Name: Muhammad Ameer Hamza
ID: FA20-BBAH-0021
Assignment 1
WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES
SELECTING COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
Using Figure 2.2, suggest the best communication channels for the following
messages. Assume that all necessary channels shown are available. Be prepared to
explain your choice.
1.
As a project manager, you wish to inform three fellow employees of a meeting
scheduled for three weeks from now.
Email would be used to contact anyone through online channels, we can use
this method to send message to multiple people at a same time and its an
efficient way to keep record as well.
2.
As assistant to the vice president, you are to investigate the possibility of
developing internship programs with several nearby colleges and universities.
Face to Face Conversation is important when a person need to discuss
important thing in personal or gather information personally.
3.
You wish to send price quotes for a number of your products in response to a
request from a potential customer in Taiwan.
Fax is communication channel used for international communication level,
and where a written document is significant.
4.
You must respond to a notice from the Internet Revenue Service insisting that you
did not pay the correct amount for last quarter’s employer’s taxes.
Memo is used as to save record in a written format to explain clearly.
5.
As a manager, you must inform an employee that continued tardiness is
jeopardizing her job.
Face to Face conversation is best for persuading, useful and rich
conversations.
6.
Members of your task force must meet to discuss ways to improve
communication among 5,000 employees at 32 branches of your large company.
Task force members are from Los Angeles, Orlando, San Antonio, White Plains,
and Columbus (Ohio).
Video Conference is a communication channel through which important
discussion would be communicated in a group.
7.
You need to know whether Paula in Printing can produce a special pamphlet for
you within two days.
Phone Call is a communication channel when you need to deliver message or
gather information quickly.
AUDIENCE BENEFITS AND THE “YOU” VIEW
Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and
‘you’ view.
8.
To help us process your purchase order, we must require that you fill out another
requisition.
Please fill out new requisition so that we can process your purchased order.
9.
To prevent us from possibly losing large sums of money, our bank now requires
verification of any large check presented for immediate feedback.
To keep your money safe, our bank now needs to verify the check for Instant
feedback.
10.
So that we may bring our customer records up to date and eliminate the expense
of duplicate mailings, we are asking you to complete the enclosed card.
We are updating your records, so please fill out the enclosed card to avoid
the inconvenience of receiving duplicate mails.
11.
For just $300 per person, we have arranged a three-day trip to Las Vegas that
includes deluxe accommodation, the “City Lights” show, and selected meals.
You can enjoy three-day trip to Las Vegas, including: deluxe
accommodation, the “City Lights” show, and selected meals in just $300 per
person.
12.
I give my permission for you to attend the two-day workshop.
You are entitled to attend a two-day workshop
13.
We’re requesting all employees to complete the enclosed questionnaire so that we
may develop a master schedule for summer vacation.
Please fill out the enclosed questionnaire to receive your master schedule for
summer vacation.
14.
I think my background and my education match the description of the manager
trainee position you advertised.
You can see that my background and education are in line with the trainee's
position description you advertised.
15.
We are offering an in-house training program for employees who want to improve
their writing skills.
You can now benefit from our in-house training program, to help improve
your writing skills.
16.
We are pleased to announce an arrangement with Compaq that allows us to offer
discounted computers in the student bookstore.
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Name: Muhammad Ameer Hamza
ID: FA20-BBAH-0021
A contract with Compaq allows you to purchase discount computers from
student bookstores
17.
We have approved your application for credit, and the account may be used
immediately.
Your loan application is approved and you can use your account.
18.
We are pleased to announce that we have selected you to join our trainee
program.
Congratulations! You had been selected to enroll in our trainee program.
19.
Our safety policy forbids us from renting power equipment to anyone who cannot
demonstrate proficiency in its use.
For your safety, you are required to show your knowledge about how to use
electrical equipment.
20.
We will reimburse you for all travel expenses.
All your travel expenses will be refunded.
21.
To enable us to continue our policy of selling name brands at discount prices, we
cannot give cash refunds on returned merchandise.
