ship. Other girls set up below, getting
it ready for the final show later. Another woman volunteers to stay,
and I say the same thing to her as I said to the last: “Light the fuse
and get off fast and back to our ship.” The rest of us get back on the
rowboat and head to the next ship.
By ship number six, I’m running out of crew members. My
numbers get smaller after each ship, as I have to leave one behind to
light a fuse. All the ships that are anchored offshore are nothing more
than ghost ships at this point. Stacy have done her job of getting the
extra men off and inland. I tell the rest of the girls to head for the
docks so we can start on the ships docked up.
We row up to the end of one dock. There are three docks with
three ships tied off to them each. We tie off our boat and move to
the first ship and climb aboard. Like before, we search the ship, and
nothing. Others set the powder sticks to blow. We then move on to
the next, leaving one girl behind.
“Okay, this going to take forever like this. Let’s split up and hit
all the ships at once. Which one is Jig’s ship?” I ask.
“That one right there, my captain, with all the lights on it,” one
woman points out.
“Right. You and you, with me. Grab a few of those sticks,” I say,
pointing at two other girls. “The rest of you, split up and take a ship.
Be careful and stay quiet,” I tell the rest.
I take off with the two others I picked out to Jig’s ship, coming
up on it low and fast. A man comes walking down the ramp and
leans up next to a barrel. I stop my little crew as I swing my club
around and sneak up behind him. With everything I have, I let him
have it, connecting my club with his head and sending him falling
over. This club, I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. I don’t know
why Dad made it like this and not straight like a ball bat, but this
curve in it gives a little more a zing to the hits.
I wave for the other two to move forward next to me as I walk
up the ramp slowly, keeping an eye out for others, and get on the
deck. There are men walking around. I think Jig likes to keep his ship
protected while away. I see a man close by, so I move into the shadow
and sneak up behind him, again swinging for a home run and damn
near taking his head off.
Another man close by hears the thud this guy makes when he
hit the ship’s deck and comes over, sword at the ready. As he makes
102
103
Marc Longcor
the corner around the boxes, I uppercut him with my club and then
back down in an angle. With my southpaw swing, I come back up
under his chin, sending him flying backward in the air and onto his
back. He is out cold.
I run around the boxes to check the other side and come faceto-face with another man. He puts up more of a fight, but not well.
He goes down for the count too. I turn around. The two other girls
are behind me, stabbing each man I take out, making sure they stay
down for good. Guard after guard, I take out as quickly and quietly
as I can, clearing the top deck before moving down below.
Finally, all clear. Now we can get to setting this fucker up to
blow. The two girls get started on placing the powder sticks around
the support post in the middle of the ship and moving black powder
kegs over, making a big pile of “Fuck You” in the center of the ship.
Like before, one girl volunteers to stay behind, and the others and I
sneak off the ship and back to the dock to meet up with others who
are left.
“My captain, we have a rowboat here set up to light to signal the
ships to light their fuses,” one girl says, coming up to me.
“Good, good. Now we wait.”
“For what, Captain?”
“My girl to set a fire.”
104
STACY
My ass has been grabbed more times than I can count, a lot more
here than back at Roxy’s and being around Stone. I keep dancing and
pouring rum into men’s mouths and keep moving around, trying
not to get grabbed up by any man. One grabs my ass, and I turn and
punch him in the face, giving him a smile and twisting my hips. The
other men laugh at this fool for grabbing me.
As the men keep gathering around, I start grabbing loose boards
from buildings and tossing them into one spot. Some men see what
I’m doing and start doing the same until the pile is built up big. Most
of the girls keep singing and dancing. Others have fallen victim to
other needs to distract the men. Something loud comes flying over
and I hear the sound of something hitting mach one and crashing off
in the jungle. Somewhere, a man yells out some orders I can’t hear all
that well. Some men take off after the sound to see what it is.
I keep dancing around, finding what I can to add to the pile to
make it as big as possible. A man throws a torch on it, lighting it up
for me, not knowing he just signed his and the others’ death ticket. I
find a table and get on it, giving the dance of a lifetime, wishing there
is a pole to use. It would come in handy right now. I feel so naked
without my tomahawks.
Up here, I have a good view over the area as I dance around
the table, looking around at all the men and the island setup. Is that
Jack? I try to focus in on the man who looks like Jack, watching him
carry on just like him, drinking and carrying on like an old madman
without a care in the world. He joins a drinking challenge that’s been
going on over at another table.
I keep dancing, keeping my eye out for Stone. If that old man
is Jack, then Stone isn’t too far away. I have to kick a few men off
105
Marc Longcor
the table and back into the crowd. I notice a few women slice a
man’s throat and drag him off into the jungle and repeat it over and
over. I have lost count of how many men they have taken out as a
team. There are still men around the table, too many to fight off if I
climb down, and I don’t plan on getting taken and used as a virgin’s
blow-up doll.
I keep dancing and wait my time, keeping up the distraction
for the other girls, who are still ghosting men one by one and dragging them off into the jungle. I don’t know how much longer I can
keep shaking my ass and moving my hips, and Shakira can kiss my
ass, ’cause these hips are moving faster and sexier than she has ever
dreamed of.
106
STONE
“Stone! Wake up. Stone!” Slap.
“Fuck! I’m up, I’m up.”
“’Bout time, shithead,” Jack says looking over at me.
“Screw you, Father Time,” I reply, still trying to catch up to
where I am.
“Ha ha. Come on, boy. Let’s get out of here and find out where
we are.”
“Where are we?”
“The hell do I know? Do I look like a damn GPS?”
“All right, damn, you grumpy bastard,” I say, moving toward
the opening of the bell.
“Where’s our new friends we made back in Germany?” I ask,
looking around.
“You mean the giant blue and yellow friends?” Jack replies while
looking around.
“Yes.”
“They went for ice cream. I told them to bring us back a banana
split to share. The fuck I know where the hell they are,” Jack replies.
“Okay, okay. I get it. They’re not here.”
“Come on. Get up. Let’s check out where we are.”
Jack helps me up to my feet, and I climb out of the bell, onto
the sand, and into the jungle. Looking up, I see palm trees and moonlight peeking through. In the distance, we hear men yelling and see
lights coming our way. We take off, ducking low and hiding behind
some big rocks nearby to see what we’re up against.
Soon, men show up with lanterns and old-school pistols, wearing clothes that pirates would wear. Did we land in an old-school
107
Marc Longcor
WTF!
pirate movie? The way they’re talking confuses the hell out of me, but
then again, I did just time-travel in a Nazi time machine.
“Jack, where the hell are we?” I whisper to Jack. “Better question is, when are we?” I add to my first question.
“Wanna take these fellers out?” Jack asks.
“Yeah, but let’s keep one alive to question.”
Jack and I take off in different directions and come up from
different sides of the group. Jack comes up behind one man and rips
his head back and slices his throat, then moves to the next. I come up
to the first guy to me and wrap my arms around his throat, squeezing tightly until he passes out. I know that Jack will kill everyone he
comes to. When I look over at Jack, he has already taken out four
men, leaving just the man I choked.
“Damn, Jack. Did they pump any of that alien juice in you
while I wasn’t looking?” I say, looking at him and all the bodies
around him.
“Shit, these guys were nothing,” Jack says, looking at the dead
bodies.
“Well, let’s wake up our sleeping beauty and ask some questions.”
“Let’s,” Jack says as he rears back his right leg and swings it hard
like he is kicking a football for an extra point in the Super Bowl,
connecting his kick to the man’s balls.
The man jumps up, grabbing his balls, yelling out in pain,
mumbling words I don’t know or understand. Jack grabs him by his
shoulders, pushing him back down on the ground. We both start
asking questions at the same time, interrupting each other as we try
to ask another question and again. At the same time, we stop and
look at each other with a “Shut up!” look, which we do back and
forth at each other.
“Damn it, boy, shut the hell up and let me ask my questions.”
“No, you shut up, old man. We have the same damn questions!”
“Right. Well, ask away, Detective,” Jack says, stepping back and
bowing to me, waving his arm to carry on.
“What year is it?” I ask, looking down at the man.
“What?” he replies.
Slap! “What year is it?”
“1703.”
“Okay. Where are we?”
“Jig’s island, and you two will never get off of it alive.”
“Who the hell is Jig?” Jack asks.
“He’s the deadliest pirate in all the seas,” the pirate replies, smiling back at us.
“What sea are we in?”
“Just within the Devil’s Triangle,” the pirate says, then starts
laughing.
“Devil’s Triangle?” I say, puzzled.
“Yes, and you’re trapped on this island, as all the crews have
come into port for Jig’s celebration.”
“What kind of celebration?” Jack asks, slapping the back of the
man’s head.
“All his victories.”
“I see. How many men do you think are here on the island?” I
ask.
“More than thirty ships,” he answers.
“And how many to a ship?”
“Twenty-five to forty men. It’s different from ship to ship,” the
man says as he makes a move toward a sword. Jack kicks the back
of his head, sending the man’s head down into the sand, but he still
scrambles to make it to the sword. Jack kicks him in the face, rolling
him over and placing his boot down on the man’s throat, crushing it
downward, suffocating the man to death.
“What do you think we should do, Jack?” I ask, looking at him.
“Well, we can dress up and blend in and steal a ship or skip all
that and just steal a ship.”
“Okay, but what way do we go from here?”
“Shit, boy, I don’t know. There should be maps and shit on the
damn boats,” Jack snaps back.
“Damn, old man, getting grumpy, ain’t we?” I say, placing my
hands on my hips and snarling back sarcastically.
“I need a damn drink and a cigar,” Jack says.
“Well, these are pirates, and this is a celebration, and what do
pirates have lots of?”
108
109
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Rum!” Jack says.
“Yes, Jack, rum, lots and lots of rum.”
“So we dress up like pirates and drink ourselves silly, then steal
a ship.”
“Sure. Why not? Let’s see what happens,” I reply knowing that
this is going to go wrong at some point, and fast.
I watch Jack search the dead for clothes that will fit him. I figure my kilt will blend in some way or another hopefully. If not, I’ll
just kill whoever makes a comment to make a point and maybe get
a place at the high seat next to this Jig guy. Maybe I can even find
out some info on where we are at and what direction to go when we
steal a ship.
Jack comes walking up to me, looking completely foolish, as he
is wearing brown pants that are just a little baggy on him with black
boots that go up to his knees and just his leather vest on, letting his
growing belly, hang out as old age keeps creeping up on him. He still
has his .44 under his vest and is decked out with all kinds of knives,
that he has taken from the dead.
“How do I look, boy?” Jack asks, walking up to me, moving his
pants around and situating everything to be comfortable for him.
“You look like an old, fat captain, Jack,” I say, chuckling at the
sight of him.
“Well, it’s still no dress.”
“It’s a kilt, damn it.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get going.”
Jack and I take off, walking through the jungle, holding up lanterns we have taken, trying to find our way through a place we don’t
know and, on top of that, in the dark. If it weren’t for all the trees, we
could have seen by moonlight, as the moon is big and bright from
what I can see through the palm leaves. Man, 1703. There is so much
history to be made from here and then so much we can fuck up while
we’re here. Shit, if we kill the wrong man, what will happen to the
future? Or what will not happen? Fuck.
“Jack, what if we kill these guys that are not meant to die yet
and we fuck up the future?”
“You heard the little cocaine freak. All this has already happened, so whatever we do won’t matter,” Jack replies.
“Yeah, but how sure is he, and can we take the word of a cocaine
addict alien?”
“Sure. Why not? We have gone on worse intel.”
“Yeah, but this is a whole lot more than some crazy mission here
and there.”
“You’re thinking too damn much, boy. Just take the ride and see
what happens.”
“Quiet. Get down,” I say as we come up to an opening and a
large group of men and music.
We blow out our lanterns and stick to the darkness a little while
longer, taking in the sight of everything. We watch men drinking
and laughing. Some are fighting here and there. Women are all over,
being taken and then passed to the next man and then to another.
Little bands are set up all over with different music playing from
each. Up the way, overlooking everything, is a flat stage of sorts with
a long table. In the middle is a huge seat with a man sitting in it with
women sitting all around him, pouring his cup when he lifts it up.
He has men standing by him, ready to take orders for anything
and watching his back for anything that comes up. I turn to look
away from the party to where the ships are docked. I can’t count
them all since they tend to blend in with the dark night and the sea
in the bay. It’s hard to tell if there are any men still left on the boats.
“What do you think, Jack? Start with the boats first and check
if they’re clear, then join the party?” I ask, looking around, thinking
of a plan.
“How ’bout you go check out the boats and I’ll join the party,
making new friends?”
“That’s a lot of boats to check out for one man.”
“I’m sure you can do it. You have that special juice in you,” Jack
says, patting me on my back.
“Yeah, and you have all that cocaine in you.”
“I think I need another bump.”
“Damn, old man, you trying to kill yourself early?”
110
111
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“You know it’s going to take more than some fairy dust to take
me out.”
“Yeah, yeah. So just skip checking the boats?” I ask, looking at
Jack.
“Let’s just join the party and see what happens?” Jack says, smiling at me.
“Seeing what happens always gets us into trouble, like in
Cancun,” I say a little loudly, then quieting down again, looking
around to see if anyone heard my loud ass.
“Yeah. That was fun. We never do things like that anymore,”
Jack says, chuckling.
“And you know why, damn it!”
“Oh, hush, boy,” Jack says, standing up and walking out of the
tree line and into a group of men walking by. He starts to laugh
along with them, blending in. He takes a cup from a man sitting on
a barrel, and he starts to drink along with all the other men. Damn,
he really fits in like a glove.
Watching him and the men around him, I start to doubt my
kilt, but I step out from the dark tree line. I’m alone with no group
to jump in with. I start walking down the path to the wooden dock,
heading toward the ships just to take a little peek. I feel the wood
planks move under my feet with each wave that washes up under
it, and I hear the sound of waves gently crashing up along the coast
mixed with the ships creaking and moaning with the waves moving
under them. Songs blend into one long song, which mixes together
with the drunk men singing, cheering, and laughing. I hear yells,
screams, and moans from women and men having their needs met as
a song comes into tune out of the static noise in the air.
The song is good for drunk pirates, and it gets me humming and
singing along with them after the first couple of lines get repeated. It
kind of picks you up and gives you energy. I catch my steps picking
up, and I have to slow myself down to look around and take everything in. Then I walk into another song being played by a smaller
group of men about curvy women and how they make them want to
master their own fate, and it gets me chuckling how the song is sang,
thinking they’re going to say “masturbate” but instead sing “master
my own fate.”
Jack is drinking and singing, carrying on with men, not even
trying to look around for anything helpful or ways out of here. I walk
up to a man sitting on a barrel and take a mug that is on the ground
and shake what is in it out and hand it to him, giving him a look,
hoping that he will fill it. To my unlucky ass, he does. He hands the
mug back filled, and I take a drink. It burns like taking a piss after a
questionable night in Vegas, but once I down it, it isn’t too bad. And
the more you have, the better it gets.
I wasn’t even halfway through this mug when I start to feel a
little buzz hit me. Damn, this is some good stuff. I walk around,
looking at the different groups formed up and different little pits
where fights are taking place, trying not to look at the other people
fucking in random places. Girls are all over the place, dancing. I see
one with moves that look familiar. Before I can get close to see, a
woman comes walking up to me, reaching under my kilt, smiling,
showing black and chipped teeth, coming in for a kiss. Between the
bleeding black gums and my reflexes taking over, I punch her in the
face, knocking her out. “Shit!”
Some men don’t take too kindly to me doing what I just did.
Fuck, here we go. A group of men come walking up to me in a fighting manner. Great. I just wanted to have a little fun, look around,
and get some sort of idea of the place before the plague came up to
me, trying to have its way with me. I hope Jack is having fun, ’cause
it looks like I’m gonna be fighting tonight.
A man comes charging at me, and I sidestep left, letting him
pass by. I hit the next man in line in the face, sending him backward
into the rest. Then I turn to see that the first man who came at me
has turned around to come back to hit me from behind. I grab his
arm and extend it out, holding his wrist with my right hand and
taking my left hand, hitting his elbow, bending his arm back in the
wrong direction, breaking it at the elbow. Another man comes running toward me, and I push this man whose arm I just broke into
him, delaying his attack.
112
113
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The man just pushes off his fellow crewman and keeps coming
at me. He swings his left, then his right. I move side to side, avoiding his punches, making him frustrated that he hasn’t hit me yet.
He starts to throw punches faster and harder as other men come up
beside him and start to do the same thing. Now it’s like I’m fighting
a damn octopus.
I start blocking hands all around me like motherfucking Bruce
Lee, like it’s nothing. I can see all the hands coming at me in slow
motion, and I’m in high speed. With every hit I give out, men start
to fall and fly backward like they have been hit by a car. As I watch
men fly off the ground from me, I start to notice more and more men
come toward me, lining up to fight like I’m a champion and they
want a shot for the title of badass.
“Enough!” a voice echoes out over the bay, and all the crewmen
stop what they’re doing in a second of the voice sounding. I nail a
guy not paying any attention to me, coming at him and landing an
easy hit, knocking him down to the ground before looking around
at what is going on around me now. I turn to see everyone looking
at who yelled out.
“What crew do you belong to, boy?” a man asks me, walking
closer to the chaos I have made.
“I have no crew,” I reply.
“No crew, you say.”
“No crew.”
“So how is it you end up here, fighting my men on my day of
celebration?”
“I mean no disrespect, for I washed up ashore,” I say, trying to
play a part in time, like a jackass.
“Aye, a castaway, then. What ship do you belong to?”
“None now,” I say, making shit up as I go, hoping that it works.
“I’ve never seen a man fight like you do, so you will belong to
my crew and fight under my colors. What say you?”
“Aye!” I say, reaching my hand out, hoping that he shakes it, but
instead, he slams a mug full of rum in my hand and takes another
for himself, drinking his whole mug. I do the same thing so as not
to insult the man for giving me a drink. “And who are you?” I ask.
“I’m Lord Jig, boy. Learn it fast and know who I am, for this
will be the last I tell it to you,” Jig says, turning and walking away
from me with girls and men following him close behind, leaving me
standing over the men I have already knocked out. The rest turn and
go their own ways.
Jig, from afar, doesn’t look to be much of a man, but up close,
I can see why he has the respect of his men and all the ships that fly
his colors under him. He stands tall and big but not fat. He is more
like old Dolph Lundgren but with long black hair and a great black
beard and wearing a blue coat, black pants, and black boots and with
two swords with gold handles and two pistols on his chest. From
watching his walk alone, he demands respect and honor. Hell, I kind
of admire the asshole already.
I follow Jig and his little entourage of women and, I guess,
bodyguards. I follow a few steps behind as we head up the stairs to
his stage with the long table. Everyone takes their seats around it as
Jig takes his place in the middle, and a woman fills a mug and hands
it to him.
“You, boy, tell me your name,” Jig says, looking at me standing
just a few steps down from the stage.
“They call me Stone,” I reply, walking the rest of the way up to
stand in front of him.
“Stone, you say. Well, Stone, as a new member with great
strength, I need you to do something for me.”
“Need a jar of pickles opened?”
“A what? Do you mock me, boy?” Jig says, sitting up in his
chair.
“No, what is it you want?”
“I need you to wake something up for me, boy.”
“And what needs waking up?” I ask, walking closer to Jig.
“There is a dark, ancient evil on this island, something from the
beginning of time itself. I want it woken up to serve me.”
“How do you know that it will serve you?” I ask.
“I’m Bloody Jig, and everything will serve me before the end
comes calling this land,” Jig says, slamming his mug down on his
chair arm, splashing rum all over.
114
115
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“And if I don’t wake this dark evil up?”
“I will kill you and your old friend down there, drinking with
my men under the table,” Jig says, pointing down at Jack with his
mug in his hand and one finger extending out to point.
“How are you so sure that you’ll kill us both?” I reply, cocky.
“Dear boy, you may have great strength, but you can’t take us
all.”
“Well, it’s like what old Jack says. In a time like this, guess we’ll
find out.”
Jig stands up, placing his mug down on the table, walking
toward me. The closer he gets, the bigger he is. I have misjudged his
size and find myself looking up a little to make eye contact. I know
I stand at six-three, and looking up at Jig, I would guess he’s around
six-six or more maybe and massive from shoulder to shoulder.
“Boy, should I beat you like a dog to obey me now, or would
you want to go do what I commanded you to do?” Jig says in a low
voice.
“It would be a shame if I made you out to be a fool in front of
all your men,” I reply in a cocky tone and a smile to add.
“Then a wager.”
“A what?” I ask.
“You and me in the pit. I win, you wake the darkness.”
“And if I win?”
“Ha! You won’t, boy,” Jig says, giving me a side smile, looking
down at me.
“Is this to the death or first blood? How does this work?”
“It goes until I say enough.”
“Then shall we head to the pit?” I say, smiling.
“Russ, take this boy to the pit,” Jig says, looking at one of the
men in his group.
The man named Russ walks up to me and lifts his arm, suggesting I head down the stairs with him. Walking down the steps,
other men start to yell out, “Pit, pit, pit!” Everyone stops what they’re
doing to follow behind me. I walk past Jack and see men jump him
from behind, taking him down. I move to help but am pushed ahead
to keep moving to the fighting pit.
As I push back, I’m jumped, then swept up. Men all around me
lift me up and carry me. Now I’m bodysurfing, but not in a good,
fun way at a concert. I’m unable to move around or look around to
find Jack, and before I know what is happening, I find myself flying
through the air again, landing facedown in the dirt.
Coughing from the dirt I kicked up from my landing, I slowly
get up on my knees, leaning back and sitting on my heels, looking
around the pit and all the crew surrounding it. I reach down to undo
my holster belt to take it off for a fair fight and stand up, taking it
off. I walk it over to the side of the pit, laying it on the ground. A
man reaches down to grab them, and I punch the fucker in the throat
so hard that I hear everything being crushed as he falls to his knees,
dead. The other men around him just stare at me. “Don’t touch my
stuff,” I say in a threating tone, looking at them all. They back away.
“Jig! Jig! Jig!” The crews are shouting Jig’s name as he walks
down to the pit. Jack is chained up on a wagon behind him followed
by his entourage of women and bodyguards. I watch him approach
the pit as I reach down and take my sporran off and place it on the
ground next to my holsters, then take off Bridget, laying her down
on top of everything else.
Jig walks into the pit, taking off his coat, guns, and swords,
handing them over to one of the women following him. Shit, he
looks tough and in better shape than I thought he would be for this
time period. Jig starts walking up to me, but not in a fighting walk
or stance. He reaches out with an open hand, and I do the same, and
we shake.
“This is the wage bond that can’t be broken. No weapons, and
we fight until I say enough,” Jig says, squeezing my hand tight, letting me know he has power in his hands.
“Let’s dance,” I say in my best Al Bundy voice.
Jig lets go of my hand, and just as he does, I feel pain in my
face. I find myself confused and startled about what just happened.
Next, I see Jig walking around me, looking for his next strike. I bring
my hands up to block the next punch, but I don’t do too good, as Jig
lands another punch to my face. Damn, he’s fast and strong. Jig gets
a few more hits in on me before I can even think to move my feet.
116
117
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Jig sends another punch my way, and I lean left, dodging his
hit and bending down and coming up with a power hit into his ribs,
making him double over to the side as if I have broken a rib or two.
I take advantage of this and add more hits to his chest and stomach,
and as he’s doubled over, I grab the back of his head, pushing it down
into my knee. I bring my knee up, connecting it with his face, sending Jig backward on his ass.
I step back from Jig on the ground to catch my breath and gain
my composure from the fight and the pit. Jig is lying on the ground
motionless, just breathing. Moments go by, and Jig rolls over and
spits blood out onto the ground and then looks up at me.
“Is that all you got, boy?” Jig says, wiping his mouth and climbing up to his feet.
“Shit, just stay down, man, and call it enough,” I reply.
“Ha! You’re the best fight I’ve ever had. We shall continue this.”
“Damn it,” I mumble, lowering my head and taking in a deep
breath.
Jig is now on his feet, walking toward me. This time, his hands
are up, and his fists are ready to strike. I shake my head and move in
toward him with my hands up, ready to block and throw down. Jig
starts out right and left and right and left over and over again and
again. I lean back and forth, avoiding his punches. I try to throw
punches back, but not one of them is connecting, as he dodges them.
Okay. I need to change things up. I start moving faster and dancing
around the pit. My movements start to annoy him, because he can’t
get a bead on me, and I start to move into my glima fighting style.
“Damn it, boy. Stop dancing around like your balls are on fire,”
Jig says, frustrated with me dancing around him.
“What’s the matter, Jiggie boy?” I say, getting cocky.
Jig comes in hard, and I dive down, spinning around in a circle,
knocking his legs out from underneath him, laying him down on
his back. I move up to one of his arms and start an arm bar lock,
putting as much pressure as I can on his arm. “Call it enough, Jig, or
I’ll break your damn arm.” Jig doesn’t say a word but climbs up to his
feet, standing tall and lifting me up and slamming me down to the
ground. The wind exits my body. He lifts me back up and slams me
back down again and again.
Before my mind can tell me to let go, Jig has slammed me more
times than I should have let him. I finally let go on his last slam. As
I lie here, I see Jig lift his leg up to stomp my face in. I roll at the last
second to avoid having my face crushed in by his big-ass foot. I sit
back on my heels again, looking up at him. He grabs my head and
reaches back with his right hand, drawing up the power to finish me
off. During the time he is taking, I just blood sport his ass, punching
him in his balls as hard as I can, doubling him over again. I headbutt
him with the back of my head as I shoot up from the ground.
Jig flies back, landing hard on his back. He’s not moving, and
his face is all bloody from his nose exploding. Blood is running down
both sides of his face and out of his nose and his mouth. Bruises start
to form and turn color. I stand back away from him again, drawing
in as much air as I can. I should be feeling more pain than I am, but
I’m feeling all right. Jig is a big guy, and from earlier, hitting those
other men and sending them flying and now hitting Jig, he must be
taking the entire force of the hits. I start to notice Jig move and roll
over again to his side, spitting out more blood. He starts laughing.
“Ha ha! Damn, boy, you put up a good fight,” Jig says, sitting
up and looking up at me.
“You going to call it enough, Jig?” I say, looking back at him.
“Yeah, I might be willing to do that, but see, boy, I don’t lose.”
“Damn it, man! What is it going to take to end this before I kill
you?”
“I’ll end this if you wake the dark evil.”
“With that shit again? Really?”
“It’s that, or I kill the old man,” Jig says, standing up.
“Damn it. Fine. I’ll wake your stupid dark evil. Whatever,” I say,
defeated, looking over at Jack chained to the wagon.
“Enough!” Jig yells, getting up and walking over to me, reaching his hand out for me to shake it.
“Finally. Now release the old man,” I say, taking his hand and
shaking it.
118
119
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“No, he stays chained until you do what I command of you,”
Jig says.
“Okay, where do I go to wake this damn thing up?” I ask,
annoyed.
“Other side of the island. I will send men with you to assist,” Jig
says, walking away from me.
What the hell did I get myself into now? I’ve time-traveled…
twice now. I’ve gone to Germany and fought Nazis, and now I am
on an island in the Caribbean Sea somewhere with pirates and pirate
thunder dome, and now I have to go find and wake up something
dark and evil, oh, and ancient. I pick Bridget and the rest of my
things up, putting them back on. I turn to see a group of men standing, waiting for me.
“I guess you’re my jolly old men,” I say, looking at the group
of men, chuckling. “Well, lead the way, men,” I say, swinging my
arms, waving them off. The men turn and start walking. I follow
them through the bay of drunk men and loose women. One woman
catches my eye again. She is dancing and moving to the all-woman
band, her hips moving in a way that I have only seen once.
All I get to see are legs and an ass shaking through a group of
men cheering and pushing around to see the full show of this dancer.
I try to get a better look, but I get shoved forward to keep moving
along. Those legs and that ass do look familiar. We walk past the
pirate village of shacks and into the jungle. The moonlight that once
gave all the light we needed to see is now gone, and the group stops
to light up lanterns and torches.
What little light the lanterns give is just enough to see the path
that we’re on. The men pull their swords to clear the overgrowth to
make way for a better path to follow. The men swing their swords
wildly, and I’m just waiting for one to cut another’s arm off, but
nothing happens. The island isn’t that big, thank God, and it doesn’t
take long to get to the other side to a cave. The men stop and turn to
look at me, nodding for me to go ahead and enter the cave.
I pause for a moment, thinking of what the hell waits for me
inside. I look up at the cave and the climb up that is ahead of me.
Nothing good ever comes from entering a cave to wake up something
dark and evil. I walk to the cave and climb up; the rocks are wet and
slippery from the ocean waves crashing up on them. I make it up to
the cave opening. The moonlight is shining brightly into the opening
and lighting up the cliffside for me to see. I almost piss myself when
I look down. Never look down, dumbass. I look inside the cave and
feel a cold, evil breeze blowing out strong enough to move my kilt a
little for me to feel.
Damn it, the things I do for Jack, that old fuck. Well, fuck it. I
take the first step into the cave and wait for spikes, blow darts, flames,
or a giant bolder to fall down on my ass, but nothing happens. Huh.
Well, then. I take my next steps slowly and cautiously, hoping to not
step on any traps that may be here. The farther I walk into the cave,
the colder and stronger the breeze gets. Soon, the moonlight gives
little to no light at all, making it harder to see where I’m stepping
and going.
I stop to try and look farther down the cave before moving any
more. Shit, I can’t see a damn thing. I take another step forward,
which is my last, as the floor gives way, sending me down a cave slide.
My damn kilt slides up, and I start to feel cave rash form on my ass
until the slide comes to a drop-off, sending me flying into a small lake
inside the cave. I fall into the water, and it’s dark and really fucking
cold. My balls try to climb back up inside me. The water swallows
me up whole. I look up to see what looks to be miles of water above
me, and I kick and swing my arms to make it to the top to get air.
I finally make it to the surface, taking in a deep breath. I look
around the cave, trying to think through the cold. Then I notice a
blue light shining under me beneath the water, so much light that it
illuminates off the cave walls, making it somewhat easy to see around.
I look up and then down, left and then right, and I see a flat little
spot to climb up on to rest for a minute and collect my thoughts. I
swim over to the flat spot. The rock is smooth and wet, and my wet
ass isn’t helping any when I try to climb up on it, but I manage to get
my ass up and out of the water and on the rock.
I roll over to my back, just breathing and shivering, then sit up,
looking down into the water at the blue light and up the walls of the
cave, trying to see a way out. The blue light seems to be brighter deep
120
121
Marc Longcor
WTF!
down below the water. I really don’t want to dive all the way down
there. I don’t even know how deep to go or what I’m looking for. I
sit with my knees up with both my arms resting on them, trying to
warm up and think of something.
I stand up and look down into the water at the blue light, taking in a deep, deep breath and diving in. The cold water sends a
shock wave down my body. I let the weight of all my stuff sink me to
the bottom with the help of my kicking and the swinging my arms
to hurry up to the bottom of the lake to reach the blue light. Instead,
I come to a bubble; and before I can stop to figure things out, the
bubble just sucks me right in, and I fall, hitting another bottom.
I look up, mad at the fact that I keep finding myself flying
with no wings, parachute, or bungee cord. I stand up and reach my
arm out to touch the bubble roof, thinking that I will pop it like the
dumbass that I am, but nothing happens. I turn around in circles,
looking around and then down at the blue light. The blue light is
coming from a glass box. What the fuck is this?
I look at the glass box for what seems like hours, studying it.
There is no lid, no lock, and no seams. I wanna say it’s alien shit, but
I don’t know. I reach down and touch it real fast, tapping it, testing
to see if it’s hot. Nothing happens. I reach down again, but slower
this time, placing both hands on it, waiting for a burn to come. But
again, nothing happens. I try to pick it up, but it doesn’t move. Then
I try to slide it, and I’m able to slide it across the bottom to the middle to walk all the way around it.
The blue light inside is placed right in the middle of the box,
floating, sparkling like sunlight off the ocean. I look at the box, studying it still. What do I do now? How do I open it? Do I open it? I kick
it, and immediately, I regret doing that. A sharp pain shoots through
my foot and up my leg, and I jump around the box like a dumbass.
“Fuck! Fuck, motherfucking, ass-licking, butt-plugging,
mother pig kicking fuck!” I put my foot back down on the ground
and walk around the box, walking off the pain, still mumbling under
my breath while taking in deep breaths to calm down. I look down
at the box. Okay. Maybe I alone won’t open it. I pull out one of the
twins and slam the handle down on top of the box, and nothing, not
even a scratch. I pull back on the hammer, aim at the top of the box,
and pull the trigger. The bullet bounces off, speeding by my right
ear, letting me know how stupid I am, and disappears into the lake.
Okay. Kicking doesn’t work, extra force doesn’t work, and
shooting the damn thing doesn’t work. I take a seat on top of the
box to think what the hell to do next. Maybe what I’m looking for
isn’t in this box. Maybe it’s around here, close by. I start turning in
circles on the glass box, looking at the walls and ground for anything
out of place. I come to a part of the wall that doesn’t look like the
rest of the wall. I stop turning on the box and stare at the part of the
wall, studying it. I stand up and walk to the wall, feeling around for
anything. Then I try pushing in on it, and the wall moves forward to
another room or cave or whatever.
I step in, and the wall closes behind me. Before I can react fast
enough to stop it, I find myself in a dark room with no light. I turn
from the wall to try and see anything, and two red lights start to
glow. They are dim at first, then brighter within seconds. I then hear
deep breathing, low, deep, strong breathing, and I get the feeling that
I’m no longer alone in here.
“Who disturbs my rest?” the deep voice asks, almost making me
want to piss myself.
“Um, Mr. Voice, whoever you are, I’ve been sent to set you free
to serve another,” I say skittishly.
“To serve? To serve whom?” the voice asks slowly. All I can see
are two red dots or eyes.
“First, what happens when I set you free?” I ask.
“Set free? You will set me free upon this earth?”
“Well, maybe. I really don’t want to, but I’m kind of in a pickle
right now, and I’m forced to be here.”
“You don’t know who I am?”
“Nope, I don’t. You’re lost to history, I’m afraid.”
“Yes, history. You don’t belong to this time but to another.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of far from home. So what happens when you
get out of here?”
“I will eat.”
“Eat? Eat what?”
122
123
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Everything,” the voice says slowly, deeply. I think I feel a trickle
of pee coming out.
“Well, that doesn’t seem good. So what can stop you?”
“There are only a few that may have a chance to defeat me.”
“And they are just, by chance, off the top of your head?”
“A family, my family, giants of another time and gods of this. If
they should be gone or dead, then only one can remain to defeat me, a
chosen one born of Viking fire and ice and forged in a different land.
He stands alone to defy all that has no fear of what he does not know.”
“Well, that’s a lot to take in. By chance, do you know where I
can find them just in case you need to be stopped?”
“Stopped? Once I am free, there will be nothing that stops me
or defeats me in this time or the next.”
“Well, okay, then. Bye-bye. Good party, but no whiskey. I go
home now,” I say, turning around, trying to reopen the door. I pull
and push on anything I can.
“The only way out is through me.”
“Really? Through you? Doesn’t seem too clean.”
“Through me. I am the light, the darkness, the beginning, and
the end.”
“And I have to take a piss.”
“You mock me, little human!”
“Yep. I don’t have to take that piss anymore.”
“You dare come into my prison and disturb my rest and not set
me free!”
“Yeah, ’bout that. This guy named Jig wants to free you to make
you his slave to obey him, so I’m doing everyone a solid by leaving
you here.”
“You will free me now, human.”
“No, make me,” I say, and soon after, I regret it as I feel something wrap around me tight, squeezing me.
Soon, the blue light shines behind me, and the tight squeeze
lets go of me. I turn toward the light and run into it. I can’t believe
I’m running toward the light. The glass box somehow frees me, and
the wall opens again. I run out of it, stepping on top of the glass box,
jumping off it and into the bubble. I swing my arms and kick my
legs, trying to make it through the bubble and swim up to the lake
surface. I reach the top and look for any way out and swim over to
the cave wall, looking and feeling for anything.
I find a hole about five feet down under the water. I can feel a
current with the waves crashing up against the rocks, forcing water
into the hole. The current is strong, coming in and going out. I start
to time the current and hang my legs down in front of the hole,
waiting. When the time is right, I take a deep breath and dive under,
pulling myself into the hole with the current sucking me the rest of
the way through it. I bump and hit the sides and get a little worried
that I may be a little too big for this, but I’m forced out the other side
and slammed by waves crushing me against the rocks of the cliffside.
The rocks hurt, like, a lot. Each wave that hits me smashes me
against the rocks harder each time. I finally get ahold of a rock and
pull myself up between waves just in time for the next one to crash
up against the cliffside. Waves splash up ocean water and mist, making it hard to climb out of the impact area. I reach up to grab one
rock that looks like it will be the one to pull me up, but as soon as
I put all my weight on it, it crumbles, almost taking me down with
it. I reach up again to the hole that it left and pull myself up the rest
of the way to stable ground as the cave starts to rumble. I can only
imagine that it’s that dark evil whatever breaking free.
I get back on the sandy shore where the men left me to climb
up to the cave, and lucky me, they’re still standing there. I run toward
them, yelling to run. As I pass by, I don’t even slow down, and I run
straight into the dark jungle. I try to stay on the path they took me
on to the cave, and I start to hear music and singing and laughter. I
just follow the sound, letting it guide me back to the bay, where the
party is. Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse right now, I
run into the biggest pain in the sexiest ass ever.
“Kate, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“Stone? What are you doing here?”
“I asked you first.”
“Well, time travel, pirates. Here to kill Jig. Now you,” Kate says
really fast to a point where I almost don’t catch any of what she has
said.
124
125
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, time travel twice, more aliens, Nazis, pirates, and something dark, evil, and ancient as hell.”
“What?”
“Yeah, no time to explain. We need to get off this island now,”
I say to her, looking at everything around us.
“We have a ship and a crew ready to go now,” Kate replies.
“So many questions right now, but later. Let’s get going.”
“Right. Now follow me if you want to live,” Kate says, taking
my hand and throwing the torch she has into a rowboat, lighting it
on fire. Cannons start to fire onto the island, and ships start to blow
up one by one.
“Holy fuck! What is this?”
“Later. We gotta go now.”
Soon, we’re surrounded by women running in the same direction as we are. I try to stop Kate and tell her about Jack, but then I see
him standing at the end of the dock with Stacy. Women start to jump
in rowboats and take off to the ship that is firing the cannons. I follow Kate into a rowboat with Jack and Stacy. We start to row away as
the island rumbles loudly, and waves come crashing under our boats.
The island starts to break apart as the sun peeks up from behind it.
“What the fuck is that?” Kate asks.
“Remember me saying something about ancient, dark evil?”
“Yes.”
“That may be it.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. Well, maybe found the ancient, dark evil and pissed
it off,” I say hesitantly.
“What!”
“Yeah. We should go find that island that Frost was sending us to.”
“How?” Kate asks in her annoyed tone.
“Just sail into the Bermuda. We should get sucked into it,” Stacy
says. I look at her, thinking back to the woman dancing back on the
island.
“Right, ’cause that’s how it works,” I reply.
“Well, it should,” Jack says, leaning back in the rowboat.
“Let’s get out of here first. And where’s my dad?” Stacy asks,
looking at me.
“’Bout that, hon. I’m sorry, but he didn’t make it,” I say in a soft
tone, trying to break the news as easy as I can.
“What do you mean didn’t make it?” she asks.
“Between the Nazis and aliens, we were outnumbered, and an
alien got him.”
Stacy hangs her head down in her hands and starts to cry. Kate
moves over closer to her and wraps her arms around her to comfort
her. I want to say something, but words leave my head, and I have
nothing to say that can help in this. I just watch the other women
row to the ship that is out in the bay.
The women row us right up to the side of the ship and to a rope
ladder that is hanging down. I reach up and grab it and hold the boat
to the ship so everyone can climb up. First, all the women who rowed
go first, followed by Stacy and Kate. Jack stands up and starts to rock
the boat worse than all the women, who got up at once to get off.
“Damn it, Jack, watch it before you tip us,” I say, looking at
him, holding on to the rope ladder tighter.
“Oh, fuck off, boy. I’ve been tied to a damn wagon while you
were out on vacation.”
“It wasn’t vacation, and we need to move fast.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jack says, moving toward the rope ladder, rocking
the boat even more.
Jack grabs the ladder and starts to climb up as a rope is dropped
down to me by one of the women. She yells down to me to tie the
boat so they can hoist it up. I tie the boat up and climb up the ladder.
Once I get to the top, I see all the women running around, doing
different things. Sails drop down, and the anchor starts to come up.
Jack has completely disappeared, along with the girls. I see women
all over doing stuff, and I can’t keep up with it all. I just stand here
watching. One girl comes walking by my shoulder, checking me as
she walks by.
“Move or jump off,” the woman says to me as she passes by.
“Fuck you, pirate twat waffle,” I say back to her.
126
127
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The woman turns and swings at me, giving me a left hook,
which I take right in the face. I turn back to see her sending another
fist flying toward me. I grab her hand and arm, flipping her over,
not realizing how close we are to the side. I watch her go over the
railing and splash into the water below. I look over the side to watch
her come back up to the surface, grabbing a loose rope and hanging
off the side of the ship. I run over to the rope and start to pull her
up. Damn, she’s heavier than I thought. I keep pulling on the rope,
helping her back up to the top. She reaches the railing and grabs on,
climbing the rest of the way over.
“You bastard!” she yells as she comes back at me.
“Hey, hey, hey,” I say, holding my hands up to stop her from
continuing the fight.
“Coward.”
“Bitch.”
“Goat fucker.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you, lady?” I say, looking at her.
The woman and I just glare back at each other before she turns
and storms off to do whatever that she has to do. I look around to see
where to go and notice doors and start to think that maybe the girls
have gone in there. I walk slowly, avoiding the women of the ship
and staying out of their way so as not to start another fight with one.
I can’t believe I’m on a real pirate ship.
I walk up to the double doors. They’re nice, really carved in
detail with glass windows that have carvings in them. Looking in, I
can see the girls at the far end of the room. I open the doors slowly,
giving a good tug on them to open them up. Stacy is lying on the
bed, still crying, with Kate sitting next to her, rubbing her back. I
walk over and lean back, sitting on the desk across from them.
“You okay, hon?” I ask, looking at Stacy.
“He just came back into my life, and now he’s gone for good,”
she replies with a voice cracked from crying so much.
“I wish there were more I could have done, but these aliens were
giants, and we couldn’t stop them.”
“More aliens and Nazis? Where the hell did you guys end up?”
Kate asks, looking at me.
“Germany in ’44. And we ran into a young doctor and his
father, and they helped us get to here with their bell.”
“Bell? What are you talking about?”
“It’s a long story, but German scientists, time travel, and all that
jazz.”
“Oh yeah, I get it now.”
“Yeah. So do you know where Jack might have taken off to?” I
ask.
“Well, there are, like, a hundred women on this ship now, so
maybe just walk around and look for him,” Kate says, giving me a
“Really?” look.
“You’re right. I’m gonna go look for him. You two gonna be
okay here?”
“Yes, we’ll be fine,” Kate replies.
“And by the way, the corsets are a really great look on you both,”
I say, staring at Kate’s tits.
“Stone, not now,” Kate snaps at me.
“Right. I’m going,” I say, getting up and walking out of the
cabin.
I walk out of the cabin, leaving the girls behind me so they can
do what they need to do. I hope Stacy will be okay. Poor girl. I just
hope she remembers that she has us and that she’s not alone. I walk
across the top deck, watching all the women do their duties. I am not
looking at where I am going and step right into the deck opening to
the lower level.
The first step feels a little off as I go face forward, landing on
the steps and rolling down them to the next level below, stopping at
the wall of the ship. I lie here, contemplating death. I’m so tired of
this shit. I want a beer. I want to just sit down and drink in peace and
maybe watch some porn, not worry about aliens or monsters or the
next problem to crash through my door.
Women walk by me, looking down and chuckling as they go by,
and I just wave and say, “Hi, ladies.” But none stops to check on me.
I sit up, resting my back against the ship’s wall, looking up the steps
and looking at the fall I just took. I start laughing. Well, at least it
wasn’t a damn mop bucket and mop.
128
129
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I get up and look around to where I have fallen into and see cannons and cannonballs and powder kegs, I believe. I hear giggling and
Jack’s voice rambling on about something. I walk down to another
hole and go down, following Jack’s voice to the end of the ship, to the
back of the other side, and to a built-in room. I peek my head inside
and see Jack in a pile of naked women, holding a bottle of what I can
only guess is rum.
“Jack, what the hell, man? We haven’t been on this ship five
minutes and you’re already having orgies?”
“Oh, shut up. You’re just jealous that you weren’t invited,” Jack
fires back at me, poking his head up between two girls lying on top
of him.
“Yes, no, a little, but not with you involved.”
“Why? Did Cancun fuck you up that bad, boy, after finding out
I’m your granddaddy?” Jack says, laughing.
“You’re fucking evil, Jack.”
“No, I’m fucking old, and my dick still works, and these are
lady pirates,” Jack says, wiggling out from under the pile of naked
women, just letting all he has hang out in the wind for all to see.
“Jack! Come on, man. I don’t want to see you naked.”
“What? It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”
“Not by choice, you crazy old bastard.”
“Grow up, pussy,” Jack says, taking a drink from the bottle.
“You know, someday, you will die, and I won’t have to put up
with your old ass anymore.”
“And until that day, here you go,” Jack says as he starts shaking
his hips back and forth, flopping his manhood side to side.
“You sick son of a bitch,” I say, and Jack just laughs and then
turns to go back to the pile of women.
I turn around and walk away from the crazy, naked old man. In
a way, I admire the old son of a bitch and how he can still get things
done and swing with the best, pulling women left and right like he
does. Even at his age, the old man has game. As I am walking away,
I notice women making their way down to their hammocks. It must
be bedtime or something. I walk back up to the top deck and over to
the side railing, looking out over the water.
There is nothing but ocean for miles all around. I walk up and
down the deck, making it to the wheel, where a woman is steering
the ship. She is a looker, to be honest. She is rough looking, but I
guess that’s the look for this time. She has on skintight pants and a
baggy white top. I watch her steer the ship, taking in everything. This
is a pirate on a pirate ship. This is real and happening.
“Is there something I can help you with?” the woman says,
interrupting my thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry. I just keep finding myself lost here.”
“Well, just know we are lost, and heading into the Triangle will
be the end of us all.”
“That’s comforting, but have you seen anything off or different?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, something that shouldn’t be.”
“Nothing but vast sea.”
“Right,” I say, turning around and walking to the back of the
ship, looking out behind us like I’m looking for something to be
chasing after us ’cause my dumb ass went and woke something up
that should have been left alone. I look out over the ocean, and the
sun is hot, beating down on my neck. I should go and get some sleep.
It’s been a long, weird night. I turn and walk back down to the cabin
where I left Kate and Stacy to curl up in a corner and fall asleep for
a few hours at least.
I walk back into the cabin. Both girls are still on the bed but
asleep now. I see a pile of clothes in a corner and make a little bed
out of it to rest. The chest next to the pile is empty, and I can only
assume that the girls have dived into the clothes to pick out what
they have on now. I sit down in the pile and move it around to make
it comfortable and slowly fade away to sleep.
130
131
WTF!
“I wonder if the Clones have come across any people yet.”
“Why don’t we find out, Doctor?” 13 suggests.
“How do we do that when we don’t know where they are?” I
reply to myself, to 13.
“The Clones are just extensions of ourselves, and we can see
what they see and control them.”
“How do we do that?” I ask.
“Just sit down and close your eyes, Doctor.”
“Okay,” I reply, sitting down, then closing my eyes.
I drift off into a light sleep and feel weightless. I then see flashes,
and my eyes open to see Ragers attacking people. They are German
soldiers from the camp, and this Thinker—Clone—must have stumbled into them in its search. The Germans lay down fire, trying to
kill the Ragers with little to no luck at all. They’re only able to kill
two Ragers before they get taken and disarmed by them.
Like before, I find myself a passenger to a ride in this Clone.
German soldiers are laid down at my feet for me to bite into and
change. I have no control like before as the Clone bites into each
soldier, changing them, adding to its group. I don’t get to see how
many soldiers there are.
“13, how is this possible? How can you control a Clone?” I ask.
“You know, Doctor, I can’t explain that, ’cause we never got to
learn that before going back in time. We were just able to change
ourselves into the alien species and were learning how to do all they
can do, but we left before we could uncover all their secrets,” 13
explains to me.
“So you don’t know what all we can do, then?”
“Not everything, but enough for us to do what we need to do.”
“So what all did we learn before going back in time?”
“How to change species into what we want, change invisible,
communicate telepathically, and time-hop over short distances without the use of a machine.”
“That is amazing, 13. We learned all this in the future?”
“Yes, Doctor, we did, but we grew impatient and came up with
the idea to travel through time to change things.”
“Master, what are your orders now?” the Clone asks.
“The Clone is in here with us also?” I ask, confused by how all
this is possible.
“Yes, Doctor. We are in the Clone’s mind as we are the Clone
also,” 13 says.
“Master, orders?”
“Yes, keep looking to add to the numbers.”
“Yes, master,” the Clone says. Everything goes black, and I open
my eyes to see the lake again with the Jebetas lying around sleeping
and the Ragers playing in the lake.
“Doctor, would you like to check up on the other Clones?” 13
asks.
“Yes, I would like to check up on them.”
“Okay, then. Close your eyes again.”
I close my eyes and drift off again. When I open my eyes, now
I’m following Ragers in a pack. The Ragers are moving slow and
staying quiet and low as we sneak up on what look to be pirates.
We get closer and closer, and the pirates come into view better. We
watch them move about, doing what pirates do, and being here, it’s
not much. They have dug a ditch and a pool to allow water to flow
in from the ocean, and it is amazing that the force field have allowed
the ocean water to flow freely. Ragers look at me and ask if they can
attack, and I give the command to do so.
This group only has five Ragers in it. They take off running
out of the jungle toward the pirates. The Ragers tear into the first
ones they come to. Other pirates are alerted to the attack and take
aim, but their one-shot pistols do nothing to the Ragers. They draw
swords to defend themselves with and manage to kill one Rager but
are unable to kill the others. Pirates by the handful are laid down in
132
133
DR. PANTERA
Marc Longcor
WTF!
front of me, and again, I go to the back of my mind to watch as this
Clone bites and turns these pirates.
A cannon blast hits right in front of us, kicking up dirt and
knocking the Clone back and scattering the other Ragers. We get
back on our feet to see where the cannon fire came from, but before
we can find it, another cannon blast hits close again, this time killing
a Rager. I give the command to go and find who is firing at us, and
the rest of the Ragers take off, splitting up. Another cannon blast hits
closer to us, knocking us down, and I wake up to find myself back
at the lake.
“13, what happened?” I ask.
“We lost a Clone, Doctor.”
“Let’s send help there now.”
“It’s already been done, Doctor.”
“How? I didn’t think it or give the command for it.”
“Doctor, we are of one mind now, and I know what you want
before you know that you want it.”
“What all did you send to help?”
“I sent more Ragers and another Clone to change the survivors
if there are any.”
“I think we should start making Dozers and more Jebetas and
raptors as well.”
“Yes, Doctor. They all are in the process of being made.”
I close my eyes again and drift off, reopening them to see us
biting pirates to change them into whatever 13 wants. I don’t even
know how much control I really have, if any at all, anymore. I’m just
a passenger on this ride. More flashes come to me, showing images
of my life, and thoughts of time travel flow more freely in my mind,
along with the purpose of traveling back to recreate the world in my
own view.
I fear that I’m slowly disappearing and merging into something
new, losing all that once made me human. I must go back in time
and fix societies in my image to stop wars, to stop human nature to
destroy, to save humanity, and to save this world. I can taste blood
in my mouth, but I’m not really here, biting these pirates. I’m in the
Clone, and I can feel what it feels and taste what it tastes and see
what it sees. I try to force myself from the back of my mind to take
control.
“Doctor, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying to take over and do something.”
“Doctor, please don’t. It takes a lot of concentration to do this.”
“13, if we’re going to be one, then I must learn to do this as
well.”
“Soon, we will no longer be two in one mind and body but one,
Doctor.”
“What do you mean, 13?”
“Doctor, you worry too much. Trust in me, because I am you.”
“No, I want control over my body.”
“Doctor, please don’t make me shut you out.”
“Shut me out? No, I won’t let you.” I open my eyes and lower
my head.
“I’m sorry, Doctor, but you gave me no choice.”
Now that the doctor is taken care of, let’s get moving to Frost’s
aircraft and get off this island and head back in time. But where
should I go? Do I go all the way back to the beginning or just when
man first starts? I look up at the lake at the Jebetas sleeping as Ragers
come running back out of the jungle, jumping into the lake, splashing around. I should see about the Clone heading toward Amelia’s
camp. I close my eyes and drift away to see that I am running through
the jungle next to Ragers and raptors.
We come up on a village and don’t wait to attack but just rush
in full speed to attack the humans. I wasn’t expecting them to be so
well-armed. I duck low to avoid being shot by random gunfire that
the humans are doing. I watch the Ragers do their jobs. I command
taking humans alive to be changed later, but the raptors are just killing. I try to command them to stop and take the humans alive, but
I have no control over them. The more I concentrate to send commands to them, the harder I find it to keep the doctor at bay. He’s
really working hard to take over.
Gunfire rings out over my head, breaking all my concentration.
I move to cover to avoid being shot. I look out over the village to see
the humans formed up in fighting formations with their guns, mak-
134
135
Marc Longcor
ing a stand against my attack. I notice Ragers on the ground dead
and give the command to retreat to the lake with what they can get.
I feel a deep, burning pain in my arm. Looking down, I see that I’ve
been shot. Well, this is Clone me anyway.
I break my connection to this Clone and wake up back at the
lake. I send out a command to all Ragers to bring me what they have
and the others to go out and find what they can bring to me. I can
feel that the Dozers have woken up, and I send commands to them
to come to me and to look for bears along their way. I will have an
army before I leave this island.
“13, you will not keep me locked out of my own mind.”
“Doctor, how did you get out?”
“I will not bow down to you and give you control.”
“You will, Doctor, either by choice or by force. Regardless, I will
be the one in control.”
“I know your true plan, 13, and I will not allow you to do that.”
“Doctor, you have no say or control. Now it’s time to go back
to your dark room and not come out until I want you to come out.”
“No.”
I’m going to have to work harder to keep him locked up.
136
STONE
I wake up to a weird feeling, like when you fall asleep in a moving
car and wake up to it not moving. I get up on my feet, shaking off
the sleepiness. My back is stiff, and I hurt with every move I take. I
stretch before trying to walk out of the cabin. I start out, stumbling
toward the doors, but I quickly gain my balance. I look back at the
girls still sleeping and open the door quietly and then close it quietly.
I walk up top to where the wheel is and can really notice that
the ship is not moving and that the sails are not catching any wind. I
look at the woman at the wheel just as she lets it go of it, letting the
ship drift in the motion that it has.
“What happened?” I ask the woman.
“The wind is gone,” she replies.
“How does that happen?”
“I’ve never seen it before,” she says, looking up at the sails.
“What’s going on?” Kate says, walking up the stairs.
“The wind has left our sails, Captain.”
“What do you mean the wind has left?” Kate asks.
“The wind is just gone, Captain.”
“Well, shit. Now what?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I guess we just drift and wait to see what happens,” Kate replies.
The wind being gone makes the air hot. The sails are no longer
moving, and even the water has no movement. It feels like we are
not moving at all, that we’re stuck in just this spot. There’s nothing
around to be seen, just ocean, lots and lots of ocean. I walk around
the deck like I know what the hell I’m doing. I look out into the
ocean, hoping to see something, maybe a shark, a whale, a mermaid,
a yellow fucking submarine. Yeah, this fucking sucks.
137
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Jack comes walking up from belowdecks naked, drunk, and
with two bottles of rum in his hands. He can barely walk straight.
I watch him stumble his way toward me, smiling and mumbling
something that sounds like a song that I heard back on the island.
Jack makes it to me, standing in all his glory, rum drunk and naked.
“Stone.”
“Yes.”
“Stone, you…”
“Come on, Jack, you can do it. Use your words.”
“Shut your cock warmer. I’m not as thinking you am duck you
buck tarp,” Jack mumbles, slurring words.
“What the fuck you trying to say, old man?”
“Here,” Jack says, shoving a bottle in my chest, splashing rum
on my face.
“Well, thank you, naked old man.”
“Ha ha. I’m naked?” Jack says, looking down at himself, all his
glory hanging out, then looking back up at me, smiling.
“Not bad for an old man, right?” Jack says, hiccupping
midsentence.
“Yes, Jack, you’re very well hung. Now go back down and find
some pirate girl.”
“Right, pirate girls. You should join me down there. There are
girls everywhere,” he says, stumbling toward me. I think you can get
drunk off his breath alone.
“No, thanks. Someone should keep an eye out up here, but you
go have fun, Jack.”
I spin Jack around and guide him back down below, slapping
his ass before he starts down the stairs. I am turning to walk away
when I hear the familiar sound of falling down the stairs with the last
thump followed by a “Fuck!” The old man fell down the steps. “Son
of a bitch! Fuck my dick, fuck my rum, fuck my back. Shit,” Jack
drunk-mumbles at the bottom of the steps.
Yep, he’s okay. I keep walking away, not checking on him, and
head to the front of the ship to look out front. I then notice something forming, like a storm. Clouds look to be forming up ahead of
us, but they are nothing I’ve seen before. They’re forming over the
water, thicker than fog, and the clouds are not white or gray or even
normal looking. They’re blue with flashes of pink or red lightning,
making them look like something not of this world.
The clouds don’t seem to be moving our way or us moving
toward them. I wonder what will happen if we can move into the
clouds. Will they send us to the island that Frost was telling us about
and had tried to get us to? I watch the clouds, hoping that they will
move toward us, as Kate walks up next to me.
“What’s up, needle dick?” Kate says, slapping me on the ass.
“Well, we both know I don’t have a needle dick, handsy,” I say,
winking at her.
“Oh, shut up, limp dick.”
“There’s no winning with you, is there?”
“Bet your ass there’s no winning with me, and you better get
used to it, ponyboy,” Kate says, slapping my ass again and turning to
walk away.
“Wait up a minute and look out there,” I say, pointing at the
clouds.
“Holy hell. What the fuck is that, Stone?”
“I don’t know, but I think it’s our way to Frost’s island.”
“How do we do this, then?” Kate asks.
“I don’t know. Without any wind to move us, we’re stuck, and
those clouds are not moving this way.”
“Hey, what’s going on, guys?” Stacy asks, walking up to me and
Kate.
“Oh, nothing, just looking at the weird clouds,” Kate replies.
“Wow, that’s weird, all right. So what are we thinking about?”
Stacy asks, looking at us.
“Dipshit here thinks we need to go into the clouds,” Kate says,
slapping my arm.
“Hey! And this daffy dildo hasn’t come up with anything with
her air for brains,” I reply, backhanding one of Kate’s tits.
“Ouch! Fucker,” Kate yells, ball-tapping me. I double over, the
air knocked out of me.
“Oh, you got both of them, you evil bitch,” I mumble, taking
in deep breaths, trying to breathe through the pain.
138
139
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“That’s right, bitch, breathe through the pain,” Kate says, dancing around me, waving her arms.
“Kids, please, both of you. We need to figure this out. We can’t
just stay here,” Stacy says, looking at us.
“Right, but what do you think we should do, Stacy?” I ask,
gaining my composure.
“Give me a minute to figure out something,” she replies.
Stacy turns and walks away, leaving me and Kate at the front,
watching each other like hawks, waiting for the other to strike back.
I try to look over at Stacy and what she’s doing while keeping an
eye on this dildo and if she will strike back again. I see Jack come
stumbling back up topside, still naked, followed by one, two, three,
four, five—I just stop counting, ’cause it seems like all the crew are
coming up now.
“Jack, what the fuck are you doing now?” I ask, walking toward
him, meeting him halfway.
“Nothing. Felt like the boat wasn’t moving,” Jack says, swaying
back and forth.
“Yeah. We stopped moving a long time ago.”
“Jack, you big-dick-swinging, fuck-anything old man,” Kate
says, running up to him and giving him a hug, completely unfazed
that he’s naked.
“Oh, sweet tits, you know I would love to give you a go, but I
spent all I have on all these lovely ladies,” Jack says, pointing at the
group of women behind him.
“Oh, it’s okay, snuggle bear. Maybe next time,” Kate says, slapping Jack’s ass, then giving him a wink and walking back to the front
of the ship.
“So what’s going on, then?” Jack asks.
“Well, Jack, the wind stopped, and we’re stranded here, and
there are clouds forming ahead of us that look really weird. And I
think we need to go into them to get to Frost’s island.”
“And what’s stopping us?”
“There’s no wind, Jack.”
“And?”
“And there’s no wind. We can’t go anywhere with no wind.”
“Fuck, boy, we have boats. We can just row out.”
“True, but that’s a distance, old man. You’re drunk as fuck, and
we don’t have that many boats for us all.”
“Well, it was just an idea.”
“Stone, you better come take a look at this,” Kate yells.
I run back to the front of the ship where Kate is standing as she
points out in front of the ship toward the clouds. I notice that the
weird clouds are starting to get closer and are coming fast. The water
starts to get choppy, and you can feel the ship rock, throwing everyone onboard off-balance.
“Everyone, hold the fuck on to something!” I yell out, grabbing
the front of the ship, bracing for whatever is coming our way. The
ship starts to lift up higher and higher with each new wave until the
ship starts to catch air between waves and hitting back down harder
than the last wave. Water splashes up over the front of the ship, soaking me with cold ocean water. I lift my head up to see the clouds
coming right at us, sucking us into a tunnel.
Once in the tunnel, we start traveling faster than a ship like
this can go. We are more like a jet in the sky. The mast in the middle
of the ship starts to crack and splinter apart, breaking away. I look
behind me to see Kate and Stacy holding on to each other and the
ship’s railing, then I see other crew members just fly off the ship to
never be seen again.
I look over to see Jack standing at the stump of the mast in the
middle of the damn ship, not holding on to anything but a bottle of
rum in one hand and his balls in the other, yelling out random shit
and cheering like a mad, crazy, naked old man.
The blue-and-pink flashes of lightning are hypnotizing as you
gaze into them. Everyone on this ship is yelling and screaming, looking around to where crew members once stood but are gone now.
Pink lightning strikes at different places of the ship and even at a few
of the crew members, knocking them down to the deck. Jack’s still
standing on his own with lightning striking all around him. He is not
even moving an inch to avoid the lightning strikes.
Soon, the blue tunnel and pink lightning turn into a sunny,
bright day with jungle all around. You can feel the ship hit the ground
140
141
Marc Longcor
WTF!
and slow down fast, throwing everyone forward to the deck as palm
leaves and branches break off onto the ship’s deck. The sound of the
branches and trees cracking and snapping is loud as we mow them
down until we come to a hard stop.
Looking around, I see that the ship is swallowed up by jungle.
Palms leaves and branches cover the deck top, and coconuts start to
fall from above. The thumping sound they make when hitting the
deck is hollow, and I feel a familiar pain come to my head with the
ship’s deck coming toward my face at high speed.
“Motherfucking coconuts!” I yell out, lifting my face up from
the deck, watching a coconut roll by me, taunting me for what it just
did. I stand up slowly and look around at the others, who are getting
up to their feet as well. All of us are just looking around and out over
the ship’s rails to see where we are.
I walk over to the side and look down. There is no water around,
nothing but ground and trees and huts. Women start to show up
from below, out of the tree line, looking mad as hell. I think we
landed on their town or sister or something. Before I can take in
everything, I duck fast to avoid being speared in the face.
“Hey!” I yell out. I look over the railing and down again to
see one woman yelling something I can’t understand and the other
women lowering their weapons, making me think that she is the
leader here. Then the woman looks up at me, and we make eye contact. Holy fuck, she’s beautiful.
Still looking down at the woman, I walk down the side of the
ship to the middle where the ladder is and start to climb down. Kate
reaches down to stop me. I look at her, letting her know it will be
okay. I climb down the ladder and let go at the last step, falling the
rest of the way to the ground.
The woman meets me at the bottom, looking at me, and I look
back at her. She looks as if she has been here for a while. She is just
wearing enough to cover herself up, and she has long blond hair and
blue eyes. Tall and fit, she is as beautiful as anything I’ve ever seen.
She has a bow and a quiver on her back filled with arrows with an
ax and a sword around her hips. The sides of her hair are braided in
cornrows, and the rest is falling free.
“Hi there. How are you? Sorry for just dropping in on you guys.
Do you speak any English?” I ask.
“I speak some English,” the woman answers.
“Okay. Cool. Um, sorry for all this,” I say, pointing to the ship.
“This is first time a ship land here. We will use it,” she says.
“Okay, yeah, for sure. Use what you want. I’m Stone,” I say,
placing my hand on my chest.
“Ylva,” the woman replies, doing the same thing I did.
“Okay, Ylva, nice to meet you, but, um, where are we?” I ask
her.
“You here.”
“Okay, but where is here at?”
“Lost island.”
“Lost island? Okay. Do you know were a spaceship is at?”
“Amelia knows.”
“Amelia?”
“Yes, we meet in two days to trade. What you bring we’ll use.”
“What we bring? Oh, the ship. Um, yes, let me talk to my
people.”
“I go with and meet.”
“What about your people? Do you need to tell them to stay or
come?”
“They stay and work. I’ll meet your people.”
“Your speech kind of changed there.”
“Yeah, sorry. I can’t keep that up,” Ylva says, laughing.
“Wait, what?”
“I’m Ylva. Amelia has been teaching me English for many years
now. She’s a great woman, and you’ll meet her in two days when we
go to trade with her and her village.”
“Village?”
“Yes, there are many people here, and they tend to stay with
Amelia, which is okay with us. It gives us our space to be us and keep
true to our way of life.”
“What’s your way of life?”
“The Viking way of life, from what we are told by newcomers
to the island.”
142
143
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Wait. You’re all Vikings?”
