Case A
Type of Elements
Purpose: the purpose is to send out info
about financials and new positions to be
filled
Audience boss to employee: know the
people whom we are writing to
Type: internal mail
Writers tone: informative
Issues that can be corrected to improve impact
F pattern is not followed
Subject is not clear
Lacks clear deadline
Too much content – paragraphs splitting
Salutation is missing
From: Rhonda Murphy
To: Raj Patel
Subject: Recent developments in Finance Department
Hi Raj,
Jake finished the quarterly report and distributed it to the executive committee for review. Although sales
are down 3% this quarter, projections were considerably higher. The good news is that we have managed
to pay off 30% of our debt, 12 months ahead of schedule.
And just yesterday, Liza, one of our top auditors, gave her notice and will be taking a position with a new
company at the end of the week. Her accounts have been distributed among her team members, and we
want to make a smooth transition for our clients. Please review the resumes you have for senior auditors
and set up some interviews within one week.
As you know, we are in the process of acquiring NJT company. Although the recent audit did not uncover
any fraud in the company, it did find some accounting errors, as NJT showed a pattern of aggressive
accounting. Therefore, as they become part of our company, their auditors must take a more responsible
and conservative accounting approach. To ensure this result, John announced that Bill Edwards will accept
the position of Director, Corporate Finance. That means that we also need a new Director of Special
Projects. Please begin that search too, both internally and externally.
See me if you have any questions.
Thanks and Regards,
Rhonda