Written by Dan – The Modern Man
www.themodernman.com
The Modern Man Company. Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved.
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Becoming a Man Who Naturally Attracts Women
TABLE OF CONTENTS
The Author
Introduction
4
6
Chapter 1: Getting started
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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Momentum.
Reading this book with self-discipline.
Understanding vs. understanding + being able to do it.
This is like learning a musical instrument.
The past does not equal the future.
Chapter 2: Preparing for the journey
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The Four Stages of Learning.
The reality of an attractive woman.
What seems logical isn’t always right.
What’s in a song?
Mindsets.
6-Step Goal Setting Formula.
Chapter 3: The Flow
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1.
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Begin an interaction
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2.
What you can say to kick things off.
She isn’t talking much. It must mean she doesn’t like me!
Ladies! Whoah! *whistle*
Pick-up persona.
Whoahhhhh!! She’s HOT!
Assume rapport.
Getting some practice.
Emotionally guarded conversation is not attractive.
Relax.
Project your voice.
Don’t use submissive or apologetic body language or voice tones.
Don’t try to be too perfect, but don’t let her knock you.
Don’t lean or peck in.
The 3-second rule.
Beginning interactions with ‘openers’.
Situational openers.
Statement openers.
Direct openers.
Spark the attraction
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Nervousness.
Dominant reality: Whose reality is it anyway?
Losing control of your reality.
Status: The silent power.
Status: Life.
Status: Women.
The status gap.
Choose whether you react or not.
Body language & status cues.
Cool vs. Trying to be cool.
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3.
Social proof.
What do women REALLY want?
Personality traits: Confident, Masculine, Funny, Unpredictable, A gentleman, Sexual, Stylish, Adventurous, Socially
intelligent, Ambitious.
Establish genuine rapport
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4.
Calibrating.
Magnetic balance.
Talking from your perspective.
Work out what sort of women you want.
Neediness.
Vibing.
What to talk about.
Compliments.
Take things to the next level
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The Four Stages of Interest.
I can’t believe I am doing this!
Being alone together.
Touch.
Getting phone numbers.
Before making the call.
The first call.
Setting up a meet.
When a woman is being vague or difficult about meeting up.
We set up our first date and she cancelled!
What do to on a date.
Closing message
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The Author
Hi there
Thanks for purchasing my book.
I thought I’d write you a personal note and tell you a little about myself and why I wrote this book.
To start with, here are a couple of photos of me and the crew at our first ever 1-Day Seminar in
Melbourne on 10th December 2005.
It was an awesome day.
The Seminar was the culmination of years of research, practice, planning and preparation and when the
time came to deliver, I couldn’t have been more proud of Ben, Sev and Stu. Together, we delivered some
amazing messages to a room of over 40 guys from all around Victoria, Australia.
What drew me to this field?
I simply got to a point where I wasn’t happy about my success with women and dating. Although I
believed that I was a great guy and had been in a number of relationships with women; something just
wasn’t right.
When I stopped to think about it, I realized that I had basically been ‘getting lucky’ and hooking up with
women as they came along. As a result, the relationships weren’t very personally fulfilling.
I wanted to be able to meet amazing women that I respected and actually wanted in my life; women who
I could have a much deeper experience with.
I wanted to have the ability to meet new women and not have to worry about this part of my life any
more.
I wanted it to be NATURAL.
But, there was just one catch…
I wasn’t very good at meeting new women. In fact, much like 99% of men on this planet, the idea of
going to a social venue and approaching women I didn’t know made me feel a little uneasy.
So I stopped and thought about how I could change that.
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I then made a solid commitment to myself and promised that I would work on this area of my life until I
was completely comfortable with it. I wanted to eliminate any fears of interacting with new women, and
wanted to learn how to make the process easy, enjoyable and natural.
And I did.
Without fail, a good friend and I would go out to bars and clubs every weekend to socialize. In between
going out, running a business and working full-time I would read books and articles, listen to audio
programs and watch DVDs on the related subjects.
When the weekend came around I would go out again and apply what I had learnt in the real world.
It’s now a little over two years later and my life has changed in indescribable ways. Rather than attempt
to tell you how I feel, I will ask you:
Can you imagine what it feels like to KNOW that women find you highly attractive?
Can you imagine the confidence you will gain from that knowledge?
Well, you won’t have to imagine any longer. I am about to share what took me literally thousands of hours
of researching, practicing, analyzing, discussing and revising to learn.
This book is the product of my journey to become more naturally attractive to women. It contains all of
the wisdom I acquired along the way, and I offer it now to you in the hope that whatever your current
situation is with women, whatever your past experiences and future goals are, this book will assist you
along the way.
Thanks again and let’s get started.
Dan
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Introduction
It’s always exciting when you buy a new instructional book, and I’m sure you’ll be wondering what
great things you can learn from this one.
In short, you will be exposed to certain categories of information designed to help you become a man
who naturally attracts women.
These are:
a) Mindsets: Your personal psychology.
How to think like a man who is naturally attractive to women.
b) Behaviors: Your actions.
How to behave like a man who is naturally attractive to women.
c) Non-verbal communication: Your body language.
How to communicate in ways that are naturally attractive without using words.
d) Verbal communication: Your words.
How to speak with a woman in a way that naturally generates attraction.
e) Perspective: Your perspective.
How to broaden your perspective and gain a deeper understanding of what is really going on
between men and women.
While also including the right amount of background theory to broaden your perspective, this book has
been structured around The Flow of a natural sexual courtship:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Begin an interaction.
Spark the attraction.
Establish genuine rapport.
Take things to the next level.
It has been written in this way to get you accustomed to The Flow and to understand why, for
example, you should spark attraction with a woman before attempting to establish genuine rapport.
All of this information has been tried and tested.
Each weekend, Clients taking a Modern Man Lifestyle Course are exposed to it all by our Coaches are
and shown first-hand, how it works in real-life.
It has been perfected.
It has proven itself effective time and time again.
It is now yours to keep.
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Chapter 1: Getting started
1. Momentum
Your life is about to change.
What once seemed like a daunting task will soon start feeling like a very NATURAL part of your life.
However, let’s be realistic.
This is a journey and like most things of value, it takes TIME.
Let me ask you a question…
Can you face the prospect of practicing over the next 6 months to 12 months until you begin to grasp
the concepts, behaviors and attitudes of a man who naturally attracts women?
Picture yourself practicing in all sorts of social situations.
Picture the rewards of being able to meet and attract women anytime, anyplace.
Can you commit to practicing until you get it?
Excellent.
I will now give you a very important piece of advice for your journey:
Remember to create MOMENTUM for yourself by recognizing and celebrating your mini-successes.
What do I mean by that?
Let’s say you approach a woman and she becomes attracted to you, but then you mess it up after a
few moments/minutes.
That’s okay!
Celebrate the successful part (she was attracted to you) and acknowledge the parts you need to
improve on.
Walk away and say, “Okay, what did I learn? What went well? What do I need to do better next time?”
Then approach another woman, and begin the process again.
2. Reading this book with self-discipline
For those of you who simply can’t wait to get to the tips, techniques and practical examples: Feel free
to skip to Chapter 3 and then revisit Chapter 1 & 2 later.
For those of you who want to PRACTICE SELF-DISCIPLINE and read this book with a CLEAR PURPOSE: I
guarantee that you will get a lot more out of each section if you work with the flow of the book.
Onward!
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3. Understanding vs. understanding + being able to do it
Anyone can say, “Yeah, I understand that…it makes sense.”
But can those same people do it?
Think about it.
Most guys can UNDERSTAND that they need to be confident and not worry about being rejected when
approaching a woman to begin an interaction. But, when it ‘comes to the crunch’ they just can’t do it.
Suddenly, they become paralyzed by their fear of rejection. The confidence they spoke about is
nowhere to be seen.
It is one thing to understand something and another to be able to do it.
Remember that.
4. This is like learning a musical instrument
If you want this area of your life to become NATURAL and EASY, then you will need to PRACTICE.
Let’s imagine that you’re learning to play the guitar...
In the beginning you struggle to play a few notes. Then, with a bit of practice you’re able to play short
pieces.
A smile creases your face.
“Wow… I did it!”
You keep practicing.
A month later you can play a full song. Three months later you can play an elaborate instrumental for
your friends or family.
You feel comfortable with a guitar in your hands.
Something that was once an AWKWARD CHALLENGE is now becoming fun.
One day, you reach a point of being able to pick up the guitar and launch right into playing something
beautiful without having to think about it.
It has become NATURAL.
Your experiences on your journey to become a man who naturally attracts women will closely mirror
this. At first a lot of what is suggested in these pages may seem awkward or difficult. Some of it may
even feel UNNATURAL when you try it.
Eventually however, you WILL feel comfortable interacting with women in the manner suggested. Like
the example of learning to play the guitar, a once awkward challenge will become enjoyable and
natural.
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5. The past does not equal the future
Forget your past with women.
This is a new beginning.
Forget what you’ve been told about women and dating from friends, family and TV – most people are
not speaking from personal experience, and have simply lifted their ‘knowledge’ from convenient
media sources such as magazines and television.
You are NOW taking charge of your life and have the RIGHT information at your fingertips to succeed.
If you can make a REAL commitment to yourself to get this area of your life handled, then you have a
lot of fun times to look forward to.
Chapter Summary
During this chapter we discussed some key points to remember as you get started on your journey.
They were:
1. Create momentum for yourself by celebrating your mini-successes.
2. The difference between understanding something and understanding and being able to do it.
3. That the past does not equal the future.
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Chapter 2: Preparing for the journey
The Four Stages of Learning
We’ll now briefly look at The Four Stages of Learning.
I didn’t invent this learning model, but it is often used to describe the stages we go through as we
learn a new skill; working our way from complete ignorance to instinctive ability.
I’ve included a short overview of The Four Stages of Learning in this book because like any other skill,
learning to naturally attract women is a process that progresses in stages. It will help you realize and
BELIEVE that YOU CAN BECOME more successful with women and dating if you just stick at it and
PRACTICE.
We’ll use ‘getting a woman’s phone number’ as an example of how things can eventually become
NATURAL for you.
Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence
This is where any learner starts.
He is not aware that it is possible to obtain a woman’s phone number. Further, he is not even aware of
his ignorance to it.
To get to the next stage, he will need to become aware that men will often ask a woman for her phone
number, and that he is completely ignorant to how it is done.
Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence
The learner has become aware that certain behaviors and skills are required.
He becomes aware that it is normal to get a woman’s phone number, but is unsure of how to go about
it. He realizes that although other people know how to do it, he does not.
He wonders how others do it. He becomes determined to learn, but as yet has no knowledge and is
unable to obtain a woman’s phone number.
He becomes aware of his ignorance.
Note: Most readers may find themselves in between Stages 2 & 3 for most topics in the book. However,
I have to stop and remind you of something:
It is one thing to understand something and another to be able to do it.
Stage 3: Conscious Competence
The learner is able to execute the moves with conscious thought and effort.
He has learned the processes required to get a woman’s phone number, but they have not yet become
automated. He has to think through each stage carefully In order to do it successfully.
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People often think the learning process is over at this stage, but it isn’t.
You may be able make it APPEAR natural, but you:
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Will have to consciously think through the process while doing it.
Might buckle under pressure if you are challenged or if unexpected factors arise in the form of
protests or refusal.
Not discouraged, you will push on KNOWING that it will eventually become NATURAL for you.
Stage 4: Unconscious Competence
The learner is able to execute the moves without having to consciously think about it…
He no longer has to CONSCIOUSLY strategize to get a woman’s phone number.
It has become as NATURAL as walking or talking.
This is the last and ultimate Stage of Learning and is what you should aim for.
With practice and persistence, every single person who reads this book is capable of internalizing and
automating his ability to naturally attract women. It won’t happen quickly, but desire and persistence
will ensure that you get there.
The reality of an attractive woman
You are embarking on a journey that will make you highly desirable to women. As a result, you will
come across some very attractive women that you LIKE.
So, I’m going to help you to prepare for success in your interactions with them.
Attractive women are often treated DIFFERENTLY than most people. Below are some of the things I’ve
heard attractive women say about the ‘reality’ they live in:
•
Being an attractive woman in a busy city there is a look, a verbal comment or an approach at least
20 times a day. That quadruples if I go to a club.
•
When I go to a nightclub with a hot friend, we can hardly walk 10 steps before guys start making
comments like, “Whoah! You’re hot, can I dance with you?” or, “Hi, what’s your name?” It’s so
constant and predictable that I’ve become desensitized to it.
•
When I first started going out on the town at 18 years old, it was great to get all the attention from
the boys, men, bouncers and bartenders. But after a few months the attention became TOO MUCH.
I wanted to be nice, but eventually I learnt that I had to just start being a bitch or guys wouldn’t
leave me alone. Men all want to have sex ASAP and if I talk to them, most think that I want to
sleep with them that night.
•
Acting cold, aloof or disinterested around guys has become an effective time-management tool for
me. Guys who have the balls to stick around, have fun with me and who can be themselves are the
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ones I usually respond and open up to, as long as they aren’t drunk and slurring a whole heap of
crap intended to impress me.
•
Most guys say the same things to me. They ask interview questions like “What’s your name? Where
do you work? How old are you?” I mean, it’s real nice that guys are interested in getting to know
me, but I’ve had those conversations 1 million times before and probably 15 times that night. As I
said, I’ve become desensitized to it.
•
Sometimes guys just offer themselves on a plate and make it obvious early on that they’d love to
be with me. Yes, I admit that I am pretty but it annoys the hell out of me that most guys make it
obvious they want to be with me, even before getting to know me. They don’t even know me, so it
shows that they have no standards and that I won’t have to do much to impress them. Boring! I can
get that any night of the week.
•
Most guys will ask “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Can I take you out sometime?” soon after I’ve
started talking to them. I hate that because it ruins the challenge. It makes me feel like I can act
like a bitch, put on 50 kilograms of fat and they still wouldn’t care.
•
I often feel separated from the world. Some people look at me like and think I am better than
them, simply because I am beautiful. Some people are scared to interact with me. It’s strange, but
it’s true. People look up to beautiful people and give them credit, without them really having to
earn it.
So, what should you do instead?
Easy: Have fun with her and treat her like a NORMAL PERSON.
Here are some things to think about when interacting or having a relationship with an attractive
woman:
1. She is desired by many
Realize and accept that you aren’t the first guy to be interested in her. Nor will you be the last guy
who ever shows interest in her.
Accept that and then resolve to believe that it DOESN’T MATTER how many guys are interested in her.
You are an amazing guy and after reading this book, you will KNOW how to make her FEEL ATTRACTION
for you.
2. Most men make it obvious that they want to ‘get involved’ with her
An attractive woman is approached regularly by all sorts of men who want to ‘get involved’ with her.
Guys that she dates will try hard to get her into a relationship ASAP, because she is seen as the prize
to be won.
There is NO CHALLENGE when this happens, so it usually doesn’t last. That is, unless she decides to use
the guy for something (e.g. split the rent, career connections, money, etc).
3. Nice guys are actually being manipulative
In the presence of an attractive woman, most guys will suddenly take on the PERSONA of a really,
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really nice guy and hope that she’ll like them. They will give her special treatment, laugh at all her
jokes and do all sorts of crazy things to impress her.
It is manipulative.
And it doesn’t work.
Funnily enough, being overly nice and trying to impress a woman will usually make her feel repulsed
and lose any sense of attraction for you.
Why?
Because she will quickly realize that you:
a)
b)
c)
d)
See her as the prize to be won.
Will offer little or no challenge before you begin professing your love for her.
Are so insecure that you believe you need to impress women into liking you.
Don’t understand anticipation and how to create sexual tension.
Each of these things can reduce the attraction a woman feels for you. I will explain in further detail
later in the book.
4. Too much of a good thing
We humans want what we can’t have or can only have limited amounts of.
Readily available things don’t represent a challenge, so we don’t need to think about them in order to
survive.
If you keep pouring on the attention and trying to be around her 24/7, then you will become
uninteresting. She will be able to take you for granted and the attraction of thinking about when she
will get to see you next will be lost.
Take a few moments to think about how drinking water is WASTED in developed countries, yet
TREASURED in third world countries where there is a LIMITED supply.
Why?
Because people in developed countries can TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. It flows so readily that we don't
need to THINK about how we will get our next fix.
The opposite is true for those living in third-world countries. Water doesn't flow as readily, so when
they gain access to the LIMITED supply they feel what?
PRIVILEGED.
Trust me when I say "You will be doing her a FAVOR by providing her with the opportunity to MISS you"
Don't make the mistake of being a pushover.
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5. Dating her
When you start dating and begin to bond with her on a more emotional level, don’t start behaving like
you’re going to ask her to marry you.
She should be the one who first hints at any future in the relationship, not you.
By remaining genuinely coy about your plans for the future, you will create a sense of intrigue and
unpredictability which can amplify the attraction between the two of you.
6. Stay busy with your life
Don’t stop and give up everything to be with her.
If you often find yourself canceling plans of your own in order to spend more time with her, or
spending less time with your friends because she wants your company elsewhere, then you have given
up your own dignity and self-respect in order to appease her. Part of being your own man is having the
confidence and determination to maintain your own way of life as you get to know her.
You’re a busy guy and your time is valuable; that’s part of what makes you so attractive. She should
value the time you spend together, and accept that you are busy and will sometimes have plans that
don’t involve her.
Most guys want to stop everything and spend time with her because she is attractive.
Why?
Because they want to get into a serious relationship with her, make sure she falls in love and make
sure she is kept away from other guys.
Yet, SHE should be the one trying to get YOU into a relationship.
Trust me when I say, “She will appreciate the CHALLENGE.”
7. Modern women
Modern women aren’t as dependent on men for their survival as women of past eras.
They can now juggle having a career, a relationship and an active social life full of personal choices
without the need for man to support them. As a result, women have become stronger and now need
men to be even stronger in order to maintain the masculine-feminine balance.
The journey you are embarking on now is going to help you become the man that modern women
CRAVE.
What seems logical isn’t always right
Many times throughout this book, I will talk about PLAYFULLY teasing women.
I’m also going to suggest that women DON’T feel attraction for men who ‘kiss up’ to them by being
overly nice and cordial.
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Then I’ll provide examples of ways to help women feel a strong and NATURAL attraction for you.
Don’t fight against it, even if it feels counter-intuitive at first.
Try it out.
You will eventually realize that what seems like the LOGICAL answer is often INCORRECT when it
comes to interacting with women and sparking attraction.
For example:
A guy tells a woman outright that he drives a new sports car, earns lots of money and lives in a rich
suburb. Logically, you might think that she’d be impressed and want to be with him because he has his
life together.
Yet, the irony is that most women are put off by men who attempt to IMPRESS them by flaunting their
possessions and social status.
Why?
Because it shows that if it weren’t for the material possessions, the man would feel unworthy of her.
Note: Boasting about material wealth and possession CAN work on women who are looking to USE men
for money and attention (i.e. gold-diggers).
But is that the kind of woman you want anyway?
For your sake, I hope not.
So, how DO you impress a woman?
By not trying to impress her.
Huh?
Yes.
Stay tuned…more info to come later.
What’s in a song?
Have you ever stopped and actually LISTENED to what most women sing about in popular music?
Ever noticed the heart-felt, passionate lyrics about the guy who is making her FEEL INTENSE
EMOTIONS?
Think about some of the most common song themes:
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He left her for another woman.
He cheats on her, but she still wants him.
He doesn’t ‘treat her right’.
She is jealous of another girl hanging around him.
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•
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He is aloof and doesn’t buy her hundreds of gifts like nice guys do.
He doesn’t call her anymore.
Men are likely to hear such lyrics and LOGICALLY conclude that women HATE such guys.
It’s a reasonable assumption, given that there are SO MANY songs written by women upset at the
treatment they are receiving by those men.
The LOGICAL solution to attracting women is surely all about being ‘super nice’ to and doing
everything a woman wants…right?
Wrong.
The women are not necessarily complaining. They are simply living out the DRAMA and EMOTIONS of
being with a man who is a challenge.
On the surface many women may say, “I want a guy who’s nice and who’s there for me when I need
him. I also want him to be faithful and care for me,” but the very same women will often end up
dating men who are EXACTLY the opposite.
Why?
Because guys like that make them feel a variety of INTENSE EMOTIONS.
So, am I suggesting that you treat women badly and cheat on them?
No.
I’m going to teach you how to give women a variety of intense emotions WITHOUT treating them badly
or cheating on them.
Mindsets
This section is one of the MOST important in the book.
So get comfortable and let’s FOCUS.
I want you to stop right NOW and take some time to recognize where your understandings and beliefs
about attracting women have come from.
As a general rule, throw out any ideas like ‘be really nice, buy flowers and say nice things’ that your
well-meaning mum may have given you. She may wish that’s what your father was like, but in reality
that is not what ATTRACTS women to men.
As your for your male buddies; most men don’t have a handle on this area of their life and tend
exaggerate stories about the amount of women they’ve been with and how the process from meet-tosex took place.
So be careful who you take advice from.
Before I run through SOME of the mindsets that I recommend you read over and over on your journey,
let me ask you a question:
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What thoughts often run through your mind when you think about meeting and dating women?
I’m guessing that some of these might be familiar:
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I wish I were better with women.
I’m probably not good-looking enough for an attractive woman to like me.
Maybe if I earn more money women will start to like me.
Maybe if I build more muscle women will start to like me.
Maybe if I buy that shirt…or that car…then women will like me.
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
STOP.
You need to TAKE CONTROL of and CHANGE the internal scripts that you run in your mind.
“We become what we think about most of the time”
Brian Tracy
Brian Tracy is right.
You need to THINK that you are amazing with women.
Remind yourself by saying it in your mind with PASSION!
Say it DAILY and whenever you are out in public.
Then watch your results change.
Here are some statements that I recommend you say in your mind on a REGULAR basis, until you
NATURALLY start to think like this:
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I am amazing with women.
Attractive women LOVE to be approached by guys like me.
Attractive women HOPE that I approach them and begin an interaction, because I am the REAL MAN
they have been looking for.
Women REALLY, REALLY want me to be a man and have enough confidence to begin an interaction
with them.
Women love sex as much as I do. They just want me to help them get to ‘that place’ so we can
make it happen with each other.
My time is valuable. When interacting with a woman, I’ll let her know what I like and dislike about
what is happening.
I am a cool guy.
If I begin an interaction with a woman and it doesn’t work out, I will at the very least gain valuable
experience and make it easier for myself next time.
If I begin an interaction with a woman and she doesn’t respond favorably, it is her problem. She
missed out, I didn’t.
It’s absolutely fine that I walk into a supermarket where people usually avoid social interaction and
talk to people while doing my shopping.
It’s absolutely fine that I walk into a bookstore where people are usually quiet and nervous and
begin interactions with people.
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If I’m committed, there is always a way to create the result that I want to achieve.
I can do anything.
I’m an awesome guy.
I must be the greatest.
Women want me.
I love women and they love me.
I can meet and attract women anywhere I go.
Women are very, very attracted to me.
I promise that I will not give up until I master this area of my life. I know that there will be
challenging obstacles and setbacks, but in the end I believe it is possible to be with any woman
that I desire.
I don’t let women use their looks to take advantage of me or my thoughts. I give no special
privileges for beauty.
I’m not going to waste my time and do this half-heartedly and settle for a woman who I am not
entirely happy with.
I should work on my appearance while not exerting feminine energy (e.g. “Oh no, what am I going
to wear??? Does my hair look good???”). I just like to look good, simple as that.
It’s easy for me to look good.
While practicing what I’m learning from The Modern Man, I am also becoming more socially
successful in other areas of my life.
I’m not going to tie my entire self-esteem to the outcome of any one situation. If something
happens then great, but I’m not going to worry if it doesn’t.
I am becoming a highly sought-after male.
I am very masculine.
I love to exercise.
I love working on having a more masculine physique.
I am a cause in the world, not an effect. I make things happen.
I am a man that deserves to be with exceptionally beautiful, smart and funny women.
I get attention from women all the time.
I am a good guy.
You need to THINK like this until you BELIEVE it.
Then, you need to believe it until you KNOW it.
If you are diligent and follow through to change your mindsets, your life will CHANGE in amazing ways.
6-Step Goal Setting Formula
“A goal properly set is halfway reached”
Abraham Lincoln
I know that many of you can’t wait to get to the techniques and dialogue featured later in the book,
but believe me; the time you spend on this next exercise will save you months, if not years of
frustration and confusion.
Remember that this is a journey and if you want it to be successful, you will need to stop and plan.
Listen to Abraham Lincoln and grab a pen and paper or open a new file in your technology device to
answer the following questions:
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•
•
•
•
What does success with women and dating mean to me?
