To: Professor Pant
From: Suzy Jones
Subject: Exercise 4
Date: March 27, 2017
Both address lines should be revised. Montana should be abbreviated and Mr. Bradley’s address
line is not complete. After “Dear Mr. Hedley” there should be a colon instead of a comma. The
sentence that begins on line 9 should be deleted because it is not professional to plead with a
potential employer. In line 15, he stated that he took one class “in particular”, this phrase should
also be deleted. Mr. Bradley does not have to share what he made in the class within the job
letter. The second paragraph needs revision to sound more professional and clearer. The third
paragraph also needs to be revised and the following sentence needs deletion: “All of my
coworkers were at least thirty years older than me and had a minimum of five years of janitorial
experience.” This job letter is not very effective and shows that Mr. Bradley is not yet prepared
to take on the job the employer is offering.