Nick Frohlich COMS 6200 Final Project 4/26/2021 Introduction The purpose of this project is to facilitate a conflict management plan for partners experiencing relationship problems during the Covid-19 lockdown. The lockdown has created an unprecedented strain upon homes both psychologically and financially and this can easily create conflict between partners that destroys their relationship. I believe that by creating a framework that identifies the causality of the conflict and proposes multiple solutions or options then perhaps some of this conflict can be mitigated. Description For the project I focused on research involving interpersonal communication and dynamics such as power, gender, conflict styles, apologies, emotion, and negotiation. While these are not the only dynamics involved in a conflict between partners, they are some of the key factors in these types of conflict. There are also many variables and dynamics within an interpersonal conflict and the study and subsequent plan are affected by these limitations. Regardless of the many and complex variables that can exist within any conflict, by providing a framework and outline for resolving the conflict I believe the chances for resolution are higher than trying to resolve a conflict without a plan in place. Analysis When conflict arises between couples it is often emotionally charged and generally situational. This means that the conflict has risen out of a particular event and is generally not the normative behavior the couple experiences from one another. It becomes a power struggle where each side wishes to be validated and ensure the other understands, agrees to, or submits to the other. The conflict will generally take on one of five different styles: accommodating, avoiding, compromising, competing, or collaborating (Jandt, 2021). Gender also plays a role in conflict styles as studies have shown that women prioritize relationships over agenda more frequently than men during times of conflict (Sheen & Stinkai, 2020). Emotions generally play a role as well in interpersonal conflict between partners. It is important to not allow emotions to guide or control the flow of the conflict resolution process as it does not allow the proper frame of mind for resolving a conflict (Gallo, 2017). At this point, the couple must identify what the main issue is for each of them. Once the issue is identified, it is then necessary for each to express what they would like the outcome or resolution to the conflict to be. This will help frame the perspective of each individual and set the groundwork for conflict resolution to take place. By clearly understanding how each individual frames the conflict, it can help build empathy and recognize the differences in each viewpoint (Kaufman et al., 2017). To understand the framing of an event from another’s perspective, it requires active listening skills which are critical to resolving the conflict. Active listening shows respect for values, concerns, and feelings, relieves the pressure of high emotions leading to calm, helps the speaker organize their thoughts, recognizes concerns without endorsing them, and helps the listener know what the issues are (Spencer, 2012). Avoiding problem solving and explaining during this phase is a crucial part of the active listening exercise. Using open body language, such as avoiding crossing arms or using defensive posturing, is a crucial part of this process as well. Being attentive and open minded can help create empathy when listening to the perspective of their partner, as you are listening with the intention of understanding rather than undermining. Once both parties have defined their perspective on the conflict and what the center of the conflict encompasses, it is then possible for each to articulate what outcome they would prefer to resolve the conflict. Each individual proposes solutions to the conflict and a collaboration takes place as they brainstorm on various resolutions. A list of possible resolutions should build from this phase and offer direction for a possible resolution to the conflict. This negotiation phase facilitates collaboration and aims at combining divergent viewpoints to form an agreement rather than bargaining for one position versus another. The possible resolutions generated during this collaboration should then be evaluated to understand which resolutions are viable and which are not. This should in turn lead to compromising as each assesses the possible resolutions and understands what the other party believes is an acceptable resolution to the conflict. If none of the ideas presented can be compromised upon or agreed upon, they return to the previous step and once again collaborate to provide each other with feasible resolutions. If again none of the ideas presented can be agreed upon, the conflict could become intractable and require outside mediation to provide a resolution. Intractable conflicts are different in that they need a more multi-faceted and prolonged approach and require mediation to dissuade the perception and notion that the conflict is intractable (Burgess & Burgess, 2003). Once a feasible resolution has been agreed upon by both parties, it should be documented and signed by both parties. While this has no legal contingencies, it is a symbolic act which shows that each party is committed to the resolution and wishes to end the conflict peacefully. Part of this resolution should be the implementation of contingencies as time goes on and circumstances inevitably change. While no one can predict the future, having a clearly outlined plan for dealing with the conflict should it arise again can aid in future conflict resolution. Reflection During this project and the research involved I have learned the value of understanding the various dynamics of conflict. While we may think we know how to handle conflict intrinsically as we deal with it on a daily basis as humans trying to survive, there is a high level of research on the subject and the various dynamics that lie within. Interpersonal conflict between couples is only one dynamic of conflict in communication, but it is one that we will all inevitably deal with during our lives. It is already a difficult task to maintain a relationship for a long period of time and requires a great deal of work and effort from both parties involved. The effort becomes that much greater when an outside force is straining the relationship as well, in this particular instance, the hardship brought about by the Covid-19 pandemic. Unless the commitment is two-fold and both are willing to put in the work, there will more than likely be some form of conflict that arises during the timeline of the relationship that ends the relationship. I have also learned more about myself and how I address conflict not just within the dynamics of a romantic relationship, but in a wide variety of circumstances. It has allowed me to better understand my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to dialogue and conflict and how to be a better communicator when these situations arise. Undoubtedly, the knowledge and skills learned during this course and subsequent project will resonate throughout my life and the choices I make. While this outline and conflict management program can help detail a framework for mitigating conflict within a household, it still requires a great deal of effort and commitment from the individuals. Unless they are willing to put in the work, no amount of detailed synopsis or mitigation can save a relationship. Similar to brushing your teeth or combing your hair or going to your job, relationships are work that require time and commitment. Therein lies the simplicity as well though; maintaining a relationship is not something magical or wonderous that propagates itself straight from a Hallmark movie, it is work. While there are many that are willing to put in this level of work and effort, others would simply rather die. Conclusion While this project provides a rough framework for facilitating conflict resolution in an interpersonal relationship between two partners, there are many dynamics and variables at play in any given relationship. Each situation and circumstance provide unique variables as do the individuals that comprise each role within an interpersonal conflict. Given the wide range of variables, it is improbable and impossible to expect any conflict resolution plan to be a catch all or magic bullet capable of mitigating any conflict. I believe the next step in developing an interpersonal relationship conflict management plan would be to identify the number of variables that could logically occur and create contingencies for these variables. This would require a great deal more research that could be accomplished through current published scholarly resources available as well as first-hand research to identify recurring variables that can be quantified. My hope is that this plan has a positive effect in regard to mitigating interpersonal conflict between partners under duress during the Covid pandemic. The range and application apply beyond the pandemic as unknown and unforeseen outside sources of conflict are a regular part of human life and to be expected to a varying degree. I believe that with an outline and framework for mitigating conflict in hand, as well as two individuals willing to work for one another, that even the worst and perceptibly intractable conflicts can be resolved. References Burgess, H. & Burgess, G. M. (2003). What are intractable conflicts? Beyond Intractability. https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/meaning_intractability Gallo, A. (2017). How to control your emotions during a difficult conversation. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2017/12/how-to-control-your-emotions-during-adifficult-conversation Jandt, F. E. (2021). Conflict and Communication (2nd ed.). Cognella. Kaufman, S., Elliott, M., & Shmueli, D. (2017). Frames, Framing and Reframing. Beyond Intractability: Knowledge base and conflict fundamentals. https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/framing#masthead Spencer, R. N. (2012). Active Listening and Conflict Resolutions Basics. Centre for Community Organizations https://coco-net.org/active-listening-and-conflict-resolution-basics-coco/ Steen, A., & Shinkai, K. (2020). Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill. International Journal of Women's Dermatology, 6(1), 50-53. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijwd.2019.06.002 Zartman, W. (2007). Negotiation and Conflict Management: Essays on Theory and Practice. Routledge.