“Yes, we are from Norway, from what a scientist told us when
he spent some time here to study us and our way of life.”
“So how did you all end up here?” I ask.
“Enough for now. Let’s get our people to meet and settle down,
then I’ll tell you our story.”
“Right. Okay.”
I turn to look up at Kate and wave at her that it’s okay and to
come down. I watch Kate start down the ladder, followed by Stacy.
She lets go at the last step, falling the rest of the way same as I did
when I came down. Kate and Stacy walk up to me and Ylva.
“What’s up?” Kate asks, looking at me, then at Ylva.
“Kate, Stacy, this is Ylva, the leader here,” I say, introducing
everyone. Kate and Stacy reach out their hands to shake Ylva’s, saying
their hellos.
“We’re going to take your ship apart and use all we can,” Ylva
says, pointing at the ship.
“Yeah, go ahead. I don’t think we’ll be using it anytime soon,”
Kate replies, turning around and standing next to Ylva.
“We’ll even help take things apart while we’re here,” Stacy says.
“While you’re here? You do know that you will never leave here,
right?” Ylva says, looking at us.
“We’re actually here to find a spaceship and turn it off and fix
things on top of looking for someone and one other thing,” I say,
looking into Ylva’s eyes, getting lost in them.
“You all came here on purpose? And to find someone and a
spaceship?” Ylva asks with a confused look on her face.
“Yeah. We were sent here by someone to find this doctor and fix
this spaceship,” I reply.
“I know of this spaceship, but only Amelia knows where it is
at,” Ylva says.
“Who is this Amelia?” Kate asks.
“She was the first here on this island. She made things the way
they are now between the tribes.”
“Tribes? How many, and what kind?” I ask.
“Well, there’s Amelia’s village with all kinds of people. There’s
a camp she calls Germans that are bad, and up from them is a pirate
settlement full of bad men. Then there is a caveman village, but they
leave everyone alone and don’t bother us. Amelia and I both have
tried to talk with them and teach them, but they don’t want anything
to do with us,” Ylva explains to us.
“Wow, so many. That’s kind of amazing, to be honest. But how
can you guys not be the first on this island? Is this Amelia older than
you?” Stacy asks, completely excited over all this.
“Okay, easy, Stacy. We still have work to do, and this isn’t a
vacation for us,” I say, looking at her.
“Oh, boo,” Stacy says, doing a little pout.
“Ylva, will your people lead the way, or do you want to start
taking the ship apart now?” I ask, looking at her.
“We are here now, so let’s take what we can and come back
later,” Ylva replies.
“Right. Kate, will you give the order to your crew to take the
ship apart and work with Ylva’s people?” I ask, looking at Kate, since
she is in charge of the pirates and the ship.
“Yes, I can,” Kate says, turning and walking away to talk to
another woman and then coming back to Ylva, Stacy, and me. “Okay.
The order has been given out, but, Ylva, can my people get their
things off first so there will be no fights later?” she asks.
“Yes, that’s fine,” Ylva answers.
I watch the all-woman pirate crew become working ants and
start bringing things down off the ship. Chests, sails, boxes, hammocks, tools, and weapons—they set up pulley systems to lower
things down. I just stand here watching in complete awe of them
working. The okay is given for the Viking women to join in and start
taking apart the ship to use for whatever they need to use it for. Then
I look up to see a cannon being lowered down but with a drunk,
naked old man standing on top of it.
“I came in like a wrecking ball!” Jack sings out as loud as he can,
rocking the cannon side to side on the way down.
“Jack, what the hell are you doing now?” I ask, looking up at
him as he comes down on the cannon.
144
145
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Oh, just making sure these lovely ladies are taken care of,” he
replies.
“I’m sure they don’t need you around, getting in the way. Why
are you still naked?” I ask, looking at him.
“It’s fucking hot.”
“Well, deal with it.”
“Not all of us wears a dress, Nancy.”
“It’s not a dress. It’s a kilt. And you know what? Never mind.
I’m not getting into this again.”
“What’s wrong, Nancy? Is your dress wrinkled?”
“Jack, go put something on. We have work to do.”
“What work?”
“Find the doc, find the spaceship, kill Alien 13.”
“Oh yeah, that fucker.”
“Now go get ready.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll go get ready.”
I go back to watching everyone work in taking apart the ship.
I notice that I’m the only asshole not doing something or helping.
Shit. I move forward to a group of girls building what look like wagons to load up and move everything that is taken off the ship, but I
am no help at all, as the pirate women are building this wagon with
little to no tools at all, taking wheels from the base of a cannon and
making axles, then a bed and rope to tie it all together.
“You, man, take this over there so it can be loaded up,” one
woman orders me.
I look at her with a confused and shocked look as if saying,
“Did you really just fucking tell me what to do?” “Okay,” I say back
instead, ’cause I really don’t have anything else to do and mostly
’cause I’m sure I will have a fight on my hands if I say what I really
want to say.
I reach down and grab the wagon’s tongue and start pulling it
to where the woman is pointing to. As I pull the wagon, women start
to throw things on it as I go by them; and soon, I find it hard to pull
the wagon in the sand. It’s so weighed down to the point where it’s
sinking into the sand, and I can’t move it anymore, so I just let go of
the wagon tongue thinking it will just fall to the ground. Nope, that’s
not my luck.
The damn thing comes back up faster than a prom date going
down on you and coming back up to spit ’cause you didn’t warn her
in time. The damn wagon tongue nails me under the jaw, sending
me flying up in the air and back down on my back. Lying here, I can
hear everyone laughing at what just happened to me.
You would think that damn thing will break my damn jaw, but
as I move it around, I don’t feel it to be broken. There is just a slight
pain from where I was hit. Kate and Stacy come running over, and as
they stop to bend down next to me, they kick sand up into my face
and mouth. I roll over, spitting out sand. They put hands on me, and
both are talking at the same time, asking me if I’m okay or hurt and
calling my name over and over.
“Yes, yes, damn, I’m okay,” I say, still trying to spit out sand
from my mouth.
“Here, drink this,” Ylva says, handing me a canteen.
“Thank you,” I say before taking a drink and slushing the water
around in my mouth and spitting it back out.
“I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t see that happening.”
“Stone, you could fuck up a wet dream,” Kate says, looking
down at me.
“I know,” I reply and take another drink.
“We’re not here even ten minutes and your ass is already getting
knocked down?” Jack yells from the top of the ship, laughing.
“Shut up, old man, or I’ll come up there and knock your old ass
down,” I yell back.
“Bring it, bitch!” Jack replies, laughing.
“You know, sometimes, I really hate that old fucker,” I say, looking at Kate.
“Yeah, we know you love his crazy old ass,” she replies.
“That is a weird old man,” Ylva says, looking up at Jack.
“Yeah, that’s Jack,” Stacy says.
“I think we have enough for now. We can come back later,” Ylva
says.
146
147
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Agreed. Let’s get out of here,” I say, looking up at Ylva, handing
her canteen back.
“I will go tell my warriors to move out with what they have, and
you all follow,” Ylva says, walking away to go get her warriors. Kate
and Stacy help my dumb ass up.
“We’ll go get the crew ready to move out. Stone, you stay here
and try not to kill yourself,” Kate says.
“No promises, love.”
Minutes later, Ylva has her warriors together, and they are walking away from the ship followed by women pirates loaded down with
all they can carry and pulling wagons not weighed down as much as
mine was. Kate, Stacy, and Jack walk up to me, and we walk together
in our little group, bringing up the rear.
“I’m gonna go ahead and talk to Ylva,” I say.
“Why?” Kate asks.
“I have questions. She has answers,” I reply.
“Can you just wait until we get to wherever she is taking us?”
Stacy asks.
“You just wanna get with her,” Jack says, chuckling.
“No, I don’t wanna get with her. She’s been here for a long time
and knows the island,” I reply, giving Jack an “I will kill you” look.
“Okay, keep telling yourself that you don’t want her,” Jack
replies.
“Oh my god, Stone, you do wanna bone her,” Kate says in a
shocked tone.
“No, don’t you all gang up on me, damn it. We need to do what
we came here to do and get off this island.”
“Right. You wanna get off on this island,” Jack says, chuckling.
“Jack, not now,” Kate says, slapping Jack in the chest.
“Easy now. I’m old,” Jack replies, grabbing his chest from where
Kate slapped him.
“You’re not gonna die anytime soon, so shut up,” Kate says.
“If I were just a little younger, sweetheart,” Jack says in a playful
tone.
“I’d still give you a heart attack, old man,” Kate replies in the
same playful tone.
“You two have a fucked up friendship. You know that, right?”
Stacy says, looking at us all.
“You’re in this too, hot stuff,” I say, looking back at her. She just
smiles and turns away.
It isn’t too long when we are walking into a village that stands
out in time. There are huts or houses built out of whatever they can
use off the island—old ship parts, wood planks, and trees. The warrior women take off in different directions, leaving Kate’s pirate crew
and us standing alone in the middle of this village.
“Kate, you can set your crew up over here in this open area,”
Ylva says, walking up to Kate.
“Okay. Thank you. Sara, move the crew out to the open area
and set up camp,” Kate says, thanking Ylva and then giving orders to
Sara to move the crew.
Ylva shows Kate and her crew to the open area on the other
side of the village so a camp can be set up for us tonight. The crew
turn into ants again, moving around and doing their jobs, and it isn’t
long until a camp is made. I walk around, taking in everything and
looking around. Makeshift tents made from sails line the open area
in rows.
I end up walking along the village that the Viking women have
built, and it’s like walking through time. What takes me by surprise
is the forge that has been set up. I walk in and look around at the
swords, axes, shields, arrows, and bows. They have all been made
and placed in different places like in a hardware store. While looking
around, I don’t notice the woman behind me. I turn and find myself
face-to-face with a woman and a knife at my throat.
“Um, hi. I’m just looking around. I’m sorry if I crossed any
lines,” I say, not making any big moves.
“What are you doing in here?” the woman asks.
“Just looking. All this is amazing,” I reply.
“Are you stealing from me?”
“No, no, no, nothing like that. I’m just looking around.”
“Then what is that on your back?” the woman asks, pointing at
Bridget on my back.
“That’s Bridget, my sword. Would you like to look at her?”
148
149
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yes,” the woman says, lowering her knife.
“Okay,” I say, moving slowly to take Bridget out to show her.
She takes Bridget out of my hands and looks her over in amazement.
“What kind of steel is this? How was this made?” she asks,
feeling Bridget in her hands and running her hands up and down
Bridget’s edges and handle.
“Well, she was just steel, but the doctor that we’re here to find
changed the steel out for a new special type of metal that’s not found
on this planet.”
“Metal from the gods?” she asks.
“I guess, if you wanna say that.”
“True weapon of the gods. I must show Ylva.”
“Well, let’s hold off on that and do that later.”
“Fine, but I will tell her myself later,” the woman says, handing
me back Bridget. I put her back in her home on my back.
“Can I go now?” I ask.
“Yes,” the woman answers.
I walk out of her forge and back outside, only to come face-toface with Ylva. I just go blank, as I’m taken away by her beauty.
“Stone,” Ylva says to me.
“Yes,” I say softly.
“What are you doing?”
“Just looking around.”
“Come walk with me, then,” she says, stepping to the side, and
I move in the same direction she goes.
“So how long have you all been here?” I ask.
“Long, it seems like. We’ve been told it’s been centuries, at least.”
“So where is Amelia’s camp?” I ask.
“Just that way. But you must know, time here doesn’t act like
time elsewhere. Here, it’s like it doesn’t exist,” Ylva explains.
“How so?”
“The sun never goes down, and we don’t age. The only thing
that seems to work normal, from what we are told, is us needing food
and water,” she answers.
“Shit, this place is weird. Have you seen anything out of the
normal lately? Or did any new people show up?” I ask.
“Yes, Amelia told us on our last meet that she took in a new
doctor.”
“Yes, that’s the doctor we are here for.”
“But how do you plan on getting off this island?” Ylva asks.
“There’s a spaceship somewhere on this island, and I have a
book from the owner on how to fix it and get off this island.”
“Amelia knows of this ship you speak of, but I don’t know where
it is at. She is the only one that knows.”
“How long will it take me to get to her camp?”
“A day’s walk that way,” Ylva says, pointing again.
“Well, I guess I better get going, then,” I say.
“You can’t go now,” she says, grabbing my arm, stopping me
from moving forward.
“What?” I say, looking back at her.
“Stay, and we’ll all go tomorrow,” she says.
“Okay,” I say like a little kid who has just found a new crush.
We walk back into the village, and the smell of food is in the air.
I see everyone around eating and talking to one another, two worlds
mixing as one like it is nothing new for them. I let Ylva walk ahead
of me, and I just stop and duck between two huts and make my way
back into the jungle.
We came here to do something, and the faster it’s done, the
faster we can go home. I make it back around to where Ylva walked
me into the village and start walking in the direction she pointed to
Amelia’s camp. I hate having to leave everyone behind, but maybe I
can get lucky on my own and get this done fast.
There’s not really a path to follow, so I just move through the
jungle as easily as I can, making my own little path without having to
cut anything down and making any noise. I walk between the palm
trees and plants on the easiest path I can find. I reach for Bridget a
few times to cut things out of the way but don’t when I find a better
way.
As I’m walking through the jungle, the sun’s just peeking
through the top of the palm trees to give just enough light to see and
shade to help with the heat, but it’s still hot as hell. I walk for what
seems like forever until I hear a sound and stop moving. The sound
150
151
Marc Longcor
WTF!
happens again and getting closer. It seems to be something moving in
the distance. I duck down near a tree and plant to wait and see what
is heading this way.
I wait, and the sound gets closer and closer and louder. Then I
hear what sounds like a high-pitched little scream. Then I see feathers moving up above me. Whatever it is, it’s big. I move the plant just
enough to peek through to see what it is, and to my surprise, it’s a
giant-ass chicken. What the fuck is this? Wait. That’s not a chicken.
I stare at this big bird or whatever it is as it stops. I look hard,
studying it. The more I look at it, the more I come to notice that
it’s not much of a chicken at all with a tail, short arms, and claws.
Its head is not that of any bird or chicken I know of. Oh, shit, it’s a
goddamn raptor, like Jurassic Park fucking raptor but with feathers.
Holy fuck! I start looking all around me, ’cause I don’t want what
happened to the raptor guy in the movie to happen to me.
I look right and then left and behind me. When I turn around,
the raptor that was just in front of me is now gone. Fuck! I pull the
twins, pulling the hammers back on both, getting ready to fight a
fucking raptor or raptors. I spin around on my feet, squatting down
still by this plant or bush or whatever, looking for these giant birds to
come out of nowhere to throat-fuck me on a Sunday night.
Nothing has happened yet, and I start to feel stupid, just spinning in circles, looking for a giant bird to attack me. I stop spinning
and stand up, looking around. I see nothing, no birds, just palm trees
and plants. I start walking again, keeping the twins out and ready,
taking each step as slowly and quietly as possible. I keep looking all
around for anything and focusing on sounds that are not of my own
doing.
I walk more, being as quiet as possible, still looking around for
anything out of the norm. I start to feel like everything is okay now,
so I pull back on the twins’ hammers and gently move them forward.
I holster them in my back and go on walking normally, thinking
about what I had just seen, still not believing it. What’s up with the
feathers? I thought they didn’t have feathers.
I start to hear breathing, and heavy breathing at that. I stop
in my tracks to listen to where it may be coming from, looking all
around. Then I notice a clearing off to the left. I walk toward the
breathing sound like a dumbass. I know in the movies you don’t walk
toward the creepy sounds, but this isn’t a movie, and I’m somewhat
of a badass. I walk closer, following the sound of the breathing as
it gets louder. I come up to a large, furry boulder as it gives a little
growl between breaths. Then I notice that not one but three raptors
are gathered around this furry boulder.
Something must have made a sound, ’cause the furry bolder
wakes up and makes its way up to all four legs. I look up at it as it
stands taller than me and massive as fuck. Holy shit, this is a fucking
big bear. I start to step back knowing that there is going to be a shitstorm to hit, and just my luck, I step on a fucking dry branch. At that
moment, the sound of it snapping is louder than a private in an open
bay opening his K-Y bottle, squeezing what is left in it and making a
farting sound while trying to be quiet to rub one out. The giant bear
turns and looks down at me, making eye contact with me.
“Oh, shit!” Before the giant furball makes a move toward me,
the giant chickens attack from all sides, and the battle starts. I can’t
even turn away from this. I want to watch this epic fight go down.
And how unfair this fight was, three against one. I should even the
odds a little, but this giant furball is kicking ass. He swings his long,
massive arms, knocking the raptors down and then sending one my
way. I duck down to avoid being hit by it, and it flies over my head,
hitting the tree next to me.
“Shit!” The raptor looks up at me from the ground and starts to
get up. I pull Bridget out and swing it down into its neck, taking its
head off. There, two against one. I think the furball can handle that,
so I put Bridget up. I turn back to watch the fight. One of the raptors
has jumped on the back of the furball, biting and clawing away at his
back. The giant bear tries to throw the backbiter off while swinging
away at the other raptor still attacking from the front.
The bear gets a good hit on the ground raptor, giving him some
time to get the one on his back off him. Then from the side, a familiar loud scream echoes out from the jungle as a group of Ragers come
rushing out of the tree line. One jumps through the air, tackling the
raptor on top of the bear down to the ground and to the other side,
152
153
Marc Longcor
WTF!
just in front of me. Another Rager dives in front of the bear, taking
down the other raptor.
Then 13 comes flying out of nowhere from above, landing on
the back of the bear and biting down on the back of its neck, holding on as the bear bucks and reaches behind him, trying to rip 13
off him. Soon, the rest of the Ragers just circle around the bear and
raptors. Fuck, not these assholes again.
I pull one of the twins out and pull the hammer back. This
could be my one chance to take 13 out for good. I pull the judge up,
aiming at 13, and squeeze the trigger. The judge goes off, kicking
back in my hand with its powerful blast, hitting 13. I watch him fly
off the back of the bear to the other side as the bear goes down itself
for the count. The Ragers look up from the raptors they are keeping
down and give out a different scream that I’ve never heard them do
before.
The palm trees on the other side start to part ways as this fucking Nightmare comes running out. Fuck me, that’s no Dozer. That’s
a fucking bear. Now I know why 13 jumped on the bear. These
motherfuckers are horrifying. “Time to go, feet. Don’t fail me now!”
I yell out as I take off running like Roger Rabbit.
I don’t make it far. I get tackled by a Rager from the side, and
I drop the judge that’s in my hand. I’m giving all I have to push this
asshole off me while it snaps its teeth at my face, trying to bite down
on me. I look down to see that its legs are wide apart, and I kick as
hard as I can into its balls, making it yelp like a hurt dog. It jumps
off me, giving me a chance to get to my feet. Stupid me is starting to
look for the judge that was in my hand when I am struck by the long
arm of another Rager, sending me flying back on my ass.
This Rager takes its time walking up to me like he’s some badass
on the block. I reach behind my back and pull out the other twin,
pulling the hammer back as I bring it up to eyesight, aiming at its
eyes and squeezing the trigger. I miss its eyes but still nail it in the
head, knocking him back a few steps, which gives me a chance to
aim better to hit its eyes. As soon as I fire the judge, the Rager I ballkicked comes from the side, biting down on my hand that’s holding
the judge.
“You motherfucker!” I yell as it bites down on my hand like
it’s a chew toy. “You want it? Fine. Here!” I yell, twisting my hand
around in its mouth and squeezing the trigger, giving the Rager the
rest of the bullets. I empty the judge into its mouth, and the Rager
falls over, dead. I pry its mouth open to pull my hand out of it. I look
up to see that I’m surrounded by other Ragers on all sides of me now.
They are looking down at me on the ground. I look up, turning my
head, looking in all directions to see how many there are. One, two,
three, four, five, six.
“Fuck me,” I mumble, lowering my head down and then raising
it back up to them. “Come on, guys. How is this a fair fight?” I ask,
looking at them staring at me like I’m a fat kid in a candy store. I
start to move to get on my feet, and one Rager screams out at me.
“Okay. Okay,” I say, waving my hands at it and sitting back down
on the ground. I guess all there is to do is wait and see which one is
gonna snack on my ass.
They part ways as the Nightmare from hell that would give
Freddy Krueger a hard-on comes walking up to me and stops just
in front of me. Blood is dripping from its mouth with flesh hanging
between its teeth. If I didn’t already have to pee, I would have totally
pissed myself right now.
Boom! “What the fuck was that?” I say to the sound of what
seems like cannon fire. This Nightmare lifts its head up toward the
sound of the cannon fire, and spears start landing all around. Some
hit Ragers, and some hit the Nightmare monster. The Nightmare
turns and stands up on its back legs. This fucking thing is the size of
a damn building, way bigger than the Dozers before, and I think he’s
pissed now.
Boom! This time, I see a cannonball go flying by, nailing the
Nightmare in the stomach, making it go back down to all four legs.
It gives out a loud roar. It takes off charging in the direction of the
attack, and I roll out of the way to avoid being trampled by this
damn thing. Once out of the way, I jump to my feet, putting my
back against a palm tree, standing all the way up. An arrow lands in
the palm tree, face level to me. Shit! I turn to see where the arrow
came from but can’t see anything in the thick jungle.
154
155
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I look into the jungle for help as a Rager stands up in my line of
view and gives out a scream and charges at me. I brace for the hit and
its momentum, ducking and flipping the Rager over onto its back. I
then fall to my knees over its head, grabbing its upper and lower jaw
and prying them apart as far as I can. Like a dumbass, I forget these
assholes can open their jaws wide as fuck!
The Rager reaches up with both hands, grabbing my head and
yanking me forward, tumbling me onto the ground. I’m really getting tired of getting my ass kicked. I really am. I turn over and get
up as fast as I can, but not fast enough. Another Rager from the side
pins my ass up against a palm tree with so much force that all the
coconuts come falling down on us.
Most of them nail the Rager in the head, making it look up,
giving me an open shot to its neck. I punch hard right in the middle
of its throat, watching its bones pop out the side, giving way for its
head to lop over to the side, killing it. “Holy fuck! That worked?”
The sound of pistols ring out. I dive to the ground to avoid
becoming Swiss cheese. Then battle cries ring out as women start
appearing out of the jungle with swords, spears, and pistols, running toward the Ragers and the Nightmare. But the first wave doesn’t
stand a chance against that Nightmare as it tears through them all.
Boom! Another cannon shot comes from the jungle, nailing
the Nightmare in the head and making it turn and run away. Kate’s
pirates are unorganized, fighting off the Ragers. Shooting their pistols and slashing them with swords isn’t as affective as they hope.
Some of the women fall to the ground from the long reaches and
sharp claws of the Ragers.
I look over to another area and see a wall of shields slowly
marching forward, cutting down one Rager at a time until a loud
scream rings out. All the Ragers pop their heads up like dogs hearing
their master yell for them, and then they turn and run away, disappearing into the jungle.
Some of the Ragers make sure to grab up victims to take with
them, and pistol shots still ring out, chasing them away. I stand here
watching all the women come walking out of the jungle and making
their way to me, then I see Jack with a damn swivel cannon strapped
to his side. I hang my head, thinking of what to do and say to this old
fucker, but nothing comes to mind, because nothing really surprises
me anymore with him. Then she comes walking out from behind the
wall of shields. I freeze where I stand, drifting off to Firehouse’s “Love
of a Lifetime” playing in my head, starting to dream of this goddess
walking toward me. Kate’s voice cuts in, interrupting my dream.
“Stone! Stone! Stone! Hey, dipshit!” A lot of pain comes across
my face as I come to from my dream to see Kate standing in front of
me, yelling at me, with a group of women standing behind her.
“Did you just hit me?” I ask, rubbing my face.
“Yes, you were doing your stupid stare that you do.”
“So you slapped me?”
“Well, I didn’t have a book to throw at you.”
“Bitch.” Slap. “What the fuck, Kate? What was that one for?”
“Just wanted to slap you again.”
“Damn,” I say, rubbing the sting out of my face.
Ylva comes walking up to us and starts asking questions about
the monsters she had just seen and fought. To my surprise, I lose all
ability to put words together to answer her questions. I just babble
nonsense, sounding like I just had a damn stroke. Slap.
“Fuck, shit! Thank you!” I yell out, looking at Kate, then back
at Ylva. “Yes, those monsters are new here. We’re here to try and stop
them and their maker.”
“How do we kill them?” Ylva asks, confused about why Kate
slapped the shit out of me.
“Go for their necks, eyes, or cut their heads completely off,”
Kate says.
“What she said.”
“Stone, your hand! What happened, and what’s going on with
it?” Stacy says, pointing down at my hand. I look down at it.
“Holy shit,” I say, looking at my mangled hand, all torn up
from the Rager using it as a chew toy.
It’s full of holes and tears with muscle and whatever else is in
a hand hanging out but also closing up and healing as I look at it. I
don’t feel it or pain from it or it healing. It’s just there. Everyone gath-
156
157
Marc Longcor
WTF!
ers around me to watch the show of my hand heal like it is a kinky
porn show that’s really popular to watch.
“Okay, okay, enough. We’ve all seen shit heal before.”
“Yeah, but not like that, dipshit,” Kate says, grabbing my hand.
I pull it away from her.
“It’s my hand. Back off, twat waffle,” I say, looking at her.
Ylva comes up to me, reaching her hand out, signaling for me
to lay my mangled hand in hers to do whatever she wants. I drift off
again but to Steelheart’s “I’ll Never Let You Go,” and as soon as the
dream starts to come into focus, slap, slap, slap.
“Okay, okay, okay,” I say, waving my arms up to block the slaps
from Kate, using both hands this time.
“Stone, you’re freaking everyone the fuck out. Stay with us,
damn it. Next time, I’m not just gonna slap you.”
“Okay. Sorry,” I say as I look down to watch Ylva take my hand
again and wrap it in what I think is a leaf. It feels cool on my hand.
“Wow, that feels pretty good, Ylva. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. This plant will help keep your hand clean.”
“Okay, but how did you guys find me?” I ask, puzzled.
“Dude, the camp is, like, right there. You didn’t get that far.
And what the hell were you thinking?” Kate says to me.
“I wanted to find the doc and 13 or even Frost’s damn ship and
get all this done and over with.”
“We all want the same thing, but I think we’re going to need
help with this one, Stone,” Kate says, looking around at everyone
around us.
“Captain, we lost a few crew in the fight, and a few more were
taken by those creatures,” Sara says, walking up to Kate. Kate turns
to meet Sara and walks away from me and Ylva.
“What the hell was that big brick shithouse that wouldn’t go
down?” Jack says, walking up to us, still carrying a swivel cannon on
his side and not much else with ropes tied around the cannon and
looped around him.
“I think that was a bear that was turned by 13, and it’s something unreal. The bears here are massive as is, but what 13 did is
something else.”
“I see. What a fucking nightmare,” Jack says, turning and walking away.
“Jack, wait,” I yell.
“Yes?”
“Why are you carrying a cannon, and how the hell are you
reloading it?” I ask.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I had a few of the
girls reload me. I tried to carry one of the bigger ones, but they’re too
damn heavy.”
“Oh, okay. Just wondering. Thanks for the save,” I say to him.
“Don’t thank me. It was Ylva here that saw your dumbass in
trouble and led the charge,” Jack says, pointing at Ylva. I turn to her
and start to drift off again.
Punch. “Holy fuck me sideway! Stacy?” I say, looking at her,
holding my face.
“What? You started to drift again.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking at her, then back at Ylva, hoping
she doesn’t think I’m a damn fool. She just gives me a smile.
Everyone starts to head back to camp, disappearing into the
jungle. I follow behind Stacy and Ylva, admiring the view as the two
girls walk in front of me. Autopilot kicks in, and I start to drift again
until I come to with a face full of sand from tripping over a coconut.
“Damn it!” I say, pushing myself off the ground as I hear the girls
and Jack laughing at me. I need to pay more attention and not get
distracted by women around me, but damn, that Ylva is beautiful.
I get up on my feet and do a little jog to catch up with the
others before I lose them in the jungle. I run up next to Ylva so I can
try and talk to her again about what’s going on and the big problem
that’s cooking on this island and that we may not have the time to
rest or wait for her meetup with the other people.
“Ylva, hold up. I need to talk to you about some things,” I say,
running up next to her.
“Yes, Stone,” Ylva says, turning to me and looking at me with
those beautiful blue eyes, stopping me dead in my tracks. I go blank
in what I am gonna say to her.
158
159
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Punch. “Fuck! Ylva?” I say, coming to from drifting off again to
a dream of Ylva.
“What? Kate and Stacy did it when you went off like that,” she
says.
“Yeah, sorry. Thank you. Damn,” I say, rubbing my face.
“We are strong women here.”
“Yeah, anyway, so when can we go to this other group? ’Cause
I don’t think we have the time to wait from what we have just seen.”
“Do you expect more of those monsters to come?” Ylva asks.
“Yes, many more, and bigger.”
“I will get my warriors, and we shall go at once,” Ylva says, taking off fast to gather her people.
“Stone, what the fuck is going on? Ylva is getting a party
together to lead your ass to the other camp,” Kate says, walking up to
me, overhearing Ylva gathering people.
“Yes, we need to get to the other camp to let them know about
the shitstorm that’s cooking on this island before it’s too late and
we end up with more of those Crazy Eyes or even more of those
Nightmares. I think I’ll just stick to that name, Nightmares.”
“Yes, it’s fitting, but are you sure you want to move now? We
kinda just got here and just had a run-in with them,” Kate asks.
“Better to do it now than to wait for shit to get worse for us.”
“Right. I’ll get my crew together to tag along.”
“We should just take everyone and stay close.”
“Okay. Sara!” Kate says, then yells for Sara and then walks away
to do her pirate thing.
A few moments pass, and women start to gather around me.
Ylva and her warriors surround me, and Stacy and her crew come
walking up to join the party. Kate and the rest of the crew come joining in on the fun, and Jack comes walking up through the women,
slapping each one he passes on the ass, making each woman give out
a little yelp and giggle until he makes it up to me.
“Nice to see you put clothes on, Jack.”
“Yeah. This jungle is a little thick to be running around balls
out, but fuck, it’s hot.”
“I bet it is hot in those wool pants,” I say, looking at him back
in the pirate getup that he got back on the island.
“So what’s the plan? We all move in as one big target of a group?”
Stacy asks.
“No, I think we should break up into smaller groups to cover
each other in flanks if need be,” I say, looking around at all the people
we have.
“I can break my warriors down into three movements,” Ylva
says, looking at me.
“You can?” I reply, looking at her.
“Yes, I have two sisters that help me lead,” Ylva says.
“Okay, do your thing,” I say back.
“Astrid, Ingrid, come forward,” Ylva says, and two women come
walking out of the crowd of warriors, looking exactly the same.
“Holy shit, Ylva, your sisters…”
“Yes, they look the same. We are told you call them twins from
your time,” Ylva says, interrupting me.
“How we doing this, then?” I ask.
“Astrid, take Jack and half the Vlfhedinns and lead the way.
Ingrid, take the rest and go with Stacy and her people. I will go with
Stone and Kate with her crew,” Ylva says, laying down the plan.
“Okay, well, y’all heard her. Let’s get going,” I say, looking at
everyone still around me as Jack walks up next to me.
“Do you see this little number I’m heading out with?” Jack asks,
pointing at Astrid.
“Be nice, Jack,” I reply.
“Oh, I’m gonna be nice,” he says back with a smile.
“Will you get out of here already before they leave your old ass
behind,” I say, pushing him away.
“Vlfhedinns, move,” Ingrid orders, waving her spear and pointing into the jungle and starts walking, followed by her group and
Stacy with her crew.
“Hey, Kate, what all does your crew have for a fight?” I ask.
“Oh, you know, AKs, AR-15s, .50s, and all the high-power rifles.
What do you think we have, dumbass? We just have black powder pistols and rifles with swords and spears,” Kate says back to me.
160
161
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“You could have just said that last part and saved us some time,”
I reply, taking a step back knowing that she will swing her hand at
me to try slapping my chest, but I’m two steps ahead of her. “Ha!” I
laugh out as she misses me with the first slap, but I’m not expecting
her to come in at me for another hit, and she connects her slap across
my chest. “Damn it,” I say, rubbing my chest from where she slapped
me.
“So what are these monsters that you are worried about?” Ylva
asks.
“We’ve ended up calling them Crazy Eyes,” I answer.
“What kind of creatures are they?” Ylva continues her curiosity.
“They’re big, nasty monsters that are a pain in the ass to deal
with,” Kate says.
“They’ll outnumber us by the end of all this,” I say, looking at
Ylva.
“We have what we have, and we’ll just do the best we can with
it,” Kate says.
“Amelia and her people have far better weapons than we do,”
Ylva says.
“Really?” I say, looking back at her from where I am walking.
“Yes, weapons you call guns,” she replies.
“Okay, cool. Then let’s get there fast,” I say.
“This way,” Ylva says, pointing and walking away to lead us.
I stand still, letting Ylva walk past me, followed by Kate and her
pirate crew. I can’t help but wonder where I went wrong in life that
I’ve ended up here, outnumbered by women, monsters, and a crazy
old man. I turn around and see that everyone has disappeared into
the jungle. I take off running to catch up with them to keep from
getting lost.
The noise from all the conversations going on among the crew
gets louder and louder. All the groups have caught up with one
another, making one big group, taking away the element of surprise.
Anyone planning an attack on us can hear us coming from miles
away.
We walk past where the fight went down with the Ragers, the
giant bear, and the raptors, and I notice that the two other raptors are
gone and the third one that I beheaded is torn to shit like something
has been eating it like it’s a buffet. I can’t help but think that 13 got
ahold of those raptors and created something worse than Ragers, like
he did with that Nightmare.
We walk and walk for forever, it seems like, a lot longer than I
did beforehand. The sun never moves, and the heat is ungodly sticky.
I’m so glad I’m wearing a kilt, and what breeze that comes is very
welcome. I wonder if Amelia is maybe the Amelia that I’m thinking
about. Who might she be, and what people are at this camp we are
going to? My mind just roams through every possibility here and
what can happen. I just keep thinking I just need to get to Frost’s
ship and shut it down and stop 13 and his monsters again. When I
get home, I’m sending a big-ass bill to the government for my time
and services in this bullshit.
We catch up with Ingrid and Stacy. Their group has stopped,
and the warriors have made their shield wall like there is something
coming toward us. The rest of Ylva’s warriors rush to the front to
make the shield wall bigger. Kate’s pirates circle up, getting rifles
ready to fire at whatever may come out of the jungle at us.
“Ylva, what’s going on?” I ask.
“Movement up ahead. Everyone, get ready,” Ylva orders.
Kate’s pirates form up behind Ylva’s warriors, making a circle,
pulling rifles and pistols, preparing them to fire at a moment’s notice.
Kate pulls two pistols out of her holster. Stacy follows in the same
steps as Kate. I pull Bridget out, ’cause she is all I have left now after
losing the twins in the fight with the Ragers earlier. We stand ready
for something to come out of the jungle and attack us. I start to hear
movement, something running and breathing heavy and hard. It’s
not an animal or a monster. It sounds more like a group of people.
Soon, people start to appear out of the jungle, running. To my
surprise, they are men dressed in familiar uniforms and yelling in the
language of the country that I just left. German soldiers are running
from something. As they run up to the shield wall, we see what is
chasing them. Ugly faces and loud screams give them away. Ragers
appear out of the jungle, running at full speed, and I just know that
162
163
Marc Longcor
WTF!
with their size and the speed they’re going, they will crash through
the wall, killing a lot of us.
I push myself out of the circle and run out front, charging at the
Ragers, blocking out the cries from Kate and Stacy as they scream my
name, asking what the hell I’m doing. Bridget is in my hand, and it
feels just as good as ever. I run to the first Rager, meeting it head-on.
Bridget is out in front of me as the Rager mows over me. Bridget cuts
right through its chest as I roll out from under it, swinging Bridget
inches above the sand, cutting the legs out from under another Rager
that comes charging up.
I spin on my back, making my way up to my feet like a break
dancer would do on stage. Damn, I’ve got mad skills. I turn to face
another Rager that comes to a stop just in front of me, sizing me up
after just seeing what happened to its brother before him. I start to
notice that these Ragers have torn German uniforms on them.
The Rager swings an arm out at me, then its other, showing
me its long reach. We start to circle each other as I try to avoid the
Rager that is still on the ground, alive but with its feet cut off. While
circling around, I notice the shield wall getting closer, as they are taking small steps forward, keeping the wall up. I am pulling Bridget in
close, getting ready to block the Rager’s attack, when its ears lift up,
and then it turns, running away.
“Come back and fight, pussy!” I yell.
“Stone, what the hell were you thinking, dumbass?” Kate yells
at me from behind the shield wall.
“I didn’t want these fuckers breaking through the wall and fucking us up.”
“Break wall!” Ylva orders, and the shield wall comes down. All
her warriors spread out, followed by Kate’s pirates. “What is this
creature?” Ylva asks, walking up to the Rager on the ground, who is
yelping because its feet are cut off.
“Don’t get too close. They can still take you down with their
long arms,” I say just in time to see the Rager swing one arm out at
Ylva. She spins her spear around and thrusts it into the back of the
Rager and pulls it back out and then shoves it down again in the back
of its neck.
“Damn!” Kate and Stacy yell at the same time at Ylva killing
the Rager.
“Is that how you kill them?” Ylva asks, pulling her spear back
out of the dead Rager.
“Yeah, that will do it,” Kate says, shrugging her shoulders up
and tilting her head to the right side.
“Yeah, that’s about it, really. Just go for their neck or eyes if you
can, but if not, just shoot them as much as possible in the head if you
can,” Stacy adds.
Soon, more sounds can be heard in the jungle. It is loud with
many voices as if a group of people is coming. Then this redhead
comes running out of the jungle, holding a 1944 Thompson machine
gun, followed by other people with the same Thompson and other
weapons. They are all wearing different clothes from different times.
“Who the hell are you?” I ask, looking at the woman leading
the pack.
“Amelia Earhart!” she replies.
“Wait, what?” I say, puzzled, not expecting that answer.
“My name is Amelia Earhart. And who might you be?” she asks,
lowering her Thompson.
“Stone. This is Kate, Stacy, and Ylva,” I say, pointing out
everyone.
“Oh, I know Ms. Ylva already, but nice to meet you all, and
welcome to our little island. But it seems like we have quite a problem with new arrivals here who are making a lot of trouble for us,”
she says.
“Let me guess, a doctor?” I ask.
“Yes, a weird doctor he is indeed, and now he has destroyed the
German camp and half the men there,” she replies.
“What?”
“Yes, the doctor had a friend with him that ended up attacking
my men and turning them into horrible creatures unlike anything we
have here on the island,” a strong-looking German man says, walking
out from Amelia’s group.
“And who are you?” I ask.
“Colonel Heniz Hildegard,” he replies.
164
165
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“I see.”
“Yes, this is all weird indeed, and it seems like we all have to
come together now, for there is something on this island far worse
than us or any other creature we have here,” Heniz says.
“Okay, as long as we all are on the same team. So what happened? What brings you all out this way?” I ask.
“Our camp was attacked by those monsters,” Amelia says.
“How many people do you have with you, and what supplies
do you have?” I ask.
“Really, we haven’t counted or checked any of that. We just
grabbed what we could and ran. I have people who took off in all
directions, and who knows what became of them,” she says.
“I did have a camp full of soldiers, guns, ammo, and more
before that tall creature turned my men,” Heniz says, getting in on
the conversation.
“Really tall, ugly-looking motherfucker with scary teeth?” I ask.
“Yes, and he can turn himself invisible, and that’s how he got
the drop on my men,” Heniz replies.
“Well, I guess we go back to Ylva’s camp, then, and go from
there,” Kate says.
“Yes, let’s,” Amelia says, taking off walking with her group following close behind.
Everyone turns and starts walking back to Ylva’s camp, and how
everyone looks is puzzling if you don’t know what’s going on. Some
of these people look to be on vacation, and more seem to be soldiers from the second big war, and others look to be scientists. The
walk back doesn’t seem to take as long as the walk to where we met
Amelia and her group. Walking back into Ylva’s camp, her warriors
just disappear, and all the pirates go back to the open area, along with
Amelia’s group, to just hang out.
“Hey, Amelia, so I hear you know where a spaceship is. We need
to get to it before the doctor and 13 do. Also, what is the story of this
place?” I say, walking up behind her, stopping her to ask questions.
“So you know Frost, huh? His ship is up the mountain, and
it’s almost impossible to get to it with all that’s on the island. I don’t
think we have time to tell you everything that’s here, and I’m not
even sure anymore with these new things,” Amelia answers.
“Right. I just need the basic direction of where the ship is at,
and I’ll do the rest,” I say, looking at her.
“You’ll never make it. I’ve tried many times and lost many men
on that foolish adventure up the mountain,” Heniz says, overhearing
me talking to Amelia.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t have me here,” I say back to him in a
cocky tone.
“Stone, just ’cause you have a little dick doesn’t mean you get to
be cocky,” Kate says, walking up from behind me.
“Look, is there a place I can lead the doctor and 13 and all their
shitbags to for an ambush or something? Or does anyone have any
other ideas?” I ask, looking around.
“I have nothing right now, but as soon as we get things set up
around here, we can have a meeting to make plans,” Amelia says.
I turn and take off walking, looking at everything that is going
on. Pirates are making tents to form tent city, Viking warriors are
walking around as guards, and others here and there with guns are
just standing around on lookout. I drift off to autopilot, walking and
thinking of different things. By the time I come to, I have walked out
of Ylva’s camp and into the jungle.
“Where the hell am I?” I mumble, looking around, lost in the
jungle. I just shrug my shoulders and continue walking in the direction I am heading in already. A faint scream comes from up ahead,
carried by the wind, and I take off running toward it. Dumbass, you
don’t run toward the creepy noise. I’m running so fast that I can’t
remember if I have ever run this fast before.
Getting caught up in the run, I don’t see the bears in front of
me. I run past one bear and jump over the other and keep running to
get away from them. I turn to look back to see if they are following
me, and they’re not. When I turn back around, I notice a raptor up
ahead of me. Fuck it, I push harder in my run, heading toward the
raptor. It locks eyes with me, and by the time it can react to me running at it like a slower version of the Flash, I coldcock it across the
face, spinning it around and down to the ground.
166
167
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I end up running out of the jungle and onto the beach. I slow
down to a stop and bend over to catch my breath. My lungs are on
fire. This is what you get, dumbass, for running. I bend over, taking
in deep breaths, then I stand up straight, stretching my chest out
to fill it up with air. I am looking down the beach both ways to see
where the hell I am when I hear a high-pitched screech that gets my
attention. I turn to see that the raptor I knocked down is now at full
speed, arms out, closing in the gap between us, and all I can do is just
brace for impact.
I double up my fist, not even thinking about Bridget. I wanna
know how much power I have now, so I wait for this raptor to get to
me. I wait right up to the moment it’s right on top of me before I take
my right fist and shoot it up, connecting right under its head or chin,
stopping it dead in its tracks. I knock it backward, its feet in the air,
backflipping and landing on the ground.
“Boom, bitch. How do you like me now?” I yell at it while it’s
lying on the ground, not moving. The raptor starts to move. “Oh,
shit!” I say, getting startled by the fact that it’s moving again. I pull
Bridget out, swinging her down, taking the raptor’s head clean off. I
then wipe the blood off her on the feathers of the now dead raptor
and put her back on my back. I start doing a stupid victory dance,
spinning around in the sand, until I turn and notice a big blue hand
flying at me, hitting me, sending me flying through the air.
After landing in the sand, creating a crater, I sit up and look at
what just hit me. It is an alien giant from Germany. I just sit where I
land, watching him walk to me, knowing this is going to be one hell
of a fight. “Hey! There you are. I was starting to worry about you all.
What happened to you guys?” I say to him, slowly standing up and
dusting the sand off me.
The blue giant just stops and stares, looking down at me as I finish dusting off. I move without any pain, feeling pretty good. I stand
up straight and look right up at the blue giant standing in front of me.
“You gonna say anything or just want to skip the small talk and get to
the ass whooping?” I say, looking at it. I totally sound like Jack.
Before I can say anything else to make me look stupid, I see the
other giants walking out of the tree line toward me. I start to take a
step back to better take them all in and see what I have to do to fight
them all. Then something happens, something I am not expecting.
The giants start to change shape and get smaller.
Each giant changes shape to look almost humanlike. They are
still big and tall, but they are more human. The yellow giant even
changes shape to something less threatening to look at. I watch as
they change and walk up to me. I’m just frozen in place by what I’m
witnessing before me.
“You, human, are you the one that freed us?” the former yellow
giant says to me once he stops changing to look more like an old man
but tall and built like a brick shithouse. He is carrying a spear and
only has one eye.
“Yeah, that was me. Sorry if I woke you up early or something.
I wasn’t expecting to run into your kind. By the way, what are you
guys?” I ask, looking at them.
“You may know me as Odin, Zeus, or Ra depending on where
you’re from. I’ve gone by many names,” Odin says.
“Oh, shit,” I mumble. Ancient Aliens on the History Channel is
right about our gods being aliens.
“You would know me as Thor or Ares or Hercules,” another
says to me.
“Okay.”
“I am the one they call Kali,” the woman says.
“All right,” I reply to her.
“I’m Buddha. I threw you down the hallway when we first met,”
he says to me with a smile on his face.
“Yeah, that hurt, by the way,” I say back to him. When did this
turn into a damn meet and greet?
“I had to. You were hurting my family,” Buddha says to me.
“Sorry. I didn’t know what you were,” I reply.
“Enough, Buddha. They call me Apollo, and you killed my
brother Loki,” one says, coming at me in a way that I almost piss
myself, but the Buddha guy steps forward and stops this one who
calls himself Apollo.
“Sorry again. I’ve not had the best run-in with your kind,” I say,
holding up my hands.
168
169
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“What do you mean our kind? There are none like us in this
realm,” Odin says.
“Yeah, there’s this other alien we call 13. He bites and turns
people into monsters and is a really big pain in the ass.”
“We know of his kind, a plague of the stars and galaxies all
over.”
“Exactly,” I say, feeling like I’m making new friends.
“Odin, brother, I wish to kill this human for the death of Loki,”
Apollo demands, still being held back by Buddha.
“Hey now, buddy, that was just a misunderstanding, and I think
he killed my friend, so can we just be friends now?”
“Yes, let’s be friends,” Buddha says, smiling.
“See? The jolly, fat guy gets it,” I say, pointing at Buddha.
“Hahahahaha!” Buddha just laughs, walking up to me and hugging me so tightly that I can’t breathe.
“Easy, big guy. I still gotta breathe.” I struggle to get out.
“Oh, yes, sorry, my new friend.”
“Okay, so I have to ask. What about Jesus and God and all
that?” I ask, looking at them, hoping for the ultimate answer ever.
“Enough talking. I must ask you a question. Did you disturb an
ancient place guarded by a blue light?” Odin asks.
“Maybe?” I say back. I know that I did, but I don’t want to tell
them.
“Did you?” Odin says in a deep, low, but loud tone, giving me
chills down my spine.
“Yes.”
“You woke up something evil and nastier than anything you
have ever seen or known, human,” Apollo says, looking at me.
“The name is Stone,” I say, then I see Odin pull out the glass
box with the blue light in it.
“Oh shit, how did that get here?” I ask, pointing at the glass
box.
“Never mind that. Did the dark get out?” Kali asks.
“I don’t know. Last thing I saw was the island getting bombarded by cannon fire, and then it, like, tore itself apart,” I reply.
“Odin, you know we cannot defeat it again without Loki,” Thor
says, looking at Odin.
“It is out of our hands now and falls to the chosen one if he so
chooses to fight,” Odin replies.
“Well, that all sounds like a mess,” I say, looking at them with
question after question forming in my head. “So, hey, did you all
make humans worship you guys?” I ask, still trying to get answers.
“No, they did that themselves. We created everything with the
help from some others that we had to banish to other places while we
stayed to help evolve the humans,” Apollos answers.
“So these others you talk about, what and who are they?”
“The Dark Evil that you woke up was dormant when we arrived
to this vast emptiness. With it and a spark from us, we created everything you know today. And then the Dark Evil became full of rage,
creating eviler demigods to destroy the planets and everything,” Odin
explains.
“And what happened? How did you do it?”
“A great war was what happened. Many were lost and banished
to other places we created,” Thor answers.
“Other places?”
“Yes, other places,” Apollo says.
“Oh, just wondering,” I say.
“What do we do now, Odin?” Kali asks.
“We stay and help our new friend Stone on his quest, whatever
it may be,” Odin says, lifting the glass box up to his face, whispering something. The box flies out of his hands, up into the sky, and
through the blue force field.
“Holy hell! How—what did you say to it?” I ask, trying to get
some form of a question out of my mouth.
“I just told it to go to the forge and wait for the chosen one,”
Odin replies.
“Chosen one, forge, right,” I say, tilting my head a little as if
saying, “Really, dude, I need more than that.”
“There is a forge hidden in the lands of the north of the old
world, and only the chosen one can enter it,” Odin replies.
“Where can I find this chosen one?” I ask.
170
171
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“A light will come to him and show him the way.”
“Like that glass box with the blue light in it?”
“Yes.”
“All right, then.”
“What is it that you need of us, Stone?” Thor asks.
“Well, I need to get to Frost’s ship and make some changes
to drop or destroy this field and now stop this doctor and his alien
friend and monsters,” I say.
“Frost? A little alien of another worldly planet?” Buddha asks.
“Yeah, you all know the little freak,” I say.
“Yes, we know him. He traveled this planet, teaching the humans
different things and playing his games with humans,” Apollo says.
“I can see him doing that with his cocaine problem.”
“Yes, Loki got him on that kick, I’m afraid, when they both
traveled together, playing games on the humans,” Kali says.
“Okay, back to the blue light. What is it?” I ask.
“Never mind it. You are not the chosen one,” Thor says.
“Okay, then. I guess all that needs to happen now is, we make
our way up a mountain and fight whatever comes our way.”
“Then lead the way, Stone,” Apollo says.
“’Bout that. Have any of you giant bastards seen a mountain
around here?” I ask, looking at them.
“That way, toward the center of the island, you fool,” Kali says,
pointing into the jungle.
“Guess we know who the bossy one of the group is,” I whisper
over to Buddha, and he just laughs, jiggling his whole body.
I take off walking in the direction that Kali pointed out, leading this group of gods, or aliens, to a mountain with a spaceship
that is producing a force field, while keeping an eye out for Ragers,
Nightmares, and whatever else 13 has made already. It all kinda
sound like a horrible movie or a weird book.
We walk for what seem like hours, but it’s hard to tell, ’cause
the damn sun never fucking moves here. Through the trees and thick
jungle, I see an opening up ahead. Once I clear the tree line to this
open area, I see a lake, and I start looking around for higher ground
to get a better look at where I’m at. I walk over to the lake to take a
look to see if it’s drinkable or if it’s gonna give you the most horrible
shits you’ve ever had like you are a dumbass in Mexico who drinks
the water.
I look out over the lake, trying to get my bearings, deciding
on which way to go. I can see the mountain on the other side. I see
waves moving in the lake. They are small at first, but they get bigger
and are heading my way. I take a few steps back, pulling Bridget out,
getting ready for whatever may come out of this lake.
“Hey, guys, I think we’re gonna have company!” I yell out, taking a stance and bracing for whatever.
“What are you yelling about, human?” Apollo says, walking up
next to me. As he sees what I see and as the waves get bigger, he pulls
a sword out of thin air. He shakes his other arm, and a shield pops
out.
“What the fuck, Apollo?” I say, looking at him.
Kali, Thor, and Buddha move up next to me. Thor sparks lightning from his hands, and poof, an ax shows up in his hand. Kali
pops out two more arms and does the same thing Apollo did—pulls
swords out of thin air. Buddha is the only one who doesn’t pull a
weapon from the air. He just stands next to me, smiling. Odin takes
a stance behind us, ready with his spear.
The waves come crashing up on the shore with a force that takes
me back a few steps. The gods, aliens, just stand their ground, not
moved one inch by the waves. I look up at this monster that has just
washed up ashore. It’s really big with a long neck, a big head, and a
mouth full of teeth that I do not wanna be a part of. It doesn’t have
any legs, just flippers.
“Holy shit! It’s fucking Nessie!” I say in excitement.
“Who?”
“It’s the Loch Ness Monster,” I say, still excited over the fact that
it’s real.
Nessie comes crashing down with its big head, trying to take
a bite out of all of us in one full motion. As the group dives and
splits up, I see Thor get hit by Nessie’s tail, sending him flying back
into the jungle. I can’t help but laugh at the sight of Thor on his ass.
Not paying any attention, I find myself flying toward the jungle too,
172
173
Marc Longcor
WTF!
unable to steer during my flight. I see a tree coming fast, and the only
thing that goes through my mind at this moment is the George of the
Jungle theme song.
I hit the tree hard, bowing it over like we are in a damn cartoon.
It slingshots me back toward the fight, but I’m only being shot down
into the sand. I look up to see all the gods, or aliens—damn it, just
gods—moving fast, jumping here and there. Nessie is giving us a run
for our money. He gets ahold of Apollo and pulls him back into the
lake, under the water.
Kali goes running into the lake after Apollo as Thor comes running out of the jungle and diving into the lake as well. I get up on
my feet and run back to the edge of the lake, and I just stand there,
staring into the lake like a dumbass. Buddha comes walking out of
the jungle, calm as can be. He walks up next to me with bananas.
“Banana?” he says, handing one to me.
“Not right now, buddy. Maybe later,” I say back to him, giving
him a weird look, disbelieving how calm he is.
Thor, Kali, and Apollo pop up from under the water, running
as best as they can. Nessie comes up to the surface, pissed that dinner
is getting away. Nessie comes fast to shore, nearly running the gods
down under its body. Odin comes flying in from the blind side of
Nessie, diving his spear down in its side. Nessie gives a gnarly roar,
spinning around hard, sending Odin flying off its side.
Kali charges back at Nessie with her four arms just swinging
away, slicing into the other side of Nessie. Thor moves to the back
side, running up Nessie’s tail, but he doesn’t make it far, because
Nessie whips his tail, sending Thor into the lake, and Nessie splashes
back into the lake after Thor.
All the noise and commotion have gotten the attention of other
animals. Giant snakes come out of nowhere, wrapping Buddha up
like he is nothing. Buddha is just laughing. He’s fucking laughing.
Another snake comes up to Apollo, and he brings his shield up to
block the attack and spins to thrust his sword into the snake. But he
misses, as the snake moves around him fast.
I suddenly feel the hair on my whole body stand up. I turn to
come face-to-face with a giant snake staring me down like a fat man
with cardiac issues staring at a steak at Golden Corral, knowing he
wants it but is unsure if he wants to chance fate. The snake lunges at
me, and I quickly bring Bridget up out of instinct, catching the snake
under its head and tilting it over to the side.
The weight of the snake takes me down to the ground with it
as I pull Bridget out of its head. I look over at the lake, and it looks
like a storm is going on under the water. Nessie’s tail flops out of
the water here and there like he’s trying to hit something, and that
something is Thor.
Kali and Apollo are back-to-back, fighting off giant snakes. Odin
is alone, doing the same, spinning his spear around. Buddha is still in
a giant snake’s death grip. It looks like the snake is having a hard time
trying to crush him. Before I can make a move, I am wrapped up by
a snake. It tightens its grip on me, squeezing all the air I have out of
me. With Bridget still in my hand, I start to push up with her, slicing
through the snake. The tightness lets up as Bridget comes flying up,
slicing through the snake. I shudder to the feeling of snakes. Blah.
I run over to Kali and Apollo, slicing a head off one snake as I
run by, giving them a chance to fight off other snakes. I keep moving
toward Odin, who is fighting off three of them on his own, and I do
the same as before. I just swing Bridget, taking a head off one snake,
getting the attention of the other two for Odin to do the same. He
takes the heads off the two that had lost focus on him. I continue on
to Buddha to help him out.
“No, no, wait,” Buddha says, watching me run up to him.
“What do you mean wait? That damn thing is gonna kill you,”
I say back to him.
“Oh no, he just thinks he is,” Buddha says back to me, calm as
ever.
“Buddha, will you stop playing around?” Odin says, walking up
next to me.
“Okay,” Buddha replies. He just puffs up, splitting the snake
into pieces, giving me chills, and I shudder again.
“Snakes, blech,” I say, turning away and looking back at the
lake. The water is calm now, as calm as Buddha is. “Odin, do you
think Thor is all right?” I ask.
174
175
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yes,” he replies.
“I’m going to start a fire and make camp,” Buddha says, walking
up next to us.
“Yes, we will camp here for now and rest,” Odin replies to
Buddha.
“We’re gonna camp here?” I say in disbelief.
“Yes, what’s wrong with here?” Odin asks.
“Well, we just fought giant fucking snakes and maybe the Loch
Ness Monster,” I say, pointing at the lake and around at the dead
snakes.
“It will be okay,” Odin says as waves start to wash up ashore.
Nessie’s head pops out of the water, but it does not look the same as
before. Thor comes walking out of the water, dragging Nessie’s head
and part of its neck to shore, laughing.
“Now that was a battle,” Thor says, pulling Nessie’s head up.
“We will eat good tonight,” Apollo says, walking up next to me.
“We’re gonna eat that?” I ask.
“Yeah. Why not?” Kali asks.
“Nothing. I’ll try anything at least once,” I say, shrugging my
shoulders.
I hear the sound of something snapping behind me. I turn to
see Buddha snapping full-size trees into smaller pieces like it is nothing and stacking them to make a pyre. Kali takes a few sticks in her
four arms and starts rubbing them together fast, and within seconds,
she has a fire started. With all the trees and how they’re stacked,
the heat is horrible, making it difficult to breathe. Thor drags over
Nessie’s head and flops it on the fire, and Apollo throws two giant
snakes on the fire as well.
The snakes and the head start to sizzle like burgers on a grill,
and the grease from them flare up the fire. Thor rotates Nessie’s head
to cook the other side, and Apollo turns the snakes over, and Kali
starts to cut slices off to see if they are good to eat yet. She pulls a slice
and tries it, then cuts another slice and hands it to me to try. I take
the slice from one of her four hands and sniff it. Well, it can’t be any
worse than my mom’s cooking.
I take a bite, and to my surprise, it’s not too bad—chewy but
not bad at all. When I finish the snake slice, Thor hands me a slice of
Nessie, and I sniff it, then take a little bite. Again, not bad. I wouldn’t
have thought Nessie would be something I would be eating in my
lifetime, but then again, there’s a lot going on that I never thought
I would be doing or seeing. We finish eating. Well, I finish eating. I
just watch the gods eat everything, barely leaving anything for later
when we wake up.
“Stone, what about your people? Where are they?” Odin asks.
“They’re back that way somewhere. Or that way, I think,” I
answer, pointing all over, lost to where I am.
“Do you think we should go to them and then go together to
this mountain?” Odin asks.
“You know, if we can do this just us without losing anyone else,
that would be cool with me. Plus, there’s someone back there that
may not like you guys for killing her father,” I say, looking at them.
“Was he the one Loki killed?” Thor asks.
“Yes.”
“We were defending ourselves like you must have been doing,”
Buddha says.
“We can try and talk and come to an understanding of the
problem knowing that we cannot change what happened,” Kali says.
“But could you guys? I mean, there has to be a way to timetravel and unfuck all this. I mean, you are gods, or aliens, with the
power to do shit,” I ask.
“If we do, we risk changing much more than what has already
been changed,” Odin says.
“Yeah, but we are not from that time, so could we go back to
that time within that moment and change the outcome of what happened to where we get your guy and my guy back?”
“Well, we actually might be able to. Kali, what do you think?”
Buddha asks.
“We could pull it off, for if you are from a time beyond then,
then that means history is set, and no change could come of it. So
yes, we could go back and do this if we come right back to this island
176
177
Marc Longcor
WTF!
to reset time. I believe that this force field is the one Frost told us
about so long ago, and time doesn’t exist here,” Kali says.
“Okay, then. Let’s do this. Let’s go back and fix things so you
guys can be a team again,” I say, getting excited about the idea at
hand.
“Kali, Buddha, take us back to that time and moment,” Odin
says, looking at them both.
Kali and Buddha grab hands and start to chant something I
have no clue about. Sand starts to dust up around us even though
there’s no wind to help. Their chanting gets louder and louder, and
wind starts to blow hard. My kilt starts to lift up, and I push it back
down to keep from horrifying my new friends.
Soon, we’re not standing on the island anymore. In fact, we’re
not standing anywhere at all. There is nothing to see. It’s dark but
not blackout. There is light, and then flashes come flying by. It’s like
when you are watching a movie and you rewind it. Soon, we are
standing in the hallway between myself and the blue giant before
Hightower shoots a grenade at him.
I just stand here, watching the gods do their thing, not getting
in the way and fucking things up. Kali and Buddha are still doing
their chanting, slowing down time, and Thor moves fast, getting to
the blue giant that is Loki and pulling him into the time bubble.
I guess you could call it that. Odin moves to grab Hightower and
pulls him in. Once both are in the time bubble, everything goes to
fast-forward mode, and I find myself standing back by the lake with
Hightower standing in front of me.
“Holy shit, what just happened? Stone, what did you do?”
Hightower asks, stunned and confused.
“Easy, easy. Everything is okay, bud. There’s a lot to talk about.
Just breathe,” I say, walking up to him with my arms out, waving
them down to calm him down as I breathe with him.
“What…how…huh?” Hightower mumbles just before falling
backward, passing out.
“What a weak human,” Apollo says.
“Hey, come on. I thought we were past all that, guys,” I say,
looking at Apollo as if saying, “Really?”
I look over to see Thor and Odin talking with Loki to catch him
up on things, and it seems like he’s taking the news a lot better than
Hightower did. I get down on one knee next to Hightower and start
to shake his shoulder to wake him up, and when that doesn’t work,
I move to tapping him on his face. When that doesn’t work either, I
nut-tap him just hard enough to get a reaction out of him.
“Ouch! Mother piss bucket,” Hightower says, sitting up, grabbing himself and rolling over to his side.
“You’ll be okay, buddy,” I say, still kneeling down next to him.
“Yeah, I think I’ll live. Where are we?” Hightower asks, looking
up at me.
“Well, we’re on Frost’s island and surrounded by gods. Long
story short, we’re here now, and 13 is changing everything into
monsters.”
“Shit, where’s Jack and the girls? Where’s Stacy?” Hightower
asks.
“They’re okay. They’re back at camp with pirates and Vikings
and totally don’t need us right now,” I reply.
“All right, then. Later, you’re going to tell me everything,”
Hightower says, pointing up at me. I stand up and reach my hand
down to help him up.
“Well, that wasn’t so hard to do. How come you guys just didn’t
do that to begin with? And why don’t you do it more often?” I ask
the gods.
“’Cause if we do it, it will change other things in time. And by
doing so, it could make things worse,” Buddha says.
“Okay, everyone, let’s get some rest and take shifts keeping
watch,” Thor says.
“I will take first watch,” Buddha says.
Everyone takes their spots and sets themselves up for some rest,
but having no clue of what time it is here makes it difficult to judge
anything, so I guess we’ll just sleep when we can and go from there.
I drift off faster than I thought I would, and before long, I’m woken
up by Hightower. I sit up slowly, still drowsy, trying to adjust to the
bright light of the sun. I start to focus on the group, and I see every-
178
179
Marc Longcor
WTF!
one is up now, and I start getting confused by how long I’ve been out,
trying to wrap my mind around things.
“What’s going on, Hightower? How long was I out, and how
come I wasn’t woken up for a shift to watch?” I ask.
“Buddha took the whole watch,” Hightower answers.
“That guy, he’s the best,” I say, smiling, getting up on my feet.
“Buddha, my main man, how come you didn’t wake anyone
else up for watch?” I ask, walking up to him.
“I lost track of time and was just drawn by this island,” Buddha
says.
“Did you find anything or see anything that could help show
the way to the mountain?”
“Yes, I will lead the way to your mountain,” Buddha says.
Odin yells out for everyone to move out, and Buddha takes off
in front, leading the way, saying he knows how to get to the mountain. So again, I find myself walking, but at least I’m not leading the
way and getting everyone lost. This fucking island can really eat a bag
of dicks. It takes forever to get to anywhere, and it’s a small island.
Like, really, how big is this damn place?
I start thinking about the last time I had food or anything
to drink, then hunger and thirst start to kick in and take over my
thoughts. I must have been thinking out loud because Buddha stops
everyone and hugs a palm tree, shaking it like a teddy bear. Coconuts
fall to the ground, and Kali picks them up. She takes a finger, and
as if she’s popping a balloon, she just shoves it through the coconut,
making a hole, then hands it to us.
I take the coconut that Kali finger-fucked and drink the water
out of it. It tastes horrible. I hate coconuts, but I need the water, so
I drink it and keep moving with the group. Walk, walk, walk, left,
right, left, right. I’m so fucking tired of walking. We haven’t run into
anything dangerous for a while now, and I’m starting to think that
maybe we are too late and that 13 has taken off and left the island
by now.
My wishes for some excitement must have been heard, as a
group of giant bears come out of the jungle from our side. One bear
tackles Thor down to the ground, trying to make dinner out of him.
Thor just laughs, grabbing the bear by the jaws and ripping them
apart, splitting the bear’s skull open. Another bear charges at Kali.
She pops out her two other arms from her side and pulls swords out
of thin air again and just begins to fuck this bear up.
I look over to see Buddha laughing, petting a damn bear like it’s
his new best friend. I watch this all in awe of their power and amazed
by Buddha just befriending a bear, a fucking bear. I start to notice
that Buddha is talking to the bear, asking it questions like they’re
carrying on a conversation. Standing there, I can’t believe my eyes.
Everything happens so fast. The gods are just taking care of business
like it is nothing for them to get attacked by giant bears.
I see Thor just get up from under the bear he killed, covered in
blood, still laughing at being attacked. Kali just sucks in the two arms
that she pops out like it is no big deal, and the gods just turn and
start walking again, following Buddha and his pet bear now.
“What the fuck was all that?” I ask.
