Shannon Morozin Chapter 5: Verbal Communication Verbal communication is the foundation of communication today. Through this chapter, I have gained better understanding how language functions, the components of language, how perception and power influence language, and ethical verbal communication. Hopefully, this information helps me better develop my verbal communication skills. I feel better prepared for confrontation and communicating my needs. Words affect relationships and change power structure within them. I come from a family of six, and nagging is a normalcy in my house. Research found that nagging involves losses and gains of power. After repeatedly asking my sister to clean her house, my mom is losing a sense of power; she is losing her ability to control my sister. My sister gains power by disrespecting my mom. As frustrating as this is, my mom experiences a loss of power. Misunderstandings of messages often occur between communicators. Messages have “different meanings or ‘do’ different things, from different persons’ viewpoints” (100). A sender can send a message of love, and then, the receiver can receive it as a message of hate. Here a dialogue of a misunderstanding. Partner 1: “I gained so much weight over Christmas; I need to watch what I am eating.” Partner 2: “Well geez, sorry that being heavier is so awful! I have struggled with it my whole life! I have no interest in any diet, thank you very much!” In this scenario, Partner 1 was making a statement about themselves and not trying to upset Partner 2. Partner 2 was offended and thought the statement was insulting their heavier body. A misunderstanding occurred because these two people understand things differently. Clarifications and conversation are needed to clear up misunderstandings. Jargon is “the specialized terms that develop in many professions” (107). As a college student, I hear jargon like meal plans, all-nighters, and resident assistants. I know other jargon specific to certain jobs I have had, at camps, schools, and retail stores. I hope to go to law school in the future, and I will essentially be learning the jargon of being a lawyer. I found this passage interesting: “People usually don’t think about the assumptions that reflect societal power relations; in sum, individuals feel the need to mark minority differences, but they tend not to identify majority group membership (112)”. I have noticed this in my culture. There is a tendency to assume people are white unless told otherwise. A white man is just a man, but a black man is a black man. These assumptions come from deeply rooted power structures. Sometimes, people are unaware that they inappropriately identify others. For example, I did not know that Oriental is an offensive term for Asians and Asian Americans. It means “exotic and foreign” (112). This reiterates the importance of educating ourselves on proper terms and labels. The article “Why you should always use ‘transgender’ instead of ‘transgendered” discusses the importance of using the correct terms when speaking of someone’s identity. This article makes me aware of the appropriate terms to use. Transgendered implies that something happened to a person to make them transgender, and transman and transwomen are also incorrect. Transgender and trans are adjective and should be separated from the noun. The correct way is trans man and trans women. Use correct and appropriate terms when identifying someone creates a world of respect. I find it disgusting that people in the media still use incorrect, offensive terms. Times are changing and those in positions of power need to recognize this and be open to change. The article “Why I Use the Word Fat” also addresses this topic of identity. Societally, fat is seen as a negative word to belittle people. However, there are activists and movements that embrace the word fat. Fat literally means someone has excess flesh, and as stated in the article, this does not correlate with being “less worthy of respect or tolerance or proper health care or equal pay or fashion or sexuality.” To me, the word fat is scary; it is hard to rid myself of the idea that fat is unacceptable. Unrealistic body expectations and weight loss encouragement swarm the media. However, the rise of body positivity is helping people recognize that we are more than other bodies. Our bodies do not define our worth, and the media needs to promote this message. Before this chapter, I knew what disconfirming communication was, but I did not have the word for it. Now that I have learned, and I am glad because I will say I HATE disconfirming communication. “Disconfirming communication occurs when people make comments that reject or invalidate a self-image, positive or negative, of their conversational partners” (114). Validation is incredibly important in relationships and support. All feelings and situations need to be validated and not blown off. If someone is having a rough day, they are having a rough day, and I will validate that struggle and offer support. We need each other, and we need to share each other’s struggles and joys in order to get through them. Confirming communication strengthens the world’s community. Along with confirming communication, I enjoy a facilitative style of speech. Facilitative style is like “nodding your head in agreement, asking questions, or giving supportive linguistic cues” (104). Basically, the receiver of a messenger is encouraging the speaker. I find this especially helpful when giving a presentation during class. If I see a friend smiling and nodding their head, I feel more confident. This is a great tool in relationships. A partner can encourage their partner to express their feelings by nodding their head and asking questions. This support can minimize tensions and stored-up feelings creating a closer relationship. I have learned a lot of tools reading this chapter. Verbal communication is incredibly important, and I often struggle communicating with others. This chapter can bring more awareness on how to better verbal communicate and strengthen relationships.
