Validating and Normalizing Feelings OBJECTIVES: By the end of the session, you should be able to; • Identify feelings/reactions related to the pandemic/any form of disaster • Accept that all feelings and reactions are normal and valid. Magbigay ng 1 salitang makapaglalarawan sa nararamdaman mo ngayon? Let’s begin. Look at the lines below. You are going to write a letter. Pause and Think. Then write, My Dear Friend. Using the lines on the next page, write to a friend about the following: During the months of lockdown, what were the 5 routines or reactions you did at home? An example would be; “I slept most of the time.” Or, “I watch television/GMA7/AbsCbn.” Others may say,” Nothing. I help in the household chores.” Number them from 1-5, and write them down on the front part of your letter. On the back page of your letter, write to your friend about your feelings towards your reactions or routines. An example of feeling would be; “I felt bored.” Or, “I felt afraid.” Others may say, “I experienced anxiety.” You can repeat your feelings, but, you may not repeat the routines or reactions. You can explain why you felt that way or why you reacted that way. You do not need to write a long letter. A short one will do Give some few minutes students to write their letter. I want you to know that all your feelings, all your reactions for the past days are valid. To validate is to affirm that these feeling/s are happening. I want you to say to yourself, “ it is okay that I felt this way. It is okay to not be okay’. I want you to know that all your emotions are real and true. And that all of those, they are normal feelings. They are normal because other people may also share the same feeling/s but the intensity of feelings is uniquely yours. Tell yourself, “all these are normal feelings. Normal lang ang pakiramdam ko”. We hear it often now] it’s okay to not be okay. My question is, when is it okay not to be okay? And when is it not okay to be not okay?“ - Tito Boy Abunda Analysis What are the common feeling/s to the usual routines of your everyday life? What are your shared human experiences of Covid-19 or of the disaster that hit your town? Are they similar? Are they dissimilar? Now that you have recognized your common humanity, you feel a sigh of relief from knowing that you were not alone. You can empathize with each other. You accept each other. These are all normal feelings to stressful situations. If you wish, you can take a photo of the letter and share it with your friend. I hope this empowers you to go on living. Domain Negative Responses Positive Responses Cognitive Confusion, worry, selfblame Determination courage, optimism, faith Emotional Shock, sorry, grief, sadness, fear, anger, numb, irritability, guilt, and shame Feeling involved, challenged, mobilized Social Fights with others or does not speak with others Seeks out others who can help them, helps others in need Physiological Tired, headache, muscle tension, stomachache, difficulty sleeping, fast heart beat Alertness, readiness to respond, increased energy Common negative reactions that may continue include: Intrusive reactions: Distressing thoughts or images of the event while awake or dreaming • Upsetting emotional or physical reactions to reminders of the experience • Feeling like the experience is happening all over again (“flashback”) • Avoid talking, thinking, and having feelings about the traumatic event • Avoid reminders of the event (places and people connected to what happened) • Restricted emotions; feeling numb • Feelings of detachment and estrangement from others; social withdrawal • Loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities Physical arousal reactions • Constantly being “on the lookout” for danger, startling easily, or being jumpy • Irritability or outbursts of anger, feeling “on edge” • Difficulty falling or staying asleep, problems concentrating or paying attention Reactions to trauma and loss reminders • Reactions to places, people, sights, sounds, smells, and feelings that are reminders of the disaster • Reminders can bring on distressing mental images, thoughts, and emotional/physical reactions • Common examples include: sudden loud noises, sirens, locations where the disaster occurred, seeing people with disabilities, funerals, anniversaries of the disaster, and television/radio news about the disaster Positive changes in priorities, worldview, and expectations • Enhanced appreciation that family and friends are precious and important 43 The 2020 O/SG PFA Modules Supplemental to the SEES Manual • Meeting the challenge of addressing difficulties (by taking positive action steps, changing the focus of thoughts, using humor, acceptance) • Shifting expectations about what to expect from day to day and about what is considered a “good day” • Shifting priorities to focus more on quality time with family or friends • Increased commitment to self, family, friends, and spiritual/religious faith When a Loved One Dies, Common Reactions Include: Feeling confused, numb, disbelief, bewildered, or lost • Feeling angry at the person who died or at people considered responsible for the death • Strong physical reactions such as nausea, fatigue, shakiness, and muscle weakness • Feeling guilty for still being alive • Intense emotions such as extreme sadness, anger, or fear • Increased risk for physical illness and injury • Decreased productivity or difficulties making decisions • Having thoughts about the person who died even when you don’t want to • Longing, missing, and wanting to search for the person who died • Children and adolescents are particularly likely to worry that they or a parent might die • Children and adolescents may become anxious when separated from caregivers or other loved ones What Helps • Talking to another person for support or spending time with others • Engaging in positive distracting activities (sports, hobbies, reading) • Getting adequate rest and eating healthy meals • Trying to maintain a normal schedule • Scheduling pleasant activities • Taking breaks • Reminiscing about a loved one who has died • Focusing on something practical that you can do right now to manage the situation better • Using relaxation methods (breathing exercises, meditation, calming self-talk, music) • Participating in a support group • Exercising in moderation • Keeping a journal • Seeking counseling What Doesn’t Help • Using alcohol or drugs to cope • Extreme withdrawal from family or friends • Overeating or failing to eat • Withdrawing from pleasant activities • Working too much • Violence or conflict • Doing risky things (driving recklessly, substance abuse, not taking adequate precautions) • Extreme avoidance of thinking or talking about the event or a death of a loved one • Not taking care of yourself • Excessive TV or computer games • Blaming others ABSTRACTION/REFLECTION Now that you knew that what you were feeling or how you were reacting was similar to the one on the list, how do you feel now about yourself? Always remember that your reactions to the stressful situation are normal at the moment or until about three months. Most young people will react in the same manner. You are not being crazy when you have those feelings. Also, the next time you feel that way, try to take ten deep breaths. Slowly. And then try to do letter writing and send the letter to your close friends. This will help you calm down. Can we try to do that together? Count 1-10 as you breathe in and out. APPLICATION Today you learned that our reactions to the stressful events of Pandemic or any other form of disaster were normal and valid. How does this new learning that my reactions and feelings toward Covid-19/disaster were normal after all help me? (Students will write their answers in their notes) How can you apply this learning to your life especially after experiencing such a pandemic? (Students will write their answers in their notes) Closure Read your letter again. Compare how you feel now that you know that those feelings were normal and valid? Say to yourself: my feelings are valid. My reactions are normal. My feelings and reactions are valid and normal. Takeaway Message: My feelings toward this disaster/pandemic are normal and valid. Others may also feel the same way. It is okay to not feel okay.
