Chapter 14
Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Dialogue:
Persuade
Negotiate
Learn
Effective Dialogue is an ethical relationship
Reflects an ethical attitude toward others and a commitment to shared
solutions.
“Right” opinions but how we engage in such issues.
Fruitless Debate
A. Take All the Room You Can
B. Separate and Polarize
C. Exploit all Weaknesses or Openings
D. Go for the Quick Kill
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What’s Wrong with That?
Think Constructively
1. Ineffective at Persuasion
More Domination and Silence
2. Don’t Expand or Develop Ideas
No Avenue to Improve the Idea
Prevents Effective Brainstorming
Debate is Not Ethical to Values, Arguments or Concepts:
Listening
Open-mindedness
Cooperation
Careful
Responsible
Respect
Honor
Fairness
Common Ground
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Chapter 14
Dialogue: Learning by Talking
How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue
Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Applying Shared values
Rules for Constructive Talking
1. Slow Down and Listena. Speak calmly and listen a lot
b. Avoid the automatic comeback. No,…yeah buts
c. Take a deep breath
d. Start with, “Let me see if I understand you…”
e. Ask questions and mean them
f. Restate the other person’s view and ask of the same for you
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Chapter 14
Dialogue: Learning by Talking
How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue
Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Applying Shared values
Rules for Constructive Talking
2. Connect
a. Seek common ground
b. Recognize complexity
c. Don’t polarize: Avoid simply yes and no
d. Keep the “main thing the main thing”, stay focus on the issue
e. Help clarify and develop their thoughts
f. Avoid distractions
g. Identify key points of agreements not differences
h. Integrate values
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Chapter 14
Dialogue: Learning by Talking
How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue
Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Applying Shared values
Rules for Constructive Talking
3. Welcome Openings and Opportunities
a. Look for first steps and partial measures
b. Think constructively
c. Make suggestions
d. Always be for something not just against something
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Chapter 14
Dialogue: Learning by Talking
How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue
Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Applying Shared values
Rules for Constructive Talking
4. Stay Engaged
a. Think of discussion as a collaboration in search of better
understanding and creative ideas.
b. Speak in a careful, open-ended, and helpful way.
c. Avoid slogans and sound bites
d. Treat facts as tools
e. Keep exploring
f. Expect the key question to remain open
g. Keep learning
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Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Common Ground Dialogue
1. The Sprit of Common Ground is the Spirit of Dialogue
Spirit of dialogue is to acknowledge and honor the humanity of all person present
regardless of their points of view.
Understanding compare to being “right”
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Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Common Ground Dialogue
2. The Common Ground Approach is a Search for What is Genuinely Shared
A common ground process recognizes the integrity of each circle as a complete set
of concerns, beliefs, and values around the issue.
Common ground focuses on the “area of intersection” Platform
Perspectives on these differences has changed
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Common Ground Dialogue
3. A Common Ground Is not Comprise
Not about reaching a middle position but focusing on areas of genuinely shared
values and concerns. People are not asked to change their views. Participants
see to understand one another, not to force or pretend agreement where
agreement it does not exist.
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Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Common Ground Dialogue
4. A Common Ground Approach Encourages Looking Beyond the Labels and the
Stereotypes
A common ground approach assumes that even in a polarized conflict, people’s
view fall on a continuum.
Pro-life ___________________________________________ Pro-choice
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Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Common Ground Dialogue
5. A Common Ground Approach Encourages Connective Thinking
Dialogue encourages connective thinking that focuses attention on the strengths of
the speaker and encourages a search for the gems of wisdom, or pieces of truth.
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Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Common Ground Dialogue
6. A Common Ground Dialogue Encourages the Sharing of Personal Experience
Personal experiences cannot be argued about nor agree or disagree with. They
are. Sharing life stories invites understanding. They are a constructive place to
begin.
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Dialogue: Learning by Talking
Common Ground Dialogue
7. A Common Ground Dialogue Encourages Genuine Questions
Genuine questions are in the spirit of real curiosity and a sincere interest.
Rhetorical or leading questions are not genuine questions.
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Common Ground Dialogue
8. The Search for Common Ground Acknowledges Our Shared Membership in This
Society
It acknowledges that “all of us against the problems we face” rather than “part of us
against the rest of us” We are all in this together, community, faith and
citizenship.
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Exercises and Notes:
Reworking Dysfunctional Dialogues
Page 234
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