Setting Limits Structure –The path and the plan (What do you want to see?) o Schedule (Visual and Clear) o Clearly stated expectations (Include incentives) o Routine (Consistency, do not veer from the plan) Limit Setting – The guardrails on either side of the bridge o Establishing the limits and boundaries in your home. Limit setting is one component of kind and respectful parenting. o All actions must be kind and respectful (of self, others and community) o Genuine reinforcement of compliance o Unkind and/or disrespectful actions are not OK o Child will be expected to complete a RE-DO or resolve the problem in the way the parent directs before any wishes or wants are granted. o Consistency – Limits and boundaries are the same, always o Keeping limits consistent is necessary to reduce your child’s negative Behaviors and anxiety (children/adolescents crave limits and boundaries) o Predictable- responses to unkind / disrespectful actions. Having a concrete, predictable reaction (wise mind) vs. an emotional reaction (emotion mind) o Voice: Using a firm calm voice to set limits o Limit setting does not ask, limits tell o Limit setting does not use sarcasm or teasing, use authenticity and connection. o Offering 2 choices once a limit / boundary has been crossed o Remind your child of their goals, what they are earning, etc. o Keep guardrails firm: limit testing is to be expected o Make peace ahead of time with the expectation that your children will experience emotional discomfort when you set limits. o Acknowledge your child’s feelings of disagreement – your child will have an easier time letting go of resistance when her feelings are validated o Noncompliance with limits = a request for help, “you’re having a hard time following directions, I am going to help you.” o State what your action will be: if/when the expected behavior does not happen Notes: Being assertive and empathetic without the need to communicate control over their actions. Validation of the emotion, consistency of the limit Limits cannot be punitive or vindictive, the goal is to maintain a positive relationship with your child. Specific expectations / Appropriate rules