Aldo Beltran Prof. Ryan Fuckin’ DeMay Turf Management 420 THE Lawn Forum University December 3, 2021 A Compressed take on Soil Moisture Management A wise turf badass once told me, “Most people are in the stone age when it comes to water management.” He’s right, you know. It’s questions such as those that will make your entry level pro turf guys realize they don’t know fucking shit about watering. I mean, it should be as easy as watering equals green grass.. right? RIGHT? How wet should we want it? How wet is too wet? Some would say wet enough to slide in a limp dick easily after it softens up from a water break.. but I digress. Is too wet even a thing? Well unless we’re talking about 38yr old women, there is somewhat of a sweet spot (we’ll call it the G-Spot in this case) when it comes to moisture management in soil. My goal in this short essay is not to say where that is, but rather to come to a conclusion three pain points: 1. Decide how and when to water: How do I water, and how do I quantify how much? 2. What weather conditions disctate how I alter my watering strategy? 3. Depending on my water source, what other issues could water exacerbate with respect to turf conditions? Everyone’s answer will vary depending on location and climate.. and perhaps even grass type. As you may already know, I live in the devils oven. Stepping outside is like is like walking into a blow dryer (but it’s a dry heat). I have no in ground irrigation, leading me to only water via water hoses and a variety of hose end sprinklers. City water is very high pH, soil as well (3000ppm Ca, 600ppm Mg, 200ppm Na, CEC=24). Being already in a dogshit situation with 115 degree average highs, I’m of the mentality of watering the absolute fucking shit out of my lawn. Proceeding to drown the grass in water from time to time has produced surprisingly decent results alongside my fertilization program. The overall amount of water doesn’t vary too much as I’m sure I’m already overwatering the grass at some points. According to my watering gauges (reused lunch meat tupperware) I’m averaging 23 inches of water every week just to keep up with ET. A Greek idiot I know got it right.. water is pretty much free here in the Sonoran desert.. so there’s no real issue as far as “cost of materials” there. A full watering is almost a day event. It simple really.. leave the sprinkler on for x amount of time per section. Forgetting about it from time to time happens and it’s ok.. more-er is gooder, right? Once we’re in peak season (May – September), hammering down the water is the name of the game (outside of mowing of coarse). Being that my area averages less than 5” of rain a year.. there should never be any dependance of rain to water the grass. However, there will be those stretches of 37 days of temperatures such as 119 highs and 86 lows. Those are the days where I pretty much “forget” about the sprinkler being on to prepare for these times. The use of wetting agents also play a role here.. depending on areas of the lawn (kinda like having lube on the bed side for a long night of fucking). Winter is interesting as our desert doesn’t reach freezing temperatures often. 75 highs and 40 lows on the coldest times of our winter call for a much less amount of water compared to summer time. Ryegrass is typically poppin’ from November to March. This is pretty much the only time I’ve gotta be weary of how much I’m putting out as it can lead to very saturated soil and water not evaporating anywhere near close to summer. Regarding issues, pH is the main issue the lawn faces. City water is 8.4 pH.. and even with a pH correction program including elemental sulfur and citric acid, it’s an uphill battle. Perhaps a direct injection system to acidify my water could show some better results in the long run, but I ain’t got the money for all that.. ya boy needs his weed money, na’m saying? I DID, however, manage to produce a little grey leaf spot on some parts of my Bermuda this past summer. Having sprinklers running for 12 hours after an early morning citric acid application appears to have done it. Being that we’re so dry here, it was surprising to see disease present. I’m better prepared now and will be less of a dipshit when it comes to watering in applications. Just because that 19yr old pussy is good to go, doesn’t mean you’re never gonna run into issues.. amirite? TL;DR: I live in a place where I shouldn’t be growing grass. Drown it in water.. keep it mowed and fed. I’m hoping to grab a ton of this low hanging fruit from this soil moisture management tree and improve on how I irrigate lawns. Cheers to all the plebs out there worried about disease and watering too late in the day.