Improving Communication
Climates
Chapter Summary
•Communication Climate: The Key to Positive
Relationships
•Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
•Saving Face: The Clear Message Format
•Responding Nondefensively to Criticism
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Communication Climate
•Communication climate refers to the emotional tone.
•Positive communication climates are important.
•Satisfied couples communicate at a 5 to 1 ratio.
•Confirming messages are just as important in families.
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming
•Confirming Communication
•Describes messages that convey value
•Disconfirming Communication
•Describes messages that show a lack of regard
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming
•Types of Confirming Messages
•Recognition
•The most fundamental act of confirmation is to recognize.
•Acknowledgement
•Listening is the most common form of acknowledgement.
•Endorsement
•You agree with the ideas of the speaker.
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming
•Type of Disconfirming Messages
•Impervious Response
•Ignoring another person
•Verbal Abuse
•Communication that appears to be designed to create pain
•Generalized Complaining
•Disconfirming because it implies character fault
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming
•Type of Disconfirming Messages
•Interrupting
•Irrelevant Response
•A comment unrelated to what the person has just said
•Tangential Response
•Instead of ignoring the other party, using the remarks to start a
new conversation
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Confirming and Disconfirming
•Type of Disconfirming Messages
•Impersonal Responses
•Loaded with clichés
•Ambiguous Responses
•Containing messages with more than one meaning
•Incongruous Responses
•Two messages that seem to contradict each other
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Communication Climates: The
Key to Positive Relationships
Climates Develop
•When two people start to communicate, a climate
develops.
•After a climate is developed, it can take on a life of its own.
•Spirals are defined as a reciprocating communication pattern.
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Defensiveness: Causes and
Remedies
Types of Defensive Reactions
•Cognitive Dissonance
•Inconsistency between two conflicting pieces of information,
attitudes, or behavior
•Attacking the Critic
•Verbal aggression
•Sarcasm
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Defensiveness: Causes and
Remedies
Types of Defensive Reactions
•Distorting Critical Information
•Rationalization
•Compensation
•Regression
•Avoiding Dissonant Information
•Repression
•Apathy
•Displacement
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Defensiveness: Causes and
Remedies
Preventing Defensiveness
Two-dimensional nature of communication
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Defensiveness: Causes and
Remedies
Preventing Defensiveness
•Evaluation vs. Description
•Evaluation: “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
•Description: “I don’t understand how you came up with that idea.”
•Control vs. Problem Orientation
•Controlling: “You need to stay off the phone for the next two
hours.”
•Problem Orientation: “I’m expecting some important calls. Can we
work out a way to keep the line open?”
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Defensiveness: Causes and
Remedies
Preventing Defensiveness
•Strategy vs. Spontaneity
•Strategy: “What are you doing Friday after work?”
•Spontaneity: “I have a piano I need to move Friday after work. Can
you give me a hand?”
•Neutrality vs. Empathy
•Neutrality: “That’s what happens when you don’t plan.”
•Empathetic: “Looks like this didn't’ turn out the way you expected.”
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Defensiveness: Causes and
Remedies
Preventing Defensiveness
•Superiority vs. Equality
•Superior: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
•Equality: “I see it a different way.”
•Certainty vs. Provisionalism
•Certain: “That will never work.”
•Provisional: “I think you’ll run into problems with that approach.”
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Saving Face: The Clear
Message Format
Behavior
•Behavioral descriptions describe the raw material to which
you react.
•Satisfied partners offer behavioral complaints.
•“You always throw socks on the floor.”
•Unsatisfied partners make attacking complaints.
•“You’re a slob.”
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Saving Face: The Clear
Message Format
Interpretation
•Interpretation statements describe the meaning you’ve
attached to the other person’s behavior.
•“You’re a tightwad!” (no behavioral description)
•“When you never offer to pay me back for the coffee and snacks I
often buy you, I think you’re a tightwad.” (behavior plus
interpretation)
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Saving Face: The Clear
Message Format
Feeling
•Consider the difference:
•“When you laugh at me (behavior), I think you find my comments
foolish (interpretation), and I feel embarrassed.”
•“When you laugh at me, I think you find my comments foolish, and
I feel angry.”
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Saving Face: The Clear
Message Format
Consequence
•Consequence statements explain the result.
•Valuable for two reasons:
•They help you to realize why you are pleased or bothered by
another’s behavior.
•Telling the others of the consequences of their actions can help to
clarify the problem and avoid future conflict.
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Saving Face: The Clear
Message Format
Intention
•Intention statements form the final element in the clear
message format.
•They communicate three kinds of messages:
•Where you stand on an issue
•Requests of others
•Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future
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Saving Face: The Clear
Message Format
Using the Clear Message Format
•The elements may be delivered in mixed order.
•Word the message to suit your personal style.
•If you can, combine two elements in a single phrase.
•Take your time delivering the message.
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Responding Nondefensively
to Criticism
Seek More Information
•Ask for specifics.
•Guess about specifics.
•Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas.
•Ask what the critic wants.
•Ask about the consequences of your behavior.
•Ask what else is wrong.
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Responding Nondefensively
to Criticism
Agree with the Critic
•Agree with the facts:
•“You’re right, I am angry.”
•“I suppose I was being defensive.”
•Agree with the critics perception:
•“I know I’m late. There was an accident downtown, and the streets
are jammed.”
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
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Improving Communication
Climates
Chapter Summary
•Communication Climate: The Key to Positive
Relationships
•Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies
•Saving Face: The Clear Message Format
•Responding Nondefensively to Criticism
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
23