How will I feel when I get there?
How will I feel if I don’t work out this area of my life and don’t get what I want?
On a scale of 1-10, how committed am I to working on this?
Now that you’re in the right frame of mind, it’s time to get you started on the 6-Step Goal setting
Formula:
STEP 1: Decide exactly what you want in this area of your life
If you have vague goals, then you will get vague results. The clearer you can get this in your mind, the
better your results will be.
What is it exactly that you are trying to achieve?
Picture it and describe it. Write down:
•
•
•
•
•
How you would feel if you had this area of your life handled?
What would life be like?
How would you be thinking?
How would you be behaving around women and people?
What relationship status would you prefer? Would you rather be dating new women all the
time, having short-term relationships, long-term relationships, or even married?
STEP 2: Set a time limit to achieve your goal
Have you ever been given a deadline to complete something, say at school or work? Maybe at first you
thought you’d never have it completed on time.
But you managed to achieve the goal within the specified time frame.
Why?
Because you focused on the achievement of the goal. It HAD to be done, so you did it.
In STEP 4 you will be able to set time limits to your various mini-goals. Some may take weeks, months
or years.
STEP 3: What are you going to need to do to achieve your goals?
Create a list of all the things you will need to do and add to the list as you go.
You should look at your list AT LEAST once a week and see how you are tracking.
Here are some examples that MAY apply to your list:
•
•
•
•
•
Buy new bed sheets.
Build confidence.
Learn how to vibe with people.
Buy new shirt from ______ store.
Buy new cologne from _________.
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•
Practice speaking from my diaphragm and projecting my voice, so people can hear me in loud
environments.
STEP 4: Organize your list into a plan, with priorities
If we were to use the six items above to make a plan with priorities, what would be their order?
I’d suggest something like this:
1. Build confidence.
2. Learn how to vibe with people.
3. Practice speaking from my diaphragm and projecting my voice, so people can hear me in loud
environments.
The final three items can go in any order you deem necessary. The most important point to
remember is: Work on YOU and YOUR PERSONALITY before you work on material things.
4. Buy new shirt from ______ store.
5. Buy new cologne from _________.
6. Buy new bed sheets.
STEP 5: Take action on your plan
It’s all well and good to have a plan, but you need to USE IT in order for it to have an effect.
Keep your plan somewhere easy to find so you can look at it often. Choose a convenient time to review
your plan regularly. For example: After eating dinner or while brushing your teeth before bed.
This is your chance to get focused and take action to FAST-TRACK your progress toward becoming a
man who NATURALLY attracts women.
Don’t waste any more time.
STEP 6: Do something every day that will move you closer to achieving your goals
What are some of your habits?
Maybe you’re one of those people who like to read before going to bed. Maybe you like to exercise at
least twice a week.
Whatever your habits, we ALL have them and STEP 6 is designed to help you get into the habit of
working on your goals.
Generally speaking, it will take 3-6 weeks for most people to form a habit. However, a person’s
motivation and dedication to achieving their goals will have a major influence on the time it takes.
If ever you find yourself wondering what you need to be working on to get closer to achieving your
goals, be sure to refer back to STEP 4.
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Chapter Summary:
You have learned and now know about the importance of the following to your journey:
4. That there are four stages of learning, and with dedication and practice you can eventually make
any new skill become completely NATURAL.
5. The reality of an attractive woman and how you should think and behave when around one.
6. That logic doesn’t always apply when it comes to male/female attraction and relationship
dynamics.
7. That women need to feel varied emotions when around you or when involved with you. If she isn’t
feeling varied emotions as a result of being around you or being in a relationship with you, she will
inevitably find you uninteresting and unattractive.
8. The right mindsets you need to have in order to become a man who naturally attracts women.
9. A 6-Step Goal Setting Formula to get you started. If used properly and regularly updated, it can be
your guide and map on your journey.
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Chapter 3: The Flow
1.
2.
3.
4.
Begin an interaction.
Spark the attraction.
Establish genuine rapport.
Take things to the next level.
The Flow is going on all around you.
Men and women are enjoying sex and relationships every day, in every part of the world.
Here’s how you can become a part of it…
1. Begin an interaction
For many guys, the very thought of approaching a woman they don’t know to begin an interaction
scares the hell out of them.
Why?
Here are some of the common reasons I’ve heard guys come up with:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
She’ll probably reject me.
She might not want to talk to me.
I’m not good looking enough.
She probably has a boyfriend.
She might think I’m a weirdo and run away or something.
People might think I’m a stalker.
People might think I’m desperate, or lonely.
She probably likes guys who are…
She’s probably busy and will get frustrated because I will be wasting her time.
I don’t know what to say.
Can you relate to any of those thoughts?
I’m pretty sure that most of you can, because men all over the world have the same fears of rejection.
What you need to do NOW is stop and recognize the differences between being rejected and the fear
of rejection.
One is real and one is imaginary.
And being rejected is not a big deal anyway.
Really, it isn't.
My friends and I have approached thousands of women and the worst we’ve ever got is a, “Sorry, I
have a boyfriend” or, “Why are you talking to us?” or the women simply ignoring any attempts to
converse.
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Ooooh, scary!
Seriously, it’s like water of a duck’s back.
No hard feelings. No tears.
There are billions of women in on this planet and you are most likely compatible with hundreds of
millions of them, if not more.
Now I know that many of you may still be thinking, “Yeah, but HOW do I get over my fear of being
rejected and approach a woman when I see her? I understand what you're saying, but when it's time to
act I often just chicken out!”
And seeing that I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to give you the answer.
Are you ready?
You sure?
Ok, the answer is to: Get over your IMAGINARY fear of being rejected.
That’s it.
Yes.
Your fear is imaginary and you need to get over it. You are CREATING the fear by assuming the
outcome will be bad, even though you have no idea how it will go.
What you can say to kick things off
No longer will you be stuck and thinking “…but, I don’t know what to say!”
Stop reading for 5 minutes and grab a pen and paper/open a new file on your PC or technology device.
No, really - do it.
Your assignment
1. Places
Write down headings like: Supermarket, Bookstore, Bar, Club, Take-away store, Walking along the
street, Friend’s party, Laundromat, Pedestrian traffic lights, Public transport.
Add more if you can think of them.
2. Situations
Under each heading, note down SITUATIONS you often see women in at these PLACES.
For example: Situations in a bookstore may include reading a book, flicking through a magazine, in line
at the counter, in the romance section, having a coffee, etc.
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3. Statements
For each of the situations you identify, write down at least 3 different statements you could make to
begin an interaction.
Example statement: “Magazines… so many to choose from! I like GQ magazine and Adbusters. What are
you reading?”
4. Questions
For each of the situations you identify, write down at least 3 different questions you could make to
begin an interaction.
Example question: “Hey…what’s your favorite magazine?”
Tips
•
•
•
•
•
Take some time to rehearse saying each of your statements. You might even want to try it
while looking in a mirror.
Use pauses and changes in your tonality to add genuine character and feeling to what you are
saying.
If you’re stuck thinking of statements to make, read on and you will come across many more
examples in this book. Revisit this section when you are ready.
If you have enough self-discipline to PROPERLY complete this assignment, you will arm yourself
with the confidence to approach women and begin an interaction in all of the common
situations you find yourself in.
If you don’t prepare, you will mostly likely stall and miss out on the many opportunities that
come your way. Your choice.
She isn’t talking much… it must mean she doesn’t like me!
I once learnt an interesting point from a dating coach named Juggler.
He suggested that when you begin an interaction with a woman, you will SOMETIMES need to provide
up to 90% of the conversation to get things moving.
If you only offer 50% at the start and expect that she will reciprocate with 50% right back, then you
may end up with only 60% of the interaction consisting of conversation, and a lot of uncomfortable
silences taking up the rest.
Sometimes the woman will be immediately receptive and things will go smoothly and easily. Don’t take
it personally if she doesn’t, because there are plenty of reasons a woman may behave like that:
•
•
•
•
•
•
She
She
She
She
She
She
might not want to look ‘too easy’ in front of her friends.
might be in a bad mood.
may have just had a negative interaction with someone two minutes before you came over.
might be in the middle of a deep thought or engaging conversation with someone else.
could be feeling nervous.
might be testing to see if you are confident.
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There are, in short, many reasons why she may not be immediately receptive to you.
So, don’t freak out and take it personally. Stay in there, remain composed and have a great time.
Ladies! Whoah! *whistle*
Generally I like to say, “Hey guys,” instead of, “Hey girls,” or “Hey ladies.”
Saying “Hey guys” is more neutral and sounds less like you are a horny guy trying to ‘pick up girls’. Of
course, in formal social situations with older women whom you aren’t sexually interested in, you
should consider being a gentleman and addressing them more formally (e.g. “Good afternoon ladies”).
Pick-up persona
Ever see a guy walk up to some women and say, “Heyyyyyyyyy… what’s happppppening ladies?” or walk
up to a woman and say “Heyyyy, how are you doinnng?” while putting on the whole ‘bedroom-eyes’
look?
It’s called ‘putting on a pick-up persona’ and it doesn’t work.
Guys make this mistake all over the world, because it can sometimes work on women who are very
drunk and behaving the same way themselves. But I’m not teaching you to hunt the weak and
wounded, am I?
What you ARE learning is how to approach any woman that you desire in a NATURAL way.
Instead of going out to ‘pick up, you should focus on going out to meet and socialize with women. It
will feel so much more NATURAL and you’ll notice that women will respond much more favorably to
you.
Whoahhhhh she’s HOT!
A lot of guys will begin an interaction with a woman and immediately place her on an imaginary
pedestal.
Can you picture the guy doing it?
He sees her, is in awe of her beauty and then behaves in ways that demonstrate he feels privileged to
be talking to her.
Don’t do that.
It will immediately place you as lower social status and ruin the attraction.
The solution?
Just treat her like a normal person, while being attractive.
You may be asking “Okay, sounds easy…but how do I do that?”
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You should learn how to…
Assume rapport
Assume (verb): Take to be the case or to be true; accept without verification or proof.
Rapport (noun): A relation, especially one characterized by emotional affinity, or mutual trust.
Commonality of perspective, being in "sync", being on the same wavelength as the person you are
talking to.
Every time you interact with a woman from now on you should ASSUME, without a doubt, that the right
levels of rapport and attraction are present.
Doing so will translate into CONFIDENCE and the EASY-GOING NATURE that women LOVE in a man.
Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever met a guy who has the seemingly MAGICAL CHARM of being able to walk into a room
and get along with anyone?
You met him and INSTANTLY felt like the two of you were FRIENDS. He had the ability to be able
RELATE to you so easily.
The good news is that having that ‘magical charm’ is a learnable social skill.
Example
You walk into a bar and there are people EVERYWHERE you look. Most of them are engaged in
conversation and having a good time.
A man who is socially UNSUCCESSFUL may be thinking, “Whoah, it’s packed…all those groups of
people…it’s just me and my friend here…we’re strangers…everyone here looks like they know each
other…we’ll just grab a drink and stand over there.”
A man who is socially SUCCESSFUL will think something like, “Cool, this place is happenin’…” and then
he will just mingle in and start talking to people.
It took me a good year or so to really get used to ASSUMING RAPPORT, but once I did I found that I had
many more quality friends in my life and was also able to walk into any club, bar, restaurant,
supermarket – anywhere really - and easily get along with people.
Assuming rapport will bring a lot more happiness into your life, because the world will suddenly feel
like it is YOURS to play in. You will feel like you are an active part of it, instead of a stranger watching
from the sidelines.
You will start to cause adventures to happen, instead of always waiting for things to happen to you by
CHANCE.
The rhythms of your interactions will change and women WILL notice.
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Getting some practice
You can practice ASSUMING RAPPORT in everyday life.
The next time you meet someone new (a checkout girl at the supermarket, a friend of a friend, a
bartender, a work colleague, etc) ASSUME that they highly like you. Talk and behave as though you are
already GREAT FRIENDS and you will be amazed at the responses you get.
Also, the next time you talk to a person who already likes you a lot (a close friend or a certain
woman), pay attention to your body language, comfort levels, facial expressions, tonality and the
things that you share in conversation. That is how you want to be coming across when talking to
women.
Emotionally guarded conversation is not attractive
Emotionally guarded conversation is the sort that STRANGERS have with each other.
It usually reveals as little as possible about the people involved.
Example:
You: Hi.
Her: Hi.
You: So…having a good night?
Her: Yep.
You: Cool…so, what do you do?
Her: I work at a bank.
You: Oh really? That’s great. How long have you worked there?
Her: About three years.
You: That’s good.
Are you ready to go to sleep yet? I am.
Approaching a woman and starting an interaction in this way conveys that:
1. You are stranger who is trying to get to know her.
2. You are boring and SCARED to open yourself up to the world.
3. You hide behind safe, social-niceties and hope that you will get LUCKY with a woman, without
actually having to be a man.
So, don’t be afraid to be more expressive. I’ll explain how as you progress through the book.
In the meantime…
Relax
I learnt a very valuable lesson while listening to Personal Power II (by Anthony Robbins), which I will
now share with you.
We humans can use our body to affect our mind.
What do I mean by that?
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Ok, here is an exercise:
1. Stand up.
2. Go on, get up!
3. Now, lift your chest up confidently and feel strong, powerful and happy! Continue holding your
chest up and notice the shift in the way you are feeling.
4. Stare up at the ceiling and smile a BIG, happy smile!
5. Keep smiling a BIG, happy and confident smile and feel great about it.
Now, while you’re doing all that I want you to try to feel sad at the same time.
You probably can’t do it, right?
Your body is sending happy, confident signals to your brain so feeling sad will be very hard to do. To
feel sad you’d need to hunch your body, pout your mouth, look down, etc.
What’s the lesson?
Well, the very same principles apply to relaxing and getting rid of nervous tension when beginning new
interactions with women.
Example
You walk into a social setting and see a beautiful girl that you want to begin an interaction with.
You’ve been reading this book and have plenty of things to say to begin an interaction, but your heart
is pumping fast and you’re thinking, “Oh, but what if she has a boyfriend? What if she rejects me in
front of everyone?”
Eventually you will be thinking a lot differently if you have the discipline to follow through and change
your internal scripts as mentioned in the section on ‘Mindsets’.
In the meantime, here’s something you can try:
1. Recognize that you are feeling nervous. Acknowledge it.
2. Recognize that the thoughts triggering your nervous feelings are silly and unfounded. You DON’T
KNOW what her reaction is going to be, so just ASSUME that rapport and attraction are ALREADY
PRESENT between the two of you.
3. Next: Slowwwwwww dowwwwwwwn.
4. Allow your thoughts to slow down.
5. Say with me, “One …………………………………………………………………… two ……………………………………
……………………………… three.”
6. Blink slower.
7. Turn your head slower.
8. Breath slower.
9. Smile slowly and confidently.
10. Begin to FEEL a desire to:
•
•
•
Touch things in your environment.
Talk to people.
Hear peoples’ voices and see their reactions close up.
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•
•
•
•
Smell the scent of women’s perfume and be close with her as you hold her in your arms.
Share some laughs with her.
Make body language gestures and get the blood of life pulsing through your veins, as you
interact socially with other human beings.
Interact with the world and experience the variety of feelings that come from human
interactions.
11. Then casually walk up to the girl and begin an interaction.
Project your voice
If you speak like a mouse, then you will naturally seem like one.
Note: Mice have incy-wincy penises, so you don’t want to be speaking like a mouse.
On the other hand, if you speak in an obnoxiously loud or overly enthusiastic manner, you will be TOO
MUCH for most people in most situations.
So, work on finding the right balance for the environment you’re in.
You should speak from your diaphragm and not from your nose. Women are attracted to deep,
confident voices and not mousy, feminine ones.
Let’s practice.
Try saying, “I am a man…a strong, sexually aware man. Women want me,” in four different ways:
1. Touch your nose and say it until you can feel the vibrations of your voice coming through your
nose.
2. Touch the larynx on your throat with your fingers and say it.
3. Touch your chest with the palm of your hand and say it.
4. Touch your diaphragm (just under your rib cage) with one hand and place the other flat on your
upper chest. Now say it and feel your deeper voice resonating.
Got it?
Now, do number 4 again and project your voice as powerfully as you can.
Done?
OK excellent. Here is another pointer: In loud environments like bars, clubs and noisy restaurants, you
should aim to speak ONE PERSON PAST the person you’re speaking to.
Let’s pretend you’re in a noisy restaurant on a date. Project your voice:
Waiter: Sir, would you like to order?
You: Yes, thank you. I’ll have the satay stir-fry with tofu and I’d love a glass of wine to go with that.
What’ve you got in a cabernet-sauvignon merlot blend?
A person standing immediately behind the waiter should be able to hear you.
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Don’t use submissive or apologetic body language or voice tones
When I see a guy begin an interaction with a woman, I can usually tell within SECONDS if he knows
what he is doing.
Most guys use submissive, apologetic body language and voice tones that INSTANTLY communicate they
are:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Scared of the woman.
Nervous about interacting with her.
Fearful of rejection.
Fearful of any sort of confrontation.
Willing to be her little puppy dog if she will only take pity and select him.
Need a replacement mummy.
Not the sexual aggressor and would probably be timid in the bedroom.
Although women won’t tell you outright, they find that sort of behavior REPULSIVE.
If you want to spark attraction, you must convey high-status behaviors from the outset. As I mentioned
in the ‘mindsets’ section, if you approach a woman and she doesn’t respond well to you it is HER
PROBLEM.
She misses out.
You should NEVER feel obligated to take it personally and assume responsibility for a woman behaving
coldly toward you.
I’m not saying “Don’t be empathetic towards women if they are feeling down/melancholy/etc”. I am
saying that it is not your problem, so don’t behave apologetically if she isn’t being nice to you.
She is messing up her chances of having a successful interaction and taking things to the next level
with you.
You are now becoming a man who will be highly sought-after by women.
You have to believe that.
Don’t try to be TOO PERFECT, but don’t let her knock you
If you are TRULY being yourself and not hiding behind a protective persona, then your thoughts and
actions will flow more smoothly and naturally. Your body language will be comfortable, rather than
tense and protective.
Your conversations and actions will radiate authenticity.
All of these things are very attractive to women, yet so many guys mess it up and put on an ACT of
perfection around women.
You can see them TRYING.
Worse, I’ve seen studies that suggest women can be up to 10 times better at reading subtle body
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language than men.
So don’t try to be too perfect because women WILL notice.
Don’t go around exposing your faults or emotional vulnerabilities either.
For example: If the subject of public speaking ever comes up, don’t say, “I am SO scared of speaking in
front of large groups of people, I can’t think of anything worse,” because you aren’t looking for a
replacement mummy to protect you from the big, bad world.
You are a MAN taking on the world.
Try this instead, “Yeah, there’s nothing better than a captivating speaker…it’s definitely a skill I want
to develop more.”
See the difference?
Good, we’ll move on to another example:
If a woman ever tests your self-confidence by saying something like, “You’re pretty short,” don’t play
into it, don’t get defensive and don’t try to explain yourself to her.
Instead of saying, “Yeah, I hate being so short…I wish I was taller,” you can approach it with something
like, “I’m glad you like it,” or “So, what is it about shorter men that turns you on so much?”
If she tries to baulk it and say something like, “I don’t,” you can PLAYFULLY add, “Nice try but I’ve
seen the way you’ve been looking at me.”
Then give her a KNOWING look with a raised eyebrow.
If done in a PLAYFUL way, it is FLIRTING.
Note: You will find many, many examples of flirting throughout this book.
Don’t lean or peck in
In situations where there is loud music (a bar, club or social event) most guys will lean and peck in to
make sure a woman hears them.
SHE should be the one leaning in to ensure that she hears YOU! You are the man, remember? Command
her attention with your confident posture, strong body language and vocal projection.
Note: In some circumstances it’s OK and NECESSARY to lean in closer and talk to a woman. Just don’t
do it because you’re scared she’ll stop talking to you.
You are a man who gets attention from women all the time.
3-second rule
The worst thing you can ever do is hover around women while looking at them and talking with your
buddies about what you are GOING to do.
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Women have evolved to notice nervous, male behaviors and they DON’T find them attractive.
So don’t hover.
Don’t discuss plans.
Don’t hesitate.
Just be a man and begin an interaction.
I suggest you employ the ‘3-second rule, until you:
a) Have the right mindsets running through your mind.
b) Learn how to assume rapport.
The rule was invented by a dating instructor called Mystery and basically suggests that the moment you
notice a girl (or girls) you’d like to talk to, you or your friend should say “Ok, one ……………… two
………………… three………go”
On “Go” you MUST approach and start interacting with the woman/women, regardless of excuses like
“I’m not ready” or “But, what will I say?!”
Just go.
Apply the rule wherever you are (e.g. a club, supermarket, bookstore, art gallery, on the street, at a
train station, social gathering, etc), even if you are alone.
Beginning interactions with ‘openers’
An opener is meant to begin an INTERACTION by kicking things off, yet doesn’t need be the basis of
any ongoing or amazing conversation.
You can come up with all sorts of fun openers, but don’t treat them as the ‘be all and end all’. An
opener will help you MEET a woman, but attracting and dating her is another story.
Ok, so let’s give you some openers!
Situational openers
A situational opener is any sort of opening dialogue that directly or indirectly relates to the situation
you are in.
More natural and authentic, a situational opener will build your skills faster than any other because it
will require you to be observant, quick-witted and fearless.
Example
You’re in a take-away store and notice a woman you’d like to talk to.
You: I love this take-away store. They’ve always got good pastas…so yum.
Her: Cool.
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You can then spice it up by PLAYFULLY adding:
You: I see that you’ve ordered the focaccia…you have weird taste.
Her: (Some reply. Usually laughing and can’t believe you said it).
You: I like your top though. It’s cute. My name’s _________________
Another take-away store example:
You’re getting a drink from the drink refrigerator and she is nearby/also getting a drink.
You: Pespi or Coca-Cola…what’s your favorite?
Her: Pepsi (for example).
You: Why, what’s better about Pepsi?
Her: (Says something).
You: You know what I like?
Her: What?
You (if it’s a cold day): Hot chocolate… Mmmm. When was the last time you had hot chocolate?
You (if it’s a hot day): Fruity cocktails… with blended ice on a summer’s day… Mmmm. When are you
going to buy me cocktails?
Take it from there, Romeo.
Tip: If it goes well, invite her to meet with you for hot chocolate/cocktails sometime and grab her
number.
Example
You see a guy approach a woman in a club and fail miserably.
You: (Lightly chuckling to yourself) Okay honestly… How did he do?
Her: (Says something).
Then branch off into a conversation about guys trying to ‘pick up’.
For example:
You: I don’t know why guys can’t just be natural and come over and say hi.
Be sure not to get all somber about it. The aim is not to have a long conversation about guys trying to
pick up. Change the conversation and create a fun, positive vibe.
How?
Say something else.
Example
You’re in a bookstore and walk past a girl as she accidentally knocks over a book.
You’ll only have a few brief moments to act, so don’t hesitate.
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You: (In an authoritative voice) Excuse me, please don’t vandalize the store Miss.
Her: (Thinking you are an undercover security guard or something) Oh, I didn’t mean to…it just fell.
(Or she might get the joke straight away and laugh with you).
You: (Then, follow it up by pretending to speak into a microphone in your jacket/shirt) Okay, bring in
the S.W.A.T team…we have a troublemaker… isle three in the romance novel section, wearing a black
top and jeans. Over.
Her: Hehehee!
You: OK, look…I’m going to talk to you now…but take it easy, alright? I don’t want you dropping books
all over me. (Say this with a ‘we are having a private joke’ sort of smile).
Her: Hehehee.
You: Hey, so I love reading a good book y’know… something that makes me want to curl up on my sofa
for a few hours, while someone like you makes me coffee and food and stuff. What sort of books do
you read?
Her: (Says something).
You: I HATE that stuff! (Say this with a smile and you will be FLIRTING).
Her: Hehehee.
You: I thought you were cool… that’s it (speak into your jacket/shirt again), what’s the hold up with
the S.W.A.T team?? Over!
Her: Hehehee.
You: Hey look…on a serious note, I am thinking of getting a book for my friend Rachael. She likes daggy
romance novels as well. What do you recommend as a good choice?
Her: (Recommends something).
You: Nice, I might get that for her. Hey, I’m going to grab a coffee now and check out some books on
_________________. You seem cool, so you should join me… we can have a chat and a laugh and all that…
Example
You’re in a supermarket.
You: Hi.
Her: Hi.
You: Hey, do you know where I can find some _______ (hard to find item)?
Now here are some EXAMPLES of where you can take the interaction from there:
•
•
•
Smile and curiously ask if she has ever used ______ in a recipe. If not, PLAYFULLY tease her for
not being adventurous.
