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By Cell Dilon
SEX
SEX
Why do you sleep at night?
This is seemingly a simple
question. But in fact it is a most
difficult question, as of yet
unanswered by science. Many
seemingly simple questions
are, on close inspection, not at
all easy to answer. One of
these—perhaps the most
interesting—is why we have
sex.
Why do you want sex? The
usual answer is, of course,
based on the known
reproductive function of sex.
We want sex because our
continued existence as a
species depends on it. Children
come from sex, one learns.
And the thing about the stork is
just a story.
The facts on the ground undermine
this assumption. First, people
continue to engage in sex long after
they have stopped having children.
Often, their sex lives actually get
better, because there are no more
worries about unplanned pregnancy.
Which leads us to the following fact:
most sex happening right now
around the world is not procreative.
On the contrary, most of those
getting busy at this moment would
be shocked and upset to find that
their joyful acrobatics have resulted
in pregnancy. An intense interest in
sex and eroticism is not necessarily
linked to heightened interest in
producing offspring. In fact, those
interests are often inversely related.
Sexual behaviors we commonly engage in, even in the fertile years, are not related to reproduction at all.
physical pleasure
The truth is, many people are having sex right
now without pleasure or any expectation of it. If
it’s pleasure you want, if you desire a nice
orgasm, you'll get there faster—and cheaper,
with more certainty and less risk of pregnancy
and disease—through masturbation. So why
are you having sex with your partner?
Fun
After processing a questionair from 400
students and eliminating similar or identical
answers, they were left with a list of 237
different reasons for sex, including "I wanted
to give him an STD,” "I felt sorry for him",
"To punish myself", and "I lost a bet."
To give pleasure to the one I love
Unfortunately not…. It turns out that the deep experience of sexual pleasure depends
somehow on the presence, and conduct, of others. A brutal illustration of this principle can be
found in prostitution. On its face, prostitution is a cold business—the epitome of (mostly
male) selfish pleasure seeking. The customer buys physical sexual release for money, plain
and simple. But the customer can give himself an orgasm, for free. So why pay? And why is
the customer's enjoyment increased if the prostitute produces the sounds of enjoyment and
sexual arousal? If the client's motivation is selfish sexual release, the satisfaction of a
biological urge, why does it matter to him if the prostitute is aroused? What excites him about
the thought that she is enjoying herself? Fundamental social, interpersonal dynamics are
apparently present even here, inside the most alienated transaction.
Randall Collins
Sex can be fully
understood only in a
social context.
Power and meaning
emerge through making
connections. Sexual
desire, thus, is not chiefly
aimed at physical
pleasure or the
production of children,
but at connectedness
with others.
Human beings,
fundamentally, are
distinctly, spectacularly
social. Lonely and
isolated, we cannot
survive, let alone thrive.
Sexual pleasure is
fundamentally a social
construct, an emergent
property of social
exchange.
According to Collins, we construct our world in an ongoing series of complex 'interaction
rituals' that enable our existence (physical) and give it meaning (mental, spiritual). All aspects
of our lives are conducted through these ceremonies. Conversations between friends, a day's
work, a football game, Sunday at church—all these are interaction rituals. They may be
different in content, but they are similar in their underlying social and psychological processes:
they all involve gathering people into a group whose members are aware of each other,
directing their attention to a common interest, sharing a strong emerging emotion, and
defining clear boundaries between 'us' and 'them'.
In this context, sex is an interactive ritual, and it follows the rules. In a sexual encounter,
a small group gathers (usually two, no more). Participants are aware of the presence of
the other (no one ever tells you in the middle of intercourse, "Wow, I just noticed you are
here"), and their attention is directed to the common interest (they 'make love').
Participants share a powerful emotion, in this case sexual arousal, and construct a clear
definition of ‘us' and 'them', ('us' are in here having sex, and ‘them’, poor slobs, are
outside; they should not watch us, interrupt us, or even know all the particulars about
that we’re doing).
SEX AND THE BRAIN
THE BRAIN and Orgasm
Men think about sex per day ranged from 1 to 388 times
Women think about sex per day ranged from 1 to 140 times