Marina Ristic
HUP 102.7625
Essay # 4
Prof Susan Dougherty
MISCOMMUNICATION
Miscommunication often resulting in misunderstanding is unfortunately very
common phenomenon. It is particularly evident when interactive participants in a
conversation are of different culture and social background. They usually have different
rules and expectations about how the conversation should proceed. But even within the
culture different rules of interpretation may exist. Such differences can possibly be
interpreted as resulting from the contrasting social roles of the sexes in Ibsen’s society. In
Henrik Ibsen’s play, “A Doll’s House” miscommunication occurs between husband,
Torvald and his wife Nora.
Besides lack of love and trust, one of the main reasons that ruined Torvald’s and
Nora’s marriage was lack of communication. Every successful relationship is based on
good communication. It is quite obvious that both Nora and Torvald lack those skills.
While they were talking, Nora realized: “We’ve been married for eight years now. Don’t
you realize that this is the first time that we two – you and I, man and wife – have had a
serious talk together?”( Ibsen 225) In a society that in Ibsen’s time was preoccupied with
the family and above all with the father, the married women had no authority. Nora’s
identity was lost when she surrendered her name at marriage. Many women could relate
to Nora’s situation. They felt trapped by their husbands and fathers. Not only were they
not allowed to work outside the family home nor to engage in any kind of commercial
activity, but also women were not allowed to communicate freely with their husbands
and express themselves. They had to obey their husbands and always agree with them.
In order to have a long- lasting and happy marriage each spouse must be honest with
each other. Lying, even about small things will ultimately destroy trust in marriages. In
“A Doll’s House”, Nora’s and Torvald’s marriage collapses because of deceitfulness and
lies. They lie each other about everything. Nora lies even about eating cookies. When
Torvald asked her:”Didn’t go nibbling a macaroon or two? Nora said:” No, Torvald,
honestly, you must believe me….!” Confiding in each other will establish trust and make
every marriage stronger. Couples who talk about their problems and work them out
together have a stronger relationship. Confusion and other troubles will be avoided if
couples learn how to communicate well with each other.
Nora and Torvald have a lot of misunderstanding:
Torvald:”Oh, you’re talking and thinking like a stupid child. Nora: “Perhaps…But
you don’t talk or think like the man I could bind myself to….I was simply your
little songbird, your doll, and from now on you would handle it more gently than
ever because it was delicate and fragile. At that moment, Torvald, I realized that
for eight years I’d been living here with a strange man….”
Torvald: “ There truly is a gulf between us…”
Nora declares having been only a marionette’s wife and that he is now stranger to
her. While realizing her husband’s shallowness, Nora demands transformation, an
evolution of the lopsided patriarchal family into the one based on equality. When Nora
closes behind her door of her “Doll’s House”, she opens wide the gate of life for woman
and proclaims the message that only freedom, honesty and genuine communication make
a true bond between man and woman, without lies and free from the bondage of duty.
Good communication and trust are essential for building a successful relationship.
Talking to significant others will keep the marriage thriving and blooming. Having a
healthy communication between spouses will prove their commitment, will enhance their
intimacy, will build trust, will tighten relationship and will help them defeat rough times
and overcome any obstacles they might have in future.