THE EPISODE OF LONELINESS 2 Timothy 4:6-21 People are lonely because of disconnection. Facts about loneliness: - Chronic loneliness increases risk of early death by 14%. - It is estimated that over 40% of us will feel the aching pangs of loneliness at some point in our lives. - Loneliness does not depend on how many friends or relationships you have. - More than 60% of lonely people are married. - Chronic loneliness significantly increases our risk of cardiovascular disease. - Loneliness suppresses the functioning of our immune system. - Loneliness is as dangerous as cigarette smoking. We're going to look at the Episode of Loneliness. • You may be thinking you don't need this message; you are not lonely. o You're going to need this message someday. • Loneliness is an inevitable season of life. o You will go through it many, many times. o If you're not in one right now, congratulations. o But you're going to need this material at some point. This is a story of one man's struggle with loneliness and overcoming it. - It is lonely to have nobody. What causes loneliness? 2 Timothy 4. God made us to need each other; we were made for relationships. • When God put Adam in the Garden of Eden, He had every single thing he could possibly want. o There was no stress/ problems. Genesis 2:18, God looked at Adam and said, "It's not good for man to be alone." • The very first thing that God said is not good about the earth is loneliness. In 2 Timothy 4 • The last words the Apostle Paul ever wrote. o He's dying, in prison, in Rome. o He's about to be executed by Nero, the Caesar. o All of his friends have left him. o He's struggling with loneliness. Our passage illustrates… COMMON CAUSES OF LONELINESS 1. TRANSITIONS Life is a series of transitions. • Any major change in life can bring a little pain of loneliness. o Every time you have a change, even if it's a good, positive change -- you're getting something new. ▪ You are to give up something else. ▪ There's a letting go, a loss, with every change. ▪ That loss can bring pain of loneliness. Any new experience can bring on loneliness. - First day at school - Graduation - A new job and you don't know anybody there - Laid off from a job o Any new experience can cause loneliness. In Paul's situation, he's at the end of his life. v. 6, "I've already been poured out like a drink offering and the time has come for my departure. I've fought the good fight. I've finished the race and I've kept the faith." • He knows his time is short, his end is near. • These are the words of a dying man and he's saying, "I'm all alone." o Can you sense the loneliness in this passage? • 70% of all the elderly folks in America that live in nursing homes never get a single visit. o Statistics say that the loneliest people on the planet are elderly, sick men. ▪ That's exactly who Paul was. The point is, any major life change can cause loneliness. • Paul is going through the final transition of life. 2. SEPARATIONS When we're isolated from those we love. • It may be by a job, by travel, by some illness. • When we're separated from those we love, it causes loneliness. • Paul, in this passage, writes to Timothy and twice he says, "Why don't you come see me?" v. 9 "Do your best to come to me quickly." v. 21 "Do your best to get here before winter." In this passage, Paul lists seven friends that he misses. • He says, "Demas has deserted me, Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus has gone to Dalmatia, Erasmus stayed in Corinth, and I left Trophimus in Miletus." o These are the traveling companions of Paul. Paul was a people person. • He never went anywhere by himself. • Anywhere he travelled, he always took people with him. o He loved being around people. • Now he's at the end of his life. o He's in prison in a foreign country. o And nobody's there. o None of his friends are there and he misses them all. Can you feel lonely in a crowd? Yes. • I was in Vietnam. • The sea of humanity was all around me and I felt so lonely. o It's lonelier with people around you than without. • Have you've ever eaten by yourself in a restaurant while everybody else is eating in groups of two, three, four? o You know how that feels. It is not really good to be independent. • The price of independence is loneliness. o It's rampant in our society. o We're separated many times from those we love, for many different reasons. Notice it says, "Do your best to come quickly" Why? • He's saying, "I may not be around much longer." Who is it in your life that you need to make a phone call/ visit/ do something nice for? • Because you may not have them much longer? No one is guaranteed that their loved ones are going to be here next week/ month/ year. • Do your good while you can do it. o Do it while you can. 3. OPPOSITION When you're under attack by others you fall prey to loneliness. In this passage there was a guy named Alexander. v. 14 "Alexander, the metal worker, did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done and you should be on your guard against him because he strongly opposed our message." • This doesn't tell us what this guy did to Paul. o But evidently, he was resistant, and he was opposing and attacking Paul. ▪ Maybe he was slandering him. ▪ Maybe he was talking behind his back, attacking him in some way. The loneliness of being opposed by other people is painful. • Alam nyo ba ang pakiramdam ng hindi ka isali sa laro tapos magkakampikampi silang lahat at sasabihan ka pa ng masasakit na pambu-bully? o Surely, he/ felt alone. ▪ Some of you were that person. Mas Masakit ang pangbabansag kaysa ikaw ay hampasin ng bato o ng kahoy. • A broken bone will heal but a broken emotion often take years and years to heal. Some of you remember the loneliness… - of being the last one chosen for the team, or you weren't chosen at all. - of the way you looked -- too skinny, too fat, the color of your hair, the kind of clothes you wore, you were too rich, or you didn't have enough money. - of opposition when kids or people gang up against you. - of not having a chance of being in the in crowd. Being alone is painful enough. But what really hurts is… - When you're going through a major pain and nobody else understands what you're going through. - When you're experiencing a grief in life while everybody else is laughing and having fun. - When you're misunderstood/ criticized. - When you're embarrassed in front of a large group. o You felt very alone/ isolated/ different/ lonely. The temptations, whenever we're opposed or criticized, is to just build up walls. • We pull ourselves into a shell and say, "I'm never going to allow anybody to hurt me again. o I'm not going to let anybody get close to me. ▪ That makes yourself lonelier. 