How To Win Friends And Influence People Summary
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1-Sentence-Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People teaches you countless
principles to become a likable person, handle your relationships well, win others over and
help them change their behavior without being intrusive.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
Another self-help classic, published even one year before Think And Grow Rich, in 1936,
this has sold over 15 million copies throughout the 80 years it’s been in print.
This book has surely shaped behavioral psychology the way we know it today, as it reads
like an instruction manual on how you can be more liked by others, get them to do
favors for you and even change their behavior under your influence.
However, none of it is based on manipulation and deceit. Dale Carnegie does it all based
on the core idea that you can change other people’s behavior simply by changing your
own.
Here are 3 valuable lessons from How To Win Friends And Influence People:
1. You can make a great first impression just by smiling.
2. To be interesting to others, talk about their favorite topic: themselves.
3. If you want to convince people, get them to say yes a lot.
Ready to become a master of influence? Rock and roll!
Lesson 1: A simple smile is all it takes for you to make a great
impression.
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There’s that famous quote about how actions speak louder than words, because in the
way we act we truly show whether we follow through on our intentions, instead of just
stating them.
The easiest action you can take to make others instantly like you then, is to smile.
Just like we all tear up when a baby laughs or smiles at us, or feel a rush of endorphins
from seeing a dog wag its tail in our presence, we can’t help but feel affection towards
someone who smiles at us.
Now imagine a smile being the first thing you see the first time you meet someone and
shake their hand – of course you’re going to like them!
More than half of our communication is based on body language, so a smile vs. a frown
can make the difference between making a new friend or selling a car and striking out.
What’s more, smiling isn’t a one-way road, it helps you directly too.
By consciously smiling you’ll generate positive feelings “by accident”, just like
positive feelings can cause you to smile without meaning to.
So the next time you meet someone new, turn that frown upside down and smile as you
shake their hand!
Lesson 2: You can be interesting to others by getting them to talk
about themselves.
What’s everyone’s favorite topic? The weather? Nope. Themselves!
We all love people who listen to us for hours end as we yatter on and on about our
own lives.
People always think to be interesting you have to share many fascinating stories and
constantly talk about your accomplishments.
That couldn’t be more wrong. You don’t even have to talk to be interesting.
Humans are naturally self-centered, we are our own biggest interest, and boy do we get
excited if we meet someone who shares that interest!
Give other people your full attention, don’t interrupt them, be genuinely interested, ask
follow-up questions, don’t rant about yourself and, most importantly, listen.
You’ll be amazed at how many people will say things like this about you: “That Nik guy
was so great to talk to, what an interesting person!”
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If you want to go one step further, you can do what Teddy Roosevelt did, and even
prepare yourself before you meet someone by researching them online and trying to
pick 2-3 of their favorite topics, which you can then address and get them to talk about.
Lesson 3: In order to convince people, you have to get them to say
yes a lot.
Dale Carnegie has 3 steps to help you convince people, the premise of all of them being
that they don’t know you’re trying to change their mind.
We hardly defend anything as strongly as our own opinions, so the second we’re on to
someone trying to win us over, it’s a hopeless cause.
Unless you’ve spilled the milk already, here are 3 steps to help you succeed:
1. Be nice. Do the above. Smile. Listen. Be polite and patient, that’s the basis of any
successful persuasion and for that matter, should be the basis of any conversation.
2. Make it clear you have the same goals. Your conversation partner must believe
you share the same interests and vision, so emphasize that by talking about the
interests you actually share. They have to know you’re really on their side and want
what’s best for them (which you hopefully are anyway).
3. Ask them lots of small questions that they answer with yes . Once you’re sure
you’re both on the same page, you can start laying out your arguments, but do it
by asking questions your partner can answer with yes as much as possible. Then,
when you make your final point, you’re more likely to get a yes as well.
The idea behind this approach, called the Socratic method, is that the probability of a
final yes goes up with every yes you get before. This is due to the human consistency
bias – we wan’t to be consistent in our actions, so we’re unlikely to break a long chain of
yeses.
How To Win Friends And Influence People Review
I could easily have summarized every single blink in this summary, such a good one. The
tips are incredibly simple, which is why they’re so powerful. All of them you can start
applying right now, as How To Win Friends And Influence People carries a strong message of
“be the change you want to see in the world.” This book uses less scientific language than
Cialdini’s Influence, for example, which makes it a light, but recommended read.
Read full summary on Blinkist
Get the book on Amazon
Learn more about the author
What else can you learn from the blinks?
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How Abraham Lincoln learned to never criticize others the hard way (swords
involved!)
Why “Thank You” and “Sorry” will help you call in favors
What Dale Carnegie said to a bored employee to brighten his day and show his
appreciation and why that’s the golden rule
The simplest trick you can use to show others you care
How many arguments you should engage in and why (hint: it’s less than 1)
Which language to use when others are wrong
What to do differently when you yourself are wrong
Who would I recommend the How To Win Friends And
Influence People summary to?
The 14 year old who just got a paper route, and now has to talk to a lot of people, the 27
year old girl who usually spends a lot of time on dates talking about herself, and anyone
who’s job involves selling something.
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