Hi Mr. Lee:
We need information and recommendations regarding security equipment to prevent
theft of office computers and other devices. (An impolite request)
Our office now has 18 computer workstations and 6 printers that we must secure to
desks or counters.
We need a device that can be used to secure saparate computer components.
When can you install your security devices?
Can the devices be easily removed?
Express questions in paralle form
(Yes-no question)
When we need to move equipment around. (Lack question mark)
Are we offered any prices and quantity discounts? (Yes-no question)
Thank you for your attention to this matter. (Ends with cliché; fails to reveal what to
do and when)
Lack sign of writer.
REVISION:
Dear Mr. Lee:
Please provide information and recommendations regarding security equipment to
prevent theft of office computers and other devices.
Our office now has 18 computer workstations and 6 printers that we must secure to
desks or counters. Answers to the following questions will help us select the best
devices for our purposes:
1. When can you install your security devices?
2. What expertise and equipment are required to install and remove the security
device?
3. Do you offer quantity discounts, and if so, how much are they?
Please contact me 0989xxxx. Your response before April 30 will help us meet a June
15 deadline from our insurance carrier for locking down this equipment.
Sincerely,
Emily Hoang
Office Manager