4. REJECTION Rejection is the most painful. • When you feel like you've been betrayed/ forsaken/ abandoned by people you thought you could count on. o Maybe it was friends, family members, a spouse, a business partner, a church mate. ▪ You gave your life to them. - And all of a sudden, you were rejected. The pain of rejection, betrayal. • People you thought were going to be loyal to you… • People you thought you could count on… • Maybe you've had somebody walk out of your life -- a friend, a spouse. o You feel that pain of rejection. o But God feels it too. ▪ He sees it and He cares about the heartache. You were designed by God with a deep emotional need to be accepted. • We all have a need to be accepted by other people. • When you don't get that, it causes great pain in your life. So, the most devastating thing you can do to a person is to reject them. • Rejection is the worst thing you can do to a person. o That's why God hates divorce in Malachi. o The Bible says that God hates adultery. Why? ▪ They are both forms of rejection. If you don't learn to deal with the pain of loneliness, regardless of the cause, you will tend to deal with it in selfdefeating ways. Bakit ang mga kalalakihan naglalasing. - Ano ang makukuha sa mapaklang inumin? o Gastos/ hilo ▪ Gusto nila ang samahan. - Hindi ko sinabing maglasing… Loneliness is so painful. So, we try anything to get rid of it -- the self-defeating way. • Some people when they're lonely try workaholism. o To be busy so as not to think about the loneliness to ease the pain. ▪ But it doesn't work. • Some people try materialism. o They fill their life with things. o "I will purchase happiness/ peace of mind/ things to compensate this pain of loneliness. ▪ But you can't buy lasting happiness. ▪ Materialism doesn't work. • Some people try alcoholism/ drugs. o They will try anything to compensate the pain. • Some people try sexual escape to compensate for loneliness. tonight. o But the next morning, it's there again. • Others escape into a world of fantasy. o And it doesn't satisfy. Most people fall into depression. • When they don't feel good/ when they feel bad. o They build walls. • They build a shell that no one can get close to them. o They live in a continual state of depression. Even Christians fall prey to self-defeating actions in order to relieve the agony of loneliness. What do you do when you go through an episodes of loneliness? • In 2 Timothy 4, Paul gives us the antidote to the paralyzing pain of loneliness. o He says you need to utilize, minimize, recognize and you need to emphasize. HOW TO COPE WITH LONELINESS? 1. I need to UTILIZE MY TIME. Make the best of a bad situation. • Resist the temptation to do nothing. • Take some action, any kind of action. o If life gives you a lemon, you make lemonade. • Think of creative ways to take advantage of the times of the seasons that you are alone. v. 13 Paul says bring my books and bring my coat. "Bring me the cloak I left with Carpus and bring my books, especially the parchment." These are 2 things you ought to do in the phase of loneliness. • Be comfortable and productive. o You don't see Paul throwing a pity party. o You don't see him complaining, giving up because he's here in his last days and all of his friends are gone. ▪ He makes the best of the situation. ▪ He utilizes his time. He says two things: 1. Bring my coat. • Those Roman prisons were damp, dark, cold. • He did the best he could to take care of himself. It is human nature that when we are lonely and depressed, we don't take very good care of ourselves. • We tend to let exercise slide; we don't rest well. • We don't eat right. o Paul did the best he could to take care of himself. Some of you are not taking very good care of yourself because you're depressed and lonely. 2. Bring my books. He would utilize the time to study. • Paul was a people person. o He loved being around people. o He hated being alone. o It wasn't the way God wired him up. Yet he did the best he could. • He wrote some letters. • Today, they're compiled in a book and we call it the NT. • We are benefitting from Paul's loneliness. o If he hadn't been in prison, do you think he would have taken the time? No. He's an activist. o The only way God could slow him down was to put him in solitary confinement. ▪ Today we benefit from his loneliness. Is anybody going to benefit from your loneliness? • Utilize the time for good and not just waste it. 2. I Need to MINIMIZE MY HURT De-emphasize it. • Don't rehearse it over and over in your mind. o It just gets bigger and bigger and out of control. o Refuse to become resentful. ▪ Bitterness will eat you up. Minimize the hurt. Paul's attitude in v 16 "Everybody has deserted me... [He went on trial before Nero. Nobody came to his defense.] ...May it not be held against them." Here is Paul, the greatest Christian next to Jesus. • He goes on trial in Rome and not one person stepped forward to defend him. o He is absolutely by himself! o Yet he said instead, "May it not be held against them." • In other words, I'm not going to let myself become bitter. o Bitterness makes loneliness worse. Bitterness and loneliness go together. • They become a cycle. o You become lonely. o Then you start feeling bad about it, having a pity party. o Then you