Humanistic Mediation
A Transformative Journey
Toward Peacemaking
Through Dialogue
Mark S. Umbreit
Center for Restorative Justice & Peacemaking
University of Minnesota
College of Education & Human Development
School of Social Work
January, 2002
A Humanistic Approach to
Mediation & Dialogue
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Continual centering of the mediator:
Being fully
present – separating “our stuff” from “their stuff”
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Deep compassionate listening – Importance of story
telling “Just Listen”
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Pre-mediation in-person separate meetings

Connecting with parties, but impartial
Humanistic Mediation
Beyond Settlement Driven Mediation

Creation of safe, if not sacred, space
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Dialogue driven – between parties
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Non-directive style of mediation
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Mediator “gets out of the way”
Presence:
Four Key Elements
1. Being centered
-physical and mental alignment
-empty the mind
-focus on “what is”
-observing present experience, without interfacing
2. Being connected to one’s governing values,
beliefs and highest purposes
-centering on intention
-focus on concern and hopes for clients
-short meditation/deep breaths before session
Presence:
Four Key Elements
3. Connecting with the humanity of the clients
-simply be with what its, the pain and loss, in silence
-compassionate acceptance of all parties
-embrace the healing power in just being there
4. Being Congruent
-emotional honesty (being who you are)
-authentic (not having to be perfect or have all the answers)
-humility
(Lois Gold, MSW, 1993)
The Art of Listening from the Heart
“If we could see the secret history of our
enemies, we would find enough suffering to
disarm all hostility.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The Art of Listening from the Heart
“Three-fourths of the miseries and
misunderstandings in the world will disappear
if we step into the shoes of our adversaries
and understand their viewpoint.”
Mahatma Gandhi
The Art of Listening from the Heart
“Listening is an attitude of the heart, a
genuine desire to be with another which
both attracts and heals.”
J. Isham
Creating a Safe, if not Sacred,
Place for Dialogue
1. NON-JUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE
-Unconditional positive regard to all parties
2. PREPARATION OF THE PARTIES
-Listening to their stories and needs
-Explaining the process – no surprises
-Preparing for the dialogue
-Role of the mediator as guardian of process
3. PRESENTATION OF CHOICES
-When to meet, where to meet
-Who to be present, snacks
Creating a Safe, if not Sacred,
Place for Dialogue
4. CENTERING OF MEDIATOR
-Deep belly breathing, meditation or prayer
-Separating “our stuff” from “their stuff”
-Caring deeply for all but remaining impartial
5. SETTING THE TONE
-Eliminating distractions
-Soft music in background as people gather
-Beginning with moment of silence, ritual or prayer
(if meaningful to all parties)
Potential Blockages to Creating a
Safe Place for Dialogue
1. TOUCH
-Holding Hands
-Any form of touch
-Hugging
2. RELIGIOUS RITUAL
-Using a specific religious ritual or prayer from a
dominant religion
-Using a specific religious ritual or prayer from an
indigenous or non-Western tradition
Potential Blockages to Creating a
Safe Place for Dialogue
3. LANGUAGE
-Reference to spirituality and religion
-“Spiritual” as synonymous with “Religious”
-Language that communicates judgment
4. ASSUMPTIONS
-“My understanding of spirituality or religion is shared
by those present”
-“What makes me centered or safe works for others”
Key Principles for Humanistic
Mediation and Dialogue

CULTIVATE VIRTUE
(in yourself and others – focus on strengths)

DO NO HARM
(be aware of unintended consequences)

TAME THE MIND
(quiet the mind – be still – embrace silence)
(The wisdom of the Buddha)
Key Principal of
Native Hawaiian Healing:
pa’a ka waha
Close the mouth
Be still
Be patient
Mindfulness Meditation:
A Systematic Process to Affect
Perceptions and Behavior

SIT COMFORTABLY with your back and neck erect—
either on a chair with feet flat on the floor or on the floor
with legs crossed and your hands on your knees or thighs.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE SENSATION OF YOUR
BREATH as it enters/leaves your nostrils or to the rising
and falling of your abdomen as you breath in and out.

IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE CONCENTRATING on
your breath, silently count each exhalation until you reach
ten; if you lose count begin again at one.
Mindfulness Meditation

When your mind wanders, gently return your attention to
the breath.

Try this for five minutes, then gradually extend the time
period to 30 minutes.

Notice how the mind wanders and its propensity to latch
onto and get carried away with thoughts, feelings, and
sensations.

KEY RESOURCE: Wherever You Go There You Are, by
Jon Kabat-Zinn, 1994
Potential Benefits of
Mindfulness Meditation

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Greater understanding of self and others
Greater ability to detach from habitual mindsets
and behavior
Acceptance of present moment reality
Ability to be fully present with others
Less likihood of having one’s “buttons” pushed
Enhanced abilities to concentrate
Increased happiness - Increased compassion for
others