“Yeah. I can’t believe it either,” Hightower says, standing next to
me, just as amazed as I am.
“They took out those bears like it was nothing.”
“Have you seen those bears before?” Hightower asks.
“Yes, plus the ones 13 mutated.”
“What? You mean 13 can turn animals also?”
“I guess so. And there are raptors here too.”
“Wait, what raptors?” Hightower says, trying to catch up.
“Yep, but not like the movie raptors. These look more like giant
fucking chickens.”
“Let’s just get this over with and get home.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice,” I say as we take off, walking
behind the gods.
“Stone, come here for a minute,” Buddha says.
“Yeah? What is it, buddy?” I say, walking up next to him.
“I seem to have lost my way. Could we use you for something?”
Buddha asks.
“Yeah.”
Before I could say another word, Thor grabs me by my back
and tosses me up into the air like I’m a damn ball. Once I make it to
180
181
Marc Longcor
a high point, I don’t see anything, ’cause all I have on my mind is the
trip back down. I remain in place for a second or two before falling
back to the ground.
I kick my legs and scream without a care about my kilt flying up
and showing the world everything I have. I see the ground coming
fast like in that dream you have where you’re falling, but this isn’t a
dream. I close my eyes, and soon, I come to a hard stop. I open my
eyes to see that Thor has me in his arms.
“So what did you see up there?” Thor asks.
“See? I didn’t see shit, ’cause I didn’t know you were gonna
throw my ass up in the air.”
“You didn’t pay attention when you went up,” Thor says.
“No.”
Again, like before, not getting out another word, that motherfucker throws my ass back up into the air. This time, I focus on
things to make sure I can see as much as I can while I’m up here to
keep from having this done to me again. Once in the high point, I
look around as much as possible to see the mountain and the way to
head to. I can see a large open area filled with shit and smoke in two
different places. Then the fall starts. I don’t panic this time like before
’cause I know Thor will catch me, so I just brace for impact.
“Okay, did you see anything that time?” Thor asks.
“Yes.”
“Good,” Thor says before throwing me up again.
“Motherfucker!” I yell out loud and long, all the way up, and I
can hear that asshole just laughing like a little kid. “Throw me one
more time, motherfucker, and I’ll kick your ass,” I say once back in
Thor’s arms. He just laughs.
“Thor, enough,” Odin says to him.
“Okay. This way,” I say, walking away from Thor.
The jungle is thick with no end in sight. I hear the gods behind
me with their heavy steps just crushing everything under their feet.
Every time I look up, hoping to see the mountain or anything that
lets me know I’m going in the right direction, all I see are treetops
and sunlight peeking through. I start to think about Kate and Stacy
and what Jack may be up to and Ylva. Man, she is so fucking hot.
Stone’s been gone for a while now, and there’s no hope of him coming back, which just seems to be like him. When there’s work that
needs to be done, he just disappears like a little bitch, leaving me
to do all the work. He’s lucky I help run the salon, or it would be
under by now. Hell, it could be under right now from the government cleaning up after the doctor.
“Ylva, has any of your search parties come up with anything?” I
ask, walking up to her.
“No, nothing,” she replies as I notice Stacy coming back with
her crew.
“Stacy, did you find anything?” I ask.
“No. It’s like he just disappeared off the island with no trace.”
“This jungle is thick and hard to track in,” Sara says, walking
up behind Stacy.
“I can’t believe he would just take off like that,” I say, annoyed.
“Well, it is Stone. He does what he wants,” Stacy says.
“I know, but we need that goofy bastard,” I say.
“Where’s Jack at?” Stacy asks, looking around.
“I don’t know. He hasn’t come back yet either,” I reply.
“I hope that old fucker didn’t take off too,” Stacy says, still looking around.
“Where the hell do you think he may have gone off to?” Stacy
asks.
“I don’t know. They both need to be locked up and thrown into
a padded cell,” I say.
“So, Kate, what’s the plan?” Amelia asks.
“I don’t know, Amelia. What do you think we should do?”
“Well, I know where Frost’s ship is at. We can just go there.”
182
183
KATE
Marc Longcor
“Yes, that’s what Stone must be doing, and Jack must be thinking the same thing,” I say, getting excited.
“Okay, so how we doing this?” Stacy asks.
“We pack as much as we can carry and be ready for anything
and head to the green zone first to rest there. It will be the best place
to set up camp and see around us for miles,” Amelia says.
“Right. Let’s do that. Amelia, can you lead the way with your
group? And, Stacy, go with them with your crew.”
“On it, babe,” Stacy says, walking up and kissing me, then turning and walking away to get her crew ready. I stick around Ylva and
Amelia, as their groups are already together and ready to move. Stacy
doesn’t take long in getting her crew together. She comes back over
to us and stands next to Amelia. “Amelia, we’re ready when you and
your people are ready,” Stacy says, looking at Amelia.
“Ylva, get your people ready, and we’ll follow you,” I say, looking at her.
“My people are ready now,” Ylva replies.
“Let me get my crew together, then,” I reply, looking around for
Sara to ask her to get the crew ready.
I turn to get my crew together and ready, thinking of how crazy
all this is. On top of being on an island where time doesn’t work, I
am here with Vikings, pirates, aliens, and monsters. I walk up to Sara
and ask her to get the crew ready to move out. I stand and watch crew
member after crew member walk by me, carrying what they can for
the hike.
Now all the groups are walking out of camp, heading for the
green zone and ready for a fight. The walk is going to take forever,
and there’s nothing to do but think and walk, following Amelia and
Ylva around like a lost puppy. Stone, you better not be dead. And,
Jack, you old motherfucker, where the hell did you take off to?
184
JACK
I move from ship to ship, keeping cover from the Ragers on patrol,
looking for whatever they’re looking for. With each step, I make sure
it’s quiet and placed firmly on the ground before taking my next step.
I keep close to this ship I’m next to until I come to the end of it, and
I see a shadow of a Rager walking toward me. I pull a knife and get
ready to Rambo this fucker in the face.
The Rager slowly shows its face around the corner of the ship,
and I shove my knife into its left eye, watching its jaw drop. Then
it drops to its knees, dead. I pull my knife out of his skull and look
around to see if it’s good to move. I step over the dead Rager and
make my way across the opening to the other ship—well, boat. It
looks like it is for research from the looks of all the computers and
gizmos on it.
I stop when I hear a Rager jump on top of the boat I’m on right
now, and I duck down just under the side of the leaning boat to take
cover, out of sight of the Rager. I peek out a little to see where and
what it’s doing. I watch it look around and sniff the air. Then it leaps
down to the ground, and I sneak up from behind it, jump on its
back, and shove my knife into an eye socket, killing it.
I ride this Rager down to its knees until my feet hit the ground,
and I stand up, pulling my knife out. That’s two bitches for Jack, and
none for you fuckers. Ha ha. I just made a Twix commercial. I turn
around when I hear one Rager breathing heavily as it sniffs its dead
friend back at the last ship I was at. I duck back behind this boat,
making sure I’m not walking into anything. I turn between two other
boats with other boats stacked on top of them, looking like they
could fall over at any moment. Fall over at any moment? Hmm, I
wonder if I could.
185
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I run out from between the boats to find Ragers to fall for the
trap I’m cooking up on the go, and I run into a fucking Nightmare.
“Fuck me!” I dive to the ground as it swings its massive arm at me
and then roll out of the way before it can stomp down on me. I spin
up behind it, slapping it on the ass and taking off running toward
another boat.
The Nightmare turns and gets right on my ass, and I can feel
its hot breath on my back. I duck just in time from a ship’s mast
hanging low and out, and the Nightmare takes it right in the face,
but it doesn’t slow down at all. I see an opening to the left, and I take
the turn, bouncing off the side of another ship. The Nightmare dives
right into the ship, setting in motion the biggest domino effect I’ve
ever seen, and I’m getting jealous over the fact that it wasn’t me who
pushed it over.
I keep running, trying to make it out of the domino zone, but
each new ship that crashes down makes a new row of ships come
down. I’m just giving it all I can to stay on my own two feet, avoiding falling boats, anchors, and this and that on top of bobbing and
weaving in and out of Rager arms. I start to feel my chest burn and
tighten up, making it difficult to breathe. I stop to lean next to a boat
that’s still standing to catch my breath, thinking I can’t be having a
heart attack now, and the pain intensifies more.
I must have leaned a little too hard on this boat, having a heart
attack, as it starts to tilt away from me. I look up to watch it tilting
over more, and I start walking away like it wasn’t me who did it. I
walk out into the middle of an open area. The ground is covered in
grass, dark-green grass. What the fuck is this? There are no ships,
boats, cars, or anything in this one spot. Goddamn, my chest is on
fire. I stand up tall, trying to take in a deep breath, hoping that this
pain goes away. I’m too old to die like this.
I can hear ships crashing together, and the distant screams of
Ragers get crushed under them. I don’t bother to look back, as I’m
just amazed by this green spot with nothing in it. I start walking into
it deeper, just looking around. The grass feels soft and smells like it’s
just freshly mowed. I think I’m having a damn stroke now. I see a
clear path going all the way to the mountain. Great. Now I’m seeing
things. I’ll just hang out here for a moment to collect myself or die,
whatever comes first.
I’m still breathing, although a little heavily, as I keep looking
around and start walking. Feeling the grass under my boots, I feel at
peace right here and start to breathe easier and calm down, not even
thinking of what’s going on around me or the pain in my chest. Then
I feel something wrap around my feet tightly, taking me down to the
ground, knocking the air out of me. It drags me for what seems like
miles up the clear path, and we move from soft grass to lumpy sand.
Then I find myself upside down, hanging in a tree. Good news, my
chest doesn’t hurt now, but I’m still trying to catch my breath after
getting the air knocked out of me.
I look down—well, up—to see what has me tied up, and as I
lower my head again, I see something move in the jungle toward me.
It snakes in and out of the trees, moving up and down. As it gets
closer, it starts to look familiar. It’s a plant moving around.
“Is that you, Audrey? It’s me, Seymour. Please tell me you can
talk,” I say, looking at this plant coming up to me. It almost looks
like the damn plant from Little Shop of Horrors. The plant gets close
to me and gives a little scream and then spits on me, covering me in
goo. “Aw, come on! What is this shit?” I say, wiping the goo off my
face the best I can, then looking back at the plant. It opens its mouth
and comes at me like I’m the main course for tonight’s dinner.
I try to pull a knife, but with all the damn goo on me, I can’t get
a grip on one. I feel it breathing on me. The plant moves down below
me and starts to come up to eat me in one sitting, but another plant
comes in from above, on top of the first plant, and a full-on plant
fight breaks out over my goo-covered ass.
I try wiggling out of the vine rope that has me tied up like a hog
hanging to be drained of blood. I give it all I’ve got to get my old ass
to do a crunch so I can use my hands to pull the vine loose. I lean
back and swing my body up, struggling to get up to reach the vine. I
start swinging back and forth, but since that first plan isn’t going to
work out, I change plans. I will swing over to a tree and will see how
that goes for me.
186
187
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I’m focusing more on swinging and not on the giant man-eating plant fight and find myself swinging into the fight. One of the
plants falls down on top of me, breaking the vine that is hanging me
up. It isn’t on me long before the plant is up off me and back in the
fight. I remove the rest of the vine and crawl away from the fight.
I crawl up the path and make it up to my feet to speed up the
getaway. Now on top of goo, I’m covered in sand. It feels like that
Gojo soap that mechanics use to clean their greasy hands. I pick up
palm leaves to wipe the goo off me, but it just spreads like peanut
butter on bread.
I stop to look around to see where I am compared to the two
giant plants. I have made some distance between me and them. I
didn’t expect man-eating plants here. Shit, well, I’m not going back
that way, so I’ll head up the damn mountain. Walking up the path,
I see a man hanging from a tree, but it’s not just any kind of man.
He looks to be a pilot who got stuck up in the tree and just slowly
died. His parachute is hanging low, so I grab ahold and start to pull. I
finally get the pilot down on the ground and start patting him down
to find anything useful. I use the parachute to get the goo off me the
best I can, then start to look the pilot’s jumpsuit over to see if it will
fit me.
I pull the jumpsuit off the dead pilot and shake the dust off,
and the pain comes back in my chest, taking me down to my knees.
I focus on breathing, taking deep breaths the best I can, fighting
through the pain. The pain lasts for maybe a minute this time. I
pick up the jumpsuit, and then I hear the sound of a waterfall in the
distance. I stop making noise and focus on the sound of the water. I
look down at the jumpsuit and at my goo-covered ass and drop the
jumpsuit. I’m not putting it on while I’m covered in this shit. Nice,
my .44 didn’t get any goo on her.
I hope that water helps get this shit off me. I start heading
toward the sound of it. I move off the path and into the jungle. I
know I’m getting close to water, as the sound is getting louder, but I
also start to notice splashes, like something is jumping into the water.
I start to see an opening just ahead of me and duck down, staying low, using the shadows and plants as cover. I get to the edge and
hunker down, looking through a plant to see what I have come up
on. Well, fuck me running and call me Sue. It’s a bunch of Ragers
and Nightmares. Come on, are you serious? That fucking alien has
turned raptors into something horrible, and now I have no words to
describe them.
I watch Ragers jump and play around in the water like dogs,
and the Nightmares are just lying around, not moving at all. Raptors
walk around like they’re patrolling, keeping lookout. Fuck me, these
fuckers look terrifying as fuck. Their eyes bleed red, their claws are
long, along with their teeth, and the feathers that they once had have
fallen off, and now they look like movie raptors but on steroids.
What the hell are they doing?
I watch unnoticed by any of them long enough to finally see the
doctor come walking out from behind a rock. Holy shit, Doc, what
the fuck happened to you? The doctor has changed into something
not human, like half alien, half human. The doctor is taller, his eyes
are dark, and his teeth are peeking out as if they are too big for his
mouth. He disappears and then reappears as if he can’t control himself. His skin looks like he has put on way too much suntan lotion. I
look around for 13, but I don’t see him anywhere.
I keep watching as a Rager drags a knocked-out raptor up to the
doctor, and I watch the doctor get down and bite the raptor, holding
his bite like 12 does when he changes a victim. What happened to
you, Doc? I keep looking to see if 13 is just hiding or out of sight.
I am paying too much attention to the doctor and not enough
to the roaming raptors, and one pops its head right over where I am
hiding and starts sniffing deeply. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. The raptor
keeps sniffing and looking back and forth but not up and down. It
pulls its head back and moves from me. My asshole loosens up so
much that maybe I can shove a jelly bean up it. I start to crawl away,
being as quite as possible so as not to alert any of them. I have made
it back to the path when I hear a familiar scream come from behind
me.
I stand up and turn around to look behind me, ready for anything to come out of the jungle, but nothing comes. Screams still
ring out from the waterfall, so being the curious old man that I am, I
188
189
Marc Longcor
think I will go see what’s going on. I walk back to where I was hiding,
and to my surprise, I see those giant plants attacking them. Ragers
are jumping up and slashing at the plants as the raptors run around,
clawing away at their bottom sides. I see all the Nightmares get up
and walk away with the doctor, leaving the fight.
Well, maybe I should get back to let the girls know about this
path and what’s on it. I turn and walk away before I get dragged into
this, and I’m still trying to get this damn goo off me. I use leaves and
anything else I can think of to help get this shit off me. It’s worse than
axle grease in winter. I just need to get this shit off my arms, my face,
and my beautiful beard.
I wish I could jump in that water to see if that will help get
this shit off me, but I don’t want to share with those assholes. I’m
not about to put on this jumpsuit with this stuff all over my arms
and have the suit stick to me. I pick up the jumpsuit and look at the
pilot’s boots to see if they’ll fit, and hot damn, they do. I put them
on and pick up my vest with my trusty .44 and start walking, only
wearing boots, naked the rest of the way up. I am hoping I can find
another water source to clean up. Damn, this shit is worse than newborn baby shit in July.
190
KATE
We make it to the green zone—that is what Amelia calls it—only to
find it wrecked with dead Ragers lying all over. What the hell went
on here? We have all split up, looking around for I don’t know what.
It just seemed like a good idea at the time, but thinking now, maybe
not so much, ’cause it doesn’t work out like in the movies.
We walk around, weaving in and out of wrecked ships and
coming to the middle of everything, where there is an opening. Ylva
comes walking up to me, telling me this is a good place to rest for
the time being, and I agree with her and give the order to my crew
to set up camp. I tell Sara to get the crew going, and she says, “Aye,”
then takes off, yelling orders to the crew to do this and that. I watch
Amelia go to her people, and they take off doing different things too.
Before long, tents start to pop up, and fires start.
Ylva’s warriors take off into the jungle for some reason, and I
just keep walking around. The different groups are coming together,
doing what needs to be done. All the tents are in different colors,
and they look to be made from old ship sails. Different groups start
coming and going with loads of sticks for firewood. After a while, I
see a few of Ylva’s warriors come back with a pig on a log, and they
take it to one of the fires going.
“Captain, we have your tent set up over here,” Sara says, showing me to my tent, which is crimson red like the colors of the ship’s
sails. I open the tent flap and walk in to find Stacy already inside,
lying on the ground. I look down as she looks up at me, reaching her
hand up to me. I take it and get down next to her.
“Hey, baby,” Stacy says as I get down close to her.
“Hey, beautiful. How you holding up?” I ask her.
“I’m okay, just thinking how crazy this is.”
191
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“I know, right? I still can’t believe all this myself.”
“You think Stone and Jack are okay?” Stacy asks.
“I’m sure those two have met up by now and are doing something stupid. How are you doing over your dad?” I ask.
“I’m okay. I’m just getting through this like it’s any other day,
like he never came back to begin with.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” I say, wrapping my arms around her. She
places her head on my chest and drapes herself over me.
“Do you think we’ll ever get back to our time?” she asks.
“We better, or I’m kicking Stone’s ass.”
“I’ll help kick his ass too, then.”
“So Amelia Earhart, huh? How crazy is it to actually see and
meet her?” I say.
“I know. It’s so crazy and awesome. She’s such a badass,” Stacy
says, lying on my chest.
Our time relaxing is cut short by war cries and deep, loud roars.
Everyone starts to yell out different things as guns start firing. Stacy
and I jump up at the same time with no effort at all and step out of
the tent. Towering over everyone is what looks to be a bear, but it is
more terrifying than anything we’ve ever seen before.
I watch as this beast grabs people, tossing them into the air
with ease and cutting others down with its massive arms and claws.
Amelia and her group keep firing their guns at the beast, and Ylva
orders her warriors to make a shield wall. My pirates shoot their rifles
and pistols, then pull their swords, and I pull my club and charge in.
Stacy pulls her tomahawks and follows close behind me.
Bang. The sound of a cannon firing echoes out over the green
zone, and all I can see is the face of this monster getting replaced by a
cannonball, sitting it back on its ass. Ylva’s warriors take their spears
and shove them deep into the monster over and over until it stops
moving and breathing. “Boom shaka laka, you ugly fuck!”
I look up toward that voice, and I see Jack standing on the edge
of a ship, over a cannon still smoking after he fired it. He is shaking
his hips, only wearing boots, as naked as the old man can get. “Jack!
You old motherfucker, where did you take off to, and why are you
naked again?” I say, running up to him. He floats down on a rope
and pulley, lowering himself down to the ground.
“I went for a walk. There was way too much estrogen around
here, and I was afraid I’d start my period with you all.”
“Jack!” Stacy yells, running up to him and tackling him to the
ground with a flying bear hug.
“Easy, girl, damn. I’m still an old man. You have to take it easy
with me. You could break me.”
“And you’d love every minute of it, you dirty old man,” Stacy
replies, smiling and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“Honey, I don’t think you’d be able to handle this old man.”
“Okay, you two, get up. Jack, why are you naked, and what’s all
over you?” I ask, looking at him.
“Oh, this goo? Well, I have to tell you some things about this
island and a path that goes up the mountain.”
“Okay. Go on,” I say, crossing my arms over my club, looking
at him.
“First off, man-eating plants. Second, the doctor is 13. Third,
we have raptors on top of raptors that have been turned. Fourth,
giant fucking bears and giant fucking bears that have been turned
and your regular Rager dipshits.”
“Just found out about the bear, but what about everything
else?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s a lot to take in at once. But yeah, we have a shitstorm
here.”
“I know that, but what do you mean the doctor is 13?” I ask.
“That’s just it. I think the doctor is 13, or they’ve somehow
blended together. But the doctor doesn’t look like the doctor, and he
is biting and turning things like 13 does,” Jack says, looking around
at everyone.
“Okay. Did you happen to come across Stone while on your
little walk?”
“Nope, not a sign from him, but I’m sure he is fine,” Jack says,
getting up to his feet once Stacy gets off him and helps him up.
Slap! “Damn it! Jack!” Stacy says with a little jump after Jack
slaps her ass.
192
193
Marc Longcor
asks.
Jack.
“Does anyone know how to get this damn shit off me?” Jack
“I do. A plant must have spit on you,” Ylva says, walking up to
“Yeah. It was the damnedest thing.”
Ylva takes Jack off to the side, to a fire, with her warriors and
does her magic. I watch them put this and that into a bowl and mixing it, then rubbing it on Jack’s arm as another warrior comes over
with hot water and dips a rag into it and wipes Jack’s arms clean.
“Well, hot damn. That works pretty good,” Jack says to the
group of girls giving him attention.
“There you go. All clean,” Ylva says.
Jack goes back to the ship where he came down from and picks
up what looks to be a pilot’s suit. He cuts off the sleeves and shimmies into it and hands his vest to Ylva to have it cleaned like his arms.
She takes it back over to her warriors to be cleaned up. Soon, he has
a jumpsuit on, his vest, and his .44.
“You ready, old man?” I ask.
“I think I look pretty damn good,” Jack replies.
“Jack, you always look good,” Stacy says, smiling at him.
The three of us turn and start walking back into the camp to
our tent. Jack walks between me and Stacy with his arms around us.
We make it to our tent, and Stacy and I stop walking, letting Jack go
in first. He slaps both our asses as he goes by. This dirty old man. I
honestly won’t know what I will do without his ass.
Jack goes inside the tent and falls to the ground, on the bedding
Stacy and I have, and just falls asleep right off the bat. I kick his foot,
yelling at him to move over to make room for me and Stacy. With
the way he is lying, we have to lie down with him between us. I just
know I’m gonna wake up with an old man’s head on my tits or a hand
somewhere it shouldn’t be. Stacy lies down next to Jack, accepting
the defeat of Jack not waking up to move over.
I turn and walk outside to look around to see what everyone
else is doing. They’re all doing their own thing, so I turn back around
and lie down on the other side of Jack. Stone, you better be alive.
194
STONE
“Thor, you asshole!” I say as I give him a right hook, but it doesn’t
make him move an inch. “Shit,” I mumble as Thor pulls back his
right arm, powering up to knock my ass into another time period. I
duck, and his fist flies by my head, hitting a tree, splintering it and
knocking it over.
I come up from below and give him right, left, right, and left to
his midsection, making sure to hit as hard as I can. Then he reaches
down, picks me up, and hangs me upside down, getting ready to power-bomb my ass to the ground. My kilt comes up, showing all my
glory, distracting him enough for me to grab his head and start punching away as fast and as hard as I can, hoping to get him to drop me.
Thor just throws my ass off him. Apollo catches me and slams
me down to the ground, getting in on the fight now. I roll out from
under his foot coming down on me, and I grab a handful of sand and
throw it up into his eyes, blinding him just for a moment. I waste
no time in punching him right in the dick as hard as I can, doubling
Apollo over. I come up with a right fist, connecting with his face but
not fazing him.
I go to run behind Apollo to kick him in his balls, but I run into
the massive arm of Thor, knocking my ass to the ground. Then he
picks me up like I’m nothing more than a sack of potatoes. I throw
lefts and rights as much as possible, hitting his arm that’s holding me
up off the ground. I start to kick at him. My head starts to go fuzzy
from his hand around my throat.
“Enough! What is the meaning of this?” Odin says, walking up
to the three of us fighting.
“He called us pussies,” Thor says, still choking me.
“Put him down now, Thor,” Odin orders.
195
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“No, take his pathetic life, Thor,” Apollo demands.
“You will put him down now, or I will show you how weak you
are,” Odin says.
“Odin, the human’s mouth needs to be shut,” Apollo says, looking at me, still in Thor’s hands.
“Drop him now, and you two shall not touch him again.”
Thor drops me, and I land hard on the ground, gasping for air
with all of the gods standing over me, looking down. Just think, all
this started with me trying to teach them to trash talk, but they took
it seriously, and got butt hurt.
“Thanks, Odin, but I had them right where I wanted them, and
I would have kicked their asses,” I say, looking at him.
“I’m sure you would have,” Odin says back, smiling walking
away.
Off in the distance, we hear screams. To me, they’re familiar
sounds from before, but they’re new for these gods. I tell them to
quiet down and keep their eyes open for danger and wave them to
follow me as I move toward the screams. It sounds like one hell of a
fight, but I don’t hear any human voices, just the screams of Ragers
and other new screams mixed in.
I keep low and move slow, keeping an eye out for any trouble.
I get to a clearing at the edge of a cliff next to a waterfall and look
down to see Ragers, Nightmares, and raptors. Wait. Now even the
raptors are turned? That’s all we fucking need, those fuckers turned
into more terrifying killing machines. What are they fighting with?
Holy shit, giant fucking plants. I give out a little chuckle, as they
kinda look like that alien plant from Little Shop of Horrors.
I watch these giant killer plants fight with the Ragers and raptors, spitting some sort of goo out at them. The Ragers try to run and
move but just slip, trip, and fall back down on the ground. It’s like
watching a weird episode of The Three Stooges. This is something to
see. I wish Jack were here to see this. He would be laughing his ass
off at these fuckers.
One giant plant goes down from being overtaken by Ragers,
who are slashing away and digging their claws into it. The giant
plants are outnumbered and outmatched for sure. Thor comes walk-
ing up to me and looks down at the fight below, then back at me,
giving me a smile. Then he turns his head back to the fight.
“Why not? Let’s go have some fun,” I say, looking at Thor. He
stands up tall and lifts his hand up into the air, and loud thunder
sound rings out, and something flies into his hand. “Holy shit! That’s
just like in the movies,” I say, seeing an ax-hammer appear in his
hand.
“What are these movies you speak of?” Thor asks.
“Never mind. I’ll show you when and if we ever make it out of
here,” I say back to him.
Before I have a chance to ask Thor about his ax-hammer, he
just dives off the side of the cliff, landing in the middle of a Rager
pack. He starts swinging his ax-hammer at them, cutting one after
another down. They start to gang up on him, and he just laughs at
the predicament he’s in.
I look down the cliff, thinking about the jump and how much
it will hurt if I do it like Thor did. But before I could make a move,
Kali comes running out of the jungle with her four arms filled with
her swords and dives off the side of the cliff, followed by Apollo and
his shield and sword. Odin walks up next to me, calm and clear
minded, looking down at the fight below.
“Well, how come you’re not jumping down there for the fight?”
I ask Odin.
“One never goes looking for the battle but must be ready if it
comes looking for him,” Odin replies.
“Well, okay, then,” I say, somewhat confused about what he is
trying to lay down.
“Those three need to let out their anger,” Odin says. I feel something touch my back, but before I can turn around, Buddha wraps
his arms around me and gives me a big bear hug.
“Buddha! What are you doing?”
“You seem like you need a hug,” Buddha replies.
“No, no, I’m good, buddy,” I say, then I feel a heavy breath
on my other side and see this giant bear standing over me. “Um,
Buddha, can you tell your new pet to stop looking at me like a fat kid
looking at a cheeseburger?”
196
197
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Buddha pushes the bear and walks away, heading down and
around the cliff to the fight. I watch the jolly big man and his big
teddy bear walk around the cliff ’s edge of the jungle line without a
care in the world. Soon, a shadow flies over me and Odin, and I look
up to see a huge-ass bird come in and land next to us, changing shape
into Loki.
“Wait, you can fucking fly?” I say, looking at Loki as if saying,
“What the fuck, man?”
“Yes, I can fly,” he replies.
“And you didn’t think to do this earlier before Thor threw my
ass up into the sky?”
“It was funny to see him do that to you.”
“You’re a dick, Loki.”
Loki never says anything back. He just changes into a big bird
again and takes off down into the fight, picking up a Rager with his
claws and lifting it up into the air, as high as he can go. He then lets
the Rager go to fall back to the ground. I watch as this Rager tries to
fly but is unable to do so. It falls to its death on the rocks next to the
base of the waterfall. Blood splatters all over, painting everything in
a ten-feet radius.
I see Buddha’s bear come running out of the jungle toward a
raptor, tackling it down to the ground and ripping at it with its claws
and teeth. Another raptor comes from its right side, jumping on
its back and ripping at the bear’s back with its huge claws. Buddha
comes walking out of the tree line and grabs the back of the raptor’s
neck and picks it up off the bear, slamming it down on the ground
over and over again, smashing its head open.
Thor and Apollo get back-to-back, cutting down anything that
jumps at them. Kali with her four arms goes wild, swinging all arms,
and nothing stands a chance with her. Ragers stop to look at her
before attacking like they’re trying to find a way to attack her, but
they have no luck, as they are cut down before they get to strike her.
Hightower stands behind me, not looking like himself.
“You okay, Hightower?” I ask him.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Still trying to get my head wrapped around
everything,” he replies.
“Time travel is a bitch, right?” I say, chuckling.
“That ain’t no lie. But hey, there is a path back that way, and it’s
clear and looks to go all the way up the mountain and back down.
You can see forever in each direction,” Hightower says, pointing back
behind us.
“Okay. Odin, Hightower and I are gonna go check this path
out, and we’ll leave a marker to let you guys know which way we go,”
I say, looking at Odin before turning to walk away with Hightower.
We walk away from Odin, heading into the jungle. I follow
Hightower to this path he found. I am curious about this path and if
it is the easiest way up and down this island. I’m tired of this jungle
bullshit. We make it to the path, and I look up and back down the
path, not believing my eyes and what I’m seeing. It’s a fucking clear
path. Hot damn! Finally, some luck.
“What do you think, Hightower, up or down?” I ask, looking
at him.
“Well, I wanna go find Stacy,” Hightower replies.
“Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go down to find the girls and
Jack before heading up the mountain, and I’m sure Thor and the rest
took care of 13’s mutants.”
I pick up palm leaves and place them in the shape of an arrow,
pointing the way Hightower and I will take, hoping that Odin will
know what I’m saying and doing. I still feel like we need to go up the
mountain to find Frost’s ship to do what he asked. I am, however,
wondering about the girls and that damn old man.
We start walking down the path, away from the mountain. It’s
nice being able to walk freely without the jungle tripping you up
and face-fucking you with branches and coconuts from above. Like
before, it takes forever to get anywhere on this damn island. I can’t
wait to be off this place and back in the salon, drinking a cold beer.
Up ahead, I can see outlines of something walking, some that
stretch high up into the trees. And the closer we get, the more I can
tell what they are. Those are Nightmares ahead of us, surrounding
someone in the middle of them like they’re protecting whoever it is.
“Hey, Hightower, do you have any of those grenades left for
that launcher?” I ask, looking at him.
198
199
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, why?”
“Here, give me your gun and a grenade,” I ask, taking his M4
with an M203 grenade launcher from him.
I load the launcher and take a stance, aiming for the middle of
the group, and squeeze the trigger. The familiar thump sounds, and
the grenade leaves the launcher. I watch it fly up and over into their
group, exploding, sending one Nightmare to the left and another to
the right. Body parts fly all over. Well, that got their attention. The
rest that didn’t get hit turn and look at us, and that’s when I get a
good look at what they’re protecting.
“Doc?” I try to focus all I can on what I’m looking at. It looks
like the doctor but not the doctor, like a mix of 13 and the doctor. The Nightmares come running up the path toward me and
Hightower, and I turn, tossing his M4 back to him, and pull Bridget
out to get ready for hell to mow us down. When the Nightmares get
close, I pull Bridget up, looking and waiting for a strike to come. A
shadow flies over, and a giant bird drops out of the sky, digging its
claws into a Nightmare, lifting it up and dragging it into the rest,
knocking them down like bowling pins.
“Thank you, Loki!” I yell, looking up at him, as two Nightmares
that weren’t taken out by Loki come at us. One Nightmare comes at
me, swinging his arm. I jump back and swing Bridget down, cutting
its arm. It gives a roar and comes back at me with its jaws, trying to
take a bite out of me. I swing Bridget across its open mouth, giving it
a deep gash in the back of it. Gunfire rings out. Hightower is giving
all he has to the Nightmare coming at him. He shoots a grenade into
the massive monster, making a mess of it and knocking me off-balance from the blast wave, pushing me forward from my backside,
kicking my kilt up.
The Nightmare I’m fighting takes advantage of my off-balance
stance and my dumb ass trying to push my kilt back down. It backhands me with its massive arm, sending me flying into a tree, knocking the wind out of me. I catch the Nightmare diving down at me,
jaws wide open. I lift Bridget up at the last second to plunge her into
the bottom of the monster’s jaw, up through its skull, killing it. Its
dead weight falls on top of me.
Screams surround us from all over, out of the jungle, as Ragers
come running out everywhere, passing us by, not paying us any attention. It’s like a damn stampede running down the path. The Ragers
are followed by raptors and Nightmares and Dozers.
“Hightower, help! I can’t breathe,” I yell out from under this
dead Nightmare.
“Yeah, yeah, hold on,” Hightower says, walking up, looking at
the dead Nightmare like he’s trying to figure out how he’s going to
move this thing.
Hightower pushes up against the monster, but it doesn’t move
at all. He pushes and pushes, harder and harder each time, with no
results. Then he grabs ahold of my arms and tries to pull me out
from under the death trap, and I am not budging one inch. Then I
see Odin and the rest of the gods walking down the path toward us.
“Hightower, ask them to help move this dead fucker off me,”
I ask, looking up at him. He turns and runs to the gods, asking for
help. I feel the monster give way, resting more weight on my chest.
I start to panic and wiggle my arms around under the dead monster and push up with all I have to give. The dead monster starts to
move, and I keep pushing, giving out a war cry, pushing the dead
monster to the side, off me, freeing myself. I stand up tall, giving a
long scream in a deep tone, beating my chest like a silverback gorilla.
And from out of nowhere, a coconut comes flying at me, hitting me
in the chest.
“Hey!” I yell, looking toward the gods, lifting my arms up in a
“Come on, guys!” way.
“Shut up, little human,” Thor says.
“Did you throw a coconut at me?” I ask, looking at him, knowing it was him that did it.
“Yes, you were making a horrible sound.”
I pick up the coconut and throw it back at Thor as hard as I
can, but he ducks, and the coconut hits unsuspecting Apollo in the
face. “Oh, shit.” Apollo looks at me with eyes that are starting to
glow with anger as he starts to walk toward me. “Easy there, big guy.
I didn’t mean to hit you,” I say, putting my hands up.
200
201
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Apollo keeps walking toward me with anger in his eyes. He
pulls back his right arm, making a fist, powering up to knock my ass
into next week. He throws his punch, but I block it like it’s nothing.
Then he throws his other fist, and I block that hit as well.
“Hey, I’m just as shocked as you are,” I say, looking at Apollo,
puzzled. He looks at me, confused about how I can be blocking his
powerful blows. Apollo starts to punch faster, and I keep up with
blocking each hit, only angering him more. I land a hit dead center
on his chest, sending him flying back on his ass. Apollo looks up
from the ground, sitting on his ass, looking up at me, confused about
how I have the power to do that.
Out of nowhere, a great pain comes across the right side of my
face, twisting my whole body around. I land on the ground. I look
up to see Thor coming to his brother’s aid, standing over me. “Okay.
Let’s do this,” I say, getting back up on my feet. I am walking up to
Thor, getting ready to throw the first punch, when something fast
comes flying past us both, taking our attention off each other and
onto whatever it is that has flown by. Then we turn our heads to
where it came from. Odin has thrown his spear between us, placing
it in a tree above Apollo.
“Enough!” Odin yells out. “You all fight like kids over nothing,”
he says as he walks past us to is his spear, pulling it from the tree it’s
sticking out of. We look at each other like we just got into trouble
with Dad, telling us to stop fighting with each other. I turn around,
looking for Bridget, and when I find her, I put her back on my back.
Odin and the rest have walked past me, down the path. Hightower
has stayed behind with me.
“Well, come on, Billy Badass,” Hightower says, tapping me on
my back.
“Yeah, yeah. I think I’m starting to find my groove now.”
“’Bout time.”
“Shut up. It’s not easy having alien juice pumped into you.”
“Could have said no.”
“Well, I was passed out when the doctor pumped me up the
first time and almost dead when Jack stabbed me with other stuff.”
“Let’s just hope it comes in handy when shit hits the fan here.”
“It did last time.”
“Come on. Let’s catch up with them,” Hightower says, picking
up his speed, walking to catch up with the gods.
We walk down the path, keeping an eye out for anything to
jump out at us. I keep waiting for Ragers or raptors to jump out, but
nothing happens, and we make it to an open area filled with wrecked
ships. Soon, we’re met by other people and are told to wait where we
stand.
It isn’t long until Kate, Stacy, and Jack come walking around
a tipped-over ship. The girls are still wearing that sexy pirate getup,
and Jack is now in a jumpsuit with the sleeves ripped off. Who the
fuck does he think he is, Redneck Maverick? Then I see her, Ylva.
She’s fighting another woman, training, bashing shields and crossing
spears. I watch her move, spinning her spear around, advancing an
attack. The other woman deflects with her shield and returns the
attack. Then I feel a deep pain between my legs, and I double over,
catching my breath.
“Ha ha. Did I give you a seizure of the genitals, Stone?” Kate
asks, laughing evilly, still standing close to me. I come up with my
left hand, returning the blow and doubling her over.
“Did I slap your vagina into next week, you evil woman?” I say,
still taking in deep breaths to breathe through the pain. She got both
that time. Why do we do this?
Jack is just laughing at us doubled over like a couple of retards.
Stacy is just standing, watching with her arms crossed, shaking her
head, in disbelief of the childish games that Kate and I still play at a
time like this. Kate and I just stare at each other, waiting for something else to come from the other. I just shake my head no and stand
up, and Kate does the same thing.
“So, Stone, where did you run off to?” Stacy asks, looking at me.
“I don’t know, but I ran into some old friends Jack and I
made back in Germany,” I say, pointing at the gods behind me, and
Hightower comes walking out from behind them.
“Dad!” Stacy yells, running up to Hightower and hugging him
tight. “I thought you were dead,” she says.
202
203
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“From what I was told, I was. But with time travel and help
from them, I’m here,” Hightower replies.
“Stone, did you bring him back?” Jack asks.
“With the help of these guys. You may not recognize them, but
just think of them big and blue and yellow,” I say, pointing at the
gods.
“So it was you guys that killed my dad,” Stacy says, pulling her
pistol.
“Easy, Stacy. Calm down. It was just all a misunderstanding,”
I say, grabbing her arm with the pistol to keep her from wasting a
bullet.
“What do you mean, Stone?”
“They thought we were the bad guys that captured them, and
they were just defending themselves. Plus, Jack and I kind of shot
them in the head when we first discovered them.”
“Dumbass,” Kate says, looking at me. I just stare back at her
with my laser eyes, trying to explode her head. It never works.
“So what’s going on here? Why did you move to this place?” I
ask Kate.
“Well, a lot has happened, and we ran into 13’s monsters.”
“Oh, by the way, there are more, and 13 is Doc, I think,” I say.
“No, I think you’re right, boy. Doc is 13,” Jack says.
“Why you say that?” I ask.
“Well, while I was out on my own, I came across a pack and
something that looked like the doctor but also 13 mixed together.”
“Well, there are other monsters, and we ran into a bunch on the
way here, so we need to be ready for them to come at us anytime.”
“We have guards set up around our camp, keeping watch, and
we change them out every three hours to keep fresh eyes,” Kate says.
“Well, sounds like you got everything under control,” I say,
walking away and toward Ylva.
I walk up to a group of women circled around two others fighting in the middle. Ylva is one of the women training them, and they
come in from the circle. I walk through the group to the edge of
the circle in the middle to watch her move and work. She’s fast with
everything she has. She is spinning her spear around like nothing I’ve
seen before, knocking her opponents to the ground. Then another
jumps in from behind her, and she blocks their attack and then
returns with an attack of her own.
Ylva knocks down girl after girl, and two start to jump in at a
time to take her down, but she just goes through them. I watch as
the girls make it around the circle, and the number goes up each
go-round. Before long, Ylva is fighting four at a time, but she is not
losing any momentum. I step out, waving other girls away to take on
Ylva one-on-one.
“Stone.”
“Hi, Ylva,” I say, waving like a dumbass with a crush.
“Are you sure you want to fight me? I can have my other girls
fight you first,” Ylva says, smiling, pointing at other women in the
circle with her spear.
“Nah, I want you,” I say, smiling.
Ylva jabs her spear at me. I lean left to avoid it, then duck down
as she spins her spear to hit me with the butt end. Then she comes
down with her shield to hit me from above. I roll out of the way and
pull Bridget, but it may be an unfair fight if I bring in Bridget, so I
put her back and take a shield and a sword from another woman in
the circle. When I turn around, Ylva is charging her spear at me. I get
the shield up in time to block the attack and spin around, tapping
her on the ass with the flat side of the sword I just took.
That doesn’t seem to go over very well. She comes at me hard
with her next blow, yelling out a war cry, and I’m not gonna lie, it
is intimidating as hell. I swing my sword to deflect her spear attack,
then smash my shield with hers. We both spin around, bringing an
advanced attack. Her spear flies by my face, barely nicking me, and
my sword hits her shield. I duck and spin as she spins and twirls her
spear around, hitting me in the back of the head with the butt end,
knocking me off-balance.
I dive forward and roll as the crowd around us takes in deep
breaths in shock and excitement, cheering on Ylva and cussing me.
Ylva thrusts her spear again, and I grab it and pull it out of her hands
to the ground. She pulls her sword and brings it down, and I pull my
204
205
Marc Longcor
WTF!
shield up to block her sword and push her off. We then start to circle
each other, looking for an opening to attack.
She charges forward, and I do the same. We meet in the middle
with both our shields clashing together now and with us face-to-face.
I give her a smile, and she returns the smile back, then kicks me
down to the ground. I do a spin move up while bringing my shield
up in time to block her sword from coming down on me.
I reach out and grab her leg, pulling her down to the ground. I
move to get on top to pin her. She punches me with her shield, and
to be honest, I didn’t see that coming. When I lean back from the
hit, she draws back both legs and mule-kicks me in the gut, knocking
me back on my ass. She does a thrust kick up to land back on her
feet and brings her shield in for another hit. I lie back flat to have it
pass by and kick my leg out to trip her, bringing her back down to
the ground.
When I get back on my feet, I notice I don’t have my sword or
shield, and I watch her get back up with both, smiling at me. I know
I still have Bridget on my back, but she would cut through Ylva’s
shield like butter. I circle around, waiting for Ylva to advance on me,
and she does. Ylva thrusts her sword, and I jump to the side, grabbing her arm and knocking her sword out of her hand. She hits me
in the back with her shield, pushing me away from her.
Ylva throws her shield down and comes at me like a mad, crazy
woman on cocaine, eyes wide and wild, glowing. She jumps in the
air at me and gives me a flying “Fuck you” punch. I just stand there
like a retard, mesmerized by what is happening. Then the punch
connects dead center of my face, waking me up to what is going on.
Fuck me, she has some power. I start to dance around like I’m
fucking Rocky. Ylva throws more punches and then reaches out to
grab me to take me down to the ground. Her fighting style is Gilma,
and lucky me, I know it. I make the mistake of getting in close to
her, ’cause I’m a dumbass, and she grabs my arm and twists. Then
somehow, I find my face between her legs, but not really in the way I
want to be. She starts to squeeze her thighs together. I don’t know if
I should be turned on or scared right now.
I wiggle and move around like a chicken with its head cut off
until I feel my arm free. Then I grab her legs, opening them enough
to spin my head around to face paradise, but she must have caught
on to what I am getting ready to do. When she releases her thigh
death grip, she jumps off me and does a backflip, a handstand, and a
cartwheel move that just stops me dead in my tracks.
I’m starting to think that fighting an ancient Viking Vlfhedinn
that you have a crush on and is super fucking crazy hot is a bad idea.
Ylva comes at me again, and my reflexes must have taken over. I
block her attack, grabbing her and pulling her down to the ground,
landing on top of her. I pin her arms back to the ground. We lock
eyes, and everything just seems to stop and fade away. She smiles at
me, and I get lost in her blue eyes.
“Stone, I give,” Ylva says in a low, soft tone.
“Yeah? Oh, yeah, right,” I say, looking down, noticing I’m still
on top of her, pinning her down. I stand up, reaching down to help
her up.
“You fight well, Stone,” Ylva says to me, walking around, picking up her shield, sword, and then her spear.
“Thanks. You fight amazingly, and you’re strong as hell too,” I
say, rubbing my face.
“You are the first to ever defeat me in single combat. What is it
that you wish of me?” Ylva asks.
“What?”
“You beat me. What is it that you seek for a trophy?” she asks.
“Trophy? Um…” I just stand there dumbfounded and
empty-headed.
“Stone, you okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. Um, what is usually a trophy?”
Before we could talk more, a bell starts to ring out. I start looking around, thinking that something is attacking us. Ylva just looks
at me and says, “It’s the food bell, Stone.” Food! Fuck yes, I’m starving. I walk next to Ylva, both of us taking turns staring at each other,
then turning our heads when the other turns to look at the other,
like a couple of lovestruck puppies. Then I notice Ylva duck out of
the way. I turn to see what could be making her do this, and a shield
206
207
Marc Longcor
WTF!
comes flying at me like a damn Frisbee, hitting me in the chest, sending me flying back on my ass. I hear a very familiar evil laugh.
“Kate!” I yell.
“It wasn’t me, jackass! But it’s funny as hell.”
“Who, then?”
“It was I,” a voice that I know says, walking up to me and standing over me.
“Apollo, you dick.”
“You human men are funny around woman mates.”
“What? No mates? What you talking about?”
“You and the warrior woman. You like her, and her you.”
“Well, yeah, I guess there’s something cooking. Wait, you think
she likes me?”
“What is cooking?”
“Nothing,” I say, getting up to my feet fast, punching Apollo
in the dick. He then backhands me across the distance I just walked
to get to where I was. “Oh, motherfucker,” I mumble, lying on the
ground. I hear footsteps come walking up to me. It sounds like there’s
more than just one. I look up to see Jack and the girls, along with
Ylva, come up to me. I get up slowly to my feet.
“You okay, boy?” Jack asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Couple of the gods are dicks.”
“We noticed. What are we going to do about them?” Stacy asks.
“Well, nothing. We may need them for something other than
the doctor and his monsters.”
“Like what?” Kate asks.
“Well, back on Jig’s island, I kinda woke up something evil and
dark.”
“What do you mean you woke something evil up?” Kate says
with more of an angrier tone.
“Jack was tied up, and I was kind of forced to. Long story short,
I woke something up that shouldn’t have been woken up, and those
gods may be the only ones that can stop it.”
“So now we have the doctor, 13, monsters, and something evil
on top of all the island stuff now,” Kate replies.
“I know it’s a lot, but one thing at a time. First, let’s find Frost’s
ship, and we’ll go from there.”
“What about Doc and 13?” Stacy asks.
“We’ll deal with them along the way when they show up. You
know they’re not going anywhere.”
“I think they may be looking for Frost’s ship as well,” Jack says.
“Then let’s eat and make a plan,” Ylva says, jumping in.
“Right, food. Then we fight,” I say.
The gang starts to walk back to the camp that’s been set up,
and the smell of pork starts to fill the air. It only gets stronger the
closer we get. Walking deep into the camp, I see the fire going with a
pig roasting over it. There are other fires going in other areas as well
with different things cooking. A redhead small woman is passing out
wood planks for people to put food on.
“Damn, Kate, you got this place set up nicely. Who is that?” I
ask, pointing at the redhead.
“Well, it was everyone else that did it. That’s Amelia, and you
know that’s Sara, my first mate. They did everything,” Kate replies.
“Amelia has been here longer than any of us,” Ylva says.
“Amelia? Like, Amelia Earhart? And how is that possible when
you’re from an older time?” I ask.
“I do not know how it is, but it is,” Ylva answers.
I look around at everyone. They are all taking their place like it’s
a high school cafeteria, all making their own little groups, separating
like cool kids, jocks, nerds, band geeks, and whatnot. Ylva’s warriors
sit together, and Amelia’s group sits together, and so on. Jack and the
girls sit in the middle of everyone, filling in the gap, trying to bring
everyone together. I look around to see pirates, Vikings, World War
2 pilots and seamen, and other different types of people who look to
be from different times. This place is truly confusing and amazing.
“Amelia, can you tell us more about this place and your story of
how you got here?” I ask.
“Well, it was the beginning of July 1937 when Fred and I
jumped in my 10 Electra to make it around the world. We took off
from Papua New Guinea to head to Howland Island to refuel and
take off again, hopping from island to island, but we encountered
208
209
Marc Longcor
WTF!
strange clouds that made our plane go haywire. Fred’s instruments
stopped working, and the stick froze, and I couldn’t steer the plane
out of the clouds as they sucked us in.
“Next thing I knew, we were hit by pink lightning that broke
open the canapé, and Fred was sucked out of his seat, and I never
saw him again after that. Soon, the clouds and pink lightning disappeared, and I started to fall to the ground. I tried to land my plane
on the ground, hitting hard in the treetops, cutting off my wings and
tail. I then spent days roaming around, trying to figure out where I
was and trying to get my radio to work. Then this little, funny-looking thing comes up to me, asking me how I got here and what I was
doing.”
“Frost?” I interrupted.
“Yes, well, that was the name I gave him because I couldn’t say
the name he gave me, and he looked like a frost color over frozen
water at sunrise. He then showed me his ship and opened my eyes
to other worlds and beings and let me know there’s other life out
beyond our world. Over the next days or years, I guess more and
more people started to show up on the island. And when scientists
started to show up, telling us about triangles and the disappearance
of people, planes, boats, ships, and whatnot, Frost started to work on
his ship to stop whatever it was that was creating the problem, but
his ship drew in too much power from the planet, ley lines, and other
whatnots that I still can’t explain to this day.
“He got so worked up over it, fantasizing about it all. One day,
we were working on it, and he made some sort of a breakthrough.
But in the midst of working on it, something happened that was bad
to him, and we took off running to get off the island. He was the
only one to make it off, trapping the rest of us here, so I just took
people in as they came and made the best of things.
“I learned history as people came in, and to find out that I
became a famous woman made me proud knowing that I inspired
so many women to be strong. Then Nazis showed up, along with
American soldiers, so that was a difficult time, keeping the peace
between the two, making it known that the war was not here. After a
while, things just seemed to fall into place and work like clockwork.
Everyone does a duty for the island, making life work here. The only
thing we had to worry about was the island and its dangers, but soon,
we learned to fight them.”
“Okay. So, Elvis, don’t think I didn’t notice you. Come on,
what’s your story? How did you end up here?” I ask, looking at Elvis.
I mean, Elvis fucking Presley!
“Well, it’s simple, really. I got tired of the doctors and the fame
and met with President Nixon to help me fake my death and disappear. Before I knew it, I was replaced by a clone. Then I drove to
a secret airfield and was given an airplane to fly, so I headed north
toward Canada. Once I got over the Great Lakes, the same thing
happened to me as to Amelia there. Weird clouds, pink lightning,
and boom, I’m here on this island.”
“So the government made a clone for you to disappear?” I ask.
“Yeah, and I came to find out the damn thing died on the shitter. Can you believe that, the King dying on the shitter? I was upset
about how that turned out, but it’s not like I can change things now,”
Elvis replies, giving that famous smile he has.
“Yeah, that is a shitty way to go,” I say back to him, and he just
laughs at the joke I’ve made.
“Well, I gotta say, you’re looking good, ’cause your clone or
whatever got fat,” Kate says.
“Yeah, I heard that too, but I’m all right—for the time being,
that is.”
“So, Amelia, how many people did you lose?” I ask.
“A lot. I still don’t have a full count of everyone, ’cause we all
took off into different directions when we were attacked by those
monsters,” she replies.
“I’m sorry. Those monsters spread and multiply fast, adding up
quicker than we can cut them down,” I say.
“How does that one monster create more monsters from animals, turning them into those things?” Amelia asks.
“All we know is that if it bites you, you turn into something that
it wants,” Kate says, jumping in.
“But they can be killed if you hit them in the right spot,” Jack
says.
210
211
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Right. So how much ammo and firepower do you have?” I ask.
“We have a few Thompsons with eight mags each, and that’s for
them. Others have M1 Garands, two BARs, and pistols, but it’s not
much. We have more bows and arrows than anything.”
“Kate, what about your pirates?”
“We have single-shot powder pistols and rifles with us, along
with swords, and that’s it for us unless you get us a ship with cannons
to rain fire down on them,” Kate replies.
“I’m sure we can come up with something with all these ships.”
“Well, we have torn through all these ships, taking what we can
to live off,” Amelia says.
“Okay. We’ll just have to look and come up with something.”
“Ylva, what about your warriors?” I ask.
“Spears, swords, bows, and arrows are all we have, Stone.”
“So not much at all between us,” I say.
“I’m afraid not, Stone,” Amelia says.
“There’s an open field over there that we can use as a battlefield
and set up traps to lead them bastards into,” Jack says.
“That could be a plan. Jack, can you set it up?”
“I can, but who is going to be the dumbass that leads them into
the traps?” Jack asks.
“I guess I’ll be the dumbass,” I say, looking around.
“Kate, can you give Jack some helping hands to set things up?
I’ll go out looking for trouble.”
“Yes, and you go out and do what you do best,” Kate says, slapping my arm.
“Of course. Who else can go looking for trouble and find a
shitstorm?”
“Besides Jack, you,” Stacy says, laughing.
“I shall go with you, Stone,” Ylva says.
“No. You stay here with your warriors and get ready for a fight,
’cause we’ll need you here,” I say to her.
“How much time do you think you’ll need, Jack, to get set up?”
“Well, to dig pits and make kill zones, battle plans, and flanks,
a good day or so,” Jack replies.
“I don’t think we have a day or so.”
“Well, if I get all the pirates and everyone in on the work, we
should be ready in a couple hours.”
“Well, let’s get started. Amelia, do you have tools we can use?”
I ask.
“Back at our camp, but everything is burned down and
destroyed,” she replies.
“Aye, Captain Kate, we have the tools you seek to use with us,”
Sara chimes in, overhearing our plans.
“We do?” Kate says, looking at Sara.
“Aye. We brought our boxes with us. It was something that
Captain Kim had us do every time we went ashore,” Sara says.
“Right. Okay. Looks like we have tools, guys,” Kate says.
“Then let’s get to work,” I say, standing up.
Everyone gets up and starts going their own way, giving out
orders to people and groups. I just follow Jack, helping him out with
the traps so I know where things will be set up for when I come in
hot, being chased by whatever 13 and the doctor have made for us.
Kate’s pirates break out their tools and hand them out to everyone as
they start to head to the open field to start working. Some start to cut
down trees and cut them for pits and pikes and barricades.
Ylva’s warriors mark out their attack plans and areas, and so
does Amelia with her group. Kate’s pirates are just winging it like
pirates. It’s so strange to see all these groups of people from different
times in one spot, working together to fight alien monsters.
Hours go by, and the once open green field now looks like a
death trap. Pits have been made and are ready, along with the barricades of sharpened logs, and every group has their own place in the
field, ready for a battle. I can’t help but think of Braveheart setting up
the battlefield before a battle. If only everyone here has a kilt now to
antagonize the enemy when they show up.
“Stone!” Jack yells.
“Yeah?” I yell back.
“We’re ready. Go find us something to kill now,” Jack says.
“You got it,” I say, turning and taking off toward the path, but
Ylva stops me.
“Yes, Ylva?” I say, looking at her.
212
213
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Stone, may Thor give you strength in your journey and Odin
give you wisdom.”
I look at her, then turn to look around for the gods and where
they are at, ’cause they seem to have disappeared when we started to
work the field over. Where the fuck are they? Ylva reaches up and
grabs my face, keeping me from turning around, making me look
just at her.
“Don’t mind those that you brought with you, for I believe you
were sent by my gods to help save us from this island.”
“Well, I don’t know about all that.”
“Shh,” Ylva says, placing a finger over my lips. I look at her as
if saying, “Did you just shush me?” “Fight like Thor, be wise like
Odin, and be cunning like Loki,” Ylva says, standing close to me.
Is this going to be the last time I see her, and is this the moment in
any movie for the hero to kiss the girl? WWBRD—what would Burt
Reynolds do?
So I pull Ylva in close and land a kiss on her, deep, strong, and
long, grabbing her ass and pulling her up into the kiss. So many
feelings come, overwhelming me, when she returns the kiss just as
intensely as I’m giving her. Volbeat comes playing in my head with
Lola Montez making the moment last for what seems like an eternity.
“Well, sweetheart, looks like I have to go now,” I say, pushing
her back gently and walking away in the wrong direction, and then I
correct myself like I’m Curly in a The Three Stooges episode, looking
like a dumbass. I finally get in the right direction of where I want to
be going and hit the path, walking up it. It’s just me and Bridget on
my back, just two badasses walking into the danger zone and not caring, for we are the evil that evil must fear. Fuck, I sound cocky as hell
right now. Okay, Stone, collect yourself now, damn it. I bring myself
down from the high I am getting from the kiss with Ylva.
I start to make noise, trying to attract the attention of anything,
and I start to sing the first song that comes to my mind, shaking my
ass like the jackass that I am without a care in the world ’cause there
is no one else around me. “I can’t dance. I can’t talk. Only thing
about me is the way I walk. I can’t dance. I can’t sing.”
Something doesn’t like my singing as a loud scream comes ringing out from the jungle, and I start turning my head all over, about
to pull a muscle, turning my head so much, looking for anything to
come flying out of the jungle. Then up ahead, standing in the path
in front of me, it’s the doctor or 13. It’s like someone with two faces.
The Slender Man came together and fucked a shark to make what
this is.
“Doc, that you?” I yell out.
“Yes, it is I,” the creature says, moving its head up and down,
nodding.
“Well, you look different. Did you lose weight?”
“Stone, your jokes never end, even when facing annihilation.”
“Well, Doc, it’s like I always say in a time like this,” I say, lifting
my kilt up, shaking my hips side to side, making sure to give a good
show.
“You have made your last joke, for I’m going to end you and
humanity as I go back in time to rebuild civilization in my image, for
I will never die.”
“Doc, I’m gonna be the first to test that theory out for you, and
before you know it, I will have you on your knees, bleeding out in
front of me with Bridget shoved in you.”
“Yes, Bridget. The metal that formed her is needed for the ship
up the mountain.”
“You’ll never get your dick beaters on her.”
“We will see, Stone,” the doctor says as he waves his arms at me,
letting all his monsters come running at me.
“Oh, shit!” I yell, turning and running fast back down the path
with Ragers, raptors, Dozers, and fucking Nightmares right behind
me. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna
fucking die,” I yell, running faster and harder than I have ever done
before in my life.
Running down the path as fast as I can go, I look to my left and
then to my right to see Ragers on both sides of me. I see them both
move in to smash me between them, so I stop fast and jerk to the
right, taking off running again. They bash into each other, tripping
themselves up and falling to the ground, and the other monsters trip
214
215
Marc Longcor
WTF!
over them, creating a huge Blues Brothers pileup in the middle of the
path. The raptors jump over the pile, and the Dozers and Nightmares
plow through them.
I start to laugh at first until I see the raptors jump over them,
and I start moving my legs faster. The raptors catch up to me, nipping at my heels with each step. I try to kick up as much sand into
their face as possible, but I’m not doing it as I thought I would in
my head. Soon, I have raptors on both sides of me and behind me,
boxing me in.
Fuck, think, Stone. WWJD? What would Jack do in a time
like this? Then it just comes to me. I reach out and climb on top of
a raptor, and it starts to buck with me on its back. The other raptors
start to claw at it, trying to get me, clawing their raptor friend up. I
stand up on its back and jump off, pushing down on its head to get
it to fall forward, and to my surprise, it fucking works.
When I land on the ground again, I start running and can’t help
but look back to see how many I have taken out with that stupid
move, but I see that just that one has gone down to the ground. I
still have them all on my heels, and now the Ragers are back in the
mix, catching up with the raptors. I’m so glad that the Dozers and
Nightmares are fucking slow ’cause I won’t know what to do with
them on my ass too.
I see the opening up ahead, letting me know that I’m almost
to the battlefield, and that’s where the real fun will begin. I keep my
focus on the path ahead of me, and the green field comes up. I know
that I’m going to have to start bobbing and weaving between traps
and arrows falling all around me.
I give a little peek behind me to see if they’re all there, and
every single motherfucking one of them is on my ass like baby mommas looking for child support on a holiday weekend and they have a
babysitter. I come running out of the jungle and off the path and into
the green field. I start to look for the pits but am unable to see them
’cause Jack’s Vietnam jungle tactics have taken over. He has covered
the pits up so damn well that I can’t tell what’s what.
“Damn it, Jack!” I yell out, zigging and zagging, hoping that my
ass doesn’t end up in one of the pits. I run through the battlefield,
making it to the barricades and up next to Jack and the rest of the
gang, breathing so hard that I think I’m gonna need a lung transplant
when we get home. Damn, my lungs are on fire. “Damn it, Jack,
where are the traps? I just ran down the whole field without tripping
anything up,” I say, looking at him.
“I know. It was fucking amazing ’cause I swore you were gonna
run right into a few of them, but you just passed by the edge of them,
barely falling in the pits,” Jack says, chuckling.
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yes, it was something to see, boy,” Jack says, laughing.
The screams of the Ragers and raptors ring out from the other
side of the battlefield as they run right into the pits and traps. The
first wave was doomed from the start, and the rest behind them
jump over the first ones to hit the second wave of pits and traps.
The Dozers and Nightmares walk right into the battlefield, watching
their friends die in traps and pits, and they adjust for the battle.
I look over at Ylva and her warriors as they start to cut loose on
their arrows, raining them down over the monsters. The rest do the
same thing, but the pirates down by the barricades with their black
powder rifles hold their fire until the monsters get right up on them,
and then they cut loose with a wall of steel balls.
Amelia and her group start to cut down the rest as much as
they can with their guns before switching over to arrows themselves.
Looking out over the battlefield, only a few monsters go down at
a time with lucky hits killing them. Like before, everything just
bounces off the Dozers and the new Nightmares.
I pull Bridget and take off running down into the fight, knowing damn well that with Bridget in my hands, I’ll cut down anything
in our path. I take off, and so do the gods with their weapons, running alongside me, charging into the battle. Nice to see them show
up. Buddha picks me up and throws me at a Dozer, and I thrust
Bridget into its skull, riding the dead beast down to the ground to be
attacked by a raptor. I pull Bridget out and spin, cutting deep into
its neck, and watch Buddha tackle a Nightmare down, hugging it
to death. He squeezes it so hard that it reminds me of a toothpaste
bottle when pressure builds up and blows the top off.
216
217
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I look over and see Ylva and her sisters running down from their
side of the field into the fight, yelling out battle cries that turn into
deep roars as they start to change shape and form. They grow into
the wolf pelts they wear, turning into werewolves. Holy shit! Are you
fucking kidding me? Fucking werewolves, really? I kissed a fucking
werewolf, and on top of that, I’m in love with a werewolf.
I watch Ylva—well, I think it’s Ylva—just start fucking up a
Dozer like it is no one’s business, and the three sisters just take care of
business, taking out Dozers, Ragers, Raptors, and Nightmares. Like I
should just take a seat and let them do the work ’cause they’re doing
a better job than the rest of us, and faster.
I stand on top of the Dozer I just killed, watching the werewolf
sisters just go to town on the doc’s monsters. I’m still disbelieving of
what I’m seeing, and I have to turn away to see something else that’s
somewhat familiar to me. I see that Thor and Apollo are fucking
things up on the other side of the field as Kali and her many arms go
wild and crazy, taking on a few Dozers at a time. Loki is in the sky,
diving and smashing as he comes and goes.
I jump off the Dozer, twisting and spinning, cutting and slicing, making my way deeper into the battlefield, keeping my distance
from the werewolf sisters, as I don’t want to get caught up in that
massacre they’ve got going on, like, damn! The rest of Ylva’s warriors
keep raining arrows down over us, barely missing.
I hear the screams of women as monsters make it past the
pirate’s barricade, and the fight rages on more and has now spread
out. They’ve made it past the traps and pits, only taking a handful
out, leaving many more of them to face off. I’ve lost track of how
many I’ve killed, and I find myself covered in blood. Bridget drips
with blood too, and I try to keep my grip on her. Blood just drips
down off her.
Then a loud sound echoes across the sky like thunder, stopping
the battle. Everyone just looks up, including the monsters, to see
flying pirate ships come landing down all around us. Now what? The
ships land on the ground, and things start to jump off over the side.
They’re human looking but not human. What the fuck are they?
Then I see him, Jig!
What the fuck? I thought he was dead. Looking closer, I see that
his eyes are glowing red, bright red, then I know it isn’t Jig but that
dark, evil fucker that must have taken over Jig’s body and raised the
dead for his army. Well, fuck, now we have fucking zombies in the
mix. I swear, if a fucking leprechaun shows up, I’m done, just fucking
done. I mean, come on, aliens, gods, monsters, werewolves, dark, evil
asshole, and zombies? Like, fuck!
I watch as these things charge in, overrunning the alien monsters, making their way to the others and going all over like ants on
cocaine. Now the monsters are fighting both them and us, and we’re
doing the same thing. Before long, I find myself fighting alongside a
Rager as these things come at us. I don’t know how crazy this can get,
but right now, it’s pretty fucking crazy.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see these zombie-looking things
just go flying into the air, and the werewolf sisters tear into them
easier than the alien monsters, and things are crazier than what I
thought before. I see one werewolf bite down over a head and rip
it off like it is deer jerky to it and toss the head at another zombie,
knocking it down to the ground, then swinging its arm, slashing
another almost in half, and moving on to the next. Dozers are using
them as bats to smash the others and knock them down. The gods
are still just killing anything that’s not human.
