Paper 2: Directed Writing (Student’s answer and teacher’s
comments )
Appropriate introductory
material; it sets a
suitable tone for the
speech, doesn't go on too
long and skilfully leads
into the main points.
Fellow students, I shall speak from experience about a friend – I’ll refer
to her as Rose (not her real name).
I have known Rose since I was six. She is now in her second year at
university and is reading for a degree in Philosophy. She is a confident
character and is doing well in her studies. She received all her
education at home. Both of her parents are teachers.
I asked Rose about being home-schooled; she thinks that it is one of the
best methods of education. She said research has shown that homeschooled children do much better than school-educated
Makes a clear statement as to
children. Because they have so much time and freedom, not
the writer's opinion about
surprisingly, they have a more positive outlook on learning— it
home-schooling. Good attempt
might be tempting sitting around at home doing nothing, but
there's only so much of this you can do before boredom kicks in
to bring in relevant details
and studying becomes appealing. It soon becomes part of your
from the passage. Effectively
daily routine — in the comfort of your own home. Rose thinks
turns what could be negative
she benefited from home-schooling because it gave her direct
points into positive ones.
responsibility of her education and her life, resulting in her
becoming a mature person.
Moves effectively from the general
to the specific at this point in
response to Bullet 3. Continues to
use ideas/points from the original
which shows good understanding
and they're applied intelligently,
but there's a tendency to be a
little over-reliant on them.
I've known Rose a long time and we've regularly discussed our
different educational experiences. I've noticed how being
home-schooled has given her control; she's been able to figure
out what she likes and concentrate on that rather than having
to do things she has no interest in. When she applied to
university, she had a clear perspective of what she wanted to
do in the future. She pursued her interests and researched all
she needs to know about them.
I asked if she felt socially awkward not mixing with other
students but there was no problem — she could go out as normal as
long as she planned her studying carefully. The Education Otherwise
service helped her to connect with local groups of home-schooled
children on so many different levels — social, academic, personal — so
there was no danger of her becoming an outcast or a misfit.
She did, however, have some difficulties in getting into some
universities because despite many of them claiming that they don't
discriminate against home-schooled candidates, she said that like
other students she knows, she was denied a place by some
establishments. Apparently, it depends on the subject chosen —
applying to study Philosophy was not a problem as she had read
widely and analytically. So, if you chose wisely, being homeschooled should not prevent you from reading for a degree.
That's better — the
concluding point is related to
the speaker's own experience
as well as that of Rose and
uses contrasting aspects of
their characters to support
the recommendation.
All these are good and
relevant points but they are
still rather generalised; the
writer could have included
some more details about the
experience of a conventional
school education to balance
the argument a little more.
Fellow students, I admire Rose for her commitment to her
studies and for the success she has achieved. To be honest, I don't
think that home-schooling would have suited me; when I was
younger, I was quiet and shy and I benefited from mixing with some
of you and making friends who support me in all I do. I think there is
much to be said for home-schooling, however, if the circumstances
are appropriate and you are securely self-confident with a
supportive home background.
Thank you for listening to my speech. I urge you to vote for the motion.
This is a good Band 5 response for Reading with a mark of 11. It
is thorough and focused, generally perceptive and convincing. The
student has picked up on points implied in the original and has
effectively developed and assimilated them into the requirements
of the task. There needs to be a little more development of ideas
focused more specifically on Rose's character to gain a Band 6
mark.
The Writing mark is 21 (again, good Band 5). There is a consistent
sense of audience and use of an appropriate register. There are
varied and fluent sentence structures and the speech is securely
structured with a good use of appropriate vocabulary which is
generally precise. Overall, the structure, sentence variations and
range of vocabulary are good but do not quite have the range and
sophistication to achieve a Band 6 mark. Spelling, punctuation and
grammar are almost always ac- curate but there is the occasional
unforced slip.
Total mark: 11 + 21 = 32