Relational Ecology Michael Jeffery October 2022 Overview Relationship ecology is a perspective on intimate relationships based on ecological principles. The underlying patterns of nature are foundational to all human activity. I suggest that by modelling our human relationships consciously on nature we are likely to have relationships that are more in harmony with each other, the earth and all other beings. This model hopes to inspire people to engage in relationships and relationship networks that both subvert the often problematic yet dominant patriarchal model and have an experience of intimate relating that more is resilient, beautiful and thriving. Inspired by the Relationship Anarchy (RA) model by Andie Nordgren, this Relationship Ecology model incorporates my critiques of RA model and offers an alternative that is 1 grounded in the patterns of nature instead of anarchist political philosophy. I am greatful for the RA model for its contribution to my life and relationships. This overview draws some broad preliminary connections between ecology and intimate relations across multiple domains (cultural, personal, internal and external, historical, and biological). This document is a tiny, surface-level exploration. Further field guides will explore the impacts and implications of this theory more fully. Perspective For ease of articulating the concepts here, I speak from the perspective that each intimate relationship is like an individual in an ecosystem. This perspective of a relationship as its own autonomous being is also a model for relational health; treating relationships like beings that need energy input and care, like any other being. These ecological relations concepts can be scaled to different aspect of relational systems (individuals relationship to their inner emotions> individuals relationship to another person> an intimate partnerships relationship to their subculture> a subculture to the overculture), so please play around in your explorations of these concepts. Please send feedback and to michael.hugh.jeffery@gmail.com. I would love to collaborate to make this model more integral and add in the implications for relationships based on these principals. Principals These are core ecological principles that guide all natural systems. Humans and our relationships are part of nature, so I bridge how they apply to intimate relationships. Nature is made up of nested systems Every system in nature is nested within another system (atoms> molecules> cells> organs> organisms> ecosystems). Shifts that occur in one system create impacts on the systems that it is nested in as well as the systems nested within it. Every relationship is a nested system Our relationships are deeply impacted by the systems they are nested in and the systems within us. Humans are in themselves a diverse ecosystem with many systems nested within them including our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual bodies and their histories which 2 they bring to intimate relationships, then, these relationships are nested within places, communities, cultures, political systems, infrastructure, etc. External Systems As a generalization in modernity, we are nested in some way within patriarchal, colonial, technocentric, cis-het-mono privileging, white supremacist, ableist systems. We can impact these systems through how we choose to practice intimate relations as we dismantle the internalization of these systems and adapt to new ways of relational thriving. Internal Systems The way individual relationships form is deeply related to the systems nested within the participants: our brain chemistry, our nervous systems, our meaning-making systems, our spirituality, our ethics, our emotions, and our sexuality for example. Stressors and resources in these systems impact the thriving of our relationships, and vice-versa. Diverse systems are more resilient In ecological systems, biodiversity is correlated with resilience. The more things that exist in a system the larger the capacity for that system to respond and adapt to change or disturbances. (Biggs et al. 2015). Diverse relationships create resiliency Creating diversity within our relational networks will allows for more resiliency. As an example for diversity=resilience in relationship, we can look at the widowhood effect, this is when a person dies shortly after their long-term spouse dies (it ismost common for males with weak social networks). The lack of a diverse ecosystem of loving relationships is connected to an early death. Some ways to attend to diversity in our relational ecosystem include: a) Include diverse types of relationships within our network and honor that they are all inherently valuable and necessary ie: friendships, family relationships, romantic partners, mentors, mentees, and relationships with groups, etc. b) Build relationships with diverse folx across gender, race, age, belief systems, socio-economic status, ability, location, culture, etc. c) Bring diversity of experience into each individual relationship. Relationships that meet needs for us across different domains (physical, emotional, sexual, mental, spiritual) will be more resilient than relationships that only meet one need. 3 All species in a system are interconnected In any system, all species are connected through a network of relationships. This network is essential for any species to survive. Each individual is strongly influenced by their relationships with others in the environment. All relationships in a system are interconnected Each relationship is shaped by the network that it exists in. Other relationships that the individuals are involved in (including work, family, community, other intimate relationships, nature) determine the time, effort and energy that is available to the