get bitter. Your bitterness makes you even more lonely, which makes you more bitter… • Soon you're a hard hearted, depressed person that nobody could get close to. o Your bitterness only perpetuates your loneliness. So, when you go through an episode of loneliness… - You have to utilize the time. - You have to minimize the hurt. o Don't build a wall around your life. 3. I Need to RECOGNIZE GOD'S PRESENCE v. 17 Paul says everybody left me. They all deserted me. "But the Lord stood by my side and gave me strength." • Recognize God's presence. When you're lonely, where is God? • Over and over in Scripture, the Bible says, if you have a relationship to Christ that God is with you all the time. o He says "I will not leave you orphans... I will not leave you comfortless... I will send the comforter.... Lo, I am with you always even unto the end of the world." ▪ He's always with you. ▪ You're never really fully alone. Loneliness is a time to become better acquainted with God. • Recognize His presence. • Prayer is a powerful antidote to loneliness. o You can talk to Him anytime, anywhere, any place. o He understands how you're feeling when you say, "God, I'm lonely. I hurt! My heart is splitting. I am miserable. I feel empty. Help me, God." David says in the Psalms "Where can I flee from your presence?" Nowhere. • You will never be in a place where God isn't. • If He's with you -- if you've trusted Christ -- He's in your heart. o Refocus on that and recognize His presence. When you go through an episode of loneliness… - You have to utilize the time. - You have to minimize the hurt. - You have to recognize God’s presence. 4. I Need to EMPHASIZE OTHER'S NEEDS Focus outward on others. • Stop focusing on yourself. • Find a ministry. o A ministry is a place you can use your talents and gifts to help other people. The loneliest person in the world… • The guy who's wrapped up in himself, who's self-entered. • The loneliest woman is the self-centred woman. • The self-centred person is asking to be troubled by loneliness all your life. o God wired us up to give our lives away, to help others, to think of others not just ourselves. If you want to break out of loneliness… • Stop saying, "I don't have any friends" and start being a friend. • Stop focusing on yourself. o Instead of looking at Me, Me, Me, focus out and see a world that is waiting for friends. o Emphasize others' needs. A lot of loneliness is a fear of love. • We're afraid to be open. we're afraid to be exposed. • We're afraid to share how we really feel. • We're afraid to step out and risk a relationship because we might be rejected and we know what that pain feels like. • When we fear love, we don't give ourselves away and we're guaranteeing ourselves loneliness. o We set ourselves up in a self-imposed prison of solitary confinement... ▪ Give your life away. v. 17b …all these people have left him but God is with him. "Through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it." Paul’s life goal is to help other people – salvation. • The key to overcoming loneliness is stop building walls and start building bridges. o Stop building walls between you and other people. o Start building bridges. Take a risk. ▪ Begin to help other people. Years ago the Dutch woman, Corrie Ten Boom, was engaged to be married to one guy and all of a sudden he broke off the engagement and married her best friend. She was devastated. Her love was blocked. She came home crushed and lonely and isolated. She asked her father, "What do I do with a blocked love?" He said, "Whenever you have a blocked love re-channel it." Ok, there is someone you want to give your love to who won't receive it, accept it. There are thousands of people in the world who need your love. Re-channel it. If you hold it in, it's going to dry up and wither away. Re-channel your love. Give yourself away. • When you do that, the loneliness will dissipate. You may be feeling nobody knows the heartache/ loneliness that you're feeling in your life. God does. • God says this to you: I made you. You have a purpose. I care about you. I love you. I have a plan for your life. The reason why we feel lonely so much of the time is because we expect other human beings to meet needs in our lives that only Jesus Christ can meet. • What you often call loneliness is really homesickness for God. o You've just never recognized it. o You were made to have an intimate, personal, close relationship with Jesus Christ, a relationship that God is dying to have with you. PEOPLE ARE LONELY BECAUSE OF DISCONNECTION! What do you do? 1. Open your life to Jesus Christ. - Have a personal relationship with God… - That's what you were made for. o That is the antidote to your deepest loneliness. 2. • • • Join a church family. We weren't meant to be lone-ranger Christians. Find a spot where you can get involved. Join a cell group where you get to. The real reason so many Christians are lonely is because they're sitting when they should be serving. • All around us is a world full of people who are lonely, waiting to be cared for. o The world is full of people waiting to be loved. o Stop saying "I don't have any friends!" and start saying, “Who could I befriend?” ▪ Who could I show Your love to?" • You will go through lonely times in your life, but you'll never go through it alone if Jesus Christ has an intimate relationship with you. What are the causes of loneliness? - Transition - Separation - Opposition - Rejection When you go through an episode of loneliness… - You have to utilize the time. - You have to minimize the hurt. - You have to recognize God’s presence. - You have to emphasize other’s needs. Ministering - Renounce the spirit of loneliness. - God design for you is to be with Him and be with the believers. – Reject the thought of isolation. - God is a God of community – so as you. - What makes you lonely? o Accept the period of transition and separation. o Don’t be bitter with your opposers. o If you are rejected, think of what is left for you.
