But I am still hurting, why should I forgive?
It is always said that God has a sense of humor, and, you cannot help
but laugh when you have an encounter with it. Just a few months after
accepting Jesus as the head of my life, I was told one of the best "jokes" that
I have heard. The "joke" was about forgiveness. One day, while talking to my
pastor, I asked her what it really means to forgive and how is it that one
truly let go. After a long discussion, one thing stood out for me: “when you
truly forgive someone, you restore them to the place in your life where you
had them initially. The place where you are open, and they could possibly
hurt you again." I know that you are probably smiling so hard right now, and
that was also my initial reaction. I chuckled, looked at her and gave the
remark that I will forgive that individual; but fool me once, shame on you,
fool me twice, shame on me. Suffice to say, I vowed never to give an
individual whom I have pardon the chance to hurt me again.
Fast forward a few years later, I accepted a job as a Middle school
English Language Arts teacher. It was in my newfound position where I had
to exercise forgiveness to one of my students, after a confrontation that
took place in my classroom that resulted in physical and emotional hurt on
my part. After the classroom incident, I went home and prayed about it:
How can I TRULY forgive my student? How can I be an effective teacher to
my student without holding the hurt I endured against her? The very thing
my pastor told me, came rushing back. Of course, my response was "but
God..." That is when he reminded me that when Judas betrayed him, he
forgave him right away and when I sin against him, once I repent, he forgives
me instantly. Certainly, the conversation had me thinking. Isn't it ironic that
we will hold a grudge against someone for a hundred years but when we
mess up, we expect God to forgive us right away? The bible tells us in
Matthew chapter 6: 14- 15 that “if [we] forgive other people when they sin
against [us], [our] heavenly Father will also forgive [us]. 15 But if [we] do not
forgive others their sins, [our] Father will not forgive [our] sins.” (NIV)
Letting go of being hurt by someone is never easy; but we ought to
remember that while we struggle to forgive: our forgiveness is conditional.
Therefore, we will only be forgiven to the extent that we forgive. Moreover,
we do not only make mistakes once, we fall short countless times, but we
know that God WILL forgive, and we will not lose our status as his children.
So, when you are faced with a predicament where you need to
exercise forgiveness, forgive right away. The longer you hold to the hurt, the
more you will find justification as to why that individual does not deserve
your forgiveness. The longer you refuse to let go; the more reason you will
give yourself to be angry. Let us use the example of Jesus or even Steven,
who, amidst being crucified, uttered: father forgive them because they
know not what they have done. Yes, sometimes, we must excuse people
who have not, or will not ask for our forgiveness. We must pardon them so
that we receive freedom and healing. When we fail to forgive, we harbor
bitterness, but who wants to walk around with enmity mounting on the
inside? Bitterness can affect us emotionally, spiritually, and mentally and it
will breed qualities that are not of God. Consequently, we are implored in
Ephesians 4:31-32 to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, and
slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as Christ forgave [us].” (KJV)
Bitterness is oppressive and the longer you hold to it, the more it destroys
you. So, just let it go.
God desires us to forgive our brothers 70 times 7 in a single day. And
while this request is not often fulfilled, we must use this to guide how often
we pardon ONE individual. Remember, your forgiveness is conditional, so
forgive to be forgiven. Pardoning an individual does not mean that you are
excusing the act that they did, but you are creating a space of peace for
yourself. Most importantly, remember that you know God, who is love, and
he shows us that “love prospers when a fault is forgiven…” (Proverbs 17:9)
Therefore, walk in love and release yourself of the burden of unforgiveness
today.