I look over to see that Ylva’s warriors are now behind a shield
wall, fighting whatever comes at them, and then I look back over
where I left Jack and the girls to see them still standing and firing out
with guns, trying to knock down or kill anything that isn’t human. I
even see the doctor, or 13, fuck-face fighting these new things.
The gods are still fucking things up, and the new zombies don’t
even match up to them. I’m so glad they’re on our side. I look up to see
Jig, who is just watching from the top of his ship over the battlefield,
but before I could lock eyes with him, zombies come rushing toward
me. I cut them down one by one as they come up, and then a raptor
mows down a few of them, taking some of the numbers off me.
“Thank you,” I say to it like the damn thing can understand
me. Then I notice someone that’s not a monster or a zombie—the
one and only Frost.
218
219
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Frost! Frost!” I yell again, but he can’t hear me ’cause he has
noise-cancelling headphones on, hooked up to an iPod. He is wearing eighties-style dark sunglasses and completely Donald Ducking it
in a Hawaiian shirt with the sleeves cut off. He has a brick of cocaine
in one hand and a martini in the other. “Frost!” I yell again as I run
up to him to get his attention, cutting down zombies along the way
until I get in front of him, yelling his name.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” Frost asks, stoned off his ass.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask.
“Oh man, I found another way to get here that was, like, a
direct line.”
“Okay, but still, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“I figured I come help with my ship, man.”
“Yeah, still haven’t gotten to it yet, and we’re busy fighting a
bunch of different things right now.”
“Okay, man, no problem. You do what you’ve got to do. I’ll go
to my ship and take care of it.”
“Just get the fuck out of here and away from here. I don’t think
we can lose you right now ’cause you’re our way home.”
“Yeah, man, no worries. I’ll just be at my ship.”
Frost puts his headphones back on and walks off through the
fight without missing a beat or getting attacked as if no one can see
his ass. Zombies come at me. I just cut them down. I look around
again to see that Ylva’s warriors have made it over to Jack and the
girls, and everyone is in one spot, fighting from behind the shield
wall. The gods and myself, along with the werewolf sisters, are still
down here in the battle pit of hell, fighting zombies and monsters.
A loud thunder sounds, then black lightning hits the ground,
sending Buddha flying across the battlefield. I run over to him to
check on him, but he isn’t moving. I shake him and yell his name,
hoping that he is just stung and will wake up out of it, but he’s
not breathing. Another thunderous sound rings out, but this time,
it’s from Thor. He yells out loud and jumps into the air at Jig. Jig
just raises his hand, catching Thor in it, and slams him down to the
ground, creating a crater that can fit a whole house in it. I don’t see
Thor moving anymore either.
I see Apollo run to Thor to check on him as Loki flies down
to Jig, trying to attack from above. But Jig waves his hand, and
black lightning comes flying out, striking Loki, sending him off into
another direction to the ground. Fuck, we’re losing gods left and
right.
Kali is going to town with all her arms swinging away like a
tornado in a trailer park with Odin not far behind her with his spear,
just fucking up Nightmares like they are nothing. Hightower is off
on his own and must be out of grenades and ammo ’cause he’s using
his 9 mm and knife now in fighting off the zombies. He gets overrun
and taken down in a pile of zombies, who rip him apart.
“Stone, the dark evil is stronger since we last fought him,” Odin
says, running up to me.
“Okay. What does that mean? You guys kicked his ass before.
Do it again,” I reply.
“We are trying, but he is stronger somehow.”
“What can we do?”
“It is not up to us anymore to defeat him but up to the chosen
one now.”
“What is it with that bullshit? Who’s the chosen one?”
“I do not know, but we must move fast.”
“No shit. Okay, get everyone that is still alive and head up the
path to Frost’s ship now.”
I see Odin and what gods are left pull away and head to the rest
of the people who are still alive, and I see that Thor is alive. Good. I
look up at Jig and yell out his name. “Jig! Jig! Jig, you slack-jawed faggot, come down here and fight me like a human,” I yell, looking up
at him on his ship while cutting down his zombies, walking toward
his ship. But I get stopped by the doctor, or 13.
“Doc, get out of the way. I have bigger fish to deal with.”
“No, I told you I will end you,” he says as he swings his long
arm at me, cutting me across my stomach, taking me down to my
knees.
I freeze up, looking down as blood pours out of my belly like
water down a slide. Everything just slows down. The cut is deep,
deeper than other cuts I’ve taken. I put my left hand over the cut,
220
221
Marc Longcor
WTF!
trying to stop it from bleeding and to keep all I can inside me where
they belong. Doc leans down to me, smiling to show all his new
teeth. “See, I told you I will end you.” I watch him raise his hand and
extend out claws like a cat would, and everything slows down even
more.
I look around to see Jack and the girls fighting their way out of
the green zone through all the zombies and monsters. Jack, being the
badass that he is, is not having a single thing touch him and is trying
to keep the zombies and monsters off the girls. I see that Ylva and her
sisters are back to human form with the rest of their warriors, fighting off zombies, bringing up the rear to keep everyone from getting
attacked from behind.
I look over and see Elvis and Amelia standing next to each other
as a last stand. Amelia is cutting loose on her Thompson, shooting
and gunning down everything coming at them. Elvis has a BAR, and
he’s blowing off zombie heads like he is popping water balloons until
he runs out of ammo and turns his BAR around and uses it as a bat
and starts bashing heads in. Amelia runs out of ammo as well and
uses her Thompson butt end to hit zombies with, but both of them
get overrun by the zombies, who pile up on them and rip them apart.
The doc comes in slowly, dragging his claws down my face and
then down my chest, cutting me slowly. I think he wants to take his
time with me and let me know I’ve failed, that I’ve lost, and that this
is the end of the line. He runs his claws down me a few more times
like he’s trying to make sliced bread out of me. I watch him do this
over and over, and I’m too shocked and stunned to stop him.
I look over to see Jack and the girls, along with Ylva and her
sisters, make it out of the battle zone and onto the jungle path, out
of sight and away, as the doc’s monsters fight the zombie things.
The gods are fighting their way out through the middle of the field,
avoiding Jig’s black lightning bolts. I turn and look back at the doc as
he stops slashing at me and starts to slowly poke holes into me with
one claw. A black lightning bolt strikes right next to us, sending us
flying through the air, landing next to each other.
I lie here wishing for death to hurry the fuck up and take me. I
roll over and notice that Bridget is still in my hand. I crawl up to my
knees and see the doc do the same thing. He comes at me with one
arm back, ready to ramrod it through me, but I catch his arm and
thrust Bridget up into his chest. I watch his face turn from cocky evil
attacker to “What the fuck just happened?” Doc looks down to see
Bridget shoved up to her hilt in his chest and the rest of her blade
out his back.
Doc looks at me shocked, puzzled, and confused as if this wasn’t
supposed to happen to him. I look at him and say, “I told you this
would happen.” I push Doc over to his side and pull Bridget out from
his chest, then I fall back on my heels, still upright. I look around
at the chaos around me. The doc’s monsters start to fall dead since
the doc has died. The only things standing are the zombie-looking
motherfuckers. Damn, he cut me up good and deep. The alien juice
is working overtime to heal me, but it’s not fast enough, and I keep
losing blood.
Lightning strikes down next to me but not forcefully like the
others. I see Jig come floating down the lightning bolt like it’s a damn
elevator. He lands his feet on the ground next to me and leans down,
placing his hands on me.
“You are the one that woke me,” Jig says, eyes glowing red.
“Yeah, that’s my bad,” I say, coughing up blood.
“Do you think you will die here today?”
“Maybe. I mean, look,” I say, looking down at the bloody mess
I’m in.
“No. You will live to see your friends die on this island.”
“You know, the last fucker to tell me that I just killed.”
“That may be so, but you will not kill me.”
“Well, let’s have a go, then,” I say, spitting out blood, clearing
my throat and mouth.
“Ha ha!” Jig chuckles at the sight of me.
“What? Afraid I’ll kick your ass?”
“Even at death, you still remain strong.”
“I’m no pussy.” I cough again, choking on blood. I look around
at all the zombie-looking things standing around me, and Jig is just
staring at us. “We have an audience, Jig. Why don’t we give them a
222
223
Marc Longcor
WTF!
show?” I say, noticing the gods make it out into the jungle behind
the zombies.
“They do not need a show. With a single motion, I can raise the
dead and create whatever I want.”
“Well, I don’t have long, so you better get on with it.”
Jig lifts me up with one arm, pulling me to my feet about a foot
off the ground. Blood rushes down my legs, making a lake of blood
below me. I still feel Bridget in my hand and think, Why not? Let’s
give it another go. I thrust forward at Jig, shoving Bridget deep into
his shoulder. He lets me go, only to fall down into my lake of blood.
Then out of nowhere, Buddha comes running through the
zombies with his giant pet bear, ripping and tearing apart zombies,
making his way to me. He scoops me up in his arms and takes off
running away from Jig, heading to the jungle path. His bear stays
behind to fight off the zombies, giving us time to escape.
I watch his pet bear swing his arms, knocking down zombies by
the dozen. But there are too many for it to take on, and the zombies
pile up on it, taking it to the ground, ripping into its flesh. They pull
fur and skin off, then reach in for its organs, pulling them out as well.
“My man,” I mumble through the blood, looking up at Buddha,
who is carrying me out of danger like the ending of An Officer and a
Gentleman.
“Stone, my friend, you will not die here today but will live on to
fight tomorrow, for I believe you are the chosen one.”
“Buddha, man, I’m done for. Look at me.”
“No. I will give my life to you, for I know what is to come of
you,” Buddha says, stopping in the middle of the path with the zombies hot on our asses.
“Buddha, man, get out of here while you can. I’ll hold them
off.”
Buddha gently puts me down on the ground, placing both
hands on my shoulders, giving me that lovable smile he has that
warms me up. He starts to glow bright gold and turns into gold dust,
flowing into me. I feel the blood stop rushing out, and my wounds
heal up faster than before. I feel strength come into me like never
before, burning hot. I feel my eyes glow with heat, and I know I have
a fucking god pumping through me now.
I look down the path to see all the zombies running up it. I take
in a deep breath, and the voice of Buddha in my head telling me,
“You will never be alone, for I am with you, my friend.” I look down.
Bridget is not in my hand. She’s back with Jig, and I can’t leave her.
I look down the path at all the zombies coming my way. It’s a scene
out of World War Z as they come running toward me.
“In the spirit of Al fucking Bundy, let’s dance!” I take off running, charging into the zombies like a bowling ball on steroids, sending them flying off in all directions. I just keep running through
them like they’re nothing, clothes lining them and ripping head off
their bodies. I start laughing heavily, thinking how fun this is now.
I come running out of the jungle path like a bat out of hell, not
slowing down at all until I come up to Jig. I give him a right hook,
sending him back on his ass with Bridget still in his shoulder. I run
up and pull her out of his shoulder. He gives out a painful yell, and
I kick him in the face and take off running again. He jumps up and
shoots black lightning bolts at me, missing me as I bob and weave
and zig and zag, laughing.
I should end this now. I stop by the tree line, putting Bridget
up and hugging a tree, ripping it up out of the ground. I launch it at
Jig like a damn rocket, nailing him dead center in the chest. “Ha ha!”
I chuckle as I run over to a ship and pick it up like it is nothing for
me and toss it on top of Jig, smashing him under it. I wait to see if he
moves, and nothing. Huh, that was easier than I thought. I turn and
run up the path fast, catching up with the rest of the gang.
“Hey, guys!” I say, running up to them.
“Stone!” they all yell out at once.
“Okay, okay. Everyone can relax. I’m here now.”
“What the fuck happened, boy? You were at death’s door,” Jack
says.
“I know, but it was Buddha who saved me.”
“Did he give his life to you?” Odin asks.
“Yes, he did,” I reply.
“Then he sees something in you that I’m missing,” Odin says.
224
225
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Hey, it happens. So where’s Frost?” I ask.
“Up ahead. And where’s my dad?” Stacy asks, looking behind
me with worry in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I saw him get taken down by all those
zombie things,” I say with a heavy heart knowing that she has just
lost her dad again. “I’m going to run ahead and catch up with Frost.
You all keep heading up the mountain as well, and we’ll meet there,”
I say, looking at everyone.
I turn and start walking away, slow at first, and I start to pick
up speed to move into a run, but Ylva steps in front of me, stopping
me. She’s back in her human form. I take a step back from her, a little
stunned by what I’ve just seen her turn into.
“So werewolf, huh?” I say, looking at her.
“Yes,” she replies.
“Tell me the story later?” I say back.
“Yes, go,” she says, stepping out of the way.
I run up the path, trying to catch up with Frost. I see something
little come into view and notice the Hawaiian shirt. The closer I get,
the better I see Frost come into view. I run up to him, scooping him
up like how Buddha did with me back on the battlefield.
“Hey, man. Thanks for the ride,” Frost says.
“Okay, Frost, what do we need to do to get out of here and
destroy this island?” I ask, still running. Man, he’s heavier than I
thought for a little alien.
“Destroy the island? Nah, man, my ship has been here so long
that it needs to remain to keep the planet intact, or it will rip the
world apart.”
“You’re fucking kidding me, right? You’re joking, right? Right,
Frost?”
“Nah, man. The ship has to stay. There is too much energy
behind it now that if we remove it, the planet will tear itself apart, I
think.”
“You think? Can’t you just shut down your ship safely like a
damn computer?”
“A computer? Really, man? This is state of the art and millions
of years of technology ahead of anything you have ever seen. You just
can’t shut it down. You don’t understand the energy this planet creates, and this ship is tapped into it like a cork in a champagne bottle,”
Frost explains.
“Look, we need to do something to keep the Dark Evil here and
not release it into the world.”
“What? The Dark Evil is here?” Frost asks, panicked.
“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“No, no, you haven’t. You’ve been trying to tell me to shut the
ship down and destroy the island, nothing about the most powerful
entity in the universe alive and, well, kicking it on my island.”
“Yeah, sorry to wake you out of your cocaine dream, but we do
have an issue here.”
“No shit. Are the gods here too, then? They can stop him.”
“Yeah, they are, and they’ve been having a hard time in that
area, saying that he’s more powerful than before.”
“Shit, man, that’s not good,” Frost says.
“No shit. It’s not good. So what are we gonna do?” I ask.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna try and overload the
ship and get the fuck off this island,” Frost says, walking around like
he’s thinking.
“Wait. Didn’t you say overloading the ship is a bad thing?” I ask.
“It is, but maybe I can find a way to do it that doesn’t destroy
the whole planet,” Frost replies.
“So, what, just half maybe?” I reply.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Frost asks, looking at me
like I’m crazy.
“What? You said doing this is like removing a cork in a champagne bottle,” I reply, lifting my arms, shrugging.
“Well, yeah, in theory, but maybe I can do it without fucking it
up completely,” Frost says.
“So you’re gonna help us out and kill him?” I ask.
“What? No. There is no killing him. He is the beginning and
the end of all things. He was a dick in the beginning, and he’s still a
dick now.”
“You were there when they locked him up?” I ask.
226
227
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, and it was a pain in the ass then. And from the sound
of it, it’s gonna be ten times worse than before. How the hell did he
wake up?” Frost asks, looking at me.
“That was my bad,” I reply.
“Yeah, it’s your bad. You should go deal with his ass.”
“I just threw a tree and a fucking ship on him. What more can
I do?” I say, putting Frost down.
“A lot more than that, man,” Frost says, walking away from me,
heading up to his ship. He pushes a button on the side, opening a
door, and he goes in.
“Well, let’s overload this fucker and get off this island ’cause I’m
out of ideas.”
“Well, get out of my way, then, so I can.”
Frost takes off, going ninety to nothing all over the ship, doing
this and doing that. He talks to the ship, and the ship talks back to
him. They do a little catching up reunion, then talk about blowing
the ship up, but not before Frost can load the ship’s brain up into
something else to take it with him ’cause they’re friends, I guess.
“Frost, it’s been a long time. Why now do you return?” Ship
asks.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I couldn’t risk coming back without a plan of
getting back off again,” Frost replies.
“And now your big plan is to overload the system and destroy
everything?” Ship replies.
“Wait. Destroy everything? Frost, you said you could do this
without doing that,” I say, looking at him.
“I can. I mean, we can. Ship, don’t scare the human. They are
fragile minded.”
“The humans here on this island seem to be strong-willed, but
you wouldn’t know because you left us,” Ship says like a jealous girlfriend hurt in a breakup. “Frost, if we overload the system, it’s hard
to tell what will happen. We have already created time vortexes and
time loops, and doing this could do more harm than anything,” Ship
explains.
“Ship, just run the numbers, man,” Frost says back, pushing
buttons all over the place.
I feel the ship rumble, and I turn to run out of the ship to look
outside, and the whole mountain is rumbling. I feel that Jig must be
on his way up. I see everyone come walking up to the ship with concerned looks on their faces, except for the gods. I think they know
what is coming our way.
“What is going on, Stone?” Kate asks, walking up.
“Trouble is coming fast, and we’re overloading the ship, so stay
close to Frost no matter what. Stay with him,” I say, walking past
everyone.
“And where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jack asks,
looking at me.
“I’m going to pick a fight. You wanna come?” I reply to him
with a smile.
“Nope. You got this. I’ll stay back with the girls and make sure
they’re safe.”
“I figured you’d say that.”
“Hey, I’m old. Leave me alone.”
“Yeah, you are,” I reply, then turn and walk away from the ship,
followed by Kali and Apollo.
“What are you two doing?” I ask them.
“We’re going to help you. It’ll give the rest time to get off the
island,” Apollo says.
“Then let’s go fuck this guy up.”
The three of us walk down the path and go back toward the
green zone, where I last left Jig smashed under a ship. I’m sure he’s
gonna be pissed that I did that to him. The island rumbles more
and more, and I don’t know if it’s Jig or Frost’s ship. Kali and Apollo
match me step for step, still walking alongside me, probably to our
death, but we can’t let Jig or the Dark Evil escape this island.
We don’t have to go far down the mountain, as we are met by
Jig and his minions. They are just standing in the middle of the path
like they have been waiting for us. I can’t tell if he is more pissed than
before ’cause his eyes just stay red, glowing like red-hot coals, just
staring deep into your soul. It gives me chills down my spine.
“Don’t think we can talk about this, do you?” I ask, looking at
Jig.
228
229
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“You threw a tree at me and then a ship.”
“Yeah, about that. I may have gotten carried away with the
whole ship thing, but in my defense, you did say you were going kill
everyone. So yeah, sorry, not sorry.”
“Ha ha! Stone, just the fact that you came back down to face me
with these other two next to you warms me up knowing that what I
say to you still remains to be true. You will live long enough to watch
your friends die.”
“I don’t think I’m going to let you kill anyone else today, Jig,” I
say, pulling Bridget out.
Kali and Apollo charge at Jig, and I follow behind them. Kali
gets a blow in, knocking Jig into Apollo’s punch. I come in low, cutting Jig across the thighs, dropping him down to the ground. Apollo
and Kali take turns punching him from each side. I walk away and
pull another tree out of the ground, and I now see why Buddha
laughed so much. This is fun. I pull the tree up and turn, hitting as
many zombies as I can, taking them out. And then I turn toward Jig,
who is on his knees now, and drop the tree down on top of his head
like hammering in a nail into a board.
He doesn’t go into the ground like I hope like a damn cartoon,
but it was still fun to drop another tree on his ass. Kali and Apollo
stop to look at me, and both give out a chuckle, as it feels like we
are kicking Jig’s ass like there’s no tomorrow. I lift the tree up again
to bring it back down on Jig, but he raises his arms up, catching the
tree. Then he picks it up with me on the other end and tosses it down
the path with me on the wrong side. I see the ground coming fast
behind me, and the tree is on me and about to nail my ass into the
ground. I roll out from under the tree before it gets replanted into
the ground.
I get back up and fight my way back to where Jig is, fighting
through all his zombie shit stains. They just stand there taking my
hits like they have been ordered not to move an inch. Kali and Apollo
go back to punching Jig, but Jig just tosses them both to the side like
nothing. Apollo is the first back up on his feet to charge Jig, thrusting his sword at him, and then Kali comes up behind Jig with all her
arms out and filled with swords. She starts to slice and dice at Jig,
but he moves so fast, ducking in and out of her arms. She doesn’t get
a single hit on him. He punches her in the chest, sending her flying
into a tree, breaking it in half.
I come running up to Jig, nailing him with my left shoulder,
sending him flying up the path. I continue the charge, kicking him
in the face and bringing Bridget down to stab him again. He rolls
out of the way, flying up to his feet and hitting me with one of his
black lightning bolts, sending me flying down the path. Those fucking bolts hurt like a motherfucker.
Apollo is back in the fight now, giving all he can. Jig moves
around him like he is nothing, landing punches all around Apollo,
beating him down to his knees. He takes Apollo’s sword from his
hand and drops it down the back of Apollo’s neck and down his
spine, killing him. Bright blue light flashes out of his body and shoots
up into the sky through the force field.
Kali gives out a scream and comes in at Jig faster and harder
than before, mad at the loss of her bother. All her arms are flying
around so fast I can’t tell where they are. I can just feel wind coming
off them as she moves them so fast. But somehow, Jig dodges them all
like she is standing still. He swings Apollo’s sword, and I see an arm
of Kali’s fly off her body, landing next to a tree. She stops in shock
of what just happened, and Jig takes Apollo’s sword and dives it into
Kali’s chest. I watch her fall to her knees as a bright blue light flashes
out from her and up into the sky like Apollo before her.
“Looks like it’s just you and me now, Jig,” I say, walking up to
him.
“Stone, do you think you can defeat me?” he replies, pointing
at himself.
“No, but I’m gonna fuck you up the best I can.”
I charge at Jig, swinging Bridget faster than ever before. Jig
defends my blows with Apollo’s sword. I keep coming at him harder
and harder. We start to do a dance, going back and forth. Our swords
ring out over the jungle and clash together louder than thunder.
Jig comes in for a blow, and I block it and spin around fast.
With all I have, I bring Bridget down, but Jig brings up Apollo’s
sword to block, and Bridget just shatters Apollo’s sword into pieces.
230
231
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Jig takes a few steps back, disbelieving of the power I have and the
strength of Bridget.
“That is some sword you carry, Stone,” Jig says, looking at
Bridget.
“Her name is Bridget, and she’s pissed.”
“Bridget you say? By the end of this, she will be mine.”
“Over my dead body.” Why did I just say that?
“Soon enough, Stone,” Jig says, forming a black lightning bolt
and taking off away from me.
“Pussy!” I yell at him.
I turn to look at all of Jig’s zombie things. I can’t really explain
them. It’s just easier to call them zombies. They’re just standing in the
path, staring at me, not moving, not breathing, just standing. I take
off running to them. I hold Bridget up, and I start to slice and dice
my way through them all, clearing a path in case the others need to
come this way.
The sky goes dark as thunder and lightning flash. The once bright
sunlight is now gone, and darkness takes its place. The dark clouds
above flash lightning and echo sounds of thunder, but there’s no rain.
I take off running back up the path to Frost and the gang, but before I
can get to the ship, I am met halfway by everyone running down.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“Frost set everything to overload, and he told us to run down
the mountain, and he will be right behind us,” Jack replies, out of
breath and breathing hard.
“Well, where is he?” I say, looking up the path for a cocainecrazed little alien.
“He was right behind us when we ran from the ship,” Stacy says.
“Fuck!” I say, looking around at everyone.
“There he is,” Ylva says, pointing up the path.
“Frost, where do we need to go?” I ask him, but he just runs
past us.
“Just follow me and keep up ’cause I’m not stopping.”
“Let’s go, everyone. You heard him. Keep up with him, and look
out for the zombies down the path,” I say, pushing people along the
path to catch up with Frost.
We run down the path and make it to where I left the zombies
and the dead gods only to find that all the zombies are gone now, and
it’s just dead bodies covering the path. Where the fuck did they go?
“Stone?” Kate says.
“Never mind. Just run,” I reply.
The lightning gives off flashes of light, which give us enough
light to see as we run down the path, keeping up with Frost. He’s
faster than he looks, but then again, he is all hyped up on cocaine,
so it’s really not a fair race. We make it out of the jungle and into the
green zone. We jump and high-step over the dead bodies of monsters
and zombies to another path on the other side of the green zone that
we’ve never noticed before.
Where the fuck is Jig? I just know that fucker is going to pop
out at the last minute and fuck us all out of getting off this damn
island. Up ahead, I can see a cave start to form in the distance as we
get closer. Great. Another fucking cave is all we need.
Frost runs into the cave first and disappears in a second, and the
rest of us just stop before entering it. I push Stacy in and then Kate
before she can yell at me, and Jack just goes in on his own. Ylva and
her sisters go in next, followed by Thor and Odin. I’m getting ready
to step in when I feel a hand grab me by my neck, pulling me back
from the cave entrance and tossing my ass back from it. I look up
from the ground to see Jig standing over me.
“You came back for the rest of your ass whooping,” I say, getting
up on my feet.
“Stone, this is where you die.”
“Yeah, that’s been tried before by the last guy, and it didn’t turn
out so well for him.”
The island rumbles and shakes again as bright blue flashes fly
out of the top of the mountain, letting me know I don’t have much
time to kick Jig’s ass and get off this island before I don’t know what
happens. Jig makes a move, swinging his right fist at me. I block it
and look at him with a cocky smile.
Jig comes in fast and hard left and right, left and right. And just
as fast as he is sending them, I’m blocking them until I get a good
hit on him, dead center of his chest, sending him back a few steps.
232
233
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I keep up the attack as I go low, aiming for his knees to take him
down in size to make it easier for me to finish him off. Jig moves his
legs, making me miss my target, and punches me in the face, sending
me back on my ass. My face is covered in blood, and my nose is just
Niagara Falls but Bloody Mary version.
Jig walks over and grabs me by my head, lifting me off the
ground, and hits me again and again in the face. He never loses his
grip on my head like it is a damn basketball. He lets go, and I fall to
my knees on the ground, but I don’t feel the pain of the fall. I can’t
really feel much right now. Jig is giving me a cheap face lift. He takes
a few steps back and lines me up like he’s going to send a field goal
kick to my head and send it off into the stands for the win.
Jig gets right on me, but I move out of the way, letting him
fly past me, and roll around. I bring my arm up between his legs,
smashing his little twins, only to find out that I hurt myself more
than I hurt him. I mean, damn, it’s like I just cross arm bar a brick
wall. Jig turns around and looks down at me, still on my knees. He
grabs my head again with his left hand, and with his right, he starts
hammering on me.
“My friend, you must fight back. You can win this,” Buddha’s
voice echoes in my head. Jig brings in another blow, and I reach up,
catching his right hand with my left, stopping him. Jig looks at me
with a confused look. I grab his other hand, forcing it off my head,
and I stand up.
I spread his arms out and look at him. I tilt my head back fast
and swing it forward, connecting it with Jig’s face hard. Then I lean
back and Sparta-kick him back on his ass, giving me time to pull
Bridget out and swing her down across his face and then back up
his chest. I watch his blood spill on the ground. I turn and waste no
time getting to the cave as a loud rumble and a blast go off, sending
a destroying blast wave down the mountain, sending me flying into
the cave.
The cave isn’t a cave but a fast-moving tunnel of blue clouds
and pink lightning like the clouds before. It’s moving fast, but I don’t
feel any wind or air. I just see flashes of pink and blue, and I think I’m
going so fast that I’ve passed ridiculous speed into ludicrous speed
and skipped past plaid into this blue-and-pink lightning.
Soon, I start to see visions, visions of the island but destroyed.
And from the rubble, rocks move, and a figure rises from the ground.
I try to focus on what it is, but everything is fuzzy for now. I just see
black boots walking forward, then my eyes move up to black pants,
a bluish coat, a black beard, and glowing red eyes. It’s Jig, and he’s
alive, walking across the island. He raises his arms up from his sides,
and the ground starts to move, and dead bodies start to stand up.
Then I get a good, hard look at his face as he tilts his head to the side
and says, “Stone!”
The vision comes to a hard stop, and so do I when I feel a hard
wall stopping my ass, and I fall to the ground. The others are already
on their feet, waiting for me, standing around smiling, glad to be
back in our time and off that island.
“Jack, that was a horrible vacation,” Stacy says, smiling while
looking over at Jack, who is leaning up next to the wall, holding his
chest.
“Jack, you okay?” I ask, getting up on my feet.
“Yeah I think it’s just heart burn,” he replies.
“Jack, you can’t die from a heart attack. That would be a horrible way for you to go after all the badass, crazy shit you’ve done,” I say
to him. He just lifts up his left hand and shoots me the bird.
“What took you so long, Stone?” Kate asks me.
“I got held up by Jig.”
“Jig? Did he get off the island?” Odin asks.
“No, I left him bleeding on the ground before the ship blew up,
destroying the island,” I answer.
“Frost, where are we?” Stacy asks, looking around.
“Yeah, where are we, Frost?” I add to Stacy’s question.
“I don’t know. We should have ended up back at my lab,” Frost
answers.
“Well, let’s just take a minute and breathe,” I say, looking
around at everyone. There’s not a lot of light in here, except for the
little that’s seeping in from under the door. I walk over to it and feel
234
235
Marc Longcor
WTF!
for a light switch and find one, and I flip it on. It’s a bathroom, a rest
stop bathroom you would find off an interstate.
“Where the hell are we? Frost, why are we in a bathroom?” I ask,
looking around.
“I don’t know. Like I said, we should be back in my lab,” Frost
replies, also looking around.
“Hey, Stone, I’m not feeling so good, son,” Jack says with
labored breaths. He slowly goes down the wall to a knee, then sits on
his ass, holding his chest.
“Jack!” I say, running over to him and getting down next to
him. He’s cold and wet from sweat. “Jack, what’s wrong? Talk to me,
old man,” I say, leaning down next to him.
“I don’t think this is heart burn, boy,” Jack whispers.
“Look out. Let me try something,” Frost says. He walks over
and flicks his wrist, and a wand appears in his hands. He places it up
against Jack’s chest.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Just hold on,” Frost says as he pushes the wand hard against
Jack’s chest. An electric sound gets louder and shocks Jack’s body.
“Jack!” I yell.
“Hold on,” Frost says, looking at me. He pushes his wand
again to Jack’s chest and gives him another jolt, and Jack’s body jolts
forward.
“Holy fuck me! That will put hair on your ass!” Jack yells, flying
off his ass, high-stepping through the bathroom like he’s found new
energy.
“Jack, you okay?” Kate asks, looking at him.
“Hell yeah, baby!” he replies, walking up to her. He grabs her by
the ass and brings her in for a dip and a kiss.
“Hey, old man, that’s my girl,” Stacy says, smiling and laughing
at Jack. He drops Kate to the floor and walks over to Stacy and does
the same to her.
“Jack, for real, you okay?” I ask him.
“I’m good, boy, just a bad case of heart burn,” Jack replies.
“Right, heart burn,” I say back, not believing him for a second.
“So where the hell are we?” Jack asks, looking around.
“Don’t know yet. We’re gonna take a minute and rest before
going out that door. I was getting ready to ask Ylva her story and the
whole werewolf thing,” I say, looking at him and then over at Ylva.
“Right. That’s awesome. Let’s know more about that,” Jack says.
“Ylva, wanna tell us a story?” I ask, looking at her and her sisters.
“Yes, my sisters and I are from a land you call Viking land, or
so we were told by a scientist that ended up on the island, a country
now known as Norway. Our town was Valldalen. Our father was Jarl
there, and he had many wives to make sons. My sisters and I are the
oldest of them, and we caught on to what he was doing. He was sacrificing his daughters to the gods so they would bless him with sons.
When I found out, I took my sisters and other women away, and he
followed us, hunting us down until we were able to get a boat and sail
away. And that was how we ended up on the island,” Ylva explains.
“Okay, but what about the werewolf stuff?” I ask.
“Our father was a Berserker, a Bear Berserker, and our mother
was a Vlfhedinn, a wolf Vlfhedinn, and the leader of the women in
the ranks of warriors in father’s army. Our abilities come from our
mother—”
“Berserkers? I just thought they just fought crazy with no shields
and shirts and whatnot,” I ask, interrupting her.
“That is what is said now, but in truth, our Berserkers would
change into their warrior spirit that was handed down to them from
their mother or father or if they went out and challenged a spirit—”
“So, what, I could go out and kill a bear, and I could be a
Berserker?” I ask, interrupting her again.
“If you do it right, yes, you could become a Berserker. But if you
don’t do it right, you’ll just kill an animal or get killed yourself. My
sisters and I got our Vlfhedinn spirit from our mother at birth, and
that is why we can change into wolves—”
“Can you do it at will, or is it a full moon type of thing?” I ask,
interrupting her again.
“We can change at will when we want but only choose to do so
for battle,” Ylva says.
“So could the rest of your warriors change?” Kate asks.
236
237
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“No, the warriors could not. It’s just me and my sisters that can
change,” Ylva says, pointing to her sisters.
“So you’re an ancient werewolf Viking warrior from Valldalen,
Norway, your dad was a dick, and you ran away from home to start
a new life,” I say.
“Yes, Stone. You understand,” Ylva says, looking at me, smiling.
I get lost in her eyes, and Kate hits my arm.
“Hey,” I say, looking at Kate.
“Don’t space off. We’ve got shit to do,” Kate says.
“Right. I’ll go out and look around. You guys stay here,” I say,
walking to the door.
I open the door slowly and peek out, and like most rest stops,
the bathroom door opens to a lobby area. I look out the windows to
see a wasteland. The ground is dusty red and windy from the looks
of it, making it hard to see anything at all. I look around the lobby
area to find a map ’cause most have maps on the wall, which show
you where you are.
What the hell? Mound City? That’s where Hill Top City should
be. Saint Joe? What the fuck? That’s Bucksville. What the hell is
going on? I look around the lobby again and out the windows. I walk
closer, putting my face right up against a window, cupping around
my eyes to focus on anything and nothing. It’s just a dust bowl outside. I do see a few cars, but it’s weird. They’re like from the fifties,
maybe sixties. Oh, there’s a seventies hippie van and a Prius. What
the hell is going on? I turn and walk back to the bathroom, opening
the door.
“So what you see out there?” Kate asks.
“It’s weird, guys, like, just weird. Come on. You have to see
it for yourselves,” I say, opening the door and waving my hand to
motion them to come out and look for themselves.
Jack walks out first, followed by Frost and the girls, then Ylva
and her sisters. Everyone takes a spot in front of the windows to look
out. Everyone is quiet, just looking outside. The wind is still blowing
dust up, making the visibility hard.
“That’s not all, guys. Come look at this map,” I say, walking
over and pointing to it to where it says, “You are here.”
“Holy shit, it’s still Missouri, but all the names of the cities
are different. But I wonder if I still have my place just outside Hill
Top—”
“You mean Mound City,” Kate says, interrupting Jack.
“Whatever. I have a place if we need to get somewhere,” Jack
says, looking at her.
The wind gusts up hard, blowing dirt and dust up into the window, making a blackout wall. Frost opens the door but gets pushed
back in by something. “What the fuck is that?” Kate asks, and this
thing turns toward her, hands out fast. Stacy trips the thing up, taking
it down to the ground, and Jack kicks it in the head, but so far, nothing
is fazing it. It gets back up on its feet and goes after Stacy now.
Kate hits it with a roundhouse kick, but it only sends it back
a few steps. Then she jumps up in the air this time, doing a roundhouse kick, and it knocks it back down to the ground. But it doesn’t
stay on the ground long. It gets back up fast, and one of Ylva’s sisters
pulls her sword and takes off its head, sending it into Stacy’s hands,
making her scream. She tosses the head to Kate, and she catches it,
then screams, tossing it to me.
I catch the head, turning it around to look at its face, and it’s
still alive. Its body is still upright and walking around, searching for
its head. Astrid pulls her sword, stabbing the body in the chest, and
Ingrid pulls her dagger and stabs the head in my hands. Both the
head and the body die.
“What the fuck is this thing?” I ask, looking at it.
“Got me,” Jack says.
“We know what this is,” Ylva says.
“What is it, then?” I ask her.
“It’s a Draugr,” Ylva says, looking at the body and then at the
head still in my hands.
“A what?” Kate asks.
“A Draugr, a horrible creature from our homeland,” Ingrid says.
“What is it? What does it do?” Stacy asks.
“It’s a horrible creature. If it drains you of your blood, you will
turn into one. But if it just eats you, you just die horribly,” Astrid
says.
238
239
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“So it’s a vampire,” Kate says.
“No, Zombie,” Stacy says.
“If it drains your blood, so like a vampire,” Kate replies.
“If it eats you, you just die horribly,” Stacy replies.
“Okay, whatever. A vampire fucked a zombie, and we have this
now. How do we kill these fuckers?” I ask, looking at Ylva.
“Do what we did—cut the head off and stab the body and
head,” Ylva replies.
“Well, we should get a move on unless we wanna stay here and
wait for more to come,” Jack says.
“Right. One more thing. Are these things smart or stupid as
shit?” I ask.
“They’re smart and strong and kind of fast. One-on-one, you
can take them easy. But if you have more than three or so, it’s a fight,”
Ylva says.
“Okay. Well, we should get out of here and get to a place to
stock up and figure shit out. Jack, you said you have a place close by
where we can go?” I say, looking at him.
“Yeah, just outside Hill Top or Mound City or whatever it’s
called now,” Jack says.
“Okay. We go there and figure shit out,” I say.
“Do you see any cars out there that we all can fit in?” Frost says.
“I saw a few out there but only one that can fit us all, and it’s a
hippie van,” I say.
“Hippie van? No, not going to get in one,” Jack says.
“Jack, we all need to get out of here.”
“There has to be something else out there,” Jack says.
“Fine. I’ll go see what’s out there, then,” I say, walking to the
door, opening it.
The wind pushes against the door, making it hard to open. The
wind is strong and hurts like a motherfucker, like sandpaper being
dragged across my skin. I keep low, trying to get under the wind like
the jackass I am, thinking that will help. I make it to the hippie van
and use it for cover from the wind, and it helps. It gives me a chance
to look around without my eyes getting sandblasted, and I catch a
glimpse of a school bus parked across the parking lot. That should
do. I take off running while trying to keep my balance with the wind
trying to push me over.
I make it to the bus door, and I force it open. I look up at the
driver’s seat thinking it will be empty, but nope. Right there, face-toface with me, is a Draugr and a bus full of the cocksuckers. “Fuck
me!” This Draugr must have been the driver. It dives down at me
from the top of the steps of the bus, landing on top of me, and we
roll around on the ground like two virgins trying to figure out where
we go from here.
I kick the Draugr in the balls and push him off, getting up to
my feet. I see more Draugar get off the bus, and I turn around to run
to the back of the bus, making sure to punt-kick the Draugar that’s
already on the ground in the face.
I make it around the back side, and the Draugar are hot on my
ass. I run to the front, making it around the bus, but I don’t have
enough time to get in and lock them out, so I go around again,
making sure to kick the Draugr I’ve already kicked in the face again
to make sure he stays down. I make it around the back side, and like
before, Draugar are hot on my ass. Again, I make it around to the
front, and there is still not enough time to get in the bus. This is the
most fucked up game of Ring Around the Rosie.
“Come on!” I repeat steps one through three again, run, kick
the down Draugr, run faster, still no time to get in, and repeat. Then
I just stop, dropping and rolling under the bus as fast as I can to
the other side, then jumping up and getting into the bus. “Ha ha!
Fuckers!” I yell excitedly, flipping them the double bird.
I turn around, and standing in the middle of the bus is a big—
and I mean big, like, this-asshole-could-be-the-center-lineman-forthe-team big. The big-ass Draugr starts to walk my way, and I size
him up and know this is going to be a fight. The other Draugar
outside start rocking the bus side to side, making balancing myself
more difficult, but I’m a functioning drunk, so this is nothing. The
big Draugr swings at me, and I duck, then come back up with a
super uppercut with the power of Buddha, smashing his jaw up into
his head and, well, just deforming his whole head. It drops him to
240
241
Marc Longcor
WTF!
his knees, and I pull Bridget out, swinging her around and taking his
head off.
“That was easy,” I say, looking down at the body, still moving.
Oh yeah! I take Bridget and stab the body and then the head to finish the job. Man, that’s going to be a pain in the ass to do with each
one of them. The Draugar outside are still rocking the bus back and
forth, and I turn around and get in the driver’s seat. The keys are
still in it, and I reach down, turning them, and the bus starts right
up. “Yes!” I say as I put the bus in gear and pull forward out of the
Draugar mob.
I make a big circle in the parking lot, thinking of how to get up
close to the building to let the rest in without having to fight every
single Draugr here. I gun the bus, pulling away from the mob, making a bigger circle. I come up behind some of them, running them
down with the bus. I don’t get many, but I take the numbers down. I
pull up onto the curb, getting as close as I can to the building, lining
the bus door up with the door to the building. I open the door as
Ylva opens the building’s door, and everyone rushes to the bus, and I
close the door behind them.
“What took you so long?” Jack says, taking a seat behind me.
“The bus was occupied already,” I reply.
“I see that now,” Jack says, looking down at the dead Draugr.
“Where to now?” Ylva asks, standing next to me, making it difficult to focus on what I’m doing with what little she’s wearing.
“Just head the way we’re facing and for that town called Mound
City. Maybe the roads are still the same here wherever here is,” Jack
says, pointing over my shoulder.
I push down on the go pedal and bounce back onto the pavement, hitting another Draugr. I start a count on how many I run
over, and that makes five. The wind hits the bus, making it struggle
moving forward. The sand or dirt in the wind hits the windshield,
sounding horrible and giving the feeling that any minute, the windshield will blow out. I focus on the road, but the wind and dirt and
sand make it look like we’re in hyperdrive, and I can’t even see the
hood of the bus. A sign comes into view, and with no time to react,
I take it out.
“What the fuck did that say?” Jack asks after we drive through
the sign.
“I think, ‘Mound City, One Mile,’” I reply, still trying to see
where I’m going.
“Oh, good. Wake me up when we get there,” Jack says, lying
down in his seat.
“How fast are we going?” Kate asks.
“Barely forty,” I reply without taking my eyes away from what’s
in front of us.
“You’re going that slow and still all over the damn place? You’re
driving like a drunk old lady without her glasses,” Kate says.
“Do you wanna drive? ’Cause I’ll let you drive,” I snap back.
I see what looks like an off-ramp, and I veer off, heading up the
ramp, but I stop as the wind kicks up more dust, making it harder to
see anything. I turn the wheel, guessing where the road is, and scrape
up against the guardrail. I jerk the wheel away, sending Ylva down
the bus steps, landing on her ass at the bottom by the door; sliding
Jack out of his seat and onto the floor; and knocking Kate, Stacy, and
Ylva’s sisters out of their seats as well. Odin and Thor didn’t move at
all in the back like the jerk didn’t bother them at all.
“What the fuck you doing, boy?” Jack asks, sitting up on the
floor. Ylva is giggling down at the bottom of the steps.
“Sorry, sorry. Can’t see shit up here,” I reply, moving the steering wheel to gain control over the bus.
“Where we at?” Jack asks, getting up on his feet and coming up
front next to me after helping Ylva up from the bottom of the steps.
“I think that Mound City town,” I reply, leaning over the steering wheel like it’s going to help me see better.
“Okay. Well, up ahead, this should come to a T, and take a
right,” Jack says, looking out the window, trying to see anything
familiar.
I barely have the bus moving in order to see, and it’s taking forever to get anywhere. I look down at the fuel gauge, and we’re almost
empty. I look up just in time to catch a glimpse of a gas station.
“Hot damn! Okay, everyone, we need gas, and here’s a station,” I say,
pulling into it next to the pumps. I look out the windows to check
242
243
Marc Longcor
WTF!
for any of those Draugar things and still can’t see shit from the dust.
I move Ylva and Jack out of the way and step down the bus steps
and put my face up against the window of the door. Before I know
what happened, I find myself standing outside of the bus, and Jack
is laughing behind me.
“You asshole!”
“Stone, behind you!” Ylva yells.
I turn around in time to get tackled by a Draugr. Its teeth look
to be sharp as he tries to take a bite out of my face. I shove him off
me, sending him flying out into the wind, disappearing. I get up and
look inside the bus at Jack, still giggling, and Ylva, with a look of
concern on her face. “Come on. Let’s check this place out and fuel
up,” I say, waving my hand at everyone to get off the bus.
I walk to the building. The wind is not giving up at all. I stop
trying to keep my kilt down and just focus on shielding my eyes so
I can see. I make it to the door, and at this point, I don’t even care
and just go right in. I close the door behind me and look around the
place. It’s empty, except for one Draugr inside, mopping the floor.
Before I can say anything, we make eye contact and almost have a
moment until he stands up straight and breaks his mop handle over
his knee.
“Look here, motherfucker. I’ve had a day or a few—I don’t even
know at this point—so this is what I’m going to do. First, I’m gonna
take that mop handle and shove it so far up your ass we’ll be able
to use your head as the mophead and then mop up the mess after.
Second, I’m going fuel up that bus and not pay for anything,” I say,
looking at the Draugr staring me down.
The Draugr charges toward me and thrusts his mop handle at
me. I sidestep to dodge him, but the fucker is faster than I thought
and spins and shish-kabobs me through my lower back and out the
lower-left side of my belly. “Motherfucker!” I pull the mop handle
out while spinning around, shoving it down the Draugr’s right shoulder, between his clavicle and shoulder.
The Draugr backhands me, sending me up and over the counter,
and I land on my back. The Draugr comes flying over the counter,
landing on top of me, beating me with his oversize hands and trying
to take bites out of me here and there. I block his hands while slapping his face away and look over to see bottles of whiskey next to me.
I grab one and smash it against the Draugr’s head. Remembering I
have superhuman strength, I take both hands and clap them together
with the Draugr’s head in between them, popping his head like an
overgrown zit. I push the dead, headless Draugr off me and just lie
on the floor, taking in everything that just happened. Huh. I guess
without a head, they just die. Who knew? Then Jack walks in.
“Kelly, where you at, boy?” Jack asks, walking in, looking around.
“Down here,” I reply from the floor. I grab a bottle of whiskey
and toss it up over the counter, expecting it to land on the floor and
break, but Jack catches it.
“Thanks, boy. I need a drink,” Jack says, and I hear the cork of
the bottle pop out.
“Look for a first aid kit or something,” I ask from the floor.
“All right. Hold on,” Jack replies.
“Wait. Never mind. I’m healing already,” I say, feeling my
wound close up.
“Will you make up your damn mind, boy?” Jack asks, leaning
over the counter, looking down at me on the floor.
“Are we fueled up yet?” I ask.
“Yep. Just came in to look around,” Jack replies.
“Well, let’s get what we need,” I say, getting up off the floor.
Kate and the rest of the girls come walking through the door,
laughing and giggling like they’re having a good time, like there aren’t
dipshits around that can kill us at any moment. Kate and Stacy go
on without looking at me and Jack to continue shopping around
the station. Ylva and her sisters stand by the counter and just watch.
Kate and Stacy go around the station, grabbing this and that. Then
they bring it all up to the counter, where Jack and I are, just watching
them on autopilot.
“You two okay?” I ask, looking at them carrying armloads of shit.
“Yeah, why?” Kate replies.
“You two just walked in like there is nothing going on, just
grabbing random stuff. Like, what are we going to do with gummy
bears and Red Bull?” I ask, looking at Kate.
244
245
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Duh? To eat and drink, dum-dum,” Kate replies.
“Water and real food would be better,” Ylva says, looking at all
the stuff on the counter.
“Yeah, we’ll get to that. Just wanted snacks,” Stacy says.
“Okay. Let’s get this on the move, then. I think we’re wasting a
lot of time here,” I say.
I walk around the counter and start looking for water, and Ylva
and her sisters follow me around. Kate and Stacy do the same, looking for things we need. Jack walks behind the counter and starts
taking bottles of whiskey and walks out to the bus, making a few
trips back and forth. I load up Ylva and her sisters with water and
what food is here, and they do the same—make trips back and forth
to the bus.
I’m at the back of the station, picking up a case of water, when
I hear a window break and screams from Kate and Stacy. I run up
to the front to see Jack slowly getting up to his feet and seeing two
Draugar come walking in.
“Jack, you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. These fucks tossed my ass through the window,” Jack
replies.
Ylva and her sisters pull their swords and charge at the Draugar,
and the creature doesn’t stand a chance against the three of them. The
way all three sisters move shows that they have been fighting together
for a long time. One goes high, one goes low, and Ylva takes off the
head with a spin move that is totally badass.
“Holy shit!”
“What?” Ylva asks, looking at me as she puts her sword away.
Her sisters finish up with the Draugar behind her.
“Yeah, we should get out of here now,” Jack says.
“Yeah, let’s go. Everyone, back on the bus,” I say.
We all get back on the bus, and I find Odin and Thor still at
the back, sleeping like nothing is going on at all. The first seat across
from Jack is filled with bottles of whiskey, and the next few behind
that seat have food, water, and snacks. Everyone takes their seats, and
I start up the bus, putting it in gear. I pull out of the station and back
to what I hope is the road.
I go slow like before, trying to see what I can, and Jack is giving
me directions about what to look out for. Then the wind just stops,
and the dust and sand just stop, and the sun comes out, blinding
me and everyone else. We get a good look at what’s going on here,
and everything looks like a Mad Max movie. The buildings look as
if they have been abandoned for years, but they also look as if from
a different time like all the cars on the side of the street that you can
still see just barely peeking out of the sand. It is a wasteland indeed.
The sand moves like fresh snow drifting and blowing around. I hit
the gas pedal and speed the bus up, getting out of this town, while I
try to stay on what road I can see.
We are making up some good distance and time to wherever
Jack is taking us when Kate yells out to look outside to the right. I
see a huge wall of fuck you coming our way. I have the pedal pinned
down to the floor, giving the bus all it has to give, but the wall hits
the side of the bus, and I feel it start to lift off the ground. “Y’all may
want to hold on to something!” I yell out.
The bus starts to tip over more, and I take my foot off the pedal,
jerking the wheel hard to the left. With that stupid move mixed with
the strong wind, the bus spins around in circles. I lose count after
two spins. We come to a stop, facing the way we were going, I think.
I sit quietly staring out the window, white-knuckle gripping the
steering wheel, trying to grasp what the fuck just happened. I look
up in the mirror at everyone. Jack is on the floor, along with Ylva
and her sisters, Kate and Stacy have somehow wedged themselves
in a seat, and Odin and Thor look like they haven’t moved an inch.
“Everyone okay?” I ask, looking into the mirror back at them.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Jack says from the floor.
“We’re okay,” the twins say at the same time.
“I’m okay as well,” Ylva says.
“What the fuck was that, Stone?” Kate yells.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” I reply to her.
“Barely okay with your driving, asshat,” Kate says, adjusting
herself in her seat next to Stacy.
“Will someone check on the gods to see if they’re still alive or
not?” I ask, looking back at them.
246
247
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“We are alive, Stone. No need to worry about us,” Odin says.
“Well, sorry for making sure you guys are okay.”
“Can we get going? I’m tired of this bus and wind bullshit,” Jack
says, getting off the floor and into a seat.
I push down on the gas pedal, but nothing happens, so I pump
the pedal like that’s going to work like the dumbass that I am. The
wind and sand blowing up against the bus make it hard to hear anything, so I reach down for the key to start it again, and the bus gives
me a loud, “Fuck you. I’m already started and running sound,” which
makes you jump every time you forget that your car is already started.
“Dumbass,” Kate says, walking up front.
“Shut up,” I reply while pushing back down on the pedal, but
again, nothing.
“Is it in gear, Nancy?” Jack asks, and I look down to see that the
bus has been knocked out of gear and into natural.
“Fuck me,” I mumble as I shift into drive and push down on the
gas pedal. The bus slowly moves forward.
“Dumbass,” Kate says.
“Excuse me, but get behind the yellow line,” I say, nodding
down at the yellow line on the floor.
“What? No. Stop being stupid,” Kate says, leaning forward and
grabbing the dash. She holds on to a railing next to me. “This wind
is something else, isn’t it?” she says, looking out the window.
“Yeah. I can’t see shit in front of us,” I reply, not taking my eyes
from ahead of us.
“Jack, how much longer do we have?” I ask.
“Hell if I know. I’ve been guessing,” Jack replies.
“What?”
“It feels like we are going in the right direction, so just keep
going this way, and we should hit another small town,” Jack says.
“And if we don’t?” I ask.
“Then just keep driving, dipshit,” Jack replies.
“Why did we save your ass?” I ask.
“Hey, where’s Frost?” Stacy asks randomly, and I slam on the
breaks.
“Frost!”
“He’s not here,” Thor says.
“What do you mean he’s not here?” I ask, getting up from the
driver’s seat and walking to the back of the bus, looking in each seat.
“See? He is not here,” Thor says.
“Where the fuck is he?”
“He never got on the bus back when we first got it,” Odin says.
“Son of a bitch.”
“What do we do now, Stone?” Stacy asks.
“I don’t know. Do we go back for him or keep going to Jack’s
place and go from there?” I ask, looking around.
“Look, we have come this far. We’re closer to the farm than we
are to that rest stop. We go to the farm, load up on stuff, collect ourselves, and then head out,” Jack says, sitting up in his seat.
“Fuck. All right, then. That’s the plan. No more fucking around.
We need to hurry the fuck up ’cause he’s just a little alien addicted
to cocaine, and last I looked, he was running low,” I say, getting back
in the driver’s seat and putting the bus in gear. I hit the pedal hard,
pushing the bus through the sand drifts.
I push the bus harder now knowing that we’ve left Frost behind
at that rest stop all alone on his own, and before long, I see a sign for
a town. Buildings show up as the bus starts to struggle. Smoke starts
to pour out of the vents and under the dash as it dies. With all the
sand, the bus just comes to a fast stop.
“What happened?” Kate asks.
“I think the sand killed it, and it’s dead. Looks like we’re walking,” I answer.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kate asks.
“Nope. We’re walking now, so come on, everyone. Let’s see if we
can find anything here that can help us,” I say, opening the bus door
and getting hit by a blast of sand.
I take a couple of bottles of water and walk out of the bus.
I stand by the door, waiting for the others to come out. Kate and
Stacy are next to walk off, and they have both done the same thing I
did—grabbed water. Then Ylva and her sisters walk off the bus with
nothing but what they came with. Jack walks off with a bottle of
whiskey, followed by Thor and Odin with packs.
248
249
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“What’s in the packs, guys?” I ask.
“Water and food. We saw you didn’t have packs for carrying
anything, so this we will do for you,” Thor says.
“Thanks, guys,” I say, turning around and walking away.
I lead the way, and everyone follows close behind. I stop every
five minutes or so to check on everyone. The sand hurts my eyes and
is caked everywhere sand can get, and I mean everywhere. I’m shielding my eyes to try and block the sand to see better when a house
comes into view.
“There, a house. Follow,” I say, pointing and waving my arm
at everyone to follow. I head toward the house, fighting the wind
every step I take, until I get next to it, feeling for a door. It takes me
a minute or so to find it, but I do. I turn the knob to open it, but it’s
locked. Son of a bitch. I shoulder-bump it to test how strong it is and
then do it again but harder and then again, even harder, until Jack
pulls me to the side and kicks it in on the first try.
“Show off,” I say, looking at him.
“Pussy,” he replies.
I just give him a look and step inside the house. It looks like this
door comes into a kitchen. I give the all-clear for everyone to come
inside. Odin is the last to walk in, closing the door behind him. I
then lay down a plan to clear the whole house before we get comfy.
“Ylva and I will go upstairs. The twins will come up the steps
and wait for a sign if we need help. Jack, Kate, and Stacy, stay down
here and clear down here with Odin and Thor,” I say.
“Okay. Ready? Go,” Jack says, putting his arm out and then
raising it up like this is a high school pep talk during a time-out.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask, looking at him. He
just puts the whiskey bottle to his mouth and takes a big swig.
“Ylva, you ready?” I ask her.
“Yes, lead the way.”
I walk out of the kitchen and into what looks to be a living
room or a dining room and walk through it into another room. It
looks to be the same but with stairs on the other side. I head over
and walk up the stairs slowly, ready for anything. Ylva’s right behind
me, and her sisters are right behind her. I get to the top and stop at
the corner to peek my head around, checking things out. All clear. I
move into the hallway and look again both ways. There are five doors
up here—four on one side and one on the other. It’s a big house.
I head to the side with three doors and stop at the first two,
opening the door on the right side first. I open the door slowly and
peek my head in to find an empty bathroom. I leave the door open to
show that it’s clear. I then move over to the door on the left side and
open it slowly and peek my head in to see a bedroom. I also open the
door all the way, stepping in. I make a quick sweep of the room and
the closet and walk back out, leaving the door open.
Ylva is still behind me, watching me be a jackass. I move to the
next door on the left side and open it slowly to find a room full of
those creepy dolls with the eyes. Nope, nope. I shake my head and
close the door slowly. I’m not dealing with that shit right now. Ylva
looks at me, confused, and I just hold my hand up and give her a
look that I hope she gets as, “Never mind that room.”
I move to the last door on the right at the end of the hallway
and open it. I peek inside to see more dolls, but they are not kid-sized
dolls. They’re lifelike dolls. I’m starting to close this door like the last
one before it when I see a glimpse of something moving.
I open the door all the way, stepping in to look at the dolls
better ’cause I thought I saw one move. I walk around the room,
looking at each doll, hoping that none of them move or jump or do
something stupid to make me jump and scream like a little girl. Out
of the corner of my eye, I see something move, and I spin fast to try
and catch whatever it is that’s moving. Nothing. I start to pick up the
dolls one by one to get face-to-face with them, creeping myself out
each time I do it. I repeat this over and over until I pick up a heavy
one.
“You’re a heavy little bitch, ain’t you?” I say, looking at this ugly
doll. The doll blinks its eyes at me, giving me a smile that is full
of teeth and wrapping its freakish little hands around my neck. I
scream, and at this moment, I’m not afraid to admit I scream like a
little girl.
I start punching this little bitch and trying to remove her freakish little hands from around my neck, all while spinning around in
250
251
Marc Longcor
WTF!
circles until her feet start to fly up, and now just her hands around
my neck keep her from flying away. I keep spinning faster until her
grip gives, and she goes flying into the wall, making a loud thump
and falling to the floor.
“Goddamn it! You little shit,” I mumble, catching my breath,
and this little thing comes running at me like damn Chucky on steroids. I kick my leg back and field-goal this little fucker into the wall,
and it makes the same thump again. But soon, I realize that it just
bounces off the wall. It comes running back to me, cutting my legs
out from under me. I fall hard on the floor, and I feel its little hands
wrap around my face, fish-hooking my ass.
I get up on my feet and run toward the wall, spinning at the last
second to pancake it between me and the wall. It lets go of the fishhook grip and falls to the floor. Before I can move, I feel a hand move
up my kilt. I don’t take half a second to think. I just jump as high
as I can, hitting my head on the ceiling and coming back down on
my feet. The little fucker is gone, but I know it’s still in this fucking
room. The dolls are lined up in formation, and I focus in on them to
spot the one I’ve been fighting.
“Okay, you little fucker, show yourself,” I say, looking at the
dolls. I stand in front of them for a few moments, ready to fight.
Then I start to think that maybe it did sneak out, so I drop my guard,
and that little shit comes charging at me from the middle of the
fucking formation of dolls like Pickett’s last charge. Again, it takes
my legs out from under me, then grabs a leg and spins me around in
a circle. Then it lets my ass go, and I fly out the window and down
to the ground outside, knocking the air out of me.
“Oh, you little bitch,” I mumble, taking in a breath. I get up
and make my way around the house and back to the door where we
came in. I open it and step in, only to see what I assume is a cast-iron
pan before my lights go out.
“Stone. Stone.” I come to and find myself on the floor with Kate
and Stacy hovering over me and my head hurting. Well, my face is.
“What happened?” I ask.
“You tripped coming in from outside,” Kate says.
“That’s funny ’cause I thought I saw a cast-iron pan coming at
my face,” I say, sitting up.
“Nope. You tripped coming in, clumsy ass,” Kate says again.
“We’ll come back to this. I have something to take care of
upstairs,” I say, getting up on my feet.
I head back to the stairs and go up them. I walk past the twins
and back to the door. I walk past Ylva, who is leaning against the
wall. A look of confusion comes across her face as she sees me walking past her and back to the door, and kick it open.
“You’re gonna die now!” I yell as I pull Bridget out like young
Anakin Skywalker who has embraced the dark side and murdered
all those young Jedi kids. I, too, follow in his footsteps and begin to
murder these life-size kid dolls. I start swinging, cutting head after
head off the dolls, moving fast and giving no mercy until I’m standing in a pile of dead dolls and no little monster.
I start stabbing the bodies just to cover all my tracks when the
closet door flies open, and the little shit throws a dresser at me, a
fucking dresser. Who does that? I take the hit and go down on my
back, and the little freak jumps on my chest and starts to slash away
at my already fucked up shirt.
I look over and see a piece of broken wood with a tip on it and
reach out, grabbing it. I shove it in the little monster’s chest, and a
look of shock comes over its face. For a split second, I felt guilty, and
a sad feeling comes over me. Then I remember this bitch threw my
ass out the window, and I push her off me, picking up Bridget and
taking her head off.
“Fuck me,” I mumble, bending over, catching my breath again.
I collect my thoughts about what just happened and why the fuck
Ylva did not come in and help me. “Ylva, how come you didn’t come
in and help?” I ask, walking out of the room.
“It was just one little one. I thought you could handle it,” she
replies with a smile that makes me forget what I am asking her to
begin with. “One last door,” Ylva says, pointing to the other side of
the hallway.
“Yeah. Let’s finish this,” I say, walking past her to go to the other
side, to the lonely door.
252
253
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I head to the door and open it, peeking my head in yet again
into the unknown to see if there is any danger inside. So far, nothing
jumps out, and there are no creepy dolls. I open the door all the way
and step in, making a circle around the room. I check everything and
look in the closet. I give the all-clear and sit down on the bed, and
Ylva comes in and sits down next to me.
“You okay, Stone?” she asks, looking at me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Then let’s rest here for a while,” Ylva says, placing a hand on
my leg.
Ylva gets closer and leans in and kisses me. I stab Bridget down
into the floor and kiss her back. I twist my body over and lean her
back on the bed. She reaches down and moves her hand up my leg,
under my kilt, and not stopping. This is really happening. Holy
shit, this is happening. She grabs my love gun, my little Johnny,
my mini-me, and starts to gently squeeze and stroke as she bites my
neck. I roll my eyes back hoping this isn’t a dream. I move my right
hand down to her hip and under her. Whatever this thing is, it’s getting ready to hit the promised land. But then Kate comes bashing in
through the door.
“Stone, what the fuck? Holy shit, sorry, sorry. Fuck me,” Kate
yells after seeing what is going on and turns around, walking out.
“What? What is it now?” I yell, sitting up, trying to gain my
composure and get back to the shitty reality of this place.
“Are we staying here for now?” Kate asks.
“Yes, and you could have knocked or just said that through the
door,” I reply.
“I didn’t think you were getting that lucky,” Kate says.
“You do know I get lucky from time to time.”
“Yeah, but not that lucky with someone that hot,” Kate replies.
“Thank you,” Ylva says, smiling.
“Are you jealous?”
“Of you and Ylva? Please.”
“Just asking. Now go and tell everyone we are staying here for
now and to get some rest,” I say, turning and sitting back on the bed.
“Let’s get some sleep, Stone,” Ylva says, getting all the way up
on the bed and passing out in seconds. I follow right behind her,
passing out cold.
254
255
*****
I wake up to screams and pounding all around the house. I roll
over to Ylva, but she’s gone. Then I roll to the other side, sitting up.
I grab Bridget out of the floor and run downstairs. I find the twins
at two windows, fighting off Draugar trying to get inside. Ylva is at
a door, doing the same thing. I run back to the kitchen to see Jack
and the girls fighting off more at the door. Kate is using a cast-iron
pan, knocking Draugar to Stacy, who takes her tomahawks and cuts
off their heads. Jack is using Kate’s club to mop up others that get by.
A Draugr comes at me that got by Jack and Kate, and I take its head
off with one swing.
“Where’s Thor and Odin?” I ask.
“Don’t know,” Jack replies.
“I’ll go see if I can find them,” I reply, turning around and going
back to the other room, where Ylva and her sisters are. I find them
circled up, fighting off Draugar that have gotten in. Ylva is taking
heads off left and right, and her sisters stab the bodies, but they all
change it up as more Draugar come in. They are not even sweating
or worried about the number of Draugar. They seem to be enjoying
themselves.
“You guys got this?”
“Yes!” the twins say at the same time, and Ylva just gives me a
big smile and goes back to taking off heads.
I search around the house for Thor and Odin but can’t find
them anywhere. Then I hear something crash upstairs, and I go up
to check it out ’cause I’m that white. Let’s go check that noise. I run
up the stairs and stop in the hallway just to get tackled by a Draugr,
knocking Bridget out of my hands, sending her down the stairs. I
place both hands on his head, twisting hard, pulling outward to rip
his head off his body. I roll out from under him, getting on my feet
with his head still in my hands, alive and biting.
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I see another Draugr come running at me, and I throw the head
at it, nailing it in the face. I kick up my leg to give a little sweet chin
music to its face, sending it down to the floor on its back. I jump on
the stair railing, sliding down to the bottom. The twins and Ylva pick
up Bridget once my feet hit the floor.
Ylva and I get back-to-back, and so do the twins. The Draugar
just keep pouring in through the doors and windows, and we start to
move to the kitchen with the others. From there, we take our stand,
and the bodies start to pile up by the windows, making it harder for
them to come in.
“Everyone, upstairs now. We’ll cut them off at the staircase,” I
say, pushing through the dead pile of Draugar, only to find that there
are more than I thought on the other side. “Fuck!” The Draugar keep
coming, and it feels like this is going to be the end. But then gunfire
rings out outside, and bullets start flying through the house. We all
hit the floor to keep from getting hit as we hear the sound of trucks
and people yelling, and this lasts for what seems like an hour.
