1
Encomium of Aluminium Foil
Few people consider the nature of aluminium foil, yet those who do come away a wiser
being. Unexamined, it is a trivial item that should have no more said about it than its’ dictionary
entry. The very reason it is worth consideration is its simplicity and natural properties. If it was a
complex machine, like a car, then it would be too complicated to gain any insights from. Since it
is simple enough to understand, we can focus on the qualities that cause it to be idolized.
The most obvious property of aluminium foil is that it is shiny, and who doesn’t like
shiny things. In fact, the aluminium foil is so shiny that it has a certain reflectibility that
reflectedly reflects the interreflection of its own reflectiveness. (Polyptoton) Reflections, by
nature, show the state of a situation, while wisdom, by nature, reflects upon a situation. Wisdom
is an important quality for any person. Thus Wisdomless acts are repetitious. Repetitious acts
lack learning. Learning is the cornerstone of knowledge. Knowledge is a fundamental attribute
that separates society from barbarianism, and barbarianism is the human-form of animalism.
(Anadiplosis) No person strives to be an animal which is why wisdom, and consequently
reflection, is necessary. The industrial tendencies of aluminium foil help us with that.
Aluminium foil can be used to create an ideal cooking environment. By placing a foil
covered dish in the oven the shiny side will reflect the direct heat like a monk’s meditative
consideration filtering his thoughts in-order to build his moral code. Such a moral structure is the
midpoint between pensive thought and individual order. Likewise, aluminium foil also imposes
order on a disastrous kitchen. Food can be easily protected, persevered, and organized like police
officers enforcing laws to promote public safety. Without it, there is no structure and only chaos.
Chaos only breeds destruction, unpredictability, brevity, and corruption; Order births creation,
stability, longevity, and virtue. (Antithesis) Would it really be so advantageous to oppose the
2
convivence that foil brings into our lives? Do we wish to struggle more when we could choose
an efficient way to control our kitchens? No, of course not. Thankfully, its usefulness extends
beyond just wrapping food. Aluminium foil is so versatile that it can be used to sharpen scissors
and clean cast iron pans.
Furthermore, foil fights fiercely for further function that its fictile foes with their frailty
(Alliteration). Functionally, nothings is better than situational adaptability. Versatility is a
necessary quality for today’s ever-changing world; the rise in technology, the shifting markets,
and the political instability continually call for different skills from each individual. Thus,
successful citizens are adaptable and resourceful. Resources like aluminium foil can help every
individual. If we leave the kitchen and start working on simple electrical problems, then foil
unfolds as an excellent conductor. Its conductive nature allows it to organize any electrical issue
with shocking efficiency (Paranomasia).
Foil finds electrical failures acting as a switch or fixing current complications caused by
careless cold connections. Connections are vital, as jobs are shipped over seas or automation is
considered more efficient. In order to compete in performance, an individual must be able to
work a variety of problems since it is hard to argue the frugality or production these adversaries
bring. The functionality of foil is a requirement.
Aluminium foil represents this in its malleable nature as well. It is not constrained by its
pre-existing shape. It can change and grow into its new role like a citizen changing their social
involvement as they age into more responsibilities. There is a saying that you will wear many
hats in your life, thus it is important to be versatile enough to wear all of them at a moments
notice. Especially your aluminium foil one! Whether or not you believe that the government is
out to get you, or that the aliens are trying to turn you into a specimen, you cannot argue against
3
the stylish, flashy nature that they bring to any room. It has been reflecting and protecting
against inspecting, (Homoioteleuton) since 1912.
That silliness aside, aluminium foil is a surprisingly good at shielding electromagnetic
waves from contacting the protected object. Its lightweight, heat resistant form is ideal for
protecting clothing and shielding surfaces since it is an efficient material. Efficiency is an
admirable trait as it improves one’s resource usage. To paraphrase a quote from Netflix’s Sense
8, “life is just drinking, eating, shitting, fucking, and fighting for more.” More is the goal of
efficiency, and who doesn’t need more time or money. It is a lot cheaper to place a bit of
aluminium foil around your old oil-based radiator to boost its heating capabilities than buying a
new one. It is also so efficient at controlling heat that it is used on flame-retardant suits.
Although I am probably legally obligated to tell you do not try that at home.
Something that isn’t efficient is unreliable. Thankfully, aluminium foil will give you a
much cleaner tear than any plastic since the metallic surface won’t stretch the same
counterproductive way. Just like plastic wrap, flaking out on someone is a poor quality in an
individual. A citizen should aim to be more robust and reliable, resembling our foiled friend.
Such consistency promotes efficiency, which in turn promotes a functional society and a
productive individual. In the same way aluminium foil promotes efficiency, thus a promoting a
functional kitchen and a productive cook.
Likewise, aluminium foil can be recycled with only a five percent loss allowing it to be
more efficient than its plastic wrap neighbors. Combined with its cheaper nature any business
would prefer a worker that saves them money by getting more done like aluminium foil. Even
with growth in the job market, employees that show similar versatility, mindfulness, efficiency,
4
and organization have greater volition. These are the same reasons that you keep aluminium foil
in the cupboard next to the sink: ready to labour for you at a moment’s notice.
Hence, aluminium foil is an ideal subject. This is exemplified as every food protected,
every circuit connected, every object shield demonstrates the vitality of aluminium foil
(Tricolon). Ultimately, aluminium foil is more than an ideal kitchen element. It is an element of
an ideal life. It has all of the same qualities of a highly successful individual, therefore it is a
crinkly, shiny template for out lives. The same cannot be said of paper, as it has no reflective
abilities, nor an alarm clock since it is constrained to one function, piece of tape for its
inefficiency, or a peppermint for its lack of organization. As such, aluminium foil stands alone as
item that is no longer trivial in our modern society.