Final Draft Worksheet
Instructions: Copy and paste the following text into a document or create a document that
contains the same information.
Using your narrative story first draft, complete the following steps to revise your writing.
Voice
1. Read your story and identify the voice you are using. In one or two sentences, describe how
you want your voice to sound.
I want Proserpina to be thinking how she is going to tell her mother what happened.
2. Based on your description, identify two ways you can improve your writing to make this voice
more clear in your story.
I am going to add some dialogue in the story and change it into first person.
Word Choice
3. Paste one paragraph that you feel could use more interesting word choice below. Revise it
with more vivid wording. Pay particular attention to places where you might switch to more
active verbs, use precise language, include strong details, employ figurative language, or add
dialogue.
In this story, Proserpina was off just exploring in the forest when suddenly, something had
caught her attention. Proserpina had just saw the most beautiful plant of all her life! She
wanted to take the plant and give it to her mom because she thought she would love it. She
had no clue of what she had done when she dug up the plant from the ground to take it to her
mother. But when she left, there was a huge hole in the ground which let light find its way
through the dark path that led to Pluto’s castle. Pluto had soon realized what happened and
followed Proserpina. Once Pluto had gotten to her, he asked her if she could do him a favor.
When Proserpina said no and walked away, Pluto got mad and his dark side came out. Pluto
took her to his castle and offered her a drink. The drink looked as if it was a stream that was
magical.
In this story, there was a girl named Proserpina. I had just saw the most beautiful plant of all my
life! I wanted to take the plant and give it to my mom because I thought she would love it. I had
no clue of what I had done when I dug up the plant from the ground to take it to my mother.
But when I left, there was a huge hole in the ground which let light find its way through the
dark path that led to Pluto’s castle. Pluto had soon realized what happened and followed me.
Once Pluto had gotten to me, he asked me if I could do him a favor. When I said no and walked
away, Pluto got mad and his dark side came out. Pluto took me to his castle and offered me a
drink. The drink looked as if it was a stream that was magical.
Organization
4. Outline your story in the following way:
First… Proserpina was off exploring in the forest when suddenly, something caught her
attention. Proserpina saw a beautiful plant and wanted to take the plant to her mother. She dug it
up, but she left a huge hole. When Pluto saw the hole, he went after Proserpina and offered a
drink that looked like a stream that was magical.
Then… Proserpina was hesitating about drinking the drink, but she did not want to make Pluto
more upset then he already was. Proserpina was confused of the way the castle was shown to her.
When the cook left, Pluto showed Proserpina where the room that she will be staying in and she
will not be able to leave.
And then… Proserpina was then left in her room for what felt like months but was a few days.
She cried and regretted that she had never made that mistake that led her to where she is now.
One day, she sneaked out of her room to look around the castle and feel it. While she was out,
she had gone into the wrong direction and went into the hall where Pluto was at. She tried to
turn around and run away but she tripped, and Pluto heard her fall. Pluto told her not to go to
the west wing, but she did anyways. While Proserpina was in the west wing, she saw a couple
of prisoners. She talked to the prisoners and they planned to escape from the castle. They did
not know that Pluto can hear everything, and he became terribly upset and took Proserpina
back to her room. She escaped once again and freed all the prisoners.
Finally… Proserpina and the prisoners strike at Pluto. After they are done fighting, they take
Pluto to a dungeon. Proserpina turns down the offer of being able to rule the castle after many
citizens voted for her because of how brave she was. Proserpina returns back home to her mother
and falls in love with a man.
5. Identify places in your story organization where the series of events could be clearer.
When I am describing that Proserpina is confused with the castle and when the prisoners with
Proserpina are fighting with Pluto.
Transitions
6. Paste the transitions you have used to move between ideas in your story.
Then we went with the plan that we had made before, but then I thought to myself, if I said no, it
would upset Pluto even more.
7. Identify any places in your story where you are not using clear transitions. Write new
transitions for those parts and paste them here.
I declined the offer and headed back home. I was walking through the forest when out of
nowhere, something beautiful caught my eye.
I declined the offer and finally, I headed back home. Then, I was walking through the forest
when out of nowhere, something beautiful caught my eye.
Grammar, Structure, Punctuation, Spelling
8. Identify any errors in your writing mechanics and correct them here.
I hesitated multiple times if on I should drink the drink or not, but
I hesitated multiple times if I should drink the drink or not but,