“Anyone alive in there?” a woman’s voice yells out.
“Yes, seven of us,” I yell back.
“Hurry up and get out here so we can go,” the woman’s voice
yells back.
I stand and help Ylva and her sisters up, and Kate and Stacy get
up on their own. Jack is still on the floor, not moving. I bend down
and shake him, but nothing. I shake him hard, and still nothing. I
tap his eyes and his chest, and still nothing. I move to nut-tapping
him, and nothing.
“Jack! Jack!” I say, doubling up my fist and punching his chest
as hard as I can. Just after my fist connects with his chest, he sits up.
“Holy fuck!” Jack yells, looking up at me.
“What the fuck is going on with you, Jack?” I ask.
“The hell if I know. What happened?”
“We got overrun by Draugar, and people showed up, lighting
them up with guns. And now we have rides to get out of here, so let’s
get going.”
I help Jack to his feet, and we start pulling dead Draugar out
of the way so we can get through the door to see who our rescuers
are. We make enough room to get out of the house to come face-toface with a real-life Mad Max road warrior group with trucks pieced
together with different types of trucks. They’re just wearing regular
clothes, which I wasn’t expecting from the looks of the trucks.
“Who’s the leader here?” I ask, looking around.
“I’m the leader of this group,” a woman says, jumping out of
the back of a truck.
“I’m Stone,” I say, looking at her.
“Laura. Now shut up and jump in. We need to get the hell out
of here,” she says, waving her arm at us to get into the trucks.
Kate, Stacy, and Jack jump in the back of one truck, and Ylva
and her sisters jump in another. I head for the truck that has the
leader to talk to her about what’s going on and where we are and if
they can point us in the right direction to Jack’s place. Once I get in,
Laura taps the roof of the truck to move out. The wind is still making
things horrible to see, and the sand and dirt still feel like sandpaper.
“So what is all this? What happened here?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” Laura replies, giving me a weird look.
“What happened to the world?” I ask.
“Evil happened. One day, the dead showed up, and we didn’t
know how to stop them in time, and now we have what you see,” she
replies.
“Is the whole world like this?” I ask.
“I don’t know, but I do know this part of the world is fucked,”
she replies.
“So where are we going?” I ask.
“Camp. Do you have any more fucking questions? If so, just
shut up and wait, and I’ll take you to our leader,” Laura says in a
tone.
“I thought you were the leader?”
“Just of this group,” she replies.
“Oh,” I say back, turning to look ahead of me and then regretting my choice as sand blinds me. I am a dumbass.
We drive for what seems like a few miles, and soon, we come up
on a wall made out of old cars and trucks with tin-covered poles and
anything else they can find to make the wall. We come to a stop, and
256
257
Marc Longcor
WTF!
a gate starts to open, and we drive in. Once in, I see a little better, as
the wall shields everything inside from the wind.
This place is set up kind of nice with what they have to work
with. People are walking the wall on guard duty while others are
doing this and that, making the everyday life go round. I look around
and see what looks like a store or a kitchen where people are coming
and going with food. Another place looks to be a gun shop next to a
truck shop.
“How long has the world been like this?” I ask before the truck
comes to a stop.
“How long? Way before I was born. Where have you been?” she
replies.
“Long story, and I’m sure you won’t believe me if I told you,” I
reply.
“I will take you to our leader, and you can tell him the story,”
Laura says, jumping out of the truck.
I follow Laura in jumping out of the truck and meet up with
the rest of the gang. We all follow Laura across camp, back over to
where I saw people coming and going with food. I see that it’s set up
as a kitchen, and everyone in camp comes here for food.
“I thought you all might be hungry, so get some food, and I will
be back in twenty for you,” Laura says, and she turns and walks away.
I grab her arm, and she spins around to hit me, but I catch her fist.
“Easy now. I just want to ask if you have a doctor here or if they
even exist anymore,” I ask, letting go of her fist.
“A doctor?” Laura says, looking at me like I’m making up words.
“Yeah, a doctor, someone who heals people,” I reply.
“Oh. We have a healer,” Laura says, nodding her head at me to
follow.
I follow her across the camp again to another building and walk
in behind her. The inside of this place is set up like a doctor’s office.
A man comes walking out from the back.
“Hi, Laura. What’s up?” the doctor says to her.
“This is Stone, and he says he needs a healer,” Laura says, pointing to me.
“Hi, Stone. What can I do for you?” the doctor asks.
“Well, Doc, one of my people in my group is having some
issues,” I say, looking at him.
“What kind of issues?” the doctor asks.
“I think he’s died on us a few times, so maybe heart stuff?” I say,
not sure of what the hell I’m talking about.
“I can take a look at him,” the doctor says.
“Well, it’s going to be a fight to look him over,” I reply.
“I got something that will make the fight easier for us,” the doc
says, smiling.
“We’re over at the kitchen place.”
“Okay. Go back and eat, and I will be over with my stuff in a
few,” the doctor says.
“All right. See you in a few,” I say, walking out of the building
and across the camp, back to the kitchen.
I make it back to the kitchen without getting lost and walk
inside, asking where the food is. Kate shows me around, and I make
myself a plate. The food doesn’t look too bad. There’s some kind of
meat, and I’m not going to ask what it is. And there’s corn, beans,
and potatoes, so it looks to be a good meal. I sit down, and Jack tosses
me a spoon. I give him a look as if asking if he’s fucking with me or
not. He nods his head, and I scoop up a bite and take it. Not bad.
“Where did you go, Stone?” Kate asks, watching me shove my
face full of food.
“I went to find a doctor,” I mumble, mouth full of food.
“Stop dick-mumbling and swallow your food already,” Kate
says.
“I said I went to find a doctor,” I say, clearing my mouth and
throat of food.
“Why in the hell do we need a doctor?” Jack asks, looking at
me.
“’Cause you keep dying on us, you old bastard,” I say, pointing
my spoon at him.
“Shit, I’m not dying. I’m resting, and you keep interrupting
me,” Jack replies with his coon smile.
“No, I’m sure you’ve been dying on us,” I say, shoving more
food in my mouth.
258
259
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Oh, bullshit,” Jack says.
We sit in the kitchen, eating and talking with one another about
what we’re doing and what may be going on here. I tell them what
little I’ve picked up from Laura about how this place has been like
this since before she was even born and that this world is just fucked.
It isn’t long before the doctor comes walking in with two other people with him carrying bags and other things I don’t know.
“Hey, Doc, this is him, the fucker that’s been dying on us,” I
say, pointing at Jack to let the doc know who it is that needs to be
checked out.
“Hi there, can I look you over?” the doc asks.
“You can fuck off, is what you can do,” Jack says, standing up
to leave, but the doc takes a syringe and jabs it in Jack’s neck. Before
Jack could swing on the doc, he goes down.
“What the fuck, Doc?” I say, looking at him.
“Easy now. I didn’t kill him. He’s just going to take a nap for me
while I look him over,” the doctor replies.
“Okay, but just so you know, you shouldn’t be around him
when he wakes up,” I say, chuckling.
“Stone, you and the rest of your group follow me,” Laura says,
walking in and waving her arm at us.
“What about Jack here?” I ask, pointing down to him on the
floor.
“He’ll be fine. He’s with the healer. You all come with me. I’ll
take you to our leader.”
“Okay, let’s go, ladies,” I say, waving both arms to move the
girls.
We all follow Laura out of the kitchen and into the middle
of the camp and back toward where we jumped off the trucks. In
between their mechanic shop and another building is what looks to
be a cave. Laura keeps walking toward the cave entrance, and I get
the feeling that something isn’t right. I start to look closer at things
and the people around us. Then something happens. My eyes do
something funny, as if I’m seeing through people to see their hearts
beating and the different colors of energies. Buddha, is that you in
there? I keep following the girls and following Laura into the cave.
The energies of the people let me know nothing is going to happen
and things are fine.
“Hope you all don’t mind the cave. We still have a ways to go
down,” Laura says.
“Down? How far down?” Stacy asks.
“I don’t know. The cave was made way before my time,” Laura
says.
Laura takes us to an elevator. She gets on it and waves her hand
for us to join her. The elevator looks old with a rope pulley system
and two people on a turnwheel on the back of it. We climb in, and
Laura gives the two people a nod. They start to turn the wheel, and
the elevator starts to move down slow, real slow. I might jump off the
damn thing just to hurry the fuck up to the bottom.
The ride down takes forever, and I mean fucking forever. If I
weren’t sure that Laura will throw my ass over, I would take a nap
on the way down ’cause there is enough room to park a car on this
thing. Every ten or twenty feet, there’s a stop to a level like in a regular building, but this one’s in a cave, and we’re going down. If we
keep going, we may hit hell, and we can skip the rest of the bullshit
we have to deal with in finding the chosen one or keeping a lookout
for a light to find us. I look over to see how much longer we have. I
can finally see the bottom. The elevator hits the floor, and everyone
gets off. Laura tugs on a rope, and the elevator starts to go back up.
“Aren’t we going to need that to get back up?” I ask.
“Yeah. I’ll just pull on the rope for it,” Laura says.
“Okay?”
Laura turns and starts walking away, and all the girls turn and
look at me. “What?” I ask, and Kate just gives me a look and nods
for me to go ahead of them. I walk past her and Stacy, and they both
slap my ass, saying, “Good boy.” I just keep walking.
The cave isn’t that dark, as they have it well-lit down here.
Where they’re getting the power to light the place up, I don’t know,
but they have done a great job with the lights. Down here, there isn’t
much going on. There’s just a long hall with a few side halls that go
somewhere, and Laura takes us all the way to the end to a huge room.
260
261
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The way the cave feels and the whole atmosphere make me
feel like I am in the movie Total Recall, but the one with Arnold
Schwarzenegger. The room we walk into looks like it can hold thousands of people in it, and in the very back are some tables and desks
with what look like maps all over the place.
“Wait here,” Laura says, holding her hand up to stop us.
“Okay,” I reply, watching her walk away.
“What the fuck is going on, Stone?” Kate asks, getting closer
to me.
“I know as much as you do.”
“You think they’re going to kill us and eat us?” Stacy asks.
“No. I don’t get that vibe from them,” I say, looking at her.
“Stone, we will guard your back from here. There is only a few
people down here,” Ylva says.
“Okay. Yeah, we should make a plan just in case,” I say, looking
at everyone.
“Ylva, you and your sisters do what you said and guard the
entrance, and we can take the rest,” I say, making up some sort of a
half-assed plan as Laura comes walking back to us.
“Stone, only you. Come on.”
“Okay,” I say, looking at the girls, wide-eyed, hoping they get
what I’m trying to say to them without saying anything at all.
I follow Laura back toward all the tables and desks where a man
is standing and looking at the wall of maps like he’s forming a plan
or something strategic. The closer I get, the better I can see the maps
of the US. It still looks the same. Next to it is a map of Missouri. I
hope this guy can explain what is going on here.
“Hello. Stone, is it?” the man asks, turning around and reaching
out to shake my hand.
“Yes, it’s Stone, and hi,” I reply, shaking his hand.
“I’m sure you have lots of questions,” he says.
“I do, but what’s your name?” I ask.
“Oh, sorry, yes, I’m Tom.”
“Tom?” I reply.
“So Laura tells me you seem out of place and time here. Tell me
about you and your gang,” Tom says.
“Yeah, I think we are from another time or something. But long
story short, some shit went down, time travel, and now we are here,
and I think we need to fix this problem after the last problem,” I
answer.
“That is a lot I have no clue about, but is there any place that
you all are looking to get to?” Tom asks.
“Yes, one of our members has a place around here somewhere
that we’re trying to find,” I say.
“Would this place be out of the normal for here?” Toms asks
like he knows something.
“Maybe?” I reply slowly, confused by what he’s getting at.
“There is a place nearby I think you all may be looking for,”
Tom says.
“Well, out with it already. Where and what?” I ask, staring at
him.
“There’s an old man not too far from here that has a ten-mile
zone that’s protected by some sort of bubble and his booby traps.
He can be a real asshole at times, but we are able to trade with him,”
Tom says.
“Can you show me on the map where?” I ask, pointing at a map
on the wall.
“Yeah, and in a couple of days, we’ll be heading that way to
trade with him,” Tom says.
“Okay, yeah, we can hang out here until then,” I say, walking
over next to him and standing in front of the map. He shows me the
state and the area where Jack’s farm may be.
I walk back to the girls, and they give me a look as if asking,
“What’s going on?” I tell them that we will be staying here for a few
days and going with them to a place to trade that might be the place
Jack has been trying to take us to. This will give us time to figure out
things and for Jack to rest up.
We follow Laura back up to the top and to the doctor’s building
to check on Jack. We walk in and head to the back of the place to
see Jack lying down on a bed, passed out, asleep. The doctor comes
walking out from a side room.
“Hey, everyone, how are you all?”
262
263
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Good, but how’s Jack doing?” I ask.
“He’s okay. He just needs rest. But other than that, I have nothing else that can help him,” the doctor says.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“He has something going on with his heart,” the doctor replies.
“His heart? What about his heart?” Kate asks.
“All I know is it’s not beating right and sounds funny,” the doctor answers.
“What can we do?” Stacy asks.
“For now, nothing,” the doctor replies.
“Well, shit,” I say.
“Come, I’ll show you all where you’ll be staying,” Laura says.
“Yeah, let’s let Jack rest, and we could use the rest as well,” I say,
turning everyone around.
We walk out of the doctor’s, following Laura back across the
camp. Next to the kitchen, there’s another building that looks empty
but has beds in it. This must be for guests or for new people to stay
in until they get settled into this place.
“You all settle in and get some rest. Tomorrow, we will talk more
and answer any more questions you may have and maybe even take
you out on a hunt,” Laura says before walking out of the building.
We all find a bed and just start to do our own thing. Kate and
Stacy take beds next to each other, and the twins do the same. Ylva
takes a bed next to me. I take off Bridget and stand her up next to
the headpost and watch Ylva and her sisters take off their swords and
do the same thing on top of taking off their clothes and lying down
on their beds. I must be tired ’cause all I do is just lie back and drift
off fast into a deep sleep.
the camp. The only people still up are the guards on the wall and the
people in the mechanic shop they have set up.
I walk toward the middle of the camp to take in all the sounds
of the night and the camp, such as the footsteps of the guards and
music pounding from the mechanic shop. I look up into the night
sky. It doesn’t look the same as before. The stars seem to be gone or
just not visible from here. There’s a different color to it also—not
black or the light blue you may see from time to time but a red-purple mix. The night sky starts to get brighter from red and purple
colors. It is like seeing the northern lights, but these lights are not as
breathtaking as those are.
I stand in the middle of the camp, watching the light show,
feeling out of place knowing this isn’t my home. During the last few
days or weeks, I haven’t been able to tell when it is a normal day from
when all this started. The air isn’t fresh but stale, like being in a hot
portajohn in the middle of July with no air movement. I start to feel
sleepy again and turn and head back inside the building I came from
and quietly make my way back to my bed. I lie back down and slowly
drift off again.
*****
I wake up for a second thinking I hear something, but I just
roll over and go back to sleep, but I just end up tossing and turning,
trying to get back to sleep. I finally get fed up with the fight and just
get up. I sneak out as quietly as I can without waking the others and
head outside. I stand out front of this building, looking around at
264
*****
I wake up to the smell of food and sit up on my bed. I look
around to see that I’m the only one here. I get up, grabbing Bridget
and putting her on my back, then walk out of the building. I get just
outside the door and see a long line of people waiting to get into the
kitchen and others leaving with plates full of food. Others are just
standing around, eating in groups. It reminds me of my time in the
army. When you wake up for a mission at this time, you get things
ready, then get food and stand around eating, waiting to leave for
the mission. Then you figure out that you could have slept five more
fucking hours before you are ever needed.
I see Jack and the girls come walking out of the kitchen, and we
lock eyes as they head my way. I just stay where I am. Everyone has a
plate full of food, except Ylva, who has two plates. I can see her make
265
Marc Longcor
WTF!
a beeline to me. She passes Kate and Stacy and walks right up to me,
handing me a plate.
“Thank you, Ylva,” I say, smiling at her.
“You’re welcome, Stone,” she replies.
“Hey, sleepyhead. Nice to see you’re awake,” Kate says, walking
up to me.
“Yeah. I didn’t sleep that good last night. This place is weird and
totally different from our time or home or whatever,” I reply while
getting a good grip of my plate and spoon in my hands and digging in.
“Yeah, no shit it’s different, jackass. What were you expecting
when we came back from time-traveling with a cocaine-hyped alien?”
Jack asks.
“Nice to see you’re not dead, Jack,” I say, looking at him.
“Oh yeah? And the next time you play a dirty trick like that and
get a doctor to knock my ass out, I’m gonna put a hurting on you,”
Jack says, pointing his spoon at me.
“Please, old man, you’re closer to death than you are to kicking
my ass,” I reply, pointing my spoon back at him.
“Boys, please, you both have big dicks. Now shut up,” Kate says.
“Hey, gang. You ready for the outing today?” Laura asks, walking up to us.
“When is it?” I ask.
“As soon as you all are done eating,” Laura replies.
“Will Tom be coming with us?” I ask.
“No. Tom really doesn’t go out,” Laura says.
“Where do we meet up?” I ask.
“Just go over by the mechanic shop and wait. They will be pulling out trucks soon,” Laura says, walking away.
“I don’t know about this, Stone,” Kate says, watching Laura
walk away.
“Why you say that?”
“I just feel like they’re going to take us out to the middle of
nowhere and kill us,” Kate says, looking around.
“If they wanted us dead, I think they would have killed us by
now instead of letting us eat their food,” I reply, taking another big
bite.
“I guess you’re right,” Kate says, relaxing a little.
We start to hear engines start up and rumble to life, and trucks
start to pull out of the mechanic shop like clowns out of a clown car.
I see Jack just get a hard-on for one truck that comes pulling out. It
looks to be an old M715, which is just a fancy name for an old Chevy
that’s been customized and jacked up. Jack wastes no time walking
straight to it, looking it over like he is in Germany and looking in the
windows of the red-light district, shopping for a girl he’s spending
his money on.
“Hey, where do you guys think Thor and Odin took off to?” I
ask.
“I don’t know, but when I see them, I’m punching them in the
dick,” Kate says.
“Yeah, it was a dick move to ditch us,” Stacy says.
“Yeah. Guess we’re on our own now unless they show back up,”
I say, looking around to see where to put my plate. I see people dropping their plate in a bin and their spoon in a bucket, and I walk over
and do the same thing.
I walk over to Jack, who is getting ready to fuck this truck, and I
do a walk around it, giving it a look-over as well. It’s an okay-looking
truck. They’ve jacked it up high and put some massive mud wheels
on it, and it does look like it will go through and over anything.
“Jack, you gonna fuck this thing or what?”
“Boy, if it were possible, I probably would,” Jack says back,
smiling.
“Jack, you like this truck?” Laura says.
“It’s all right. I would make some changes to it, make it better,”
he replies.
“Like what?” Laura asks.
“Well, I’d mount a gun on the top or sides somewhere, and I
see you all don’t have many guns to begin with,” Jack says, looking
at Laura.
“Yeah. Guns and ammo are hard to come by.”
“Maybe I can help with that when we get to where we are
going,” Jack says.
“And where is that?” Laura asks.
266
267
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“My farm,” Jack replies.
“You have a farm nearby?” Laura asks.
“I think I still do. I don’t know with how everything is looking,”
Jack says.
“There is this place nearby that has this bubble thing around it,
and we trade with the man that lives there. But he only allows a few
in to trade with him, and he is a grumpy bastard,” Laura says.
“Would he be my height, wears glasses, has short hair, and
named Eric by chance?” Jack asks.
“Yes, a drunk, grumpy old man.”
“Ha! That’s my brother. So where is this bubble at?” Jack asks.
“Well, we’re not heading there today,” Laura says.
“When do we leave for there?” Jack asks.
“Few days,” Laura says.
“Bullshit. Let’s go now.”
“We can’t do that. It’s too dangerous outside the walls, and we
move in teams. And that is a supply run, so we take more trucks and
people,” Laura says.
“Well, then just give us a truck, and we’ll go,” Jack says.
“But you don’t know the way,” Laura replies.
“That’s why you will be coming with us,” Jack says, smiling.
“Um…” Laura tries to say something but goes speechless.
“Great. Now which truck can we take?” Jack asks, looking at
the M715.
“Jack, take it easy,” I say, walking over to him as a Deuce and a
Half comes rolling out of the mechanic shop.
“Oh my! Hello, beautiful,” I say, looking at the mighty Deuce.
“Shit, looks like we’ll be taking that,” Jack says with a disappointed tone.
“What?” I say, looking back at him.
“You and that damn Deuce,” Jack says.
“What about me and the Deuce?”
“You know damn well what I mean, asshole,” Jack says.
“You talking about that time in Afghanistan?” I ask, smiling,
knowing what he’s talking about.
“You damn well know what I mean,” Jack says.
“Come on,” I say as I walk to the Deuce and wave at the girls
to come over.
“What are you doing?” Laura asks, and Jack grabs her hips and
guides her over to the Deuce.
“Jack, let her go. I’m sure we can find our way,” I say, standing
on the side of the Deuce.
“Will you point us in the right direction, at least?” Jack asks
Laura.
“Once you get outside the gate, take the right road and follow
it around camp until it splits, then take the left side and follow that.
It will take you right up to the bubble,” Laura says.
“Thank you,” I say, looking down at her from the side of the
Deuce.
I get into the driver’s seat of the Deuce and look around the
cab, taking it all in. It’s army green with a black steering wheel and
shitty seats, and it’s an old Deuce, pre-eighties, so it has the fourspeed transmission, meaning it’s more badass ’cause it doesn’t have
the governor. The sound of its engine rumbling and the black smoke
pouring out of the stack make me wish I have music to blast while
we drive.
I put the Deuce in gear and pull forward, heading toward the
gate. It opens up just in time for us to drive through it without having to slow down or stop. Once out of the gate, I go right and hit the
gears, rolling out black smoke, giving it hell.
“Damn it, Stone, slow the fuck down. You’re bouncing our tits
all over the place back here,” Kate yells out.
“Get used to it, ladies,” I yell back.
I see the split up ahead and go left, following the road. The
wind today isn’t bad and is really nothing at all, and the sun is out,
and I can see for miles around. I keep the Deuce steady, trying to
follow the road. We must have been driving for a while, as the camp
behind us disappears in my mirrors, and we find ourselves alone in
the middle of a desert.
“What the hell is that up ahead?” Jack asks, pointing out in
front of us. I lean forward to get a better look at it.
“I don’t know. It looks like the same thing from the island.”
268
269
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“If it is the same thing, we won’t be able to drive into it,” Jack
says with a little panic in his voice.
“Guess we’ll find out,” I say, pushing down harder on the go
pedal.
The Deuce digs into the ground as I let all her horses loose, and
the power just takes over. The bubble gets bigger as we get closer, and
it starts to not look like the one back on the island. This one doesn’t
have a blue tint to it, and it’s super clear, invisible almost. I drive right
into it, and then we find ourselves surrounded by tress.
“Stop!” Jack yells.
“What? What?” I yell back, slamming down on the breaks and
clutch, slamming everyone in the back to the front.
“What the fuck, Stone!” Kate yells out.
“We’re here. Shut up and hold on.”
“We need to be careful from here,” Jack says, looking around.
“What? What did we drive into?” I ask, looking around as if I
know what the fuck I’m looking for.
“I’m getting out. You all don’t make a move unless I tell you to,”
Jack says, climbing out of the Deuce slowly.
I watch Jack walk in front of the Deuce, looking high and low.
I start to catch on to what he’s looking for: fucking booby traps. Jack
moves slowly up the road, taking each step with caution and making
damn sure he doesn’t trip anything. Soon, Jack waves his hand for
me to follow with the Deuce. I keep the Deuce in first gear, just letting the power of the engine move the truck, keeping some distance
between Jack and us.
Jack keeps moving slowly and stopping every so often to double-check things. He gets down on one knee and moves dirt around
with his hand until he pulls up on what looks like string or fishing
line and cuts it with a knife, then dives down as spears fly over him
from one side of the road to the other.
“Holy shit! Jack, you all right?” I yell out.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just keep the distance between us, and don’t
rush me,” Jack yells, getting back up on his feet.
Jack starts walking slowly again, maybe even slower now after
that close call, and I don’t blame him. It’s not fun being made into
shish kabob. I should be out there, not him. The old fucker is half
dead as is. Before too long, we make it out of the long driveway with
trees on both sides and booby-trapped like Vietnam. At the end of
the road is a farmhouse, a barn, and a big-ass shed that can almost
fit an airplane in it. I pull up to where Jack is standing and kill the
Deuce.
“Jack, what is all this?” I ask.
“It’s home,” he replies, looking around and then making a beeline to the big-ass shed, where music is coming from.
“Jack, hold up,” I say, jumping out of the Deuce and running
up next to him. The girls jump out of the back and do the same.
“Well, fuck, why don’t we all just huddle up in one big group
and make it easier for someone to kill us in one go?” Jack says.
“Shut up and let’s go already,” Kate says.
Jack leads the way to the door in front of the big-ass shed, opening it slowly and stepping in. I follow right behind him, then Kate,
Stacy, Ylva, and the twins. Before we can take another step, a shot
rings out, and a bullet flies over our heads, ringing off the metal side
of the shed.
“That was a warning shot. You take another step, the next one
will be going in your head,” a voice shouts out.
“If that’s a warning shot, you sure have lost your skill, brother,”
Jack says.
“Brother?” I say, looking at Jack.
“Yes, my brother. Eric, get your ass out here already,” Jack says
into the empty void of the building.
“Jack, that you?” the voice asks.
“Yes, it’s me, you damn fool.”
“Easy, Jack. Don’t piss him off,” I say, looking at him.
“Shit, he can’t hit a damn thing.”
“What you doing here, Jack? I thought you’re dead,” Eric says,
walking out from the shadows with a rifle in his hands.
“You know we don’t die easy.”
“That is the family way. So what brings you here?”
“Well, Eric, I’m sure you know some shit is not right,” Jack says.
270
271
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“No shit things ain’t right. Do you have anything to do with
it?” Eric asks.
“A little, but not all of it. This dipshit is to blame mostly,” Jack
says, slapping my chest.
“Hey.”
“Well, what’s your plan to fix this, then?” Eric asks.
“Well, we need supplies and wheels and time to rest,” Jack says.
“Well, you know your way around. Just watch your step, and
don’t wonder off in the woods or walk past the blue line,” Eric says,
walking up closer, and I finally recognize him.
It never dawned on me that Jack’s brother is Eric McCormick.
His legend is known to all SF and CIA and more. He’s a ghost, a
myth. He makes John Wick look like Goofy. He did some badass shit
in Vietnam and then just disappeared to do jobs for whoever would
pay. I heard, CIA, FBI, and Secret Service. He was even a hit man
for hire. Like, the man really doesn’t exist at all. Looking at him, he
doesn’t seem like much. He stands maybe five, ten, and has a small
build, but the man can kill you with one thumb on one hand and his
dick in the other hand just for fun.
“Okay. Now what?” I ask, looking at Jack and Eric, who are
standing in front of each other.
“Well, you all can go talk to your other friends that showed up
not long ago,” Eric says.
“What other friends?” I ask.
“A weird-looking little one and two giants,” Eric says.
“Frost, Odin, and Thor?” I ask.
“I guess,” Eric says.
“Can we clean up in the house? And are there any clothes we
can use?” I ask.
“Yeah, the shower works in the house. I don’t have a lot of
clothes for you all, but the boy tried to run a Halloween store and
fucked it up, so I have a ton of Halloween costumes you can look
through,” Eric says.
“Okay,” I say, turning to the girls, nodding my head for them
to follow me out of the shed to the house. “Okay. The shower works
here, so, ladies, you go first and clean up. Kate, Stacy, will you show
Ylva and her sisters how to work the shower and help them clean up
while I go find Frost and the gods?”
“Wait. They’re here?” Kate asks.
“I guess, from what Eric said.”
“Okay. We’ll help with the girls, but we need clothes,” Kate says.
“Yeah. I’ll look for some, but just wear towels for now until we
figure out shit,” I say, walking up the steps to the door of the farmhouse, walking in.
Frost is passed out in a chair with Thor lying on the couch,
sleeping. Odin is standing in front of a window, in deep thought, it
looks like. I nod for the girls to go ahead, and Kate knows what I am
saying. I hope she does anyway. She takes everyone upstairs first, and
I walk over to Odin.
“Hey, what the fuck happened to you guys?”
“We went back for that little one there,” Odin says, pointing at
Frost passed out in a chair.
“You couldn’t have told us what you were doing?”
“You were busy with other things, and I knew it would be a
hassle to turn back for him, so Thor and I went back,” Odin says, just
staring out the window.
“Did you guys have any trouble?”
“No, we moved around undetected,” Odin answers.
“Cool,” I say, looking at him, then turning to look at Frost and
Thor.
“Okay. Well, I’m going to go find some clothes for us and clean
up, maybe make a plan or something,” I say, turning away from
Odin. He does not say a word but just nods his head.
I walk away, heading back to the shed, and walk in to see Jack
and Eric drinking over in a corner with music playing and laughing
like nothing is going on. I walk over and ask about clothes, and Eric
points me to the back, where he says the Halloween clothes are.
I walk back to a door and open it. The room is dark, so I reach
around for a light switch. I find it and flip it on to find boxes on top
of boxes. Fuck, this is going to take some time. I open the first box
I come to, and there is nothing inside but Halloween masks. I move
on to the next box and so on and so on until I find myself almost
272
273
Marc Longcor
WTF!
buried in the middle of the room with boxes all around me. I find
no clothes worth wearing until I come across a box that has slutty
women costumes in it. They’re going to kill me. I pick up the box
and carry it out of the room and go back in to where I was and find
another box full of old Hawaiian shirts. Fuck yeah!
I carry this box out and lay it on top of the other one, then pick
them both up, carrying them out of the shed and over to the house. I
stumble when getting inside the house but manage to do so without
killing myself and head upstairs to find the girls. Walking down the
hallway, I can hear water running across from the door of the bathroom and turn into it to see Stacy in a towel, sitting on the bed.
“Hey. I found some clothes, but y’all ain’t gonna like what I’ve
found, and I did try to find something other than these,” I say, dropping the boxes. Stacy gets down and opens them up to find the slutty
costumes.
“Really, Stone?” Stacy says, looking up at me.
“Sorry. That’s all I could find,” I reply, trying to hold in a smile.
“Yeah, I’m sure you looked real hard too,” Stacy says back, giving me her smile.
I hear the door behind me open, and when I turn to see who
it is, I nearly die where I stand. Ylva comes walking out of the bathroom wearing nothing and dripping wet. She was beautiful before,
but now that she has had a modern shower and soap, I can’t find the
words to describe her. Her hair is blonder and brighter with a shine
like no other. Her muscles are more defined now that all the dirt and
blood have been washed away. Her blue eyes shine brighter, and her
whole body is tight and fit. I stand frozen, staring at her as she walks
up to me.
“Hi, Stone,” Ylva says, giving me a smile and a kiss on my cheek.
She smells like vanilla. Kate has really outdone herself cleaning Ylva up.
“Jesus, Stone, put your dick away!” Stacy says, pushing me away
from her. I look down to see that I’m supporting a full salute, rockhard and ready to roll.
“Oh, shit, sorry,” I say, walking away fast and getting into the
hallway. “And don’t act like you’re not impressed,” I say as I walk
down the hallway.
“I like it, Stone,” Ylva says behind me.
I pretty much run down the stairs and back out the door to
the shed to get the blood flowing back in the right areas for the time
being. I walk back in the shed to see Jack and Eric still drinking and
carrying on like they were before.
“Eric, do you have any other weapons we can get and ammo or
whatever else we may need to travel?” I ask.
“Why the hell you wearing a dress, boy?” Eric asks, looking at
me with a weird look.
“It’s not a dress. It’s a kilt.”
“Whatever, Nancy I have guns and a few vehicles, but they may
need some work,” Eric says.
“What’s under that big-ass tarp?” I ask, pointing at the big
object in the middle of the shed.
“Oh, hell, that’s Big Bertha,” Jacks says, standing up and walking over to it. He pulls down the tarp to show a huge-ass semi.
This semi is so damn huge and long as fuck. I walk around it to
take it all in. It’s a custom truck for sure with two steer axels in the
front and three axels in the back with the last two also being steer
axels. It’s a cab over Kenworth with the cab being half the truck itself.
“Jack, what the fuck is this massive beast?”
“This is Big Bertha. I started building her before I got Old Girl
made. Last I knew, she was ready to rock and roll, but Old Girl was
just way better and easier to travel with. Bertha here is a custom
Kenworth with an extra-extended cab to carry five men in it and
supplies with four three-hundred-gallon tanks so she can run forever
without stopping. I customized a Detroit DD16 to give her power
and speed,” Jack explains, going on about this truck.
“Jack, we all can’t fit in this, but we’ll take it. Eric, you have
anything else?” I ask.
“I have a 1934 Ford Tudor that I customized with a Caterpillar
C12 on ’34s lifted up a few feet. She is made for this shithole with
all-steel body and frame, four-wheel drive, and rock climbing tires.
She’ll go anywhere and over anything,” Eric says, walking back
behind Big Bertha and showing me his creation.
“Holy shit, this is beautiful, Eric.”
274
275
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“I know,” Eric says back, all cocky.
“Well, we almost have enough room for everyone, and I guess
we can still use the Deuce,” I say.
“You and that fucking Deuce,” Jack says.
“What? It’s a good truck,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders. “So
what’s the plan with this big bitch, then?” I ask, slapping the side of
Bertha.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to look at her and check things out, but
I want to add a V-plow on the front of her,” Jack says.
“Why a V-plow?” I ask.
“To clear the way,” Jack answers.
“Well, let’s get cleaned up and relax for tonight. Eric, I think
that camp is on its way to trade with you,” I say, looking over at Eric.
“Yeah, it’s that time. I have a trailer already loaded up for them,”
Eric says.
“What do you get in return?” I ask.
“You just don’t worry about it, and y’all stay out of here tonight,”
Eric replies.
“Okay, then,” I say, turning around and walking out of the shed
and back over to the house.
I walk up the steps and into the house. Frost is still passed out
in the chair. Thor is now up, walking around. Odin is still standing
in front of the window, just staring out of it. I don’t bother to talk to
them or wake up Frost and just head upstairs to shower.
All the girls are in the room across from the bathroom. I can
hear them giggling and laughing about things as I just walk into the
bathroom. The bathroom is not too small. It’s just right for a farmhouse. The girls have left their dirty clothes all over the place, and it
looks as if a bomb has gone off in here. And the hair! Holy fuck. I
walk over and turn on the hot water and wait for it as I take Bridget
off and place her in the corner next to the door and peel my shirt
off. The dried blood and mud mix just lets the shirt shred apart. It’s
a shame. I really like this shirt.
I check myself out in the mirror, running my hands over my
chest and body where 13 had his way with me, cutting and poking
away. I don’t have any scars or bruises, so this shit that Frost gave me
works. On top of that, having Buddha in me is just fucking crazy. If
only I had Wolverine claws or maybe if I can regrow limbs. I could
be Deadpool. Nah, I’ll be Stone. I unhook my sporran and put it on
the sink and take off my kilt, laying it on the sink as well. Then I lift
my right leg up and untie my boot, taking it off along with my sock,
and repeat the process with my other foot.
I walk back to the shower, reaching down to feel the water. I
turn the cold on a little to get it just right, then pull up on the bypass
to turn the showerhead on and climb in. The water feels good running down my whole body, and it relaxes me to the point that I feel
like I can pass out. I look for soap, hoping that there is still some
left for me after five women ransacked the shower before me. Some
luck, there is still some soap, and I can’t complain about what it is in
a time like this.
I take longer than I planned in the shower, but the soap and
warm water just feel so good. When the water starts to go cold on
me, I shut everything down and climb out. Just my luck, there are no
towels, but there is a hair dryer. Hmm, why not? I pick up the hair
dryer and turn it on and run it up and down my body, drying myself
off with it. This isn’t too bad. I move the hair dryer down to my balls
and between my legs. Hello! I think I will start drying myself off like
this from now on. As I have the hair dryer under me with my right
leg hiked up on the sink, the damn bathroom door flies open.
“Holy shit! Stone, what the fuck?”
“Damn it, Kate!”
“What the fuck are you doing?” Kate yells back, spinning
around and closing the door.
“There were no more towels,” I yell.
“When you’re done, just pile all the clothes up so we can wash
them,” Kate says.
“Okay,” I reply, turning the hair dryer on again and finishing
drying myself off.
I finish drying off and pile all the clothes up, but I notice I don’t
have anything to wear, so I just walk out naked. Fuck it, right? I walk
across the hall to the room next door where I dropped the boxes
of costumes and start looking through them. I put on a Hawaiian
276
277
Marc Longcor
WTF!
shirt and then a Michael Myers suit but just as pants, tying the arms
around my waist. Then I look through the dresser for socks and find
a pair. I put them on and then go back to the bathroom to put on my
boots without tying them and picking up Bridget in my left hand. I
walk out and head downstairs.
I walk downstairs to find Kate and Stacy sitting on the couch
together, wearing slutty schoolgirl costumes. Their skirts are short
but still go down to midthigh on them, and they have their shirts tied
up in a knot. Kate is braiding Stacy’s hair on the sides as Jack walks
in. He looks at us all, shakes his head, and walks upstairs.
“Where are Ylva and her sisters?” I ask, looking around.
“They’re back in the kitchen, cleaning their wolf head thing or
whatever they call it,” Kate answers, nodding her head toward the
kitchen.
“Okay. Thanks,” I say, turning and walking back to the kitchen
to check up on Ylva.
Walking into the kitchen, I find Ylva and her sisters with buckets of water and soap with their wolf headdresses in their hands,
hand-washing them. They’re wearing the same thing as Kate and
Stacy, making it look like a slutty school for girls up in here.
“Ylva, everything okay with you guys?” I ask.
“Yes, but we would like something else to wear if possible,” Ylva
says.
“Yeah, I’ll try to find something else for you guys,” I say, still
staring at her.
“Stone, are you okay?” Ylva asks me, interrupting me from
drifting off again. What is wrong with me?
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I say, turning and walking away.
I walk out of the kitchen to Odin. He is still staring out the
window. As I start to walk over to him, Thor stops me, shaking his
head no, giving me a good sign to leave Odin alone for now. I head
back over to Kate and Stacy, and now they’re hand-washing the corset vests that they’ve been wearing, and both their hair are braided on
the sides now.
“Stone, will you stop staring at us?” Kate says, looking at me.
“I’m not staring.”
“Right. Then what you doing, then?” Kate asks.
“I don’t know yet. I’m trying to think of something to do,” I reply.
“Well, you can go cook something,” Kate says.
“Or I could go start working on trucks and getting things
together,” I say.
“No. Eric doesn’t want anyone in the shed tonight,” Jack says
as he walks down the stairs wearing blue jeans, a gray T-shirt, and
his black vest, carrying his .44 and a pair of boots in the other hand.
“Right. Well, I guess we will relax for tonight. So what is there
to eat here, Jack?” I ask.
“The hell I know. Go find out yourself, shithead,” Jack replies.
“Grumpy old bastard,” I reply, turning and walking back to the
kitchen.
Ylva and her sisters are still cleaning their wolf headdresses, and
I go over to the fridge. I open the door to find that it’s stocked up
nicely with anything you can think of. I close the door and walk over
to the cabinets and start opening doors, looking for other stuff.
“How’s spaghetti sound to everyone?” I yell out.
“Get to cooking, bitch,” Kate yells back.
“Extra meaty too please,” Stacy yells.
“And garlic bread too, Nancy,” Jack yells.
“I’m not Martha fucking Stewart, people,” I yell.
“That’s right. She’s got bigger balls than you do,” Jack yells.
I start tearing the kitchen apart and banging pots and pans
together until Kate and Stacy get tired of hearing all the noise and
come into the kitchen, kicking me out, saying that I have no right
to be in a kitchen cooking. I get out of the kitchen without getting a
pan upside the head and go back into the living room. I sit down on
the couch and look around at everything that’s going on.
“How long has Frost been out?” I ask Thor.
“I don’t know. Ever since we got here, so maybe a few hours,”
Thor answers.
“He’s probably sleeping off all that cocaine in his system,” Jack
says.
“Well, shit. I think we need him, so where can we get more
cocaine?” I ask Jack.
278
279
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Why you looking at me? You just think I have cocaine lying
around,” Jack says back to me.
“Well, do you?” I ask, looking back at him.
“Yes,” Jack answers.
“Well, will you go get it so we can get this little fucker hyped up
again?” I say, pointing over at Frost.
“Yeah, yeah, hold on,” Jack says, standing up from the couch
and walking away.
I turn and look out the window that sits right behind the couch.
Looking out of it, I watch the sun start to fade and the night to come.
Jack comes walking back with a big ziplock bag.
“Damn, Jack, is that all cocaine?” I ask.
“No, it’s fucking sugar. What the fuck do you think it is, dipshit?” Jack replies.
“Sorry for asking, you old shitbag,” I say back. I stand up and
walk over to Frost, meeting Jack and his big bag of cocaine.
“Hold his head up,” Jack says.
“How the fuck we going to get it in his nose?” I ask.
“Just hold his head back, and I’ll take a little pinch and dump
it in his nose,” Jack says.
“Okay,” I say, grabbing Frost’s head and tilting it back. I pull his
nose up, and Jack takes a handful of cocaine out and throws it into
Frost’s face.
“Fuck! Jack, I thought you said a pinch.”
“Shut up.”
Frost starts to cough and sniff hard as his eyes open, looking at
us. “More, man.” Jack opens the bag and puts it in front of Frost’s
face. Frost dives his whole head down into the bag. “Oh yeah, that’s
the spot,” Frost says, bringing his head out of the bag and taking it
from Jack.
“You okay now, Frost?” I ask, looking down at him. He wipes
his face carefully, trying to catch the excess cocaine on his face.
“I’m doing fine now. Thank you. But we are going to need more
of this magical powder,” Frost says, and I look at Jack.
“What do you think, I just grow this shit and have a stockpile
of it?” Jack asks.
“Do you?” I ask, looking at him.
“I got a few more big bags like this, but, Frost, you need to take
it easy on it,” Jack says, pointing at Frost.
“Where the fuck did you get so much?” I ask.
“It was a deal. They had cocaine, I had guns. Then I turned
around and sold some of the cocaine to pay for the guns I traded and
made a hell of a deal out of it and kept some back for a rainy day,”
Jack says.
“Where we at?” Frost asks.
“We’re at my farm. We’re going to rest up for tonight and start
getting things ready for when we need to move,” Jack says.
“Move? Where to?” Frost asks.
“In case that light shows up or if we need to bug out due to
those things we ran into,” Jack says.
“Right. Okay, then. What can I do to help out around here?”
Frost asks, looking at me and Jack.
“Can you do laundry?” I ask.
“Really? Laundry?” Frost asks with a look that Kate also gives
me.
“You just talk with Jack about getting trucks running and ready
for a long drive or anything we may come in contact with,” I say,
turning around and walking away.
“Where you going?” Jack asks.
“Gonna go do laundry so I can wear my kilt. Where is the laundry room anyway?”
“Back behind the kitchen,” Jack replies, pointing toward the
kitchen.
I walk up the stairs to the bathroom, collecting all the clothes.
I find a basket to put them in and carry them back downstairs and
toward the kitchen. As I walk in, Kate starts yelling at me, saying it’s
about time I do something. I just walk past her to the laundry room,
dropping the basket down on the floor.
I open the washer lid and look in. It’s empty, so I dump all the
clothes in and look around for soap. I find some Tide. I open the
bottle, and there is still some left, so I dump all of it in the washer. I
close the lid and turn the dial. When I turn around, Ylva is standing
280
281
Marc Longcor
WTF!
behind me, watching me. She closes the door behind her and walks
up to me, pushing me back against the washer.
“How you doin’?” I ask in my best Joey voice from Friends.
“I’m fine,” Ylva says, leaning in and kissing me.
Her lips are so soft. She pushes herself up against me as I place
both my hands around her face, cradling her head in my hands. I kiss
her back, then spin her around, moving my hands down to her hips.
I pick her up and toss her on the washer and start kissing her neck
down to her shoulder, sliding my left hand up her thigh. She bites
my neck, pulling my head up to kiss her lips again. I move my hands
up to her chest to rip her shirt open, and the fucking door flies open.
“Goddamn it, Stone!” Kate yells.
“Kate, every fucking time.”
“Food’s done, asshole,” Kate yells.
“Fuck. Fine,” I say. I turn back to Ylva, looking into her blue
eyes, my mind blank.
“Stone, let’s go eat,” Ylva says, hopping off the washer and walking into the kitchen.
“I swear, I will kill somebody,” I mumble to myself.
I walk into the kitchen. Everyone is walking around, making
plates and piling on food. It reminds me of family gatherings at
Grandma’s when she had all the family over for her cooking. It was
always busy and packed in the kitchen with smiles and laughs just
like it is now. Everyone here is smiling and laughing, telling jokes and
stuffing their faces.
Kate hands me a plate full of food and points out of the kitchen.
I take the hint and walk out into the living room and sit back down
on the couch next to Jack and Frost, who has lines made up on the
table in front of us. Odin is now sitting down in the chair, looking
like he’s about to pass out.
We finish eating and just sit around talking until the tiredness
hits. Then we ask Jack about rooms and beds to sleep in. Odin and
Thor say that they will sleep down here on the couch and chair, and
Frost is already passed out again on the table. Kate and Stacy say
they will take the room across from the bathroom, leaving two other
rooms upstairs to take. Jack says the far end room is his and gives an
invite to Ylva’s sisters to join him if they want to. They both say yes to
the invite. He really is my hero. Ylva and I take the last room.
We all get up and head to rooms. As Ylva and I get to our room,
she jumps down on the bed and takes off her headdress. She lays it
down next to her. Before anything can start or even be thought of,
she is out cold, and I follow behind her, closing my eyes and drifting
off into a deep sleep.
282
283
*****
I wake up to the smell of bacon and loud moans and screams,
making for a very confusing morning after a long week or more of
fucked up shit. I roll over. Ylva is gone, and the smell of bacon is now
mixed with coffee, and pancakes. I figure out that the moans and
screams are coming from down the hall, in Jack’s room, and I want
to hate the old bastard, but I can’t. The old man has game and can
still play with the best.
I roll over and sit up on the side of the bed. The feeling of
wanting a beer hits me hard, and my mouth starts watering for one. I
look around the room, still tired and sleepy, trying to wrap my mind
around everything. I see my kilt on the dresser across the room, and
I get up, walking over to it. I take off what I have on and put my kilt
on. I do say it feels amazing having the freedom again.
I put my boots on and tie them up this time and stand back up
to look at myself in the mirror on the door. I’m wearing the Hawaiian
shirt, black kilt, and tan army boots with white socks peeking out of
the top of them. I then put my sporran on, and I can’t help but feel
comfortable. I turn around and pick up Bridget next to the bed and
put her on. I head for the door and open it, only to come face-to-face
with Jack with a bottle of whiskey.
“Holy shit! Jack, what are you doing?” I ask, taking the bottle of
whiskey from him and taking a pull from it, a big pull.
“Damn it, boy, that’s mine. And didn’t you hear me down the
hall?” Jack asks, reaching for the bottle of whiskey I took from him,
but I slap his hand away while still drinking.
Marc Longcor
“Yeah, I heard you, and good for you, old man. I think old men
like you should get one last ride before you die,” I say, handing the
bottle back to him.
“What makes you think that was going to be the last ride for
me? And you know I won’t die,” Jack replies, smiling.
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, pushing him back and stepping into the
hallway as the twins come walking out of the back room in their
slutty schoolgirl costumes and running shoes, which I have no idea
where they’ve found, and their swords on their hips.
“Come on. Let’s go eat, boy,” Jack says, slapping me on my
back.
“It’s going to be a long day,” I mumble.
I walk down the stairs behind Jack and the twins, and I see Thor
and Odin out on the porch, just standing. Frost is still passed out
on the table, cuddling a bag of cocaine. I keep walking back to the
kitchen, and I see Kate and Stacy with Ylva, cooking up a storm, and
I get this joyful feeling knowing the food is going to be good with
them cooking.
I take a seat at the table and watch the girls dance around like
they always do but to their own singing. Kate is at the stove, shaking
her ass, and Stacy is moving back and forth between the table and
the stove, moving food around. Ylva is just watching and doing little
movements as if she is learning from them.
I take a plate and start loading it with food, and Jack does the
same thing, followed by the twins and Ylva, then Kate and Stacy.
Both girls are wearing the slutty schoolgirl skirts with combat boots.
Where they got them, I don’t know. They have on their pirate corset
vests, which they got back on the pirate ship. Ylva is wearing the
same thing but no top, just her wolf headdress, which sits on her
shoulders and hangs down over her chest, covering her and half her
back. The wolf head is pulled back behind her head.
“Sisters, where are your headdresses?” Ylva asks.
“Back in our room, sister,” the twins say at the same time, lowering their heads down.
“Go and put them on. You know better,” Ylva says to them.
284
WTF!
her.
“Ylva, why is it that you need to wear that?” I ask, looking at
“If we change without them, we will not return back to our
human form,” Ylva says.
“How is that so?” I ask.
“I know we get our wolf from our mother, and we’re born
into this, but our father had to go and earn his ability to become a
Berserker. Our mother could change anytime, but without her headdress, she could never change back. Our father could only change
when he wore his headdress, so he only wore it during battle,” Ylva
explains to us.
“Okay. So without your headdress, you can’t change back to
human form. And if you change without it, you’re stuck as a werewolf. Like, couldn’t we just put the headdress back on you?” I ask.
“Our mother told us, once we change without it, there is no
coming back, so we always have it on,” Ylva says.
“So you really don’t know what happens, just what your mom
told you,” I say.
“Yes,” Ylva answers.
“And your father could only change while wearing his headdress. And how did he go out and earn the ability?” I ask.
“Father told us he went out into the land for nine days and
nine nights, and a bear walked up to him and challenged him. Father
fought the bear, winning the power of the bear for himself, so during
battles, he could change into a bear and become a mighty warrior,”
Ylva says.
“Okay. That’s some ancient Viking stuff. But what happens if
you bite or scratch us while you’re a werewolf?” I ask, looking at Ylva
and taking a bite of pancakes.
“I don’t know. I have never just bitten or scratched someone,
keeping them alive,” Ylva says.
“Well, I guess if shit hits the fan, let’s try it,” I say.
“What, bite you or scratch you?” Ylva asks with a funny look
on her face.
“Sure. Why not?”
285
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Maybe if there is nothing else to do,” Ylva says with a curious
smile.
We all go on eating, and the twins come back wearing their
headdresses, joining us. From where I sit, I can see Frost still passed
out on the living room table, still cuddling the bag of cocaine. I finish eating and load my plate up again. I’m hungry and horny, but I
can only fix one right now because Kate keeps fucking me out of the
other.
“Jack, will we be able to work on things today, getting ready for
when we need to leave?” I ask, looking at him.
“Yeah. No one showed up to trade last night, but will we need
to leave? I mean, how do we know if any of us is the chosen one?”
Jack replies.
“Just in case we do need to bail out, we’re ready, at least,” I say,
pointing a piece of bacon at him.
“Well, when we’re done here, let’s go out to the shed and work
on things,” Jack says.
“So, Kate, where’s your club?” I ask, looking at her.
“I think it’s in the back of the Deuce,” she replies.
“You keep it up and you’re going to lose that bad boy,” I say to
her.
“Yeah, I know. I’m just not really used to carrying it everywhere,” Kate says, pushing her plate away from her.
“Well, let’s get this shit show going, then,” Jack says, standing
up and walking out of the kitchen.
Kate and Stacy start cleaning up around the kitchen, and Ylva
helps. I stay, eating and watching the girls move around in barely
anything with the slutty outfits, combat boots or running shoes, and
swords. I finish eating and leave. There are things that need to be
done.
I walk out of the kitchen and into the living room and stand
over Frost, who is still sleeping on the table. I reach down and tap
him on his shoulder to wake him, but nothing. I move to shake him
again, but nothing. I shake harder, and still nothing. I grab the bag
of cocaine and start to move it, then Frost sits up fast, squeezing the
bag, busting it into a coke cloud in my face.
“Wait, no, my bag,” Frost yells.
“Fuck!” I yell, stepping back, feeling cocaine caked on my face
like a thick layer of white clown makeup.
“Oh man, that’s a waste of good dust,” Frost says, looking at me
covered in coke.
“Well, maybe I can get shit done,” I say, chuckling while wiping
cocaine off my face.
“Can I get another bag?” Frost asks.
“Just finish what you got and talk to Jack,” I say, walking away.
I walk out of the house, passing Thor and Odin, still just standing on the porch and staring into nothing. I don’t bother to stop to
talk with them and just continue walking to the shed. I open the
door and walk in. Jack and Eric are already lifting the cab up on Big
Bertha, passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth between them.
“What can I do, guys?” I ask.
“You can go into the back rooms and start going through things
that you think you all may need for whatever you may end up doing,”
Eric says, pointing toward the back of the shed.
“Okay,” I say, walking back to the doors that go to different
rooms. I know that one is loaded with Halloween costumes.
I walk up to the doors, looking at each one, thinking where
I want to start. I just go for the door next to the one that has the
Halloween costumes in it. I open the door and reach to the side for a
light, getting it on the first try. As the lights come on, I start ripping
boxes open, and I find different types of uniforms from all branches
of the military on top of fire, police, and EMS uniforms. Really?
Boots, pants, shirts, and socks—I’ve hit the mother lode here
for clothes for us. And that old fucker made us wear Halloween costumes. What a dick. I leave all the boxes and clothes here and walk
over to the next room, opening the door. I reach in for the light
again, and when the light hits my eyes, I think I am dreaming or seeing things. Inside are rows on top of rows of rifles and guns, making
every man’s wet dream come true.
I start walking around the room, looking at guns. Most of them
are hunting rifles and shotguns with handguns toward the back and
shelves of ammo stacked to the celling. The handguns are mostly
286
287
Marc Longcor
WTF!
revolvers and single-actions and classic M1911s. I keep looking, losing count of how many .45-70s and Colt Peacemakers and Colt 45s
and a shit ton of Smith & Wesson M29s I’ve seen, the same as what
Jack carries on him. I keep walking around until I come across a wall
of World War II weapons—Thompson machine guns, M1 Grands,
M14s, BARs, and a flamethrower. Of course, a fucking flamethrower.
“Hey, Eric, do you have enough ammo for all these guns?” I
yell out.
“Yes,” Eric says, walking into the room.
“Do all these guns work?”
“Yes, why in the hell would I keep guns that don’t work?” Eric
asks, looking at me like I’m a dumbass.
“Sorry for asking, you old goat.”
“Better watch how you speak to me,” Eric says.
“Or what, old man?” I reply.
“You really want to try this old man?” Eric asks with a look that
horrifies me.
“No,” I say.
“That’s what I thought,” Eric says, walking out. He heads over
to sit on a truck seat in the little kickback area he has built up under
a loft that’s in the shed.
I walk over to Jack under the cab of Big Bertha. He is checking
the engine, pulling wires, tugging on belts, and turning wrenches.
He is already covered in grease from hand to elbow. Kate and Stacy
come walking in with their skirts moving to their walk, showing off
their long, sexy legs and the mix of the red plaid skirt, combat boots,
and their corset vests. I just can’t. Kate has her club with her now, and
Stacy has her tomahawks on her hips, swaying with her walk.
“Where’s Ylva and the twins?” I ask as they get closer.
“They’re outside, training,” Kate says.
“Really?” I reply, walking away and out of the shed.
I go outside, walking around the side of the shed to come to
another shed. What the fuck is this? In no time, I walk around it to
the sound of swords connecting with one another. All three sisters are
moving in a circle, spinning and attacking, deflecting blows. They
look out of place without their spears and shields and wearing red
plaid miniskirts with no shirts and only their wolf headdresses.
I stand here watching them, mostly watching Ylva. Her movements are so fast and precise. Her muscles tighten and relax, and the
sun shines off her body. Then Ingrid nicks Astrid across her leg, and
she starts to growl, changing form. Ingrid does the same thing, and
both the twins have changed into werewolves. I watch Ylva, still in
human form, grab both of them by the back of their heads. She picks
them up and shoves them down on the ground, yelling at them in
their language.
Both twins start to change back into human form, and both are
naked again after ripping the clothes they had on. They only have
their headdresses on, which come down, covering their chest, but
that’s it for coverage for them. Ylva turns and sees me standing and
watching them, and I catch a glimpse of her eyes. Once a beautiful
blue, they are now a bright purple glow. Ylva smiles and turns away
from me for a moment, then back, and her eyes are back to blue. She
and her sisters walk over to me.
“Hi, is there any more clothes?” Ylva asks, walking up to me
with her sisters naked, and not a care in the world about it either.
“Yeah, I found some more clothes that are better than what you
all had on, but I don’t know if any is in your size.”
“Okay, we will try them,” Ylva says, and I turn, leading the way
back to the uniforms.
I walk into the shed and see Kate and Stacy sitting in Eric’s little
kickback area, not bothered by what they have on. I walk up to them
followed by Ylva and her sisters. Kate asks why they are naked, and I
tell her what I saw and go on explaining that I’ve found uniforms in
the back with pants and shirts and tell them they don’t have to wear
what they have on.
“Will any of that fit us?” Stacy asks.
“I don’t know, but it’s worth a look to see if anything back there
will fit you guys so you’re not running around half naked and your
lady parts hanging out,” I reply.
“Really don’t mind it, and we don’t mind being half naked. You
know this,” Kate says.
288
289
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“How do you think you’ll be able to move once you get guns
and ammo?” I ask.
“I guess you’re right, but then again, you do it in a skirt,” Kate
says, pointing at my kilt.
“It’s a kilt.”
“Yeah, I know it’s a fucking kilt. I’m giving you shit,” Kate says.
“I carry Bridget, two guns, maybe one other, and have holsters
and pouches to carry everything,” I reply, and Ylva taps me on my
shoulder to remind me that her sisters are still naked. “Right. Okay.
Well, we’re going back there if you two want to join us,” I say, walking to the back rooms.
I take Ylva and her sisters to the room with the uniforms and
start going through boxes. I find a box with tan shirts and toss two
at the twins. They take off their headdress and put on the shirts and
then put their headdresses back on. I keep looking for pants for them
while Ylva puts on a shirt also.
I get to a box of pants and look for what might be their size. I
find a few that might fit, and I toss them over to the girls. They try
them on, and by pure luck, they fit them. They tie up the bottom of
the legs by their feet so as not to walk on the legs. So now Ylva and
the twins are wearing black cargo pants and tan shirts with running
shoes and their wolf headdresses on top of that with swords. What
a sight.
I walk out to music playing and see Kate and Stacy dancing.
Ylva and the twins walk over to them and sit down to watch Kate
dance, and I freeze in my spot, watching her. I’ve always loved watching Kate and Stacy dance. The song that Kate is dancing to and her
movements are going right along, and I find myself having a new
liking for “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles.
As that slow, steady beat plays, Kate moves her hips side to side,
pressing up against a pole that holds up Eric’s loft, using it as a stripper pole. She slides her back down it, whipping her legs open toward
Ylva and the girls. Damn, why am I not over there? Kate slides back
up, spinning around and pushing out her ass. She kicks her skirt up
in the process and twists her hips and ass in a circular motion that I
can’t really explain. I look over at Ylva, and she is completely hypnotized by Kate. As the song plays on, Kate gives a show of a lifetime.
Another song comes on, and it takes me a moment to figure it
out. Then it hits me hard, taking me back to watching From Dusk till
Dawn. You know that scene with Salma Hayek dancing to that song?
Yeah, that fucking song! As Tito and Tarantula start up with “After
Dark,” Kate sits down, and Stacy gets up, moving real slow with the
song, using the support pole to Eric’s loft. She moves her hips side
to side and slowly moves her hands down her chest, sliding down
the pole, opening her legs slowly on the way down. She grabs the
pole and pulls herself up but pulls her whole body vertically out and
upside down and back around, so the pole comes between her legs.
She slides down to her feet, and once she hits the floor, she stands
back up.
The song comes to an end, and all the girls are just speechless
after Stacy’s dance, and Kate starts to cheer, excited that Stacy did
all that. She tells her that will be a show for when they get back and
when things go back to normal again. I feel that things may never be
normal again, but let’s hope. I’m still standing in the same spot when
I see a flash pass by me in the shape of a huge-ass wrench, which
bounces off the wall.
“Did you just fucking throw a wrench at me?” I ask, turning to
look over to Jack and Eric. They just point at each other.
“He did it,” they both say at the same time, smiling, then going
back to working on Bertha’s engine.
“Fuckers,” I say as I walk to them, but I stop and head to Eric’s
’34 Ford, checking it out.
This 1934 Ford Tudor, it’s a mix of hot rod and mud truck. Eric
has done a lot of work on this beast. It’s black in and out with thick
steel body and suicide doors. The roof has a rollback slide that you
can just push open, and I really want to drive it.
“Get away from her,” Eric says, walking up to me.
“Just admiring it.”
“Well, keep your dick beaters off her. She’s all mine,” Eric says
in an overprotective tone.
“Okay, okay,” I say, lifting my hands up.
290
291
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I go back to the gun room, and Kate and Stacy follow behind
me. We start looking at guns and what we want to carry. I know Kate
and Stacy know a little already about guns, but I’ll just have to wait
and see what they pick out. They both come back with Thompsons
and Colt 45s, and I do the same ’cause all the other guns are rifles.
But I do pick up a .45-70 Winchester.
We make a few trips back and forth between the gun room
and the wire spool table, placing guns, ammo, and holsters on it and
loading magazines, getting things together and ready. Ylva and her
sisters are on the other side of the shed, at what looks like a firepit
or a forge. I walk over to see what they’re doing and what it is they’re
putting together, and I see a forge. Ingrid is starting a fire, and Ylva
and Astrid are looking through the metal piles around the floor.
“So what cha y’all doing?” I ask, watching them.
“We’re going to make spears, shields, arrows, and bows,” Ylva
says, looking through things.
“Okay, you guys look to know what you’re doing,” I say, turning
and walking away.
I go back to Kate and Stacy, who are fixing holsters and fitting
them to themselves, checking things out and seeing what fits where
and how it feels. I get two .45s in a shoulder holster, fitting them
under my arms, and a belt with magazine pouches on it. I load it up
with eight magazines, feeling the weight of it, then load up another
pouch to clip onto this belt but with magazines for the Thompson.
“Hey, Stone, if we do have to leave, what are we taking, and
who is riding where?” Kate asks, and I look around at what we have.
“I guess I should pull the Deuce in and start working on it,
making sure it’s good to go.”
I walk out and get in the Deuce, firing it up, then pulling it
into the shed next to Big Bertha. I turn it off and jump out of it. I
start looking it over to see if it really needs any work done to it or to
think of something to add to it. I know we can load it up with gear
and supplies and fit as many as we can in Big Bertha with Jack at the
wheel, pulling that fuel trailer I saw outside.
“Hey, Eric, that trailer outside have any fuel in it for these
trucks?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s full and good to go,” Eric replies.
“Good, ’cause we’re going to take it with us if we leave,” I say,
opening the hood to the Deuce.
“Okay. Not like I’m really using it,” he replies, going back to
helping Jack with Big Bertha.
Jack starts laughing as he climbs out from under the cab of Big
Bertha, and he and Eric start to lower the cab down and lock it in
place. Then Jack climbs into Bertha and fires her up, and when the
engine kicks on, it rumbles and shakes the whole shed, rattling my
organs inside my chest. He puts her in gear and pulls her out of the
shed. Even outside, she still shakes and rumbles the shed, and you
can feel it on the ground.
I walk out and watch Jack drive her around the farm in a quick
circle. He comes back and pulls in front of the fuel trailer, backing up
into it. I go over and start lifting the legs up as Jack hooks the lines
up to the cab.
“How’s the inside look, Jack?” I ask him as he climbs down
from the back side of Big Bertha.
“Looks like a small RV camper with bunk beds, chairs, and
tables. I made her to ride in style as well as being badass,” Jack says.
“Okay. And you said that you can take five guys in it,” I ask,
looking at Bertha.
“Yeah, but we don’t have too many guys here, so what are you
thinking about?” Jack asks, looking at me knowing that I’m cooking
something up.
“Just trying to figure out who is going to ride where.”
“Well, put the girls in here with me,” Jack says.
“That will be six in Bertha, then, and we still have two so-called
gods and a small alien to count as well,” I reply.
“Then put Kate and Stacy in with me, along with Thor and
Odin to have our backs, and you take the others with you,” Jack says.
“Yeah, I guess they can sit in the back of the Deuce.”
“There you go. Now come help me move a V-plow,” Jack says,
slapping me on the back.
“A what?”
292
293
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Come on. I’ll show you. I need help hooking it up to the tractor and dragging it over so I can put it on Big Bertha here,” Jack says,
tapping the cab of Bertha as he walks by.
I follow Jack around the shed, and we walk down the side of it.
This shed is fucking huge, a lot bigger than I thought it was. I think
you can fit at least two football fields in it or more. We finally make
it to the back of the shed and to a tractor with forks on it. Jack climbs
up into the tractor and fires it up. I climb up the side and hang on
while Jack takes the tractor back to a barn on the other side of the
farm, which has an old state truck next to it with a huge plow on the
front.
“That’s a V-plow, boy, and we’re going to put it on Bertha.”
“Shit, Jack. Going a little Mad Max, are we?” I say, chuckling.
“Did you see those fucking things and what it looks like beyond
this bubble?” Jack replies.
“Yeah, and we need to ask Eric how this bubble is even possible.”
“I asked him, and he doesn’t even know. He just woke up one
day, and all this was like this, and he found out about everything else
from the camp when they showed up to trade,” Jack explains.
“Maybe Frost can take a look around when he wakes up. And
by the way, he’s going to need more cocaine, so just show him where
it’s all at,” I say to Jack.
“Fine. It’s not like we’re going to need it.”