You can buy the brand at a discounted price and still use the merchandise
exchange facility.
CONVERSATIONAL, PROFESSIONAL TONE
Revise the following sentences to make the tone conversational yet professional.
22.
As per your recent request, the undersigned is happy to inform you that we are
sending forthwith the brochures you requested.
Your requested brochure are enclosed..
23.
Persuant to your letter of the 12th, please be advised that your shipment was sent
on June 20003.
On June 2003 your shipment was sent.
24.
She was pretty tricked off because the manager accused her of ripping off office
supplies.
She was exasperated because the manager accused her for exploiting the
office supplies
25.
Kindly be informed that your vehicle has been determined to require corrective
work.
Your car need some repair works.
26.
He didn’t have the guts to badmouth her to her face.
He couldn’t condemn her to her face.
27.
The undersigned respectfully reminds affected individuals that employees
desirous of changing their health plans must dos so before December 30.
It is compulsory employees to change their health plans before December 30.
POSITIVE EXPRESSION
Revise the following statements to make them more positive.
28.
We will withhold payment until you complete the job satisfactory.
Your payment will credited after completion of this job.
29.
In the message you left at our Website, you claim that you returned a defective
headset.
Thank You, your claim for defective headset has been received.
30.
We can’t process your application because you neglected to insert your social
security number.
Please enter your Social Security number so that we can process your
application.
31.
Construction cannot begin until the building plans are approved.
Construction will begin after the approval of building plans.
32.
It is impossible to move forward without community support.
Community support enables us to step further.
33.
Customers are intelligible for the 10 percent discount unless they show their
membership cards.
By showing membership cards customers can avail 10% discount.
34.
Titan Insurance Company will not process any claim not accompanied by
documented proof from a physician.
To avail insurance benefits kindly attach your proof of medical treatment.
INCLUSIVE LANGUAGE
Revise the following sentences to eliminate terms that are considered sexist or that
suggest stereotypes.
35.
An applicant for the position of fireman must submit a medical report signed by
his physician.
All applicant must provide their medical report for the position of fireman.
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Name: Muhammad Ameer Hamza
ID: FA20-BBAH-0021
36.
Every employee is entitled to see his personnel file.
All employees should christened to see their personnel file.
37.
All conference participants and their wives are invited to the banquet.
All conference entrants and their brides are invited to the banquet.
38.
At most hospitals in the area, a nurse must provide her own uniform.
At most hospitals in the area, nurses should bring their own uniform.
39.
Representing the community are a businessman, a lady attorney, and a female
doctor.
Representing the community are a business executive, an attorney, and a
doctor.
40.
A salesman would have to use all his skills to sell those condos.
Sales representatives would have to use all their skills to sell these medicines.
PLAIN LANGUAGE AND FAMILIAR WORDS
Revise the following sentences to use plain expression and more familiar words.
41.
Please ascertain whether we must perpetuate our current contract despite
perplexing profits.
Please advise us if we should continue business despite low profits.
42.
He hypothesized that the vehicle was not operational because of a malfunctioning
gasket.
He thought that the vehicle was not operable due to gasket problem.
43.
Because we cannot monitor all cash payments, we must terminate the contract.
We must abort the contract, because we cannot monitor all cash payments.
44.
The contract stipulates that management must perpetuate the retirement plan.
The contract requires that management must continue the retirement plan.
PLAIN, POSITIVE LANGUAGE
The following excerpt is from a Veterans Benefits Administration letter. Can you
make it understandable? (Evidence, by the way, means “documents.”
45.
If your evidence is not revised before June 18, 2000, which is one year from the
date of our first letter, your claim, if entitlement is established, cannot be
processed before the date of the receipt of the evidence.
Our letter was sent to you on April 18, 1999 in response to your request.
Best regards, please submit the documents by April 18, 2000. That way, you
can process your application: If the claim is established. The maximum time
allowed is one year to handle such claims.
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