Tell her about your favorite dish that you love cooking then ask if she is a good cook. If she says
no then you can PLAYFULLY say “Ok, well we’re going to have to break up. This isn’t going to
work out. I’m taking the dog…you can keep the couches ☺”
Tease her about something in her trolley/basket “Hey…I couldn’t help but notice…you have
really bad taste in coffee ☺”
If the interaction is going well:
You: Hey, I’m going to get back to my shopping now…but you seem fun. (Pull out your phone or piece
of paper and pen). Put your number in here…we should catch up sometime.
Statement openers
The point of statement openers is to just talk about things you like, dislike, think about, etc.
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Statement openers are similar to situational openers, except they don’t ever start with a question.
Although you can make a statement about anything, you should avoid topics about sickness, disease,
murder, embarrassing human bodily fluids, bad relationships you’ve had in the past, etc. Steer away
from the depressing, the gross and anything that will associate sexually unattractive things to you.
You get the picture.
The best things about statement openers:
•
•
•
•
Demonstrates that you aren’t scared to say what you feel like saying.
In comparison to an emotionally guarded conversation, a statement opener will reveal a piece
of who you are.
Helps other people feel comfortable to be themselves around you.
Makes it much easier to ASSUME RAPPORT, because you aren’t starting by trying to get to know
her.
So, if you are EVER stuck for something to say - MAKE A STATEMENT.
Example
You see a woman looking at instant coffee in the coffee isle of the supermarket.
What can you say?
Stop and think about it before looking at my example.
Think about these two things when you attempt to make up a statement right now:
1. She’s buying instant coffee.
2. Feel free to bust on her in a playful way.
Don’t look at my example below.
Stop peeking!
Try to come up with one or more by yourself and come back in a minute.
Okay, welcome back. Here’s a random example from yours truly:
You: I used to be like you…
Her: (Turns and looks at you…most likely a little confused).
You: Y’know, with the instant coffee and all…but I’ve moved on.
Her: (Possibly laughing quietly if you’re doing your job right).
You: Percolated coffee is where it’s at…you’re so old-school.
Example
You’re at a train station and see a hot girl who you want to talk to.
You: Geez, I love mornings like this. (Smile with your eyes and face, while nodding gently. See
explanation below). You know what I really love about it though?
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Her: (Responds).
You: …well…it’s just…I love the way everything is kind of quiet, but not quiet at the same time. Like,
the city is waking up to another day.
Her: Yeah, it’s nice.
You: And, I mean…although I’m heading to work and it appears to be just another day – anything could
happen. I love that about life. You on your way to work too?
And so on.
Notice how you have ASSUMED RAPPORT.
Notice how you haven’t:
1. Asked what she likes about the morning and then agreed with what she likes about it.
2. Hoped that she feels the same way.
3. Walked up and said “What’s your name? Where do you work? What shoe size are you?”
If you have been engaging enough and made her feel relaxed (by being relaxed yourself), then she will
most likely reciprocate your attempt to interact with her.
Now, try this exercise to understand what I mean ‘smile with your eyes and face’
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Close your eyes.
Smile deep in your MIND (not on your face).
Allow that smile to slowly come to the surface and appear on your face.
Once your smile is there, notice how it feels.
Open your eyes.
Notice how genuine your smile is.
Practice doing this until you can do it with your eyes open.
Example
You’re in a take-away store.
Replace the word foccacia with sandwich, wrap, etc if you need to.
You: I love the focaccias here…they use the BEST bread here.
Her: (Says something).
You: Actually, you kinda remind me of a foccacia (then smile).
Her: What? Hehe?
You: (Laugh confidently and quietly as if the joke is on her) Ahh, just messing with ya…you look more
like a salad…with nice dressing. My name’s __________.
Example
You’re in a bar.
You: The music in here is awesome…!
Don’t ask what she thinks. Your body language and tonality should ASSUME that she will want to
reciprocate; even if it is a few brief words back to you. If she doesn’t, then you didn’t do it right or
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simply need to say something else to get it started.
Example
You’re in a bar.
You: I’m loving the range of scotches they have at this bar. Mmmm, I’m going to have to try that one
tonight. What are you drinking there?
Her: (Says what she is drinking).
You: …my mum drinks that! She gets ‘off her head’ on two glasses.
Her: Haha.
You: I like how scotch can be so crisp to the taste. What do you like most about _________________?
(Whatever drink she is drinking).
Her: (Says something)
You: Awesome…you make it sound yum.
Example
You’re in a bar.
You: Hey.
Her: Hey.
You: This bar rocks…I’m lovin the vibe here.
Her: Yeah me too.
You: …and check out that wall over there…how weird.
Example
You: Wow…I’m impressed with the turnout today. Looks like it will be an interesting (insert event e.g.
birthday party, festival, etc). I love it when _________________.
Direct openers
Women LOVE a man who ‘Knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to get it.’
Once you have mastered confident body language, confident projection of your voice and the ability to
look a woman in the eye and smile, you can literally walk up and say things like:
•
•
•
•
Hi, I noticed you when I walked in... and I just had to find out what you were like. My name's
__________.
Hey, I noticed you guys when I walked in. How’s it going? I’m ___________ (your name).
Just walk up, put your arm around her waist and say “Hi, I thought I’d come over and introduce
myself. You look great. My name’s _________________.”
I guess that plenty of drunk guys and their mates have approached you tonight, but I thought I’d
come over because you look wonderful, and I want to see what you are like.”
Tips
•
Make sure you do this WITHOUT having a ‘Whoooah!’ look on your face in relation to her beauty.
Most guys will see a pretty woman, put on a stunned look and then offer a verbal compliment or
body language gesture that conveys awe and desire. Don’t do that.
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•
•
•
•
•
•
Be composed and charming when you use a direct opener. Picture James Bond saying it and you
will know what I mean.
Direct openers will work better if you are by yourself and not in a pick up environment (e.g.
nightclub).
Make sure that your buddies aren’t chuckling in the background, or leering at her from nearby.
Otherwise you run the risk of it looking staged and sleazy.
Though these approaches would sound LAME and CREEPY if said by a low-status girly-man, they can
be EXTREMELY POWERFUL (and effective) when said by a guy who knows what’s going on. You will
be one of those guys once you’ve read this book and have done plenty of practice.
If said in the right way, a direct opener will convey a high level of self-confidence and masculinity
and thus create the feelings of attraction inside a woman.
Direct openers help you convey that you believe this world is YOUR PLAYGROUND. It will also
convey that you CHOOSE your women and destiny, rather than waiting and hoping to be CHOSEN.
Summary: Begin an interaction
You have learned and now know about the importance of the following:
1. That the fear of rejection is imaginary and not helpful. Rejection is real, but it is rare and does
not kill you.
2. That you will sometimes need to offer 90% of the conversation when you begin an interaction
with a woman.
3. Beginning interactions in a neutral way and not with a sleazy pick-up persona.
4. Why you shouldn’t give any special privileges for beauty and why you should treat attractive
women like normal people.
5. Assuming rapport with every person you meet.
6. Assuming rapport and attraction with every woman you meet.
7. Avoiding emotionally guarded conversation from the outset.
8. Using your body to affect your mind.
9. How and why to project your voice and why not to speak like a little mouse.
10. Why it’s important to have confident body language.
11. Why not to lean or peck in when speaking with a woman.
12. Using the ‘3-second rule’ until you develop the right mindsets and don’t need a push to begin
an interaction with a woman.
13. Situational, statement and direct openers that will help you communicate like a man who
naturally attracts women.
You were also provided with an assignment that, if done properly, will greatly increase your
confidence to start interactions with women any time, any place.
You may not have had much success filling out your assignment yet.
That’s okay.
Just be sure to revisit it again when you finish reading this book.
The journey is just beginning.
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2. Spark the attraction
Sparking the attraction can come from something simple as being confident when interacting with a
woman.
However, her budding attraction WILL disappear in SECONDS if you engage in low-status behaviors (i.e.
nervousness, neediness, insecure comments, being overly nice, etc).
Nervousness
One of your NUMBER ONE priorities when first interacting with a woman is to make her feel RELAXED
around you.
If you are nervous when you approach and start the interaction, then you are going to make her feel
uncomfortable about continuing to interact with you.
So, learn to eradicate any nervous behaviors and understand that body language is a MASSIVE part of
communication between human beings.
Some examples of nervous behaviors:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Fidgeting.
Fast movements (e.g. darting eyes, quick gestures).
Not being able to maintain eye contact.
Gulping in fear.
Becoming dry-mouthed.
Being overly nice and accommodating.
Tense facial muscles.
Laughing nervously at all of her jokes.
Let’s look at a couple of the examples and dig into what they REALLY mean:
•
Not being able to maintain eye contact
If a man is unable to hold eye contact with a woman and looks away first, then she will gain the power
in the situation. She will INSTANTLY perceive the man to be psychologically weaker than she is.
And that is NOT attractive to women.
Not being able to maintain eye contact with a woman is a very subtle exchange of body language, but
it will speak VOLUMES about a man.
So, what’s the alternative? Stare at her?
Not at all.
I’m not saying that you should STARE at a woman and hold eye contact with her like a STALKER.
However, if your eyes do meet you should BE COMFORTABLE enough to hold the eye contact.
You should also BE COMFORTABLE enough to raise an eyebrow, squint your eyes a little and give an
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39
endearing sort of smile. (Example: James Bond). Your smile can communicate things like ’I am a
confident male and I know that you want me. Frankly, I find that kind of cute. You and I just had a
private little moment. You are attracted to me and you want me to approach you and say hi.’
You’ll be amazed at how good you can get at communicating similar messages with your body
language.
You’ll also be amazed to realize that most guys don’t have the confidence to do it.
•
Fast movements (e.g. darting eyes, quick gestures)
IMAGINE a guy who ISN’T at all nervous.
Can you see him now?
Notice how calm he is.
Notice that he isn’t darting his eyes around in fear.
He is COMPOSED.
A simple way to build composure into your mind’s operating system is to SLOW DOWN your thoughts
and movements (as mentioned earlier). This is especially important in situations where people
typically become tense and nervous.
Be the cool, calm and collected one when everyone else is fidgeting and looking around like nervous
mice.
Dominant reality: Whose reality is it anyway?
This is YOUR WORLD, YOUR LIFE and everyone else just happens to be here too.
Your world.
Your life.
Your reality.
Your playground.
Go forth and play.
Don’t hesitate.
Live with passion.
Live without inhibition.
Your life will soon fill with AMAZING experiences. It will become fulfilling and deeply enriching.
LIVING IN YOUR OWN REALITY is one of the most important concepts that you will learn from this book.
Without it, you will find it very hard to achieve what I am offering to you.
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I have met many guys who claim to understand the concept of ‘this is my reality and everyone else is a
guest’ but I KNOW within seconds if they actually live it or not.
So do women.
How does it work?
Well, I’m going to start simple by giving you an every-day example.
It’s okay if you don’t get straight away; it will make more and more sense to you as you progress
through the book.
Ok, so have you ever been to a take-away store where you can request the ingredients that go into
your sandwich?
Good, I hope you enjoyed your food.
Next, have you ever noticed that people order their sandwich in MANY different ways?
It’s interesting.
Some people order apologetically, some rudely, some nonchalantly, some nervously and so on.
However, every once in a while a person will come along and order a custom-made sandwich with a
free-flowing confidence.
Let’s go into the store.
Imagine that you’ve already ordered your sandwich and are seated near the serving counter. A man
walks in, projects his voice confidently (but not obnoxiously) and assumes rapport with the women
behind the counter.
Immediately, they all get along as if they are old friends.
Realizing that he doesn’t take cues on how to behave from you or others, you begin to feel like a guest
in HIS reality.
His reality is the most dominant in the room.
Next, you notice that he is flirting with the women behind the counter.
For example:
Him: Ok… so, which one of you lovely ladies make a better sandwich?
Women: (They point at each other and giggle).
Him: “I tell you what... I’m sensing that you both have some pretty extraordinary sandwich-making
skills, but I don’t know about you” he says as he playfully points at one of the women, “You seem like
the sort who dreams about putting heaps of chili in a customer’s sandwich and then watching him
squirm and go all red in the face.”
Woman: No, no!
Him: Are you sure???
Woman: Yes, yes I promise!
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Him: Ok, I’ll have a salad sandwich with extra chilli…
Women: (Laughing).
And so on…
Now, those of you who don’t understand how attraction or flirting works may be thinking, “But, wasn’t
he being rude or potentially offensive?”
No.
In fact, he’d most likely receive favorable treatment the next time he visits the store.
Why?
1.
2.
3.
4.
He made the women FEEL emotions.
He treated the women like REAL PEOPLE and not like boring servants who have no personality.
He stood out from all the other boring, robotic customers they’d met that day.
Women APPRECIATE a man who can make them feel the emotion of attraction.
Now, let me ask you some questions:
Have you ever seen a guy behave like that?
How differently did you look at him?
Were you secretly a little envious of his state of mind and of LIFE?
Who had a higher social status in that situation? You or him?
Don’t worry.
You will soon have that sort of social confidence too if you work at it and PRACTICE what you are
learning in this book.
Losing control of your reality
Picture yourself in this situation:
You walk into a clothing store and make eye-contact with a stunningly beautiful woman. She looks at
you and is walking your way.
You tell yourself, “This is MY reality… people love to be engaged in fun interactions… women love men
who are confident enough to talk to them in public places… this is MY world, MY playground…
attractive women want to meet me.”
But will you have enough confidence to say anything before she passes you?
Picture yourself in that moment.
•
•
•
How are you feeling about the prospect of beginning an interaction with her?
Whose reality has it become?
Has it suddenly all become about her, or do you still consider it YOUR reality?
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•
•
•
Are you starting to look for cues on how to behave from her?
Will you allow her reality to become the dominant one if you do talk to her?
Will you be strong, convey the right amount of social status and gain the silent power?
The fact is that most men freeze up and lose control over their reality around attractive women.
Suddenly, all the fanciful daydreams of sweeping women off their feet go right out the window in
fleeting moments of paralysis by over-analysis.
They slip into a state of shock and awe.
Don’t do that.
Learn to believe that attractive women do want to meet you, until it becomes so INTERNALIZED that it
becomes a TRUTH in reality for you.
Status: The silent power
Nobody has any power UNLESS you give it to them.
I’m not talking about the sort of ‘regulated power’ that you find in a legal system. I’m talking about a
silent power called STATUS.
Mahatma Gandhi, the man who (without violence) led the movement for Indian independence from the
British rule once said, “They cannot take away our self-respect, if we do not give it to them.”
Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of American President Franklin Roosevelt once said, “No-one can make you
feel inferior without your permission.”
So, I’m not breaking new ground here. I’m simply pointing you in the direction of quality thoughts.
Your job is to take the thoughts and make them a part of you.
What is status?
Status isn’t something that needs to be spoken about, nor written down because it is KNOWN between
people.
We SENSE it.
It comes from how you perceive yourself and how you then act on that perception.
For example: Have you ever met a guy who was financially poor, of a minority race or of
average/below-average looks but who STILL managed to convey high-status in social situations?
On the flipside of that coin, have you ever met a guy with the same sort of background who saw
himself as inferior to others?
Yes, of course.
But how did you know?
You could SENSE his inner beliefs by the way he presented himself.
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The morals of the story:
1. People take you at your own evaluation of yourself.
2. If you want to be with attractive women, believe that you deserve to be and behave
accordingly.
3. It is not attractive to behave inferiorly around attractive women.
Status: Life
Most people don’t assume high-status because they fear being laughed at or ridiculed.
Instead, most opt to assume lower-status in social situations and HOPE that by doing so they may be
able to earn some status later.
It’s a flawed strategy and a waste of time.
Why?
Because people with higher-status don’t readily give away their HIGHLY USEFUL social power to those
of lower-status.
For example: A cool guy doesn’t walk around saying, “Oh no, here, you take all the attention from the
women instead, and take my career advancements too…take my friends!”
So you need to resolve to have enough confidence to rise to the occasion and be the guy who deserves
more.
Trust me, the world will reply in step with your evaluation of yourself.
But what if I’m not rich, famous or amazingly good-looking?
You don’t have to be.
While it’s true that being a celebrity AUTOMATICALLY conveys high social status, they make up less
than .01% of the population.
And I don’t know about you, but I see people of all shapes and sizes conveying high social status and
doing the things they want to do.
So, can I just start conveying high-status today?
Yes.
For example: When a person walks into a room full of people s/he will either look around for a leader
to follow and get approval from (i.e. someone of perceived higher-status), or ASSUME that s/he is the
leader (or person of higher-status) and NATURALLY expect others to follow, knowing that the
precedent s/he sets will usually stand.
Be the one who is confident and who believes in himself.
Apart from the odd challenge from a high-status person, people will usually just accept that you are
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higher-status than them and go along with it.
Your life will change.
Status: Women
My friend’s dad once pointed to his chin and said, “Your woman should always be down here.”
He then paused for a few moments, pointed to just above his head and said “…and you should be up
here, she should never be above you.”
When I asked him what he meant, he said, “Look…I don’t mean it in a way that she is less important
than you…but that she is less dominant. Allow her to be a woman and you to be a man.”
I was intrigued.
I’d grown up in a world that preached equality in all areas of male/female relationships. Yet, over
time I’ve come to realize that in order to SPARK attraction from the outset and then MAINTAIN the
sexual polarity between you and a woman, she should ALWAYS be in the ‘one down position’ in terms
of dominance.
A common mistake that men make when dealing with women is to communicate a willingness to trade
their masculine status in the relationship (i.e. she has the power and can ‘wear the pants’) in
exchange for her love, affection and attention.
It is the one strategy that almost guarantees:
1.
2.
3.
4.
The woman will NOT feel a ‘gut-level’ attraction to you.
You will be the submissive one in the relationship (in terms of needing the other person more).
She will have to take on more of a MASCULINE role and thus be unsatisfied at her core.
She will naturally seek to be fulfilled by other MEN so she can regain her lost femininity.
Remember this:
No matter how beautiful and precious a woman is to you, SHE must be trying to impress YOU and
maintain YOUR attention and interest. Being a man, you are naturally placed to be the selector and
thus have the sexual power. Women WANT you to think like this and you will be doing them a FAVOR
by behaving in that way.
Stop.
Picture a group of gorgeous women walking along the beach in bikinis, giggling and having fun.
Their beautiful hair is blowing softly in the wind and you can smell their sweet perfume drifting your
way.
The idea of expecting THEM to want to IMPRESS YOU might seem crazy!
I can empathize.
I used to think like that too.
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So, to each of you I say this: Practice what I teach you in the REAL WORLD until you UNDERSTAND IT.
Once you get it, this place we call Earth will be a totally different world for you.
Anyway, stop picturing about the women in bikinis now. They’ve met some guys at the bar and are
having a great time. Let’s get back to business…
A woman must be more in love with you than you with her, no matter how beautiful, precious or
sought-after she is. DO NOT EVER convey lower status by being more in NEED of her or by submitting to
her tantrums, unreasonable demands or tests of your masculinity.
You are the man, the masculine. She is the woman, the feminine.
To maintain attraction you must ALLOW HER TO BE A WOMAN and you must also OFFER HER A
CHALLENGE in order to continually fuel the sexual tension.
Giving her those intangible gifts will be far more valuable to her than any diamond ring or expensive
dinner.
Note: When you are dealing with a woman who believes she has sexual power over men and she
suddenly finds herself in the ‘one down’ position, she will usually try in all sorts of ways to sneak but
up to the one-up position.
Note: This means you are on the right track and she is enjoying herself. Don’t stuff it up!
Some examples of her trying to regain the silent power:
•
•
•
•
•
Playing mind games (e.g. not returning your calls or messages for HOURS even though you
KNOW she has nothing else to do, or is the type to respond to messages straight away).
Wearing flattering clothes and mentioning that other guys are checking her out.
Acting unimpressed with the things that you do (i.e. trying to get you to do MORE to impress
her).
Creating situations where you rely on her (e.g. she’s the designated driver for the night, but
keeps you waiting by arriving late. You move in together and share rent, etc).
Making you fall in love with her and then becoming a little distant so you chase her even more.
If you buckle under those sorts of tests, then she will gain the silent power and you will tip the sexual
polarity out of balance. Suddenly, you will find yourself behaving like she had been previously (i.e.
trying to get yourself back to the ‘one up’ position).
You might find yourself trying harder to impress her, to spark certain feelings or to get her attention.
Hold your ground.
At a deep level, she will appreciate it if you can keep her interested by not falling for her instinctive
attempts to test your masculinity.
The status gap
Understanding status will have a huge impact on how you interact with the world from now on.
If you can apply what you are learning in this book to real life situations, the world will reply in step
and start treating you differently immediately. Other people who convey high-status (confident and
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successful people, celebrities, attractive women, genuinely cool people, senior managers at your
workplace, etc) will find it easier to relate to you because you won’t behave as though you are inferior
anymore.
You will become be favored, included and accepted into a different part of the social hierarchy. Those
who have treated you as a low-status person in the past will sense a change in you and behave
accordingly.
However, BE CAREFUL HOW MUCH status you convey.
If the STATUS GAP gets too big, most people won’t be able to relate to you and will secretly feel too
insecure around you.
So what’s the solution?
Always aim keep your status equal or just a ‘little bit’ above most people. If you push the status gap
too far, you will simply end up being an arrogant prick that nobody likes.
CHOOSE whether you react or not
If you begin to convey high-status, rest assured that your version of reality will be challenged by those
around you everyday in ALL SORTS of ways.
Example
You’re talking to a group of girls, having a great time and one of them taunts you by saying, “You guys
are players!”
Right at that moment, you have a few CHOICES. You can either:
1. React to her reality and get drawn in by explaining yourself, asking why she thinks that or by
getting upset about it.
2. Playfully reverse the frame onto her “I’m glad you like it”, or “So…what is it about players that
you like so much?”
3. Turn her friends against her in a PLAYFUL way by saying something like, “Is she always like
this? How do you guys hang around her?”
4. Pause, look her in the eye and give her an endearing smile. Then CONTINUE on.
Most importantly, NEVER react to a woman’s taunts by becoming offended, defensive or insecure.
Just because she calls you a player, it doesn’t mean that she DOESN’T LIKE PLAYERS. In fact, it’s often
the opposite. A woman may make such comments as a defensive response because she is feeling
ATTRACTED to you more quickly than normal.
So, don’t go getting nervous and feeling like you’ve blown it. Take it as a compliment that she likes
you and continue on with the interaction.
Example
I have a friend who is what you’d call an ‘alpha male’.
One of the interesting things about him is that he doesn’t always react when people try to engage him
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in conversation.
Why?
Usually it’s when people ask him stupid questions, or attempt to engage him into conversation to be
polite or fill a silence. He CHOOSES if he is going to react, participate or respond to an attempt to
engage his reality.
I asked him about this and he said, “Man, I don’t have to respond to everything people ask me. It’s
their problem if I don’t answer, not mine.”
Sometimes he’ll pause for a few seconds and you’ll think, “He’s going to answer,” but then he’ll open
a new topic of conversation or do something else without answering your question and just EXPECT you
to follow along.
Reluctantly, most people do.
Why?
Because his version of reality is stronger than that of most people he comes into contact with.
Now, am I suggesting that you should be a pain in the ass and ignore people all the time?
No.
I’m suggesting that you should learn to live in your own reality and CHOOSE how and when you react to
what is going on around you. Choose what direction you want things to go.
If people are being stupid, decide if you’d prefer to acknowledge it or teach them a lesson by ignoring
it or changing the direction of the interaction.
How does this relate to women?
Women (especially attractive women) are used to having men be very accommodating, answer all their
questions and comply with a multitude of requests in the hope of being liked and loved.
I have met many women who have said things like, “I prefer it when a guy doesn’t let me get away
with throwing silly tantrums, or when he decides what we’re going to do or where we’re going to go,
and then every once in a while tells me to pick a restaurant or movie.”
By choosing not to acknowledge petty or irritating behaviours, you demonstrate confidence, strength,
and communicate that such behaviour is unworthy of your attention. Women find that VERY attractive.
Example
A woman is throwing a little tantrum because you didn’t call her the night before.
Her: (In an angry, paranoid tone) Why didn’t you call me last night?
You: (Chuckling) Hehe…you’re cute. Hey, I’ve gotta tell you something… I just made the BEST stir-fry
ever, and if you’re nice I’ll save you some.
Her: Cool, but hey… why didn’t you call me?
You: C’mon, don’t be silly. How was your day today? Tell me about something good that happened…
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Your assignment
1. Notice.
For the next few weeks, stop and notice how people convey higher or lower status to you through their
tonality, words used and body language. Notice how the status between you and certain individuals
moves back and forth subtly or noticeably.
