TEACHING CHILDREN TO
FOLLOW DIRECTIONS
By Arti Jain, M.D. LifeConnections Health Center.
Learning how to effectively discipline your child is an important skill that all
parents need to learn. Discipline is not the same as punishment. Instead, discipline
has to do more with teaching, and involves teaching your child right from wrong,
how to respect the rights of others, which behaviors are acceptable and which are
not, with a goal of helping to develop a child who feels secure and loved, is selfconfident, self-disciplined and knows how to control his impulses, and who does not
get overly frustrated with the normal stresses of everyday life.
If you are having difficulty disciplining your child, it is important to remember that
you may not be doing anything wrong. All children are different and have different
temperaments and developmental levels and a style of discipline that may work
with other children may not work with yours.
The recommendations below can be of assistance in teaching children to follow
parental directions the first time they are given.
*Be prepared to enforce. Parents should avoid giving their children a direction
unless they are prepared to enforce it. If parents do not enforce their
directions, then children learn that their parents don't mean what they say.
*Let your child make some of the rules. Giving a child a say gives him an
impetus to follow the rule or direction—and he's less likely to claim you're
unfair.
*Create positive and negative consequences and make sure you follow through.
Keep the negative consequences to a minimum (only for a select few behaviors
that you really want to change).
*Get their attention. Get their attention before giving a direction. Avoid
yelling directions from another room.
*Don’t ask questions. Parents should avoid phrasing directions as questions
(for example, don't say "Justin would you like to pick up your toys now?").
*Don’t be vague. Make directions concrete and precise. Parents should avoid
giving vague directions such as "Be good," or "Be careful." There may be
significant differences between how the parent and child interpret vague
directions such as "being good." Parents should make their directions clear and
specific.
*Keep directions meaningful and developmentally appropriate. Kids will be
able to follow directions and complete tasks if they are able to understand and
accomplish them and will have a feeling of accomplishment as the end of the
task. This inspires positive behavioral changes.
*Have your child repeat the directions to you. This helps you make sure that
they understand what is desired of them.
*Give them only few steps at a time. It helps to ensure that the task is
completed and they have a feeling of accomplishment.
*Play ‘‘listening and following directions games’’. Kids learn a lot via games. It
will help them learn while having fun.
*Rehearse new or unfamiliar directions. Make sure the children understand
what is expected of them.
*Tell them what to do. Parents should try to give directions that tell children
what to do instead of what not to do. For example, it is better to say, "Stay by
my side," than "Don't run away."
*Give them choices not commands. Again, giving your child some say in what
procedures she's to follow can often prevent power struggles.
*Praise them. Parents don't need to wait until the task is completed to offer
praise and do not focus on the one or two directions that were not followed.
*Show appreciation. When the task is complete, parents should let their
children know they appreciate their compliance.
*Don’t repeat warnings. Parents should avoid giving their children repeated
warnings. Children can learn to follow directions after one or no warning just as
easily as they can learn to follow directions after five or six warnings.
*Follow less desired behavior with more desired behavior. This gives the
children an incentive to complete the task and look forward to something that
they enjoy.
* Most importantly, provide your child with a safe environment in which he
feels secure and loved.
Happy parenting………..