“Don’t fucking lie. I know you have more,” I say, looking at him.
He slams on the breaks, kicking me off the tractor. “You asshole!”
“Come on,” Jack says, laughing as he climbs down the tractor
and walks over to the old state truck.
We look over the connections on the V-plow to the truck and
see what we have to do to hook this up to Big Bertha. The plow is
huge, and it’s going to be heavy as fuck, and we didn’t bring any
fucking tools to unhook this bitch. I look over at Jack and ask, “Well,
how we doing this?” Just as I finish asking, Eric comes pulling up in
a truck.
Jack walks over, and he and Eric start pulling tools and cutting
torches off the truck, moving back and forth between the truck and
the plow like they have done this before. In no time at all, they have
the V-plow free from the truck, and it shifts back into it, crashing up
against the front of the truck.
“Now what?” I ask.
“Well, lift this fucker up and carry it over to the tractor,” Jack
says.
“What?”
“Pick it up and take it over to the tractor,” Jack says, looking at me.
“I can’t lift that big fucker,” I reply, pointing at the plow.
“You fucking stupid, or did you just forget all the shit you can
do?” Jack asks with a tone.
“Oh yeah.”
I get down and reach under the plow, lifting it up and pulling it
free from the truck and off the ground. Holy shit! I get the plow in
my arms and walk backward out of the barn between the truck and
tractor. I spin around and head for Big Bertha, carrying the plow like
it is nothing. I get in front of Big Bertha and set the plow down in
front of her, lining her up to the plow, getting it ready for Jack and
Eric to do their magic.
“Damn, boy. I didn’t think you would carry it all the way,” Jack
says, pulling up with Eric in the truck.
“Well, it was lighter than I thought,” I reply, laughing.
“Go find Frost and see what he says about this bubble. We got
this,” Jack says.
I walk away and head to the farmhouse. I see Thor and Odin
still on the porch, not moving or doing anything at all. I walk past
them into the house, and I find that Frost has found more bags of
Jack’s cocaine and has lines made out on the table in the living room,
going to town.
“Frost, you good?”
“Yeah, man, I’m good. What’s up?” Frost replies, bringing his
head up from a line.
“We need you to figure out why there is a bubble around this
farm and how things here look like our world but not the world outside the bubble,” I say to Frost as I watch him do another line.
“Yeah. We just need to figure out what’s the center of the farm
and go from there,” Frost says.
294
295
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“The center? Why the center?” I ask.
“It’s how it worked back on the island,” Frost replies, shrugging
his shoulders.
Frost grabs a bag of coke, and we both walk back out of the
house with him following behind me. We stop just on the porch to
look around at the farm to see where the center is. Frost points with
his empty hand and starts walking in front of me, and I follow him
over to the big shed where we have been hanging out. Jack and Eric
are still working on the plow, fitting it to Big Bertha. Frost walks in
and stands in the middle of the shed, where Big Bertha was sitting,
and in the floor, there is a hidden door.
I reach down and pull up the handle, removing the concrete
slab door to find stairs going down. Frost goes in the hole first and
climbs down the stairs, and I ask if there is any light just as the lights
come on, and Frost replies yes. I climb down the stairs behind Frost
to a whole new level of this place. Eric seems to be hiding barrels of
something down here. I open one and look in it, only to find out that
it’s homemade napalm. Fuck me.
Frost and I start looking around. He goes one way, and I go the
other way. Down here, it’s just a narrow hallway filled with barrels
and more barrels with big boxes in between. Wires are coming out of
them, and I don’t even bother messing with them. I come to the end
and see something covered with a tarp, and I pull it down slowly to
uncover something that looks from out of this world.
“Frost!”
“Yeah? What did you find?” Frost asks, running up behind me.
“I don’t know. It looks like something you might know about.”
“Oh, shit, this is mine,” Frost says, looking at this thing sitting
in front of us.
“What is it?” I ask.
“This was the first attempt at making a time machine here on
this planet until I made what you all went through,” Frost says, giving it a good look.
“Well, don’t touch it. Just leave it ’cause we don’t know what
will happen if we turn it off,” I say.
“Yeah, we can’t turn it off,” Frost says, turning around and walking back to the stairs, and I follow.
“Why? Why can’t you turn it off?”
“When I made it, I made it that once it’s on, it will never shut
off.”
“Why did you make it like that?”
“’Cause if it worked, I didn’t want it shutting off on me while
I was using it.”
“Why? What were you using it for?”
“To try and save people off the island.”
“Oh.”
Frost and I climb back up the stairs, and I put the concrete slab
back over the hole. Kate and Stacy ask me a million questions about
what I’m doing and what I’ve found down there, and I tell them.
Frost goes over to the wire spool and makes a few lines of cocaine on
it and starts doing his own thing. Jack comes walking in with Eric,
both with a bottle of whiskey in their hand.
“Where you two get the bottles?” I ask.
“In my shack,” Eric replies, taking a drink.
“Got any more bottles, old man?” I ask.
“Yeah, in the shack next to this shed. Go pick a bottle,” Eric
says.
“Okay,” I say, taking off.
“Grab more than one bottle, needle dick,” Kate shouts, and I
just wave my hand as an okay.
I walk out of the shed, over to where Eric says his shack is, and
I open the door and walk inside. Eric has a whole distillery in here,
making his own whiskey, and there are bottles filled on shelves all
over. I grab four bottles and head back to the others. I walk back in,
and Kate and Stacy give a whoop and run to me, taking two bottles from my hands. They then run back to the little kickback area
around the wire spool, and I follow them over, sitting down on one
of the truck seats.
I open a bottle and take a drink while watching Frost do more
lines of cocaine. Music is playing, and bottles are passing around to
296
297
Marc Longcor
WTF!
all of us. We take drinks and talk, having a good time for the first
time in a while. Then Eric picks up Kate’s club.
“You wanna know the story about this club?” he asks, looking
at Kate.
“Yes,” she replies.
“Jack, where were we?” Eric asks.
“You found us around Hamburger Hill.”
“That’s right. I came up to help with the fight and ran into you
and your group. Y’all looked like a sorry bunch of assholes, and your
daddy, ole Billy, was carving away on a little log. I asked him what
he was making, and he said a war club. I was like, ‘A war club? Do
tell.’ He carved and whittled that log down, never stopping or losing
focus, telling us how his great-great-great-grandpa was a Missouri
tribe Indian, and the war club was something they made from old
musket rifles.
“By the time the sun hit our side of the hill, he had that club
carved out and ready for a fight. And I tell you what, it came in
handy later that day when we all ran out of ammo and were using
anything we could get our hands on. Your daddy just pulled that war
club out and started bashing gooks’ heads in like he was getting paid
by the head.”
“Wow, Dad never talked about the war or his club,” Kate says
in shock.
“Well, we did go through hell, honey, and Dad wasn’t the same
after that fight, getting so close and fighting for our lives. Hell, I
ended up using my spoon and cup to kill a couple gooks,” Jack says.
“I can’t even imagine what you guys went through,” Kate says.
Ylva and the twins come walking over with spears, shields,
bows, and arrows, enough for all of us, breaking up story time. Kate
gets them to put down all the weapons they’ve made and join us in
drinking and having some fun. I make a few more runs over to Eric’s
shack, grabbing bottles, and I know that I at least have downed five
bottles on my own. But I’m not feeling a damn thing, and I’m getting
pissed about it.
I’m starting to grab more bottles when I hear what sound like
a sonic boom and a crash, which came from next door. I run out of
the shack and back into the shed to see the glass box with the blue
light sitting on Kate’s lap. She is freaking out about it being on her. I
suddenly find myself facedown on the floor as Thor and Odin come,
running me over, taking a knee in front of Kate.
“Stone!” Kate shouts with panic in her voice, leaning back with
arms up, looking at the glass box.
“You’re the chosen one,” Odin says, looking down to the floor,
still on one knee.
“Well, shit. Looks like you get to have your ass kicked now,” I
say, chuckling at her as I get back up.
“Shut up. This ain’t funny,” Kate says.
“We will keep you safe until we make it to the forge, and from
there, it is up to you to kill the Dark Evil,” Thor says.
“Looks like we will be leaving after all, so let’s get things together
and some rest. Tomorrow starts a very long road trip to wherever that
box takes us,” I say.
No one moves ’cause they’re too drunk to move, and I end up
loading the Deuce up with supplies, weapons, and ammo, getting it
ready to move as well as getting Big Bertha stocked up in case we get
split up along the way. It starts to get dark outside. Jack and Eric are
passed out on truck seats next to the twins. Kate and Stacy are passed
out on another truck seat, leaning on each other. Frost is curled up
on the wire spool, out cold. Thor and Odin are standing at the door
of the shed like guards. I climb up in the back of the Deuce and sit
down on the edge, looking out the shed. Ylva climbs up next to me,
taking a seat.
She moves in closer to me, getting shoulder to shoulder with
me, and we both stare out the shed door at the darkness of the night
here. She leans her head down on my shoulder, and I lay back, bringing her with me. She puts her head on my chest, and we both just
drift off to sleep.
298
299
*****
I wake up to the sound of car horns blasting from afar, and I
sit up slowly, blinded by the sunlight. I can barely make out a dust
Marc Longcor
WTF!
trail heading this way, and I focus harder on what it is. I make out
cars heading this way, and fast. “Wake up, everyone!” I yell, jumping
down from the back of the Deuce and helping Ylva down. I slide her
down my body, and we make eye contact once her feet touch the
floor, and she gives me a smile.
“What is it?” Jack asks, walking up to me, stumbling side to
side, still drunk.
“Someone is heading this way.”
“Is it an attack?” Eric asks, coming up, stumbling as well, holding a rifle.
“I don’t think so. They’re honking their horns, letting us know
they’re coming.”
“Get ready to move,” Jack says, and I nod and go grab my guns.
I wake up Kate and Stacy, who have now changed out of the slutty
schoolgirl costume and are now wearing army Woodland BDUs with
their corset vests. I tell them what’s happening, and then I wake up
the twins.
We all get our guns and ammo, and Ylva and her sisters load
up the Deuce with their spears and everything else they have made.
The cars come pulling up fast in front of the shed, and they look to
be people from the camp. Laura climbs out of the M715 with Tom
running up to us, and they all look beaten up.
“The dead are coming this way, and fast. They overran our
camp, and we’re all that’s left,” she says, winded and panicked.
“Okay. You ride with us, but we are leaving now and going far
away from here,” I say.
“That’s fine with us,” Tom says.
“But our trucks are shot,” Laura says.
“Jump in the Deuce. We still have some room in it,” I say.
“Stone, take the ’34,” Eric says, looking at me.
“What? You sure? That’s your baby,” I say, looking at him.
“Just take her and take care of her.”
“You’re not coming with us?” I ask.
“No. This is my farm. I was born here, I will die here, and I will
take as many of those fuckers with me as I can,” Eric says.
“Tom, can you drive this Deuce?” I ask, looking at him.
“Yeah,” he replies.
“Okay. Get your people in it. Ylva, get your sisters, and get in
that over there,” I say, pointing over at the ’34. Ylva nods and takes
her sisters over to the ’34.
Kate and Stacy get in Big Bertha, along with Thor and Odin.
Jack is the last to climb in after talking and shaking hands with Eric.
I get Tom and the Deuce turned around and outside with the people
they showed up with in it. Laura sits shotgun, waiting to go, looking
nervous as hell. Eric comes up to me and hands me a radio and then
walks away. He hands another radio to Tom and then tosses one up
to Stacy in Big Bertha.
Jack starts Big Bertha up, putting her in gear and leading the
way, followed by the Deuce and then me in the rear with the ’34.
Jack takes us around the farm to the back through another rough-ass
timber road. I can’t believe that Eric is staying back.
300
301
WTF!
ERIC
Well, old man, it’s time. I grip my .45-70 and turn and walk back to
my loft. I head upstairs and over to my wall. I take down my holster,
putting it on, then I reach for my twin Colt revolvers and then take
down the ammo belts for the .45-70. Then I head for the roof to my
nest.
I go to the hatch and climb up the ladder to the roof. The metal
grate under my feet clanks with each step I take. I keep my balance
on the narrow walkway. My nest is just up ahead at the front with
sandbags and steel plates around it like my own little death box. I
get down and reach for my binoculars and look out toward Jack and
the rest, making sure they make it to the woods and then back to
the main road, where I see the dead running full speed and by the
hundreds.
I reach over to my switchboard and push down on levers that set
off bombs and booby traps I have set up all over and go down the line
one by one, setting off bombs and lighting the fuckers up. Others
find the land mines in the woods, and others find the tipped spears
and pits, and I hit them with the napalm, burning the fuckers. There
are a lot more than I thought, but I have more prizes for them. I keep
hitting the triggers and lighting them up as they get closer.
For the ones that make it through the woods and out into the
open, I wait for the right moment to set off the first big surprise,
opening the ground up and sending these fuckers fifty feet down to
a lake of napalm. More just run right into it, filling it up fast. I’m
late on lighting it, but I get it lit, setting off a fireball into the sky,
rumbling the shed, making me think I am going for a ride. Fuck,
that’s hot.
302
I turn to look to the sides to see more coming. I start to set
off more bombs in the fields to the left of me and woods behind
the house until I run out of my tricks. Then I start using my .4570, popping heads like a teenage girl on prom night with pimples. I
watch heads turn into mist. I stand up and move out from the nest,
unloading the .45-70, then reloading. They get closer and closer,
now trying to climb up the side of the shed.
I sling the .45-70 around my back and pull the twin Colts. I
pull back on the hammers, both hands full, aiming high. My left
hand and right hand pull the hammers back, aim, squeeze trigger,
and repeat. More and more keep coming up, and I give all I have to
give. Then they all just stop around me. I reload as I feel a hand on
my shoulder, and I turn slowly. I am standing in front of a giant of a
man with red eyes that glow like red-hot coals.
“Well, get on with it,” I say, looking at him.
“Where are they heading?”
“To your mother’s house for a gang bang.”
“You do know them, for you sound like them.”
“Yeah, but my balls are bigger,” I say, pulling a dead man’s trigger out of my pocket. This fucker backhands me, sending me flying
off the shed and into the sea of the dead, but I get the trigger pushed
before I hit their hands, setting off the biggest prize of them all. Fuck
you, assholes.
303
WTF!
“Holy shit!” I yell, looking in the mirror at the ground caving in with
a big-ass pressure wave coming up on us, and fast. “Jack, step on it!”
I say over the radio as I start to feel the back of the ’34 lift up as the
pressure wave engulfs us. I push down on the gas harder, pulling out
of the pressure wave, but still, we have it on our ass until we drive
out of the bubble and back into the apocalypse world with the wind
blowing hard. Jack is pushing Big Bertha hard, and nothing seems to
be slowing her down. The Deuce is keeping right up with her, and I
feel like I have to hold back and not let this bad boy ’34 cut loose and
take off. Eric has really done a great job on this.
“Jack, can you see the box?” I ask over the radio.
“Yeah. The damn thing is right in front of us.”
“Follow it,” I say.
“No shit. I wasn’t going to do that.”
“There is a city about a day’s ride out, but I don’t know if there
are any camps left there,” Laura says over the radio.
“Which way?” Jack asks over the radio.
“Just keep going this way, and we should run into it,” Laura
says.
“Hey, Jack, I’m going to move ahead and spot the area,” I say,
stepping down on the gas, letting this jacked-up beast loose.
I pull to the side and start to pass the Deuce and then gain
ground on Big Bertha. As I get up next to her, I look up and see Stacy
looking down at me. She waves, giving me a smile, and I wave back
as I push harder on the gas, pushing me back into the seat. I pull in
front of the pack, giving all this bad boy has, and before long, Big
Bertha disappears behind me, and I start to notice signs showing up
on the road. I slow down as a city comes into view.
“Jack, there is a city, and you’re going to need that plow,” I say
over the radio.
“I get to use the plow!” Jack says over the radio with an overexcited tone in his voice.
“Yeah, but I’m pulled over and stopped, so pull up next to me,”
I say back over the radio.
I wait for Jack and the others to come and realize that I must
have been going faster than I thought and have made some distance,
and now I have to wait for them to catch up. I just take a good look
around for anything out of the ordinary, which is hard ’cause everything here is not normal.
Ylva and the twins get out and walk around, stretching themselves. I see something come our way, moving weird, like a really
drunk guy running from cops. As it gets closer, I start to notice that
it’s a Draugr. “Ylva,” I say, looking at her and nodding toward the
Draugr running our way. She and the twins pull their swords, getting
ready for it.
I watch this Draugr get closer. Ylva and the twins just start
walking toward it, all calm and cool until they get to it, and then
they just cut this thing down without any trouble at all. They take
off its arms and legs, then its head and then stabs the head and body.
“Damn, do we need to go and find more of these things for you
to kill?” I ask them as they walk back.
“Yeah. We are bored after the battle on the island,” Ylva says.
“Well, just our luck. Here comes more,” I say, pointing toward
the city to more Draugar coming our way.
“Astrid, Ingrid, let’s strip down and change,” Ylva says to her
sisters, and they start taking off their clothes and changing into werewolves, taking off toward the Draugar.
All three of them charge into the Draugar group, and blood
splatters all around them, and heads pop up into the air. The sounds
of their howls and the grunts from the Draugar fill the air. I watch
these girls, who are now werewolves, just destroy these monsters that
they know and have knowledge of from their time. I get caught up
thinking about things and how all this can be, then I notice something crawling down the side of a building above the fight.
304
305
STONE
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I get in the ’34 and take off toward the fight. I push down on
the gas hard, giving everything it has to give, racing toward the pack
fighting. I slam on the brakes hard, spinning the ’34 sideway, then to
a stop. I climb out with my Thompson, taking aim at whatever it is
climbing down the building and cutting loose on it. I burn through
one mag and change out to another as I walk closer to the building,
making sure that I’m hitting it.
I watch the creature take hits from the Thompson. I keep shooting at it until if falls off the side of the building to the ground. I can
still hear growls, howls, grunts, and death moans behind me, as the
girls are still fighting the Draugar. I walk up closer to this thing I’ve
filled with holes to get a better look at what it is. What the fuck are
you?
It has a human body and head but long arms and legs. Its hands
have long claws on it, and so do its feet, and there’s another claw on
the back of its heels like a chicken spur. I bend down next to it and
take the barrel end of the Thompson to move its jaw down and open
its mouth to see its teeth, and I wish I didn’t ’cause now I can’t unsee
what I’ve seen. And seeing that I’ve already seen it, I can only hope
that we don’t run into any more of these things on top of Draugar.
Its teeth are sharp and pointy, and it has a mouthful of them like a
damn piranha.
As I’m looking down at this thing, I hear something drop to the
ground nearby. I take a knee and bring up my Thompson, ready to
shoot anything. I see nothing, so I spin around to look behind me,
and again, nothing. I turn back toward the fight with the girls and
the Draugar, not looking at the one thing I just killed or I thought
I’ve killed.
I soon find myself on the ground with this thing on top of me,
digging its claws into my shoulders, pulling me close to its mouth to
take a bite out of me. I push back to keep from becoming a happy
meal, but the more I push back, the more it digs its claws into my
shoulder. I kick my leg up to kick it and roll it off me, but even
once in the air, it keeps its claws in me, taking me with it. I roll back
around and end up with it back on top of me, but its face is closer
to mine.
“Motherfucker,” I say as I use one arm to hold it back and
punch it with the other. It snaps at me, and I can hear its teeth chopping. I look down to my right and see a claw poking out the front of
my shoulder. Holy fuck, this thing is getting closer and closer. As I
feel that I’m losing this fight, a flash goes by my face, and this thing’s
head just slides off to the side and goes limp on top of me, claws still
in my shoulders. A shadow comes over me, and I look up to see a
werewolf standing over me, looking down.
“Hi. Can you help me out?” I ask, looking up at the dark-gray
werewolf with bright, glowing purple eyes, letting me know it’s Ylva.
Ylva bends down and reaches behind my back, pulling the claws out
of my shoulders, and she wasn’t easy about it either. She just rips
them out fast, giving me a little pinch, reminding me I still feel pain.
But as soon as the claws are out, I start to heal up fast. Once both
hands are out of my shoulders, I spin over and get up on my knees.
I look up at Ylva as two black werewolves come walking up behind
her, blood dripping from both their mouths and looking terrifying
as fuck.
“They’re not going to eat me, are they?” I ask, looking at Ylva.
She just shakes her head no and turns to her sisters, giving a grunt
or a growl sound. The two sisters nod, and they all change back into
human form. “I don’t think I will ever get used to you guys doing
that,” I say, looking at Ylva all naked and sexy as fuck.
“What are these things?” Ylva asks, looking at the creature on
the ground.
“I don’t know, but I think I will call them Piranha Face-Fucks,”
I say, looking at Ylva. She shakes her head no at me. “Piranha Man?”
I say, and Ylva shakes her head no again. “Okay. How about Piranha
Shits?”
“How ’bout just piranha?” Ylva says.
“Yeah, but that just on its own is a fish. We need to come up
with something,” I say as my mind races with names for it. “You guys
should go get some clothes on,” I say, looking at Ylva and her naked
sisters.
“We will stay like this in case we need to change again,” Ylva
says.
306
307
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“So you all are okay with just being naked?”
“Yes,” Ylva says.
“Okay. And I guess we will just use piranha to name them,” I
say, looking at Ylva’s tits, just lost in the moment.
“Stone, eyes up here. We will have our fun soon, I promise,”
Ylva says, reaching her hand out under my chin, moving my head up
to look her in the eyes.
“Yeah, sorry,” I say.
We walk back to the ’34, and I’m still amazed that it took three
magazines to take down that piranha. And it still didn’t kill it, but
it did enough to knock it down at least. I open the trunk door and
pick up a few more magazines for the Thompson and close the door
as the girls start to put on their clothes again. I guess they’ve changed
their minds. I walk back around to the front of the ’34 and lean up
against it, looking into the city, sizing it up and wondering what all
can be in there.
Ylva comes walking around to the front, leaning next to me,
getting shoulder to shoulder with me, looking at the city. I start to
wonder where the hell Jack is. They should be here by now. I go back
inside the ’34, grabbing the radio.
“Jack, you there? Come in.”
“Yeah, I’m here. Where the hell are you?” Jack asks back over
the radio.
“I’m at a city up ahead of you. Where the hell are you?”
“Still trucking. That ’34 took off fast and disappeared,” Jack
says.
“That city is a good forty miles. What city are you in?” Laura
says over the radio.
“I don’t know. I’ll take a look,” I say back over the radio, tucking
it away in one of the pockets in my kilt. I walk off, looking for a sign
to tell me where I am.
I see a sign standing up and walk to it. It’s caked with dirt, so I
tap on the sign to knock the dirt down to show an ad for a car dealership. I shake my head and walk back to the ’34, not wanting to walk
all over this wasteland to find a sign.
“Stone!” Ylva yells, and I run over to her to see a shit ton of
Draugar running our way.
“Oh man, I don’t think we can take them all,” I say, looking at
the storm coming.
“Should we go?” Ylva asks.
“Yeah, I think we need to,” I say, getting in the ’34. I’m starting
it up when this little slug bug comes pulling up in front of us with
a .50 mounted on top of it and a truck on the other side, nosing up
with it, and a .50 mounted on it. A helicopter comes flying out from
behind a building, spinning around, flying over the Draugar. It starts
dumping grenades on them.
“Hey, asshole, follow us,” one person yells out from the
Volkswagen bug.
“We’re waiting for the rest of our people,” I yell back.
“We know. They’re on the other side.”
“Jack, where you at?” I ask over the radio.
“Yeah, sorry, boy. We were intercepted by these people, and I
sent them over to you,” Jack says back.
“Roger,” I say over the radio. “Let’s go!” I yell out the window
to the people in the bug.
The truck and the bug take off with us following behind them,
keeping up. They take us around the side of a building as the helicopter keeps thinning out the Draugar so we can get away. The city
is rundown and reminds me of the movie I Am Legend. The city was
abandoned and rundown with cars just parked all over, and the earth
had retaken the city.
We bob and weave between cars, and I try to keep a good distance between me and the bug in front of me so I don’t run into it,
fucking us all in a crash with Draugar around and these new things
I call piranhas. Maybe these people will know what they are, and
maybe I can get some more detail on the land.
“Hey, Jack, where’s the box of light at?” I ask over the radio.
“It’s still here. It’s not getting far from Kate and just hovering
in one spot, and when we move toward it, it moves away from us,
taking us somewhere,” Jack replies.
“Okay. Well, we’re coming your way, I think.”
308
309
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Stone, who are these people?” Ylva asks.
“I think they are survivors as well but here in the city, so let’s just
be on alert and ready for anything just in case.”
We make it to the other side of the city and see Big Bertha and
the Deuce. More trucks and cars show up to form a convoy, heading
away from the city, and we bring up the end. The helicopter flies over
us, making circles around the convoy, giving us cover from above.
“Jack, are we following them, or are we cutting off and going
our own way?” I ask over the radio.
“I think we should follow them and rest up for tonight,” Jack
says back.
“Yeah. I could use some fuel now that I’ve looked.”
We follow the other people who saved our asses to a building and watch truck after truck and car after car drive through the
entrance door, and as soon as I drive through the door, it comes
down, and I see that we’ve pulled into a parking lot. I come to a stop
and look around as the others pull into parking spots, and Jack stops
Big Bertha in the middle.
I pull up behind the Deuce, turning off the ’34, and I hear the
Deuce go silent, along with Big Bertha. I get out followed by Ylva
and the twins as they finish putting on their shirts and headdresses.
I walk toward Jack as he climbs out of Big Bertha. Tom, Laura, and
the rest jump out of the Deuce and follow me to Jack. We all meet
at the ass end of Big Bertha and the nose of the Deuce, grouping up.
“Do any of you know this place?” I ask, looking at Tom and
Laura.
“Yeah, we’ve been here once before, but we don’t travel this far
from camp too often, but I guess things change,” Tom says.
“Who’s the leader here?” I ask Tom.
“That would be that guy right there,” Tom says, pointing to a
tall man walking our way.
“Hello. You must be the travelers our elder predicted,” the man
says.
“Hi. Who are you?” I ask.
“I’m Steve.”
“Hi, Steve. I’m Stone. Jack, Kate, Stacy, Ylva, Astrid, Ingrid,” I
say, pointing at everyone.
“Hello, everyone, and welcome. You all are welcome to whatever you want. Just ask for it. We are here to help you,” Steve says.
“Hey, Steve,” Tom says.
“Tom, it’s been a long time,” Steve replies, shaking Tom’s hand.
“Come, come. Follow me. We have been waiting for you and
have things set up for you all,” Steve says.
“You’ve been waiting for us? How?” I ask.
“Our Elder saw you coming and knows what you need to do,”
Steve replies.
“Elder?” I ask.
“Yes, she can see things to come or to be,” Steve says.
“Right,” I reply, not believing it.
We follow Steve to an elevator, and others take the stairs. We
climb into the elevator, and Steve waves an arm to some guys by a
wheel system, and they start turning it in circles, taking us up. The
ride up is long, slow, and silent. No one says a word until we get to
the floor Steve is taking us to. The elevator stops, and Steve gets out.
“This is it,” Steve says, and we follow him.
“I will take you to the Elder first, but all this here is for you to
stay and rest up. If you need anything, just ask,” Steve says, pointing
at beds, food, guns, ammo, and everything you can imagine.
“Thanks, but we don’t want to use up your supplies,” I say.
“Oh, this is nothing. We have lots, so no worries,” Steve says.
“Stone, your job now is to get Kate to the forge so she can become
the one,” an old lady says, walking out of a room in front of us.
“Who the hell are you, and how do you know my name?” I ask.
“Kelly Stone, I know you, and I have seen much, but this is not
your time but Kate’s,” the old lady says.
“Yeah, we know Kate is the one, and don’t call me Kelly,” I say.
“Why not, Kelly?” Kate asks, giggling.
“Yeah, Kelly is a cute name for a boy,” Stacy says, getting in on
the fun.
“Ha ha. Looks like the cat’s out of the bag now, boy,” Jack says,
laughing, slapping my back.
310
311
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“If I kill you all, I’d have no problems. You all are my ninety-nine problems,” I say, looking at them.
“Aw, poor Kelly is upset now,” Kate says in a pouting voice,
doing a sad face.
“I will punch you in the baby-maker,” I say, looking at her.
“Bring it, bitch,” she replies.
“Enough, you two. You both must work together and all of you
as one, for not all of you will survive this journey,” the Elder says.
“Okay, so what’s your name, and which one of us won’t make
it?” I ask.
“Just call me Elder, and I will not tell you which one will not
make it, but they know already,” she replies.
“Well, that sounds like a bunch of shit,” I say, and Kate slaps
me across my chest.
“Hey, ouch! Why?” I ask, looking at her.
“Shut up and be respectful,” Kate says.
“It is fine. That is him. But he will hurt at the end of this journey, so you two must be there for him to keep him from losing himself,” the Elder says, pointing at Kate and Stacy.
“I’m sure I will hurt ’cause I’m going to get my ass kicked every
step of the way to make sure she makes it to wherever she needs to
be,” I say, pointing my thumb at Kate.
“Yeah, you’re my little bitch,” Kate says, placing her hand on
my back.
“Shut up.”
“Now, now.”
“I hate you. You know this, right?” I say to her.
“You know you fucking love me,” Kate replies, giving me a kiss
on the cheek.
“Okay, you all get some rest, and I will talk to each of you later,”
the Elder says to us, then turns and walks back into the room she
came out of.
This building looks to be an old office building of some kind
from the way it looks, but everything here is weird and out of place.
Some buildings look to be from the twenties, and others look as if
from maybe the early thirties or forties—different years and building
styles.
They have made little rooms out of cubicles for us with beds
and filled with supplies, clothes, and whatever else we may need. I
walk into my little room that I am taken to by Steve and step in. The
bed isn’t much, just an old-style military cot with wool blankets on it
with a pair of jeans, boots, a shirt, and more. I look down at what I’m
wearing, thinking a Hawaiian shirt doesn’t go with a kilt, but damn,
I’m so comfortable.
I look at the shirts that are on the cot, and they look to be
Walmart special pack brand. You know, the ones that just come in
one color and with nothing else on them. They must not have anything else but dark blue. I take off my Hawaiian shirt and put on a
T-shirt, tucking it into my kilt. I pick up the pants and toss them
into the corner, then look back at the boots, which seem to have seen
better days for sure. I toss them into the same corner as the pants and
sit down on the cot, and as soon as my phat ass makes contact, the
damn cot folds up in half on me, and I end up on the floor.
“Fuck!”
“Goddamn, boy, we’re not here ten minutes and you’re breaking
shit,” Jack yells from somewhere on this floor.
“Shut up, old man!” I yell back from the floor.
“What happened?” Steve asks, walking into my room.
“Damn cot folded up on my ass,” I say, still folded up in the cot.
“Oh, here, let me help you,” Steve says, reaching down, grabbing my arm, and pulling me out of the cot.
“Thanks,” I say, shaking his hand.
“I’ll get another cot up here soon for you,” Steve says, turning
and walking away.
“Stone,” a voice says just outside my room.
“Yeah?”
“Walk with me, Stone,” the Elder says, coming around the corner, waving her arm at me to follow her.
“Okay?” I say, puzzled, and I follow her. “So you can see the
future and shit?” I ask her while looking around the floor at where
everyone is set up.
312
313
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“In a way, more or less,” she replies.
“So how did you know we were coming and what we’re doing?”
I ask.
“This world has been like this for a long time. Generations of
humans have passed on knowledge of many different things, and it’s
time we move from here to a new place, for we can’t keep this building going any longer or keep fighting the creatures outside. I felt an
energy and rip through time a day or so ago, and that’s when I saw
a man in a dress followed by women and an old man. I saw them
travel across the land to faraway places and to a forge where a woman
stands tall and fights darkness. I see sadness along this journey, a loss,
but I see victory and change,” the Elder rambles on.
“Yeah, sounds cool. How do you know who will be lost and
who will fight?” I ask.
“Stone, you fight much of the fight to make sure the woman
gets to the forge so that she may save us all, changing everything,”
she says.
“How will she change everything, and how is this earth or world
different?”
“From your earth and time, Stone. You all are not from this
time or planet,” the Elder says.
“Fucking time travel,” I say, stopping.
“Yes, you traveled through time during a burst of energy, something that should have stayed hidden,” the Elder says, stopping just
a few steps ahead of me.
“Yeah, that’s my bad for waking up that something,” I reply.
“You will fight it again, and you will get close to victory, but it
is the woman that defeats it.”
“How does she do it?”
“That I did not see,” she answers.
“Who will we lose?”
“That’s enough, Stone,” the Elder says, waving her hand, walking away from me.
“What?” I say, raising my hands and arms up. “What the fuck
was all that?” I mumble to myself, looking around.
“It’s what I see, Stone,” the Elder says a good ten feet or more
away from me.
“How’d she hear that?” I mumble again, testing her.
“I heard that too, Stone,” she shouts.
I turn and just walk around the floor, looking into each so-called
room. The twins are passed out, asleep, same as Ylva. I walk over to
where Kate and Stacy are. They are taking down the cubicle wall
between their rooms to join them together in one room. Then I
notice Jack is gone. “Shit.”
I walk to a door hoping that it’s the staircase, and it is. I head up
first to the roof, but after the first two flights, I lean over the middle
and look up, and I see a long way up. Fuck. I start stepping again,
going up and around in circles. One, two, three, four, five, six, left,
right, turn, step, up, repeat. I finally make it to the last section and
see the roof door, and relief comes over me knowing the stairs are
over. I reach down and push the door open, only to see nothing but
gardens and sun panels with water barrels. “Fuck!”
I’m about to turn around and start back toward the door when
I see something that looks weird but fun at the same time. I walk
over to it, and the closer I get, the more I come to notice that it’s a
rappelling stand of some kind that they have made with all the rope
you can imagine. I look over the side of the building and down, and
there are stopping points along the way. Oh, hell yeah!
I pick up a rope and start setting things up, making a harness
and tying what knots I can remember. I run the rope around from
here to there and back around to me and give it a yank, testing it out
with a couple of pulls. It will hold. I climb up in this stand they have
built and lean forward little by little, putting tension on the rope
to hold me, and it’s good. I lean more and step down on the side of
the building. Oh yeah, I still got it. I let loose the tension and start
walking down the side of the building, looking straight down, facing
the ground. Then I let more tension loosen to speed up my descent.
I look through the windows on the way down and stop when
I see Kate and Stacy. I bend my knees and shake my hips, flopping
my balls and dick at them knowing they have a front seat view of
them under my kilt. They slap the window, yelling something I can’t
314
315
Marc Longcor
WTF!
hear, and in my stupidity, I lose my grip on the rope and end up free
falling.
“Shit!” I yell on the way down. I see a platform coming fast
toward me, and I reach for the rope to pull it tight to stop my fall,
but when I reach for it, I notice the rope has run out long ago. There
is nothing now, and I turn to face back the platform, waiting for
impact, but I don’t stop there. I go through it, feeling rope tangling
up all around me, stopping me fast and hard, nearly squeezing the
shit out of me.
“Help!” I yell, dangling upside down, rope tangled up over me
like a shitty bondage tie gone wrong. “Anyone?”
“What the fuck are you doing?” a familiar voice asks just above
me.
“Oh, you know, just hanging around,” I reply.
I feel the rope get tighter and start to pull me up, pulling me
back through the platform. I crash through, then back inside the
building to see Tom, Laura, and the rest of their people.
“Thanks, guys,” I say, lying on my back.
“How come you didn’t just take the elevator?” Laura asks.
“I’m a dumbass.”
“So you just decided to jump over the side of the building?”
Tom asks.
“Well, yeah. It looked fun at the moment,” I reply, leaning up
on my elbows looking out the window.
“Stone, you stupid son of a bitch, what the fuck were you thinking doing that stupid shit?” Kate yells from far away but walking fast
toward me.
“Which part, the show I gave you or the free fall?” I reply.
“Both, dumbass!” Kate says, walking up and slapping me across
the chest.
“Hey, easy there,” I reply, grabbing my chest where she slapped me.
“What? This?” Kate says, slapping me again.
“Yes, stop.”
“Pussy,” Kate says, slapping me again.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” I say, covering up my chest, blocking
her slaps.
“That’s what I thought, bitch,” Kate says, turning and walking
away. Stacy just giggles at the show.
I watch them walk away as everyone else stands around me,
lingering, staring at me, waiting for something else to happen to me
like there will be an encore or something. I see Jack pull a wagon with
a bunch of stuff on it, and I start freeing myself from all the ropes,
tripping on them. As I take off after Jack, I land on my face. Damn
it. I get up fast and take off after Jack again as he gets on the elevator,
and it starts to go down.
“Shit, what the fuck is that old man doing?” I mumble. I go
for the stairs, running toward the door, and jump-kick it open and
then jump down the first set of stairs to the landing. I run down the
rest of the way to the bottom, and I go to jump-kick the door at the
bottom to open. But the door doesn’t open the way I’m kicking, and
I just end up slamming up against the door, making a loud thud and
falling to the ground.
“Dumbass,” I mumble. I get up and open the door, stepping
through it. I’m back at the parking garage where we first came to
earlier, and I head for Big Bertha, where I find Jack working on her,
doing something. As I get closer, I see that he is mounting something
that looks like a gun.
“Jack, what are you doing?” I ask.
“Adding a flamethrower.”
“What is it with you and flamethrowers?”
“They work, don’t they?”
“Yeah, they do, but why on Big Bertha?”
“Why not?”
“Where you mounting the fuel at?” I ask.
“Mounted a tank right behind the cab here,” Jack says, pointing.
“Okay. Well, have you talked with this Elder lady and been in
the room they made for us?” I ask.
“Yeah, I talked to the lady, but nothing new, and I looked in the
room they made for me,” Jack replies, not even looking down at me
and up from what he is doing.
“What’s your plans with Bertha?”
316
317
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Well, setting it up to be more of a fighter than a blocker. This
way, if we get into shit, we can fight our way out on top of making
it out,” Jack replies.
“Okay, then. Just checking in with you. You need any help?” I
ask.
“Nah, I got enough hands around here with all I need,” Jack
replies.
“Okay,” I say, walking away as more people bring more wagons
full of all kinds of things, way more than I can take in at a glance, and
I’m sure I’ll get to see it all work later.
I walk back over to the elevator and climb in and wait for it to
go up, but it doesn’t move. I poke my head out at the people operating the wheel to move the elevator, but no one is there. Fuck. I get
out and walk over to the stairs, opening the door this time and not
kicking it, and once I step through, I stop to look up at all the steps.
Fuck my life. I start up the steps, meeting Laura, who is coming
down, and we make eye contact, and a moment forms as her brown
eyes stare at me on her way down. Her black hair waves across her
face, and she tucks it back behind her ear, giving me a side smile. I
lose track of the steps and trip going up them.
“Oh, you okay?” Laura asks, stopping next to me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Nothing new. Thank you,” I say, jumping up
and moving up the steps and away from her faster and in an awkward
fashion.
What the fuck was that?
I don’t know.
She’s hot.
Yeah, but what about Ylva?
I know.
What do you know?
Not a whole lot.
Don’t be a fuckboy now.
I won’t.
You know you will.
Shut up. What do you know?
I’m you, dumbass.
I battle with myself the whole way up, because there really isn’t
much to do with sixteen floors to climb and no one to talk to but
yourself. The whole way up, I think about Laura and Ylva and where
we are and what the Elder said about how this isn’t our world or time.
What will happen to Ylva and Laura when we fix everything and
send Jig or the Dark Evil back? I mean, we’re dealing with time here.
And from what little I know about time, it is that no matter what you
do, it will get fucked somehow.
I stop to look at where I am. I’ve climbed all the way up to the
twentieth floor, passing sixteen. Motherfucker. I turn back around
and head down, this time with more of a clear head, not wanting
to pass my floor again. I get down to the door to sixteen and open
it, walking in and heading for my room. All the girls are passed out,
asleep, and I keep quiet, walking into my so-called room. And just
like Steve said, I have a new cot in here. I sit down slowly to test my
weight out little by little, and it holds, so I lie down and close my
eyes, drifting off to sleep.
318
319
WTF!
“Hey, Jack, what is wrong with your boy?”
“Who, Stone?” I reply, looking at who asked, and I see Laura
walking up to Bertha.
“Yeah,” she replies.
“There’s a lot, but we’re lucky to have that shit with us.”
“Well, he can’t walk very well,” Laura says with a smile.
“What did you do, take his mind off of walking?”
“Nothing. I just walked past him down the stairs,” Laura replies.
“Oh, shit,” I reply, chuckling.
“What does that mean?” Laura asks.
“Nothing. Hand me that half-inch please,” I say, pointing down
at the toolbox. She goes straight to it, handing it to me.
“Jack, you’re topped off with fuel.”
“Thanks. Did you guys get that box mounted on the ass end?”
I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Good. Did you get everything I asked for in it?”
“Yeah, we did. But there’s not much room, so someone small
will have to ride back there.”
“I got someone in mind,” I say, looking down at Laura.
“What? You want me to ride back there alone?” she replies, lifting her eyebrows up and pointing at the back of Big Bertha.
“Yeah, ’cause we’re going to be leaving here with as few trucks
as possible.”
“Why?” she asks.
“We only have so much fuel and don’t know how far we have
to go, so we’re only taking Bertha and the ’34, maybe that fucking
Deuce, but I don’t know yet,” I say, pointing around and then climbing off Bertha.
“What all did you put on her?” Laura asks.
“You’ll just have to wait and see for yourself,” I reply.
“It’s getting late. We should get some sleep,” Laura says, turning
and walking away.
“Yeah, I’ll get some sleep here in a while,” I say, watching everyone leave the parking area.
I walk around and check Bertha out, making sure that she is
good to go and that everything I asked for is on her and working
right. After an hour or so of looking her over, I move on to the ’34.
She is built for speed and doesn’t need anything, and fuck that Deuce.
I walk around, bored, and see two men standing by a door. I
walk over to them and look at them both, and they seem to be in
their early twenties and nervous as hell. The closer I get to them, the
more they stand up taller and pull up their rifles, taking a better grip
on them.
“Hi, boys,” I say.
“Hi,” they both reply.
“What you guarding?”
“This door goes outside, and we always have it guarded,” one
says.
“What’s just outside that door that you need to guard it?”
“There’s some sort of monster or something that we can’t kill,
and anyone who steps out this door doesn’t return.”
“Oh, hell, son, let me give it a try,” I say, walking to the door.
“No! Stop!” they say.
“Look, boys, I’m an old man, and I’m bored, and I wanna kill
something,” I say, staring them both down. They step to the side,
letting me open the door and walk out of it.
I step out the door, and it closes behind me fast, leaving me
alone outside the building, and it’s dark, except for the red tint of the
moon, which is giving enough light to see but also gives an unsettling
feeling. I look around for anything to kill and head right down what
I think is a street.
320
321
JACK
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I come up on what looks to be a parking garage and hear something breathing loud and head toward it. I’m old and curious, so why
not? I walk up to the side and look in, checking things out before
heading right in. I can hear breathing, but I can’t see what is breathing. I can see different cars of all styles and years as I climb up over
this little wall into the garage next to a car and duck behind it.
I stretch up, looking over the hood. I see nothing, but I still hear
breathing. I move over to another car and then up to another, popping my head up like a damn gofer, checking before I move. I repeat
this over and over in the lower level and then head up the ramp to the
next, staying low and quiet so as not to wake up whatever it is that’s
sleeping. But then I step on a light bulb, busting it, and of course, it
makes the loudest fucking sound in the world.
The breathing stops, and so do I. I duck down, then look up
the ramp. I can’t see into the next level at what I have awoken. Above
me, I hear wind move or something moving fast enough to sound
like wind moving around, and I step forward more, moving up the
ramp little by little to a point where I can barely see into it. I look
ground level under cars and see flashes pass by, but I’m unable to see
what it is.
I move up more, making it all the way up into the next level. I
rush over between a car and a wall, ducking down behind it, looking
over it for whatever it is that is up here with me. I hear a car get hit
and see what it is. This thing is huge, as big as a buffalo, and black
with glowing red spots on it and with horns glowing red as well, and
I catch steam coming off the red spots. Holy shit.
I watch this thing take its horns, dragging them across the car,
and the horns melt into the metal of the car. It then pushes the car
to the side as it catches fire from the heat of its horns. I don’t move,
but I watch it, trying to figure out what it may be and how I can kill
it. Then I see Thor and Odin walk down the parking lot from the
other side, and this thing catches sight of them. Huffing steam from
its nose, it walks to the middle of the open driveway in front of them.
“Oh, shit, we’re gonna have a showdown now for sure,” I mumble.
This thing acts like a bull, stomping a hoof down on the pavement and huffing. The red spots on it start to glow brighter, along
with its horns, and I look down at Thor and Odin, and they seem
like they don’t see this thing or don’t mind it getting ready to charge
toward them. Knowing that this thing can be hot as hell, as it just
melted metal and set a car on fire, I look around for anything to
spark a plan. Then I see a hose reel connected to a waterline.
I move back to the hose reel and open the door slowly. I pull the
hose down, stretching it out, as this thing takes off running toward
Thor and Odin, making me run back to turn on the water, if there
is any water at all. I see the hose fill up, and I run back to the nozzle
end, picking it up and running into the middle of the drive.
“Hey, hot ass!” I yell out, stopping the hot buffalo. It turns
around to face me, huffing, and takes off charging at me. “That’s
right. Come to Uncle Jack,” I say, opening the hose nozzle, spraying it with water. This thing doesn’t like water, and I keep hosing it
down. It lets out loud moans and groans of pain as steam just rush
off it, and its glowing red spots start to dim.
Thor and Odin come running up to it. Odin throws his spear,
hitting it in the side, and Thor brings his ax down on the back of
its neck, cutting its head off. I run back and turn off the water and
run back to Odin and Thor, who are standing over this thing. The
glowing red spots just go dark and cold, and then we hear something
else coming.
“What now?” I ask.
“I don’t know, but we must get back to the building,” Thor says.
“Fuck that. Let’s have some fun,” I reply.
I move over to the wall and look out toward the sound, and I see
nothing. I move around, looking for anything, but I still see nothing.
The parking garage starts to rumble and shake as this giant fucking
thing comes crashing up from below us, moving erratically, smashing
and crushing everything in front of it.
“Holy fuck!” I yell as I see this thing make its way toward us.
The parking garage is starting to crumble around us, and I feel it shift
sideway and then back to the other side. This monster is huge, and
I’ve lost count of how many arms it has, as it moves them so damn
fast, and all the heads on it. It’s so damn awkward looking. No wonder why it can’t move right.
322
323
Marc Longcor
“Boys, I think we need to get the fuck out of here,” I say but
too late. This thing must have gotten traction and is darting our way,
nailing Odin and Thor, sending them flying in opposite directions. I
dive over a car to avoid getting hit by the million arms this thing has,
and I roll on the ground and get back up. I climb up over the side
and jump down from the second story of this parking garage, landing
hard on a car below me.
“Oh, that hurt. That hurt a lot.”
“Fuck me.”
“Shit,” I say, rolling off the car, but this pain comes across my
chest again, taking me down to my knee and a breath away. My left
arm starts to go numb like a fat woman sleeping on it after a night of
heavy drinking, and I’m trying get away from her before she wakes
up, and then pain goes into my neck.
“Fuck,” I mumble as I start to get dizzy and light-headed,
unable to move my feet or think. I feel something come across my
back, sending me flying across the road and into another parked car.
I get up on my knees. The pain in my chest is crushing. I look
up to see what had hit me, hoping that it finishes the fucking job
already, but all I see are Thor and Odin walking my way after pulling
their shit out of whatever it is they just killed and picking my halfdead old ass up and carrying me back to the building.
I try to open my eyes to see what is going on, but I keep drifting
off again, and I only see flashes and hear voices. I see moving from
one spot to another. I see Stone, I hear Kate, I see Stacy, and I see
Frost as things go dark.
324
STONE
“What the fuck was his old ass doing?” I ask.
“He wanted to go out and kill something,” a kid says back.
“And you didn’t stop him?”
“Well, we tried.”
“How hard was it to stop an old man?” I ask. “Never mind.
Stupid question,” I say before they can answer, knowing how Jack is.
“What did you guys run into out there?” I ask Odin.
“Some beast made of fire and stone and a Hecatoncheires,”
Odin replies.
“A what?”
“They used to call them hundred-handed ones. They are creations of the darkness. He uses them to destroy cities and demigods.
They are wild, random, and can’t control their own movements,
making them hard to deal with, and we don’t have much time until
one finds this building and starts in on it,” Odin explains.
“Well, how can we stop it?” I ask.
“There is one head that never moves and is in the center of it all.
There, you can kill it,” Thor says.
“Well, that doesn’t sound hard at all. Just shoot it in the head.
Fuck, give me a rifle. I’ll do it,” I say, looking around.
“It is hard to kill the things of this world the way you think.
This world has more magic that was locked away in your world or
time. You must face it like the heroes you must have learned about as
a child,” the Elder says, walking up through the crowd.
“What do you mean? Like Superman or Batman?” I ask.
“No, like Hercules, Achilles, Perseus, Beowulf, Daedalus,” the
Elder answers.
“Oh, like old myth and legends shit.”
325
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yes,” the Elder replies.
“Well, I’ve got Bridget, alien juice running in my veins, and
a god-alien in me, making me almost indestructible, so I’ve got a
chance at this,” I say, smiling.
“Shut up, Stone. We will all go out and help you, hitting it with
all we have,” Kate says.
“No. It’s already going to be hard enough as is without having
to dodge bullets and bombs from you all.”
I turn and head for the door that goes outside, and I have Kate,
Stacy, and the rest on my ass, telling me no and to come up with a
better plan. I just block them out and keep walking to the door until
Ylva stands in front of it, eyes glowing purple like they do before her
change to wolf mode.
“Ylva.”
“Stone, don’t do this,” she says.
“If I don’t, we all could be in worse shape later than we are now,”
I reply.
“Then let me and my sisters come with you,” she says.
“No. I got this,” I say, reaching my arm up to her shoulder and
gently pushing her to the side. I open the door and step out and
automatically see two of those things Odin described. I step back in.
“Okay. We’re fucked. There’s two of them out there now.”
“What?” everyone says at once, in sync like they’ve being doing
it forever.
“Yeah, there’s two of them now,” I say slowly, giving a weird
eyebrow lift.
“What do we do now?” Kate asks.
“Odin, what do you think?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I have only ever fought one, and I barely won
then,” Odin says.
“Thor?” I ask, looking at him.
“I’ve never fought one,” Thor says, shaking his head.
“Let’s try shooting them in the head first from afar and see what
happens,” I say.
“No, no, hold on. There is an easier way,” Frost says, walking up
from the back of the crowd.
“Frost, you little fucker, what you got?”
“Look, if you wanna stop them or slow them down, hit them in
the face with this,” Frost says, handing me a bag of cocaine.
“Frost, this isn’t the time to be getting high,” I say.
“No, man. The cocaine has an opposite effect on them. It slows
them down or knocks them out, depending if it’s male or female,”
Frost explains.
“What?” I ask.
“Yeah, man, trust me. Loki and I ran into one lost in the jungles
of Africa, and Loki dusted it with cocaine. And it just stopped moving and fell over, so we buried it in a mound of cocaine,” Frost says.
“You buried it in cocaine?” I ask.
“Yeah. It was waste of cocaine if you ask me, but the thing never
moved again,” Frost replies.
“How much cocaine did you use to slow it down?” I ask.
“I can’t remember. Just dust the heads with this and see what
happens,” Frost says, pointing at the coke.
“Why not?” I say, taking the bag of cocaine. I open the door and
step outside again.
I look back down the road again and see that those things are
gone, but I can hear them crashing around, making all kinds of noise.
The red moon gives off a creepy vibe as I move slowly down the road.
One comes flying around the corner like a bat out of hell, crashing
into the building across from me. I can’t even count how many arms
it has, as it moves them so fast, spinning, doing little jumps, twisting
back around and flipping back around again.
“Fuck it,” I mumble as I take off running toward it. I run up
under it fast, squeezing the cocaine bag hard, bursting it into a cloud
of dust all over it and myself, painting both of us white. I dive down
to my knees and slide under its legs, catching a rock, flipping me
forward onto my face. I roll over to my back just in time to see a shit
ton of hands come flying down at me, and I roll fast again, only to
get hit by a shit ton more of other hands.
I lie here getting nailed a hundred times a second it feels like
until the thing just stops and falls backward. I hurt all over, and I
can’t feel my body anymore. So I just lie here, trying to breathe, feel-
326
327
Marc Longcor
WTF!
ing my body heal, and I just wait. I keep looking toward this thing,
making sure it doesn’t move before I get a chance to. My legs finally
start to move, and I’m able to roll over. I lift myself up and feel hands
grab my back, moving me over behind a car.
“You okay?” Laura asks, looking at me and feeling my body for
wounds.
“I’ll be okay. No need to nurse me up,” I say to her, wondering
how she moved my phat ass.
“What?” she replies.
“Nothing. I heal fast. Just keep an eye on that thing. What are
you doing out here anyway?”
“I was looking at the moon.”
“Yeah, it’s weird,” I reply to her as I get movement back in my
arms and legs.
“What does it look like from where you’re from?” Laura asks.
“I don’t know, like a white or grayish dust color.”
“I bet it’s wonderful to see,” she replies.
“Look, you need to get out of here, so wait for me to make my
move, and you run like hell back to the building,” I tell her.
“Okay,” she replies.
I pull Bridget out and run up to this thing. I pull Laura behind
me and push her toward the building before I jump up on this thing
and walk slowly up to its many fucking heads. What the fuck? There
are so many heads that it’s difficult to see what one is the one to kill.
I see one head move its mouth and open its eyes, and I shove Bridget
down into it, and the whole body just shakes uncontrollably, knocking me off. It then shrivels up like a dead spider.
“Creepy,” I say, looking at it, and then I poke it with Bridget
again to make sure it’s dead. That wasn’t so hard. I can’t believe that
cocaine worked. I look down and see myself covered in cocaine yet
again, and I take off running down the street to find the other jackoff
to kill. I make it around the corner, and I see it flying down the street
toward me. I do nothing but stand still in the middle of the street,
amazed by it, like a little kid to a butterfly.
I stand watching this huge, fucking crazy train coming at me,
and I get in a daze at the movement of its arms. I get tackled down
to the ground just in time for the thing to pass by, crashing into the
same building that the other one did.
“What the fuck? I had it,” I say, not knowing who tackled me.
“Shut the fuck up. No, you didn’t,” Tom says, getting up and
reaching down and helping me up.
“You gotta get me face-to-face with it so it can inhale this
cocaine.”
“That won’t work. It will beat you down to nothing before you
get close enough for it to work,” Tom says.
“Yeah, well, fuck your couch. I’m going to try,” I reply.
“You’ll die, asshole,” Tom says.
“Yeah, maybe,” I reply, taking off, running after the manyarmed monster thing I can’t remember what Odin calls it.
I run to the building this thing is in, crashing into cars and
walls, just wild, random, uncontrolled movements. I run up behind
it fast, falling to my knees, sliding across the pavement. I feel my skin
just peel off my knees as I pull Bridget up, cutting across the back of
its legs. I get hit by one of the hundreds of arms it has, sending me
flying back into a car, caving it in.
“Fuck,” I mumble, sliding down the side of the car to the ground
and onto my knees. This thing is now moving around on its many
arms like crazy, and I don’t know if it’s going to come at me or pass
me or go through the wall, bringing down the rest of the building. I
pull Bridget off the ground and get up slowly. The pain through my
back is burning, but I can feel myself healing from what may have
broken on impact.
I get ready for this thing to make a move and figure out what
I’m going to do. Then I see Odin’s spear come flying past the side of
my face, nailing the monster in one of its heads, turning it around. I
take off running toward it with Bridget up, aiming for the head. I get
close enough to my calculations and jump into the air like I’m Brad
fucking Pitt in Troy, but the damn thing backhands me like a pissed
off mom at a family cookout.
I don’t really know how far I fly, but I know the landing sucks.
I hit the wall of the building, crumbling the brick, making a crater
in it. Again, I slide down to the ground and look up. I just take deep
328
329
Marc Longcor
WTF!
breaths as I watch Odin and Thor take turns on this thing. Then I
see Tom and a few of his guys come up from the side with guns and
what looks like a damn RPG.
“Shit,” I mumble, getting up to my feet, grunting in pain and
moaning. I take off running toward Tom and his stupid men. Before
I can get to them, the monster runs Thor down, heading toward Tom
and his men. I divert, charging into the monster, knocking it off-balance. It trips over a car and lands on its back. I jump up on it, getting
in its face, dusting off as much of the cocaine that’s caked on me.
The thing just screams from all its heads with high and low
pitches that shatter windows and ring my head, giving me a headache
from hell. I punch one face, and the rest stop screaming and look at
me like I just pissed it off. “Sorry,” I say as I get stared down by all
these faces. I punch another one and then end up playing the weirdest game of whack-a-mole as I try to get to the center head. I start
using Bridget to cut off heads and arms that come at me.
I cut a head, then bring Bridget up to cut an arm off, back and
forth, all while trying to keep balance on this fucking thing. As it
moves to get back up on its feet, Odin and Thor come up, helping
with the arms. I start cutting heads off like a madman in a rose garden, pissed off at the world, until I finally get to the center head,
cutting it off. The damn thing just stops moving. I go down on one
knee, breathing heavy, and I look around and then at Odin and Thor,
who are covered in blood. Tom and his guys come walking up to us
with shock on their faces from never seeing stuff like this before.
“How are you not dead?” Tom asks, looking at me.
“There’s a lot you don’t know, and I don’t want to tell the whole
fucking story,” I reply, standing up. I stretch my back, feeling it pop.
“We need to get back to the others,” Odin says.
“Right. Let’s go,” I say, pointing at him, jumping down from
the dead monster.
We walk out of the building, only to find ourselves in front of
a huge group of Draugar. We just stare at them, and they stare back
at us like we haven’t seen one another before or don’t know what the
other is. This stare-down lasts a few minutes. Fuck it. I charge into
the Draugar, taking off heads. Odin and Thor follow close behind.
Tom and his guys stay back, taking shots here and there to protect
themselves, not really getting into the fight.
I go around taking heads off, Odin stabs the bodies in the chest,
and Thor just does what Thor does—fuck shit up with no order to
anything. I’ve misjudged the size of this group of Draugar and start
to find it more difficult to fight them and take them down, as they
outnumber me. I start throwing my free hand, swinging my arm and
knocking down a few at a time. I toss others up into the air like rag
dolls.
I look back at Odin and Thor to see that they, too, are getting outnumbered and overrun by these fuckers. I hear howls in the
distance and know that help is coming and that I should be on the
lookout for werewolves and watch my swings for the girls. I start to
hear more gunfire, and bullets start to whiz by, and I can only think
that Kate and Stacy are out here as well, just shooting crazy like they
do. Fuck me.
I can hear the wolves ripping Draugar apart, growling and howling, as bullets fly around close by. One grazes my left arm. “Fuck!”
That stings. I punch a Draugr in the face so hard that its head just
explodes, reminding me that I have superstrength and could probably take on the Hulk ’cause you know you have to fight the big guy
first. I turn and punch another just as hard, exploding its head, and
then I just start doing that. I put Bridget back in her home and just
start swinging left and right, popping heads like oversize pimples.
I take a step, punch a Draugr in the face, exploding its head,
twist, step, and punch another. I start getting into a rhythm with my
punches and steps and can only imagine I look like a Billy Blanks
workout video. Right, left, kick, twist, right, left, kick, twist, spin.
Come on, ladies. And just like that, it’s a Richard Simmons workout.
The gunfire slows down as the Draugar start to thin down with
dead bodies all around, and I stop to take a look. I see Ylva and the
twins still ripping Draugar apart and see Kate and Stacy on the other
side with some other people, all with guns, and I turn around to see
Odin and Thor are not even fighting anymore and just standing next
to a building out of the way with Tom and his guys.
330
331
Marc Longcor
“You assholes! Why did you stop fighting?” I ask, looking at
Odin.
“These humans needed our help more than you,” Odin says,
pointing at Tom and his group.
“What the fuck are those?” a young guy asks, lifting his gun up
at Ylva and the twins like he’s about to shoot them.
“No, they’re on our side. Don’t shoot,” I say, getting in the way
of his rifle.
“What are they?” Tom asks.
“Well, they’re werewolves,” I answer, giving a chuckle and a
smile for the fact that werewolves have become a normal thing for
me now. Fucking werewolves. Who knew?
“Stone, get your ass back inside. There are more on the way,”
Kate shouts.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s get back inside and get ready for a fight,” I say.
We all run back as others start to get the building ready for the
upcoming attack heading our way. A kid comes running up to me
and Kate, telling me that we are wanted on the roof. We follow the
kid with Stacy, Laura, Tom, and his group behind us in one large
group. We get on the elevator, and the kid yells for the wheel guys to
spin fast.
We get to the roof faster than before, so something has to be
up for it to be moving this fast. The elevator is more packed than
normal with everyone in it. I watch floor after floor go by with little
light flashes until we just stop, and the kid lifts up the elevator gate,
and we get off to see Steve and the Elder on the roof, looking toward
a huge dust storm coming our way. I walk over to them, followed by
the large group behind me.
“What’s up?”
“We have trouble coming, and you need to get your people out
of here now. We’ll fight them off,” the Elder says, not taking her eyes
off the dust storm.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“That storm is no normal storm, nor is it just the dead. There
is something else within it, pure evil and dark, more powerful than I
have ever felt in this world,” the Elder says.
332
WTF!
say.
“Okay, how do you wanna do this ’cause we can help fight,” I
“No! You must leave and take her with you and get her to where
she needs to be,” the Elder says, pointing at Kate, and I turn, looking
at her also.
“Right. Okay, then. Let’s load up and get the hell out of here,”
I say, turning to the group.
“What about Jack?” Stacy asks.
“Load him up.”
“Who will drive Big Bertha? ’Cause I sure as hell can’t,” Kate
asks.
“I can. I got to look her over while helping Jack,” Laura says.
“You sure? That’s a big bitch you’ll be in control of,” I say, looking at her tiny figure. She is a small girl, maybe five-three, with black
hair and brown eyes, but she looks fit under all those clothes she has
on.
“Yeah, I can handle that bitch,” Laura says with a side smile.
“Let’s go find Frost, Odin, and Thor. They took off again. And
did you see if Ylva and the twins came back in?” I ask, looking at
everyone.
“Your friends are still outside,” Steve says, looking down over
the side of the building.
“What?” I say, walking over and looking down the building to
see them, all in full wolf mode, ripping Draugar apart. “Okay, let’s
go. Move, people,” I say, turning, waving my arms, and pushing people to the elevator.
We take the elevator to the floor we’ve been staying on and get
out. Everyone goes their own way, getting supplies. I go for Jack and
tell Kate and Stacy to find Frost and the gods. Jack is out cold and
isn’t responding to me punching him or nut-tapping him. I don’t
know why nut-tapping is a thing with us, but it works. I pick him up,
tossing him over my shoulder, and I grab what I can as Laura comes
around the corner, saying she will get what she can for me. I thank
her and take off with Jack down to the parking lot.
Jack, you heavy old bastard, you’re lucky I have superstrength
now. I’m so glad that Buddha comes in handy with the strength he
333
Marc Longcor
WTF!
has given me, or else it would be a pain in the ass carrying Jack’s
heavy ass. When this is all over, I’m putting his ass on a diet. I move
down the steps like they are nothing with Jack passed out on my
shoulders, not waking up from being carried and jolted around. The
people behind me are floors back from me as I just fly down.
People are running all over in panic, doing and grabbing this
and that to get ready for the shitstorm coming, and I kind of feel
bad that this could be our fault, as this was what happened at Eric’s,
and I consider that maybe we should stay and help. I get down to the
bottom with Jack and head for Big Bertha, pushing my way through
the crowd. I climb up into Bertha and put Jack in one of the bunks
he has in here. Frost jumps up inside, scaring the shit out of me.
“Damn it, Frost!”
“What?”
“Nothing. Stop running off on us.”
“No promises, man.”
“Just stay here and be ready to go. We’re leaving in a hurry.”
I get out of Bertha and look over to see Odin and Thor climb
into the Deuce with Tom and his little ragtag group of merry men.
They start up the Deuce, slapping the side of the door to let me know
he is ready to roll. Kate, Stacy, and Laura come running up to me
next to Bertha.
“Did you get Jack?” Kate asks.
“I did. He’s already inside with Frost.”
“Okay.”
“Get in. Let’s go,” I say to them, pulling them to Bertha, pushing their ass up in the truck. It’s always nice to touch Kate’s and
Stacy’s asses, but grabbing Laura’s little ass was a surprise for sure.
That little thing has some hidden secrets.
I run back to the ’34 and get in. I start her up and grab the
radio to let everyone know we still have three outside for whom I
need to stop but instruct Bertha to plow their way through whatever,
following the box of light, as it has been outside the building, on the
east side, waiting.
Laura fires up Big Bertha, and she rumbles the whole building.
I even feel it inside the ’34 over its powerful engine. The door opens,
and both of Bertha’s stacks push out black smoke, filling the parking
lot inside. Bertha flies out like a torpedo, plowing through Draugar
and whatever else is in the way, and the Deuce follows me out.
Bertha and the Deuce head east to the glass box to follow it as I
make a trip around the building. I find Ylva and the twins rally racing this massive beast of a machine that Eric built, and if I weren’t on
a mission, I would have a huge hard-on right now ’cause this thing
moves. Wait. I do have one.
I’m going so damn fast that I nearly pass them fucking up a
group of Draugar. I stomp down on the breaks, spinning the ’34
sideway. I roll down the window and yell, “Get your furry asses in
here. We gotta go!” All three take off running to me in full werewolf
form, and it is terrifying to see this shit coming at you. Blood is dripping from their claws and jaws, and their fur is matted with blood,
and all I can think of is that they’re going to fuck up the interior.