2. Practice.
Attempt to convey high social status in all situations. Aim to find the right balance in each situation
and remember not to push the status gap too far.
Practice choosing HOW you react and respond to situations. Feel free to take a few more seconds than
normal as you decide how you will react or respond.
3. Eliminate.
Start eliminating your insecurities and low-status behaviors by building on your social confidence every
day.
As you do this you will:
a) Begin creating positive mental associations with NOT being insecure and your insecurities will
gradually wither away.
b) Build higher levels of self-esteem, which will fuel confidence and thus attractiveness.
c) Notice any low-status cues that YOU currently project onto the world and be in the position to
change them.
d) See yourself for who you truly are.
e) See yourself for who you are becoming.
f) Be faced with a choice: Stay invisible and unattractive or become powerful and attractive.
g) Know that the choice of becoming more of a man will now rest in your hands in EACH
INTERACTION you involve yourself in from this moment forward.
Body language & status cues
Your body language and status cues say A LOT about who you are on the inside.
Tips
Be comfortable in your own skin
Next time you are in a bar or club, notice the guys who are comfortable and who women are paying
attention to. Notice how they are standing, looking around, using their voice and how they are
interacting with women.
Next, imitate some of the effective behaviors you’ve noticed until they become natural for you.
Don’t send out signals of desperation, neediness or insecurity
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This may sound pretty obvious, but have you ever seen a guy looking around at everyone in the club
like he is an outsider?
•
•
•
•
He
He
He
He
stands there awkwardly and clutches on to his alcoholic drink.
is too scared to mingle in.
looks at women in a needy way.
hopes that he’ll ‘pick up’ that night.
Those guys look desperate and are VERY, VERY obvious to women.
On the flipside, have you ever seen a guy who looks like he ALWAYS gets positive attention from
women?
He’ll usually behave in a way that suggests he doesn’t care if he meets a girl that night, because he
KNOWS he can have women any time he pleases. This is VERY interesting and attractive to women and
offers them a CHALLENGE.
Suddenly, women find themselves flirting with him and trying to pick HIM up.
Now, if you don’t have women crawling all over you yet then I have some good news:
You CAN fake the effective behaviors of a guy who is amazing with women, initially.
Eventually it will be true, because…
“We become what we think about, most of the time”
Brian Tracy
People notice when another person is having fun and enjoying the moment
Pay attention to your INTERNAL reaction the next time you see someone totally living in the moment
and having a good time.
Do you secretly admire or want to be around them because they are ALIVE, are wanted by others and
are not holding back?
Women find such behavior very attractive as it shows you are a man with social CONFIDENCE.
Have a confident voice tone
I’ve already explained how to project your voice, but stop and ask yourself these questions:
•
•
Do I sometimes lower my volume around more confident people?
Do I sometimes end verbal statements in a way that makes it sound like I’m asking a question,
or waiting for approval?
Then ask yourself these empowering questions:
•
•
How can I ensure that I project a confident volume around people, while not being overbearing?
How can I make a verbal statement in a confident way, but not seem too arrogant?
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Pay attention to the words you use and your language gestures
Ask yourself the following questions:
•
•
Am I often apologizing or making excuses for myself or my shortcomings?
Do I laugh too much just to fit into social interactions?
Then ask yourself these empowering questions:
•
•
How can I be humble, yet not demean myself in social situations?
What will I do to ensure that I never laugh too much just to fit in?
Say it without words
I once read somewhere:
“Never say what you can smile.
Never smile what you can nod.
Never nod what you can wink.”
Simple, yet it perfectly sums up the importance of body language in every interaction we involve
ourselves in.
You can say so much without talking.
Leading or following? High or low status?
Until it becomes natural, you should ask yourself the following questions when involved in a social
interaction:
•
•
•
Am I leading or following in this interaction?
Who is taking cues from whom?
Should I be conveying equal or higher-status?
Don’t allow things to affect you emotionally and throw you off balance
Imagine walking up to a woman in a bar and attempting to have a conversation with her. After a
minute or so, she looks at you and says:
“Sorry…I’m not interested okay? I have a boyfriend, can you please leave me alone and let me talk to
my friends?”
You have a few options:
1. Suddenly have the look of a man who has just been REJECTED!!
2. Smile and say, “Sure, I can do that…it’s been cool talking to you…have a great night,” then
walk off as if you have just finished speaking to a FRIEND. Do NOT have the look of a man who
has just been rejected.
3. Become defensive and react by saying something like, “Well, I was just trying to talk to you! No
need to get all bitchy about it.”
Obviously you’d want to exercise option number 2.
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In doing so, there are number of benefits:
1. You’ll look like you know other people at the event/venue.
2. Other women will see you speaking with women.
3. You’ll personally feel a whole lot better than you would if you felt REJECTED.
Stop defending and explaining yourself
Be confident about who you are, what you want and the decisions you make for yourself.
However, don’t confuse this with being overly arrogant. You can still be humble and personable while
choosing not to defend or explain your choices.
You are a man, capable of thinking for himself and acting upon his thoughts. The reasons behind your
actions are YOURS. You have no obligation to share them with anyone if you choose not to.
Your reasons are your own.
Think about it.
Your body language should exude confidence, bordering on arrogance
Where focus goes, energy flows.
So lift your chest up.
You’ll find that it fixes a lot of your problems with stance and posture. At the same time, it will send
‘confidence signals’ to your brain.
Why?
Because the way we use our body directly affects our state of mind.
For example: If I were to tell you to droop your shoulders, pout your mouth, shake your head in sorrow
and look down at the ground - I’m sure you wouldn’t be feeling like the happiest man alive!
So lift your chest up and feel confident and proud of who you are.
Notice the body language of a high-status guy when he is out with his girlfriend or wife
He isn’t clinging to her for social support/safety.
In fact his woman will often be clinging to him, trying to get his attention, reaching in to give him
kisses and orienting her herself to his body language movements and cues.
In a restaurant, he won’t look at her or at others to figure out how to behave. He’ll take cues from
himself and do his own thing. He’ll take up as much space as he needs and may even respectfully move
some tables and chairs to suit himself, or spread his legs apart on a couch while others keep them
closed.
Women notice that sort of thing.
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Assume high-status and rapport when you are in any social setting, familiar or not
For example:
If you’re at a dinner party, you should aim to take one of the seats that will be the ‘centre of
attention’. Speak with confidence and assume that everyone there likes you, wants to get to know you
and is interested in what you have to say.
Without stepping on the host’s toes, you might want to:
a) Suggest that something occur (e.g. open a bottle of wine, open some nibblies, etc).
b) Introduce people to newcomers.
Note: Practice how to do proper introductions; “Hi Joanne…this is Sally, she’s good friends with John
and Anne and works as a pharmacist in the city. Sally, this is Joanne…Joanne just got back from Italy
last month, which would have been awesome.”
c) Offer to help in the kitchen.
Note: If a masculine man offers to help in the kitchen, women SWOON. If a feminine man offers they
will often laugh at him and lose further attraction.
In situations like this, I’ve seen Stu (a Modern Man Coach) walk into the kitchen, look around and ask
with a grin, “So, what can I help you burn?”
It communicates a lot of great things: Confidence, pretend self-deprecating humour, and a willingness
to help out despite his implied culinary inexperience.
Women find it funny, generous and charming.
Women like men who make them feel safe
Ben (Modern Man Coach) has a distinct quality that makes him stand out from the crowd.
In a crowd of men darting their eyes around and showing subtle and obvious signs of nervousness, Ben
is COMPOSED.
But, he’s also alert.
And women in the crowd NOTICE.
You too can convey the same qualities, by simply SLOWING DOWN your movements in situations where
others usually fidget or behave in a nervous manner.
What should I slow down?
The pace at which you:
•
•
•
Blink.
Turn your head.
Gesture.
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•
•
•
•
Speak.
Move through a venue.
Respond to questions.
Think.
You should be COMPOSED enough not to be signaling ANY nervous tension, but ALERT enough to pounce
or catch something at any moment.
A woman’s primal self wants to SENSE that you can defend and protect her from the world, even if it’s
just a spider crawling up the wall.
For example:
If there’s ever a sound in the house late at night, a woman doesn’t want to get the feeling that you’ll
quiver and say, “Honey… umm… do you want to check that out for us?”
So pay attention to the subtle clues you are sending out about yourself.
Be a man.
The look of a sexual icon
Do a search online and look at some photos of Humphrey Bogart, James Bond and the young Marlon
Brando.
Notice:
•
•
•
•
The raised or furrowed eyebrow.
The brooding face.
The endearing smile.
How they squint as if zoning in on their ‘prey’.
These men remain sex symbols not because of their looks per se, but from the messages that are sent
to a woman’s unconscious mind when that sort of body language occurs.
These men give the look of an alpha male, a bad-boy, a seducer and a man who knows what he wants.
People who have never met you have NO IDEA who you are
The status signals you send out will determine how people behave around you. Remember when I said
‘People take you at your own evaluation of yourself’?
Well if that’s the way it works, why not walk into a new situation as the confident, upbeat, happy guy?
It’s UP TO YOU who YOU want to be.
It is YOUR LIFE.
You get to choose your personality and whether or not you will have high-status in the situation. You
get to choose whether or not you believe you should be with attractive women.
Be comfortable enough to pause before answering a question
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Too often, people rush to give their answer in fear that the other person may lose interest in the
conversation.
It’s a silly fear.
PAUSE before and during answering questions (SOMETIMES).
It creates anticipation for your words and also allows you to maintain COMPOSURE. If people lose
interest in what you are saying, it is their problem.
Smile endearingly (see James Bond movies with Pearce Brosnan for tips)
Picture this:
You’re walking along a street and a beautiful woman is walking toward you. She is ‘checking you out’
and looks interested.
You decide to look at her in the eye, smile endearingly and stop to start a conversation.
Example:
“Hi, I came down here today to do some shopping, but now I’m a little distracted and have decided
that I’m going to say ‘Hi’ to you. My name’s _________________”.
Often a confident smile will be the difference between a woman having a relaxed conversation with
you and a woman going out of her way to avoid you.
I’m not talking about a ‘toothy grin’, but an endearing and confident smile that communicates things
like honesty, trustworthiness, sexuality, friendliness and humour to name a few.
Create a confident, comfortable and distinctive way of introducing yourself
There is an old saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”
This is very true.
People will often create an opinion of you within seconds of meeting you. Their opinion of you will
influence their interest in getting to know you or seeing you again.
First impressions can last a long time, and it can take a lot of effort to change a person’s first
impression of you.
Here are a few tips to help you make a positive first impression when meeting people:
Verbal introduction
Instead of saying, “Hi, how are you?” in a quiet, normal tone of voice, try saying, “Hi, I’m _______
(name)!” and say it with distinction!
Demonstrate that you are proud of who you are and EXPECT that people will WANT to know your name
and get to know you. Don’t be TOO animated, but inject JUST enough to break a person out of their
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AUTO PILOT response.
Names
Practice remembering the names of people you meet. Using a person’s name a few times within the
first few minutes of meeting them is a great way to help you remember their name. They will be
impressed that you made the effort to do so.
Handshake
If you need to shake hands with a woman, don’t shake hands in the same way you would with a man.
Bring your hand forward in a horizontal direction and tilt your hand up a little, so it is cupping upwards
about 20 degrees and don’t squeeze her hand.
Alternatively, you might want to come up with a fun way to shake hands with a woman.
It can be something as simple putting up your hand and getting her to ‘high 5’ you instead. Play that
‘high 5’ scene out in your mind right now (e.g. in a bar, at work or in a social environment).
Or it could be getting her to give you ‘the rock’ (i.e. fist to fist).
Notice the difference.
You are not like every other guy. You make the rules. You’re having fun with her and have ASSUMED
RAPPORT.
Cool vs. Trying to be cool
There’s obviously a BIG difference between a guy who IS cool and one who is TRYING to be cool.
So I’m going to make it easy for you by providing some examples of what a NATURALLY cool guy will
typically do:
•
He will make you EARN his friendship and respect
A cool guy doesn’t need social leeches or dorks hanging around him. He knows that lower-status guys
want to befriend him so they will appear cool too.
Regardless of what you do or who you know in the group, he will DECIDE whether he likes you or not.
•
He will be direct, but tactful
He isn’t afraid to say something when others are too scared to, because he KNOWS that people value
his opinion. He won’t beat around the bush, but will be tactful because he isn’t a pain in the ass.
If people are deciding what to do/where to go, the cool guy will let his choice be known whether it’s
in-line with the status quo or not. He’ll back his choice with conviction, but won’t look around in hope
of getting approval. He’ll just assume that his choice is the best and people will usually sense that and
follow.
Alternatively, he’ll know that people will refer to him for the final decision anyway. So he’ll just look
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and smile endearingly as people pretend to decide, while subtly glancing at him for approval each time
they suggest something.
•
He KNOWS that he is good
Cool guys always seem to have this subtle vibe about them that says, “What I’m doing is cooler than
what you are doing.”
If someone tells him about an amazing event that they went to on the weekend, the cool guy won’t
become jealous. He’ll be happy that they had a good time and may even mention that it would’ve
been cool to go as well, but he won’t feel lesser because of it.
People will sense that and secretly wish that he’d come along too.
If you tell him that his clothes are daggy, he’ll tell you that you have horrible taste. You will secretly
believe him.
•
He doesn’t need to qualify himself to gain status
You won’t ever hear a cool guy saying “Oh, if only I had my cool jacket with me. I left it at home and
now I kind of feel out of place.”
The cool guy is ‘cool’ because he is himself. He doesn’t have to boast about his material possessions or
the amount of girls who are interested in him.
People also notice the attention he gets, which leads me onto the next section…
Social proof
Social proof is one of the most potent ways of influencing the social behavior of others.
It doesn’t matter if you are in a forest, a supermarket, a nightclub, or a busy city; people will be
influenced by your social proof.
How does social proof work?
Put simply, human beings will often look to others to determine how they should behave and feel.
The belief behind social proof is: If enough people are thinking/doing it then it MUST be true/the
right thing to do.
Example
You walk into a bar and immediately start talking and having a great time with the people there. Other
women who notice this will naturally find you attractive.
People want to know the person who is liked by everyone. They want to be a part of it.
Additionally, when other women are paying attention to you it will ALWAYS make OTHER women want
you even more. When you are accepted socially and have a lot of people interested in you, the amount
of people who are interested in you will increase exponentially.
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Think of celebrities.
Celebrities are liked by more people the more popular they become. They may also be hated by
jealous people, but that isn’t their problem. A male celebrity can literally have billions of women who
are sexually interested in him.
Imagine that.
Let’s scale it down to normal reality where 99.99% of us won’t become superstars or celebrities. Would
if be fair to estimate that as a normal guy you could have hundreds of women who are sexually
interested in you… each week?
Yes.
Creating social proof when you don’t know anyone
Walk around and behave as if it is YOUR club/party/social event/bookstore/etc and that all the people
there are YOUR FRIENDS or YOUR GUESTS.
Assume rapport with everyone including the staff.
Think about it.
If you were a confident social person, how would you behave in your own home when you had guests
over?
Tips
•
•
•
•
•
•
Walk around and say hi to people “Hey guys, is everyone here having a good time tonight?
Excellent… cheers!” and clink glasses with some of them, or just walk off like you are going to
‘check in’ with the next group.
High-5 people and say “Hi” or “Hey, what’s going on!”
Warmly greet the bar staff and waiters like they are old friends.
Project your voice when talking.
Take over a section of the bar/club/venue and make it yours (stand/sit there, respectfully move
tables and chairs to suit, etc).
Introduce yourself to strangers.
Social proof through conversation
Although actions will always speak louder than words, social proof can also be related through
conversation.
Example
You might start talking to a woman and end up telling her about how you and 10 of your close friends
went to the snow last winter and hired out a log cabin. Such a story demonstrates that:
a) You have friends.
b) You are accepted by a large number of people, who trust you enough to be alone with you.
c) You are adventurous enough to go to the snow and stay in a log cabin.
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The gravitational pull towards socially successful people
Have you ever noticed that people tend to gravitate toward those who have larger social circles, a lot
of alliances, or who are popular or successful?
Why is that?
It’s a survival instinct.
Long before we developed functional societies that offered goods & services - food, shelter and safety
were more easily found when we stuck with a larger tribe. It also meant that we would have more
options of people to breed with.
In developed worlds, people who maintain large social circles and lots of alliances are viewed with
more favor than those who don’t.
So what should that tell you?
Be social, create a lot of alliances and give off signals that you are a high-status male who deserves
only the best. Work on creating more success for yourself and build your social circle with RELEVANT
people.
The result: People will instinctively begin to gravitate towards you to ensure THEIR survival and you
will have more opportunities to create even more success.
What do women REALLY want?
BIOLOGICAL, GENETIC
The underlying biological/genetic need for a female human is:
To find a suitable male who will be able to produce favorable offspring, which he will then help raise
in a safe environment by being a provider and protector.
Regardless if men or women THINK ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to having children, we instinctively SENSE whether or
not a person is suitable breeding partner. The fact is that ‘breeding potential’ drives much of our
attraction mechanisms even if we are only after a quick fling, or a one-night stand.
The good news is that you can DEVELOP many of the male traits that SET OFF attraction triggers in
women and be subsequently pursued in just the same way as we men pursue very attractive women.
The mating dance
Unlike some animals that breed at particular times of the year, the human mating dance happens 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
We are constantly dancing for each other.
If we’re not dancing, we’re often thinking of ways to make our dance even better. For men, that may
mean getting a better job, developing a more charming personality, working out at a gym, getting a
new haircut or purchasing material possessions.
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Look around.
Notice all the things that males strive to achieve, and realize that our underlying motives are often to
gain higher status in order to receive more attention from women.
Granted, there ARE other reasons that inspire men to achieve. A few of the many, many examples:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Be seen as someone who is smart/tough/savvy/funny/etc.
Gain more power over others.
Acquire wealth.
Become financially independent.
Have better means to survive with.
More friends.
Personal confidence and satisfaction.
But don’t all of those eventually link back to giving you higher status and thus more favorable
attention from women?
Exactly.
It’s all one big mating dance!
Genetically, women are wired to find men who are GOOD SURVIVORS and who will produce offspring
that will ALSO survive easily.
PSYCHOLOGICAL/EMOTIONAL
The underlying psychological/emotional need that a woman craves to fill via a man is not answered in
one sentence.
That’s the genius of it.
Its complexity is the reason you are reading this book and the reason women are reading articles titled
‘Why doesn’t he call me anymore?’, ‘Am I really in love?’ and ‘He’s such a nice guy, but why do I only
want to be friends with him?’
Funny stuff.
If you have been paying attention so far, you will have already realized that ATTRACTION is not about
what a woman PREFERS in a man. Traditionally, we hear that women PREFER tall, dark and handsome
men who have big penises, lots of money and high-status. But, if that was the only thing women felt
ATTRACTION for then the only guys getting laid would be tall, dark, handsome, well-hung guys who are
rich and famous.
Look around again.
Males of all shapes and sizes are having sex with the billions of beautiful women on this planet.
They are using their personality (and often average looks) to attract women.
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So, why aren’t you doing the same?
The good news for you is that I am going to reveal some of the personality traits that NATURALLY
attract women to men.
You DON’T have to be a ‘typically good-looking’ guy to attract even the most beautiful of women.
Why?
Because the reality of attraction is this:
Although women find handsome men attractive, they feel a stronger attraction for certain male
behaviors and personality types.
Men are like on/off switches in terms of sexual attraction, because it’s simply based on looks. We see
a beautiful woman and feel attracted.
We then scan for compatibility triggers like warmth, femininity, etc to feel an EMOTIONAL attraction
to the woman.
For women, a man’s looks are important but they can be ignored depending on HOW HE MAKES HER
FEEL with his PERSONALITY.
Although being a physically strong and good-looking man will help with attractiveness, confidence and
personality is often all you need.
Having a little trouble believing that?
Then look at all the UGLY, FINANCIALLY POOR guys dating BEAUTIFUL women in this world.
It happens ALL THE TIME.
Why?
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Because attraction happens on an unconscious level and is automatically triggered women come across
certain male traits.
OK, let’s get down to it…
I’m about to give you a whole list of personality traits that are high on a woman’s wish list when she is
looking for a man. If you aren’t naturally ‘good-looking’ then you will need to proactively SPARK
attraction by building these traits into your personality.
We’ll start with the most important one…
Confident men are HIGHLY sought after by women.
When using the 6-Step Goal Setting Formula to create your plan, your TOP PRIORITY should be to start
building an unflappable level of self-confidence.
Work out how.
Now, you may be a bit of a slacker and opt to skip the whole ‘building confidence’ thing because you
KNOW that it’s deep and requires WORK and TIME.
Bad news: You can’t skip it if you want to be a guy who NATURALLY attracts women.
Knowing how to begin an interaction with a woman is very important, but if you aren’t confident you
will find it very hard to get results.
If you want your pick of beautiful women, then you will have to work on YOU first. Alternatively, you
can have the leftovers: The ugly & insecure, the manipulative or the masculine women.
But, you know you deserve better than that.
A beautiful woman knows that she can do much better than to settle for a meek, insecure man whom
she’ll have to protect from the world. She knows that she deserves a confident, high-status man who
will allow her to be a woman.
So give her that GIFT and she will reciprocate by being yours.
Want some more good news?
Yes?
I thought you might.
You’ll be glad to know that very act of practicing what I teach in this book in the real world, will build
your self-confidence to levels you never thought attainable.
Try it and you will see.
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In the meantime, you should take some time to read a few articles on the internet or visit your local
bookstore to get some useful books or audio programs.
Then get to work!
The time you invest in your self-confidence will pay dividends for the rest of your life.
MASCULINE ENERGY ATTRACTS FEMININE ENERGY.
And
FEMININE ENERGY ATTRACTS MASCULINE ENERGY.
What do I mean by that?
Well, before we get into any explanations, take a look at the Yin & Yang circle below to visually
understand that male and female energies are different.
With that in mind, have you ever stopped to think about why 'cheerleaders' are often attracted to 'star
quarterbacks' and vice versa?
Why does that particular social dynamic happen time and time again?
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Apart from the superficial reasons such as increased popularity, their attraction to each other is
primarily based on the amazing feelings and experiences they can achieve from each other’s SEXUAL
POLARITY.
Think about it.
Cheerleaders are often very feminine and star quarterbacks are often very masculine, so their
ENERGIES compliment each other and blend together to create a MAGNETIC sexual attraction.
Two POLAR opposites.
Now, stop and take a few seconds to picture a guy who has a feminine personality - a bit of a 'girl' if
you might.
Depending on her psychology, a feminine woman will find it NATURALLY impossible to feel attraction
for a feminine guy.
But, wait a minute...
Why then, do women often say, "I want a nice guy who cares for me and does thoughtful things"?
Interesting question. Even more interesting is the answer...
When woman says such a thing she isn't imagining a feminine guy who'll be kissing up to her and being
soft, gentle and thoughtful ALL THE TIME. She's imagining a man who can make her FEEL LIKE A
WOMAN with his sexy, masculine personality and also surprise her with a bit of thoughtful, gentle and
nice behavior...SOMETIMES.
Starting to get it?
Good.
Put up your hand if you ever played with magnets as a kid.
Can you remember what happened when you tried to stick two of the same POLES together?
They repelled away from each other, right?
Much is the same with sexual attraction in terms of MASCULINE and FEMININE energy. And as the old
cliché so rightly goes: OPPOSITES attract.
But, that isn't the end of the story.
No.
I also want you to notice how the masculine energy blends into the feminine in the Yin & Yang circle.
Now, you might be asking, "What does that signify?"
That's charm my friend.
It's a side of you that comes in SMALL DOSES and can sweep a woman off her feet.
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Do it too much of it and:
1) You will become too feminine.
2) It will lose its charm, and;
3) You will naturally REPEL her.
But you want to naturally ATTRACT her, right?
Of course you do.
So, what's the solution?
Be a MAN and allow her to be a WOMAN.
SOME examples of a man being FEMININE:
•
•
•
•
Caring TOO MUCH about his appearance (getting pedicures and manicures to 'look nice').
Being prissy.
Being shy and quiet around other guys (behaving like the omega (lowest-ranking) male in social
situations).
Huddling into a woman like she is his replacement mummy.
Now, give me a nod and promise that you'll never behave like that.
Promise?
Good.
Here are some examples of a man being MASCULINE:
•
•
•
•
Being emotionally strong in difficult situations.
Maintaining a masculine physique.
Being socially confident (i.e. behaving like an alpha (highest ranking) male in social situations).
'Taking charge' in the bedroom.
You have my approval to do those things.
