Foundations of Healthy
Relationships
Mr. Bower
Health Education
“If you were going to die soon and had
only one phone call you could make,
who would you call and what would
you say? And why are you waiting?”
~Stephen Levine
Topics Covered
Healthy Relationships
 Communication
 Bullying
 Dating Abuse

Personal Health Inventory
Self-Inventory: Read each statement below and respond by
writing yes, no or sometimes for each item. Write a yes only
for items that you practice regularly. Save these responses.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
treat others with respect.
am a team player.
am a trustworthy individual.
often use compromise to resolve differences.
am willing to work at my relationships.
communicate well with others.
am a good listener.
ask questions if I’m not sure what is being said.
use eye contact when communicating with others.
am aware of my own body language.
Think Quick !

List 10 characteristics that you think are
needed for a healthy relationship

Rank the characteristics in order of
importance, and explain why you ranked each
as you did.
Healthy Relationships

Relationship


A bond or connection you have with other people
Relationships allow us to meet our needs to
be:
LOVED
 SAFE
 SECURE
 VALUED
 RECOGNIZED

Healthy Relationships

All relationships have (+) and (-) effects on your
health

Healthy Relationships demonstrate (+) effects on all
areas of your health.

Healthy Relationships are based on:
What?




Shared values
Shared interests
Mutual respect
Healthy Relationships

Family Relationships
Immediate Family
 Extended Family

Teach values, manners
and socialize you.
Food, Clothing,
Shelter
How do healthy family
relationships enhance
all sides of your health
Triangle?

Give you love, care and
encouragement
Healthy Relationships

Friendship Relationships


Significant relationship between 2 people that is based on
caring, trust and consideration
Friendships contribute to enhancing your health by:





Sharing similar values (M/E and Social)
Share hobbies and interests (Physical, Social, M/E)
Sharing friends (Social and M/E)
Positively influencing self-esteem and self-concept (M/E)
Helping to resist negative influences (Physical, M/E,
Social)
Healthy Relationships

Friend or Acquaintance?

Acquaintance- relationship less intimate than friendship



1.
2.
3.
Not as much caring, trust or consideration
Talk to less, do not share same information, do not turn to in time of
need.
As teens, we see all people as a friend, however, is that
true?
Questions to Consider
Do you have more friends or acquaintances? Why?
What causes you to call someone a friend or acquaintance?
Create 2 lists: Benefits of spending time alone & with
friends
Healthy Relationships

Community Relationships

Citizenship
 The
way you conduct yourself as a member of the
community

Work together to promote the safety and
well-being of the entire community
Community Watch
 Volunteer Programs
 Food Bank

Donation Drives
Obey laws
Golden Rule
Healthy Relationship
Characteristics in Action
Work in groups of 2 or 3
 Compare your lists that you created earlier
 Choose the top 2 or 3 characteristics that you
can all agree on
 Prepare a skit that demonstrates those
characteristics to promote a healthy
relationship
 Prepare a 2nd skit that demonstrates what
happens to the healthy relationship when
those characteristics are not present

Building Healthy
Relationships &
Communication
The 4 C’s to Building Healthy
Relationships

For a relationship to succeed and be healthy,
the people involved need certain skills.

4 C’s
Communication
 Cooperation
 Compromise
 Character

Communication

Communication
 The way you send and receive messages from
others
What are some ways we communicate?

Cooperation
Working with others to accomplish
a goal
Relationship=Common goal=Cooperation

Compromise

Compromise


Giving up something so that all can reach a satisfying
solution
WIN-WIN SITUATION

Involves a “give and take” which can strengthen
relationships

All must be satisfied with the solution

Do not give up your values or beliefs to
compromise on a situation
Character in Relationships

There are 6 major character traits present in
all HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Trustworthiness
Respect
Responsibility
Fairness
Caring
Citizenship
Can you
identify these
Character
Traits?
Communication



COMMUNICATION: a process through which you
send messages to and receive messages from others
Effective communication is a 2 way street
There are 3 basic skills necessary for effective
communication
1. Speaking
2. Listening
3. Body Language
Communication Styles
3 Communication Styles

Passive (“Mrs. Go Along”)



Aggressive (“Mr. Pushy”)



Inability or unwillingness to express thoughts/opinions
Do not stand up for their beliefs
Always try to get their way
Use bullying and intimidation
Assertive (“Mr. and Mrs. Stand Up”)


Express thoughts and feeling without hurting others
However, they respect the thoughts of others
Speaking Skills

Good Speaking Skills



Allows us to express our thoughts and feelings
Involves clearly saying what you mean
Tips:


Watch your tone and pitch. (Changes message)
Clearly state what you mean.
“I” vs. “You” messages
I-messages simply state a problem, without
blaming someone for it.
 This makes it easier for the other side to help
solve the problem, without having to admit
that they were wrong.


