The Greatness of Clownpiece
by Rainbow Greene Scarlet
Touhou Fifteen: Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom is one of the greatest games of all time. It
features four stellar protagonists and seven cool-as-fuck bosses for an overall very enjoyable
experience. This much is known. However, among the cast one particular fairy is heralded as
one of the hardest and craziest of all: Clownpiece. Despite her hard boss with a shit ton of
random patterns, Clownpiece is one of the greatest 2hus to ever be blessed to us by ZUN.
Let's start with the first thing you think about when you think of Clownpiece: her
star-spangled garb. Some might initially see this as a deliberate choice by ZUN to convey the
craziness of the American public. However, the reason she's dressed like this is to serve as a
living "fuck you" to the Lunarians. The American flag represents what could have been the start
of a hostile takeover by the outside humans during the 1960s. These patterns are later
appropriated into a fitting warning to the Lunarians of an actual invasion from the Hell denizens
Junko and Hecatia. Those two lend a particularly large hand into the greatness of Clownpiece.
To Clownpiece, Junko and Hecatia are seen as her two lovely lesbian moms. Of course,
she learns a lot from these two, such as how to have really cool danmaku (Japanese Bullet)
patterns from Hecatia, and how to absolutely fucking murder and ruin anyone's 1CC run from
Junko. Being based off of the lampads of Greek legend, it is no wonder why the Touhou version
of their master Hecate, Hecatia, would be something of a motherly figure to her. Of course, the
interactions between Clownpiece and her moms makes up a great deal of her character in
fanon works, being portrayed as the somewhat aloof child to a pair of loving, caring parents.
These types of interactions are the type of things many who lack these types of interactions in
real life crave (hint hint), so Clownpiece adds fuel to the fire to warm the hearts of many.
Of course, one can never forget the fire Clownpiece's torch carries. Unfortunately for the
playerbase of Touhou games, Clownpiece's torch not only has the ability to create multiple
rotating moons, but also drive people to madness. Of course, the clever man he is, ZUN
decided to best represent this by making her boss fight batshit fuckin crazy, including the
aforementioned rotating moons, giant laser death beams mimicking the stripes of the American
flag, so many stars on screen that sometimes computers start lagging, and, for good measure,
ACTUAL SURVIVAL SECTIONS IN HER SPELLCARDS. These factors and many more are
why Clownpiece is infamously known as one of the hardest bosses in Touhou history, rivaling
the likes of, to many, the secondary Scarlet Devil herself, Flandre. Of course, with difficulty
comes, in another absolutely fucking brilliant choice by ZUN (dude is KILLING IT), madness by
ANGER from the fairy princess herself as well. However, just by staring at her face for a few
minutes after a rage-inducing few hours of trying to get through her on Point-Device could easily
melt any anger away.
Clownpiece is a controversial figure. To some, a cheap boss that throws like 500 things
you have to keep track of on screen. To others, a child who is loved and cherished by her
mothers in very wholesome interactions. Some even feel insulted by Clownpiece's attire and
name, seeing it as a mockery to America. However, it is important to note that the raw power
and greatness that emanates from such a small clown is irrespective to her fit. Her boss battle is
one of the most fun and challenging, I would argue, of shmups as a whole.
Clownpiece is one of the greatest Touhou characters of our generation, and honestly, I
would give her my life.