Here are some examples of a MASCULINE man being CHARMING with a woman:
•
•
•
•
Opening the door for her like a gentleman.
Gently stroking her body following a session of hard, passionate sex.
Holding her in a way that allows her to feel like his GIRL, who is safe and protected from the
world.
Surprising her out of the blue with something special or thoughtful.
Attracting the right sorts of women
The more masculine energy you exert, the more that FEMININE women will be naturally attracted to
you.
Why?
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Because the masculine traits of your personality will allow them to enjoy the IRRESISTIBLE feelings
that come from SEXUAL POLARITY.
The opposite is also true: The more feminine energy you exert the more that MASCULINE women will
be naturally attracted to you.
What do I mean by masculine women?
Well, have you ever met a woman who was masculine in her behaviors and looks? These women
literally make you feel like you’re dealing with a man. If you imagine having sex with her, you may feel
a little nauseas.
But wait, there’s more…
Exerting feminine energy/masculine insecurity will also mean that you will sometimes attract insecure
and manipulative women.
Why?
Because such a woman can lever your masculine insecurity/feminine nature into confidence for
herself. She can feel more confident that a feminine, insecure guy won’t leave his ‘mummy’ girlfriend.
However she may leave you at the drop of a hat as soon as something better comes along.
Who wants to be in that situation?
No thanks.
So, start working on developing your masculine traits and make yourself more NATURALLY attractive to
the right sorts of women.
Make her feel like a woman, not a man
If you want to experience the amazing feelings that come from sexual polarity, you DO NOT want to
treat your woman like she is a man.
You want to evoke and encourage her feminine energy to be at its FULLEST POTENTIAL around you.
If you treat her like a man and talk and joke around with her like she’s one of your male buddies, she
will be required to close off her feminine energy and open up her masculine side.
You DON’T want her to be entering into the realms of masculine energy on a regular basis.
Why?
1) She will become unsatisfied.
2) She won’t feel like a woman at her core
3) She will naturally look to other sources (which may include other men) to give her the feelings
she desires.
Here are some DOs and DON’Ts:
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DO:
•
Encourage her when she huddles into you to feel safe
“Yeah, that’s right… come here,” or “Yeah, that’s my girl…come here,” and kiss her like she is your
little girl (on the forehead, the cheek, on her closed eyelids) followed by kisses you would give a
woman (her lips, her neck, the rest of her body).
•
Encourage her to express her femininity in every way
An example of her physical desires to be feminine is the way she wears her clothes. So, encourage her
to wear wearing sexy or feminine clothing privately and in public.
Be proud of her and her femininity. Don’t try to hide if from other guys because you fear they will take
her from you.
An example of her emotional desire to be feminine is to feel protected by a man. So, don’t get angry
or frustrated at her for being scared of danger. Instead, make her feel safe that she has you there and
you will satisfy a deep part of her primal being.
•
Open doors for her
Not like a submissive slave, but as her MAN/protector. She is your little princess and can be a beacon
of femininity for you if you allow her to be.
•
Make decisions on where you are going to go for a date
Do this for at least the first 5 to 10 dates and she will be happy that you are leading the way.
•
Make her feel like your attention can be fixed on her at times
Allow her to sense that you are open to feeling and praising her feminine energy.
But don’t overdo it.
Remember the Yin & Yang circle and aim to create the right balance, so that when you do fix your
attention on her it is CHARMING.
•
Assume that she LOVES, I repeat, LOVES great sex
Don’t get fooled by her nice nature; she wants a MAN to make love to her..
She wants you to encourage her submissive side so she can let go and feel highly emotional during sex.
That will only happen if you behave like a MAN and allow her to behave and think like a woman.
DON’T:
•
Try to turn her into a man by attempting to analyze and eliminate her emotional connection to
the world
We as men, tend to be more logical in our thinking and women more emotional.
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Don’t expect a woman to logically analyze her feelings. It changes the connection she has with her
feminine energy.
When meeting women
If you try to break everything down into logical chunks for a woman, then she will have to think like a
man. Consequently, she won’t feel like much of a woman around you and it will ruin the attraction.
The solution?
On one hand, you need to allow women to live by their emotions. On the other, you need to be a man
and not accept or submit to any tantrums or silly emotional demands. Remember the woman I quoted
near the start of this book, who said she preferred it when a guy didn’t let her get away with her
tantrums and who decided what they were going to do, yet occasionally told her to pick the restaurant
or movie?
Good.
Now take a moment to realize that although you should allow and encourage women to be in touch
with their emotional/feminine side, you should also lead the way. Help a woman ride her emotional
range with you, her man.
Example
The way you should approach talking to women about their feelings SOMETIMES.
Her: Arrgh! I had a crappy day at work today.
You: Yeah babe? What happened?
Her: (Complains about the day).
You: And how did that make you feel?
Her: (Says something).
You: Come here.
And give her a hug.
However, don’t be predictable. Sometimes you should:
•
•
•
•
•
Just ignore her.
Laugh at her so she ends up laughing at herself.
Leverage the emotional energy into passionate sex that lets her release the built-up tension.
Behave exactly like the people who had annoyed her at work (e.g. if her boss had been ordering
her around – tell her to make you a coffee after she finishes ranting).
Start behaving like the woman in the relationship
Despite how essential ‘being a MAN’ is to maintaining attraction, many guys secretly prefer that a
woman take the leading role instead.
Why?
Because they are looking for a replacement mummy.
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Get rid of those secret thoughts, because they will surface in your behaviors and will deteriorate your
relationships faster than you can say “Pow!”
•
Put up with her bratty behavior or tantrums
REGARDLESS of how beautiful she is, or how much you think you love her; be prepared to end the
phone call, interaction, date or relationship in an instant. Not in a sooky, upset way but in a way that
demonstrates you don’t accept second-class behavior.
Trust me, you will be doing her and your relationship a favor.
Why?
Women want a MAN to take the lead. DEEP DOWN, they don’t want to be able to dominate a man into
relationship submission.
So, be prepared to make a decision for the both of you and just LEAVE. But don’t confuse it with
allowing her to affect your frame of mind. It’s NOT about getting sooky, emotional or angry.
It’s about CHOOSING how you are going to react and what you want out of situations.
•
Saying “I love you”
If your woman says “I love you”, simply reply with something like, “That’s right, come here… that’s my
girl”.
Do it a soft, seductive, fatherly tone of voice and it will touch a deep part of her.
Every now and then, feel free to change it to, “Yeah, love my girl” but NOT to, “I love you too”.
Why is that?
Part of being a masculine man is having the ability to choose when you react or respond.
If you ever decide to tell a woman what you love about her, it should be at a time that you decide is
right - not just because you feel a need to reply when she says it.
Women love funny guys.
However, don’t confuse it with being ‘goofy’. It’s very easy to be funny by being goofy and having
others laugh at you.
But it’s not good.
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Why?
When people are laughing AT you, you are LOWER in social status than they are.
Ever seen a documentary with hyenas?
The omega male is the one that always gets picked on and overpowered. He eats last and never gets to
breed with the females.
Why?
The offspring he creates will have his omega genes and possibly inherit his behaviors, thus making it
hard for them to survive.
Much is the same with humans.
If you are being the ‘goof of the group’ and people are using you to laugh AT, then you will be selected
LAST by females.
Instead, you should focus on showing others how to laugh at life, themselves and situations. Help
people laugh about the weird, charming, goofy and funny nature of things.
You’ll notice that I included ‘goofy’
Yes.
You can STILL engage in goofy humor. It’s playful, disarming and I personally love it. Just don’t be a
goof to laugh AT.
I’m also not suggesting that you take yourself ultra-seriously and never allow anyone to have a laugh at
your expense. Just don’t encourage it in order to get the approval or attention of those around you. If
others laugh at something you said or did, have enough confidence to laugh with them, or reverse the
joke back on the person/people.
Example
You walk out of the bathroom and your zipper is undone.
Suddenly, your friend John points, laughs and begins the subtle social process of having everyone get
involved and laugh at you.
You stop walking.
Remaining composed and begin to nod slowly.
With a grin on your face, you say, “I knew it…I knew John was gay! What’s the first thing he looks at
when I walk into a room? My zipper…John, you have issues.”
Congratulations.
You have just defused the situation and John probably feels a little silly for pointing it out. He may
just think twice before trying that sort of thing on you again.
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Note: Be playful with this kind of behavior. Don’t become the loser who tries to make people feel lousy
in front of others. The point is to maintain your air of social status, while being playful and not
becoming the butt of jokes.
More than just a funny joke
There are many examples in this book of how to be funny in an ATTRACTIVE way. However, you MUST
remember that NO technique or funny line will be a quick fix for success with women and dating.
Being funny includes more than funny lines or jokes. Pick out the funniest comedian you know (Eddie
Murphy, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, etc) and repeat one of their jokes to your friends.
Why is it that the joke sounds better coming from the comedian than it does from you?
It’s because SOMETHING ELSE is going on when the successful comedian is telling the joke.
Pay attention to:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Their body language (especially facial expressions).
Well-placed tonality changes.
When and how they pause for effect before delivering punch lines.
Their verbal and non-verbal reactions when people start laughing at their jokes.
How they structure their stories.
How they insert bits from previous jokes into new stories for extra laughs (i.e. callback humor).
Tips
•
•
Watch comedy movies.
Listen to audio recordings of successful male comedians.
Don’t try to impress women with humor
Being funny and entertaining can spark massive attraction. However, a woman will lose her attraction
for you the MOMENT she senses you’re doing it to impress her.
Why?
She will realize that you see HER as the prize to be won and it may kill most of the attraction she has
for you.
So, NEVER try to win a woman over by being a performing monkey.
It will NOT work.
She may be laughing and giggling at things you are saying/doing, but secretly she will see you as having
entertainment value rather than sexual value.
If she perceives you as her entertainer and you try to escalate to any form of intimacy, you will most
likely be flatly rejected.
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Being cocky AND funny at the same time
The combination of being cocky AND funny (C&F) at the same time is like rocket fuel in terms of
sparking attraction with ATTRACTIVE women.
Cocky & Funny is a term that was first coined by a dating coach named David DeAngelo and basically
means to use arrogant but humorous behavior and words.
Because of the inclusion of arrogance, insecure and self-hating women won’t respond well to it. They
will feel that you are too good for them and become nervous/intimidated around you.
However, once you learn how to communicate in this way, you will notice that ATTRACTIVE women
will suddenly start paying attention to you and treating you very differently.
They will say things like, “Wow…you’re different than most guys I meet” which can be translated to
“Wow… you’re not trying to suck up to me like every other guy. Nor are you trying to kiss my ass
because I’m beautiful. I don’t even know if you really want me… do you like me? Somehow, I feel like
I’m going to have to impress YOU in order for you to like me… I’m intrigued!”
Example
Her: Hey, you’re a really interesting guy…I like that.
You: Thanks, but compliments like that will get you nowhere with me okay? I’m not sleeping with you
tonight. I’m not that easy.
Her: Haha!
You: I mean, I have feelings y’know? I’m not just a piece of meat…
Her: Haha! I can’t believe you just said that!
What she means is, “I like it, please treat me like that again!”
A guy who is clueless about flirting will think that he offended her and quickly say something to
withdraw the C&F comment.
Clueless guy: Oh no, I was just kidding!
Woman: Oh, ok… hehe.
What she REALLY means is, “Oh, ok…riiiiiight, so you DON’T have any balls after all? Well, I guess you
can be my new girlfriend. Let’s continue laughing together you little girly-man. FYI: I just lost a
MASSIVE amount of attraction for you. You’re the kind of guy who’d be all soppy in the bedroom and
your nice, placid behavior would turn me off. If I were to actually hook up with you, I’d be the one
‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship and frankly, I’d prefer to be in a relationship with a man, not a
woman.”
Now, you might be reading about being C&F with women and thinking, “There’s no way I could pull off
the C&F attitude. If I don’t know that a woman likes me for sure, so why would I risk her laughing at
me for suggesting such a thing?”
You may not be aware that there is another language being spoken between men and women that you
are oblivious to.
The language of flirting.
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If you use the C&F approach in the right way, she will know that you’re FLIRTING.
Now, you might also be thinking, “Well, I don’t want to act like that… I just want to be myself.”
Then you’d better get used to achieving the same old results that you always have.
If your current behaviors aren’t getting you the results you desire, you need to CHANGE the way you
interact with women.
I hate men who…
Women will often test your motives by making comments like, “I hate it when men stare at me like I’m
just a piece of meat. I want a guy who actually cares about me and wants to take care of me…”
These are PERFECT opportunities for you to be Cocky & Funny.
A girly-man will LIE and respond by trying to prove that he is the ideal guy for her, “Yeah, I know…guys
only care about one thing. I’m not like that at all…”
Don’t respond like that.
Don’t be ashamed to be man.
Be HONEST and PLAYFUL and women will APPRECIATE it. They will also place you in a different
category (potential lover) to the girly-men (potential friend).
Here are some optional replies to say in PLAYFUL way:
•
•
•
You obviously don’t know men very well. We’re all like that.
*Yawn*…boring. Have you finished yet?
You: But…I’m confused now…
Her: Why?
You: Well…because you ARE just a piece of meat. (Said sarcastically and playfully) I know, I
know…there’s so much more to you than your looks and body… I’m sure of it. But, at this stage, I
still only see you as a piece of meat.
Beware: Common mistakes guys make with C&F
•
They overdo the attitude and bowl people over
C&F can demonstrate a number of things such as: Self-confidence, sexual confidence, humor,
arrogance, intelligence, a belief that you have a high social status, etc.
Ironically, overuse of C&F will make you appear insecure and low-status. It will also make many people
feel too insecure around you to the point of resenting you. (Refer back to: The status gap).
It’s important to realize that by being C&F, women will feel attraction for you very quickly. At some
point in the EMOTIONAL interaction, a woman’s LOGICAL mind will kick in and she will realize that she
is FEELING attraction for you at a faster rate than normal.
She will often instinctively try to slow down the process by gearing the interaction towards a logical
and non-emotional interaction. For example: She may start asking things like, “So where do you work?”
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or “So who are you here with tonight?”
What do you do at this point?
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-
•
Don’t answer ALL of her LOGICAL questions like it’s an interview. Instead answer some and then
change the direction of the conversation to FUN EMOTIONS “My friend recently went to the
Caribbean islands…so amazing to be jet-skiing in a place like that…you ever been to a tropical
island?”
C&F will spark the attraction, but it isn’t the ‘be all and end all’ of a sexual courtship. Gradually
ease up on the C&F and establish a genuine rapport between the two of you.
Sprinkle in C&F behavior like you would sprinkle herbs & spices into a dish.
Remember that: If she is still there with you, then she probably likes you.
Change the pace: Point out something that you think is cool about her, tell her an interesting story
about something that happened to you, or make a statement (i.e. talk from your perspective).
Ask her questions that involve FUN EMOTIONS. Example: “Do you like chocolate? When was the last
time you had a warm chocolate cake, smothered in hot chocolate fudge? Yummmm…” Then just
start talking about how much you love a particular food, or start describing some delicious dishes
and the great time you had cooking them, etc.
Too much cocky and not enough funny.
When you start trying this stuff out, be sure that it’s ALSO funny. It’s okay to be just cocky around
women, but you must be careful to only sprinkle in that sort of one-sided behavior.
Tips
-
If she isn’t laughing or smiling, then it probably isn’t funny. She could also be testing to see if
you’ll say “I’m just kidding” and turn into a girly-man.
If you are always being cocky, you will tend only to attract women who have the psychology of
wanting to be treated badly/abused by men in relationships.
If your approach becomes too cocky, then you’d better be careful in formal social environments
(e.g. work) because it won’t go down well.
Most people RESPECT and ADMIRE those who have the ‘right level’ of arrogance.
Avoid the interview with C&F
To an attractive woman, men are often VERY predictable in terms of:
a) How they go about trying to get to know her.
b) How they show interest in her.
c) How comfortable/uncomfortable they are around her.
For example: When a woman asks a man a question like “So, what do you do?” he will usually respond
like he’s being interviewed for a job: “Oh, I’m a stock-broker for XYZ Company. How about you? Where
do you work?”
Yawn.
Stop and realize that:
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1) People connect when they feel EMOTION around each other. Think about the people you like
the most and I guarantee that those people make you feel emotion.
2) The LOGICAL details of your resume won’t make women feel the EMOTION OF ATTRACTION.
So, if you want women saying “Hmmm…I just can’t stop thinking about him…there’s something about
him” then you will need to start making women feel EMOTION around you.
Examples
Here are some example C&F responses to “So, what do you do?” that will demonstrate you have the
qualities of a guy who is confident/a challenge/fun:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
I’m a lion tamer.
I’m an astronaut.
I’m really proud of my job…I mean, some people say I should be doing something else at age 29,
but…I work at McDonalds. I got ‘employee of the month’ last month because I can serve 5
customers per minute!
Whatever I want (and then wink at her).
I have really nice feet that people take photos of…I’m a foot model.
I spread rumours…FOR HOLLYWOOD!! The one I’m working on at the moment is ______.
I’m getting my PHD in Orgasmic Sciences…you’ll never believe the experiment we had to do last
week… it was painful, but enjoyable. (If she asks, “What was it?” get her to guess. Next thing you
know, you will both be talking about erotic sex).
I’m in training to get into a boy band.
You really want to know? …I collect garbage. Is that okay?
I’ve said these sorts of things to absolutely beautiful women and they can’t believe their ears. It’s a
fun time for both parties and it quickly conveys that you aren’t going to seek approval from her, which
is impressive.
She might then reply with something like “No, c’mon…what do you really do?”
•
Nothing. Yes, that’s right. I’m actually looking for a rich girl and someone who will support
me…because I want to be one of those stay-at-home husbands, y’know? Look after the TV, watch
soapies like ‘Days of our lives’ and all that sort of stuff. Is that okay with you?
Or, you might want to have her guess:
•
“Guess” (for 1 or 2 times and then tell her the real answer).
Or, make it out like she isn’t cool enough for you:
•
“Ohh… well, I don’t know if you could handle the answer. After all, you look a little innocent.”
Or:
You: Hmmm…I don’t usually tell people like you. You look like you might get offended
Her: Why? What is it?
You: Well…it involves the lower part of my body.
Her (Here a lot of women will try to be funny and play along): What, like a podiatrist?
You: Nope, guess again.
Her: A foot masseuse?
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You: Nope… go a little higher (point to your crotch and give a little cheeky grin).
Her: Haha! A gigalo!
You (Looking seriously offended and taken back): No actually I model men’s underwear. I can’t believe
you think I’m a man-whore! I’m going to charge you double!
Her: Haha!
You might also want to reverse the question about your occupation, make it out like she is trying to
pick YOU up and comment that you’re not going to fall for her sleazy pick-up tricks. Again, beautiful
women are not expecting this sort of response from a man and as such, the EMOTION they get from
your UNPREDICTABLE behavior creates attraction.
•
•
Whoah, are you trying to find out if I’m rich? I mean, we’ve just met and you’re already behaving
like a gold-digger!
Look…I don’t want to marry you yet, ok? We’ve just met. I work as a masseuse. Is that ok? Good.
Now when do you want your first appointment? I accept Visa, Mastercard and Diners, but not
American Express…
Or:
You: What do I do? Hmmm, very forward of you… are you trying to pick me up???
Her: What? No! Haha!
You: You SO are! (Playfully tickle or poke her, or just shake your head as if you are ashamed for her).
Alllllright, so I’ll tell you what I do…but no marriage proposals, ok?
Her: Ok.
You: I’m a masseuse, a salsa dance teacher and a rock n roll star.
Her: (Most likely laughing).
What’s your name?
The same C&F attitude can be used when a woman asks for your name:
•
•
•
•
•
Brad…Brat Pitt.
James…James Bond.
Peter Russelloffanonanonanon.
Biptyboo.com
Dracula.
If she laughs at your response, then EMOTION is present.
If she becomes playfully frustrated at your response, then EMOTION is present.
“The most important thing is how you make her feel.”
Ben (Modern Man Coach)
If you were to answer her questions LOGICALLY then no EMOTION would be present and you would
simply be two strangers getting to know each other in a NON-SEXUAL way.
Disclaimer: A woman will get annoyed if she can never get a straight answer from you. Once you notice
that she is ACTUALLY INTERESTED in talking to you, ease up on the C&F pedal a little and change gears
to establish some GENUINE rapport with her.
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Something to think about
Have you ever stopped to notice the type of people others talk about?
Listen carefully next time.
The people they are talking about have sparked EMOTIONS inside of them. As for women, they don’t
talk about a boring guy who says nice things all the time. That is, except when they are laughing
ABOUT him.
Be playful
For most of our lives, we humans are being serious with each other.
We are often doing and saying all the right things to be nice and safe. We’re obeying laws and traffic
signals and sticking to bed-times because we have to work the next day.
But deep down, we want to be playful. We want to be erotic.
So don’t be a boring little sap.
Be bold, have fun and help her come out of her shell.
To help you, I’m going to provide a random list of fun things to do with women. Before I do though, let
me mention something:
Don’t overdo this sort of behavior and become a playful little child. Sprinkle them in, but be a MAN
while doing so.
•
Tickle her.
•
Push her off the bed / nearly push her off the bed.
•
Pull her bra-straps out, let go and laugh at her as they snap back into place.
•
Spank her on the butt suddenly.
•
Pillow fight.
•
Grab her and kiss her passionately out of the blue.
•
After you say something C&F and she looks at you like “I can’t believe you just said that,”
PLAYFULLY pull her hair as if the two of you are children in the schoolyard. Then tickle her for a
bit and say, “Shhh…” Then get all tender and gentle, stroke her hair and kiss her.
•
When watching a movie together and it comes to the point where the audience would usually jolt
(i.e. a scary part), grab her and hold onto her as if she is your safety blanket.
•
Spank her in a public place where everyone is being overly polite and formal. Allow her to save
face a little by hugging her and laughing, but damnit be bold!
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•
Thumb wrestle and cheat to win. Above all, make SURE you win at least 3 times. Then, let her win
once. Mention that you let her win.
•
Pick her up and carry her around the house/department store/park/etc.
•
Ask her random questions like "Where were you born?" and then say "Oh that's too bad because I
was really starting to like you"
•
Get her to watch you use really obvious pick up lines on women. For example: Walk up to a woman
in a bookstore and say, “Wow, I didn’t know angels were allowed out during the day,” or any other
cheesy line you find on the internet.
•
When you have a lot of attraction built up and you're having a laugh with her, stop and look in her
eyes and put on a straight face. Then say, "I have a serious question to ask you." She will most
likely assume you are going to get all lovey-dovey or serious. Then say something like
"Ummm…ok…I shouldn’t ask, but I will…this is going to sound kind of forward and all, but do
you…do you…have…any chewing gum?" and then WAIT until she laughs first.
•
After she says something totally normal and ordinary, say “Wow, that’s the most romantic thing
you’ve ever said to me!”
•
Tell her “You’d better wear something new and nice for our date. Something cool… something you
haven't worn when hanging out with me before”. When you meet her for the date, complain that
she’s wearing the same outfit she did the day you first met her. Seriously pretend to leave in a
huff, but then come back smiling, give her a hug and say, “You look beautiful…now come here and
give me a kiss before I spank you.”
•
Get all serious and say, "Oh... I meant to tell you something earlier, it was kind of important…
hmmm… well, I guess I just forgot to tell you." When she asks what it is, just say “Never mind”
then a few minutes later, turn around hurriedly and say something goofy like "Oh! I remember now
what I wanted to tell you… I really, really like… mangos… they’re so soft and juicy.”
•
Rest your elbow on the top of her head.
•
Swat her with something and playfully call her a “Pain in the butt”. Note: The aim is not to hurt
her when you swat her. Use a drinking straw or something that won’t hurt and just hit her with it
PLAYFULLY.
•
If she asks you an OBVIOUS question or makes an OBVIOUS remark, make fun of her (e.g. you’re
driving past a tree that has fallen over and she says, “That tree has fallen over.” You can respond
with “Really? I thought it was one of those trees that prefer to lie down”).
•
You’re at a coffee shop and she drops the spoon on her saucer a little too hard: “I can’t take you
anywhere… you’re trying to break the crockery. What next? Tip the table over, or something? Huh?”
•
Say the opposite answer to her obvious question, with a totally serious face (e.g. you’re enjoying
food at a restaurant and she asks if you like the food. Shake your head, look overly dissatisfied and
whisper, “This is the worst meal I have EVER had. I cannot believe how BAD the cooking is here. I
am considering asking for a refund,” and just look at her. Wait about 10 seconds, then start eating
again and say, “Yum! I love this food! We should eat here all the time!” Then grin cheekily at her.
