Psychoanalytic Social Theory
Karen Horney
Answer the following questions based on your personal experiences
1. According to Horney, a normal, well-adjusted person can resolve
conflicts in life by balancing the self-effacing, self-expansive, and
resignation solutions. Which orientation do you tend to gravitate toward?
Or do you generally resolve conflicts by balancing all three? If you do
incline toward one orientation, does this tendency helps explain any
patterns of conflict in your love relationships or patterns in how you tend
to resolve such conflict?
As a mentally stable psychology student, you can achieve a good
balance between self-effacing, self-expansive, and resignation solutions.
Internal conflicts can lead us down a path that is full of bad energy. In my past
experiences I have dealt with the conflicts, I’ve faced. I didn’t realize that I
applied the three neurotic trends that were identified by Karen Horney.
When I entered a relationship 5 years ago, we were together for almost
three years. First, moving toward people a neurotic need to protect oneself
against feelings of helplessness. At the start of that relationship, I always strive
for my partner’s affection. As a young 16-year-old girl, who had her first
boyfriend. I am the “clingy one” the person who wants all of his boyfriend’s
affection. I always push him to be the better version of himself so that we can
grow together. I want him to be like me, the girl who always does her best in
everything, an achiever. Then I realized, you really can’t force people to be
the better version of themselves, if they don’t want to. Second, moving against
people shows other people that they are tough and ruthless. Being the boss in
the relationship, I always act like I am the superior or the one who will make
the decisions, all is up to me. Since I am the older one in the relationship, I
always feel like I am the one who can decide the best decisions. We have a 2year gap in our ages, I am 17 years old and he is 15 years old at that time. I
always act like an adult because I am older than him. When my decisions
resulted in bad ways, I don’t have the guts to admit my mistakes. I want him
to see me as a person who can be admired by the people around me, the one
who can achieve great things, and lastly, the one he can be proud of. I want
everyone around us to think that I am the perfect girl for him, the best one.
Lastly, moving away from people the neurotic trend that is a detached manner
that puts emotional distance between themselves and other people. They said
that “Enjoy it while it lasts” there’s no perfect relationship. I admit that we
have a fair share of mistakes. We were young back then. We decided to end
the relationship though at first, I was hesitant to end it. Because I believe that
I can’t love or I can’t be attached to anyone again. After the break-up, I
detached myself from those people that we have connections. His family,
friends, and things that I can be reminded of him. I need time to process
everything. Maybe almost 3 years is not that long but I gave all my efforts, I
did everything I can in that relationship. I have to be independent after the
breakup. All of my decisions are dependent on him. Like where will I go to
college, things we all do for love. I have to be myself again, the independent
person. Step by step I’ve moved on. I am now a person who never depends on
anyone. I make decisions for the betterment of myself.
Before I studied Psychology and studied Theories of Personality.
I was concerned with what other people thought of me, both in terms of
impressions and perspectives. I always consider their reactions to the things
I’ll do. If I did all the things that I enjoy doing that time, will I be the same
person I am today? That’s the biggest question I have. If I didn’t depend on
my decisions in that relationship or I didn’t limit myself because of that
relationship, will I have more experiences in life now? I have concluded that
nothing is more important than prioritizing yourself. Loving yourself first
more than anything or anyone.
2. Horney believed that we all have an idealized self, which represents who
we think we should be. What do you conceive of as your idealized self? Is
this self-more forgiving, more thoughtful, braver, wealthier, and so forth,
than your real self? Describe who your perfect self would be. Then
consider what elements in your social environment contribute to your
idealized version of yourself. What combination of social factors helped to
create this concept of self—your parent’s expectations, your schooling, your
religion, your country?
The idealized self-image of myself, the person I want to be the
godlike picture of myself. I am a person who doesn’t forgive easily that’s why
I want to be more forgiving. Try to understand the person instead of making
decisions easily or judging them easily. The more appreciative one, growing
up I didn’t show the emotion of being appreciative. I remember one time, my
mom gave me a present, the book I wanted. I only tell her “Thank you” instead
of telling her how happy I am to get the book. I want to express my emotions
more than keep them to myself. A person who takes risks easily without
thinking about the consequences. The go-with-the-flow person. The person
who only thinks about her happiness. Before I make decisions, I always think
about what would my mom say or how would she react if I do something. I
want to experience the excitement of doing anything I want. The version
where I am braver to face challenges or problems instead of running from
them. I have this attitude when things go bad, or that conflict can affect my
peace I detach myself right away. I want to be the person who is brave to face
those conflicts. The version where I am more of an understanding person.
Sometimes, I don’t accept critiques, opinions, or reasons. For me, if you did
something bad to me, it’s all done. I always believe that “actions speak louder
than words.” I always based my decisions on that person’s actions. I want to
be a person who is open-minded about things I don’t accept. My idealized
self-image was based on the factors of the people around me. My family,
friends, and lastly, myself. We all want to be better versions of ourselves. We
are striving hard to achieve our idealized self-image.