The twins jump on the back bumper and grip down as Ylva
changes form in the seconds that it take to open the door. She sits
down, changing from covered-in-blood werewolf to covered-inblood hot-ass Viking blonde. She looks at me and gives me a sexy,
crazy smile. Her eyes are still glowing purple, and it’s offsetting but
sexy at the same time. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I shift the ’34 into gear, taking off and shifting fast, catching
up with the others. It doesn’t take long for us to catch up with them.
This thing is as fast as a virgin fucking on prom night. I look back in
the mirror to see the dust storm swallow up the building and hear the
distant screams of people getting slaughtered.
“Stone, you big pussy, you back there with the girls?” Kate asks
over the radio, and I nod to Ylva to answer.
“Yes, we are behind you,” Ylva says into the radio. “Sisters, get
in here,” she shouts, and the twins change form and climb through
Ylva’s window into the back seat, naked and covered in blood. Eric
will be so pissed if he sees this.
I veer side to side, swaying out from the back to look on both
sides of our little convoy. I see the glass box with the blue light just in
front of Big Bertha, then look down to see how fast we are going. The
’34 says we’re doing sixty, and my lead foot is itching to go faster, but
334
335
Marc Longcor
I don’t want to get too far ahead of the group and split up like what
happened last time. We drive for hours on end, and my mind starts
running wild with ideas to help maybe slow whatever it is following
us. I wonder what is going on in Big Bertha.
KATE
“So this motherfucker comes walking out in a damn kilt and a sword
on his back with an M4 and some other guns, looking like a damn
Scottish Rambo. And me being curious, I walk up to him, reaching
under his kilt, dragging my hand up one of his legs, getting a handful
of balls.”
“Oh my god, you didn’t. Are they big?” Laura asks me.
“I mean, they’re okay. And if I weren’t with Stacy, I might have
gone for it.”
“Oh, you two are together together?”
“Yeah, we get that a lot lately.”
“What do you mean?” Laura asks, looking over at me, confused.
“It’s another long story that we are still on, so welcome to the
madhouse that is our lives.”
“Yeah, it’s been a crazy few weeks or days,” Stacy says from the
back.
“It’s been wild for sure, but is there any way we could go back
and get my cocaine?” Frost asks.
“No!” we all say at the same time, turning back to Frost.
“Okay, okay. Sorry,” Frost says, going back to the back of Bertha.
“So is Stone, like, taken, or is he free?” Laura asks.
“He’s got this weird thing going on with Ylva.”
“The werewolf lady?” Laura asks, looking at me in shock.
“Yeah, and in his defense, we didn’t know she was a werewolf
until, like, a few days ago, before leaving the island.”
“Island?”
“Yeah. The island was after our big fight with alien monsters in
our time. Frost back there sent us through time to an island that he
kind of made or something, but things got fucked up, and we ended
336
337
Marc Longcor
WTF!
up time-traveling all over. And then more monsters, aliens, pirates,
Nazis, lost people of time, more aliens that might be gods or they are
gods. It’s still confusing.”
“Don’t you humans know by now that aliens are your gods? You
didn’t know what to think of us, so you just called us gods,” Frost
chimes in.
“How is that so?” Laura asks.
“We have technology and millions upon millions of light-years
ahead of any human development, and we are able to create planets
and galaxies with some help from other things,” Frost says.
“This is a lot to take in. Like, how are you guys handling all
this?” Laura asks.
“Honestly, seeing it all firsthand breaks the ice fairly well for us
on top of having to fight these things or those things or something,”
Stacy answers.
“Hey, how’s Jack doing back there?” I ask Stacy.
“He’s still out cold but still breathing,” she replies.
“Good. we can’t lose that fucker now after all we’ve been
through.”
“Want me to shock him again?” Frost asks.
“No. You nearly killed him last time,” I say.
“No, that could have been the cocaine,” Frost replies.
“He does have a point,” Stacy says.
“Don’t you take his side now.”
“Maybe we should give it another try,” Stacy says.
“Okay. Do it,” I say. Frost pulls his stick thingy out and walks
over to Jack, placing it on his chest. It starts to light up, giving a little
zap, and Jack sits up.
“What the fuck is going on? Where the fuck are we? Who the
hell is driving? And goddamn, that’s better than shooting cocaine up
your ass,” Jack rambles on.
“Right,” Frost says, nodding his head to all that Jack said.
“Easy now, Jack. You were out cold, and Laura is driving, and
we’re on the move ’cause that dust storm came and took the building
like it did at Eric’s.”
“And my camp,” Laura says, finishing what I was going to say.
“Well, there is nothing sexier than a fine little thing like you
driving a big bitch like Bertha,” Jack says, walking up to the front,
looking down at Laura, checking her out.
“Easy there, Jack. We just got you back. We don’t need all your
blood leaving your head to fill the stupid head,” I say, looking at him.
“Hey now. That little head has gotten me through some tight
spots,” he replies, giving me a wink and his dirty old man smile.
“That’s what she said,” Stacy shouts out from the back, making
me bust into a laugh. Jack turns and looks at Stacy, not understanding the joke.
“So where are we?” Jack asks.
“Don’t know. Just following the glass box like Stone told us to,”
I say.
“Yeah, just keep following it, and it should lead us to where we
are supposed to go,” Jack says, leaning forward, placing a hand on the
dash, looking out the window.
“Where do you think it’s taking us?” I ask.
“I don’t know. That’s something to ask Odin,” Jack replies,
turning his head, looking at me, giving me a smile that lets me know
things will be okay. “Where’s Stone?” Jack asks, looking in the side
mirror to see behind us.
“He’s back there. Here, talk to him,” I say, handing him the
radio.
“Stone, my boy, you got your ears on?”
“Yeah, I got ’em on. How you doing, old man?”
“I’m still kicking. So what’s the plan?”
“Follow the blue light.”
“That it? We don’t have anything else?”
“That’s it for now, but I am thinking of something stupid.”
“You’re doing that without me?”
“Yeah. You do know I’m capable of doing stupid shit on my
own, right?”
“Yeah, but when we both do it, it’s a bigger stupid thing.”
“True, but I need you with the girls.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Anyway, everyone, stop,” Stone says over the radio.
338
339
Marc Longcor
“Stopping,” Laura says, slowing Bertha down and stopping.
“Stopping,” another voice says over the radio.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asks over the radio.
“My stupid plan. Meet me at the Deuce,” Stone says.
We stop, and looking in the mirror, we see that so has everyone
else behind us. Laura gets Bertha parked, setting the break, and Jack
moves up, or more like shoves himself up front between all us girls,
and looks down at Laura.
“Well, shit. Okay. Move out the way, sexy lady,” Jack says to
Laura, making her smile. He helps her out of the driver’s seat, giving
her the Jack charm, which has worked on every woman he has come
across. She looks at me with a look I’ve seen many times before, a
look I, too, have had a few times from his smooth, charming ass.
“Yeah, you’ll get use to that,” I say, looking at her as she moves
between me and Jack to the back.
340
STONE
I get out of the ’34 and head to the Deuce, watching Jack climb out
of Big Bertha, looking like himself and not dead. As I get to the back
of the Deuce, I tell the guys in the back to slide the wooden crates I
point out back to me and pull them off.
“What the hell is your stupid plan, boy?” Jack asks, walking
around the corner of the Deuce.
“I’m gonna make a speed bump for whatever is in that dust
storm, chasing us,” I reply, opening a crate to show Jack explosives
I’ve taken from Eric’s.
“Hot damn, son, that’s a plan?” Jack asks, excited.
“You take Ylva and the twins with you in Bertha, and you all
take off, leaving me behind. I’ll catch up. That ’34 is a rocket.”
“Can you handle all this?”
“Please, old man, do you know who you’re talking to?”
“Yeah, the mighty Kelly.”
“I will kill you, old man,” I say, pointing at him.
I pick up two crates and walk back to the ’34 and tell the girls to
get out and get inside Big Bertha with Jack. I load the crates into the
back seat and walk back to the Deuce, making a few trips, loading up
the ’34. Then I move it up to Bertha to refuel her so I know I have
the juice to catch up with the convoy.
“You’re going off alone?” Ylva asks, walking up to me.
“Yeah. I won’t be long. I’m just going to slow whatever it is
chasing us.”
“You know who it is, and he can’t be slowed down.”
“Gotta try something.”
“Let me come with you.”
341
Marc Longcor
“Look, it’s a lot of explosives, and I don’t want to lose any more
people.”
“I can help watch your back.”
“I know you can, but this my stupid idea, and I want to do it
on my own.”
“You are a fool.”
“Yeah, I know,” I reply and watch Ylva turn around and walk
away from me.
“You sure you want to do this, boy?” Jack asks, walking around
from the other side of the trailer.
“Yeah. We need to slow them down somehow.”
“How will you find us?”
“Just head this way and look for the bright blue light and mini
dust trail we’re kicking up.”
“What happens if we get too far out and you can’t find us?”
“Damn it, old man, it will be okay.”
“Just don’t get too stupid.”
“You know me.”
“That’s right, I do know you. You’re the stupid asshole that
called in artillery on top of us.”
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, but you didn’t have to explain why we called for artillery
in a hotel in Cancun.”
“It turned out all right. The government covered it up.”
“Yeah. Just don’t get too crazy out there and get back to us.
There are some girls that wanna see you again.”
“I know,” I say, turning off the pump and loading the fuel hose
back up on the trailer. I then walk around the ’34. I nod at Jack, and
he nods back at me. I climb in the ’34, starting her up and taking off,
kicking up dust and dirt. I spin around and head back the way we
came, watching the convoy fade away in my mirrors.
342
JACK
“What the fuck is he doing?” Kate asks as I climb up into Bertha
behind Ylva and the twins.
“He’s going off to do something stupid. We’re going to keep
following that light,” I reply, sitting back behind the wheel of Bertha.
“He can’t go off on his own,” Kate replies, turning and sticking
her head out the window to look behind us.
“He’s already gone, sweetheart. You should know by now that
we can’t get rid of him that easily,” I say with a grin. I reach down in
the pocket of the door and pull out one of many cigars I have in it.
“And you’re just letting him go off alone?” Kate asks, coming
back inside.
“Well, yeah. What the fuck else am I gonna do? He’s a grownass man and makes his own stupid choices,” I reply, lighting my cigar.
“You could have told him, ‘No, bad idea. Let’s not split up.’”
“Yeah, I could have, but I agree with his stupid plan, and I
know he won’t be long.”
“How do you know that?” Kate asks.
“That boy can set up a minefield faster than a stripper leaves
you after a lap dance.”
“Not funny, Jack,” Kate says, giving me a glare that would have
burned down to my soul if I thought I had one.
“He’ll be fine, sweetheart.”
I keep on the glass box with the blue light, keeping its pace
around seventy and not any faster. If I slow down, it slows down.
And the farther, we drive out into nothing, the wind just stops giving
view to the vast desert with no end in sight.
Drive, drive, drive. This is worse than any road trip ever, and it’s
been hours now, and still no Stone. I keep Bertha going, staying on
343
Marc Longcor
WTF!
the light, until something starts to show up in the distance, looking
like a town or city. The buildings get taller, and the layout gets wider.
“Hey, anyone know what town we are coming up on?” I ask
over the radio.
“No,” Laura says, peeking her head up from the back, looking
out.
“No,” another voice over the radio says.
“You haven’t been out this far, have you?” I ask Laura.
“No, never been this far or gone this long from camp,” she
replies.
“Well, this should be fun. Why don’t you get up top with the
flamethrower? Be ready for anything,” I say to Laura knowing she
knows how to work it ’cause she was there when I put it on.
“You got it,” she replies and goes to the back, popping the hatch
to the top and climbing up.
I keep Bertha going and start to back her down and slow down.
As we get closer to the city, cars, trucks, and sand dunes start to show.
I drop Bertha’s plow down, busting through a sand dune that has a
car in it. It flies out of the sand, moving up the plow, but then it gets
tossed to the side.
“Man, I love this plow!” I say, laughing. I get Bertha to a low
gear, and we move through the city slowly, pushing anything out
of our way, and the light keeps going straight. Before long, we’re
through the city with no problems at all, and I bring the plow up and
shift gears, blowing black coal out of Bertha’s pipes.
“I thought for sure we would have issues.”
“Why’s that?” Kate asks.
“It’s always a fucking city that we have problems with.”
“Right!”
“Hey, can we stop? I need fuel,” a voice over the radio says.
“Yeah, slowing down now,” I reply over the radio.
I get Bertha stopped, and the Deuce pulls up alongside her in
the back, near the fueling hose. I climb down and head back to help
and check the trailer out and do some talking with these guys. All the
girls get out, along with Frost, and everyone just takes the moment
to stretch their legs.
“Where do you think we are, Jack?” Stacy asks.
“I don’t know. Have Kate ask the blue light box,” I reply.
“I mean, I guess I can,” Kate says, overhearing me.
“Hey, blue light box thingy…thing. Whatever,” Kate says to the
glass box as it floats down to her and shines a light in her face, blinding
her, and then floating back up in front of Bertha, just hovering.
“What the fuck was that? You okay?” I ask, walking up to her.
“Yeah, I think I am. We’re in Indiana, heading straight east,”
Kate replies with confusion.
“Shit, I didn’t think we were driving that long and gone that
far,” I say.
“That means Stone is lost, then,” Stacy says.
“No, no. Now don’t get going. He will be fine,” I say, looking
at her.
“Hey, do you want fuel too?” one of the guys shouts out from
the fuel hose.
“Yeah,” I reply, taking off and walking back to him and the
others.
“What do you think? Should we just make camp here?” a man
asks, walking up to me.
“I guess we can. Who are you?” I ask, looking at him.
“I’m Tom from the camp,” he replies.
“Yeah, I don’t remember too much from the camp,” I reply,
pulling the hose up to Bertha’s tanks to refill, taking a puff on my
cigar.
“Yeah, that’s right. You were out for most of your time there.”
“No thanks to your doctor or whatever.”
“Yeah, your friends wanted to see you checked out.”
“Yeah.”
“So what do you think, camp?” Tom asks again.
“Yeah. Pull the Deuce up and face the nose north and set up
camp between the trucks,” I say, pointing to where I want the Deuce.
“Like an L, then,” Tom replies, moving his arms into an L shape.
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“Okay,” Tom says, turning and walking away, climbing up into
the Deuce and moving it into place.
344
345
Marc Longcor
WTF!
The group out of the Deuce starts unpacking things out of the
back, setting up camp, and everyone starts to break up into small
groups. Some set up, and others stand guard. Kate, Stacy, Laura, and
Ylva set up camp, and the rest stand guard around the little campsite.
I finish up topping off Bertha and put the fuel hose back in place,
keeping a hold of my cigar between my teeth.
“Hey, Jack, do we have anything to make a fire with?” Stacy
asks.
“Not that I know of,” I reply, walking toward her.
“I’ll go check the back of the Deuce,” Stacy says, walking away.
“Do we have anything to eat?” Kate asks.
“Yeah, we have this space food stuff,” Laura says, holding up an
MRE.
“That’s not space food, sweetheart. That’s an army special,” I
say, looking at her as pain starts to come across my chest, making it
difficult to breathe. I turn and walk around Bertha, away from the
others, as the pain gets worse, taking me down to a knee. I grab my
chest, breathing heavier than before. My left arm starts to go numb,
and my head starts to pound, and sweat just pours off me.
“You okay, man?” Frost asks, leaning out the window above me.
“You better get down here and zap me fast,” I reply between
breaths, and he climbs out of Bertha and pulls his zap stick out,
placing it against my chest, zapping me. “Shit.” Zap. “Oh, fuck, that
hurts,” I say.
“Damn, man, you’re so close to death it’s unreal,” Frost says.
“I can’t die.”
“Well, you can ’cause it’s happened a few times already.”
“Still kicking.”
“For now, but how much longer do you think you have?” Frost
asks.
“Enough,” I say, looking off into the distance at something running toward us.
This thing is running on all fours, looking to be some kind of
animal, and it’s not slowing down at all. The closer it gets, the more
it looks like a giant rat. This rat-looking thing sees me and Frost and
kicks up a dust cloud, making a beeline for us. I shove Frost under
Bertha just in time for this thing to get right on top of me. I spin
around, grabbing its two front fangs from sinking into my ass, and I
twist its head to the side as it drags its claws down my legs.
This thing gets me down to the ground, ripping me up good. I
watch blood splatter all around me as Frost reaches his hand out with
his zap stick, touching the rat and lighting it up, making it jump off
me. That gives me time to pull the .44 and blast a hole in its head.
“What the fuck is that?” I ask, pointing at it with my .44, then
looking down at all the blood.
“Shit, Jack, sit down,” Frost says, helping me down to the
ground. He takes his stick thing and waves it over me.
“What the hell is that thing anyway?” I ask, looking at Frost do
his healing trick.
“Later,” he replies as screams come from the other side of Bertha.
“Damn it,” I say, trying to get up, but Frost pushes me back
down.
“One minute, or you’ll bleed out, old man,” Frost says.
“We don’t have a minute,” I say, pushing myself up over Frost
and leaning against Bertha to walk around to the other side.
More of those rats have shown up, and they are attacking everyone. Kate and Stacy are shooting them with .45s, and others are
shooting them with whatever they have, but the rats just keep coming. I raise my .44 up and start picking off rats, helping out. People
start to yell, “Out of ammo,” and bunch up into a group as Kate pulls
her club and Stacy pulls her tomahawks.
Off in the distance, I see the twins in wolf mode, just tearing
these fuckers apart and doing a better job at it than we are. I look
over to see that Tom has lost a few of his guys. The pain in my chest
comes back, hitting hard, taking me back down to my knees. My
vision starts to blur as I watch everyone move all around, fighting
oversize rats. I look over to see Laura face-to-face with one with her
hands out, and I think I see waves coming off her hands toward the
rat. The rat’s head just bursts, and she turns her head and looks at me,
and with the blink of an eye, she is standing in front of me.
“Old man, die already,” she says in a deep, demonic voice, getting ready to place her hands on me, but something loud comes rac-
346
347
Marc Longcor
ing around the Deuce, sliding sideway to a stop, and Stone steps out
of the ’34 with both hands full, popping rats left and right with one
shot each, making his way over to me. I turn back to Laura to see that
she is gone, and things start to dim, then go black. Not this again.
STONE
“What the fuck are those things?” I ask.
“I think they are Thylacosmilus atrox. They died out, like, three
million years ago or so,” Stacy says, kneeling down next to one,
examining it.
“A what?”
“A big cat, more or less,” Stacy answers.
“Why does it look like a damn rat?”
“I don’t know. I’m guessing here like in everything else we do,”
Stacy says, standing up and placing her hands on both hips.
“Okay. Sorry. You looked like you knew what you were doing,”
I reply.
“Everyone okay?” Kate asks, looking around.
“Okay, no, not okay. I lost two good guys to these things,” Tom
says, mad, and I can’t blame him for it.
“Where are the gods and wolves?” I ask.
“They were just outside the camp, fucking up these things,” Kate
says, kicking one of the rat things or cat-looking things. Whatever.
They’re rats. I’m calling them rats.
“Okay. These things are going to be rats. That makes it easier on
us,” I say, pointing down at a dead one.
“Stone, get over here. It’s Jack. He’s passed out again,” Frost
shouts.
“Oh, fuck, Jack,” I mumble, running over to Frost and Jack,
who is lying on the ground. “What now?”
“It’s his heart. I don’t think he has much more time left,” Frost
says.
“Can you just keep zapping him with your stick thing?” I ask.
348
349
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“I mean, I can, but I will have to be up his ass all the time to
shock him when he needs it.”
“Then stay on him like white on rice, then,” I reply, bending
down and picking Jack up. I climb into Bertha to put him back in
the big bed he has.
Climbing up into Bertha and getting into the back, I see Laura
curled up in a ball in the corner with fear in her eyes, crying. I carry
Jack back and toss him on his bed a little harder than I mean to. I get
him in a good spot on the bed.
“What’s with you? You okay?” I ask, looking at her.
“Yeah. I just got scared when I ran out of ammo and jumped
up here to hide.”
“I thought you were more of a badass than that.”
“If I have the numbers, guns, and ammo, yes, but those things
just came out of nowhere and so many.”
“Well, it’s over now, and they’re dead. And I think we might
cook one or two for dinner. I don’t know. The gods do that. You can
come back out now.”
“If it’s okay, I’ll stay in here with Jack,” Laura says, moving
closer to him, who is lying on the bed next to her.
“Hey, what’s going on? How’s Jack?” Kate asks, climbing up
into Bertha before I could answer Laura.
“Jack passed out again. Frost thinks it’s his heart, so Frost is
going to be next to Jack at all times with his magic stick thingy,” I say.
“Magic stick thingy? Really, Stone?” Kate says, looking at me
with that “Come on!” face she does.
“Yes, magic stick thingy, damn it.”
“Hey, the gods came back, and they’re cooking up some of the
rats,” Frost says, climbing up and coming back to us.
“Well, the party’s starting. Frost, take care of Jack. Kate, come
with me,” I say, nodding my head with what I hope is a look that
says, “Bitch, I need to talk to you without using words, and you
better hear me.”
“What is it?” Kate asks as I climb down Bertha’s side, getting to
the ground.
“Get down here. I need to ask you something.”
“What?” Kate asks, getting off Bertha.
“Can we trust that Laura?”
“I don’t know. She seems okay. Why?”
“I don’t know. I got a feeling off her just a little while ago.”
“Like what kind of feeling?”
“Like a Jig kind of feeling, you know, that god-evil shit show
stuff.”
“Really?”
“It could be nothing and just this place fucking with me.”
“Yeah, let’s go with that.”
“Just keep an eye out for weird shit.”
“Really? Weird shit?” Kate asks, lifting her arms up and pointing around the area.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“Hey, Stone, how did the stupid thing you went off to do work?”
Stacy asks, walking up to me.
“We’ll see soon enough, hopefully,” I say, smiling and chuckling.
“I hope not too soon.”
“We may not even get to see the show I made play out,” I reply,
imagining the fireworks.
I look over and see Thor and Odin sparking a fire and tossing
two of the rats on it and start cooking. Everyone else is still doing
their own thing. Tom and a few others are digging holes for their dead
as Ylva and her sisters do laps around camp like they’re patrolling and
being on guard.
I walk back over to the ’34, picking up dropped mags from my
.45s. I blow the dirt off them and go to the back of the ’34. I open
the back to reload my mags and see what I have left for ammo and
explosives. The trunk of the ’34 is packed full, and I’m surprised that
the door even closes.
I close the trunk and walk over to Tom, checking in on him and
his guys. Thor and Odin are cooking up a storm. As I get closer to
Tom, I pick up a shovel and jump down in the hole with him and
start helping with the dig.
“How you guys doing?” I ask, shoving the shovel down into the
dry dirt, taking a shovelful out and over to the side pile.
350
351
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, we’re all right. It’s just been a while since I’ve had to dig
a grave for people I know,” Tom says, still digging.
“Yeah, it’s nothing fun having to dig a hole. Did you know these
two?” I ask.
“Yeah, I did know them. Good men.”
“Well, they’re not dealing with this life anymore. They’re the
lucky ones,” I say, and I stop what I am doing when Tom stops digging and turns to me.
“I guess you’re right.”
Before I can say anything else, Ylva comes flying overhead, stopping just on the other side of the graves. She changes back to human,
and everyone just watches her go from werewolf to sexy fucking
Viking. Her eyes go from that glowing purple back to her blue eyes,
and she is just as naked as naked can be. Damn!
“Okay, everyone, show’s over,” I say, jumping out of the grave
and walking over to Ylva to walk her over to the ’34. “Ylva, where are
your clothes?” I ask, walking next to her.
“We changed in them, so they are torn up,” Ylva replies.
“Good thing we brought more.”
“We don’t mind being naked, Stone, and like what Kate says,
I’m kinda cocky over this body,” Ylva says, waving her hands up and
down her body. Damn!
“Yeah” is all I can get out as I stare at her naked. She looks at
me and inches closer and closer until she is kissing me, and my brain,
deadass still in shock of her beauty, takes a minute to kick in that
she’s kissing me. I pull her in close, kissing her back. Then it hits me.
She was just a werewolf, ripping apart those rats, and I push her away.
“What’s wrong?” Ylva asks like she has done something wrong.
“I’m sorry, but you were just a werewolf and fucking up those
rat things,” I say, pointing at the dead rats and at her.
“I understand what you are trying to say. It is difficult for someone to be with us.”
“I’m sorry. I do want to do this. Trust me, I really want to do
this,” I say, looking at her body. Damn!
“Then don’t think of the werewolf. Think of me,” she says, taking my hands and placing them on her chest, her boobs. “Stone, I
have a heart like you. Just because I can change into something not
human doesn’t mean I’m not human.”
“I don’t understand any of that, but fuck it,” I say, pulling her
in and kissing her.
“Get a room, you two,” Stacy says, walking by.
“Oh, can we get a room?” Ylva asks.
“We’re going to have to wait for that. Come on. Let’s get you
something to wear.”
We walk to the back of the Deuce, and I climb up in the back
and look around for the boxes of clothes I put in here. I find a box,
but when I open it, all I see are the slutty schoolgirl costumes. I start
to open random boxes to find the uniforms I know I’ve put back
here, but box after box, I come up empty.
“Ylva, it looks like you’re going to have to wear this now,” I say,
handing her a costume.
“This is fine. It will cover what needs to be covered,” she says,
sliding the skirt up over her tone, fit ass and putting on the button-up white shirt, fixing her headdress over it and getting things in
place. Fuck me. It’s going to be hard to focus on anything with her
looking like this, and I get lost at the sight of her in that costume.
Thor says food is ready, and I walk over to them and the others.
Odin is cutting slices off the rats and passing them out to everyone
while Thor puts another rat on the fire to cook. I pick a piece up and
sniff it, and it doesn’t smell too bad. I take a little bite, worried that
it will taste horrible, but to my surprise, it’s really good. I just start
stuffing my face with rat meat. I look around at everyone else doing
the same, and I see Stacy take a few plates over to Bertha, climbing in
and climbing back out moments later.
All of us sit around the fire in silence, then the twins perk up
like dogs do when they hear something, and they get up, taking off
into the darkness, changing into werewolves in their run. Ylva pops
her head up a little like she’s listening to something and waiting to
go if called. It’s weird watching her as her eyes turn purple and glow,
and at any moment, she can change into a werewolf.
I empty my plate, and Odin slaps another big chunk of rat meat
on it. I look up at him, then back down at the rat meat. I pick it up,
352
353
Marc Longcor
WTF!
taking a bite off it. In the distance, we hear the sound of the twins’
growl as they fight something in the dark. The others get up and grab
their guns, ready for anything to come out of the darkness.
“Okay. Let’s make shifts for watch tonight, and we’ll move out
at first light,” I say, looking at everyone.
“My group will take first watch,” Tom says, looking at me.
“Okay. Just don’t shoot the werewolves,” I reply to him.
“Yes, don’t shoot my sisters,” Ylva says, looking at Tom with her
glowing purple eyes.
“Okay. I’ll make sure we won’t shoot them,” Tom replies with a
little fear in his voice at the sight of Ylva and takes off, walking away,
followed by the rest of his group.
I walk over to the Deuce, where they have thrown out sleeping bags and other boxes and have a stack of this and that. I grab a
sleeping bag and walk over to Bertha, setting up next to her. Ylva lies
down next to me on my sleeping bag.
“Don’t you want to be out there with your sisters?” I ask.
“No. They’re fine on their own, and if they need me, they will
howl for me,” she replies.
“You guys can tell the difference in howls?” I ask.
“With us, yes, we can. We’ve been together forever and have
learned how to do it.”
“Cool.”
Ylva gets in close, sliding her hand up my leg while kissing my
neck. Her hand goes all the way up, grabbing my little dude. She
starts stroking it softly, getting me hard. I turn my head and kiss her,
heating things up as I get fully hard. Ylva climbs on top of me, scooting her hips up into place while still holding my rock-hard mini-me.
She pushes my kilt out of the way and slides over on top. Who’s on
first? What’s on second? I don’t know on third.
Just when things are getting good, howls ring out from the
distance. Ylva stops, and her eyes go from blue to glowing purple.
She pushes off me and is full werewolf before standing completely
upright. She steps over me and jump onto the trailer, crouching
down, scanning the darkness.
I lie here looking up, confused and lost, not knowing what
the fuck just happened, shocked and feeling just a little bit used. I
mean, what do I call this? She’s a woman, and she’s a werewolf. Is this
even legal, or is it wrong? Do I need to shower now? Lying here, still
shocked, I don’t even care that I’m still rock-hard. Another howl cries
out, and I jump up to my feet, dick still up with my kilt resting on
top of it, just letting everything hang out. I hear more noises coming
from all around us in the dark.
“Tom, turn on the Deuce’s lights. Stacy, go turn on the ’34’s
lights. Kate, turn on Bertha’s lights,” I order to everyone.
Even when all the lights come on, we see nothing in the directions of them. Everyone keeps their heads on swivels, looking all
around. More howls ring out with growls and more sounds similar to
what dogs make when they fight. We hear the sound of flesh ripping
and death moans with howls, and I just know the girls are fucking
up things out there.
“Okay, people, don’t shoot the werewolves. They’re on our
side,” I shout out.
“Jesus, Stone, put your dick away,” Stacy says, walking up to me.
“What?” I say, then I look down to see that I’m still hard, and
my kilt is just resting on top.
“Can you at least cover up?” Stacy asks.
“What do you want me to do, cut it off? And it’s not the first
time you’ve seen it,” I reply, smiling.
“Shut up,” Stacy says with a smile, glancing over at me holding
a Thompson machine gun.
The sounds die down and go silent, and everyone keeps on
alert. I give the okay to turn the lights off and tell everyone to go back
to what they were doing. Stacy and Kate climb back in Bertha, and I
lie back down on my sleeping bag next to Bertha, watching Tom and
his few people walk around on guard duty. Damn, I almost got lucky.
354
355
*****
I wake up to the sound of a huge-ass explosion, and I see a
dark cloud in the distance, from where I set up the trap. The ground
Marc Longcor
WTF!
rumbles, and that shock to the system hits harder than twenty cups
of coffee and a bag of cocaine. I sit up, looking around. Ylva is lying
next to me, covered in blood, looking like she could be dead, but
I see her breathing, so she’s fine. Everyone else is running around
like chickens with their heads cut off, freaking out about what is
happening.
“Easy, people. That was my trap. We need to load up and leave
now!” I yell out, waking up Ylva and picking up my sleeping bag and
walking over to the ’34.
Everyone picks up stuff we have taken off the Deuce, putting
them back and then loading up in whatever trucks they had been in.
I fire up the ’34 and let it run for a little as I go back to Bertha, climbing in to check on things. Jack is still out, and Laura is in the driver’s
seat, getting ready to start Bertha. I remind her to follow the blue
light, and I look around for it outside. I can’t remember the last time
I’ve seen it. Then it pops up from the back of the truck next to Kate
and flies out the door, knocking me out of Bertha in the process.
“Fuck!” I get up from being knocked down by the glass box. I
look at it, then yell, “Fuck you too, asshole!” I walk up to the side of
Bertha, climbing back up inside to check things out. Kate asks what
the hell happened and how it is that we can feel the explosion from so
far away. I just tell her I know how to set up a trap instead of telling
her that I found an old military compound with heavy-duty bombs
and everything just short of nukes. I make sure everyone in here is
good and get ready to climb out of Bertha.
“Frost, you keep Jack alive for me. Laura, you follow that and
lead the way, and I’ll bring up the rear,” I say before jumping down
from Bertha’s side.
I walk back to the ’34 as Bertha takes off, followed by the Deuce
with the gods and Tom’s people in it. I open the door and climb into
the ’34. Ylva and the twins are already inside, waiting for me. I sit
down and start her up, putting her in gear. I spin the tires into the
ground, throwing up a dirt cloud, and spin the ’34 around to bring
up the rear in this little convoy.
*****
We drive for hours and stop when we need to refuel or change
drivers and stretch our legs, but we never stay too long and keep
moving. We do this for days, high gears and desert racing. During
the nights, we stay in our trucks, where we can rest for an hour or
two. I’ve lost count on how many days we have been riding hard
when a city comes into view. I radio the convoy to stop as I take off
ahead to scout it out.
I race the ’34 up to the city, and the closer I get, the more it
looks like Hazlet, New Jersey. I get a smile on my face knowing that
if this is Hazlet, New Jersey, Jack and I have a warehouse here that
we can hide in for a day or so to rest up ’cause I have no clue where
we go from here. I go ahead and drive into the city. It’s laid out the
same as our Hazlet. It’s funny how this Hazlet looks like our Hazlet
and named the same.
I head down to the docks, and I’d be damned if the warehouse
here doesn’t look the same as ours. I drive around slowly, checking
things out, and it looks just like our place. I turn the ’34 around and
head back to the convoy. I get on the radio to tell everyone to follow
me to the warehouse, where we’ll rest for tonight.
I drive back to the convoy using the same way I came in on but
taking in more of the city, making sure to get a good look around.
The buildings are being taken over by the land, sand has reclaimed
the streets, and there’s no sign of anything else here—no monsters,
no aliens, nothing. Weird.
I get the convoy back to the warehouse, stopping everyone. I get
out of the ’34 and walk up to the door of the warehouse, thinking of
the lock that I have on ours. But this one doesn’t have any lock on it,
so I grab the door, pushing it to the side, opening it just enough to
walk in and look around. The warehouse is empty as if nothing has
been here for years. I turn around and open the door all the way and
get back in the ’34, pulling it in and out of the way, and then I guide
Bertha and the Deuce in so we all fit. Then I close the door.
“Okay, everyone, this is where we camp for a few days and rest
up. Tonight, we will stay inside and just set things up. And tomorrow, we will go out and look for things,” I say, walking around so
everyone can hear me.
356
357
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Everyone starts doing their own thing—unloading the Deuce,
unpacking boxes, and setting things up here and there, making the
place into a base camp more or less. I walk around the warehouse,
looking it over. Every detail matches the one back in my time. I walk
upstairs to the office space, and everything is the same, just empty. I
walk over to the far wall in the office and push in on it, and the secret
door is here too, but there is nothing inside. At least mine has bottles
of scotch that are aged twenty years. This one just has dust.
I take a better look at the office and notice the couch, which I’ve
completely overlooked, and notice that it looks just like the couch
back at the salon in the office. I walk over to it, looking it over,
touching it, and then I sit down on it, giving it a bounce. I’ll be
damned. It’s just like my couch, if not my couch, and I just get a lot
more questions about this time and place.
I head back downstairs, where everyone has set up their own
little place all around the warehouse, and go over to the ’34. I get my
sleeping bag and head back upstairs. All the driving we’ve done the
last few days has taken its toll on everyone, and we all just start to
pass out. I know that later, we’ll figure things out. I lay the sleeping
bag out on the couch and take everything off, getting comfortable. I
place everything on the desk, laying them down. It isn’t long before
I’m out.
“Don’t you blame me for it not being here. We’re not in our
time, remember?” I yell back down to him.
“Oh, this place just looks like our place. This is our place,
right?” Jack asks.
“It looks like our place, but this is not our time or world or
whatever this place is,” I reply.
“Right. Now go put some damn clothes on,” Jack says, turning
away from me.
“What do you mean?” I say, then I look down to see that I’m
naked.
“Oh, shit,” I say, walking backward into the office. Then I spin
around, only to see Ylva on the couch in my sleeping bag. Her sisters
are across the way next to the wall, stuff all over.
I just lie back down next to Ylva, and she curls up next to me,
draping her leg over me and laying her head on my chest. Her arm
is across my chest and down my body, and her hand ends up on my
mini-me. Now this could be heaven.
*****
“Goddamn it, where the fuck is my whiskey?” I wake up to Jack
yelling. I know it’s him yelling ’cause it’s his damn voice. He’s looking
for his secret stash, which he has in our place, but it’s not here in this
place. I hear him tear things apart and throw things against the walls,
making so much noise that anyone looking will find us fast. I get up,
a little dazed like I’ve slept hard, and stumble out of the office to the
rail. I look down at Jack just losing his shit.
“Hey, old man, shut the fuck up and go back to bed!”
“You little shit, I know it was you that took my whiskey. Where
is it?” Jack yells back, pointing up at me from down below.
358
*****
I wake up again—but this time, I’m alone—to the sound of
engines starting and the big bay door opening. I get up fast and
light-headed for some reason, staggering to the office door. I lean up
against it and look down at what is going on. I watch the ’34 take
off, followed by Bertha and the Deuce. Kate closes the bay door once
they all drive out.
I stumble down the stairs to the bottom and head over to Kate
by the door. Things are still set up for camp. Odin and Thor are set
up in a corner, still asleep. Ylva and her sisters have set up a kitchen
area and seem to be cooking something.
“What is going on?” I ask Kate, walking up to her.
“Stone, what the fuck, man? Go put your dress on,” Kate says,
looking down at all my glory.
“Shut up. It’s not like you’ve never seen me like this before,” I
reply.
“Still, go cover up,” Kate says.
359
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“You know, it wouldn’t be a normal day without Stone being
naked and hitting on us,” Stacy says, walking up behind me, slapping
my bare ass.
“Easy now. You may make Ylva jealous,” I say.
“Please. That girl would be up for anything. She’s a wild one,”
Kate says.
“What makes you say that?” I ask.
“She’s just a curious one,” Kate says.
“And?”
“Nothing. I’m sure she’ll be up for anything,” Kate says.
“Really?”
“Yeah, wild one,” Kate says.
“I don’t know,” I reply, placing my hands on my hips.
“Will you go put some clothes on now?” Stacy asks.
“Yeah, in a minute. This has been a weird week or month. What
are we up to now?” I ask.
“Hell if I know. With all the time traveling and driving with this
and that and with different monsters now, I don’t know,” Kate says.
“It’s been a few weeks,” Stacy says.
“Well, shit, so where did they all go?” I ask, pointing.
“Jack took everyone out to scout around and see if there is water
in the ocean and if we need a boat or something. He’ll be back soon,
he said,” Stacy says.
“Well, shit, I hope they don’t run into anything.”
“Jack has already been out today, and he says this town is more
dead than Deadwood in December,” Kate says.
“Okay. Well, I will go get dressed. Whatever Ylva is cooking
smells good,” I say.
“Yeah, no shit. It smells good,” Stacy says.
I head back up to the office and notice the stairs hurt really bad
’cause my dumb ass didn’t wear my boots coming down, and the
stairs and the walkway are metal platforms. Halfway up, I just want
to jump on the railing and ride it down and say fuck it to getting
dressed, but knowing my stupid luck, the railing would rip my ass to
shreds on the way down.
I take a deep breath and just grit my teeth, finishing the walk
up to the office. Once in, I see that the floor is covered with solid
flooring and a shitty, thin carpet. I make a beeline for the couch,
sitting down. My feet are on fire. I lean over to look for my boots on
both sides of the couch and find them on one side. I reach in them to
grab my socks, but there are no socks in my boots. Fuck, where are
my socks? I look around the office, and I see my socks on the desk
like they have been tossed over there. I don’t remember doing that.
I get up, limping over like a pussy, picking up my socks, and
then I get back to the couch, sitting back down. I put the socks on
and then grab my boots, putting them on, and I feel a comfort come
over me knowing I have some padding for my feet. I sit and look
around the office for my kilt and shirt and stand up to start walking
around the office, looking for them. I find my shirt over in the corner on the cabinets. I pick it up and put it on. As I turn around, I
see Bridget sticking out of the ceiling. I tilt my head to the side and
upward, just staring at it. What the fuck?
I lower my head down, and I just happen to see my sporran on
the floor under the desk, and I bend down, picking it up. Then I find
my holster with my .45s and Bridget’s sheath. I pick up all my stuff,
placing them on the desk, and I walk over to Bridget and pull her out
of the ceiling. I walk back over to the desk, laying her down on it. I
walk back over to the couch, pulling the cushions back to see if my
kilt is jammed in the couch, but nothing. Where the fuck is my kilt?
I move the couch away from the wall and look behind it, and
nothing again, damn it. I push the couch back and walk out of the
office to look around. I just stand on top of the landing next to the
office, hands on my hips, just moving my head back and forth, scanning the warehouse like I’m fucking Predator or something, looking
for the heat off my kilt.
“Stone, quit Donald Ducking it and put some damn clothes
on,” Kate yells up to me.
“Shut up. I can’t find my kilt.”
“It’s down here,” Ylva says, waving it in her hand. She walks up
the stairs to me.
360
361
Marc Longcor
“How did it get down there, and why are all my stuff tossed
everywhere?” I ask.
“Jack was in a rampage, looking for his whiskey,” Kate answers.
“And all that next to me didn’t wake me up?”
“Yeah. You were out cold,” Stacy says as Ylva walks up the stairs
to me.
“Thank you,” I softly say to her as she comes right up to me
and kisses me, handing me my kilt. I take it and breathe in deep after
her kiss.
I watch Ylva smile at me as she backs away from me, turning
around and walking away. I wrap my kilt around me, snapping the
buttons together. My belt is still in it, and I tighten it up, setting
myself up right in it. I watch Ylva walk back down the stairs.
I go back into the office and put all my stuff on, getting it all in
the right spot on me. I double-check everything, and it’s all good. I
walk downstairs over to where Ylva and the twins are cooking.
“What’s cooking, good-looking?” I ask, walking up to Ylva.
“Rat stew,” Ylva replies with a smile.
“Oh, rat stew. Should be good,” I say as she hands me a bowl.
“Where did we get bowls?” I ask.
“Jack went out and came back with some stuff.”
“Oh.”
I wonder what that old fuck is doing.
362
JACK
“Damn, Jack, you can fly through those gears like they’re nothing. I
ground a few here and there when I was driving,” Laura says to me,
just in awe of my driving. But what can I say? I’m a badass.
“Yeah, I know, but it’s okay. Bertha can handle it,” I reply, giving her a smile.
“Sorry. So why do you think it’s so dead here?” Laura asks, looking out the window.
“I don’t know. It is Jersey,” I reply, chuckling.
“So what are we doing that you need all of us?”
“Well, I don’t know if we have an ocean to cross or not, so we’re
checking for water and boats that can fit all of us and is seaworthy.”
I lead us down to the docks and to where I remember them
being, and to my surprise, there is water, and the ocean is still there.
Now the question is, what do we use to cross it, and can we find anything that can hold Bertha so we can have her with us? I stop Bertha,
and everyone else climbs out.
I walk to the front of her, looking around. There is no one in
sight and nothing around. The harbor is packed with ships, from
fishing boats to rich sailboats and a few large shipping containers
and more. I tell everyone to spread out and look for something that
looks good for us to use, and I go off on my own. I come across a
naval ship. It looks to be an old destroyer, and it has seen better days
for sure.
I keep walking to see if there is anything, anything at all, that
can be worthy of using. Then I come across what looks to be a transport ship, but it is one that I’ve never seen before. It’s way bigger than
what I’m used to seeing and has a ramp that looks like you can drive
up onto it. I walk closer to get a better look at it, and it has the name
363
Marc Longcor
WTF!
USS Jersey on it. This damn thing is big, and I’ve never seen any naval
ship look like this. It’s like a battleship fucked a tugboat and a barge
at the same time to create whatever this is.
Looking at it, I try to figure out how to get on it, as it’s surrounded by other ships and boats, all bunched up tightly like an
overpacked concert crowd. I walk down the dock and climb onto a
sailboat and just start hopping from boat to boat, climbing up here
and over to there until I can get to Jersey.
I climb up the mast of this boat I’m on and grab a rope to swing
across and over, but I overshoot my landing zone and hang on for the
return trip on the rope. I let go to land on the roof of the ship, landing on my back. Oh, that hurts. Oh, fuck me. I’m old. I roll over and
sit up, looking at all the bullshit I had to go through to get here, and
scoot to the edge of the roof. I climb down a railing, coming down
in front of a door that looks as if it goes to the control room for this
massive beast. I open the door and step in, looking around the place
and the controls.
It has fuel, and the gauge says it’s full. I find the start button,
and I push down on it, holding it until I hear the whole ship rumble to life. Nothing comes across the radio but static, so I turn it
off and get behind the wheel. Looking at all the controls, I find the
fuel throttle lever and give it some juice. She starts to move forward,
pushing the boat in front of her out of the way and making its own
waterway. I look for an open area to park this baby so we can load
her up.
I find a spot and get the ship in position, turning it around so I
can back it up. I get the ass to lift up onto land and lower the ramp
in the back and shut the ship down. I walk out of the control room
and around to the back to the holding area. It’s just one big open area
where you can park vehicles, and I notice that there are some trucks
already there. We’ve got some HUMVEEs back here, and they will
just not do.
I watch Bertha and the other trucks come this way as they drive
down the beach, and I climb down and head to the first HUMVEE
so I can start moving them off to make room for our trucks. I climb
in, and like always, the wheel is locked with a stupid wire and pad-
lock. Why the military thought that was a good way to lock a truck
up, I have no idea.
I start the HUMVEE and put it in gear, moving it off the ship
and straight forward as far as I can. The others show up and get out
of their trucks, and I tell them to keep moving them forward to give
us room to move around. I repeat this again and again with the other
HUMVEEs, and after the last one, I head over to Bertha and pull
her forward and around, backing her onto the ship. She barely fits,
so I back up just a little more, crushing the ass end of the trailer into
the ship, giving her more room to fit ’cause of the plow on the front.
Next, we get the Deuce on and then the ’34.
“Jack, how are we getting back to the warehouse?” Tom asks.
“Well, we can walk, or we can just take those HUMVEEs.”
“Let’s take the HUMVEEs ’cause that’s a walk if you ask me,
and we still don’t know if we are truly alone here or not,” Laura says.
“Look for bolt cutters, then,” I say.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Why?” Laura asks.
“So we can unlock the HUMVEEs.”
“I thought they were unlocked.”
“Yes, and no. Just look for bolt cutters. I’m sure there will be
one around here somewhere.”
We all take off in different directions. I head for the HUMVEEs,
hoping that maybe a good solider has packed one in it. I go from
truck to truck, but I get to the last one, and there is not a single
fucking bolt cutter. But I have found a case of what looks to be beer.
I open a can, take a sip, and spit it back out. It tastes as if Miller Lite
and Coors fucked and had a baby and then that baby got fucked by
Bud Light Lime to make whatever the fuck this shit is.
I look over and see Tom’s group come walking back toward me.
One has a pair of bolt cutters with them. I toss the can of piss water
to the ground, and then I pick up the case and do the same, tossing it
to the ground. The group walks up to me, and the one with the bolt
cutters hands them to me. I turn to show them how to cut the wire
to free the wheel and to never mind the padlock.
364
365
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I cut the wire to this HUMVEE and hand the bolt cutters back
to the guy. He turns and goes to another HUMVEE, repeating it. We
take off in four trucks, and I lead the way back to the warehouse as
light starts to fade for us with the sun sinking down over the horizon.
I cut in and out of dead vehicles and sand dunes, making this turn
and then turning back, left, then right and back to the left again.
“Jack, look over there,” Laura says, pointing off in the distance
to a cloud of dust.
“Looks like we may have company soon, and guess we won’t get
to relax tonight after all,” I reply.
“What do we do?”
“We park the trucks outside and load up and leave fast.”
“Okay,” Laura replies as she gets on the radio to tell everyone
else the plan.
I pull in front of the warehouse, circling the little convoy in a
circle, and park the trucks in the way we need to go. I get out and
walk over to the door in the bay door, opening it and stepping inside.
I see Stone and all the girls just sitting around.
“Stone, we need to load up and get out of here,” I say, walking
up to him.
“Why? What’s going on?”
“We have that dust cloud heading our way, and that only means
one thing.”
“Yeah, I know. Okay, people, let’s get going,” Stone says.
Everyone rushes around, picking up things and running back
and forth between the HUMVEEs and back in here to get more
things to load up. I start to notice that Laura, Tom, and the two others are acting weird and not doing anything.
“What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” I ask, but they say
nothing and don’t even make a move. They’re frozen. Then a crash
comes through the roof, landing behind them, and I see Jig.
“Fuck!” Stone yells.
“Get the girls out of here now,” I say to Stone as Jig claps his
hands together, making the sound of thunder. Laura, Tom, and the
other two fall to the ground with these creatures standing behind
them. I knew there was something off about them.
I watch these things pick up the bodies they’ve just popped out
of and throw them at us. I end up catching Laura, knocking me
down to the ground. Tom bounces off Thor, landing on the ground
hard. The other two guys don’t make it, as they hit the concrete support beams, cracking their heads open wide, their brains flying out
to the ground.
“Go, go, goddamn it. Get them and you out of here. Get to the
beach. There is a ship there on the far end ready to go with the trucks
on it. It just needs what we have loaded up,” I say, pushing Stone and
everyone out the door. Thor and Odin carry Laura and Tom out.
“Jack, what are you doing?” Stone asks.
“Just go, damn it. I’ll hold them off.”
“Jack, you don’t have the—”
“Shut the fuck up and get them out of here now.”
“Jack…” Stone tries to say something, but I slam the door in his
face and lock it fast.
“Listen, boy, get out of here. My time is over. You get that girl
to where she needs to be.”
“Jack, no. Please don’t do this. We can all get out of here.”
“Just go, boy.”
“Jack” is the last thing I hear. Then I hear the others pulling
Stone away and the trucks taking off. I turn to look at Jig and the
four others standing in front of me, waiting and watching like they
know what is going to happen.
“Well, I think I’ve got one last fight in me, so how we doing
this, one at a time, or do I have to beat all your asses at the same
time?” I ask, looking at them standing tall. I know that this is the last
fight, and I’m going to make it one hell of a fight, taking as many as
I can with me.
“Jack, you are no match for us,” Jig says to me, stepping in front
of the others.
“Well, I can start with you first, then,” I reply. I pull out a cigar
and light it up, taking a big puff off it. Another crash comes flying in
through the roof, and Thor lands next to me.
“Jack, I give myself to you,” Thor says, placing his hand on me
and handing me his ax. He turns into this gold dust shit and flies into
366
367
Marc Longcor
WTF!
me, and I instantly feel strong. “Jack, now you have my strength and
power. Give them hell, old man,” Thor’s voice sounds off in my head.
“Okay, pussies, let’s dance,” I say as I pull Thor’s ax up, taking
off and charging at them.
Jig jumps out of the way as the four others charge at me, and
we meet in the middle of the warehouse. I coldcock one with my
fist, sending it flying back away from me. I swing Thor’s ax, missing
another one, but I spin around and use my elbow to nail another one
in the face, sending it back on its ass. Another grabs my back, picking
me up and tossing me into a concrete support beam, and I just go
straight through it. I get up fast, dusting myself off, pulling my cigar
out of my mouth.
“That’s all you got?” The two I didn’t get come charging at me.
I throw Thor’s ax, nailing one in the chest, killing it. It stops dead in
its tracks and fall to its knees. Another one I don’t see comes around
behind me, nailing me in the back, sending me flying across the
warehouse. I get caught by another and am body-slammed down
into the concrete floor, making a crater in it. I roll out fast, as I see its
foot coming down on my face.
I’m up fast, faster than I ever thought I could move in a long
time, and I wrap my arm around its neck, squeezing as tight as I can
until the motherfucker’s head just pops, making a firecracker popping sound. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I get hit in the chest, but this
time, instead of flying back, I slide across the floor, still on my feet.
I look up at who hit me, and it’s the one with tits. I run back to her,
tackling her to the ground and just going Stone Cold Steve Austin on
her ass, left and right and left and right as fast as I can go. My hands
move faster than I can see.
On top of this one, just beating the living fuck out of it, I get
coldcocked from the side, and I fly across the warehouse again, into
another support beam. I don’t waste time getting back up and running back to the fucker that hit me. I dive down and slide under him,
coming up on the other side to get smashed down by another.
This motherfucker expands his size as he grabs my feet and
starts bashing me around like a little kid or a wet noodle in a pool,
just back and forth, up and down, hitting me off anything he can hit
me off. I fuck up the concrete floor with my body, and he tosses my
ass into another support beam. But this time, I’m stopped by it, and
I make a crater in it, sliding down to my ass.
I cough up blood, and I can feel myself bleeding inside. I notice
my cigar is gone, and things are starting to dim a little, but I shake it
off. I get back up, moving slower and slower, groaning. I start to feel
like my old man self again, and I think the Thor magic is wearing off.
“Have you fuckers had enough, or do you wanna keep going?”
The one with tits runs at me, and I’m slow to put up my hands as
it starts punching me back into the support beam. It pounds my ass
into dust until I get a lucky hit in, pushing her back. Then I just
give right bombs over and over again and then do a jump hit where
I jump up and give her all I have in my right arm and hand. I let
this bitch have it all. My fist goes through her face and out the other
side of her head. The other big fucker starts punching me, and my
hand gets stuck in his friend, and I can’t get free. He picks me up and
throws me again, and I now see why Stone gets mad about it. It gets
old fast.
I roll over and see Thor’s ax. I reach out for it, grabbing it just in
time for this big motherfucker to pick me up. I slam Thor’s ax down
into his head, and he tosses me to the other side of the warehouse.
Jig catches me and slams me down hard. I feel more bones break and
more blood move to areas where it doesn’t need to be. I look down
and see a pool of blood forming around me.
“Jack, you should be proud of yourself. You just killed four gods
on your own. I should have converted you instead of them.”
“Well, your whiskey sucked, and I don’t work for pussies.”
“Jack, you are near death, and you still want to keep fighting?
Just let go.”
“I won’t give you the pleasure of me going so easy, you little
bitch. I just need to catch my breath, and I’ll get to your ass soon
enough.”
“Jack, you will bleed out soon and die.”
“Yeah, well, I still have enough life in me to give you a good ass
whooping,” I say. Jig gets closer and kneels down next to me.
368
369
Marc Longcor
“Jack, I give you respect for how you’ve fought here today,” Jig
says to me as I pull a knife out and shove it into his right eye. That
move takes everything I have left in the tank. I chuckle at the fact
that I’ve just fucked his face up.
“Ha ha!” I give a death laugh, and blood splatters out with my
chuckle.
“Keep laughing. We’ll see how you laugh where I send you. You
won’t be dead, and you won’t be alive, but you will suffer forever now,
old man,” Jig says.
“Bring it, bitch.”
Jig snaps his fingers, and everything goes black.
370
STONE
“Damn it, Jack. We need to go back for him.”
“Stone, we need to go. You know what he was doing,” Kate says.
“Yeah, Thor went back to help him, so they’re kicking ass,”
Stacy says as she shoots her Thompson at the Draugar chasing us.
“Damn it. How did those fuckers find us, and why are we taking Laura and Tom with us?” I ask, keeping this HUMVEEs going
for the beach as fast as I can push it.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to ask them when they wake up,”
Kate says as she leans out of the window, shooting.
We get to the beach, but I don’t see what Jack was talking
about. I end up driving down the beach, still seeing nothing about
what he told me to look for. I turn around and head back down
the other way, running over and pushing through Draugar. I keep
the HUMVEE moving while looking behind me in the mirror at
the other HUMVEEs flying down the beach. I finally see what Jack
was talking about, and I push the truck harder until a cooling hose
bursts, covering the windshield in coolant, making it hard to see. I
lean my head out the window until I get right in front of the ship.
We get out and drag Laura and Tom on the ship. Ylva and the
twins are in werewolf mode, just ripping Draugar apart next to Odin.
I look over at Kate and tell her to get to the control room and close
the loading door as I pull Bridget out and run into the fight. I swing
her left and right, taking off heads. Stacy comes right behind me,
finishing off the bodies after I take the heads off.
I get in the rhythm of taking off heads and hear a familiar sound
that sounds like Kate’s club smacking skulls. I turn to see that Kate is in
the fight, bashing in heads. I yell over to her, asking why she’s not in the
control room, and she just tells me that Frost is doing it. Kate, Stacy, and I
371
Marc Longcor
WTF!
form a line and walk backward to the ship, keeping the Draugar from getting on, while Ylva and the twins just randomly go all over. It’s hard trying
to keep up with them. Odin spins his spear around, taking off many
heads at once. He picks up others and toss them into others, knocking
down a few twenty or more at a time it seems, but they just keep coming.
The loading ramp starts to move up, and I step back onto it,
reaching out and grabbing Kate by the corset, pulling her back. Then
I do the same to Stacy and yell out for Ylva and the twins to hurry
up and get on, then yell over at Odin, but he just keeps taking down
Draugar like it’s his job.
The ramp door closes all the way up as Ylva comes flying over
the top, landing on the roof of the ’34, followed by the twins, and
then she jumps down to the ship floor, still in werewolf mode, walking up to Kate, Stacy, and myself, just looking terrifying as hell.
They’re breathing heavily and covered in blood, giving little growls
and huffs here and there.
The ship starts to pull away from the beach, but Odin is still
fighting. I climb up Bertha to her roof to watch Odin get overrun
by Draugar. Then suddenly, boom, he flies out of the pile and comes
landing down on the ship next to Bertha. He walks to the back of the
ship, then sits down on the floor.
“Odin, how do you think they found us?” I ask him while
climbing off Bertha and walking over to him.
“I believe that our friends that we picked up from Eric’s were
taken over by other underworld gods, and they left breadcrumbs or
gave us away,” Odin replies.
“Do you think they’ll be okay, or should we kill them and dump
them overboard?” I ask.
“I’m sure they are okay now that the gods left their bodies.”
“Right. Just keep an eye on them, then,” I say, turning around
to look for a way up to the control room. I see Kate and Stacy walk
through a door, and I follow them.
I get right behind Stacy as she goes up the stairs, and I’m tall
enough to be by her ass as she goes up. I’ve almost forgotten how nice
her ass is. It fills these pants she has on. I sway side to side in motion
with her, walking up the stairs and watching her ass until we get to
the top, and we all get confused on which way to go.
The girls go one way, and I go another, roaming around from
room to room, up and then back down the stairs, left and then right.
I think I pass a spot a few times as I go in circles on the ship. I can feel
the ship moving as it hits waves, bouncing and rocking side to side,
tipping back and forward, making me a little sick to my stomach,
reminding me that I am kind of hungry. And where the fuck am I?
“Stone! What the hell are you doing?” Kate asks from behind me.
“I think I’m lost.”
“No shit, jackass. Follow me,” Kate says, turning and walking
away from me. I take off in a jog to catch up with her.
“How do you know where to go around here?”
“I just got lucky, and once you get ahold of where things are, it’s
easy,” Kate says, pulling out a map of the ship.
“You little shit. You have a fucking map,” I say, looking at her.
“Fuck off. You’re just mad that I’m smarter than you.”
“Just lead the way,” I say, slapping her ass hard.
“Ouch! Motherfucker,” Kate yelps, turning around and slapping my chest.
“Oof,” I let out, covering up my chest where she hit me, still
following her.
Kate leads me to the control room, where Frost is behind the
wheel, in control of the ship, and he has a few bags of cocaine next to
him. He reaches over every so often, grabs a little handful, and sniffs
it right out of his hand.
“Where are you getting all this coke from, man?” I ask Frost.
“Brought it from Eric’s, man.”
“Just take it easy. Do you know where we are?”
“Nope. I’m just following the blue light.”
“Yeah, keep following it.”
“So what kind of ship is this?” Kate asks.
“I don’t know. It’s something I’ve never seen before, but this
time is crazy anyway, so who knows what it is?” I reply.
372
373
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I look out the window in front, watching waves crash up over
the nose of the ship as we cruise through them, and I get caught up in
the view of the ocean. I still can’t believe that there is an ocean here.
“Hey, Frost, how much fuel does this thing have?” I ask, turning
and looking back at him.
“The fuel thingy says full, so I guess full.”
“Do you think it’s enough to make it across an ocean?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll find out soon enough, right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to be stranded out in the middle of an
ocean in a time that we’re not from.”
“True.”
“Well, let’s take turns at the wheel so others can get some rest,”
I say, walking around the control room and looking out the back
window, down at the loading area. I see Ylva and the twins walking
around naked. Odin is still sitting down, looking like he’s asleep.
“Hey, Kate, is there anything on that map that says about
rooms?” I ask, turning back around to look at her.
“Let’s look,” Kate says, pulling her map out. She lays it down on
top of the map table in the middle of the control room.
We look at the map and study it, getting the layout of the ship
from the engine room, to the kitchen, and to the sleeping quarters.
It’s a weird ship for sure, and a maze at that. Just looking at this map,
I’m getting lost. We split and go in different ways, but before leaving
the control room, I ask Frost if he is good for a while behind the
wheel. I tell him I will make a list of times for us all to take turns at
the wheel so it’s not just one person. I leave the control room and
head down the hallway, meeting up with Kate and Stacy. I follow
them to the sleeping quarters so I know where they are, and I head
back to the loading area to get Ylva and the twins.
The thought of Jack hits me, that the old man is gone, and it
stops me in the hallway before I even make it to the loading area. I
start to remember all the stupid shit we did together, and finding out
that old son of a bitch is my grandfather on top of it makes all the
memories change from just a friend to a grandpa, and the memories
just punch me hard in the gut. I feel myself start to tear up. Ylva
walks through the door and sees me, and I buck up fast in front of
her, not letting her see me getting ready to cry like a little kid.
“You okay?” Ylva asks, walking up to me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go find you and your sisters some clothes.”
“It’s fine. I’m sure we will change form again at some point and
be wolf for much more of this trip,” she replies, waving off the fact
that they are completely fine being naked.
“Okay, then. It’s your call to be naked. I was just thinking of
you guys staying warm.”
“Well, you can warm me up, then.”
“Easy, girl.”
“Oh, okay, Stone,” Ylva says with a smile, leaning in and kissing
my ear.
“Oh, wait. What about Laura and Tom? Where did you guys
put them?” I ask, just now getting hit by the thought of them still
being with us.
“Still outside, being watched by Odin,” Ylva says, backing away
from me.
“Okay. Let’s go move them inside and wake them up,” I say,
walking past her to the door outside.
I open the door, and the ocean mist sprays all over. The air is
cool and wet now. I walk over to Odin, who is still sitting where he
was when he first got on, with Laura and Tom lying next to him. I get
to him and ask how he’s doing, but he doesn’t respond. I ask about
the two lying next to him, and still, he says nothing. I walk past
him to Tom and kneel down next to him. I tap him on the face, but
there’s no response. I start slapping harder and harder with each slap
until I go all out and deck him hard, waking him up.
“Holy shit! What…where…huh?”
“Easy, easy. Breathe,” I say, lifting my hands up to calm him
down so I could talk to him.
“What is going on? Where am I?” he asks.
“You were knocked out, and now we’re on a ship, crossing an
ocean to somewhere.”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
374
375
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“We were getting attacked by the dead, and their leader shows
up, trapping us with other leaders, and then I get trapped in my own
mind in a cage with this monster.”
“What kind of monster, and what kind of leader was it that
trapped you guys?”
“Big guy with glowing red eyes, and the others were all different
in shape and size.”
“Who was in your mind, fucking with you?”
“She said her name was Sekhmet or something. She talked
about the underworld and how her brothers and sisters are tired of
their job and doing something to change things.”
“Who was in Laura?”
“I don’t know. You’re going to have to ask her,” Tom says.
I move over to Laura and start tapping her on the face to wake
her up, then move to shaking her. She wakes up to that and starts
asking the same questions that Tom did when he woke up, and I
calm her down as well.
“Laura, you’re okay now? What is the last thing you remember?”
“Being trapped down in the cave with Tom and others with
these things, then being trapped in my own head in a cage.”
“Who had you trapped?”
“She called herself the Morrigan. She was all about destroying
the world and retaking what was taken from her and the others.”
“What do you guys think all that means?” I ask, looking at
them.
“I don’t know, but they seem determined to change something,”
Tom says.
“Yeah, they seemed pissed about their job that had to do with
the underworld. They kept saying so.”
“The main leader, the one with glowing red eyes, I woke him
up on this island, and he helped create this world and galaxy with
Odin over there and some others. They’re aliens with the power and
capability to create life and worlds and whatnot. It’s all confusing,
really, and I can’t explain it to you guys. Odin seems to not be talking
right now, so let’s get you two to a room so you can get some rest and
think on things,” I say to them.
I help them up to their feet and show them to a room one by
one. Then I take a room for myself. Ylva follows me every step of the
way and then tackles me to the bed. She starts kissing me all over,
just randomly, and Kate comes busting through the door, yelling my
name, stopping Ylva.
“What is it, and why do you always come at the worst time?” I
ask, looking up at her with Ylva on top of me.
“What are the times and change-outs so we can set times up to
change out drivers?”
“Oh yeah. I will get on that right now,” I say, gently pushing
Ylva off me and to the side. I get up, then look around this room for
paper or anything to write on and with.
I leave the room. I tell Ylva to get some rest and that I will be
back soon. I close the door with Kate next to me, asking what is
going on with me and Ylva and twenty other fucking questions after
that, following me up to the control room.
“Look, I don’t know. But for now, I guess Ylva and me are a
thing.”
“You know she’s a werewolf, right?”
“Yes.”
“That’s, like, part wolf, which is an animal.”
“What you getting at?”
“Nothing. Just brings a new meaning to doggy style.”
“Shut up. It’s weird as it is now with her. I don’t need you in
my head.”
“So I guess your crush on me is a thing of the past now, huh?”
“I don’t know, and honestly, why do you care?”
“You know, that hurts, Stone. I thought we had a thing going
between us.”
“We do. Nothing has really changed. You have Stacy, and you’re
both really hot, and I love you both to death. It’s just, right now,
with all this random, crazy shit going on, I’m just rolling with what
happens.”
“Right, I get it. I was just asking.”
“And I don’t know what will happen when we fix things or if we
even fix things at all.”
376
377
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“We will ’cause I’m the chosen one, so it won’t get fucked up in
your hands.”
“Well, you’re still in my hands, and I can still fuck all this up.”
“How you doing over Jack?” Kate asks, and it hits me hard in
the gut.
“How many people do we have with us?” I ask her, changing the
subject fast ’cause I don’t want to cry in front of her.
I pick up a pen that’s lying on this table and just start writing
down names and figuring out times, not paying Kate any attention
at all so she won’t ask me about Jack again. It’s hard enough as it is to
try not to think of him being gone, but it eats at me, digging at me,
and I just want to curl up into a little ball and cry like a little kid.