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Clearly the overall objective here is to create a light-hearted, fun and enjoyable magnetism between
the two of you. Try some of the examples I’ve listed here, but don’t rely on them forever. You should
seek to understand the mindsets behind the behaviors and then learn to create your own spontaneous
fun with a woman.
More important than the rapport you two share is the range of feelings this will cause your woman to
have.
She will be attracted to being around you.
Picture this:
A man and woman have been married for 15 years. They work their jobs during the day, come home at
night, cook dinner and watch TV. The weekends are pretty much just as predictable. There is little or
no effort on either person’s part to keep the other attracted and they have grown to take each other’s
presence for granted.
The wife watches a lot of romance and drama shows that often include passionate sex scenes with a
big build up to the sex scene. The lighting during the sex scenes is usually flattering and perfectly
moody. The music is intense and the actors usually say passionate things to each other with loving or
wild looks in their eyes.
After watching her favorite show one night, the wife goes to bed with her husband. She’s seen him
everyday for the last 15 years. The lights are bright in the bedroom and their dirty laundry is lumped in
the corner of the room. She turns on the lamp to dim the view, while the husband gets into bed
wearing his tattered boxer shorts that he’s had for 5 years and an old t-shirt his mum bought him for
Christmas. The wife is wearing her nightgown that she’s had for 2 years. They turn the lamp off and
the husband goes to sleep. Images of the passionate TV sex scenes run through her mind.
She feels unsatisfied and confused.
One day, a new man pops up her life (e.g. at work). He’s funny and unpredictable. He makes her
laugh, flirts with her and makes her feel like a woman. Eventually, they agree to meet up one night.
She feels a whole range of new and intense feelings. She cheats on her husband. They get divorced.
This is so predictable in today’s society.
If you really want the relationship and the attraction to last as long as possible, things cannot become
too predictable.
Humans are not attracted to things they can take for granted. A relationship may have SENTIMENTAL
value, but the emotion of ATTRACTION will over-ride it any day.
Hence the cheating.
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You need to stay alert and slightly unpredictable when dealing with women. I don’t mean ‘out of
control’ unpredictable, but ‘just enough’ to keep things interesting and challenging.
By not adapting to your environment and offering something to be attracted to, you’ll run the risk of
ending up like the boring, predictable couple mentioned in the example above.
Examples
Here are some examples of being unpredictable during the early stages of a sexual courtship:
•
•
•
If you’re on a date and things are going really well, a woman will often say, “I just wanted to say…
we’re not having sex tonight,” so be sure to beat her to it by saying it first. You’ll mess up her
predictable ‘date routine’.
Playfully accuse a woman of trying to pick you up, when she starts asking you questions like, “So
what do you do for a living?” or “Do you have a girlfriend?”
When setting up a date and she asks, “Where are we going?” just tell her that you have it sorted. If
she asks again, tell her it’s a surprise. Regardless if it ends up being a simple cup of coffee at a
café, your actions will have created anticipation. On the next date, tell her where you are going so
it doesn’t become predictable.
Being unpredictable keeps a woman on her toes and gives her the gift of being able to think about you
and wonder.
Here is an example of being unpredictable, as the budding relationship progresses:
•
It’s your 4th date and you end up back at her place. You cuddle up while relaxing on the couch for a
while. You have a great time cuddling up together. It feels good. The next week, you end up sitting
on the couch again to relax with each other. She goes in for the cuddle again, but you push her
away (not in a mean way). Playfully, you say something like “You’re such a pain in the butt…
always wanting to cuddle. Maybe I should get you a big teddy bear, you little cuddle-freak!” and
then don’t cuddle her. Later on, start cuddling her and say something funny like, “I’m going to
have to start charging you for this”. The next week, change your approach and say something like
“Mmm, I like cuddling you…sometimes.”
Now, picture the same sequence of events with a guy who chooses to play the same cuddle routine
over and over and over until she takes it for granted.
Yawn…
Example
Predictable guy
Her: Were you thinking about me last night?
Him: Yes…were you thinking about me?
Unpredictable guy
Her: Were you thinking about me last night?
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You: Totally…well, at least until about 6pm…but, then I got bored thinking about you…so I hired a
stripper to come around and dance for me. Now I’m in love…I think…I don’t know.
Example
Amanda: Were you thinking about me last night?
You (in a sarcastic tone): Of courrrrrrse Julie… I mean Amanda! You’re always in my thoughts…*cough*
Say this to the hottest women you date and they will love it. Insecure women, however, may be highly
offended.
Behave accordingly.
Choose your women accordingly.
Example
You’re driving by a park and see some swings and a slide.
Stop the car.
Go for a walk in the park, put her on the swing and give her a ride. It will bring back happy memories
of her being an innocent little girl. If no-one is around, consider getting a little sexual while she sits on
the swing.
Women love that sort of thing.
It’s unpredictable and her friends will be VERY jealous about the adventurous sex life she has with you.
Example
You’ve been together for a couple of months, enjoying regular sex and things are going very well.
Buy a small, decorated box and in it, put a bottle of massage oil and a hand-written note.
Message for note: I know a great masseur. For an exclusive appointment, call _________ (your name)
on _________ (your phone number).
Put this somewhere so she’ll find it later on (e.g. under her pillow, in her underwear drawer, etc).
See?
It’s easy.
But do NOT let ‘doing romantic things’ become a PREDICTABLE behavior from you… because then you
become predictable, she will take it for granted and may even come to expect it.
Unpredictability creates anticipation…and women LOVE anticipation
While we men want to get ‘right down to it’ and enjoy the experience of sex, women LOVE
anticipation and what it does to their experience.
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So, how do you get a woman REALLY turned on?
The answer is simple: Create DESIRE for sex and the ANTICIPATION for it to happen.
Example
You’re kissing a girl on a first date.
Be the first to pull away.
Give her a smile and say something like, “Whoah… that’s enough for you for now,” and then start a
conversation. After a few minutes, kiss her again. This time, go a little further. Maybe start kissing her
on the neck to intensify the passion a little. Repeat this style of sexual teasing until you are both
groping each other.
Building up the sexual tension like that will drive most women wild. However, also remember that the
anticipation you’ve built previously (while on a date, watching a movie on the couch, kissing, etc) will
sometimes be ENOUGH and the woman will be hot and horny to get started almost immediately.
Remember to calibrate accordingly.
Now that I’ve given you that, let’s look at the opposite. A guy who:
a) Will immediately start groping her in all of the obvious places.
b) Won’t allow her to feel much anticipation about the touch.
c) Is only interested in advancing as far as possible, as fast as possible.
Women love to be thinking things like, “Hmm…why is he stopping? Maybe if I kiss his neck he’ll be
more into me… maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said before? Maybe I should flirt a little more
obviously… oooh, I want him to touch me there again.”
Give her the succulent GIFT of anticipation and be the man she gets excited around. Don’t be a
pushover all the time, but DO be a pushover SOMETIMES.
That way you aren’t PREDICTABLE.
Gentleman (noun): A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.
Women will fall for you everywhere you go if can make them feel the emotion of ATTRACTION, while
also being somewhat of a ‘gentleman’.
Think of James Bond and you will know what I mean.
Here are some quick examples and tips:
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1. Make her feel like a woman, not a cheap tramp
Due to social values, religious beliefs and the complexity of the human mating game, women have
different ideas about what is “OK” in terms of how quickly they can have sex with a new man.
For example: Most of us guys are fine to meet a woman and sleep with her pretty much immediately.
However, if a woman behaves in this way, she risks being considered a ‘slut’ by others.
Thus, it’s very important to understand how to escalate things to the next level with a woman without
making her feel like a cheap tramp.
Each woman is different, so you will have to calibrate to the situation.
2. Open a door for a woman
Do this the right way and it will be appreciated.
She is your princess and you are her prince/she is your woman and you are her protector male.
The wrong way to open a door for a woman is like a servant who is trying to suck up to and impress
her.
3. Walk on the outside of the footpath (to ‘protect’ her from potential traffic danger)
Again, you are not her servant but a MAN whom she can feel safe with.
You don’t need to tell a woman that you’re doing this. Simply guide her to the inside and give her an
endearing smile. If she asks why you are doing it, give her a wink and continue on.
“Never say what you can smile.
Never smile what you can nod.
Never nod what you can wink”
4. Cook dinner at your place, instead of taking her out for dinner
If she’s beautiful, she has probably had tens or even hundreds of guys take her out for dinner. She
KNOWS how to play the ‘dinner date’ game.
However, dinner at your house is a different playing field.
Some women may pretend that they don’t want to do and say “No” initially. So, you need to realize
that she is PROBABLY saying that to avoid coming across as too eager or easy. Calibrate though,
sometimes the “No” will be real and sometimes it won’t.
If you have a hunch that she might say no, create some playful tension with a bit of C&F.
Example
You: I love cooking…do you cook?
Her: (Says something).
You: Hmmm… I tell you what… instead of doing the traditional thing that everyone else does like going
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to a movie or dinner at a restaurant, why don’t you come over and I’ll cook us a nice dinner to start
with. The best part is that if I don’t like you, I can kick you out after dinner and pretend I have to go
to work early in the morning or something.”
Her: Ha! Kick me out?
You: Yes, so you’d better be on your best behavior!
Her: You’re mean!
You: What is it about mean guys that you like so much?
Her: *laughing*
You: Cool. Well, come over at 8pm. Bring some wine if you want. I won’t drink much, in case we go for
a drive…
Tips
•
•
Don’t cook dinner in an attempt to impress her. Do it because you feel like starting the evening on
a relaxed note. The irony is that it WILL impress her.
Make sure she feels comfortable by genuinely letting her know that you MAY want to go somewhere
else with her after dinner. That way she isn’t left worrying, “Hmm…will he try to keep me there
until I give him sex and get all weird if I don’t?”
The best thing about having dinner at your place is that it will OFTEN turn into sex that night. It’s
much easier to build on your genuine rapport with a woman when you are alone with her.
Why?
Because she doesn’t have to worry about the whole world watching and judging her. She can live out a
fantasy and just go with what feels natural at the time.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Have relaxing music playing when she arrives.
Be relaxed, calm and playful.
Sometimes it’s good to have just started cooking when the woman is arriving.
When she arrives, offer her a drink or get her to open the bottle of wine she brought along.
Have some candles ready around the house in the important spots like the bedroom, bathroom,
lounge room, etc for when things move forward. Make it an experience for her.
If she comes over to the kitchen bench and tries to help with the cooking, get her to chop some
vegetables or something. When she does, make it a fun and playful situation by being cheeky with
something like, “Wow… you really are a bad cook… this is not going to work out at all... what was I
thinking inviting you over for dinner?”
Have interesting books or magazines on your coffee table or nearby to the kitchen (a book on
massage, style and fashion magazines, etc).
5. Notice the details
Be very careful with this one.
Don’t exert feminine energy when you do this. Every now and then, just STOP to notice the details.
Why?
Well, it’s pretty simple.
A woman’s looks are her primary sexual ornament, so it only makes sense to make her feel good about
herself by complimenting her on it when you can. Just as we men like it when a woman treats us like a
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man (feels safe/protected around us, tells us we are strong, acts impressed when we build something,
moans during sex, cooks and cleans for us, etc), a woman will like it when you treat her like a woman.
ENCOURAGE HER FEMININITY by making a comment if she has made a special effort to look good for
you:
Example
You: Mmm… don’t you look sexy tonight? I didn’t think you could look any sexier, but the way you’ve
done your hair… mmmm. I like it…
This sort of complement must be calibrated to the individual woman. There’s no point complementing
her fantastic new hairstyle if it’s the same as it’s always been.
Be a man who is genuinely noticing the efforts that his woman has gone to.
Encourage her femininity.
I’ve seen so many guys interact with women like they are:
•
Being interviewed for a job
Nothing turns a woman off faster than an insecure guy who is trying to impress her with his credentials
or false, social niceties.
Be REAL.
You are both SEXUAL beings, not recruitment consultants.
•
Speaking to a woman as if she would NEVER, EVER, EVER think about sex
“She’s nice…she’s not like that. I reckon she likes a man who wants to take it slow.”
You may be right on some level, but don’t forget that women LOVE sex from men who make them feel
like a woman. They DREAM of being mounted by a man who will give them hot, steamy sex, full of
passion and sexual aggression.
Don’t be fooled by dainty behavior.
Women do want sex ASAP, however stop and REALIZE that women are required to dance a different
mating dance than we do. Your job is to understand that and then learn how to help her step through
The Flow of a natural sexual courtship.
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•
Speaking to the Queen of England
Don’t put her on a pedestal just because she looks good, or behaves in a dainty or innocent way. She
gets that lame response ALL THE TIME from men who don’t understand what you are now learning
about.
So, how should I interact with women?
With a SEXUAL VIBE.
All the time?
Of course not; you don’t want your mum thinking you like her in ‘that way’ now, do you? Use it only on
women you want to attract.
All the time?
No, then it would become predictable and lose its charm. Turn it off and on accordingly.
Tips
There are many things you can do to ENHANCE your sexual vibe. Here are some clues:
1. While talking to her, imagine yourself in bed with her, naked
Imagine that you are just at the point where you and her are about to have sex. Picture yourself lying
down on the bed and pillows with her and looking into her eyes.
Got it?
Good.
Think about those moments when your face is about six inches away from hers; your breathing slows,
your tone of voice changes, you play with cheeky grins and raise an eyebrow every now and then. Your
eyes get a LITTLE droopy and, at times, you squint and smirk.
That’s the vibe you want to give off.
2. Look her in the eye
As mentioned earlier in this book, you must be able to look a woman in the eye and be the more
dominant one in the interaction. Doing so turns women on and says a lot of good things about you (i.e.
confident and are capable of being sexually dominant).
3. A flirtatious look
Refer to men like James Bond, or the young Marlon Brando and you will see what I mean here.
The key is not to TRY TOO HARD. Subtle equals sexy, whereas trying too hard is comical and cheesy.
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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Tilt your head forward a little.
Look up (with your eyes only).
Raise an eyebrow.
Smile endearingly.
Look the girl in the eyes.
4. Endearing smile
When a woman that you want to flirt with is talking to you, give her an endearing smile (see James
Bond for tips).
You’ll know when you’re doing it right.
How?
Because women will pick up on it and either return a flirtatious look back to you or get all giggly and
say “Whaaaat?”
Eventually you WILL get to the point where you will be able to say, “You and I want to have sex with
each other,” just by looking at a woman.
Sexual tension
Attraction + Obstacles preventing sex = Sexual tension.
Sexual tension is part of the reason:
•
•
•
Romance novels sell so well (e.g. a farmer has a beautiful daughter. He is a protective father.
While the farmer is away, the daughter flirts with his young, male assistant).
Office romances are so prevalent (e.g. attraction is present, but it’s way too risky to take
things to the next level).
Foreplay is so enjoyable.
So instead of getting all freaked-out and scrambling to fix situations in an instant, you should smile on
the inside when you notice small obstacles coming between you and a woman having sex with each
other.
It’s great news.
However, DON’T purposely try to make things difficult for you and a woman to take things to the next
level. Simply being a PLAYFUL challenge is often enough.
Your home should be primed for sex
When a woman comes over to your place, it should encourage her to ‘get in the mood’.
You don’t have to do ALL of these things, but they may help:
-
Play soothing, relaxing music in the background. This is often better than putting the TV on and
you both getting distracted by it. Although depending on your girl, it may actually be cool to watch
your favorite TV show together. You’ll need to work that out for yourself.
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-
Burn essential oils. They have an effect on the chemicals in the brain and are known to directly
influence moods (e.g. relaxing, calm, soothing).
-
Be a good host and have wine or refreshing non-alcoholic drinks available to offer: “I got a nice
bottle of wine recently. I’m going to have a glass - want to try some with me?”
-
You may both be into tea, so have a range of herbal teas to offer. If you have instant coffee, at
least get high-quality stuff. If you can afford it, get an appliance that allows you to make fresh
espresso. It smells great, tastes better and is classier.
-
Have candles available in the bedroom, bathroom and lounge room.
-
Have condoms in the bedside drawer.
-
Fresh sheets on your bed.
-
Massage oil inside/on your bedside drawers.
-
As previously mentioned, you may want to have interesting magazines or books on your coffee
table, or near the kitchen (a book on massage, style and fashion magazines, etc). Imagine having a
book on massage in the lounge-room and walking out of the room saying, “Take a seat, but feel
free to look around… I have some interesting things in this room.” She’ll find it hard to resist her
temptation to look around. When she finds it, expect to hear something like, “What’s this?” and
see a big grin on her face. Be a little C&F and say something like, “If you’re nice enough...I might
let you practice on me later.”
-
Have extra towels available for ‘visitors’.
-
Have one or two sexy foods available: Cheeses, strawberries, chocolate sauce, cream, various
exotic fruits.
-
Get a comfy couch that you’ll both be able to lie down on comfortably. Ideally, it will be big and
wide enough that you can have sex on it in comfort. The couch should also allow you to be able to
cuddle up in comfort if you are watching a movie together.
Women like a man who has a sense of style.
The actual expression of style differs from culture to culture, but the concept of being ‘stylish’
remains the same.
Tips
•
Clothing and fashion
You don’t have to wear the most expensive labels to be stylish.
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However, I do recommend that you browse fashion magazines and look at the best-dressed guys for
tips. If you can’t afford the labels they are wearing, get the cheaper versions as long as they don’t
LOOK cheap.
In addition to looking through magazines, often the best way to find out what styles women find
attractive is to ASK THEM.
Doing so can be a great way to begin an interaction. While you’re getting free fashion advice, you’ll
also be getting experience at vibing with groups of girls:
”Hey guys, I’m updating my wardrobe and want to find out what the hottest male fashions are at the
moment. Have a look around… who do you think the best-dressed guy in here is?”
This is often a great opportunity to be C&F with the women by playfully busting on their preferences:
“Whoah, you have funny taste! Should I really be taking advice from you? Hmmm... ok, how about your
friend here? Can you point out something better?” She points something out and you say, “Wow, you
have awesome taste and style, I should take you shopping with me all the time! You can be my new
stylist.”
Shoes
Girls notice a guy’s shoes.
I’ve spoken to several attractive women who’ve told me similar stories about guys that they liked at
first glance, but then couldn’t push themselves into approaching or dating because of his shoes.
Check out the male fashion magazines and STOP wearing the styles of shoes your mum bought you for
school.
•
Scents: Colognes/Aftershaves
We all love a good scent.
If you have no female friends to ask, go to a few aftershave stores and ask what the most popular
men’s aftershaves are. Or, simply approach a random woman in the store and say, “Hey, I’m looking
for a sexy aftershave… what’s your favorite men’s aftershave?”
Get into a conversation with her about it, asking her to describe her favorite and then ask her to help
you pick one out.
How to wear aftershave
One spray of aftershave on either side of your neck and one just below your throat 30 minutes before
going out is plenty. There are few things women hate more than a guy who smells like he has bathed in
his cologne.
Your scent should be subtle and allow a woman to get a hint of it. She will need to get closer if she
wishes to smell it again.
•
Cool hairstyle
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If you prefer to stay away from the ‘latest fashion’ hairstyles, at least have a fresh-looking haircut.
Women have loved the ‘soldier’s hairstyle’ for a long time, so that’s often a safe bet.
If you are open-minded enough to accept that some hairstyles will be cooler than others (sometimes
long or messy hair is sexy depending on the current trends), stop and ask your hairdresser what the
coolest hairstyles are these days.
When out on the town, take note of the guys who have the coolest hairstyles. Don’t be afraid to get
your hair cut like theirs. Doing so doesn’t mean that you are following everyone else like a lost little
sheep. It just means that you’re open-minded, adapting to your environment and are willing to take
risks and have fun.
•
Trimmed and clean fingernails
It’s okay to have dirty fingernails if you’re a laborer working on-site, because you can roll with the
whole look.
For the rest of us, we should keep our nails trimmed and clean because dirty fingernails can be a big
turn off for a woman.
Why?
Having long fingernails can really hurt the insides of a woman’s vagina if you accidentally scrape her.
It’s even worse if your fingernails are dirty. A woman will look at your fingernails and think, “Ewww…
no way!”
•
Fresh breath and clean teeth
If you have bad breath or dirty teeth, see a dentist and get the necessary work done to eliminate the
odors and stains.
Bad breath and dirty teeth will KILL attraction very, very fast.
If you want women to feel attracted and excited around you, then add some ADVENTURE to your life.
Most people want MORE adventure and excitement in their lives, not LESS. Thus, a man who
demonstrates elements of adventure is VERY attractive.
You can demonstrate your ADVENTUROUS side in MANY ways, without having to head deep into the
mountains for a weekend camping expedition. Although, such offers can be VERY tempting to most
women if you have built up enough comfort and trust between you.
Examples
•
Not afraid of risk
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Women are not SEXUALLY attracted to scared, timid males. In fact they resent them, befriend them or
simply use and manipulate them.
By suggesting that you be ‘not afraid of risk’ I don’t mean that you need to start driving like a maniac
or jumping off buildings.
But don’t shy away from a little bit of risk.
Women find danger incredibly arousing and DOUBLY SO if you make them feel safe during the
experience.
Am I saying to engage in violence or put yourself in harms way?
No.
That would be insulting our intelligence as a highly-evolved species. Think about the example I gave
earlier:
If the subject of public speaking comes up, don’t say, “I am SO scared of speaking in front of large
groups of people… I can’t think of anything worse.” You aren’t looking for a replacement mother to
shield you like she would her baby boy. You are a MAN taking on the world. Try this instead: “Yeah,
there’s nothing better than a captivating speaker… it’s definitely a skill I want to develop more.”
There are many ways you can demonstrate that you aren’t afraid of a little risk. Here are a few
random ones so you get the idea:
•
Not afraid to try something new on the menu at a restaurant.
Not afraid to go camping in a forest.
Not afraid to project your voice in public places (i.e. speak confidently to a waiter in a
restaurant, to a shop-assistant in a store, to people at your table, etc).
Not afraid to meet new people.
Not afraid of doing NEW things.
Not being afraid to escalate things to the next level with a woman.
You ‘go places’
Many people run a similar path and routine week in and week out.
If you watched from about 1000ft up in the sky, you could see thousands of people leaving their house
> driving to work > back home > driving to work > back home > maybe visit a friend’s house nearby >
back home > drive to work > go to the supermarket > back home.
You can be seen as adventurous by simply going places.
One weekend you’re at the beach > the next your at a friend’s place > the next you’re checking out
the view from a nearby mountain with another friend > you’re planning to check out a yoga glass in a
couple of weeks > next year you’re planning to go skiing at high-altitude.
You’re feeling ADVENTUROUS, so you are just going to do it.
Note: I’m not saying to do this ALL THE TIME. Just break up the monotony and add some adventure to
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your life. It makes for interesting conversation when a woman asks, “So, what have you been up to
lately?”
•
You know of cool places to take girls on a date
If you start dating some of the most beautiful women in your area, you can bet your bottom dollar
they’ve been wined and dined in most of the standard ‘date places’.
While it’s ok to go to a place she’s been before, it can add an element of adventure if you know of
some cool places to go. A hip bar or café in a back street of the CBD, a really cool restaurant that you
KNOW will have great service and atmosphere, a trendy morning market where breakfast and lunch are
the specialty; anywhere a bit unusual is great. It will be exciting and memorable for her for all the
right reasons.
Women will assume that you KNOW certain secrets about your city, because you’ve been
ADVENTUROUS enough to step outside of the norm and find such cool and exciting places.
•
Extreme sports and adventure activities
Try out things like surfing, bungee jumping, skiing, horse riding in the mountains, scuba diving,
canoeing or sightseeing.
Anything that involves adventure and daring is very attractive to women, as well as being personally
rewarding for yourself.
Getting out into nature and feeling the adrenaline of such activities can be great fun and will make an
exciting and interesting addition to your lifestyle.
When to do these activities with her
First date: Unless she is keen on going or has her own equipment and is into that sort of thing, it’s
usually not a good idea as you may be seen as investing TOO MUCH too early.
After a few dates: Great.
There is also the option to do a short-course together on something adventurous.
•
Spontaneous attitude
It’s fun to be around people who ‘do things’.
Especially their actions have elements of spontaneity.
“Hey babe…put your shoes on, I have a craving for tutti-frutti ice-cream. Let’s go grab an ice-cream
from that cool shop on ________ and take a walk along the beach.”
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In the ‘caveman days’ men could resort to violence to fix their problems.
These days, we need to have a high-level of social intelligence to be successful in meeting and beating
many of life’s challenges.
If you are socially awkward, women will perceive this as a weakness akin to being a physically weak
man in the ‘caveman days’.
Why?
Unlike a socially intelligent guy, you probably won’t be able to:
•
•
•
•
Achieve much success.
Provide her with a safe, happy and prosperous future.
