Conflict Management Skills
What triggers conflict?
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Criticism
Feeling entitled
Perceived lack of fairness
More perceived costs than rewards
Different perspectives
Stress and lack of rest
Dialectical tension
Criticism
 Young people are not
pleased by criticism from
their elders.
 Some
male
have
a
heightened sensitivity to
what they perceive as
criticism from women.
 They are insecure about the
relationship.
Feeling entitled
 If we believe we’re
entitled to something
and
we’re
denied
getting what we think
is ours, then conflict is
a likely result.
Perceived lack of fairness
 If we believe we have
not been treated fairly
conflict is likely.
 “It’s mine, not yours!”
 These sentiments fuel
conflict between adults
as well as nations.
More perceived costs than
rewards
 One person feels that he or she is getting less
out of the relationship than the other person.
Different perspectives
 Power
 Social issues
 Personal flaws
 Distrust
 Intimacy
 Personal distance
Stress and lack of rest
 When you are not at your physical best, what
you thought was a casual remark can quickly
escalate into conflict.
 Beginning of vacations, the end of a long
work week etc.
Dialectical tension
 People’s need for two things at the same
time.
 Results in uncertainty and discomfort with
the relationship.
 For example, being separated and connected,
feelings of being open and closed.
Myths or Truth?
 Conflict is always a sign of a poor
interpersonal relationship.
 Conflict can always be avoided.
 Conflict always
occur because of
misunderstandings
 Conflict can always be resolved.
Pseudo conflict
Simple conflict
Ego conflict
CONFLICT TYPES
Pseudo conflict
 Pseudo means false.
 Occurs when we simply miss the meaning in
a message.
 Unless we clear up the misunderstanding or a
real conflict might ensue.
How can you avoid pseudo conflict?
 Check your perceptions
 Listen between the lines
 Establish a supportive rather than a defensive
climate for conversation.
Simple conflict
 Differences in ideas, definitions, perceptions
or goals.
 Keep the conversation focused on the issues
at hand so that the expression of differences
does not deteriorate into a battle focusing on
personalities.
To keep simple conflict from escalating:
 Clarify yours and your partner’s understanding of issues and
your partner’s understanding of the source of the
disagreement.
 Keep the discussion focused on facts and the issue at hand.
 Look for more than just the initial solutions.
 Don’t try to tackle too many issues at once.
 Find the kernel of truth in what your partner is saying.
 If tempers begin to flare and conflict is escalating, cool off.
Ego conflict
 When you launch a personal attack, you are
picking a fight.
 As each person becomes more defensive
about their position, the issues become more
tangled.
 When you are under stress, you are more
likely to be verbally aggressive.
 Refrain from hurling personal attacks and emotional
epithets.
 Take turns expressing your feelings without interrupting
each other.
 Stay focus on issues rather than personalities.
 Make the issue a problem to be solved rather than a battle to
be won.
 Write down what you want to say.
 When things get personal, make a vow not to reciprocate.
 Avoid contempt.
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
STYLES
Conflict Management Styles
 Avoidance
 Accommodation
 Competition
 Compromise
 Collaboration
Avoidance
 To back off and try to side-step the conflict.
 Typical responses:
 “I don’t want to talk about it.”
 Indicate that a person has low concern for
others as well as for themselves.
 Lose-lose approach.
 Wishes the problem would go away by itself and
appears uninterested in managing the conflict.
 Unassertive and unable to stand up for one’s own
rights.
 People might also avoid conflict because they don’t
want to hurt the feelings of others.
 Demand-withdrawal
pattern
of
conflict
management.
Advantages:
 Provides time for each
person in the conflict to
think about the issues.
 Allow each person to
save face.
Disadvantages:
 Sending a message that
you really don’t care.
 Make things worse.
 Issues
remain
unresolved.
Accommodation
 To give in to the demands of others.
 Fear rejection.
 Lose-win approach.
 Sacrifice your own needs so that someone
else can win the argument.
Advantages:
 You are reasonable and
want to help.
 Gain credibility.
Disadvantages:
 Give the
accommodator a false
sense of security.
 Diminish your power.
 Short-circuit the
possibility of finding a
solution that is to
everyone’s liking
Competition
 People who have a competition conflict
management style have a win-lose philosophy.
 Want to win at the expense of the other person.
 Often resort to blaming a scapegoat.
 May try treats and warnings.
Collaboration
 To have a high concern for yourself and
others.
 More likely to view conflict as a set of
problems.
Best used when:
 All sides of the conflict need fresh ideas.
 Enhanced commitment to a solution is important.
 To establish rapport.
 Emotional feelings are intense.
 Affirm the value of the interpersonal relationship.
Disadvantages:
 Time, skill, patience and energy required.
Organisational Techniques for
Preventing Conflict.
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Creating a culture of openness.
Involves employees in decisions that affect them.
Ensuring alignment of organisational systems.
Offering team training and team building.
Providing diversity training.
Offering conflict management and negotiation
training.
The Language of Managing Conflict
and Difficult Situations
 What are some factors or symptoms of
conflict?
 Lack of communication
 Lack of trust
 Opposing agendas
Steps in Managing Conflict
(that does not involve you)
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Open the discussion.
Identify the issue.
Acknowledge and explore the issue.
Generate solutions and options.
Make agreements.
Open the discussion.
 I sense/feel that there might be some issues/areas at work
that you are not 100% satisfied with, and I just want to sit
down with you informally and talk things out.
 I have a feeling that there might be some issues we need to
deal with, so I was hoping we can sit down and discuss….
Identify the issue.
 "I have noticed...." "I feel...."
 "There appears to be...."
 I have noticed that you and your co-workers seem to be
arguing a lot recently.
 I was just wondering if I could perhaps get a clearer picture
of exactly what is going on.
 It seems to me recently that you have been coming quite late
to work...
Acknowledge and explore the
issue.
 Summarise or repeat and confirm each party's presenting
issues after they have spoken. Refer to the examples.
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You have said......Is this correct?
You have mentioned….Is that right?
Yes, I see… (repeat the issue)
 Show understanding and sympathy using the following
phrases:
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Ya, that could be frustrating.
Generate Solutions and Options
 What are some steps that can be taken to
resolve this for you?
 Well, what are your views? How do you
think we should deal with this?
 What kind of solutions would you propose?
 I was wondering what your ideas are on this
situation.
Make agreements.
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Show agreement.
Yes, that might be worth a try.
Establish a specific agreement (who, what, when, where, how).
Sure, ok. This is what we will do. We will….
Alright, here’s what we will do.
Here’s a way we can move forward…
Here’s what we can do to tackle the problem…
Set a date to review progress of the agreement
Let's meet again on [date] to review progress on this issue.
Let’s try this out and meet again in a month’s time to take stock.
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