relationship. The community and cultural norms, infrastructure and abundance of relational resources in the larger system (ie: time, communication skills, physical resources, emotional intelligence) shape the relationships in it. Each relationship is interconnected to the history of the individuals who make it up. Their family upbringing, past relationship experiences, traumas, authentic desires, etc. all shape the relationship. Expressions of each individual relationship also impact the larger network it is connected to. Relationships deeply influencing the individuals in the relationship but individual relationships also shape the family, other relationships, community and culture around it. Energy cycles through the web of life All species depend on the energy that cycles and flows between different systems. Relationships depend on the energy flow from other systems Relationships depend on the flow of energy of the larger and smaller systems they depend on for survival. Each relationship needs energy from the smaller systems within them (the individuals) to exist, which rely on flows of other smallers systems (body systems, emotional systems, belief systems, mental systems, etc) . The expressions of our modern relationships are influenced by the flows of energy of larger dominant systems of capitalism, patriarchy, industrialism, ete. These larger systems are continually shaped by the forms of relationships that make them up. Energy flow in relationships is also intergenerational. Our relational patterning is influenced by how our ancestors adapted to connection with culture, land, community, ability, major life events, etc. These patterns have been passed down to us through nurturance patterns, cultural expression and also in our genetics (epigenetics link). 4 Species adapt to survive All life transforms, learns and evolves over time to adapt better to its environment. Species within ecosystems coevolve together for mutual thriving and create symbiotic relationships. Relationships that adapt will survive The social, physical, emotional, political environments that relationships exist in are always changing and evolving. Resilient relationships are ones that continue to shift and make changes along with the environment and they impact the environment in the process. Co-evolution of relationships occurs as environments shift (ie: Nuclear family relationships became norm in 1950’s in post-war America’s economic and technological boom, polyamory is more common in communities where there are far more women then men, monogamy where it is opposite). Individuals can adapt to very different ways of relating intimately over their life span. The individual and collective ways that relationships have developed are the ones that have adapted to their environment to help us survive and thrive up to this point. For example, we can see this on a personal level where we have adapted particular attachment styles (link) that helped us best get our needs met in our family of origin. On a collective level, the prevalence of cis-gendered, heterosexual, monogamous(ish) relationships is an adaptation of how the human species to flourish in the modern world; there are plenty of other relational adaptations that exist and work better for different individuals. Systems are in a dynamic balance Ecological systems are complex feedback loops. They are in a relatively stable state that is marked by consistent fluctuations within the system. The system itself adapts slowly over time based on continuous feedback. Relationships are in a dynamic balance Relationships are made up of a lot of moving parts, each experience, feeling, thought and gesture all giving feedback to the system. When looked at from a distance, relationships and individuals have traits that are at a relatively stable baseline with consistent fluctuations and a continuous slow transformation over time. Ie: Body weight, libido, location, etc are relatively stable in individuals with some fluctuations. A relationship characterized by humorous conversation, anger when in conflict, living in the same home and kinky sex could be stable traits, but which are marked by continuous fluctuations. 5 All systems have a window of tolerance of how much stress or resource they can hold before a major adaptation occurs. All life requires energy flow to survive All life needs regular input of energy to continue existing. Nearly all of this energy comes from the sun, either directly or from organisms which have stored the sun's energy All relationships need input of energy to continue existing. Relationships can run on past inputs of energy for some time, but if there are insufficient inputs the relationship will transform. Different relationships require different energy input. I will make the assertion here that love is similar to the sun's energy and love is required for relationships to exist. Even a loving thought or memory can keep a relationship alive. Humans benefit from energy inflows from multiple sources. Each person's unique relational ecosystem is better adapted to receive energy from different sources (not all sources need to be from other humans, non-human relationships like with nature, animals or ancestors are all ways to engage with relational energy). Different relationships function better within different relational ecology structures that invite different and sufficient energy flows ie: poly with multiple sexual partners, monogamous in primary partnership and solid friendships, asexual with strong family or community relationships, celibacy with relationships accessed through spiritual practice, an anti-social introvert with many animal relationships, etc. Infinite appropriate frameworks are possible for creating sufficient relational energy flow for individuals and relationships.