Get along well with her family and friends.
Maintain her attraction of you.
The good news is that what you are learning in this book will add to your social intelligence in an
ATTRACTIVE way.
All you need to do next is PRACTICE what you are learning and remember that:
It is one thing to understand something and another to be able to do it.
In addition to being socially intelligent, you will often hear ‘ambitious’ as being a trait high on a
woman’s checklist when looking for a man.
Women INSTINCTIVELY admire ambitious men because it helps ensure a safer, happier and more
prosperous future. That doesn’t mean that women are ‘gold-diggers’, but rather they are ‘smart
breeders.’
Note: Don’t be ambitious just to IMPRESS women. Be ambitious to IMPRESS yourself and achieve what
you want. You are a MAN taking on what he wants in this world.
Know your path in life
When a guy is doing his OWN THING and including others in on HIS journey, it is 100% different than a
guy who is trying to FIT IN with everyone else’s plans/activities/etc.
I’m not saying that you need to have your life planned out from A-Z, but at least know where you are
going and why. Also know that your path will change as life goes on. The key is to maintain your clarity
of who you are, what you want and how you are going to get it.
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Summary: Spark the attraction
You have learned and now know about the importance of the following:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
That being nervous around a woman is one of the fastest ways to ruin attraction.
Having a dominant reality.
Conveying high status.
Choosing how you respond and react to situations.
Body language and status cues.
Being cool rather than trying to be cool.
Being aware of the power of social proof.
What women really want in a man.
That certain behaviors and personality types are more important than looks, in terms of how
women feel attraction for men.
3. Establish genuine rapport
Establishing genuine rapport is a MASSIVELY important part of The Flow.
It is also usually the hardest part for most guys, so I’ll provide varied explanations to give you a broad,
yet specific picture.
Let’s begin with…
Calibrating
Picture three women sitting around a table in funky lounge bar.
They’re laughing loudly and having a great time together. Suddenly a guy walks in. He’s nervous and
quietly takes a seat next to them and meekly says “Hi.”
Is he calibrated?
No.
Calibrating your energy to a group
When beginning an interaction with a group, you must be able to contribute something to their existing
energy.
I recommend going in with your energy level EQUAL to SLIGHTLY HIGHER than theirs. Don’t ever rock
up and be an energy leech, or a downer to the flow of their energies.
Example
You walk into a bar and notice four women in a group.
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They’re laughing together quietly and having what looks like an interesting conversation.
How could you start the interaction?
Try this:
“Hey…I thought I’d come over and say hi…you guys look like you’re having fun…my name’s _________.”
Calibrating to the woman
Here are some examples of not calibrating:
•
•
•
•
Being overly cocky to a woman who has low self-esteem, or to a group of girls who don’t need
THAT MUCH cocky in order to feel comfortable that you’re not a scared, little girly-man.
Going for the first kiss in an awkward moment (e.g. in front of her friends in a quiet environment,
or when the woman clearly isn’t comfortable).
Not going for the first kiss when the time was right (e.g. you sit alone with a woman on a couch.
She sits close and gives you a flirty look to signal interest. Instead of kissing her, you start talking.
Five minutes later you’re still talking. Ten minutes later you’re still talking. Then she just gets up
and says something like “Um, I’ve got to go find my friends…nice meeting you”).
A more elaborate example:
Sally has just broken up with her possessive boyfriend after 5 years.
She was sick of being in a crappy relationship and now just wants to go out and have some fun. Her
best memories are of when she was 18 years old dancing in bars and clubs and getting heaps of
attention from guys.
Only two of Sally’s close friends know her ‘little secret’. That is, she LOVES having one-night stands
with guys who are confident and playful, because it usually means the guy will be good in bed. To the
everyday observer Sally appears to be a really nice, innocent sort of girl. But the truth is that she is
very naughty behind closed doors and loves being promiscuous.
Sally’s girlfriends are really excited that she’s single again and organize a big Friday night out. They
head to a trendy nightclub in town and plan to flirt like crazy.
Meanwhile, Jack and his wingman Tran are heading to same club on the same night. Tran has been
reading up on how to meet women in bars and clubs and wants to use the knowledge he has acquired
to meet a long-term relationship partner.
Inside the club, Tran notices Sally and her friends and approaches them. He begins an interaction and
they quickly warm to his playful and relaxed attitude.
Jack is great at socializing and soon has the attention of the group fixed on him and what he is saying.
He’s playing hard to get with the girls, so they respond to the challenge. Sensing the shift, Tran zones
his attention in on Sally.
Despite Tran’s effective calibration in sensing the shift, his approach is flawed as it’s completely
geared toward fulfilling his need of finding a girl to get into a long-term relationship with.
Sally is excited by Tran’s confidence and humor and signals her interest by leaving her friends to sit
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alone with him. But Tran isn’t experienced enough, nor is he actively looking to recognize the subtle
signals that she is offering.
He continues to gear the interaction toward getting to know her on a deeper level and tries to slow her
pace down from ‘high-energy,’ to ‘let’s get to know each other really, really well.’
After a couple of minutes, Sally realizes what is going on and turns to her friends and says, “Let’s go
dance.”
It’s ‘game over’ for Tran, because he represents too much trouble for Sally. She senses that he will
slow her night down and take the sex too seriously, so she gets up and leaves.
“Nice to meet you, bye!”
An hour later, Sally runs into Antonio.
Antonio is calibrated to the energy of Sally and her group. He gets along with Sally’s friends and within
minutes of meeting her he just grabs her and starts kissing her.
Sally’s friends cheer and giggle.
Sally and Antonio end up leaving together that night.
The irony for Tran is this: Sally and the Antonio end up seeing each other once or twice a week to have
sex, hang out, eat out at restaurants, go to movies, etc. After 3 months, they break up by way of not
calling each other anymore.
Two months later, she calls Antonio to say “Hi” because she misses him.
They get married two years later.
The point of the story is this:
If you want to have sex with MORE women MORE often, be satisfied with a one-night stand. You’ll be
surprised how often it will turn into a relationship.
Magnetic balance
Because each woman and situation is different, being able to create and maintain a magnetic balance
in an interaction or relationship is something that requires practice.
Too aloof, too cold, too selfish
If you are too aloof, too cold or too selfish and don’t show any feelings toward a woman, she will
naturally seek to pick up the slack elsewhere, possibly from other men.
Aim for a balance between meeting and not meeting her needs. She will be happier for longer because
there will be an ongoing challenge/magnetism.
General rule of thumb: Don’t try to be Mr. Perfect. It won’t work and is likely to backfire over time.
Too available, too emotional
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If you are too available and latch on to her like a lovesick puppy, you will become predictable,
represent less of a challenge and create a ‘stuck’ feeling inside of her.
Likewise, there will be no magnetism if you’re always telling her how much you like/love her. But you
need to communicate SOME level of interest to make it NORMAL and NATURAL.
The magnetic balance
We talked about magnets and how opposites attract in the section on masculine energy.
Let’s go there again for a little bit…
You know that point when the magnetic force starts to pull the magnets together by itself?
In terms of relating to women, that magnetism represents the ongoing challenge and chase, which in
turn maintains the attraction, sexual tension and interest level.
Never latch on and stick to a woman and never push her too far away from you.
Don’t get sucked in
A woman will INSTINCTIVELY test to see if you will latch onto her, by asking you questions like:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Do you like me?
Are we good together?
Have you been thinking about me?
Did you miss me?
Do you love me?
Do you want to be with other women?
Although women may CONSCIOUSLY VERBALIZE that they want a guy to say nice things and express his
feelings, doing so will naturally diminish the intensity of a woman’s attraction for you over time.
So, give her the gift of a magnetic balance by SOMETIMES putting funny spins on her questions or by
ignoring them altogether.
Examples
Her: Have you been thinking about me?
You: Who are you again?
Her: C’mon! I’ve been thinking about you… have you been thinking about me?
You: Well, I HAVE BEEN thinking about how I want you to give me a massage… I like the way you do
that, and if you’re good I might just do that thing you like afterward.
Or:
Her: Did you miss me?
You: You were gone? Oh, yeah I remember you!
Her: C’mon! Did you miss me?
You: Terribly! In fact, I missed you so much that…that…
Her: That what?
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You: Well… so much, that I’ve written you a ten-page love letter. Want me to read it to you?
Her: Hehe…umm, ok.
You: Ok, here goes…Rebecca…the feelings I have for you are so intense…I really….really…hate you…I
think we should break up…(start laughing here).
Her: Oh! You!
Or:
Her: Have you been thinking about me?
You: (Pause) …Hey check this out (and then start talking about something else e.g. what happened at
work that day, a movie you saw, etc).
The irony is that the guys who do this are the ones who get the girls saying, “I don’t know what it is
about him. I just can’t stop thinking about him.”
Do you want women saying that about you?
Of course you do.
Talking from your perspective
All humans have values, but thanks to a dating coach named ‘Juggler’ I realized something a few years
back: The values of most people are ‘built on sand’.
There is often NO SOLID STRUCTURE to their values and beliefs at all.
As a result, their whole take on life is vulnerable to being blown away by the slightest of winds.
What should this tell you?
It should tell you that values and beliefs are JUST values and beliefs.
Advertisements tell us what is cool. Newsreaders tell us what is important. Authority figures tell us
what is right and wrong.
I’m not saying that we humans all follow like blind sheep. That would be a naïve statement on my
part. I am saying that we DO get influenced by the things around us.
What should you do then?
Get clear on who you are and what you stand for and then become comfortable talking about things
from your perspective.
Don’t be afraid to lead a conversation by stating your own values.
Examples
You: I really love the beach on summer nights. Especially that point in the night where people start to
feel calmer and more relaxed by the fresh change in the breeze… when it comes in so noticeably after
a long, hot day. I love that.
Or:
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You: I don’t like this restaurant. The chairs here are pretty crap, and those paintings are awful. It’s
like this place is stuck in a time warp. I like the food though… I should hire one of the chefs to cook for
me.
Or:
You: Bourbon sucks… Scotch Whiskey has a much more refined taste. It dances on your mouth… like a
naked ballerina or something.
Or:
You: Hey man, you’re late again. You should know better than to disrespect a person’s time. Next time
I won’t wait… anyway, let’s go get that coffee.
Don’t be afraid to take the lead and express YOUR take on things when interacting with ANY woman.
It is VERY attractive to women.
You’ll also be surprised to notice that if you say things with enough authority and confidence, most
people will follow your lead.
Building your values on someone else’s sandcastle
The irony is that if you succumb to a woman’s values when hers are built on sand, she will find it hard
to respect you.
In the book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People,’ Dale Carnegie talks about making other people
feel important by gearing conversations toward their interests and strengths. While this is a favorable
social skill to employ, don’t confuse it with being agreeable and pretending to like everything that a
person is interested in/talking about.
Women naturally feel more COMFORTABLE in the presence of a guy who is assertive, doesn’t hesitate
and doesn’t seek approval for his thoughts or actions.
Once again for the slow ones… what do women often say?
“I like a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to get it!”
Work out what sort of women you want
Do you know?
Let’s stop for a moment and work on it together.
Grab a pen and paper or open a new file in your technology device:
1. Describe your perfect woman.
2. Describe what you’d PREFER in a woman in terms of emotional, social and physical characteristics.
3. Describe what you DON’T WANT in a woman in terms of emotional, social and physical
characteristics.
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Below are some traits that I don’t want in a woman.
When I meet a woman who displays these traits, my attraction for her diminishes rapidly. As a result, I
have ended up with better quality women who satisfy me on a deeper level:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Lazy (including lazy attitude, mannerisms, etc).
Afraid to try new things.
Dishonest.
Tom-boy/a woman who behaves in a masculine way.
Physically masculine-looking.
Emotionally cold.
Socially unintelligent.
Ditsy/dumb.
A woman with a diverse personality is very attractive to me. Jerry Hall (the former wife of Rolling
Stones lead singer, Mick Jagger) was famous for saying:
"My mother said it was simple to keep a man. You must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the
kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom.”
I love that quote because it personifies the diversity of women I am often attracted to. You should
work out what sort of women you want in your life.
Neediness
Unless you are interacting with someone who wants to manipulate you, being needy:
•
•
•
•
Makes it very hard for people to want to be around you.
Will seriously hinder your success with women, especially attractive women who get attention
from men all the time.
Means that people need to accept the burden of supporting and taking care of you.
Pushes people away from you.
Let me tell you a story about my friend Samantha.
Samantha once told me about a particular guy who ended up making her feel nauseous with his
neediness:
Samantha is hot.
She has appeared in a number of magazines as a bikini model, is often being invited to cool parties and
is always being ‘hit on’ by guys. She is a cool chick and loves the party and social scene.
One night she met a guy at a cool bar in Melbourne. That night he was funny and held up a great
conversation with her and her friends. After about 20 minutes, he and Samantha went to sit alone on a
couch in the club. They kissed, talked some more and exchanged numbers.
Samantha then said goodbye and left the club with her friends.
He called her the next day (which was fine) and ASKED (not fine) if she would meet up with him
midweek.
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She said that she’d get back to him the next day.
At 7pm the next night, he called her and said, “Hey, I thought I’d give you a call because you didn’t
get back to me today about meeting up.”
Not good.
He then ASKED for another date and Samantha said that she couldn’t make it, because she’d made
other plans. He quickly replied with something like, “That’s okay, I’m free this entire week so call me
anytime and let me know what you want to do.”
This may seem fine to some of you, but to an attractive woman it is a TYPICAL series of events and
offers her no emotional stimulation.
Samantha said she ended up giving him the benefit of the doubt and thought, “Well, maybe he’s just
having a quiet week or something.”
He called her on Thursday and again ASKED if she would come over on Friday night and watch a movie
at his place.
Friday night?
Mate, she’s a party girl who hits the clubs every weekend. What were you trying to do? Domesticate
her on your first date?
But he was persistent and in the words of Samantha “…because he had been a great kisser, I agreed to
meet up with him for dinner a couple of weeks later. It turned out to be a big mistake on my part.”
He told Samantha how he’d a great time the night they’d met (this is okay) and how he’d kind of
missed her since that night (this is not okay).
She felt nauseous.
Why?
Because she hadn’t even EARNED that sort of attention from him and he was ALREADY prepared to fall
head over heels in love with her after ONE DATE!
There was NO CHALLENGE.
There was no TENSION.
Samantha went on to say:
“The way he acted throughout the night was draining… almost like he was my little boy child, who
needed me to love him. I mean, we had a great time at the club the first night and yes, we kissed…
but he was just way too full on. I sensed that he’d be the type of guy who’d want to hide me away
from the world, by keeping me at home with him on the couch. I mean, I can be faithful to a guy,
don’t get me wrong, it’s just that I’d rather be faithful to someone who also has a life.”
She stopped answering his calls.
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Now, you’re probably wondering, “What should he have done then?”
Easy.
•
Not have been such a push-over
He fell ‘head over heals’ for her and immediately telegraphed FULL INTEREST.
Doing so meant that she had nothing to aim for and left her with no need to impress him by wearing
nice clothes, cooking meals for him, being warm and lovable, etc. There was no magnetism, because
he’d already ‘latched on’.
•
Suggested that they meet up, or just called up to vibe with her for a while
You don’t ASK a woman to go on a date with you. Communicate masculinity by telling her to come with
you, or suggesting that you two should meet.
We will talk more about phone calls soon.
•
Have a life of his own that he is interested in
If he had no plans for the week AT ALL, then he should have thought of something to do (e.g. take up a
yoga class, start going to the gym, go see an old friend, repair his car, do some research on some
interesting topic, etc).
Ultimately, his lifestyle wasn’t compatible with hers.
Why?
She had a life and was doing things and he wanted to follow her around like a lost puppy.
•
Keep the attraction there by busting on her with a little C&F behavior
He needed to give her something to chase and not be so nice, agreeable, boring and TYPICAL in his
sexual courtship.
I’ve already listed dozens of examples of Cocky & Funny behavior. Stop for a moment and think about
how he could have been Cocky & Funny in the situations he encountered with her.
•
Give her the ‘gift’ of missing him
He called her too many times in an EAGER way.
It’s ABSOLUTELY FINE to call a woman, but RELAX. She didn’t get back to him the next day… so what?!
People have lives going on and potential new lovers aren’t always priority number 1.
•
ASSUME that RAPPORT and ATTRACTION are still COMPLETELY present
He was still talking to her like he was a stranger trying to get into her world. If he came across normal
and natural, she would have been a lot more comfortable. Yet, his words and actions revealed a guy
who was desperate to get involved with her.
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Demonstrating that you’re not needy from the beginning
It’s important to demonstrate that you’re not needy right from the get-go. Here are some random
examples…
Example
When you are talking to a woman and she touches you in ANY way:
“Hey, this stuff ain’t for free honey. You’re already touching me and you haven’t even bought me a
drink! I can’t believe women these days - they all want to use me like a sex toy!”
Or:
“Heyyyy, hands off the merchandise baby,… I’m going to have to charge you double.”
Do this to a very attractive woman and she will be blown away at your humor and arrogance. Make
sure you wear a condom.
Example
If a woman gives you overtly sexual looks:
Smile, raise an eyebrow and have a slight chuckle to yourself. Then squint at her and say, “You want
me.”
Or:
Remain composed and continue on with what you’re doing. Allow an endearing smile to crease your
face and your eyes to signal, “You want me.”
Vibing
Vibing can be described as a: Positive, social rhythm between people.
If you are aiming to become a man who naturally attracts women, you will need to learn how to vibe
with people.
At its core, vibing essentially allows you to get along and connect with people without all the
awkwardness and negative tension.
Many people ruin the flow of social interactions by UNKNOWINGLY spoiling the vibe.
Example
The perils of the word ‘BUT’
“So, you like football because it’s a team game, right?”
Bad vibing
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“Yeah, but going to the match is what I really like best about football.”
Good vibing
“Yes, definitely! You’re right - it’s a good team game. I love being AT the match as well. You ever
been to a match?”
Can you spot the difference?
The subtle inclusion of the word ‘BUT’ instead of ‘AND’ changes the meaning and feeling of your
response. It basically says, “Yes, but you are more wrong that you are right. So, you really don’t know
me and we don’t connect very well.”
Whenever you say, “Yes, but _________” you effectively negate the other person’s input and are
basically saying NO instead of YES.
You want to create momentum and flow in the interaction, instead of stopping it every few sentences
with a BUT.
Example
Being too technical.
Your housemate: Hey, I got a new toaster. Isn’t it cool?
You: Cool! I won’t have to waste time toasting each side under the griller now. Nice work!
Your housemate: It doesn’t take that long under the griller…
Can you spot the bad viber?
Yes, it’s your annoying housemate.
Example
Not allowing you to enjoy your fleeting moment of excitement.
You: Hey, I got this new jumper at a bargain price! Guess how much?
Other person: I don’t know… $5 bucks?
You: Ummm…no actually, it was $85…but that’s still 50% off and a good bargain.
Friend: Oh, right… yeah, that’s still good.
Your assignment
1. Watch or listen
Watch or listen to movies, TV or radio.
2. Pause
Pause / turn off the volume and note down possible conversation threads that you could vibe
on based on what was just said.
You can also note down possible conversation threads based on what you saw (the landscape, the city
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that the scene was shot in, the clothes people were wearing, etc).
3. Practice
Practice vibing and making conversation from what was just said. You can do this in the privacy of your
own home or car.
4. Apply it in the real world
Take what you’ve learnt and apply it in the real world by practicing vibing with everyone you meet,
not just women.
Note: The above assignment was actually invented by one our Clients during a Lifestyle Course. He
called it ‘The Sidd Method’ and went on to use it as a way of improving his vibing skills.
Try it, it works!
What to talk about
This is a MASSIVE concern for most guys.
Before we launch into some tips, just REMEMBER that you don’t have to say something totally original
in order for a woman to be interested. It just needs to include some sort of emotion…
Tips
•
Radio
Listen to the radio stations that your type of woman would listen to and notice:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
The topics of conversation that radio DJs venture into and have ‘phone polls’ over.
What female listeners call in to talk about.
The sort of things that people get excited talking about.
How they talk about it.
The topics that inspire positive emotional reactions and lots of laughter.
•
Talk from your perspective
1. Talk about things that have happened and how you felt and reacted to them.
Obviously you want to talk about your feelings and reactions in a masculine way.
Feminine: “Oh, I was so scared today because a guy swerved in front of my car…I had to slam on the
brakes and ended up skidding all over the road… It was terrifying; I almost peed my pants!”
Masculine: “Today was funny… a guy swerved in front of my car. It was one of those situations where
you have to slam on the breaks and your car starts skidding all over the road. The whole thing seemed
to happen in slow motion. It was funny…I started thinking, ‘Hmmm… I hope they have good food at the
hospital.’”
2. Talk about things from your perspective.
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Include the word “I” and feel free to talk about what you like/dislike/find interesting, etc. If you talk
from your perspective, you’ll notice that people will open up a lot easier when interacting with you.
Why?
Because you’re comfortable expressing yourself and are not talking to them like a stranger would.
Instead of saying, “This bar is good,” say “I like this bar…the people here are cool.”
Instead of saying, “The weather is nice today,” say “I like this kind of weather. Reminds me of
______.”
•
When talking to someone, listen to what they are saying and you will find MANY conversational
threads to open
That last tip may seem like an obvious one, but most people stuff it up.
Here is an elaborate example to help you…
Example
Woman: I went to Paris last year for the first time. My best friend Jenny came with me…it was so scary
being in a big city and not being able to speak the language.
There are a number of ways to respond to what she just said. Here are two examples that show you
weren’t listening:
•
•
Oh, that’s nice.
Oh right, so did you have fun?
If you were listening, you would have noticed AT LEAST three main conversation threads to open. If
you want to have good CONVERSATIONS, then you’ll need to start paying attention to what people
ACTUALLY SAY.
Allow me to explain…
1. It was her first time in Paris.
Make a statement / talk from your perspective
•
•
Start daydreaming and say something like, “Hmmm, Paris” in a really reflective way. Look away
briefly as you picture it and gather your feelings about it. “When I think of Paris, I picture the old
streets with beautiful architecture…the alluring aromas of freshly-ground coffee and warm
croissants… high fashion… lifestyle… ahh, I have to go there one day. Tell me about your
experience with Paris - did you ever walk the streets in the morning and just say wow, I’m in
Paris!?”
I would LOVE to go to Paris! The idea of going there makes me think about mystery, romance (said
in a serious, seductive tone)… and Eiffel Towers (said in a sarcastic, humorous way)!
Questions
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•
•
•
•
What drew her to Paris?
How did it feel when she first walked the streets of Paris?
What was the most exciting part about Paris for her?
They say that people in Paris are snobby and rude. What was her perception?
2. She was traveling with her best friend.
Make a statement / talk from your perspective
•
•
•
Traveling with a best friend… definitely a cool way to do it. I prefer traveling with someone as well
because you get to share the experiences. I have friends who’ve traveled by themselves before,
they said they loved the strange feelings they got…saying it was like being a star in their own movie
or something.
Traveling is so much cooler when you have a close friend with you.
I like traveling with someone, but once I went to Spain by myself for two weeks, it was so cool.
Like you in Paris, I totally didn’t know the language! Can you speak French now?
Questions
•
•
•
•
•
Where else did she and her best friend travel?
Did they stick together for the whole trip?
How long have they been best friends?
Is her best friend with her tonight?
Why does she call her a ‘best friend’?
3. She didn’t know the language.
Make a statement / talk from your perspective
•
•
Say something in French!
Bonjour Mademoiselle, je mappelle _____ (insert your name).
This translates to “Good day Miss, my name is ________.”
Questions
•
•
•
Can she speak any French these days?
Did any funny things happen because people couldn’t understand what she was saying?
What’s the weirdest thing she can say in French?
Compliments
A genuine compliment is something that we rarely forget.
A compliment out of supplication is something we often ignore as meaningless, or even resent.
Man: Wow, you are so beautiful.
Woman: Thanks, you’re so sweet.
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That may LOOK LIKE a positive interaction to some of you, but in reality it equals NOTHING if the
woman doesn’t feel attraction for you, or if you’re trying to suck up to her.
If you want to compliment a woman straight away, try pointing out something other than her looks and
then talk about it from your perspective.
Examples
You: Hey, I like your dress sense.
Her: (Says something).
You: Yeah, it’s stylish (trendy/cool/funky or whatever else you want to say).
Or:
You: Hey, you have nice teeth.
Her: (Says something).
You: I like nice teeth…
Or:
You: You have a cute smile… I like that.
Her: (Says something).
You: Yeah, so where did you buy it anyway? I want to get one for my friend Rachael…she needs to
smile more, she’s such a little sour-puss.
