CEMETERY PATH
Leo Rosten
Ivan was a timid little man—so timid that
saber is in the ground—five gold rubles to
the villagers called him “Pigeon” or
you!”
mocked him with the title, “Ivan the
Ivan took the saber. The men
Terrible.” Every night Ivan stopped in at
drank a toast: “To Ivan the Terrible!” They
the saloon which was on the edge of the
roared with laughter.
village cemetery. Ivan never crossed the
The wind howled around Ivan as
cemetery to get to his lonely shack on the
he closed the door of the saloon behind
other side. The path through the cemetery
him. The cold was knife-sharp. He
would save him many minutes but he had
buttoned his long coat and crossed the
never taken it—not even in the full light of
dirt road. He could hear the lieutenant’s
noon.
voice, louder than the rest, yelling after
him, “Five rubles, pigeon! If you live!”
Late one winter’s night, when bitter
wind and snow beat against the saloon,
Ivan pushed the cemetery gate
the customers took up the familiar
open. He walked fast. “Earth, just
mockery. “Ivan’s mother was scared by a
earth…like any other earth.” But the
canary when she carried him in her
darkness was a massive dread. “Five gold
womb.” “Ivan the Terrible—Ivan the
rubles…” The wind was cruel and the
Terribly Timid One.”
saber was like ice in his hands. Ivan
Ivan’s sickly protest only fed their
shivered under the long, thick coat and
taunts, and they jeered cruelly when the
broke into a limping run.
young Cossack lieutenant flung his horrid
He recognized the large tomb. He
challenge at their quarry.
must have sobbed—that was the sound
“You’re a pigeon, Ivan. You’ll walk
that was drowned in the wind. And he
all around the cemetery in this fiendish
kneeled, cold and terrified, and drove the
cold—but you dare not cross the
saber into the hard ground. With his fist,
cemetery.”
he beat it down to the hilt. It was done.
Ivan murmured, “The cemetery is
The cemetery…the challenge…five gold
nothing to cross, Lieutenant. It is nothing
rubles.
but earth, like all the other earth.”
Ivan started to rise from his knees.
The lieutenant cried, “A challenge,
But he could not move. Something held
then! Cross the cemetery tonight, Ivan,
him. Something gripped him in an
and I’ll give you five rubles—five gold
unyielding and implacable hold. Ivan
rubles!”
tugged and lurched and pulled—gasping
Perhaps it was the vodka. Perhaps
in his panic, shaken by a monstrous fear.
it was the temptation of the five gold
But something held Ivan. He cried out in
rubles. No one ever knew why Ivan,
terror, then made senseless gurgling
moistening his lips, said suddenly: “Yes,
noises.
Lieutenant, I’ll cross the cemetery!”
They found Ivan, next morning, on
The saloon echoed with their
the ground in front of the tomb that was in
disbelief. The lieutenant winked to the
the center of the cemetery. His face was
men and unbuckled his saber. “Here,
not that of a frozen man’s, but of a man
Ivan. When you get to the center of the
killed by some nameless horror. And the
cemetery, in front of the largest tomb,
lieutenant’s saber was in the ground
stick the saber into the ground. In the
where Ivan had pounded it—through the
morning we shall go there. And if the
dragging folds of his long coat.