Ex. "I felt let down," rather than "You broke
your promise"
“I” vs. “You” messages
“I” statements
“YOU” statements
Non Threatening
Threatening
Neutral Opinion
Initiates defensive
response
“Attacking”
Can be difficult
Automatic reaction
“I” Message vs. “You” Message
Aggressive (“You”) Message
What not to say
“You
idiot! You took my client and
cost me money. You owe me big
time.”
“Why
are you always late? It’s
really annoying.”
Assertive (“I”) Message
What to say
“I’m
upset that my client was taken
away from me.”
“I
worry about you when you don’t
show up.”
How to construct and “I”
sentence
I feel
_________________________________ (say
your feeling)
 when you
_____________________________ (describe
the action)
 because
_______________________________ (say
why the action connects to
your feeling)

Listening Skills
Hearing is not listening!!!
 Active Listening

Listening while involving yourself in the
conversation
 The average listener retains and understands
about 30% of what he/ she hears
 Paying careful attention without judging or
interrupting


80% of our waking lives are spent hearing.
Techniques for Active Listening
1.
Restating

2.
Clarifying

3.
Restate or summarize what the other person said
Ask questions to show your attention
Encouragement

Provide statement/gestures to encourage more
conversation

4.
“I see”, “Un-Huh”, Head Nod
Empathy
1.
2.
Try to understand their feelings
Put yourself in their shoes
Body Language Skills

Body Language = Non-Verbal Communication

The message you send to others based on the
way your body looks.
 Eye
contact
 Posture
 Gestures
 Behaviors

As much as 65% of face - face communication is
non - verbal
Technological Advances
Cell Phones
 E-mail
 Text Messaging
 Internet


Chat rooms
Questions to Debate
1.
Has the advancement of technology
improved or hurt the communication skills of
today’s youth?
2.
Is e-mail an effective method of handling
relationship issues? How about texting?
3.
Should teens be permitted to use online
chat rooms or blogs?
Alright, So how do I start/maintain
a conversation with a person I like?
Say “Hello” and introduce yourself
 Learn about the persons interests/ Find
Commonalities
 Talk about things you both can discuss


Surrounding, School, Likes/Dislikes, Hypothetical
Listen to the other persons responses
 Make “Eye Contact” but do not stare
 Use previously taught skills

Conversation Starters




Focus on other person, not self
Stay positive
Avoid controversy (religion, politics, ect..)
Examples:







You look really nice, where did you get….(item)
Have you seen any movie lately, what did you think?
What kind of music/TV/activities do you like?
What do you normally do for fun?
Have you ever (activity) ….?
Do you like sports (other topic)?
Have you ever been to (Place)?
Dating Relationships
Important to remember that the teen years
are a time of trying different relationships and
roles
 Breaking up, making up, and breaking up
again can be painful, but it is part of a
process of becoming emotionally mature
 Honesty and open communication are
essential

Dating Relationships

Going out in Groups
Good way to ease into dating
 Less responsibility for keeping the conversation
going
 Less likely to feel self- conscious
 Being less nervous allows you to have a better
time and be yourself more easily

Some teens choose not to date at all due to other
interests, commitments, or not emotionally
ready
Relationships
Peer Pressure


PEER PRESSURE: the control and influence
people your own age may have over you
MANIPULATION: a sneaky and dishonest
way to control or influence others


A person who manipulates others does so to get
what he/ she wants without respect for the wellbeing of the other person
Types of Manipulation include






Mocking or teasing
Bargaining
Bribing
Making threats
Using blackmail
Using guilt trips
Responding to
Negative Peer Pressure


Be Assertive!
THE PASSIVE WAY: giving up, giving in, or
backing down without standing up for your
own rights




May lead to Bullying
How is Bullying a form of Peer Pressure?
How do bullies try to manipulate other people?
What are some healthy ways to deal with
bullies?
Dealing with Bullying


Bullying IS a BIG Deal
BULLYING: when a person is picked on over
and over again by an individual or group with
more power


Could be physical strength or social standing
What are the two main reasons people are
bullied?

