The Effect of “Enough” and “Not
Enough on Health, Stress And
Relationships
Dr. Fran Allen
Spring Professional Development: “It’s All About You”
April 23 & 27, 2015
Introductions
Something About
Yourself
◦ (Do not share what
you do or where you
work)

Use a Feeling Word
from the Chart and
Share How You Are
Feeling
Question

What Does “Not Enough” Mean?
The Mirror
What
What
Do You See?
Do You Say to
Yourself?
The “Scarcity” Culture

“Never enough”

“We are not enough”
◦ Brene Brown
The Question
Why
am I so
infrequently the person I
want to be?
The Real Question
Why
do you so
infrequently want to be
the person you really
are?
The Answer
“Because
you have no
faith that who you are is
enough”
 The Dance by Oriah
Question

What Does it Mean to Be “Enough”
Authenticity
Really
Being Seen
Vulnerability
Worthiness
 Brene Brown—TED talk
“Living Wholeheartedly”

Courage

Compassion

Connection
 Brene Brown
The Gifts of Imperfection
“Owning our story can be hard but not
nearly as difficult as spending our lives running
from it.
Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not
nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and
belonging and joy-the experiences that make
us the most vulnerable
Only when we are brave enough to explore
the darkness, will we discover the infinite
power of our light”
Brene Brown
Questions

What Does “Enough” and Health Look
Like?

What Does “Not Enough” and Health
Look Like?
Question

What Do Your Health Behaviors Say
About Your Feelings of Being “Enough or
Not Enough”?
Enough and Health
Eat Like You Love Yourself
 Move Like You Love Yourself
 Speak Like You Love Yourself
 Act Like You Love Yourself

 Source: ambitiouskitchen
Stress

What does “Not
Enough” and Stress
Look Like?

What does Stress
and “Enough” Look
Like?
Stress and Anxiety

Being afraid of things going wrong isn’t
the way to make things go right
Stress: Negative self-talk

Don’t be a victim of negative self-talk..
◦ Remember –you are listening!
Relationships: Self and Others

What Does “Not Enough” Look Like?

What does “Enough” Look Like?
Boundaries
Who do you allow close?
How do your emotional boundaries differ
from your physical boundaries?
What are differences between boundaries
at work or at home?
Relationships: Self and Others

Some people are going to love you no
matter what you do and some people will
never love you no matter what you do
◦ Go where the love is….
Relationships: Self and Others
 Try
to love yourself as much as
you want someone else to…
Relationships: Self and Others
 “The
fact that someone else loves
you, doesn’t rescue you from the
project of loving yourself.”

Sahaj Kohli
Love Yourself
“You
cannot give away what
you don’t have”
◦ The Third Secret-10 Secrets for Success and
Inner Peace
 Dr. Wayne Dyer
The Journey

Maybe the journey isn’t so much about
becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you
so you can be who you were meant to be
in the first place
 Unknown
Courage
It
takes courage to grow up
and become who you really
are
E.E. Cummings
The Myth of Failure
 Failure
is a judgment-it comes
from your fears which can be
eliminated by love
 Dr. Wayne Dyer
Ancient Wisdom
“Fear
knocked at the door.
Love answered and no one
was there”
Relationships: Self and Others

It’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to
understand. Understanding requires
compassion, patience and a willingness to
believe that good hearts sometimes
choose poor methods. Through judging
we separate. Through understanding we
grow.
 Doe Zantamata
Relationships: Self and Others

Surround yourself with people who make
you hungry for life, touch your heart and
nourish your soul.
Barriers vs Builders
Negative Assuming: “I didn’t tell you
because you always get upset” You always
think….”
 Builder: “How do you want to deal with
this…”, “What are your thoughts on
this…”What will you need to be ready
for this…

Barriers vs. Builders
Rescuing/Explaining: “ _____is what is
happening” “_____ is why it is happening”
“______ is how to deal with that”
Builder: “What did you experience in that
situation” “Why is that significant” “How
might you apply what you have learned”

The Journey

Don’t think about what can happen in a
month. Don’t think what can happen in a
year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of
you and do what you can to get closer to
where you want to be.
 www.livelifehappy.com
Barriers vs. Builders

Directing: “Don’t forget_______”, “Pick
that up” “Do it this way”

Builder: I would appreciate any help you
could give me in straightening up”, “How
do you plan to do this”
Barriers vs. Builders

Expecting: I was expecting dinner to be
ready” “You should know that already”

Builder: “ I appreciate the effort you
made to start dinner”” What did you
learn from trying to do that”
Barriers vs. Builders

Adultisms: “You know better than that”
“Surely you realize”, “Grow up”
Builder: “What is your perception of”
“How do you see this issue” “Let me check
out what you think”

The Journey
Do the best you can until you know better.
Then when you know better, do better.
 Maya Angelou
The Journey

Intentions are like magnets; the more we
declare them, believe in them, and act in
ways to manifest them, the more
powerful and real they become.
 Unknown
The Journey

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it
is the courage to continue that counts”
 Winston Churchill