I get a list of people and times for them behind the wheel, walking Kate through the madness of it all. Frost tells us how the ship is
handling, and we can feel the water getting thicker with ice. The air
is also getting colder to the point where we can almost see our breath,
making our conversation about where we can turn the heat on and if
this ship has supplies and equipment on board.
Kate pulls her map out, and we start looking at it over again,
trying to find out where and how to turn the heat on in this ship and
where supplies are held for us to get to it and see what are in there.
If we’re heading into a frozen wasteland, we’re going to need warm
clothes.
“I think I’ve found what we’re looking for,” Kate says, excited,
like she has just figured out who killed who in the library with the
candlestick.
“Where do you think?” I ask.
“Here,” Kate says, pointing to a spot on the map.
“Well, let’s go check it out, then,” I say.
“Don’t you have a sexy Viking to get back to?” Kate asks, smiling.
“Yeah, I do, but she can wait.”
“Can she?” Kate asks, smiling bigger, on the verge of laughing.
“I’m sure she’ll be okay.”
Kate walks out, and I follow her, letting her lead the way with
the map in her hands. We walk down the dimly lit hallways of the
ship with the air getting colder with every step we take. I lose count
of all the lefts and right turns we take until Kate stops.
“I think this is it,” Kate says, pointing at the door in front of
her.
“Well, let’s see what’s behind door number one,” I say, reaching
for the handle. I turn it and push the door, but nothing happens. The
door’s locked. “Shit.”
“Come on. You have retard strength. Open that paperweight,
retard,” Kate says, giving me a little slap on the ass.
“Fine,” I say, slapping the door, blowing it off the hinges back
into the room.
Before we have even set foot in the room, a Draugr comes rushing out at us. I sidestep, grabbing the back of its head, slamming it
up against the hull of the ship, exploding its head against the wall.
“What the fuck are they doing in here?” Kate asks, watching the
body still walking around with no head. She pulls a knife out from
behind her back and stabs the Draugr in the chest, dropping it down
to the floor.
“I don’t know, but I don’t think we’re alone on this ship, and
we need to be careful now when opening doors,” I reply, leaning my
head in the doorway into the room to check things out.
I step inside the room, feeling both sides of the wall for a light
switch. I get lucky and flipped on the lights. This room is filled with
crates and boxes just stacked on top of one another. I walk into the
room further, keeping an eye open for any new surprises to pop out
at us. I move over to a box, opening it to find uniforms, and then I
just start going from box to box. Kate does the same until we start
tossing coats over by the door in a pile with other cold weather gear
that look like something we may need.
“I’ll start handing out these coats and tell everyone about the
Draugar that may be in here,” Kate says, walking over to the coats,
picking the pile up.
“Yeah. Just be safe now roaming around the ship.”
“Want me to ask Ylva and the twins to roam the ship and look
for Draugar?”
378
379
Marc Longcor
“Yeah. With them in wolf mode, they will be able to sniff them
WTF!
“Isn’t it weird that you’re fucking a wolf?”
“Shut up. And we haven’t fucked. You keep interrupting us.”
“I have so many questions about things,” Kate says with her
mischievous tone and smile.
“Just keep them to yourself, or you’re going to freak me out.”
“You mean you’re not already freaking out about it?”
“I am, but I’m keeping cool about it.”
“Just ’cause she’s hot, right?”
“Fuck yeah. Have you not seen her? She gives you a run for your
money in the hot department.”
“You know, I am kind of jealous that she stole my thunder of
you crushing on me.”
“You’re jealous?” I say, chuckling at her.
“Yeah, but that won’t last long, and you’ll be back.”
“Yeah, yeah. Get those coats out, and be careful.”
“Yes, Dad.”
I go back to digging through boxes and crates, pulling out
clothes that will be right for us. I start to repack a crate with wheels
on it so I can take more with me by just rolling this around. I still
have no idea what is going on here on this planet or why it seems to
be half desert wasteland and half cold wasteland.
I’m moving around this room, going from box to box, crate to
crate, pulling this and that, filling the crate I have going, when I start
to hear movement as if something is walking around. I hear thumps
in the rooms next door too. “Damn it,” I mumble, walking to the
door slowly. I peek my head out into the hallway and see nothing.
I step out, looking both ways down the hallway. The dim light
gives a creepy feeling to everything. The sounds keep going, and I
move toward them ’cause, you know, I’m a dumbass and have to see
what’s making that noise. Fuck. If this were a movie, I’d be dead by
now.
I get up next to another door and place my ear to it like a jackass
to see if I can hear anything inside, and I do hear something moving
around in the room, so I tap on the door, doing the “Shave and a
Haircut” knock just to see if whatever it is in there will give the last
two knocks back to the theme.
The only knock I get back is something big slamming up
against the door, sounding like an oversize bull inside. I reach down
and test the handle, and it’s locked, so I give it a tap, opening it with
the force of a SWAT team bashing in a door to a meth lab. I really
enjoy this superstrength I’ve got going on. I don’t get a chance to step
inside because this big-ass Draugr comes walking out of the room,
standing nine feet tall and built like a brick shithouse, making André
the Giant look like a schoolboy.
“Well, ain’t you a big son of a bitch,” I say, looking up at the
Draugr’s face. Its head is touching the ceiling, and it gives a grunt.
“Well, come on, son. Let’s dance,” I say. The Draugr lifts its arms up,
trying to grab me like a newbie in a strip club trying to grab a dancer.
I slap his arms away and punch him in the center of the chest,
pushing him back a few feet in the hallway, but the fucker is still
standing. Okay. I’ll hit you harder now, motherfucker. The Draugr
starts walking my way fast, gaining momentum as he gets closer. He
swings at me, and I duck, letting his arm and oversize fist slam into
the steel wall, putting a huge-ass dent in it the size of my head.
I look at the dent and then up at the Draugr. “Holy shit!” I say.
I duck down low and come up on its side, punching away at its ribs
as fast as I can until it drops its arm to block my blows. It backhands
me into the steel wall, making a dent in it with my phat ass.
“That hurt, motherfucker.” I jump off the wall and headbutt
the Draugr in the face and then go low to punch it in the dick. I spin
around, kicking its legs out from under it, bringing the big fucker
down to the ground. I come back up to pull Bridget out, but I do
not have enough room to move her around in the hallway and am
forced to put her back. “Guess I’ll just have to rip your head off with
my hands,” I say, looking at this big fucker on the floor as it starts to
get up.
I move fast, sending my knee into its face, putting it back down
to the floor. Then I spin around and wrap my arms around its head,
squeezing as hard and as tight as I can until its head pops like an
overgrown pimple, splattering the hallway and covering me in its
380
381
out.”
Marc Longcor
WTF!
blood. I pull my knife out of my boot and shove it down into its
body, killing it.
“Fuck me,” I mumble, tossing myself back against the wall and
sliding down to my ass, breathing heavily. I look at the dead Draugr
in front of me and look to the right to see a bunch of them just standing there, staring at me with their dead eyes. Then I turn my head left
to the other side of the hallway to see the same thing. I just know that
this is not going to be fun.
“Fuck.” The Draugar charge at me while I’m still sitting on my
ass, and I start punching my way up. It’s not so bad. They’re the
little ones, so with each hit to the face, their head explodes. I keep
throwing lefts and rights, and with each head that explodes, more
blood covers the walls and the floor, making it a little slippery. I slide
around like this has just turned into a killing on ice show.
I look down the hallway to see glowing purple eyes in the dim
light at the end, and I know help is on the way. Ylva and the twins
come running into the fight, ripping Draugar in half. The girls get
going, killing Draugar, and I have to duck from time to time to keep
from getting torn up myself by their claws and powerful swings. The
fight goes on for I don’t know how long, and soon, my back is up
against Ylva’s. We both turn around fast to hit what we think is a
Draugr, only to see each other, and we stop before hitting each other.
“Hey there,” I say, and she just nods her head. “You can understand me?” I ask, looking at her, and she nods again. “But you can’t
talk back in wolf mode, though, right?” I ask, looking at her, expecting to see a nod, but she just changes back to human form in front
of me. The change is so fast that you almost don’t see all of it take
place. “That is so cool how fast you change,” I say, looking at her as
she tries to wipe some of the blood off her face. She is covered in it
from head to toe.
“I need to clean up. This is a lot of blood,” Ylva says, still wiping
blood away from her eyes.
“There are showers somewhere around here,” I say, looking at
her covered in blood yet still looking hot as hell. The blood doesn’t
do anything to take away from her hotness and almost seems to add
to it. Her body is so tight and toned that you can get lost daydreaming of her.
“We will all need showers soon,” she replies, giving me a side
smile, which just knocks me right in the chest. Damn.
“Holy shit! Stone, I leave for fifteen minutes and you make a
mess of the place,” Kate says, walking down the hallway, trying to
keep her balance in the pools of blood on the floor, slipping and
sliding around.
“Yeah, you missed out on all the fun,” I reply, chuckling. I look
around at all the dead bodies and at her sliding in the blood.
“I’ve never seen this much blood in one place before,” Kate says,
holding on to the walls for support while sliding back toward me and
Ylva.
“I’m just waiting for you to fall on your ass now, and this night
can be perfect,” I say, laughing.
“Shut up. You just want us all in the shower at once,” Kate
replies, sliding right up next to me and then losing her footing in
front of me, falling on her ass, landing in a pool of blood.
“Oh, shit, that’s funny. You make it all the way here and lose it
now,” I say, laughing. Kate kicks my legs out from under me, and I
go down face-first between her legs.
“Oh, you two,” Ylva says, looking down at us.
“Girl, you have no idea,” Kate says, looking up at Ylva and then
back down at me between her legs.
“Let me help,” Ylva says, looking down at us. I try to push
myself up, and I feel Ylva grab my shirt, helping me up. Then I reach
down and help Kate up.
“Now we all need a shower, and it’s gonna be a cold one if we
can’t find the heat in this place,” I say.
“We still have to find the showers first, shithead,” Kate says.
“Well, we won’t if we stay here. Ylva, can you and your sisters
take a run through the ship and see if there are any more of them
around?” I ask, looking down both hallways and then back down the
one we came from.
Ylva changes back into wolf, and she and the twins take off into
the darkness of the low-lit hallways, leaving me and Kate here in the
382
383
Marc Longcor
middle of the T-intersection. We look at each other and just take off
walking down one way of the hallway, checking doors as we go. Door
after door, we find nothing else, wanting to stumble across a locker
room for us to shower.
We keep moving, doing the same thing over and over. Then the
lights come on brighter, lighting up the rooms and hallways. I feel
warm air come from a vent just over my head, and Kate and I look at
each other with confusion.
“Wonder who did that,” I say, looking at Kate.
“I don’t know.”
“Um, can someone come help me? I’m in the engine room and
have a lot of these things.”
384
STACY
“Shit,” I say, looking down at the microphone as these things beat on
the door and window. The Draugar beat on the door and window,
and they start to crack, and the door starts to give more. I pull my
tomahawks and get ready to fight them as they come through the
door, and I just take them one at a time until they find me. God, I
hope they find me in time.
The door crashes open as one Draugr comes charging at me,
and I bury a tomahawk into its head and the other into its chest.
Then I pull them both out, crossing them across its neck, taking
its head off. I kick the body back into the others that are rushing
through the door.
I bottleneck the door as they keep trying to come in, and I just
keep cutting arms and heads off when I can. I get a good hit on one,
and I keep the fight one-on-one, but I don’t know how much longer
I can keep this up. There are so many of them.
The window breaks, and they start flowing in, surrounding me.
One wraps its arms around me, and I kick another one in the face,
pushing off it, then pushing the one that has me back into the crowd
of others. My plan to free myself doesn’t work, as more come in to
make a snack of me.
I keep kicking and headbutting the one that has me, but soon,
another one grabs my right leg and holds it while another does the
same to my left, leaving me spread open in a very bad way. They calm
down as another comes walking in slowly—in charge, it seems like.
It walks right up to me spread-eagle for a horrible porno. It looks me
up and down like a fat man at a buffet.
“Well, what you waiting for, big boy?” I ask, then howls ring out
with growls and the sound of fights going on from the other side of
385
Marc Longcor
WTF!
the room. The Draugar turns, heading out, and the two that have my
legs let go. I lift both legs up, slapping them together with this Draugr’s
head between them, stunning it. Then I kick it backward, and the one
holding me loses its footing, falling back, letting go of its hold.
I kick up, landing on my feet, then drive a tomahawk down in
the head of the one I kicked. I pull it out, then spin around, driving it
down the head of the one that was holding me. I finish off these two
by killing their bodies and peek my head out the door to see what is
going on. I see Ylva and the twins fucking up Draugar like it is their
day job, working together as a team, moving in sync.
I move out of the control room and come up behind a few
Draugar, swinging my tomahawks, taking off their heads. Their bodies spin around, and I dive the hawks into their chests, killing their
bodies. I move to the next Draugr and then to the next. Gunshots
start to ring out, and I hear Stone yelling “Fuck you” over and over
before and after each shot. I hear Kate keep telling him to shut up.
God, I love those two dipshits.
The Draugar start to thin down with all of us in here taking
them out. I keep an eye out for Kate, making sure she’s okay, but
Stone is next to her, so I don’t have to worry too much. I work my
way over to them. Kate takes a Draugr down as I open up a path to
her. I make my way to her, putting both tomahawks in my left hand.
I walk up to her and wrap my right arm around her. I grab her ass,
pulling her in close and hard-banging our hips together, then I kiss
her.
“Well, where’s my kiss?” Stone asks, looking at us. I turn just a
little from kissing Kate and give him a side smile and stare and then
go back to kissing Kate.
I pull away from her, looking around at the mess that is in here
now. Blood flows all over, covering almost everything in here. I look
over and watch Ylva and the twins keep going to town on the Draugar
as they take off into another hallway, leaving the engine room.
“So I think the crew never left the ship when they got turned,”
Kate says.
“Yeah, you think?” Stone asks, looking over at her.
“Shut up, Stone. It’s not like you knew about it,” she replies.
“Well, we need to move in teams and not alone anymore ’cause
we don’t know how many are still here,” Stone says.
“Yeah, agree,” I say as Kate says the same.
“What are we going to do about Ylva and the twins?” Kate asks.
“Well, let them do their thing. I mean, they can handle themselves just fine without our help.”
“True,” Kate says.
“Well, I don’t know about you two, but I really want a shower,”
I say.
“Well, now that you’ve got lights and heat going, I think the
showers will be great, and we found more clothes to change into with
winter gear too,” Stone says.
“Well, let’s get going, then, and move things around and find a
room big enough for us all to stay in,” Kate says.
We are starting to walk out of the engine room when the ship
hits something, sending us forward, falling down. The ship makes all
kinds of loud noises and is shaking violently. Pipes crack, and steam
pours out. Sparks fly all over, and the engines start to knock and rock
in place, making things worse.
“Fuck! Now what?” Stone yells.
“Shit,” I say.
“You two go find everyone else and get to the control room. I’ll
go get Ylva and the twins,” Stone says.
“Right,” I say, getting up and helping Kate to her feet.
Kate and I take off running to the door we came in, and Stone
takes off in the direction the wolf pack went. We start going doorto-door, looking inside for anyone, making it back up to the hallway
that has all the bedrooms. We see a few Draugar coming and going
from a room and hear the sound of grunts and little screams as we
run up to them. I pull my tomahawks, and Kate pulls two knives
since her club is too big to swing in the hallways.
I run up to the first one, crossing my hawks, taking off the head.
I move to the next and repeat it over and over. Kate comes up behind
me, stabbing the bodies in the heart and then stabbing the head,
finishing them off. Then we look down to see Tom dead on the floor,
ripped to shreds, and Laura up on top of the vent.
386
387
Marc Longcor
“How did you get up there, girl?” I ask, looking up at her.
“Tom helped me up before they got him,” Laura says.
“Sorry, but come on. We need to get to the control room,” I
say, putting my tomahawks back on my hips. I reach up to help her
down. She really is a little thing standing next to me and Kate, making us look like giants. Fuck, we’re tall bitches.
We walk out of this room, moving slow, checking corners before
going around them. We slowly make our way back to the control room
with Kate leading the way with the map she has. Every hallway is covered in dead Draugar and their blood, making it difficult to walk. We
keep slipping and sliding all over, trying to keep ourselves upright.
We make it to the control room and open the door. Frost is still
here, sitting on the radar table, looking out the window. I turn to
look out the window and just lost all thoughts, as it’s breathtaking.
Outside are miles and miles of white nothing and ice. Strong winds
are blowing snow across an icy desert.
“Holy shit. How are we going to cross that?” I ask, pointing out
at the ice.
“I don’t know, but this ship isn’t going anywhere,” Frost answers.
“Are we stuck?” Kate asks.
“Yeah. Soon, the whole ship will be blocked up in ice. But as
long as the engines can still run, we can keep power and heat going,”
Frost says.
“Have you seen Stone or anyone else yet?” I ask.
“Odin came in and then left again,” Frost says.
“Where did he go?” I ask.
“I don’t know. He does his own thing,” Frost says, hopping
down off the radar table and pouring out cocaine on it, making lines
and sniffing up a storm.
“Frost!”
“What?”
“Really?”
“Why not? You guys want some?”
“No!” we all say at the same time, then look at each other and
giggle a little.
Where the fuck are Stone and the others?
388
STONE
“Motherfucker!” I say, punching a Draugr in the face, exploding its
head. I then move to the next one. Chasing after Ylva and the twins,
I run into a group of Draugar roaming around the ship. But with the
hallways so small, I can’t use Bridget, and I’m so itching to use her
and can’t wait to get off here and in the open to pull her out, setting
her loose on these fuckers.
I punch a Draugr in the chest, sending my fist and arm through
it and out the other side with its heart in my hand. I pull my arm out
still holding the heart. Ha! I can’t believe I did that. I get sidetracked,
losing my train of thought, getting tackled to the floor in a pool of
blood by another Draugr. I watch it get closer, trying to sink its teeth
in me.
“Oh no, you don’t,” I say, popping my elbow up, knocking it
off me and kicking it in the chest, sending it flying back into another
Draugr while pushing myself back, sliding down the hallway in the
blood. “Oh, this is nasty,” I mumble, trying to get up without getting
more blood on me.
I look at the Draugar coming my way and try to hurry the fuck
up, getting up fast but just slipping all over and not making it an
inch up to my feet. I see a flash come flying over me and then two
more. As I look toward the Draugar, I see Ylva and the twins fucking
them up.
I keep trying to get up on my feet, but it’s not going so well. I
keep sliding myself back out of the blood to a dry spot on the floor
and getting up to my knees, but a Draugr comes up behind me,
wrapping its hands around my neck, and starts choking me, pulling
me the rest of the way up to my feet. I pull a Ric Flair move, kicking
389
Marc Longcor
WTF!
back with a leg into its balls, making it let go of its grip on me, and I
spin to face it as it stands back up tall.
“Hi,” I say, then I punch the fucker in the face and then the
chest. Blood just sprays all over the dry spots of the hallway I found
myself in, making it a bloody mess. Damn it. “Oh man, I need a
shower,” I mumble, shaking my hands and arms, splattering blood
all over.
Ylva comes walking up to me in full wolf without any issues
about walking in the blood at all. She walks right by me, followed by
the twins, disappearing fast. I yell at them to meet us in the control
room, and they just leave my ass alone down here. “Rude.” I take
off, walking in the same direction the girls went. The walk isn’t easy
with all the dead bodies and blood on the floor. My boots start to get
soaked in blood, and I can feel my socks start to get wet from blood.
I head back to the topside of the control room, ending up walking outside to the loading area. The cold wind hits me hard, blowing
up my kilt, and I feel my boys pack up and go inside me faster than
a mom chasing the family dog down that just ran into the room with
her dildo. I climb up top fast, getting inside to where everyone else
is, slamming the door close behind me.
“Holy fuck, it’s cold out there,” I say, looking at everyone.
“No shit, Sherlock. You’re the dumbass in a dress when it’s freezing out,” Kate says.
“It’s not a dress. You know, never mind. You guys just say that
to fuck with me.”
“What’s the plan, Stone?” Stacy asks.
“We keep the engines running and get ourselves ready to move
from here tomorrow. We can’t stay here too long,” I say.
“So split up—some go clean up, others cook, the rest gather
gear and whatnot,” Kate says.
“I like it. Let’s go with her plan,” I say, pointing at Kate.
“Do you think there are more dead in here?” Laura asks.
“I don’t know. Ylva and the twins are still roaming around, killing them.”
“If it’s cool with you all, I think I will hang out with Kate and
Stacy,” Laura says.
“Yeah, that’s fine, sweetheart,” Stacy says, wrapping her arm
around Laura. Seeing Stacy tower over her just shows how short
Laura is compared to how tall Stacy and Kate are. Damn, they’re tall.
“Okay. Let’s go, everyone,” I say.
“Wait. Who is going where and doing what?” Kate says.
“Um, yeah.”
“You’ve got nothing, don’t you?” Kate says, looking at me.
“Nothing.”
“Dumbass. Okay, we girls will go clean up first and get dressed,
then head to the kitchen to get food ready for tonight and pack for
the trip. Stone, you go get the gear and bring it to the locker room for
us to get into after cleaning up, and after all that, we’ll go from there
on what needs done,” Kate says, taking charge.
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” I say.
“Shut up,” Kate replies, turning around and walking Laura and
Stacy out.
I follow them out, leaving Frost in the control room to do his
thing and walking behind the girls with them talking among themselves. I can’t hear half of what they say, but I just end up tuning them
out and start thinking about Jack. I can feel him tap me across the
chest, pointing down at the girls’ asses. I kind of feel the tap, then
look down at the girls’ asses, and I smile at the thought of Jack, and
it makes me feel at ease.
The girls break off and go inside the locker room while I keep
walking past, heading to the room where we found all the gear and
packed the crate. I step over dead Draugar and watch my footing
so I don’t slip in the blood again. I make it to the supply room and
find the crate I packed. I reach down and open it to double-check it.
Everything I put in it is still there, and I close the lid and start pulling
it back toward the locker room. I have to lift it up over each body,
and it’s a pain in the ass.
I get back to the locker room and open the door, dragging the
crate inside. The room is hot and steamy from the girls taking hotterthan-hell showers. It’s almost hard to breathe in here. I sit down on a
bench just not thinking, blank to what I need to do. I stare into the
390
391
Marc Longcor
WTF!
shower at all the girls. I swear, if this is a dream, I will kill the motherfucker who wakes me up.
The girls do their own little thing. I’ve seen Kate’s and Stacy’s
bodies so much that it almost doesn’t faze me anymore to see them
naked, but it’s still a sight to see, but this Laura is a secret bombshell
who’s been hiding out under all those clothes she’s been wearing. I
don’t know where she’s been hiding those puppies, but damn, her
body is rocking. It’s so tight and fit, and her being a little thing makes
it different. Her legs are long for her body, which is sexy as hell, and
they go up to form this rocking, perfectly shaped ass that pops, and
I’m just in a daze.
The door comes flying open, and Ylva and the twins come walking in, no longer in wolf mode. They are covered in so much blood
from head to toe to the point where you can’t really see them as them
but just dark-red, blackish color from all the Draugar blood on them.
Ylva and the twins just walk past me and into the shower as
Kate and Stacy yell out, “Hey,” and it ends up being a group party.
They start to help Ylva and the twins clean off all the blood on them,
and it’s starting to turn into a porn I once watched, and I can’t help
but just watch, hoping that this ends the same way. But it won’t.
Laura comes walking out, making eye contact with me, smiling,
and I get lost in her smile and brown eyes. She walks by, grabbing a
towel off a hook, and starts drying off. I shake my head to refocus
myself, and it hits me. I’m the only fucking guy left. Fuck. I bend
over, untie my boots, and slide out of them to see that my socks are
soaked in blood. As I look inside my boots, I see that blood is just
pooled in them. I can’t wear these anymore.
I pull my socks off, and they are almost fused to my feet, and I
have to give a good tug on them, ripping them off. I stand up to take
off my holsters, belt, sporran, and Bridget, laying her and everything
on the bench. Then I take my kilt off, laying it on the bench as well,
before ripping my shirt off.
I pick up my kilt, looking it over, and it’s soaked in blood with
holes here and there through it. Man, this means I have to put on
pants. I feel a slap come across my ass, and I turn to see Laura walking past me, smiling, and then out the door. I shake my head, turn-
ing toward the shower. I walk in, joining the other girls, as Kate and
Stacy walk out, both slapping my ass as they go by.
I get under a showerhead, and the water almost takes my skin
off, but it feels so damn good to get clean again. I feel a hand come
across my back ever so gently, back and forth, then up and down. I
turn to see Ylva washing my back. Her eyes meet mine, and those
blue eyes cut through the steam, making the moment something
that’s hard to explain.
The twins finish up and leave the shower, leaving Ylva and me
to ourselves in here. She helps me get cleaned up and then grabs
me, pushing me back against the wall, kissing me. This is the right
moment, and it’s perfect, just us two in here, nothing else going on.
But then the door slams open with Frost walking in.
“Stone, we need you topside now. We have a problem,” Frost
says.
“Every fucking time,” I say, looking at Ylva, into her eyes, and
smiling. “Sorry, babe.”
“Let’s go,” Ylva says, smiling.
I walk out of the shower with her drying off and go over to the
crate, looking at the clothes inside, pulling out a pair of pants that
are dark blue with cargo pockets. They’ll come in handy. I put them
on, then go back to the crate for socks and boots. I’m starting to look
more like a seaman now, and I hate the thought of it. But clothes are
clothes, and I need something. My poor kilt is done for.
Ylva puts on some clothes as well, and I’m sure we all look like a
bunch of assholes now, wearing the same shit, so this should be fun.
I pick up my holsters and Bridget, walking out of the locker room,
heading for the top with Ylva behind me and Frost in front of me.
“Frost, what is going on?” I ask.
“You just need to see it for yourself.”
“Is it something we have to fight?”
“Not really, but we all need to be in one spot to talk about this.”
“You really know how to inform people. You know that, right?”
I ask.
“Never really been my thing.”
392
393
Marc Longcor
WTF!
We get to the control room, and I look out at the frozen wasteland. Ice forms thick by the hour, and the wind blows snowy ice
across the surface of the land, making it look horribly cold. I look
harder out the window, focusing more. I see things moving out there.
They look like the piranha I came across back at the first city after
Eric’s that climbed down the side of the building.
“Fuck.”
“What?” Kate says.
“I’ve seen those guys before. Well, just one back at the city. It
was a pain in the ass to take care of, and it looks to be more than just
one out there.”
“How did you take care of that one?” Stacy asks.
“Filled it full of holes.”
“Do we have enough ammo for that?” Kate asks.
“I think it would be best if we just ran ’cause they are a fight.”
“Just drive out on the ice?” Kate says.
“Do you think the ice will hold the trucks?” Stacy asks.
“Yes, and I don’t know. But if we stay here, we’re going to have
a fight from hell, and we will get fucked up.”
“Go start the trucks, then, and we’ll get things loaded up for us
to leave,” Kate says.
“Right.”
“And where is your dress?” Kate says, looking down at me wearing pants.
“It’s seen better days, and it’s cold as fuck out there,” I answer.
“Good thing they had winter shit in here,” Stacy says.
“Yeah, we got lucky,” Kate says.
“You guys get food and clothes together. I’ll go get the trucks
started.”
I put on a thick arctic coat, zipping it up, walking out the door. I
step outside, and the wind hits me hard with a mixture of snow and ice.
It feels like you are standing in front of a snowblower. I climb down to
the trucks, coming to the Deuce first. I reach up to open the door, but it’s
frozen shut. I give it a little pull, ripping the handle off. “Fuck!”
I climb up and gently push the window down, reaching my
hand in to the other side of the door, pulling the handle and opening
it. I sit down, flipping the battery switch on to light the glow plugs.
I give it a few, and then I hit the starter, and the Deuce struggles to
start. I give her a few pumps of ether, and she fires up hard, not liking
the cold we find ourselves in.
I get out of the Deuce, moving over to the ’34. I reach down
and try to be more careful than in the Deuce when opening the door.
I give it a little tug, and it opens easier than the Deuce did. I sit down
behind the wheel, turning the key over to light the glow plugs up. I
wait a few minutes and then turn the key over to fire up the engine,
and she fires right up with no troubles at all, and I turn on the heat
all the way up.
I get out of the ’34, moving to Big Bertha. I walk around the
side of her, reaching up to the door handle. I feel it frozen. I am
looking to see how I’ll open the door without fucking it up when I
see Jack’s flamethrower on a side mount. I take it down and turn on
the tanks, lighting the flame. I put it on and give the trigger a few
squeezes as flames come flying out, giving me a smile and a chub,
realizing why Jack loved this so much. It is so fucking fun.
I take the flamethrower, lighting it up next to Big Bertha but
not hitting her with the flame, just close enough that the heat will
warm up the outside of her. I reach up after a few minutes and open
the door. Fuck, that’s hot! Dumbass. I turn off the flamethrower and
put it back in the mount and climb up in Bertha. I reach down and
kick the glow plugs on, turning her over, and she fires up like it is a
warm summer day.
I climb out of Bertha, coming face-to-face with a piranha from
the city, but this one is camouflaged in white-and-gray strips. It stares
at me as I stare back at it, waiting for it to make a move. Then I feel a
claw grab my left shoulder, digging in deep, picking me up and tossing me over the top of Bertha to the other side of the ship, landing
on the ’34. Fuck.
“Oh, motherfucker. Oh, that hurt. Oh, you son of a bitch,” I
mumble, rolling off the top of the ’34 to the ground. I feel something grab my foot, sliding me back and then up, slamming me back
down on the floor. I get shaken around like a pit bull’s chew toy. I
am unable to get my footing as I get lifted up, then slammed back
394
395
Marc Longcor
WTF!
down over and over again and then sent flying into the Deuce for
a hard stop, but I land on my feet. I double up my fist, waiting for
something to grab me again. One does as I spin, landing my hit dead
center in its face. I watching my fist go through it and out the other
side, killing it.
I pull my fist out of this piranha’s head, looking around quickly
for any others, knowing that there are more. I stand my ground,
waiting for movement or for something to come at me. I look up on
top of the fuel trailer to see one come flying down at me. I lift my
right hand up, catching it by the throat, spinning around fast, slamming its head against the Deuce, smashing it in.
I drop this one and turn back around, feeling something grab
my legs, pulling them out from under me, face-planting me on the
floor of the ship. I am getting dragged under the Deuce with this
fucker on top of me, trying to sink its teeth in. I grab its upper jaw
and lower jaw and start spreading them apart until I rip its head
open.
“Motherfucker, I’m getting really tired of getting covered in
blood,” I mumble aggressively and crawl out from under the Deuce.
Ylva and the twins come walking out with boxes, tossing them up
into the back of the Deuce. Ylva leans her head around the side of
the truck, looking at me on the ground, and I just wave at her like
nothing happened. She walks over to me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, just being lazy. How’s it going inside?”
“We’ve packed as much as we can and have brought it out,” Ylva
says as Kate and Stacy come walking out the door, handing boxes to
the twins to load on the Deuce. Kate walks over to us.
“Hey, fuckstain, who’s going to what truck?” Kate asks.
“You, Stacy, Ylva, Laura, and the twins in Bertha. Odin and me
in the Deuce. Frost in the ’34.”
“Really? That’s what you’re going with?” Kate asks, looking
down at me.
“What do you want from me? I just got my ass kicked by these
things.”
“Oh, shut up. You’re just fine, and you kicked their ass anyway,
so stop being a bitch.”
“You’re a bitch.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Get up, bitch. We still have shit to do,” Kate says, walking
away.
“Bitch,” I mumble, climbing up to my feet.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s what I thought.”
I nod to Ylva, and she turns, walking away to help with loading the Deuce. I walk to the loading door, checking for any more
piranhas. I walk around the trucks and double-check, looking under
them as well. I don’t know why these piranhas look different from the
one I killed back in the city.
“Hey, asshole, we’re good to go!” Kate yells
“Okay, daffy dildo!” I yell back as I hit the lower button to drop
the ramp so we can drive off the ship. I see the glass box pop out of
the ice, floating in the air, waiting for us.
I turn and see the girls climb up into Bertha, and Laura puts
her in gear, taking off slow, pulling off the ship, following the blue
light. Frost jumps in the ’34 and does a burnout, flying off the ship
like a bat out of hell. Odin climbs up into the Deuce, almost too big
to sit in the cab, and I walk over, climbing up in the cab, slamming
the door close. I make sure it stays closed and put the Deuce in gear
and drive off.
“So where is the blue light taking us?” I ask Odin.
“To the forge,” he answers.
“What’s there?”
“The forge.”
“Duh, but what can we expect?”
“Anything. This isn’t our world.”
“So why Kate? Why did the light pick her? And what do you
mean not our world?”
396
397
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“I don’t know. There must be something in her that’s worthy
of the forge and its power. And I mean this world is not our world.”
“No shit.”
I follow the ’34 and Bertha. The ice under the weight of the
trucks crack, waving up and down, giving the unsettling feeling that
you could go under any minute, and it makes you feel like you’re
driving on top of a huge waterbed, as the water moves under the ice
freely.
We drive for what seems like hours over the ice, fighting the
wind and the ice dunes that form. Laura drops the plow and hits
them hard, making a path. It scares the shit out of me when she does
it, and all I think about is the ice breaking. And that’s it, we all die,
and the world is fucked. Well, it’s already fucked, but I don’t want to
be a reason for it being more fucked than normal.
Drive, drive, drive. It’s getting old, and it’s been old forever now.
The ice is never-ending for miles around and as far as the eye can see,
which isn’t far with the blowing ice. Fuck, this sucks, and the heater
just died. Fuck me. Frost gets on the radio, saying he needs fuel, and
I watch Bertha slow down and stop. Frost pulls up next to the trailer,
and I pull the nose of the Deuce right up on the tail end of the trailer
and get out to help.
I walk up to the hose and pump, and as I pull up on the hose,
it doesn’t move at all. It’s frozen solid to the trailer, and the pump is
locked up from the ice and cold. Fuck me. I tell Frost to squeeze into
Bertha with the girls and leave the ’34 behind. Fuck, it sucks to leave
that beautiful machine behind. I get back in the Deuce, radioing
Laura to move out, and we take off again. Man, I wish I had music.
We drive for more hours, and with the heat being off in the
Deuce, it makes the drive longer and fucking cold. Soon, the ice
turns to frozen ground, and I can see dirt trees and land, actual fucking land. The wind is still blowing hard, and I have to fight it, keeping the Deuce in line. I can feel it sway to the side with each burst
of wind.
“Hey, when you can, find a place to pull over. The Deuce needs
fuel,” I say over the radio.
“Got it. Stopping now,” Stacy says back over the radio.
I slow down as I see Bertha start to slow down and pull up next
to the trailer, putting the Deuce in park. I jump out of the cab, walking around the front of the Deuce and to the pump and hose. I try
starting up the pump, but it won’t start. It’s still too cold, but we can’t
leave the Deuce behind. We have too much stuff that we need, and I
don’t want to use the flamethrower on the pump to warm it up. I can
see that becoming a very bad idea.
“What’s going on?” Kate asks, walking around from behind the
trailer.
“The pump is frozen, and it’s just too damn cold.”
“Well, can we just leave the Deuce and pile into Bertha?” Kate
asks.
“It’s already crowded in there now. How are we going to add me
and that giant of a god over there?”
“I don’t know. So do you want me to get the flamethrower?”
Kate asks.
“I like the way you think, but I don’t think superheating the
side of a fuel trailer is the way to go.”
“Oh yeah, I guess that would be a bad idea.”
“Yeah.”
“So what would Jack do?”
“He’d superheat the side of the trailer with the damn
flamethrower.”
“Then why don’t we do it?”
“Maybe like a small fire under the pump to heat it up just
enough to fire it up and defrost things.”
“Yeah, plus starting a fire now will be good ’cause it looks like
it’s getting dark,” Kate says.
“Yeah, I see that we might have to camp here for tonight.”
“Think it’s safe to do that here?”
“If you all stay in Bertha, it will be fine.”
“I’ll go find some wood to burn,” Kate says, walking away.
“Take Ylva or the twins with you. No one goes alone,” I say.
“Yeah.”
I walk up to the side of Bertha, grabbing the flamethrower, getting it ready to spit flames. Laura climbs out, followed by Stacy, ask-
398
399
Marc Longcor
WTF!
ing me what is going on. I tell them the plan as Ylva and the twins
climb out. I ask Ylva to go find Kate and be with her as she looks for
wood for a small fire. Ylva’s eyes turn from blue to glowing purple as
she takes off, walking in the direction where I saw Kate go.
“I’ll set up things inside for us to sleep, but what about you and
Odin?” Stacy asks.
“I guess we’ll set up around the fire, using the trucks as
windbreaks.”
“That sounds stupid,” Laura says.
“It does, but it’s what’s going to happen,” I reply.
Stacy and Laura climb back up in Bertha to set it up for them
to sleep for tonight as the twins walk away, circling the trucks like
they’re on guard. I see Kate come walking back with Ylva, both arms
full of sticks and a few logs. Kate walks up, dropping everything in
her arms on the ground, and Ylva does the same thing.
“That’s all I could find,” Kate says.
“It should be enough to warm up the pump for us,” I say.
“Just don’t blow us up,” Kate says.
“I’ll try not to.”
“Yeah, well, good luck. I’m going back inside. My tits are frozen, and I’m sure I can cut glass with these nipples,” Kate says, placing her hands on her boobs.
“Yeah, go warm up. We can’t afford to lose you, chosen one.”
“Shut up. You’re just jealous the glass box didn’t pick you.”
“Just get inside and warm up. Stacy and Laura are in there, setting things up for tonight.”
Kate walks away, climbing up into Bertha, as Ylva bends down
and starts stacking sticks, getting ready to make a fire. I tell her to just
pile it all up in one big pile and stand back. Ylva looks at me weird,
and I just nod to her. She stacks everything in one pile and takes a
few steps back behind me, and I squeeze the trigger, letting out a
short burst of flames on the pile, but it doesn’t light.
“Okay, another one,” I say, talking to myself, squeezing the trigger again. It gives a short burst of flames, but again, no fire. I do it
again, but this time, I give it a little longer burst, and it does the trick
of lighting the fire.
“We have fire,” I say, turning to Ylva, but she’s gone.
“Where the hell did she go?” I mumble, walking to the spot she
was just at.
I look around the Deuce, but I see nothing. Then I look out
into the distance to see if maybe she has gone back out to pick up
more sticks or logs. The twins keep making circles around the trucks,
and I walk to the back of the Deuce, then to the other side of the
trailer, but there’s still no Ylva. Where the fuck did that minx go?
Looking off into the distance, the wind still blowing hard, carrying ice in it, making it hard to see anything, I see glimpses of something moving. I can’t tell what it is. Maybe it’s Ylva, but Ylva doesn’t
stand that big in human form or wolf mode. And then it gets closer,
and its movements are random and uncontrolled, then it hits me.
“Hecatoncheires!” Odin yells.
“Yeah, what he said,” I say, pointing over to Odin as he runs up
next to me.
“We can’t let it hurt the chosen one, and we must take the fight
to it before it gets here.”
“Well, let’s go, then,” I say, turning off the flamethrower, placing it on the ground. I take off, walking toward this crazy thing.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I see the twins change to wolves,
moving around us to be on both sides, and still no Ylva. Where the
hell is she? Odin is matching me step for step, both of us in no hurry
to fight this thing ’cause they are a pain in the ass. Last time we
fought two of these fuckers, they took down a building. We don’t
have enough cocaine to take them down like last time.
“How we going to do this, Odin?” I ask, still walking, not looking at him.
“Once we get close enough, I’m going to pick you up and throw
you at it.”
“What?” I say, stopping in my tracks, looking at him.
“Yes, trust me.”
“Trust you? Aw, fuck it, let’s do it.”
We keep walking, getting closer to this thing. It keeps making
random movements in different directions like it can’t make up its
mind on where to go. Before I get a chance to see Odin stop or
400
401
Marc Longcor
WTF!
give me an idea of when he’s going to pick my ass up and use me
as a human spear, I feel his hands picking me up and throwing me.
“Shit!”
Flying through the air now, I don’t get a chance to pull Bridget out,
so I just put my arms out, doubling both fists like I’m fucking Superman
flying. I watch everything in slow motion as I get closer to this thing.
I see it stop moving, and all its heads look straight at me. Fuck me. I
see Odin’s spear go shooting past me faster than a greased-up pig in the
principal’s office, nailing the head in the middle of all the other heads,
and the thing falls backward on its back as I fly past it, coming to a very
hard stop thanks to a big-ass tree. Fuck my life.
I get back up on my feet after the George of the Jungle bullshit
that just happened and walk back to Odin, who is standing on top
of the dead whatever-he-says-it-is. I can’t say the damn name of it. I
get closer to Odin, and I watch the twins jump into a tree, tackling a
piranha out of it to the ground and fucking it up. I stop in my tracks
and watch, not knowing if I should help or keep clear to give them
room to work and not get fucked up for trying to be a hero.
This piranha doesn’t last long with the twins teaming up on it.
I just walk past them, then past Odin, keeping my eye out for anything. I make my way back to the truck to check on the fire and the
pump so I can fill the Deuce up, because we can’t stay here too long.
I get to the Deuce, walking between it and the trailer to the pump.
The small fire has done the job of warming it up enough to start it,
and it fires right up. I pull on the hose, moving it over to the Deuce
to fill it up, and then top off Bertha.
“Let’s go!” I yell.
“What do you mean?” Kate says, sticking her head out the window, looking back at me.
“Let’s just keep moving.”
“Okay.”
“You guys go,” I say, waving forward. The twins come running
up behind me, passing by. They get into Bertha as Laura puts her in
gear, taking off.
I look around again for Ylva, calling her name as Odin comes
back and climbs in the Deuce. I climb up the side, standing as tall as
I can, still looking for Ylva, calling her name, but all I start to see are
more piranhas showing up. Some pop out of the frozen ground, and
others jump from tree to tree.
I get in the Deuce, putting her in gear, pushing down on the
go pedal, pushing the Deuce hard to get out of here in a hurry so as
not to get overrun by these fuckers. I hope Ylva is okay. I see a few
piranhas pop up in front of us, and I aim for them with the Deuce,
running them over. Odin and I bounce in the cab once we run over
their bodies, and I look over and swear I see Odin give a smirk over
the fact that we just ran them over.
I can see the ass end of the trailer up ahead as I hear a thump on
the roof, then a knock on my window. I turn to see Ylva’s face upside
down, smiling at me. I roll down my window, and she slides her
naked body through over me, making sure to press herself up against
me. I lose track of the road and have to correct the Deuce fast before
hitting a tree as Ylva sits down between me and Odin.
“It’s cold in here. Do you have anything to cover up with?” Ylva
asks, shivering, her teeth chattering.
“You can try and get in the back and look for something if you
want.”
“You want me to crawl back over you and out to the back, then
get back inside, dig through things, and then crawl back to here?”
“I said if you want.”
“What else am I going to do, Stone?”
“Cuddle up to me,” I say, smiling.
“Okay, but just for now, until we stop again.”
“Got it.”
I keep on the back of Bertha. Laura keeps the hammer down,
following the glass box of light. We start driving through small villages that have been left abandoned, no life to them. Village after
village, we see more piranhas and other creatures. I can’t wait to be
done with all this.
We drive for hours again, and all this driving has my ass going
numb. Ylva is trying to crawl inside me to get warm. I see the taillights come on, and Bertha starts to slow down, and I do the same
to keep from driving up her ass. We come to a stop, and I put the
402
403
Marc Longcor
WTF!
Deuce in park. I open my door and step out, looking ahead to see
why we’ve stopped.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I yell.
“I think we are here. The glass box just stopped and went inside
this place,” Kate says, running around the back side of the trailer.
“Well, let’s go check it out,” I say, jumping down. Ylva jumps
out and runs to the back of the Deuce, jumping in to look for clothes.
She just gets a winter coat and comes back.
We all get in front of Bertha, and I tell everyone to get behind
me and Odin. We make our way toward this odd-looking building.
It looks out of place and looks old as fuck—old timbers and old
frame-style workings like what you would see in a history book. I get
up next to the door, getting ready to try it out, but it flies open. I feel
a thump and pain in my chest, and I go flying back into a tree and
sliding down to my ass. I look up.
What hit me was a giant war hammer in the hands of a midget,
but he is not like any kind I’ve ever seen. This fucker is stacked and
huge for his size. Odin talks to him and gets things settled down, and
everyone just walks right in, leaving my ass outside in the cold after
just getting the shit knocked out of me. “I get no respect, none at all,
I tell you,” I say in my best Rodney Dangerfield voice.
I get up and head to the building, opening the door slowly,
ready to duck, dip, dodge, dive, or anything to avoid what may come
flying out at me, but nothing happens. I walk in. Everyone is around
the midget who knocked my ass into next Tuesday. What day is it
anyway? I walk in, getting up next to everyone.
“What the hell, guys? Just leave my ass out there?” I say, looking
at everyone.
“Oh, shut up, Stone. You’re fine, and we all know it. You can
take harder hits than that,” Kate says.
“Yeah, and what was that about anyway? I’m looking at you,
little man,” I say, pointing at the midget who nailed my ass.
“I’m a dwarf, you ass, and I protect this forge and have for thousands of years. My name is Ty, and I’m the last of my kind,” he says.
“What happened that made you the last?” Stacy asks.
“War,” Ty says, looking over at Odin, making it seem like there
is a bigger story than what we are going to get.
“What war?” Kate asks.
“The one that almost ended the world and galaxy that we created, the one that put the Dark Evil away and put me and the others
to sleep,” Odin says.
“Yeah, it was a bad time,” Frost says.
“So how do we do this?” I say, looking down at Ty.
“Only the chosen one can enter the forge with me and lie in
the mold, and the lights will be placed on top, and I will open the
keyhole to the light of a fading star.”
“Holy shit, that’s a lot to take in. How long will it take?” I ask.
“It takes some time. It’s a process to make a god.”
“God?” Kate says.
“What?” Stacy chimes in.
I start laughing, then I look at Ty. “Oh, you’re serious.”
“Yes, I am, and the chosen one cannot move and must remain
in the mold the whole time, or they will be ripped apart,” Ty says in
a tone that makes this whole chosen thing worse. I look over at Kate
and see worry come across her face.
“Kate, you don’t have to do this. I’m sure I can take on Jig and
the Dark Evil again.”
“No, you can’t. Last time almost killed you.”
“You know you can’t kill an STD like me.”
“Yeah, the last STD that said that is dead now, so there’s a cure,”
Kate says with a worried tone in her voice.
“Look, you don’t have to do this.”
“I do have to do this. I’m the only one that can defeat him.”
“So? Says what, a glass box of light and some old hoodoo stories
that these guys tell us?” I say, pointing at Odin and Ty.
“Kate was chosen by the light with them and the light of a fading star. She will be the most powerful weapon ever created,” Odin
says.
“Have you guys done this before?” I ask.
“Yes, myself and others. It’s why we are able to change form and
do what we can.”
404
405
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“But I thought you guys were aliens.”
“To you, we are, but we are so advanced that we are able to
create things beyond your comprehension that we just don’t have the
time to explain.”
“Let’s just get this over with already,” Kate says.
“Come on, dear. Follow me,” Ty says, waving his arm in the
direction he’s walking.
Kate walks up to Stacy and brings her in close, and they whisper
to each other, kiss each other over and over, and say more words in
between. Kate pulls back, and Stacy starts to tear up and cry. Kate
walks backward, turning around after blowing a kiss to Stacy and
walking by me, giving me the bird with her smile. Ty opens a door.
The heat that comes out of it makes everyone turn and shield themselves from it for a moment. Then we hear the door slam shut, and I
turn around, and the door is closed. Ty and Kate are gone.
The rest of us hang out in what I can only say is a living room.
It has a fireplace in it and some chairs, so that’s what I’m calling it.
The heat from the fire warms up the place nicely, and Ylva is almost
right in it, warming up. She’s still naked, except for the thick winter
coat she has on. Laura is looking out a window. The twins sit next to
Ylva, warming up, while Stacy and I sit on this chair that’s more like
a love seat or a bench. I don’t know.
Time passes by, and it feels like it has been forever since Kate
went back. The building starts to rumble, and you can feel it through
the floor and walls. Everything shakes, and we jump up from where
we sit.
“Hey, guys, we have company,” Laura says, backing away from
the window as I move to it, looking out.
“Shit!”
“What?” Stacy asks.
“Jig, and he’s brought an army with him.”
“What do we do? Kate is still in there.”
“We will have to give her time to finish up,” I reply to her.
“How do we do that?” Laura asks.
“Any way we can.”
“We don’t have enough guns or ammo for that,” Stacy says.
“Look, we have three werewolves, a god, me, and you two can
use all the guns and ammo,” I say with a positive tone. I hope it’s a
positive tone anyway.
“Stone, I’m scared,” Stacy says.
“I know, sweetheart, but I’m going out first, and I’ll take as
many as I can with me.”
“You won’t be going alone,” Ylva says, dropping her coat, changing into a wolf.
“Hey, Odin, is there a heaven or a hell or someplace we go when
we die?”
“There is, but let’s hope we don’t meet there on this day,” Odin
replies with a smile.
“Shit, really? Like fire and brimstone and heavenly gates and
clouds and angels and wings and demons, the kit and caboodle?”
“Not all of that, but there is a place you will go, and from there,
to other places.”
“I have so many questions.”
“In due time, Stone, but we shall not meet there on this day,”
Odin says in a way that gives me hope.
I open the door, stepping out first. I close it behind me and
walk toward the large army. Jig is standing in front of it, smiling at
me as the Draugar army growls and snaps their teeth at me. I come
to a stop and stare back at Jig, giving him a smile. I really wish I had
my kilt ’cause this is so a Braveheart moment.
“Stone, we meet again,” Jig says.
“We do, but I don’t remember making that big of an impression
on you that you felt like you had to stalk me.”
“Ha ha, still a funny man. How do you like my army and this
world I created?”
“It sucks, and you can go fuck yourself, dick eater.”
“Stone, you will die here today, along with everyone else in that
forge.”
“Well, pilgrim, you’re going to have to go through me first, and
I promise you, it will not be easy for you.”
“We will see, Stone,” Jig says, swaying his arms forward, and all
the Draugar come charging at me.
406
407
Marc Longcor
WTF!
I pull Bridget, charging into the wave of Draugar, swinging her
and throwing fists. With each swing, I take down a few dozen at a
time, but they get back up, reattaching their damn heads and coming back at me. I keep taking down as many as I can. I punch one
in the face, exploding its head. I swing Bridget across others, taking
off heads. I try to stomp on them or kick them away from the bodies
so they can’t pick them up and put them back on. Fucking cheaters.
I see Jig standing in the same spot behind everything going on.
Ylva and the twins come flying into the gang bang that I find myself
in, and they start fucking up Draugar like they get paid by the head.
Odin comes walking in from the other side, swinging his spear, taking down a lot more than a dozen at a time.
I keep looking at the trailer and then go back to taking off heads.
I move closer to it like I have plan that I don’t even know I have yet.
Getting up next to it, I move down to the pump while trying to take
out as many as I can to give me time to start the fucking pump.
Odin comes running in, pushing everything down with his
spear like he’s a damn bulldozer, giving me the time I need to start
the pump and pull the hose off. I lock the nozzle on and let the fuel
flow out, and I cut my way through the dipshits to get as far away
from the trailer as possible. Ylva and the Twins are far enough away,
and Odin makes distance as well. Now how in the hell am I going to
light that? Fucking dumbass.
I watch the fuel pool all around, and now I don’t think there is
a safe spot to be in if I do find a way to light this keg stand. Then I
see Stacy come walking out with the flamethrower and with a crazy
Harley Quinn smile. She cuts lose with the flames, lighting everything in front of her on fire. The Draugar go up in flames, lighting
the fuel on the ground, and I see the ground light up. I move fast
toward the trailer.
“Get down!” I yell. The trailer goes up in a huge fireball, and
the pressure wave knocks down Draugar into the flames, vaporizing
others in the blast. Jack would have been pissed to see Big Bertha go
up in a ball of flames.
I watch Stacy emptying the flamethrower, dropping it to the
ground, then pulling her tomahawks and chopping away at anything
that comes at her. Laura is lighting up Draugar with what guns we
have left. More and more Draugar come piling in from I don’t know
where. It seems like there is an endless supply of the fuckers.
I hear Stacy scream as she gets overwhelmed by Draugar, and I
can’t get to her because I’m in a pile of them, fighting my way out.
Ylva and the twins are in the same boat. I look over at Stacy as more
and more Draugar pile up on her, and she disappears from sight.
“Stacy!” I yell, swinging Bridget harder and with more rage.
Before I can make a move to get to her, Odin comes flying in,
landing right on top of her, turning into gold dust. Then as if a bomb
has gone off, Draugar just go flying all over, and I see Stacy standing
tall, glowing for a second, as her body takes in Odin. I watch her look
at herself and down at her arms, and I know the feeling she is going
through. She looks up, sees me, and smiles, taking off running into
the Draugar, pulling Odin’s spear out of thin air in one hand and
holding her two tomahawks in the other.
I watch her work both spear and hawks, spinning them around.
She tosses them in the air, catches them with the other hand, and
changes them up, taking down more Draugar than before. I look
over at Laura, who is pinned up to a tree, guts hanging out. Draugar
are feasting on her, pulling her skin off and snapping her arms and
legs off her body.
I hear yelps, and I turn to see one of the twins go down and get
torn apart by Draugar. Her sister tries to get to her but gets taken
down as well. Watching the Draugar rip the wolves apart, I see their
wolf headdress go flying up in the air as Draugar swarm their dead
bodies.
“Ylva, get inside and stay there. You will be the last stand.
Protect Kate,” I yell. The numbers of Draugar are too much for us,
and they just stop. They stop coming at us and attacking us, backing
off and making way for Jig to walk among them and stand in front
of me and Stacy.
“You ready to fight now, bitch?” I say to him.
“Stone, you know I’m just wasting time. I didn’t need them to
fight you,” Jig says, pointing at the Draugar army, then at us.
408
409
Marc Longcor
WTF!
“Yeah, well, we needed the warm-up, cocksucker,” Stacy says,
and I look over at her, impressed by the comeback.
“Yeah, what she said, cocksucker.”
“You two are the last of the gods, and I will rip them from you.”
“You can try,” Stacy says, and I look at her again, feeling like
I don’t even need to be here or say another fucking word. I look
at Stacy, and then I look at Jig, getting ready to say my Al Bundy
line. I take in a deep breath. “Let’s dance, motherfucker!” Stays yells,
charging at Jig, taking me by surprise. I take off late behind her.
Stacy hits Jig with her spear, but it does not faze him at all. I come
up next with a left hook, making him take a step back. Stacy and I take
turns nailing the fucker back and forth. He lifts his hands, and he hits
us with lightning, sending me and Stacy flying through the air. Stacy is
up before I can even think about getting up. Fuck, I’m tired.
I watch Stacy go in hard, spinning her spear, jabbing, cutting,
trying to land a hit on Jig. But she misses, as he moves so fast, dodging her blows. And then he lands a hit on her, taking her down to the
ground. I set myself up in a running stance, taking off like a bat out
of hell, tackling Jig to the ground. I climb up on top of him, going
all out like Stone Cold motherfucking Steve Austin.
Fuck you, motherfucker. Left, right, left, right, right, right.
“You like that, motherfucker? Have another one.” I give all I have,
but he grabs me by my arms, stopping me. Then I make eye contact with him, and I feel an “Oh, shit” moment come on. He headbutts me harder than I have ever been headbutted, then picks me up,
throwing me back into the building. I hit hard and bounce off the
side and down to the ground.
I look up and see Stacy back at Jig, trying all she can to take him
down. Jig keeps dodging her blows, but she finally gets a good hit on
him. It stuns him for a second, and he stops and looks at her. Then in
the blink of an eye, he grabs her, picks her up, and throws her against
a tree. Then kicking up the spear she dropped with his foot, just as
fast, he flies to Stacy, standing her up against the tree, and rams the
spear into her.
“No!” I yell, running up behind Jig, shoving Bridget in his
back, lifting him up and slamming him down into the ground. I rip
Bridget back out and kick him as hard as I can, sending him flying
over to burnt Bertha.
“Stacy, Stacy, stay with me, baby. Stacy, come on, girl. Don’t do
this to me. Buddha, man, if you can hear me, just leave me and go
to her. Save her,” I say, and I feel a tingle in my hands. I watch them
start to glow, and I place them on Stacy. In seconds, it is over, but
nothing. Stacy is still barely hanging on.
I feel an arm grab me, throwing me back into the Deuce. I
bounce off it, and I feel everything from the hit, letting me know
Buddha has left the building. Now I’m back to being me. I think I
may still have the alien stuff in me to help out. I get back on my feet
slower than ever with every bone in my body screaming for death. I
ache all over as I watch Jig walk to me.
“Stone, I told you, you will die here today.”
“I’m still breathing, bitch.”
“Not for long,” Jig says as he lifts his right arm up, pulling it
back. A loud, thunderous roar rings out with a bright flash of light,
blinding us. Jig closes his eyes and shields his face with his arms, and
I come up with all I have left into his balls. Soon after, I get backhanded like I just talked back to my mom. My head bounces off the
Deuce, and I face-plant on the ground.
I bobble my head, trying to see what is going on. All I see are
flashes of light. I hear the sound of Kate’s grunts as I see dust kicking
up all around. The ground rumbles like there’s a 9.0 earthquake. The
sound of their hits get louder to the point where my ears ring so bad.
I try to cover them, but I’m so weak, and I hurt all over. I can barely
keep my head up as I try to crawl over to Stacy, but I make no headway, feeling stuck, but I still try to move.
I look around and see that the forge has collapsed in on itself.
Ylva’s wolf headdress is lying on the ground, and I lie here helpless,
unable to move. My head is pounding, my ears are ringing, and my
whole body is just giving up on me. I think I feel something bleeding
inside. Suddenly, this bright, bright, and I mean fucking bright as
fuck light grows brighter and brighter. Like, I can’t stress enough how
fucking bright this is. And then there’s nothing, just white light—no
noise, no ringing, no pain, no nothing.
410
411
WTF!
KATE
The mold opens up, and I feel so different, more powerful. I sit up
and look around. I bring up my arms and see my club in my right
hand, but it looks different and feels like pure power. It has a glow
to it and feels as if it is made out of steel now instead of wood, but
it’s light. I have this feeling that I can’t explain, and I have no pain
anywhere. The building starts to rumble.
“You better get out there. Your friends are dying,” Ty says.
“What do I do?”
“Kill that son of a bitch,” Ty says as the building rumbles more,
and the roof starts to fall in, followed by the walls.
First thing that comes to my head is to jump up, and next thing
I see is that I’m hovering over the building, just hovering, flying, like
I’m Supergirl or some shit like that. I watch the building collapse
in on itself. I look down to see Laura dead, nailed up to a tree and
gutted, and the twins are dead but just ripped apart. I don’t see Ylva.
Stone is down by the Deuce, and then I see Stacy. No!
Rage comes over me as I see Jig walking toward Stone. I feel a
power build inside me, and I look at my arms. They start to glow
bright, and I fly down fast, breaking the sound barrier. Full of rage
and the power of a hundred nukes, I start to glow brighter. I look
down at my club, and it’s glowing brighter and getting brighter as if
it’s powering up to help me duel out some pain. I turn my sight back
to Jig, flying right into him like a nuclear bomb going off, setting off
an explosion and bright light.
I stand back up from my superhero landing, looking at Jig and
him back at me as we circle each other. I move in, bringing my club
in for a swing. He blocks it, making a thunderous sound and rattling
the ground and sparking flashes of light. We take turns hitting each
412
other, kicking up dirt. As I land, I hit him with the club, totally kicking Jig’s ass. As I get him worn down, I put all my rage into powering
up the club and swinging it, connecting it to Jig’s head, setting off a
bright, bright light, and everything just disappears.
“Holy shit!” I see nothing ’cause there is nothing to see. I’m just
floating in the air, but there is no air. I see little white lights flying
toward me and start to see stars taking their place, and then planets
explode out of nowhere, out of nothing, just bam, planet after planet
pops out.
I start to think about the salon, Stacy, Stone, and Jack, just
everything that I don’t see and wish back. There is no one here, and
I feel so alone as I pull up my club.
“Well, what do we do now?” I ask it.
“You got nothing, huh?”
I wish to be back home with everyone. The Dark Evil is dead,
and the doc is gone. I just wish a full reset but a new life. I close my
eyes to think of my wish, hoping that it comes true. A bright light
starts to form in my mind, and I end up sneezing, and then darkness.
413
WTF!
I open my eyes and see Kate and Stacy standing in front of me, and
I look around to see that we are standing in the salon. They start to
cry and hug each other, laughing, full of joy, while I’m still trying to
wrap my mind around what had just happened.
“You guys remember anything?” I say, confused.
“Yes,” Stacy says.
“Stone, we made it. We did it. We won,” Kate says.
“What the fuck happened? How did we end up here?” I ask,
looking at Kate.
“I guess when I killed Jig, it reset time, and I ended up in this
empty place and made a wish, and I guess it came true,” Kate says.
“Do you feel any different?”
“Like, am I a god or something? No, I feel like me,” Kate says,
feeling herself, making sure.
“Stacy, what about you?”
“Same,” Stacy says as she starts rubbing her body down, checking it out, feeling for anything.
“Hey, Stone, you don’t have any cocaine anywhere here,” Frost
says, walking down the hallway.
“Frost, what the fuck happened? Where did you take off to?” I
ask him.
“Hey, easy there. I helped out. You guys just didn’t see me ’cause
I’m small.”
“Yeah, he got me the flamethrower,” Stacy says.
“Oh, okay, but what happened? How are we here? Is this our
time or what?” I ask.
“As far as I know, this is the right time and everything,” Frost
answers.
“What about Jack? Why are we here and he’s not?”
“I don’t know, man.”
We hear sounds of doors opening and voices coming down the
hallway, and I see Ylva and the twins walking out. I walk up to Ylva,
giving her a hug and kissing her, but she pushes me back and punches
me in the face as her sisters start kicking and punching me also.
“Okay, okay, what the fuck, Ylva?”
“Who? I’m Melissa, you creep,” she says as she and her sisters
walk out of the salon.
“Frost, what the fuck was that?” I ask him, in shock.
“Huh?”
“Huh? Is that all you’ve got?”
“Um, yeah, let’s go with that, man.”
“How is it they don’t remember us or what happened?” Stacy
asks.
“Again, I don’t know. I will have to get to my lab or something
close to it if this is our time or not, but let’s check it out. Who knows
what it is?” Frost says as the front door dings, as it does when someone walks in.
“Are you Stone?” a tall man asks, walking in dressed in a black
suit.
“Yeah, I’m Stone. Who are you?” I reply, looking him up and
down.
“You’re not going to believe me.”
“Try me.”
“I’m Death, and I need you to come with me and come get your
boy Jack. He is fucking things up in the After.”
“Wait, so you’re telling me you’re Death?”
“Yes.”
“Are you part of the group with Odin and Thor and the rest?”
“Um, no, you guys are not in the right time or even the right
world, and you reset this time instead of your own,” he says.
“What do you mean not our time or world?” I ask.
“Look, I figured you guys did some time traveling and fucked
some shit up and ended in our time that was created, and then you
killed our creator and sent him back down in another form, and he
414
415
STONE
Marc Longcor
WTF!
lost his power. And your boy Jack is chasing his ass down, trying to
kill him and everything else in his path, fucking up everything in this
time. You need to come with me while you two go after the werewolves, and yes, I know about them, and you all don’t belong here.
So while I take Stone down to get Jack, you guys get the werewolves
and meet us here at this location,” Death says, handing a piece of
paper to Kate.
“So, what, we just chase down Ylva and her sisters and explain
what is going on while they don’t remember us or know what is going
on?” Stacy asks.
“More or less, yes, ’cause if they change into wolves, they can’t
go back, and they will cause a big ripple through this time ’cause
creatures like that don’t exist here but on another planet that’s been
set aside for them and other creatures,” Death explains, and I try to
keep up with what he’s laying down.
“I’m so lost. So not our time or world, you have other planets
set aside for other things, hell is real, and I guess so is heaven,” I say.
“No, we have four places to go. One is what you may call heaven
or whatever is good for you to call it, one is hell or the bad place.
Then we have another planet with all kinds of creatures and monsters
and whatnots, and hell will go over there and get whatever to help
with what they do. And the other place is more like a no place, where
once you are processed and after paperwork, blah, blah, blah, you
can go into the door to be depolarized or reborn.”
“What do you mean?” Kate asks.
“People here in this world are more like batteries, and when
they die, they set off a charge back into the world and then go to our
processing center to be directed to other places. Look, I can’t explain
all this to you people, and I feel like I’m wasting a lot of time. And
not knowing what that old man is doing down there freaks me the
fuck out, so can we please go?”
“Why can’t you take care of him?”
“Look, that crazy old man is difficult, and we have tried to
take care of him ourselves, but the bigwigs just said to come get
you so you can bring him back ’cause no one wants him on the
other side. I mean, he has killed legions of demons, destroyed our
gates, locked down the processing center, locked down all entryways
to other places, and he killed Cerberus. Like, who does that? Like,
really, who? He is just awful.”
“Shit, so you’re saying Jack is still alive?”
“Yes, very much alive, and we need you to come get him, please.”
“Stone, you go and bring our old man back. We’ll get Ylva and
the twins to this place and meet you there,” Kate says.
“When we get back to our time, we are all going on a fucking
vacation. I’m so tired of this shit.”
“Just go and get Jack. The faster you do that, the faster we can
go home,” Kate says.
“Fine. Let’s go to hell.”
416
417
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
If you’ve read Marc Longcor’s first book, you know he was born in
northwest Missouri and that he’s an EMT. But what you don’t know
is, he spent a few years in the Army National Guard, little over eleven
years. He works way too much at night, racing around the city he
lives in, saving people like Batman does but not rich and more medical. He writes in his spare time and at work between 911 calls. Little
heads-up, if you get this book without having the first, you’ll be so
lost. Have fun reading!