Appearance:


Clothes they wear, haircut, etc.
Social Status:

The way someone acts, race, religion, sexuality
 http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

http://kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/bullying/bullies.html
Dealing with Bullying

Bullies Attack Physically


Shoving, tripping, punching,
etc.
Bullies Attack
Psychologically





Verbal insults, labeling, name
calling, etc
Cyber bullying
Cyber Bullying Missouri
One of the MOST painful
aspects of Bullying is its
RELENTLESSNESS
Studies show that people
who are abused by their
peers are at risk for mental
health problems



Depression
Anxiety
People who are bullied
may also develop physical
illness

Stomach pains, extreme
stress levels, etc.
Bullying

Bullies are at risk for developing problems as
well





Often leads to more violent behavior as the bully
grows up
As many as 25% of elementary school bullies have
a criminal record by the time they are 30 years old
May end up being rejected by their peers
Do not do as well in school
Often do not have the career or relationship success
that other people enjoy
Who Bullies?





Both boys and girls can
be bullies
May be outgoing and
aggressive
May try to manipulate in
subtle, deceptive ways
Like to dominate others
Have often been bullied
in the past themselves




Often have poor social
skills and poor social
judgment
People who are insecure
with themselves
Put others down to make
themselves feel more
interesting or powerful
Some have personality
disorders
What Can You Do About
Bullying?

When to tell an adult
Younger kids should ALWAYS tell an adult
 Teens should tell an adult if there have
been threats of physical danger or harm

 Many
teens have died when threats, and
attacks were unreported and the silence gave
the bully an “ok” to become more and more
violent
What Can You Do About
Bullying?

Ignore the Bully and
Walk Away





NOT a coward’s response
Can be harder than losing
your temper
You are telling the bully
that you just don’t care
The bully will likely get
bored with trying to
bother you
Walk TALL and hold your
head HIGH

Hold the Anger



Anger is the response
the bully is looking to
get from you
Bullies want to know
that they have control
over you
Work out your anger in
another way, such as…
What Can You Do About
Bullying?

Don’t Get Physical



Do NOT use physical
force
You cannot be sure
how the bully will
respond

Find Your True
Friends

Talk About It


Guidance Counselor,
Teacher, or Friend
Good outlet for fears
and frustrations

Find one or two good
friends you can
confide in that the
bully has hurt your
feelings
Tell those friends
about the truth of the
rumors the bully may
be starting about you
Relationship Violence
Where Violence Occurs

Violence can occur in any relationship

Family Violence




Dating Violence



Spousal Abuse- abuse of wife/husband
Child Abuse- abuse of child
Neglect- failure to provide for a child’s physical/emotional needs
Rape- any forced sexual activity that is unwanted
Date Abuse- mental, emotional, physical abuse of a BF/GF
Community Violence



Personal Assault- unlawful attack with the intent to harm
Homicide- willful killing of another person
Gang Related
Pre
Test
What is abuse?

Physical- harm to the body


Emotional- attacking a person’s sense of worth


Punching, Kicking, Pushing, Biting, Shaking, Use of
Weapons
Putdowns, Shouting/Screaming, Name calling, and Threats
of other violence
Sexual- sexual contact against persons will

Touching, Gestures, Speaking, Intercourse
Signs of Abuse


Any physical harm
Controlling


Humiliation



Especially if you want to leave relationship
Twists the truth


Puts you down, then tells you “I love you”
Threats


Dress, Friends, What you say
Wants you to feel at fault
Keeps track of you
Jealousy/Anger when you are around others
Cycle of Abuse
Honeymoon Phase

Honeymoon Stage- Both people are happy in
relationship

Tension Phase- Tension build between people,
abusive person gets frustrated with other.