Complimenting too early
Do the right thing by her and don’t be another guy who:
1. Comes along babbling out compliment after compliment.
2. Makes it real obvious that he likes her.
3. Demonstrates that he will offer no challenge.
It’s okay to give compliments
In fact I recommend it.
As long as it’s GENUINE and is done very SPARINGLY.
The best time to give a woman a compliment
Feel free to REWARD good behavior with a compliment when a woman says something witty, does
something nice for you, etc.
Despite what women may SAY, they generally prefer a man who will make them work for it.
Example
You’ve been talking for a little while. The woman is being really friendly, flirty and responsive and says
something funny. Start laughing quietly to yourself and have a private little moment.
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Her: What?
You: I just noticed something about you.
Her: What?
You: You’re actually quite funny (or cute, or whatever you want to say about her). I like that.
But REMEMBER what we learned earlier about being UNPREDICTABLE.
Mix it up.
Sometimes, you should playfully tease a woman for doing nice things or saying something cool.
Summary: Establish genuine rapport
You have learned and now know about the importance of the following:
1. Calibrating your approach to different social situations and energy levels.
2. Maintaining a magnetic balance to continually fuel sexual tension, attract and interest level for
you and the woman.
3. Talking from your perspective.
4. Working out what sort of woman you want.
5. Not being needy.
6. Creating a positive social vibe and helping interactions to flow more smoothly.
7. Being an interesting conversationalist to women.
8. Rewarding women with a genuine compliment when the time is right.
This is a very important part of The Flow and becoming great in this area will sky-rocket your success
with women and dating. However, ensure that you always spark the attraction before beginning to
establish genuine rapport.
Now, let’s get ready to…
4. Take things to the next level
At some stage in an interaction, you will need to take things to the next level.
If you don’t, women will either think you are gay, in a relationship, too scared to make a move or just
want to be friends.
But fear not, I am going to help you.
We’ll look at a number of areas:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
The Four Stages of Interest.
I can’t believe I am doing this!
Being alone together.
Touch.
Getting phone numbers.
Before making the call.
The first call.
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•
•
•
•
Setting up a meet.
When a woman is being vague or difficult about meeting up.
We set up our first date and she cancelled!
What do to on a date.
The Four Stages of Interest
The following is a GENERAL guide so you get the idea.
It’s not the IRON LAW of interactions, so don’t worry if everything doesn’t flow seamlessly from one
stage to the next.
Depending on the woman, the environment and your ability to spark attraction and then move an
interaction along; things may escalate to the ‘next level’ within minutes or hours.
Stage 1: Closed
At this stage the woman will be closed to you and any of your advances.
You’ll find that most women are generally more closed in bars and clubs compared to most other
settings/environments (social circle party, bookstore, supermarket, etc).
Women HAVE TO do this, or else there’d be men all over them ALL the time. So don’t take it
personally.
Signs that she is closed.
•
You ask her questions/make statements and she responds with impersonal and closed
answers/comments, in an effort to discontinue your attempts at interacting with her.
You: Hi, how are you?
Her: Fine (then looks, or turns away).
You: Having a good night?
Her: Yes (then looks at you as if to say “You’re just another guy trying to pick me up.”)
•
•
•
•
She directs tense ‘leave-me-alone’ body language toward you.
You attempt to engage her with something fun and she looks at you like you are a weirdo.
She stops listening to you and starts talking to her friends.
She ignores you.
Why is she closed?
•
•
•
•
•
She doesn’t know you yet.
As a time-management tool (e.g. she may be there with her friends and probably feels like every
second guy is trying to pick her up. She may want to talk with her friends for a while and not be
bothered by horny guys wanting to score).
She may not want to look ‘too easy’ in front of her friends or others at the venue.
She may be in an unsocial mood.
She may be nervous.
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Why is she continuing to stay closed up even though I’m trying to initiate an interaction?
•
•
•
•
•
•
You may be behaving nervously or coming across in an apologetic way.
You may be conveying low social status by placing her on some imaginary pedestal, “Oh Goddess of
Beauty, please hold me… I’ll be your little puppy dog if you’ll only choose me!”
You may be coming across as too eager.
Your energy level may not be calibrated to the situation (e.g. you are talking softly and without
any emotion, in a loud and high-stimulus environment).
You may not be ASSUMING that RAPPORT and ATTRACTION are already present between you too, so
you are behaving like a stranger.
You may be dressed like a dork and trying to talk to a high-status, stylish woman.
Stage 2: Open
At this stage a woman is open to you and your attempts to interact with her.
Signs that she is open.
•
•
•
•
She
She
She
She
is open to a conversation with you, responds to your questions or adds onto your statements.
reciprocates your fun and flirting.
starts asking you questions.
doesn’t walk away.
Stage 3: Interested
At this stage a woman will be open to you and your attempts to interact with her and will also
become ACTIVELY involved in moving the interaction forward.
She will be showing verbal and non-verbal signs of interest.
Signs that she is interested.
There are different levels of interest that a woman will show.
Any level CAN be skipped or blended depending on the woman, the environment and your ability to
spark attraction.
1. Verbal
•
•
•
She asks questions in a way that suggests she is curious to find out about the person who is making
her FEEL good/attracted.
She actively helps to keep the conversation alive.
There is emotion in your conversation and in hers.
2. Body language & verbal
•
•
•
Any or all of the mentioned verbal signs, plus:
She is comfortable facing her body language towards you.
Her body language shows interest (she may primp herself by adjusting her clothing, play with her
hair, lick or purse her lips, give you cute or sexual looks, giggle, etc).
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•
•
•
•
•
Any sort of submissive female behavior.
Her facial expressions change.
She makes a lot of ‘interested’ eye contact with you.
She looks at your lips while you’re talking.
She subtly looks your body up and down.
3. Body language, verbal & touch
•
•
Any or all of the above, plus:
She is open to touching you (hits you playfully, warmly/sexually touches you, sits down with you if
you suggest it, leans into you, etc).
Stage 4: Take things to the next level
Taking things to the next level can mean a wide range of things. Here are some examples:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Being alone together.
Getting her phone number.
Organizing a time to meet up again.
Hugging, kissing.
Going to another venue together.
Leaving the venue together and going to your/her place.
Foreplay.
Sex.
I can’t believe I am doing this!
As you become comfortable with taking things to the next level, you may often hear women say things
like, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” or “I’m not usually like this!” to avoid looking too easy.
THIS IS NORMAL and you should allow the woman to PLAY HER PART in the sexual courtship by not
getting into a logical discussion with her about why she is doing it.
Just be cool and realize that women will often make such remarks ALL THE WAY from meet >
conversation > sitting alone with you > kissing > leaving the venue with you > heading to your
car/home > going inside the door > lying on your bed > during sex > after sex.
It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to proceed, but is usually just a way of protecting her self-image and
creating SEXUAL TENSION in the same way that humans have for millions of years.
Disclaimer: If a woman says “No” and you force her to escalate with you against her will then you are
committing a crime, are an idiot and deserve to be locked up in a jail.
Necessary disclaimers aside, you should stop for a moment and consider why light resistance is a
TOTALLY NORMAL PART of the process:
Apart form creating sexual tension and protecting her self-image; light resistance is also a woman’s
way of testing how interested you are.
You can read light resistance as “Cool… I’m attracted to you, so please keep courting me. I’ll keep
throwing up little bits of resistance to protect my self-image and so my friends don’t call me a slut
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later. If you don’t start behaving all weird like I’m rejecting you, then we’ll probably end up having
hot, raunchy sex in a matter of hours so please keep going. I love sex. Please be a man and lead the
way.”
What to say when a woman throws some light resistance your way
The Flow can be completely ruined if you become nervous or uncomfortable when a woman throws in
some light resistance.
Example
An example response:
“It’s okay, you’re just being yourself around me; I respect people who just go with what feels
natural.”
Example
Some alternative reactions:
•
•
•
Ignore it and keep on going (e.g. she says “I can’t believe I’m doing this” and you just change
topics/start talking about something random or keep going with what you were doing).
Give her a look and a grin that show you KNOW what is REALLY going on. You KNOW she wants you,
but just needs a little more courting.
Agree with her and THEN keep going. For example: “Hey, you’re right. We should stop doing this,”
and then pause, smile and do something a little less physical (e.g. go from kissing to stroking her
hair) for a little while. Then, when the time is right and some more sexual tension has been built,
return to kissing.
Most importantly, don’t just give up at the first sight of resistance. As I said earlier, it is a TOTALLY
NORMAL PART of the process.
Being alone together
Have enough balls to move things forward so you and the woman are alone together.
When a woman is around her friends or family, she is less likely to escalate to a pre-sexual level with
you.
Simply say something like:
•
•
•
Hey, come with me (take her hand and gently, but assertively lead her away).
Hey, let’s go sit over there.
(When talking about an interesting topic, say) I’ll tell you something about that, let’s go sit over
there.
Note: You need to say any the above with a TOTAL assumption of rapport and trust. Have absolutely
NO DOUBT in your mind, tone of voice or body language that she will come with you.
Most women will go with you without any resistance.
Why?
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Because women:
-
Like men who aren’t scared of them.
Love sex.
Are longing for human touch and the feelings of being in love just as much as you are.
Remember those things and you will be fine.
Where do I take her?
For the purpose of this explanation, imagine the examples occurring in a bar or club environment.
Here are 7 examples to get you started:
1. Move just couple of metres away from her friends and sit down or remain standing up. Sitting is
better, as it’s easier for you both to get closer/physical.
2. Stand up against a wall, away from her friends.
3. Go to the dance floor together.
4. Go outside if there is a balcony, patio area, etc.
5. Go to a quieter area in the club, so you can talk.
6. Go ‘find somewhere to sit down.’
7. Go to the bar together.
This part of The Flow is very important.
You have to develop a BELIEF that it is TOTALLY NATURAL to move things forward with a woman. If it
weren’t, many of us wouldn’t be alive today. Our parents did what was natural and got together.
So learn to BELIEVE that you SHOULD move things forward.
It is your DUTY as a man.
Also, if a woman is alone with you then the chances are that she is OKAY to start kissing you. If you are
alone together and you just talk without escalating things any more, she will wonder why it’s
necessary to be away from everyone else. She will realize that you want to kiss her, but don’t have the
confidence to.
She will then lose attraction.
So take things to the next level.
Touch
As you now know, one of the MOST IMPORTANT things to a woman is HOW YOU MAKE HER FEEL.
If you can make a woman FEEL aroused by touch, then she will see you as someone who makes her feel
physically aroused and thus consider you as a potential lover. Contrary to the fears and assumptions of
many guys, a woman won’t see you as a sleazy pervert who wants to ‘touch her up’ or ‘get lucky’.
Women love the feelings that arise from touch just as much as men do.
Believe that and then be brave enough to take things to the next level, or else she will quickly lose
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interest.
Here are some examples to get you thinking:
•
Arm around the waist
If a woman makes a joke or says something cool, be comfortable enough to put your arm around her
waist and draw her closer to you while smiling/laughing.
Assume that the right amount of rapport and attraction is there to do this, even if you’ve only known
her for a few SECONDS.
•
Fondle her earrings
In the midst of talking about something, be comfortable enough to reach straight up and fondle a
woman’s earrings while making a comment on how you like them.
DO NOT hesitate, get nervous or have absolutely one iota of apologetic body language going on when
you do this. Do it as her FATHER would do and make her FEEL like your little girl.
Brush her hair back a little and make gentle contact with the side of her neck and ear.
You will be surprised how women respond to this and will notice that most women will
AUTOMATICALLY feel submissive to you. A woman’s brain is hard-wired to be a woman and most will
appreciate your masculinity.
Note: This whole process should only last a few seconds.
•
Give her chin a little squeeze and shake
If she says something cute or submissive, look her in the eye, grin and gently grab her on the chin. Give
it a little squeeze and shake like her father would have when she was a good girl.
Note: Don’t do this with the sweaty palms of your hands! Just use your thumb and the length of your
pointer finger.
•
Slapsies
Play hand slaps (slapsies)!
This is the game where one person holds out their hands with palms facing horizontally to the floor and
beneath the other person’s hands. The person on top then tries to slap your hands before you get them
away.
It’s a fun little game and it helps to build fun and positive tension.
•
Break-up hug and kiss
When a woman says something silly or stupid, reply with something like, “Look, this relationship isn’t
going to work out. We’re going to have to break up. I’m taking the house and the dog. Come here, give
me a hug goodbye.”
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Be playful when you do something like this. It’s fun, especially when you’ve only known each other for
a few seconds/minutes.
Get her to kiss you goodbye on the cheek by pointing your finger to your cheek and saying, “Here!”
•
Spank her
Spank her playfully on the ass.
Note: Women may try to spank you back. Be sure to playful stop them and say “Uh-uh, I’m the one
who does the spanking around here!”
•
Pretend hitting
Hit her on the head with a drinking straw (or something else that won’t hurt her) if she says something
flirty or silly.
•
Smell my new aftershave
Point to your neck and say something like “Hey, smell my new aftershave. What do you think?”
When she has finished, ask, “So, do you wear nice perfume?” and then lean in and smell her neck
WITHOUT ASKING if you can. Just brush her hair away from her neck and hold her in some way (arm
around the waist, hand on bottom of back, etc).
Getting phone numbers
Getting a woman’s phone number is NO BIG DEAL.
When to get a phone number
I could write an entire book on how and when you should get a phone number for hundreds of different
situations, but all you need to remember is:
1. Assume that she will give it to you.
2. Do it when the time is right (when you have to part ways for some reason, or you happen to be
talking about meeting up again, etc).
3. Getting a phone number is no big deal, so be relaxed and natural about it.
4. Tell her to give you the number instead of asking for it. For example: "Hey...you're funny and
you seem kinda cool. We should catch up some time - put your number in here."
5. Then say something simple, “Cool, I’ll call you sometime.”
If possible, avoid making plans on the spot, “I’ll call you on Tuesday and set up a time for us to meet
and go for coffee.”
It ruins the anticipation.
As you know by now, women LOVE anticipation.
You want women to be thinking, “Will he call? What will he say when he calls? Will he want to go on a
date? I wonder where we'll go!” instead of thinking, “That guy from the bar said he'd be calling me
today to organize going for a coffee date. I can’t be bothered going for a coffee this week…I’ll just say
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that I have plans.”
Before making the call
When you start getting phone numbers from attractive women, you may feel a little daunted about
making the follow-up calls. This is especially true if the women you are now meeting weren’t
previously interested in a guy like you.
It’s a new life for you now though isn’t it?
Thing are going to change.
You can do this.
So let’s stop for a moment and realize some things about making phone calls to new women…
1.
2.
3.
4.
You have NOTHING to lose by calling.
You don’t need to impress women.
You are the man, the selector.
Women need to impress you and meet your standards. Call her and let her try to win you over.
Now think about the things you will potentially miss out on if you don’t call:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Hot sex.
Fun and great feelings.
A relationship.
More friends.
Hanging out with a beautiful woman.
The feelings of lust.
Falling in love.
Having a woman close up to you. Her beautiful scents, her soft skin. Her laughter.
Cuddling together in bed and looking into each other’s eyes.
Touch.
Intense moments of passion.
The opportunity to give to each other and make each other happy.
So call her.
When you do call, be playful, relaxed and natural.
Let it FLOW.
Now, you might say, “Okay I will… I promise! But how long should I wait before calling? I’ve heard that
it’s best to wait 3 days before calling. Is that right?”
No.
It’s a stupid strategy and will result in you losing many opportunities with women.
As long as you are not being needy or suddenly treating her like she is your girlfriend (or wife-to-be),
then you SHOULD call her the next day or the day after.
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Alternatively, call her WHENEVER you feel like it, which could be later in the week.
Remember that it is 100% OK to initially PURSUE a woman in a non-needy way. After all, you are a MAN
going after what he wants. If you follow the advice in this book, she will end up pursuing you in good
time and she will appreciate that it has turned out that way.
But if I pursue her, it will show her that I’m interested. Isn’t that a bad thing?
Read the previous part about pursuing women again.
And again.
Got it?
Good.
The first call
If you are dealing with a really attractive woman, you can bet she has given her phone number out
PLENTY of times. You can also bet that every guy will call her and do what on the FIRST phone call?
He’ll try to set up a DATE!
Why?
Because he wants to get the relationship moving forward ASAP before she meets another guy!! Quick!
Quick!
Give her the GIFT of WANTING to meet with you, by NOT striving to set up a date on the first call.
HOWEVER, if it feels NATURAL to set up a time to meet, then great – go ahead.
If you sense that she probably has a number of guys wanting to date her, try instead to let some
anticipation build by not setting up a date straight away.
Trust me, she will be thankful that a guy finally had the balls to do it.
How do I do it?
Just call her up, re-spark the attraction, chat, have a laugh together and then END the phone call
when you feel the time is right: “Ok cool, good chatting with you again. I have to go to _______ right
now. But hey, we’ll talk another time.”
She will be intrigued.
Anticipation will build.
Set up a meet on the next phone call.
When should I make the next phone call?
Whenever you like.
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Setting up a meet
The Flow can be going perfectly right up to this point and be COMPLETELY SPOILT if you don’t behave
in a natural, confident way.
Tips
•
Where?
Have some ideas of where you want to go before you call up.
For example: Café, comedy show, beach, a new bar that has opened, a drive to somewhere
cool/relaxing/fun, a lounge bar that you know has a great atmosphere, etc.
Women like MEN who can lead, so NEVER say, “Umm…I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
She will feel SAFER with you if you can be a man and lead the way.
•
Bust on her
Don’t be afraid to bust on her in a PLAYFUL WAY when setting up the meet. It will show that you
aren’t taking it all too seriously.
Example
If you’re going to a café:
“I tell you what, let's meet for a cup of coffee at ________ café for half an hour... that way, if you're
really freaky, I can escape with minimal time wasted. I’ll tell you I have to go wash my car or
something.”
Example
If you’re going to a restaurant:
“By the way…you better not drop food all over yourself or start laughing so hard that you start snorting
and coughing food all over the table. I like this restaurant we’re going to and don’t want the staff to
think that I date dorky girls ☺”
And so on.
•
Call when you’re doing something else
A great way for you to demonstrate that ‘the call’ isn’t the biggest thing on your calendar for the week
is to call while you’re doing something else.
Example
Call while cooking dinner.
It provides something to talk about. Make use of the opportunity to talk about foods and get the
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woman salivating at the mouth, “Mmmm…this smells good. Hey, I’ll describe what I’m cooking and you
can try to imagine it… okay, so I’ve steamed some fresh broccoli and it’s looking really green…I’ve also
steamed some squash and Asian greens…the tofu/meat has been marinated in a chilli-garlic sauce
overnight, and the satay sauce was made at a local deli with cashews instead of peanuts. I’ve also
diced four tomatoes and sliced up some mushrooms… it’s all sizzling… yum… so, hey - are you a good
cook?”
•
Vibing and chit chat
Don’t be afraid to engage in chit-chat.
Just be normal.
Be playful.
Be expressive.
Talk about anything.
•
Lead the way, don’t ask
Never say “Can I take you out sometime?”
Such a statement can be interpreted as, “I am offering to buy you something in exchange for your time
and attention. I want to date you and already have a romantic interest in you. I am totally available
for you and I am looking. I really want a girlfriend.”
Just suggest that she meets you: “Hey, I want to go to my favorite café (or restaurant, bar, etc) this
week - you should come. I’m busy on Monday and Thursday, but have you got Tuesday or Wednesday
night free?”
•
Don’t make it out like ‘the date’ will be a massive commitment
Too many guys behave in a way that basically says to a woman, “OK, now that we’re on a date, I am
expecting that you are thinking of getting into a RELATIONSHIP with me. I’ve already considered having
a long-term relationship with you… in fact, I want our baby’s name to be Mary-Jane.”
Be cool about it.
When a woman is being vague or difficult about meeting up
You’re talking to a woman on the phone and she says something like, “Ummm…well, look…I don’t know
if I can make it” and you KNOW that she’s not being straight with you.
Right at that moment, you have a number of options. You can either:
1. React to her reality and start complaining (e.g. “Aww, come on…why not?? Just come.”)
2. Playfully reverse the frame on her (e.g. “Good…I didn’t want to meet you on Tuesday anyway…
cool, we’ll do it another time.”)
3. Keep the conversation going, talk about fun stuff, have her laughing and then say something like
“Ok, so let’s meet at 8pm… wear something nice, or else I’m going to turn around and leave you
waiting at the door!”
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4. Just be relaxed about it and say something like, “Yeah cool, we’ll just catch up another time,” and
then just continue on vibing.
Obviously you should avoid option 1; whereas 2, 3 and 4 are all good.
Above all, you should not:
a) Get emotional about it AT ALL (e.g. sooky, upset).
b) Let her treat you like that on an ongoing basis.
c) See it as a big deal.
We set up our first date and she cancelled!
And?
That DOESN’T mean that it’s all doomed.
A woman will cancel for a number of reasons. Some of those are:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
She is GENUINELY busy.
You are not that important in her life yet, so she decided to cancel this PARTICULAR date and take
up another offer instead. It doesn’t rule out future dates, but if she keeps doing it then forget
about her.
She is nervous about meeting up with you.
She’s not convinced that you will make her feel comfortable on the date.
You have made the whole ‘date’ sound too serious and formal, rather than easy-going and fun.
She agreed to go on a date just to get you off the phone. She had EVERY INTENTION of canceling,
but just didn’t want to deal with your reaction if she said no at the time.
You called up and came across as really boring, nervous or scripted.
So, it’s important not to always give up straight away. You should feel free to call again, chat and vibe
some more and then set up another time to meet.
What do to on a date
•
Make it a fun, stress-free time with laughter, playfulness and a relaxed vibe.
•
ABSOLUTELY assume that the right amounts of rapport and attraction are there.
•
Talk about positive things and steer away from negative topics.
•
Don’t nervously interrogate her with questions.
•
Don’t nervously fidget or speak fast.
•
Never, EVER ask things like, “So, how am I doing?”, “Do you like me so far?” or “So, am I your
type?” as it obviously reveals that you are trying to impress her.
•
Don’t verbalize the fact that there is sexual tension between you (i.e. never say “I feel sexual
tension, do you?”) Just smile knowingly as you look her in the eyes and maybe even have a private
little chuckle to yourself. She will probably get all giggly and say “Whaaat?”
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•
Look around your environment and make comments that will open conversations. Don’t make it all
about her. For example: “Hey, I love those sorts of paintings. When was the last time you painted
something? The first time I can ever remember painting was about at about age four, when…”
•
If possible, try not to sit opposite each other like it’s an interview. Do some research and look
around your city/town to find some cool restaurants or bars that have booths and lounges.
•
Open up, share experiences and stories and talk from your perspective. It will help the woman
open up and help you steer the conversation beyond small talk.
Summary: Take things to the next level
You have learned and now know about the importance of the following:
1. The Four Stages of Interest and why it may take some time before a woman is open about
interacting with you.
2. That a woman may often say, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” but it doesn’t necessarily mean that
she is no longer interested.
3. Allowing a woman to feel more comfortable about getting intimate by being alone together.
4. Breaking the physical barrier by including touch.
5. Being calm and relaxed when getting phone numbers.
6. Calling her whenever you feel the time is right.
7. Being relaxed and playful when you do call her.
8. Not being in a rush to go on a ‘date’ with her.
9. Having a fun, relaxed and stress-free date.
10. Not getting emotional or giving up on her if she cancels out on a date.
Having a lack of confidence to take things to the next level will often leave you feeling bitter and
frustrated. If you realize and believe that women love sex just as much as men do, you will get rid of
much of the fear about taking things to the next level.
Women often want things to move forward just as much as you do, only they have a DIFFERENT ROLE
to play in the courtship.
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Closing message
That brings us to the end of this book.
Everything you’ve read about so far, I have found to be extremely valuable along the way.
It all works.
It has been tested and refined by myself and others over the past few years, and is now being taught with
mind-blowing success to our Clients during Lifestyle Courses.
You now have the knowledge required to become a man who naturally attracts women. I have done my
best to give it to you in a straightforward and easy to understand manner.
The next steps are up to you.
I’m sure you know what I’m going to say next. That’s right…
It’s one thing to understand something and another thing to be able to understand and do it.
Reading this book has not made you naturally attractive to women, but practicing the content of this book
in everyday life will.
I wish you the absolute best on your journey and trust that this book can and will assist you to develop
into a man who naturally attracts women.
Feel free to e-mail me with your success stories. I’d love to hear about your progress and possibly share it
in a newsletter to inspire others to seek the same success.
Or, if you have a request for further advice you can e-mail newsletter@themodernmansite.com and your
question may be answered by me or one of the Modern Man Coaches in due course.
Thanks again and all the best!
Dan
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