STUDENT NAME:_______________________ COMMON MISTAKES IN CREATIVE AND NARRATIVE WRITING 1. Effective dialogue and dialogue punctuation See Static. Note the correct use of punctuation marks in the right place, and how it is not line after line of dialogue: What has Cate Kennedy done here to make the dialogue interesting? What can you infer about characters, their mood and their relationship? FIX! The verbs we use to tag the dialogue should be speech-related. The following examples are incorrect: ‘Come here. Let me show you how it works,’ demonstrated Jonathan. ‘I swear I’ll stick this knife where the sun doesn’t shine,’ brandished Marcus. Dialogue tags can be placed before, in the middle or after a section of dialogue. Look at the many different ways you can structure dialogue. - “He loved you,” she said. She said, “He loved you.” “He loved you,” she said, hoping Sue didn’t hear her. Turning away, she said, “He loved you.” “He loved you,” she said, “but you didn’t care.” “He loved you,” she said, hoping to provoke a reaction, “but you didn’t care.” “He loved you,” she said, hoping to provoke a reaction. “But you didn’t care.” “He loved you?” she asked, the loathing clear in her voice. “He loved you!” she said, pointing a finger at Sally. Below is a scene of dialogue that needs a bit of work. In your exercise book. - Re-write so it is more effective/interesting. - Add character actions / movement too. - Change the ‘dialogue tags’ so it’s not always ‘he said, she said’. - And don’t always rely on adverbs! E.g: (she said angrily) - “Did you get the aspirin? I really need it,” Marie asked. “Yes, I got the aspirin,” he replied. “And the burger buns. I hope you got those.” “Yes, I got the burger buns.” “Did you remember to stop by your mother’s house? She said she had something for us.” “No, I didn’t remember to stop by my mother’s house. I didn’t remember that she said she had something for us.” 2. Tense Consistency Both Whirlpool and Static are written in present tense and it is consistent throughout. The exception is when the stories reference something that happened in the past, and you can note the shift to past tense. See this example from Static Where do the changes in tense occur and why? FIX! For example, here is paragraph of a story told in present tense that slips into past tense when recounting an event that took place in the past. Complete with an appropriate verb in the right tense. You may need to need add auxiliary verbs like (had, was having etc) I _________________ on my grandmother’s white couch, _________________ to her talk about her wedding day. I suddenly _______________________ a memory from childhood: a winter afternoon when I _______________________ a cup of hot cocoa on this very couch. I _______________________ so ashamed of staining the beautiful white couch, but my grandmother never _______________ me, just ______________________ me how to blot out the stain with club soda and a clean rag. Now, as I __________________ here so many years later, I ___________________ a wave of gratitude for her unconditional love. Here is some writing where there are too many inconsistencies in tense. In your exercise book re-write so that tense is consistent throughout. Mistakes in tense around dialogue are extremely common so make sure to spend extra time on these areas. Keep it in present tense OR rewrite in past tense. I cross my arms and scowl. “It wasn’t like that,” I said. Much to my surprise, she sat down next to me. Turning, I look her square in the eye. "Why don’t you talk to me about it?” she asked. I shrug. I want to talk to her but I felt like I just couldn’t. I don’t know what to say, it felt awkward between us. Glancing toward my sister, I realized her eyes were filled with tears. She 3. Verbiage/Redundancy/Stating the obvious Verbiage is not a good thing. It means you’re using too many words and the work could be more concise. Verbiage also happens when writers try to use a lot of fancy words and language to make themselves sound smart. For example, He had preached their son’s innocence and inexorable disposition, saying it wasn’t his fault. Redundancy is when we say the same thing twice, although usually we say it in a different way the second time. For example, She was angry and spoke using an angry tone. ‘Get out!’ she shouted, angrily. Here’s an example of ‘stating the obvious’: I went to the store yesterday. In the store, there was a huge book display. The phrase “in the store” states the obvious. The text implies that the book display is in the store, so it doesn’t need to be stated outright. One of the easiest ways to identify redundant language is to ask whether we can remove it without losing meaning. Here is an example: The lecture was boring and dull. It was putting Olivia to sleep. The words “boring” and “dull” mean the same thing. We can remove most of the first sentence without losing any details or changing its meaning: The lecture was putting Olivia to sleep. Redundancies can also be identified through repetition. However, repetition means using the same word or phrase more than once whereas redundancy means saying the same thing more than once. It’s a subtle but significant difference. Also, repetition and redundancy can occur together: Charlie smiled as he approached the cheese platter. He chose brie and Gouda from the cheese platter and wished they were serving baguettes instead of crackers. We see Charlie approaching the cheese platter. When he selects brie and Gouda, it’s implied that he selected them from the cheese platter (because we just saw him approaching it), so it’s unnecessary for the narrative to say that he chose them “from the cheese platter.” The narrative is redundant because it’s not necessary to mention the cheese platter twice: Charlie smiled as he approached the hors d’ouvres table. He chose brie and Gouda from the cheese platter and wished they were serving baguettes instead of crackers. Some redundancies are difficult to spot, especially in cases where the exact same word or phrase isn’t used: Donna realized she was hungry. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast,” she said. “Want to grab a pizza?” When Donna says she hasn’t eaten since breakfast and suggests grabbing a pizza, the reader will conclude that she’s hungry, so the narrative doesn’t need to tell the reader that Donna is hungry in the previous sentence. When information is revealed through dialogue, it doesn’t need to be stated in the narrative as well: “I haven’t eaten since breakfast,” Donna said. “Want to grab a pizza?” FIX! Try to re-write the following passage, revising any verbiage or redundancies. It might be very confusing to read as you’ll see, so re-write the scene of someone waking up in the morning. When inured, it’s the sense of familiarity that gets to you, that almost bribes you back into an eternal dormant. But the loud and cacophonous chorus of 7am squabbling birds breaks the silence in your room, You don’t want to get up but you do get up reluctantly. You only slept 3 hours last night and you are surfeited and exhausted. You walk to the bathroom to brush your teeth and once you get in the bathroom you start brushing your teeth.