Abuse Stage- Shortest stage / Most harmful


This stage is based on one specific incident that leads to
an explosion of anger.
Abuser calms and tries to make up for abuse by
returning to honeymoon phase
How YOU can Avoid Violence

Recognize



Resist


Become aware of the acts that are abusive
The Best way to protect yourself is to become aware.
If anyone tries to abuse you, be assertive and stand up for
yourself.
Report


If treated in an abusive manner, get away and tell
someone ASAP.
Report abuse of others.
Breaking the Cycle

You can help break the
cycle of abuse. If you
or someone you know
is being abused…



Tell a trusted adult. Ask
them for help to resolve
the problem.
Contact an abuse hot
line or crisis center that
can help.
Report the abuse to the
police.
The Cycle
of Violence
Community Support

Who can you turn to for help?
Parents, Teachers, Trusted Adult
 Student Assistance Team at NAI
 Crisis Centers/Hotlines
 Local Law Enforcement
 Family Counseling
 Support Groups- groups of individuals with similar
problems

Dating Violence

Dating violence



Abuse in dating relationships which can be physical,
emotional or sexual
Gateway Cheerleader
Mt. Lebanon

Problem: Teens often see abuse or dominant
treatment as a sign of love and emotion.

Solution: Recognize that no one deserves to be
abused or controlled.
Signs Indicating Unhealthy
Dating Relationships

These signs may indicate that an unhealthy
relationship is moving toward abuse:
 Expression of Jealousy
 Attempts to control a partner’s behaviors
 Cell
phones, keeping tabs on what you do
Use of insults or put-downs to manipulate a
partner
 Use of guilt to manipulate a partner

Remember, healthy relationships involves kindness,
caring and respect, not control and abuse.
Date Rape vs. Acquaintance
Rape
•Over
Date
Rapeof rape victims know their attackers.
80%
1 person in a dating relationship forces the other
•One
the mostincommon
to of
participate
a sexualtypes
act of acquaintance

rape is date rape. If you are a female between the
ages
Acquaintance
Rape
of 16-24, you
run the greatest risk of being
 Someone
known casually or considered a friend
raped
by a date.
forces a person to perform a sexual act
•The use of alcohol or drugs also increases your
risk. In one study, 74% of the men and 55% of
the women had been drinking or using drugs
prior to the sexual assault.
Stages of Date Rape

Date Rape typically occurs in 3 stages

Stage 1 - The aggressor (usually the male)
enters the other person's "personal space"
(kissing, hand on thigh, etc.).

Stage 2 - The partner (usually the female) does
not assertively stop the behavior, and the
aggressor thinks it is okay.

Stage 3 - The aggressor gets the couple to a
secluded place where the rape occurs.
Drugs and Rape

Alcohol is involved in as many as 2/3 of all
date rape cases in college students.

In recent years, drugs are becoming more
common.

GHB and Rohypnol= Date Rape Drugs
 Cause
blackouts and loss of memory
 Slipped into food and drink
Effects of Rape

Physically




STI’s
HIV/AIDS
Scars, Cuts, Bruises from
force
Mental/Emotional



Feelings of hopelessness
Stress and anxiety
Feeling of unclean

Socially



Become more introverted
Less likely to trust others
May be seen as “less
than whole” by others
Dating Violence Statistics







1 in 11 adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating
violence CDC 2006.
1 in 4 adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional, or
sexual violence each year (Foshee et al. 1996; Avery-Leaf et
al. 1997).
1 in 5 adolescents reports being a victim of emotional
violence (Halpern et al. 2001).
1 in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually
abused by a dating partner (Silverman et al. 2001).
Dating violence occurs more frequently among black students
(13.9%) than among Hispanic (9.3%) or white (7.0%)
students CDC 2006.
72% of eighth and ninth graders reportedly "date" (Foshee e
al. 1996); by the time they are in high school, 54% of
students report dating violence among their peers (Jafe et al.
1992).
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/S
V-DataSheet-a.pdf
Dating Violence Statistics




70% of girls and 52% of boys who are abused report an
injury from a violent relationship. (Foshee 1996).
8% of boys and 9% of girls have been to an emergency
room for an injury received from a dating partner (Foshee
1996).
Victims of dating violence are not only at increased risk for
injury, they are also more likely to engage in binge drinking,
suicide attempts, physical fights, and currently sexual activity
CDC 2006.
Rates of drug, alcohol, and tobacco use are more than twice
as high in girls who report physical or sexual dating violence
than in girls who report no violence (Plichta 1996).
Resources
Kids Health (Abusive Relationships)
 Kids Health (Abuse)
 T.E.A.R
 www.cdc.gov
 www.thesafespace.org
 www.loveisnotabuse.com
